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Lee Chan caught the ball flying towards him, his small hands barely fitting around the large ball. He was still a small boy after all, at the age of 6. He let out a small oof as he stopped it taking a few steps back.
A black haired 10 year old came running towards him grinning. “Nice catch Channie!”
The praise made the little boy gleam at the elder, nodding happily. He loved being able to play with his hyung.
Soonyoung ruffled his hair giving him the air of an older brother. Chan liked that. At home his mom came home with his new little brother and he always had to be a big boy. His parents didn’t play catch with him anymore because they were taking care of the baby. However Chan knew better than to complain. He had Soonyoung anyway to play with anyway, and that was better than anything.
The elder stood up straight looking down at Chan.
“My mom brought ice-cream from the supermarket, let’s go have some okay?”
Chan continued to nod excitedly slipping his hand in Soonyoung’s before they walked to his house.
Lee Chan watched as the petals fell from the trees, marking the end of a school year. He was finishing his second year of junior high, and Soonyoung was finishing his last. He was moving on to bigger things now, high school. They only got to be in the same school for 2 years before it was time to say goodbye again. Chan , of course, didn’t cry like he did in the third grade when Soonyoung left. All he did was stand numbly watching from outside the crowd of people surrounding the elder.
He really didn’t want to let him go, they barely got to see eachother anymore. Sure they did make some time for one another but at school was where he got to really see his hyung. He understood Soonyoung had his new friends now, he couldn’t hang out with a kid two years beneath his grade.
Chan had made friends too, with kids named Vernon and Seungkwan, but Chan always liked having some time with Soonyoung. That wasn’t really possible anymore.
“Chan!”
His head snapped to Soonyoung barrelling towards him, knocking the air out of his lungs as he crashed into the younger, swinging his arm around his neck.
They laughed together before Soonyoung stood tall in front of Lee Chan, like they did when they were kids.
The elder brought his hand towards the younger and opened it, revealing a button.
“The second button on my jacket” Soonyoung clarified.
“All those girls tried to grab it from me, Sana, Seung Hee...but I saved it for you. It’ll give you good luck and stuff while I’m not here. It’ll also keep us connected so I’ll know if you’re slacking off!” Soonyoung snickered.
Chan stared at the elder. Either he was playing dumb or he truly didn’t know the meaning of the second button and why the girls in his class were trying to snag it. Chan was convinced it was the latter. However he kept his mouth shut and simply took the button, keeping it tight in his fist.
Before Chan could say anything Soonyoung ruffled his hair and smirked shooting him a wink.
“Be good alright?”
That was all the elder said before he ran towards his other friends who were calling to him. Chan stood frozen watching his retreating back. It might have been the petals falling, or the button burning a hole in his hand, maybe the twinkle in Soonyoung’s eyes, but Chan felt his heart ache as a light blush dusted his cheeks.
The classroom was incredible loud before the start of class, everyone chattering away. He kept his head on his desk, regretting his choice to procrastinate on an assignment. Seungkwan and Vernon were laughing together in the seats in front of him.
“This is what you get for leaving it to the last minute you idiot” Vernon said poking the top of his head.
“Shut up Hansol, at least he finished it and didn’t spend the morning coming up with a brand new excuse” Seungkwan teased.
“Maybe you don’t want my English homework then”
Chan laughed at his bickering friends, Seungkwan throwing an eraser at the other. They continued to throw supplied at each other, Chan laughing at the show. It was peaceful before something caught his attention.
“Did you hear what happened this morning?” his interest peaked slightly. He wasn’t one to eavesdrop, but a little gossip here and there wasn’t all bad.
“About Hoshi? Yeah!” The girl squealed slightly.
When Lee Chan was in his last year of middle school he caught wind of Soonyoung’s new nickname, Hoshi. He found it really cool, but to him, Soonyoung was simply Soonyoung. Now in his first year of highschool he’d gotten used to hearing people call the elder Hoshi.
He continued to listen in curious on what the news is today.
“The hallway confession was so bold! Yuju was blushing red~” Now it was turn for the other girl to squeal in delight.
Chan tuned out the rest of the conversation.
Hallway confession was enough indication.
He turned his head to the window, an unnerving sadness washing over him. Late nights alone made you think, and it’s been awhile since Chan came to the conclusion all his heart ache might be for a different reason. He refused to entertain it though.
If he ignored it for long enough..maybe it would go away.
Yuju and Soonyoung broke up not long after, then came another girl, then another. On some night Chan would find Soonyoung at his step, either soaked in rain or tears welled up in his eyes. Chan hated how much he took advantage of Soonyoung in those situations. He couldn’t help it. He indulged himself in comforting his hyung, letting his arms wrap around the elder and they’d talk for longer than they had for the previous months combined. It felt like the only times they’d really see eachother.
However all good things come to an end, and by the morning, Soonyoung would be gone chattering about another girl that caught his eye. Chan would always support the elder, walking him to the door and waving him goodbye, watching him go. Every time, the heaviness settled in his heart, never ceasing to leave.
I can’t catch up to you yet, only a little while more…
Time sped by, Soonyoung left for university in Seoul leaving Lee Chan with a grin, a ruffle of his hair, and the second button of his uniform.
“Be good alright?”
Chan stared at the gold and white card in front of him. His empty apartment was eerily silent, a change from the music that seems to play 24/7. Years passed where he’d only see Soonyoung once or twice. Sometimes, he’d continue without thinking about Soonyoung for weeks. Yet in his 3rd year of university, he still couldn’t manage to get rid of the pang in his heart every time he watched the other go. He felt stupid, still thinking about his childhood friend. However staring at the wedding invitation in front of him. All he could feel was a pit in his stomach.
It was obvious this day was going to come. Where he’d lose Soonyoung for good. Yet, no matter how much he knew it was inevitable, the ache plagued him, a few stray tears escaping his eyes, falling on the picturesque paper.
The white and champagne color scheme of the wedding made it look like every other around the corner, but the couple shone like stars. Smiling brightly at eachother while sharing vows, the altar seemed to light up. Lee Chan was took a seat near the back. He wasn’t anyone important, not family, not a close friend. He did have a good view of everything though. He wore a simple suit making sure to look classy and not like he almost didn’t come at all. He swallowed thickly eyes trained on Soonyong.
Chan noted that his hyung hardly changed, his childishness still there as he bounced on his feet. His bride to be was stunning even Chan though felt the slight bitterness in him. It was never her fault. He continued to stare his heart sinking deeper and deeper.
That’s when his eyes met Soonyoungs.
For a split second the two locked gazes, before the moment vanished. Chan didn’t know what to make of it, he knew the smile on the elder’s lips wasn’t for him, but for that second it felt like it was. It felt like the smile Soonyoung would give him after ruffling his hair, and before he’d turn away, walking towards another part of his life. Chan let a shaky breath escape him.
This is it. There’s nothing left. Soonyoung was moving ahead.
Slowly Chan stood up, making no noise. The guests were entranced by the couple, and the bride and groom were in their own little world. It looked like a scene of a movie, where the antagonist slips away from the party, resentful and cold.
That was the opposite of how Chan felt though. As he slipped through the church hallways, out the beautiful arch, he loosened his tie, making his way to the parking lot.
He didn’t know if Soonyoung would notice that he was gone, or if the elder would even remember he attended. However the memories they shared would still be ingrained within him, just like they were with Chan. That’s all Chan needed. He would still be a part of Soonyoung.
He gave one last look at the church before entering his car. Soonyoung was moving on, and so would he.
When I grow up, things I think will change...