Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

There was always something about Taako's umbrastaff that put Kravitz on edge.

It struck Kravitz as a very unconventional weapon, but then again, Taako himself wasn't a conventional wizard by any means. He'd noticed it when they first met, but Kravitz didn't have the time to ask about it until the next time he saw Taako, which was their date at the Chug N' Squeeze.

A particularly awkward silence had fallen upon them after the instructor yet again reminded the two of them that they were making vases today, not bowls, and Kravitz was struggling to keep his lump of clay vaguely vase-shaped. Kravitz had taken the opportunity to ask Taako where he got his weapon. Taako shrugged, further shaping his lump of clay into a bowl to spite the instructor. "Found it off some skeleton chick in a cave," he explained. "It's nothing special though. Apparently there's a whole bunch of dudes that made these, they must be everywhere."

It struck Kravitz as odd that he'd never heard of an umbrastaff in all of his centuries of working for the Raven Queen, let alone an order of wizards devoted to creating them, but it was possible he just never crossed paths with them. It was particularly strange, however, when Kravitz did the research (he had a lot of free time, okay?) and couldn't find any record of umbrastaves in Faerun.

There was also the unsettling fact that the umbrella had tried to blast Kravitz back to the Astral Plane on his and Taako's first date.

Of course, it was possible that Taako had been lying for one reason or another. He could have been trying to show off to Kravitz, although if that was the case, Taako certainly would have made it clear. There would be no reason to lie.

It was also possible that Taako had been aiming for Kravitz and missed. Kravitz preferred not to think of that option. Besides, Taako had seemed to be genuinely surprised at the umbrella, and had even let Kravitz inspect the weapon. Taako just wasn't the kind of person to do that. Regardless, Kravitz did his best to avoid being on the wrong end of the umbrastaff from then on.

Although Kravitz had never voiced any concern about the umbrella, Taako seemed to have picked up on it. Kravitz found that on the following dates they went on, Taako took care not to swing the umbrastaff while he was gesturing. He also kept the dangerous end pointed towards the ground. Though he never explicitly said so, Kravitz greatly appreciated the effort.

Kravitz's stone startled him and he was brought back to reality. He checked the frequency on the caller ID. Not surprising, really. Kravitz had only given his frequency to one person.

Kravitz smiled. "Hello, Taako."

"Hey Bones, you busy tonight? The oh so very gracious Madam Director decided to give us the whole night off. Can you believe the generosity?"

Taako's voice was dripping with sarcasm. Kravitz chuckled and said "As it so happens, I've got the night off as well. Did you have something in mind?"

"Aww hell yeah, the stars have aligned for this one. I've got an Unlimited Pasta Pass for the Fantasy Olive Garden in Neverwinter and it's been burning a hole in my pocket. Do you want to see how much we can get away with eating before they kick us out?"

Kravitz laughed whole-heartedly. "That sounds delightful, Taako. I'd love to."

Fifteen minutes later, Kravitz found himself walking into the Fantasy Olive Garden. Looking around, he searched for and found Taako, who had already been sat at a table and was perusing the menu.

"Hello Taako," Kravitz said as he sat down, smiling. He found recently that when it came to Taako, it didn't take much to make him smile. "How is it at the Bureau?"

Taako handed Kravitz a menu without looking up. "Oh, you know, same old same old," he said, waving his arm. "Training for the big mission coming up."

The two of them ordered an absurd amount of pasta and waited in relative silence. Taako was usually the one doing most of the talking, but tonight he seemed to have something else on his mind. He'd been taking more time to respond to Kravitz' attempts at small talk than usual and seemed to be zoning out more. Taako didn't even ridicule the food once it had arrived.

"Taako, are you alright?" Kravitz asked, setting his silverware down. Taako had been silent for a long time. Usually he was rambling about a stunt the Tres Horny Boys pulled or something ridiculous he'd seen in his years on the road. He always had something to say and whenever Taako spoke, Kravitz was captivated.

It took Taako a moment to realize that Kravitz said anything. "Sorry babe, what was that?" He asked, looking up with half-lidded eyes. He dropped his fork to the plate, which Kravitz noted was almost clear already. Taako didn't usually eat like this. Not that Kravitz had a problem with how much Taako ate, it was just so different from his usual pattern that Kravitz wondered if he ate anything else that day.

Kravitz frowned. "What exactly has been going on at the Bureau?" he asked.

Taako waved his hand dismissively in the air. "Like I said, my dude, jus' training. Director's gotta keep us in shape for the next relic." He eyed the freshly filled basket of breadsticks and brought a few over to his plate.

Kravitz tapped on the table a few times, thinking. He reached across the table and took the hand Taako wasn't using to prop his head up. "When was the last time you were able to rest?" He asked.

Taako lifted his head up and held a breadstick to his mouth. "Meditated for a few hours this morning," he explained, taking a bite. Kravitz sighed.

"That's not what I meant," he said. Taako looked up at him mid-bite. "When was your last day off?"

Taako sat back in his chair, doing the math. "Two weeks," Taako said. "The last time we went out."

"When was the last time you ate?"

Taako squinted, trying to remember, then lowered his head. "Breakfast," he mumbled. "Yesterday. Guess I just forgot."

Kravitz wanted to say something, but before he could, Taako's umbrastaff started to vibrate. Then it started glowing. Before either of them could react, the umbrastaff jumped into Taako's hands and casted a spell on him. Taako gasped and blinked a few times, looking confused but a lot more awake than he did just seconds before.

Taako looked up at Kravitz and seemed to be fully rested, and now that the spell was down, Kravitz realized that Taako had cast Disguise Self on himself. "If you have any ideas about what just happened I'm all ears," he said.

"You didn't cast that spell?" Kravitz asked.

Taako shrugged and shook his head. "I don't even know what spell that was," he admitted. "I do feel a lot better, though."

Kravitz stared at the umbrastaff. Then he looked at Taako's face and saw that it had more color than it did before. The bruise on his face that the spell couldn't hide was gone, and Kravitz was willing to bet that any of his other injuries were gone as well. Kravitz knew exactly what happened.

"It casted False Life," he answered. Taako still looked confused, so he explained further. "It means that you've been temporarily healed, at least for an hour." Kravitz glanced at the umbrastaff again. It was no longer moving. "It's a low level necromancy spell, but it must have been cast with a higher spell slot if you were healed that much."

Taako stared at the umbrastaff before chuckling and setting it back on his chair, where it was before it moved itself. "Guess it really likes me," he said, before going back to his pasta.

Kravitz stared for a moment at where Taako was once bruised. "Taako, you were hurt that much just by training?" Kravitz asked.

Taako laughed lightly. "Yeah, Merle's not the best at healing."

"Shouldn't they have, I don't know, other clerics? Potions, maybe?" Kravitz suggested.

Taako looked sheepish. "Yeah, well," he started, his eyes darting anywhere but Kravitz, "I wanted to get out of there and spend some time with you."

Kravitz sighed, then smiled, then took Taako's hands in his. "Dove," he said softly, "I love spending time with you, but you won't make it very far if you don't let yourself be healed." Kravitz rubbed his thumb over Taako's knuckles. "Will you please heal after training next time?"

Taako leaned over the table and gave Kravitz a quick kiss. "Yeah, I promise," he said, pulling away to dig in to his plate again. After a quiet moment Taako smirked, put his fork down, and said "You're never gonna believe the stunt Angus tried to pull off during his magic lessons last week."

Kravitz smiled. "Oh?" He hummed, leaning his head on his hand. "Do tell," he said.

By the time Taako finished his story, the two of them were roaring with laughter, and judging from the looks of the other patrons, it was probably time for them to go. They spent the rest of their time together walking through a nearby park. They both found themselves staring at the umbrastaff at different times of the night, but neither said anything.

About half an hour into their walk, Taako grabbed his side and groaned. Kravitz caught him and held him upright. "Taako, are you alright?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"I think that spell wore off, my dude," he said. Sure enough, Taako's injuries had reappeared, and this time Disguize Self didn't hide them.

"I think it's time to get you back to the base," Kravitz said, summoning his scythe with the hand that he wasn't using to support Taako. He opened a rift directly into Taako's room and walked the both of them through.

Kravitz led Taako to his bed. "Sorry 'bout cutting date night short, Krav," he said, sighing. "I dunno when we're gonna be able to do this again." Taako laid down, still holding onto Kravitz' hand.

Kravitz sat on the bed next to Taako, brushing the hair out of Taako's face and kissing his forehead. "Rest, dove," Kravitz whispered. Taako smiled and hummed, closing his eyes. Kravitz stood up and tried to step away from the bed without disturbing Taako when he kicked something across the floor. He looked down. The umbrastaff, of course. Why would it be anything else?

Kravitz gingerly picked it up by the handle. "Taako? What should I do with this?" He asked.

"Just put it on the door handle," Taako said. Then he pulled himself up on his elbow and squinted at the umbrastaff. "Actually, wait. Hold on, can you do something for me?" Kravitz nodded.

"Do you think you could, I dunno, see what's up with the umbrastaff?" Taako asked. "I just...I don't know why it keeps doing these things, and I think you'd have better luck at finding out than I would." Taako laughed softly. "Plus, you'd probably kill me if I didn't go to sleep, like, right now."

Kravitz smiled. "Of course, dear. I'll have it back to you before breakfast."

Taako yawned and laid back down. "Good, thanks Krav. Oh, and just be careful with it? It's weird, but I've kinda gotten attached to it. It's saved me a lotta trouble." Kravitz hummed in affirmation and kissed Taako's forehead before opening a rift and leaving Taako's room.

As soon as the rift closed, the umbrastaff reacted. It was vibrating irregularly, almost as if it was panicking. Kravitz, not knowing what else to do, spoke to it as if he was reassuring a lost child. "It's alright, Taako's just resting. I won't do anything, I'll get you back to him as soon as he wakes." Surprisingly, the umbrastaff stopped vibrating as if it heard and understood him. Kravitz couldn't believe that actually worked.

Alright, he thought, first things first, Wave Echo Cave. It was the place Taako mentioned finding it. It wasn't too far from the glass circle that used to be Phandalin, so Kravitz found said cave easily enough. He followed the winding paths of the cave and eventually found an empty vault at the end. With nowhere else to go, he decided he should start investigating the room he was in.

After a few moments of finding nothing but wet rocks and spiders, the umbrastaff, as if sensing Kravitz' frustration, started to move in his hand. Kravitz dropped it and it spun around, pointing towards a secluded corner of the cave. Kravitz  picked it back up and walked over to where it seemed the umbrastaff wanted him to go and found the skeleton Taako described.

"Was this your last...owner?" Kravitz asked. He set the umbrastaff on the ground behind him and crouched to examine the skeleton. The skeleton's clothes seemed to have deteriorated years ago except for the red robe slung across its shoulders. It was in pretty good condition, considering that everything else rotted away. Kravitz reached out to touch the fabric. In doing so, the fabric shifted and revealed a circular patch.

"I.P.R.E.?" Kravitz said. He'd never heard of anything like that before.

As soon as Kravitz mumbled the initialism, a ball of fire erupted by his side, just missing him. In his panic to get away from the danger, he stepped on the umbrastaff and shattered it.

It was like a bomb went off.

Kravitz immediately felt a strong necromantic presence as red and yellow fireworks erupted from the broken umbrastaff. Kravitz shielded his eyes and felt another wave of heat explode outward, yet it seemed to weave around him. Spell Shaping, Kravitz realized.

Suddenly, Kravitz heard an agonizing scream that sounded exactly like Taako's.

When the explosion finally died down, Kravitz brought his arm down and opened his eyes to find a lich in a red robe kneeling before the broken umbrastaff.

Kravitz immediately stood and summoned his scythe. The lich jolted their head and looked up at him before desperately shouting, "Wait, please! Let me explain."

Kravitz hesitated. The lich's voice spoke in Taako's voice, but a slightly higher pitch. "Taako?" Kravitz stammered.

The lich took advantage of Kravitz' confusion and vanished.

Kravitz spent the rest of the night chasing the lich down, but was barely able to catch up to them. At one point, he found the lich. He had them cornered, but the lich wasn't focused on him; they were focused on something just behind him. Kravitz glanced over his shoulder and saw another red-robed lich preparing a powerful spell aimed at Kravitz.

"Barry, don't hurt him!" The cornered lich cried.

"He's going to kill you, Lup! I won't let him, not when I've just found you!" The new lich—Barry evidently—was losing their composure. Lightning began to trail off of them.

"He's Taako's boyfriend!" The lich—Lup—cried.

Barry regained their composure and rushed forward. Kravitz raised his scythe to strike, but Barry dodged, grabbed Lup, and they both disappeared without a trace.

Kravitz searched for the red-robed liches for the rest of the night, but he couldn't find a trace of either of them. Frustrated, he returned to Wave Echo Cave to collect Taako's umbrastaff.

Kravitz knelt down in front of the broken pieces of the umbrastaff and gathered all the pieces together in a bag he summoned. Taako's not going to be very happy about this, he thought. Then he paused. Those liches knew Taako. Does Taako know them? The lich from the umbrastaff—Lup—cares about Taako. And evidently, so does the other lich—Barry. They didn't attack when they found out we were...close.

Who are they? Why hasn't Taako ever mentioned them?

Kravitz summoned his book of bounties and found a new entry: "Lup Taaco; lich," Kravitz read. He paused. This can't be a coincidence. He turned a few pages back and found what he was looking for. At the top of the page read Taako Taaco; 8 deaths, crossed out with the word Pardoned written in the margins. A few lines down was Taako Taaco; 11 deaths, followed by a circled question mark, then crossed out with an arrow pointing to the previous entry.

Kravitz hummed. He hadn't noticed Taako's last name before. Any time Taako mentioned it, he wrote it off as a joke. However, with the last name confirmed, and with a lich in his book that had the same last name, Kravitz' research mission got a lot more complicated. Taako had never mentioned having any family. Kravitz furrowed his brow. Actually, he'd explicitly said that he had none.

Kravitz jumped when his Stone of Farspeech went off. There was only one person who had his frequency. "Yes, Taako?" he answered.

"Hey babe, you free right now?" Taako's voice rang out. "I just made a huge breakfast and the guys aren't gonna be up for a while."

"Sure," Kravitz replied, glancing at the bag with the umbrastaff pieces and grimacing, "I'll be right over." He sighed. "We have a lot to discuss."

"Krav, is something wrong?" Taako sounded worried.

"I don't know," Kravitz replied. I hope not. "I'll be there in a minute."

Chapter Text

Kravitz was originally going to take a few minutes to sort through what he'd seen in the past few hours and figure out what he was going to say to Taako, but instead he found himself swinging his scythe as soon as he hung up from the call. Might as well get this over with.

Kravitz stepped through the portal to find Taako humming softly and swinging his hips while stirring something over the stove. Taako flipped whatever was in the pan a few times, then transferred it to a plate. He turned around and when he saw Kravitz, he smiled. "Hey babe," Taako said, putting the plate of—what Kravitz could see now—a hash on the crowded table.

"Feeling better?" Kravitz asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. He didn't want to ruin Taako's good mood.

Taako put the dirty pan in the sink and said "Yeah, a lot." He wiped his hands on his apron and walked over to where Kravitz was standing. He kissed Kravitz' cheek and led him to a seat at the table. "I took some healing potions after you left. Turns out my HP was a lot lower than I thought it was." Taako dished them both up with some of everything.

Kravitz smiled. "I'm glad to hear that," he said. Taako watched him intently. He took a bite of—is this a pancake? I've spent too much time in the Astral Plane—and was taken aback. "Taako, this is delicious, I didn't know you cooked."

"Well, natch," Taako said, beaming at the praise. "They don't let just anyone have a cooking show."

As the two ate, Taako recounted stories from his days of Sizzle It Up! with Taako. Kravitz nearly forgot why he was there.

Eventually, Taako told a particular story from when he was shopping about a child demanding shrimp heaven and Kravitz lost it. The two laughed a bit too loud, though, and Magnus' door opened.

"Taako? What're you doing up?" Magnus mumbled, only vaguely forming words. His eyes weren't open, and he slouched against the doorframe.

Taako turned to Kravitz. "Don't worry, he's like this every morning," he whispered, "I'll deal with him, just get in my room."

Kravitz nodded, doing as Taako said.

"Come on Mags, let's getcha a cup of coffee and you'll wake right up."

"Wazzat th' death guy?"

"My dude, you're still sleeping. I made breakfast."

Kravitz chuckled as he closed the door. Then he remembered why he was there in the first place. He retrieved the bag and opened it, finding the same broken pieces of the umbrastaff he scooped up earlier that night.

Kravitz felt terrible. He broke his promise to Taako. Even worse, no matter what Taako insisted, the umbrastaff was one-of-a-kind. There was no replacing it. And repairing it? Well, Kravitz had looked into it, but the technology used to create the umbrastaff was far too complicated for him to understand. A simple fixing spell wouldn't work. He shifted the pieces in the bag and something caught his eye that hadn't before. There was an inscription on one of the pieces that used to be the handle. "Lup," Kravitz read. Huh. The Lich. So she did own this.

Taako entered the room rolling his eyes and mumbling something about Magnus' appetite. Then he turned his attention back to Kravitz.

"So, you find anything out about my magic umbrella, Bones?" Taako asked, bouncing on his heels. Kravitz had rarely seen Taako so energetic and happy, he almost didn't want to say what he was going to. But he needed answers.

"Taako, we really need to talk about some things."

Taako's entire demeanor changed. Now, he was a statue. His smile wavered, but he caught his slip up and plastered on a fake smile. "Oh?" He asked, all the excitement of that morning gone from his voice. His ears dropped. "Let's sit then," he said, emotionless. The two sat on the bed next to each other.

Kravitz hated seeing Taako like this, but he couldn't put this off any more than he already had. He needed to know exactly what Taako knew, so he casted a spell. Both he and Taako failed the save. That's alright, he thought. He didn't count on lying anyway.

"Where did you get the umbrastaff?" Kravitz asked.

Taako looked up at him, confused. "Wave Echo Cave," he answered. "I thought I told you, there was this dead chick in a red robe holding it, so I just took it. Merle tried first, but it zapped him away."

Kravitz caught a detail he hadn't noticed before. "How did you know that was a woman?"

Taako opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He looked stumped. "Huh, I dunno. I just-" he closed his eyes. "Damn. It gives me a headache just to think about that."

That's odd, Kravitz noted, but he continued. "Do you know anyone named Lup?"

Taako's head jerked to stare right at Kravitz. "Um, Krav? You're kinda speaking static there."

"You can't hear me say Lup?"

"Whatever that word was, I can't understand it. It's like the Voidfish thing I explained?"

Kravitz hummed. "Do you know anyone named Barry, then?" He asked.

"N–Yeah." Taako paused. "My brain's feeling fuzzy. Kravitz, did you cast Zone of Truth on me?" He asked.

Kravitz winced. "I'm sorry, I did. I just need to know that you're telling me the truth about what I ask."

Taako shrugged. "I get it," he said. "Death  stuff's super serious."

Silence fell between them. Kravitz cleared his throat.

"So, this Barry, was he a necromancer?"

"Barry Bluejeans?" Taako asked, laughing. "Furthest thing from, my dude. Merle, Mags, and I met him when he got ambushed by a bunch of Gerblins on the way to Phandalin. He died when the town–um, when the town got glassed. Why?"

Kravitz frowned. "That's the only Barry you know?" He asked. Taako nodded. He is dead, though, Kravitz realized, that might add up with him being a lich.

"So, um," Taako started, "Can I ask you a question, now?" Kravitz nodded. "What happened with my umbrella?"

Kravitz sighed. He wasn't looking forward to this. He handed the bag of umbrastaff parts to Taako.

"I went back to Wave Echo Cave." Kravitz looked away and started playing with his sleeve. "I found the skeleton and there was a patch that said I.P.R.E. on it–"

"You're speaking static."

"What part did you understand?"

"You said you found the skeleton and after that it was all static."

Kravitz hummed. Taako had told him a bit about how the Voidfish worked before, and luckily, that you could talk around it when you needed to.

"I found the skeleton and its robe had something on it that I could read. So I read it, and the umbrella reacted. I stepped back to avoid a fireball, and then, well, I broke it."

Taako sighed, rustling through the pieces. "What happened then?" He asked.

"A red-robed lich appeared from the umbrella," Kravitz said. "They screamed, and they sounded almost exactly like you, Taako. I hesitated and they used that to escape."

Kravitz looked at Taako to make sure he understood everything. "No static here, my dude. What else?"

"I caught up to them, and then another red-robed lich appeared. They knew each other. The one from your umbrastaff was called the name you can't hear, and that lich called the other one Barry. Barry was going to attack me but the other lich told him I was your boyfriend."

"They just let you go?" Taako asked.

Kravitz shrugged. "They did."

"Weird."

"Do you know any liches?"

"If I did, I don't remember."

The two sat in silence again, digesting the information.

Taako was the first to speak again. "So, what about the umbrella, then?"

Kravitz took Taako's hand. "I'm sorry, dove. It's far too technologically advanced to fix, even with magic. I tried to find the people who created them, or at least some books or plans, but they don't exist. I've looked all over, and from what I can tell, your umbrastaff is–was–the only one in existence."

Taako leaned up against Kravitz' shoulder. Kravitz put an arm around him, silently thanking his Queen that Taako still felt comfortable enough to do this. Taako sighed, melting into Kravitz. "You've had quite the night, haven't you," he said.

"I guess I have."

"Good to know you earned that breakfast, then."

Kravitz laughed lightly. He kissed the top of Taako's head. Then the two of them enjoyed the quiet morning together.

Suddenly, a pounding on the door jolted the two of them from their peace.

"Taako!" Magnus yelled through the door, "the Director wants us to be training, like, now, so get up!"

Taako groaned. "I'll be out in a second!" He yelled back. He and Kravitz stood up.

"I'd better get going as well," Kravitz said. He cupped Taako's face in his hand. "Are you going to be okay without the umbrastaff?" He asked, concerned.

"Look at you, getting all worried for me," Taako said, grinning. "Yeah, I'll just tell them I rolled over on it in my sleep or something. I'll be fine."

Kravitz kissed Taako goodbye. "Remember to rest, dove," he said, opening a rift.

Taako waved. "I'll call you once I do," he said.

Kravitz smiled and left through the portal. That went much better than I expected.

Chapter Text

At work, Kravitz was in his element. He was literally made to do what he did. He enjoyed his job, and if he had any say in it, he wouldn't stop. His Queen, however, always made sure that he got enough rest. He was thankful for that, now. He wasn't the best at keeping track of time.

When he got off work, it had been over twelve hours since Taako had left for training, and Kravitz was getting worried. Taako hadn't called. Kravitz called Taako a couple times, and he didn't pick up. He decided to drop by Taako's room to make sure he wasn't hurt or dying. Or still training. If it was the latter, he was going to have some serious words with the Director, professionalism be damned.

What he didn't expect to find on the other side of the portal was Taako, sitting on the floor, methodically sorting and assembling the broken umbrastaff pieces as if they were Fantasy Legos. He didn't seem to notice Kravitz' arrival at all. Kravitz stepped closer to him. "Taako?" he asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Taako jumped and screamed bloody murder. "Kravitz!" Taako gasped, dramatically clutching his chest and trying to stop himself from smiling. "Don't you dare sneak up on me like that again!"

"I'm sorry dove," Kravitz said, trying his best not to laugh, but failing. Taako mocked annoyance and gently hit Kravitz' chest. Taako couldn't keep up this ruse for very long, though. He wrapped his arms around Kravitz' neck and kissed him. Kravitz kissed him back and placed his hands around Taako's waist to pull him closer.

Their kiss was interrupted when the door to Taako's room flew open, a panicked young detective running in, holding a training wand attached to a lanyard. It was still radiating magic from a recently casted spell. "Sir!" He shouted, "Sir, are you oka-" He looked at Taako, then Kravitz, then the way they were embracing each other. He squinted and tilted his head, his eyes scanning the two of them. "Sir?"

Taako sighed dramatically and let go of Kravitz (much to his dismay) and said "Hey! Stop detectiving us." He looked at the now open door. "And did you seriously use Knock on my door?"

Kravitz knew who this child was immediately. Although he had never met Angus, Taako had talked about him so much he might as well have. After the brief feeling of annoyance that his and Taako's kiss was interrupted, Kravitz was impressed. Taako didn't mention that Angus was already learning level two spells.

Angus said to Taako, "Sir, I heard you scream. I thought you were dying, but-" Angus trailed off as his attention turned to Kravitz. He started thinking harder. Kravitz could almost see the math equations floating around Angus' head.

Kravitz didn't have much experience around children. Luckily, he didn't see that many in his line of work, but it made meeting Angus—who was another big part of Taako's life, even if he would never admit it—a bit scary. He had no frame of reference. Then again, what little he did know about kids would probably be thrown out anyway. Angus wasn't like most kids. He also didn't like to be patronized.

If this is how I'm meeting Angus, might as well make a good first impression, Kravitz thought. He walked to Angus and stuck his hand out. "Hello, I'm Kravitz," he said. Short and simple. Don't overthink it. "You must be Angus. I've heard a lot about you." Angus cautiously shook his hand, tensing at the cold skin.

Taako scoffed. "No he hasn't," he insisted as his face turned a touch redder.

"No I haven't," Kravitz agreed, winking at Angus, who was standing expressionless.

Angus turned to Taako. "Sir, are you aware that this man is a lich working for the Death?"

Taako playfully hit Kravitz' chest with the back of his hand. "Babe, I thought you told me you were Death."

"I'm not a lich?" Kravitz interjected. "Though I suppose that's not much of a stretch to assume. And Taako, it was you that I was capital-D Death." He turned towards Angus. "I'm actually a reaper for the Raven Queen. You were close, though."

Angus' hand gripped his wand tighter. "Didn't you try to kill Misters Taako, Magnus, and Merle this Candlenights?" he said, his voice tense. Kravitz thought it was actually kind of adorable that Angus was trying to protect Taako.

"Water under the bridge, my dude," Taako said, waving his hand in the air. "We're all good now. And you know you don't have to call me 'sir' or 'mister'."

Angus did a quick scan over the two of them one final time, then nodded. "Alright, Mister Taako," he said, though he didn't let go of his wand. He turned his attention to the scattered umbrastaff pieces on the floor. "What happened to your umbrastaff, Sir? Is this why you didn't use magic at training today?"

Taako bent down and rearranged a few of the pieces as he spoke. "Krav found out that a lich was possessing it and it broke." Taako stuck his tongue out slightly as he concentrated.

"How did training go, by the way?" Kravitz asked.

Taako didn't answer, too focused on the task at hand, so Angus did for him. "Mister Taako did a lot of evasive maneuvers and used a short sword. He did well, even if he spent most of his time showing off his dexterity."

"They don't call me a 'Flip Wizard' for nothin' kiddo," Taako said. His hands were flying over the umbrastaff pieces, finding pieces that fit together in ways that weren't obvious. He mumbled nonsense words that seemed to activate certain parts. Kravitz and Angus watched in fascination.

After a moment, Taako triumphantly held up what looked like one-third of a repaired umbrastaff. "I don't know why you thought it'd be impossible to fix, Krav," he said, "it seems pretty self-explanatory to me. Right, Ango?"

Angus stared wide-eyed at the partially fixed umbrastaff. "Sir, I've never seen anything like this."

Taako shrugged and went back to fiddling with the pieces. "No offense kid, but you're like, six."

Angus rolled his eyes. "I'm ten, Sir. You know this."

"Whatever."

Kravitz shook his head in disbelief. "In all my years as a reaper I've never seen such a high level of artificing. And I've seen some pretty advanced necromancers."

"Where'd you learn how to do this?" Angus asked.

"I learned it at th-" Taako dropped the piece he was inspecting. He furrowed his brow. "I was at th-" he started, then froze. His eyes glazed over and he stared straight forward. Then he winced and grabbed at his head.

"Taako?" Kravitz said, rushing to his side and holding him. Angus had gone to Taako's other side.

"Headache, babe," Taako mumbled.

"Like the Voidfish static?" Kravitz asked. Taako nodded. Kravitz slowly rocked back and forth and kissed the top of Taako's head.

"There shouldn't still be static," Angus said. He was squinting, but looking at nothing. Detectiving, Kravitz realized. "We've already been inoculated."

Kravitz said "It shouldn't, but Taako can't hear me say Lup or talk about an I.P.R.E. patch."

"I heard the static then," Angus said. "It did hurt a little, but it's gone now." He looked to Taako, concerned. "Sir, if this is a goof, it's not funny," he said, a hint of desperation in his voice.

Taako groaned. "Not a goof this time, kiddo," he said, slightly strained. He looked up at Kravitz. "Babe, could you get me some tea?" He asked. "That usually helps when I get headaches."

"Of course, dove," Kravitz said. "Would you like to lie down?" Taako nodded. Kravitz set him down and kissed his forehead. He dimmed the lights as he left the room with Angus.

Chapter Text

As soon as he left the room, Kravitz realized two things: first, he had no idea where the tea was kept. Second was that Magnus or Merle could walk into the room and spot him at any time. Angus noticed Kravitz' hesitation and said "Oh, you won't have to worry about the other two finding out about you, Sir. They're both planetside right now. Magnus went to get carpentry supplies and Merle's out with his ki—I mean, he's on a short mission."

Kravitz nodded. If he needed to breathe, he would be able to do so more easily now that he didn't have to worry about Taako's other friends running in. He followed Angus into the kitchen area and picked up a clean mug from the counter. He filled it with water and used Prestidigitation to heat it up.

When he turned around, he saw Angus balancing on the edge of the counter, digging through one of the highest shelves. If Kravitz had a heart, it would have stopped. He dropped the mug and rushed to pick Angus off of the counter.

"What were you doing up there?" Kravitz asked after making sure he was safe on the ground. It came out harsher than he meant it to, but he was too worried to fix it.

"I was only getting the tea," Angus said. "Mister Taako keeps his favorite kind up there."

"You could have fallen."

"I'm not a baby," Angus huffed, crossing his arms defiantly.

Kravitz couldn't help smiling. No wonder Taako likes this kid so much, he thought.

"I'm not," Angus insisted, looking away. "I'm the World's Best Detective, and I can handle myself."

Kravitz knelt down to Angus' level—is that the right thing to do? Is that too patronizing? I hope it's not—and placed his hand on Angus' shoulder. Angus jumped at that, so Kravitz rested his elbow on his knee instead. "I don't doubt that," Kravitz said, "but that doesn't change the fact that what you did was dangerous. You could have easily slipped or lost your balance, and you'd get hurt on the way down. I know that Taako wouldn't want you to get hurt, and I wouldn't either." Angus was looking at him now. "You could have asked me to get it for you, or to help you up. That way we wouldn't have an accident. Do you understand?"

Angus nodded, then rushed forward to give Kravitz a hug. "Thank you Sir," He said, speaking in a quiet voice. Kravitz, surprised, hugged back. He was relieved that he didn't mess this up. Angus pointed to Taako's favorite tea, and Kravitz got it down for him. "I can make it like Taako wants," Angus offered. "He's made it in front of me many times." Kravitz nodded and gave Angus the tea. Kravitz watched Angus carefully prepare the tea.

"Mister Kravitz?" Angus said, not looking up.

"Yes, Angus?"

"Thank you for taking care of Mister Taako," he said. Kravitz didn't know what he meant by that. Angus looked up at him for a moment before turning back to the tea. "Madam Director's been overworking them, but Taako pretends he isn't tired. He still has me over for our magic lessons even though he's exhausted."

"Well, he enjoys your time together, Angus," Kravitz said. "He doesn't show it, but he likes to talk about you a lot."

Angus nodded. "I know Sir," he said. "Still, he hasn't given himself the chance to rest. But yesterday he ran out of the training arena once we finished. Misters Magnus and Merle said he wasn't here. He must have been on a date with you," he deduced.

Kravitz nodded.

"This morning he was well rested, and Mister Magnus said he cooked a big breakfast. Taako only ever cooks when he's in a good mood. He hadn't touched the kitchen for a long time. And today he was more careful to not get hurt."

Kravitz smiled. "I'm glad to hear that," he said. "I asked him to rest and take better care of himself."

Angus smiled right back. "Thank you, Sir." Then he picked up the cup of tea. "This is ready now."

"Let's take it in to him, shall we?"

Angus and Kravitz walked back into Taako's room. Taako woke up from his meditation when they entered and Angus gave him the tea. "Thanks kiddo," Taako said, ruffling his hair before sipping his tea slowly. He relaxed back against the pillow he was leaning up against. "Got it perfect." Kravitz sat down next to Taako, and Angus sat on the edge of the bed in front of them. The three of them sat in a tranquil silence as Taako finished his tea.

Taako placed the empty mug on his bedside table and leaned into Kravitz, who placed his arm around him and kissed Taako's forehead. "Feeling better?" He asked.

Taako nodded. "Still don't know why it messed up my head so much," he said.

"I know why," Angus said. Taako and Kravitz looked up at him expectantly. "It's because you're trying to remember too much. It happened a lot when I was talking to people that were close to relic-users. When they tried to remember too much, especially when it was important to them, they complained about getting a headache." Angus frowned. "That doesn't explain why you're still hearing the static, though."

Taako shrugged. "Well, I guess I shouldn't try thinking that hard again," he said.

Kravitz felt a pulling sensation at the back of his head. He knew what that meant. "Dove, I need to go. My goddess is calling me," he said. Taako nodded. Kravitz squeezed his hand and kissed him. Kravitz then stood up and summoned his scythe.

"Wait, Sir?" Angus asked. Kravitz looked at him. "You can hear through the static, right?" without waiting for a response, Angus dug through his bookbag and handed Kravitz a bookmarked notebook. "Taako's umbrastaff burned something in the wall a while ago. I wrote it down, but I can't read it anymore."

Kravitz opened the notebook and gasped. Inside the book were three letters—L, U, and P.

"I'll look into this," Kravitz promised. Angus nodded. Kravitz opened a rift and left to visit his Queen.

Chapter Text

Kravitz knelt before his Queen's throne in the Astral Plane. She had insisted that this formality wasn't necessary many times before, and yet, Kravitz still did it.

Stand, my child, She told Kravitz. He obeyed. You need not kneel before me, Kravitz. You have served me well for centuries. Our relationship has outgrown these formalities.

Kravitz smiled. They'd had this conversation before, but this time, he was reminded of someone else. He remembered how Angus called Taako "mister" and "sir" even though he was told he didn't have to. "Thank you, my Queen," Kravitz answered, "but with all due respect, I would like to continue showing my reverence in this way."

As you wish, Kravitz. A moment of silence passed before the Raven Queen spoke again. I have called you here to give you a new objective.

A new objective? Kravitz wondered. "I do not understand."

The Raven Queen explained. There has been an unusual imbalance of the forces of life and death. Two liches have been brought to my attention by Istus. What do you know of this already?

Kravitz looked up to answer. "Yesterday I had encountered two liches, ones that knew each other but had been separated."

You did not apprehend them?

Kravitz shook his head. "They are more powerful than I have ever seen," he said. He then told his Queen everything he knew about the liches, including how they showed him mercy.

The Raven Queen nodded slowly after taking in the information. I am pleased that you have not been hurt. However, it may be for the best that they escaped.

Kravitz took a step back, stunned. "Sorry?" He asked. His Queen had never said anything like this in all his years of serving her.

Istus has informed me that they are most important to the fate of our planes, that they will help us weather the coming storm, though she did not specify how. She has also informed me that although liches are a dangerous abomination, these two have taken care not to harm anyone in their necromantic pursuits. Including in their initiation as liches.

"Is that even possible?" Kravitz asked.

The Raven Queen fell silent for a moment. Not that I know. But Lady Istus insists that they will do no harm to us or anyone else.

"What do you wish for me to do?"

Your new objective is to find them. Do not harm them, but learn of their past. Find out what their goal is, and use your best judgement to help them or not. I will not assign you any bounties until you have completed this assignment. I trust only you with this.

"Thank you, my Queen. I will not disappoint you." Kravitz opened a rift and was halfway through before–

My dear Kravitz, one last thing.

Kravitz turned to her. "Yes?"

How did your date with that former bounty go?

Kravitz stumbled, embarrassed. He could tell it amused her. "It went well, my Queen," he answered.

I am glad to hear this. Kravitz could hear the smile in her projected voice. That is all. You may go, now.

Kravitz left, a little flustered. Then he remembered that he had a job to do.

The first thing Kravitz did was check his book of bounties. Lup Taaco; Lich, he read. Then he turned a few pages back to Taako's first bounty and found what he was looking for: Barry Bluejeans; Lich. Kravitz hummed. So this man is the same one Taako knew.

The first thing Kravitz thought to do was check around where Taako met Barry, and he found that the area was riddled with caves, which were popular hideouts for necromancers. I should start by searching every cave, but that would take too long. Kravitz ran along the entrances of the caves until he came across one that gave him bad vibes. He really didn't want to enter.

He walked in that cave.

Kravitz could feel the wards against reapers trying to keep him out, which told him he was going in the right direction. A less seasoned reaper might have skipped it, but he had been around for centuries. Although the type of wards were new, the tactic wasn't. As the cave got darker and more spooky, Kravitz felt better about what he was doing. He kept walking.

Eventually, Kravitz came along a fake wall. To be fair, it was a very convincing fake wall, but nevertheless, Kravitz walked right through it and was met with a furious red-robed lich.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" the lich screamed, red electricity radiating off of them. Kravitz wasn't intimidated; Istus and the Raven Queen had both assured him that the lich wouldn't hurt him. "LEAVE."

"I don't think I'll be doing that," Kravitz said. "I'm not here to take you or the other one to the Astral Plane. I'm only here to talk."

The lich seemed surprised for a split second. Then they rushed up to Kravitz' face, the lightning growing, and shouted "YOU MUST LEAVE OR BE-"

"Barry, babe, what's going on?" The other lich interrupted, appearing behind the other from nowhere. Kravitz was still taken aback by how similar they sounded to Taako. "Oh, hey, it's Taako's boy-toy." They waved at Kravitz, who politely waved back.

The first lich turned to the other. "Babe," they whined, "I'm trying to intimidate him."

"I'm only here to talk," Kravitz said again. Both liches turned to him. "I don't know why, but Lady Istus has taken a liking to you. My Queen sent me to find out why. I'm not going to do anything else."

The liches looked at each other. The second one shrugged, and the first one turned back to Kravitz. "ALRIGHT," they said, "BUT IF YOU MAKE ANY MOVE AGAINST US, WE WILL NOT HESITATE TO DESTROY YOU."

Kravitz nodded. "That won't be necessary, but thank you," he said. "Also, could you turn down the volume?"

"WH–THIS IS MY VOICE!"

Kravitz sighed. "Look, if we're going to talk, I'd appreciate having working ears."

The second lich laughed, putting one of their hands on the other lich's shoulder. "Cool it Bar, this guy knows about faking an intimidating voice. You should have heard him in the lab. This guy tried to pass off a terrible Cockney accent. Thank the gods he bailed two sentences in to Taako's date."

