Chapter Text
You were the light that is blinding me
You're the anchor that I tie to my brain
'Cause when it feels like I'm lost at sea
You're the song that I sing again and again
-The Anchor, Bastille
There was a beeping noise very close to his ear, and Draco didn’t like it one bit. It was high pitched, mechanic and just not loud enough for him to be sure that he wasn’t imagining it. He tried to lift his hand and slap in the direction of the noise. Maybe it was one of Millicents bloody awful muggle alarm clocks. Those things usually shut up if you threw them hard enough at the nearest wall.
He wasn’t met with the hard plastic body of an alarm clock though. Instead his hand met the soft fleshy body of a quite warm person. He opened his eyes. Green eyes looked right back at him. Or at least one green eye did, the other was covered by his own hideously thin fingers. Quickly he pulled his hand away.
Sorry . But it was just a mouthed word. His throat was so dry, drinking desert sand would have moisturized it. He coughed, and immediately Harry helped him sit up and put a glass of water against his lips. He only drank it once his head was securely resting against Harry’s chest, because as usual the room had started spinning as soon as he got up. While he drank, images of the past day began to flood his brain. Harry laughing with his friends, ditching his breakfast, the weak feeling in his limbs, then the headache, the shivering and the blurred vision. And then Harry carrying him to the bloody hospital wing.
Again.
He groaned, and accidentally dribbled a rather large amount of water onto Harry’s lap. Before he could curse himself for it though, Harry chuckled. “You know most people find that swallowing makes drinking a lot easier.”
“Oh fuck off.” He mumbled despite his embarrassment. However much he liked the sound of Harry laughing on most days, today he might as well have dropped a hammer on his head. He still hadn’t lost his headache. “What’s that bloody annoying beeping noise?”
Harry chuckled again, and threaded his hand through Draco’s hair, massaging his skull. That almost made up for the fact that he was still making noise, but not quite. He’d really never had such a terrible headache before. “That’s your heart, Draco.”
“Well turn it off.”
“I can’t, you’ll die.”
He groaned again, fell back into his pillows and closed his eyes. The beeping sped up, and seemed to grow louder, hammering on his skull. “Don’t care. Turn it off.”
“I am doing no such thing. I would never kill one of my friends.” Harry suddenly sounded very serious, and Draco didn’t care for that at all. People shouldn’t be worried about him, he wasn’t dying. The only moment in his life when he had truly wished someone would worry about him, was when he was failing his task to kill Dumbledore. Oh, what he would have done if someone, anyone, would have taken notice of the fact that he and his parents were staring death in the face. But though he didn’t doubt many teachers had noticed him withering away in fear like a plant deprived of sun and water, none of them had done anything about it. Well, apart from Severus, but he hadn't helped in the way Draco had wished he would. That moment was behind him now though, he’d somehow managed not to die, and now people shouldn’t worry about him anymore.
“Don’t.” He rolled onto his stomach, away from Harry. He didn’t really register that his comment would make no sense unless Harry was a legilimens. His headache was too intense. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what, Draco?” Harry sounded bloody considerate. Draco buried his face in his pillow and didn’t answer. “I can’t not do what you don’t want me to do if you don’t tell me what it is, Draco.” A hand came up and squeezed his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. He just wanted to crawl into the pillow and make the headache stop. It would have probably been better if he hadn’t though, because his shrugging made Harry’s patience snap and his voice grew louder. “Don’t touch you? Don’t call you my friend? Draco if you keep shutting me out it’s going to be pretty fucking hard for me to figure out what you want from me. I’m not a bloody mind reader.”
Draco gripped the edges of his pillow, his breathing turning shaky. There were so many things in his head, so many things to think and talk about, but he just wasn’t up to it. He wanted to deal with things but his brain just wasn’t up to it. Everything was becoming such a blur and in all of that there was only one thing very clear to him. It was also the only thing he could still say before he passed out again. “Don’t leave.”
The next time Draco woke up his headache was gone, but so was Harry. It was just him, a bed that didn’t turn out to be in the hospital wing, and that bloody beeping noise. He tried to look around for the emergency button which had to be somewhere, but he couldn’t find it. There were three other beds on his ward, all empty except for one, which contained a older gentleman, a dwarf, with a feeding tube and a blue glowing puff of smoke above his head. A waxing moon shone silver light into the room, which was just not bright enough to be able to tell the time from clock above the door.
