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Chapter Text

Marley was a proud kingdom that had kept its reputation of strength for decades. For most of its history, it was known for claiming victory over any challengers and recently had fallen into a highly anticipated time of peace. Prince Eren was born to King Grisha and Queen Carla during this lull. The queen made it clear to her husband that they were to remain peaceful for their son’s sake. Through her strong leadership and Grisha’s credibility, they succeeded. Carla, a remarkable woman and beloved queen, ruled justly beside her husband for only a few years, nevertheless earning her a deep respect among her subjects.

Thanks to his mother’s era of peace, the prince was able to spend his childhood like any normal kid, playing with other children, riding the horses around the courtyard, and sneaking food from the kitchen when he thought no one noticed. The kitchen staff adored his mother, and in turn, him. When spying his mop of brown hair just over the counter they’d look the other direction with a knowing smile among them. They continued on letting him believe he was the master of stealth as they found it amusing how obvious he was. At night, his mother tucked him into bed and sang him softly to sleep, whispering about fantasy lands and where the sky met the water. His dreams ran wild on the stories, imagining himself running free over the grassy plains she described and his mind always tried to conjure up a pond of water that reached on and on forever, but he couldn’t seem to ever get it quite right. One day, he knew it with his whole being, he would see this ocean his mother talked about.

 Eren was 7 when he could last recall the time his life was normal. As normal as it could get, being the crown prince of the Marley Empire and sole heir of the Kruger bloodline. It all changed that fateful summer night.

Carla sat by her son’s bed that night and pulled the soft duvet to his chin. He peered up at her adoring face and basked in her loving gaze. Her features were soft despite the ever-present intense gaze she had. He gave her a sleepy smile when she leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. “Mama?” he asked, playing with the corner of the blanket, eyes down. She could tell he wouldn’t go to bed until he got what he was about to ask for. He had always been so strong willed.

“What is it, Eren?”

“Is Father going to kiss me goodnight too?” his little voice said into the duvet, eyes blinking up at her innocently. One a deep amber like her’s, the other a teal green like his father’s.

Carla stole herself not to stiffen at the thought of the absent king. Doing her best to keep her face neutral for the sake of her son, she only did a small shake of her head, “I’m sorry sweetheart, he’s busy right now.” She whispered “Maybe another time.” She said, the same as every night before. She busied herself with tucking him into bed, mentally cursing her husband for never making time for their son.

Eren only nodded sadly, eyes downcast, mumbling a “M’kay”. She blew out the candle on the bedside table before closing the door on her way out. Eren lay there in his bed for some time thinking over his day, sleep not coming to him. He didn’t understand why Grisha never came to tuck him in or barely spoke to him at all. He knew his father was the king and that his mama had told him he had many responsibilities, but even during meal times, Grisha barely spoke a few words to either his wife or his son. Maybe he just needs me to fit into his schedule, Eren thought, a little scheme brewing in his mind as he stared up at the moonlight coming through the window. Beneath the covers a mischievous smile crawled onto his lips. When he was sure that enough time had passed that his mother had surely gone to bed, he threw off the covers and dashed to the door. If Grisha couldn’t leave his work to come say goodnight, Eren would go to him.

The young prince tiptoed barefoot through the halls barely making a sound. He followed the pools of silver moonlight that filtered through the windows and onto the carpeted ground, the night air eerily still. The castle was for the most part, fast asleep. At one point, he hid behind a drape as two soldiers round the corner, talking softly to each other as they made their rounds. Not wanting to be scolded for being up past his bedtime, he hid much longer than he needed to and was much more cautious after that, ears straining to hear for anyone else.

The rest of the path to his father’s basement was clear and uneventful. He stopped in front of the basement and titled his head back to take in the strong oak door he knew his father liked to disappear behind for hours on end. Stay out of the basement, Eren, it is not a place for children, his father’s words drifted through his head as he gathered up the courage to do the exact opposite. Taking a deep breath, he reached up and pulled on the knob with his entire body weight. The old hinges creaked and groaned, causing him to freeze as he listened for any voices. It swung open with a final squeak. He held still, hand still on the knob, but couldn’t hear anything.

Satisfied that he wasn’t caught, Eren turned and regarded the dusty stone steps that led down into dull flickering candle light when he suddenly heard a…  strange gurgling noise? Creasing his eyebrows, Eren stepped onto the first step, breathing lightly as he strained to hear anything else. It was strange… there were no voices, just a heavy shuffling and the sound of something wet sliding across the floors down below, just out of sight. Curious, Eren took another step down, briefly thinking that Grisha must’ve spilled something and was mopping it up. If he was mopping, that meant no servants. Realizing that his father must be down there alone, he perked up, wanting to finally get a chance to talk to his father alone without the constant hovering of servants or the stifling presence of advisors. He excitedly took off down the remaining steps, jumping off the last one and launching himself into the room, a smile ready on his face as he looked up to greet his father –

His eyes widened.

He nearly tripped himself as he came to a screeching halt, smile slowly falling from his face. It took a few moments to register the sight in front of him, nearly unable to comprehend it in his youth – something that came to haunt him well into his years. The basement, which has once been set up like a lab with tables and vials and a wooden chair with straps in the middle of the room, was unrecognizable. What once was a tidy and professional study now looked like a picture of a battlefield he had seen in one of the books in the library. It was like the entire room had become the butcher’s corner of the kitchen where Eren liked to sit and watch the man prepare steaks for dinner. Now, in the basement, deep red blood sat in stagnant pools with half crumpled and chewed bodies of some men Eren recognized as his father’s personal helpers. Their faces were twisted in agony, some held a look of disbelief. All were gut-wrenchingly still. A single hand was all that remained of one, sitting innocently in a concerningly dark puddle inches in front of his bare feet.

Eren’s gaze slowly passed over the room, unknowingly searing every detail of death into his childhood brain; it came to a halt on a lumbering mass of bare flesh crouched in the back corner of the room. Every muscle in his body went taunt, but he could not move. He dared not even breathe as he took in the sight of what looked to be a giant human. Its back was bare with each knob of its spine jutting out hauntingly under the sallow skin. The broad shoulders hunched over and its blond hair falling over its face, obscuring it from view from the side. The massive human… No, not human, Eren realized, heart thumping in his throat as he made the realization, it’s a… titan. The monstrous beasts he had only heard stories about, nothing but a fairytale his mother had said. Yet here one was, groaning and pawing at the walls of his father’s basement, surrounded by carnage he had never believed was possible.

 His heart was beating so fast, he feared the monster would be able to hear him from it alone. The monster paid him no mind, choosing to face the back corner wall, nails scraping along the stone bricks as if trying to find purchase on the bricks, clawing to get at something. Silent in shock, he slowly moved a foot back to make his way up the stairs. Just as he had shuffled a small step backwards, he accidentally nudged a stray vial he hadn’t noticed lying abandoned on the ground. It rolled back and clinked loudly on the corner of the step, Eren freezing, accidentally drawing in a sharp breath. In the dead quiet, he might as well have screamed at it where he was. The titan went still, before suddenly whipping its head around. The bone-chilling smile on its bloody face never wavered, impossibly big for its face. Its blond hair shining brilliantly despite the dim lighting. Its dark eyes bore into Eren’s own. There was no emotion, no remorse for the lives it had taken, he realized. Nothing but a mindless monster. In that split second their eyes met, any breath that he had in his lungs suddenly disappeared as he screamed louder than he ever had in his entire life.

The spell was broken.

With an ear shattering roar, the monster clumsily launched itself at him over the tables, long bony fingers outstretched towards him. Eren spun around and tried to dash onto the steps. His heart stuttered as he felt its fingertips close around one of his ankles, jerking him back so he lost his footing and fell, copper flooding his mouth as he banged his chin on the bottom step. Kicking like mad, he managed to shake the weak grip the thing had on him. He scrambled up and tried to run again, tripping up each step as he heard the titan’s movements behind him. Icy fear ran through his veins numbing his fingers and toes, making it almost impossible for him to climb the stairs. Crashing and shattering wood came from behind him as the titan crawled over the debris in its own mad dash. His hands scraped the rough steps, shredding the sensitive skin of his palms, bringing blood welling to the surface. All the while he screamed and sobbed for his mom - anyone. He didn’t want to be another puddle of blood on the floor. Another body with a frozen face. I don’t want to die; his mind repeats over and over.

The smiling titan had made its way to the bottom step by then, its gigantic face squeezing into the narrow walkway. He took this moment to look back, wishing he didn’t. The gummy smile still wide and the eyes never ending death. It wiggled its way into the stairwell slowly, but it’s limbs jerked towards him unnaturally fast. He scrambled up the last of the steps in the blink of an eye, suddenly spurred on by the sight of the monster managing to get an arm on one of the middle steps, its broad shoulders coming through the entrance way. Finally at the top of the stairs, Eren grabbed the heavy door and shoved with the last of his waning strength, slamming it shut. He didn’t even hesitate, tearing off down the hallway, barely drawing in enough air to propel himself as far away from the basement as he could get.

In the distance, he could hear the sound of guards running towards him and then a loud bang as the monster threw the oak door clean off its hinges. He rounded the corner and nearly crashed head first into the legs of General Magath and his squad. 

“What is it boy? What have you done?!” Magath demanded, shaking him by the shoulders. Half his squad looked like they just woke up.

Eren panted, trying desperately to get the words out, but he was so tired and the oxygen he tried to pull in was just not enough. All he could do was point in the direction he came, jabbing it again and again as Magath questioned him. His tongue seemingly heavy as lead. Three of the soldiers went ahead the way he came. Desperately he tried to pry himself away from Magath, but the man’s iron grip stayed firm. He wasn’t able to warn the soldiers that rounded the first corner, but their scream and sounds of scuffle that abruptly cut off were enough for the remaining ones. Magath’s remaining squad members stood with their mouths agape, wild eyes trained on the corner of the walkway, praying their squad mates would round the corner any second. 