The first lich made a sound that sounded like a sigh. "Alright, I'll tone it down." They stuck out their hand. "I'm Barry. Barry Bluejeans," he said. Kravitz shook it cautiously. He'd never tried touching a lich without throwing it to the Astral Plane and didn't know what would happen. It didn't hurt, though, which was good.

The second lich made a peace sign and said "Hey, I'm Lup."

Kravitz waved. "So, uh," he said, looking between the two, "to avoid guessing, could I know your pronouns?"

Lup beamed. "She/her," she said, "Thanks for asking."

"He/him," Barry said.

Kravitz nodded. "Alright, thank you. Now, I have to ask, how do you know Taako?"

"He's my brother-in-law," Barry said at the same time as Lup said "He's my twin brother."

That would explain why she sounds so much like Taako. Kravitz hummed. "Not that I don't believe you," he said, "but Taako has never mentioned having any family."

The two liches looked at each other and sighed. Lup said "Yeah. Lucretia made them forget us."

"Is this about the voidfish?" Kravitz asked.

"Oh thank the gods we don't have to explain Fisher," Barry said. "That would have taken forever. Yeah, we figure that Lucy has a second voidfish she's using to erase Taako's–er, everyone's memories of us."

"A second voidfish..." Kravitz repeated. This makes so much sense. "Of course. But who's Lucretia?"

"Taako calls her Madam Director," Barry explained. "She's our friend."

"Then why did she make you forget?" Kravitz asked.

Lup and Barry looked at each other. Lup said "That's, well, it's a very long story."

"I have nothing but time," Kravitz assured her.

Barry and Lup gave him an abridged version of their 100 year journey on the run. They told him about the Institute of Planar Reasearch and Exploration, and their mission that went long.

They told him about the Light of Creation and the Hunger that followed it. How they reset every year as they entered a new plane. How they found the voidfish and Magnus saved it from the Hunger. How they became liches on an unpopulated plane full of information and used their love as an anchor.

They explained their work at The Hanging Arcaneum and their plan to split the Light of Creation into seven objects–and Lucretia's proposed plan to shield the plane and sever every bond it had. They also mentioned that this was where Lup made her umbrastaff.

Then they arrived on this plane. They saw the destruction their relics caused and Lup went missing and died trying to seal her relic away, and because she was a defeated lich, her umbrastaff absorbed her. Barry started to forget Lup, and Taako killed him so he could remember.

Then Lucretia put up wards to keep Barry out of the Bureau of Balance and began her own plan, recruiting Taako, Magnus, and Merle, who could resist the thrall of the Relics because they were the ones who made them.

Kravitz knew there were details they left out, but only because their story took a few hours instead of 100 years. Of course they would leave some things out. He knew something between Lup and Barry must have happened between year zero and using their love to become stable liches. But that was private. And anything else could be told later.

"I'm so sorry that happened," Kravitz said. He couldn't think of anything else to say.

Barry and Lup, having locked hands during their retelling, sighed. They didn't say anything either.

Suddenly, Kravitz' Stone of Farspeech went off, disrupting the silence. "Can I-" Kravitz asked, and Barry gave a 'go ahead' motion.

"Hello, Taako."

"Hey Krav. So you know how the Director's been giving us a break?"

"Yes?"

"Apparently that was just for the weekend, so I don't think we'll be able to have a date anytime soon. Sucks, but a job's a job, right?"

"I understand," Kravitz said, turning away from the liches so he wouldn't get choked up watching Lup react to hearing her brother's voice outside the umbrastaff. "Just take care of yourself. And my Queen gave me a new job, so if you need anything, I can be there right away."

"Thanks, Krav." Kravitz heard a pounding on the other line and a muffled voice. Taako said "Well, I've got to go, Magnus is pounding at my door again. Bye."

"Goodbye, Dove." Kravitz said, hanging up the stone. He looked back up at the liches, who were staring right at him. "What?" he asked.

"We-" Barry looked at Lup and back at Kravitz. "We're just so glad that Taako found you."

Kravitz smiled. "Me too," he said, "though I wouldn't say it was Taako who found me."

"Oh really?" Barry said. "Well, I have to hear this story."

Chapter Text

Kravitz left Lup and Barry after recounting his and Taako's first meeting. He needed to report to the Raven Queen. He couldn't tell Her everything; that would have taken too long, and She didn't need every detail. That's why She gave the job to Kravitz instead of doing it herself. Though Lady Istus and Kravitz had both informed Her that the liches were safe, She was still put off by the fact that there were two of them just running around.

After meeting with his Queen, Kravitz wasn't sure where he should go. Taako still was busy training (he promised to call Kravitz when he was done) and he didn't want to be in Taako's room without his permission. He supposed he could go back to Lup and Barry, but he had just left and was concerned that it would be awkward if he showed up so soon after leaving.

Then he remembered that the Raven Queen had given him an apartment in the Astral Plane. He hadn't visited it in years—Kravitz was something of a workaholic, and in the little free time he allowed himself, he usually just went exploring around Faerûn. But now he had this mandatory time off work, he could use it again.

The apartment was exactly the same as he left it: empty with only the bare essentials it came with. As he walked around, he thought about what he could add. I should get more furniture. A comfortable chair or two, maybe. Oh, and a bookshelf. That would give me something to do. Oh wait, is it still—

Kravitz rushed to his bedroom, which was empty except for a mattress on a bed frame and a closet door. Occasionally, if Kravitz came across something he liked in the field, he would create a rift that led to his closet, which he only remembered when a wave of trinkets came crashing out at his feet. He dug through the mess of gemstones, books, and rare objects and found what he was looking for—his cello. He thanked his Queen that he kept it in a hard case, otherwise everything he had shoved in the closet would have harmed it. He brought it out to the apartment's main room, making a mental note to sort through the mess of trinkets he left on the floor, and sat in the one chair he had. Kravitz started by tuning the cello, which took a while, considering how long it had been. Once he had finished, he applied rosin to the bow and started playing.

Kravitz had forgotten how much he loved making music. Just hearing the cello play almost had him in tears. He let himself go and took advantage of his muscle memory. He started with scales, then the songs he learned in his earlier days, occasionally going off on his own and improvising. He probably would have played forever if his Stone of Farspeech didn't interrupt him.

Kravitz gently set his cello and bow on the floor and answered. "Hello?"

"Krav, babe, I'm trying to bake but Angus is being annoying and won't stop bothering me about you. Would you entertain him?"

Kravitz smiled, knowing that Taako was teasing Angus because he was probably listening. "Of course. I'll be there in a moment." He put his instrument away and opened a rift to Taako's room.

Taako was on Kravitz as soon as he stepped through the portal. Kravitz was surprised at first, but quickly adjusted and embraced Taako.

"I take it you missed me?" Kravitz asked.

Taako scoffed. "As if. I was just letting you indulge in Taako's Radiance."

Kravitz smiled and kissed Taako. "Of course, dear."

The two of them spent a couple quiet moments just enjoying being held by the other. Then Taako said "Well, the kid's waiting for us out there. We'd better get out there before he breaks in, since he can apparently do that." Kravitz chuckled as Taako led him out of the room.

Kravitz was greeted with a "Hello, sir!" as a very energetic Angus McDonald waved from his seat at the kitchen counter. Angus had a notebook in front of him that was sitting on top of a very thick book. After greeting Kravitz, the child went back to taking notes, though it was obvious he was still paying attention to his surroundings.

Taako put his hair up as he walked into the kitchen. He dug through a drawer and put on an apron that quite honestly shocked Kravitz. The apron read "I'm the Cool Twin." Why does he have that apron if he doesn't remember Lup?

Angus beat Kravitz to the punch. "Why does your apron say that, Taako, sir?" He asked.

Taako blinked a few times before saying "I've always had this, Ango. Found it in the caravan I used for Sizzlin' It Up with Taako." He shrugged. "I think I bought it when I was blackout drunk to be ironic. There's another one in there that says I'm the Hotter Twin. I've got tons of stuff like that, actually." Kravitz made a mental note to tell this to Lup and Barry—he's sure they'd get a kick out of this. Taako started pulling ingredients out and started whatever he was going to make.

"Mister Kravitz, sir," Angus said, glancing up at him from his book, "Could I ask you some questions?"

Kravitz nodded. "Yes, why not?" He said, sitting down next to Angus. He ignored Taako's snickering.

Angus flipped through the large book, closed his eyes, and concentrated. After a short moment, Kravitz felt the full effects of a very competent Zone of Truth. "Just to make sure you don't lie, Sir," he explained. They both ignored Taako's exasperated sigh.

Kravitz shrugged. He had no intention of lying, anyway. He figured that even if he did try to lie, Angus would see right through it without the spell. "What's your first question?" He asked.

Angus thought for a moment. "Why won't Taako tell anyone about you?"

Kravitz blinked. "I don't think that's a question for me?" he said, looking at Taako, who was pretending to ignore the two of them.

"It's not because you're dangerous, is it?" Angus said, his voice lowering as much as his ten-year-old vocal cords will allow. "Or because you threatened him?"

"No, no! Not at all, I-" Kravitz started, but then he started to doubt himself. Is Taako really dating me because he's afraid I'll take him to the Stockade if he doesn't?   "At least, I hope not?"

"Taako isn't doing anything he doesn't want to," Taako said, putting down whatever he was mixing. He leaned on the counter to face Angus and Kravitz and said "except for having this conversation. Listen, Ango, you'd probably be the first one to know if Kravitz does anything to piss me off. And he doesn't. Except for when he sneaks up behind me with those frozen hands of his." Taako gave Kravitz a pointed look, which Kravitz chuckled at. "Anyway, I didn't tell anyone because it's nobody's business who I'm dating. That's it, kiddo, you don't have to worry about this doofus." Taako lifted himself up and went back to stirring.

Angus hums, pulling a second notebook from underneath the textbook and writing something down. "Alright," he mumbles. "So, my next question, what exactly do you do for the Raven Queen?" He looked up at Kravitz, looking curious.

"Officially I'm a Reaper, but I've been called an emissary or a bounty hunter, which isn't inaccurate. My job is to enforce the Raven Queen's rules, so the majority of my time is usually hunting down necromancers and cleaning up their messes."

"So, why did you go after the reclaimers? Mister Taako is a transmutation specialist, not a necromancy specialist."

"Well, that was a very strange case. I was originally sent by my Queen to stop Lucas Miller from raising his mother along with every soul in the Eternal Stockade. Then I met Taako and the others." Kravitz summoned his book of bounties to show Angus, who gazed at it in wonder. "My Queen gave me this book. It tells me what death crimes have been committed. I recognized the reclaimers' names because they had such high bounties."

"Can I read it?" Angus asked.

"You can try," Kravitz answered, opening the book. "It's enchanted so nobody but an emissary can read it." Angus flipped through the book, disappointed.

"Do you get paid?" Angus asked.

"I do. The bigger the bounty, the more I get paid. Though I'm sometimes allowed to take a souvenir, so long as it isn't necromantic in origin."

"Where do you keep the souvenirs?"

"I have a small residence in the Astral Plane."

"You're dead, right?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you need money, then? Do you have to pay rent, or something?"

Kravitz laughed. "You're a thorough one. No, I don't need to pay rent or anything to survive, but Reapers do have free time that we can spend our money on."

Angus nodded. "What do you like to do?"

Kravitz thought. It had been quite a while—not counting earlier that day—since he had allowed himself free time. "Well, lately I've been enjoying spending time with Taako."

"Gross, sir." Angus said, though it was likely sarcastic. "What else?"

"I've also spent a majority of my spare time reading."

Angus' eyes lit up. "Oh, really? What sorts of books do you like to read, sir?"

Kravitz then listed off all the books he could remember reading, with Angus voicing his opinion of the books he had read for himself. When Kravitz mentioned that he'd enjoyed the Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop book series, Angus flapped his arms in excitement. Angus asked Kravitz which book was his favorite and who his favorite characters were, and the two were in their own world.

The two stopped talking when Taako placed a tray of muffins in front of them. "Eat up my dudes, your nerd talk is making you both more adorable by the minute." Taako froze, realizing what he said, and ran out of the Zone of Truth as fast as possible to say "I meant deplorable!"

Kravitz and Angus laughed as Taako pouted from across the room. Taako then used Mage Hand to give Angus a noogie. "Alright sir," Angus said, giggling, "I'l dispel Zone of Truth now!"

"Good!" Taako exclaimed, walking forward to give Angus a real noogie before letting up. "Now eat some of these muffins, I can't have my apprentice being all skin and bone."

Angus happily bit into a muffin. "Thank you, sir!" He said. "This is very good!"

Kravitz bit into his own muffin. "Angus is correct, dear. Perfect, as always."

"Well, natch," Taako said, his face going a bit red. "Could I do anything less?"

Kravitz took his hand and smiled. "No," he said. "You'll always be perfect."

Taako, still blushing, said "Krav, there's little ears present."

Angus rolled his eyes and hopped off his chair. "I'd better get going anyway, sirs. It's past my bedtime," he said, putting his books into his backpack.

Taako scoffed. "Come on, kiddo, be your own man! There's no bedtimes on the moon."

"Sir, you're the one who insisted on a bedtime."

Taako ruffled Angus' hair and said "Oh yeah, I did. Better let you go, then. And don't stay up all night reading those Casey Colorado books, I don't want to find you passed out on the floor of your room again."

"I won't," Angus said, grinning. "And you know it's Caleb Cleveland." He picked up his backpack and walked out.

Taako let down his hair and said "Thanks for entertaining the kid, Krav." He draped an arm around Kravitz. "He was starting to get on my nerves."

Kravitz kissed Taako's cheek. "No he wasn't," he said.

Taako sighed and leaned to whisper to him. "No, but he's still at the door trying to spy on us." He turned toward the door and said "Go to bed, Agnes!"

A moment of silence passed before a quiet "goodnight sirs!" came through the door, followed by soft footsteps down the hall. Kravitz and Taako laughed. They held a conversation while Taako put away the rest of the muffins and they both walked to Taako's room to cuddle.

"So," Taako said after they both got comfortable, "what did you think of Angus?"

Kravitz ran his fingers through Taako's hair and said "He's a good kid, I can see why you decided to teach him. And he has excellent taste in books."

"You're a nerd. You're both nerds." Taako let out a soft sigh and relaxed into Kravitz. "Hey babe?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think you can stay with me for the night?"

"Of course, dear. There's no place I'd rather be. I'll still be here when you wake up."

Taako's sighed again, and Kravitz could feel him falling asleep. Though Kravitz technically didn't need to sleep, he felt himself get a little drowsy as well.

"Krav?" Taako breathed, half asleep and barely intelligible.

"Mhmm?" Kravitz hummed in response.

"Love you." 

"I love you too, my dove."

Chapter Text

Reapers didn't need to sleep. Sure they needed rest from their work to maintain their mental health, but there was never a need to fall unconscious for a few hours. Kravitz was a bit worried that he might not even be able to sleep when he went to bed with Taako, as he'd never done it before. However, he found that not only was it possible, but that he even dreamed. He didn't remember his dreams, but he knew they were pleasant.

Not needing sleep meant that Kravitz was a very light sleeper. He woke up instantly when he heard knocking at Taako's door, even though Taako didn't.

"Taako, there's someone at your door," Kravitz whispered.

"They'll go away soon," Taako mumbled, snuggling closer to Kravitz, refusing to open his eyes. Whoever was at the door gave up, their footsteps getting quieter before disappearing. Kravitz counted his blessings and went back to cuddling Taako.

Kravitz had just fallen asleep again when the knocking came back, this time more frantic. The sudden noise shocked Kravitz into sitting up, which made Taako wake up. "What's going on?" Taako asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Kravitz took a moment from the chaos to admire how beautiful Taako was, even when he just woke up and hadn't put any thought into his appearance. Especially then. Gods, I'm lucky, Kravitz thought to himself, a smile forming on his face.

"Taako, I'm coming in there!" Magnus yelled through the door.

Kravitz and Taako looked at each other frantically. "Don't come in, I'm fully nude!" Taako yelled. Kravitz looked down. Taako was wearing pajamas. Kravitz raised an eyebrow. Taako shrugged. "I panicked, okay?" He whispered.

"The Director's like, ten seconds behind me and she's pretty pissed you're late again," Magnus warned.

"Hold her off, I can't find my pants!" Taako yelled, jumping out of bed.

"What do I do?" Kravitz whispered, panicking.

"Get down," Taako whispered back, gesturing wildly, a little less quiet. Kravitz dropped to the floor on the side of Taako's bed opposite the door. This is never going to work.

"Taako, is someone in there?" A new voice asked through the door. That must be Lucretia.

"No!" Taako lied, throwing his comforter over Kravitz.

Kravitz heard the door open, then immediately heard Lucretia say "Oh,"

"Yeah, I warned you," Taako said. "Let me get some pants on."

A minute and some shifting fabric sounds later, Taako said "Alright, I'm decent. What do you want?"

The door opened. Someone entered and then mostly closed the door behind them. Kravitz didn't hear it shut, though.

"Taako," Lucretia said, "You've been late to training the past few weeks. Normally, I would let it slide, but you've made a habit of being a few minutes late every day." Kravitz heard Lucretia start to pace. "This is the third day in a row you've been late by more than just a couple minutes."

"Yeah?" Taako said, nonchalant.

Lucretia sighed. "It's gotten to the point—Taako, I'm starting to get worried that you may be influenced by darker forces." Lucretia stopped pacing. "Have you been in contact with the Red Robes?"

Taako sat down on his bed. "No, and I wouldn't even have the time to anyway, with how busy you've made me."

A moment of silence passed before Lucretia spoke. "Yet you've found time to regularly go down to the surface." Taako didn't respond. Kravitz heard Lucretia walk toward the bed. "Why didn't you use your umbrella during practice a few days ago?" She asked.

"Broke it."

Another beat of silence.

"You used it yesterday."

"Fixed it."

"Taako, I'm only going to ask you once," Lucretia warned. "Who have you been meeting on the surface?" Taako said nothing. "Taako?" Lucretia urged. Taako stayed silent. Lucretia waited about thirty more seconds before saying "Alright, then. I'm sorry for this."

Kravitz heard a thump—what must have been Lucretia's staff hitting the ground—and Taako immediately slumped over on his bed. It took all of his self control to not reveal himself to defend Taako, but there was no telling how much more trouble the both of them would be in. Kravitz waited with bated breath to hear what Lucretia would do next. To his relief, he heard her start walking towards the door. As soon as the door closed, he threw the blanket off of himself and rushed to Taako's side.

Taako was laying on his bed, fast asleep. Kravitz casted Detect Magic and found that Lucretia cast an abjuration spell, not an enchantment spell like Sleep. Kravitz took Taako in his arms and shook him in an attempt to wake him, but he didn't stir.

Kravitz heard Magnus' voice through the door. "What happened?" He asked. "What did you do? Is he okay?"

"I have reason to believe that Taako has been in the league with Red Robes," Lucretia answered. "He won't be going anywhere; I made sure of that."

"You killed him?"

Kravitz looked down at his boyfriend in a panic. Oh gods, could he really be—no, he's still breathing.

"No, gods no Magnus, he's only sleeping. I cast Imprisonment," Lucretia said. Kravitz recognized that spell. He also knew that Dispel Magic was his only chance of waking Taako without Lucretia's help, but he didn't quite have the slots to dispel it at a ninth level. He stood, still holding Taako, and summoned his scythe. Hopefully Barry or Lup have the spell slots, he thought.

"Follow me Magnus, I need your help to-"

"I'm not going." Magnus said. Kravitz looked to the door in surprise. He had the thought that Magnus didn't seem like the type to defy authority, but then he remembered Raven's Roost. He supposed it wasn't that surprising after all.

"Excuse me?" He heard Lucretia say.

"I—what if a Red Robe, or someone possessed by one tries to get him? Even if he is working with them, he's my best friend. I can't leave him when he's vulnerable like this."

"Fine," Lucretia said, though she didn't sound too happy. "But before I get back, don't let anyone through this door, including yourself." She ran down the hall and away from Magnus.

Magnus opened the door almost immediately after Lucretia left, and Kravitz suddenly realized how bad the situation must look to him. Here was the Grim Reaper, who previously tried to hunt the reclaimers, holding Taako's unconscious body with his scythe summoned right after Lucretia suggested that Taako was being influenced by dark forces. Magnus drew his sword and said "What the hell are you doing here?"

Oh my Queen, how will I get out of this one, Kravitz thought. "I don't have the time to explain, Lucretia will be back any second."

"How do you know the Director's name?" Magnus asked, raising his sword and coming closer.

"Taako told me, and he's my boyfriend," Kravitz said. "You probably don't believe me, and I don't blame you. I just don't have time to explain before Lucretia gets back and we'll all be in trouble. I have to get Taako to someone who can wake him up. Just—go ask Angus when you get the chance, he can vouch for me."

Magnus looked at Kravitz, then at Taako, and bit his lip. Then he lowered his sword. "Alright, I'm trusting you. But if you hurt him, I swear I won't stop until I hunt you down."

"Noted," Kravitz said, tearing a rift to a cave near Lup and Barry. "Now, get outside before Lucretia comes back." Magnus nodded and closed the door behind him. Kravitz stepped through the rift with Taako in his arms, picking up Taako's umbrastaff at the last second.

"Barry! Lup!" Kravitz called out once the rift had closed. He crossed into the invisible wall where the two liches were working.

"Hey Bones," Lup called out, not looking up from her work.

Barry looked up. "Oh my gods, what happened?" He asked. Lup turned and screamed at her brother's unconscious body.

"He's fine—just sleeping," Kravitz explained. "Lucretia cast Imprisonment on him. Can either of you cast Dispel Magic with a ninth level spell slot?"

"Uh, ch'yeah," Lup said, already preparing the spell.

"Wait," Barry interrupted, causing Lup to lose her focus. "What are we going to do when he wakes up? He doesn't trust us. He thinks we're evil."

"I didn't think about that," Lup admitted. "You have a room here, right babe?" she asked. "Like, a normal person room and not a lair-y room."

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Barry floated over to a wall and revealed a door. "There's a bed you can put him on in here. I'll just stay out here so he doesn't, uh, freak out too bad."

Kravitz nodded and opened the door, gently placing Taako on the bed. Lup followed behind him and said something that Kravitz didn't quite catch.

"What was that?" Kravitz asked.

"Do you think he'll hate me?" Lup asked softly.

Kravitz looked up at her and considered her question for a moment. "No," he said. "Even if he doesn't remember you, your bond is still there." Kravitz turned back to his boyfriend, moving a lock of Taako's hair out of his face. "You helped him every way you could when you were in the umbrella, and he knows that." Kravitz turned back to Lup. "When he asked me to inspect the umbrastaff, he told me to be careful because he was attached to it—to you. He won't hate you. And even if he doesn't warm up to you right away, I swear I'll do everything in my power to change that."

Lup nodded and took a moment to absorb his words, then rushed towards Kravitz and hugged him. "Thank you," Lup said. Before Kravitz could react, she let go of him and said, "Once I cast this spell, I'll go in the other room with Barry. If he reacts badly, let us know and we'll get out of there." Kravitz nodded, and Lup cast the spell. True to her word, she disappeared.

Taako bolted upright, and if Kravitz had been leaning two inches forward, he would have been knocked back. "No, don't!" Taako yelled, then paused once he realized he wasn't still in his room. He turned to look around at his surroundings, then finally to Kravitz. "Krav? Babe, what's going on? Where am I? Where's the Director?"

"You're safe, my dove," Kravitz said, taking Taako's hand. "The Director's on the moon still. I think she was going to lock you up."

"Where are we?" Taako asked.

"Near Wave Echo Cave," Kravitz said. "I brought you here to meet a couple friends that were able to wake you."

"Friends?"

Kravitz bit his lip. "Do you remember when I told you about the Red Robe from your umbrella?" Kravitz asked, watching carefully for Taako's reaction.

"Yeah," Taako said. "She saved you, didn't she?"

"And you, from inside the umbrella."

Taako nodded. "She's cool in my book, then."

Kravitz sighed with relief. "She and her—" Husband? Fiancé? Boyfriend? "—partner are helping us. He's the Red Robe that's been following you."

"So I guess this means that the Red Robes aren't evil?" Taako asked. Kravitz shook his head. Taako dramatically flopped back on his bed. "Why can't these things ever be straightforward," he complained. "Well, I guess I'm going off the grid now. Not the first time. So, where are these friends of yours?"

"They're just in the other room. They were worried you might freak out if you saw them right after waking up." Kravitz moved his hand to cup Taako's face. "Speaking of, how are you taking all this?" He asked, using a softer voice.

Taako sat up and leaned on Kravitz' shoulder. "At this point, I don't trust anyone. I can't, Krav. It's a lesson I learned on the road a long time ago, and I was stupid enough to forget it when I was with the Bureau. I let my guard down, and now the Director turned around and stabbed me in the back." Taako lifted his head and stared at Kravitz. "Krav, there's only two people in this world that I can trust with everything and they are you and Angus." Taako's eyes widened as he realized—"Oh gods, Angus. What happened to Angus?"

"As far as I know, he's fine," Kravitz said, and Taako sighed with relief. "He wasn't there when I took you, and he's smart enough to stay out of trouble. I'm sure if something's going on, he'll figure it out." Kravitz' words seemed to soothe Taako.

"Well, when am I meeting these friends of yours?" Taako asked, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and standing.

"Whenever you're ready, my dove," Kravitz told him.

Taako nodded and started patting around his body until he pulled a Stone of Farspeech out of one of his many pockets. "Oh sweet, I still have this thing." Kravitz stood and handed the umbrastaff to Taako, who was pleasantly surprised. "I'm ready," he said.

Kravitz nodded and took Taako's hand in his. He squeezed it reassuringly, then opened the door.

Chapter Text

Kravitz rarely knew how Taako was going to act in any given circumstance. It was annoying when he first met Taako (because he was trying to kill him), but since they've been dating, Kravitz found it enchanting. There was never a dull moment when they were together. Kravitz had no idea what Taako was going to do in the presence of two powerful liches who he'd been told were the most evil and power-hungry beings in all of existence.

"So which one of you have been stalking me and my buddies?" Taako asked, never failing to surprise Kravitz. He wasn't expecting Taako to be so casual. Lup and Barry were floating, frozen in place. They clearly hadn't expected this reaction either.

After a moment of still silence, Lup slowly raised her arm and pointed to Barry. It took a few seconds for him to notice. He looked at her arm, then to Taako, then back to Lup. "Way to sell me out, babe!" He said.

"So, uh, quick question—" Taako started, but he was interrupted by Lup.

"Nuh-uh Taako, that's not how you play twenty questions. We get a turn now," Lup said, placing an arm on Barry's shoulder.

Taako shrugged. "Alright, sounds fair."

Lup hit Barry's chest. "Ask the dude a question, babe."

Barry sputtered for a moment before saying "Do you want a chair?" Lup turned her head to him, disappointed. "What? I couldn't think of anything."

"Yeah, I could use a seat," Taako said. "Some food too, probably, since I didn't get breakfast."

"I'll cook something up for you," Lup said, making her way to another room.

Barry motioned Taako and Kravitz over to a table. Taako and Kravitz sat down on one side, and Barry, being a lich who wasn't able to sit,  hovered over to the other side of the table. The three of them waited in silence for Lup to return. Barry wasn't sure how to position himself, moving from standing, to attempting to make it look like he was sitting, to leaning on the table, and back to pretending to sit. Taako was occupying himself by taking inventory. He pulled various items out of his pockets, examining what he brought with him. When he found a saltshaker he put it on the table.

"Now serving customer 69," Lup said, finally bursting through the door. She carried a plate of breakfast hash and placed it in front of Taako. "Eat up, dude."

Taako put his salt on the food, watched it for a moment, then picked up a fork and took a bite. His eyes widened, then he shoveled more into his mouth.

Kravitz spoke up. "Perhaps we should establish some ground rules?" He said.

"This isn't truth or dare, Ghost Rider," Lup said.

Kravitz sighed. "No, but there are certain things that Taako can't hear. Like your name, or the Starblaster." Taako looked up from his food as a reaction to hearing the static, then went back to eating. "He tried to remember The Hanging Arcaneum and he ended up with a migraine."

Taako nodded. "Yeah, that sucked."

"Did it hurt when we said it just now?" Lup asked, worried.

Taako shrugged. "Nah, not really. It's just kind of an annoying feeling."

Barry said "So, uh, I guess this means we shouldn't try to get him to remember anything?"

"It's probably for the best," Lup said. "He wouldn't be able to anyway, the Voidfish does a pretty good job of erasing stuff."

"You know about the Voidfish?" Taako asked.

Lup nodded. "I've known it since it was a baby. I didn't take care of it personally, but it was like, our team mascot. It was always around."

Taako finished his last few bites of food. "So, who are you guys, anyway?" He asked.

"I'm Barry," Barry said. "Barry Bluejeans."

Taako burst out in laughter. "You—you're serious?" He said, gasping between laughs. "The guy who got kidnapped by gerblins? Bluejeans? You're a necromancer?"

"To be fair—" Barry started, before being interrupted by more laughter. "To be fair, I had no idea I was a lich while I had a body."

Taako took a few deep breaths and calmed himself. "No wonder you were so horny for Merle's blood. That actually makes a lot of sense now."

"It—I wasn't horny, it was for the map!" Barry protested, throwing everyone else into a bout of laughter.

"Yeah," Lup said, "the only fetish this guy has is for denim."

"Lup!" Barry whined.

"Oh, I like you, Umbrella Lady," Taako said. "You were the lich from my umbrella, right?"

"Technically it was mine first," Lup said, "but yep, that was me."

"And you tried to kill my boyfriend?" Taako said, with no malice in his voice. Kravitz tried to ignore the rush of warmth he felt when Taako called him his boyfriend. Now's not the time.

Lup shrugged. "He said he sensed a lich, and he usually kills those, so I panicked."

Taako nodded. "Yeah, yeah that's understandable," he said, "so why did you kill my kid's cookies?"

Lup put her hands up in defense. "That was collateral damage, I was trying to send a message. I swear I didn't mean to."

"Your kid?" Kravitz said, smirking. Taako's face and ears turned a bit red. It wasn't often that Kravitz had the chance to tease Taako, so he took the opportunities when he could. 

"I didn't say that," Taako insisted. Kravitz knew better than to argue. "Anyway, he still thinks I destroyed those cookies. And yeah they were bland, but they weren't that bad. The kid actually showed some promise. It took forever to convince him I didn't hate him." Kravitz gave Taako a knowing glance and Taako said "Even though I totally do. Anyway, what do I call you, Umbrella Chick, since I apparently can't comprehend your name?"

"Not Umbrella Chick," Lup said. "Way too long."

"How about Lulu?" Barry suggested. "It's not that far off from your name. Could you hear that, Taako?"

Taako gave a double thumbs up and Lup sighed. "Yeah, that's fine," she said. "So, now that we have that cleared up, what's up with Lucretia? Bone Boy didn't really explain anything."

"Wait a sec-" Taako said, holding up a finger. "How do you know the Director's name?"

Barry answered this time. "She's our friend. We all used to work together before, well, everything happened." 

"That's vague, but okay." Taako said, nodding. "Well, first she got pissed I was late to training again. Which, whatever, it's her fault I'm so tired after training, I should be able to sleep in. Then she thought I was sneaking down to the surface—we're on the moon, by the way—to do, I don't know. Evil things. Meeting up with you guys, maybe. Which I wasn't, you know. I just didn't think it was her business I was going down to go on dates with the Grim Reaper. Then she asked what happened to the umbrella—" Taako held the umbrastaff up—"and I guess she found it suspicious that I was able to fix it. Then I got my snooze on. Or, she made me get my snooze on. I don't know what happened until I woke up in that room over there."

Kravitz cleared his throat. "I was there, I can help with that," he offered.

"You were there when Taako woke up?" Lup interrupted, smirking. Kravitz felt his face flush in embarrassment. "Hold up. Kravitz." Lup grinned and Kravitz was immediately filled with dread. "Did you take my dear brother to bone town last night?"

Kravitz buried his face in his hands. I'm in Hell. I'm dead and in Hell. "We didn't, Lup, I swear to my Queen we were just sleeping together," Kravitz insisted.

"Sleeping together, or sleeping together?" Barry asked with a matching grin.

"Not you too, Barry," Kravitz groaned. Kravitz looked to Taako, who was red in the face trying to stifle his laughter.

"So did you two—" Lup started, but Kravitz quickly interrupted.

"We didn't do anything, really, can we please get back to the topic at hand?" Kravitz begged.

Taako exploded with laughter. Lup and Barry joined in. Kravitz rolled his eyes. He couldn't really be annoyed when the three of them were laughing like the family they used to be. "Alright, that's enough," Taako said, wiping away some tears. "Trust me, I love it when Krav gets flustered, but there's some important business we should probably get to."

Lup leaned forward with her elbow on the table. "Wow Taako, never thought you'd be the one to get serious."

Taako leaned back, shrugging. "Not really, I'm just curious. Krav was about to talk about what I didn't already know." 

"Alright then, Bones," Lup said, "Lay it on us."

"Thank you," Kravitz said, biting back a finally. "Lucretia left after Taako went down. Magnus was outside the door, and Lucretia wanted him to go with her, but he said he would stay to guard the room Taako was in. Of course, instead, he rushed in as soon as Lucretia was gone, which was just when I was picking up Taako. Understandably, he was concerned. Somehow I convinced him to let me take Taako here and told him that Angus could vouch for me."

Just then, Taako's Stone of Farspeech rang. Taako picked it up to look at it. "It's Magnus," he said. Then he tossed it to Kravitz, who fumbled with it before catching it. "Here ya go, Krav."

"What?" Kravitz said, staring at Taako in confusion. "Why don't you answer this?"

"I don't know what to say," Taako explained.

"Fair, but neither do I," Kravitz said, the stone still going off in his hands.

"If you talk to Magnus, these guys can catch me up with whatever they need to," Taako said.

Kravitz knew he to act fast or the stone would stop ringing. "Alright, I'll do it," he said. "Excuse me, then." He stood up and walked a few feet away to answer the stone.

Chapter Text

"Is this Magnus?" Kravitz asked, a reasonable assumption as the call was coming from Magnus' stone. However, Magnus was not who answered the Stone of Farspeech.

"Mister Kravitz?" Angus' voice answered instead. "Why are you answering Mister Taako's stone?"

"Oh, hello Angus," Kravitz said, surprised but not alarmed, "Taako gave it to me because didn't know what to say." A Mage Hand appeared in front of Kravitz and flipped him off, which gave him a chuckle. "Angus, why are you calling Taako from Magnus' stone?"

"Mister Magnus gave it to me," Angus answered. "He also didn't know what to say. He's right next to me, sir. I'll put it on speakerstone."

After a few shuffling sounds, Magnus' voice came through loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. "Taako? Are you there? Say something if you're still alive!"

Kravitz turned around and was surprised to find that Taako, Barry, and Lup already in the middle of a card game. He turned it to speakerstone and held the stone out to them. Taako turned away from Lup and Barry, rolled his eyes, and said "Oh no, I'm dead. The handsome reaper man totally tricked you, ya goofus." Kravitz gave him a look and Taako said "Nah, I'm just goofing. I'm totally fine, Mags. Krav here got some of his buddies to wake me up. You should talk to him about it, I'm kind of busy." Kravitz raised an eyebrow and gestured to the card game. Taako made a shooing motion towards Kravitz and picked up his cards again.

"But, you're there," Magnus protested, sounding a bit confused. "Taako, you have to understand—I just saw the literal Grim Reaper take your unconscious body away through a crazy portal. I have no idea what's going on—want to talk to you."

"He has a point, dove," Kravitz said.

"Trust me Koko," Lup said softly, "you should really talk to him. You might regret it if you don't."

Kravitz could see something shift inside Taako. His eyes softened, and before long he nodded. "Yeah," he said, "Yeah, okay. Let's talk." Kravitz sat back down in his chair and placed the stone in front of them. Taako leaned his head on Kravitz' shoulder, and Kravitz smiled. He took Taako's hand in his.

"Thank you," Magnus said. "Gods, Taako, I'm so glad you're safe. I—I don't know where to start."

"I do," Angus said. "Who's there with you? I heard another voice over the stone."

Taako sighed. "Listen, Angus? Magnus? This is gonna get weird. You two should know something before I tell you. This is, technically, the exact opposite of I'm supposed to be doing. Even talking to me is against the rules right now. If you don't hang up, you are—you're kind of a bad guy, too."

Kravitz could hear the smile in Angus' voice as he said "The ones looking for the truth, well, they're never the bad guys. I know that from my Caleb Cleveland novels."

"Precious," Taako mumbled, though Kravitz knew he would never admit to it. "How about you, Maggie? You up for this?"

No sound came over the stone for a moment. Then Magnus responded, "Yes."

"Alright, then. No going back." Taako took a deep breath. "Well, for starters, the friends that Kravitz brought me to are Red Robes."

The sound of pencil on paper was all that was heard through the stone.

"Are the Red Robes there right now?" Magnus asked.

"Yep, two of 'em," Taako replied.

"Can I ask them something?"

Taako looked up at Lup and Barry, who both gave him a thumbs up. "Go ahead, my dude. They're listening."

"Am—could I—ugh, stupid static." Magnus said, frustrated. He took a deep breath. "Am I connected to the Red Robes somehow?"

Lup and Barry jumped out of their sitting positions immediately. Kravitz would have too, but Taako was still leaning on him. The surprise didn't pass over him, however. "You are," Lup said, "Maggie, how did you know?"

"In Refuge, there was a statue of a Red Robe," Magnus explained. "I was given a sketch of an earlier version, and he—the Red Robe—he had my face." Magnus grunted. "I can't think about it. I know it means something, but I literally can't think of what it means, and it hurts to try. All I know is that the Director—she isn't telling us everything."

"We're working on it Magnus," Barry promised, pain present in his voice. "You're so close, but don't hurt yourself trying to think about it."

"Can I trust her?" Magnus asked.

Lup and Barry looked at each other, then back at the stone. Lup said "She—Lucretia doesn't want to hurt you, Magnus. She would never do anything to hurt you. She's not telling the whole truth, of course, but I know for a fact that nothing she's doing is of malicious intent."

"Thank you," Magnus said, sighing with relief. "I finally have some answers."

"The Director's coming," Angus said. "She messaged me on my stone. She said she had to talk to me about something concerning Taako."

"Ugh," Taako said, lifting his head off of Kravitz. "We were just getting somewhere, too. Ango, you need to start crying. Like, hard. Go all out, kid."

"Okay, sir!" Angus said, already starting to sniffle.

"Magnus, you're gonna tell the Director you're letting Angus know that I defected or got in trouble and disappeared or whatever so she doesn't get all suspicious that you're conspiring or something."

"That's genius," Lup said excitedly, "Lucretia has no idea what to do with kids, especially crying ones!"

"Thanks Lulu," Taako said. "Anyway, one of you, call back when you get the chance. I have no idea what's going on, but Ango here has a chance if he gets more info."

Angus made a sniffling sound. "Thank you sir," he said in a shaky voice.