Draco found this very frustrating and still kept staring at the clock, hoping against reason that the moon would somehow become brighter. There were also windows looking out into the hallway, or what Draco guessed was the hallway, but all the lights were out. All those things put together gave the room such a strange, eerie feeling that Draco kept pinching himself as he stared at the clock. Maybe this was all some weird kind of fever dream, or the opposite of that, a hypothermia dream. He was feeling rather cold, anyway.
The slow beating of his heart mixed with the slow ticking of the just-not-visible clock created what had to be the world’s most frustrating harmony ever. Especially because they kept falling out of rhythm. Draco thought extensively about all of these things, mapping out the room like he was preparing for an important exam, taking in every detail. Anything to not have to think about what a mess he’d made of things.
Again.
Pushing Pansy away, not giving Harry a chance to voice his response about his coming out, immediately running back to his heritage instead of working on bettering himself. Of course he’d all done it for a reason, but they had all been kinda shit reasons.
“What kind of stupid hospital bed doesn’t have an emergency button or a bloody blanket?” He muttered to himself as a shiver rippled through him. “I feel crap enough as it is, I don’t want bloody pneumonia to boot.”
“Hou je bek, idioot.” The dwarf in the other bed snapped at him, his puffy cloud briefly turning yellow, before going back to blue. Draco had no idea what the man had said, but he thought he’d gotten the message and stopped talking to himself. That wouldn’t do his sanity any good anyway.
“Mr. Malfoy.” Draco nearly broke his neck when turning towards the sudden voice. The room was flooded with light as a nurse entered through the now finally not dark and deserted hallway. “Your vitals showed you were awake. So, how are we feeling tonight?”
“I’m not royal plural.” Draco snapped. He didn’t like the way the nurse looked at him, as if he was a fragile autumn leave that could crumble at the lightest touch. “And I’m very cold.”
“Well someone’s cranky.” The nurse gave him a wide smile that didn’t reach her tired eyes. Draco thought she was probably a lot younger than she looked. “Anything else? Clammy hands? A headache?”
Draco shook his head. “No ma’am. I’m fine.”
“Oh but you’re not, that’s why you’re in the hospital.” She shot back with a dash of wit. “Do you know why you’re in the hospital?”
“No.” He shook his head, and that was oddly enough the first moment he actually started to think about why he was in the hospital. Well, obviously because he’d bloody well fainted into Harry’s arms for the second time in just a few months, but why? Just because he’d skipped breakfast?
“Oh, I see I should not have asked that question. But now that I have I might as well give you some answers. Though…” The nurse trailed off, studying his face for a bit before she spoke again. “Technically speaking, I am not allowed to say. Knowing the aurors though, they’ll only show up at the end of the day with no respect for a patient’s needs whatsoever.”
“Aurors?” He immediately sat up, his nerves spiked and the annoying beeping noise almost doubling in speed. “Why do I have to see aurors?”
“Not because you did anything wrong, Mr. Malfoy. Don’t worry.” The nurse gave him a reassuring squeeze in his knee. “But you were poisoned, I’m afraid. And it was a nasty one too. It blocked your intestine wall and basically made you starve. The stuff they found is made for diet pills, I believe. Only because your BMI was already so low it worked a lot faster than intended, which is why there were still a lot of traces of the stuff in your body. If all goes according to plan, the magical footprint should lead to the producer of the poison, so they’ll catch whoever did this.”
Draco nodded, though in all honesty he’d stopped listening when the nurse had started to talk about something other than aurors. He did not want to see them. By Merlin, he did not want to see them. He didn’t care who poisoned him either, especially if that meant he didn’t have to see them. He'd deserved it anyway, with the way he'd been acting.
To say interrogations in Azkaban had been rough was an understatement. The aurors hadn’t exactly done anything that really crossed any lines as far as he knew, but they had not been kind. No one had been kind there, his father included. That broken shell of a man had only been able to ramble on about family honour and needing to be worthy of his own name. Lines had been spoken involving his grandparents that gave Draco the idea that he hadn’t known his father at all. That he didn’t know his own family, even though at many points in his life he had been on the verge of dying for them.
All of that came rushing back to him at the mentioning of aurors, and it choked up his chest until he felt like his ribs might cave in or get pushed out of his chest by the sheer force of the memories. The nurse was clearly startled by his response, and called in a colleague. It was pretty clear that he wasn’t on the mental ward, because neither one of them knew what to do with his major panic attack. They kept trying to calm him down with water and by checking if there was something wrong with his actual chest. Their hands on him only made his feel more constricted, more like there wasn’t enough air in the room.
