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It was the last year of high school when the fallout between Peter and his friends James, Sirius, Lily and Remus happened. James, Sirius, and Peter grew up together and were trouble makers together. The pranks and jokes they did were harmless and were never aimed to hurt people. They would make fools of themselves but they would never put someone’s health on the line with their pranks. There was, however, another group of trouble makers in the same high school as them. This group was given the name “Death Eaters.” I mean, even just the name of the group was something that worried the group of friends, none of the friends ever wanted to get that reputation and they didn’t endorse what the Death Eaters stood for or did. At least, they thought that none of them would.
“Hey, Pete,” James said as he, Peter, and Sirius walked down road after school on Friday. “Lily and Remus asked if we wanted to join them this weekend for a movie marathon. Sirius and I were thinking that since we didn’t have plans this weekend that we would go but you weren’t there when they asked so I said I would ask you after school. So what do you say?”
Now here’s the thing, James, Sirius, and Peter never kept secrets from each other. They told each other almost everything, so they almost always knew what each other was doing at any given moment. There were no surprises or misunderstood plans on everyone’s part. The three friends would almost always spend the weekends together as a group doing random things or just playing some soccer in James’ backyard.
“Sorry, I’m busy.” That is all Peter said. He didn’t expand on it or let them know what he was doing before he took his leave down the street that he lived on as Sirius and James continued walking to the next street over where they live.
“Um… okay, see you on Monday at school then, man. If you change your mind, you know where we will be!” Sirius yelled at Peter when Peter hadn’t said goodbye like he usually would.
“Padfoot, have you also been noticing something is up with Pete? I mean, he seems distanced from us over the past couple of weeks.” James started as soon as they knew their third friend wouldn’t hear them.
“I had the same thought. Usually, he is pretty open with us, he has been since we were kids. But the past couple of weeks he has barely talked to us let alone looked at us unless it was on our walks home, but even then he looks like he doesn’t enjoy hanging out with us. Have we done something wrong and we hurt him accidentally?”
“I have no idea, I mean I don’t think so. The only thing I can think of was maybe that we have been hanging out with Lily and Remus more, but even then we still include him and invite him. Also, what is he doing this weekend? We didn’t plan something and forget, did we? I mean I’m not jealous or mad that he has other plans, he can do what he wants. I’m just curious why he didn’t tell us about the plans.” James continued as they entered the Potter house being greeted by Mrs Potter and heading upstairs to their shared bedroom to continue talking.
“I don’t even know, Prongs,” Sirius said while he flopped onto his bed. “We didn’t have any other plans this weekend though, we were all completely free, or at least I guess the two of us are free. Also, Remus just texted me and said that he and Lily had to stay after school to check out the library and finish an essay or two so they won’t be home right away but for us to go over at 6 pm and to order the pizza for that time. It’s 3:45 right now so we have a little bit of time before we need to head over.”
“Okay, sounds good. Maybe we should do what the nerds are doing so that we don’t have to worry about writing the essay Sunday night.”
“Or,” Sirius started with a laugh, “we can procrastinate our essays and get Remus to help us Sunday night?” It was one of their jokes that the group repeated every time there was an essay due. They knew Remus would always help them because they were awful with essays, but also because Remus had a big heart and really didn’t want his friends to fail high school.
“Oh man, Pads. Remus is going to kill us if we leave our essays until Sunday again.”
“Nah, he won’t kill us. Just lecture us about the importance of learning how to write essays and about how we shouldn’t procrastinate. Also, I feel like at this point if we didn’t ask him for help with an essay on Sunday night he would think we are sick or dead because this has become a tradition for us.”
“You’re not wrong, Pads. You aren’t wrong at all” The boys both laughed loudly before turning on the Wii and playing Mario Cart until they had to order the pizza and get ready to leave for the movie marathon at Lily’s house.
“Okay, Lils,” Remus said as he stretched his arms above his head and leaned back in his chair. “I have finished my essay. Once you’re done, we can switch to proofread and then we can head out. It’s 5:00 so that will bring us until 5:20 and then we will be home by 6:00 after stopping off at the store to get the drinks and snacks. I already asked Padfoot, I mean Sirius, to order the pizzas and he knows what to get.” Remus blushed at his mix up in calling Sirius Padfoot, hoping Lily wouldn’t mention it and that they would just pretend that nothing happened.
“Oh love,” Lily said shaking her head in laughter. “You can deny that you’re getting close to James and Sirius as much as you want, but we both know that they are growing on us and you will be calling them their nicknames for the rest of eternity once you accept it. But yes, I just finished my last line so let’s switch so we can leave sooner.”
