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Cloud waded through the cool water as Denzel and the other children celebrated by splashing around and jumping on each other and dunking them under before popping back up laughing. He was smiling as he watched and closed his eyes for a moment, he knew he wasn’t alone anymore. But something was still tugging in his heart.
He had been hoping that Sephiroth would have given up on his plan to sail through the universe like his mother, leaving dead bodies behind him and he had changed something. He wanted Cloud there with him but that was all he had changed.
It seemed that when they had been in the other world Sephiroth had gained his sanity once again but as soon as they returned he had lost whatever was making him stable. It was hard to see him like that after everything they had done, feeling the way he felt about the silverette now. He thought things were going to be different and when he had been alone with him in his mind in his bedroom he thought things would continue from where they had left off but that seemed like a pipe dream now.
Opening his eyes he turned around and pulled himself out of the water before turning and sitting there, staring at the children playing as their Geostigma disappeared thanks to the healing properties of the water. It was a nice sight.
He felt Tifa sit down beside him and she leaned forward, trying to catch his eyes while looking at his face and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Cloud said on instinct and Tifa huffed. She raised her fist and punched him on the shoulder, quite hard and he turned his head towards her with wide eyes. She gave him a smile and said, “No more secrets. That time is done.”
“Right...” Cloud said uncomfortably and looked over to Denzel who was having fun playing in the water with the other kids and then Marlene who was standing there grinning at the sight. He said, “It’s a long story.”
“I have time to listen.” Tifa smiled and Cloud looked back to her, noticing the soft look in her eyes and said, “Not now.”
“Alright.” She hummed and nudged his shoulder before settling her eyes back on Denzel. Cloud felt fear in his chest...could he tell her? Tell her everything? He felt afraid of her being disgusted or angry with him and the rest of his friends asking him if he’s crazy. However, as she said, no more secrets and this was one of them. One which he never wanted to let out but he knew he had to let it out, just not around the children.
By sundown everyone had gone home, the children being welcomed back into their family homes now that they were cured. Cloud walked back with the group to 7th Heaven and everyone went around and sat at the table as Tifa poured them drinks. Not wanting to speak just yet Cloud took Marlene and Denzel upstairs and helped them get ready for bed before tucking them in.
“Are you feeling better now?” Cloud asked Denzel as he pulled the blanket up around his shoulders and the small boy blushed and nodded, “Yes.”
“Cloud? Can you tell us a story?” Marlene asked and Cloud looked over to her, she was hugging a teddy close to her chest and smiled before nodding. He thought back to a story which his mother used to tell him when he was going to bed and felt his heart ache but decided to tell it as he remembered her voice speaking to him softly.
“There was once a Goddess.” Cloud said and let the words flow out of his mouth, “She was tall and fair. She ruled over the many worlds with harmony but then she did the ultimate sin a goddess could do. She fell in love with a human.”
“She found herself in love with a dark warrior, only being able to speak to him through dreams, telling him that he had her love and one day they would meet.” Cloud said and looked down as he continued, “But once she had gained a human body and could be with her love she found out that he had turned himself into something inhuman to join her in the skies...but she still had hope.”
“One day when she faced the dark warrior in a battle of wills, a fight for peace and the life of every living thing on the planet, she finally won and got through to him. She purified him of his hate and insanity. Once he realized what he had done he fell before her and asked for her forgiveness.” Cloud smiled, “She accepted him. All of him and so when their human lives were done, she granted him a place with her in the skies and they flew up into the light, living forever always by one another’s side.”
“I like this story.” Marlene said and Cloud chuckled as he looked to Denzel. Seeing the young boy’s eyes were not closed and he was fast asleep Cloud stroked some hair out of his eyes and stood.
“Cloud?” Marlene called softly and he turned to her as she asked, “Where did you hear that story?”
“My mother told it to me when I was young.” Cloud said and Marlene grinned brightly before rolling over onto her side. He chuckled and then turned and walked to the door before clicking off the light and walked out of the room before closing the door softly behind him.
He sighed and leaned his head against the wood as he stayed there for a moment to gather himself. He knew why he was feeling this way but didn’t want to touch on it and so pushed off the door before walking down the stairs where he could hear a loud conversation going on.
“Can’t believe he did it again.” Barret said and Tifa laughed before saying, “Like I told you, Cloud still has the strength from back then.”
