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Once Battler time ended that evening, Kirio waved goodbye at his three cute little underclassmen and walked away, wondering whether to go back home or visit his secret room to plot mayhem instead.
Not a difficult choice, really.
Alas, a moment later, someone ruined his pleasant daydream by grabbing his shoulder and pushing him roughly against the wall. Rude.
"Humpf," he coughed, spitting some blood out that Asmodeus somehow perfectly managed to avoid without letting go of Kirio's shoulder. Aw. Had the boy put just a bit more effort into it, this could have been a perfect kabe-don. Missed opportunity.
"Stay away from Iruma-sama," Asmodeus growled, face way too close and showing off his pretty magenta eyes sparkling with anger.
Kirio yawned. Obnoxious? Certainly. But that was absolutely Asmodeus' fault for starting this conversation in the exact same way as the seventeen previous times. Couldn't he be bothered to shake it up a little, if he was going to make Kirio endure a repeat? Had their slow-burning antagonistic relationship grown stale already?
"Or what?" Kirio asked flatly, barely invested in pretending to be interested in the answer.
"Or I'll make sure you regret it."
If Asmodeus actually followed on his threats one day, life might get a little bit more interesting.
"Certainly," Kirio encouraged him. "Do your worst."
Sadly, Asmodeus was all bark and no bite.
Or so Kirio thought.
1. Block him
There was just something about Ami-senpai that rubbed Asmodeus the wrong way. Something had happened, and no one was telling Asmodeus anything which was absolutely unacceptable. He deserved to know.
More importantly, he wanted to know.
For now, his PROTECT IRUMA AT ALL COSTS instincts told him to never leave Iruma alone with Ami-senpai. And so Asmodeus listened, both because Iruma never asked him for anything anyway so Asmodeus might as well do whatever he wanted, and also because maybe if he showed talent and dedication at keeping Kirio away, Iruma would finally explain what the hell was going on.
The plan managed to both succeed and backfire spectacularly.
To block Kirio from spending time with Iruma, Asmodeus started getting in the way and leading Kirio elsewhere as soon as he appeared, thus succeeding in keeping him from influencing Iruma. But as a consequence, not only did Asmodeus have to spend considerable lengths of time away from Iruma, he also had to spend that time with Kirio, of all people.
Sure, the upperclassman could be interesting sometimes, and he certainly could speak with passion about whatever ended up as his pet Magical Apparatus project du jour. Compared to time gloriously spent in Iruma's glowing, regal, magnificent, transcendental presence though? Middling trifles.
The plan may be a success, but at a cost too unbearable to be worth it.
Asmodeus needed a new plan.
2. Keep him away
What Asmodeus needed was a way to keep Kirio busy and away from Iruma, but without having to do it himself.
And what better way to do that than spread rumours that would keep Kirio busy with other students' questions? Certainly, rumour-mongering may hardly qualify as behaviour worthy of the Asmodeus name, but the situation was dire, and for all anyone knew some of these stories may be true. Perhaps all of them, even.
No one had any reason to doubt Asmodeus when he suggested Kirio kept powerful Magical Apparatus projects hidden in a secret room - artefacts powerful enough that no student would ever need to worry about exams again should Kirio ever reveal his secret.
Lied didn't even blink when Asmodeus confidently shared that he'd heard Kirio was working on a magical slot machine for students.
And Asmodeus made sure the group of girls who always followed he and his Friends around (hard to blame them with Iruma's enticing allure!) (Asmodeus would of course burn them all to ashes if they ever breached the invisible twenty feet line and got too close) were within earshot when he suggested one of Kirio's apparatus could distil a mixture so close to Professor Raim's succubus Special Seduction Mix it might as well be called a love potion.
Asmodeus was pretty proud of this scheme. With the added weight and dignity coming from the Asmodeus name, nobody thought to call in question the rumours he ingeniously started in the name of protecting Iruma.
Unfortunately, Asmodeus had failed to account for something important.
Ami-senpai was smart. Smart, and an absolute weasel.
Kirio - it couldn't be anyone else - started counter-rumours.
Soon, the entire school believed that Asmodeus' first plan - the one where he painstakingly blocked Kirio himself - had actually been a covered attempt at spending more time with his upperclassman. Due to infatuation! Asmodeus felt like retching.
And even worse! Right now, Asmodeus was stuck in the cafeteria queue and had to watch as two first-year girls relayed this ridiculous new rumour back to Kirio (when he'd been the instigator! For sure!) and Kirio slightly blushed in answer as he scratched his cheek and hinted that Asmodeus didn't need to go to such lengths, if he was interested. For an instant, Kirio's eye caught Asmodeus' and Asmodeus could feel the aura of malice and weaselness and, and downright evil emanating from the boy. Outrageous!
"I think all those weird rumours about me were him as well, ya know?" Kirio was saying. "Tryin'a boost my reputation around the school. Even though all of these stories are most definitely false. All of them."
The new rumours spread like wildfire. Certainly, Kirio and Asmodeus had had ample opportunities to talk about a great many things while Asmodeus was blocking the path to Iruma, but that didn't mean he ever actively sought Kirio's presence.
Ridiculous. Unsubstantiated. And most infuriatingly, even Asmodeus' own rumours hadn't spread this fast. Either Kirio was a genius, or dubious love gossip just really went around that much faster on school grounds.
