Archive of Our Own

The thing is, Ten isn’t new to this. 

He’s dated and has had crushes all throughout high school and his first year of college, when he really ought to have focused more on his studies. And it’s not like he asked for it. He didn’t wake up one day and decide on his undying love for one of the particularly attractive members of their dance team. It was more so like falling down a slope, slow and careful, where Ten could feel that he was slipping but couldn’t help but let himself go down even more.

When he first met Johnny, a month into college and at the try-outs for the dance team, he had been more intimidated than enamoured. Johnny was a good portion taller than him, with a head of black hair and a bright smile and a face that made Ten understand why everyone talked about the hot sophomore on the college dance team in his classes. But more importantly, he watched Ten’s routine with scrutinizing eyes and later on, showed all the dancers in the room his own frighteningly good dance skills that made Ten think that perhaps he should pack up his ideas of being a dancer altogether.

He almost wants to laugh when he thinks about this. If Ten had actually done that-- lived up to the dramatic bitch he was-- and dropped out tryouts altogether, he probably would have been spared from the misery of having a crush on Johnny Seo, two years later.

But he didn’t. He gets in, and it’s just the beginning.

***

Johnny pumps into him slowly, dragging out his movements so that he’s grinding against Ten’s prostate each time he bottoms out. Ten digs his fingers into his back and tucks his head into Johnny’s shoulder, panting heavily.

“Feel good?” Johnny breathes into his ear. Ten can hear the smile in his voice and almost pushes him away, but another pump of Johnny’s hips makes him moan instead.

He leans back against the bed, grabbing at the sheets, and stares, glassy-eyed, at Johnny’s smirking face. “I’d feel better if you’d shut up” he says, then moans again.

Johnny just smiles wider. “You like it. You wouldn’t have slept with me for so long if you didn’t.”

Ten wants to retort, but they both know that Johnny is right. Ten likes Johnny’s voice, even during sex, even when he gets so fucking embarrassed by how filthy the shit Johnny says can be.

So instead, he tugs Johnny’s head down by his neck and slots his mouth messily against his. Johnny smiles into the kiss and continues to fuck into him slowly until Ten comes, spurting weakly onto both of their stomachs. 

Johnny finishes a few moments later, groaning into Ten’s shoulder, and they spend a few seconds like that, Johnny lying on top of Ten, breathing hard, until Ten begins to feel uncomfortable from the stickiness.

Johnny seems to sense his discomfort and pushes off him. Ten hisses as he pulls out, earning a sheepish grimace from Johnny.

“Should I have stayed inside you?” Johnny offers weakly. Ten glares at him.

He moves his legs a little and scowls. “I can’t feel my legs.”

“Sorry,” Johnny replies, though Ten knows that he isn’t sorry at all. And sure enough, less than a few moments later, he mutters, “But you like it when it’s rough.”

Ten doesn’t bother to answer him this time. 

Johnny throws the condom away before disappearing into the bathroom, leaving Ten lying limply on his bed. However, he emerges moments later with a damp towel, and leans over him to clean him up.

His brows are furrowed slightly when he wipes at the mess on Ten’s abdomen, his pretty face pursed. It’s endearingly cute, the concern he has for Ten each time after they fuck, but it only serves to remind Ten how utterly stupid he is about all of this. Johnny is a good person, and it would be only natural that he takes care of whoever he’s sleeping with afterwards. It’s Ten’s own fault that his heart pounds at double time each time Johnny does it for him .

Johnny finishes and tosses the cloth to the bedside table. Ten follows the movement and sees that it’s one AM. They took longer this time, and he swears inwardly for not paying attention earlier. There are barely any buses after twelve, and true to what he said earlier, his legs are too numb for him to make the walk home comfortably.

Maybe he’ll call Taeyong, he thinks, already beginning to push himself up. Taeyong would be mad that he’s disrupting his sleep schedule, but he’s sure he’d understand. It’s happened before.

But before he can push himself fully upright and reach for his clothes, Johnny pushes him back down. Ten hits the bed and is about to open his mouth to protest when Johnny slips in beside him and throws an arm around him.

“Stay for the night,” he declares. Ten tries to shove him off.

“No, it’s fine--”

“There aren’t too many buses after twelve, and you can’t feel your legs,” Johnny recites as if he read Ten’s mind. “Remember?”

Ten glares at him. “I can call Taeyong.”

“And have Jaehyun be pissed at you for disrupting their personal time together?” Johnny closes his eyes and smiles, tugging Ten closer into his chest.

Ten wants to argue more (maybe bring up the fact that Jaehyun’s literally picked Ten up before at two), but Johnny’s limbs around him sucks all of the fight out of him. He relents, relaxing in his arms, trying to ignore the frantic beating of his own heart and praying to whatever god was out there that Johnny wouldn’t be able to feel it under his fingertips.

After all, it isn’t the first time he’s slept over. It’s just another case of Ten not knowing when to back out of something that was fucked from the start, relentlessly beating himself up over something he was never supposed to have anyways.

***

The first time it happened was at a party held by the members of their dance team. Cliché, Ten knows.

It was something Doyoung and Yuta had organized to celebrate a contest that they had won, and, just like the rest of the parties they were known to host, this one didn’t disappoint.

Ten remembers drinking too many cups of whatever tangerine punch Kun brought to the party, and taking one too many shots with Taeyong in the living room afterwards. However, unfortunately, he also remembers staggering around the kitchen, drunk out of his mind, and slamming into Johnny, who was leaning against the sink.

“Sorry,” he slurs at him, squinting in the dim lights of the kitchen. Johnny is very pretty-- he always is--, but he looks even better to him tonight with his slightly smudged eyeliner and messy hair. He even looks hot in the ruined white tee-shirt he has on, with a large orange splatter of what Ten’s muddled brain thinks is the punch from before. Which is saying something about Ten.

“Don’t worry,” Johnny slurs back at him. Ten squints at him again and notices the red solo cup he has clenched in one hand. Oh. He must be drunk as well.

“What are you doing here all alone?” he asks him, looking left and right. He doesn’t see anyone else in the kitchen, as most of the team is clustered in the living room, dancing and talking and making out. In fact, it’s precisely because Ten had to watch Taeyong and Jaehyun make out right in front of him that he decided to leave for the kitchen in the first place. 

Johnny makes a face and takes another sip of his drink. “I keep third-wheeling Yuta and Doyoung.”

“Ah.” Ten nods drowsily. “We’ve all been there.”

“And,” Johnny continues on. “Taeil is flirting with the DJ-- Sicheng, you know him?-- and claims that I’m a shitty wingman, so he doesn’t want me either. Though if you ask me, he’s the one who can’t fucking flirt for the life of him.”

It’s strange, having a conversation like this with Johnny. Ten and Johnny are friends, he supposes, but they’re more teammates than friends, more classmates than acquaintances. Their conversations, if any, rarely stray away from dance or school. And never alone like right now.

Ten hums, not knowing what to say. He realizes that he has his own drink and takes a sip of it to try to mitigate the possible awkwardness. 

Johnny notices it and grimaces. “Sorry. I’m rambling, am I? I don’t know when to shut up when I’m drunk.” 

“Nah.” Ten shakes his head. “You’re good. I’m just trying to think of something smart to say.”

To his surprise, Johnny laughs. Maybe he’s more drunk than he thought he was. “Don’t. I won’t remember it anyways, I don’t think.”

Ten grins before downing the rest of his drink. He sees over the rim of his cup that Johnny is doing the same, and together, they dump their cups in the sink.

“Do you wanna dance?” he asks Johnny, once the burn from all the vodka has worn off. He hopes that Johnny can understand what he’s trying to say, because shit, he’s so fucking drunk.

Johnny leans against the fridge and frowns at him. “And have to watch everyone at this party make out again?”

Right. “That’s very true.” Ten joins him in leaning against the fridge. His side presses against Johnny’s abdomen, and in normal times, he would have probably jerked away and apologized. However, he’s so drunk that all he can do is admire how hot Johnny really is under the dim lights of Doyoung and Yuta’s kitchen.

Johnny seems to be looking at him too, his gaze smouldering into his own, and when Johnny moves again, it’s to cage Ten in with his arms. 

“Hey,” he breathes down at him. “I might regret this tomorrow morning, but do you wanna hook up?”

Johnny stares greedily at his lips as he says this, his breath coming hot against Ten’s face with how close he is to him.

Now, if Ten knew what agreeing would have meant for him, he’d have said no. Maybe laugh and walk away, or even drag him out to dance, despite not wanting to himself. Maybe he’d have woken up the next morning, alone in his bed, wondering if Johnny Seo had really asked him to hook up with him. He’d see him at training, be embarrassed for the two of them, but then the memory would begin to disappear over time as none of them brought it up again, and one day, it would be forgotten altogether.

However, Ten kisses him instead. And he doesn’t forget it.

Johnny kisses him back, his mouth tasting like peaches and tangerines and vodka, and they make out sloppily against the fridge until Ten is panting into his mouth and can’t think of anything except for think where they’re going to fuck.

Turns out, Johnny has a plan, and they continue to make out all the way down to the guest bedroom Yuta and Doyoung have. Then, when they’re in the room, Johnny kicks the door shut behind them before kissing Ten again, pushing him down against the bed.

They fuck for the first time that night, a mess of limbs and kisses and bruises and moans, and when Ten falls asleep as soon as they’re done, he doesn’t even have a chance to regret it.

***

Ten wakes up the next morning with a pounding headache. It’s too warm, and there’s something sticky all over his skin and between his legs. However, more importantly, there are a pair of arms tossed over him and a hot breath in his ear.

Yesterday night’s events come flooding back to him, and in an instant, he’s pushed himself up, wincing at the pain that throbs through his head.

His sudden movement seems to stir Johnny as well, because he’s adjusting himself in the bed, blinking blearily at Ten through the grey morning light. He’s shirtless, his bare chest tangled in the sheets as he stretches himself, and when Ten runs his eyes down his form, he sees that he’s not wearing anything else either.

Fuck .

