Chapter Text
“Hey, Naruto?” Sakura asked, eyes locked on her food. She had barely eaten anything since their orders arrived. A sad, almost thoughtful looked painted her face. “Can I ask you something?”
Oh boy, is she finally gonna confess that she likes me?!?! Naruto thought to himself excitedly. He urged her to continue.
“Don’t you think it’s kind of weird that Kakashi-sensei doesn’t have a girlfriend?”
Naruto’s face fell. “Uh…what do you mean?”
“Well, the entire time we followed him, we never saw any indication of him having someone and, I don’t know, don’t you think he’d be kind of lonely?” Sakura explained. She could just picture Kakashi coming home from a long day to an empty apartment, no one to keep him company except maybe that houseplant that Naruto gave him. There was just something so sad about it. Everyone deserved to fall in love, she thought.
“I’m sure he’s fine. He’s got those dirty books to keep him company” Naruto replied coolly, brushing off Sakura’s words. If anything, Kakashi’s disinterest in women was a breath of fresh air after spending time with the pervy sage. Even if their sensei liked to read the sannin’s stupid books.
Sakura growled and whacked Naruto on the head. “You idiot! Books are not a replacement for human connection!”
“Jeez, Sakura, stop hitting me, would you?” Naruto replied, rubbing his head. “So what are we supposed to do about it? If Kakashi-sensei wanted a girlfriend, don’t you think he would’ve gotten one himself by now?”
“I don’t know” Sakura replied thoughtfully. “Maybe he’s shy. Maybe he doesn’t know how to talk to women and that’s why he’s still single.”
“Listen, Sakura, you saw the way Ayame at the ramen shop looked at him when he took his mask off. I don’t think Kakashi-sensei needs words to get a date” he said, stuffing a piece of barbecue pork in his mouth.
Sakura rested her chin in her hands, growing tiresome. “Still, I can’t help but feel like there has to be something we can do to help. Maybe we could set him up?”
“Listen, Sakura, I don’t know why you’re suddenly so desperate to go meddling into Kakashi-sensei’s love life but if this will get you to shut up about it, then fine” Naruto replied. He swallowed another piece of pork before rising from his seat, placing one foot on the table and raising a fist in the air triumphantly. “Let’s get Kakashi-sensei a girlfriend!” he shouted. Then, after a moment of silence, he added, “And also the bill!”
Sakura and Naruto strolled through Konohagakure together in deep thought. How do you even shop for a girlfriend? And for someone else, at that? What kind of woman would Kakashi-sensei even want? “I think he’d go for the badass, sexy type like Kurenai-sensei!” Naruto replied. His friend shook her head.
“Really? I think he’d rather have a girlfriend whose sweet and shy. Someone who’s not a ninja!” Sakura said. She just couldn’t imagine Kakashi dating someone in the same career field. It would make things too difficult and plus, she felt as if he was the kind of guy who would want to keep his work life separate from his personal life. Or at least that’s how he seemed. She remembered the very first day they spent with him, when they all had to introduce themselves. I have no intentions of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for my dream... I have few hobbies.
No intention of telling his likes and dislikes. Which was going to make their job much, much harder. The two ninja spent the rest of the afternoon running around from place to place trying to find eligible women they thought Kakashi might like. The only issue was that it was hard to find eligible women at all. “It’s like every woman in this town is taken!” Naruto complained.
“Well, not every woman” Sakura corrected, “but a lot of them” she then added in defeat. So far, they had only found three candidates: a cute waitress from the dango shop, a jonin who acted like they were wasting her time, and a woman that Konohamaru suggested that was apparently a family friend working reception at the hospital. Sakura wasn’t sure if any of them were really right for Kakashi-sensei, but it seemed like they were the only available women in the village, or at least the only ones willing to speak with them. Now all they had to do was pair them up and see how they fared in the dating game.
The next afternoon, Naruto and Sakura tracked down Kakashi on his way to nowhere in particular. “H-Hey Kakashi-sensei, what are you up to?” Naruto grinned.
