Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Langa’s first language was English. Reki didn’t think about that much when they first met. English had always been one of the most boring classes for him. Reki liked the idea of learning about languages, but he didn’t have the patience to sit in a classroom and study the minutiae of grammar until his head hurt. And English was a special kind of hell, because every time he thought he had a grasp on a basic concept, some sleeper agent grammar rule that a sadist made up to torture innocents would come along and contradict everything he thought he knew. Then it was back to square one. 

Needless to say, Reki had given up on learning English with any real success a long time ago--at least in an academic setting. He figured if he ever did have to learn another language, and especially English, he would probably need a private tutor. But he didn’t have the money or motivation to find one, and for a long time he had no real reason to be worried about learning English, or any other language for that matter.

Even now, it wasn’t a real worry. He was aware didn’t need to learn English to communicate better with Langa; most of their communication was nonverbal, anyway. They effortlessly shared the common tongue of skating, and whatever couldn’t be said on a board, Reki could say with his hands or his face, or his actions.

Besides, Langa didn’t seem to have any complaints about the way they talked, so it logically followed that Reki shouldn’t be worried about it, either. But he was. It was a stupid, restless feeling that he only really noticed after their first big fight. Even after they reconciled, Reki couldn’t shake the feeling that he might lose Langa again. The distance had been his own fault in the first place, sure, but what if next time it wasn’t so simple? What if Langa had to leave him for a different reason, like... What if he decided to go back to Canada one day? 

It was stupid. But once the thought had germinated in his mind, it grew roots that went deep. It seemed like every time Reki looked at him these days, he unintentionally nurtured that thought--that fear that Langa would go somewhere he couldn’t follow. And by the time Reki stepped back and examined the thought, it had grown from a seed into a whole ugly garden.

Reki was not honest with himself about everything, but there was a truth that he had been forced to acknowledge recently: if Langa decided to go back to Canada, Reki would follow him. If Langa decided to go anywhere , he would follow him. 

Or he’d try to, at least. If Langa didn’t want him there, Reki would respect that, because nothing was worse than sticking by someone when you knew you were unwanted. But Langa hadn’t gotten tired of him yet--or if he had, he was an excellent actor--so Reki figured that Langa probably wouldn’t object to him tagging along. 

Reki had given it a lot of thought since then. Langa once mentioned that housing was expensive where he used to live in Canada. Without his dad around to cover some of the expenses, they hadn’t been able to afford living there anymore. It was one of the reasons, among many others, that Langa’s mom had proposed moving to Okinawa. So even if Langa wanted to move back one day, he probably wouldn’t be able to afford living accommodations right away. But if they were roommates, he and Reki could split rent, and maybe even find some other people to live with (though Reki much preferred the fantasy where he lived alone with Langa in their own little space). 

Reki knew he was getting ahead of himself, as he always did, but he couldn’t help it--that was kind of his thing. He was pretty stellar at taking random ideas and running with them, whether they were good or bad or outright ridiculous. It was how he’d ended up fighting with Langa in the first place. A few assholes had compared him to SNOW and suddenly all of Reki’s insecurities and years of struggling with self-worth rose to the surface and drowned him in one fell swoop. From those feelings, he had somehow extrapolated an entire reality where Langa was going to move on from him and go pro, reaching heights Reki could never dream of. And worse, Reki had managed to convince himself that he would be holding Langa back by being close to him. 

In retrospect, the whole thought process that had landed him in friendship purgatory with Langa for a week was completely nonsensical. That happened to Reki all the time; he went on all these private thought journeys, drew conclusions from missing or incomplete data, and then acted before he could second guess himself. When he had a moment to reflect in the aftermath, he always belatedly realized how skewed his perception had been, but by then it was usually too late to backtrack. To say the least, Reki was used to fucking up; he was just incredibly lucky that his best friend was such an understanding, forgiving person. 