He’s about to crawl out of bed and hopefully get dressed fast enough before Johnny wakes up fully and realizes who he’s just slept with, but before he can even push himself up, there is a hand on his arm.

Ten turns and sees that Johnny is squinting at him, struggling to keep his eyes open through the light and his own hangover. Ten bites the inside of his cheek, wondering what he could want from him. Hopefully, he doesn’t get kicked out of the dance team.

Johnny furrows his brows at him and musters up a sloppy smile. “Hey.”

“Good morning.”

“Are you leaving?” 

Ten pauses, then nods. “I have class later.” It’s not true (he wouldn’t drink so much the night before if he actually did), but it’s the only excuse he has to get away and possibly never mention this again to Johnny.

Johnny nods gently and lets go of Ten’s arm. Ten takes it as a sign to leave and begins to tug his shirt back on.

“Hey.” Johnny’s voice stops him again. He’s turned on his side now, his black hair falling messily over his eyes. He’s smiling more widely now. “We should do that again sometime.”

And maybe it’s because in his muffled mind, Ten recalls how good they were together the night before. Maybe it’s because Johnny is so frustratingly hot, and Ten has a weak spot for tall, hot dancers with nice pecs and built frames. Maybe it’s because Johnny is looking at him, soft and eager, just waiting for Ten’s response.

It doesn’t matter.

Ten says yes.

***

Here’s another thing.

Ten doubts he would have fallen so hard if he was sleeping with anyone other than Johnny Seo. He beats himself up for this too. If he had just slept with that really cute guy in his calculus class instead (Xiaojun or something; he doesn’t know. He just knows that he’s friends with Kun), or maybe seduced Lee Jeno when he had the chance (that probably wouldn’t have been good either if he thinks about it; Doyoung and Taeyong would scalp him), he wouldn’t have to be subjected to all the bullshit Johnny entails, and he wouldn’t have to hurt himself in the end.

But, he chose Johnny. And that meant that he chose the person he should have expected to fall for in the end.

Because Johnny, frustratingly, seems to quite literally take the title ‘friends with benefits’ as it is. This means that he wants the ‘friends’ aspect of the name as much as he wants the ‘benefits’ part, and thus, Ten isn’t spared from all the little things that makes Johnny Seo so special.

Case in point: two days after the party, Taeyong has a little gathering at his apartment for the members of the dance team who got too hungover to eat properly in the days following. Ten goes, because he and Mark literally have nothing left in the fridge and he really doesn’t want to order takeout again, and also because Taeyong’s cooking is amazing. Unfortunately, Johnny is there for nearly the same reason.

Johnny opens the door for him and Mark when he presses the doorbell, standing there in all of his 184 cm glory, his black hair messy and falling in waves over his forehead, one of his hands fiddling with the silver chain earring in his left ear.

“Hey, Ten. Mark.” He nods at them. “Taeyong said that you were coming.”

“He didn’t say that you were gonna be here,” Mark comments, slipping past Johnny. “I thought you could cook.”

Johnny grins sheepishly. “Yeah I can, but it doesn’t mean that I’ll pass on free food.”

Ten hasn’t said anything yet. In fact, he hasn’t said anything at all to him ever since that first morning in Yuta and Doyoung’s guest bedroom, when Johnny had asked him to sleep together again sometime. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t even think he has Johnny’s phone number.

Mark takes off his shoes and tumbles into the room, calling for Donghyuck to come play video games with him. Donghyuck and Taeyong both yell back, Donghyuck’s an excited squeal, and Taeyong’s a snap to come help him out in the kitchen first.

Ten smiles at the raucous as he slips off his own shoes and almost jumps when Johnny addresses him directly.

“We all know Taeyong is just gonna kick Mark and Donghyuck out of the kitchen as soon as they try to go help him,” he chuckles. Ten looks up to see that he’s grinning at him as if they share some sort of secret. And perhaps, now that he’s thinking about it, maybe they do.

“Do you think he’ll recruit us next?” Ten goes along with it. “Or can we chill and take what we came here for: his food?”

Johnny laughs again. “I doubt he’ll want us helping him after whatever hell Mark and Donghyuck are gonna cause for him. If he really needs it, he’ll just ask Jaehyun.”

They walk into the living room. Taeyong waves a quick hello to Ten before turning back to Mark and Donghyuck to scold them about whatever they’re messing up on the stove. Jaehyun is sitting at the kitchen table, laughing at them, but he nods at them as well when they pass.

“Do you need our help?” Ten asks anyways.

Jaehyun glances at Taeyong trying to wrench a pair of chopsticks out of Donghyuck’s hand and shakes his head. “Nah. You guys should probably retreat to the living room if you don’t wanna see Taeyong lose his mind.” 

Ten watches Taeyong succeed in wrestling Donghyuck away from the stove and agrees with him silently.

There’s no one else in the living room, and Ten begins to feel the tendrils of awkwardness climbing all over him when he sits down at the couch, Johnny by his side. What does he say to someone he just slept with, especially when that someone is someone he’s barely talked to as more than a teammate?

Johnny himself doesn’t seem as uncomfortable as Ten feels. Maybe he’s more used to dealing with the people he chooses to sleep with. He definitely is, Ten recognizes. This probably isn’t new to someone like Johnny at all.

“One of these days, we need to take Taeyong out to some five star restaurant just to pay him back for all the stress we put him through.” Johnny peers at him with glimmering eyes and a wide grin.

“Probably,” Ten responds shortly. There’s another crash in the kitchen, more yells and whines. He sighs. “If he doesn’t die of a stroke before that.”

Johnny laughs. “I don’t know how he does it; he’s studying to be a nurse, is the captain of the dance team with Doyoung, and on top of that, has to worry himself over all of us too.” 

“Aren’t you in health sci?” Ten asks with a frown. Johnny is the last person who should be surprised that there are people who can multitask and be successful in many different areas. He’s smart, from what he hears, wants to get into med school, is one of the choreographers in their dance crew, and works part-time at some cat cafe in the city. He’s basically the full package, unlike Ten struggling to hand in his commerce assignments and wake up in time for dance practice.

“Yeah, but I’m not on top of my shit like he is.” Ten scoffs internally. If Johnny isn’t on top of his shit, Ten must be buried alive.

Johnny notices the expression on his face and pouts. “Don’t be like that.”

“Tell that to my struggling ass.”

“You’re not doing too bad either, if Taeyong’s word on you is right.” He paused. “Business, right?”

“Uh huh.” Ten nods, then laughs sheepishly. “It’s boring, I know.”

“Nah. As long as you're into it.”

Ten doesn’t know how to respond to this. Instead, he changes the topic. “Where’s Taeil?”

“Oh, him?” Johnny frowns. “I think he had to cover his coworker’s shift at the movie theater. Was pretty pissed about it as well when I asked him about it in class today. Why, did you need to talk to him?”

Ten shakes his head. He only asked because for some reason, it seems so strange to him that he’s seeing Johnny without his best friend outside of the dance practice rooms. Even in gossip, Johnny’s name is looped with Taeil’s. The hot seniors who everyone’s had a crush on at one point or another. Johnny, one of the choreographers for their dance team, and Taeil the producer of all the tracks they dance to. It’s to be expected. “Nope. Just curious since you’re usually with him when I see you.”

“Really?” Johnny shifts so that he’s facing Ten more. “I don’t see you that much outside of dance, so maybe, I guess.” He drags a hand through his hair. “You’ll probably see me without him for a bit more then. Jie-ge’s been working on some tracks lately-- he’s working with the DJ that he was flirting with last time, that guy, Sicheng, remember?-- and he keeps bailing for whatever plans we make.”

So he does remember last time . Ten tries to keep a straight face, but Johnny mentioning it to casually makes heat rush to his cheeks, because fuck , Ten still remembers how Johnny looked with his mouth around his dick.

“I got tickets to this one paintballing thing, and Taeil was supposed to be my plus one, but he pulled the plug on me last second.” Johnny pouts. “Said that his tracks were more important than me.”

Ten laughs. “Paintballing?”

“I love paintballing.” Johnny raises an eyebrow. “Have you tried it before?”

He shakes his head. “Nope, but it sounds really painful.”

“It’s not actually that bad. Bruises hard, but it’s not permanent damage or anything. And it’s really fun.”

“Is it?” Ten can’t imagine what would be fun about getting pelted with rubber bullets, splattered with paint, bruises forming all over his body, but he grins anyways. 

“Yeah.” Johnny leans forward a bit, smiling wide. “Do you wanna come with me? I’ll show you how to paintball, and maybe you’ll see just how fun it is. Next next Friday. I can pick you up.”

Ten is taken aback. Is he really like this with all of his hook-ups? He wonders. Johnny is too close now, peering at him with interest like he knows something he doesn’t, but pleading all the same. There’s no harm in saying yes though, he reasons. There’s nothing wrong with becoming friends with Johnny, and if he says no, Johnny might have to go alone. He doubts Johnny won’t be able to find someone to come with him, however. The guy is popular.

“Sure,” he says, then shifts back because Johnny really is too close and he can’t stop the sudden thumping of his heart each time Johnny’s gaze grazes across him. 

“Great!” Johnny falls back, smiling like a puppy now, before rummaging through his phone to pass it to Ten. “Put your number in. I’ll text you the details later.”

Ten puts it in.

***

They don’t fuck that night. Johnny sends him the details to the paintballing event after dinner. Ten sets his name in his phone to “Johnny Seo”, nothing more.

But the night after that, Johnny texts him “Wanna come over?” and three cat emojis, and Ten doesn’t really think before agreeing with a thumbs up. 

He takes the bus to Johnny’s apartment (or at least where he thinks is Johnny’s apartment), and when he knocks, it’s Johnny who answers, his face beaming at the sight of him. He’s wearing a black tee-shirt that’s a little small on him because it stretches over his chest, but Ten isn’t complaining. 

Ten fucks Johnny hard and fast, appreciating the way Johnny bites his shoulders and kisses him when he’s coming, and when they’re done, he doesn’t wait before slipping out back home.