Kakashi eyed his student suspiciously. “Nothing…why do you ask?”
“Nothing? That’s great!” Sakura exclaimed.
“What’s so great about it?” Kakashi asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, if you’re doing nothing, then that means you have time to do something!” Naruto explained. “And boy do we have something in mind” he then added with a mischievous chuckle.
Clearly the two genin were onto something. Granted, when were they not onto something? Kakashi sighed and closed his book. “I’m not sure I even want to ask this, but what are you two up to?”
“We need your help with something! At the dango shop!” Sakura explained. She motioned for him to follow before her and Naruto ran off.
“The dango shop, huh?” Kakashi said to himself thoughtfully. He paused for a moment before sighing and strolling after them. They darted down the streets, weaving past small crowds of people, until skidding to a halt outside the little restaurant. “Alright, now that we’re here, what is it that you need me for?”
“Well…” Sakura replied sweetly. She clasped her hands behind her back and dug her toe into the dirt, tilting her head charmingly. “We were wondering if you could help us pick out some dango! We’re not sure what flavor we should get, and we figured maybe you would know!”
“Uh-huh…” Kakashi replied quietly. “Well, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can be of any help. I don’t really know—” Before he could say anything more, Sakura and Naruto dragged him inside. As soon as they passed the threshold, they were assaulted by a strong sugary scent enough to get you high on it’s own. The two genin dragged him all the way to the counter displaying all the different kinds of delicacies they offered. A blonde woman with a purple bow in her hair was standing with her back to the two of them, packaging a box of treats for another customer.
“Uh, excuse me, miss?” Naruto asked, trying to restrain inexplicable laughter. The woman paused, her back straightening a moment, before peering over her shoulder at him shyly. She stared at him for a moment before the widest grin any of them had ever seen spread across her face. “Do you mind helping us out here?” Naruto added with a wink.
“Oh, of course!” the woman gushed. “Let me just finish boxing these up for that man over there and I’ll be right over to help you!” Naruto nodded, glancing over his shoulder to Sakura who covered her mouth as she giggled. Kakashi glanced between the two of them, growing rather uncomfortable with the prospect of whatever was going on here. The young woman handed the nearby man his box and then approached them again, holding her fists up to her chest adorably. “Alright, what can I help you three with?”
“We were wondering if you could help us here find the best flavor dango!” the young shinobi said. “Our friend here doesn’t know which kind to get so if you could tell us all about them”—then added a little quieter, “And maybe your likes, your dislikes, your idea of the perfect date, hmm-mm-mm-mm, stuff like that”— “That’d be great!”
“Well you’ve come to the right place, you three! I consider myself a dango expert!” she replied with a giggle. She ducked behind the counter and motioned to the display, opening her mouth to begin her spiel, but before she could continue Sakura interrupted.
“Oh, wait! Before you start, I think we ought to introduce ourselves! I am Sakura Haruno, this is my friend Naruto Uzumaki and this” she motioned to the jonin with them, “Is our sensei, Kakashi Hatake! Isn’t he handsome?”
“Aren’t I what?” Kakashi muttered as Sakura shoved him closer to the display. The young woman blushed and fluttered her lashes.
“So wonderful to meet all of you! I am Amai Ogori!” she greeted back with a peace sign, a wink, and a pop of her foot. Her rosy eyes dazzled. She ran a pink-lacquered finger across the glass display and then began pointing out all the different flavors of dango and explaining them in great depth. As she did so, Naruto and Sakura backed away to give Amai and Kakashi some space, listening into the conversation for a moment more before giggling to each other and sneaking out of the shop.
“Piece of cake! Kakashi-sensei will have a date in no time!” Naruto said triumphantly. Sakura nodded and grinned.
“Amai would be perfect for him! She’s so sweet, there’s no way he can say no!” she added.