Remus rolled his eyes at Lily’s comment, knowing she was right but refusing to acknowledge that she was right. He knew that she knew that she was right and didn’t want to give her any more confessions to use against him in arguments. Silently reading her essay as she read his, his mind kept slipping to hanging out with James and Sirius all weekend. He knew that although the movie marathon would end Sunday morning, he would be helping James and Sirius with their essays until Sunday evening. He loved his friends that Lily forced upon them just last year, although they have only been friends for a year, he and Lily had already claimed them and their other friend, Peter, as their closest friends. Peter, though, was not someone Remus wanted to know all of his secrets. He knew that James and Sirius have been best friends with Peter since they were kids, but he was pretty sure Peter was hanging out with the Death Eaters and he was also pretty sure that James and Sirius didn’t know that. Lily and Remus had heard Peter talk to people in the Death Eaters group, and he seemed close to them. He didn’t want to lose James and Sirius’s friendship by bringing it up though, so he and Lily kept quiet about it (Remus had obviously talked to Lily about this and she had agreed that when they decided that James and Sirius needed to know, that she would be with Remus and back him up).
After switching the essays back, the two friends left the library and headed to the Tesco close to their homes (they are next-door neighbours). After grabbing the pop and candy and checking out, they started their walk back home. When they were walking past one of the many back alleys on their way home, they hear some very familiar voices having an intense conversation. After communicating silently, they decided to stop before they crossed the alley and listened to what was being said.
“Listen, Peter,” The first voice started. “We get that you have that other group of ‘friends’, but they are taking away your potential to be a bigger help with us. Also, they hang out with that weird guy, you told us about. What’s his name again? Roman?”
“Remus.” Said the voice they noticed sounded familiar, now realizing it was Peter Pettigrew, their friend. No, former friend?
“Ya, him. And I mean, listen, he’s gay, man. You told us that. Do you really want to be hanging out with that group?”
Lily quickly looked at Remus, seeing his eyes fill with tears and his expression turn to be one that looked incredibly hurt. When he realized Lily was looking at him, he quickly dried his tears and put on a mask of indifference. He knew that it was too late and that Lily had seen how it affected him, but he needed to hear the rest of this conversation. He grabbed Lily’s hand and gave her the look that meant they needed to stay and listening. With a reluctant and quiet sigh, Lily squeezed his hand and nodded, allowing them to listen to the rest of the conversations. Lily quietly pulled out her phone and started a video so they could show James and Sirius hopefully tonight if Remus agreed.
“I know that he’s gay and I mean yeah, it’s gross, but I have known Sirius and James for a long time and if I keep them in my life then I have to deal with the other guy.”
“Seriously?” A new voice joined in. “Okay listen. I wasn’t supposed to tell you this yet, but the Death Eaters are planning on moving to the United States after graduation. There are some connections we have that will have some tough jobs but we will get paid so much money. You need to figure out what your priorities are. If you want to hang out with friends and continue working a part-time job at that coffee shop, then we stop talking and you are no longer a member of the Death Eaters and forget about the job this weekend. If you want to come with us and get money and experience, then drop the others. What are you going to do Peter? What is your choice? You either stick with the gay man and that group or you join us.”
“Well,” Peter started. “I’m not going to give up the opportunity this weekend and I want the experience after graduation. I’ll drop the other group, I’m sticking with the Death Eaters.”
Lily ended the video as she and Remus looked at each other before quickly crossing the street so they didn’t get caught eavesdropping. They quickly hurried back to their homes, Lily going to her room and Remus going to his. Remus packed his bag for the night while Lily opened her window and Remus climbed from his room to her room through the windows (there is a tree between their windows which made it very easy to get to each other’s room without having to go downstairs to the door every time they needed to talk). As soon as Remus was in her room, Lily started ranting.
“Remus! Oh my gosh, are you okay? How are you feeling? Peter had no right to say any of that and I’m sure he didn’t mean it-”
“Lily!” Remus interrupted. “He meant it and you know he did. I mean I didn’t expect him to say that or to even tell people, but he did. It’s fine, just drop it. James and Sirius are going to be here soon and I need to forget this before they get here.”
“No Remus, I’m sorry but I can’t allow that! This isn’t something that you are just going to brush off, I know that. This is going to bother you and go through your head until something happens. We need to tell James and Sirius. We need to tell them tonight.”
At this moment, James and Sirius were below Lily’s window preparing to climb up the tree and crawl through her window (this was the usual way they came over, it was normal for the friends to just crawl in Remus’s or Lily’s window). Before they started climbing, they had heard the last two sentences Lily had said, causing them to pause and look at each other in confusion.