Johnny texts him another cat emoji and “Home?” an hour later. Ten responds with another thumbs up before falling asleep.

***

Johnny seems to slip into his life after that. Every few days, Ten would show up at his apartment, waiting anxiously for him to open the door, and when, inevitably, he did, they’d kiss and touch and fuck somewhere in his apartmnet.

However, Johnny also appears more in his daily life, the life he has outside of the classroom, outside of the dance studio, and outside of the bedroom. 

For instance, Ten spies Johnny one day at lunch in the chemistry hallways, talking to a group of girls. He doesn’t really want to interrupt whatever they’re talking about, so he pushes his baseball cap more securely over his face and tries to sneak past them so that he can get to the cafeteria without being noticed.

It doesn’t work.

He’s barely walked past him before Johnny is turning, his stupidly bright smile stretched across his face, waving at Ten even though they’re only a few meters apart.

“Ten!” he chirps. Ten stops, not unaware of the dirty looks the girls are giving him.

“Hey.”

“Where are you heading?”

“Cafeteria. Taeyong and them are waiting for me there.”

“Oh, nice. Can I join?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Johnny frowns. “Unless you don’t want me there. That’s totally okay--”

“No, no. Don’t worry. It’s not like that.” Ten waves his hand. It’s funny. Johnny always does this: assume that it’s Ten who doesn’t welcome him when in fact, it’s just that Ten never understands what someone like Johnny would want to do with someone like him. “Just making sure.”

Johnny beams at him and quickly runs to his side after bidding the girls goodbye. Ten tries to ignore the looks of disappointment and annoyance that washes over their faces. “Who’s gonna be there?”

“Taeyong. Jaehyun. Mark. Donghyuck.” He checks them off mentally. “And Lucas and Yangyang. You probably don’t know them, but Lucas’s a sophomore in business with me, and Yangyang’s a freshman in sociology.”

“Lucas. Is he the one dating Jungwoo?”

“Oh, you know about that as well?”

Johnny peers at him. “I’m right then?”

Ten shakes his head. “They’re not dating , but they might as well be at this point.”

“It’s one of those cases then.” Johnny stretches, the muscles in his arms flexing. Ten tries not to stare, but it’s hard not to when they’re right in front of him. 

“How’s school?” he asks, to take his mind off Johnny’s hot arms.

Johnny hums. “It’s alright. We have a lab to hand in, but for the most part, I think senior year hasn’t been the worst.” He snorts. “I’m sure I won’t be saying that when it’s time to study for the MCATs.”

“You’re smart though, aren’t you?”

Johnny shrugs. “Depends on what you mean by smart. Taeil gets better grades but.” He glances around furtively, as if genuinely afraid someone might overhear. “I think I’m smarter .”

Ten laughs. “He’d beat you up for that.”

“He always beats me up anyways.” Johnny grins, then tosses an arm over his shoulder. Ten tells himself to calm down, because even if he’s hot and now he’s the guy he’s sleeping with, it’s common knowledge that Johnny is flirty by nature, and that he’s always been a touchy person to start with. “What about you? How is sophomore year treating you?”

Ten shrugs. “It’s alright, I guess. Homework. Essays. Kind of boring.”

“Boring?” Johnny raises his eyebrows. 

“Just a little bit.”

Johnny seems to sense the sliver of bitterness in his voice when he says this, because he squeezes his shoulder for a moment. “I see.”

“My parents wanted me to do business,” he says, then laughs to dispel the discomfort that’s seeped into him. “I’m a good son.”

“I see,” Johnny says again. Ten looks up to see that he’s frowning slightly, and he wonders for a second if he should say something to let him know that it’s okay, Ten isn’t depressed or anything about it. However, seconds later, it’s gone, replaced by his usual sunny smile. “At least you don’t need to sit through eight more years of school like I probably will after undergrad.”

Ten agrees with a smile. Johnny changes the topic after that, asking Ten about his opinion on some video game that’s coming out in a month. Ten learns that both he and Johnny are Legend of Zelda fans, and that Johnny needs to wear glasses when he plays them. By the time they’ve arrived at the cafeteria, and Ten can see Jaehyun’s head over the groups of people, he’s pretty comfortable. He could have even forgotten that they fucked the night before.

It’s just Taeyong and Jaehyun for now; Donghyuck and Mark and the rest of them are probably late. Taeyong eyes them when they sit down at the table. “Johnny?” He turns to Ten. “Why’d you bring him? I thought it was clear that there’s a time limit for how long I’ll tolerate Johnny Seo.”

Johnny smiles sweetly at him. “You love me.”

Taeyong sighs. Ten wants to laugh, but decides against it. It’s not like he’s wrong. Taeyong, for all his talk about how much the members of the dance team drive him crazy, loves each and every one of them. And Johnny, pretty, nice Johnny who was the one who introduced him to the dance team in the first place, is no exception.

“How’s work been?” Jaehyun asks Johnny once he’s gotten his box of noodles that Ten recognizes is from the local restaurant. He must be finishing up leftovers. 

Johnny shrugs. “ There are so many high school students who come around now to pet the cats, so I guess it’s busier.” He sighs. “Only problem is that more high schoolers there mean that less college students want to come. I get lonely.”

Taeyong nods sympathetically. “We’ll come visit you more then.” He beams at Ten. “Ten here really likes cats, so he’ll probably go see you sometime.”

“You like cats?” It’s almost comical how happy Johnny looks for a moment when he turns to Ten again.

“... yeah?” Ten nods. “They’re soft and I don’t need to walk them. What’s not to love?”

“Come visit me and my cats then.” Johnny smiles and leans on one of his hands. “As long as you buy a coffee, you can stay for as long as you like.”

Watching Johnny’s teasing gaze, Ten blushes for some stupid reason. “Okay. Sometime.”

***

Sometime turns out to be the next day, when Mark and Donghyuck are being too loud in their apartment to study peacefully in, and all Ten wants is some quiet so that he can memorize the math formulas he needs for the quiz next week. He remembers Johnny’s offer then, texting him a quick message before packing up his laptop and textbooks.

He pauses by the mirror as he heads out, and for a brief moment of time, he wonders if he should put on something nicer. He’s just wearing one of his old hoodies, the one with a band logo printed across the front, and he has track pants on instead of jeans. But then, he reminds himself that he’s just going to study and not to impress anyone, so he bustles out of the house without another thought.

The cat cafe Johnny works at isn’t too far from where he lives, so it doesn’t take long before he’s pushing open the glass door. Immediately, there are two cats by his legs, scurrying around, nosing their cute faces into his track pants. Ten's resolve is weak, so he drops to his knees right away and picks one of them up to pet.

“Cute.” Johnny’s voice is smiling from above him.

Ten looks up at him. Johnny’s wearing a sky blue sweater on top of ripped black jeans, and altogether, he looks so soft and huggable that he could cry. “They’re so cute,” he agrees.

“I wasn’t just talking about the cats.” Then, at Ten’s flustered expression, he laughs. “There’s a tall seat where I’m working. Come study there.”

Ten carries the cat and his laptop to where Johnny is gesturing for him to sit, and when he slips into the seat, Johnny’s set a cup of coffee in front of him.

“That’s okay--”

“It’s on the house,” Johnny insists. “I even drew a little heart in the middle, just for you.”

Ten rolls his eyes. “Thanks then.”

“Thanks for keeping me company.” Johnny smiles at him once more before getting back to work. Ten pulls up his notes from earlier and begins to review his notes, comfortable with the quiet and the cats and the smell of coffee and the way Johnny is humming under his breath.

***

Ten groans as he pushes himself back down onto him. It seems like each time he moves his hips, stars explode all throughout his body, so good that they render him weak and unfeeling in the legs.

Johnny has his hands on his hips, squeezing with just the right pressure. He’s looking up at Ten, his eyes cloudy with arousal, his face covered in a sheen of sweat.

“Don’t stop,” he gasps.

Ten acquiesces and begins to move again. It feels even better this time, with Johnny’s hot gaze sweeping across him, and when he’s nearing the end, he can feel Johnny’s hand wrap around him, stroking him gently. It doesn’t take too much longer for him to tip over the edge.

***

True to his word, Johnny shows up in front of his apartment complex two weeks later in a black Mazda that looks like it’s seen better days. Ten watches as he pulls into a parking space in front of the building before turning away from the window and making his way to the door.

Mark eyes him from where he’s lying on the couch, a bag of chips on his chest and Donghyuck sitting on the ground by his shoulders. “Are you leaving now?”

“Yeah. He’s here.” Ten pulls on his Converses as Donghyuck frowns.

“Who’s here? Where’s Ten going?”

“Johnny’s taking him paintballing,” Mark explains, then, on a whim it seems, he buries his fingers into Donghyuck’s dyed brown hair, earning a squawk from the younger boy.

“Dude, you have cheese dust on your hands,” he complains, then turns to Ten with a confused look on his face. “I didn’t know you and Johnny were close.”

“We’re not.” Not in the literal sense, at least. Ten doesn’t mention how Johnny sucked him off two nights earlier, his eyes shining up at him as Ten tried to muffle his moans into the back of his hand. “He’s just bringing me because Taeil couldn’t make it in the end.”

“So you’re getting closer.” Mark eats another chip and speaks with his mouth open to Donghyuck. “Ten’s been going over to Johnny’s a lot these days. And he keeps leaving to study at the cat cafe he works at when he thinks we aren’t looking”

“ Oh .” Donghyuck turns back to him with a devious smirk on his face. Ten groans, promising to himself that he’s going to strangle the two of them when he gets home, and decides that it’s about time he went down to meet Johnny.

“What’s up?” Johnny asks, when he’s in the car and has shut the door behind him. “You look frazzled.”

“Mark and Donghyuck,” he answers. Johnny laughs.

“We’ve all been there. I swear, if they didn’t have each other, I don’t know who would be insane enough to put up with their bullshit.”

Ten shakes his head sadly before leaning back. Johnny has pretty good music taste, he’s found, and this remix of Havana and 24K isn’t bad at all. “What’s the plan for today?”