Something big and lumbering drew closer, and only then was Eren finally able to gasp out, “...titan..” before the beast itself reared its blond head around the corner, a soldier hanging halfway out of its mouth. His face was frozen in that same way as the men in the basement, terror and shock forever being his last expression. Magath slowly released Eren’s shoulders, standing back up, eyes trained on the titan. He looked absolutely ready to piss himself and judging by the smell of the hallway, some of his soldiers had beaten him to it. 

Magath swallowed, but readied his weapon. “Run, Prince Eren.” He whispered before gathering himself and charging the titan, shouting commands for his soldiers. That snapped them out of their frozen stances. The group charged head first in a desperate attempt to kill the monster. Each one praying that it not be them that the titan plucked up next, a dying hope that their sheer numbers could overpower the killing machine. 

Eren didn’t stick around to find out if they were successful. He ran in the direction of his family's sleeping quarters, wishing now more than ever he had his mama. Through his pants he can hear the castle awakening, the sounds of confusion and scrambling as more soldiers burst from into the castle and servants flow into the hallways. Turning around and running to his room, he is passed by and ignored by the servants as they’re too focused on their own fear to pay attention to him. Some muttering to each other, “Where is the king?” He finally made it to his mother’s room, eyes bleary from exhaustion and sweat that had run into his eyes, but he couldn't see her in the bed.

“Mama, Mama!” he yelled with what breath he had, checking every room he passed, all empty. Desperation grew as he soon found himself all alone again, the commotion only just out of ear range as the prince was left forgotten.

Just as he was about to give up and sit back against the wall to cry, he heard it. 

“Eren, my love, where are you?” Came a faint cry, undoubtedly Carla. He perked up rushing through the twisting halls calling, “Here, mama, I’m here!” His bare feet pounded against the ground as he ran with what little strength he had left. He was so tired, like he’d been running all night. His only thoughts were that he had to get to Mama, she’d protect him. The safest place in the world was Carla’s arms. She called out for him again. He was so close! She must be nearby. “Mama!” He cried again.

“Eren!”

“Here! I’m here!” 

Down the next hall, his face lit up when he found her. She stood there, so beautiful after all the death and fear he had seen. Her white nightgown was a beacon in the inky hall, her dark hair pulled loosely back, a few strands plastered to her forehead. Her own face lit up in a relieved smile when she saw him. Her grin was so refreshingly normal and full of love; he nearly sobbed in relief as he was engulfed in a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her stomach, breathing in the smell of her nightgown, feeling her hand card through his hair. Only now that he had stopped moving he could feel the way he trembled against her stoic frame.

“Eren”

He didn’t want to look up. Didn’t want to come back to the reality of this fear driven palace. It was safe in her arms; it was over now.

“Eren” she urged, her voice rising in pitch. He could feel the ground tremble. Or was that just him?

“I love you so much,” she whispered, voice catching. He finally looked up into her amber eyes. He opened his mouth to tell her the same, but the words died in his throat when all he saw was the bloody face of the grinning, blonde titan behind his mama. Carla gently pushed him away from her. He landed with a thump as he watched a bony hand wrap around his mama and drag her up towards the opening mouth. Eren could only watch in horror as his mother’s white nightgown ran red and the crunch of teeth against bone rang in his ears.

“Eren!” A different voice yells, cutting through his screams.

His amber eye cracked open, barely able to do so with the crust it’d accumulated over the night. He groaned and tried to stretch out, causing his shoulders to pop and his body to shake. Someone was moving in the dark room: the owner of the voice. He sighed into his pillow, keeping his eye shut as he tried to drift off again. A swipe of the curtains allowed sunlight to proudly rush into the room as the person suddenly ripped open his drapes. He hissed, burying his head under his blanket once more before it was yanked back with surprising force.

He glared up at Reiner, who towered over his bed with his trademark unamused face. His blanket was dangling in Reiner’s fist and the other boy looked like he’d been up for some time, already dressed in his uniform and hair combed neatly.

“You overslept training again.” Reiner berated him as he tugged at Eren’s arm, trying to haul him from his pile of pillows. “The king is going to be pissed when he hears about this.”

“Let him be pissed. What’s he going to do, feed me to a titan?” Eren scoffed. He wasn’t helping in the slightest, letting Reiner slide him off the bed and onto the carpet where he remained in a heap of limbs as Reiner let out an exasperated sigh.

“Wouldn’t put it past him.” Reiner muttered under his breath but Eren still heard it, choosing to ignore it. “Get up, there’s a briefing shortly and your presence has been requested.” Eren still remained on the floor. “Come on,” the blond boy nudged him with his foot, “don’t make me drag you to the bathroom.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m getting there.” Eren huffed, pushing himself up so he was sitting with his back against the bed frame. The scraps of dream still circled his head and he frowned. He stunk of dried sweat and felt like he hadn't slept at all. A familiar ache in his muscles, like he had been running all night long. 

“Same dream?” Reiner asked quietly when he noticed the look on his friend’s face. Eren only gave a deep sigh, telling Reiner his answer. He drew back and gave the other space, proceeding to pull out some clothes for the prince as a distraction. Nothing more was said as Reiner plopped them down on a chair with a roll of fresh bandages and Eren headed into the bathroom to get a late start to the day.

When he emerged sometime later, long hair still dripping and a towel around his waist, the room was empty. He went through the motions of getting ready by drying off his hair, wrapping up his face, and finishing up with getting dressed. As he reached down to pull on his boots, he caught a look at himself in the mirror on the opposite side of the room. He stilled as he took in his appearance. His one remaining eye burned amber with the ghost of a deep-set horror. The other side of his face was secluded by bandages that hid the ugly scar and the hole where his other eye should have been. No thanks to his father. His dark hair draped over his shoulders much like his mothers. His own face sent pangs of hurt through him.

He’d changed a lot since that night. For one, he was much taller as his childhood features grew into that of a gangly teen. His training has kept him in good physique, though it was hidden beneath his stifling, starched, white uniform all Marley soldiers wore. His was a bit nicer than the others, given he was the crown prince and in a higher position than a common soldier.

Tearing his gaze from the mirror, Eren stood up and made for the door. He had no appetite and settled on skipping the dining room, figuring the kitchens shouldn’t have to rush a meal for him anyway. Reiner was posted outside his door when he existed, leaning nonchalantly with one leg propped up and his arms folded in front of him. As Eren walked by, he pushed himself off the wall and fell into place on the prince's left side without a word. To Reiner’s relief, Eren seemed to finally lose the tension that was in his shoulders as they took the long walk to the war room. The castle buzzed around them as servants fluttered along with tasks and a few soldiers occasionally crossed their paths. No one spared the pair a glance as they passed by, but the whispering was still heard when they thought the two were out of ear shot.

“… his majesty is beside himself with the prince…”

“… always with that monster of a boy, what an utter shame…”

Eren grit his teeth at the whispers, anger bubbling in his chest. He almost whipped around to tell them off when he got a gentle, but firm, nudge to the shoulder. He had to turn his head completely to take in the image of Reiner grinning at him, waggling his eyebrows mischievously before he threw a strong, beefy arm around Eren’s shoulder. He leaned down so he was face to face with Eren, ignoring the shocked gasp from one of the spying servants, a bit too close to be seen as friendly. Their foreheads were almost touching and he moved in close to mutter into Eren’s ear. “What an utter shame indeed.” Eren could practically hear the shit-eating grin in Reiner’s smooth voice, his own face heating up at Reiner’s unmistaken move on him in the crowded hall.

 Eren smirked at Reiner’s boldness, the simple act sure to cause a whole new slew of, “Did you hear?”s, in the servants quarters that day. Knowing the new accusations would reach his father in no time, he couldn’t help but snicker at the thought of King Grisha’s face contorting in anger at his son’s newest actions. The two resumed their silence, Reiner’s arm remaining on his shoulders for another couple of steps before ghosting to his back and finally slipping back to his own side.

It was no secret on the castle grounds that the prince and the Armored Titan were rumored to be more than friends, but no one explicitly brought it up in a conversation to the two; instead choosing to pass the gossip through their shifts when the prince was out of ear shot. Usually quite pleased with being the center of gossip, Eren loved to leave the rumors unanswered and allow the gossip to grow more outrageous the more it spread in a game of telephone. He loved the simmering barely-contained rage it put on his father’s face when the whole castle was talking about his son with the infamous titan boy. Overall, Eren and Riener were not public in their affections. To the untrained eye, the two seemed to be good friends, growing even closer when the prince lost his eye. Reiner barely left his side for a while after that incident. Underneath this charade though, there were the lingering glances, the sneaking touches the two boys shared, dancing around each other, but there was never enough for anyone to confirm it.  

They were inseparable since they’d first met, a few months after Carla’s passing. Grisha had taken in the blond boy when he had survived his titan transformation and managed to maintain his consciousness. It was nearly unheard of, but had been done once before with the Beast Titan. Grisha, eager to have another titan at his disposal, happily snatched Reiner up with the promise of compensating his struggling mother. The young boy agreed instantly.

 Only truly horrible crimes were warranted of a serum injection, but Reiner had been forced to bear his dad’s punishment for a reason unknown to Eren. Subsequently, when Eren got to know Riener, he understood the titan from the basement more. It made him shudder, wondering what that woman had done to earn that sentence. Much like he wondered what Reiner’s father had done and why his son had been the one to pay the price instead. Instead of prying at old wounds, he wordlessly accepted Reiner’s friendship and eventually allowed Karina to help fill the hole Carla left behind.

The two found themselves in front of the tall doors of the war room shortly after. The guards posted outside pulled them open without comment, allowing the teens inside. The long table was already heavily surrounded by generals and a handful of high-ranking squad leaders. Grisha’s spot remained empty at the head of the table. Eren and Reiner made their way to their positions at Grisha’s left, effectively putting him in Eren’s range of view, unfortunately. The chatter of conversation filled the room and Eren prepared to be bored out of his skull for the next few hours. Resigned to waiting for the king, Eren and Reiner took turns doodling on a paper between the two of them as the remaining officers trickled into the room. When Eren had beaten Riener in tic-tac-toe for the third time (Reiner groaning audibly), a hush finally fell over the room. Raising his head, Eren took in the repulsive sight in front of him. King Grisha floated into the room, dressed in fine furs and rich cloth, his heavily jeweled crown ever present on his thick head (as Eren liked to describe it). He wouldn’t have been surprised if his father slept in the damn thing, dreaming about his coronation every night too.

