Chapter Text
Jongho was tired. He was always tired before his ruts. There was a certain brand of exhaustion that clung to his body as it prepared for the next phase in his cycle. It was different than the type of sleepy that came from physical exertion or staying up too late. It was tinged with an oppressing weirdness, something he always assumed was the hormones shifting around as the pre-rut symptoms kicked in. He'd get a rush of energy right before and throughout as the waves hit him, ensuring his ability to care for his mate and knot him properly.
He wasn't quite there yet. He had spent most of the day lounging about in the pack nest and fiddling with the blankets around him. He was particular in the ways he liked his nests and while the rest of the group was generally amenable to a point, the pack nest was just that: a pack nest. It had to be made with everyone in mind, which was a good thing. At the moment it was driving Jongho crazy. He didn't want to be in his own room at the moment where things were feeling stuffy. He had been in there all the day before and the evening before that, slipping into his nest as soon as he returned home from campus, tired and emotional.
He wanted to be in the pack nest and enjoy the comfort of all of his friends' scents lingering in the soft fabric. It was just irking him that the layout of the pillows were so off, so far from what it should be in his opinion. He wanted more support on the far side and more fluff along the back wall and there wasn't a defined enough shape of the exterior, something he knew could be fixed if they just added more clothes. It would make the scents more even anyway. He was an expert at this by now, or at least as much as an expert as he could be.
Jongho couldn't make nests perfect. It just wasn't in the cards for him. He could get close just from his practice and knowledge, but true perfection ultimately needed the touch of an omega's instincts. Even if he could change the pack nest around, it still wouldn't be one hundred percent right. It left him mildly irritated but too tired to care, his fingers twitching against the offending fabric that sat under him.
He was lost in thought on the matter when Yunho came into the room and plopped down beside the omega. It was rare that he was seen outside of the study these days if he was home at all, and Jongho shot him a small smile, glad to see him taking the time to relax. The pack leader leaned into the fluff of the nest and pulled out his phone, knee bouncing idly.
"Hey," Jongho greeted sleepily.
"Hi, little omega."
The younger man huffed a bit. Yunho had continued using the pet name with him whenever they were alone together and it always caused a flood of nerves and embarrassment to shoot through him, his mind swimming with memories of Yeosang's heat and the mortifying ordeal of being so close with his friend during it. The worst part, and the part that made him feel terribly guilty, was that he hadn't hated the experience. In fact, in the better moments when his mate was more calm and comfortable, he secretly rather liked it. He was more bonded with the alpha than with his mate at the end of the day, and it was impossible to deny the eroticism of the whole thing. He liked the comfort of the older man, the steadiness he brought during such a difficult time, and it felt good. Very good.
Still, the words were irksome. Jongho snuggled closer to the alpha all the same. His instincts were still regarding the man with their usual reverence, the territorialism not having kicked in yet, and he was pleased with the proximity despite the annoyance. "You don't call any of the other omegas stuff like that," he complained.
Yunho looked up from his phone with an amused smirk. "They're not as little as you."
Jongho growled at him. It held no true bite but it certainly contained real irritation. "That's not even true. Maybe, maybe, you could argue that I'm smaller than Mingi but I'm still stronger than him," he shot back grumpily. "If this is about me being younger-"
"Does it really bother you, Jongho?" Yunho asked, expression turning a tad more serious.
There was an awkward beat as the omega thought about it. Finally he just shrugged. "I guess not," he muttered. "It's just weird and- and it's new."
"My instincts wanted to be close. Doting on you helped, I guess," Yunho said as if this explained anything.
"What are you talking about exactly?"
The alpha tilted his head at him. "During Yeosang's heat, my instincts wanted me to knot you. I just-" he shrugged. "I just needed to redirect the energy somehow."
"What?" Jongho asked slowly, furrowing his brow.
"Where is Yeosang, anyway?"
The omega nosed at the man's shoulder, more annoyed at the lack of an answer. "He's out with Woo getting snacks I like," he mumbled, cheeks flushing lightly. Despite everything, his alpha still took care of him so well and he felt so grateful.
"Ah. Ready for your rut?"
Jongho nodded. "I am. I hope Yeosang is," he whispered.
"Care to elaborate?"
"This might actually work," the younger man said quietly. "Yunho, we haven't actually- we haven't had sex since his heat. Not like that at least. So this is the first time that it might actually lead to…" He gestured vaguely.