“No, Lily! We are not telling them, okay? They will find out soon enough and they don’t need to know what was said today, okay? Drop it and they will probably tell us when it happens and then we can forget it.” James and Sirius had never heard Lily and Remus argue like this. They, of course, had heard them argue about what activity to do or what to add to a school project, but this fight seemed to be of a more serious matter that only caused James and Sirius to worry about who had hurt Remus.
“Remus John Lupin! I love you but you’re being an idiot! This isn’t nothing and this isn’t something small. I saw your reaction in case you forgot, I know how much it hurt you! What was said was awful but you can’t convince me that it didn’t hurt. Would you just let us talk to James and Sirius tonight and tell them? They need to know what actually happened in case it’s just brushed off as nothing.”
“Lily, just… just stop.” Remus suddenly sounded desperate and completely exhausted. “Just drop it, okay? James and Sirius will be here soon and I’m done with this topic. I know you are just looking out for me but I need you to drop this. I think I left something at home, I’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”
James and Sirius, not wanting Remus to know they had been listening to the conversation, quickly hid under the tree where Remus wouldn’t see them as he crawled back into his room. Both James and Sirius knew, and no doubt Lily did as well, that Remus hadn’t actually left anything at his house. He needed a moment to cool down before seeing his friends. And luckily for James and Sirius, they would use that time to ask Lily what had happened. As soon as Remus closed his window and shut the curtains, James and Sirius scrambled up the tree and entered Lily’s bedroom, setting the pizzas on her desk.
“Oh! Hey, boys,” Lily started. “Remus just-”
“We know,” James interrupted. “Well, we don’t know all of it, but we heard the last bit of what was being said. We didn’t plan on eavesdropping but you both seemed very into whatever you were arguing about. What is going on and why doesn’t Remus want you to tell us whatever it is?”
Lily froze where she was, trying to figure out what to do. They had obviously heard most of the conversation except for the beginning about who it was about. She didn’t know what to do. Either she would have to try to lie and know that the two friends knew she was lying or go against what Remus wanted and most likely cause a fight between herself and Remus. She was at a loss and she really hoped that Remus would come back quickly.
“Um… well… Here’s the thing guys, I don’t know if I can tell you.”
“Lily, Prongs and I heard the argument. You can’t deny that it was something big and we all know that Remus went back to his house to calm himself down before seeing us. You know we don’t want to overstep, but this seems like something we should know if it has you and Remus against each other. Either tell us now or we will ask Remus when he crawls back through the window.”
“Ask me what when I crawl through the window?” Remus said as he literally just crawled through the window. Even just looking at Remus, James and Sirius could tell something was wrong but he sounded a lot more collected than he did when he left earlier.
“Remus, what were you and Lily arguing about earlier and what do you have to tell us?” Sirius demanded with no tact causing James to literally face-palm himself.
Remus looked as though he was about to get hit by a truck. He had hurt and betrayal written on his face while he made eye contact with Lily.
“No, Remus-” Lily started already sounding close to tears before James jumped in.
“What Sirius meant to say, was that we were below the window and heard you and Lily arguing about telling us or not telling us something. We didn’t hear what it was about but we know that from hearing what you both were yelling at each other that it was something serious. Lily didn’t say anything to us.”
Remus looking between the three other occupants of the room, realized that he was not going to be getting out of this one easily. He sat down against Lily’s bed, dragging her down next to him. With a wave of his hand, he motioned for James and Sirius to sit across from them indicating that it was not going to be an easy conversation.
Lilys’ room had a nice layout and it was mirrored by Remus’ bedroom (both houses were built by the same contractor who made the houses mirror images of each other in the layout and when Lily and Remus redecorated their rooms as teenagers, they mirrored their things as well making their rooms look almost completely identical). When you climbed through Lily’s window, there was a window seat with cushions of different colours that you would enter on. To the left of the window seat was Lily’s desk with a chair on wheels and to the right was a bookshelf. The door to the hallway was located on the far left wall (The same wall that part of the desk was against). Lily’s bed was located between the desk and door, extending the foot of the bed into the middle of the room. There was a TV hung on the wall across from Lily’s bed and at the far right of her room was where her dresser and clothes hanging rack were located.
While James sat on the desk chair, Sirius flopped on the floor beside James. Both tried to mentally prepare themselves for whatever they were about to discuss. The room stayed in silence for a couple of minutes with Remus and Lily looking like they were debating where to start. Sirius, being worried and wanting to know what was going on decided to be the one to disturb the silence.
“Moony, Little Red, would one of you please start talking because Prongs and I are getting more worried the longer you both silently communicate and we sit in silence.”