Grisha came to his spot at the head, sitting gracefully with practiced ease. With a single nod of his head, every person in the room took to their chairs, shuffling papers around as they got ready to start. With a side-eyed glance at his son, Grisha kept his head high and proud. He cleared his throat and addressed the crowd. “The Mid-East Union has continued their advancement despite our warnings. Thankfully, our naval forces have done their job well and the majority of the Mid-East Union battleships have been desecrated. This victory does not come without a price; nearly half of our own fleet has been lost.” Grisha spoke with an even tone, completely cool as if he were discussing what he’d eaten for breakfast that morning. “With this in mind, we have an opening at Fort Slava to finally put an end to the fighting and conquer this foe. This final hit should drive it through their heads that Marley is not a force to be challenged.” He continued. Many of the seated generals nod along. 

Eren hardly paid attention, instead choosing to zone out while looking at a map of the Marley empire hanging on the back wall. He could tell from the sound of rustling clothes that Reiner was bored too, growing anxious and squirming after the first hour came and went. Grisha continued to drone on about advancement tactics, supplies, and the honor of Marley; all the joys of military talk. His father grew more and more frustrated as the meeting continued into its second hour and Eren had yet to add anything but a few short-worded answers when addressed. The king seethed quietly in the chair next to his son, trying to appear unaffected, but Eren caught the way his fathers folded hands tightened and his jaw set. As much as Eren hated these meetings, getting under Grisha’s skin was always a small victory that kept him going. 

 After listening to the 6th squad leader explain the naval strategies they implemented, Eren felt like either his brain would melt or they’d be there until the end of time; whichever came first. He huffed out an annoyed breath and readjust his seat for the 10th time in the past 15 minutes. A few of the generals appeared to be weary too when the third hour passed. Just when Eren was considering jumping up and waltzing out of the meeting just to make something interesting happen, Grisha raised a hand to stop the last speaker in his tracks. “You’ve made some good points, Gross. However,” he paused, “I see you’ve expressed some concern regarding our numbers. I can assure you that we have plenty. It will be easy to resume our advance in the trenches when a fresh batch of soldiers arrive. Our newest recruits will be graduating shortly. Send them to the front.” Everyone in the room paused. A few eyes slid to Eren and Reiner to gauge their reaction. Eren frowned, now fully invested in what he was hearing. He couldn’t see Reiner’s face to know if he was thinking the same thing. 

The newest recruits… that was Eren and his class. Hardly any of them were 18, save a few like Reiner. Certainly none of the them had seen war, much less fought a real enemy. They weren’t due for graduation for another 4 months and Grisha spoke as if they were getting shipped off within the next few minutes. He slowly turned his head to look at Grisha through his good eye, desperately searching his father’s face. He couldn’t get a read on the blank expression he held.  “Sir?” Magath’s voice came from the right. Grisha inclined his head, letting the man stand up and speak. He repeated the same thoughts as Eren and probably most of the room had. “The recruits aren’t due to graduate for quite some time. Are we speaking about the same group?” “Certainly.” Grisha replied smoothly. He won’t look at Eren. This wasn’t good. Whenever Eren couldn’t see his father’s motives, it never ended well, especially since the consequences usually landed on him. “My king, forgive me, but we can all agree that this is a death sentence. These recruits will go straight from the camp to a coffin the moment they step into no-man's land. They’ll need some time in the back forces before we can even begin to consider them on the front lines. And with graduation 4 months away -”

“Move it up,” Grisha interrupted. The entire room went silent.

“You can’t be serious.” Eren choked out. He finally found his voice and his fists curled in anger. His eye narrowed in on his father. Grisha still would not look at him; it made the fire in Eren’s belly grow hotter. “Considering how much you have been slacking off in your training, it seems to me that you, my son, believe yourself to be more than ready for war. Training seems so unimportant to you. I would hate to bore you and your fellow trainees by drawing out the graduation when you are so clearly ready now.” Magath looks pained at the implication. “The 104^th training fleet will be departing for Fort Slava as soon as the naval forces return.” Eren’s eye widened in shock. “So, you’ll send all those kids to slaughter because you are upset with me?!” he yelled, jumping up from his chair. Grisha finally turned his head slightly to eye his son coldly, “They’re soldiers, Eren. Dying is what they do. This is what they signed up for. It doesn’t matter when we send them off to battle, they’ll all come home in caskets eventually.” Eren’s mouth fell open, his breath hitching.

He lunged at his father, eye blazing and fist raised, “YOU BAST-“  Reiner’s hand clamped over his mouth, making him squeak in surprise behind it as he’s forced back into his chair. Reiner’s other hand came up to clamp down on his shoulder, holding him down in his seat with impossible strength. Grisha hadn’t even flinched. “You’re dismissed.” He said to his son with a wave of his hand, turning to face the table again.

Reiner had to practically carry a writhing Eren out of the war room. The stream of explicatives never stopped from behind Reiner’s massive hand, thankfully muffled, but the damage was already done. Grisha didn’t pay his son’s tantrum any attention and the generals only watched Reiner haul him away and through the tall doors. He could only thank the goddesses that Eren hasn’t had any mind to lick his palm yet. Once he got them through one of the doors, he used his foot to slam it shut behind them, only then removing his hands from the prince. Eren whipped around gasping for breath, his shoulders heaving. He had a downright murderous glint in his eye that worried Reiner. He knew firsthand how impulsive the boy could be. “I’m gonna kill him,” Eren spit out. “No, you’re not.” Reiner huffed, grabbing one of Eren’s arms and steering him away from the doors. Eren fussed a bit but eventually gave in, knowing Reiner could and would pick him up again if he chose. Reiner cast a glance at the two guards posted outside. They didn’t say anything, but stared suspiciously at the two teenagers as they walked away. He could only hope they wouldn’t take that threat to heart. Heaven knew Eren was in hot enough water as it was. 

Eren stomped off ahead of him and Reiner had to pick up a slight jog to catch up with the pissed off prince. The halls were considerably less lively now that the prince was souring the very air he walked by. Most of the hands were smart enough to steer clear of him as he cut a deliberate path towards the courtyard. Reiner followed in his wake, doling out apologies.

A few noble-status trainees from their class were hanging around the large fountain in the middle of the yard. Only the sight of them caused a falter in Eren’s angry steps as he shifted his course to all but run into the orchard on the right. Their friends peered curiously after the prince before shooting questioning looks at Reiner as he chased after him. He could only give them an apologetic wave and mouthed, talk later, to which they returned with curt nods. He dashed off into grove of trees following the sounds of Eren’s angry muttering.

In one of the rows under a beautiful apple tree, Reiner found Eren sitting in the grass against the trunk staring at the dirt in front of him. He walked up to him, Eren scooting over slightly to share the space, and eased himself down with a groan. He took in the beauty of the orchard as he waited for Eren to speak. The leaves around them were a lush green and the branches bobbed in the wind with the weight of their heavy fruit. A few songbirds hopped among the canopy making a cheerful racket. The easy wind brought the scent of crisp sweetness to his nose and ruffled his blond hair playfully. Under any other condition, it would be a lovely afternoon to spend with his best friend.

Once he’d decided he’d given the dirt a long enough glowering, Eren picked up a stray stick and furiously scribbled around in the dirt. Reiner peered curiously over his shoulder and snickered at the crudely drawn stick figure of the king, complete with a comedic small crown barely squeezed on a massive head. It looks like it was squeezing his head in two.

“What am I going to tell them?” Eren said after a couple of seconds. Reiner frowned at one particular red apple before he shrugged, replying, “That your dad’s a proper ass-hat?” Eren fiddled with the grass, sighing. “They already know that. They’ll piece it together eventually that my father had an underlying motive for pushing a bunch of kids into the front lines. They’ll hate me and I don’t blame them. I should have known he’d pull something like this.” He brought his head back to rest on the bark, eye searching the sky for answers.

“Can they really blame you? You’re not the one who made the order. The old man is the one who can’t stand to be in the same room as his own son and it’s no secret what he’s done to you in the past when you piss him off.” Reiner regarded angrily, gesturing to Eren’s face absentmindedly.

Eren flinched at the memory. His scar throbbed in response. Of course everyone knew; it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. King Grisha’s temper was known far and wide and his son’s to match. The truth had been confided in a select few. When questioned, the prince was evasive on what exactly caused the injury, offering a different version every time. Once going as far as telling the story to a noble girl at a ball before turning to his right and telling a whole new version of it, complete with a new storyline and set of characters, as he chatted with her friend. That had been a long night for Reiner; he was fairly certain the prince had snuck a generous amount of mead from the kitchen before that party.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” The blonde grimaced. They joked about it often, trying to find a way to cope. However, after the emotionally draining meeting they just endured, the stinging, buried emotions came back full-force for the both of them.

Two boys entered the throne room. They were both youthful and full of boisterous, young teenage energy. Eren’s hair was to his shoulders and his eyes glinted upon entry. Reiner’s hair was also shorter and his build not so bulky, but still impressive for his age. An ornate throne was all that the room housed, Grisha sat upon its cushion in a luxurious fur-lined robe. Their footsteps echoed through the stone room as they approached the steps. Reiner was almost a half a foot taller than Eren, but tried his best to shrink back from the unrelenting gaze of the king. It scorched his skin like wildfire and he was sweating nervously at the tension and anger the room held.

Eren on the other hand, had his chin raised firmly in the air, staring his father down. If looks could kill, Eren would be the new king come morning. Grisha’s glare shifted from the newly turned titan boy to his unruly son. “You wanted to see us?” Eren spat. Reiner kept his eyes on the ground.