He needed Pansy or Harry, but in his shortness of breath all the nurses understood from his mumblings was something with a P and an A, which they figured meant pain. He wasn’t sure what happened after that. He only remembered things turning hazy, then dark, then gone .
When he came to he could finally read the bloody clock above the door. A quarter past three. Afternoon. There was something alarming about that knowledge, but he wasn’t sure what. His thoughts were very slow, as if he’d taken sleeping draught only an hour before. It was a caging feeling when he knew there was so much for him to think about.
“You know, most people arrange for a visit by calling the front desk, not by admitting themselves as a patient.” His head rolled sideways and Theo came into view. Wonderful, witty Theo who had survived so much more than anyone should ever be forced to live through. He was smiling too, a genuine smile with a touch of worry that Draco hadn’t seen in ages. His mental health had clearly improved since Christmas.
“Being normal is your thing, Theo. Not mine.” His voice was raspy, but not nearly as much as when he’d woken up to Harry sitting at his bedside. The thought of the Gryffindor spiked his heart rate, but for now Theo and his ever so brilliant smile were more important. He reached an arm out and pulled his friend into a hug. When Theo tried to hold back, being ever so careful with other people, Draco pinched him until the embrace was a proper hug. “I missed you. This you.”
“I missed this me too.” Theo squeezed him, and went to sit on the bed to make their position less awkward. “Don’t miss seeing you half dead in a hospital bed though. Done that twice too many times in my life.”
“I’m sorry for being so unoriginal.” I’ll try to aim for a coffin next time . But since Theo was still on the suicide ward, that joke might just be a tiny bit too crude and close to home, so instead Draco just held Theo even closer, inhaling his scent. “You smell of hospital.”
“I think I’ll always smell of hospital. I basically live here now.” Theo clapped him on the back one more time before letting go and settling himself next to Draco on the skinny bed. “They’re letting me out soon though. Not permanently, but for a few days at a time. And I’m allowed to wander through the different wards now, as you’ve noticed. Your mother is meanly good at poker by the way. I lost all my fruit loops.”
Draco raised an eyebrow. “Fruit loops?”
“It’s a kind of muggle breakfast food. I find it repulsive, but it’s round and has different colours so it’s an easy substitute for real money.” Theo chuckled and pushed Draco's eyebrow down. “You have such outspoken facial expressions. I missed those.”
Theo used two fingers to pull his eyebrows back up again, and Draco used two fingers to flip him off. Just as Theo booped his nose, an annoying habit that almost a year of therapy hadn’t changed, Draco saw something move from the corner of his eye. Harry had been standing just outside the door, but seeing him this up close and personal with Theo had clearly made him turn right back around.
“Crap.” He pushed Theo’s hands away and tried to get up. That was difficult though, because an IV tube he hadn’t seen before was stuck to a pole attached to his bed. It was also attached to a tiny tube in his right arm. The idea of being chained to his bed made him very claustrophobic very fast, and he was almost ready to just rip the entire thing out of his arm when Theo stopped him.
“Draco, wait. I think you can remove that stand from the bed to make it roll, hold on.” Theo hopped out of bed and set to work on the stand with practiced fingers. He’d picked up a few things unrelated to mental health during his hospital stay. Soon enough it was loose and Draco was on the roll, but it was probably still too late to catch Harry. He wasn’t exactly fast on bare feet while wearing that stupid flimsy hospital gown that barely reached halfway over his thighs. And even if he could still catch him, what would he say? I’m sorry you had to see that? It wasn’t what it looked like? I’m not gay with Theo but I’m still gay in general? And then what? He had to watch Harry walk away in disgust?
“Now I understand what Pansy meant by zoning out.” Theo waved a hand in front of his face, pulling him back to reality. “Just go to him. From what I’ve heard Potter is very unlikely to storm out or punch you in the face, unless you start saying some very weird shit.”
That wasn’t exactly reassuring. “But what if I have some very weird shit to say?”
“Then you say it while you’re ten feet apart from each other, and if he lunches at you you just scream and I’ll come help you, alright?” Theo hugged him again. Draco was very grateful that Theo didn’t ask him any invasive questions about what he wanted to say. Theo always knew just what others needed from him, which made him such a great friend and an impossible person to say no to. “You’re going to be just fine. Now go get him tiger!”