"Great job, kiddo. Gonna make a fine—" Magnus or Angus hung up the stone, "—actor one day."

The four of them stared at the stone in silence, not knowing what to say. Kravitz turned it off and handed it to Taako, who just held it and looked at it. After a few moments, Barry got up and took Taako's empty plate into the kitchen. Taako was still staring straight at the stone but his eyes weren't focused on anything at all. He was sitting completely still, barely breathing.

Lup made her way to the other side of the table and put her hand on Taako's shoulder. Well, she hovered her spectral hand over his shoulder, since she couldn't technically touch him. "You alright, Koko?" Lup asked.

Taako opened his mouth, and no sound came out. He shook his head and tried again, this time successfully. "Why does it hurt to think about you?" He asked, not looking up.

Lup stepped away from him, panicking. Her worst fear was happening. Kravitz knew that she would never want to hurt Taako, but her very existance was doing that. "I'm so sorry, Taako," she said, backing away, "I'll go, I—"

"No!" Taako shouted, his head snapping toward Lup so fast that his braid almost hit Kravitz' face. "Don't leave me again!"

As soon as the words left Taako's mouth, he collapsed on the ground, letting the Stone of Farspeech drop to clutch his head. "Taako!" Lup and Kravitz screamed, rushing to his side.

Chapter Text

Taako is in pain.

That was the only thought running through Kravitz' head as he cradled Taako in his arms. Taako was shaking and struggling to breathe, and Kravitz couldn't begin to imagine what Taako was experiencing. He knew Taako had a migraine after trying to remember The Hanging Arcaneum, but this—this was so much different. The Hanging Arcaneum was a place. That was a fact that Taako was trying to recall.

Lup wasn't just a fact. She was Taako's heart, his everything. She was his sister, she was always with him. They had an unbreakable bond that had almost been completely erased. When Lup said she would leave Taako, something inside him must have remembered—at the very least, a familiar feeling of loss—something tugging at his bonds. Something that was just strong enough that he could pull a few words from the static.

The thought of being a red robe gave Magnus a headache whenever he tried to understand the picture he was given. Taako got a migraine just from trying to remember where he learned advanced artifacing.

Remembering that Lup left him—Kravitz had no idea how much pain Taako was in.

Kravitz hastily cast Sleep on Taako, and breathed a sigh of relief when he went limp in his arms. At least he isn't hurting, he thought. He looked up.

Lup was trembling. Red lightning was blasting out of her form. The sight of her coming undone was terrifying—not just because of the explosive raw energy of an unstable lich, but also because she was a friend. She was almost family. Barry had come back into the room at some point, and now he was holding her and whispering to her. Kravitz didn't know what to do. He felt powerless. He just watched helplessly as Barry attempted to bring Lup back to herself.

Kravitz stood up, Taako asleep in his arms, and brought him to the room with the bed. Kravitz laid Taako down and kissed his forehead. Absolutely clueless of what to do, he opened door and peered outside. Lup and Barry were still fighting for Lup's stability.

Kravitz heard a yelp from behind him. Taako must have woken up. Kravitz cursed the short duration of Sleep and turned to find Taako curled up on the bed.

"Krav," Taako cried desperately, "It hurts."

"I know, my dove," Kravitz said, holding Taako, who clung to him, ironically, for dear life.

"It hurts so much," Taako sobbed, his fingernails digging into Kravitz' back.

"I know," Kravitz choked out, unable to hold back his own tears any longer. Once again, he was completely powerless. "I swear, Taako, I would do anything to take the static away from you."

In the midst of his desperation, Kravitz was struck with a realization. There was a way to take away his boyfriend's pain. The second voidfish. That's what's causing the static. If I could get its ichor for Taako to drink...

Kravitz pulled away from Taako, only slightly so that their foreheads were touching. "Taako," he said, "Where on the moon is the Director's office?"

Taako managed to answer him. Kravitz kissed him and leaned him back on the bed. "I'll be right back, my love," he said. "I promise."

Kravitz summoned his scythe and opened a rift to the moon base. Kravitz scanned the moon for the dome that contained the Director's office and cut another rift to put him inside of it. Luckily, he guessed the layout correctly and landed inside her office, if the large portrait of herself above the desk told him anything.

Unluckily, he was not the only person in the room.

"Davenport!" a gnome exclaimed, jumping up from a chair in surprise.

Oh, my Queen, Kravitz thought. He barely recognized Davenport from what Lup and Barry told him. Taako didn't mention his former captain very often, but now that the gnome was in front of him, those few details came rushing back. Davenport was something like Lucretia's servant or aide, and the only word he could say was his own name.

"So much was taken from you," Kravitz realized. "You spent your life preparing for the mission. Your name is all you kept."

"Davenport?" the gnome said, confused but still frowning.

Kravitz made a decision. "I can help you get your memory back," he said. Gods, how much does he hurt right now, if everything about himself was erased? Is he always in pain? "Captain Davenport, does Lucretia have a hidden room somewhere?"

Davenport nodded slowly, squinting suspiciously at Kravitz. Which was understandable. A stranger appearing out of nowhere calling you by name and speaking static? That wasn't something anyone would expect.

"I promise, I'm not here to hurt you, or Lucretia, or anyone else," Kravitz told him. Davenport didn't move.

"I'm desperate," Kravitz pleaded, losing his composure and falling to his knees. "The love of my life—of my death—he's in so much pain right now. It's killing him. His sister—her husband—if I can't give him the voidfish's ichor, they'll be gone forever."

Davenport blinked, cocked his head to the side, and walked to the wall to the side of Lucretia's portrait. He dispelled an illusion and revealed a large door. "Thank you, Davenport," Kravitz said, standing up. "Truly, I couldn't be more grateful." Davenport jumped back, startled, as Kravitz summoned his scythe and cut a hole past the door. "Oh, sorry," Kravitz said, wincing. "I should've warned you about that."

The next room, Kravitz was prepared for. It was an illusion that was meant to impede whoever came in. He'd seen it done before, but it was rare that he had the opportunity to dispel large illusions such as this one in his line of work. Kravitz appreciated the variety. He found a door at the opposite end of the room and cut another rift into that room, finally finding what he was looking for.

Alarms went off as soon as he stepped foot in the room. Kravitz knew he wouldn't have much time. He went over to the voidfish's tank and summoned a bottle, filled it with ichor, and turned around. Instead of warping out immediately, he remembered Davenport.

Kravitz opened the door to the second voidfish from the inside and found that Davenport had already gone past the first door and dispelled the room's illusion for himself. Kravitz went over and handed him the bottle, saying "Take a drink of this. You'll remember everything." Davenport glanced at the bottle, then took a swig and handed it back. Kravitz didn't have the time to witness the aftermath of his decision. He cut one final rift to Lup and Barry's cave.

Lup was stable again, much to Kravitz' relief, with Barry at her side. When Lup saw Kravitz, she was furious. She flew right up to him and screamed, "You weren't in there? What the Hell! My brother is in pain, and you leave him alone?"

"I found the second voidfish," Kravitz said, showing her the bottle of ichor, and Lup stilled for a moment. Kravitz rushed to the room Taako was in and found him clutching his head.

"K-Krav," Taako breathed, reaching out to him.

"I'm here," Kravitz said, holding Taako's face. "I—I'm so sorry I left, but I'm here now, and I brought you this." He sat Taako up and lifted the bottle to his lips. "Drink it, it'll help," he said.

Taako drank. He made a face. "Gross," he said.

And then he reeled back, worse than before.

Kravitz' stomach dropped. He felt as though gravity had tripled and the temperature had dipped below freezing. He wondered if he remembered wrong, wondered if Lucretia had poisoned the ichor, or if it was already poison and Taako was joking about drinking it. Lup and Barry were in the room now, hovering over Taako.

"I'm sorry," Kravitz said, breathless. He could feel himself shaking. He fell to his knees. "I'm so sorry, I thought-"

Lup was whispering frantically to Taako. Barry knelt down to put an arm around Kravitz and said "Hey, listen buddy, it's okay—"

"It's not," Kravitz bawled. Tears flowed unrestrained down his face and he gripped his stomach. "It's not and I know it. I promised to help, and I—I just took him from you." Kravitz felt Barry put his arms around him again. "I'm so, so sorry," Kravitz whispered, collapsing in on himself.

"Taako's not dying," Barry said, finally. Kravitz looked up at him in confusion. "He's remembering. He'll be fine, it's just—one hundred years and half of your heart is a lot to forget, and it's not fun remembering all at once. See, Lup's helping him."

Kravitz glanced at the twins. Lup was clinging to her brother as much as she could in her lich form. Taako was shaking, but no longer crying out. Lup was still talking to him. From the few words that could reach Kravitz, he knew she was relaying their memories. Making it easier for him. With Barry's help, Kravitz stood up on his shaky legs.

"You did it," Barry said, clapping his hand on Kravitz' back. He smiled. "Taako's going to be just fine. All we have to do now is wait."

Chapter Text

Kravitz and Barry had long since left Lup and Taako to give them privacy. The two of them had been standing in silence. Barry was staring at the door while Kravitz was looking anywhere else.

"How long do you think it'll be?" Kravitz asked in an attempt to make conversation.

"What was that?" Barry asked, snapping back to reality and looking at Kravitz.

Kravitz sighed, glancing at the closed door. "Taako remembering, I was wondering how long it'll be until he'll be alright."

"Well, I don't know if he'll ever be alright," Barry said, and after seeing Kravitz' face he added, "No no, not like—um. I mean, he's going to remember, and he'll stop hurting, but...he's just been through so much. We all have, and I don't know if any of us will be 'alright' again."

Kravitz nodded. Barry nodded back, and they stood beside each other, staring at the door in silence again. Kravitz was beginning to feel restless.

"I gave Davenport a drink of the ichor," Kravitz said.

"Oh," Barry said. "How did he take it?"

Kravitz blinked. "He...drank it?"

"No, I mean, the remembering."

"I don't know, I didn't stay to see."

"Oh."

More silence. Kravitz' mind started to wander.

He wished there was anything he could do to help, and he knew Barry felt the same. But Kravitz hadn't known Taako for all that long. Even Barry, after one hundred years, probably wouldn't be able to help him all that much. If Lup hadn't been available, Kravitz had no idea what they would have done.

Kravitz didn't know everything that happened to Taako in the century he forgot. Barry and Lup gave him an abridged version. They only had the time to tell him about a few cycles in detail. But this was the first time he actually got to think about what they didn't tell him. Specifically, what they left out intentionally.

Barry and Lup hadn't said much about their own relationship, other than it officially started at the Legato Observatory and had grown strong enough in the years following to stabilize themselves as liches. And Kravitz knew that they didn't have to. After all, it was a very personal story to tell a complete stranger. But now Kravitz wondered if they had left other relationships out. More specifically, those that pertained to Taako.

He wondered if Taako had been in a relationship during the century.

His curiosity quickly turned to anxiety as he wondered how Taako would react when he remembered the hypothetical relationship. He loved Taako, loved him more than anything or anyone he had ever cared about before, but if there was someone Taako had history with, someone who shared his past—

I can't control Taako's feelings, Kravitz told himself. I can't force Taako to stay with me. That would make him miserable, and I could never live with myself if I did that. If he fell in love before me, then— 

"It should only be a few hours at most," Barry said, snapping Kravitz out of his thoughts.

"What?" Kravitz asked.

 "To answer your question from earlier, about how long until they're done."

"Oh."

Even more silence followed.

"I hate this," Barry said before Kravitz could start thinking again.

"Not knowing how they're doing?" Kravitz suggested.

"No." Barry paused. "Well, yes, but specifically I meant small talk." After a moment to reflect on his words, Barry said "Not that I hate talking to you, of course. I was just never very good at it. It's a two-way street, you know."

Kravitz barely had time to open his mouth before Barry continued. "Not that you aren't good at it, I'm sure you're fine. I was talking about me, I just get so anxious and—"

"Barry," Kravitz said. He was ignored.

"—I can't come up with anything to say, you know? Like, if there was a class or degree for small talk I could probably learn eventually—"

"Barry," Kravitz interrupted, more stern.

"But there isn't one? We're just supposed to know it without instruction? So—"

"Barry!" Kravitz shouted, finally snapping him out of his downward spiral. Kravitz held his hands up and lowered them. "It's fine. It's not your fault, I don't know what to say either."

More silence. Kravitz was trying to avoid his own spiraling thoughts.

"Do you play cards?" Barry asked, finally giving both of them something to do what wasn't making small talk.

...

Kravitz wasn't sure if they were playing the game right at this point. Actually, he wasn't quite sure what game they were playing anymore. All he was focused on was the lich in front of him. Barry was cheating, Kravitz was sure of it. He just needed proof before he could call him out on it.

Stranger yet, not all of Barry's cheating was to get the upper hand. Of course, there was a lot of that, but sometimes he 'slipped up' to encourage Kravitz to let his guard down. Kravitz knew better. Taako had explained a similar grift to him on one of their dates. An hour later they were kicked out and ended up dragging a couple dozen shoes to Taako's bedroom. Taako surely would have told Barry this strategy.

Kravitz had also dealt extensively with necromancers trying to cheat death by challenging him to a game of cards. He knew all the tricks they liked to pull (such as, oh, using a cheating card deck, which he ignored exactly once because he was already having a long night and didn't want to do the paperwork for three people with over eighty deaths between them). At least, he thought he knew all of the tricks. Barry was turning out to be a very interesting opponent.

Needless to say, Kravitz was also cheating. It was only fair, he reasoned as he cast an illusion to change the face of a card. I'm just leveling out the playing field. Kravitz tapped his cards with his index finger—a fake tell he had developed for this game.

Barry and Kravitz had been so focused on trying to cheat each other so much that they almost didn't notice when the door opened. Lup entered, then closed the door behind her, alone.

"How's Taako doing?" Kravitz asked, standing. "Why isn't he with you?"

Lup didn't say anything. She made eye contact with Barry, who after a moment, held his head in his hands, saying "Oh my gods, really?" in a tone of voice that didn't suggest worry. Rather, it sounded like...annoyance. That didn't help Kravitz' anxiety, though.

"What? What's wrong, did something happen?" Kravitz asked frantically. "If there's anything I can do—"

"It's nothing, Kravitz," Barry said, his hand still on his forehead. He looked up at Lup. "Do I really have to say it?"

Lup nodded, smiling. "Yep," she said. She poked Barry once. "Come on, babe, say the thing."

Barry sighed. "Alright, Taako! You can come out!"

A second passed. Then Taako kicked the door open and said, "I'm gay!"

"Oh my gods," Kravitz said, laughing from relief alone. He was overjoyed at seeing Taako standing, smiling, and not in pain. He was back to his usual self.

Taako and Kravitz locked eyes and everything that had worried Kravitz earlier came rushing back to him. He stiffened and prepared himself for the worst. For Taako to break up with him. Thank him for a good time, and then ask him to leave.

Then Taako ran into Kravitz, almost causing him to lose his balance when they collided. Before Kravitz could react, Taako's lips were on his and Kravitz melted into Taako.

Lup pretended to throw up in the background. Taako pulled away from Kravitz to point at her and say "Hey! You have no right to do that! I had to deal with you and Barold pining after each other for a hundred years!"

Kravitz smiled and lifted one of his hands to wipe his own tears.

"What's wrong, Skeletor?" Taako asked, smirking.

"Nothing," Kravitz said, overjoyed. "I was just so worried that you weren't—that after you remembered everything, you would want to—to break up, and I hoped you wouldn't, but—" He held Taako's face with his free hand and said, "I love you, Taako, and I'm just so glad that you're okay."

Taako stared at Kravitz, eyes wide and turning glossy. "You sap," Taako said, "You gave me Lup back, how could I leave you?" Taako held Kravitz tighter and kissed him. "Thank you," he said between kisses. "Thank you, I love you, thank you, thank you—"

Chapter Text

After everything had calmed down, everyone sat around the table. Occasionally they made small talk (and were much more successful with the twins there). They were all waiting for a call from Magnus or Angus before they could really do anything. Right now, Lup was shuffling cards in increasingly showy and complex ways, adding a deck of cards when she got bored.

Evidently, Taako had enough of the calm.

"I saw the Hunger," Taako mentioned.

Lup jolted and initiated an impromptu game of 156 card pick-up. "You what?" She said, not even noticing the cards flying around her.

"How sure are you?" Barry asked, several cards going through his form. "When was this?"

"It was during the Midsummer Harvest Festival," Taako explained. "Everyone passed out, except for Magnus, Merle, and me, but we saw the Hunger's eyes. I didn't know what it was, and nobody would tell us anything, so I thought it was a hazing thing at first. But now I've got a pretty good idea that it was the Hunger Scouts."

Lup and Barry were silent. Kravitz spoke up and said "So, if I'm understanding correctly, that means that the Hunger will be here by Midsummer?"

Barry nodded solemnly, counting on his skeletal fingers. "We have less than a month, then," he concluded.

Lup slammed her fist on the table and the remaining cards went flying. "What was Lucretia thinking, combining the Light from the relics before she had all of them?" Lup tapped her fingers on the table. "She needlessly imposed a deadline. What if it took her another year to find the next relic? Did she even think of that?" Each of Lup's fingers were rapping on the table with great force. "If she had only just waited, like we all agreed to do, then the Hunger would have starved, instead of coming back full force with nobody knowing what was happening! And then the planes wouldn't be cut off from each other!"

Taako reached for Kravitz' hand. Kravitz suddenly had the realization that being cut off from this plane meant that he wouldn't see Taako again once Lucretia casted her spell. He squeezed Taako's hand.

"I mean, there is another option," Barry said, and Taako's ear flicked at that. "I don't like it, but...we could always try again next cycle."

"I can't do that," Taako said instantly, squeezing Kravitz' hand tighter. "We're not leaving this world to the Hunger." Tears started falling from Taako's eyes and Kravitz wrapped his arms around him. "Dammit!" Taako shouted, openly sobbing now, "I told myself that I wouldn't get attached to these worlds, but I can't just—Angus—" Taako cut himself off and leaned into Kravitz. "I can't let him fend for himself."

"Merle's got kids here, too," Barry said. "I saw him with them, not too long ago. He just started getting back in their lives. He'd have to leave them."

"And Julia," Kravitz said. "Magnus' wife. She's waiting for him in the Astral Plane. They would have been reunited after he dies, but now he'll never see her again."

"This sucks," Lup groaned. "This sucks!" She shouted. "We've only got two options, and they're both terrible!"

Taako's ear flicked again. He lifted his head off of Kravitz' chest and said, "Wait. Lulu, say that last thing again."

"They're both terrible?"

Taako shook his head. "No, before that."

"This sucks?"

"No, that there's only two options," Taako said, squinting as he recalled the story. "In Refuge, there was this witch, Paloma I think. She made the most amazing scones and I can't believe I didn't get her recipe." Taako blinked. "Oh yeah, and she also gave prophecies. There was this one, it went—In the future, you will be offered a terrible choice between two options that will determine the fate of reality itself. In this moment of crisis, remember: there is always a third option—so, obviously, there's got to be another solution, right?"

Taako stood up and started pacing. "We could close ourselves off, and we could run. There's a third option though." Taako stopped dead in his tracks. "Lucretia's spell, could it keep the Hunger bound? Could it cut the Hunger off?"

Nobody moved for a full thirty seconds.

Then Barry said, "Huh."

And Lup said, "Huh."

Then Kravitz watched as the three of them grinned in unison. "So, it's possible, then?" He asked.

"There's no reason it shouldn't work," Barry said. Then he laughed and Lup joined in. Taako barreled towards Kravitz to embrace him. "Gods, how have we not thought of this before?"

Kravitz smiled. There was hope for them, after all.

Chapter Text

Taako spent a few hours flipping through some of the spell books that Barry collected over the years. When he came across a spell he remembered casting, he jotted down some notes on a loose sheet of paper. Essentially, he was recreating the spell book he used on the Starblaster. He wondered briefly if Lucretia knew where it was. He shrugged it off and instead contemplated writing the names of spells he'd relearned in the past decade.

Lup and Barry were on the other side of the room, double, triple, and quadruple checking the math of cutting the Hunger off from every other plane. They were both pretty sure it was possible, but truthfully, they just needed something to do while they waited for Angus or Magnus to call Taako.

For a few minutes in the beginning, Kravitz had been hovering awkwardly between the two parties, wanting to help but unsure of what he could do. Taako took pity on him and sent Kravitz out on a much needed grocery run to restock the pantry. Even when Barry had a body, he tended to put off eating when he was working. When he didn't, he forgot that food had existed altogether (that is, until he remembered the twins' cooking and the family dinners on the Starblaster).

It was late at night when Taako's Stone of Farspeech finally rang.

Taako jumped at the sound, stunned from the intense state of focus he'd been in for the past few hours. He immediately answered it.

"Hello?" Angus asked.

"Good news, kiddo! We figured out a way to fix everything!" Taako exclaimed, almost talking faster than he could think. "Like, literally everything! Just give the stone to Lucretia, I'll explain everything later."

 There was a long silence before anything happened. Taako heard Angus take a deep breath before saying, "How do you know the Director's name?"

Taako frowned. "She told me," Taako said. "What's wrong, Angus, did something happen?" Lup and Barry looked up from their work across the room, watching nervously but not interrupting.

Angus sniffed and Taako's stomach dropped. "I—I don't know what's going on," Angus admitted, cautious but determined.

"It's okay, boychik, just tell Taako what's on your mind."

Angus paused. "Tell who?" He asked.

"Me—Taako, from TV?" Taako said. "Master wizard and chef, reclaimer, your magic teacher, has a cool umbrella..." Taako trailed off.

"I heard static. How could I be hearing static if I've been inoculated?" Angus asked, his voice getting louder as he grew more frantic. "How do you know about the reclaimers? Are you a Red Robe? Why would a Red Robe have a Stone of Farspeech? And how do I have your frequency? Why is your name static?"

Taako was shaking. He knew he should be feeling something, but could barely process what was happening. All he knew was that he couldn't lose his temper. If he did, Angus would hang up and there would be no chance Angus would trust him again.

"You know me," Taako said, "and I know you." Taako spoke slowly as he thought about what he said. "Your name is Angus McDonald and you're the best detective in the world. And the moon. You're ten years old and smart enough to find the Bureau of Balance through the Voidfish's static. You work for them and you have for months. They've found five of the Grand Relics so far, and the Reclaimers are Magnus, a human fighter who loves dogs and wooden ducks, and Merle, a dwarven cleric who carries around an Extreme Teen Bible and needs to learn some self control around plants."

"That's all true," Angus said. "But-"

"Angus, tell me, who's been teaching you magic?" Taako asked. "If I'm right, you should be getting a small headache and feel static."

"That's accurate, how do you know all this?" Angus asked. "And how do I know if I can trust you?"

Taako took a deep breath before continuing. "I can't give you all the answers you need. Not without sounding like static. But you don't need me to know that you have just forgotten something very important. I used to work for the Bureau, but I have been erased from your memory. You put my name in your stone before it was static, so you must have trusted me before."

"I suppose that tracks," Angus said. "Alright. I don't trust you, but I don't not trust you."

"I can work with that," Taako said. He had no choice. "Tell me, Ango, where are Magnus and Merle right now?" He asked, hoping that they were in Lucretia's office, remembering the century. Or perhaps in the same room, listening in on the phone call.

"The Director just sent them down for the last relic," Angus answered. "In the Felicity Wilds."

Taako's hand was shaking uncontrollably. "Thanks, Angus," Taako said. "I'll talk to you later."

Taako hung up and set the stone down. Then he pulled his hair and screamed.

He felt something, a vague presence on both sides of him. Heard something that might have been his name. Taako cried without restraint. He couldn't control himself if he tried. He breathed in, but it wasn't enough, and he found himself gasping for air. He crossed his arms and squeezed, trying in vain to ground himself. The world was disappearing, and Taako felt completely alone.

Kravitz arrived at the cave at either the perfect time or the worst time.

Taako was writhing on the floor, Barry and Lup trying to comfort him but not physically being able to in their lich forms. Kravitz dropped the groceries and held Taako, casting Calm Emotions on him.

Taako was breathing normally. His softened the grip on his arms and relaxed into Kravitz. Taako finally opened his eyes and saw that Kravitz was holding him.

"Hey," Taako said.

"Taako, oh thank my Queen you're alright," Kravitz said, standing both of them up. "I was so worried—what happened?" Taako looked around, and saw Lup and Barry on the other side of Kravitz. Taako tested his footing, taking a couple steps, and then left Kravitz' arms to pace.

"I could understand where Lucretia is coming from," Taako said, turning away from then, "when she was trying to find the relics to take down the Hunger. I could forgive her for that. But she took Lup, and I will never forget that." Taako paused, considered, then said, "But give it a few decades and I might have been able to get over it."

Taako took a deep breath. "I thought there wasn't anything else she could take away from me."

Taako clenched his fists and spoke through his anger. "But now that she realizes her plan is flawed, she erased me and sent Magnus and Merle to the Felicity Wilds in a last-ditch attempt to cut off this plane from all of existence. She took Magnus and Merle. She somehow managed to take Angus away from me."

Taako turned towards the only family he had left.

"I'm going to kill Lucretia."

Chapter Text

Angus had always been terrible at keeping a planner. He knew it was a good idea, and that it would help him be organized, especially since he was extremely busy for a ten-year-old. He knew he had problems keeping track on the projects, research, and work he was doing, but there was something so impossible about writing what he was scheduled to do every single day. His record for keeping a planner was one month. He attempted keeping a planner every so often, but it always ended the same. Starting strong but forgetting after a few weeks.

Angus thanked all the gods that he started yet another attempt at keeping a planner the week before the name in his phone turned to static.

Angus snuck a peek at his schedule one final time as he stood outside the Director's office door. Magic lessons with Taako was written at least twice a week for as far as he had bothered write out.

He took a deep breath, composed himself, and knocked.

The Director, after a few moments, opened the door and let Angus in. They exchanged pleasantries and after noticing the distinct lacking of a familiar gnome, Angus frowned and asked if Davenport was alright.

"It's just that we usually play chess in the library, " Angus explained, "but today was the first day he hadn't been shown up, and I was worried."

The Director surprised by Angus' concern, but quickly composed herself and said, "Oh, no need to worry, Angus. Davenport has just been feeling a bit stressed lately and I had him take a break off-base."

"Oh," Angus said, nodding. He knew that the Director was lying. He wouldn't be a decent detective without some sense of when people were and weren't telling the truth. He just hoped he knew the Director well enough that she wouldn't put Davenport in any danger. Angus felt a bit of anxiety for the gnome, anyway. He knew that Davenport could easily get overwhelmed in stressful or overstimulating situations. Angus hoped he was okay.

"Is that all you're here for?" The Director asked, clearly wishing that was the case.

"Oh no, Madam Director," Angus said, opening his planner to that day's date. "I'm here for the magic lessons." Angus gave his most convincing smile. Seeing the Director's confusion, as he expected, Angus quickly added, "I must have gotten ink on my hands from all the fancy pens and smudged your name, but I'm here, right on time."

The Director smiled unconvincingly. "Yes," she said, "of course. Your magic lessons, how could I forget." The Director gripped her white oak staff and Mage Handed a beginner's spell book from her large bookshelf. "Now, what spell would you like to work on today?"

Kravitz warped everyone to the Felicity Wilds, but there was some sort of dark magic that prevented him from honing in on Magnus and Merle's souls. Or any souls, really. As such, Kravitz took them as close to their friends as he could and they headed off in the direction he couldn't travel. Taako was furiously messing with his stone as they walked.

"Come on, Merle, pick up, pick up—" Taako mumbled into the stone. He grunted in frustration. "Alright," he said, dialing a new frequency. "Maybe you'll pick up this time, Mags."

Lup and Kravitz had taken turns consoling Taako, but Barry had been silent and was wandering a few feet away from everyone else. His head was down and he didn't look up at Taako—or the others, for that matter. Kravitz and Lup met eyes, and Lup waved her hand, gesturing that he should talk to Barry.

"Maybe they're in the middle of a fight and that's why they aren't picking up," Lup suggested as Kravitz walked off.

Kravitz moved to walk next to Barry and said, "Are you alright?"

Barry looked up at Kravitz, then shook his head. He sighed. "They're after my relic," Barry told him.

"Oh," Kravitz said, not really knowing how to react. "So, does this mean you know what they're up against?"

Barry shrugged. "Not really," he said, "My relic was more... abstract than the others. I didn't really define everything that it could and couldn't do. But I've heard stories about these woods. Not—not the normal ones, like how dangerous the creatures are, or about getting lost. I heard stories about people who found a place called Wonderland. If they made their way out, they received the thing they went in for."

"What was that?" Kravitz asked, curiously. On occasion he found wayward souls speaking of such a place, though since they didn't commit death crimes, his job only entailed leading them to the Sea of Souls and he didn't get many details.

"Whatever they wanted most," Barry answered. "Gold, treasure, magical items, mythical potions...anything. The survivors all described what was inside differently, so it must have been personalized to each visitor. But one thing was consistent. It was Hell for them, in Wonderland."

"Ugh!" Taako grunted in the background. Kravitz looked back and saw Lup talking him through it. He turned his attention back to Barry.

"Your relic could do this?" He asked.

"I don't know for sure," Barry admitted. "But it has to be there." Barry produced an illusion of what looked like an obnoxiously decorated piece of paper. "When I was in a body, without a memory, I was given this—an invitation to Wonderland with the Animus Bell as the reward. I, uh, kicked the bucket before I got the chance to go." Barry dispelled the illusion.

"What did you create it to do, exactly?" Kravitz asked.

Barry grimaced. "You're not gonna like this," he warned. "All the relics were based on a school of magic, and mine was...necromancy." Barry paused to see how Kravitz would react. Kravitz was uncomfortable, but not more than he was when he found out that two of Taako's family members were liches. He was more uncomfortable that Barry wasn't telling him what the relic did.

"You can take the soul out of someone's body instantly and painlessly. If the user so desired, they could rearrange the the souls of the others. Or if they desired, they could take the soul's place."

Kravitz shuddered.

"Do you remember dying?" Barry asked.

Kravitz shook his head.

Barry sighed. "Dying hurts, Krav. There's so many ways you can die, and the seven of us experienced most of them. I figured if one of the crew was attacked on this plane, if they had an accident or just had bad luck, the least I could do was help them pass without pain. And if someone was threatening us, I could use the bell to stop them. I never even thought about someone using it maliciously. I was so single-minded. We just—we didn't know the thrall the relics would have."

"I get it," Kravitz said, then reconsidered. "Well, I don't really get it, not like you do, but I can understand why you did what you did." Kravitz placed a hand on Barry's robed shoulder and said with all the sincerity that he could muster, "I don't blame you, Barry. And I swear that after all of this is over, regardless of what happens, I'll do whatever it takes so you, and Lup, and Taako, and everyone else will stay together."

Liches didn't have the ability to cry, but Barry was just a few tears away from proving that wrong. "Thanks, Krav," He said. "You're a pretty good dude."

Kravitz opened his mouth to say something—what, he wasn't quite sure of yet—when he was interrupted.

"Oh hells yes, Maggie!" Taako yelled, causing Barry and Kravitz to stop in their tracks and rush over. It was the first time the stone that Taako was trying to contact was ringing out instead of going straight to voicepost.

On the last ring, Magnus answered and said, "Heyyyy, Director, didn't think you'd find out this soon. First off, real sorry about the mess I left, and uh, I swear I was gonna return the two guards but I kinda left them in the cannonball and then a dragon kind of destroyed it."

Taako was nearly speechless. "...Magnus, what in the fresh Hell happened while I was gone?"

"This isn't the Director?" 

"Uh, nope," Taako answered. "But seriously, what happened?"

"Who is this?"

"Uh, the name's Taako, homie. But you probably can't hear that."

The line went silent. Then Magnus said "Merle, come listen to this."

"Who is it?" Merle asked.

"I dunno."

"What do you mean you don't know? It's your stone!"

"Just because it's mine doesn't mean I know who's calling me."

"That's not how it works?"

"What, do you think caller ID just exists for every other person and shows up even if you don't have their name in your system?"

"Why wouldn't it, there could be some sort of magic out there that does that!"

"That's not how magic works, old man!"

"How would you know how magic works!"

Taako shook his head and sighed as Magnus and Merle went off on each other. "See," he said to Barry, Lup, and Kravitz, "This is what I've had to deal with for the past eleven months."

"Hey, I heard that, you...guy!" Merle said. "Hey, what even is your name, anyway?"

Taako rolled his eyes. "It's Taako," he answered.

"What's with the static?" Merle asked.

"That's why I called you over," Magnus said.

"Hey, idiots, shut up, I'm trying to tell you!" Taako shouted, clearly frustrated but not being able to get through to the other two. "Krav, did you have to deal with this when we were in that crystal nonsense lab?"

Kravitz smirked. "Sort of, but it was worse. You see, there was another person to annoy me." Taako elbowed Kravitz, who shrugged and said, "Just wait it out. Their curiosity will outweigh their need to babble on."

"You sure about that?" Lup and Barry asked simultaneously.

Kravitz shrugged. "You know them better than I do."

Merle and Magnus were still hollering at each other as if there was nobody on the other side of the stone. If nothing else, it was entertaining.

Chapter Text

Taako turned off his stone, closed his eyes, and focused. Kravitz watched as Taako's ears twitched while the rest of him was completely still. Then Taako pointed out in a direction and said, "They're that way!"

The four of them set off, not quite running, but still keeping a fast pace. As they walked, they discussed what they would do when they find Magnus and Merle, and what to do about Wonderland and the Animus Bell.

"I could go in and follow them," Barry suggested. "It was my original plan, you know, for when the three of you went together. I'd just sort of, you know, be there as backup, try to figure out how to get you guys out if you needed it."

"Do we even want to go inside?" Kravitz asked. "I've come across those who lost their lives in Wonderland. I just think it might be, well—risky is putting it lightly."

Barry sighed. "I know, Kravitz, but we need to get my bell out of the hands of whoever's using it."

"So I'll go in with Magnus and Merle, right? And then you guys'll come in with us," Taako said.

"No, I don't think so," Barry said. "I don't know the kind of undead detection they have in there, but I doubt it would let two liches and a reaper just walk in. If it was just me, however—"

"Uh, babe," Lup interrupted, "love of my life, death, and undeath, you're my best friend and I love you, but if you think you're going in there without me—"

"I can't lose you again, Lup," Barry said. "It's too dangerous."

"Well, I can't lose you either!" Lup said.

"Then I'll go," Kravitz said. Lup and Barry looked at him. "You two can go back to the cave and figure out a way to contact Lucretia."

Taako gave an exasperated sigh. "Geezy creezy, it's like you guys forgot I exist." Taako pointed to Kravitz. "Hey, bone man, in the crystal lab, you were this white blob that went into crystal golems, right?" Kravitz nodded. "So, could you do that to a living person?"

"I could," Kravitz said, furrowing his eyebrows, "but Taako, that would be possession."

"Exactly," Taako said, smiling and shooting finger guns at Kravitz. "When Liches are possessing someone, it's, like, a million times harder to track them, or something. We used to do it all the time on the Starblaster. We'd have one person go in to negotiate, and if things turned sour, BAM!" Taako punctuated his sentence with a clap. "Double liches on the attack! We could just do that here, yeah? And we don't have to explain to Magnus and Merle why two red robes, the Grim Reaper, and someone they can't remember is going to follow them into their mission. Everyone would get in, and you guys could leave my body if you need to do some legwork."

Kravitz placed a hand on Taako's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "Taako, are you sure you want to do this?"

Taako rolled his eyes. "Uh, ch'yeah, I suggested it, babe. Would I offer it if I didn't want to do it?"

Kravitz considered, then said, "I suppose not."

"Besides," Taako said, "it's you guys. I'm totally down for whatever you guys want to do. Just—Lup, don't make me say anything stupid while you're in my brain again."

"No promises," Lup said before her form descended on Taako and disappeared. Barry followed soon after, but Kravitz hesitated.

"Are you absolutely sure about this? Kravitz asked Taako. "I'm just worried—three beings possessing you might be a bit overwhelming. And there's no guarantee that none of us would take over your body, even by accident."

Taako pulled Kravitz close and kissed him. Taako pulled away ever so slightly and said, "I don't say this a lot, but I trust you, and I love you. Let me do this."

Kravitz was dazed and did nothing but smile stupidly for a moment. Then he nodded, reverted back into his soul form, and descended into Taako.

It was a strange feeling, inhabiting a body that wasn't his own. Kravitz often used possession when he was working, but that was mostly because he had a flair for the dramatic. He did it to intimidate his bounties and have a little fun at the same time. He only stuck to inanimate objects, though, generally old dolls or giant crystal golems.

Kravitz had seen more than enough cases of possession in his line of work. Necromantic cults thrived on it, forcing their victims' bodies to participate in their rituals. So he vowed to never possess a living being without their consent.

If he was being honest, Kravitz never even considered that consensual possession was a thing that could happen. Then again, he supposed, I never thought I would be working with two liches and pardoning hundreds of death crimes for a small group of beings that came from beyond the planar system.

Being inside a living body again was an experience that Kravitz couldn't have prepared for.

The first thing Kravitz felt was a heartbeat. Then Taako took a deep breath and Kravitz could feel the air rush into Taako's lungs—it was satisfying, the feeling of air filling his chest.

The next thing Kravitz noticed was the sensation of temperature. Taako's body was so much more sensitive than Kravitz' usual construct was. He noticed for the first time how warm it was in the Felicity Wilds. He also felt as sweat gently cooled Taako's body. As Taako started walking, Kravitz could even tell the difference of temperature between shade and direct sunlight.

"You doing good, Bone Man?" Kravitz heard Lup's voice say. For a moment, he had forgotten all about the other two passengers on the Taako Express.

"I think so," Kravitz answered. "It's a little strange being inside a living body again."

"Yeah, I get that," Barry said—or was it thought? "Don't worry, you get used to it pretty quickly."

"Hey, I think I see them," Taako said out loud, bringing everyone's attention to their current line of sight. Sure enough, there were Magnus and Merle, arguing a few dozen yards away.

"You got a plan, Koko?" Lup asked.

Taako scoffed. "Who needs a plan?" He said, trotting forward and calling attention to himself.

"Hail and well met!" Taako called, "You dudes need a wizard in your party?"

Chapter Text

Magnus immediately reacted to Taako's presence by reflexively swinging his axe at Taako, who was just out of the line of attack. "Woah, who are you?" Magnus exclaimed. Merle, standing at his side, was holding out his Extreme Teen Bible as though that would intimidate anyone taller than a stickbug.

Taako held up his hands and said "Woah there, my dudes, I mean no harm. I'm here to help, actually."

Magnus slowly lowered his axe but didn't take his eyes off of Taako. His eyes quickly found their way to Taako's left hand—or rather, his bracer. "You're with the Bureau?" He asked. "I guess you do sort of look familiar."

Taako opened his mouth to answer but Merle said "What do you mean? He doesn't look familiar to me at all. Wait—maybe he's one of those guys that left the Bureau and we gotta kill him!" Magnus raised his axe again at Merle's statement.

