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“Dazai” he heard his name spoken though he didn't look up from his hands. He felt a gentle weight on his shoulder.
“The mission was a success thanks to you. Kyoka’s injuries are minor and she'll be fine.”
Kinikuda leveled a worried look at his partner who had gone almost catatonic at the sight of Atsushi and Kyoka coming back from their engagement with a group of human traffickers.
Dazai’s plans had led to the safe extraction of the victims. “It’s not your fault, we could have known they had an ability user-”
“I should have known.” He was cut off as Dazai spoke low and harsh. “She trusted me and looked where she ended up.” He finally lifted his head to look at the closed operation door at the agency.
Quickly he looked away and moved away from the other man, his hand dropping from his shoulder. Dazai got on the rickety elevator, ignoring Kinikuda's call after him.
His body moved with no input from his mind. He just walked quickly to the dorms eyes a few paces ahead. He felt the itch and a bubble in his stomach. Guilt was clawing at him. He didn't want to think, and even when he tried to his mind was sluggish. His thoughts were muddled and slow. He made it to his apartment and entered and made a beeline for the bathroom.
Guilt filled him and he felt almost like he was going to vomit. His mind had finally started again, but not with thoughts, just replays of the missions. He played it over and over as if hoping to find where he went wrong or how he could have been better. He shrugged off his outer layers in just his bandages and a button-up shirt.
He’s started to calm down knowing that relief is so close. He untied the bandages on his arm, revealing skin more scar tissue than actual skin. He apologized to Chuuya in the back of his mind as he broke his promise. He ran a pocket knife over his forearm. He focused on the pain, mind stopping the reel from playing in his head. It was just him and ruby red lines. As blood trickled out of the first cut Dazai is startled to find tears are leaking from his eyes. He didn’t know why he was crying. This should be his oasis. This was how he breathed and yet all he could do was watch the blood drip onto the white countertop and think of Kyoka, kimono stained in too much of the color. He tried again, pushing hard and cutting deep, trying to get the comfort he so sought. But he had miscalculated, and cut too deep, hitting a vein in his arm. Blood poured over his hand, fast, the liquid uncomfortably hot.
For the first time in Dazai’s life, the sight of his own blood scared him. Panic and confusion cloud his thoughts as his head grew lighter and lighter from the blood loss. Giving in to instinct he grabbed a nearby towel and placed pressure on the injury and stumbled out of his apartment.
~~~
Atsushi helped Kyouka into their apartment, he set up a futon and helped her onto it, making sure to not touch the newly stitched up wounds on her side.
“Thank you.” She said softly, voice a bit thick with drowsiness from the painkillers. She had at first refused them but gave in to Atsushi's wishes. She moved around her plushies and pillows, making herself comfortable.
“I’m so glad everything went ok! I was terrified that we may not have been able to get the girls away from that trafficking gang when that ability user showed up.”
“It’s late, let's go to sleep.” Atsushi smiled at Kyoka and patted her head and she smiled at him and closed her eyes.
Atsushi went to the closet and readied his bed but before he could get to bed a heavy bang came from his door. It startled both Atsushi and Kyoka. Kyoka went to get up but Atsushi motioned for her to get down and he slowly went to the door.
“Hello?” He said, fighting stance at the door.
“Atsushi?” He heard Dazai's voice sound panicked and quickly through the door. Panic went through Atsushi as he opened the door and caught his mentor who had been leaning against the door.
“Dazai-san what-” He cut off as he noticed the blood on his hands. “Dazai-san, what happened?!”
“I’m sorry,” He said quietly, voice thick with tears. “I’m sorry you got hurt.” Atsushi's heart broke.
“It's not your fault Dazai-san,” Kyoka said from her place on her futon. She motioned for Atsushi to bring him over and he led Dazai to sit next to Kyoka. Shaky he plopped next to the young girl. She huge him, careful not to pull at the stitched in her side, and Dazai leaned his head on hers, still holding the bloody towel to his arm.
With Dazai secured in a bunch of pink pillows, Atsushi went to his phone. A few months into working for the ADA Kinikuda spoke to him about Dazai sometimes needing help. Atsushi had really wished he would never need to use this emergency number, but with shaky fingers, he dialed and waited.
"Uh, who is this, what's happening?" A drowsy voice rang from the other side. Atsushi felt bad about waking Nakahara-san up but this was an emergency.
"Nakahara-san. This is Atsushi from the ADA. I'm calling about Dazai." His voice shook as the words spilled out of his mouth in a panic, "it's Dazai-san, he came to my apartment hurt."
"Does he need medical treatment? I'll be there in a minute, just keep him stable." He commanded sternly, his position as an executive showing in his tone. Then the line went dead.
Some of Atsushi's panic subsided knowing someone more capable was coming to help his beloved mentor.
Kyoka was still holding Dazai whose face was buried in her bedhead. She sang softly some lullaby Atsushi had never heard and it was working to calm the man. His breathing was measured, no longer erratic.
Only a few minutes passed before a knock at the door.
~~~~~
Chuuya hadn't bothered to change out of his silk pajamas, simply jumping straight from his penthouse window. At the door to the rundown apartment was the weretiger looking worse for wear. His face was pale and his eyes bloodshot.