“Please don’t ever call me that again.” Draco tried to glare at him, but he was just a bit too nervous to really pull it off. “And don’t spy on me.”
“I would never.” Theo promised while he opened the door with his fingers obviously crossed. Draco rolled his eyes and stepped outside, feeling like a right idiot with his stupid IV on wheels. Once out in the hallway he looked around, and saw that Harry hadn’t gone very far. He was just over there by the bench of a healer’s office, twiddling with his thumbs.
“Draco.” Harry looked up when he heard the squeaking of his IV wheels. Draco wasn’t sure it was worry on his face or something else, and he didn’t allow himself to ponder on it. He knew he’d probably only read things in Harry’s expression that weren’t really there. “I didn’t know you were allowed to get out of bed yet. And, ehm, I'm sorry for interrupting you and Theo before. I didn’t know you had a visitor.”
Was… Was that disguised contempt in Harry’s voice, or was he just imagining things again? Draco shook his head. That wasn’t the point right now. And even if it was contempt, noticing it wouldn’t change its existence. “He’s not technically a visitor, since he’s been in here since June. He just said so himself that he basically lives here now.” Because Harry really wants to hear about the fact that you and Theo talked, Draco. You’re so not fucking this up at all . “He gets really up into my personal space when I let my guard down. I don’t know how much you saw of it, but sorry.”
“Hey, no need to apologize.” Harry took a quick step forward, and Draco did the same things backwards. Ten feet distance . He was taking Theo’s advice to heart. “Whatever makes you happy, right?”
“Well he doesn’t. Make me happy I mean. Not in that way I mean. As friends yes, but not…. I want to, but not with him. But with men in general. I am gay.” Well that didn’t go awful at all, you stumbling idiot . He bit the inside of his lip so hard it bled. His right hand was wrapped around his IV pole so firmly his knuckles were completly bloodless. Harry looked very uncomfortable, and at a loss for what to say, resulting in an awkward silence that lasted half a minute, but felt more like several lifetimes.
“I… Eh, I know that. I figured after what you said at that muggle store. You know, the one where my face was on fire the entire time?” He laughed nervously, but Draco stayed silent. He was mentally preparing himself for saying even more awkward things.
“I’m sorry for avoiding you these past two weeks. I shouldn’t have, I know that. It’s just-,” Merlin , did he feel stupid saying this. But then he was standing almost butt naked in a hospital hallway with a tube in his arm. He’d probably feel stupid no matter what he said. For his next words he didn’t want to be facing Harry, so he studied the green linoleum around his bare feet. “After I said that, you… you didn’t say anything back, and I kind of psyched myself out because of that. Convinced myself you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore because it’s unbefitting. I wasn’t in a very good place but that’s no excuse for just not talking to you at all, because avoiding you is hardly going to change your opinion about it, and I’m sorry.”
“Draco.” Harry sounded a lot closer than ten feet. He was so close even, that his worn out sneakers came into view just before a finger lifted Draco’s chin. “Being gay isn’t unbefitting, I would never ever think that. That would make me a total hypocrite, as I am bisexual myself. And I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you that right away when you came out to me, and for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about that in the first place.” Harry paused, and now it was his turn to gather up some courage. “I just had a difficult time talking to you when you said that because I was rather overwhelmed by the idea that I had a chance with you.”
Draco was glad for the finger still under his chin otherwise his jaw would have hit the floor. “You-, You, a chance with me?”
“Yes.” Harry smiled, his undoubtedly fierce blush hidden by his dark complexion. “I like you. Quite a bit, actually.”
“You like me?” That made absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever. “Harry, I don’t even like me. No one who knows more than two things about me likes me. Ninety five percent of my family doesn’t even like me, and they’re biologically programmed to do so. You’re not making any sense.”
“Draco, I know I have not made a lot of sense throughout my life, but I promise that me liking you is the most sensible thing I have ever done.” The finger left his chin, but as a replacement Harry cupped his whole face with both hands. Those green eyes staring into his own were so intense Draco thought he might die from how much he loved the man in front of him. And then the thought of love combined with Harry spiked his anxiety and he almost missed his next words. “ You not liking yourself, now that is insensible. Because you are very likable. I can know, I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, if not months. Alright?”