Grisha let the silence draw out for a moment, taking in his son’s defiance. “At least one of you has the sense to be ashamed.” He sneered, curling his lip. “And here I thought Braun would be good for you to be around, teach you to be a man… and yet, you two couldn’t have disappointed me further.” He brought his hand to his chin, leaning back and addressing young Reiner. “I should have known, coming from a family like yours, that you’d cause problems. Seems your father not only ran your pitiful mother into debt, but raised a defective son!”

“Don’t talk to him like that!” Eren snarled, taking a step forward. Grisha raised an eyebrow. “Oh? A strong boy like Braun needs a weakling like you to stand up for him?” He jeered before settling back in his seat. Eren only glares harder and Reiner stays silent, unmoving. “Tell me, I heard the strangest thing from one of my houseboys, Zeke.” He snickered when Reiner’s head shot up to reveal his panicked face. “Your Grace, I can assure you it was not what he thinks he saw! It’s not a concern for y -” Reiner tried to defend, but Grisha slammed his hand down on the arm of the throne. The jarring ring echoed through the hall making the two kids jump. Grisha’s eyes flashed. “Do not tell me what is a concern of mine, boy!” he roared. “I will not stand for rumors of my heir kissing another boy, much less the likes of you, son of a fraud!” He rose from his seat, towering over a shaking Reiner. “I do not care if they’re true or not, you will not be permitted to walk these grounds if I hear about it again. I took you in when you survived the titan’s hold, made you into a promising young man. Do not disrespect my kindness or it’ll be to the front lines with you, understand?” He punctuated each sentence as he walked down the steps, coming to a stop in front of the trembling boy.  

“Yes, Your Grace.” He whispered. His eyes shone brightly with tears that threatened to fall. If they’re from fear or from heart break, he couldn’t tell. Perhaps both.

“That’s not fair.” Eren growled, drawing Grisha’s wrath to him. “Why is this such a big deal? Shouldn’t you be happy that I’m happy?” he pressed. “Life isn’t fair, Eren.” Grisha said, turning towards him and shaking his head. “To continue this bloodline, you must have a queen. To be a strong ruler, you must not bend to the will of another man. You will be a weak king without a wife.” He spit. The prince’s eyes widened. He started to argue before stopping, a concerning look passing over his face, a glint in his eye. Reiner felt his stomach drop. “Is that why Marley is losing the war?” Eren baited. Grisha’s confusion was evident.

 “Come again?” Hook, line, and sinker.

Eren’s face twisted in a nasty grin. “Ever since mom died, I’ve always noticed how you struggled to rule. The generals laugh behind your back at your idiotic strategies. Every day we lose more territory to your incompetence and I hear the servants talk about how scarce good food is. Without mom to rule for you, you’re nothing.” He jabbed. Grisha’s face had gone stony. This only spurred on the hot-headed prince. “You’re afraid that with a titan by my side, I’ll be stronger than you’ll ever be. They’ll remember my name as the greatest king Marley ever had, not you. You’ll be a footnote in my story!” he crowed triumphantly.

He registered a stinging pain a heartbeat before he felt something hot running down the left side of his face. The next heartbeat brought a whole new world dedicated to pain. It was like someone had reached into his brain and tugged out a couple of nerves. His nose strangely tingled, as if a bee had stung him in his nostril. He widened his eyes in surprise at a blurry, distorted image of Grisha, who now stood with a dripping bloody dagger, a matching look of shock adorning his face. ‘Why is he surprised?’ Eren briefly wondered. The movement of his eye made him gasp out in pain, his eye shutting and sending another strike of pain through his split eyelid. Each tiny movement of his eye seared through his entire face. He couldn’t blink, couldn’t look around, couldn’t open his eyes without wailing. His face had gone hot and his left socket throbbed in time with his pulse. He tried to curl into himself, hands coming up to cup his face, hot blood running off his palms and cooling in the cuffs of his sleeves.

Faintly he could hear Reiner’s panicked voice asking him if he’s alright, if there was anything he could do. Just after, the large calloused hands of his friend came up to his own and attempted to pry them off. All Eren could do was scream and groan as the pain came in waves, unwilling to let go of his eye. Finally, Reiner grabbed his wrist and yanked them away, a stray scrap of cloth pressing against his ruined eye.

“I didn’t mean to…” Grisha muttered. Eren can faintly hear footsteps scraping as his father backed away. “I… it was an accident…” he tried to breathlessly reason with himself. If either Eren or Reiner had been paying any attention to him, they would have seen the look of guilt and disbelief on Grisha’s face as he slowly looked from his wounded son to his dagger. A single stream of blood crawling from the hilt to stain a knuckle before he dropped it, clattering to the floor. But they were too preoccupied with Eren’s gushing eye.

By the time soldiers flood into the room, the king and his dagger were nowhere to be found.

Eren had only been 15. The eye later needed full removal after a scare of infection. His father rarely looked at him anymore, only able to see the remaining eye stare a deep amber hatred into his soul.

When Eren resurfaced from the depths of his mind, he found himself leaning back into Reiner’s chest. Embraced in the safety of the blond’s massive arms. They basked in a shared silence and appreciated the dregs of summer’s presence. To this day, it was still hard for him to wrap his head around it. All it had been was a quick brush of Reiner’s lips to his cheek that had scarred his face and changed his relationship with his father

Since the incident his father stopped hovering over his and Reiner’s relationship. Eren could guess that it was his way of apologizing. As long as Eren and Reiner weren’t publicly kissing, they could live in some sense of peace. That didn’t mean that Eren didn’t like to push his luck though. He smirked internally as he recalled the morning antics before the meeting.

Moments like these were where the two could be themselves. No prying eyes or gossiping servants out in the orchard; just the two of them alone together. Not much else was said after Reiner’s comment. Instead, they choose to relax and watch the clouds and munch on some of the fruit. Eventually Eren shifted so his ear was pressed against the center of Reiner’s chest and listened to the steady thumping inside. A hand came up to smooth over his hair before knuckles brushed over his cheek, touch soft as a feather. Here in the titan boy’s arms, he felt like nothing could ever hurt them. With Reiner by his side, he could face his father, face the war. He’d be able to do anything as long as he had him.

Reiner’s legs braced on either side of Eren as he sat between them. The blond relaxed with his back on the truck and gazed up lovingly at the boy in front of him. They stared into each other’s faces for a bit before Reiner reached up to cup the princes jaw, thumbing over his lips. Bringing his hand to Reiner’s shoulder, Eren leaned in closing the gap between them. Warm lips met his and his heart sparked at the contact. His other hand came up to steady himself on Reiner’s thigh, the other boy snaking an arm around his waist to pull him in closer, deepening the kiss. Reiner tasted like the tart apples they had eaten; his tongue swiped at Eren’s lips and the prince parted them in response. Taking a few moments to thoroughly explore Eren’s mouth, Reiner withdrew his tongue in favor for nibbling at the prince’s lower lip, pulling on the soft flesh gently before releasing it. Eren dove back in to crash their mouths together, taking his turn to thrust his tongue in the titan boy’s mouth, pressing their tongues together.

 They traded many more kisses all while longing for more time. But when Eren pulled away the final time, panting, the sun had begun to hang low in the sky. They shuffled apart, realizing it would be wise to return to the castle to avoid any problems. Reiner could only hope that no one paid too much attention to their flushed faces and swollen lips.

They walked side by side through the trees, hands intertwined between them, shoulders bumping occasionally. Their touch comforting one another as Reiner rubbed soothing circles with his thumb. Just before they reached the tree line, their hands slipped apart without a word and a healthy distance grew between them. Reiner accompanied Eren to the dining room before bidding goodbye. He made the prince promise him that he would go to bed at a decent hour to ensure he was up for training and then made his way out of the castle. Reiner headed past the gates and started the walk to the recruit’s mess hall. He sighed heavily when he arrived in front of the doors, knowing the news had probably spread to his friends by now. He could hear the loud chattering from inside and braced himself for the bombardment of questions before pulling open the door and disappearing inside.

Chapter Text

Two weeks passed before the remaining Naval fleet returned from the war front. In that time, the trainees had taken the news of Grisha’s motives as well as they could, considering the situation. Some flat out refused to speak to Eren after the day of the meeting. Others, like Annie, wouldn’t hold his gaze and looked past his shoulders when they went through training sequences together. His closest friends, Pieck and Carlo chose to check in on Eren when they met him next, voicing their support for him. Carlo confirmed that Grisha was indeed an ass as they talked during their lunch breaks, causing Pieck to giggle and Carlo’s ear to turn pink in response.

He had never been particularly popular, even as the prince. His title scaring away many potential friendships. He was surprised to find that not much at all changed upon hearing the news of their deployment. In fact, most of the trainees looked almost hopeful at the idea of ending the war with a win at Fort Slava. With most of the trainees being indifferent or evasive to Eren, he relaxed and tried to mentally prepare for the war they were about to plunge into.

On the morning of their deployment day, Eren couldn’t stop wringing his hands. His friends did their best to calm his nervousness, but they were also struggling with their own. They had graduated less than 3 days ago and would be in the trenches by the end of the week. It was a sobering thought. Out of the frying pan and directly into the fire. The day passed at worrisome speed, the 4 friends finding themselves packing one of the many transport trucks the new warriors all piled their equipment and supplies into. Family and friends were there to help the warriors get their belongings, hugging goodbye and patting shoulders.

Reiner’s mother, Karina, came to say goodbye to her son. She pinched his and Eren’s cheeks affectionately while doting on Carlo and Pieck as well. Even though Eren wasn’t her biological son, she made sure he understood that if he didn’t come home safe, he would be in huge trouble with her. To this, he genuinely smiled and promised her he’d come back alive, but left the ‘uninjured’ portion unaddressed, to which Karina took notice. Her mouth pinched into a thin line before she resumed the role of tearful mother seeing her children off to war.

