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it'd always surprised you how small reiner could look at times.
when you were out at dinner with his friends, or wandering around town together on errands, he always stood tall, not proud, but gave off an unapproachable air to anyone besides the people who knew him. he would easily part the crowd, creating his own path for you to follow behind his broad-shouldered, stocky form that had been built up from years of rigorous training.
but now he seemed so delicate, almost vulnerable, knees curled in his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, pale skin flushed from the warm water of the bath. you could see his face from your place beside him in on the lip of the tub, his eyes closed, head tilting back into your hands as you worked the shampoo into his hair. that morning he said he was scheduled for another round of combat training, you'd come to learn how unsavory those were for him, especially when he was paired up with porco. the sun had long set by the time he made it home, and the fresh bruises blossoming over his back and shoulders only made it more apparent that today had been another hard day.
but you didn't ask, and he didn't go into any detail as you helped him shed his clothes and ran the bath for him, nor while you gently ran the washcloth over his marred skin. you were more focused on helping him relax, getting him all cleaned up so he could fall asleep without having to ruminate on all of his dreary thoughts while he stared up into dark of your shared bedroom. you knew he had the tendency to lay awake, not wanting to bother you by waking you up to keep him company despite how you assured him that you wouldn't mind if he did.
the feeling of his soft hair, slick with soap, felt good on your fingers, nails gently scratching at his scalp like you did when he would rest his head in your lap. just being able to touch him and reassure yourself that he was here helped to soothed the anxieties that never failed to chip at your heart's resolve. you leaned forward, not minding how his damp skin wet your cheek as you pressed a soft kiss over his shoulder, smelling the soft scent of bergamot that lingered on his skin.
"tilt your head back a bit more." you whispered, reaching for the cup on the stool at your feet. he complied wordlessly, allowing you to carefully wash away the suds in his hair, making sure to not let the water spill onto his face. you appreciated that he allowed you to do this, to take good care of him.
you remembered the first time you'd gone through this routine, how you'd been waiting anxiously at the table by yourself, his and your dinner you'd made hours ago sitting cold before you. instead of hearing the metallic click of the house's lock unlatching, you had heard a few slow knocks that didn't at all sound like his when he forgot his keys in the pockets of one of his coats. zeke jaeger had been at your door that night, reiner's arm slung around his shoulder as he leaned into the older man, face and hands a steaming, bloodied mess.
"disagreement with porco." that was all the explanation zeke had offered as you rushed up to the two, shaking hands reaching out for reiner's limp figure, tears spilling down your face before you'd even realized they were welling in your eyes, "just give him a few hours, he'll be good as new in no time."
and so you'd shouldered his weight and brought him into the house, barely able to weep out a warbled thank you to zeke before he saw himself out without another word. you had cried all night for the remainder of that day, eyes unable to cease their steady drip, body wracked with silent sobs even as you'd guided him into the bathroom to gingerly wash away the dirt and caked blood on his healing skin. you regretted how you'd fallen apart before him, that you couldn't offer any sort of reassurance to him besides the quivering "i'm here, i'm still here" you repeated over and over, unable to form any other words aside from those.
zeke's assertion that his wounds would close was correct, but that empty, defeated look still weighed heavy on his tired features, eyes vacant and unseeing as they stared straight ahead into nothing. you had helped him into bed that night, not bothering to fetch a blanket or change out of the clothes you'd been wearing all day before you crawled onto the mattress beside him, wrapping your trembling arms around his heavy body and tugging him impossibly close, crying silently into his chest until you finally fell asleep, the only sign that he was still there being his slow, steady breaths, rhythmic and weary as if it was arduous to even manage just that.
you were grateful that there hadn't been another day that could compare to the misery of that first incident, that these quiet nights had become something more cathartic and tender rather than an urgent attention borne of fear and necessity. you reached across him to pull the stopper free from the drain, watching the water begin to slowly disappear as you unfolded the towel that you'd left sitting on the counter. you settled the soft fabric over his shoulders first, then down his back and chest, gently directing him to step out of the tub and stand on the small placemat you'd laid out as you dried off the rest of his body with care.
you passed him his clothes and waited for him to pull them on before you rose to work at mopping the water out of his short hair, feeling his gaze wandering aimlessly over your face as you did. though he didn't speak, his golden eyes were filled with an unending gratitude, looking at you like you'd put the star in the sky even if all you did was keep the house tidy, provide some of the things he couldn't provide for himself despite how he tried, waited dutifully at night for him to return when he could, and remain even in the months when he was gone.
"ready for bed?" you asked him softly, tossing the used towel into the hamper by the door. he nodded, and you took his hand, hearing his usually brisk steps slow to match your stride behind you on your short journey down the hall into your room. he obediently followed you into bed, slipping under the covers and turning onto his side, letting you slip your arms around his waist and hug his back into your chest.
his clean scent was comforting, your eyes shutting so you could bask the warmth of his large hands settling over your own, clothed body radiating a familiar heat that always lulled you to sleep so much faster than when the bed was empty. you cherished every moment that you could spend in his presence, never knowing when his next overseas assignment was but always sure of how you dreaded his absence. the house felt vacant without him, not entirely like home when you didn't find yourself tidying away his things, or pinning up his uniform on the clothesline outside, or cooking enough food to serve two rather than one.
you hoped he knew that there was no need to be brave when he was here, that nobody had to know of his vulnerability as long as you were here to help him through it. all you ever wanted in return was here, resting in your arms, warming your body, smelling faintly of bergamot and lime—all you ever wanted was for him to return home.