The pack leader wrapped his arm around the omega's waist and pulled him closer, nosing at his hair softly. "Do you think that's going to be an issue?"
"I don't know. I'm going to talk to him about it tonight while I still can. This might be the last chance he has to back out of all of this. I- I want it to work so badly. I'm not sure I can take it if it doesn't. But he's Yeosang. I love him so much. So I haven't been pushing him or anything, but I really am starting to worry."
"He seemed to be in a good mood yesterday," Yunho pointed out. "Didn't seem too nervous."
Jongho shrugged a bit, tears springing to his eyes. "It's so hard to tell with him lately. I really feel like I'm losing him sometimes," he whispered.
Everything seemed to make his partner upset as of late and if he wasn't crying at the oddest of things he was growling and snapping at everybody around them. Jongho could tell the alpha was trying to reel it in, trying to soothe his emotions so he'd stop being a menace to the pack, but nothing seemed to be working. If Jongho wasn't as soft as he could be, then Yeosang seemed to feel neglected. If he was patient and soothing and kind, then he was being annoying and clingy. He just couldn't win.
The change in his behavior was odd and hard to understand. Seonghwa was under the impression that his hormones were still trying to equalize and perhaps once they did he'd have an easier time regulating his emotions. For the time being, he seemed to be overwhelmed with everything and his body couldn't decide if he needed to sleep for all of eternity or stay up for the rest of his life organizing parts of the pack apartment that hadn't been dusted off since they all moved in.
Regardless of why it was happening, it was certainly putting everyone on edge. Jongho was fairly certain the only reason he hadn't gone crazy yet was because his instincts were so intent on cheering his mate up. There were degrees of intensity that instincts tended to operate on. Feelings regarding strangers were weak and primal, just quick assessments and base desires of dominance or submission. Inner wolves had more to say about friends and even more to say about pack mates. The more attuned instincts are, the more nuanced their wants. Being mated was the big change, the thing that caused instincts to fully connect to a person. His relationship with Yeosang was somewhere between that and pack mate, no doubt due to their fated mate compatibility, and Jongho's inner wolf was always paying attention to the man, eager to help.
It also meant that his relationship with Yeosang was on par with the one with Yunho who held a bit of an edge being the pack leader. Yeosang was often feeling guilty about this, being in the same position, but Jongho mostly felt annoyed. As of late, with the tensions so high, he was getting tired of his inner alpha seeking out their pack leader for comfort and familiarity when he was at his wits end with Yeosang. And when that wasn't happening he was being driven to do anything and everything to get his mate to smile, frustrated and pitiful about it all. He wanted things to go back to normal, but he wasn't sure if that was possible now and that thought scared him.
He didn't want to lose Yeosang in any capacity. He was willing to work hard for their relationship and their connection. It was clear Yeosang felt the same, but things were far from perfect at the moment and every day it seemed they were farther and farther from the bliss that they once had, the gentle companionship and fierce love that threaded between them. Now it felt tenuous and forced, something fragile. He was worried it would snap. And then what? Their whole lives would implode. Jongho was certain he'd never find anyone else that he'd want nearly as much as he wanted Yeosang.
He was half convinced that his insistence on a pup was ruining their relationship. The other half was wondering if it had started to crumble before it even began. It's not like them getting together was smooth sailing. They hated each other at first and there were times that Jongho remembered that all too well. There were times that Yeosang was annoying and frustrating and he could be such an asshole. But whenever they were alone together in the safety of their nest and the closeness of them it never felt that way. His mate was always calmer, always steady and attentive. Yeosang made Jongho feel seen. He always had.
It was why he was an omega after all. He wondered if he'd had ever figured that out about himself if he had never gotten close to the alpha and allowed him in, let him see the parts of himself that were too scary to touch on his own.
Yunho let out a soft noise, something caught between frustration and dismay. It jarred Jongho out of his thoughts. "I think he still just needs time to adjust. I imagine his hormones are all over the place now that he's off those demonic pills."
Jongho snorted a bit. "Yeah, that's what Seonghwa thinks too. It's just… it's hard seeing him like this."
"It's certainly… confusing. My alpha doesn't know what to make of it."
"I feel like you're talking in riddles today," Jongho sighed.
Yunho chuckled, though the sound was strained. "It's still something I'm trying to figure out myself, but… I think lately my instincts are really recognizing you two as what you are. You're an omega and my wolf knows that. My wolf knows Yeosang is an alpha but… with the changes he's going through, it's like my instincts have a hard time recognizing that at the moment. I wonder if that's Yeosang's problem as well."