When she tried to lick her handkerchief and rub at a spot on Reiner’s face, he firmly let her know that he was a grown man and capable of fixing his own face. He promptly swiped a hand over his cheek, completely missing the spot, to which Pieck tittered and borrowed the handkerchief from Karina to dab at the blond boy’s nose. He let her do so without quarrel, looking sheepishly at Carlo over her shoulder.

Grisha only made a short appearance to gruffly tell him to lead his fellow warriors to victory before disappearing with his guards. Unimpressed with his father’s farewell, Eren rolled his eye and hugged Karina one last time. The group of friends packed up their bags before hopping up themselves.

Once Eren had climbed into the back with Pieck, Reiner, and Carlo, someone caught his eye in the crowd. He squinted into the sun to try and make out who it was, picking out a strangely familiar blond head and funny set of glasses. His eye widened when he recognized Zeke, his father’s houseboy.

The one responsible for that day in the throne room. His mood dropped even more. What’s he doing here? Eren wondered.

Zeke almost looked guilty, if Eren had to put a word to his expression, as he surveyed the loading soldiers

At his side was his father, Tom Ksaver. The veteran warrior had a pack slung over his shoulder and his pristine uniform on. That answered the question as to why Zeke was there. His father was the well-known Beast Titan. A skilled warrior and one of Grisha’s closest advisors in the ranks and Reiner’s unofficial mentor. Not much was known on how Ksaver had come to obtain a titan form, but with Grisha’s morals, Eren could take a guess. He felt a little bit of relief knowing that they had such a leverage over the union forces. No other nations had a titan in their military; Marley called theirs The Big Three. Tom, Annie, and Reiner; Marley’s Protectors. To be honest, Reiner’s titan form was far more than just a small comfort. The Armored Titan was a force to be reckoned with, seeming like nothing could touch him in battle.

Not that Annie or Tom weren’t scary too, but perhaps that was just Eren’s bias. It was difficult to imagine Reiner in the nape of that killing machine, especially when he had seen how soft Reiner was around him when they were alone. But to protect the ones he loved, Reiner was ruthless.

Tom gave his son a strong hug goodbye and ruffled his golden mop of curls. Zeke’s face broke out into a grin and watched his father load up into another truck. Eren felt a pang of jealousy. He didn’t have long to dwell on it before Zeke’s eyes locked on him and that weird guilty look returned, causing the prince's frown to deepen. The older blond boy quickly looked away, ignoring Eren in favor of giving his father a final wave as the trucks started to depart down the cobbled road.

People crowded the streets on either side as they made their way out, waving and cheering as the convoy passed by. Eren had trouble pushing the houseboy’s face out of his mind and tried to bring himself to appreciate the sendoff. All of the warriors stood up and some hung out the back of the trunks, held in place by other soldiers, as they blew kisses to the crowd. Reiner and the others were eagerly waving back to the civilians with huge grins on their faces. As the cobble streets turned to dirt paths, the warriors were jostled about and the crowds thinned before disappearing completely. They all settled back into their seats and prepared for the long ride. Eren and his friends chatted amongst themselves, but it wasn’t long before most of the soldiers settled back for naps. Carlo and Eren were left to talk quietly between themselves. Reiner had fallen asleep with his head on Eren’s shoulder, snoring softly.

“I can’t believe I’m really going to war.” Carlo said and then added after a pause, “I hope I make it back…” in a hushed tone.

“Of course you’ll make it back, you’ve got us three to look out for you.” Eren replied. Carlo gave a heavy sigh. “Trust me. Nothing’s going to happen to you as long as I’m here. Reiner too; he makes a pretty good shield.” Eren said, motioning to the huge boy sleeping on him.

Carlo chuckled at that before glancing around. Pieck was sat near the front with a few of the other girls, out of earshot. He leaned in closer to Eren and whispered, “I’m worried about Pieck. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt her abilities; but this is still war and I want all of us to come back.”

Eren nodded along. “She’ll make it back too. She’s tougher than you think. Besides,” He punched Carlo gently on the shoulder, “I know you like her. When we come back, ask her out! Oh, oh, wait! You should ask her mid-battle right when emotions are running high.” He joked with a devilish grin.

Carlo went beet red. “Is it that obvious?” He squeaked, glancing nervously up to the front of the bus. “Please, I may have one eye, but even I see it buddy.” Eren said. “Don’t worry, even if she says no, I’m sure Pieck won’t hold it against you. She’s a sweet girl.”

“Yeah, she is.” Carlo said dreamily. The two fell silent and the truck’s rocking lulled the prince into a peaceful slumber of his own. Eren’s head slowly falling against Reiner’s. Pieck looked back from her conversation to survey the two boys sleeping against each other and shared a knowing look with Carlo.

After almost a week of traveling, they were delivered to the naval port for their final leg of the journey. The air smelling of salt and hot sand, tickling his nose. He’d never seen the ocean before. His mother had been right, it did touch the horizon and stretched farther than he had ever imagined. It never stopped moving. He fell in love the moment he saw it. He didn’t get the chance to admire it as much as he’d like to as he was barked at by the commanders to get back to work. With a longing glance over his shoulder, he returned to the group and aided in the battle prep.

 Everything was loaded onto the battle ships and the warriors boarded. Many would not be returning for the ride home: a sobering thought that many had. They all knew that once the ship touched down on the Mid-Eastern Alliance’s land, they would be in the throngs of battle.

The boat ride wasn’t too long, maybe only a few hours max, but to the nerves of the fresh soldiers, it was simultaneously the longest and shortest moments of their life.

Once on the other side, they unloaded off the boats and were sorted into a row of squads. Dawn had just creeped upon them. Eren stood in his line in one of the front squads. Carlo was directly beside him. Reiner had been whisked away for a last-minute titan shifter meeting with Tom and Annie. At Reiner’s absence, Carlo and Eren looked physically ill. The prince was sweating and he couldn’t stop the trembling in his hands. Carlo wasn’t much better. He didn’t know where Pieck had ended up; he could only pray that she was far in the back. He fiddled nonstop with the eyepatch he had on, not used to it and preferring his old bandages. His long hair had been pulled back into an attempt at a bun, but strands kept falling over his face, causing him to repeatedly mess with it. He still couldn’t believe they had put him directly in the front. He was the crown prince for crying out loud! Shouldn’t he be protected?

Lead your fellow warriors to victory, Eren. His father’s parting words echoed through his head. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart. That’s right. I’m up front because I need to know how to lead. I need my warriors to know I’m strong and brave. If I can’t put myself in danger, how can I expect them to do the same for me? He thought. When he looked back down, his hands were still. He clutched his rifle tighter and pulled his shoulders back. “Stay close to me, remember?” He whispered in Carlo’s ear. The shorter boy gulped audibly, but nodded. His face almost as pale as his uniform.

They stood there for an agonizing amount of time. He couldn’t tell how long they waited for the signal, but it was enough for the tensions to rise and the warriors to shift nervously the longer they were held back. Artillery fire never seemed to cease and distant wails of pain chilled the new warriors to the bone. 

An order to advance finally came and the rows marched to the hills and began their descent in the trenches. Their final charge was nearing. Eren passed many wounded soldiers missing limbs or heavily bandaged. Moaning and crying was at every turn, but was eventually drowned out by a particularly close hitting shell. His ears rang and the ground swayed. He struggled to stay on his feet from the shockwaves. Tendrils of fear began to snake their way back up his neck and he had to tear his eye away from one hauntingly still body. After weaving through the maze of tunnels and muddy paths, his squad stopped in front of the ladders that lead to no man’s land.

Faintly, he registers orders being yelled at them. It was all so fuzzy from the blast still that he could barely focus on anything except the ladder in front of him. Rough hands pushed him forward and he realized his squad was ascending. The rough wood of the rungs bit at his palms and his boots clunked heavily as he began to climb.

Scrambling up stone steps. The titan chasing him in the basement. Run away. He shook his head violently, finally managing to clear his thoughts as he got to the top, clawing his way onto the dirt. He crawled forward, pressing low to the ground. Bullets whizzed above him and he heard a choke followed by a thud to his left. He didn’t dare turn his head as he continued shuffling forward. His nails ripped as he sank them into the dirt to heave himself to his next handful.

Thick smoke hung low on the empty dirt field. Barbed wire stretched among the broken steel beams that littered the area. It looked like a scrap metal boneyard; twisted steel fingers reaching towards the sky to escape the smoke and death. His breathing turned ragged with his rising panic, but he still pushed forward. Another explosion shook the earth farther ahead. Thankfully, he was already on the ground this time. Dirt and debris rained down on him, small rocks knocking against his helmet and shoulders and pelted his squad mates as they dragged themselves towards the cover of the steel structures. He threw himself against his cover, pressing his back into the strangely cold metal, waiting for others to make it to the line.

Through the blur of smoke, he could see the ranks of warriors pouring over the edges of the trench, dropping to their bellies. Some fell a little too hard and Eren’s chest grew tight because he knew they would never move again. Dozens of bodies had begun to pile up right at the top of the ladders, their comrades forced to crawl over them to get onto the dirt. Plenty of those soldiers were crying, no doubt recognizing the faces of their friends on the corpses that stared up at the ashy sky. All those lives, taken the minute they stepped on the battlefield. Contributing nothing except to the body count.

A whizz of a bullet sounded a bit too close to his ear for his comfort and he brought his head between his knees just as he felt his helmet get knocked clean off his head by a second bullet. The trickle of hot blood that was sent down his neck confirmed the graze.

“Holy hell, Eren. Are you alright!?” came a voice in front of him. Eren peered up, raising his head ever so slightly. Carlo had managed to make it to his location. His friend plopped his helmet back on his head and Eren was able to breathe a heavy sigh of relief. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Just keep your head down and- “ Carlo’s body fell before he could even finish his warning. He crumpled to the ground like a dropped toy, his glasses tumbling off his face. His open eyes bore into Eren, already glazing over. A small, perfect hole in his forehead oozed blood. The prince froze, unable to tear his eye away from Carlo’s never-ending stare. The dead boy’s eyes bored into him, searing into his retina and peering straight into Eren’s brain. He sat there in shock, unable to process how fast he had watched one of his closest friends die. He wanted to scream, to cry, but nothing came out. It didn’t feel real. Carlo…

“I hope I make it back…”

He barely had time to grieve when cries of war rang out and the forces of Marley started to charge. He blinked hard, his eye stinging from his staring. He was pulled up by an unknown soldier and he stumbled along with the wave.