“Say no to what?” a familiar voice spoke from behind them. The two turned around slowly to find none other than their sensei standing before them. The genin both shrieked in surprise, stammering about how he was supposed to be in there speaking with her but Kakashi simply shook his head and started walking off.
“Wait a second! Kakashi-sensei, come back! I thought you were talking to Amai!” Naruto ran after him.
“I was until I noticed you two were gone. I didn’t see any reason to stick around if you didn’t” he explained.
“B-but weren’t you going to buy some dango? And get to know Amai? I thought you were two were really hitting it off!” Sakura protested.
“Where did you get an idea like that?” the jonin remarked. “Listen, I only went in there because you two dragged me. Amai was perfectly pleasant, but not exactly my cup of tea, and I’m sorry to tell you guys but I don’t actually like sweets!” The jonin smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. “If you’re looking for recommendations, I’d seek help elsewhere.” And with that, he walked off.
Naruto and Sakura stared at him blankly as he disappeared, defeated. “Well, that was a disaster” Sakura said.
“And whose idea was this again?” Naruto asked, glaring at his comrade. It took all of two seconds for Sakura to whack him on the head again.
“We cannot give up! Amai may not have been the right woman for Kakashi-sensei, but we still have two more contenders left! I will not let this end without getting Kakashi a date!” she shouted. Her enthusiasm was a little shocking, truthfully—Naruto couldn’t exactly figure out what it was that made her suddenly so crazy about playing matchmaker. Maybe with Sasuke gone, she just needed something to fill the void. Yeah, well if she can’t get a date with grumpy pants, why doesn’t she just ask out me? Naruto grumbled to himself.
The next day, the two of them tracked down Kakashi yet again. “Alright, what do you two want this time?” he asked, this time not even looking up from his book.
“What? What do you mean? What makes you think we want something?” Naruto laughed nervously. Sakura punched him in the arm as if to silently tell him to keep his cool. He never was a very good liar, and she did not need him blowing their cover.
“We were just wondering if you could help us find something” Sakura explained. “You see, I lost this necklace the other day and Naruto and I have been looking all over for it but haven’t had any luck. Do you think you could help us?”
Kakashi sighed and put his book away. “Alright, I suppose I have the time. Where did you last remember having it?” Sakura thought for a moment before exclaiming and dragging her friend and sensei this way and that throughout the whole village. There was something not quite right about this, it seemed. Did Sakura even wear necklaces? Kakashi didn’t recall. Quite frankly, he hadn’t really paid that close attention.
His students dragged him all the way around Konohagakure until they finally reached the base of the mountain where all the hokages were chiseled. “Maybe it’s over here!” Sakura shouted, running off to a rather large bush by the staircase. Kakashi sighed and reached for his book again, though was quickly interrupted by Naruto.
“Kakashi-sensei, I thought you were going to help us look!” he shouted, instructing the young man to begin looking over by a pile of rock.
Admittedly, he didn’t do a very thorough job, but stood up after a few moments and announced he had found nothing anyways. Just as he was about to open his book once again, however, he was interrupted…again.
“Alright, kid, let’s make this quick” a smoky voice suddenly spoke. Chills ran down Kakashi’s spine. “I’ve got plans in an hour, so I suggest you introduce me to this guy before I get bored and walk away.”
“Okay, okay! He’s right here!” Naruto spoke. As Kakashi turned, his young student grabbed his hand and tugged him nearer to their guest. Standing before him was a rather tall and toned jonin with tanned skin and dark blue hair pulled out of her face. A cigarette hung from her taut mouth, and her eyebrows were arched in displeasure.
“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” she shouted the moment her and Kakashi’s eyes met.
“W-what’s the matter, Sekkachi?” Sakura asked nervously. She knew she never should’ve taken Naruto’s advice about what kind of women he thought their sensei liked. This was no doubt going to be disastrous.
“I think I can explain” Kakashi spoke up, breaking free of Naruto’s grasp. “Did you really think I wouldn’t know any other jonin in the village?”
“Well, you never seem to socialize with anyone. You’ve always got your nose in those dirty books!” Naruto rebuked.