If their own stupid fight wasn’t a testament to that fact, then Langa’s attitude towards Adam sure was. How Langa had managed to look past all of his bullshit and abuse to offer him a hand up from the dirt was beyond Reki. But Langa was just... good like that. For all that he was sometimes accidentally inconsiderate (though Reki had learned ages ago to tell Langa directly when he said or did something that could be misinterpreted), he was one of the best people Reki knew. Maybe the best, honestly. 

He was the kind of guy that was effortlessly brilliant--not necessarily in an academic sense, but in the way he took on a challenge. But you’d never know it until you saw him skate, because Langa would never take the time to boast of his talents. Reki had never heard Langa brag about himself in any capacity, or even talk about any of his accomplishments. Reki only knew just how close Langa was to snowboarding in the Olympics because his mom had gushed about it while they were going over old pictures of Langa together. (Langa had subsequently banned that activity, and now Reki and Nanako had to wait until he was asleep to bust out the baby albums.) 

In a lot of ways, Reki admired Langa--admired that he could be so confident in himself, admired that he had the courage to take on any challenge, admired that he was so quick to pick up on things that would take other people years to learn. But most of all, he wished he could be as humble as Langa. 

Reki tried not to brag. He didn’t like when others did, and he hated when he caught himself praising his own work. It always came off as so arrogant. But the idea of being vocally self-deprecating made him want to cringe, too, so Reki had tried to strike a delicate balance by jokingly lauding his own accomplishments with such exaggeration that no one took his ‘boasting’ seriously. He’d figured out a long time ago that the more over-the-top he was, the more people laughed him off. Being cartoonishly confident ensured that he never had to reveal his true hand, and best of all: sometimes he was so convincing he almost believed himself.

Underneath it all, Reki craved validation like a drug. He didn’t want to believe he was good--or good enough --at anything, but he simultaneously felt like he would shrivel up and disappear if no one ever praised him--if no one ever saw him, saw how hard he was trying to be better. 

But Langa... Langa saw him. And once the floodgates had broken the night they made up in the skatepark, he wouldn’t shut up about how much he saw, about all of the things he noticed about Reki and why he loved every single one of them. Reki was dying a very slow death that felt so, so good. If overdosing on Langa’s praise was what killed him, he was content to let it. 

Of course, Reki told Langa how great he was all the time, too, but that was different because Langa deserved it. Langa actually was objectively amazing and kind and beautiful and a lot of other adjectives that Reki had been meticulously shoving away into the metaphorical attic of his mind, never to be seen again. Because if Reki really let himself think about it, he would drown in how many ways he could describe Langa. He’d suffocate under the weight of how much he liked him, how much he wanted Langa to be in his life forever, how much he...

Ah.

Reki was approaching a breaking point. He knew it, but as in most other areas of his life, he couldn’t stop himself from hurtling helplessly towards the edge. It wasn’t clear what was at the bottom of this particular cliff, though he had a pretty good guess. If it was what he thought it was, he was going to hold on until his hands were too bloody to keep his grip. At this point, his one hope was that when he did finally fall, Langa didn’t notice the impact. 

If he were wiser, Reki might have tried to distance himself a little, because maybe if he had started running earlier, he would have had a better chance of landing on his feet. But it was too late for a running start, and there was nowhere to go but down.

The way Reki saw it, he was teetering on the edge regardless of whether or not he was by Langa’s side, so given the choice, he’d stick close to him for as long as he was allowed. And if that involved moving across the world, it was a small price to pay. Which had led Reki to his current dilemma. Because once his mind had latched onto the idea that Langa might leave one day, Reki’s thoughts had immediately spiralled into the practicality of living somewhere other than Japan. No other place on earth primarily spoke Japanese, so Reki would be disadvantaged no matter what. Given that Langa was only bilingual, Langa would likely move to Canada or another place that was primarily English-speaking. Then came the what-ifs: what if Reki moved with him, but he couldn’t go out with Langa because he didn’t speak English? What if Langa offered to translate for him but got tired of it and was too nice to tell him? What if Langa made friends--friends that spoke English--and Reki couldn’t be a part of that because he couldn’t understand them? What if Langa got used to speaking mostly English again, and it got harder and harder for him to communicate with Reki? What if, what if, what if... Reki could go on forever. 

