StressedButDressed

Drawing of Elmo in front of flames, with the text "Be Gay Do Crime"



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    Yes. I noticed. A pause, then: Also you looked very good out there. Almost made me forget you are my patient.

    Former patient, Shane corrected before he could even think twice about it, then cursed his own brain. He gnawed the inside of his cheek raw. 

    Mmm. Former. Another pause. Shane's mind supplied him a very unhelpful memory of Ilya's humming, felt it resonate deep inside of him, with a need he didn't want to name but could. Are you home?

    In which Dr. Rozanov gets intimate with Shane's eyes... and elsewhere.

    As of June 30, 2026, additional meta resources have been added to this work.

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    30 Jul 2026

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    rpfactorfiction

    Oh my god, I didn't know there were any copies of this left on the internet. For those who don't know, this is like. This is a foundational text of hockey RPF. This is from before hockey RPF was really a thing even. It's from the mid-aughts and wasn't posted to a fanfiction website. Instead, OP dropped this insane RPF manifesto onto a normal ass hockey fan forum (which no longer exists) then deleted their account like two days later. Just handed this to a bunch of jocks and hockey bros and dipped. Legendary shit. Like, I don't think this kid even knew what fanfiction was, the fucking hand of god just compelled him to write about being an MLH player's sex slave and show it to the world. I pray every day that this insane child actually made it to the MLH and got to meet Scott Hunter.


    So maybe Shane had a little crush on Scott Hunter in his younger years. So maybe he anonymously posted online about it once. So maybe it had become an internet legend and a running joke in the MLH.

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    25 Jul 2026

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    Hollander huffed and then, slowly, looked into Ilya’s eyes. “What if… what if we didn’t do it all the way?”

    “Yeah?” Ilya breathed. “Like?”

    “What if it’s just the tip.”

    Ilya’s jaw literally dropped. “Who the fuck taught you that?”

    Hollander shrugged, then his eyes locked onto Ilya. “Yes or no.”

    Fuck it.

    Or: episode 4 fuck-montage meets Just The Tip meets down-bad but doesn’t know it Ilya Rozanov meets barebacking

    OR: Ilya “just the tip” Rozanov and Shane “just fucking come in me” Hollander

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    22 Jun 2026

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    Episode 4 Fuck Montage meets Forced Proximity meets Accidentally Domestic and stuck in a storm with your No Commitment Non-Monogamous Long-Distance Situationship™

    Or: they get snowed in at Shane’s apartment and they’re both fucking horny and go multiple rounds.

    Oh, and it’s Christmas, isn’t it.

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    13 Jun 2026

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    “They need to return to a conference based system,” Svetlana said, slamming her hand against the table. “It was fucking fine the way it was, why are we handing out participation trophies to shitty divisions?”

    Ilya raised his eyebrows from where he hovered in the kitchen, cracking open another Red Bull.

    “This is fun,” he said, deadpanned. “You guys should start a podcast or something. I would not listen, you are both terribly boring.”

    * * *

    Or, after an injury on the ice forces Shane into an early retirement, he and Svetlana start a podcast.

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    18 Apr 2026