“I thought I sent you the details,” Johnny jeered. Ten rolled his eyes.

“I thought you knew what I meant.”

“Hmm, maybe I didn’t. Did you have any other plans in mind other than paintballing?” Johnny smirks without looking at him.

Bastard . “I was thinking you could buy me chicken,” he deadpans.

Johnny chuckles. “Okay. I’ll buy chicken if you don’t cry today when you get shot up.”

“I thought you said that it wouldn’t hurt that much!”

“A ruse.” At Ten’s horrified face, he grins wide. “Just kidding. It doesn’t hurt too bad, but you can still feel it when you get shot. Kind of like a really hard flick.” He grins even wider. “After all, the real pain comes afterwards, with all the bruises.”

Ten groans. “I’m beginning to think that this was a bad idea.”

“I always have bad ideas. You’re just stuck with them now.”

Ten chooses to begin praying that his skin wouldn’t be comparable to a cheetah print after paintballing was over.

“Hey.” Johnny’s voice is softer now. He glances at Ten for a moment, then reaches a hand out to pat him on the thigh. “If you’d rather back out, that’s cool. I can take you to some KFC from the start instead.”

His hand is very warm, so warm, in fact, that Ten can feel the burn of it through his jeans. 

He shakes his head again. “Paintballing.”

“Paintballing,” Johnny echoes, and removes his hand. He can’t hide the smile on his face, however, and similarly, Ten can’t seem to tear his eyes away from it.

***

Paintballing is fun.

He should have expected to enjoy it from the start. Hell, he’s a dancer. He lives for the moments of exhilaration like these, where his blood is pounding in his head and all the energy is concentrating inside of him, just waiting to burst out.

Just like Johnny said, the bullets hurt, but not in an overwhelming way. In fact, they only seem to increase his excitement further, make him want to shoot more, run more, yell more, laugh more.

And Johnny is a great partner for it. After showing Ten how to use the gun, he leads Ten to what he cites are the best spots to snipe people from, and together, they lie on their stomachs, ready for an attack. And when finally, they’re caught and are forced to run, he holds out his hand, his eyes shining with a laugh, and yanks Ten off their little perch and into a sweat-breaking run.

Ten doesn’t remember ever having as much fun as he did that afternoon.

Johnny is handsome when he shoots, he observes. So focused and put together like he always is, whether he’s studying, working, dancing, or anything. He’s also focused each time Ten doesn’t move out of the way fast enough, concern etching into his pretty, sweaty features as he asks Ten if he’s okay.

It’s exhilarating, and Ten feels something stir inside him each time Johnny fixes his cat-like, careful gaze on him.

Later on, when they’re out of the facility, and when Johnny is laughing so brightly about some shot he made, Ten doesn’t think he can wait any longer. As soon as they’re behind the building, he tugs Johnny down by the shirt and presses his mouth to his.

Johnny seems surprised at first, but to his credit, he picks up pretty quickly, and soon, he’s kissing him back hungrily, his hands palming at his hips.

“Couldn’t wait… until we got back?” He pants into Ten’s mouth.

Ten doesn’t answer. Instead, he rolls his hips against his, letting a moan escape from his lips.

He can feel Johnny smile against his lips, his cock quickly hardening under his jeans with each press of Ten’s waist against his front. “Car?”

Ten tugs him to it.

Johnny presses him to the back seat as soon as they get to it, and Ten barely has enough time to be glad that it’s darkening, and that there doesn’t seem to be any street lights in the back alley of the paintballing facility, before Johnny is kissing him so thoroughly, he can feel it down to his core. 

Johnny seems just as turned on as he is by it all, because he doesn’t waste his time before beginning to press hot, wet kisses along the column of his throat. Ten gasps, leans his head back and moans, his body shocked into arousal.

Johnny tugs at the bottom of his shirt. “Take this off.” His breath is hot against his neck.

Ten undresses, then pouts and runs his hands along Johnny’s bare arms. “You too.”

Johnny chuckles and shucks his shirt off, and at about the same time, Ten’s mouth falls open, because just like Johnny predicted, his torso and abdomen is splattered with purple and green bruises. And from the looks Johnny is giving him, he can assume that he looks the same.

“Holy shit,” he breathes, but he can’t stop but press a finger to one of the bruises just under Johnny’s ribs.

Johnny winces. “You could go a little lower than that.”

Ten glares at him, but it’s broken by the moan that escapes his mouth when Johnny rolls his hips down.

Johnny continues to press wet, hot kisses all along Ten’s neck and torso. He circles his tongue across each of Ten’s bruises, his fingers grinding into his hips, and the mixture of pain and pleasure is enough to turn Ten into a desperate, begging mess. He pants into Johnny’s neck, keening as he sucks another bruise into his collarbone, his hands slipping across his back.

Johnny grinds down harder. Ten gasps as white hot pleasure rushes through him.

“Couldn’t stop thinking about doing this to you during paintballing.” Johnny bites the side of his throat, his hand leaving Ten’s hip to dip into his pants. “You’re so hot, Ten, when you’re tense and sweaty and fuck .”

He’s cut off by a particularly hard thrust of Ten’s hips against his. “Keep doing that and I’ll come.”

“I thought that was the point,” Ten quips, but he doesn’t get much more out, because Johnny returns to kissing him, all open-mouth and wet and hot.

Ten’s hands trail up to Johnny’s waist, and he squeezes it hard, hoping somewhere deep inside him that it’ll bruise, and when Johnny rolls his waist against his again, he comes so hard he sees stars.

***

“What the hell, Ten. Who the hell did you fuck?” Mark gapes at him from where he’s lying on his bed, staring in abject horror at the myriad of bruises all over his torso and neck.

“I went paintballing.” Ten rolls his eyes. “You bruise after paintballing, dummy.”

Mark pointed at his neck. “You get shot up here as well?”

Ten’s hands go to his throat, and his fingers touch the pattern of hickeys Johnny sucked into his skin there. He can’t stop the burn that spreads across his cheeks.

He ignores Mark’s squawking at him, praying that he won’t tell the others and have Taeyong and Jaehyun interrogate him all over again, and leaves the room. He promised to meet Johnny in the studio today.

***

Johnny is all the little things.

Ten grows to learn this about him in the weeks that follow. Whether he’s writing an essay, choreographing one of their dances, or making a cream swirl in a coffee, he’s meticulous, his eyes trained on nothing except for whatever he has on hand, making sure to not forget the smallest detail.

He’s the same way in bed with Ten. Each time they fuck, Johnny makes sure to take him apart ever so carefully, pressing in just the right places and touching him when he needs him to. And in the same way he stares at the heart he draws on Ten’s customary coffee each time he visits the cafe (still citing that it’s ‘just for him’), he doesn’t tear his eyes off him, no matter if he’s fingering him, sucking him off, fucking into him slowly.

It’s a strange feeling, being at the other end of his stares. Each time Johnny looks at him, it’s like he can see right through him, his gaze a hot, piercing force into him. But it also feels good, because Ten’s come to know that Johnny only looks at things he truly needs to focus on that way, and he thinks he likes the idea of being Johnny’s everything, even if it’s just for a few moments.

He doesn’t like to think of this outside of sex, however. Each time his thoughts stray to anything close to having anything more with Johnny other than sex and whatever friendship they’ve managed to build up, his brain kicks him into autopilot, and he’s forced into that sensation of foolishness, where he reminds himself over and over again that there’s nothing to it except for sex.

However, it’s hard to reject his growing feelings for the boy, not when Johnny is so frustratingly kind, and he shares the same interests with Ten, and overall, he’s so soft and so bright and somehow makes whatever Ten’s day is turning out to be into a good one.

One evening, three months after they’ve started sleeping with each other, Ten is leaning against the wall to the restaurant he works as a waiter at, his hands trembling and clutching at his phone. His breath is coming quick, and even though he presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, he can’t stop the tears from squeezing against his skin.

“Ten?” Johnny’s voice comes floating from in front of him.

Ten removes his hands from his eyes and looks at him. “Why are you here?”

Johnny shuffles his feet awkwardly. “I thought I’d come pick you up after work. Take you to get some chicken, you know. I just remembered that I forgot to take you after the first time we went paintballing.”

Ten smiles weakly, but his heart collapses on itself and it’s not long before the tears are coming again.

Johnny’s arms are around him in a second, his face buried into Ten’s hair. Ten is stiff for a moment, but something inside of him is telling him that he needs this, and it’s not long before he’s wrapping his arms around his waist, pressing his wet face into Johnny’s jacket.

Ten cries, his phone still clenched in his hand. Johnny runs his hand up and down Ten’s back, not saying anything, just letting Ten let it all out.

He doesn’t even ask any questions. He just stands there, his arms holding Ten up, his breath soft and warm by his ear, until Ten doesn’t feel like crying anymore.

***

Another time, Ten is in the campus library when Johnny shows up, his bright face so in contrast with the tumultuous feelings boiling inside of Ten that Ten wants to yell at him to go away, to leave him alone for just one moment.

He doesn’t though. He sits there, watching Johnny slide into the seat across from him and hand him a paper back.

“Chocolate croissant.” He beams. “I saved one for you.”

Ten opens the bag to see the golden pastry lying at the bottom, and all of a sudden, he’s angry. He’s angry because he’s hurting and when all he wants is for everything to be okay, the world gives him smiling, happy, perfect Johnny Seo and his cold croissants and his eager eyes.

He doesn’t really have the right to throw a fit there, not when Johnny doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so upset, so instead, he shoves the bag away from him and makes for the exit. His brain is telling him that he probably shouldn’t leave his expensive business textbooks and laptop on the table, but who fucking cares? Ten doesn’t. He never wanted to take business in the first place. Why should he care if someone who actually needs and wants them takes them?

Johnny catches up with him a few steps away from the exit. He grabs Ten by the shoulder and whips him around so that he’s facing him. Ten tries to pull away, but Johnny just clutches at him harder and forces him to look directly at him.

“Ten,” he breathes. “What’s wrong?”