“Ugh, I don’t have time for this, kid” the jonin, Sekkachi, spat. “If I would’ve known you were trying to pair me with Kakashi, I would’ve never agreed to this to begin with. You’re wasting my time.” She huffed a cloud of cigarette smoke before turning and waving them off as she departed.
Sakura and Naruto cringed at her reaction, slowly turning in preparation of Kakashi’s response. “Alright, what are you two trying to pull?”
“Us? Nothing!” Sakura exclaimed.
“We’re completely innocent!” Naruto chimed in.
“Uh-huh. Sure” Kakashi said, unimpressed. “And that would explain why Sekkachi, the least pleasant jonin in the village, mentioned something about you two trying to ‘pair me up’?”
The kunoichi sighed. “We just got the feeling that you were lonely, and we wanted to do something nice for you.”
Shaking his head, Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck and replied “Well, I appreciate the gesture but really, you don’t have to worry about a thing. I’m perfectly fine with the way things are.”
“That’s what I tried to tell her, sensei, but Sakura wouldn’t—” Naruto started, but she quickly interrupted with an angered glare and a slap to the arm.
“Don’t you worry, Sakura. I’m not lonely at all” Kakashi replied, kneeling down so he was eye level with his student. Despite the mask covering his face, it was clear he was smiling beneath it. “Now please, try not to meddle any more in people’s love lives. Don’t you two have anything better to do?”
Naruto and Sakura watched him bid them goodbye and start back down the path to the village. “Well, Sakura. You heard it yourself. Kakashi-sensei doesn’t want a girlfriend. I think our job here is finished.”
“What do you mean ‘our job here is finished’? Don’t you see he’s just trying to get us out of his business!” she shouted. “He doesn’t want to stay single! Look at him! He’s crying out for love!”
“Uh, Sakura, I think you’re reading a little too much into this” he replied back, rubbing the back of his neck.
Sakura’s face went deadpan. She knew she was going to have to resort to bribery if she wanted Naruto’s continued help. “I will buy you all the ramen you can eat if you don’t abandon me on this.”
Crap. She knew his weakness all too well. “Fine” he sighed. “But just know I’m only doing this for the ramen.” Sakura rolled her eyes and dragged him back down to the village.
The following afternoon, Sakura came running down the street in tears calling to Kakashi. He looked up from his book curiously, tilting his head as he noticed his student was absolutely hysterical. “What’s all this about? Sakura, what’s going on?”
“It’s Naruto! He’s been hurt! Come on, we have to get to the hospital, and fast!” she exclaimed. Kakashi’s eyes instantly widened, wondering how the hell his student got himself hurt this time. Without a second thought, he raced after the kunoichi and followed her all the way to the hospital. She halted at the front desk where a bright-eyed receptionist was filing papers. “Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, I’m here for Naruto Uzumaki!” she said through her tears. Immediately, the woman’s eyes lit up.
“Oh, Sakura!” she grinned, twirling a lock of brunette hair around her finger. “And who is this with you?” she asked, her cheeks reddening. She bit her lower lip flirtatiously.
“This is our sensei, Kakashi” Sakura introduced. “You know what? Why don’t I go back and make sure Naruto is okay, and you can stay here and chat for a minute, alright?” The young girl was gone before Kakashi could protest. As he turned back around, he caught the receptionist leaning over the counter, her breasts nearly spilling out of her dress.
“Uh…hello…” Kakashi greeted awkwardly with a tiny wave. His face turned beet red at the sight of her cleavage as she leaned even closer over the counter, heart eyes staring back at him.
“Hi there! I’m Hiretsuna!” she giggled.
“Pleasure to meet you…” Kakashi said slowly.
“The pleasure’s all mine!” Hiretsuna replied, winking at him. An uneasiness spread across Kakashi’s chest and stomach. He peeked around the corner to see if Sakura was anywhere to be found, and then over his shoulder at the other people in the waiting room.
