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Tommy wasn’t sure what the last straw with Phil was, but he thinks it may have been around the time he stopped referring to him as ‘dad’.
However, he can tell you exactly when he stopped making excuses for the man.
__________
Wilbur found him on the streets, and after a rather poor attempt at pick-pocketing (not Tommy’s fault this guy seemed to have 360 vision, like what the fuck?) he decided Tommy was his new brother. Phil seemed rather indifferent about it, what’s one more kid after all? And so what if he felt sort of disconnected from the family due to his later arrival, even when Phil told him how much he valued him often- actions did always speak louder then words though, and Phil’s constant absence was absolutely deafening.
It should have been when Phil killed Wilbur, the only constant in his life from the age of six despite the mans deteriorating mental state. It should have been when Phil chose his eldest son over him and destroyed Tommy’s home for a second time. Hell- it should have been when he stopped referring to him as his son! But no. It wasn’t being betrayed and abandoned that broke Tommy, it was Ranboo.
Ranboo, the only person (apart from Dream of course) who regularly visited Tommy in exile, who pitied him- but at least turned up for him- who now has replaced him.
Tommy had heard rumours, could they even count as that if the person in question had literally told him? He’d heard from Tubbo, who heard from Ranboo, that Phil had asked the man in question if he wanted to stay with him after doomsday. Ranboo, being the fucker that he is, agreed.
“Hey Tommy? You good big man?” Tubbo didn’t sound as tired anymore, maybe it’s because he’s been hanging out with Ranboo more. He’s better then Tommy, he’s quieter and more polite, he doesn’t start wars- he doesn’t-
“Big man?”
“Hm? Sorry what Tubs I was spaced out.”
He was doing that a lot recently. Stopped listening and observing the world around him and just sit for a while.
“Yeah- so as I was saying-“
Maybe Tubbo was better off with Ranboo, Phil certainly seemed to be. The more he thought about Phil the more heavy his wings felt, like he was forever being held down by the burden of the similar trait. They weren’t that similar, were they? Phils wings were akin to a phantoms. Worn and dark, tears up and down showing how weathered the man was after his years of travels and adventuring. Tommy’s were nothing like that. Why would they be? It’s not like hey were related or anything. Tommy’s were light and fluffy like a baby birds. He’d managed to care and tend to them all throughout exile, ignored the awful nagging to just get rid of them- He’d stuck with them. Despite the fact that they’d come in after the first war and had no one to teach I’m how to fly tethering him to the ground, or the voice inside his head that tries to convince him that he’s just like Phil-
Tommy headed home quickly after.
__________
After a full night of thinking and trying to reason with himself Tommy has managed to end up in he tundra. He wasn’t too sure why he was even here. He knew what Techno and Phil thought of him, why torture himself more? But despite this he didn’t know if he could’ve been prepared enough to face the absolute distain in Philza’s eyes.
__________
He was approaching the newly built house next to Techno’s, he was just going to ask if it was indeed Ranboos, maybe give the guy the ‘shovel talk’ or something if he was going to hang out with Tubbo more. But, once he knocked on the door, instead of being faced with the other, he came face to face with Ph1LzA-fucking-Minecraft.
“Oh” he breathed out. Oh fuck
“Tommy? What the fuck are you doing here?” He could see Ranboo peaking out from behind Phil, for a guy so tall he really knew how to make himself seem shorter.
“I uh- I heard Ranboo was living with you now so I just wanted to check in and see-“
“And why should you care?” Mother fucker
“Well I mean I used to live here big man. I think it’s kinda important to know if my dad-“
“I’m not your father Tommy, I haven’t been since you betrayed me and Techno.”
Tommy would blame the shiver on the cold wind of the tundra. The silence that followed was loud and long. Ranboo looked mildly uncomfortable behind Phil. Good.
“Oh. You mean when you blew up my home? Or when you killed my brother?! Or when-“
“-Hey I think maybe we should calm down-“
“No Tommy I mean when you sided with the government-“
“-Oh shut the fuck up Phil you absolute fucking bastard-!”
“Tommy shut the fuck up! I told you, you aren’t my son and never were! You betrayed us and finally faced some consequences!” Despite the fact that his body was almost numb with cold, his wings felt like they were burning as he stormed away. An ever present reminder of his tie to Phil. They were the only thing left that even remotely connected him to the man. They were the only thing that kept him connected to his family.
It was an easy decision once he arrived back home, intending to return his axe to its place on the wall.
Phil said that- that he wasn’t his son and that he didn’t matter to him. Why should he keep them then?
__________
Tommys experienced severe pain before.
After all the wars and fighting he’s been through, literally being murdered twice and the unbearable torture that was exile he’d even be quick to say he was used to it. That’s why, as he stood in his dirt built house holding the axe of peace he wasn’t as nervous as he should be. He should be scared out of his mind- afraid of actually going through with what he was planning on doing, but as he laid out his bandages and health potions in preparation he only felt anger.