“Alright.” It sounded weak, and Draco didn’t really mean it. He just knew he couldn’t listen to another little speech like that without his shaky knees giving out, and he hoped that agreeing would save him from that fate. Fainting in Harry’s arms twice was more than enough. “I like you too, you know?”
“I know that now.” Harry beamed, positively beamed at him and lit up the entire hallway with it. Draco suddenly felt very blessed and unworthy at the same time for being the cause of that expression. “Can I kiss you, Draco?”
“I don’t know.” His tongue was once again living his own life while his brain still tried to process the question. “Can you?”
And apparently Harry heard that as a yes, because seconds later a set of lightly chapped, full lips were pressed against his own. At some level he’d expected that to feel different. More tongue, more wildness, more passion into it. Harry had always been a very passionate person. It wasn’t though. Instead it was a soft joining of lips, achieved only because Harry tiptoed a little. And though it was soft, it still lasted nearly a minute, and each second felt like a whole new level of heaven.
It was going to be a lot harder to convince himself being gay was wrong now, when kissing Harry felt this right . And maybe, if he could keep doing this often enough, he might one day even stop trying to convince himself all together.
A shiver ran up his spine when Harry's warm arms circled around him. They were sharing what had to be their tenth kiss in five minutes. It seemed that now Harry was able to kiss him, he didn't ever want to stop. Draco didn't really have any kind of problem with that, he just sort of wished that it wasn't all happening while he was attached to an IV and wearing a hospital gown. “Draco, you are ice cold.”
“Yeah, like you have such a charming personality.” Draco shot back, but he still leaned into Harry's heat, pressing their bodies together.
“Funny.” Harry squeezed him. “But not what I meant. You should have said something.”
“I had rather a lot of other things to say, Harry, as you might remember. And after that,” he lightly brushed their lips together, the first time he'd initiated a kiss. “My mouth was occupied with other things.”
“Things I greatly enjoy.” Harry smiled against his lips before kissing them again. “But you were poisoned yesterday. So I think we shouldn't be testing your health right now.”
Draco rolled his eyes and tried to step out of Harry's embrace so they could head back to his room. Harry wasn't letting him though. In fact he sunk through his knees a bit, held on tighter and lifted him off the floor with ease. Draco screeched. “What the fuck are you doing Potter?”
“Carrying you.” Harry replied dryly as he took a hold of the IV pole and began to walk him to his bed. “I can't give you any more body heat if you're walking on your own you know.”
“I don't care. Put. Me. Down.” Draco fidgeted, but Harry was too strong for him, and also he wasn't really trying. He felt stupid, being carried like this, but it was also kind of nice, and his bed was only twenty steps away. He could survive twenty steps.
“When we’ve reached your bed I will.” Harry replied way too smugly before pressing a kiss to his collarbone.
“Something tells me your screeching doesn't indicate that I have to come and rescue you.” Draco groaned and buried his face in Harry's messy hair as Theo held the door to his room open, looking altogether too smug for his liking.
“Piss off Theo.”
“I sure will.” Theo replied. He saluted as they passed him. “As long as you two new lovebirds make sure you're safe.”
“I said piss off!” Draco snapped. He took his words back about Theo always knowing the right thing to do or say. Having sex with Harry was… Not something he wanted to think about at all . In that moment it felt like it would still take years before he could even go further than closed lipped kisses. He didn't even know how gay sex worked.
“He's gone, don't worry.” Harry put him down on the bed and Draco, suddenly very aware of how thin and revealing his hospital gown was, immediately pulled the covers up to his chest. “Sorry about that. I just really couldn't resist.”
“It's okay.” His voice was shaky, and he hoped Harry didn't notice. “It's a good thing he’s being annoying again. Means he’s getting better.”
“If you say so.” Harry said. He was studying Draco's IV pole, but Draco didn't think that was because he was actually interested in the thing. Harry opened his mouth a couple of times, and each time more nerves pooled in Draco's gut. Harry was much more experienced than him, with Cho and Ginny as exes compared to Draco's no one and nobody. Not to mention Harry wasn't raised as a prudish pureblood. “Hey Draco?”
Don't freak out Draco. Don't freak out. “Yes Harry?”
“Just to make sure we don't have any more misunderstandings, but… We're not going to do anything you're not comfortable with, alright?”
“Alright.” Draco nodded, a sigh of relief leaving his lips. Harry reached out for his hand and squeezed it. Draco squeezed back. “I'm going to need my time. I don't… this is all very new for me.”