Sakura barged into a nearby hospital room and shrieked excitedly. Naruto was waiting for her, grilling her for answers. “I think this might be it! There’s no way he can say no this time!”
“I’ve gotta hand it to you, Sakura, I didn’t think Kakashi-sensei would be into girls like that but maybe you were right all along” he replied.
“Of course I was! I think I know how to read men a little better than you do, Naruto” she laughed. The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall, silencing her. With a gasp, she grabbed Naruto and slipped behind a room divider, hoping that whoever was entering would make their business quick.
“Alright, you two, you can come out now” Kakashi called. Busted. He signaled them to come forward, a stern expression on his masked face. “Well Naruto, I’m glad to see you recovered so quickly. The way Sakura was crying earlier, I would’ve thought every bone in your body was broken.”
“Heh, yeah, well, I mean…” Naruto stammered.
“How did things go with Hiretsuna?” Sakura asked innocently. Kakashi’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh, she told me everything” he said, undercurrents of exhaustion in his tone.
“Uh…she did?” Sakura asked. The jonin nodded.
“Mmhmm. Said you two made your way in here the other day with Konohomoru looking for single women” Kakashi explained. “I thought I told you both yesterday to stop meddling in people’s love lives.”
“Well, you see, the thing is…that was after we had already gathered up the single women” Naruto explained. “We couldn’t just leave them hanging like that!”
“And how many single women are there, exactly?” Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
“Just the three!” Sakura replied. “Hiretsuna was the last one…”
“Uh-huh. Do you two really think I’m that lonely?” he asked. The two genin glanced at each other before nodding slowly in unison. Their sensei sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes a moment in contemplation. “And you two aren’t going to let up on this until you get me a date, are you?”
“Well, I didn’t want to keep doing this but Sakura promised me all the ramen I could eat if I did so…” Naruto explained. One would think he’d realize how horrible that sounded when he said it aloud, but Naruto really only cared about the ramen here.
Kakashi rubbed his temples and shook his head. “Well, I can’t say you two aren’t relentless but I guess there’s only one way to solve this.” Naruto cocked his head to the side in curiosity. Sakura clasped her hands together tightly in front of her, eyes wide in anticipation. “Meet me at Yakiniku Q tomorrow at 1pm sharp.” Without another word, their sensei then turned around and left the room.
Naruto blinked a few times before racing down the hallway after him, shouting “What?! Hey, sensei, maybe I can negotiate with you here! How about we meet at Ichiraku ramen instead? Huh? Are you even listening to me? Kakashi-sensei!” Sakura’s shoulders dropped, a sigh escaping her lips as she shook her head and chased after him. He really was a lost cause, that Naruto.
“So what do you think this is all about?” Sakura asked. She kept peering through the window, waiting to see if their sensei was anywhere to be found. He was supposed to be there fifteen minutes ago.
“I don’t know” Naruto replied, leaning back and settling his hands behind his head. “Maybe he brought us here to tell us we’ve been handling this all wrong.”
“What do you mean?” Sakura replied, eyeing him suspiciously.
“I mean maybe everyone we tried to pair him up with wasn’t the right—ahem—type~” he said, making an obscene gesture with his hands to indicate what he was talking about. It took Sakura a minute before understanding what he meant, quickly growing offended at the prospect.
“Hey, Kakashi-sensei doesn’t strike me as that type of guy!” she replied.
“How do you know? Do you know a lot of those types of guys?” Naruto replied.
“Well…no…maybe? I don’t know! I never bothered to ask!” she shouted.
“Bothered to ask what?” a familiar voice interrupted from behind. They both turned to find Kakashi had finally showed up.
“Geez, took you long enough! Where were you, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asked.
“Just got lost on the path of life” he replied flippantly.
“Alright, Kakashi-sensei, what is all of this about?” Sakura replied, leaning forward in her seat. There was a particular glimmer in the jonin’s eyes that made her question the purpose of all of this. Truthfully, despite his issues with punctuality, she was scared he was going to stand them up, that whatever was going on right now was something he didn’t want to confront. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She tried to tell herself to just stay calm and see what happens. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad…right?