He was numb all over. Numb to the sting of smoke in his eye. Numb to the screams as his fellow soldiers died around him. He just ran. His muscles burned and his lungs screamed out. They charged into the opposing trench, rifles firing at the enemy soldiers like shooting fish in a barrel. He fired at any soldier he saw that wasn’t wearing Marley white, uncaring if he had killed them on the first shot. He just kept firing and reloading until they fell and never got back up. Eren and the other’s fought until the dirt ran red with blood from their men and those on the other side. When the gunfire ended, a moment of silence stretched on, hanging there as they all looked at each other, not wanting to let themselves hope. It was eerily quiet. The first cheer rose, a lone broken cry. All around him, dirty white uniforms were soon dancing around with their fists in the air, shaking their rifles to the sky.

Eren didn’t want to celebrate, he couldn’t. Not without Carlo. Carlo, who was still laying only 50 meters back in the dirt. Carlo, who was dead. He pulled in a shaking breath that only rushed out as a strangled sob. He wasn’t crying though. No tears dropped from his eye. All he could do was spin in circles to take in all the red bodies that lay around him. He looked down at his boots and felt sick at the sight of brown mud caked on them, now seeping up the blood he stood in. How many lives had he taken himself? He couldn’t remember. All he knew was that he had killed. Probably taken someone’s Carlo like they took his. He had done the duty of a soldier. He had survived.

More rumbling came through the ground, bringing Eren back to reality. He furrowed his brows. There shouldn’t have been any more artillery, the fort’s anti-titan cannons shouldn’t be able to reach the trenches. No Mid-Eastern Alliance soldiers were alive outside of the fort’s walls. So, what was causing the rumbling? He watched ripples go through the tacky pool of blood coming from one face-down enemy soldier. His eye traveled up the towering walls of Fort Slava in front of them.

Then he saw the intricate rings of train tracks in front of them; something itched at the back of his mind. Something important that he was forgetting. Eren suddenly remembered them covering this in that war meeting all those weeks ago. He felt cold. How could he have forgotten? They were the bait.

“TAKE COVER!” He screamed as the speeding train made its appearance from the mouth of the outer wall. Soldiers all around him scrambled to hide in the enemy trench as the armored train barreled towards them. The heavy guns swiveled towards them.

The first wave of shells blew massive chunks of dirt and clay into the air and instantly collapsed a section of tunnel onto the Marley soldiers cowering there, burying them alive. Eren’s world rocked and it felt like the Earth had started rotating just a smidge faster. He fell to his knees and pressed himself to the dirt wall, covering his face as best he could as the shrapnel flew. He tried to look up briefly for a way out, anything he could do to escape before he heard the train release its second round and jammed his head back into his arms.

I’m going to die like this, he thought faintly. A lone surviving general was screaming out orders to fire farther down the line. Marley didn’t possess the firepower to take down an anti-titan equipped armored train. With that sort of artillery, he knew they wouldn’t risk putting one of the titan shifters up against it. Even Reiner’s armor wouldn’t even survive a blast like that. One thought cycled through his head: We’re doomed. As the train made its second pass around the perimeter, no doubt having reloaded on the other side of the fort, a few soldiers tried in vain to dig out those who were buried, but to no avail.

Eren uncurled himself and picked up his fallen rifle. He desperately shot off some rounds as the train came around the corner. He might as well have tried asking it nicely to stop for all the good it did. Realizing his head was still peeking over the top of the trench, he quickly ducked down and crouch walked to the stone lookout of one of the sniper nests to get better cover from the anticipated blast. Quite a few other wide-eyed warriors had the same plan and he huddled into them on the outskirts of the small block structure.

At the rate they were losing men, it would only be a matter of minutes before the train alone took them out. That was if Mid-Eastern Alliance didn’t send a platoon to wipe them out once they were weak. Taken by surprise, an arm reached out and dragged him into a bone crushing hug as the next round of blasts claimed more lives. Eren cracked open his eye to peer over their shoulder to see many of the others doing the same, trying to get some form of comfort before their inevitable death. He studied their terrified, tear-soaked faces. They were all so disturbingly young. Was this war worth the price?

How could his own country do this to them? They knew they were sending the 104^th here to be slaughtered. If they didn’t win today, Marley would lose an entire generation of soldiers in just a few days. It was a desperate move on Marley’s part. Titans were no match for Mid-Eastern technology. Eren’s eye widened at the thought.

That was it.

Eren shot up, accidentally knocking over the soldier who was hugging him. They fell back with a yelp. The others looked up at him with wondering eyes. His eye darted back and forth in his head as he made up a plan, but first, he had to check and see if his hunch was even correct. “Follow me.” He commanded and turned on his heel. They ran back to where he had seen a large group of fallen soldiers. A good chunk of the trench had collapsed in, separating them from the rest of the squads. Thankfully, he found a few dead soldiers that hadn’t been buried or blown to bits. He searched through the corpses jackets and rucksacks and allowed himself a hopeful smile when his suspicion was confirmed.

The group of soldiers from the sniper’s nest had fanned out behind him, nervously keeping an ear out for the train. He turned around with his hands full of what looked to be little explosives. There were vials, grenades, and other flammable things clutched in his grasp.

“Find any corpse you can and search them. It’s time we used their own weapons against them.” He ordered.

For the most part, the soldiers looked at him like he was crazy, but obeyed and went off to search. Eren glanced nervously over the trench wall. It was a race against the train. They had to pull this off before another wave hit or they could all be buried in the next blast. Marley only issued 1 grenade per soldier, but he hoped that with their combined searches would scrounge up enough to pull this off. He wasn’t going to lay down without a fight.

The soldiers returned with fistfuls of their own matching explosives. One had managed to scrounge up an impressive bundle, obviously the Alliance’s doing. Eren ordered her to the front of the group and traded a few words with her.

“When that train rounds the corner, we need to wait for it to get within throwing distance. If we blow up the tracks before it has time to stop, it’ll derail.” He explains hurriedly. “That things going pretty fast; we need to be quick about this.” The group surrounding him nods in understanding. His chest swelled in pride when he spied the fight returning to their eyes.

Only a moment passes before they feel the trembling in the earth again. At first, a few of them looked like they were going to turn tail and run back to the sniper’s nest, but Eren snapped at them to hold their ground. They shook with fear and anticipation as Eren lifted his head minutely over the edge of the trench, watching the train approach. It roared full speed towards them.

“Hold…” he said. A little closer.

The group held their breath. The rumbling got louder.

“Hold…” he repeated. Just a little bit more.

One boy paled and looked like he was preparing to puke.

Eren narrowed his eye. “NOW!” he snarled, lobbing his stolen bomb out towards the train tracks. It managed to take out a few of the wooden planks, but the iron rail remained intact. His other was tossed after it. Following his lead, the rest hurled their explosives with all their might. Most of the grenades bounced harmlessly over the train tracks or didn’t make it far enough to deploy with any real damage. Those that fell short sent dirt flying back into the group’s faces. Making them flinch back and their eyes water. The train kept coming. The track, damaged as it was, was still intact. It wasn’t enough.

His group of soldiers began to cry when they realized they had failed, resigning themselves to death. Eren stayed quiet and focused on the train. It didn’t falter in its course, still coming straight towards them. The gun mount shifted to place them in its crosshairs.

“Ymir, now.” He shouted.

The girl with the large bundle finally threw hers. Her angle was precise and her eyes calculated every movement in front of her. He was impressed, to say the least. The bag of explosive sticks landed perfectly on the farthest iron rung where Eren’s had already damaged it, detonating right as the train passed over. The train lurched to the side as its wheel dug into the dirt and threw its course off kilter. To add to the beauty of it, the first car shot off its shell just as it began to run off the tracks. The recoil from the blast was enough to flip the lead car completely on its side, taking the next car down with it, bringing the whole thing to a screeching, grinding halt.

The train’s wheels spun uselessly in the air. Eren could hardly believe it. His small team of roughly 7 poorly-trained, desperate soldiers had managed to take down the Mid-Eastern Alliance’s armored train by hand. Laughter erupted from his lips and he brought his hands up to his head in shock. It worked; his stupid, last ditch plan had worked. His friends also seemed to have the same reaction as him. They all took turns clapping Ymir on the back before pulling her into a tearful hug, profusely thanking her for saving them. Eren grinned, allowing himself to feel the relief as it coursed through his body.

They took a few minutes to cry out their tears and wipe their faces causing the dirt to turn to mud on their cheeks. Eren wordlessly took off his busted helmet and went around and took the time to pull each squad member in to press their foreheads together, mingling their breath as he whispered his appreciation for each. Some rustling and then approaching footsteps caused them to hurriedly snatch up their weapons but relaxed when it was Magath that appeared over the dirt divider. More soldiers followed, most so covered in filth that it was impossible to call their uniforms white anymore. Magath took in the rag-tag group in front of him with his mouth slightly agape.

“You son of a bitch.” he said as his eyes landed on Eren, “You seriously pulled this off?” he gestured to the overturned train.

“Ymir dealt the finishing blow, General.” Eren responded. “She’s the reason we’re standing here alive right now.”

Ymir’s expression was schooled, but the prince could see the pride in her eyes at the praise. Magath nodded his head in respect and his soldiers did the same.

“We need to clear the train for any survivors. Can’t have them sneaking off on us.” He said gruffly, going right back into command mode. “This war isn’t over just yet.” He added under his breath, glancing up at the sky. Together, they hopped the dirt divide to reunite with their separated soldiers. A team that could still fight was gathered for the train mission.

