Chapter Text
Hermes added Apollo, Dionysus, Artemis, Athena, Aphrodite, Ares, and Hephaestus
Hermes: group chat :D!!
Artemis: I regret ever giving you my number
Hermes: :((
Apollo: C’mon Artemis don’t be like that
Apollo: Now all us 2nd gen Olympians can talk to each other in here
Hephaestus: I’m also regretting
Hephaestus: I never should’ve helped invent phones
Dionysus: but it was such a good invention!!
Dionysus: bc of u we now have drunk texting
Hephaestus: that’s what you take away from phones? Drunk texting?
Dionysus: yee
Ares: HERMES WHY DID U ADD ME TO THIS
Hephaestus: yeah hermes why did u add him to this
Hermes: BC I MISS TALKING TO MY BROS
Aphrodite: eh hem
Hermes: and my sistas
Artemis: don’t say sistas
Hermes: everyone is so busy these days i never get to talk to you guys anymore :((
Athena: It could potentially be a good method of communication and promote unity.
Hermes: SEE? Athena agrees with me
Athena: I didn’t say that.
Hermes: now that everyone is here we need nicknames!
Hermes changed their name to gottagofast
Apollo: Really? A sonic reference?
gottagofast: i like sonic!
Ares: furry
gottagofast: how tf do u even know what that is
Ares: you do know who our father is?
gottagofast: oh right
Ares changed their name to GottaKillEmAll
gottagofast: YES POKEMON
gottagofast: I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON U BRO
GottaKillEmAll: love violent video games
Athena: Pokémon isn’t violent.
GottaKillEmAll: says u
Apollo: My family is full of gamers I hate it here
gottagofast: u say that like u dont play guitar hero and ddr
Apollo: Those are arcade games they don’t count
Artemis: but they are games
Dionysus changed their name to wineaunt
Apollo: finally one that isn’t a video game ref
wineaunt: i like the tshirts
Apollo: I know ur closet is full of them
Apollo: Also quit stealing my dresses
wineaunt: no <3
Apollo: biTCH
Hephaestus changed their name to BobTheBuilder
BobTheBuilder: it was the only one I could think of
wineaunt: its great man! it suits u
gottagofast: apollo! give urself a nickname!
Apollo: Hold on I’m thinking
gottagofast: HURRY UP
Apollo: You can’t rush creativity
Aphrodite changed their name to FairestOfThemAll
gottagofast: ooh snow white nice
gottagofast: disney princesses are where its at
FairestOfThemAll: you know it
Apollo: Dammit there goes my idea
FairestOfThemAll: you can be the 2nd fairest
Apollo: nah I’ll think of smth else
Artemis: if disney princesses are a theme…
Artemis changed their name to Merida
Merida: love how she gives no shits abt marriage
Merida: I wish I could recruit her to my hunters but alas she is fictional
Apollo: mood
Apollo: There’s so many fictional characters I’d hit if they were real
Apollo: Like Legolas and his cheekbones
Apollo: but alas I am forever alone
Apollo changed their name to AllBiMyself
FairestOfThemAll: I can help fix that
AllBiMyself: No u stay away from me woman
FairestOfThemAll: suit yourself
wineaunt: damn I shouldve done smth gay
wineaunt: or smth abt drugs
gottagofast: hnngh weed
wineaunt: u get it
gottagofast: ATHENA!! U GOTTA DO ONE
Athena: I’m good with my name.
gottagofast: unacceptable
wineaunt: join us! join us!
AllBiMyself: It’s a right of passage
GottaKillEmAll: urs should be nerd
Athena changed their name to SmartyPants
SmartyPants: There. Happy now?
gottagofast: very
GottaKillEmAll: wait I wanna change mine
GottaKillEmAll changed their name to BiggusDiccus
BobTheBuilder: no
BobTheBuilder: change it back
gottagofast: wow u gave up pkmn clout for that
BiggusDiccus: soldiers used to call me this! it was one of my titles!
wineaunt: yeah and one of mine was essentially cumlord but u don’t see me naming myself that
wineaunt: wait maybe i should
Merida: do NOT
Merida: y’all are nasty
FairestOfThemAll: @BiggusDiccus honey I have straps bigger
wineaunt: OHHHH BURN
BiggusDiccus changed their name to IHateItHere
IHateItHere: 😡
AllBiMyself: at least it’s better than the other one
gottagofast: rip my pokebro… he will be missed 😔✊
FairestOfThemAll: mwah <3
wineaunt: wait wait i cant just breeze past the fact that Aphrodite uses straps on Ares
wineaunt: i thought he had too much toxic masculinity for that
IHateItHere: HEY
BobTheBuilder: can we pls not talk abt this
Merida: seconded ^^
AllBiMyself: @wineaunt why are u so surprised? We all know Ares is Aphrodite’s boy toy
IHateItHere: WHAT IS IT BULLY ARES DAY
SmartyPants: No.
SmartyPants: Those are on Thursdays.
IHateItHere: WOW
IHateItHere: Athena too?
gottagofast: ATHENA IM SO PROUD OF U
SmartyPants: That’s what you get for wrecking my naval battle plan.
IHateItHere: that was 20 years ago!
SmartyPants: I forgive, but I do not forget.
FairestOfThemAll: aww poor baby are they bullying u
IHateItHere: IM NOT A BABY
FairestOfThemAll: but your my baby
IHateItHere: … yeah
wineaunt: OHHH
AllBiMyself: TOLD U HE’S WHIPPED
IHateItHere: AT LEAST I DIDNT GET THE GIRL I LIKED TURNED INTO A TREE
gottagofast: ooh he went there
AllBiMyself: Now that’s just mean
AllBiMyself: ALSO IT WAS YOUR SON’S FAULT FOR SHOOTING US WITH LOVE AND HATE ARROWS
Merida: U SHOULDNT HAVE CHASED HER PHOEBUS APOLLON
gottagofast: ooh she whipped out the full name
AllBiMyself: Sorry Artemis,,, that was stupid and I shouldn’t have done that
Merida: good
Merida: don’t give me a reason to hunt u for sport
SmartyPants: Now that Artemis is done beating “no means no” into Apollo…
AllBiMyself: That was 2 thousand years ago!
SmartyPants: May I ask why the other four Olympians are not in the chat?
gottagofast: bc they r either our dad our (step)mom or an aunt/uncle
wineaunt: parental supervision is a buzz kill
wineaunt: besides we have enough of that just having added athena to the chat
gottagofast: yee and we also have mom friend apollo
AllBiMyself: I’m not the mom friend
AllBiMyself: I just like to remind my family members to stay healthy and take care of themselves
AllBiMyself: It’s my duty as the resident doctor
gottagofast: aka the mom friend
AllBiMyself: SHUT
IHateItHere: haha look who’s getting bullied now!
AllBiMyself: Next time you get injured you can patch yourself up Ares
IHateItHere: 😦
BobTheBuilder: why don’t you have any eyebrows in that emoji
gottagofast: pffft
gottagofast: that actually gives me an idea
IHateItHere: don't even think about it
gottagofast: too late ;)
gottagofast: better sleep with one eye open babe