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He couldn’t tell what was the main reason for him feeling on the verge of tears the whole night - maybe it was just because he was at the Oscars - nominated, validated, included. But maybe it was just the simple fact that Armie was there. With her.
He did the only thing he could - he surrounded himself with his family. He shielded himself with the bright lights, the people around, the buzz, the chaos of it all, the experience itself. He tried to be as much in it as possible. He tried not to think about him at all, even when his presence couldn’t be denied.
There were little moments though, when he couldn’t contain himself. Just flashes of oblivion when he would be so overwhelmed with emotions that he just had to turn to him, touch him, connect himself to this huge body and its warmth. When James won, Timmy was so touched and happy, he automatically reached for Armie, overjoyed and blinded. But it never lasted longer than seconds. He had to, just had to snap himself out of it. People were watching, certain someone was watching.
He couldn’t lie to himself about the wave of guilt that engulfed him right after he gave Armie the ultimatum, back in New York. How could he ever do something like this? Destroy a family? He regretted everything about that night. Every word that was spoken shouldn’t have been said. The kiss shouldn’t have happened. It was wrong, all wrong, and he was reminded of it every time she appeared in the corner of his eye.
But it was too late now, he couldn’t take it back. He had to face him, face her, and worst of all, do it all publicly.
Armie didn’t help either. Timmy couldn’t really look at him, but when he stole few glances he saw something that frightened him even more. Armie had his eyes glued to him, full of the exact same softness and affection that disarmed him days ago in New York. He was sure people could see that. He could swear she noticed as well and he was ashamed.
Armie didn’t really follow through after that conversation, although he seemed to have understood he had to make a choice. He acknowledged it before leaving the apartment that night. At least Timmy thought so. Now he wasn’t so sure. Why would he hug her on the red carpet and gaze hungrily at him at the same time?
Timmy wanted to skip the afterparties but Pauline was so excited about them that he had to go with her, for her. He was really worried about what might happen once alcohol should get involved. But he couldn’t wrap this whole thing around Armie, he had to make it his own and enjoy it. So they went and he managed to avoid him for quite a while. He danced and talked to other people, almost forgetting about him.
Almost.
But then, on the way from the toilet, there he was. Waiting for him, standing next to some emergency exit. He just looked at him, his blue eyes like magnets and that was enough. Timmy couldn’t resist him, it was just impossible. He walked over and they left through the door to a staircase.
Without saying a single word they immediately entangled themselves together, kissing feverishly. Lips parted, tongues dancing, so much hunger that it could never be satisfied. Their mouths connected, their hands on each other, their breaths exchanging. There was only want and there was no end to it. Timmy never desired anybody like this before and never felt so desired. It scared him.
When Armie’s hands started fumbling with his pants, he jolted away, sobering up in an instant.
„Fuck!” he said to himself, angry that he let his guard down once again.
Armie was panting, his eyes clouded with lust, no conscious thought in them. He reached out to him, closing in, completely drunk with love.
„No.” Timmy said, pushing him away.
„Please.” was the only thing that Armie managed to moan. The first word he really spoke to him since that night in New York. He looked like a puppy. It melted Timmy’s resolve away dangerously fast.
„No.” he repeated through his teeth and walked pass him as fast as he could and reached to the door.
But the door wouldn’t open.
„What the fuck?!”
He heard Armie laughing behind him as he tried the door-knob again and again when suddenly he was being pushed to that door. To feel this enormous body on his entire back, pinning him down, embracing him, was a sensation Timmy wasn’t ready for. He gasped, his mouth falling open, his eyes shutting, his body catching fire. Armie’s lips were on his neck, his hands on his hips, a low growl in his ear whispering „I want you, Tim. I want you so bad”.
They ground against each other, breathing heavily. Armie’s palm was holding his neck as he strained it to turn to his lips and kiss him. His entire skin was almost as hot as Armie’s heated breath in his mouth. He tried to arch his ass up against Armie’s groin but it was to no avail. He moved his hand between them and grabbed his erection. There was simply no control left.
And then just a brush of cold metal on his cheek woke him up. His wedding band. He opened his eyes and froze. What was he doing? The shame washed over him again, tinged with anger, so he palmed this hand gently, grazed the ring with his fingers and then quickly pulled it off and clasped it in his fist. The gesture hit Armie with such force that he took a step back in shock.
„What…? What are you doing?”
Timmy toyed with the ring in his hands, steadying his breathing. He felt the rage spreading in his veins now, moving the hot blood away from his dick straight to his face. He could swear he never moved through such extremes so fast before he met Armie. But with him everything was heightened, amplified, there was never any rest. No emotion was ever just average, medium, or.. mediocre. But he had to focus.
„I’m doing exactly what you’re doing. Playing.”
„Please, don’t.” he asked sheepishly, almost begging.
The look on Armie's face triggered him.
„You fucking coward!” he yelled as he threw the ring at Armie and ran down the stairs, away as fast as he could.
Luckily, this floor door opened and he slammed it behind him.