"How is he." Chuuyas pushed past him into the apartment. He felt relief in his stomach from the sweet scene in the bedroom.
Hearing his entrance Dazai raised his head face twisted in guilt. Chuuya instantly felt frustrated.
This bastard was definitely feeling guilty for coming to him and he wouldn't allow that.
Kyoka leaned back and Dazai stumbled to stand, Chuuya rushed forward to grab a hold of him.
"I'm sorry."
"Nope, don't apologize to me, just let me take you home," Chuuya said.
He wrapped his arm around Dazais' middle.
The weretiger looked incredibly anxious to do something to help so Chuuya threw him a bone.
"Kid, can you run ahead and wipe down the bathroom."
"Ok!" He exclaimed, face serious and he bolted ahead of them.
Chuuya gently led Dazai back to his apartment. Dazai kept his head down, hand still gripping the towel though the bleeding had already ceased.
"I really thought I could do this." He spoke softly. "You'll want me to move back in."
"Not necessarily. We can talk about all of that later when you actually have blood in your brain to think." Chuuya said in a light tone, trying to lift Dazai’s mood.
"Grievously injured and still the chibi mocks me, the cruelty I suffer," he whined softly and his expression softened. He was slowly coming back to life.
Chuuya thought that a win. They made it to his apartment and simply pushed the unclosed door open.
Atsushi was moving like a robot. His motions were stiff as he tied closed a bag of trash, adding it to the three others stacked by the door. The small apartment had been cleaned of the mountains of empty sake bottles and eaten cans of carb. The sight of so much trash and it all being the same unhealthy meal worried Chuuya. He added it to the things they'd need to discuss when Dazai was more stable.
"Thanks, kid, you really cleaned it all. I've got it from here."
He bowed goodbye, looking as though he wanted to say more before thinking better and closing the door softly behind it.
Chuuya tried to lead Dazai to the bathroom but the man was still, eyes on the carpet. "You can go no-"
Chuuya rolled his eyes and cut him off with an elbow to the side.
He held his side, giving him an incredulous look. He was surprised that Chuuya hadn't pulled his punches. Well, he wasn't doing this back and forth with the bastard.
He put his hands on his hips. "Don't even try, just get your ass into the tub."
Face dusted pink Dazai strolled past him head straight and tried to appear nonchalant.
Chuuya rolled his eyes at him and followed him, stepping over the bloody towel Dazai had dropped.
"Dazai, can I?" He asked, looking into his beautiful brown eyes, full of trust. He knocked and Crk on the injuries. They weren't bad, just a few shallow cuts and a deeper gash. After closing and disinfecting them he wrapped them in fresh bandages.
He then undressed Dazai with help from the man and used water from the bath to wet a towel.
Chuuya gently ran the washrag over Dazai's ragged skin. He noted new scares with a heavy heart. Still, Chuuya let nothing show on his face. He simply washed away the blood. He knew Dazai hated being without his bandages so Chuuya knew how significant it was that he would allow himself to be taken care of like this. He was glad that he put so much trust in him.
When he started wrapping him in clean bandages Dazai spoke. “Why do you come.” he’d spoken the words so quietly that Chuuya didn't understand him at first.
He looked at him confused. His hands still moved, finishing the final wrapping of his leg. “What?”
The man, usually so boisterous, was suddenly small, seated on the tub. “Why do you bother with this. I’m a mess” His voice lifted and he sounded desperate. “I know everything but I don't know why you still try to help me, I just can't understand it.”
Chuuya’s chest ached. It’s an old question, one Dazai has asked him so many times since they were 15, and Chuuya’s answer was always the same. “Because you help the ones you love.”
“You shouldn’t.” He said sadly.
Anger churned in his stomach. “Don't tell me how to feel asshole" he helped pull the shirt over his head, cautious of the injuries. Chuuya wasn't letting this Beanpole freeze. "I'm going to love you."
Dazai looked him in the eye. Chuuya felt relief at the life still shining in them. "Why?" he breathed, brow furled. He looked so small but hopeful. Chuuya smiled.
"As much as we argue, I feel alive with you Dazai. Like I can be myself." Dazai went to speak but Chuuya cut him off.
He leaned in and kissed Dazai, chase but firm. "Nope, I won't tolerate anyone badmouthing my loved ones," Chuuya smiled cock as Dazai snaps his mouth shut, for once not sure what to say."
Chuuya gently pushed his shoulder and Dazai laid down on the futon followed by Chuuya crawling in beside him.
Dazai cuddled him way too close but Chuuya wouldn't complain tonight. He bit back his comment on Dazais' shitty futon not helping his insomnia but those would upset him so he shifted to get as comfortable as possible.
"I love you too" was muffled by Chuuyas hair as Dazai buried his face in his orange locks.
Chuuyas' chest felt much lighter, knowing he was going to be ok through the night, "ya ya, go to sleep." And he did. Chuuya stayed awake just to make sure he did sleep and took a moment to press his head into Dazais chest, feel the rise and fall, and the rhythmic beating of his heart and smiled, content.