"Alright, Krav, I get what you mean. We are kinda dumb," Taako thought.

"Who are you?" Magnus demanded again.

"I'm Taako," Taako answered. "But you probably couldn't hear that, even though you've been inoculated by the Voidfish."

"Alright, what's going on here?" Merle asked.

Taako shrugged. "Honestly? No idea," he lied. "One second I'm up on the moon, doing my thing, and the next thing I know, nobody can remember what I'm doing there or hear my name. Then I wake up on the surface with the cannonball summoning mechanism thing on my bracer broken. I've been trying to track down other Bureau members for months so they can take me back to the moon to get this whole thing fixed. You guys are the first ones I ran into."

Merle held his chin and hummed. "So if no one from the Bureau can remember you, how does Magnus know you, then?" He asked skeptically.

"Well, I didn't say I knew him, just that he looked familiar," Magnus said.

Taako spoke. "But you don't know how, so I must be not too familiar."

"But not too not familiar," Merle countered.

Taako suddenly snapped. "Oh, I know! I did a show in Raven's Roost a few years back. Sizzle it Up, with—uh,"

"Koko," Lup supplied.

"Shut up," Taako thought. "Great, now I can't think of anything else."

"It was called Sizzle it Up! with Koko, but, you know, with my actual name. You might remember me from then."

Magnus' eyes went wide open. "Oh yeah! I remember that show! You made this, like, really good pot roast—man, I wouldn't shut up about it for weeks! Julia teased me so much about it."

Taako smiled. "I can make it right now, if you'd like. I could use a long rest, anyway. You guys are welcome to join. You good with that, Merle?"

Merle squinted at Taako. "Wait a second, make it with what? We don't have any kind of food on us—well, except for gorp. And how do we even know you aren't some kind of saboteur that's not gonna poison us?"

Taako's pulse quickened at that accusation. Kravitz could feel Lup and Barry's confusion. He supposed that perhaps Taako's reluctance to cook must have started after they got split up.

Taako smiled to mask his uneasiness. "Well, first off, I'm a wizard that specializes in transmutation, so I've got no problem turning that gorp into first-class ingredients. Second, I'll be tasting the food as I go, so I'd be long dead before you ever got a serving."

"Won't make that mistake twice," Taako thought.

"What does that mean?" Lup asked. Taako ignored her.

"And lastly," Taako said before Lup could press harder, "Look, I probably don't know as much about Wonderland as you two, but I do know that it's super dangerous. Even as a high level wizard, there's no way I would last very long alone. And you two wouldn't do much better. Look, we all stand to gain from working together. Plus, once this is all done, you guys can take me up to the moon and we'll get this all straightened out with the Director."

Magnus and Merle looked at each other. After a tense moment, Merle shrugged and said "Alright, fine, if it means doing less work then sure, welcome aboard."

Kravitz knew that something had been holding Taako back from cooking. He loved cooking and was very talented, that much was obvious, but it took Taako being in a very good mood to actually do it, and having other people eat his food was an entirely different thing. Sure, Kravitz was curious, but it was obviously hard for Taako to think about, so he never pressed whenever it came up. He was starting to think that perhaps he should have. It might have made this conversation a bit easier.

Lup was having none of Taako's stubbornness, and now there was nothing for Taako to do but think while he prepared the pot roast. Which made it harder to ignore Lup.

"Koko, spill—what happened?" Lup asked.

Taako jerked his hand while slicing vegetables. Luckily, it was the one not holding a knife. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't act dumb, you know what I'm talking about. Something about not making a mistake twice?"

Taako sighed and put the knife to the side, putting the vegetables into the pot and stirring. "When we all got separated, Lucretia left me with a wagon that had 'Sizzle it Up! with Taako' written on the side. So I started traveling from town to town, doing all these flashy shows, transmuting food for the fun of it and entertaining whoever bothered to watch. I did get pretty popular. Even got so busy that I needed to hire a stage hand." Taako gritted his teeth and Kravitz could feel the hot wash of anger fall over Taako's body.

"Taako, you're going to ruin the roast," Barry warned, and it was only then that Taako noticed that he was frantically stirring the pot. He stopped, put the spoon down, and put a lid on the roast.

"My last show was in a place called Glamour Springs," Taako thought, sinking down next to the fire. "It was one of my biggest showings. There were forty people in that audience." Taako smiled bitterly. "I made one of our favorites, Lulu. Thirty-garlic-clove chicken with an elderberry garnish and I didn't taste a single thing. I handed out samples and then people got sick. Really sick. I had Sazed get us out of there as quickly as possible. The next day, Sazed took off and left me with nothing. I didn't blame him." Taako took a staggered breath. "Every single person in that audience died that day. I thought—the only thing that could have happened, was that I must have transmuted elderberries into nightshade. I promised I would never cook for anyone else again."

Hot tears were falling down Taako's cheeks steadily. Kravitz wished so desperately that he could leave Taako's body to comfort him. "Then Magnus' stupid cup showed me that Sazed put arsenic in the chicken to get me back for pushing him out of the spotlight. So it wasn't me all along, and everything was fine, right? That doesn't change the fact that it could have been my fault. I still fed those people their deaths. I should have tasted along the way like any good chef knows to do."

"Woah, woah, hey—" Magnus' voice called from behind Taako— "Are you alright?" He asked, now right by Taako's side.

"Y-yeah," Taako answered shakily, "doin' just peachy."

"Well, no offense, but I don't believe you," Magnus said. He held out his arms uncertainly and said, "You look like you could use a hug?"

Taako practically launched into Magnus' arms, relishing in the familiarity and comfort that Magnus had to offer. Kravitz was relieved that someone was available to help.

"Oh Koko," Lup said, "I'm so sorry."

A few hours later, the pot roast was finished. Taako explained that he had a special salt shaker that would turn pink if there was any poison and took a bite off of his plate to prove it. Magnus and Merle dug in and immediately their eyes went wide and they shoveled it all into their mouths.

"This is even better than I remember," Magnus declared, plating up seconds only seconds after he had his first. "Man, this tastes like home!"

Taako's chest warmed at that declaration. Another swirl of pride filled his chest when Merle snapped and said, "That's what I was thinking! There was something about this that just takes the homesickness away. I feel like I'm at the beach!"

Despite what Lup, Barry, and Kravitz assuring him that everything was fine, along with the salt and his own body not being poisoned, there was something inside Taako that everyone felt that told them that something went wrong. Taako's foot was tapping uncontrollably underneath his robes and his hands were shaking.

Kravitz hoped that the feeling would pass before long.

The next morning, with their health and spell slots replenished, Taako, Magnus, and Merle (along with Lup, Barry, and Kravitz) set off to find Wonderland. It didn't take long to find the large building in the middle of a clearing. Flashing lights sped by and eventually a giant billboard stopped in front of the group, saying "TAAKO MAGNUS MERLE" in a very fancy font, with another equally gaudy font spelling out "THE ANIMUS BELL" with a picture of a relatively plain looking bell on the sign.

"That's it," Barry confirmed. "I'd know it anywhere."

Kravitz was very uneasy once Taako walked within a certain radius. "This place is swarming with undead energy," He warned. "I've never sensed anything like it in all my years of reaping."

The trio walked up to the building, and in response, one of the black-and-white roulette-like panels opened up, revealing a dark room. Not dark as in the absence of light, though. It was as though they were about to step through a portal into the end of the universe.

"You guys ready?" Magnus asked.

"Yep," Taako answered.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Merle supposed.

"Alright," Magnus said, drawing his battle axe. "Then let's go."

The Tres Horny Boys—along with Taako's three undead hitchhikers—disappeared into the inky blackness.

Chapter Text

The first thing Kravitz noticed when Taako walked through the door was the darkness. Taako turned around, and Kravitz expected to see a door close menacingly, but there was almost nothing. Taako looked around the room and even with his Dark Vision, Kravitz could only make out basic shapes. The only thing he could tell was how large the room was.

Out of nowhere, spotlights flooded the room with light and a runway appeared with two figures standing—no, posing—on it. The two figures appeared to be male and female twin elves, both wearing different but equally gaudy outfits in gold, green, and purple. The female elf raised a single gloved hand in the air and snapped.

As soon as she did, the room lit up in bright neon lights that flashed along to loud, pulsating music that seemed to come from the air around them. Every time the lights flashed, the elves stroke a different pose, making their way towards the party of adventurers.

Needless to say, Taako was loving every second of this.

When the two elves made their way to the end of the runway, the music stopped and Taako applauded enthusiastically. 

The male elf spoke, his voice seemingly coming from the air all around them. "You made it. Welcome to Wonderland!"

Then the female elf said "Hopefully you didn't have too much trouble navigating the Wilds."

Suddenly, Kravitz felt an intense dread—a sure sign that something very necromantic and very dangerous was so near that he could almost feel a physical presence. Taako turned his head and the male elf's hand was on his shoulder, though Taako couldn't feel it. The hand was weightless—and the source of Kravitz' dread.

"Careful Taako," Kravitz warned. "That elf is definitely a lich."

"Noted," Taako thought. "The other elf probably is too, then, right?"

Kravitz focused his soul's energy on sensing necromantic presences. Obviously, he felt Lup and Barry—he'd be concerned if he didn't, with them occupying the same body, and all. As he reached his soul out into the room, he felt two more presences, one directly behind Taako and one near where Magnus was standing.

Two pairs of liches, Kravitz thought privately, though there was an intense difference between the liches.

Lup and Barry were liches that sustained themselves with love. Their essence was tied to their love for their family and each other, which gave off a strangely comforting vibe. Kravitz only really noticed it when he was focusing on them like this.

His attention turned to the other liches and felt an even deeper dread than before. Their essence was tied to something else altogether—something nefarious. They were using some other feeling or emotion to control themselves.

"They're definately liches," Kravitz told Taako, "Nasty ones. Please be careful."

"Are you excited for your quest’s end?" The male elf asked. "Whatever you seek, you will find it in Wonderland."

"Uh, sure?" Taako said.

The female elf appeared behind Magnus and rested her hand on his shoulder. "It's not gonna come—" The female elf said, scaring Magnus, who screamed. She laughed. "It's not gonna come easy, though, dear, are you prepared for that?"

Magnus, bewildered and uncomfortable, blurted out, "What? Was that an innuendo?"

The female elf winked and said "Maybe." Magnus hummed uncomfortably and his entire body tensed.

The female elf disappeared and took her place back on the runway. The male elf also appeared next to her.

"Hey, check it," Taako noted, "They don't have shadows."

"Are you guys holograms?" Magnus asked, apparently also noticing the lack of shadows. "Are you illusions?"

The female elf said "When we look this good, does it really matter?"

"I mean kinda," Taako thought with an air of annoyance.

"What's up, Koko?" Lup asked. "I figured you'd be all over this."

"I kinda was, but they stole our eccentric twin elves schtick, Lulu," Taako thought. "We did it first—and we did it better."

"Hell yeah we did," Lup said.

The male elf's voice filled the room again. "The rules are simple. You will be evaluated through a series of tests and games in order to determine the extent to which you truly want your prize."

The female elf spoke. "The tests will be rough, but they're important. In Wonderland you can only find the things you truly desire by losing the things that hold you back. You follow the rules of the tests, you push through the pain, and you will leave here happy."

The male elf spoke again. "You break the rules, you try to find shortcuts, and you won't leave here... happy. Ready to get started?"

Taako looked over at Magnus and Merle, who both looked back at him, and the three adventurers nodded.

The two elves raised their hands in the air and snapped. They disappeared into thin air and the platform they were standing on transformed into a giant roulette wheel that placed itself in front of the adventurers. Each panel had a different symbol on it. Two floodlights moved to reveal a large stone door behind the wheel with three red dim circles over it.

The male elf's voice said "This is the Wheel of Sacrifice. You spin it, and you give up whatever it lands on. You are, of course, free to refuse if you land on something you value too much to lose, but there will be a penalty for your reluctance."

The female elf said " After completing enough sacrifices, the door will open." Then the voices were gone and the only light in the room was directed to the wheel.

Merle said "I gotta tell you, the production values in Wonderland are stunnin'. They are absolutely beautiful."

Taako shrugged. "Eh, I've seen it before."

Barry thought, "Yeah, these guys have nothing on the escape rooms from cycle fifty-two."

Taako looked at the lights above the door. "So, looks like we've gotta give up three things to move on, yeah?"

Magnus lifted a hand to his chin. "Now is this the kind of thing where we each do it once, or every time we spin it all three of us have to sacrifice whatever comes up?"

The male elf's voice came back to explain, "Each of you will take one turn at a time. And you spin the wheel and whoever spun the wheel is the one who will have to do the sacrificing."

Magnus volunteered to go first. He spun the wheel, landed on hand, and in a moment that would set the tone for the rest of the adventure, the two elves debated if the punishment they chose they would crush their spirits too early on. Magnus ended up just losing his pinky finger, which Merle was bitter about. In a split second, Mangus' finger was gone and one of the lights above the door turned green.

Merle spun next and landed on eye. The elves decided to take his Dark Vision.

"Could I give up an eye?" Merle asked.

"Not yet," The female elf answered.

Merle's dark vision was gone and another red light turned to green.

Finally, it was Taako's turn to spin. He grabbed the wheel, swung his arm, and—he landed on the skull.

The female elf said "Skull's a nasty one. Skull is...sort of like delayed gratification. Well, not for you, for me. All skull means is at some point in the future, you will face some pretty bad luck. I'm not gonna tell you what that means necessarily but I will be honest. It won't be great. What do you say, Koko?"

"I...don't know," Taako answered.

"You're turning this one down?" The female elf asked.

"Now hold on, Koko," Magnus said, "before you do, take a look at the other things on that wheel. There's not, like, a good one."

Taako sighed. "Yeah, but my rationale is that—there's a chance I won't have to suffer the penalty alone, right? It may be something that impacts all three of us."

Magnus and Merle stared at Taako. They obviously had no idea why he would care about their wellbeing. They didn't know that Taako had been on their adventures with them, and had been crewmates with them for a century before that.

The female elf spoke up. "I do wanna point out it will only affect you, Koko. It's your burden to bear."

Taako repressed a sigh of relief and said "Yeah, fine, I'll take the bad luck."

The final light turned green and the stone door opened to reveal another pitch black room.

"Hey Taako," Barry said before they walked through the door. "Did you notice the fog?"

"What fog?" Taako thought.

"Whenever anyone complained, there was this, like, black fog coming from their mouths."

Taako hummed. "I'll be sure to look out for it."

"Could that be what's powering the other liches?" Lup suggested.

"Maybe," Barry said. "But I think it would be best if we kept a positive attitude from here on out."

Chapter Text

The door vanished behind the three adventurers and they were left alone in the darkness again. A light appears in front of them, and as they get closer, they can see that the light was emitting from a pedestal, which was roughly chest-high (or head-high for the dwarf). The pedestal had a screen wrapping around it that showed the pixelated faces of the three adventurers that stood before it. On top of the pedestal were two buttons, one reading "TRUST" and the other "FORSAKE."

The female elf's voice filled the room.

"Only one of you will play this particular game. Let's find out who it's going to be."

The pixelated faces spun around the pedestal and landed on Merle.

"The rules of this game are simple," The male elf said. "You all probably know this already, but you're not the only ones currently making your way through Wonderland right now. This section of the game will be something of a... a competitive mode. Right now there's another group in another chamber identical to the one you're standing in now. Now the next room you'll face will feature a deadly, deadly challenge. But based on your decision in this room, you can change your fate in the next."

"Oh", Taako thought, "it's just the prisoner's dilemma."

"The prisoner's dilemma?" Kravitz asked.

"Yeah," Taako explained, "It's this thought experiment thing. The idea is that two prisoners are captured and separated during questioning. They can either confess to the crime or betray the other person. If they both confess, they each serve one year in prison. If they both betray, then they both serve two years."

"What if one of them confesses and the other betrays?" Kravitz asked.

"That's where things get interesting," Taako said. "The one who betrays goes free, and the one who confesses is sentenced to three years."

"Did you ever have to deal with this before?" Kravitz asked.

"Lots of times," Lup said. "We figured out early on that we should just coordinate what our decision would be before we went on missions. But, uh, that's not really an option here."

"Yeah," Taako said, "I'm glad I'm not the one who has to deal with this right now."

Merle slammed his hand on the "TRUST" button. The walls illuminated bright white and letters appeared on the wall in front of them, reading "YOUR DECISION: TRUST."

Taako held his breath as "THEIR DECISION:" appeared.

Bright red letters reading "FORSAKE" filled the rest of the screen.

"Shoulda picked forsake," Taako mumbled. "Now I've got that bad luck looming over my head during the worst possible outcome."

"Don't worry," Magnus said, putting a hand on Taako's shoulder. "I'm a protection fighter."

"You suck!" Merle yelled at the disembodied liches. Black smoke came from his mouth and rose toward the ceiling.

"Hey, Koko?" Magnus asked. He waved Merle over to join the conversation "In the other room, when I was like 'I don't wanna cut off my pinky,' and now in here, when Merle was all like, 'I don't wanna go in there bad—guy', this like fog stuff came out of our mouths. What's that?"

"Whenever we complain, there's this sort of necrotic energy that makes the fog leave us," Taako explained. "So here's my best guess: This place isn't trying to kill us. It's trying to make us miserable. And it seems like it's feeding off of that. That's my best guess. This is a place designed to make us miserable and it's—every time that we vocalize that, it knows that it is succeeding and it's feeding off of that energy."

"So do you think it's better to give it what it wants? Or to stay super positive?" Magnus asked.

"Oh, I have no idea," Taako said. "I mean, I will say this. I don't see any reason to feed it if we don't have to."

"Yeah, let's swing towards the positive side of things," Magnus agreed. "Alright, let's do this."

The three adventurers entered the next room to find the ceiling covered in industrial equipment with a hatch in the center. The door disappeared behind them and three large cubes appeared before them.

"Welcome to the Monster Factory!" The male elf exclaimed. "This is so exciting. Each of you will roll these dice in front of you and you will build a bespoke foe to square off against. It could be something new altogether, nobody knows! Now, based on the consequences of the Decision Game, there will be some... difficulties imposed on you during this challenge, but let's not worry about that. Let's roll those bones."

Merle volunteered to go first. The die in front of Merle had names of different monsters on it. He rolled the die and got "slime." The box glowed bright green and disappeared.

Magnus went next, rolling the box with adjectives on it. He got "poisonous" and the box disappeared.

Taako went last and rolled "regenerating." He sighed with relief and said, "Oh, that could have gone so much worse."

The machinery roared to life. Sounds of industry filled the air around them as the monster was being created.

"Aw, that's so disappointing," The female elf whined. "I've seen a regenerating poisonous slime before."

"Oh, well that's nothing to worry about," The male elf said, and Kravitz didn't like the sound of that. "They didn't win the decision game. So they're gonna do it again."

The three adventurers rolled again and got exponentially worse results.

"Hell yeah!" The male elf exclaimed. "A flying, electrified dire bear! Wonderful! That would be what you would have to face if you both chose "betray", but unfortunately you all are getting the sharp end of the stick, so to speak. So, one more dice."

Another die appeared, this time rolling itself before anyone could read what was on it. As soon as it landed, the elves squealed in delight, filling the adventurers with dread.

"Oh, this is delicious!" The male elf said. "Not only are you facing off against a regenerating, poisonous slime and a flying, electrified dire bear, you're going to face off against multiplying regenerating, poisonous slimes and multiplying flying, electrified dire bears. This is gonna get zany!"

The machines whirred to life again and two beasts fell out of the hatch. The first was a fifteen foot cube of slime that emitted a horrible stench. The other was a giant dire bear with beautiful angelic wings. Bolts of electricity crackled around the bear as it roared, shaking the room.

Taako gripped the umbrastaff. He looked over to the other two adventurers. Magnus had his shield out and Merle was flipping through his Extreme Teen Bible. Then Taako turned back to the monsters in front of them and prepared for battle.

Chapter Text

Taako immediately started preparing a spell. When he was alive, Kravitz had been a bard, so he was familiar with the feeling of magic being channeled through a living body. It was an entirely different experience, though, when the magic was being called by sheer knowledge rather than an instrument. It was an interesting sensation. 

Being a wizard herself, Lup must have been able to recognize the specific spell Taako was preparing, because she said "Taako, what are you doing?"

"I'm casting Flesh to Stone," Taako thought back at her.

"I mean, it's slime," Lup pointed out. "I wouldn't—it definitely doesn't have flesh."

"Uh, in what reality is that not made of flesh?" Taako asked. "Its flesh is—well, flesh."

"I mean," Barry interjected, "if the spell were called 'Surface to Stone,' would that then work? Is that where the line in the sand is drawn?"

"Yeah, yeah of course it would," Lup said, "but this is, uh, if this thing had flesh it would be a bag of skin full of goo."

"What's holding it together then, Lup? Surface tension?" Taako asked, incredulous.

"Um, yeah?" Lup said.

"What do you call it then, Lup," Taako asked, "what do you call it when like a pudding gets that film at the top? Is that not called a 'skin?'"

"Well that's a crème brûlée, Taako."

"No you're talking—It has flesh! Its flesh is made of goo!"

"Mmmm, definitely I don't think so! Because if we're doing that then you could be like ,'hm, the ocean, I'm gonna turn all of it to stone with this spell because the surface of this ocean is like flesh.'"

"If the ocean were a sentient being, Lup, moving around attacking people, then yes, I would say I would have a leg to stand on in that argument!"

"I can't believe we're having an argument about whether or not slime is flesh," Lup said. "Come on, Taako, do you really wanna cast a spell and have it not work?"

"Okay, fine. Fine!" Taako yelled. "Alright, I'm gonna cast a different spell on this stupid slime, it's called Disintegrate." Taako then immediately bent over and cast the spell so it looked like it was coming out of his butt.

The ray hit the slime and most of it evaporated into thin air. As soon as it was hit, the slime split into two and the ray refracted and hit one of those slimes. The ray kept refracting until there were only three knee-height slimes in front of them.

Magnus and Merle gaped at Taako's spell and the destruction it wrought. "Glad you brought me now, my dudes?" Taako asked, leaning on the umbrastaff.

The Multiplying Flying Electrified Dire Bear roared, a wave of electricity flying off its body. The electricity gathered and manifested itself into a projection of the bear and both bears flew down at Magnus. Magnus dodged the electric one, but the real bear managed to get a pretty big hit on him.

The three slimes regenerated, growing from knee-height to waist-height in an instant. Two went to attack Taako—understandable, considering he disintegrated their bigger form. Taako raised his arms to shield himself, and did get hurt, but only felt one of the slimes hit him. Taako looked up and saw Magnus standing in front of him, his shield raised. Magnus looked back at Taako, nodded, and got back into his position.

The last slime hit Merle, who luckily was resistant to poison damage, so he didn't get hurt too bad. Merle lifted up his bible, recited a spell, and a forty-foot high cylinder of fire opened up in the room. Two slimes and the electric bear projection were gone, and all that was left was an ankle-high slime and the real bear, which was looking pretty much fine.

Taako took his attention off of Merle for a second and looked at Magnus, who was holding a soaking wet rope that he tied to the Chance Lance and his grappling hook. Magnus hooked the grappling hook to a piece of machinery and readied his lance.

"Hey, Bear!" Magnus yelled. "You've been a bad boy, and you're grounded!" Magnus hit the bear with the lance, and the bear's charge of electricity shot down the rope. It hit the machine and sparks flew into the room. The bear's wings burned off, giving off a terrible smell as the bear fell to the ground. Magnus then went to attack the bear with Railsplitter, but somehow managed to completely miss.

Kravitz felt something tap Taako's shoulder. Taako looked down and found a bolt on the floor. Then a few more fell and found their way next to Taako's feet. Not a second later, Taako looked up just in time to see a large piece of machinery land directly on him.

Several things happened at once.

The first thing Kravitz felt was a sort of whiplash—not just physical, but that too, more that his soul was being thrown from Taako's body. He just managed to stay in Taako's body, but it felt less crowded.

Before he could think about that, though, Kravitz was hit with the pain. He hadn't experienced anything like this in a long time—probably not since he'd died. The most pain he felt was a burning whenever radiant damage hit him. But that was nothing like this.

Taako couldn't breathe. His head was pounding—it had been hit on the way down, but he had managed to fall so his head and arms weren't being crushed under the machinery. When Taako opened his eyes, everything was blurred and the lights were blinding. The weight on Taako's lower half was crushing and the pain came in waves, from barely manageable to excruciatingly overwhelming. Kravitz could feel the life literally being squeezed out of him.

In an act of desperation, Taako clenched his teeth as he reached over to grab the umbrastaff. As soon as he touched it, he cast Blink, and suddenly his body was thrown into the ethereal plane. He was released from the hold of the machinery and scrambled away from it. He looked around just in time to see the Hunger Scouts before they scattered.

Taako took a deep breath. Blink would gave him a brief moment to himself.

"Well, that was unlucky," Taako thought.

Kravitz would have laughed if he hadn't been feeling so much pain.

"We all here?" Taako asked. "Krav?"

"I'm here."

"Lup?" 

"Yeah, I'm here too, bro."

"Barold?"

There was no response.

"Barry? You there?"

"Taako, I think he's gone," Lup thought, panicking.

Before long, a red-robed figure Blinked into the ethereal plane.

"Taako?" Barry called. "Oh thank the gods, I—I got thrown out when that machine hit you. Are Kravitz and Lup still in you?"

Taako nodded, still sitting. "Yeah, they are. You gonna hop back in, or—?"

Barry shook his head. "Nah, I think I've got an idea on how to help you guys from the outside. I'll be with you, I'll just be hidden."

"Sounds like a plan, Barold," Taako said. "Well, spell's almost up. Better get ready for the fight again."

"Yeah, just—good luck out there, Taako."

Taako nodded. "You too."

Then the spell ended and Taako—along with Kravitz and Lup—was transported back to the Prime Material Plane and thrown right back into the battle.

Chapter Text

When Taako stepped back into the Prime Material Plane, he took a moment to take stock of his surroundings. There were no more slimes, and Magnus was just rushing back to his place after attacking the Dire Bear. Taako made an impressed noise; Magnus had actually been able to do a good amount of damage on the bear, which was now shooting sparks out from its body.

Taako casted a spell over the bear and a cylinder of rock hard ice pounded into the ground. The bear made an attempt to dodge, but failed. The bear tried to charge towards Taako, but didn't make it past the wall of frost. When the spell ended, the cloud of frost dissipated and the bear was standing there, frozen solid and defeated.

Magnus and Merle ran up to the bear, yelling at it and trying to shatter it. A bolt of pain shot through Taako's body and he fell down, vomiting blood. Magnus and Merle had turned to look at the injured elf, wincing at how badly he'd been hurt. Merle flipped through his Extreme Teen Bible and cast a spell to heal the group. Taako's wounds started stitching up and he let out a sigh of relief. The pain, though nowhere near gone, was being lessened.

"Now, hold on just a second, what do you think you're doing?" The male elf's voice said, filling the room with intense dread.

"That's cheating!" The female elf shouted. "You know the rules: once you sacrifice something here, you don't get it back!"

Taako's body was hit with a bolt of necrotic energy and he doubled over. His wounds reopened, and the pain came flooding back. All the healing that had been done to him had just been undone.

Kravitz gathered up all his strength, prepared to call his scythe and tear those liches apart. Just as he was about to exit Taako's body, he felt a force hold him back.

"Kravitz, don't!" The force called. It was Lup.

"I'm going to destroy them," Kravitz said, fuming.

"We don't know where the bell is," Lup reasoned. "Please, I know it's hard, gods I want to kill them for hurting Taako too, but we can't blow our cover!"

"You two okay in there?" Taako thought, laying motionless on the ground.

"No," Kravitz said, "I can't just sit here and watch you suffer."

Taako took a deep breath, which caused a soreness in his chest. "Well, you don't have much of a choice, my dude," Taako thought. "Who knows what they'll do when they find out there's a Reaper in here? We don't know who they'll take it out on."

"Taako could end up getting more hurt," Lup mentioned. "And the others, too."

Kravitz would have glared at Lup if he'd been able to. He knew she was right, but he was still enraged.

"As soon as we get the okay from Barold, I'll let you go to town on them, but for now stay put, yeah?" Taako said.

Kravitz calmed himself as best he could. "Yeah, alright," he agreed. "But I hate it."

"I don't like this any more than you, Ghost Rider," Lup said, "but we've got no choice but to wait."

"Damn Lulu," Taako said, "How'd you get to be the most patient one here?"

"Ten years in an umbrella will do that to you," Lup thought, sadly.

"Koko?"

Taako looked up to find Magnus, who had also just been unhealed, offering a hand to him. Taako took his hand and stood, though it took a great effort for both parties.

The two elves revealed spectral projections of themselves to the group. The male elf said, "Great job! Now, smile and show your opponents how well you did!"

The elves disappeared and a large LCD screen appeared in front of them. It turned on and showed two halflings dressed in adventuring gear. The two halflings were making faces at them.

Magnus flipped them off, and they responded by flipping him off as well. Magnus, realizing that, looked over to Merle and Taako and mumbled, "C'mon guys, like c'mon. Guys, help me out."

Merle shook his head. "You're gonna make that mist come out of your mouth," he stage-whispered.

As soon as Magnus realized he was making black smoke, he changed to waving one hand and giving a thumbs up with the other. The halflings responded by flipping him off even harder. Magnus just smiled. He pointed to his eye, made a heart with his hands, and then pointed at them.

Taako started to laugh, but just ended up making himself puke again.

The screen shut off and a door appeared across the room.

Just then, the three adventurers heard a voice that they hadn't heard before. "Wow, you guys got boned that round, huh?" The voice said. "Why didn't you pick forsake? Y'all need to study some game theory."

"Hello?" Magnus called, looking around the room. He started walking toward the direction of the voice, which appeared to be coming from a piece of machinery along the wall. "Who goes there? Hello? Hail, and well met!"

Magnus and the voice played a bit of hot-and-cold before kneeling down and looking under a machine. Magnus found a disembodied human head.

"Blaaahhh!" The head yelled.

Magnus didn't react. Neither did the others. Kravitz, however, was horrified. The amount of necromancy involved in keeping a severed head alive was appalling.

"I'm just kidding," the head said.

"No, that's fine, I've seen worse," Magnus said, shrugging. "I just fought a flying bear, why would someone's head bother me?"

"Would you actually mind fishing me out of here for a bit? I've been chilling under here for awhile, but I think we're good for now."

Magnus reached under and grabbed the head in the most comfortable way he could. Taako looked the head over and squinted. The head hadn't been chopped off. There wasn't any blood or gore, just a barely-there neck that ended.

"Hey guys, my name's Cam!" The head says. "Sorry I can't greet you with a formal handshake, but it seems that I've misplaced my everything."

Magnus laughed.

"What are you guys doing here?" Cam asked.

"Oh, fighting bears," Magnus said, like it was something he did on a regular basis. To be fair, that was definitely something he would do.

"How's your trip through Wonderland going?" Cam asked.

"Oh, y'know. It's fine," Magnus said, shrugging. "I lost a pinky."

"Oh that's it?"

"Again, comparatively, I realize-"

"You, oh, sorry, sorry, you lost a PINKY?"

"Listen, I get it, like, I'm not gonna sit here and say it's the worst," Magnus said. "I'm talking to a head, like I get that there's worse."

"And you're standing next to a guy who got his arm chopped off," Merle added.

After a bit of back-and-forth, the three adventurers agree to take Cam with them through Wonderland. In turn, he'd been there for a while, so he'd be able to give them information.

"Cam, how come we can't heal?" Merle asked.

"Oh, well that would defeat the point of of this place, right?" Cam said. "Like, you guys understand like that the point of this place is to make you suffer, right?"

"We really didn't do our prep on this one. We kinda just got thrown in," Merle said.

"I have two questions for you, Cam," Magnus said. 

"Shoot."

"One, you mentioned the first room? Is this just a cycle or is this one room and then we do something different and then the next room something different?"

"It's kind of like a cycle. It's one of those—what are they called—endless cycles."

"I know all about that," Taako mentioned.

"Yeah guys, there's no getting out of Wonderland," Cam explained. "I don't know, you came here for a bell and that's great and all, but you're gonna die here? And they're gonna make you suffer just as much as possible before you do. It's the only reason why this place exists."

"Why do people come here if that's the truth?" Taako asked.

"They come here because whatever treasure their heart desires is supposedly waiting for them here. But that, well, that hasn't been my experience."

"Okay, so I have my second question," Magnus said. "When we suffer or get angry, this like black fog comes out our mouths? What is that?"

"That's suffering, boss," Cam said. "Do you—how much do you guys know about liches?"

"Uh, they get stitches, I think?" Magnus said.

Taako rolled his eyes and gave a very competent and brief answer about what liches were. He didn't mention that he knew all this because his sister was a lich, or that he was currently acting as a carrier for her soul.

"I don't know if you've guys have figured this out but this place is run by two pretty powerful liches that, well, aren't just sort of mindless beings," Cam explained. "See, if a lich can anchor themselves with a powerful enough sort of emotional attachment, then they can sort of maintain their identity and they can maintain their sanity and I wonder—have you guys ever witnessed like, a magic that's kinda more powerful than you could explain? That was kind of born out of a moment of intense passion or emotion?"

The three adventurers nodded.

"This is gonna sound pretty cornball but bear with me. There's a school of thought that powerful emotions are a form of energy, just as real as heat or light or magic. So a particularly strong fear, or joy, or fury, or love, they're not just these cognitive effects, they have real actual power in the world around you. So, using one of those emotional attachments, a lich can anchor themselves to their former identities. Something like a powerful love, or determination, or pure joy, they can maintain their reason without losing themselves to the magical power that they've bonded themselves to. But somehow the two liches that run this place are empowering themselves not with their own emotion, but with the emotions of people who came into Wonderland. Specifically, suffering. So, that's why you're here, and that's what they're gonna get out of you, whether you like it or not."

He's talking about bonds," Taako thought.

"That's terrible," Lup said. "Barry and I never even considered using suffering as our anchor. That's—that's horrible!"

Kravitz agreed with her. In fact, it only doubled his determination to tear those liches apart. If there had been any shred of good in them before, it was long gone now. He'd have no remorse for them.

"I have a thing—" Magnus said, lowering his voice. "So here's what I'm thinking, fellas. If Cam's right, and I have no reason to doubt him-"

"I'm right!" Cam interrupted.

"I know, I'm including you in this, Cam, I know you're there. Then this is a rigged game, right?"

"Yeah," Taako said, waiting to hear where Magnus was going with this.

"So, the only way to win a rigged game is to change the game, right?" Magnus said.

"Right," said Taako.

"Right, so I don't have anything specifically in mind right this second," Magnus said, "but we need to keep our eyes open for an opportunity to change this around because I'm not getting trapped in another endless cycle. We did that in the last one, I'm not doing that again."

Merle and Taako agreed.

"Koko?" Magnus asked.

"Hmm?" Taako hummed.

"I would like you to pick the word, that's gonna be the word to let us all—like, let the four of us know that it's about to happen. That it's time to make our move."

"Sautée," Taako said instantly. "It was my go-to code word on the Starblaster," he explained for Kravitz.

The others in the room nodded, then went to the door to leave the room.

"Wait," Cam said. "If I join your group everything's gonna get just a little bit harder for you guys, you're gonna have to sacrifice a bit more if I go with you. You're gonna have to take on my sacrifices because, well, look at me. I don't really have anything else to give. So if I come with you it will be a little harder, but I promise I can carry my weight, I can help you out with information and tips and tricks!"

"Maybe if I put you in my bag, the liches won't know you're with us?" Magnus suggested.

"Wait, I don't think that's—" Cam started, but whatever he was about to say was muffled by Magnus' bag.

They walked through the door and stepped into another dark room. Bright lights shone around them, and a familiar looking wheel spun intimidatingly in front of them. They looked to the opposite wall, where four dim lights stood above the door.

"That's right! You're spinning the wheel again, only she's a bit hungrier this time!" The female elf said. "The sacrifices demanded will be a little bit brutal. Also, you've added another member to your party, I'm not really sure how you did that, but you will need to complete FOUR sacrifices if you want to pass on to the next chamber!"

For a moment, Kravitz was afraid that the liches have realized that he, Lup, and Barry followed Taako inside.

"Hey, what? What member?" Magnus asked, in a very high pitched voice. "Wha—hold on, I believe if you count, you will find here but three."

"Yeah, do a quick head count!" Taako said, causing Merle to burst out laughing.

"Cut that out!" Cam shouted before being shushed by the others.

"Uh, what if we say no?" Magnus asked.

"I don't understand?" The male elf said, sounding confused.

"Well, what if we just don't?" Magnus asked.

"Then you—then you lose."

"Well, I mean yes, but I would also like to know the parameters, like I'm just wondering - like I get what the win scenario is, what's the lose scenario here?"

"You just don't get your prize."

"And you let us go, we leave? That's it?"

The male elf laughed. "Oh, no, no no no. No, once you start through Wonderland, you have to finish!"

"We can finish though, right?" Taako asked.

"Yeah, of course," The male elf said. The sound of distant paper rustling filled the air, and the male elf says, "Let's see, let's see, if you finish you'll end up getting—Ohohoho. So that's your prize, huh? Hmm. Okay, well yeah, you're making good progress, let's see what you can do!"

The tinkling of a bell filled the air.

Chapter Text

Merle was the best off health-wise, so he volunteered to spin the wheel first. It landed on eye for the second time.

"Unfortunately, this is gonna be a pretty tough game for your peepers it sounds like, Merle," the male elf said, "or, should I say your peeper. Because the penalty for this round, landing on eye, is one of 'em."

The liches reassured Merle that the taking of his eye wouldn't be violent or gross, and they would even set him up with an eyepatch. Merle takes the deal, and his left eye is gone, replaced with an eyepatch.

Magnus went next, and he landed on a clock.

"This one is kind of a tough pill for most participants to swallow," The female elf said, "because what you're going to have to sacrifice is time, Magnus, and as a human, unfortunately, that's in somewhat short supply for you. For this round of the wheel, we're gonna need ten years."

Magnus agreed. As soon as he did, the changes started to take effect. His hair, once fully auburn, was now peppered with grey hairs. The skin around his eyes was a bit more wrinkled, and in seconds, Magnus had aged ten years.

"This feels so wrong," Taako thought. "I—for one hundred years, Magnus was just a kid. He was twenty-something for a century. And now he's double that." Then, Taako was struck with a realization. "Oh gods, is that what happened to Lucretia? You didn't see her, Lup, but she was so much older—did she come to Wonderland?"

"That must mean she got out," Lup reasoned. "Which means there's a way out."

The male elf interrupted Taako's thoughts, not sounding particularly happy. "I gotta say, you guys are really taking this in stride."

"You know," Magnus said, shrugging, "I'm just happy to be here."

Taako spun the wheel and it landed on body.