“I know.” Harry hopped onto the bed and kissed his hand. “But I won't ask for anything you’re not ready to give yet. I need nothing more than this. You.”
Draco chuckled. “Sap.”
To his unpleasant surprise that comment made Harry blush and pull away, as if he was ashamed to be called that.
“It's a good thing I like saps then.” He re-entwined their fingers and pressed his own kiss to the back of Harry's hand. That made Harry smile again, to his great relief. That relief vanished when there was a knock on the door of the room though.
”There are two aurors at the front desk to investigate your poisoning, Mr Malfoy.” A nurse announced lightly, as if that wasn't the stuff of nightmares. “I'm going to send them in in a moment.”
“I don't like aurors.” Draco bolted upright, gripping Harry's hand so hard the Gryffindors fingers would be purple in a minute. His breathing grew shaky and shallow within two seconds as his eyes went wide with panic. “I don't want them here, I don't want to see them.”
“Hey, hey it's okay Draco. You're safe, they're not going to take you away.” Harry’s tone was calm and definitely loving, but Draco barely heard him. He was freaking out way too bad.“They're only here to find out who hurt you. They're going to help and make sure this never happens again.”
“I don't want them to. I really don't want them to, I don't want them here.” Fuck , now he was crying. He didn't want to be crying. But what he didn't want most of all was aurors coming into his room. Coming into his cell, pulling him out, 'guiding’ him to the interrogation room so roughly he often fell because of it, tearing into him for hours about things he didn't know, or had already told them. They'd made him repeat his crimes for hours on end, and had listed all the hurt and hardship caused by the other inhabitants of Malfoy manor. It was going to break him, he was going to fall apart and it was going to hurt and he didn't want that.
He buried his face in Harry's neck, barely aware of what he was doing. “I don't want them here.” The image of that little interrogation room was burned into his retinas. The strong odor there filled his nose. The entire memory clouded his senses and choked him up. “I don't want them here.”
The sound of a lock clicking had Draco choke out a terrified sob. He was holding Harry so tightly now he was hurting the both of them, but he didn't care. If he saw those red robes for just a second he would fall apart. He was already raffling at the edges. This wasn't something he could cope with at all.
“Easy, Draco, easy. That was me locking the door. It's just us in here.” Harry's voice sounded strained because Draco was crushing his ribcage. The Gryffindor also sounded sincere as he threaded a hand through his hair. “I’ll never allow someone near you who upsets you like this. I'm going to keep you safe. I don't know what the aurors did to you, but whatever it is they are never doing it again, and that's a promise.”
Draco still held onto Harry like crazy, but his breathing became a bit less hectic. Because of that though, his crying became a bit less quiet, now that he had more air. The last time he'd cried like that had been… During one of his first interrogations. He'd been so frightened and cold there, the memory of losing Vince still so fresh in his mind, and then the endless reading had started. Can you read this victim statement Mr. Malfoy? Do you understand what it says? Can you tell us again how you were involved in this crime?
One of the aurors, he didn't remember his name, had had the habit of booming those questions through the room, his voice shaking with anger as if that would intimidate Draco into a confession. And it would have, if he'd had anything left to confess. He figured that like many others, the auror had suffered a personal loss on the hands of the death eaters and that he was taking it out on him. Draco hoped breaking him had brought the man some peace of mind, at least then it wouldn't have all been for nothing.
Even after all these months Draco had never told anyone about those interrogations, not even Pansy, but when Harry asked whatever did they do to you love? He found himself spilling all of it. Which quite frankly wasn't much, most days in prison had looked exactly the same, but he never did stop crying which made the tale harder and longer to tell.
“Oh Draco, why didn't you tell anyone?” Harry held him close, kissing his forehead with a tenderness Draco felt completely undeserving of.
“I know my rights. They never breached protocol.” He sniffed, feeling like such a fool for overreacting like this. Now that he'd voiced his experiences, they didn't sound too awful. It was just him turning everything into something dramatic like he always did. “And no one would have cared.”
“I would have cared.” And from the way Harry said it, and the way he pulled him closer, Draco got the idea that Harry was trying to crawl into him so he could take all of his pain like the stupid hero he was.
“But it wasn't against the law.”
“Well then the law is wrong.” Harry said sternly. “You should have never been treated that way. You deserve so much better.”