The younger man's brows pinched together lightly. His pack leader wasn't making any sense. "Yunho, that's not how any of that works," he grumbled.
"Isn't it? But then why did my wolf enter a room full of heat pheromones and want to knot you?" the taller man asked quietly. "Even with our pack connection, I feel competitive with Yeosang more often than not. It's something I have to shove down, especially when it comes to the omegas of the pack. During the group heats it makes me antsy seeing him with Woo or San. And you… You must feel it too, right? You don't act the same towards me as you did in our youth."
Jongho considered his words, his heart pattering around in his chest. It didn't make any sense and yet Yunho's scent was steady. There was no hint of a lie. And Jongho had been feeling differently towards Yunho. His alpha-like wants that his inner wolf demanded were mostly just present during his rut. The rest of the time he regarded his pack leader with something softer. He assumed it was because of the pack connection, something dissuading his instincts from competing with their alpha, but maybe it wasn't.
Maybe that was why he wanted to be close to Yeosang to such a degree, why he craved his nest more often than not. Maybe it was why he was still shuffling the blankets around subtly beneath them, annoyed at how wrong they were. It wasn't something that alphas usually paid mind to and yet this wasn't something that he had to force in his mind. It was an inclination that had become natural, unthinking. Even the way he purred had changed over time. He found the noise quicker. He found it without even trying. Sometimes the comforting rumbles would appear so seamlessly that it surprised him, not realizing that he was going to purr at all.
His inner wolf couldn't change everything, but maybe it did seem that it had shifted to align more with what you'd expect from an omega. "Maybe you're right," Jongho muttered, contemplating. "You think that- that Yeosang doesn't feel that way?"
Yunho sighed again. "He gets upset so easily about this stuff. It just makes me wonder. After his heat, did he say anything about not feeling like an alpha?"
Jongho nodded, grimacing. He remembered the look in his mate's eyes as he begged to fill him up, needing to feel "normal" again. It was a sad sight that Jongho didn't want to remember, but it wasn't that surprising either given Yeosang's usual focus on his sub-gender. Sometimes it was subtle and sometimes more explicit, but either way his mate was often uncomfortable in his own skin, often needing to find things that made him feel better. It wasn't something Jongho experienced often. He was mostly content. Maybe that was why. Maybe his instincts were acclimated to him being an omega and maybe Yeosang's weren't.
"He felt weird, is what he said," the younger man said glumly. "Do you think it's possible for Yeosang's instincts to figure it out? Or maybe his wolf does know and he just doesn't realize." Jongho mused about this with a small frown.
"Who's to say. I think all we can do, especially while he's going through so much that makes him uncomfortable, is make sure we treat him as an alpha. Do anything we can to make sure he knows that we know, that we see him," Yunho explained with a small series of nods as if in agreement with himself.
"I think you're right," Jongho hummed. "What do you think is something that might help?"
The pack leader shrugged a bit. "Listen to him. That's a big thing for alphas, right? You should know."
Jongho considered this. It felt like an eternity ago that he thought about such things, but he was right. Alpha's like the authority and the trust of being obeyed, especially from omegas. It wasn't something that Jongho didn't do, but perhaps he could be more explicit about it, forgo some of the teasing defiance that he tended towards day to day.
"When Yeosang gets back, tell him that I'll be in the nest. I miss him."
"Of course, little omega."
Jongho gave his pack leader a small squeeze and a soft scenting before getting up and heading back to his room. He was still tired and he was sure he wouldn't have too much longer before his rut kicked in, but in the meantime he wanted to strategize. If there was even a bit of truth to what Yunho had theorized, he wanted to help his mate feel more like himself. He decided to forgo talking to Yeosang about the pup situation. If he was going to be obedient, he'd just have to trust his mate to do what was best, even if it put him on edge.
Jongho fell asleep again once he was cuddled up in his blankets, dreamless and fretful. It might have been hours before his mate returned or maybe it was only a few minutes. It felt like an eternity, but eventually he was riled from sleep by the soft scent of honey lying beneath the alpha's scent cover. Jongho blinked his eyes awake as Yeosang shuffled to the edge of the bed, plastic rustling softly. He was holding a bag full of snacks that he set on the bedside table.