Ten shakes his head helplessly and shoves him away again. This time, when Johnny reaches for him, he twists out of his hands and runs out of the library, not caring if it’s December and his jacket is still lying on the table. All he wants is to get out, run a while, so that he doesn’t feel like screaming anymore.

So Ten runs, his feet hitting the pavement, ignoring Johnny’s calls for him, cutting through the wind and the cold and breathing hard even though he doesn’t feel tired at all.

He doesn’t know how long he runs for, but when he finally stops, his lungs and legs burning as he leans against a wall, he realizes that he’s only a few blocks away from Johnny’s apartment complex.

Touche. Of course Ten would do something like this.

Ten stops then, because he’s so frustrated, and because he’s so angry at everything, he doesn’t know what he should do.

Go back and get his stuff? Probably the smartest choice, but is it really? Ten doesn’t know what he’d do to his notes in a moment of weakness like this, when he hates everything about his life.

Go home? Definitely not. Mark would freak out at the sight of him without a jacket and emotions spilling out. The kid is annoying, but he really does care, and Ten doesn’t want to have to bother him tonight. 

He’s pondering over walking around a little and trying to conserve some body heat while he can when he hears footsteps behind him.

He turns carefully.

Johnny has Ten’s backpack slung over his shoulder, Ten’s jacket draped over his arm. He’s panting as he braces one of his hands against the wall, his breath escaping in little clouds from his lips. He nods a little when he sees that Ten isn’t running away anymore.

“You… forgot your stuff.” He shifts his shoulder so that the backpack is hanging from his arm instead.

Frustration bubbles up from within Ten again, hot and almost tipping him over the edge again. Johnny came for him. He ran after him. With his stuff. The bag with the chocolate croissant-- that Johnny saved for him-- is scrunched up in his fist. 

Johnny swallows and meets Ten’s eyes. 

Ten makes it in front of him in two steps and rams his mouth against his, ignoring the surprised squeak that leaves Johnny’s lips. He runs his tongue across Johnny’s mouth, then bites it, savouring the way Johnny hisses.

Johnny kisses him back. The things drop out of his arms and he wraps them around Ten’s waist, swaying slightly. He lets Ten kiss him, and the only interruption he gives is when Ten pulls back for air and Johnny gasps, “Are you sure about this?”

“Fuck me,” Ten responds, then ruts his crotch against Johnny’s leg. Perhaps he’ll regret this tomorrow, and maybe Johnny won’t want him in his bed after whatever Ten is capable of doing in the moment. But for now, there’s only fire in his veins, and he wants it to stop burning him from the inside.

“Okay,” Johnny breaths, before cupping Ten’s face in his hands and kissing him again. Ten moans into it, grinding against Johnny’s leg, practically begging him now.

“Your place.”

“Okay.” 

And because he’s Johnny, he doesn’t even forget to grab Ten’s stuff that he dropped before letting Ten lead him into his building, up the stairs, and eventually, into his apartment.

***

“Johnny,” he moans, when they’re in his bedroom, and Ten has Johnny pressed up against the wall, his hips still grinding into his. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me… please.”

Johnny kisses him harder and doesn’t waste time in pulling his shirt over his head. Ten’s hands go eagerly to his jeans, shucking them down to his thighs and turning him so that he can shove him onto the bed.

“Lube,” he groans. He’s painfully hard already, his hands shaking with arousal and pain, and he can’t help but rub his crotch against Johnny’s hips as he straddles him on the bed.

Johnny traces his thumb across his hip, his face carefully still as he hands him the lube with his other hand.

Greedily, Ten slicks up his fingers and moves them towards his hole. His fingers are just breaching the entrance when he feels a hand close around his wrist.

“Ten, stop,” Johnny says firmly. Ten opens his eyes and gazes down at him, seeing the stern, worried expression he has on. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

The concern is overwhelming, and Ten grits his teeth and shoves him back again. He places both of his hands on Johnny’s chest and ruts into his stomach, not caring if the lube gets everywhere on them. “You said you would fuck me.”

“Ten,” Johnny says again, though it’s softer this time. “Stop.”

Ten digs his fingers into Johnny’s skin and grits his teeth hard. His voice is a snarl now. “Why does nothing ever go my way? I asked you to fuck me, and you said yes. What’s so fucking hard to understand?”

“Ten, baby.” Johnny puts his own hands on Ten’s waist, squeezing ever so gently. He’s hard, Ten can feel him against the cleft of his ass, but it apparently isn’t enough to stop him from gazing up at him with so much concern and worry that he feels sick. “Why are you hurting so much?”

And maybe it’s because of how gentle his voice is, how soft his gaze is as he looks up at him. Maybe it’s because of the pressure on his hips, but all of a sudden, Ten is just tired, and he doesn’t want to fight anymore.

He slumps forward, letting Johnny roll him off him and tuck him into his chest, his arms rubbing soothingly up his back.

Ten doesn’t cry, but he doesn’t stop himself from shaking, and somehow, that hurts even worse.

***

“Are you okay with telling me what’s wrong?” Johnny asks, a few hours later, when Ten isn’t shaking anymore and his breathing’s mostly evened out. They’re still in the same position as they were hours ago, with Ten tucked into his bare chest and Johnny’s hands resting just above Ten’s shirt collar. Johnny’s stomach and ribs are still sticky from lube-- the results of Ten’s hasty attempt to get off--, but he doesn’t seem to care. In fact, he didn’t seem to care for the entire three hours he held Ten in the dark, the only sign that he wasn’t asleep being the movement of his fingers along his spine.

Ten considers not telling him. After all, not many people knew what his problem was, and he wasn’t sure if someone like Johnny was the perfect person to relieve his secrets to. Johnny was just someone he fucked and hung out with occasionally; there was no reason to say anything more.

But he’s sad and tired, and he doesn’t want to fight anymore, so he just slips his head away from Johnny’s chest and murmurs into the pillow, “I hate my life.”

Johnny tightens his arms around him. “Why?” 

“I hate business.”

“Is that all?” Johnny’s voice is suggestive, careful. Ten’s isn’t.

“No.” He takes a shaky breath. “My mom is dying of cancer, and all she and my dad wanted to see before they died was for me to be on an actual career path. So I chose business, and it’s not even that bad. So how come it still hurts so much?”

Johnny is silent.

“It’s fine, most of the time,” Ten continues on. “But sometimes, when I can’t understand the concepts or when I just don’t fucking want to finish my assignments, I get so mad and frustrated that it had to be me that was forced to take stupid, fucking business instead.” He sniffs. “Did you know, Johnny? I wanted to be a performing arts major. I wanted to choreograph stuff and dance professionally. Not just dance in the school dance team. And I feel so fucking selfish when I think about shit like that, because the only thing my mom ever wanted was for me to be a normal kid who would find a good job and live out the rest of my life in peace, with a pretty wife and two kids.” He laughs harshly against the column of Johnny’s throat. “She’s dying now. There’s another surgery in line for her, but she probably won’t survive that. And when she’s gone, I won’t know what the hell I’ll do with myself then.”

He stops, because his heart is hurting too bad, and the pain is stuffed in his throat, forcing the words down. Ten slumps down again, and he’s tired.

“Is that what the phone call was about that time at work?” Johnny asks gently. Ten nods.

Johnny takes in a long breath. Ten can feel the air vibrating against his neck.

Ten sighs and buries his face into Johnny’s chest again. His voice is shaking when he speaks again. “Why is everything going so wrong?”

“I know, I know. It’s okay.” Johnny pulls him closer into his chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

He continues to talk to him soothingly, rubbing small circles into Ten’s back, until Ten gives into the tiredness all throughout his body and falls asleep.

***

Things are more careful after that, at least on Ten’s part. He wakes up the next morning, still sticky from lube, and dread immediately pools in his stomach at the memory of how he acted around Johnny last night. 

He moves and realizes that Johnny is no longer in bed.

You scared him away , he thinks, his heart sinking.

However, even before his brain can panic and figure out what to do in this situation, there are footsteps outside the door, and moments later, Johnny’s form is hovering by the door.

“You’re awake!” He smiles. He’s showered; his hair is slightly damp with how it falls over his forehead, and there’s no longer streaks of lube covering his torso. He has a yellow and green striped shirt on, and with his glasses perched on his nose, he altogether looks so gentle and soft that Ten could melt.

Ten nods. “I’m awake,” he confirms.

“I made breakfast,” Johnny offered. “If you’re okay with staying for a bit, that is.”

Ten nods, then, in a moment of weakness, he says, “If you’re okay with having me.”

Johnny looks at him then, really looks at him. His gaze is soft and gentle, and his voice is slightly amused, as if he himself was astounded by the suggestion that he wouldn’t want Ten after that. “Why wouldn’t I want to have you?”

And all of a sudden, he feels the urge to cry again.

***

Johnny looks the best when he’s under him, moaning softly as Ten grinds inside of him, but second to that, he looks the best when he’s in the dance studio.

It’s because he approaches each aspect of his life with so much passion that he’s able to look like liquid movement, his limbs twisting and stopping at just the right moments, every part of him hard yet soft, rough but smooth.

Ten watched him on the day he first tried out for the dance team, and he watches him now as he tests the ends of this new dance he has in mind, his every move careful and precise. Beautiful.

After his rash confession to Johnny that night, Ten’s been spending more time in the studio. Perhaps it’s his way of forgetting, to commit himself to the one thing that makes him truly happy for a short burst of time so that he can go back and make his parents proud.

And here’s the thing: he really does want to make his parents proud. He wants to do this for them, at least, to show his mom that he’s going to make her happy if it’s the last thing he’ll do for her. And, somber as it sounds, it might just be.

However, right now is his time. It might be Johnny’s too, because Ten and him have been dancing together these days, creating dances and moving together to the music Taeil composes for them. But for the most part, Ten thinks of these times as his own little bubble of happiness, and if Johnny is part of that happiness, he has no objection.

The door creaks open, and Ten turns to see that it’s Taeyong and Doyoung coming to visit them. Taeyong has his dog in his arms and Doyoung has a bag of bubble tea hanging on his wrist, and both are smiling at them as they step into the room.