3. Distract him
Fine. Asmodeus had already bordered on indignity by circulating... not rumours per se but information that could possibly be true. He wasn't beyond using the resources of his family to achieve his goals. His ambition was to support and protect Iruma no matter what and he would stop at nothing to achieve that.
Kirio-senpai loved Magical Apparatus. If keeping the club going all on his own wasn't enough of a clue, he'd talked Asmodeus' ear off about whatever gadget held his attention while Asmodeus had been busy blocking him from spending time with Iruma. Now, if Asmodeus got him something rare and interesting... Something unusual enough to intrigue and keep him busy, then Kirio should be able to distract himself all on his own. The possibilities for unfortunate counter-measures on Kirio's part seemed low as well.
Asmodeus did his research. It might have been against his will and best wishes but Asmodeus had listened when Kirio babbled about his weird contraptions. And since Iruma also spent an unfortunate amount of time one-on-one with Kirio whenever Asmodeus made the mistake of taking his eyes off him, well, he might also have heard relevant information so Asmodeus quizzed him too.
Eventually, Asmodeus settled on a Harpy Blartchblink: nearly impossible to find outside of the Harpy tribes, so complex several demons had gone mad trying to figure out the internals, and rumbling obnoxiously loud at random times. A choice so outrageously brilliant and bizarre Kirio's interest was bound to be piqued. And he would finally stay away from Iruma, consumed by his own insatiable curiosity. Perfect.
For once, when Asmodeus spotted Kirio in a hallway at school, Asmodeus strode confidently toward him. Kirio looked surprised at first, though a smile too charming to be real soon replaced the expression.
"This is for you," Asmodeus proclaimed, handing over the item.
"Oh? And what is this?" Kirio asked, taking the apparatus in hand before turning it around.
It didn't take him long to realise the value of what he held. His lips parted in shock and Asmodeus smiled victoriously.
"This is for me...?" Kirio whispered breathlessly, a light blush starting to creep over his cheeks.
Wait, that wasn't how things were supposed to go. Kirio was meant to be mocking, or doubting - and Asmodeus would have scoffed and dismissed the accusation. Or, in the ideal scenario, Kirio would promptly scamper away to study the machine and that would be the last Asmodeus would see of him for a while.
Kirio's understated reaction did not fit at all the criminal profile Asmodeus mentally kept for him, and the dramatic discrepancy was starting to make Asmodeus feel flustered himself for unexplained reasons.
Clara and Iruma finally caught up with them, and Clara immediately hid her mouth behind her hands.
"A courting present!" she whispered somehow loudly enough for the entire school to hear, possibly right down to Karakiri Valley.
What? No!
"That's why you were asking with such intensity," Iruma commented with a smile, twisting the knife in the already gaping wound of Asmodeus' pride.
Asmodeus fled.
+1
Asmodeus hadn't exactly run away after his offering, but then again, his goal had been to find something that held Kirio's attention long enough by itself that Asmodeus could spend time with Iruma without Kirio loitering nearby, so really the plan was a success. Right? Kirio liked the gift. The gift Asmodeus got him for Iruma-safety-and-support purposes, not courting. Asmodeus shivered. Then he spotted Kirio looking at him with a smirk at the corner of a hallway and his mood turned gloomy at once.
Once spotted, Kirio strolled over like a hyena, stopping way too close and right in Asmodeus' face. Not that Asmodeus would give him any ground. Asmodeus looked down on him coolly. Somehow, that only managed to make Kirio smile wider and his eyes sparkle. Asmodeus' mood soured further. It felt like he'd just lost a battle and he couldn't even pinpoint how or when.
"I'd like some time alone with ya," Kirio said, running an annoying finger against Asmodeus' lapel. Asmodeus was about to slap his hand away when Kirio looked up and pinned him with his gaze. "I wonder. Can I ask ya directly?" His tone dropped to a whisper after that. "Or should I go the indirect way and pester cute Iruma-kun until all of your attention is on me again?"
Asmodeus' head jerked to the side where Iruma and Clara stood waiting for him, a few feet away. Had they heard that? Iruma only tilted his head in a silent question.
"I... need to speak to Kirio privately in order to clear a few things up." Clara started to snicker and Asmodeus immediately corrected himself. "Not to spend time alone with him!"
As soon as they were out of earshot of hopefully every other student ever, Asmodeus furiously whispered. "You can't just–"
Kirio shut him up by linking their arms together and starting to walk. "I had a question about the Blartchblink."
"Is it defective?" Asmodeus had sourced it from one of the most reliable and trusted suppliers his family did business with. "There's no way it's defective."
"Not in any way. But I was wonderin'..."
Kirio's voice dropped and Asmodeus had to lean closer to hear him speak. Vaguely surprised with himself, Asmodeus ended up going into a lot more details than he'd expected in order to answer. He had done thorough research before selecting the Blartchblink, after all. Asmodeus didn't move to unlock their arms either, but only because that way, they could speak in low whispers and not be noticed as much by other students, which would only create new misunderstandings.
Perhaps Asmodeus didn't need to get so involved in his answer. Especially since he had no doubt Kirio already knew all of this despite asking the question in the first place.
But Kirio was actually listening, humming at all the right moments and asking for clarifications where it made sense.
So Asmodeus didn't call him out on it. And as long as Kirio didn't either, everything was fine.