As paranoid and presumptuous as his thoughts were, he wouldn’t let himself share any of them with Langa. Besides the fact that Langa would probably think he had lost his mind, Reki didn’t want to put the burden of all that worrying on him. Langa wasn’t built for that kind of thinking; he didn’t worry about the details of the future or ruminate over every single imaginary scenario his brain could conjure, he just... lived. It was yet another thing Reki admired about him. 

There was a saying Reki had heard on an American show once. Something about a cross and a burden to bear. He didn’t entirely understand it, but he knew regardless that anxiety was his cross--his burden to bear no matter what. And if it got heavier, Reki would just have to get stronger.

Only this time, there was a way he could try to get ahead of his worries for once. Some things about the future were out of his control, but there was at least one thing he could ensure: if Langa left, he wouldn’t just trail after him, watching his best friend build a life that he couldn’t fully be a part of. If Langa wanted him there, Reki would be there in every way he possibly could, and he wouldn’t be left behind. 

So, Reki made a decision. And unlike all of the other many fleeting whims that he’d briefly chased only to forget about soon after (with the sole exception of skating), he knew he would stick to it, because it was for Langa. 

Reki was going to learn English. 

... Or he was going to die trying. 

-

He didn’t tell Langa. 

He thought about it once or twice, but decided that having to answer the question ‘ Why are you suddenly so interested in learning English?’ was too dangerous. One slip, and he’d reveal how much of his plan was built upon desperation and anxious neuroses.

The first step was to start trying to pay better attention in English class. That, at least, he could come up with a good excuse for if Langa asked when he had suddenly started caring about finishing his English assignments. Reki already had it memorized verbatim: ‘ Oh man, my mom has really been on my case about grades lately! Especially English, since I suck so much at it. I promised her I’d try a little more...’ 

Maybe then, if Langa bought it, Reki could even ask him for help with English homework without sounding suspicious. Of course, he wouldn’t ask Langa to teach him anything beyond what he needed to know for class, because Reki didn’t have a plausible excuse for a recreational interest in English, but it would be a good start. 

The rest, Reki would have to take into his own hands. He knew there were tons of internet resources for learning languages, and English especially was a popular choice for many. He didn’t have much trouble finding good websites--ones that were engaging enough that he didn’t feel like slamming his head against a wall at having to conjugate a verb. There were flashcards and practice exercises, and it was a decent way to learn vocabulary, but not much help in terms of practical usage. 

People always said the best way to learn a language was to immerse yourself in it completely. But seeing as Reki was still very much in Okinawa, it seemed unlikely that full immersion was possible. He figured the next best thing was to spend every waking moment submerged in English media: watching shows in English, listening to songs in English, following English-speaking youtubers.

He even spent a week’s salary from Dope Sketch to pay for a decent VPN so he could switch to American or Canadian Netflix and raid their entire catalogue. When he got through all the good stuff, he even binged Friends-- though he thought most of the characters were kinda obnoxious--because every single person and their mother who had learned English as a second language seemed to have picked up at least half of their vernacular from that show alone. (That’s what the people on Reddit had said, anyway.)

At first, Reki spent his English-speaking media time alone, holed up in his bedroom on the nights when Langa wasn’t sleeping over and they weren’t up all night at S. But after a few weeks, it became clear that he wasn’t going to learn much if he only ‘immersed himself’ when he wasn’t with Langa, because, well... He was usually with Langa. Cutting back on time with him seemed counterproductive to Reki’s entire end goal of being a part of his life no matter what, so he approached Langa with a proposition: instead of watching skate videos or playing video games together when they weren’t skating, they could watch tv shows and movies instead. In English.