I deserve so much worse . That was the message burned into him after every interrogation. Harry saying the opposite one time only went to show him that he deserved worse in that department too. He was a mess. A fainting, too skinny, tired work in progress who couldn't keep his own emotions in check.
“I'm going to explain things to the, eh, people outside the room, okay?” Harry gently brushed his hair out of his face, before carefully untangling the two of them and pulling the covers over him. Draco felt like a stupid bloody five year old, but he didn't have it in him to protest. “I'll be right back, you just stay here. And I promise you no one but me or the hospital staff will enter this room.”
Then, after briefly squeezing his shoulder, Harry was gone. Draco lay on his back, pulled his knees up and stared at the ceiling. Despite Harry being gone he still felt his panic attack ease away, mostly because he trusted the Gryffindor to keep his promise. Now that the aurors were no longer a threat, he could go back to suppressing those memories. That probably wasn't the most healthy coping mechanism ever but being in a constant state of panic wasn't healthy either.
As his breathing eased, he became more aware of something else; Harry had kissed him . He wasn't just not a homophobe, he liked him . Either that, or he was just a very good liar, but somehow Draco doubted that.
As Harry talked to the people outside, he settled back into his pillows. Sleep began to tug at his senses after a while, just as a smile tugged on his lips. The past day had had so many ups and downs, but it was definitely up now. When Harry entered the room after about ten minutes, he had sunken away into an almost peaceful slumber.
“Don't fall asleep silly.” Harry opened his eyes with a kiss. Draco could get used to that. “We made a compromise. A nurse is going to ask you some questions now. Apparently it cannot wait because the meds you got against the poison work best with lots of sleep, so when you'll fall asleep you'll be gone for at least half a day.”
“Alright.” He was still very sleepy, and blamed it on that when he grabbed a hold of one of Harry's arms and pressed his face against the warm skin like it was a stuffed animal. “Ask away.”
“I only have one question for you, Mr. Malfoy.” A nurse he hadn't noticed before said. He turned half an eye to her and listened. “Do you know anyone who might want to hurt you like this?”
He snorted. “Plenty. I burn death threats as a breakfast ritual. But I never open those letters so I have no idea who sent them. I even got a cursed piece of jewellery in the mail once, but I don't know who sent that either.”
None of the people in the room made a single sound for several minutes when he was done talking. Draco secretly hoped that meant he could sleep now, but given the tense atmosphere that probably wasn't the case.
“Draco…” Harry's hand was back in his hair, stroking it as he seemed to struggle to find the words. Draco refused to look at him, scared to meet pity in his eyes. “I feel like I'm repeating myself, but why did you never tell anyone?”
“'T wasn't a secret. I figure most of my housemates and some teachers know, but what can they do? Burn the letters for me? That's hardly any help.” He shrugged. “Anyway, it doesn't matter. That is all I know about those letters. And as for who wants to see me dead? Try the whole of magic society minus five people or something.”
“I can name at least twenty people who don’t just want you to stay alive, but who would fight for your life too.” Harry gripped his shoulder and tried to make him look up but Draco refused. “You're selling yourself short. Not that many people hate you like that.”
“But I think Draco might hate himself like that.” The surprise of hearing Pansy's voice nearly made him look up, but not quite. His head buried in Harry's arm was a too nice place to be. “Also, I have been keeping track of some of his hate mail, so I can help with that after I give my disaster a hug and a punch in the face.”
Draco couldn't help but smile as quick steps approached his bed and he was hugged before a light elbow landed between his ribs. “You owe me a very big apology, mister. Also, I totally told you so.”
“You did.” He reached back blindly, found Pansy's arm and squeezed it. “I’m sorry. And thank you.”
“You're very fucking welcome, arsehole.” Pansy smacked him, and then left the room.
“I don't think I will ever understand that woman.” Harry muttered as he shook his head.
“No one ever will.” Draco chuckled, before yawning against Harry's arm. “'M sorry for… things. And thank you for…”
“Other things.” Harry assisted, as he positioned himself on the bed next to Draco. “You're very fucking welcome twice, babe.” Harry kissed his forehead. Draco wanted to mumble something about the nickname, but before he could get anything across his lips his mind had gone off to dreamland. “Now sleep tight, Draco. Get better. I'll keep you safe.”
And after another forehead kiss, Harry settled next to Draco, and without meaning to, five minutes later they were dreaming together. Both of their faces blissfully happy.