“Sorry, Moony?” Remus responded with one eyebrow raised.
“Sorry, Little Red?” Lily questioned at the same time with the exact same facial expression.
“You both are eerily creepy when you say the same thing with the same facial expressions. You act more like siblings than most siblings actually act like. But yes, James and I came up with the nicknames last week. You’re a part of our group and you both need nicknames. Wormtail, or Peter, also helped.” Sirius explained.
“Ah, that makes more sense,” Lily stated. “Um… this conversation actually has to do with Peter.”
At this confession, both Sirius and James sat up straighter before James commented.
“Have you also noticed something up with him? Sirius and I were just talking about him on our walk home after he turned down his street.”
“Well,” Remus started. “I… no we, Lily and I… We have heard and seen some things. The reason we were arguing before we knew you both were here was that we have suspected something for a little while now but it was confirmed today from what we heard on our way home.” Taking a deep breath and looking at Lily for some reassurance, Remus continued. “We didn’t want to bring this up because we didn’t want to lose you both as our friends but we also didn’t want to tear your friend group apart. I guess we didn’t want to jump to any conclusions about what was happening and before today it was just speculations.”
“Remus, please just tell us what Peter is doing, is he okay?” James said.
“Peter has joined the Death Eaters.”
The silence that took over the room was deafening. James looked at Lily, Lily looked at Sirius, Sirius looked at Remus, and Remus looked at James. James and Sirius looked at each other with the same look of confusion. No one talked. Lily and Remus looked at each other and hoped that they did the right thing. James and Sirius continued to look at each other. The room stayed silent. Lily grabbed Remus’s hand and held tight, hoping this wasn’t the end of their friendship with James and Sirius. James and Sirius finally looked away from each other and stared at the ground. James and Sirius looked at each other again. Were they supposed to say something? What were they even supposed to say? This is Peter they were talking about, would Peter join a group that was only destined to hurt people and probably end up in jail? This was their Peter, their Wormtail they were talking about. Sirius was the one to break the silence.
“Is this a joke?”
“No, Sirius,” Lily said. “We would never joke about this.”
“Are you sure you didn’t just hear the wrong thing? Maybe you misheard?” Sirius said, sounding like he didn’t want to believe what he was told.
“I promise Sirius. I took a video-”
“No Lily!” Remus interrupted. “They cannot watch the video!”
“Remus, they will believe us if they hear-”
“They don’t need to hear what was said! Just delete the video, nothing said in it was super important and if they don’t believe us then they will believe us when Peter tells them later.”
“Hold on,” James spoke for the first time since the silence started. “Is this the thing you two were arguing about when you didn’t know we were here?”
“Yes, it was James. This is the thing that happened that made Remus need some time to himself.”
“Lily! Would you just stop it? The video isn’t important-”
“Remus,” Sirius said before Remus could finish his rant. “If it’s affecting you this much then we should probably see it. I mean, Peter is, or was, our friend. Whatever he said about us we have the right to hear it.”
“Sirius… they didn’t say anything really bad about you two. They said something that they shouldn’t have about Remus.”
“What?!” Exclaimed both James and Sirius, turning to face Remus who had his head rested on his knees that were pulled up to his chest.
“Please, just don’t show it,” Remus said sounds as desperate and exhausted as he had before.
“Remus, if he dragged you into this then we need to hear what he said. You’re our friend and we can’t just not do anything when someone has hurt you, especially someone who we considered a friend. We want to watch the video, Lily. Can you pull it up?” James said, making the final decision.
Lily nodded, taking out her phone and pulling up the video. Remus pulled his knees tighter to his chest as he placed his head on top of his knees preparing to hear the words again. Lily passed the phone to James and Sirius and put her arm around Remus, pulling him closer to her. Seeing this interaction, James and Sirius looked at each other and realized that it must have been something pretty bad for Remus to act like this. Remus always seemed to have an air of indifference when people talked behind his back and he knew what they were saying. He never let it get to him but seeing him like this only spoke about how bad it must be. As they hit the play button and turned up the volume, both James and Sirius’s jaws dropped in shock as to what was being said as the audio filled the room.
“I know that he’s gay and I mean yeah, it’s gross, but I have known Sirius and James for a long time and if I keep them in my life then I have to deal with the other guy.”
“Seriously?” A new voice joined in. “Okay listen. I wasn’t supposed to tell you this yet, but the Death Eaters are planning on moving to the United States of America after graduation. There are some connections we have that will have some tough jobs but we will get paid so much money. You need to figure out what your priorities are. If you want to hang out with friends and continue working a part-time job at that coffee shop, then we stop talking and you are no longer a member of the Death Eaters and forget about the job this weekend. If you want to come with us and get money and experience, then drop the others. What are you going to do Peter? What is your choice? You either stick with the gay man and that group or you join us.”