Their boots crunched over the cracked, sun-dried dirt as they made their way to the derailed train. It hissed out steam from the overturned carts, shrouding the wreck in an ominous cloud. Cautiously, they cleared the overturned cars, finding only mangled dead bodies inside. They appeared to have been thrown around the metal cabin at the impact since there were no signs of straps in the firing cockpit. Eren had a passing thought that they had never been installed because the Alliance never expected for their train to be taken out. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for the dead gunmen. Doomed by the pride of the inventors who had too much faith in their creations to consider caution.

The next two cars actually contained some live soldiers, but many were unconscious or gravely injured. Those who were coherent wisely surrendered when the Marley Warriors burst in with their rifles to their heads. Quickly securing the prisoners, they shuffled the few of them back to the makeshift camp they had made in the trench.

Eren wanted nothing more than to just sit down and rest, but Magath continued to give commands. He was so tired from the nerves – the grief – but he followed his orders. We’re all tired, he thought to himself as they once more hauled themselves over the trench walls. It was evident in the sight of his friends dragging the dead off to the side, their faces much older than that of teenagers. He saw it in the way some soldiers had collapsed against each other – their blood loss too much for them as they slowly bled to death. He also saw it in Magath’s posture. The pressure pulling him down as the sole surviving general; their only source of command. His face pinched in the knowledge that his orders were the only thing keeping the group of kids moving.

He assisted Ymir in the cleanup of some Marley soldiers. As he grasped under the armpits of a corpse and walked backwards with it while she held the feet, he couldn’t help but look at the kid’s face. Once again, he found himself studying his face, burning him into his memories. His half-lidded eyes searched for something Eren knew he’d never find. His mouth had started to slack open. His close-cropped dark hair barely visible as his helmet slid back and caught on his chin by the strap. Faintly, Eren wondered if the kid had cut his hair for the war. He wondered if his mother had done it for him, so it didn’t blow into his eyes or give the enemy something to grab. He wondered who would miss this kid now that he was gone.

How much of us will return from this war when it is over? He contemplated silently. What portion of ourselves have died along with our comrades today?

Just as they had dumped the body into the pile, he nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand landed on his shoulder. Whipping around to face a young female soldier. His eye shifted to the med kit she grasped and had to force himself to relax. She gave him a grim smile, understanding his nerves. Eren recognized her; she was one of Pieck’s friends, Zofia. He hesitantly smiled back. She looked just as bedraggled as the rest of them and was sporting a nasty cut to her cheek and a black eye.

“You’re bleeding, let me help.” She said flatly.

He reached up and touched the graze from earlier, his fingers bushing through the tacky, drying blood on his neck. His body ached something fierce.

“It’s fine, it’s just a graze.” He replied. In his mind, Carlo fell to the ground again. His throat tightened. “Besides, it’s nearly stopped.” His voice sounded rough; he didn’t want to cry anymore.

“I wasn’t talking about that.” Zofia said, catching him off guard. She motioned to his arm. “That looks pretty painful.” He looked down, seeing the arm of his uniform soaked in blood.

“I’m not sure that it’s mine.” He murmured. She rolled her gray eyes and sighed, “Just let me take a look at you, ok?” He relented, helping her shrug his coat off. He hissed at the sting, finally realizing he was in fact hit. The fibers of the coat stuck to the clotted blood, so pulling it off caused a fresh ooze from the bullet wound in his shoulder. Zofia poked around at it with some disinfectant before stuffing it with gauze and wrapping it up. He winced but didn’t say anything else.

It was over with quickly and he was soon shrugging his coat and pack back on. “You’ll have to get the bullet out when we head home.” Zofia said as she stood up and went to help the next person, but Eren grabbed her arm to stop her. “Wait!” She looked back at him expectantly. “Let me help you,” he said, indicating her face, “you need that cut looked after.” Wordlessly, she sat down and handed over the kit. He pulled out an alcohol pad and carefully dabbed at the swelling skin under her dull grey eye. Her face screwed up, but she let him continue on. After clearing it off, he saw just how deep it really was. “Do you have a needle and thread in here?” He asked as he searched through the kit. He didn’t have much familiarity with them. Zofia gently took it from him, pulling out the items and handing it back.

Magath was yelling something about moving out, causing Eren to frown. Weren’t we supposed to be making camp? He thought to himself, confused. Deciding to rush the stitches, he tried his best to sew up the cut quickly. He brushed away her tears as he jammed the needle into her skin. He respected her, she hadn’t pushed him away or made any noise above a whimper and he knew it must’ve hurt terribly. Once he was done, she thanked him and gathered her things.

He slung his rifle back over his uninjured shoulder and hurried to get with the group. When he approached, Magath was partnering up the wounded with those who could help them stand. “General, why are we moving? I thought we were setting up?” He questioned. Magath turned to him and pointed up at the sky behind them. “The airship is almost here; ahead of schedule, thanks to your team. They’re going to do the fly over and I’m not too keen on being in the crossfire.”

Eren wasn’t too sure what he meant by crossfire; the airship was supposed to attack the fort, not the trenches, but he held his tongue. “We’re going to be regrouping with the west flank squad. It’ll be better to have us together instead of spread so thin like this. The prisoners have finally woken and can walk.” Magath explained. As the soldiers finished getting ready, Magath grabbed hold of Eren’s sleeve and led him a little way from the group.

He leaned in and whispered into Eren’s ear. “We took heavy losses on every front today, if we don’t regroup now, we’re easy pickings.” His eyes were filled with regret. “If I die, these kids will be lost, and we can’t afford to lose them. Especially you –“

Eren jerked back sharply, “I am a soldier right now, General; I am not a prince.” He declared. Magath pressed his lips together and continued after a second, “You may think that, but there are some of us who would like to see you come home.” Eren was at a loss for words. He wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Perhaps he was talking about Grisha? As much as he and his father didn’t get along, Eren doubted his father would be happy with the death of his only son, his only heir. Most of his father’s war council despised him, but Magath made it sound like there were supporters in the mix. Magath had always been there for Eren, in a weird way. After his mother’s death, as strict as he could be, he was pleasant to the prince. He couldn’t say much for the others, though.

“We have to get another higher up in our ranks, I’ve already radioed in that we’re going to be joining up. As much as I respect you, Eren, you’re still too inexperienced to lead all these kids. And they’re too inexperienced to follow you.” He continued at Eren’s silence, “Hopefully that friend of yours will be with them.” He added softly. Pieck’s face flashed in his mind.

“Thanks.” Eren mumbled.

They were marching through the trenches moments later in groups of two. Their feet were sore and they had to rotate the wounded through new buddies. Their prisoners had complied for the most part, especially after Magath smashed his fist into one rowdy man’s nose. After his talk with Eren, the prince could now see the fine line the general was toeing. He was obviously pulled taunt over his duties, dealing with about 40ish inexperienced, shell-shocked soldiers and a handful of prisoners on his own must’ve been pushing him to his limit. He used his radio to pinpoint the nearest located squad and marched towards them.

To their relief, they approached a squad of Marley soldiers when the sun reached high noon. The heat had become sweltering and Eren had long since run out of water. At least he’d managed to learn the names of a few of the soldiers from the train destruction. Everything else about the march had been unpleasant.

 The incoming soldiers filtered into the crowd, desperately looking to see if their friends had made it. Their own wounded were deposited with the new squads; they had the time to set up a respectable camp and place for the injured.

Eren looked around for Pieck. His panic began to rise as he searched all the standing soldiers and couldn’t find her among them. He spun around, gaze raking over each soldier, but to no avail. A weak voice called his name from the makeshift nurse’s station. He raced over to find Pieck propped up against a crate. Blood from her nose coated her face and she had heavy bandaging on her side. Eren fell to his knees in front of her and wrapped her in a hug, burying his face in her shoulder. She clung to him, sobbing in both pain and relief. He just held her until her crying subsided into heavy pulls of air. She pulled away, watery eyes searching his face.

“Carlo?” She hiccupped. Eren’s blank expression was all she needed to know. She buried her face in her hands, biting into her fist to suppress her sobs, shoulders heaving. Eren still had no tears to cry, but that was now from the dehydration. He pulled Pieck back in, rubbing her back and tried to console her without causing her wounds to open back up.

Eventually, he sat beside Pieck and pulled her slightly into his lap. One friend dead, the other hurt; he dared not let himself think about Reiner sharing a similar fate. He was a titan shifter after all. He has to be alright…. His thoughts trailed off, too painful to consider the alternative. They stayed like that, comforting each other, sharing their grief. Zofia approached them with a spare canteen of water and hugged Pieck in the awkward angle. “The general’s request your presence in their meeting, Prince Eren.” She told him as he and Pieck passed the canteen between the two of them. He nodded faintly and she took a seat on the other side of Pieck.

Eren laid his head back on the crate and closed his eye, mentally preparing to get up again. His very bones ached with exhaustion and his shoulder was hot and throbbing. Pieck shifted off his lap and poured some water on his forehead, letting it drip down his temples and neck. He jumped a bit at the coolness but sighed in relief. It was so hot. “Shouldn’t waste water.” He mumbled, but gave up fighting when her fingers carded through his hair. His shoulders dropped and he just let her soothe him. A tiny part of him felt bad, figuring he should be helping her, but that was how Pieck had always been: putting others before herself. She redid his bun, pulling the sticky hairs off his neck and readjusted his eye patch. He cracked open his eye to the burning sun and looked at her.

“I’ll be fine,” she said with a faint smile, “I’m not going anywhere, but you have a meeting to attend.” She nudged him lightly.

With a groan, he pushed himself to his feet and made for the generals.

Chapter Text

Magath was engaged in an animated conversation with three other generals when Eren approached. As he got closer, the heat of the argument seemed to die down when they glanced at him. One of them, Gross, cleared his throat.

“Lovely of you to finally join us, your highness.” He said in a demeaning tone. Magath side-eyed the smart-mouthed general, but said nothing.

“You’ll have to excuse my tardiness, gentleman. Please, continue.” Eren forced out through gritted teeth.

He felt like he might burst into flames under the combined heat of the sun and the men’s glares. Magath shifted uncomfortably.