Jongho watched with a soft purr as the alpha shuffled things around and arranged water bottles and bags of chips nearby, taking out the artificial slick and the knot sleeve and placing it atop the table as well. It was probably just in case. Jongho appreciated the forethought, though he was so excited to knot his mate he was sure it wouldn't be needed.
"Come here," Jongho groaned after a few minutes, reaching his arms out.
Yeosang chuckled and squirmed his way into the bed. Jongho pulled him closer immediately and breathed the older man's scent in deeply. It was so soothing, so comforting. He felt is mind dip closer to his daze, like his body had just been waiting to feel safe for his rut to actually start. He sighed in his mate's arms.
"I'm here," he said softly, his scent content and full of ease. It had been a while since it felt that way.
"Alpha," Jongho whined. He needed his mate closer, impossibly closer. It was the only way to make sure he was safe, and Jongho's instincts needed to be sure. The alternative was too terrible to bear. He couldn't allow for his mate to be upset or hurt or anything other than content and happy and the best way to ensure that was to have him close so he could dote on him.
And then the pups. Yeosang wanted pups. That was the whole point of this, right? They were spending his rut together so that Jongho could fill him with his pups. That's why the nest was so safe and cozy, why being in the endless softness was making Jongho so sleepy.
Alpha.
His daze was fully hitting him now. He was so warm and cozy, and though his head was beginning to feel stuffy and dense, like it was filling with cotton that would start to ache soon, so overwhelming, he was happy in the moment. He had his mate and he had his nest. Everything was fine.
Yeosang ran his fingers through the omega's hair gently. "What do you need, sweetheart?"
"Alpha," he pouted.
"I'm here."
"Alpha. Too far."
"I'm literally right here, pretty omega," Yeosang said with an amused smile. Jongho shook his head, frustrated.
"Too far," he muttered, shifting closer, tucking his nose in his mate's neck. He tangled their legs together and felt himself rub against his mate's hips, breathy noises escaping him.
Oh.
Oh, right. That's how I can be closer.
Jongho tucked his fingers under the waistband of Yeosang's pants and gave a sharp pull, whining all the while.
"Already?" Yeosang sighed. "You're so insatiable, you know- Hey! Stop it!" he scolded the younger man as he pulled at the alpha's shirt, the seams creaking with the strain. Another tug and the garment would start to tear. "You're being so dramatic."
Yeosang grabbed the omega's wrists sternly and moved him away before pulling his clothes off properly. His fingers moved to the younger man's helping him out of his clothes as well. Jongho was quick to close the space between them as soon as they were bare, arms wrapping around his lover's waist tightly. He purred gently, his instincts feeling better already. He rutted against him as his lips found Yeosang's scent gland, mouthing against it lazily. He smiled at the breathy moans that flitted about. It wasn't long before his own noises of pleasure were getting louder and louder as he continued to rub himself along the alpha's thigh.
"Sweetheart, you're going to knot the air if you aren't careful," Yeosang sighed. He moved to grab something off of the side table, but Jongho couldn't focus enough to figure out what or why. He was too busy grabbing his mate's hips and dragging him back, keeping him close.
"You're right," he muttered. "I c-can't- the- the air, no. Need you." Jongho shuddered lightly at the thought. "Need t- to give you pups."
Yeosang whimpered quietly and untangled himself from his mate, finally managing to grab the band from the table along with the lube. "There we go. Just give me one second and you'll be nice and comfy."
He lubed the band up quickly and started to slip it onto Jongho's cock. The omega watched with sad eyes. "You- you don't want my knot?" he asked quietly, lip trembling.
Yeosang sighed. "Of course I do," he said quickly. "I just- I want to make sure, uh- that I'm pacing myself. I don't want to be sore, right?"
Jongho blinked at him, feeling somewhat more lucid. He took a deep breath, letting the air out as a hiss between his teeth. He snuggled into the nest more, unsure of what to say. "It's because of the pups, huh?"
"I'm just a bit nervous," Yeosang explained. 'But- but that's not a no. I want pups with you Jongho. Of course I do."
Jongho wasn't sure what to say, his heart deflating. He decided he at least wanted to go through with his plan so that his mate would be comfortable. Yeosang still deserved that. No decision he could ever make would cause that to change.
"Can my alpha just take care of me then?" Jongho asked as a small whine. "Alpha, please can- can you help me?"
Yeosang's eyes softened and he moved closer. "What do you need, pretty omega?" He asked, caressing the younger man's cheek.