“Well, I’m not going to give up the opportunity this weekend and I want the experience after graduation. I’ll drop the other group, I’m sticking with the Death Eaters.”
The video ended and the silence was back. James and Sirius couldn’t believe what they had heard their former friend say about Remus, it was unmistakably Peters’s voice. They looked at Remus as he hadn’t moved but they could hear him trying to control his breathing. Passing the phone back to Lily, James and Sirius started staring at each other. They both took out their phones having the same idea and texted Peter. Both messages said the same thing: Have fun with the Death Eaters. Goodbye Peter. Don’t contact us, we choose Remus over you any day. After they made sure the message sent, they blocked his number and unfollowed him on every social media account they had. Looking at Remus again, James wondered if Remus wanted to talk about it.
“Remus,” he started, “do you want to talk about it?”
“No,” Remus said with a cold and sharp voice. Remus’s tone reminded James and Sirius of how Remus used to talk to them before they became friends. Lily had explained early on when James and Sirius asked her if Remus hated them, that it was his defence that would eventually fall when he decides it would be okay to let them into his life. “Let’s just start the movie. I believe the pizzas are getting cold. I’ll go grab some more napkins. Start without me, I’ll be back.” Without waiting for a response, Remus stood up and walked into the hallway while Lily stood up and started the movie.
“Um… Lily?” James said tearing his eyes from the door Remus left through to Lily. “Should we say something to him?”
“No, you two did nothing. Remus will be okay, he just needs a moment. And don’t take his tone as being directed at you, he’s not mad or upset with you two, he just isn’t ready to show how much it’s affecting him and doesn’t like to show his emotions. He knows you both don’t believe what Peter said to be true but he just needs a moment.” Lily explained while handing out pizza and pop.
“Okay,” Sirius said. “So, just pretend it’s a normal movie marathon and pretend that we didn’t just have the conversation we had and he will go back to the Remus we know?”
“Exactly, don’t even worry about it.”
When Remus came back in, everyone pretended to not notice his red eyes from obvious crying and the fact that he didn’t bring back any more napkins.
“Hey Moony,” Sirius said with a forming smirk and amusement in his eyes. “James and I may have slightly forgotten to do the essay that is due on Monday. Wanna help us Sunday evening?”
Rolling his eyes and allowing himself to laugh, Remus responded to the question.
“Wow, James and Sirius didn’t do their essay again? You mean, you guys need help this Sunday even though you have had all week? I should have expected this, it’s not like I haven’t had a free Sunday evening in a year because of your procrastination.”
As everybody laughed, the group knew that they were going to be okay, just the four of them.
(Sunday Evening)
“Seriously guys,” Remus said. “It’s not that hard to write an essay! It’s also a good skill to have! I think maybe you both just enjoy my company too much and enjoy seeing all the light and hope drain from my eyes as I watch you butcher the English language.” The three boys were all relaxing in Remus’s room. Sirius and James working on their essays while Remus was alternating between helping his two friends and scrolling through Instagram.
“You’re not wrong, Moony,” Sirius said with a smile. “You need more guy time, we can never get you away from Lily unless it’s Sunday night. The combined force of Lily’s and your sarcasm is far too much sometimes, we get brutally attacked if the two of you are together and one of us gives you an opportunity to make fun of us.”
“Padfoot isn’t wrong, Moony. You two are like an unstoppable force. It’s scary!”
The three boys laughed, knowing that there was no lie in what was said. Remus and Lily were unstoppable, ruthless and fed off of each others sarcasm. But they knew that they wouldn’t have it any other way, except maybe on Sunday nights.
“Also, Remus,” James started, getting a nod to continue from Sirius. “We know you don’t want to talk about it, but what Peter said was unacceptable and wrong. We texted him and told him that we don’t want him talking to us ever again. We choose you, Moony. You, Sirius, Lily and I are the Marauders. No one believes that you are the logic and Lily is the brains behind the trouble Sirius and I carry out. You two are part of this group We love you, man. You’re stuck with us until you die.”
“I love you guys too,” Remus said with a big smile on his face. “Thank you for dealing with me and Lily, we can’t imagine our lives without you guys now. You weaselled your way into our lives and refused to leave. But we wouldn’t have it any other way. Now pass me your essays so I can correct your spelling and grammar because there is no way you didn’t make a bunch of mistakes and if you hand it in like this I might cry.”