When Langa, inevitably, asked why Reki cared about tv when he only ever used to watch whatever Koyomi put on in the living room, Reki told him a partial truth: he wanted to get better at English--for the sake of his English grades, of course. Langa wasn’t really bothered enough to be skeptical, agreeing that as long as they did it together, any activity would be fun. 

And it was fun. Too much fun, possibly. Suddenly, learning English felt like an excuse to cuddle up close to Langa in his bed and blurt out all the stupid thoughts that raced through his mind. Months passed easily this way, until one day Reki queued up an episode of The Good Place , forgot to put on Japanese subtitles, and realized halfway through that he was following the plot of the episode pretty well. Langa either wasn’t observant enough to notice that the subtitles weren’t on or didn’t think it was worth mentioning, for which Reki was grateful. 

After Langa left that night, Reki rewatched old episodes of some of the first shows he’d binged just to make sure he wasn’t imagining things. He wasn’t. Everything that had been mostly unintelligible before now sort of made sense if he actively paid attention and sometimes paused to translate a more complex phrase in his head. Amazingly, his half-baked plan was starting to pay off. 

Getting familiar with speech was a huge milestone, but Reki quickly realized he had a problem: he could understand some English, but he still couldn’t speak it to save his life. It was frustrating that the two--speaking and understanding--were somehow so different. Reki knew what most of the words were when he heard them, but trying to put them together into sentences that he himself had to craft felt next to impossible. He wasn’t sure all the Netflix in the world could help him get better at verbalizing what he’d learned.  

But he couldn’t quit--not after spending so much time and putting in so much work, and especially not when Langa was the reason he was doing this in the first place. Langa was worth it--was always worth it. 

So, Reki did some research and came across what seemed like his only real option: talking to people. Real people. On the internet. There were a lot of websites and forums where people who were trying to learn a language helped each other out, either doing voice calls or video chats or even just texting each other regularly in the language they needed practice in. Reki liked talking to people, but the idea of trying to express himself to strangers in a language he had such a tentative grasp on was pretty mortifying. 

But every time he thought of how awful it would be to stutter his way through a conversation in English on Skype, he pictured that imaginary apartment in Canada that he and Langa would share one day getting farther and farther away. 

Reki signed up to be someone’s speaking partner before he could talk himself out of it. Over the next few weeks, he got acquainted with people from all over the world. Some who were native English speakers, and others who had become fluent after years of study. In return, he (tried) to help people learn conversational Japanese. He wasn’t actually sure how much of a help he was to anyone, but no one complained, and everyone was very friendly and patient with him.

This endeavor was something he couldn’t explain to Langa, unfortunately, so Reki took to sleeping even less than he already did--partially so he wouldn’t have to cut back on his daily time with Langa, and partially because a lot of his English-speaking partners lived in timezones that were less than compatible with his own.

If Reki fell asleep in his classes a little more often (except for English; he reserved two energy drinks specifically for English class every day), no one really brought it up. He hadn’t ever been a particularly conscientious student, anyway. 

Langa seemed to notice something was up, but since Reki didn’t seem upset, he mostly let it slide. And on days when Reki was really too tired to stand up straight, Langa was content to lend him a shoulder while he took a short nap at lunch.

All in all, things were going well. Really well. Reki was getting to the point where he felt like he could hold a basic conversation in English (though he wasn't confident enough to do so of his own accord unless someone put a gun to his head). But he still had time. 

Though graduation was quite literally just around the corner, Langa hadn’t said a single word about college or moving away. Not that Reki thought his efforts were for nothing. Neither of them really knew what to do after graduation, and the possibilities were just as daunting as they were endless. There were a million things Langa could decide, and at least a few things Reki thought he himself could pursue successfully. It was just a matter of time before one of them figured out what their next step was, and if it was possible to take it together.