“Still choreographing?” Doyoung asks, handing one of the bubble teas to Ten.

“Ten did most of it this time.” Johnny takes his own bubble tea from the bag and beams at him. 

“I was never asking you in the first place,” Doyoung jeered. “Ten’s gonna dethrone you with how many pieces he’s been creating.”

He expected Johnny to snort, refute him with something clever, or just whine sadly. However, he does none of these things. Instead, he takes a sip of tea through his straw and smiles softly. “I hope he does.”

Taeyong hasn’t said anything yet, but he raises his eyebrows at this and glances pointedly at Ten. Taeyong knows about the two of them, he knows. It’s been months now since he first started sleeping with Johnny, and something so consistent that stretched on for so long wouldn’t go unmissed in his eyes, especially with how perceptive he is with the people he cares about. 

Ten doesn’t respond. Instead, he reaches out to pet Ruby.

“Let me hold her,” Johnny coos. Ten hands her over. “I’m getting so used to cats now, I’m forgetting what it’s like holding a dog.”

He scratches Ruby behind the ears and turns to Ten, beaming. “I should adopt a dog.”

It’s stupid, because that’s the moment something inside of Ten decides to crack. It’s nothing painful, but Ten can feel it right down to his core, that splitting, aching feeling. He says aching, because it throbs all throughout the rest of his body, like water lapping at a shore, and each time it does, a new wave of warmth engulfs him entirely.

But just as quickly as it came, it’s gone, clinking back into place behind whatever steel structures Ten has erected around his heart to keep it from hurting anymore. And Ten is left staring at Johnny’s bright, smiling face, with his pretty eyes and gentle hands holding the dog to his cheek, feeling like he’s just been punched to the pavement so hard, all the breath is knocked out of his lungs.

“Ten?” Johnny lowers Ruby and frowns. “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good,” he chokes out as soon as he can. He pets Ruby more to dispel the tremors that are threatening to creep into him, and smiles the best he can. “I was just thinking that your boss would fire you if you actually got a dog and not a cat.”

Johnny scowls and begins to ramble about how tired he is of the smell of cat food or something. Ten’s heard this rant many times before, so he’s not really listening. Instead, he’s stroking the top of Ruby’s head, trying to get his heart to stop beating in overdrive. 

He can feel Taeyong’s eyes on him, the edges of concern just peeking out in his gaze.

***

Johnny’s wanted to be a doctor ever since he was a little kid.

His favourite animals are pomeranians, but he claims that he’s a cat person and he thought that he could talk to cats when he was younger.

His detergent smells like lavender.

He hates the taste of garlic, and he can’t eat anything too spicy.

He never sleeps with the AC on.

His favourite brand is Converse.

Ten runs the little things he knows about Johnny through his head as Johnny presses him against the bed. Why he’s doing it, he’s not very sure, but he thinks that maybe it’s a way to distract himself from the way Johnny is circling his fingers around Ten’s rim, dipping in every once in a while as he kisses the insides of Ten’s thighs.

“Johnny, please,” he moans, his back arching.

Johnny has the nerve to grin. “Patience, baby. Patience .”

Ten doesn’t have the mind to retort before Johnny’s hands are back at his hole, tugging at the rim slightly, the lube on his fingers fucking messily into him.

Johnny stretches him slowly, makes sure that the slick on his fingers is loosening him enough, and the entire time, he looks at Ten: at his crotch, at his abdomen, at his face. It’s almost too much, and Ten covers up his face the next time Johnny’s fingers probe at his prostate.

Johnny moves his hands away, purring softly. “I want to see your face when you moan.”

And as if to go along with what he said, his fingers press hard against his prostate, rubbing into it, and Ten all but screams as pleasure races through his body. 

“Johnny, please ,” he moans again, this time with his face uncovered.

Johnny grins and slips his fingers out of him. Ten can hear him slide the condom onto himself, and then later on, slick up his cock with more lube. However, it doesn’t prepare him enough for when Johnny lines himself up at his entrance and slides himself in.

“ Fuck .” He keens, because it feels so good, and it’s only just been the start. 

Johnny chuckles breathlessly. “Are you going to last if you feel this good when I’m not even completely in?”

Ten runs his nails up his back and chokes back another moan; Johnny is grinding into him, pressing against his prostate the way he knows makes Ten’s legs shake. It’s infuriating, how well he knows Ten’s body now, how effortlessly he can make Ten gasp and beg for more.

“You… you gotta do more than that,” he breaths, and Johnny grins. 

He bottoms out, grinding one more time at Ten’s prostate, before pulling out fast and ramming himself back in again. He fucks Ten hard and fast, his arms wrapped around his legs, and it feels so good that Ten doesn’t even have time to gasp.

“This better?” Johnny says later, though his hips are still moving in tandem, pressing against Ten and pulling away. He turns his face and sucks a hickey into the inside of his thigh, still smiling as he does so.

Ten chokes out a moan, and Johnny grins before letting go of him and returning his hands to his hips. He continues to fuck him hard until Ten comes with a strangled cry all over his stomach. It’s only a matter of time before Johnny comes too, pulsing inside of him, and as usual, Johnny muffles his own moan by pressing a wet, messy kiss against Ten’s mouth.

Ten’s entire body is like rubber, but Johnny doesn’t seem to care, collapsing on top of him as soon as he’s finished, grinning when Ten whines.

The feeling comes to him again then, in his blissed-out, post-sex state. That throbbing, hot ache that gushes all throughout his body and makes Ten feel bruised all over, no feelings other than want pulsing through him.

They’ve been coming more often now. Each time Johnny smiles at him with one of the cat cafe kittens in his arms. When he presses Ten’s hip to move him into the right position during a routine. When he’s leaning against the wall, a coffee in his hand, waiting for Ten to finish class so that they can go to Johnny’s apartment and finish that one video game they’ve been playing together. They come in waves, washing over him, always lapping at the shore, undeniable, unrelenting. 

Terrifying.

***

It’s not every day that Ten sees Johnny sad.

Out of the two of them, Ten is the moody one. The one who has swings of emotions, where sometimes, all he wants is to shut down and cry. Johnny is always the more stable one, the one who can hold Ten when he feels down, the one who always manages to make whatever room he walks into bright and sunny and happy.

However, Ten comes to realize, Johnny isn’t just the sunny, pretty boy that he thought he was before he actually got to know him.

There are times that Johnny texts him as well, asking him to come over to his place, no cat emojis or any other silly emoticon he likes to use in place. There are times that Ten gets into his car and Johnny drives too fast on the roads without a word. There are times he walks into the dance studio, only to find Johnny crumpled on the ground, exhausted and trembling and sad.

Like right now. Ten pushes open the door to the studio, two cans of green tea in his hands, and sees Johnny lying spread eagle in the middle of the classroom. Johnny has a long-sleeve grey shirt on, but it doesn’t hide the trembling in his arms.

Ten’s seen him like this before, and each time, he does the same. 

Carefully, he sets the cans in his hands to the ground before pacing over and taking a seat by Johnny’s head. He doesn’t say anything, but takes Johnny’s hand in both of his own, squeezing as gently as he could.

Sometimes, when Johnny is sad, it’s because of something trivial. It could be a bad quiz. A particularly gruelling day at work. Or maybe it could be something more important to him: a failed choreography sequence. An argument with Taeil.

However, today, Ten can sense that it’s none of the above.

Johnny turns on his side and buries his face into Ten’s legs. Ten runs one of his hands through Johnny’s hair, humming softly.

“Thank god you’re here,” Johnny breaths into his legs.

Ten doesn’t say anything.

“I called my parents today,” Johnny confesses, still talking into his leg. Ten’s hands still in his hair; Johnny hasn’t really talked about them before, though from the snippets of what he’s said, he knows that he doesn’t have the best relationship with them.

“How was it?” he asks carefully.

Johnny sighs. “Fine. They’re polite and all, but it’s just the same as before. They don’t really know what to say to me anymore as parents, and everything they do have to say is always so stiff and uncomfortable.”

He laughs, but it sounds more sorrowful than anything. “I don’t think they’re over the fact that I like both girls and guys.”

Ten nods slowly. 

“You know, it’s just worse because I know that they really do love me. It hurts more because it feels like I’m the reason why they can’t treat me like a son anymore. Talking to them feels like I’m talking to strangers who don’t actually know or even want to know me.”

Ten resumes stroking Johnny’s hair. “You can’t think that way.” Johnny turns from his leg to peer up at him, his cat-like eyes wide and sad. “You can’t guilt yourself into feeling sad over people who don’t understand you, not when there are so many others that love and appreciate you for who you really are.”

Johnny is silent for a while after this, turning back to bury his face in Ten’s leg. Ten swallows and gently runs his hands through his hair.

But when Johnny looks at him again, a few minutes later, his face a little less sad but his gaze as piercing as it’s always been, Ten is afraid for a moment that he’s seen through him. That he’s seen the little piece of Ten’s heart that he’s occupied completely, and is slowly tainting the rest of him with, like snow melting into spring grass.

***

And like that, Ten’s crush on the hot senior on his dance team. 

The one who smiles like the sun and who every person on campus with functioning eyes has had a crush on before. The one who works at a cat cafe and makes Ten’s coffees with a heart on top. The one who can’t eat spice but who’ll do it because Ten loves it and he’s too kind to say no.

It grows. And Ten isn’t sure if he can just call it a crush anymore.

***

Ten’s mom passes away in March. 

Ten takes the train back home to go to the funeral, but he can’t afford to stop working, so he doesn’t have time to grieve before he’s back in school, studying for exams and trying to make enough money to pay off the hospital bills.

Mark and Donghyuck and Taeyong and Jaehyun and all of his friends are worried for him, but they know that he doesn’t want to cry about it anymore, and even more so, they know that he doesn’t want to talk about it.

But Johnny doesn’t. Rather, he seems to press the sore spots the most, not hesitating before enveloping him in a hug that only just makes Ten want to cry more. Ten hugs him in between school and work and dance, and when he cries, it’s into Johnny’s lavender smelling shirts that he does. And eventually, when he goes to sleep, it’s in Johnny’s arms and with Johnny’s head tucked just above his.