“Well, I figured this was the best way to handle things. We’re in a public place so it should be harder for any of you to make a scene. I know I’m going to regret this, but I have someone I’d like you both to meet” he explained.
Naruto squinted and peered around the corner of their booth, pursing his lips in malcontent. “But you didn’t bring anybody! Is this some kind of joke?”
Kakashi chuckled and shook his head, peering out the window and motioning to someone amongst the small crowd in the street. The two genin waited with bated breath as the shadowy figure approached the front door. This was it. All that they had been anticipating was finally coming to fruition. All that they had been questioning would finally be revealed.
The door swung open and in came a rather short young woman with auburn hair tied up into a ponytail. Her bangs were long and covering one of her hazel eyes. Perhaps the most significant aspect of her, however, was that she was wearing a jonin uniform. The corner of her mouth smirked upward as she approached, sidling up next to Kakashi with arms crossed and a powerful, confident stance. “Naruto, Sakura, I’d like you both to meet my friend, Rei.”
The way he said the word “friend”, and then proceeded to wrap his arm around her shoulders…could it be? No, that was impossible. Kakashi couldn’t possibly…
“Uh, sensei…are we missing something here?” Naruto asked, his eyes narrowed as he looked Rei up and down. He didn’t understand what was so special about one of Kakashi’s friends. She didn’t seem any different than the other jonin in the village, except for maybe her height. If Naruto didn’t know any better, he’d say she was roughly the same size as he was.
“Kakashi-sensei, I don’t understand” Sakura replied quizzically. “Is she your…?”
“Rei and I have known each other a long, long time” Kakashi explained with a slight nod. Sakura’s face turned bright red. So it was true.
“Couldn’t have been that long, I mean, how old is she? Fourteen?” Naruto asked, standing up to check their height difference. Rei narrowed her eyes. “Look, she’s only gotta be, like, an inch taller than I am!”
In one swift movement, Rei pinned Naruto’s arm behind his back and trapped him. “Are you making fun of my height, kid?” she growled in his ear. All the color drained from the young shinobi’s face as Kakashi placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder and lightly tugged her back.
“Easy now, he didn’t mean any harm by it. Naruto has a tendency to speak before he thinks” he said calmly. Rei slowly let the young ninja go, muttering Clearly as she settled back into Kakashi’s grasp. “I probably should’ve mentioned that Rei is mildly sensitive about her height” he added quietly.
“Jeez, no kidding! She looked like she wanted to kill me!” Naruto exclaimed. As he sat back down, he quietly added, “Apparently her height’s not the only thing that’s short.”
“Naruto!” Sakura scolded him from across the table.
“What did you say?!” Rei erupted, leaping forward to apprehend the kid again. Kakashi dove to catch and restrain her, blushing and apologizing to not only his students but to the others in the restaurant around them.
“Hey, Kakashi-sensei, what’s the big idea?! What was the point of all of this if you knew she would try to kill us?! I didn’t wake up with a death wish this morning, you know!”
“Well maybe if you hadn’t egged her on, you idiot!” Sakura chimed in.
“Rei, now let’s try to calm down” Kakashi tried to sooth her. “You’re kind of making a scene…”
Sakura buried her face in her hands—she should’ve known this would be disastrous. “We’re gonna get kicked out, aren’t we?” she groaned, sinking deeper and deeper into her seat. People were beginning to stare.
“I only said she was short!” Naruto pleaded. Rei immediately broke from Kakashi’s grip and lunged at the young shinobi, who escaped in the nick of time and proceeded to incite a mass chase scene, knocking over empty tables and breaking empty glasses that were seated on top of them.
“Come back here, you little twerp! You know, being short just means I’m closer to hell!”
“Oh man, this sucks! None of this would’ve happened if we just got ramen instead! Kakashi-sensei, a little help here? I’m too young to die…!”