"Need to feel you," Jongho muttered. "It- it hurts. I need you."
And maybe it didn't hurt, but saying it settled something in Jongho as well. The idea that he was miserable and only his alpha could help him felt like such an omega thing, like he was cramping from his heat and he needed a knot to feel better.
It seemed Yeosang felt the same with the way his eyes widened, arousal shooting through his scent. He reached a hand down further to Jongho's cock, still hard from the rut hormones that were beginning to muddle up his thinking once more. Yeosang wrapped his fingers around him gently and then began to stroke, picking up speed the longer he went on. Jongho's hips twitched with each movement, desperate and sensitive. Before long he was finding his release, his knot swelling and being held cozily by the latex band. He let out a soft whimpery noise of pleasure as he slowly came down from his orgasm, Yeosang holding onto him tightly all the while.
Jongho curled up more and tucked his face in the crook of his mate's neck, seeking comfort and familiarity to soothe him against the sudden uptick in rut hormones. His thinking was wavering, his daze settling in. He didn't want to lose his mind yet. He wanted to make sure Yeosang was supported and okay, that he felt comfortable with his body and with himself. He wanted to make sure that Yeosang knew he was an alpha no matter what, and that he loved him for it. But he wasn't sure he'd be able to pull it off when his mind was fluffing up so thoroughly. He blinked a few times, slow movements of his eyelids trying to get his vision to focus, and then one blink was a bit too long and suddenly he was asleep.
The next wave hit him during the night. At least, he assumed as much given the lack of noise coming from around the pack apartment. He woke up groggily and shuffled closer to his mate, not bothering to open his eyes. Yeosang seemed to still be asleep, soft and even breaths tickling the top of his head in a rhythm that was comforting and annoying all at once. He didn't want Yeosang to be asleep. He wanted Yeosang to be full of his cock and protected and safe and moaning at the pleasure he could give to him.
Jongho brought his lips to skin blindly, licking and mouthing at the soft warmth of the alpha. His mate mumbled, "Need something, pretty omega?"
"Need you," Jongho confirmed. "Need you to t-take my pups, please. Fill you. Knot."
Yeosang nodded sleepily and stretched a little, blinking the sleep away. He looked so cute in that moment and Jongho couldn't help but giggle a little at the man. He moved to hover over him, to line himself up and start to fuck into him like he desperately wanted to, but something in the back of his mind stopped him. It was like a small tickle of awareness that reminded him that he wanted to help Yeosang be an alpha. He was happy to be an omega anyway. Arousal simmered in him as the tickle grew stronger and he settled back into the nest, shifting on his back.
"Alpha, please," he implored, frowning. He was so horny it was starting to hurt, his cock straining. "Alpha, fuck me. I- I need it."
"Fuck you?" Yeosang hummed, running his hands along the younger man's chest. "Aw, does my pretty omega want to be filled?"
"No," Jongho pouted, eyes widening. "Knot. I need to- to fill you."
The alpha chuckled a bit. "But you want me to fuck you? Since when are you such a pillow princess, hmm?" he mused.
Jongho let out a small squeak of embarrassment, shifting a bit as the arousal started to become too much. "Please. I want alpha," he mumbled, tearing up. He was getting frustrated and upset, but Yeosang looked at him with a small smile and that put his instincts at ease despite the way they were drilling into his head to do something about his pitiful cock leaking precum.
"It's alright, sweetheart, I've got you," Yeosang soothed before bringing their lips together. His mate sighed happily as the alpha's hands began traveling around his skin reverently, touching every inch of soft warmth he could find. Yeosang deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside at the first chance he had and once Jongho was breathless and panting from the intensity, he mouthed down his jaw and to his neck, nibbling against the mating bite there. It tingled pleasantly, small shivers of pleasure radiating down to his core.
The alpha straddled his mate with a small chuckle, lips still attacking the sensitive skin of his neck. He reached to grab Jongho's cock and gave it a few cursory strokes, eliciting shaky gasps of pleasure, before lining himself up and sinking down. Jongho cried out as he was enveloped, relief smoothing over the tension of his instincts.
"So big," he muttered, nosing at Yeosang's neck and inhaling honey and softness and everything good. It felt so indulgent to be inside him and his mind was getting more and more warped as the pleasure intensified his daze. He wasn't fully aware of what he was saying as he continued to talk softly and desperately. "Alpha- so deep. 'M so full."