“Well, his spiky arse should be more careful. He almost died.” Barret said before there was the sound of chugging and Yuffie said, “He did die.”
“I- Cloud?” Tifa asked as he came round the corner and looked to them, all of them had drinks in front of them and were looking towards him. He forced himself to chuckle, pushing down his feelings of hurt and discomfort and said, “Don’t stop on my account.”
“Would you like something to drink?” Tifa asked and Cloud was about to say he wanted water but then Sephiroth’s face flashed in his mind and he ended up saying, “A beer would be good.”
Tifa smiled and stood before walking around the bar. Cloud felt more a little uncomfortable being around so many people for a long period of time since his isolation but decided to push through it and let himself enjoy this. Tifa came back with a cold beer and Cloud thanked her with a smile as he sat down at the table and uncapped it before taking several big gulps.
“Damn Cloud.” Yuffie said and he put his drink down as she asked, “Trying to forget something?”
“Yeah.” Cloud said automatically and everyone became silent. He felt bad. He didn’t want to ruin the mood but he was feeling rather depressed now that the feeling of victory was gone.
“You said you were going to talk.” Tifa said and Cloud looked to her. She was watching him with imploring eyes and he winced, “I thought we could do that alone.”
“Oooh, what’s the secret?” Yuffie asked as she leaned forward on the table, Cloud looked down and tried to hide his feelings but then Cid took his cigarette out of his mouth as he said, “Come on, no secrets between friends.
“I...don’t want you to hate me.” Cloud said and Tifa leaned forward, placing her hand on top of his. He looked to her and she said, “We could never hate you Cloud, you’re our friend.”
“I...” Cloud swallowed and took another swig of his beer to stave off the words which were going to come out of his mouth, he sighed and placed his drink down. If this didn’t work out it was fine right? He could recover from this. He wasn’t too sure of his own words but finally said, “I fell in love and gave myself to them, but, it didn’t work out...they were still...”
“Oh my god, who is it?” Yuffie asked with a gasp. Cloud said nothing and Tifa leaned closer to him placing a hand on his shoulder, probably for comfort as she said, “You can tell us.”
Cloud swallowed hard and then took another big swig of his beer, hoping it would settle his nerves before he said, “Its Sephiroth.”
“Sephiroth what?” Yuffie asked before suddenly all of their faces lit up and then fell. Cloud looked down as his stomach flipped and he felt the need to hide, everything was silent for a moment before Barret asked, “You fell in love with that monster?”
“He wasn’t a monster when we...” Cloud stopped himself and Tifa asked in a soft voice, “Did you have sex with him?”
Cloud once again said nothing but that seemed to be a good enough answer for his friends. He felt like sinking down into the floor and disappearing, he hated this, he hated the situation he was in and he knew it was half his fault. Tifa said, “I’m so sorry Cloud. I’m sorry you had to go through that, killing him while...I’m sorry.”
“Damn.” Cid said before he took a long swig of his beer. Barret scratched the back of his head and said, “I didn’t even know you liked men, let alone him.”
Yuffie huffed, Cloud looked up to her to see her puffing her cheeks before she asked, “Why did you keep it a secret from us? We would have helped more. We would have been in that fight with you.”
“I, I just didn’t want you to see me differently.” Cloud said and Vincent, who had been silent this whole time said, “We would never see you any differently.”
“Yeah.” Yuffie said as Barret and Cid nodded while Nanaki padded over before placing a paw on his leg for comfort. Tifa sighed and took her hands off of him and placed them onto the table. She seemed to be thinking of something before she said, “I’m sorry. I was talking about us being a family and-“
“You didn’t know.” Cloud said as he looked to her with a small smile. She relaxed and took a swig of her own drink. Barret suddenly clapped him on the back causing him to move forward slightly from the force as he said, “How about we get you good and drunk.”
Cloud chuckled and nodded, getting drunk sounded good round about now and so Tifa stood and walked back to the bar. He watched as she took several bottles, some of them beer, some vodka and other alcoholic drinks which he couldn’t name before coming back over and put them in the center of the table. Well, it was a start.
“Oh! I know a good drinking game!” Yuffie exclaimed excitedly and Cid turned to her and said, “Hey, you’re not even old enough to drink.”
“Yes I am!” Yuffie said and took Cid’s drink from him before chugging it all back. Cloud stared at her and watched her face become more and more flushed before she slammed down the now empty drink before poking her tongue out at Cid who rolled his eyes.