If Langa decided he wanted to go pro, or even if he decided he wanted to pick up snowboarding again, he probably wouldn’t stay in Okinawa. In fact, Reki couldn’t think of many circumstances in which Langa would be permanently settling in Okinawa. It wasn’t a given that Langa would leave Japan if he wanted to snowboard, but he would have to move North, and if he went pro with anything, he’d definitely be traveling a lot for competitions and training.

As far as Reki was concerned, his language efforts wouldn’t go to waste no matter what. Even if Langa stayed in Japan forever, Reki would eventually reveal to Langa that he’d learned English and they could go on vacation to Canada together, or Langa could talk to him in English when he wasn’t sure how to phrase something in Japanese. It could be another thing they shared. If Langa did move to an English-speaking country, Reki would already be prepared to follow him and find a job or go to university. And if Langa settled in a country where people didn’t speak English or Japanese, then at least he and Reki would be lost together, and it would still be nice to be able to speak to Langa in his first language.

For the first time in possibly his entire life, Reki truly felt as though he had covered all of his bases. Instead of sucking him into a spiralling vortex of despair, his anxiety had led to something productive for once. It felt good to follow through on something he had promised himself. And even though he knew logically that learning English didn’t actually ensure that he would always be a part of Langa’s life, it eased his thoughts a little to know he had done what he could to make it at least a little more likely. 

By the time graduation came and went, Reki was at what his speaking partners had dubbed an “intermediate level.” The fact that he wasn’t considered a beginner anymore was unbelievable enough. The fact that his partners had to ask for clarification less and less when he spoke was mind-blowing. Learning a new language felt like a super power. He was almost too excited to keep it to himself; more than once he had to stop himself from switching to English mid-conversation just to see the look on Langa’s face. 

Then again, maybe he’d be weirded out. No matter how Reki spun it, it would be pretty clear that learning English was something he had only done because of Langa. Claiming to have a recently-discovered passion for learning languages was too flimsy an excuse--Langa, and everyone else in Reki’s life, knew him too well to buy it.

Come to think of it, was it weird of Reki to learn a whole new language just so he could stay close to his best friend? Maybe the motivation behind it was a little pathetic, but the actual act was pretty innocent, right? Reki knew plenty of romantic partners crossed the language barrier for one another--Langa’s parents had, for one--but it couldn’t be unheard of for friends to do so as well. 

Learning a language for your bro was totally a reasonable thing to do, Reki decided. A best bro. A bro who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. A bro who you would follow across the universe. A bro who you loved so much, as a friend , that you genuinely couldn’t imagine your life without them at your side.

Even as Reki felt his grip loosen on the edge of that giant cliff he’d been clinging to since he met Langa, he refused to look down. 

Falling was inevitable. But he could hold on just a little longer.

-

As it turned out, Reki didn't have to decide to reveal his recently acquired English prowess--his mouth made the decision for him.

It happened while he was spending the evening at Langa's apartment. School was over, and aside from their sporadic shifts at Dope Sketch, neither of them had any pressing commitments. They were, in theory, searching for full-time jobs--at least until they decided if they wanted to pursue a degree at university--but admittedly, neither of them had been looking very hard.

Unless you counted occasionally pointing to signs in shop windows that said 'We're Hiring,' and remarking, 'Hey, maybe we should apply here,' to which Langa's response was always, 'Mhm.'

In Reki's defense, he'd never had a real break from school in his entire life, and the novelty of just existing outside of the realm of structured education was too good not to savor. 

He and Langa always had fun together, and had been doing so effortlessly since they'd met, but without school in the way, they shared an even deeper joy. Every day Reki woke up with the knowledge that his favorite person wanted to see him as much as Reki wanted to see him. And better yet, there was never anything that got in the way of them seeing each other, being together, spending long, long days skating and talking and watching tv and just being , side by side. 

They were attached at the hip and just about everywhere else for the first month after graduation, and even as they settled into the new reality of post-school life, they didn't stray far from one another. 