He feels safe, warm, soft. And even though Ten hates the way it feels, he feels like a piece of home he’s just lost.

It’s about this time that he realizes that he’s in love with Johnny.

***

Being in love with someone that he was never supposed to have in the first place is agonizing. It’s like stabbing himself slowly, pressing the knife into himself when he knows already how much it’s going to hurt. Ten should have realized what he was doing to himself much earlier than he did, but by the time he’s willing to admit it, it’s too late. He’s too far gone into Johnny’s soft smile and gentle hands and bright, cat-like eyes.

The logical thing to do would be to come clean about it to Johnny, to tell him that he’s caught feelings for him, and to cut it off after that. Ten doesn’t know what he’d do once the bond’s been severed and Johnny is no more than just an acquaintance to him again, but he thinks that he can manage. After all, it was his fault that he fell in love with him in the first place.

However, the miserable, poisoned part of himself wallows in pain each time he thinks of this possibility, and it’s all he can do to tell his heart to shut up and not traitorously hurt so much.

But sometimes, in the shower, Ten gives into his weakness and indulges himself with the other outcome. Where he and Johnny could be together, not stuck in this category between friends and lovers, and Ten could be happy. However, he’s quick to squash these thoughts down, because he knows that it’s foolish to consider cases that won’t happen, and he doesn’t want to make it hurt more when the day comes.

For now, Ten lets the days slip through his fingers, dragging them out as long as he can, enjoying the comfort that Johnny has brought into his life, as well as all the light and hope and happiness.

He’d probably stay that way for even longer, ignoring the growing feelings stirring inside of him, if it wasn’t for Johnny’s comments one night after sex.

They’re tangled in the bedsheets, Johnny tucked comfortably behind Ten, his arms looped around his chest. Ten’s hands are resting on Johnny’s arm as he breathes in and out, in and out, taking in the calming scent of lavender that everything Johnny owns smells like.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do in the future?” Johnny’s breath tickles against the shell of his ear.

Ten considers this. “I’ve been thinking about that… well… after my mom’s death. And I think that I’ll stick with business for the present. I’m not doing too bad, and it would be a waste to throw away two years of a good degree. I can get a decent job like that-- something cheaper, maybe, but with more free time-- and on the side, I can see if I can teach at some local dance studios or something.” He inhales Johnny’s scent, letting warmth invade his body. “And eventually, I’m going to see if I can buy my own studio so that I can dance while still using my business degree.”

It’s a good vision, Ten knows. He’s been thinking of this alternate possibility for weeks now, under Johnny’s encouragement. His mother’s death was hard on him-- he loved her as much as any child could love their parents--, but in a way, it also set something inside of him free, allowing him to look into the future in a way that he hadn’t considered before.

Johnny hums appreciatively. “I think that’s a good plan. You have Johnny Seo’s support.”

Ten laughs. “And what about you? Consider dropping out of med school to become a professional paintballer yet?”

Johnny buries his nose into Ten’s hair, chuckling. “You know, that sounds pretty appealing. Maybe I’ll do that instead of becoming a doctor. My family would be so pleased.”

Ten laughs. Johnny does too, but when they quiet down and he speaks again, his tone is quiet and soft. “But for real. I’m just going to continue doing what I’ve been doing, getting into med school, dancing when I have the time. The only change I’ll make is with myself. I want to reevaluate what I need in my life, stop what I don’t need. Get a fresh start, you know?”

He kisses Ten’s ear, sighing contentedly, but Ten’s gone cold.

Fresh start . What I need .

Johnny falls asleep soon after, burying his face into the crook of Ten’s shoulder, and after his breathing has evened out, Ten lets out the shaky breath he’s been holding in.

He should have known. It was stupid, stupid of him to let himself fall in love with this man. Not when Johnny had only gotten close with him in the first place so that they could relieve each other. Not when there had never been anything else but sex between them.

***

“Johnny?” Ten calls him from where he’s standing at the mouth of the campus library. It’s raining, and he’s soaked to the bone, but he can’t seem to find it in himself to care.

“Hey,” Johnny answers. There’s a soft tune playing in the background, probably some song Taeil’s come up with for him. It sounds good, complementing Johnny’s soft voice, and altogether, it just makes Ten’s heart hurt even more. Johnny sounds happy, relaxed, so different from the range of emotions Ten feels right now.

“We have to end this,” he says, because he doesn’t know how much longer he can stand in the rain, feeling like his heart would crack.

Johnny goes silent. Ten hears the track playing in the background, and it, combined with the rush of rain all around him, serenades the pain he has in letting go.

“Why?” Johnny finally asks, his voice thin and cracking.

Because I’m not good enough for you. Because you need a fresh start, not someone damaged like me. Because there never should have been anything between us in the first place.

“Because I can’t do this anymore,” he answers, and it’s not a lie. His heart is splintering anyways, cracking down the middle until Ten is the only thing that’s holding the pieces of it together.

“Okay,” Johnny answers. He takes in a breath, as if to say something else, but Ten’s already hanging up. He powers off his phone and pulls his hood over his head as he walks slowly through the rain back home. 

It doesn’t work. His heart falls apart in the end anyways, fracturing into a thousand brittle pieces of dust that he doesn’t know how he’s going to pick up again.

***

Johnny tries to contact him in the next few days, whether it’s through calling him or texting him, or whether it’s by waiting for him at his restaurant or by his classes. Ten avoids him successfully for the most part, and he makes it an entire week before their mutual friends get involved.

Mark and Donghyuck try first. They creep into his room when he’s watching some depressing Korean drama and can’t stop the tears from flowing, and huddle on either side of him, asking why he’s sad. Ten doesn’t doubt that they already know (Mark knows, at least, because he’s seen them kiss, and if Mark knows, Donghyuck knows as well), but he appreciates the space they give him to cry by himself. 

He needs to get over Johnny by himself, because he’s afraid someone else touching his heart will break the little bits of it he’s managed to recollect all over again.

Taeyong and Jaehyun come over next, trying to get the story out of him. And because it’s Taeyong-- kind, thoughtful, perceptive Taeyong--, he’s able to make Ten spill the truth to them both.

“So basically you guys were sleeping together until you caught feelings and cut it off,” Jaehyun says in disbelief. 

Ten nods pathetically. 

Taeyong hasn’t said much ever since Ten started talking, but he’s looking at him with the same look of concern he had that time in the dance studio, when Johnny was cuddling Ruby and Ten realized for the first time that he might be a little in love with this man. It’s sadder though, more tender.

“But why, Ten?” he finally asks. “You didn’t need to cut him off entirely. You could have worked it out maybe, talked it through.”

Ten swallows and digs his fingers into his blankets. It’s still raining outside, the sky grey and miserable and sad.

“Because he would leave me eventually, and I wanted to be the one who cut it off before it hurt too much.”

***

Ten goes to class, works, and repeats. He stays away from the studio, the need to not see Johnny greater than his need to dance.

Mark tries to drag him out a couple times, whether it’s by inviting him to the movies or reminding him of the dance team’s upcoming performance. He looks at Ten with large, wide eyes and a face that he apparently thinks doesn’t reveal anything that he’s thinking, but it’s no use. Mark is an open book, and Ten can tell he’s worried even before he’s even opened his mouth.

What Mark says about the dance team is true, at least. They do have a performance coming up, some spring festival at his college that they’re scheduled to perform for. They perform at it every year, and Ten never misses it.

Despite this, he can’t bring himself to go to the studio, and it’s not only because he doesn’t want to see Johnny face to face. It’s because the dance in question was choreographed by the two of them-- Johnny and Ten--, and every time he dances it he thinks about Johnny’s body and his soft smiles and his sweaty form as he tenses in concentration for a turn.

But god , is it hard. Ten misses Johnny with every fiber of his being, from the sloppy hearts on his cappuccinos, to the smell of lavender all around him, to the video games tucked away by his television. He misses the light in his eyes when they went paintballing, the softness of the cats he fed at the cafe. He misses the way his skin feels under his, the way he comes apart so acutely underneath him. 

So sometimes Ten almost gives in. He spends evenings staring at his phone, scrolling through their text messages, stifling his urge to call him and confess everything. And sometimes, when he goes on runs, his feet stray traitorously in the direction of Johnny’s apartment, and it’s at the corner just by his building that Ten finally has the sense of mind to turn back.

But the school is only so big, and it was inevitable that he’d see him again.

No matter how carefully Ten sneaks out of his classes, how invisible he can make himself from the world, it still apparently didn’t prevent him from turning the corner of the hallway, back weighed down with his laptop and books, and seeing Johnny leaning against the wall, laughing so hard his eyes scrunch up into crescents.

He’s talking to a boy-- a very pretty one at that--, and it’s foolish of Ten to get jealous when he never belonged to him in the first place, and in fact, he’s not jealous. Instead, it’s a wave of sadness that washes over him when he sees Johnny smile, bright and happy as ever.

Look how happy he is , his heart cries out miserably. He’s just as happy as he was when he was with you. It’s you who’s been a fool in all of this.

Johnny looks up for a moment, and for a second, Ten thinks he sees him. The expression slips off his face, and his mouth opens to presumably say something.

But Ten is gone. Slipped away. Running as hard as he can to somewhere anywhere but here.

***

But Johnny is Johnny. And when he wants something, he persists, and he doesn’t stop until he’s done with it through and through.

Johnny catches up with him in the library, a few weeks after Ten cut things off, when Ten is trying to cram as much information as he can for his exams next week.

And here’s the thing: Ten sees him coming. He conveniently looks up to see Johnny’s tall form dart between the bookshelves, his body wrapped in a green-grey jacket spattered with raindrops. Ten’s heart drops, and seconds later, he has his laptop and books shoved in his backpack, and he’s walking quickly for the exit, praying that Johnny hasn’t spotted him yet.

And just because it’s Johnny, he did.