"I have to say," The male elf explained, "body is not our most elegant selection on the wheel, but all we're going to do for body is sort of take away some of your vitality, some of your living essence, if that makes sense. We're not gonna hurt you, Koko, because I don't honestly think we can do that much more without you being dead, and, well, that's no fun, but we are going to make you less alive."

Taako shrugged and agreed. He obviously wasn't going to be happy about that, but it could have been a lot worse.

The liches tried to get a reaction out of the adventurers by softly threatening to raise the difficulty, but to no avail.

Merle spun the wheel next and got chance.

"Chance is kind of a tricky one, and it sort of measures your judgement as a participant here in Wonderland," the female elf explained. "All you have to do for chance is lay something down on the wheel, and it can be physical or not physical, and it can be more than one item, if you wish, that you think is a sufficient sacrifice on par with the other things that have been sacrificed this round. And if you are correct, and you do give a sufficient sacrifice, then you get to move on and it counts as a point, but if you do not give up enough then you lose the items that you put forward and it doesn't count and you have to go again and keep on giving, and giving, until you have satisfied the chance."

It takes a long time, but Merle finally decided on giving up the Adamant Spanner, his wedding ring, and his proficiency with a battle axe.

"And that's uhhhh, that's it? That's all you're gonna give up?" The male elf asked, clearly messing with Merle.

"Final answer," Merle said. The items he sacrificed sank into the ground, and Merle blinked, his remaining eye going hazy for a moment. Then he shook his head and the three adventurers watched with bated breath as the final light changed from red to green and the door opened.

When they walked through the door, they heard the male elf say, "Ooh, that was a pretty tough round! We lost a lot of years and a good eye, but this next challenge—it's gonna be a breeze, I promise."

The room around them changed into a familiar sight—a pedestal with two buttons and the pixelated faces of the adventurers.

The male elf continued. "I mean—it's gonna be a breeze if you make the right decision here. It's time for another round of Trust or Forsake! You know the deal, step up to the plate and you'll be matched up against an opponent, and then you pick the button that seems right for you."

"Can I ask you elves a question?" Magnus asked.

The female elf answered, "Sure, shoot, we can't promise that we'll answer."

"Fair," Magnus said. "So what we're looking at, is like, a loop of like spin the wheel, choose a forsake or whatever, fight some monsters, spin a wheel, forsake- Blah, blah, blah, right? That's the loop?"

"Yeah?"

"And that's good for you? That doesn't get tiresome?"

"Um, no," The female elf answered. "We've programmed a lot of variety into Wonderland! Loop isn't the right word either, loop intimates that there's no finish line. There is a finish line, and your prize is waiting at the end of it!"

"How many rotations do we have to go through?" Taako asked.

"Hmmm, it's subjective," The female elf said. "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?"

"Six," Taako and Magnus said at the same time, confidently.

"It's four," Merle said.

"Is it four?" Magnus asked. "Look, average—five."

The female elf interrupted them before they could go any further. "In order for you to earn your prize here in Wonderland, you have to do exactly that, you have to earn it, and once you've earned it, there it'll be!"

"How many prizes have you passed out this year?" Taako asked.

"This year alone?" The female elf said. "Umm, I mean we're only about halfway through the year, it's almost midsummer, but, um, probably a good thirty prizes or so."

"Wow," Taako said. "I don't believe you. How many people have died?"

The female elf laughed. "Oh, more than thirty."

Before Taako or the others could say anything else, the pixelated faces spun and landed on Taako. He walked up to the pedestal. Cam tried to offer his advice, but Taako hit forsake before he could say anything.

Magnus looked upset. "I don't want to sabotage the other people in here," he said.

Taako frowned, looking away. "Well, it's not your decision, is it?" He said.

The walls illuminated bright white and letters appeared on the wall in front of them, reading "YOUR DECISION: FORSAKE." The words "THEIR DECISION:" appeared.

Bright green letters reading "TRUST" filled the rest of the screen. Taako let out a sigh of relief and entered the door.

The next room was a board game. Different colored square platforms appear in front of them, some with words on them, and below the platforms is a drop with bubbling green acid at the bottom. Above them flew a large cloud of bats, which all swarmed and started to fly towards them when everything froze.

"Oh dear, this shouldn't have—" The male elf said, "this shouldn't have manifested this way, you won the last round. Pardon our mess!"

A cloud of black smoke gathered at the ceiling and lowered over everything like a curtain, and the board game was gone. When the smoke disappeared, it revealed a completely new room. The three adventurers were now standing behind podiums and bright lights flashed in their faces. Thunderous applause filled the air. When their eyes adjusted to the lights, they could see that they were standing in the middle of a garishly decorated game show set.

The male elf spoke.

"Live from the inescapable depths of Wonderland, it's time for another round of Heart Attack, the heroic dating show. And here's your hosts, Lydia and Edward!"

Chapter Text

Two elves appeared in front of the three contestant-turned-adventurers, one female and one male, both wearing huge sunglasses and fitted crimson, silver, and gold pantsuits. They posed and danced for the audience, eating up the raucous applause.

The female elf—Lydia—raised a skinny microphone to her mouth as she said, "Welcome to Heart Attack! Are you three brave heroes ready for your only chance at love?"

"Uh, pass," Magnus said, not amused by any of this.

"That's not an option, unfortunately," Lydia said with a smile on her face. "You don't have to play the deadly round, but we're still gonna have a little bit of fun. Doesn't that sound good?

"Yeah, sure," Taako said, unenthusiastically.

"Yeah, uhh," Merle said, equally so.

"I mean," Magnus said, "I cannot stress enough how uninterested I am in this."

"Well we're not gonna have a good time with it," Taako told Magnus, "but we're pretty much prisoners I guess. By the way! You did just say inescapable, so, like, how are things going? Pretty bad, it seems?"

A little bit of black smoke left Taako's mouth at his last statement. Instead of floating up toward the ceiling, however, this time the smoke took a hard ninety degree turn and disappeared. Taako smirked. "Looks like Barry's figured out how to use the suffering juice," he thought.

Next to the contestants, a sheet of fabric appeared and the silhouette of a humanoid mannequin appeared on it. The shadow moved in an unconvincing attempt to look alive. 

The male elf—Edward—spoke next. "We're going to ask a series of questions to measure your compatibility with our hot contestant. Whoever charts with the highest lovability quotient will get a hot date out of it, are you three ready?"

"Hey Krav?" Taako asked.

"Yes?" Kravitz answered.

"Okay, listen. I have no interest in dating anyone but you. You're like, it for me, and I'm not gonna unpack that for now but listen. This whole love game thing, with the hot date and all, I don't care about any of that. But I do really, really care about winning. So, uh, just, don't be mad when I go all out, okay?"

Kravitz would have smiled if he could. "Of course, dear," he said. "I wouldn't expect anything else. I look forward to watching you crush the competition."

"Okay, cool," Taako thought. "Glad we got all that squared away."

"No! You know what? Screw this!" Magnus shouted, and Taako turned his head. A large amount of black smoke came out of his mouth, and Taako saw how Magnus watched carefully where it went. He kept complaining, watching the smoke disappear, but as soon as Edward and Lydia faced him, the siphoning stopped.

"Alright, fine, fine. Let's play," Magnus said after a moment.

"Question one," Edward said, "We'll go ahead and read for our contestant because they're very shy. Question one. Magnus, what is your ideal first date?"

"Oh, gosh," Magnus said, thinking. "Uh... let's see. I would say, I pick them up, you know, roundabout sundown, uh, and then we catch fireflies. And then I take them home, and we don't see each other again, because I'm really not interested in dating."

The audience made an exaggerated "oooooohh" sound, and Lydia said, "Playing hard to get, huh? It seems like our contestant is into that. Merle, same question. What's your ideal first date?"

"Alright, I let her pick me up," Merle said, and Taako was already preparing for the absolute mess that was about to transpire. "I mention to her that 'Uh, gosh I forgot my wallet at home,' even though we're in like the front yard. I volunteer to drive her vehicle, and tell her it's filthy, and so we go through the drive through vehicle wash and she pays for that too. And then I take her to have dinner with my family, and—"

"Wait, like your ex-wife, and stuff?" Magnus asked, holding back laughter.

"She meets my ex-wife. It does not—it really kind of sucks, and then, uh, she's having a miserable time and she's really mad, she can't wait to get outta there. I take her back to her house, and so I lean up against the door jam and say, 'Sure you don't want me to come in for a few minutes?' and she slams the door in my face."

Taako bursted out in laughter, and the other souls inside his body joined him. "That's your ideal date?" Taako asked, wheezing. "Wait, hold on—"

"I love your honesty!" Edward said to Merle before moving on. "Koko, another question! Say that you and our contestant are on a date, and one of your fans recognizes you on the street. How do you respond to that situation?"

"Well you know I really—" Taako started. "My fans come first, so I would definitely sign whatever, pose for fantasy pictures." Taako blinked, realizing—"Wait, cameras didn't exist on this world." "Not fantasy pictures but fantasy pic—you know, 'cause there's not cameras? I don't mean like fantastical pictures, I just mean like whatever passes for a camera in this reality—"

"Oh my gods, Taako, way to blow your cover," Lup said.

"Drawing?" Taako decided on. "Yeah, if they wanna draw me like their French girls that's fine. You know, I would just make sure the fan got what they were looking for, 'cause they come first, I need everyone I can get at this point, honestly."

For once, the audience went completely silent. The soft sound of wood tapping on the floor came from the other side of the sheet. Edward said, "Kind of an airball there, kind of a brick. That's okay, we'll get 'em on the next round. Magnus, same question. Say you and the contestant are on a date, and one of your fans recognizes you on the street. How do you respond to that situation?"

"I have fans?" Magnus asked.

"One of your heroic fans, sure!"

"I mean, I guess are they—what do they want? What does the fan want? Are they just like, 'Hey Magnus!'"

"Yeah- Yeah I don't- The question seemed pretty clear," Edward said, growing tired of this. For a split second, Kravitz felt sympathy for the elf. He'd known what it was like to be doing his job when these three came barging in, ruining everything with their lackadasical attitude. The brief feeling passed when Kravitz remembered that Edward and Lydia were liches who had hurt Taako and killed many others before them. Then, Kravitz felt smug. Those liches were only getting what was coming to them.

"Well, but I mean, the interaction varies, because if they just want, like, a wave and a 'hey,' I keep going. If they want me to stop and, like, sign a chair or something, whittle them a small duck, that might be inconvenient based on my schedule. Do we have dinner reservations, are we trying to get somewhere in a certain amount of time? I need more—there's a lot of parameters in every social interaction!" The audience started booing Magnus, whose competitive nature quickly took over and said, "Oh, okay. Um, I guess what I mean to say is...Since I was with my date first, they would take priority?"

The audience immediately changed their tune and started cheering. The silhouette started fanning itself.

Lydia seemed to be relieved that Magnus was finally playing along. She said, "Merle, new question. Why shouldn't the contestant choose your two competitors?"

"Well, because um," Merle started, "I mean look at Magnus. I mean, even though he's in his forties, he's kept himself up. He's in magnificent shape and would not be a gentle lover."

"Woah, woah! Hey!" Magnus interrupted, appalled at Merle's suggestion.

"So don't go with him. Koko is, he's too much into his work. Always chopping, always salting, always making sauces, um, and you know, when he's not cooking, he's studying about cooking, so there wouldn't be any time left for you. Whereas I am so old. I've only got one arm. I don't have a lot going on. I'll do nothing but pay attention to ya."

Lydia made an uncomfortable face before immediately moving on by saying "Okay. Koko, same question, why shouldn't the contestant choose either of your competitors?"

"Oh gods no," Lup thought.

"What is it?" Kravitz asked. Before Lup could do anything, Taako started.

"Um... it's me," Taako said slowly raising a hand to his chest, and applause roared. Taako flipped his braid over his shoulder and posed as he said "Hi, I'm Koko? You know, from TV?" A chair flew up from the audience and landed on the stage. The silhouette, however, was having none of it. Taako grabbed the umbrella and cast a spell on the mannequin.

The shape behind the curtain started laughing so hard that it fell out of its chair. As it fell, its head popped off, causing it to laugh more as it tried to pick up its head. It doubled over, and then it was just flailing in laughter. The entire scene was horrifying.

The two elves turned to Magnus and said in unison, "Magnus, what makes a good hero?"

Taako casted a spell on Magnus.

"What was that?" Kravitz asked.

"True seeing," Taako thought. "Magnus knows things about the red robes that he shouldn't. He knows that. Maybe he can help Barry if he knows what's going on."

"You know what?" Taako said, "Screw all of this. This sucks. I'm done playing."

Black smoke came out of Taako's mouth and was siphoned away. The elves were focused on Taako, but Taako watched Magnus out of the corner of his eye, who saw where the siphoned smoke disappeared into nothing.

Chapter Text

"Magnus! What does it mean to be a hero?" Edward had asked.

Magnus blinked. His eyes moved in subtle movements, and from an unknowing onlooker it would appear as though he was staring into space. In actuality, he was probably looking right at Barry.

"You know," Magnus started, speaking slowly, "if you'd asked me in my younger days, back ten years ago—"

"Or fifteen seconds ago," Merle interrupted.

"Yes, that was the joke, thank you, Merle, for filling in the punch line!" Magnus exclaimed, shooting a pointed glare at Merle before continuing. "I would've told you that what makes a hero is someone who acts, someone who leaps into the fray without thinking. But, you know, I've had some time to think now, and I would say that I've grown a little wiser, and I would say that a hero is someone who acts when it counts. Acts at the right moment, acts when it's needed."

A bell sounded—not the ringing of the Animus Bell, but a regular quiz show bell—and the audience cheered for Magnus' answer. A short musical tune played and the two elves got back in their positions as the hosts.

"Well, it sounds like our suitor has made their decision!" Edward exclaimed. "Let's see who they chose for their hot date!"

The screen to the right of the adventurers raised and revealed a terrifying display—the spell that Taako casted on it was still in effect, and the mannequin was shaking rapidly, its limbs having been detached, leaving only the sound of a wooden leg thumping on the ground.

"Well!" Edward said, taking the attention off the mannequin. "Well, we learned everything we need to know, so... I guess let's call it a draw? Um... Let's move on. This has gotten frankly a little too weird, even for us."

"But I would've won, right?" Merle asked.

"Oh, let's not," Edward said, wincing, already trying to forget Merle's answers. "It's like Whose Line, baby. The points don't matter. Oh, wait," Edward said, clearly grasping at something to change the topic, "we need to find out how your opponents in the last round of Trust or Forsake fared!"

A screen appeared before the adventurers, displaying a different party than the one they'd seen before. Instead of two halflings, there were three adventurers standing on a bright green platform that read "FINISH."

The first was a young human man who had collapsed on his knees, clutching a relatively unscathed lute. By some miracle, the strings were still intact, but the human himself was coming undone. His formerly fancy clothes were tattered and scorched. His breaths were labored, and he set his lute to the side so it wouldn't be harmed as he crashed to the ground.

The second was an elderly halfling woman. She wore mostly dark clothes, though that hadn't saved her from being just as hurt as the bard. She'd had a bandage wrapped over her eyes, a sign that the Wheel of Sacrifice hadn't passed her over. When she realized that the trial was over, she gritted her teeth and threw her broken dagger to the ground and screamed.

The third was a middle-aged half elf, beautiful but worn, who was shedding her bloodstained cloak. She hadn't been as hurt as the others, but she was carrying a large backpack that was completely empty. She ran her hands over the elaborately embroidered crest on the front of her cloak and sobbed as the threads came undone.

Taako forced his head down and closed his eyes. "They're just dust," he thought to himself over and over. "They're just dust. The only thing that matters is that we survive and stop the Hunger."

"Taako..." Lup started, but was interrupted.

"No, Lup. I'm not a good person like you. During all those cycles, we were the only ones that mattered. Everyone else was just dust, because no matter what, they'd all be gone in a year. We were the only ones that mattered."

"Even Kravitz?" Lup asked. "Even Angus?"

Taako balled up his hand into a fist. "Lucretia made me forget what I'd learned to accept. I forgot about the Hunger. I forgot what made everyone else dust. And now I care about them, and I—damn it, I love them. But now I remember that they're dust, and I don't want to accept that, because we have a plan now, and as long as the seven of us, and Kravitz and Angus, make it out safe and sound, I'll be fine. I don't care about anyone else. I can't get attached to any more people that I might have to leave behind. But now that they're in the picture, we can't just leave."

"I don't blame you, Taako," Kravitz said, and he meant it. "I've been functionally immortal for centuries. In my early days I made friends, but they all died. I decided I would throw myself into my work and stay out of the world if I wasn't on a bounty. And it worked, because I didn't grow attached to anyone. But then I met you, Taako, and I remembered what it was like to care. To be alive again."

Taako opened his eyes and his vision was cloudy. He blinked and quickly wiped away the tears that fell. "I'm not crying," He insisted. "I've just got something in my eye."

"And what's that?" Lup asked.

"Tears."

Lup couldn't laugh, not without taking control of Taako's body. But her warmth and cheer filled every part of Taako's being.

"You all seem pretty down in the dumps," Lydia said. "How would you like a bonus round?"

"I'm good actually," Taako said quickly, because it was obviously a trap.

"I'd like that about as much as a poke in the eye," Merle said, only making himself laugh.

Cam looked up at the adventurers. "The bonus round is how I ended getting trapped here in the first place," He said. "I wouldn't recommend it."

"Uh yeah, no kidding!" Taako exclaimed.

"You're not telling us, oh, what? It might be bad?" Magnus added.

"So it's the first part of this game to be unpleasant? Excellent!" Taako said.

Edward appeared in front of them and said, awkwardly, "It's kind of not optional, though."

"Yeah, I also figured that, okay," Magnus said.

The door to the next room opened and Magnus started walking toward it, but then looked around the room and ran to the audience of stationary mannequins He started ripping their arms off and stuffed as many as he could into his pack.

"What's he doing?" Kravitz asked. "Is this part of Barry's plan?"

"Ah, no," Taako thought, chortling. "It's just Magnus. He's got a thing for chopping arms off."

Kravitz thought back to the crystal lab when he'd—sorry Merle—when he'd pretended to be Pan and made Merle grab the crystal that started transforming his hand into pink tourmaline. He hadn't stayed to watch what went down, but he did remember being surprised when he saw Merle was still alive, though he'd had a soulwood arm. He didn't think much of it then, but now, when he was watching Magnus gleefully slice through the shoulder joints of the mannequins—"He didn't," Kravitz thought.

Taako laughed. "Merle's arm? He totally did, my dude."

When Magnus had finally satisfied his urge to collect arms, he joined the two adventurers as they entered the next room.

Chapter Text

The next room was relatively empty. Three platforms stood roughly a foot off the ground, each with a neon sign above them. The signs read "ESCAPE GAME," "HEALING GAME," and "RECOVERY GAME."

"Oh! Wait a moment!" Lydia exclaimed. "One of you has already played the escape game!" The respective platform and sign transformed into a black cloud of smoke and rose toward the ceiling.

"For the bonus round, you get to decide what game you want to play!" Edward explained. "Both are terrific little diversions, but this time you only get to pick one!"

Taako looked over to an uncomfortable looking Cam. "Cam, which one did you choose?" He asked. "What happened?"

"I ended up playing the Escape Game. And well, I lost and that's—that's why I'm here, and a head."

"How do you lose a bonus round?" Magnus asked. "Wait, hold on! I'm no games master, but a bonus round should just be winning."

"Well, it was a bonus round for the person who won," Cam explained. "It was kinda like the Decision Game. I came in here, I was hired to guide someone in here, and we were—well, we weren't doing very well. We made it through a couple rounds, and then we played the Escape Game and they made us an offer where if one of us betrayed the other, we could escape, but we'd leave the other one to be stuck in Wonderland to suffer eternally. And I told her it was a trap, I told her anybody who left this place alone wouldn't survive ten minutes in the Felicity Wilds but she took the offer and, well, here I am."

"This person you were guiding. Older lady?" Magnus asked, and Taako's stomach dropped. He knew where this was going.

"Yeah, but I mean, she got older while we were here, yeah. Wait, do you know Lucretia?"

"Just a guess," Magnus said.

"Yeah, we do," Taako said. "We're kinda working for her, basically."

"She... sent us in to save you?" Magnus said, though from the look on his face, that clearly wasn't the case at all.

Cam, however, wasn't looking at Magnus. He wasn't looking at anything. He was just smiling, and a tear fell down his face.

"Maybe I was wrong about her," Cam said. "I don't know that I can escape anymore. I'm pretty sure—"

"Well, no, they took the pedestal away," Magnus pointed out.

"Well, no, it's not just that," Cam explained. "I mean, I'm just a head. I'm pretty sure it's this place that's keeping me alive in the first place, but that means a lot. Thanks guys."

Edward cleared his throat, turning the adventurers' attention back to the game.

"Let me be a coach for a second," Merle said. "Look, we're not gonna escape, but I say we go for heal, right? The stuff we've given up, we gave up of our own free will. Let's get healed up! It's not like we're gonna get healed any other way."

"But hold on, if I might counterpoint for a second. Cam makes it sound, and Cam, please correct me if I'm wrong, he makes it sound like only one of us will get and the other will lose."

"Maybe!" Edward exclaimed, and Kravitz was only looking more forward to getting the opportunity to punch his face before throwing him in the Eternal Stockade.

"So it sounds like in the heal chamber, maybe like one of us gets healed but the other two lose hit points," Magnus said.

"That would be fine," Taako said, putting a hand on his hip before realizing that doing so would result in a dull pain at every point he touched. Taako quickly removed his hand. "Oof, bruised already," he thought.

"I say we do it anyway," Merle said.

"Yeah, now that you mention it, I'm still doin' pretty good, so like, sure, let's do it. Heal," Magnus added.

The three adventurers stepped onto the platform and once they did, light rippled up from the platform, bathing the room in light.

"Oh gods, wait no," Taako thought.

"Koko?" Lup asked, worried.

"I was just hit by the realization that there's a possibility that this room could test the healing abilities of our party," Taako said, looking at Merle. Lup and Kravitz laughed. Before Taako could move off the pedestal, the light turned off and everything in the room disappeared.

The Healing Game turned out to be the least terrible thing in Wonderland so far. Each person could choose to give some of their health to another. Of course, there was still a downside—the person who was on the receiving end would only end up with half of the health donated—but Magnus and Merle both gave Taako enough health to stop throwing up blood. Taako did a quick check of himself—most of the major bruises were gone, but he still had plenty of wounds. He took a couple testing steps, which shot a small amount of pain through his legs, but much less than before.

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate it," Taako said.

"Least we could do, buddy," Magnus said.

A door appeared in front of the adventurers, and together they entered a room that was looking all too familiar by now.

"It's the Wheel of Sacrifice!" Edward said, rushing through to get the explanation over with. "You guys know the score. Just really spin it around, fill up the dots."

Taako frowned. "Could'a done with a little bit more pizazz, my dude," he thought. "Seriously, this is like, the one thing you do."

Lydia, apparently, agreed with Taako. "Edward, can you take this seriously, please?" She asked. "This round, uh, as you might expect, the sacrifices will be a little bit more intense than they have been, but I know that the three—well, the four of you, have it in you!"

"I didn't expect it to get worse!" Merle cried.

Taako shrugged. "Ugh, I kinda did," he mumbled, causing a small amount of black smoke to come out of his mouth. 

Chapter Text

Four red lights glowed above the exit door behind the wheel. Magnus, as he is wont to do, went first. He spun the wheel and it landed on swords.

"Perfect," Edward said. "Magnus, if you choose to accept this sacrifice, you will lose a fight. Literally, you will lose a fight, you will have a fight taken from you. What do you say?"

Magnus hummed, thinking. "Huh. Well, you know this is one of those circumstances where this one's not gonna be up to me." He looked to the other adventurers. "Koko, Merle, Cam, this sounds like it's more you guys having to fight a fight without me."

Kravitz was worried for Taako. Back in the fight after their first Wheel of Sacrifice, Magnus had protected Taako from the first powerful blow from the fight. Magnus was also a Fighter—it was his job in the group to do damage. With Merle being a cleric, and Cam being a head, the responsibility of fighting would fall to Taako, who only had a limited number of spell slots. With Taako doing most of the fighting, his opponents would focus their fire on him, and Taako was already having a bad time health-wise. Sure he'd just been healed, and would last a little bit longer in a fight because of that, but he wasn't built to take damage like Magnus was.

"If Magnus takes this deal, Taako, I'm going to fight by your side," Kravitz promised.

"That'll kinda blow our cover, Krav," Taako thought back.

"Taako, you were just crushed by a giant piece of machinery," Kravitz reminded him, "and the challenges will only get worse from here on out. I'm going to fight with you."

Before Taako could respond, Lup said, "If Kravitz didn't say it, then I would have. Koko, death here is permanent and I'm not gonna let you get away from me so soon."

"No, no, no, you misunderstand!" Edward exclaimed, interrupting the dialogue happening inside of Taako's head. "You won't have to leave your friends in the lurch and have them fight the fight themselves. The fight itself will be lost. It will be just gone, it will never exist. You will have the glory of an important battle just stripped away, as that battle simply won't exist."

"Well, it looks like our cover's good for now," Taako thought.

"And remind me what happens if I say no?" Magnus asked.

"Penalty," Edward reminded him.

"Y'know what?" Magnus said. "Bite my butt, I'm taking the penalty."

Lydia's voice answered him. "I have to admit, I'm pretty disappointed. I had a pretty good one lined up for you there."

"Yeah, that's what I figured," Magnus said. "You seemed very excited about it so, you know, I just wanted to have a moment where I felt in control for a second."

"Okay, well, you're in control!" Lydia said. When she finished speaking, the penalty took effect: a fifth red dot appeared above the door.

"Well, dump," Magnus said, letting a little bit of smoke leave his mouth.

"Hey, you know—not so bad?" Taako said. Kravitz agreed. The liches could have done a lot worse.

"Hell, it's good!" Merle chimed in.

"Actually, y'know, now that I think about it—" Magnus started before Taako interrupted.

"But I will say this: you love fighting, huh? You just love it."

"I do love fighting," Magnus admitted. "Well, okay, listen though. What if that was a fight, like that was a boss battle to like save someone's life that they took away from us, you know what I mean? Say it was a similar fight to us fighting the Raven, like, that could've destroyed a whole town. It could've ended the world."

"And you wouldn't've gotten credit for it," Merle added.

Kravitz took a moment to consider what would happen if the fight Magnus lost was against him, in the crystal lab. None of this would be happening. Kravitz would have taken their souls without hesitation. He never would have fallen in love with Taako, and he never would have freed Lup from her prison.

"Oh, lucky you!" Edward called. "You get to be in Wonderland even longer! You get to play the Wheel Game even more! I said penalty, I should've said Super Prize!"

Kravitz was definitely looking forward to punching Edward.

Merle spun next and landed on mind. Lydia explained that he'd give up the memory of the birth of his kids, and Merle didn't even hesitate before taking the penalty. Kravitz thought it was sweet. A surprised shout came from Magnus, who didn't know that Merle had kids.

"You boys may wanna get comfortable in there because it seems like you might be in it for a while," Lydia said, and Kravitz hated to admit it, but she was right. These spins would only get worse and they couldn't keep passing them up.

Taako went up to the wheel next and landed on hand.

"With hand," Lydia explained, "we will take away some of your capabilities. Koko, you are an accomplished wizard, but you also have a certain other special knack that few wizards can claim. You can do sick flips and sweet tricks and I think we're gonna take some of that away."

"Yeah, fine," Taako said. As he moved out of the way to let someone else take the wheel, he tripped over his own feet.

Magnus went up next, landing on body. He, like Taako, lost some of his vitality, but being the party's main defender, he lost more than Taako did. Magnus moved to spin again, but Taako stopped him.

"Hey hey hey," Taako said, "chill out, my man."

"I'm kind of on a roll though," Magnus said.

Taako raised an eyebrow at him. "You're on a roll with what, spinning the torture wheel?" Taako asked. "At least take a break between spins, Maggie. Share the wealth." Taako spun the wheel before Magnus could respond, and it landed on skull.

Edward spoke. "With skull you're gonna—"

"Bad luck, blah blah, I know, I've done this before," Taako interrupted. "Who's going next?"

Merle took a step forward, but Magnus got to the wheel before them and spun mind.

"Magnus," Edward said, his voice betraying the smile on his face.

"Yeah?" Magnus asked.

"You have someone that you loved once, right?" Edward said. "And they were taken from you by someone who you now hate. I wonder which one would be worse to take from you: the person that you loved or the person that you hate. I think we'll go with—" Edward paused, letting the sense of dread grow, "—the latter," he decided. "If you accept this sacrifice, you'll forget Governor Kalen. You'll forget all about him. You won't be able to track him down. You just won't know anything about Governor Kalen. You'll remember what he did to you but you will not remember who did it."

Kravitz recognized the name Kalen. Kravitz had been one of the reapers assigned to personally lead the souls killed by the bombing at Raven's Roost to their eternal rest in the Sea of Souls. He'd met Julia Burnsides in the aftermath and by order of the Raven Queen, he led her to an island where she could wait for her husband to pass. He'd talked with Julia every so often after that, providing some sense of companionship for the both of them. Julia told him about what Kalen did as Governor, how she and her husband had led a revolution against him, and how Magnus just happened to be out of town when Kalen exacted his revenge.

Later, Kalen had dabbled in necromancy, securing his name in Kravitz' book of bounties along with the tally of innocent people he'd murdered in cold blood.

"Merle, Koko," Magnus said, "Don't try to remind me of it. But if in your journeys, you ever meet a slimy jerk named Governor Kalen, kill him on sight. Don't talk to him. Don't let him talk to you. Kill him. And tell him it's for Julia. That's the one thing I want you to say to his face before you kill him. This is for Julia, then you end him then and there. Understood?"

Taako and Merle promised Magnus they would, and then Magnus forgot.

Merle spun next, and landed on swords. Given that Merle was a cleric and hadn't been involved in as many fights as Magnus, the liches simply said that Merle would have a harder time in the next battle in Wonderland. Merle accepted, and with that, five of the six lights over the door were green.

Taako went next and landed on clock.

Edward spoke. "Koko, you are of the elven people and a good looking one, at that. And so, taking time from you is a tricky prospect because elves can live a long, long time, and we don't want to establish a discrepancy in the sacrifices that we demand from our participants. So instead of taking your age from you—" Kravitz could hear the sickly smile in Edward's voice as he spoke. "What if we take away something that diminishes over time, which is to say... some of your beauty? I wonder if you would accept a sacrifice that deals a hit to your vanity like that. If you take this, Koko, you'll just become  slightly less of just a beautiful, young elf man."

Taako's stomach dropped.

"I'll put it this way, Koko," Lydia said. "For the first time in your life, you will simply look normal. You will be plain."

"Well, that's a fate worse than death if you ask me, but Koko, it's your sacrifice to make, bud," Edward said.

Chapter Text

"They're taking away my face?"  Taako thought, horrified.

Merle snickered, but Magnus looked sympathetic.

"I...I don't know," Taako said. "It's... it's not really my decision to make." Magnus and Merle looked at him quizzically, but Taako just closed his eyes.

"What do you think, Krav?" Taako thought. "You're the one who's gonna have to look at me as long as we're together."

"Taako, I fell in love with you, not your face," Kravitz said truthfully. "I'll love you no matter what happens, but we both know that's not why you're so distraught."

Taako gripped his umbrella with both hands. "I won't look like Lup anymore," he thought.

"Oh Koko—" Lup started.

"We've always been identical, Lulu, and I don't want to give that up."

Taako felt something brush up against his arm and opened his eyes to see Magnus standing next to Taako with a hand on his shoulder. Taako looked up at Magnus, who looked back at him with those big, empathetic  puppy-dog eyes he knew so well.

"Everyone's struggles are different," Magnus said. "I understand if this is too much, and I'll take two spins if you need to say no."

Taako closed his eyes again to stop the flow of tears. Even without any memories, Magnus knew that this affected Taako and would sacrifice anything to take away his burden. He was just that good of a person.

"Lup?" Taako asked.

"I don't care what you look like, Taako, you'll always be my brother."

Lup's soul nudged Kravitz', and thanks to the nature of souls, he knew what she meant by that. Lup and Kravitz manifested their love for Taako and sent it outward into his body.

Taako's body was filled with warmth and affection with the force of a tsunami hitting a beach town. Taako's knees gave out and he sobbed, not to mourn for the possible loss of his face, but for the overwhelming feeling of love washing over him. Magnus caught Taako on his way down and wrapped his arms around Taako to comfort him. An invisible spectral hand joined in, touching Taako's arm with all the gentleness that Barry could muster as a lich.

Two things were certain: One, that Taako was loved, and two, that he would always be loved.

Taako didn't let himself revel in the feeling for long. He took a deep breath and stood, mumbling a quick "thanks" to Magnus before making his way forward.

Taako slammed his hand down on the wheel, looked up at where he thought the liches were watching, and bared his teeth."Go ahead and do it," He spat, glaring through his blotchy eyes. "Take my face."

The wheel's composition shifted, turning from bright, multicolored metal to a more reflective material.

The Wonderland Liches were going to make Taako watch himself lose his greatest connection to Lup.

The changes were subtle but substantial. His eyes were more sunken and his skin lost its healthy glow. Taako watched helplessly through narrowed eyes as his lips became less full and his hair grew thinner by the second.

In the end, it took maybe ten seconds. But to Taako, it was an eternity.

Then Taako did something unexpected: he flashed a smile through his newly crooked teeth and cast Disguise Self on himself to appear like he had looked a few minutes before.

"Arcane cosmetics, baby!" Taako exclaimed, flipping Edward and Lydia off as hard as he could. A little bit of smoke seeped out of his mouth, but he didn't care. He'd found a loophole in this Hellscape of Wonderland.

"You tell 'em Taako!" Lup shouted in his mind. Kravitz laughed at his boyfriend's cleverness.

With Taako's sacrifice over with, the final light turned from red to green and the door opened.

"All right. Let's go, boys!" Magnus shouted, charging into the next room.

The next room was another round of trust or forsake. This round, Magnus was picked to choose, and he chose to trust. Luckily, the other anonymous group also chose trust. Magnus rushed through the next door as Edward complained about this never happening.

The three adventurers stepped into the next room and looked around. The room was circular and the walls, floor, and ceiling were covered in screens showing various hyperrealistic nature settings. First they were in a forest, then a desert, each scene fading into the next. At the end of the room was a pile of wooden marionettes, too far away for Magnus to start tearing arms off of.

The room went dark. Lydia's voice filled the air as she said, "This challenge is gonna be fun to watch. Say, are any of you feeling particularly nostalgic?"

"Yeah, I long for the time when we weren't in this place!" Merle said, black smoke leaving his mouth and joining the smoke at the ceiling. Only this time, the smoke didn't stay there.

The smoke at the ceiling sank down, gathering up mannequins and manifesting itself into a new shape—a dragon that looked and sounded real, despite the shape of mannequins showing through its skin. The screens turned on and showed the cave that held the dragon's hoard. Then the dragon became an abstract cloud and transformed into a hill giant, and the scenery changed to a ruined castle on a hill. The scene and monster changed multiple times until finally, it stopped manifesting itself, instead staying a whirling cloud of smoke and mannequins. Text appeared in front of the adventurers.

"CALIBRATING..."

Suddenly, the whirling stopped. The screens flashed black before showing a cavern. Two mannequins dropped out of the cloud, the first being the largest. It had eight long black legs with a thick body, two sharp pincers, and a long stinger. The second was a humanoid clutching a staff and wearing a cloak emblazoned with a spider.

"Oh, I see," Taako said, frowning.

"Brians!" Merle shouted.

Magnus didn't say anything; he just gripped Railsplitter tighter.

The two mannequins turned to the party and started running toward them as three words shone before them:

BOSS RUSH: BEGIN

Chapter Text

Taako was the first to react to the mannequins running at him. He raised the umbrastaff and casted magic missile. Four magical bolts shot out of the umbrella and hit their target, each one knocking black smoke off of Magic Brian. When the final bolt hit, Magic Brian launched backward, the smoke fading completely. What was once a threatening apparition of an accomplished wizard was now a nondescript marionette that crashed into the pile of lifeless wooden mannequins at the back of the room.

Taako's concentration turned toward the giant mannequin spider, which roared at the sight of Magic Brian's destruction and charged at Taako.

Out of the corner of his eye, Taako saw Merle cast a buff on Magnus before realizing that Taako was about to be impaled by the giant spider.

Taako didn't have time to move out of the way. He braced himself as the spider reared back on its hind legs, its pincers open and ready to bite. Taako heard a metallic bang and looked up to see Magnus in front of him, his shield raised. The spider reared back again, angrier this time, and knocked Magnus out of the way before biting Taako. Taako cried out in pain and fell to the ground, clutching his wounds. The only solace he had was knowing that unlike a real giant spider, this one was made of wood and couldn't inject Taako with its venom.

With the spider distracted, Magnus took the opportunity to attack, swinging his axe and knocking the marionettes out of Bryan the giant spider, defeating it.

The room reset, swirling the mannequins and smoke in the air as the screens transformed into a mining town.

"Phandalin," Taako thought, then his heart rate increased. "Lup, don't watch! Look away!"

"Why? Taako—I can't."

"I'm sorry," was all that Taako said.

The scenery of Phandalin was wrecked—the ground was scorched and the buildings that were still standing were burning. The mannequins finally decided on the form of a giant flaming dwarf. Scorched bodies littered the ground just as they had done roughly a year before. Taako couldn't help but look over them.

Most of them didn't have clear details, which was fair; Taako, and he guessed Magnus and Merle didn't remember them either. They didn't exactly spend a lot of time getting to know the people in Phandolin. One body, however, was detailed. It was a completely scorched human man dressed head-to-toe in charred denim.

Taako looked away as fast as he could, but Lup's soul shuttered.

"My relic—it killed Barry?" Lup's for once timid voice asked.

"We couldn't stop it," Taako said. "I'm so sorry, Lup."

"Hey, fellas? Should I circle around, do you think?" Magnus asked, but he wasn't looking at Taako or Merle. He was staring at something at the other end of the room—something invisible.

"He's asking Barry," Kravitz realized.

Taako squinted his eyes to think. "Wait... why is Barry's body the only one that's detailed?" He asked. Taako took a moment to focus on the arcana around them. "Uh, guys?" he thought after a moment, "There's something scanning my brain. These liches are totes in my head."

"Do you think they know about Krav and I?" Lup asked. "I can't feel anything."

Taako hummed. "No, I think they're just looking for the battles the three of us shared," Taako said. "That we can remember, at least. Otherwise they'd start with the Hunger, or something else from the Starblaster. They're probably scanning Magnus and Merle too, to cross-check and get the full details of the battle, which is why we see Barold clear as day. He's the only one we knew. The good news is if the liches tried to scan our brains any deeper, we'd know about it, just by the nature of mind reading spells." Then Taako smiled. "Which means they won't be expecting this."

Taako started casting a spell differently than he had before. He didn't cast a spell like a wizard, and Kravitz knew it wasn't being casted like one of his bard spells. No, the magic Taako used was being channeled, similar to when Kravitz used his Reaper powers by channeling the Raven Queen's magic.