If Langa wasn't at Reki's house, Reki was probably at Langa's. Both of their moms had entirely given up on even attempting to suggest that they spend time apart, as it was fairly clear that the two of them were much, much happier together.

Instead, everyone in their lives simply adapted to the reality that they came as a pair. When she knew Reki was eating at home that night, Masae set an extra place at the table for Langa. When Nanako knew Reki would be over for dinner, she made extra rice. Both of them seamlessly integrated themselves into every aspect of one another's life without consciously planning to. Sometimes Reki even felt stupid for feeling like he needed to learn English in the first place to secure a permanent place in Langa’s life. As they were now, already, it seemed almost ridiculous to picture the two of them simply splitting up and going their own ways. 

Reki still had his moments, of course--moments where he was sure Langa was destined for bigger and brighter things than living with Reki attached to his hip like a parasite. But for the most part, their friendship felt like a sure thing, secure and unshakeable. 

And then, one day, Reki was helping Langa clear the table of empty dinner plates when Nanako said something to her son. When Reki was present, she usually made a point to speak to Langa only in Japanese, so it was startling, to say the least, when she addressed him in English. 

Even Langa seemed a little surprised, stalling in the entryway to the kitchen to answer, “ Yes ?” 

“I know you haven’t made any decisions about university yet ,” she began hesitantly. “ But... Well, I just wanted you to know that there’s a scholarship you’re eligible for. It could be a good opportunity, if you wanted to apply... ” 

“ You’ve been looking at scholarships for me ?” Langa asked, tone carefully neutral. 

Reki busied himself with placing the plates in the sink and turning on the water, trying not to think about how he was essentially eavesdropping on a conversation that Nanako clearly didn’t want him involved in. But what could he do? Run out of the room? Blurt out that he understood most of what was being said? 

“ I don’t want to pressure you. But I know you won’t do it yourself, so... I’ve been doing a little research ,” Nanako admitted sheepishly.

“Research ,” Langa echoed. “ What kind of scholarship is this ?” 

“ It’s not about sports ,” Nanako said immediately. “ You won’t have to go back to snowboarding if you don’t want to. It’s for bilingual students of dual heritage. ” 

Admittedly, some of those words were lost on Reki, but he was pretty sure he’d gotten the gist of it. There was a good opportunity waiting for Langa in Canada. It was terrifying to hear, somehow, even though he’d spent the past several months preparing for a situation exactly like this one. 

But it was exciting, too, and more than he was scared, he wanted to root for Langa in every way that he could. So, without thinking much at all, Reki stepped out into the dining room, wiping soapy hands on his pants, and said, “ I think you should apply. ” 

It was only after two sets of startled eyes turned on him that he realized the words had been in English. Fluid, only semi-accented English.

Well, shit. 

“Reki,” Langa started, looking dumbstruck. “How did...” 

“Ah...” Reki rubbed the back of his neck, studiously avoiding Nanako’s eyes. In Japanese, he said, “Uh, I may have... picked up some English.” 

“ What ?” Langa sounded more expressive than usual, and his face matched his voice: eyebrows raised, mouth faintly agape. “Since when?” 

“Recently?” Reki squeaked.

“ How ?” 

“Um... I watched a lot of tv.” 

Langa blinked rapidly. “Is that why you wanted to watch all of those American shows on Netflix? I thought...” 

Attempting to look somewhere other than Langa’s face, Reki’s gaze accidentally fell upon Nanako. She was squinting at him, not visibly upset, but clearly... suspicious. 

“You learned English just from watching tv?” she asked. 

Reki made a strangled noise that was neither a confirmation nor a denial.

“That’s... very impressive,” she said. “It took me years to become fluent, and that was with my husband’s help. I even took a few classes.” 

“Oh,” Reki rasped. “Well, I--I studied a little, too.” 

Now Langa’s eyebrows were furrowed like he was trying to solve a complex math equation. “Why? You knew enough English to pass our class.”

