Chapter Text
caw caw motherfuckers
inej ghafa, jesper fahey, kaz brekker, matthias helvar, nina zenik, wylan van eck
kaz brekker: good morning.
kaz brekker: i have a plan.
inej ghafa: is it legal
nina zenik: why would you ask
nina zenik: when are they ever
inej ghafa: they are sometimes!!
inej ghafa: one time it was a plan to go get brunch
nina zenik: and then we stole all the silverware
inej ghafa: fuck, forgot about that part
inej ghafa: idk how, that’s the set we have in our apartment now
jesper fahey: jfc it is five in the morning why is anyone waking up this early
inej ghafa: i have practice
nina zenik: i have opening shift at the white rose
kaz brekker: who said anything about waking up?
go the fuck to sleep kaz
inej ghafa, kaz brekker
inej ghafa: don’t tell me you haven’t gone to sleep yet
kaz brekker: i’ve promised you no kind lies.
inej ghafa: ffs
inej ghafa: please reference title of this chat, go the fuck to sleep kaz
kaz brekker: i don’t need to sleep. i’m fine.
inej ghafa: at least lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for an hour
kaz brekker: no.
kaz brekker: every time i do that i fall asleep.
inej ghafa: THAT’S THE POINT
kaz brekker: fine.
caw caw motherfuckers
inej ghafa, jesper fahey, kaz brekker, matthias helvar, nina zenik, wylan van eck
wylan van eck: still haven’t gotten any confirmation on whether or not this plan is legal
wylan van eck: or, you know, what the plan actually is
inej ghafa: i made kaz go to bed
inej ghafa: there will be an update whenever he wakes up
kaz brekker: i’m awake.
inej ghafa: ffs
inej ghafa: you were supposed to sleep for more than 2 hours
kaz brekker: i have class at 8.
kaz brekker: i don’t know what you expected here.
jesper fahey: it’s still fucking 7:30 am!!
jesper fahey: even those of us who are naturally handsome need our beauty sleep
jesper fahey: and i CANNOT GET THAT if you all are SCREAMING IN HERE every FIVE MINUTES
kaz brekker: put your fucking phone on silent.
jesper fahey: no can do
jesper fahey: what if another one of my tiktoks goes viral??
jesper fahey: i need to be able to respond to my adoring fans in real time
kaz brekker: you don’t have adoring fans.
kaz brekker: the last time one of your tiktoks went viral it was of matthias trying to use the wafflemaker with the caption ‘himbo rights.’
kaz brekker: if anything, *matthias* has adoring fans.
matthias helvar: Why am I on your Kesha app?
inej ghafa: KESHA APP
nina zenik: oh matthias
nina zenik: oh honey
the og power couple
matthias helvar, nina zenik
matthias helvar: Is that not a Kesha song?
nina zenik: the song and the app are two wholly unrelated things
nina zenik: though i am proud you’ve learned enough about pop culture to recognize that tiktok is, in fact, also an iconic kesha song
nina zenik: remind me to show you the dog side of tiktok when i come over after work
nina zenik: i feel like you will appreciate it a lot
matthias helvar: <3
caw caw motherfuckers
inej ghafa, jesper fahey, kaz brekker, matthias helvar, nina zenik, wylan van eck
wylan van eck: okay so back to dad’s plan
inej ghafa: …
inej ghafa: wylan babe ur speech-to-text heard kaz as dad again
wylan van eck: motherfucker
jesper fahey: if inej is ur mom friend that’s also technically a correct way to refer to kaz
inej ghafa: no it’s not??
jesper fahey: mother-eye-fucker then
wylan van eck: what does that even mean
jesper fahey: just… all that intense eye contact
jesper fahey: kaz is very much eye-fucking inej on the regular
jesper fahey: and vice versa
kaz brekker: no one is eye-fucking anybody.
nina zenik: you keep telling yourself that kazzie poo
kaz brekker: if you call me kazzie poo again i *will* hit you with my cane next time i see you.
matthias helvar: No you won’t.
matthias helvar: You’ll have to get through me first.
nina zenik: HA
nina zenik: ty babe
nina zenik changed username kaz brekker to kazzie poo
kazzie poo: fuck you
nina zenik: i’ve already got matthias for that, appreciate the interest though
matthias helvar: Nina!
matthias helvar: Inappropriate.
nina zenik: but not wrong
matthias helvar: … But not wrong.
wylan van eck: for the love of ghezen, can this chat ever stay on topic for more than three messages?
wylan van eck: i just want to know what most likely illegal shit i’m getting dragged into and if i’m going to have to reschedule my chem study group for it
kazzie poo: so you all know the new bar that opened across the street from uni, yes?
kazzie poo: the emerald palace.
jesper fahey: that’s the absurdly posh one yeah
kazzie poo: yes.
kazzie poo: it’s owned by rollins and i’m pretty sure van eck (derogatory) funnelled a good bit of the school’s money into it with the goal that it become the official university administration bar.
jesper fahey: “van eck (derogatory)” lmaoooo
kazzie poo: am i wrong?
inej ghafa: absolutely not that man is a dick
inej ghafa: sorry wylan
wylan van eck: why are you apologizing to me the man literally disowned me
wylan van eck: i appreciate the distinction between me and my father
jesper fahey: van eck (affectionate) vs. van eck (derogatory)
jesper fahey changed username wylan van eck to van eck (affectionate)
kazzie poo: ANYWAYS.
kazzie poo: we’re going to take over the bar.
nina zenik: sorry what
kazzie poo: you heard me. they want that place to attract all of the rich visitors to the university so they can make a fuck ton of money off of them.
kazzie poo: so instead we’re going to turn it into the trashiest of trashy uni bars there ever was and run the entire operation into the ground.
van eck (affectionate): it is extremely difficult to take you seriously when my phone keeps reading out all your messages as kazzie poo
kazzie poo: blame zenik.
nina zenik: you can change it back you know
kazzie poo: last time i tried we spent an hour going back and forth.
kazzie poo: i had to get matthias to offer you sex to get you to finally stop changing my name to kazzle dazzle every 2 minutes.
matthias helvar: I did nothing because of you.
kazzie poo: you did, actually.
kazzie poo: not that you knew, of course.
kazzie poo: i have most of you pavlovian conditioned in some way or another.
nina zenik: what the fuck, brekker
jesper fahey: what’d you do to me
kazzie poo: if i tell you, that ruins the point.
inej ghafa: what about me?
kazzie poo: i wouldn’t do that to you.
jesper fahey: simp
van eck (affectionate) changed username kazzie poo to dad brekker
nina zenik: ok no that one stays