Anger towards Phil for being such a shit dad, anger at Ranboo for replacing him, anger at Wilbur for just being another person to abandon him.
All he felt was anger as he began hacking his wings off.
The pristine white feathers he had cared for and cultivated despite everything he’d gone through stained red as he bit down a scream.
He had hoped the axe would be quicker then his dull swords, and it seemed to be doing a good job as his shoulders began to feel lighter with every hack at the base of his back, he couldn’t quite reach high enough to completely remove them but hopefully he could get enough off without passing out.
God- he knew it would hurt but not this much.
He could nearly get a coherent thought out, desperately gripping onto Techno’s his axe in hopes it would steady him and keeping him from toppling over. With a final, agonising slice he felt the huge muscle fall from him and onto the floor. Tommy fell forwards, gripping onto the chest in-front of him. He let out several deep shaky breaths before reaching for the bandages to stop himself from bleeding out.
Downing half of the health pot, he prepared himself for the second wing.
_________
Ranboo hadn’t seen Tommy since what he deemed ‘the incident’.
He was going to try and visit him the next day. He planned to go make sure he was okay, clear up any misunderstandings but... Phil said he’d probably be liked to be left alone for a while and, well he raised him so he should probably know best. So Ranboo put it off a day. And then another day. And another. It was only on the fourth day when he began to be concerned, he hadn’t seen him wandering around the L’Manberg crater like he usually did, and Tubbo told him that no one in Snowchester had seen him in nearly a week either.
So, needless to say he was rather nervous when he approached Tommy’s house.
(House was a strong word, it was literally just a hill Tommy had hollowed out. I mean seriously, his tent back at Logstedshire probably offered more warmth then this place did)
Ranboo straightened out his jacket before quickly knocking on Tommy’s door.
No answer.
He knocked a little bit louder and firmer this time. Much to his relief, he hears a slight shuffling from inside. Well, at least he’s still alive. After a minute, Ranboo almost thought Tommy wasn’t going to answer him and just leave. But as he backed away the door creaked open the smallest amount.
“What?” Ranboo could only see some of Tommy’s face, the rest of him hidden behind the door and the blanked he seemed to have dragged with him.
He looked like shit. His voice sounded gravelly and tired, like his throat hurt. His eye bags had gotten deeper since Ranboo had last saw him, and his hair looked almost as messy as it did in exile- greesy and wild. Upon recognising Ranboo as the person in front of him, Tommy seemed to stand up straighter. “Oh I just wanted to check on you since no ones seen you i-“
“Fuck off.”
“Understandable, but Tubbo seemed real-“
“Fuck off bitch I’m perfectly fine!” Ranboo may have his moments, but even he could tell this child wasn’t fine. If the way he hunched over as if his back was aching wasn’t enough proof then- wait. “Tommy... where- where are your wings?”
The silence that followed wansn’t comforting. Tommy almost looked like a child that had been caught in a lie, his eyes widened slightly and grip tightened on the door. “I got rid of them.”He let out, looking away from Ranboo He sounded so small, nothing like the Tommy Ranboo knew.
“Got rid of them? What do you mean got rid of them? Are you okay- what happened-?”
“I didn’t want them so I got rid of them, okay?”
“What? No that’s not okay! Does Phil know-?” Oh shouldn’t have bought him up.
“Why should Phil care?! I’m fine Ranboo now piss off!” Before he could ask anymore questions, Ranboo was met to a door abruptly slamming in his face.
__________
Over the next few days, several people visited Tommy. He never opened the door for them, but no one had to know if he took Puffys cookies when she left, or if he hesitated when Sam left him a note hoping for his good health, or if he broke down after Tubbo knocked on.
Phil never came. He wasn’t surprised.
What did surprise him though, was Ranboo.
Ranboo, the only person (apart from Dream of course) who regularly visited Tommy in exile, who pitied him- but at least turned up for him- who now constantly checked up on him.
He never got a response, but he left notes, asking how he was doing, assuring him he could talk to him about what happened.
After nearly three weeks of radio silence form Tommy he turned up in Snowchester. Tubbo was positively beaming, going to hug Tommy then immediately pulling back to make sure he wasn’t hurting him. He updated him on what he’d missed and showed him around the new additions to Snowchester, basically blackmailing him into resting there for a few days before he got back on his feet.
No one really knew why Tommy did what he did, and Tommy didn’t exactly go around detailing what happened, but that didn’t stop Sam and Puffys prompting. Puffy made sure Tommy would be her first patient for her newly opened therapy office and Sam seemed to be over-protective towards Tommy, even protecting him from the egg.
Tommy’s shoulders felt lighter. Everything he passed a mirror or felt the lack of feathers brushing against his skin he let a sad smile rise to his face. Nothing tethered him to Phil anymore. He never had to look at himself and see that man again. He never had to see Phil again.
‘HELLO TOMMYINNIT!’
Tommy glanced up to where Sam Nook was waiting for him, standing proudly in-front of the Big Innit hotel.
Phil didn’t matter anymore, because for the first time in years Tommy finally felt at peace.