“You can never be too careful,” Reki said weakly. 

“But you didn’t need to be anywhere near fluent to graduate...” 

“Is--is it really so hard to believe that I just... wanted to learn?” 

“Well, no,” Langa conceded. “I think you’re very smart, Reki. You’ve just never seemed interested in applying yourself to anything other than skating.”

That... was fair. Reki sighed. “I guess I thought it would, I dunno, cool? Like, if we could talk in English, too?” Both Nanako and Langa had fallen silent, identical looks of surprise fixed on their faces. “Uh, that’s dumb, isn’t it? I know it is. I mean, we can already talk fine in Japanese, so I didn’t need to. I just... I don’t know. I wanted to learn.” 

Nanako’s expression was quickly resolving into something that Reki couldn’t read, so he tried to focus entirely on Langa, instead. Langa, whose surprise was melting into... fondness?

“Oh. That’s--really cool, Reki. I appreciate it. You didn’t have to, but...” Langa’s mouth curled up at the corner. “ Thank you .” 

“Um...” Reki cleared his throat. “ You’re welcome. ”

Langa was full-on smiling now. “ Do you want to practice more? I can talk to you only in English from now on .” 

“No!” Reki said quickly. Then, “ Or--or maybe? If you want to?” 

Langa looked like he was struggling with how to reply, so his mom stepped up beside him and put a hand on her son’s shoulder, giving Reki a reassuring smile. 

“Well,” Nanako said. “I think it was very, very sweet of you to learn English for Langa. It reminds me of when Oliver learned--well, tried to learn Japanese for me...” 

Langa made a choking sound and Reki looked away from both of them frantically, heat crawling up the back of his neck. “O--oh. Cool. That’s. Wow. I never, um... Hm.”

“ Mom .” Langa’s voice sounded strained beyond belief. “Do you mind if we go to my room? I’ll wash the dishes later.” 

Nanako blinked, then bit her lip. “Of course, sweetheart. And don’t worry about the dishes tonight, okay?” 

Langa nodded at her, grabbed Reki by the forearm, and hauled them both to his room down the hall. Once they were inside, Langa closed the door, leaned back against it, and let out a huge gust of air. 

“ Jesus Christ .” 

“ Yeah ,” Reki agreed, though he’d never thought to invoke the name of a Christian God in his entire life. It felt appropriate, somehow.

“Please ignore her,” Langa said in Japanese, eyes closed. “She’s just---she’s always saying things.” 

“It’s no problem,” Reki said hoarsely. “Your mom is so nice to me. She means well.” 

“Right.” Langa let out another breath. “So... were you ever going to tell me?”

“Eventually,” Reki said. “I mean, I learned for you, so it’d be kind of dumb to never tell you, right?” 

Fuck, he hadn’t meant to say that so directly. It was already fairly obvious, to be fair, but he hadn’t intended to remind Langa. Did it sound like he was fishing for praise? Or worse, did it sound like he was hopelessly in love ? Shit. 

Before Langa could respond, Reki let out a loud, nervous giggle. “It’s--it’s not that serious, though. I just thought it’d be cool! I’ve always wanted to be bilingual”-- false --”so I guess you just sort of inspired me.” 

“Okay.” Langa swallowed. “Well, it’s still really impressive. I learned Japanese pretty much alongside English when I was really young, so I don’t even remember not knowing both. I can’t imagine trying to learn it all now.”

“It wasn’t so bad,” Reki assured. “It was fun, even! And I already knew some stuff from school, so...” 

“How long have you been trying to learn? Seriously, I mean.”

“Uh... a few months?”

“Wow.” Langa looked thoughtful--pensive, even. “So, you understood what my mom was saying before?”

“Yeah,” Reki admitted sheepishly. “Sorry. That was really weird of me. I didn’t mean to overhear, but I didn’t know how to tell you...”

“You said I should apply,” Langa said, ignoring his apology. “Did you mean it?” 