Yeosang stuttered out a half response, something in agreement, and started to raise himself up before dropping back down, leaning down to kiss his mate again as he set a rough pace, riding him frantically. The alpha bit at his bottom lip and Jongho let him in right away, giving in easily to the claiming way the older man licked into his mouth, possessive and needy. The smell of arousal was dizzying in the air, thick and cloying.
"That feel good?" Yeosang muttered against his lover's lips. "Feels good to be filled by your alpha, huh?"
"Mhmm, y-yeah, fuck. So- so full."
"Pretty omega needs my knot, is that right? Need to filled with pups. Our pups will be so pretty, won't they?" Yeosang mused between the nibbles set against his mate's skin, leaving a trail of marks that Jongho knew in the back of his mind would make him smile every time he saw them until they faded.
The daze was so thick and Yeosang was so quick to fill the role that Jongho had presented him with, there wasn't much stopping his mind from warping and really believing it himself. He swore he could feel his mate inside him, pounding into him ruthlessly, desperate to fill him. He would have bet anything that it was really happening, that his alpha was going to knot him and he'd be full of pups. The thought shot through him and he was finding his release quickly, his knot forming as he trembled. Yeosang plunged down, locking them in place with heavy breaths. Jongho purred, wrapping his arms around his mate happily. He thought Yeosang was saying something, but he couldn't focus on the words, his mind drifting off as sleep found him again, content.
The rest of his rut went on this way, with Yeosang fucking him senseless or with him doing the work and knotting his mate sweetly when the alpha was too tired, drained from the activity. Either way they were still playing into the fantasy that Jongho had designed. Once, the omega was whining pitifully as he thrust into his mate from behind, praising his mate for filling him so well. Another time Yeosang really did open Jongho up, slipping his fingers inside with the aid of the artificial slick, and let Jongho pleasure himself on his fingers as he fucked Yeosang sloppily, high on the ecstasy of it all. When his knot finally locked them into place, the alpha plunged his fingers deeper and massaged at his walls, teasing his prostate. Jongho shook and whined, his teeth itching to bite down on something. He set them against the older man's shoulder but restrained himself from clamping down like he wanted to. He was so good, he thought, as he shuddered with the pleasure, whimpering and crying until his mate let up and allowed him to rest properly.
At some point, Jongho had awoken from a bout of sleep, his arousal piquing once more, and found that he was alone in the bed. His mind tumbled around in a panic, struggling to make sense of anything but knowing that something was terribly wrong. He got up, sniffing the air lightly, trying to catch a whiff of is mate. Where was his mate? Where was Yeosang? He felt tears spring to his eyes as he looked around the room in horror before noticing the sliding door to the balcony was open letting a cool breeze in and airing out some of the intense smells of rut. Jongho walked to the door quickly and slipped past the curtains to find Yeosang in a robe leaning against the guard rail and looking out over the city.
It was evening, the sun just beginning to set, and his mate was cast in beautiful golden hues of light, the last bit of the sun's gift to them illuminating his Yeosang. He was so pretty. Jongho wrapped his arms around the man's waist tightly, sighing as his heart slowed and grew steadier, his nerves evening out. He was okay. He found his mate. His mate was fine. Nothing bad had happened.
"Why are you out here?" Jongho asked with a grumpy whine. "Need you in the nest. Knot, please."
Yeosang pulled the younger man's arms around him tighter with a light chuckle. "I just needed some air, pretty omega. It's so stuffy in there and look," he gestured around. "Isn't it so gorgeous out right now?"
Jongho hummed in agreement as he pressed himself to his mate's back, his hard-on poking him, he was sure. He blinked heavily, trying to regain his mind. This seemed important. "You smell sad," he noted.
The alpha sighed a little. "I've just been thinking," he explained softly. "I don't think I've been very fair to you lately. I'm not sure if you'll remember this when your daze is over, but I'm sorry, Jongho."
The younger man nuzzled into his mate's neck. It was comfortable and safe there. He loved the smell of honey. He loved Yeosang. His instincts wanted to be close and keep him safe and make him his. And he knew the best way to do that would be to knot him. He didn't want to at the moment though, not when his mate was so sad, his scent flitting about in bitter-sweet waves. He pressed his lips to the older man's neck, right on his scent gland. His heart squeezed with how painfully he loved the man.
