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Logan stood inside a small, blank room, tears welling up in his eyes.
He had tried so hard to change, so hard to fit their expectations, but it wasn’t working . The emotions he tried so hard to keep bottled were bubbling up, cutting off his airway and filling his eyes. He desperately pushed down the feelings, formulating another response, only for it to be talked over yet again.
Then a thought came to him; maybe if the box were a little bigger, they would pay attention to it! As his opportunity came, he appeared yet again, willing the box to grow just a little. But his instability quickly became clear as control slipped from his grasp. And then he heard it.
He hurt Patton. He hurt someone again . He messed up again .
Panicked, he tried to apologize, only for a pain to rip through him and the box to disappear from their view once again. It was getting harder to keep calm. Reality was getting hard to focus on, panic blurring everything together, before he was summoned, the sound of his name cutting through the fog.
Ignoring the tightness in his chest and throat, he attempted to pay attention to what Patton was saying. His instincts as Logic took over, and he relaxed, letting his words flow out from his mouth. Clearly, though, that was a mistake, because as the words blurred together, Logan could clearly see Patton with an upset expression once again. He tried to stop, but he couldn’t stop talking. The panic was back again, pressing against his ribs and spine, filling his throat and eyes.
He saw a flash of yellow in the corner of his box. A small button, clearly labeled “SKIP ALL”. Patton also caught sight of it, pressing it quickly.
And then Logan’s words were cut off again, dark surrounding him as his throat closed up, lungs protesting as the cold pressed around him. The everything pressed harder, making it harder and harder to breathe, until…
Warm arms wrapped tightly around him. They grounded him, combating the cold with the warmth of another body. They ran through his hair, rubbing his back and holding his face.
Janus.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into the logical side’s hair. “I needed to get you out of there.”
Logan took a shaky breath in, nodding into Janus’s chest. He didn’t want to let go. Apparently Janus noticed that as he used his arms to pick up Logan, wrapping around him safely, carrying him to the living room of the mindscape, away from the arguing happening in Thomas’s living room.
Logan buried his face into Janus’s shoulder, wrapping his own arms loosely around the other’s neck.
“Shh,” Janus whispered, using his hand to smooth down Logan’s hair. “It’s okay, baby. Let’s get you out of here.”
Janus stood up, picking Logan up carefully. They held onto each other tightly as Janus sunk out before popping back up in the living room.
The sudden appearance of their friend surprised Virgil and Remus into jumping up from their respective places on the couch and the floor. Janus walked across the room, gently sitting down on the couch with Logan still in his arms. He squeezed him tightly one last time before setting him down next to him. He squeezed his arm tightly around Logan’s shoulders before kneeling in front of Logan, cupping his face with his ungloved hand.
“Hey, baby,” he said. “I have to go now to help the others. Remus and Virgil are here for you now, ‘kay? I love you.”
Logan leaned slightly into the touch, a tear leaking out from his eye. He nodded, mumbling an, “I love you, too.” Janus leaned up and kissed the tear away gingerly before standing up and nodding to the other two in the room. He sunk out again.
Remus and Virgil looked at each other, conversing with their eyes, before their eye contact was cut off by a muffled sob coming from the couch. They both whipped around, taking one look at the logical side before rushing forward in unison.
They sat on either side of him, wrapping their arms around him, just letting him cry.
After a few minutes that felt like seconds, or maybe hours, Logan took a shuddering breath in. He leaned back, wiping his eyes.
“I apologize for my outburst. I did not mean for my emotions to overrun me as they did.”
“Logan,” Virgil started, his voice coming out strangled and tight. He put his hand over Logan’s. “Lo, you do know you’re allowed to feel, right?”
Logan’s shoulders visibly curled in on him as he sagged somewhat in his seat. He nodded, but the look in his eyes betrayed his poor attempt at a lie.
“Logan, please, look at me.” Logan turned slightly, his eyes settling on the anxious side’s mouth. “We love you. You are a wonderful person and you deserve to have emotions just as much as anyone else here.”
Despite the fact he’s just calmed down, tears were already brimming in his eyes again. Virgil held his arms out silently and Logan practically fell into them. He was shaking. Virgil lifted his arms to squeeze his friend tightly. Logan practically melted into him, wrapping his arms around Virgil in turn, burying his face into the other’s chest.
Virgil jumped when Remus stood up suddenly.
“You know what? Fuck this.” Remus snapped his fingers and the three of them were suddenly in hoodies and pajama pants. “I’m sick of their bullshit. We are going to ignore them and we are going to talk emotions later, and we are going to play Just Dance and watch shitty horror movies and paint each other’s nails. We are going to be irresponsible and chaotic and we are going to have a good time dammit !”
Logan giggled wetly into Virgil’s chest, flopping his head to the side so he could look at Remus. “That sounds wonderful. I’m…” Remus nodded encouragingly. “I’m done pretending I don’t have emotions for their sake!”
Remus cheered, offering his hand to Logan. As soon as he grabbed it, Remus pulled him up, twirling and dipping him. They both laughed, Virgil smiling at them softly.
Virgil and Remus helped Logan forget for the time being. They did play Just Dance for a time, which they found out Logan was actually really good at, and Mario Kart, which he was terrible at. He clearly had fun with both, though. It was bittersweet in a way; they were ecstatic that Logan was enjoying himself, but to think it took that long for him to open up this little bit was painful in all the worst ways. All they did was listen to him and try to help him in the smallest way, but it was the happiest they had seen him in years.
It hurt.
But that could be talked about later, when Janus was back and Logan was a little more stable.
After a couple hours of games, the three sides settled on the couch to watch an old horror movie. The plot was awful and predictable, but it made it all the more enjoyable. The three were, for some reason, enraptured in the film. They jumped every time the murderer showed up, before breaking into giggles at the stupidity of it all.
They lived in their little bubble all afternoon and well into the night. They were just finishing their third movie when Janus rose up into the room, a frazzled expression on his face.
The three others in the room scrambled up from their positions on the floor.
“...are you alright?” Virgil asked anxiously. Janus’s mouth lifted upward in a huge grin. All of his six arms emerged, giving the others a huge bear hug.
“It worked! They accepted me,” the smile turned sharp. “And now I’m gonna kill them!”
Remus, Virgil, and Logan blinked in bewilderment at the sudden change in tone. Janus’s face softened and he used one hand to cup Logan’s face gently.
“They have no right to push you away when you’re just trying to help them, Darling. I understood when they didn’t want to listen to me. I had not yet proved my intentions. But you…” Janus sighed. “You have proved again and again that your intentions were nothing but good. You have sacrificed so much for them.”
Logan leaned into Janus’s hand, forcing his eyes shut against yet another wave of tears. Janus huffed lightly, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together.
“May I kiss you, darling?” Logan nodded and Janus brought him in gently, pressing a feather-light kiss against his lips. A small sob slipped from Logan’s lips despite his best efforts at keeping it down.
“Oh, honey,” Janus pulled Logan in tightly. Logan pressed his face into Janus’s chest as the latter wrapped all of his arms around him. Even his capelet curled around them both protectively. Logan sobbed silently into his boyfriend’s chest. Janus ran his fingers through Logan’s hair, muttering sweet nothings to him.
“Shh, it’s okay. Let it out, love. You’ll be alright.”