1 - 20 of 163 Bookmarks
Navigation
List of Bookmarks
-
Remember (It Kills Me To See You Without Me) by Kandakicksass
Fandoms: IT - Stephen King, IT (2017)
07 Oct 2017
Tags
Summary
Richie Tozier falls in love with Eddie Kaspbrak, forgets him, and finds him again, over the course of twenty-seven years.
-
Bookmark Tags:
-
Bookmark Notes:
“You are the stupidest motherfucker I’ve ever met,” Eddie is saying one day. He’s not actually paying Richie any attention; he’s absorbed by a Plastic Man comic.
“I love you, too, baby,” Richie responds, half-sarcastic, just as lazy. He’s not actually reading - there’s a Superman comic covering his face but it’s just resting there on its own. Richie might as well be sleeping.
“I don’t get you guys,” Mike says. They’re all chilling in Eddie’s room, taking advantage of Mrs. Kaspbrak being out of the house. “Anyone would be forgiven for thinking you hate each other.”
“We’ve always been like this,” Eddie points out mildly. “It’s mainly Richie’s fault. I’ve been trying to house train him to no avail.”
“Beep beep,” Richie agrees.
Mike doesn’t look any less confused. “Yeah, but before you were just friends. Now you’re dating - aren’t you supposed to be nice to each other?”
Eddie snorts. “You know we’re still best friends, right? We just also make out sometimes.”
...
Eddie is beautiful, and at the sight of him Richie abruptly sobs aloud, his chest clenching with a feeling so strong he can’t do anything except stand there and break apart. He stares forward, confused, trying to figure out why the sight of this man is making what’s left of his lonely heart contract so surely he’s positive he’s having a heart attack.
Bill looks around Bev in confusion. “What’s wrong, Rich - oh, Eddie!” Bill’s eyes are sparkling, but Eddie doesn’t even look at him, because he’s staring at Richie, too, with this horrified expression that Richie knows must be mirrored on his face.
Bill goes to hug Eddie, but then he lets out a horrible sound as well. Bill freezes, maybe because he sees the tears in Eddie’s eyes, but neither of them know how to explain the sudden love and loss and total heartbreak that’s hitting them both at the same moment.
A voice in the back of his mind screams that this is ridiculous, that he’s falling apart over a childhood romance – but it was never just a childhood love, and even if it was, he’d never had the chance to fall out of it. He’s standing here, drowning in the love he felt at seventeen, and he doesn’t know how to handle it.
“What’s going on?” Beverly asks, scared, and he understands why because none of the other reunions had been like this. He understands, but Richie can’t explain or do anything at all because this is Eddie. The realization hits him, wild and fierce. The Eddie he loved so hard and with such intense surety that it’s a million times worse that he forgot him. Forgot him like all the others, but not the same, because while Richie loves every member of the Losers’ Club (would die for them), he loves Eddie the same all-consuming way that Ben had loved Beverly.
It’s worse because they’d had it, and then they had gone to college and forgotten each other.
It’s twenty-two years of longing that he hasn’t been able to name. It’s twenty-two years of not dating, of casual fucks and being labeled a commitmentphobe because he always felt like something was wrong with every relationship he had. It’s twenty-two years of feeling like a vital part of himself was missing, only those feelings had been muted and shoved into the background, and now they’re all slamming to the foreground with enough force to choke him.
Eddie takes a stumbling step forward, and then Richie breaks - he sweeps across the room and yanks Eddie into his arms so hard they both get the breath knocked out of them at the impact. He doesn’t quite remember ever having had Eddie in his arms before but he knows in his gut that this is it. This had been so important to him, to the very core of him, and then it had been buried. This man in his arms - this man that had been the boy he loved and is now a man who grew up without him - is the entire world, for as much as Richie acknowledges it.
...
“I’m remembering old stuff, too,” Beverly says. “Although I don’t remember this.” She gestures towards the two of them, but she’s smiling - she looks so happy for them it breaks Richie’s heart. Then, she pauses, right as Ben goes to say something. “Actually. Maybe I do. You two were always pretty close. The more I think about it, the less surprised I am.”
“That’s what I said,” Mike agreed with a laugh, and they move into other topics. Richie and Eddie don’t move at all.
-
Bookmark Collections: