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All great adventures start as a normal day.
And that’s what this week has been. A great adventure. With heists, explosions, fight scenes - CGI probably if this was a movie - unlikely allies, bitter betrayals, tragic losses, plot twists, protagonist guilt, and most importantly: an open ended ending that makes room for a sequel if the audience test is good for this story.
But that’s getting ahead of all the good parts, so let’s just rewind to the beginning when this miraculous adventure all started.
Wade was just chillin on a roof near the edge of Central Park on 82nd street facing the park and it’s smoggy overlay of New York’s pollution - and if you looked at it from an optimistic view you could image that the park was like a dome, just barely keeping it out...almost - and just swinging his legs idly, finishing up a chimichanga that he was definitely gonna regret later because it came from a sketchy street vendor, but Rule #22(: Don’t eat sushi, egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad. Basically anything that is perishable from a gas station, convenience store, grocery store, just anywhere really...Just don’t do it. (edit: September 14, 2018) Eat street vendor food at your own risk.) was not broken.
That’s when a round projectile, as if it chose him, came flying at him and landed in a dirty gutter near his legs with a plop, splashing gutter goop a bit - and seriously this gutter almost looked at bad as a sewer, was that a dead bird, someone really otta clean this shit up. Wade tilted his head, setting down the remains of his probably-not rancid dinner, and went to retrieve the spherical object with interest.
It was a dirty, clearly well loved tennis ball. The texture was worn and thin and the fuzz was ripping off in little clumps; the colors were a barely distinguishable pink and purple that were once vibrant but now covered in a layer of faded brown, sweat, and grim - not being helped by its most recent dive into the gutter trash. He was pretty sure something was growing in it because there were a few holes and indistinguishable substance leaking out of it.
It was the most beautiful thing to befall this earth.
He heard the skid of gravel behind him (Matt’s usual greeting when in costume and even out of costume sometimes. At least, when he didn’t have to be all lawyer mode; he laughed more when not in costume, but Peter says he’s more amused in costume, Wade will take the little freaky psychoanalyst's word for it.) Wade didn’t pay him too much mind, too busy with more important matters- that being mesmerized by his new prize he was inspecting very thoroughly with mounting awe in his hands. Oh, he was gonna be a lot more thorough when he went home.
“Ehem.” Matt coughed to get his attention, he had waited about 5 minutes - Peter could probably tell you the seconds exactly, because the kid was a nitpicky freak, but Wade was cool with ballparking it - which, Red didn’t like waiting but he hated initiating conversation even more. Which makes it really worth it for Wade to ignore him until he did initiate conversation, just because he liked being an asshole about it.
“Oh hey, Red!” Wade chirped as if just noticing him, turning around and presenting the ball like a child “Looky what I found!” he thrust the ball out, presenting his new most prized possession - he should probably give it back to the kid who was still searching for it but finders keepers and all that. She should have thought of that before accidently throwing it into the gutter.
“Deadpool.” Red deadpanned, he was very not amused. Did he forget a date or something? Red was always a tad peeved when he forgot about and/or missed their little family outings. “We have a case.” he said terse. And, Oh yeah, the bust that he forgot all about. The ball takes better precedence. As it should. Peter would agree if he was here… probably...not…
Sometimes that child was just too responsible for his own good and you’d think he’d learn something by hanging out with Wade, but no. Wade has to admit, he was kind of disappointed.
“Hmmm yeah, but the ball !” he said theatrically, gesturing to the ball with a gradous sweep of his arm. “It’s the ball of the gods .” he totally meant for that to be sexual this time.
“Put the ball away, Spider-man is waiting for us.” Red gritted out with increasing irritation. Hands clenching at his side. Aww, Red was about to go into a hissy fit. It was like a cat’s low murrr before they fucked up your ankles - little hell demons, he doesn’t know why the kid risks his wrists/face/elbows/shoulders for them.
“But Reeeed ~” Wade whined, dragging out the name and going higher to make the other man’s irritation spike. “The ball . It needs my attention.” he gripped the germ infested sphere to his chest and stroked it lovingly “I’ll never let anything happen to you my love.” he whispered to it.
“Are you possessed?” Which, okay rude . Being possesed/brainwashed was a very likley occurrence with their line of work. Red should know this by now.
“I’m in love!” Wade said back, professing his rightful attraction tearily. Nothing would tear us apart baby. It was love at first sight.
“We don’t have time for this.” Red grumbled more to himself and then he did the absolute unthinkable.
Red snatched the ball - his one true love , besides Ness of course - right out of Wade’s hands and ran. Wade stood there, blinked and gasped. His loss, the hole in his heart. Ripped out and back stabbed by his closest ally. Betrayed. By one of the few people he trusted in this cruel distrustful world. Stealing away his love, and keeping them cruelly captive. Another love fallen because of the life he chose to lead - by a friend turned enemy.
How. Dare. He.
Oh, this was a declaration of fucking war.
OoOoO
Spidey did not know what kind of wacky go juice Red took, but it was mildly enjoyable.
To him, at least.
At the beginning, he was 100% enjoying it, but that was when DP was caressing and practically worshiping a dirty tennis ball like the insane lunatic he was - seriously he doesn’t even think any asylum would work at this point - and when Red was grumbling irritatedly trying to not-as-subtle-as-he-probably-wanted-to-be~ly snatch the ball away from DP’s evading hands, looking like a complete dork stumbling around uncoordinated trying to grab the ball (which was mildly impressive because he was blind. Peter keeps forgetting that little nugget because it doesn’t seem to hinder Matt that much, just make him a little odd. But they all were a little odd. One could argue: More than a little odd - and they’d win.)
But then Red tried to rope him into getting the ball with an elaborate plan - which was Red distract and Spidey attack (this combo usually is when they ask DP to stand back . Haha rhymes. Let the record also reflect that most of the time when this combo is used, it usually ends up with a fire/explosion completely unrelated to the task at hand.)It seemed like a fine idea, fun even; but like most of his ‘fine’ ‘fun’ ideas, it kinda backfired. So when he did so, it didn’t work the first two times which kind of annoyed him.
So yes, mildly amused - because he still got to see Red fumble around like an idiot (and he’d be more concerned about his morality at laughing at a struggling blind guy getting bullied by a cancer ridden burn patient -oxygen deprivation but whatever. But it was Matt and Wade. Literally Daredevil and Deadpool and they were idiots like 90% of the time. They deserved to be laughed at...by people who had context. He was laughing at their stupidity, not their inability; he wasn’t an asshole.)- but also he didn’t like being psyched out from a stupid tennis ball. It was childish, and he didn’t like feeling like a little kid trying to grab the ball from the kids twice his size as he futility jumped for it whenever it was tossed - monkey in the middle is a fucked up game okay ?
When the irritation mounted the amusement, Spidey just webbed it out of Deadpool’s hands and the man whirled on him - starting to stalk toward him. The smaller vigilante was actually mildly intimidated; if this wasn’t about a Tennis Ball, he might actually be scared. Deadpool was looming toward him like he’d just killed his whole family and his dog (dog transcends family, at least in his book.)
In that moment he realized 4 things simultaneously: big man - the ball in his hands was really really cool. 3 times his size, couldn’t die - stalking toward him with murder on his agenda. blind man, waving at him to throw something to him. there was no way he’d let Daredevil get credit for his work.
And Spiderman, with those facts in mind, made a split second reasonable decision.
He ran like hell.
OoOoO
This was probably a Red thing.
That’s what everyone called these things when they happened. Well except for the Reds, they didn’t know ‘Red things’ existed. Whenever a case would come up, or an inside joke would be said amongst Deadpool, Spider-man, and Daredevil - which is actually oddly the foundation of New York’s vigilante community, they’ve all met their allies through one of them - it would be a ‘Red thing’. It’s not worth their sanity to question the Reds anymore, much less the stupid shit they get into 24/7 - or whenever they patrol together.
There was a whole rule about it. Multiple rules in fact about Team Red. Usually Red things were stupid. And this is very, very stupid.
And also not worth Cable’s sanity.
Frank’s too, by the look of it.
Wade and Matt were battling a ball out of Spidey’s hand - or trying the kid was quick and dodging them at the last possible second. Cable would have said it was a training exercise - he’d never seen Wilson get this much unnecessary exercise - but…
“Give me the ball you little hellspawn !”
“You little shit get back here!”
“Fuck you it’s mine! ”
He looked at Frank. Yeah, definitely a Red Thing.
Cable was guessing the goal was the ball, that’s why Wilson recruited him, and supposedly the same with Red to Castle. How they managed to even get them in this position, Cable still doesn’t know. They had an annoying ability to rope them into their bullshit most of the time, but it was the kid they had to look out for because the brat could get them to do basically anything . It was impressive and honestly a little scary, because Cable didn’t think of the brat as anything more than that.
Might as well get this over with. He sighed tiredly before propping his gun up and blasted Spidey’s webs just as the kid was about to make his upward arch, sending the child creening in a free fall with a startled yelp. HIs reaction time was just enough to catch himself but he had to let go of the ball, allowing Castle to dive and catch it with practiced grace. Cable grunted and jumped down to where Castle was inspecting the ball and held out his hand for the guy to give it to him, it was his shot, so therefore it was his prize. Frank just looked at him, and puffed up his chest.
Oh hell no. He was not thinking…
“Give it here Castle.” Cable sneered, stepping forward a bit for intimidation. The other man was not deterred. The Reds had stopped bickering and just looked between them stupidly like a bunch of gawking fish watching a tennis match.
“..No.” and he bolted, a distant sounding gasp of the Team Red members at the ‘plot twist’. Cable growled and chased after the man, that ball was HIS .
“You bastard !” Cable called out in a booming voice, chasing the other burly man across the rooftops. Team Red rooting them on in the background, but they were obsolete right now.
They had not sunk down to their level.
But this is an act of fucking war.
OoOoO
Peter was shaking.
MJ and Ned have been looking at him weird, as they should honestly because he’s been acting like a paranoid freak all day. All week really, but he had a good fucking reason okay. He hadn’t slept in 32 hours and everytime he goes to rest or do homework or something, he always is too wired to focus. He’s gotten detention for not paying attention in class all week. Still, that didn’t mean he didn’t have a good reason, just a reason that they didn’t know.
It’s not paranoia if they are actually out to get you. Not that they knew that.
But he had every reason to be, okay !?
Because he had been acting like a plotting freak all week, brooding and writing down diabolical plans to himself - because no way in hell he’d let the mandatory 7 hours he had to be in this godforsaken place stop him from winning that damned holy ball. All his effort paid off, because he had finally gotten it from Coleen - which wasn’t an easy feat by any means, but he didn’t have time to bask in his glory, that’d only leave him open for attack. She had kidnapped it from Danny who was foolish enough to let her in his room for ‘ uhm…Peter! I didn’t know you were- was that today? Well uhm were just...uhm… look! on again off again relationships were complicated, okay?’ But that time was a pure lie that little Danny fell for entirely - idiot. Danny had taken it from Luke, who seriously thought he had allies in this world - another stupid mistake. Luke had somehow procured it from Jessica - which was probably why she was on a warpath right now...which was only mildly scary mostly because Luke was her main target, but that didn’t mean anybody even remotely in her path was safe either - not that they were on a good day, it was just worse when she was on a manhunt. And Jess had stolen it from Cable which... checks out, yeah .
School was his only safe haven because A.) half the vigilantes couldn’t go within 600 feet without looking suspicious, a quarter of them couldn’t do so legally and 2.) they wouldn’t dare blow his cover for a little game...maybe...probably…
oh no .
School was ending and... Matthew fucking Murdock was standing right outside the front gate all innocent looking like ‘ oh woe is me I’m a blind man picking up my nephew’ . Complete and utter bullshit, and people were falling for it. Jeez, just because they don’t look like an absolute packouring, violent vigilante doesn’t mean they weren’t .