"Made a few friends in higher—and lower—places during all those cycles," Taako explained. "Turns out those friendships carry over into other planes."

Below the swirling cloud of mannequins, Taako opened a gateway to the darkness between the stars, a region infested with unknown horrors of bitterness and cold. Soft whispers and slurping noises came out of the gateway, only to be interrupted by the occasional high-pitched screech. The sheer cold of the void shook and damaged the flaming dwarf.

Merle reacted next, casting Guardian of Faith and bringing an angelic Della Reese to the battle She attacked the flaming dwarf, but it was still standing.

The flaming dwarf roared, gathering his flames and shooting a fireball at the adventurers, burning all of them except for Cam, who had fallen out of Mangus' bag and managed to roll out of the way without being scorched.

The mannequin could only last so long while being on fire, as it was made of wood, and it disintegrated after its final attack.

The room changed again, this time forming the illusion that they were fighting inside of a very fancy train car with the passing countryside showing through the windows. Kravitz recognized this place; Taako mentioned being on a train when he met Angus. This battle couldn't have taken place that long ago.

Three marionettes rose out of the dust and two were formed into grisly, meaty shapes. The third, in the middle, transformed into an elf that wore a red suit and a bright technicolor bowtie.

"I'm gettin' pretty sick of this," Cam said, speaking for the first time in a while. "Koko, you got a spare wand?" He asked.

Taako dug through his pack and found the wand he used before he found Lup's umbrastaff.

"Toss it down to me," Cam said.

"Here you go," Taako said, dropping the wand in Cam's direction.

Cam caught the wand in his mouth, and suddenly, he was floating.

"You could have done that this whole time?" Magnus shouted, part amused and part annoyed. "We've been carrying your head!"

"Spell slots," Cam explained. He turned toward Jenkins and the two meat monsters and said, "Heads up!"

Chapter Text

Cam casted a spell and gathered loose mannequin parts to take the form of a large hand. The hand launched forward to grab one of the meat monsters and took it down with a single squeeze. With that monster taken care of, Cam slapped the other meat monster with an open palm and held it against the wall, leaving Jenkins as the only threat.

Taako and Merle stood motionless in shock. Magnus, however, stepped forward and punched Jenkins back into the forces of Taako's void and Merle's angel. As Jenkins flew back, Magnus didn't hesitate to attack again, this time hurling his Chance Lance at Jenkins. As Magnus called the Chance Lance back, tentacles rose out of the void and slashed at Jenkins as Della Reese reared back and hit him with her angelic sword.

Jenkins continued to stagger backward until he was out of the void and casted a spell to dispel it.

Then something strange happened. On the other side of the room, adjacent to the exit door, a dresser appeared. Then it disappeared, being replaced by a bookshelf. Then the bookshelf disappeared, turning into a fireplace, then a lamp, and then nothing.

Taako smiled. "Looks like Barry's got something planned," he thought. Taako turned to Jenkins, who was looking pretty bad off. "You know what? I'm not gonna get clever on him. I'm just gonna hit him with a juicy Scorching Ray."

Three rays of fire shot out of Taako's umbrella. Jenkins' body dropped his wand and flew backward, defeated. The umbrastaff reacted to the dropped wand; it turned inside out, sucked the wand in, and devoured it. It turned right side out once again and Taako was rejuvenated. Power surged throughout his body and stayed, leaving Taako feeling refreshed; not physically, but magically.

Taako's spell slots were back.

The mannequins gathered themselves up again, larger than they had managed to before. The scenery changed to the badlands outside of Goldcliff, and then the mannequins' final form was revealed: they were going to fight a battle wagon in the shape of a shark.

Merle cast a blessing on himself, Taako and Magnus.

The shark opened its mouth, revealing a large, barbed spear. It took its aim and shot at Magnus, who was able to duck out of the way. The spear skid across the ground, and its tether pulled it back into the mouth.

Cam shot a bolt of lightning at the battle wagon, just barely missing and hitting the LED wall behind it, shooting sparks and making it go black. The spell was powerful enough that even though he didn't hit the wagon directly, it still took damage.

Magnus mumbled into his shield and a simple yet recognizable caricature of the battle wagon was etched into the front of it. Then Magnus charged forward and reached inside the battle tank. He grabbed two mannequins by the arms and threw them into its mouth, jamming the encircling rows of saw-blade teeth and forcing the shark to close its mouth. As a final move, Magnus used his tinderbox and set the rest of the mannequins on fire.

Then Magnus turned, along with Taako and Merle, to witness an oven appearing out of the black smoke, and then a pile of crates, and then a tall portrait of a woman, and then, nothing.

"I grow bored of this fight," Taako thought. "Krav, Lup, It's about to get real dumb up in here, but it's also gonna be awesome, so just roll with it."

"Hell yeah!" Lup said, apparently knowing where this was going. Kravitz had learned long ago that he couldn't predict what Taako was going to do.

As he cast the spell, Taako's arms sank into his chest and his head grew and got longer. Taako's teeth grew sharper and he grew a tail, his clothes morphing into scales that melded into his body, except for his hat, which stayed the same size and remained perched on his head. When his transformation was complete, Taako roared. He was a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Magnus and Merle's jaws dropped to the floor in shock and awe. Cam looked as though his would have, but then he would have dropped his wand.

With all eyes on him, Taako opened his mouth to speak. "MY NAME IS...DUPREE," he roared. Kravitz was shocked into silence, and Lup was laughing joyously.

Taako—or rather, Dupree—leaned over the battle wagon and chomped into the battle wagon with all the force he could muster, which was quite a lot. Dupree reared back, ripping the top half of the battle wagon of the bottom, revealing a pair of legs in the driver's seat.

"DUPREE!" Dupree roared, not having the intelligence to say much else.

The battle wagon fell over and the mannequins gathered up once again, this time forming a long shape that took up most of the space in the room, and ended up being even larger than Dupree. The form finalized, caught on fire from Magnus, and the terrifying figure of a Purple Worm towered over them.

"You guys killed a Purple Worm?" Cam asked, sounding impressed.

"Did we?" Magnus asked, trying to remember.

"Dupree!" Dupree yelled, adding very little to the conversation.

"I didn't think we killed one!" Merle said.

Dupree turned quickly and whacked the purple worm with his tail.

The worm filled its mouth with flames and roared at the party. Cam levitated up to the ceiling, and Magnus was already behind it, so Merle and Dupree were the only ones hit. The damage done by Dupree to the purple worm started to become undone as the worm healed itself.

In the corner of the room, on the wall, appeared a door. First it was wood-framed, then cobblestone-lined, then metal, and then glass—but it was always a door.

Magnus looked over to the door and then shouted, "Time to sauté, boys!"

Magnus had a straight shot to the door and ran for it, but Dupree, Merle, and Cam had to get past the purple worm. Dupree understood this, so he gingerly scooped up Cam and Merle in his mouth and ran toward the door. The worm took a bite out of Dupree, but he didn't seem to mind all that much. When Dupree made it to the door, he set Cam and Merle down before shrinking back down to Taako as they ran through the door. The worm in its rage threw itself down onto the door, which disappeared just before it would have been destroyed.

Chapter Text

Now that Taako, Merle, and Magnus were out of the room, they took a moment to catch their breath. Taako bent over, breathing heavily, and Merle just collapsed on the ground, looking not unlike a starfish.

"We didn't, by the way," Taako said between breaths.

"What was that?" Magnus asked.

"Kill a purple worm," Taako explained. "You know, back in Refuge? The worm ended up outside the bubble with its babies. June was real happy about that."

"Oh yeah," Merle said. Then he frowned and sat up. "Wait, how did you know that?"

"Oh you know," Taako said shrugging, only now remembering that he was supposed to be a regular Bureau employee. "Word gets around pretty fast on the Moonbase. Must've heard it from someone."

After they caught their breath, the adventurers turned their attention to the room they just entered. This room was much larger than any of the rooms they'd been in so far. The door, before it had disappeared, was attatched to a massive featureless cylinder. The only notable feature on the cylinder was a label on the exterior that read "Cam Magnus Merle TaakoKoko"

As they looked around, they noticed many more cylinders—38 to be exact—lining the edge of the cavernous room, each having their own labels with different names on them. A large spiral staircase led to a raised central platform about twenty feet above the ground. With little else to do, the party made their way toward the staircase.

"Hey, uh, listen," Cam said. Taako and the others turned to look at where he was levitating behind them. "I'm pretty sure you guys are gonna get out of here, so I'm gonna part ways with you now."

"What?" Magnus asked.

"It's like I said, Magnus, I'm a living disembodied head. I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm alive is because Wonderland is keeping me alive, eternally, just to pump more suffering out of me. So if I leave this place with y'all, I'm toast."

"Wait so, you'd rather—" Magnus started, still not understanding Cam's logic. "So let me get this straight. You'd rather stay in here, as a head, forever, in a place that feeds on suffering, rather than go with us and be free from this?"

"To be free from this place that is keeping me alive. Yeah, that doesn't sound good either, Magnus."

Taako furrowed his eyebrows. "Then why did you come with us and make us take all those extra punishments?" He asked.

"I thought I could help y'all get out of here—and I did!" Cam said.

Taako frowned. "I mean, you cast a spell. Two."

"Yeah, I provided some sage guidance! Look, let's not split hairs—"

"I turned into a T-Rex!" Taako shouted, outraged.

"Um, hey Taako? Maybe chill?" Lup said in his mind. "What's wrong with you?"

"He didn't do anything," Taako thought. "Everything he told us we could have figured out on our own. In fact, we did figure it out on our own. He just ended up hurting us—me, Magnus and Merle—and now he just dips? What was the point?"

"Taako!" Lup scolded. "Cam's just like us. He just wants to survive. He thought he could help us, and if Krav, Barry, and I weren't here and you didn't have your memories, his knowledge would have helped you all! And besides, all we did was theorize. Cam was able to confirm those theories. He was scared, and saw you as a way to save him. It's only now that he realized that's not what he wants."

Taako was silent for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and thought, "You're right, Lup. I—I didn't think of that. Thank the gods you're here. Remember the good day I gave you? And at dinner, when you told me you were gonna become a lich?"

"Of course I do, silly," Lup said. "What about it?"

"You said I was your heart," Taako said. "Well, if that's true, then you must be my conscience."

"Well, I am a voice in your head that tells you what to do," Lup joked. Taako smiled.

"I should say something. Apologize," Taako thought. He looked up, but Cam was already long gone. Merle and Magnus were making their way toward the stairs. Taako rushed to join them.

The stairs led to a second story of the room, a large and circular platform. A catwalk stretched across the platform, and mannequins dressed in high fashion outfits were posed to be the audience. The mannequins in unison turned to look at the adventurers, and then slowly, they raised their arms to point to where a spotlight illuminated the runway.

Magnus nudged Taako gently. Taako looked at him and Magnus jerked his head toward the runway.

"I don't—I don't understand," Taako said, feigning confusion. "No, I'm kinda freaked out. What's going on?" He asked.

"Hey Lulu, which outfit should I go with: the suit I wore at the performance in Legato, or the dress from the fantasy prom in cycle sixty-something?" Taako asked.

"Well, you can't go wrong with a dress with so much glitter that it outshines the sun, but that suit did have a really nice fit. What if instead of those, you went with that blouse you always stole from me?" Lup said.

"Uh, I think you need to get up there and strut," Magnus explained.

"I think it's a fashion show?" Merle said, though he didn't sound sure of himself.

"I'm not a piece of meat," Taako said, acting insulted. "You mean that blouse that you stole from my closet and I had to steal back constantly. No, it's too subtle for something like this."

"This is what you were born to do, Koko!" Magnus shouted.

"No, I mean I'm not a model, I'm a wizard and a chef," Taako said incredulously.  "I don't understand what I'm being asked to do here."

Magnus nodded toward the runway and said "I think you need to bootytootch—"

"Why?" Taako asked. "The things you're saying make no sense! I'm not just gonna strut across a catwalk for your delight!"

"Hey Ghost Rider, what do you think Taako looks best in?" Lup asked.

"Well, I—" Kravitz started, then hesitated. What does Taako look best in? "I mean, I think Taako looks amazing in everything—"

"Aww," Taako thought. "Thanks, babe."

"Grossarooni," Lup said.

Kravitz finished his thought. "—But I'm quite fond of this short purple skirt he has. Do you remember, dear? You wore it when we met in your apartment that first time."

Taako smirked. "Yeah, I remember that. Hang on, I know the outfit I'm gonna go with."

The mannequins pulled their arms back and pointed more forcefully at the runway. With that, Taako casted a spell on himself and his entire outfit transformed.

Taako was now wearing a short mauve skirt with fishnet stockings and glittering black high-heeled boots. His tattered, dirty top transformed into a clean white cotton blouse that moved as though there was a gentle breeze in the room. Taako touched his cloak and it changed into a dark blue fabric with silver trim. He took off his hat and pulled his hair out of his braid. As he brushed it with his fingers, his hair fell into loose curls. Finally, he shook his hat and it changed to match his cloak, dark blue and silver, with glittering gems hanging from the brim.

With a final prestidigitation to shoot sparks from his hands, Taako started strutting down the runway, posing all along the way. With every pose, Taako flashed another shower of sparks to accentuate his radiance.

Needless to say, the audience was losing their minds.

When Taako finally made his way to the end of the catwalk, he turned on his heel, flipped his hair, and struck a final pose before he waited for Magnus and Merle. 

Merle stepped forward, and it was already apparent that Kravitz, along with Taako and Lup, were going to hate this.

Merle pulled his shirt off one shoulder and made intense eye contact with the crowd in a manner that he might describe as "seductive," although Kravitz would describe it as "repugnant." Then Merle proceeded to waddle clumsily down the rest of the runway to stand next to Taako.

Magnus pulled out his Chance Lance and started to twirl it and throw it in the air, which was impressive if you didn't look too closely and notice that he would toss the Chance Lance up in the air and it would shoot straight back to his hands every time he fumbled—which was quite a lot.

When Magnus took his place next to his friends, a voice rang throughout the room.

"You did it!" Edward said, as though he didn't believe what he was saying. "I don't know how, but you did it!"

Lydia spoke next. "Very few people have stood where you're standing now, having conquered suffering itself to claim their prize. Give them a hand, folks!" The crowd of mannequins rose to give the adventurers a standing ovation.

"This resolve," Edward said when the crowd died down, "this desire to do whatever it takes no matter the cost to save yourselves. Do you know who you three remind me of?"

"Who?" Merle asked.

"Us!" Edward exclaimed, earning a disgusted sound from Magnus.

"There were three of us, once, lifetimes ago," Lydia started. "We had another sibling, a younger brother—Keats. It was the three of us, surviving against all odds. The world against us. But Keats, well, Keats got sick. And he wouldn't get better. So Edward and I joined a necromantic circle to try and save him."

Edward continued. "We were unsuccessful, but we found joy in our new-found powers. That's when we became liches and managed to sustain ourselves with our love for our dear Keats and each other. But when that became insufficient, we discovered ways of using other people's emotions to sustain ourselves. Emotion is so powerful, and practical. That's how we discovered that, well, suffering's much more effective than love."

Lup's soul was vibrating in anger. As a lich who used love to sustain herself, in a way, Edward was calling her weak. Kravitz would have been impressed she didn't exit Taako's body to tear Edward and Lydia apart, but he was preoccupied with his memories.

Kravitz knew Edward and Lydia's story; knew it well, in fact, though it wasn't from their perspective. It was long ago, but Kravitz still remembered the night he met Keats.

Chapter Text

Kravitz had been assigned to track down a certain cult that had sprung up in the past year or so. So far they hadn't done much; just some recruitment and basic necromancy that could hardly be used as anything more than a party trick. But recently, they'd been growing more bold. Attempting rituals that they weren't skilled enough to perform. The one thing they were good at, however, was creating wards to hide their ritual sites. Kravitz had been scanning the woods outside of Eversummer (a city that had been renamed Neverwinter centuries later) when he felt the wards go down. He raced to the site, knowing that he would be too late to stop the ritual, but perhaps he could do some detective work and figure out where they were going next.

When Kravitz came upon the abandoned necromantic ritual site, he was horrified. Blood was scattered clumsily in an attempt to form runes and the rotting animal carcasses they came from were splayed all over the site, seemingly dropped where they'd run out of blood.

In the middle of all this was the body of a young elven boy—not even a century old, if Kravitz had to guess. Dark runes were burned into his flesh, occasionally spitting out whatever magic could have been wrung out of the poor boy's body.

Standing above the body, staring at it with a vacant expression, stood the very soul that once belonged to the mutilated body. The soul itself was damaged, of course, due to the very nature of the ritual. Parts of him would fade in and out of existence as though he only had so much energy left to project his form.

When the young elf finally noticed Kravitz, the elf didn't have fear in his eyes; instead, the boy looked exhausted. It was at this moment that Kravitz realized he was still a skeleton and he changed into his human form.

"You're too late," The boy said simply, walking over to and sitting on a fallen tree. "They left days ago."

"Thanks," Kravitz said, but he was much more worried about the soul in front of him than the people he'd been sent to chase. He walked over to the log—slowly, he didn't want the kid to run away—and sat down next to the elf.

"Shouldn't you be taking me to jail, or something?" The child asked.

Kravitz checked his book of bounties and shook his head. "No, I don't think so. You're not on my list, unlike the group that did this to you."

The kid kept looking forward, not taking his eyes off his own corpse but not truly observing it.

The boy sniffed. "I didn't think being dead would hurt so much," he said. Then he buried his head in his hands and started sobbing.

The truth was, being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. The kid shouldn't have felt anything at all, but the botched ritual made not only his death painful, but also his afterlife.

Kravitz put an arm around the kid to comfort him. He was taken by surprise when the boy practically launched himself into him, wrapping his arms around Kravitz and crying into his suit.

When he calmed down, the boy told him his name—Keats. He said that he was sick, and that his two older siblings didn't have the money to heal him. They turned to necromancy and joined a cult, despite how hard Keats pleaded with them not to. He begged them to stop before it was too late, but they'd been so single minded in healing their baby brother that they hadn't realized they were missing what little time that he had left. Keats spent the last half of his life being brought into necromantic rituals that he wanted no part in simply because the last of his family would be there.

Keats' siblings had told him the day before the ritual that they would be turning him into a lich with the help of their cult. Keats begged them not to, he barely knew what a lich was and now they expected him to take part in a crime against death when he still had a few months left to spend with them.

Kravitz looked around. The ritual was nothing like what becoming a lich would be—it looked more like a process of drawing power from the energy of a soul. He relayed this information to Keats, who just shrugged. "I kinda figured it would end up like that," he said.

"So what happens to me now?" Keats asked. "You said you wouldn't take me to jail, but I—" Keats winced. "It hurts too much. I can't just rest, now."

"I'll take you to the Raven Queen," Kravitz said suddenly, and Keats looked confused. After all, what would the Goddess of Death want to do with a necromantic nightmare like Keats? "I'll tell you everything you told me, and I'll plead your case—She's very fair, after all—and we'll see what happens."

Kravitz already knew exactly what was going to happen. After he spoke with the Raven Queen, She requested a moment alone with Keats. Kravitz waited outside the throne room patiently, knowing full well what She was proposing to Keats. Finally, the doors swung open and there stood Keats, wearing a full Reaper outfit. His soul was healed, if his smile had anything to say about that.

The Raven Queen had offered Keats the choice to become a Reaper. Like Kravitz, Keats accepted it. Kravitz was personally assigned for the next few months to train Keats, something they were both happy about. As Keats trained and the years passed, his form aged until he became an adult, giving him the chance to grow up. The day came when Keats no longer needed Kravitz' supervision, and they stopped going on bounties together so often, but they kept in touch, hanging out whenever their schedules lined up.

Eventually, the time came when Keats saw his siblings' names in the list of bounties as liches. Kravitz asked what would happen if Keats saw them, and he shrugged.

"I'd treat them like any other bounty," he answered plainly.

"That's easy to say," Kravitz pointed out.

"It's true," Keats insisted. "Sure, they're related to me. We shared the same blood. But that doesn't mean they aren't bad people. They were looking into necromancy long before I was sick, and I was just the excuse they needed to fully commit themselves to it. It was never about me, not really. They just liked the power over death, and I would have been their first success."

Keats shook his head. "No, if they really loved me, they would have taken time to listen to me. They never spent time with me—for the last year of my life, I only saw them when they were hiding stolen spell components from their circle in our house. And I told them I didn't want to see them do necromancy, that if I died, I wouldn't want to be raised from the dead. They never cared about me. They're not really my family."

Keats looked up at Kravitz with tears in his eyes. "You're more a sibling to me than they ever were."

Lydia's voice shook Kravitz out of his memories.

"We're the oldest living—well, un-living—things in this whole world, I'd reckon," Lydia said, although Kravitz was inclined to disagree, as he'd been around for longer than they had. "Here's a fun fact they don't tell you about liches: Your spectral form resembles what you looked like when you consigned your soul to lichdom. That means we have to spend an eternity in the drab, black robes of our circle."

Edward said, "Eventually, we discovered how to channel suffering to create new garments for ourselves. Fantastic garments! Then we learned how to channel it into other forms. We could summon small household objects, and then bigger objects, and then finally summoning entire rooms from the ether. That's how we came up with Wonderland! It's a perfect centrifuge for extracting suffering from those who, fueled by greed, came to visit us. Wonderland has taken many forms over the past few centuries, but these games are actually kind of a new touch that we're pretty excited about."

"And thanks to your Animus Bell, business has been booming lately," Lydia said, not knowing that the creator of said bell was hidden in the room, hating and despising everything they'd done with it.

Something had rubbed up against Taako's ankle and he jerked his leg away from the offending touch: a rogue mannequin, reaching for Taako's garments as though it were a desperate fan. A quick look around the room revealed that every mannequin was crowding the catwalk, doing the same. Taako moved closer to the center of the catwalk, bumping into Magnus and Merle as they did the same.

"This place has always thrived because of, well, what else? Advertising!" Edward exclaimed. "We've got a few consistent channels. Surely you received a brochure in the mail, or saw our billboards, or met someone drawn here by a beam of magical light? Those are just a few tools of the trade, and they served us well during our residency here." Edward's pride in ruining countless lives was sickening. "But do you all know the most successful type of advertising?" He asked.

"Word of mouth?" Taako, Magnus, and Merle said at the same time.

"Koko," Edward said, the smile present in his voice and the dread overwhelming. "You landed on skull in the last round, didn't you?"

"Yes?" Taako answered.

"Bad luck."

Chapter Text

The sound of a bell ringing filled the air. Immediately, Taako's body was struck with an invisible bolt of necromantic energy. Pain shot through Taako's body as the souls occupying it resisted. Lup and Kravitz fought to stay inside, to stay with Taako and protect him, but the Bell wouldn't let that happen, and the pain only grew as they stayed planted. They couldn't both resist forever.

It felt like they were fighting for hours, but in reality, it was less than a second before Kravitz's soul was thrown out of Taako's body. However, Kravitz didn't manifest a physical form right away. Instead, he hid in the dark fog. He never missed the chance to make a dramatic entrance, after all.

Taako stumbled backward, but caught himself and stood tall.

"What?" Edward said, manifesting himself at the opposite end of the catwalk, holding the Animus Bell. His sister appeared beside him, trying to grab the bell and figure out what her brother did wrong.

Kravitz smiled as he manifested a body of his own. He took control of the smoke and had it sink down, obscuring everyone else's view as he made his way to stand in between Taako and the twin liches. Kravitz laughed, a deep guttural laugh that he amplified to fill the room ominously.

"Bad luck, indeed," he said, and he banished the smoke to the edges of the room, revealing his form; a tall, dark-skinned human wearing an expensive suit and the Cloak of the Raven Queen's Reapers. He called forth his scythe and balanced it on his shoulders casually as his other hand held his book of bounties.

Edward and Lydia were stunned. Kravitz heard the clattering of a battleaxe behind him, and deduced that Merle and Magnus were as well, but Kravitz was only focused on the pair of liches in front of him.

"Edward and Lydia," Kravitz read, speaking in the same booming voice from before. "You've both been found guilty of lichdom, which is enough to get you thrown in the Eternal Stockade for—well, eternity. However, your crimes don't stop there." Kravitz flipped a page of his book for an added effect. "Your necromantic days started early, with attempts to raise the dead. Then you attempted to turn an unwilling party into a lich, which is horrid on its own, but then you botched the ritual and left his soul scarred and in excruciating pain." Kravitz looked up at the pair of liches in front of him and he felt his form start to shift in anger, remembering his dear friend Keats. He took back control of himself, though. He needed to finish their list of crimes.

"Then you derived life from the suffering of others, and being unsatisfied with that, you created a living Hell filled with empty promises that you lured innocent people into so you could feed on their suffering." Kravitz scowled as he continued. "Then you used a Grand Relic to amplify your necromancy and tore souls out of their own bodies when you couldn't torture them any longer." Kravitz snapped the book shut and had it disappear, making the liches flinch at the sound.

Kravitz shook his head condescendingly. "That may be it for your crimes against the Raven Queen, but you see, now you've made things personal." Kravitz turned to gesture behind him at the three adventurers. Magnus and Merle were standing with their mouths agape, one clutching a battle axe that he'd previously dropped and the other a holy book, both standing behind—

Kravitz was stunned by just how radiant Taako was. He was perfect, standing unafraid with a hand on his hip, his carefully crafted arcane outfit leaving Kravitz weak in the knees. Taako waved and Kravitz' heart soared.

Kravitz, with his arm outstretched to the one he loved, turned his head to look the liches straight in the eye as he said: "Now you've gone and hurt my boyfriend."

"Go get 'em, babe!" Taako called from behind.

Kravitz smiled and gripped his scythe to strike.

Lydia grabbed the Animus Bell from Edward and aimed it at Taako, stopping Kravitz in his tracks.

"I'll do it," Lydia said. "You'll lose your precious boyfriend."

Kravitz let his face fall. He looked back at Taako and thought about Lup, still inside, simmering and barely holding back, wanting just as badly as he did to get her hands on the twin liches.

Kravitz turned back towards the liches and raised his scythe to attack.

Lydia shook the bell and an explosion of fire shot out of Taako's body as Lup emerged. Her form was engulfed in flames as she shot to take her place next to Kravitz.

"You're the ones who have been hurting my brother," Lup said, her voice dripping with venom. "Cover's blown anyway, wanna get in on this, babe?" Lup called out, and the Red Robe Barry Bluejeans appeared beside her.

Lydia and Edward called forth their fog of suffering and prepared to strike.

"Don't kill them just yet," Kravitz told Lup and Barry. "I've got a friend that might want to get in on this."

Lup and Barry nodded and surged forward to meet Lydia and Edward's attack head on.

Kravitz turned to make his way to the three adventurers but to his surprise, Taako was already making his way over—quite fast, in fact. Taako ran towards Kravitz and they met in the middle to wrap each other in an embrace and they kissed.

When they pulled away, still holding each other, Taako said "Boy, you have no idea how much I missed doing that."

Kravitz laughed out of pure joy. "I think I do, love," he said, and then he made the mistake of glancing down and he was fully distracted by Taako's outfit.

Taako took notice and pulled away to spin on his heel. "What do you think, babe?" Taako asked, striking several poses in a row.

Kravitz shook his head, smiling. "There are no words to describe you, Taako."

Taako pouted. "You didn't even try."

Kravitz raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Then why don't I give it a shot." Kravitz took Taako's hand and brought him closer. "I'm completely and utterly obsessed with you, love. You're...charming. Beautiful. Alluring. Luminous. Stunning. Resplendent."

Before he knew it, Kravitz was being kissed by his boyfriend again.

"Uh...excuse me," Merle said, interrupting the reunion. "Aren't we like, in the middle of something?"

Kravitz cleared his throat and let go of Taako—but still held his hand. "Yes, um. Sorry about that," he said, embarrassed. "Liches. Wonderland. Right."

Magnus gestured to the fight happening on the other side of the room. "Should we, like, help or something?"

Kravitz turned, viewed the fight for a moment, and said "No, those two have got it. I do need your help, though. See, for a long time, Edward and Lydia have hidden this place from us Reapers. I've got an old friend who you could say is personally invested in these two, and I'd rather he be the one to take them to the Eternal Stockade."

Kravitz produced several small illusions in his hand. "These are necromantic runes designed to keep Reapers from finding this place. There should be some around here, and if we mess with them enough, I should be able to contact my friend."

Magnus frowned and thought it over. "Okay," he said. He jabbed a finger at Kravitz before saying, "But you'd better have some pretty damn good answers once this is over." Magnus swung his battleaxe over his shoulder and went to search for the runes.

Merle threw up his arms in an aggressive shrug and said "Sure! Why not!" before making his way to find the runes.

"I'll go look too," Taako said, giving Kravitz a quick peck on the cheek. "I've got to stop distracting you."

Kravitz smiled. Taako was indeed a very good distraction. He went to search for runes himself.

Not much time had passed before Kravitz felt a shift in his reaper senses.

"I think I found it!" Called Merle.

Kravitz took out his Stone of Farspeech to confirm that yes, the wards were down. Kravitz dialed the only other frequency on his stone besides Taako's.

"Hello? Kravitz, is that you?"

Kravitz smiled at hearing his old friend's voice. "Yes it is. It's been too long, Keats."

"That it has."

Kravitz dodged a large piece of metal that swung from the ceiling and crashed into the wall.

"Sorry!" Lup called out.

"You on a bounty or something?" Keats asked.

"Yes, actually, that's why I called," Kravitz said. "I've got a couple of bounties here that I think might interest you."

A sigh was heard from the other end, followed by a chuckle. "Is this your way of saying you need my help?"

Kravitz rolled his eyes. "No, actually, I've got things pretty well taken care of. I just figured you deserved a bit of closure."

There was silence on the other line for seconds before Keats said, "...you're kidding. You found them."

"Just make your way over here, and ignore my friends in red. They're under Istus' protection."

The sound of reality tearing filled the air as soon as Kravitz hung up the stone. Everyone stopped their fighting to witness a fissure appear in the center of the room. They watched as it grew until it was large enough for a young-looking elven reaper to step through and enter the room.

"Keats?" Edward and Lydia gasped.

Keats gritted his teeth. "You two left me to rot in the forest," he said, his voice eerily calm. "I begged you to stop your necromancy, but you craved power more than you ever loved me." Keats summoned his scythe and said, "You two are going away for a long, long time."

Lydia and Edward threw bolts of energy at Keats, but Kravitz rushed in from the side to deflect their attack.

The twin liches started readying another attack, but in the midst of their preparation, Lup and Barry shot rope-like bolts of red lightning at them.

Lydia and Edward were frozen in place. As they struggled against the bonds that held them, they lost focus on maintaining their appearance and their extravagant clothes faded to reveal their plain black robes.

Keats walked forward to stand in front of his siblings. "Goodbye, brother. Sister," he said. Then Keats swung his scythe and Lydia and Edward were gone.

Chapter Text

With Lydia and Edward gone, the illusion of Wonderland came crumbling down. A strong wind flowed through the room, taking the black smoke along with it. The smoke began to pick up speed as it swirled around the room, completely obscuring the cylinders and walls. Then the wind became more chaotic, bringing the smoke throughout the entire room and blinding anyone within.

Suddenly, the wind changed directions, shooting straight upward, taking the smoke—and Wonderland—with it. Kravitz looked around to find a couple dozen adventurers spread around what was now a clearing. He looked up to watch the smoke seemingly evaporate into thin air after just a few seconds.

Kravitz suddenly felt the atmosphere change. Dozens of souls were scattered around the clearing, silently crying out in fear. They were lost. Wonderland’s magic had confused them, and they couldn’t find their own way to the Sea of Souls. In addition to them, there were souls—like Cam—who had only been alive because Lydia and Edward were there to absorb their suffering and were now dead.

There was a rustling sound that came behind Kravitz that took his attention. He turned his head just in time to see Taako come crashing into his side, narrowly avoiding knocking the both of them off of their feet. Kravitz laughed and wrapped his arms around Taako, just holding him because he could. Taako was here. He was finally safe in Kravitz’ arms.

“Dude!” Lup yelled, floating with Barry over to her brother and his boyfriend. “Is this your job? That you get paid to do? That was awesome!”

“I haven’t had that much fun fighting in a long time,” Barry said as he mimicked stretching (as he didn’t have muscles to stretch).

Kravitz smiled. “It was refreshing to have a couple helping hands,” he confessed.

That sentence sparked a train of thought in Kravitz’ mind. He didn’t fully realize it for himself, but he’d just had a great idea.

Kravitz let go of Taako and asked, “So, where do we go from here?”

“I guess we try and talk to Lucretia,” Barry said.

“Well, that’s easier said than done,” Taako pointed out. “I’m pretty sure Lucretia’s not gonna let me up on the Moonbase, and then there’s what Magnus said on the stone—something about guards, or causing a mess, or something.”

The four of them turned to find the mentioned fighter and watched as he approached the Animus Bell.

“How would you like to live forever?” The bell projected in a voice that sounded like a corrupted Barry Bluejeans.

“I’d hate it,” Magnus said definitively. He picked up the bell and tossed it forcefully into his bag. Then Magnus marched up to Kravitz, Lup, Barry, and Taako.

“Answers. Now.” Magnus demanded, his face showing the duality of fury and frustration that he felt.

Nobody said a word—they didn’t know what to say. Kravitz, Lup, Barry, and Taako just looked between each other as Merle made his way over.

“It’s a long story,” Barry said.

Kravitz felt several distinct pulls on his soul. He couldn’t ignore the troubled souls of those who had perished in Wonderland calling out in terror.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Kravitz said. “There are so many souls that need guiding to the Astral Plane—and then Keats will probably make me do his paperwork for him.”

“So you’re just gonna leave, are you?” Merle said. “When it’s most convenient?”

Kravitz looked in the direction that he felt the strongest pull of souls. “I swear, I would stay if I could, but I need to help them.” He turned to Taako. “I’ll find you when I’m done, dear. Good luck,” he said, and kissed Taako on his cheek. He waved goodbye to Lup and Barry, and then he changed into his skeletal form and got to work.

Hours later, Kravitz was in the Astral Plane, having brought the last of Wonderland’s victims to rest in the Sea of Souls. He sat down for a moment and looked over the Sea of Souls, taking a moment to appreciate its beauty. Like the oceans of the Prime Material Plane, waves crashed on the shore in a hypnotizing rhythm. However, since the Sea of Souls wasn’t made of water, it had its own unique beauty. The expansive sea was illuminated by souls, shining in turn with one another.

Kravitz heard footsteps approaching behind him. He didn’t have to look behind him to know who it was.

“So, how did you end up befriending two liches?” Keats asked.

Kravitz chuckled, still watching the floating lights. “How much time do you have?”

“Not a lot,” Keats admitted, taking a seat next to Kravitz, “But Susan owes me a few favors, so she can deal if I’m a couple minutes late. You said they were under Istus’ protection?”

Kravitz nodded. “Yes, apparently they’re important to the fate of the universe. Along with every other universe.”

Keats gave a low whistle. “Damn, okay.”

“It’s hard to explain,” Kravitz said, “And I wasn’t exactly there for it. I’ll have to introduce you to them sometime.”

Keats nodded. Then he smirked, which wasn’t ever a good sign. “So, you’ve got a boyfriend, now?”

Kravitz flushed. “Where did you hear that?” He asked.

“Didn’t need to hear it from anyone, I saw you and that pretty elf snuggling as soon as the walls came down.” Keats paused. “How did you even meet someone? You only go down there for bounties.”

Kravitz gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah, I met someone. His name’s Taako. We’ve been dating for a couple months, now.”

Keats stared at Kravitz.

“What?” Kravitz asked.

“Taako—as in, the Taako? From TV?” Keats asked, his mouth agape.

Kravitz was flabbergasted. “How do you know Taako?”

“I saw his show a couple times, because I like having fun and I’m not completely obsessed with work.” Keats gave a pointed look at Kravitz, who rolled his eyes, before he continued. “It was a lot of fun, the guy was entertaining, and the food was amazing.” Keats elbowed Kravitz playfully. “How did you manage to go out with a guy like Taako?”

Kravitz gave a brief rundown of the events of last Candlenights without going into much detail. He’d been sent to investigate someone who had assisted in breaking someone out of the Eternal Stockade, and in the process, had run into three of his highest bounties. Those bounties ended up helping Kravitz, and since they technically never broke out of the Astral Plane, he let them go after they won a game of cards. Later, those bounties had been involved in what had been referred to as ”The Refuge Incident” and Taako was the one to discuss the terms with Kravitz.

“I can’t believe you’re dating a former bounty,” Keats said with a large grin. “Oh man, I’m never gonna let you live this down. How did that even happen?”

“It wasn’t intentional,” Kravitz defended. “Taako was the one who scheduled our appointment, and he decided on a wine and pottery place. We ended up having a good time, and we just kept meeting each other.”

Keats smiled and put his hand on Kravitz’ shoulder. “That’s real cute, Krav. I’m happy for you. But I also know you well enough to know that’s not the whole story. You—and what I saw of Taako—are way more unusual than to have that be it.”

Kravitz sighed. “I told you, I don’t have time to explain everything.“

“I know, but give me something. Like…what was the first thing he said to you?”

Kravitz winced. “He said, ‘My name is Taako and you look like you’re made of salt.’”

Keats laughed. “Salt?”

“To be fair,” Kravitz said, "I did take the form of a pink tourmaline golem. But that’s not even…never mind.”

“Not even what?”

“Nothing!” Kravitz said, standing up. “It’s nothing, and I really should be getting back to him by now—“

Keats stood up next to his friend. “Kravitz. Kraaaaaavitz. Did he say something else? Something worse? What did he say? I’m just going to start guessing, and it’s gonna be worse than what he actually said.”

“It won’t,” Kravitz said, summoning his scythe. Although he enjoyed catching up with Keats, he knew it had been at least a few hours since he’d left Taako.

“He said, and I quote, ‘Hey thug, what’s your name, I’m about to tentacle your dick.’”

Keats lost it. He fell back to the ground, howling with laughter. Kravitz rolled his eyes, but chuckled. It was pretty funny, after all.

“I’ll be seeing you, Keats,” Kravitz said, focusing on Taako’s soul and opening a portal to him in the Prime Material Plane.

Keats finally caught his breath and said, “Yeah, you too, bud!”

Kravitz smiled as he stepped through the rift. It really had been too long since he’d talked with Keats.

Chapter Text

The first thing Kravitz noticed when he stepped through the portal was how dark it was. When he’d last been in the Prime Material Plane, the sun had been high in the sky, but now the sky was dotted with stars and he could hear the gentle sounds of owls hooting coming from the surrounding forest. He’d been gone for much longer than he’d thought.

Kravitz closed the portal and took note of his surroundings. A campfire illuminated a small clearing that held two small tents, two red spirits, and a half-asleep human man sitting on a log. One of the spirits—who Kravitz recognized as Barry—fed a piece of wood to the fire to keep it going a bit longer.