Yeosang continued, unconcerned at Jongho's lack of response. "I'm so scared and upset all the time and it's stupid. I wish I could just be okay with it all, but all I can think about is how I might be full of your pups right now and it's freaking me out. But the thing is - and I really mean this, Jongho - I want your pups. I want to be a family. I want us to do this. I really do. And I feel like I'm fighting myself all the time. And, really, it's hurting you the most. And I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," Jongho whispered, rolling his hips a little an gasping at the sensation of low-grade pleasure that rolled down his spine. "I don't want you to be sad," he whispered. "I want you to feel safe."
"I always feel safe with you," Yeosang whimpered, his voice breaking with emotion. He sniffled a bit, shaking with his tears that Jongho couldn't see, but he could hear and he could feel them. The omega wrapped is arms around him tighter, squeezing him like that could protect him from whatever chaos was happening in his head. "Please don't think I don't."
"Love you, pretty alpha."
"Love you too, pretty omega." Yeosang let out a long breath and his scent evened out a bit, smelled a tad more normal and calm. "We should get back inside so you can knot me like you need to."
Jongho groaned. "Can't wait that long," he muttered, reaching to pull the alpha's robe up, exposing his ass.
"Jongho," the older man yelped. "People might see."
"Let them," the omega whispered, voice low and full of lust. Waves of arousal pulsed through him, his cock pressing against his mate's behind. "Mine."
Yeosang shivered and nodded a little, leaning into the handrail more. Jongho was pleased at this and spread his legs apart with his thighs, opening him up to his advances. He planted his hands on the older man's hips and thrust forward lightly a few times, blind and desperate, until he hit the right spot and started to slip into Yeosang's wet heat, moaning softly.
"You're going to fill me with your pups, right?" the alpha whined, panting at the stretch.
Jongho nodded, nose pressed into his mate's neck. He drew back and slammed into him again, drawing a sharp gasp from the older man. His mate keened with the onslaught, unprepared for the intensity of it all. Jongho felt like he was pulled taught, about to snap, and each thrust softened that feeling and relaxed him into a mindless cloud of bliss. He eventually knotted with a low groan and worked to catch his breath, his mind returning to him enough to cringe at having to clean the balcony when his rut was over. He moved Yeosang lightly and peered over his shoulder to see the alpha's release all over the support beams of the handrail.
He shook the thoughts away and wrapped his arms around his mate, fingers rubbing along his abdomen, pressing lightly against the skin that his cock sat behind. He felt so secure and comfortable and Yeosang sighed at the residual pleasure. They stayed like that until his knot went down, watching the sunset. And then they returned inside and cuddled into the night, passing words of love between them. It felt sacred and it felt right and Jongho was at ease in the moment, his earlier fears and anxieties and guilt assuaged by his mate's love. Yeosang seemed to be doing better too.
His rut started to let up after that, only needing a few more knots with longer bouts of clarity between. It was a good rut overall and Jongho felt that they had both learned a little more about each other. It was interesting how they could still do that after years being by each other's sides, day after day of sharing themselves and yet they still had parts that had gone unseen up to that point.
After Jongho's rut, things returned to normal, and they mostly didn't talk about what had happened or the implications, but Yeosang seemed antsy. A few weeks after, Yeosang got up early to go to the office and start his shift and Jongho tried to snooze a bit longer before getting ready to go to campus to work on a paper that seemed ten pages too long and twenty pages too short. He couldn't get back to sleep, startling from his near slip into slumber by the twinge of acrid honey. It was subtle which meant it was either a small amount of distress or that Yeosang was simply far away. Either way, Jongho shot up and plodded out to the hallway, sniffing the air lightly.
It wasn't rare these days for Yeosang to be upset, for his scent to be laced with anxiety or annoyance, but there was something about this that put the omega on edge immediately. He followed the smell to the door of the bathroom where it was getting stronger and more concentrated. He could hear sniffling on the other end and went to turn the knob frantically, only to find it was locked.
"Yeosang?" he asked softly, giving a small knock to the door. "What's wrong?"
The alpha opened the door slowly and fell into his mate's arms, shaking. "I- I took a test."
"Test?"
The older man looked up at him with tearful eyes, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. "A pregnancy test," he explained in a small whisper, his voice nearly failing completely.