“I--yeah? It’s like your mom said, it’s a ‘good opportunity.’ ”

Langa titled his head. “But... I wasn’t planning on leaving Japan.” 

“You weren’t?” Reki tried not to sound too surprised, but suspected that he’d failed.

Langa shook his head. “Why would I?”

“Because you grew up in Canada? Don’t you miss it?”

A shadow passed over Langa’s face. He shrugged. “Sometimes. But it’s hard to think about Canada  without... without thinking about my dad.” 

Reki’s stomach clenched. “That makes sense. Sorry, I didn’t--”

“It’s okay,” Langa interrupted. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

Reki knew Langa well enough to know that he didn’t mean it in a harsh way. Langa genuinely understood that Reki couldn’t quite grasp the enormity of Langa’s grief, and how much it colored every part of his life. 

“Still,” Reki insisted. “It was stupid to assume you wanted to leave. You’ve never even said anything about being unhappy here.” 

“I’m not,” Langa said easily. “I’m a lot happier than I thought I’d ever be, actually.” 

“I’m--I’m glad you like Japan so much.” 

Langa frowned faintly. “I’m not sure Japan has much to do with it.” 

“What?”

Langa picked at a loose thread on the hem of his button-down, looking past Reki. “It’s the people I met. That’s why I’m happy here.” 

Reki brightened. “And skating, right?”

“Sure. But I only know about skating because I met you . If I didn’t know you, I think... I don’t think I would be very happy.”

Reki’s tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth when he tried to speak. He swallowed a few times, resisting the urge to wipe his sweaty palms on his pants--pants that were still damp from dishwater, no less. 

“Shadow and Joe and Cherry and Miya are cool, too,” Langa added. “But I also wouldn’t know them if it weren’t for you.” 

Reki bit the inside of his cheek as hard as he could. “You’re giving me way too much credit, dude.”

“I’m not giving you enough,” Langa countered simply. 

“Hah,” Reki said weakly, flapping his hands uselessly. “Well, uh, thanks?” Langa looked like he might have more to say, but in a desperate attempt at self-preservation, Reki beat him to the punch. “So, you’re not applying?”

That gave Langa pause. After a few seconds, he said, “Would you apply with me?”

“ What ?” Reki’s brain had flat-lined, and for a while all he could hear was the ring of a very long beeeeep in his ears. He had literally spent months thinking about this possibility, months meticulously planning for a future in which he and Langa moved in together, or moved to Canada together, or did anything together, really. But it wasn’t until the very moment that Langa had echoed those ideas out loud that Reki realized he’d never actually expected it to happen. 

Somewhere in the back of his head, he’d fully been anticipating a more likely reality: one where Langa moved on with his life, became successful beyond Reki’s wildest imagination, and found someone else just as cool who he wanted by his side for real , forever. 

After a too-long hesitation, Reki managed, “But I’m not--the scholarship doesn’t even apply to me.” 

“Why not? You’re technically bilingual now, right?”

“But--”

“And you’re part Chilean on your father’s side, aren’t you?” 

“My grandpa’s from Chile,” Reki said weakly. “But I was born and raised here, and I don’t even know Spanish. That can’t count, right?”

“It will.” Langa said it in the tone of voice he reserved solely for making declarations about winning against someone in a beef. He had never spoken like that about anything else before, so Reki knew just how serious he was. 

It still sounded like an insane idea--like it couldn’t possibly lead anywhere but disappointment--but... If Langa believed it would work, his conviction alone was enough for the both of them. Reki knew from experience. Besides, Reki had to admit, if this worked out, it was potentially the perfect--and possibly the only --opportunity he would have to remain a part of Langa’s life for as long as he could.

“Okay,” Reki said finally. “If you apply, I will, too. But don’t get your hopes up!” 

Langa smiled so hard his eyes crinkled at the corners, and try as he might, Reki couldn’t bring himself to regret a single goddamn thing.