Kravitz approached the campfire slowly, not wanting to startle anyone. When he was a few feet away he stepped on a dry branch and Magnus shot up, battle axe in hand and ready to strike, before he saw who Kravitz was.

“Oh, it’s you,” Magnus said. He set down his axe and sat back down on the log.

“Good to see you, bud,” Barry said.

At the same time, Lup said “What took you so long, Skeletor?”

“Being in the Astral Plane makes you lose track of time if you’re not constantly aware of it,” Kravitz explained. “I’ve been meaning to get a watch, but I just never got around to doing it.

“Didja see Julia?” Magnus asked, his sleepiness making words blend into each other. He was staring up at Kravitz, the tiredness present in his eyes, as well as a deep sadness.

Kravitz sighed gently. “No, I wasn’t in the part of the plane she’s in.” Magnus deflated, and Kravitz continued. “But I did pass along your message. She’s happy, and she’s waiting for you,” Kravitz said.

Magnus stared into the fire. Then he blinked and wiped his eyes. “’S late,” Magnus said.

Kravitz nodded. “Indeed. Maybe you should go to sleep?” He suggested.

Magnus shook his head. “Gotta keep watch,” He explained.

“Barry and Lup—er, Lulu can do that, they don’t need sleep,” Kravitz said.

Magnus looked over at the two liches. “No offense, but I don’t think I can trust them.”

Kravitz knew it must have hurt Barry and Lup to hear that. “Maybe I could keep watch? I don’t need sleep,” He suggested. Magnus looked up at him, confused. “I know we haven’t always been on the best of terms, but I swear I mean no ill intent. I’ll protect this campsite.”

Magnus looked into the fire, considering Kravitz’ offer.

Kravitz was very concerned about Magnus. Kravitz wasn’t aware of what the next day would entail, but he figured that the human would need to be fully rested.

“You—you really spoke with Julia?” Magnus asked after a while, looking up at Kravitz.

Kravitz nodded. “I keep my promises,” he said.

Magnus absorbed the information. He stood up, stretched, and said “Well, I guess I’ll try and get some sleep, then.” He patted Kravitz’ shoulder with considerable strength and went inside one of the tents.

Kravitz took Magnus’ spot by the fire. Barry and Lup were staring at him.

“What?” Kravitz asked.

“Nothing,” Lup said quickly. “Taako wanted us to wake him when you showed up. He wanted to be the one to tell you our plan. Something about spending quality time with the boyfriend.”

Kravitz felt bad. “Has he been waiting long?”

“Only a few hours,” Lup answered. “He should be fully rested if he meditated. I’ll go grab him.” Lup passed through one of the tents and a moment later, Taako emerged with her. He had a blanket draped over his shoulders, his hair was in a loose messy braid, and the glamour he put on in Wonderland was gone. Kravitz’ heart kick-started from the sight of his boyfriend. He hadn’t realized how much he missed Taako.

Taako yawned. “Hey babe,” He said, and he smiled. “Glad you finally showed up.”

Kravitz felt a pang of guilt. “I’m sorry dear, I lost track of time and—“

Taako shushed Kravitz as he made his way over. “Make up for it by cuddling me,” he said.

Taako sat down in Kravitz’ lap and rested his head on Kravitz’ shoulder. Kravitz wrapped his arms around Taako.

“You’re warm,” Taako said.

“Must be from sitting by the fire,” Kravitz answered, though he hadn’t been sitting there long enough for the fire to noticeably raise his temperature.

“Oh my gods, get a room,” Lup teased from across the fire, where she and Barry were so close to each other that they were indistinguishable from one another, forming a single glowing blob of lich.

Taako shot his head up and pointed accusatorially at his sister. “Hey, you and Barold can’t talk, I had to deal with you two in the same ship for fifty years.”

“Then you should be used to it by now,” Lup retorted.

Taako rolled his eyes dramatically and leaned back on Kravitz.

The four souls sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying the luxury to take a moment to breathe. It had been an eventful week—Had it really been less than a week? Kravitz thought—and they were grateful for a brief respite. Eventually, Lup and Barry had to leave to make the necessary preparations and ready Barry’s cave for their plan, but they promised they’d be back before sunrise. Taako barely registered their disappearance, the only movement from him being the steady rise and fall of his chest. Kravitz slowly stroked Taako’s hair as he slept, and a gentle rumbling sound quickly emerged from his boyfriend.

The rumbling sound eventually softened and Taako lifted his head off of Kravitz’ shoulder, raising his arms in the air to stretch them out.

“Have a good nap, love?” Kravitz asked.

“Mmm,” Taako replied, a lazy smile on his face. “You make a good pillow.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Kravitz said.

Taako sighed as he leaned his head on Kravitz’ chest again. “I guess we’d better talk about business at some point,” he said.

Kravitz nodded. “Yes, I was wondering what I’d missed.”

“Well, our goal is to get to the moon base and tell Lucretia our plan,” Taako said. “Once we do, she’ll have no reason not to give Merle and Magnus the baby voidfish’s ichor and we can be finally be done with all this static nonsense.”

“Sounds easy enough,” Kravitz noted.

“That’s where you’re wrong, babe,” Taako said. “We’ve got quite a few things going against us. First, there’s the fact that Lucretia thinks I’ve been conspiring against the Bureau, which technically isn’t wrong, so I’m sure she has precautions against someone who speaks in static suddenly appearing on base.” Taako fidgeted with the edge of his blanket as he continued.

“Then, there’s Magnus.” Taako said, barking out a laugh. “The dude broke into the Bureau’s prison right before he went to Wonderland. Apparently he wanted to speak to our old roomie—Lucretia didn’t tell us why he was in there, and he wanted to know—and ended up seeing Davenport in one of the cells.”

Kravitz felt a pang of guilt. “Lucretia must have put him there after I gave him the ichor,” he said.

Taako nodded. “Yeah, Magnus said Davenport was speaking full sentences and kept breaking out in static. He didn’t understand anything he said, but eventually Cap’nport told Magnus to go before he got caught.”

Kravitz shook his head. “I’m so sorry I—“ Kravitz swallowed. “I put him in there,” he finished.

“Lucretia was the one to put him in there, not you,” Taako said. “Besides, it’s better he’s in there with his memories and cohesive thoughts than being trapped in his own mind, unable to say anything but his own name.”

Kravitz could feel Taako’s body tense up as he talked about what Lucretia had done to their captain. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Taako’s head and squeezed his hands. Taako’s body softened, though he was still noticeably tense.

“Anyway,” Taako said, his fingers squeezing back, “we need to get Lucretia alone so we can tell her our plan. We need her to bring us somewhere private—like her office.” Taako ran his fingers across Kravitz’ hands absentmindedly as he spoke. “She’s got a plan for if I get on base, we’re sure of it, and Maggie’s gonna be in a whole lot of trouble. We figured that the best course of action would be to shock her somehow—to throw her off her groove.”

“How are you going to do that?” Kravitz asked.

“I’m not,” Taako said. “Lup is.”

“Pardon?” Kravitz asked. “Doesn’t Lucretia have wards up for liches?”

“Not if they’re in bodies,” Taako explained. “Lup’s gonna hitch a ride on the ol’ Taako Express TM and take control. We’re identical, so if we throw up a couple illusions to make my clothes and hair look like how Lup would dress, Lucretia won’t be able to tell the difference. Our story’s gonna be that Magnus and Merle found her and Barry outside of Wonderland and they decided to team up.”

“Barry?” Kravitz asked.

“Hmm?”

“Barry’s a lich, as well as a Red Robe. Wouldn’t he be seen as a threat on base, and how would he even get up there?”

Taako didn’t answer at first. “Now hear me out,” he said.

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“Barry’s got this like, flesh body of himself growing back at his cave?” Taako said. “He’s gonna possess that and essentially be alive again.”

Kravitz grimaced. His Queen wasn’t going to like that, but he supposed it would be for the greater good.

“The thing is,” Taako said, “Barry was afraid you were gonna narc on him, but I knew you’re such a cool dude that you wouldn’t even think—“

“Taako, you don’t have to convince me not to reap your brother-in-law,” Kravitz said. “I’m sure My Queen would prefer if he didn’t do any more necromancy, but I understand that it’s necessary for this plan to work. Besides, I’m sure that She would rather have the world not end.”

Taako raised his head and shifted so he was facing Kravitz. “I knew it! You’re the best, babe,” Taako said, then he kissed his boyfriend.

“Anyway,” Taako continued, “Barry’s body isn’t going to remember any of the Voidfish stuff, so he’ll be going in blind, but he said he has a plan to get himself to follow us. Plus I’ll look like Lup, so like, it won’t be that hard to convince him.”

Kravitz nodded. “And I assume I’l also be a passenger on the Taako Express, TM?” He asked.

Taako smiled. “That’s right, babe. I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but—“ Taako paused and snuggled closer to Kravitz. “I want you to be there,” He said in a hushed tone, as if he were embarrassed to admit it.

“Of course,” Kravitz said. “I’d follow you anywhere.“

Taako threw his arms around Kravitz’ neck. “That’s so cheesy,” Taako said, his voice breaking. “I can’t believe you—how could you get even better?”

Kravitz turned his head to whisper in Taako’s ear. “What if I told you that Reapers have True Sight?”

Taako pulled away, his cheeks wet, taking in what his boyfriend had just revealed. In Wonderland, Taako had dressed himself up and cast an illusion that gave him his old face. Kravitz had showered Taako with admiration, all while he saw underneath the magic.

“Everything I said about you is true, love,” Kravitz promised. “I was crazy about you before I heard about your one hundred year journey through existence where you were fighting for a century to save the world. Before I saw you throw yourself in the line of fire to protect your friends.” Kravitz cradled Taako’s head with his hand. "I love you, Taako, and nothing is going to change that.”

Before he knew it, Taako had tackled Kravitz and they were falling backwards over the log they’d been using as a chair. Taako didn’t seem to be aware, showering Kravitz with kisses.

“You sap,” Taako said when he finally pulled back, the grin on his face betraying his words. Kravitz smiled up at him, feeling like a child as he giggled helplessly.

Taako shook his head and stood up with Kravitz following suit. Then they went back to cuddling by the fire to wait for morning.

Chapter Text

By the time Lup and Barry returned, Taako had fallen asleep again. Kravitz and Taako had moved so they were sitting on the ground, with Kravitz leaning back on a log and Taako laying with his back to Kravitz’ front.

“Is everything ready at the cave?” Kravitz asked, keeping his voice low as to not wake Taako.

“Yep, pretty much ready to go,” Lup said. “Did Taako fill you in on everything?”

Kravitz nodded. “Yes. And although I’m uncomfortable with the level of necromancy happening, I’d be even more so if the world just ended next month.”

“So you’re not going to throw me in ghost jail if we go through with this?” Barry asked.

Kravitz rolled his eyes. “Barry, you’re a lich, and you’ve died dozens of times. A little bit of reanimation is practically nothing compared to everything else you’ve done.” Kravitz paused. “But that doesn’t mean I’m condoning necromancy after we get this Hunger thing figured out.”

Barry and Lup looked at each other.

“About that,“ Barry said.

“What exactly is going to happen to us?” Lup asked.

Kravitz sighed. “I don’t know,” he said. “Istus has you under her protection, and though she and my Queen are close, my Queen cannot let two extremely powerful liches run wild.”

“So you’re just gonna throw us in jail, then?” Lup said. “After everything we’ve been through, after everything we told you—“ The campfire’s flames grew with the sound of her voice. “It wasn’t our choice to—“

“Let me finish,” Kravitz interrupted, before things got out of hand (and before Taako woke up). “There is precedent for those who had their souls damaged by necromancy against their will, if you’d let me explain.”

The flames of the fire dwindled as Lup considered Kravitz’ words. “Go on,” Lup said.

“When I first found Keats, it was in the aftermath of a failed lich ceremony that he wanted nothing to do with. His soul was damaged and he felt pain in the afterlife, so he couldn’t rest in the Sea of Souls. But he also didn’t deserve to be thrown in the Eternal Stockade. So the Raven Queen gave him the offer to become a Reaper and prevent others from being hurt like he had been.”

“You’re offering us a job?” Barry asked.

“Essentially, yes,” Kravitz said. “I’ve never seen this deal offered to liches, but you two could plead your case. If you explained your situation, how you became liches without sacrifices, and had a Reaper vouch for you, I don’t see why you couldn’t be offered this.”

Lup and Barry sat in silence with the information they were just given. Barry took Lup’s spectral hand in his and said, “Well then, what’s it like being a Reaper?”

Kravitz answered each and every one of Lup and Barry’s questions to the best of his ability. As they conversed, Lup and Barry’s questions became more specific—and less serious.

As they spoke, the stars slowly disappeared and the sky became light. The pink and orange rays of sunrise bounced off of the clouds as the world became brighter.

Taako woke up well rested, having slept for most of the night. He parted from Kravitz with great complaint as he rustled through his bags for something that could be transmuted into breakfast.

Magnus and Merle clambered out of their tent at the wondrous smell of Taako’s Famous Campfire Waffles TM, at first cautious of their mysterious compatriot’s generosity, but their suspicion quickly faded when they took their first bite.

“How did you even make waffles by a campfire?” Kravitz asked. He’d watched Taako work the entire time and never once did Taako obtain, manifest, or even touch a waffle iron.

Taako shrugged. “It’s easy,” he said, not caring to elaborate. Nobody else questioned it, so Kravitz supposed that he shouldn’t either.

As Taako, Magnus, and Merle ate breakfast, Kravitz, Barry and Lup helped pack up camp. Then, they started walking.

The party walked for hours in a nervous silence. When they approached the foothills of the mountain that Barry’s hideout was carved into, a Stone of Farspeech went off. Everyone stopped and turned to look at Magnus, who was trying to figure out which pocket he’d put it in.

“It’s Angus,” Magnus said when he finally found his stone. He looked up from the stone to explain, “He’s this kid—“

“We know who Angus is,” Barry said. Then he paused. “Wait, that sounds shady. I mean, we know of him.“

“How?” Merle asked as he squinted his eyes.

“I’ve worked with the kid in the past,” Taako said. “Detective kiddo, ten years old? Pretty hard to forget that little dude.”

“He’s eleven, actually,” Magnus corrected. “Merle and I took him to BattleFest for his birthday.”

“Oh please,” Taako scoffed. “He just told you it was his birthday so you’d let him tag along. You actually believed him?”

Magnus and Merle considered this for a moment.

“That little stinker!” Merle shouted.

Magnus just laughed. “Man, I wish I’d thought of that!”

“Hey, guys?” Lup said. “The stone?”

Magnus looked down at the still-ringing Stone of Farspeech in his hand and examined it. Then he closed his fist and squeezed as tight as he could. Predictably, Magnus dropped the stone after a few seconds and shook his hand through the air, wincing.

“That would have been so cool if I’d crushed it,” Magnus said through clenched teeth.

Barry sighed. “Yeah, it would’ve,” he said, picking the stone up off of the ground and crushing it inside his own hand. Then he held his hand out to Merle.

“Alright, but I want a receipt,” Merle said, eventually handing the stone over to be crushed. With that settled, the adventurers moved on.

Not long after they started traveling again, those with living bodies needed to take a break and relieve themselves. Kravitz, Lup, and Barry stayed on the road while the other three went off in separate directions to find a suitable substitute for a bathroom. Merle and Magnus came back within a few minutes, but Taako remained in the woods long enough for Kravitz to get worried.

“Maybe he’s…studying his cantrips,” Merle suggested.

“Gross,” Magnus, Barry, and Lup said in unison.

Kravitz didn’t understand their repulsion, but he wasn’t going to ask. Instead he looked off in the direction that Taako went and said, “Do you think something could have happened to him?”

“Probably not,” Lup said, “but you should probably check on him anyway, remind him that we have a deadline.”

Kravitz nodded, then set off into the woods.

Thirty seconds passed before Kravitz realized that “studying cantrips” was probably a euphemism for masturbation.

Gross Merle, Kravitz thought.

Thirty more seconds of traveling and Kravitz could hear the sound of a Stone of Farspeech. He followed the sound and saw Taako sitting on a log in the middle of a small clearing, holding the ringing Stone of Farspeech. Before Kravitz could approach, Taako raised the stone and answered it.

“Hey kiddo,” Taako said, his voice shaking. “Yeah, yeah, they’re safe and alive, and all that. Listen, you alone?”

Kravitz couldn’t hear Angus’ response.

“Their stones had to be broken so the Director couldn’t track them.”

Taako listened for a very long time, then he sighed and said, “I’m not going to tell you our plan, Angus.” Taako stood up. “No, I know you can take care of yourself, but—listen!” Taako shouted, then froze. Sorry, kid. I didn’t mean to yell. I just don’t know what Lucretia would do if she found out you were talking to me.”

Taako took a deep breath and sat back down as he listened. Then he said, “I know you can handle yourself.”

Taako paused, then chuckled. “Well, I guess I can’t stop you. Just don’t let Lucretia know that you have some idea of what’s going on. We’ll be up in a couple hours, so be ready. Find a good hiding place. Alright, see you then, Angus.”

Taako was about to hang up, then froze at whatever Angus said. Then he smiled and said, “Love you too, kiddo.”

Taako turned off his Stone of Farspeech and turned around, jumping in surprise when he saw Kravitz.

Taako put his stone in his pocket, chuckling softly. “Busted,” he said sheepishly. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough to know that was Angus,” Kravitz said, walking over to Taako. He took Taako’s hands and said, quieter, “Are you alright, dear?”

Taako bit his trembling lip. Then he shook his head and buried it in Kravitz’ chest. Kravitz wrapped his hands around his trembling boyfriend.

“He’s just a kid, Krav,” Taako said, close to tears but not quite there yet. “And Lucretia’s probably paranoid, now, and I don’t know what she’d do if she found out Angus even talked to me.”

“Hey,” Kravitz said softly, lifting one hand to stroke Taako’s hair. “It’s alright, I’m here,” he said. “It’ll all be over in a few hours.”

A few minutes passed before Taako lifted his head and said, “Alright, we’d better be getting back before they think we’re doing something dirty.”

“Oh that ship sailed long ago,” Kravitz said, walking hand-in-hand with his boyfriend. “They sent me over in case you were ‘practicing your cantrips,’ as Merle put it.”

Taako’s face twisted in disgust. “Gross,” he said.

Chapter Text

Nobody said anything when Kravitz and Taako got back to the group. In fact, the silence remained most of the way to Barry’s hideout, only lifting when Magnus or Merle noticed a familiar landmark and chattered to each other for a minute or two.

“We’re here,” Barry said when they finally came to his base’s entrance: a nondescript wall of stone inside a cave.

“That’s a wall,” Magnus pointed out.

Barry dispelled the illusion of a cave wall to reveal his main workspace.

“Oh, that’s cool I guess,” Magnus said, embarrassed.

Barry floated over to his desk and grabbed a sheet of paper, folded it, and handed it to Merle. “If this plan fails, give this to Lucretia. It’ll explain everything.”

“Alright then,” Merle said, shoving the paper haphazardly in his back pocket.

“Hey wait a second—why him and not me?” Magnus asked, somewhat insulted that this stranger wouldn’t trust him.

Barry stared blankly at Magnus. “You knocked out two guards and broke into prison,” he answered.

“Oh yeah,” Magnus said, rubbing his neck. “I did do that, didn’t I.”

Barry looked over all the papers on his desk one last time before saying, under his breath, “Alright. No turning back after this.”

Barry picked up a gold coin that had been sitting on the desk. He summoned a mage hand to press a loose brick on the wall and the stone started to move, revealing a large glowing pod with a green semitransparent fluid inside. A body could be seen floating in the liquid, though that was the only thing that one could tell from looking at the machine.

Kravitz was absolutely repulsed. The entire machine reeked of necromancy, which went against his whole being. He hated it, but he wasn’t going to stop it. He knew that the Hunger would be much worse than this.

Barry began to explain the rest of his plan in the form of a heavily rehearsed monologue. “I acquired this invention years ago, and I’ve used it to recreate my physical form several times now in pursuit of my goal. I’ve come close, but I’ve never reached that goal. It’s because once I’m in my body, I’m gonna forget all of the truths that I know now in my Lich form.”

Barry held up the gold coin he’d picked up earlier. “I can try and convince myself to follow my own commands, but, well. I can be pretty stubborn. Though with Lulu here, I don’t think that’ll be much of a problem.”

“Aww, babe,” Lup said.

“Also, just as a warning, I don’t have any of my potent magical abilities inside of my body because I’m not gonna remember the fact that I’m a Lich at all.”

“So we’d probably get Lulu’s whole thing sorted out now,” Taako said. “Hey Krav, how exactly does your permanent True Sight work?”

Kravitz understood why Taako asked this question. He wanted to know wether Kravitz would be able to see what Taako’s body looked like when Lup inhabited it and made it look like her.

“By default, I can see through any illusion, but I can tell there’s an illusory spell because it has this transparent magic field around it,” Kravitz explained. “I can choose to see the illusion though, and it’ll have the same magic field, which is pretty easy to ignore.”

“That sounds rad,” Lup said.

Kravitz nodded and smiled. “Yes, it is pretty rad.”

“Anyway, schooch your soul over Koko, I’m taking over. You ready?” Lup said. Taako gave her two thumbs up, and then Lup drifted into Taako’s body.

With a flash and a cloud of smoke, Lup had made Taako’s body look like one that she’d be more comfortable inhabiting. At a fleeting glance, Kravitz wouldn’t have been able to tell what had changed—they were twins, after all—but when actually looked at Lup, he noticed that she’d given herself more feminine features and a curvier body type. Lup touched her (Taako’s) hair and it changed. While half of her head was shaved, the other half had long hair with the tips dyed red, fading into orange, then a natural blonde, evoking the image of fire. Lup then touched her clothes and transmuted them to a more punk-inspired adventurer’s outfit, with combat boots, leggings under a short black skirt, and a red tank top. The remaining fabric that didn’t get transmuted fell to the ground. Lup noticed Taako’s bracer on her left wrist and rather than turn it invisible, she bent down to grab what was left of Taako’s cloak and changed it into an oversized black jean jacket that obscured the bracer.

Kravitz found it interesting that Lup chose to transmute the clothes rather than place an illusion over them, though that was mostly practical since Taako preferred more loose-fitting clothes and it would probably be disorienting to feel loose clothing when you looked down and saw tight clothing.

“That’s better,” Lup said, looking down at her work. Then she looked up at Barry and spun around with a winning smile. “What do you think, babe?”

“Gods, Lup,” Barry said with a pained voice. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you in the flesh.”

Lup beamed at Barry’s praise, then clapped. “So, one last thing we’ve got to figure out,” Lup said. “What’s my class gonna be?”

“What are your options?” Kravitz asked.

Lup started counting on her fingers. “Well, I’m a wizard, obvs, but technically I could pass as a warlock with my Lich powers, being my own patron. Though I could also go for rogue, but then I wouldn’t be able to use magic.” Then Lup snapped and said, “Oh! I think I’m gonna be a bard!”

Magnus gaped at Lup. “Wow, and I thought multiclassing as a fighter and a rogue was a lot.”

Lup smiled. “Thanks, but Barry’s the true master of multiclassing.”

“I’m sorry Lulu, but I don’t have your instrument,” Barry said. “It was on the Starblaster, last I saw.”

“The what?” Merle asked, being ignored.

“What’s your instrument?” Kravitz asked.

“Violin,” Lup answered.

Kravitz smiled. “Excuse me for a moment,” he said.

Kravitz tore a rift to his apartment in the Astral Plane and went to his bedroom. He winced when he saw the pile of trinkets spilling out of his closet, telling himself he’d clean it up later. Kravitz walked to the closet and dug around until he found it—a hard case for a violin. He opened the case and was relieved to find that the violin was unharmed, though likely wildly out of tune from disuse. He took hold of the violin and the bow and stepped back out of the rift.

“Will this work?” Kravitz asked.

Lup took the violin and examined it with awe. It was a beautiful instrument, carved from a rich dark wood with subtle carvings of skulls on the body. Lup made quick work of tuning the violin and played a scale. She grinned and said, “Where’d you get this thing?”

Kravitz smiled. “In my life I learned to play many instruments, favoring the strings. In my death, I’ll come across the occasional death criminal that shares my affinity for music. Since they’re locked in the Eternal Stockade, it would be a shame if nobody maintained such a beautiful instrument.”

“Hell yeah,” Lup said, playing another melody that showered illusory sparks through the room. Then she took the last of the leftover scraps from transmuting her outfit and made a strap so she could carry the violin on her back. “Alright, Ghost Rider, come on in,” Lup said, and Kravitz took that as his cue to enter Taako’s body.

“Hey bones,” Taako said. “Didja miss me?”

“Of course,” Kravitz answered.

“So, are we ready, then?” Barry asked. Everyone nodded. “Alright,” He said. He turned to Magnus and Merle and said, “It’s time. I’m gonna go into my body and we’re gonna head back to the Bureau of Balance and we’re gonna get the truth that we deserve. And it’s gonna be uncomfortable here in a bit, because you’re gonna recognize me but I’m not gonna recognize you. So, I apologize in advance for my rudeness.”

Barry floated over into the tank and was about to go inside when he said, "Hey Merle, would you be a bud? I’m uh, I’m gonna be naked as a Jaybird when I come outta here. Can you fetch me a change of clothes from that chest?”

Merle glanced over to where Barry was pointing and said, “Be glad to, bud.” He walked over, opened the chest, and as Barry entered his own body, Merle started laughing. He pulled out a white cotton shirt, a studded leather belt, and blue denim jeans.

“Oh my gods,” Magnus said.

The membrane of the pod split open and the disgusting green liquid splashed on the ground. A stout human man stumbled out of the pod, and Kravitz realized that this was the first time he’d seen Barry’s face.

“That was Barry Bluejeans the entire time?” Magnus asked, bewildered.

Barry Bluejeans stood naked in front of Lup, Magnus, and Merle. He clutched his head and said, “I don’t remember what I did last night, but I must have partied pretty hard to end up like this. Who are—“ He stopped mid thought when he lifted his head and met Lup’s eyes, just staring. After a moment, he remembered himself and said, “Um, can I have those pants that you’re holding there, dwarf guy?”

Merle tossed Barry his clothes and they waited awkwardly while Barry changed into them.

“So, names?” Barry said, pulling his shirt over his head. “Who are y’all?”

“I’m Magnus,” Magnus said, “And the little guy is Merle, and this lady here is—“

“Call me Lulu,” Lup interrupted. She smiled and stuck out her hand, which Barry bashfully accepted and shook.

“I don’t—“ Barry started. “I don’t remember anything. Do I know you all?”

“Well, Barold,” Magnus said, “we had a run-in about a year ago. Uh, we worked together on a thing? It didn’t end great for you—“

Barry shook his head. “I don’t remember any of that.”

“You’ve got a coin?” Magnus suggested.

Barry looked over to the desk and said, “This?”

As soon as Barry held up the coin, his past self began to speak.

“Your name is Barry Bluejeans. You are afraid of the dark. Your very favorite thing in the world is swimming in very cold water on a very hot day. You get ill when you drink milk or anything with milk in it. Your father Gregor died when you were too young to know him. Your mother, Marlena, had soft gray hair when you were born, and was the most wonderful woman who ever lived.”

Barry blinked. “Sounds about right,” he said, and the coin continued.

“You remember them but you have forgotten so much. And right now, in this moment, you feel a dull weight in your chest. It’s the weight of a love that defined and redeemed you but you’ve forgotten who that weight belongs to. Barry, I’m you, just moments ago and I remember who that weight belongs to. And believe it or not, she’s standing right there in front of you.”

At this point, Lup had tears in her eyes. Barry looked up to her and said, “Is—is that true?”

Lup nodded her head, her hands clutching her heart.

Ignoring the intimate moment, as it was prerecorded, the coin continued and addressed Magnus and Merle, warning them that their brains would try to remember more than they should. The coin also told them that he couldn’t step foot on the Bureau’s base in his lich form. He admitted to possessing one of the Bureau’s members in the past, but said it was necessary. The coin then promised that, after all of this, they would finally be able to remember everything.

“Barry,” The coin said, addressing himself. “This is the part you’re going to play: You are a fighter that was hired by Lulu to accompany her to Wonderland, a place that promised to award you riches after you survived great trials. When you arrived, you met Magnus and Merle, a fighter and cleric respectively, and you agreed to team up with them to increase your chances of success. Wonderland was hell, and you gave up so much in the trials, including your memories of the past ten years. In the end, the four of you defeated the liches that controlled Wonderland and tore it to the ground. Magnus and Merle claimed the liches’ magic bell and it spoke to you, but you felt no desire to obtain it. Magnus and Merle agreed to take you and Lulu to their base of operations and get rid of the static when you think about your past or when I say “Bureau of Balance.”

The coin ended the speech by saying, “Good luck. And Lup, I love you.”

“Barry,” Lup said, “Can I hug you?”

Barry’s face turned beet red, but he nodded, and Lup crashed into him.

“So, not to ruin the moment or anything,” Magnus said, “But shouldn’t we be getting a move on?”

Lup tore herself off of Barry. “Yes. Let’s go!” She shouted, her excess energy and excitement for having a physical body releasing as she bounded out of Barry’s base.

Chapter Text

The four (six) adventurers exited Barry’s cave and walked a couple miles before Magnus and Merle pressed the button on their bracer. A few moments passed, but a large sphere landed in front of them. Wordlessly, the four bodies stepped inside, buckled their seatbelts, and watched the world got smaller as they floated away.

“Wait, is that the moon?” Barry asked once they were approaching their final destination.

“Yep,” Merle said.

“Won’t we have a hard time breathing, then?” Barry asked frantically.

“It’s not the real moon,” Magnus said. “It’s a fake one.”

“Alright,” Barry said. He opened his mouth and seemed like he wanted to say more, but instead shook his head and sighed, instead choosing to stare out the window.

The cannonball lifted up into the hangar and landed on a launchpad, and a stunned human man that Kravitz didn’t recognize watched as the door opened and four adventurers stepped out.

“That’s Avi,” Taako supplied.

“Thanks,” thought Kravitz.

Avi’s face filled with glee as he ran to the hangar door and yelled, “Guys, they’re back! They’re back! They’re—they’re all here!”

Avi excitedly ran back over to the cannonball and said, “Where have you been, we lost contact with you we thought you all died! We—“ then he looked past Magnus and Merle and said, “Wait, who are you two?”

“I’m Lulu,” Lup said, smiling and bursting with charm, “and this here’s Barry. We helped these two guys get your secret bell or whatever, and they thought that since we didn’t try to steal it, we should come back with them, or something.”

“Oh, okay,” Avi said, looking impressed. He turned to Magnus and Merle and said, “Well then, it’s a good thing the Director’s already on her way.”

“Don’t we usually do a debriefing in her office?” Magnus asked. Kravitz knew that the impending confrontation would go better if it happened in private. Anyone watching would be extremely confused.

“Yeah, usually,” Avi said, “But since Davenport’s usually the one to gather the Relics and he’s on vacation, she’s gonna take care of this one.”

“I’m sorry—gather what?” Barry asked.

Avi’s eyes widened as he said, “Oh! My bad, I forgot you can’t hear through the static. The Director will be able to fix that.”

Suddenly, the hangar door was thrown open and three people that Kravitz recognized entered. The first was Noelle—the robot from the Crystal Lab. Behind her were Carey and Killian. As soon as Carey saw Magnus, she ran forward and jumped to give him a hug, and without hesitation Magnus caught her.

“You’re back!” Carey exclaimed. Magnus laughed. Carey squinted her eyes to take a closer look at him and said, “Why do you look so old?”

“What happened to you guys?” Killian asked as she approached. “We lost contact with you. What happened to your Stones of Farspeech?” Then she noticed Lup and Barry and said “Wait, who are they?”

Lup opened her mouth to answer, but was stopped when a fourth figure entered the room.

Lucretia.

She stared at the adventurers in stunned silence.

“Everyone, meet Lulu and Barry!” Magnus said, loud enough for Lucretia to hear. “We teamed up with them in Wonderland and would’ve died without them. They actually can’t feel the thrall of the Relics, so we thought it would be a good idea to bring them up here, since it’s just me and Merle that can.”

Lucretia didn’t move, her mouth agape as she stared at them, her eyes darting between Lup and Barry.

“Madam Director?” Avi asked, startling Lucretia. “Are you alright?”

Lucretia cleared her throat and said, “Yes, Avi, I’m fine. I was just shocked that there were more people who could withstand the Relics’ thrall.” She walked closer to the four adventurers and said, “I’m sure you have questions. I have a few of my own. Why don’t you follow me to my office? We’ll get rid of the static for you. What did you say your names were?”

“I’m Barry. Barry Bluejeans,” Barry said, sticking his hand out. It was ignored.

Lucretia turned to Lup and said, “And you?”

Lup gave a slight frown and said, “Well, that’s complicated.” She looked off to the side and continued, lying through her teeth with ease. “I woke up in a cave one day not remembering my name or how I got there. I’ve been calling myself Lulu, but I know that’s not my real name. I always got this weird headache whenever I thought about it too hard, so I figure that Lulu’s good enough for me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Lucretia said, letting her guard down enough to show genuine emotion.

Lup shrugged nonchalantly. “It’s all good, not like you caused it or anything,” she said, and Kravitz could feel Taako’s soul restraining himself from laughing out loud.

“Well, if that’s all you need us for,” Magnus said, attempting to shuffle away from the coming conversation, “I’ll just be off to, uh—put clothes in the dryer, so—“

Lucretia turned her head to stare him down. “Magnus,” She snapped, “You’ll be coming to my office as well. You have a few things to answer for.”

Magnus deflated, looking guilty. He sighed and said, “Yeah, okay.”

Merle raised his hand. “Do I have to go too?”

Lucretia raised her hand to pinch her brow. “Yes, Merle, you should come too.” She turned to walk away and said, “If the four of you don’t follow me to my office, there will be consequences.”

With those words, the four adventurers began to follow Lucretia through the Moonbase.

Magnus trailed right behind Lucretia, not wanting to piss her off more than he already had. Merle followed behind him, confused as hell. Lup and Barry walked side-by-side, taking up the rear.

“You doing okay?” Lup asked Barry, softly so Lucretia wouldn’t overhear.

Barry didn’t respond. He’d been looking around everywhere. There was so much to take in on the Moonbase, but that wasn’t the only reason he’d been doing so. His eyes darted back and forth as each new person or thing came into view. He’d been rubbing his arms as they walked, and his breathing wasn’t the most steady.

“Babe?” Lup said, and Barry finally noticed.

Barry jolted slightly. “Sorry, what did you say?” He asked.

“I asked if you were doing okay,” Lup repeated.

“Oh, sorry,” Barry said. “I mean, probably? I’m fine.”

Lup moved her hand to touch Barry’s. He didn’t move it away, so Lup linked their fingers together and squeezed. “You’re not,” she said.

Barry sighed and squeezed her hand slightly. “You’re right. I just—I don’t remember anything, and the static hurts my head, and it turns out there’s a secret society that lives on the moon, and—”

“Babe, listen to me,” Lup said, her voice kind but firm enough to stop him from rambling. “Just take a deep breath, and you can squeeze my hand if you need to stim.”

Barry nodded and did as Lup said. He took a deep breath and squeezed Lup’s hand.

“Do you trust me?” Lup asked.

Barry looked in her eyes. “Yeah, I do,” he said.

“Then trust when I say that everything is going to be fine,” Lup said. “I promise, I’ll be by your side the entire time.”

Barry took a deep breath, then smiled. “Thanks Lulu,” he said.

“LUP WATCH OUT!” Taako shouted inside Lup’s head. She stopped dead in her tracks just in time to avoid slamming into Merle.

Apparently, Lup hadn’t noticed that the group had arrived at their destination. To be fair, Kravitz hadn’t either. It was only Taako who had been paying attention to their surroundings. Lucretia was talking to the guards in front of the dome-shaped building that housed her office. After a moment, the guards opened the doors to let the group in. Barry squeezed Lup’s hand the entire time they were being led down the long hallway to Lucretia’s office.

Finally, Lucretia nodded to the guards directly outside her office and they allowed the five of them to enter. As soon as they were all inside, Lucretia grabbed her staff and slammed it on the ground, forcing the door shut and locking it with an audible ‘click.’

Chapter Text

“Now that you mention it,” Killian said, “Lulu does sorta look familiar.”

“But not too familiar,” Carey said with a frown.

“Uh, guys?” Noelle said. “Doesn’t she look like Taako?”

Everyone stared at Noelle, who had just spoken static, something none of them had heard since they’d been inoculated.

“What was that?” Avi asked.

“I said that Lulu looks a lot like Taako,” Noelle said. “Doesn’t she? They could be twins.”

“You’re speaking static there,” Carey said. “Is your voice box broken, or something?”

Noelle was getting frustrated. “No, guys—can you seriously not understand me when I say Taako?”

“We shouldn’t be hearing static, we’ve been inoculated,” Avi said. “Do you think the Director knows what’s going on?”

**********

“I’ve had one hell of a week,” Lucretia said, taking her seat behind the intimidatingly large desk, “so I’d appreciate it if you’d tell the truth.”

“How bold of her to say that,” Taako snarked.

Barry squeezed Lup’s hand. She gently squeezed back.

“First off, Barry and Lulu,” Lucretia said. “I want you to tell me what you were doing before and up to meeting Magnus and Merle.”

Lup opened her mouth to answer, but upon seeing this Lucretia said, “Barry. Why don’t you start?”

Barry squeezed Lup’s hand one final time before letting go and speaking. “Well, I’m not very interesting,” Barry said. “I took care of my mother, Marlena, until she died.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Lucretia said.

“It’s okay,” Barry said, “She’d lived a full life and died in her sleep. After that, I left the house and started adventuring. There’s really not much more to it. Occasionally I’ll wake up weeks or months after I remember going to sleep, but that’s the only strange thing. Eventually, Lulu saw my name somewhere and hired me to join her in Wonderland.” Barry shrugged. “And that’s how I ended up here.”

Lucretia took in the information and nodded. Then she turned to Lup. “Lulu?.”

“Well,” Lup said, “I didn’t have a great childhood. I ran away from one of my caretakers and—“ Lup paused for dramatic effect and frowned. “That’s where things get fuzzy,” she said. “One day I’m working for a traveling caravan, and the next I wake up in a cave without a name or any idea of how I got there.”

“It might have been a spell that backfired,” Lucretia supplied. “Are you a wizard?”

Lup shook her head. “Nah, I’d never be able to learn spells by reading alone,” she said. She gestured to the violin on her back. “I didn’t even touch magic until I stumbled across this ol’ thing in some dead guy’s house.”

Lucretia hummed, the frown on her lips turning into a smug smile. “Well, Lulu, I don’t think you’re being entirely truthful,” she said. “Now, please answer this next part truthfully. Where did you go?”

Lup’s entire body tensed. “I went to Wonderla—”

“No,” Lucretia snapped, standing and punctuating her objection with the slamming of her hands on her desk. The smile was long gone. Instead she was angry, gripping the edge of her desk with such force that her knuckles turned white. She took a deep breath and lifted her head, betraying that she was holding back tears. She pointed a finger at Lup and said, “You disappeared and only left a note that said ‘back soon.’ Tell me where you went!” 