Ten hears the feet pound behind him, and he grits his teeth before he begins to run, sprinting for the exit so that he won’t have to look at him in the face and break down all over again.

But just as he’s at the library door, a pair of arms clutch at his shoulders and grind him to a stop.

It’s like last time he tried running away from Johnny; Johnny catches him again, and Ten can’t escape, no matter how hard he tries to run away.

Johnny only tightens his hands on him and spins him around almost harshly. His eyes are very bright when he forces his gaze on him, flashing with anger and hurt.

“How’d you know I’d be here?” Ten speaks first, panic building up in his gut.

“Taeyong. He said that you were studying at the library when I called him. Are you going to run away again?” he says through gritted teeth.

Ten drops his gaze and tries to step back; it’s futile. Johnny’s hands are like an iron vice around his shoulders. “I’m not running away. I ended it weeks ago, Johnny. You can find another hole to fuck.”

It’s harsh, and maybe Ten deserves the pain that runs through his shoulder when Johnny digs his fingers into his skin so hard, he knows that it’ll bruise.

“Is that what you think all of this has been about?” Johnny all but snarls. “Or was it all you wanted, a hole to fuck?”

Ten grits his teeth. “It was never more than that. We hooked up at a party, Johnny. And kept doing it. There was nothing else.”

“Then why do you keep running away?” Johnny growls. He forces Ten’s face up, so that he meets Johnny’s gaze, all hot and piercing and sore. “If it was just a hookup , then why are you avoiding me?”

Ten opens his mouth to retort, to push him away, anything , but just as usual, Ten is too weak for this. He deflates, all his frustration melting away, and it’s only the hurt that he’s left with, throbbing and bruising and hurting all too acutely. Johnny presses his wounds in the way that takes him apart the most, leaving him begging and breaking apart at the seam, love, love, and love the only thing he feels.

Ten shakes his head helplessly.

Johnny shakes him hard, his voice climbing. “Then why? Why did you run? Why are you okay with throwing away everything ?” His arms are tight around him, smearing the water on his jacket onto Ten’s skin. His voice cracks when he speaks again. “Why are you okay with leaving me?”

And all of a sudden, Johnny’s face crumples on itself. He cries, his tears mixing with the raindrops already on his face, his hands shaking from where they’re clutching Ten’s shoulders. Johnny cries, and Ten can’t seem to stop how his heart is pounding so hard, tremors are travelling all throughout his body.

“Ten,” Johnny finally says. He looks Ten straight in the eye, his gaze shiny. “You’re in love with me, right?”

And because Ten is weak, because he can’t hold up to the way Johnny looks at him like he can see right through him, because he’s so fucking in love it hurts , his lips tremble and part. “I am.”

It’s pathetic. Ten is staked on the spot, pierced by Johnny’s heavy gaze on him, and he can’t even muster up the strength to look away. It’s pathetic, because he knew that he would fall in love with him, even from that first morning tangled up in Yuta and Doyoung’s guest bed. Or maybe it was even earlier that he knew, when he was mesmerized by the way Johnny’s body moved during dance tryouts, strong and solid and soft. It doesn’t matter. It’s pathetic anyhow that he let himself fall for him, even when there was never anything that was supposed to happen anyways.

Johnny engulfs him, wraps his arms around him tight and pulls him into his chest. Ten initially struggles, but he can’t help but relax in his embrace, breathing in the scent of rain and lavender and Johnny , even if he can feel his heart cracking again.

“Then why can’t you accept that I’m in love with you too?”

Ten chokes back a sob and presses his head against Johnny’s chest. Johnny holds him tight, carefully, like he’s something incredibly fragile, and makes sure that he doesn’t break.

***

Ten gasps as Johnny presses him up against the cold, shower tiles, soaked to the bone in their clothes that they walked through the rain in.

Johnny reaches beside him and turns the water on, dousing them both in cold, then gradually warm water. Ten gasps again from the shock, and Johnny takes the opportunity to press a kiss to his mouth, hot and wet and desperate.

Ten whines, his hands tracing up under Johnny’s jacket and across his abdomen. “Take this off.”

Johnny chuckles into his mouth, but he doesn’t stop kissing him, even when Ten strips them of their clothes and there’s only water and skin between them.

Johnny presses kisses along his throat and squeezes his hip, letting Ten wrap his arms around his neck and pull him in closer. His moans are breathless, keening when Ten tugs on his hair, his cock hard against Ten’s thigh.

Johnny presses him carefully against the wall when he fucks into him, deep and slow, just the way he knows Ten likes it. Ten’s hands slip against the wall, his back arching from how good Johnny feels inside him, hot and familiar and careful.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Johnny groans as he pumps into Ten slowly. He takes one of Ten’s hands and presses it against the wall, leaning over him so that he can kiss along his ear. 

There’s water coming down on the both of them, and Ten is so near the edge, his body stretched tight and delicate, and Johnny’s voice in his ear is what tips him over.

He comes, his orgasm washing over him, a moan ripping out of his throat, and just seconds later, Johnny follows, pulsing into him, filling him up.

“I love you too,” he gasps, almost afraid that his words are swallowed up by the water. But Johnny turns his head anyways and kisses him so thoroughly, he doesn’t think that it really matters.

***

“Why didn’t you figure out that I have feelings for you too?” Johnny asks, once they’re bundled up in his sweet smelling sheets and he has one arm tucked safely around Ten, the other grazing absentmindedly along Ten’s side.

Ten presses a spot between his ribs. There’s a bruise there, either from paintballing or something else. Briefly, the nasty part of his brain tells him that it’s the mark from another pair of lips-- not Ten’s-- but he pushes it away. He loves me . “It’s just… we were just fucking around. We never said we were dating or anything.”

Johnny presses a kiss against his forehead. “Is that it?”

“No,” he admits. What Johnny said that time in bed about his future comes filtering through his head again. “And that time we were talking about what we were gonna do in the future, and you said you were going to get a fresh start… you know, change some things in your life? I thought… I just thought that you meant me too, because…”

Johnny kisses his face again, holding him close. His breath tickles his skin as he breathes into Ten’s hair. “Why wouldn’t I want you anymore? I thought you would get that even if I needed a fresh start, I still wanted you by my side for it.”

“Well because…” Ten swallows. “Because you’re so perfect, Johnny. You’re nice and hot and sweet and funny and smart and you have everything together and you smell like lavender and your smile makes everyone around you happy. I’m a mess. You don’t need someone like me.”

“But I do.” Johnny pulls back and looks at Ten, pierces him again with his gentle gaze, churning with emotion. “I’m also cold. I don’t like revealing too much of myself, and people don’t like how rude and distant I am when I need to focus. I’m selfish and I take too long showers. I’m a workaholic and I need to learn to calm down and stop beating myself up for the small things that happen to me. And then you come in, with your blunt comments and pretty face, and I was a goner.” He brushes a hand across Ten’s cheek. “I didn’t think much of it at first, sleeping with you, except for how good you felt and how cool you were about it afterwards. But then, when I got to know you, I got to see how funny you are, how sensitive, how selfless, how strong you are. You gave up so much to be here and you’re still fighting. How could I not fall in love with you then?”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Ten says against Johnny’s skin. There’s the feeling to cry again, that odd, hot pressure building up behind the eyes that tremble and threaten to spill over. 

Johnny kisses him again and holds him close. Ten can feel his heart beating under his chest, warm and stable and so distinctly Johnny that his mind slips and it’s over. He’ll never love anyone else but him.

“Why should I say anything, when just about everyone could tell that I’m fucking crazy for you?”

***

Johnny laughs as he drapes himself over his shoulders. Despite Ten’s scowls and attempts to push him off, he clings to him, hugging him from behind as Ten compares the keychains he’s looking at at an art stand.

The campus spring festival is bustling with talk and music, stands set up everywhere selling anything from origami to pottery to rice cakes. It’s evening, the sky blending from pink to purple, and the entire road is decorated with bright yellow lanterns.

Ten can see the rest of the dance team a few stands away, arguing amongst themselves over what food to buy. There are smiles on their faces though, bright expressions as they laugh and joke about the performance they just did.

Their routine was a success in the end, Ten knows. He’s been stopped many times already tonight by fellow students complimenting him for their performance and asking him to dance for them again sometime.

Johnny teases him about it, whispering in his ear about how stressed he was last night, and Ten pushes him away, though he can’t help but smile wide as well.

It was his choreography on the stage. His and Johnny’s art. Beautiful, mesmerizing, hopeful.

“How about this one?” He holds up a keychain with a cat face stamped on it for Johnny to inspect.

Johnny scrunches his nose at it. “I thought you said you were a dog person.”

“So I have to abandon cats all together now, even though you’re still working at a cat cafe.” He puts the keychain down and presses his hands onto Johnny’s arm around his chest. The air is crisp and warm, the sky bright even though it’s nighttime.

“Mmm. Maybe we can get a cat.” Johnny nuzzles into Ten’s hair, and Ten almost wants to scoff. You’re cat-like enough for us to not get another one.

Taeyong calls for them at the food stand, waving a steaming takoyaki wrapped in paper above his head, Jaehyun’s arm around his shoulders. Mark and Donghyuck are already munching on theirs, Yuta, Doyoung, Kun, and the rest of them paying for their own. 

“Let’s go eat,” he says to Johnny. Johnny agrees with a kiss against his ear.

“You smell so good .”

They make their way slowly to the rest of the team, swaying in tune with the soft music filtering through the sweet smelling air.

***

“I love you,” Johnny gasps as Ten bottoms out inside of him. His arms are on Ten’s shoulders, his lips grazing by his neck as he moans and comes apart so beautifully underneath him.

I love you too, he thinks. He doesn’t say it, pleasure and warmth washing over him in a wave that reduces the little breath he still has into choked, drawn out moans, but he will later on.

He’ll tell him he loves him, and Johnny will smile in a way that makes him feel like it’s stardust that’s making him feel so indescribably warm and safe inside. Johnny will hold his hand tightly, his lips brushing against Ten’s hair, until they both fall asleep in the darkness and scent of lavender all around them.