But back to the main point: shit . Matt was really gonna play dirty and step on immunized ground - given, Peter brought the ball into this territory in the first place but still. Bold move Murdock, voluntarily subjecting your highly trained and sisative senses to the hell that was teenage BO and cracked voices. Peter was used to this, hell Peter lived this, but Matt? Let’s just say that a desk job is cushy compared to high school sensory hell.
Still Matt held strong against the crowding sea of the physical manifestation of teenage hormones, Peter’s gotta give credit where credit is due. Just not now. He was carrying precious cargo and there was an obstruction in his way.
“Hey, isn’t that Mr.Murdock?” Ned asked, confirming that Peter wasn’t hallucinating...again, and Peter didn’t reply before turning around with the intent to bolt to the other end of the school. But he gets to all of one step before Matt calls out innocently to him.
“Peter! I came to pick you up, Karen wants you in the office.” he said - you know like a liar - and Peter had to let him pull him in for a hug where he just knew his ball was already gone.
He nodded dazedly, to keep up the act. Stupid secret identities.
He really did try not to cry at his devastating loss.
OoOoO
He knows it’s here.
He also knows that it’s not here.
Because he knows Karen banned the ball from the firm because it kept getting broken into and trashed but he also knows that Matt isn’t stupid enough to not keep it on his person on it at all times. Karen be damned; like Matt was gonna let her wrath get in the way of winning one of their little games.
But Wade figured it was worth a try. Ya know, holding on to hopeless hope, because Red could be stupid but Matt? Never .
Stubborn son of a bitch. Pete said he even showed up to his nerd school - that’s how he scored it apparently. Ballsy move, if only Wade was allowed to set foot in the school area. He abused his exception list privileges though, so they were gonna hold a vote to take Matt off it. He’s gonna fucking lose by the way, lawyer or not.
So now that the blind man’s apartment was thoroughly ransacked and he came up with nothing . Wade did the only reasonable thing to do when frustrated with an ally/associate/companion/frenemy thingand set his glitter bombs to rig as soon as Matt opens his fucking door. Without cleaning up of course. Because he’s a great ally/associate/companion/frenemy thing.
The thing is when he exits the useless barren apartment he is immediately paint egged, colors of tempura paint and yolk going everywhere. Like a gay explosion.
“I don’t fucking have it.” he yelled at their youngest, who was lurking in the shadows like the creepy spider-child he was with his slingshot that was scarily advanced for a rubber band and steel rod that he found in the gutter. And yeah, he knew it was Peter because he used the fucking tempura paint which could only have been acquired at school because no one besides Wade bought tempura paint on amazon - because it was cheap as shit, and the rest of them just stole wall paint from their friends/the side of the street ( steal paint whenever the opportunity presents itself, rule 42.) Yeah, he was a detective too, suck it Batman. Can’t touch this hot piece of ass. Yeah, that was a really uncomfortable sentence to write wasn’t it Starry?
“ Shit! ”
Indeed, young one.
But good aim.
OoOoO
Colossus is a fun sponge.
This fact was agreed upon by everyone involved.
You accidentally blow up an entire powerplant - that was run by an environmentally not friendly business tycoon who definitely molested a child, ya know for the record - one time and then suddenly you’re entire game is labeled as ‘reckless’ and a ‘bane to human existence’
Whatever.
As they say: All stress inducing and nearly murderous things come to end, or something like that.
They won so the entire ordeal was bullshit anyway.
OoO
Exactly 1 year later...
This really was Colossus’ fault for not throwing it away.
The holy ball that nearly destroyed New York City.
Just sitting in X-mansion, in a locked safe - perfectly open for stealing.
Colossus wouldn’t keep it if he didn’t want Wade to steal it and start the game that almost blew up half of New York City nearly a year ago. But that was a weekly thing anyway.
Wade grinned evilly behind his mask chuckling darkly as he raised the object of all chaos to his face with both hands.
“Let the games begin.”