Jongho felt his blood run cold. He wondered if Yeosang had been feeling odd, feeling any sort of early pregnancy symptoms that made him think to take it, and if so he wondered if he should have noticed something was amiss. He felt awful for not being there for him more. It was a worry that squirmed deep in his depths, distracting from the happiness he knew he should be feeling. He was getting what he wanted, and yet his mate was crying in his arms, distressed at what he had done, what he had caused. He couldn't feel much of anything in that moment other than regret.
"We'll get through this," he muttered sadly, nosing at his mate's tear-stricken cheek. "We'll figure it out."
"I- I really thought- I thought it was going to- to work," Yeosang cried, clinging to him harder. "I'm s-sorry."
What?
Jongho pulled apart lightly, eyes wide, and glanced behind the older man into the bathroom. He spied the test sitting on the counter. "Can I, uh, l-look at it?" he asked weakly. Yeosang nodded and moved to the side to let the omega pass. Jongho picked the test up and stared at the result window in disbelief. One line. Negative. His mate was crying because it didn't work. He turned back to the alpha with tears in his eyes. "Why did you take it?" he whispered.
Yeosang shrugged, sitting on the closed toilet seat with a huff, wiping at his eyes. "I wasn't- I didn't feel any different and I was really hoping- I- I just wanted to- to know. So I wouldn't get my hopes up or anything."
"I'm surprised you're this disappointed," Jongho mumbled, setting the test back down and kneeling in front of his mate. He felt so confused and so relieved and so upset all at once. It hadn't worked. And that was upsetting to both of them. He couldn't wrap his head around that entirely.
Yeosang snorted, a bitter laugh that shook his body like he was a rag doll. "I keep telling you, sweetheart, that I want your pups."
"You're right," the omega agreed, rubbing his hand over his mate's knee soothingly. "You do. I'm glad you feel that way."
Jongho had wanted to help Yeosang feel like an alpha, to listen and obey to him and be a good omega for his mate, and really he hadn't done that at all. He listened to the older man tell him time and time again that he wanted pups, that he wanted to do this despite everything, and deep down he never believed it because Yeosang was scared and sad about it all. He should have just taken the words at face value. Really, had his mate ever lied to him? Why did he think he would now, about something so serious? Jongho supposed it was a situation that could hold both parts of his mate comfortably, both the excitement and the fear. He felt the same, after all.
"I'm sorry it- it didn't work. I feel like this is my fault."
"What? What makes you say that?" the younger man asked, brow furrowing in confusion and discomfort.
Yeosang sighed. "I didn't want your knot. I- I was scared and I should have tried harder and- and it didn't work. I'm so sorry."
Jongho pulled him down into a kiss, reaching up to meet him. "Yeosang, you have no reason to blame yourself. I knotted you plenty. Alright? It's not always going to work- Hey, listen," he soothed when the alpha started to squirm, clearly not convinced. "You're the most fertile during heats, right? Outside of them the chances are relatively low. It's not easy to get pregnant outside of your cycle, okay?"
"What if I don't get another heat?" the older man breathed.
"What makes you even worry about something like that? It worked the first time, right?"
The alpha sighed. "I haven't gotten another. Don't you think I should have by now?"
Jongho considered this for the umpteenth time, not that he'd admit that to his mate. Yeosang went off his suppressants right after the omega's last rut and the heat lasted a long time, but surely it should have hit him again before Jongho's own cycle. Alphas usually had three to four ruts a year, and Jongho was generally on the lower end. Omegas tended to have four to five heats. The frequency should have allowed for another heat even if Yeosang's cycle was on the slower side. But the older man's body was still adjusting, and he told his mate this, trying to assuage his fears. Really, there wasn't enough to go off of to worry yet.
"All that matters right now," Jongho assured, "is that you are safe and healthy and we can just try again, right? We'll just keep trying until it works and when your heat does hit, we'll have better chances then. Alright?"
"Alright," Yeosang sighed, still looking deflated.
Jongho stood and pulled his mate up to him with a small smile adorning his lips. "My pretty alpha is going to be full of pups before we know it. I promise."
Yeosang nuzzled against the younger's neck, taking a deep, steadying breath. "Alright. We'll try again."
Jongho rocked him gently as he calmed down, his breath evening out again. He felt the simmering of excitement take hold in his lungs, something he hadn't felt in months since they first decided to try for a pup. It was all coming back to him, the gravity of it all, that he was going to get what he wanted most. A mate he loved, his life as an omega, and a pup to raise. He kissed Yeosang lightly on the cheek, unable to vocalize how thankful he was in that moment.