Chapter Text
Ash'd called Olu, got him to drop her off at Rowan's next slated pickup point, some Japanese shrine she didn't know the name of. It'd cost a couple of favours but she thinks it'll be worth it. She assumes he's just come from Kit’s place, he's the only one she knows is this far East, and even then he's in Korea, not Japan.
She spots him in a crowd of what looks to be mostly German tourists clustered around their Japanese tour guide. He clearly doesn't understand a word they're saying; just following them around and listening to them, enjoying the cadence of the guide's voice as she, presumably, explains parts of the temple. It's something he does between visits to other people: just follows a group of tourists he doesn't understand and ‘take in the vibes’ as he puts it.
He's wearing a baby blue hoodie and black skinny jeans. His hair is now long enough he can put it in a ponytail without it looking stupid, though she would argue that it looks stupid most of the time anyway so he should just get over it. His backpack hangs casually off of one arm.
She brushes her mind against his and watches amusedly as her brother perks up like a puppy. He turns immediately to her direction like a compass pointing north.
“Ashley?” Rowan grinned, hiking his backpack further up his shoulder and stepping out the crowd, “What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the farm right now?”
She gestured him over to a more secluded spot overlooking the forest below and all the pretty pink petals of the trees. “I cancelled. Olu gave me a lift. I needed to talk to you.”
“What! Why?” Genuine confusion writ plain across their face, “You were so excited to go see the rodeo with Butch!”
“Cus’ I missed you Juice.” She says, ruffling their hair aggressively, he ducks out underneath her arm, trying to fix the mess on their head.
“But you didn't need to cancel just to see me,” he whines good naturedly. “Why’d you come?”
“Because I’m fucking worried,” she snaps, and he looks up, startled.
His face changes, suddenly serious in a way she's only seen once or twice before, “Is something wrong with mum?”
“No! No, no. Mums fine! She's doing really good actually, there's this-” She stops and points at him sternly, “Don't distract me. I'm worried about you.”
“You – what – you – about me – what?” He finally manages.
“You're - fucking - all over the place recently, like some kind of-” she gestured loosely as she searched for the words, “-messenger pigeon. When was the last time you visited someone because they wanted to see you?”
“I was in Italy with Guliano!” he protested.
“When.”
“Like, last week- or, no, the week before, no that was Steve. Um. Last month? I think…” he trailed off as he realised that he didn't actually know when that was.
“You need to take a break.”
“But.”
“You're stretched thin, Ro.” She reasoned, “You can't keep holding onto everyone forever. You have to let some of them go.”
His face before was open, willing to listen and reason, but now it's like a shutter has slammed down behind his eyes and closed everything off. “I'm not giving up on them.”
“I'm not saying to give up just-”
“YES! YOU ARE!” He yelled. Immediately he regrets the outburst, as it drew unwanted attention and made him seem childish and unreasonable. He continues softly, “You know that's what you're asking me to do - it's so easy to just stop seeing people.”
In the face of his earnestness she stumbles a little.
“I mean, just look at Collin-”
“Rowan-”
“No! I mean it! I don't even like the guy but I'm still the only one trying to find his creepy ass because y'all just gave up!” Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and she would feel bad if he didn't cry every single time he got angry.
“If Lisa can't find him-”
“He's in the UK.”
“-then there's- what?”
“Or Ireland. Anyway that's not the point! When was the last time you talked to Ev? Or Steven, or Dax, or, or even like- Tora?”
“Rowan that's-”
“Not the point, I know.” he finished her sentence bitterly, “But when will it be the point? Someone has to make the effort. And if it's not gonna be you or any of them, it's gonna be me.”
“I'm just saying you should take a break for a bit. A week, or a month, a year, maybe.” Hah. As if. She's not stupid, she'll be lucky if he stays in one place for a month. “Just stay with someone who actually-”
She cuts herself off but it's too late.
“With someone who actually cares.” he echoes, face as still and blank as a pond, and she knows she fucked up. When Rowan gets angry he screams and cries and throws things. He blows up in a big way, emotions everywhere; it's loud and messy and over pretty quickly. This? She's never seen this before.
She panics, “Rowan I didn't mean that!”
“Oh but you did though, is the thing. You think that no one I visit cares about me, because they can't possibly like me right?” He steps forwards and she takes an instinctual step back, pushed away from him by the dangerously calm low tone of his words. He suddenly explodes into life again and relief runs through her even as she gets more incensed, “Well they do care! Tagdh cares! Benji cares! Ilya cares! Even Dustin cares-”
“What, when he comes down from his high long enough to know you're even there?”
“So, that's what this is really about, huh? Don't hang out with them, don't visit him, leave her alone, only talk to this pre-approved list of safe, harmless nobodies because poor little Rowan can't be trusted to be around our own fucking family.” Rowan accuses, “You just don't want me hanging out with Ilya and Ross and Dustin.”
“Last week Ilya's people bombed an apartment block for no fucking reason. Forgive me,” she says, voice full of derision, “if I don't want my little brother hanging around someone like that.”
He's on the back foot now, “I - that's not fair. You know he's been taking the loss of Ross hard-”
“Yeah if he didn't fucking kill him and leave him in a ditch somewhere-” she mutters darkly. She wouldn't put it past the man.
“HE WOULDN'T!! You haven't seen him, he-”
“Yeah and I don't want to, he's a terrorist.”
“He - it's not like that.”
“Then what is it like, then? Explain it to me, because from where I'm standing it sure seems like he's profiting off war and violence and suffering and committing acts of terror to get people to do what he wants.”
He turns away. She knows it's because he doesn't have a rebuttal. “I'm not arguing about this with you.”
“Rowan, please! Just-”
But it's too late. He's already soaring off the platform over the canopy.
Ashley sighs. She gives herself a minute to rest her arms against the red wood of the railing and just breathe. God's fucking dammit. She needs a smoke.
Minute over, she starts the process of mentally searching for anyone who saw and subtly guiding their thoughts away from the boy who turned into a bird.