Lup didn’t say anything. Barry was clutching her hand as if it was the only thing keeping him on this plane of existence.

“Wait,” Merle said, stepping forward for the first time, stunning Lucretia out of her anger. “Did you just speak static?”

Lucretia’s entire body went still, save for her eyes, which darted rapidly around the room.

Merle lifted his wooden hand to his chin. “Say Magnus, didn’t you have a piece of paper that had static on it?”

Magnus wordlessly reached into his bag and tossed the scroll on Lucretia’s desk. The scroll unfurled and on it was the image of Magnus, his hands on the shoulders of two strangers, and with a red robe draped over his shoulders.

“You know what this means, don’t you, Lucretia,” Magnus said, definitively. “What do you know about me that I don’t?”

Lucretia’s hands gingerly touched the parchment. “Where did you get this?” She asked, her voice timid for once.

“Does it really matter?” Magnus retorted.

Lucretia sighed. “I suppose it doesn’t,” she resigned.

“You told me that the Red Robes, without a shadow of a doubt, were evil,” Magnus said. This time, Lucretia didn’t respond. She didn’t even look up, she just continued to stare at the parchment as tears welled up in her eyes.

A voice broke the silence—one that didn’t belong to anyone Kravitz could see standing in the room, but one he recently became familiar with.

“Madam Director?” The voice said, surprising everyone.

“Who’s there?” Lucretia asked, snapping back to attention from her stupor.

Angus McDonald lifted the spell Invisibility that he had cast on himself. “I think it’s you who should be answering questions,” He said, terrified but standing strong, holding a wand in his clenched fist. “I know you erased someone from my memories. I want to know how.”

Lucretia sat back in her chair, defeated. She sighed, and said in a dejected voice, “I suppose there’s no use in hiding it anymore.” She glared at Barry. “You’ve won,” she spat. She stood up and dispelled an illusion, revealing a door that was familiar to Kravitz. Lucretia took the adventurers into her secret back room. She took several cups and dipped them into the baby void fish’s tank and said, “Drink.”

Everyone drank except for Lup, who used the moment where everyone was remembering to take down Lucretia’s lich wards.

“Lup!” Lucretia shouted, too late to stop her.

Lup turned around to find Magnus, Merle, and Barry on the ground, remembering. Angus clutched his head, but as he had the least taken from him, he was able to shake the effect off and looked curiously at the baby voidfish before turning to stare at Lup.

Finally, Barry stood, taking the flood of memories relatively well since he’d experienced it before. “Boys, don’t put up a fight,” Barry said, consoling Magnus and Merle. “Things are in motion now and we just kinda gotta go with the flow, but you’re gonna start remembering soon. Just take it slow, please, I'm begging you. You gotta take it slow.”

Lucretia turned to Lup with tears in her eyes and said, “Where did you go?”

“What?” Lup said.

Lucretia closed her eyes and tears fell down her face. She shook her head. “You left, and we looked everywhere for you,” she said. “We were afraid you’d lost yourself.”

Lup shrugged. “I got stabbed and my umbrella swallowed me,” she said.

Lucretia was confused. “I don’t understand, how are you here?” She asked. “How did you get past the wards, where did you get that body?”

“Well, I guess there’s no reason to stay in here. You ready to take over?” Lup said, not to anyone outside, but to Taako.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Taako thought.

Lup clapped and let out a puff of smoke, purely for the dramatics of the situation. Kravitz felt Lup’s soul leave, and as she did, she dispelled the illusions she’d casted on Taako’s body. Taako took over gracefully, not so much as stumbling during the transition. He took off the jean jacket and tied it around his waist, revealing the bracer on his left arm. 

The cloud of smoke dissipated and Taako stood, hand on his hip, with Lup’s spectral form floating beside him.

“Taako!” Angus shouted.

Taako smiled, and fought the tears that were on the verge of falling. He crouched down with open arms and said, “Come here, kiddo.”

Angus didn’t hesitate to crash into Taako, wrapping his arms around his mentor and sobbing into his chest.

“Missed you too, kiddo,” Taako whispered.

“Y-you were gone, and Magnus said Kravitz took you, a-and then I forgot, and I was s-so lonely, and—“

Taako gently shushed Angus. “I’m here now, bud.”

“Who’s Kravitz?” Lucretia asked.

Taako stood up, holding Angus’ hand. “Doesn’t feel so good not knowing what’s going on, huh?” He spat. “Kravitz. He works for the Raven Queen. Some call him the ‘Grim Reaper.’” Taako shrugged and smiled. “He’s my boyfriend."

Kravitz took this as his cue to appear. He emerged from Taako’s body and took his skeleton form before making himself appear human. Just to intimidate Lucretia a bit.

A cry of pain rang out in the room, interrupting the introductions. Everyone’s attention turned to Magnus and Merle, still clutching their heads. Kravitz’ heart dropped. He remembered when this had happened to Taako.

“Lucretia, you gotta help them remember,” Barry said. “It’s over. You owe them that. You already have the relics, just help them remember. Their minds are gonna shatter if you don’t.”

“It almost happened to me,” Taako admitted. “If Lup wasn’t there, I—” He cut himself off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Kravitz gave his hand a gentle squeeze. Taako took a deep breath and squeezed back.

Lucretia took a breath and she began to explain.

Chapter Text

Kravitz had been around many lifetimes. He’d met his fair share of bards, each a storyteller in their own right. But there was something about Lucretia that made her the most talented storyteller he’d ever encountered. Even though she’d been heavily summarizing one hundred years of deeply personal history, Kravitz was entranced by her words and felt almost as if he lived them as she spoke.

Lucretia told the tale of seven passengers on a lonely voyage through the Planes of Existence. She somehow knew which memories to include—which ones were the most vital in this moment—and which to exclude.

She started with a press release, reminding those around her of the jobs they were assigned and the mission that was supposed to only last for two months. She spoke of the after-party and the bar fight that earned Magnus black eye. She sighed before telling of the color sapped from the world as an unnatural storm descended and ate the world as they escaped.

Lucretia told of their first cycle, of the mongoose family that the Twins and Barry befriended. She spoke of Magnus’ attempt to fight the Power Bear for access to the Light of Creation and how he stayed behind and died protecting the animals. And how he manifested on the ship moments later with a black eye.

Next she told of The Mushroom Kingdom and the poisonous fumes that coated the planet, with cities as the only refuge. She spoke of Taako’s plan to fool the Hunger, and of Magnus’ expedition to find the Light of Creation that was successful despite his life being lost once again. Finally, she told of Merle’s church, how he gave the inhabitants of the city hope and a light of their own. She told of how he stayed behind to lead them in one last sermon as the world came crashing down around them.

Then Lucretia told of a city that was seemingly uninhabited until they came upon a population of robots—or rather, souls that inhabited robots. As they explored, they came across a crystal that held the souls of every being that had been saved from a plague. They couldn’t find the Light of Creation, but they couldn’t let the Hunger know of this power. An argument broke out. The IPRE wanted to destroy the crystal, but Lup stood her ground against them and swore that she’d never destroy a world just so the Hunger wouldn’t take it. In the end, her words and passion inspired the others to take the same vow and the souls that didn’t want to stay behind in their now permanent robot bodies stayed in the crystal, which Taako had transmuted and they’d brought with them on the Starblaster. Lucretia spoke of the terror when they realized they almost destroyed the last of this civilization.

Then, Lucretia told of the calm after the storm. Of a peaceful world, where they were the only inhabitants, and they lived on a beach for a year. She told of how Merle made gifts that were—she didn’t say terrible, but gave a hint that they maybe weren’t the nicest things one could pick up on a beach. She told of Magnus’ attempt to keep the IPRE on their toes, by jumping out in front of them and yelling his own name. She told of Taako inventing surfing, and in his spare time, teaching Barry to swim—and to be more honest with himself about his feelings. Then Lucretia spoke of her contribution that year—a painting of the seven of them that she’d keep with her once they’d been separated.

After the beach came Tesseralia, a world filled with culture, and they agreed to give up the Light if Merle studied with them and learned the art of Parley, culminating in an audience with the Hunger. She told of Magnus’ child sports team, how he dedicated everything to ensure that the newly-dubbed Tesseralia Winners would win the championship. And she told of Taako and Lup’s journey around the culinary arts, the new techniques they learned, and how Taako made it his goal to recreate the first dish he tasted.

Lucretia gazed at the baby Voidfish as she told of The Legato Conservatory. How the seven of them spent a year learning skills that culminated in a performance that they hoped would grant them access to the Light. That there was a chance that their works would not only be rejected, but also be erased from the memory of anyone who had witnessed it. Lucretia told of the performances. Her painting. Davenport’s opera. Merle’s interpretive jazz dance. Taako’s book of aphorisms. Magnus’ wooden duck, not the most beautiful, but made with care. Finally, she told of Barry and Lup’s composition, a beautiful piano and violin duet that was a testament to their love for each other, finally requited after forty-seven years of pining. Then she spoke of disaster, of the frantic but futile search for the Light. She told of Magnus’ walks, which he eventually invited her on, and she saw the Voidfish for the first time—many of them, in fact. Magnus showed her the smallest one, surrounded by wooden ducks he’d carved for this purpose. She told of how she’d been splashed by the water they resided in, and as a result, remembered everything she’d witnessed but had forgotten. Then she spoke of the final day, how Magnus disappeared just before the Hunger hit, but came back with the Voidfish in his seconds before the Starblaster took off.

Then, Lucretia spoke of a year of loneliness. She was the only one of the IPRE that wasn’t taken by the Judges. The Starblaster was shot down, and Lucretia spent the next year running, trying to repair the ship, and learning to fly it. She knew if she didn’t make it, there would be no hope for the rest of them. So she fought and survived, bringing the Starblaster to the next plane, where she learned that the six that disappeared were judged for their sins of the past, present, and future. They were found guilty and immediately turned to stone.

Then Lucretia spoke of an empty world where the Plane of Magic collided with the Prime Material Plane. She spoke of events that she didn’t hear until years after they’d taken place. This was the year where Lup and Barry became liches, where they could do it without endangering anyone, aided by the Plane of Magic’s vicinity and the books left behind by the previous inhabitants. She said that Barry and Lup had given each other a “perfect day,” and how Taako also gave Lup one. The ritual was completed successfully, giving them an edge on the Hunger.

Then Lucretia told of The Hanging Arcaneum. She spoke of artifacing, a craft that they’d all become well versed in by the end of the year. She spoke of the different things they’d made—Magnus’ bear helmet, Merle’s symbol, and Taako’s KrEbStAr. But the most unique thing that had been created was Lup’s Umbrastaff that swallowed other arcane focuses of defeated magic users, a feat of arcane engineering that was impossible to understand by anyone except her.

Then she spoke of the meeting, where Barry and Lup spoke of a plan to split the Light of Creation and put it inside artifaced items, hiding them in the world to starve the Hunger. She told of her own plan to cut the next plane off from the Hunger with her specially crafted shield spell, keeping the Hunger from getting the Light. She was overruled, however, and despite the dangers, Lup and Barry’s plan would be set into motion once the circumstances were right.

Finally, Lucretia came to the final Plane they’d visited—Abeir-Toril, the one they currently resided on. The Light had practically been handed to them, and they got to work on their artifacts. Lup’s gauntlet. Davenport’s eyepiece. Merle’s sash. Taako’s stone. Magnus’ cup. Barry’s bell. And finally, Lucretia’s staff, the very same one she was holding. She spoke of the success of their plan, how a year after they’d been on the plane, the Hunger hadn’t arrived. But she also spoke of the pain their relics had caused. She told of how Lup was the one who was hit hardest, and one day she disappeared, leaving behind nothing but a note that was signed with a kiss. They spent months looking for her, nobody searching harder than Taako and Barry, until Lucretia put her second plan into action. She’d spent months holed up in her room, reading through all her journals as she put together a new one, one that had been heavily edited with careful wording. Then, when she couldn’t bear to see the pain on her friends’ faces any longer, she fed the journal to the Voidfish and sent them to their new homes—except for Barry, who had disappeared from the ship immediately after.

Lucretia was sobbing on the floor at this point, apologizing profusely, her face in her hands, staff forgotten by her side.

Magnus and Merle slowly blinked back to consciousness after hearing their past. They hadn’t fully recovered their memories—Taako hadn’t either, even though he drank the ichor days before—but the memories would come back with time. What was important was that they’d remembered enough to work with.

Merle was the first to move. He stood up and slowly walked to Lucretia.

Lucretia glanced up, saw Merle was coming toward her, and she braced herself, closing her eyes. She flinched when Merle gently placed a hand on her arm. She opened her eyes and Merle gave her a soft smile before wrapping her in a hug. Lucretia’s eyes widened in shock, and then she clutched onto Merle, sobbing into his shoulder as he held her.

“It’s okay, ‘Creesh,” Merle said. “I forgive you.”

Kravitz felt his hand being crushed—the one that Taako was holding. Then, Taako let go. Through gritted teeth, Taako said, “Well I don’t.”

Lucretia and Merle separated from their embrace and looked up at Taako.

“Now Taako,” Merle started, before being interrupted.

“No—“ Taako told Merle, standing his ground. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t.” He turned to Lucretia and said, “If it was up to me, you’d be dead right now.”

“Holy shit Koko,” Lup said. Taako held up a finger in her direction, cutting her off, not taking his eyes off of Lucretia.

“You took everything from me,” Taako said, not raising his voice but putting energy into his words. “You took my memories. My friends. My sister, my whole heart. And I thought that was all you could take from me.” Taako laughed without humor. “But I was wrong. Once I finally remembered what you’d taken,” He said, swallowing the tears that were threatening to come out, “You fucking took me away from Angus.”

Taako took a deep breath and looked down, his eyes closed. Kravitz reached over to Taako, lightly touching his hand. I’m here for you, he wanted to say. Taako’s shaking hand grasped Kravitz’ hand as an anchor.

Taako sighed once more. Then he said, “I can’t do this right now. Lup, Barry, someone—tell her the plan. I just need to go.”

Taako turned to leave, and Kravitz didn’t hesitate to follow him, knowing that Taako would need someone to comfort him.

Once they were back in Lucretia’s office and away from everyone, Taako fell to the floor. Kravitz knelt beside to him, enveloping Taako in his embrace. Taako buried his face into Kravitz’ neck and finally let himself sob.

Kravitz gently rubbed Taako’s back with one hand as he used the other to cradle the back of Taako’s head. Kravitz gently kissed the top of Taako’s head and just let him process everything that had just happened.

At some point—it could have been seconds or days later—Angus arrived. Taako lifted his head and opened his arms. “Come join the cuddle pile, Ango,” Taako said, a shaky but loving smile on his face.

Angus didn’t hesitate. Within seconds, Taako was holding Angus, and Kravitz had his arms around both of them.

“I missed you so much, Taako,” Angus whispered, his voice barely audible as his face was pressed into Taako’s chest. “Even when I didn’t know it, I missed you.”

Taako smiled and held Angus closer. “I know, Angus,” he said. “I missed you too.”

Chapter Text

They had one month to prepare for the Hunger’s attack.

Lucretia’s first action was to call every member of the Bureau of Balance to drink the second Voidfish’s ichor. She then gave a rundown of the IPRE’s mission—much more brief and impersonal than the one given to Magnus and Merle—and explained that the Hunger was on its way.

Once this was done, Kravitz left to go tell his Queen what to expect. The planes of existence would be cut off from one another and slowly siphoned one-by-one until the Hunger reached the Prime Material Plane. She in turn relayed this message to the other gods, bypassing old grievances for the greater good, with instructions to pass a message onto their followers—the Day of Darkness was coming, but there would be Seven Birds that would herald the Light.

Though the voidfish’s ichor cannot be issued to every sentient being in the universe, most would still be warned, and they would be able to prepare.

Not all would believe the warning, of course, but enough would. The fact that multiple religions across Abeir-Toril independently prophesied of the same event would be enough to convince some of the non-religious to prepare as well.

Kravitz himself spent the first half of the month divided—he spent an equal amount of time assisting his Queen, ensuring that if the Eternal Stockade was breached, the prisoners would not riot. He spent the rest of his time with Taako, who was dealing with the end of the world for what would hopefully be the final time.

“I’ll be by your side, Taako,” Kravitz promised him in the dead of night, two weeks before the Day of Darkness, when his love woke with visions of past and future terrors. “I swear, I’ll be with you until the moment the Hunger forces us to part.”

Taako had clung to him, and Kravitz held him, singing old lullabies in a long forgotten language until Taako fell asleep.

Later, Kravitz remotely held council with his Queen, telling Her of the promise he’d made. He’d expected to be reprimanded for promising something that he could not see through, but the Raven Queen gave a rare smile and told him to be with his beloved, that She appreciated all that Kravitz had done, but She was a Goddess after all, and could manage without him for the time being.

Kravitz thanked her and left her presence to be with Taako.

Taako also spent his time divided, though it was far less scheduled than Kravitz’. His focus was training Angus—hoping it would be enough to protect the kid during the attack—and that focus was only interrupted by mortal foils (like sleeping or eating or going to the bathroom) or by old memories resurfacing and taking him over.

Taako dubbed the resurfacings as “memory attacks” and he found them profoundly inconvenient. They forced him to lie down until the memory attack was over and left him with a massive headache.

Kravitz was glad he was there to ensure Taako didn’t go down too hard when the attacks came on quickly. He made tea and held his hand when the memories passed and held Taako when he needed the comfort.

Most of Taako’s time was spent in his apartment, not wanting to leave and be forced to interact with Lucretia. He assisted the best he could and when Angus would start to get tired, he switched tactics, instead instructing him on how to decide what spells to prepare at the beginning of the day. Kravitz saw right through this—Taako was using this time to figure out what spells he would prepare for the Day of Darkness.

Eventually, even Angus left. He wanted to help with the preparations, and Taako wasn’t going to stop him. No matter how afraid Taako was that each time Angus left the room would be the last time he would remember him, he let Angus go. And Kravitz was there to hold him when his worries got to be too much.

Lup and Barry were working directly with Lucretia. Lup, since she was a lich and didn’t need to stop to sleep, would spend days working on the same project, only stopping to rest when her spell slots ran out. Barry was the same, but since he was occupying a human body, Lucretia dragged him back to his room for a mandatory rest every so often.

The Bureau of Balance spent every waking moment preparing to defend the planet against a threat that had destroyed ninety-nine planes of existence and likely many more before that. It was a task that had anyone else been heading it, would have been impossible. There were an infinite number of projects to work on and almost no time to do it.

Kravitz didn’t agree with all of Lucretia’s tactics regarding the Bureau of Balance’s creation, but he would say this: she was very organized.

One week before the Day of Darkness, Kravitz felt a pull on his very being. It was time for him to return to his Queen. He held Taako close, promising that he’d return, and his dear, sweet Taako said, “You’d better, or I’ll climb into the Eternal Stockade and drag you back here myself.”

With one final kiss, they parted, and then Kravitz was gone.

From then on, Kravitz had no recollection of the passage of time. All he could do was work. He talked to the prisoners, ensuring that they knew what was coming, and that any escape during that time would be pointless because they’d just be swallowed up by the Hunger. For the first time since She’d taken the throne, his Queen didn’t have a constant strain of prayers to answer. They were no doubt being recited, more and more desperately as they went unanswered, but the Hunger’s approach closed this plane off from the others.

Kravitz and the Raven Queen spent the remaining time strategizing, coming up with plan after plan for every single contingency. It was all they could do; they refused to ignore their circumstance. They would not sit idly in wait for their doom or their salvation. They could only prepare, and after that, they could only defend.

Then the Hunger finally arrived.

Chapter Text

Kravitz didn’t abandon his Queen. He resolved to fight by her side until he was swallowed up by the black tar that was making its way across the Sea of Souls.

Dark tentacles of that tar with oily rainbows streaming from cracks rose from the Sea, making their way straight to the palace.

Kravitz readied his scythe as he braced himself for the coming storm. He knew he couldn’t defeat them, but that didn’t matter. He just had to hold them off.

He tried to ignore how he couldn’t feel his Lady’s presence, that he hadn’t felt Her in days, even when he’d been by her side.

As the tentacles made their way towards them, Kravitz noticed the few colors apparent in the palace begin to fade. Even the rich black obsidian of the castle’s walls had their color seeping, transforming them into nothing more than a dull dark gray. The Storm was here.

Kravitz tightened his grip and slashed at the first tentacle that made its way to him. It turned to goo and dropped, splashing up on his suit, then melted its way back toward the ocean of despair. Kravitz slashed and slashed until the black tar was up to his shins.

Give in, the Hunger called. It is inevitable. You will join us.

Kravitz heard the voices of trillions beg him to save his energy and lie down. He heard so many voices that they started to blend together and sound familiar. He thought he heard his Queen. He thought he heard Taako. He thought he heard the voice of his mother, the voice that he’d forgotten long ago. Kravitz was losing his resolve.

“You’re not giving up, are ya, buddy?”

Kravitz snapped out of his stupor to find that the tar was already up to his knees. He looked around for the voice—the only real voice—that called out to him. To his left was Keats, holding out his hand and trudging through the sludge to make his way over to him.

“Like Hell I am,” Kravitz shouted back, and Keats smiled at him. They clasped arms and Keats dragged Kravitz out, pulling him to higher ground.

Keats motioned for Kravitz to follow him, and they ran into the castle, tar dripping off of their shoes as they made their way up, past the entrance hall, even past the empty throne room, where his Lady should have been.

“Where’s the Raven Queen?” Kravitz shouted, the cacophonous groaning of misery outside still building and building and threatening to burst through the walls.

“She left just before the Storm hit our island,” Keats yelled back, motioning for Kravitz to follow him up the stairs. “She said She wanted to be with Lady Istus.”

“I hope Lady Istus’ domain is faring better than ours,” Kravitz thought out loud. “Where are we going, anyway?”

Keats threw open the door at the top of the stairs and dragged Kravitz through, slamming the door behind him. Kravitz looked around from the eye of the storm to discover that he could watch the entire domain’s fall into inky blackness.

“The roof of the palace,” Kravitz breathed.

Keats came up behind Kravitz and clapped a hand across his shoulders. “Not a bad place to make our final stand, huh?”

Kravitz nodded and tried not to think about his domain—the place that had been his home for so long—losing the fight for existence.

“Can’t believe your boyfriend watched this go down a hundred times,” Keats said. “I’m good with just the one.”

“Ninety-one,” Kravitz corrects. He pries his eyes from the black tendrils making their way up the palace’s walls to face Keats. “This would be the hundredth, and he died eight times.”

Keats makes an unimpressed face, and for the first time since he left Taako in the Prime Material Plane, Kravitz laughed. “Same difference,” Keats said. He walks over to the edge and swipes his scythe at one of the climbing tendrils. “How long do we have to hold them off, again?” Keats asked.

“As soon as they establish a link between planes,” Kravitz told him. “Lup said she was working on an idea, but she wanted to keep it a surprise—said that magic ‘works better’ that way.”

Keats laughed. “Oh, I like her already,” he said.

“She’s married,” Kravitz jokingly warned. Then he frowned. “I think she is, at least.”

“You think?” Keats asked.

Kravitz shrugged. “She’s been with her partner-slash-boyfriend-slash-fiancé for fifty years, I never got to asking if they’d tied the knot. Or if it even marriages stick when you travel between different planes of existence.”

Keats shook his head at Kravitz’ response, then thought about it and shrugged. “Guess I’ll just have to woo him too,” He said.

Kravitz chuckled. “Good luck with that,” he said, swiping at at the inky tendril that came straight for him. He turned to Keats. “This is it,” He said.

Keats’ face turned serious. He made his way over to Kravitz and threw his arms around him.

“Thank you,” He said. “For finding me, for helping me, for taking me in. For loving me like a brother when no one else would.”

Kravitz let the tears that were forming in his eyes flow freely. He clung to Keats, held him tight, until Kravitz felt the cold tar that reeked of dejection slither up his leg. He pulled away from Keats and kicked the tar off of his shoe.

Kravitz twirled his scythe and held it in a ready position. He sliced and slashed at anything that wasn’t Keats, fighting even when the sludge flowed back to the great sea of misery and reformed. He fought even as the tar reached his ankles, then his knees, then his waist.

When the Hunger reached his torso, affecting his ability to use his scythe, Kravitz looked around for Keats, who made one final attack before he made eye contact with Kravitz. They nodded at each other, and then the Hunger swallowed them up.

Chapter Text

There was a Presence.

He felt nothing. He was nothing. Just another Presence in the large expanse of the Hunger, floating in the melancholy waste.

Time didn’t exist, and yet it happened all at once. But that didn’t matter anyway. What was the point of keeping track of something that didn’t matter?

Time was a concept, just like personhood. There was only one of the Hunger that kept his name, the first to have become enlightened by the pointlessness of existence. This Presence didn’t know this name, yet. He was too new. Or at least he thought he was? Maybe he was too old. How long had it been?

It didn’t matter. He was Here, and it didn’t matter where Here was. He was the Hunger now.

Then, he heard the Song.

Kravitz broke through the surface, gasping, desperately trying to stay afloat. He looked up into the sky and saw a beacon of light, the source of the Song, and woven in to the Song was a Story.

Kravitz had heard this Story before. He had met those who were there as it was written.

There was a woman—Maureen, he remembered now—who had heard the Story before her body was prepared to. It had killed her. In her wake, she left a prophecy:

I saw all of existence, all at once. I saw a dark storm, a living hunger, eating it from within. But I saw a brilliant light heralded by seven birds flying tirelessly from the storm. I saw seven birds.

Kravitz knew those birds.

The Twins

Taako—Oh gods Taako, he was supposed to be the bounty of a lifetime—er, afterlife. Kravitz had been given first dibs as the Queen’s favorite, and he was so thankful for the hard work it took him to get that status. Otherwise, he never would have met the beautiful elf that he’d become so enamored with. That he’d willingly broken his moral code for. 

Lup, the sister that Taako forgot but had always known he’d had in his heart. It must have been Hell for her, to be so close to her brother but unable to do anything but watch him make mistakes and get hurt. Kravitz was glad he’d broken the umbrastaff. If he had to unleash a lich upon the world, Lup was the best lich he could have asked for.

The Lover

Barry, that must be him. Barry, whose love for Lup transcended life itself, dying over and over again and forgetting her in the hopes that he would be united with her once more. 

The Protector

Kravitz laughed. “Protector” was Magnus boiled down into one word. Even when he forgot one hundred years of his life, he stood his ground and saved Raven’s Roost from a vicious dictator.

The Lonely Journal Keeper

Lucretia’s hardest year was the one with the Judges, the one where she was the only one to have survived the first day. She ran, fought, and mourned for an entire year, struggling to survive so she could see her friends again. This was repeated when she made the choice—a terrible one, but what she believed was the only option—to say goodbye to her friends yet again for what would be ten years.

The Peacemaker

Merle stood against the Hunger and talked with John, made conversation with the force that had chased them down with the sole intention of killing them and taking the Light. Merle managed to become the closest thing to a friend as one could be with a hoard of universe-destroying darkness.  

The Wordless One

Davenport didn’t deserve what was done to him. The mission was his life, and so without the mission, he didn’t know who he was beyond his own name. Yet he was always kind. He stood by Lucretia—the one person who knew him—and he helped her in any way that he could.

I saw Seven Birds.

Kravitz knew those Birds. They were starting to become his family.

Kravitz rose out of the Hunger, black tar dripping off of him. For a split second, Kravitz was filled with warmth and life as he felt his Lady’s presence once again. He couldn’t revel in the feeling, as at the same time a blue crystal, the one that represented the Astral Plane, began to appear out of nowhere, and his very being was drawn to it.

Kravitz closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he was standing in the middle of a once-ruined city, and on the edge was Taako, kneeling with his hands placed on smooth sapphire.

Kravitz could do nothing but stare in awe as the realization of what Taako had done just hit him—Taako had transmuted the once glassy ground into blue sapphire, establishing a connection to the Astral Plane. In doing so, he brought the Planes of Existence in connection with each other and was so powerful that he willed the entire town of Phandalin back into existence.

Taako raised his head. He was shaking, covered in dirt, and exhausted. Then he stared at Kravitz for a single moment before running straight for him.

“How—” Kravitz started, but was cut off when Taako crashed into Kravitz’ body, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding on for dear life. Kravitz felt wet hot tears on his neck where Taako buried his face and he brought arms up to cradle Taako. Then Taako pulled away and crashed his lips into Kravitz’, and all Kravitz can think is that it feels so nice.

Kravitz’ knees buckled, and they both crashed onto the ground, kneeling where they once stood, not letting go for a second. Kravitz pulled away ever so slightly and brought a hand up to cup Taako’s face.

“You are so powerful,” Kravitz said, marveling at this man’s beauty, swimming in the bright colors of his eyes, a stark contrast to the dull world that he’d just been pulled from.

“Well, natch,” Taako said, and Kravitz laughed at that. He pulled Taako in for another kiss, this one quicker, because he had something he needed to say.

“Taako—I was crazy about you before I knew you were a dimension hopper, before I met Lup and Barry, before Wonderland. Before some weird light told me a story about your one hundred year journey through existence where you were fighting for a century to save the world.”

“Even though I look like shit without magic?” Taako asked.

Kravitz took a breath and leaned forward to touch his forehead against Taako’s. "I love you, Taako,” he told him, “and at this point, I think that everyone in reality is going to love you after hearing your story. Regardless of how you look.”

The tears that came from Taako’s eyes began to freely spill once more, and Kravitz swiped his thumb across his cheek to wipe them away.

“That was actually a test, your face is a skull half the time,” Taako blurted out, and Kravitz laughed, a true, full-bodied laughter that he hadn’t experienced since before Wonderland.

The pair was thrust back into reality when Lup swore so loud that it was carried across the battlefield. Kravitz and Taako looked away from each other to watch as one of the Judges from Lucretia’s year alone came towering over them, threatening to crush everything underfoot.

“I don’t know how to kill that!” Lup shouted, her lich form floating over to Taako and Kravitz and radiating panic.

Kravitz stood, helping Taako up on the way. “Well, I think I know some folks who can help.” He said as he turned to Taako. “You want to see what I’ve been working on while I’ve been away?”

Taako nodded, and Kravitz stepped out of his lover’s arms, concentrating on the Astral Plane, on the Eternal Stockade, and waiting for the Judge to get closer.

“You remember those wayward souls I’ve been imprisoning?” Kravitz said, spreading his arms with his hands down, facing the sapphire ground. “I’m giving them some time off for good behavior,” he finished. When the shadow of the Judge’s foot passed over them, he knelt down on one knee, slammed his open palms down on the ground, and called forth Legion.

The Raven Queen had been doubtful of this plan. It took a lot of convincing Her before he even got permission to talk to the Souls. Then he started working on convincing the imprisoned Souls to wreak havoc on the Hunger’s forces. It took less negotiation than he thought it might, most of the Souls glad for the chance to stretch their proverbial legs for a bit, especially if it meant they wouldn’t have to join the Hunger.

Legion’s hand crashed upwards, stopping the Judge’s foot from slamming on top of Taako and Kravitz, and then Legion pushed again, throwing the Judge off balance. Then Legion fully emerged from the glass gemstone to rise in its full form, and it roared with a thousand different voices, and then it pushed the Judge backward. The judge was sent flying backward several hundred feet, and Legion chased after it.

“That was rad!” Lup yelled, floating over to high-five Kravitz. “It’s good to see you again, Ghost Rider.”

“It’s good to be back,” Kravitz told her. Then Lup gave two thumbs up and floated back to Barry, who was in the middle of an intense spell.

Kravitz turned to Taako and kissed him again. He was pulled back to reality when the ground shook and Legion roared. Kravitz looked up, then sighed. His work wasn’t done yet.

“I need to keep an eye on Legion, Taako, but it’s—“ Kravitz laughed, just relieved to be among the living again, at the same time stroking Taako’s face. “—It’s so good to see your face again. When I was over there, I just, I thought about you constantly.”

Taako smiled. “I mean me too pretty much, except the world’s ending. So kind of like half and half, but still, free thought time was definitely devoted your way.” Kravitz nodded in understanding at that. “Let’s go ahead and save…everybody, pretty much, and then we’ll move on to…us. Does that sound good to you?”

Kravitz nodded, kissed Taako’s forehead, and stepped backwards towards Legion. “Let’s figure it out after we save the world,” Kravitz said.

Taako nodded, and with that, Kravitz took off running. He summoned his scythe—and, oh, that was such a good feeling—and he tore a rift in the air, jumping through it and landing near Legion’s feet. Kravitz started taking down the Hunger’s forces, keeping an eye on Legion to make sure no souls got the idea that they could escape in the chaos. He melted into the battle, hacking and slashing with time passing without notice.

Kravitz looked over to see Lup where she was addressing an enormous crowd. He couldn’t hear her, she was too far away, but he could feel the power of her words, urging the citizens to take action and fight for their home.

And then she lit her hands and led them into battle.

Kravitz looked up and he saw what only could have been the Starblaster, flying towards the storm for the first time. He knew that his beloved was on that ship, and in the midst of battle Kravitz knelt. He prayed to his Queen, to Istus, to any of the gods who would listen. He prayed that they would aid the Starblaster, and that its crew—and Taako—would come back to their new home plane, safe and sound.

As Kravitz raised his head, he began to hear music. A song that echoed throughout the battlefield. He raised his scythe and fought with a vigor that he’d never known before. All around him, he felt the inhabitants of this plane do the same.

As the music swelled, Kravitz heard a voice, one he doesn’t know offhand but one that feels familiar, and it says, “You’re going to have to fight. And… you’re gonna win!”

And Kravitz fought, along with everyone else, to defend his home.

Chapter Text

Kravitz slashed at another dark figure like he had been doing for hours, but this time it didn’t deform and lie in a pool of tar on the ground. He watched as the Hunger’s servant froze, still with a slash through its middle, and it began to glow with a bright, white light. Kravitz stepped back and watched as each of the Hunger’s forces did the same, they turned to light and started to drift upwards into the sky. Even the dark tendrils that cascaded down from the sky shrunk back and began to give off a light of its own.

Nobody moved as the Hunger was spirited away.

Nobody said a word when the lights begin to meet.

Nobody breathed until the light-filled Hunger exploded in a shower of brilliant, slowly cascading balls of light.

The world is silent, and then it celebrates.

With the Hunger gone, Kravitz couldn’t stick around for much longer. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t just put off wrangling Legion back to the Eternal Stockade.

Most of Legion went back to their cells willingly, just glad they had the chance to stretch their legs, but there were a few angry souls who insisted on putting up a fight. With his Queen’s power on his side, Kravitz made relatively quick work of the stragglers.

With the largest undertaking in his career finished, Kravitz returned to The Raven Queen’s Palace for the first time since the Hunger.

Kravitz entered the throne room to find it filled with the dozens of reapers that were in his Queen’s employ. He passed his fellow reapers, trying to ignore all the eyes that were on him. He stepped up to his Queen’s throne and knelt before Her.

Is it done, my child? She asked, Her voice gentle but powerful enough to fill the room.

Kravitz lifted his head to see his Queen looking down upon him.

“It is done, my Queen,” Kravitz told her, still on his knees. “Legion has been contained, and the few stragglers that there were have been dealt with”

The Raven Queen smiled down at him. Rise, Kravitz.

Kravitz did as She asked, standing before Her.

The Raven Queen stood from her massive throne to approach Kravitz, Her monumental height shrinking with every step She took until She was one foot taller than Kravitz and within arm’s reach of him.

“What would you have me do next?” Kravitz asked her.

The Raven Queen smiled. You have been instrumental in the saving of our world, are you not deserving of a break?

“My Lady,” Kravitz protested, “There is still so much work to be done.”

The Raven Queen reached forward to cup Kravitz’ cheek. Your duty is done for now, She told him. I will call for you when it is your time to come back.

Kravitz’ mouth hung open as the Raven Queen dropped Her hand from his face. “Thank you, my Lady,” He stammered out. “Is there anything else you require of me before I take my leave?”

The Raven Queen smiled at his insistence, knowing that he wouldn’t leave without a task. Very well. I ask that you pass on a message to your Taako: Lady Istus is quite fond of his recent contributions to the Tapestry of Fate. The explosion made for quite the lovely collection of colors.

Kravitz didn’t quite understand what his Queen was talking about, but nevertheless, he said, “I will ensure he gets the message. Thank you, my Goddess, for allowing me this rest.”

You are dismissed, The Raven Queen told him. Then she smiled. Go, enjoy time with your Taako.

Kravitz bowed before his Queen, then he turned to leave.

Once he was outside of the Throne Room, Kravitz took a deep breath. It was wholly unnecessary, but it helped him feel better, acting as a pause to let him process everything that happened in the past few—days? Weeks? Months? Kravitz shook his head. He’d been so busy that he forgot to track the passage of time.

Kravitz raised his hand to call his scythe but his upward swing was interrupted by a familiar hand grabbing his arm.

“You were just gonna leave without saying goodbye?” Keats asked, a smile on his face.

Kravitz chuckled and lowered his arm. “I’m sure you’ve seen enough of me, I’ve been running all around the Astral Plane.”

“Yeah, but you were in work mode,” Keats told him. “You get this intense look on your face that intimidates anyone who tries to get near you.”

Kravitz sighed. “I suppose I can be a bit too focused on work sometimes.”

Keats raises his eyebrows at that. “A bit?” He said. “You realize what just happened, right? Your boss—the Goddess of Death Herself—told you to take a break and hang out with your boyfriend, and what did you do? You asked if She had any more work for you.”

“Maybe my time on the Prime Material Plane will do me some good, then.”

Keats smiled at that. “I know it will,” he said. Then he rushed forward to hug Kravitz. “I’ll miss you while you’re gone.”

Kravitz held his Keats tight, fisting his hands in his brother’s suit. “I don’t suppose you’ll let me visit while I’m off work?”

“Fuck no! I’ll come and visit you,” Keats said, pulling back. He stared Kravitz down and pointed a finger at him. “If I hear anything about you working on your break, I’ll kick your ass.”

Kravitz laughed. “You don’t have any way of knowing if I do.”

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Keats said. “I’m gonna be training your new in-laws while you’re on vacation. You’ll take over once the Raven Queen calls you back, but that means I’ll have two spies on my side.”

“You’re going to be training Lup and Barry?” Kravitz asked.

Keats nodded. “Have been, in fact. It’s pretty interesting, they’re getting into the science of how death works on this plane. It’s pretty weird, apparently it’s different for each universe.” Keats shrugged. “It’s been a lot of fun. But they keep asking me if you’re going to be done with your project soon, because apparently, Taako’s starting to get mopey.”

Kravitz’ heart dropped. “He is? How long have I been gone?”

Keats patted Kravitz’ back and said, “Why don’t you go find out?.”

Kravitz nodded and called forth his scythe, swiping a rift to Taako. He stepped inside, and he found himself in a kitchen.