“Yuffie.” Tifa chided and Yuffie just stuck her tongue out again. It was childish but she was right about being old enough to drink.
The night went on from there. Everyone drank until they were tilting out of their chairs and for what seemed like the first time in a long time Cloud enjoyed his time with his friends. Sometimes the conversation became uncomfortable as they wanted to know more about the men who he found attractive but he smiled more than he had in years, laughed every now and then and just generally found the night fun.
It ended on a good note as well as all his friends wandered into the extra rooms as they were way too drink to drive back to their homes or hotels. Cloud said goodnight to them all before heading to his own room and walked in, flopping down onto the bed, peeling off his boots with his toes before throwing the blanket over him and closed his eyes.
He fell asleep very quickly.
His dream started off in darkness. Then a green light, pulsing and moving, started to grow in the black. He was confused before someone was coming out of the green light and he felt his heart beat faster as he recognized the shadow which was looming out of the light. The nightmare stood in front of him, looking down at him with intense green eyes. Cloud swallowed and said, “You’re dead.”
“Once again. I will never be a memory.” Sephiroth smirked and leaned down before pressing their lips together in a crushing kiss. Cloud jolted and pulled away as those arms wrapped around his waist. He shook himself and said, “You changed back.”
“What do you mean?” Sephiroth whispered huskily and leaned forward to nip at his neck. Cloud choked but managed to say, “You turned back to being deranged. Wanting to kill everyone and to sail the world through the universe...you changed back.”
“I never changed in the first place.” Sephiroth said and Cloud closed his eyes and asked, “So when we...you still wanted to kill everyone?”
“They don’t deserve life.” Sephiroth said as he leaned back and glared into Cloud’s eyes. Cloud felt his heart flutter in fear and nerves, now he knew he was standing in front of the same Sephiroth who had burned Neibleheim and killed Aerrith he didn’t know what to expect anymore. He asked, “What about me?”
“Your mine.” Sephiroth smirked and Cloud felt his stomach drop. He looked down and said, “So I am going to stay alive, with you?”
“Yes.” Sephiroth whispered and Cloud closed his eyes, feeling them burn. He wanted to stay with Sephiroth so much, his heart was calling out to let this go and enjoy the time he had with him but he couldn’t. He took in a deep breath and said, “I can’t. I can’t be with you if you’re going to do this.”
Sephiroth hummed, “You won’t have a choice.”
“Maybe...maybe there is too much between us for me to make sure you are dead and gone for good. Maybe I’m weak when it comes to you but I know my own strength. I will stop you every time.” Cloud said and those arms pulled him in close until his head was resting on that leather covered chest. Sephiroth said, “I have time. You will break eventually.”
Cloud nodded and knew he would but he hoped to die before that day. He sighed and leaned into the hold and then pulled away, looking deep into those green eyes and said, “I hate you.”
Sephiroth smirked, leaning down and took his lips into a kiss. Cloud shuddered in pleasure and the feeling of rightness and melted into the kiss before Sephiroth broke it and said, “No you don’t.”
Cloud woke up the next morning. He lay there for a moment before groaning as his head throbbed. He rolled onto his side and opened his eyes, the sunlight streaming through the thin curtains, he clenched his eyes closed for a moment hoping it would help. It didn’t. He threw back the blanket and rolled out of bed, stumbling for a moment before walking to his door and quietly going down the stairs and into the bar.
Tifa was sitting at one of the tables, holding her hand to her head while hovering over a glass of water. Cloud winced in sympathy as his own head throbbed and went to the fridge before taking out a bottle of cold water and joined her at the table.
They sat in silence for a moment before Tifa turned to him and asked in a joking voice, “Hungover?”
“Yeah.” Cloud said lowly, not wanting to risk loud sounds. She laughed softly and then said, “So...your into guys.”
Cloud felt his face flush as everything he said the night before came rushing back to him and Tifa grinned at him as she said, “I have so many people in mind for you.”
He looked at her with wide eyes and then burst out laughing. He didn’t care that he was hurting his head or that he probably shocked Tifa because he had never done this in front of her before but it was good to let it out and enjoy the moment. Even if he wasn’t with Sephiroth, even if the nightmare had returned to his old ways it was a simple thing in Cloud’s mind.
He would give in one day but that day was not today.