“As we were saying, the air attack is on its way in. They should have enough manpower to conquer the fort on their own, but we’ll be leaving some spare troops on this side in case things go south. The uh, artillery,” he coughs, avoiding Eren’s eyes, “they’re dropping is highly dangerous. It’s for the better that we clear out as many soldiers as we can spare to avoid any unnecessary casualties. Marley cannot afford to lose its titans; it will be all hands-on deck to get them evacuated if they are unable to take out the anti-titan cannons.” Magath began.  “As I was just getting to, it was a group from my squad that eliminated the train. They will be the ones I chose to stay behind, seeing as they work well enough together. It is up to you three to choose those from your squads to assist them.”

“I assume the prince will be staying behind as well?” One of the other two piped up. His pudgy face red under the heat.

“I believe Prince Eren has suffered a wound that needs immediate medical attention.” Magath says quickly before Eren can even open his mouth. “It would be in the best interest for his health to leave with the others.”

“You described it as Eren being the mastermind behind the little stunt; don’t you think they’d be more rallied to stay if their own prince was with them?” Gross argued. Magath wasted no time replying, “He won’t be much use to them if he comes down with infection. I am the sole remaining squad leader; therefore, he is under my command. He will be leaving.” Something in his eyes was hard and unwavering. Gross pinned Magath under his withering glare, but Magath refused to back down. “I pray you’ll reconsider… from a strategic standpoint, the troops need a beacon. Make Eren that beacon.” Gross pressed.

Eren had had enough. The two men posturing against each other had yet to let him speak on what he wanted.

“I will stay.” He said, breaking the stare down the two men were having. Magath whipped his head to face Eren, a hint of panic in his eyes.

“Prince Eren – “ he began.

“No. I need to stay for those soldiers. They trust me. Gross is right.” He had to hold back a physical retch at admitting the slimy general was actually right, but he held strong. Some alarm bells were going off in his head from the way the three generals were grinning among themselves, but he kept his suspicion off his face, shooting a pointed look at Magath to not argue.

“You heard the boy, Magath.” The last general spoke up. “Give him his orders.”

Magath studied Eren’s face for a moment and let out a tired sigh. “Prince Eren, alert the soldiers you were with of the plan. Get a proper look at your shoulder at the med station; prepare to stay.” Eren tried to give him a reassuring smile. “Of course, sir.” Magath didn’t return the smile. Instead, worry seemed to shroud the man’s entire aura.

“I will see to it that the best soldiers are picked.” The pudgy faced man concluded. Gross and the other general voiced the agreement and Eren turned to hunt down his 7 soldiers. Off on the horizon, he spied a large dot moving towards them: the airship. He prayed Reiner was safe up there.

He found Ymir and the others after a short search. It wasn’t too difficult to pick them out; they were the largest group sitting together sharing rations. They really bonded over the train experience, Eren thought to himself. A few of them were trying to get some rest, splayed out over each other’s laps. Ymir almost looked like she was standing guard over those on the ground.

He went up to Ymir. “Orders from General Magath. The 8 of us will be staying behind as a backup force for the titans while the rest of the troops fall back to the boat.” Ymir glared at him. “Why are we the ones that have to stay behind?” She snarled. “How come everyone else gets to run scared while we’re stuck in this hell-hole?” Her face was burnt red from the sun, causing her freckles to disappear slightly. He figured the hot weather and the obvious lack of sleep played a good role in her reaction.

Trying not to take it personally, he gently reminded her, “The orders came from Magath and the other generals, Ymir, not me.” He did wince internally when he realized what he was about to say next would probably piss her off more. The other kids from the group were starting to blink sleepily up at them.

Biting his lip, he answered her questions. “They said the ammunition they’ll be using is highly dangerous so they’re trying to reduce casualties. After our defeat of the train, we got nominated as the most competent.”

Probably the wrong way to word that first part, he reflected. I pretty much told them they’re going to be collateral damage.  

Ymir went off on him, past her point of patience and irritated as it was. Even one of the sweeter of the group started to voice their opinion from where they were seated, frowning at him. He shrunk in on himself as the group started to gang up on him, bringing up questions didn’t know the answer to. Guilt rose in his stomach like a nauseating balloon. For once, he chose to stay silent and let them berate him.

“It’s not his fault, you guys.”

The group turns to the speaker, Colt; one of the few he had managed to learn the name of while marching. He seemed level headed enough. 

“He’s just delivering orders. Had it not been for his quick thinking back there, the entire rest of our platoon would have been wiped out, and you all know it. Can’t blame him for the shitty hand we were dealt.” He mumbled, head down. The rest of them blushed and apologized to Eren, realizing they had just chewed out the prince of Marley.

Eren nodded his thanks to Colt. “I am sorry guys.” He said softly and decided to make things less awkward by leaving to let them digest the news.

Arriving back at the med station, he found Pieck napping against the crate with her head awkwardly bent to the side, her mouth open slightly. He smiled faintly at the sight and went to find someone to help quell the burning in his shoulder. Focusing on the sting as they patched him up again, he tried to push everything else out of his mind for the time being. The troops prepared to fall back, breaking down the makeshift camp around him. Sweat trickled down all of their backs and their cracked lips had nothing to soothe them from the scorching heat. Eren once again wished to leave with them, but reminded himself of his promise. The sooner we take this fort, the sooner we can all head home. Well… not exactly ‘all’ of us, he thought grimly. He hissed when he rolled his shoulder; he hoped it wouldn’t cause any trouble in this final leg of the mission. The Marley airship was now approaching low in the sky. He forgot how massive the things were; even from its elevation, it was magnificent. Its shadow stretched for what seemed like miles below it. Part of him hoped it would pass overtop of them so they could feel the relief of shade. 

“Troops, head out!” Came a sharp bark from Gross. Packs were slung onto backs and the seriously wounded were carried out; Pieck wincing as she was lifted, but never fully waking. The sight of her limp form sent a chill through him, even in the heat. Eren tried to shift his focus to the small platoon that stayed behind. Thinking about Pieck wasn’t going to bring any help, only distractions.

The pudgy faced general was elected to stay for command and he looked everything less than thrilled about it. The prince got into formation next to Colt, who looked visibly relieved to have him by his side. They exchanged wobbly smiles as the marching of boots faded out of earshot. They were truly alone now. If anything happened, they were the backup plan. And if they failed, Marley would be lost. Reiner would be lost. 

Eren blew out a heavy breath and tried to release some of the tension in his jaw. He could only hope that they wouldn’t need to help.

At the front of the formation, the general spoke into his radio and marked some places on his map. Around him, soldiers shifted their weight from foot to foot while the airship steadily made its way closer. It was nearing the mountain peaks on the east side of the fort. Fort Slava no doubt had spied the incoming airship by now. Eren briefly wondered what was going on inside the walls as they prepared.

Would their enemy be readying the cannons with more stacked close by? Did they have groups of soldiers at the ready too, in case the cannons failed? Were the Allied soldiers like them, fresh out of training, or did they have years of experience? Questions swirled through Eren’s head so fast it was increasingly difficult to keep up his cool façade. So many different factors, different variables, how could he possibly beat them when there was so much he didn’t know?

A creeping shadow stretched across the warzone, stretching out to Fort Slava’s walls. The titan shifters were nearly upon them, bearing down from the sky. Attacking from the ground would only earn the shifters an anti-titan shell to the face the moment they got into range; this was the only way.

All the small platoon had to do now was wait.

Pure Titans.

The ‘dangerous artillery’ they were dropping were… pure titans.

The ugly, disproportionate monsters rained down from the sky in a demented, carnivorous shower. From the moment the steam rolled out of the loading bay and they began to fall, the titan instinct to feed and devour was ignited. Pure titans with not a single thought other than to kill and feast. Even from the ground, Eren could see their faces, smiling with no humor. Their lips stretched wide, their teeth bared and ready to eat; he didn’t have to be close to know their eyes had that same chilling empty look of the smiling titan all those years ago. His legs shook, but not from anything other than fear. He could barely keep himself upright, trembling like a newborn fawn; most of the others had fallen to their knees at the sight. 

How were they supposed to provide back up with titans added to the mix? Eren almost wished to risk the cannon fire head-on than to square up with a horde of titans.

From off in the distance, bodies thumped to the ground, the sound traveling over the walls and to their dreading ears. An awful squelching and cracking mixed with nerve-grating roars. The titans hurtled towards the ground as dead weight, smashing into anything below them: walls, cannons, people. Nothing was safe from the air attack.

Mere meters in front of the cowering squad, a large 12-meter titan landed with a sickening crunch, startling them all. Most of them screamed at the abruptness of the titan’s appearance, even more so when its maw stretched open and the head swiveled towards them. The fall proved too great for its massive body to handle though, and it soon dissipated into steam as its flesh melted away. Eren stared at it in horror, wishing to be anywhere but there in that moment. Now understanding the need to move out the troops as a handful of titans missed their target and crunched into the trenches, thankfully missing the small platoon. The ground still shook at their arrival, knocking the soldiers off balance if they hadn’t already dropped to their knees. The crooked bodies steaming not long after making contact.

On the north east wall, one landed with a sickening crunch, sending clouds of dust up and knocking a couple of cannons off the high wall. With eyes as wide as saucers, the platoon watched as the mangled thing refused to die, arms flailing and grabbing some soldiers and stuffing them into its gnashing mouth. The screams of horror and pain were muffled from the distance, but clear all the same. From the walls spilled forth a cacophony of nightmarish cries. Their enemies’ screams branding themselves a guaranteed place in all of their nightmares.

He wasn’t sure he could wish this fate on anyone, even their enemy right now. So conflicted with emotions, it was hard to accept the necessity of the airstrike. On one hand, hundreds of their soldiers had lost their lives in the past few months, digging in the trenches and throwing their lives away for a hope that the fort could be conquered. Carlo has lost his life for this fort.

The Allies had mowed them down with machine guns without as much of a second glance... but, hadn’t Eren done the same? When all he saw was red and shot until none of them moved? Did their end really justify the means? Titans dropped from the air; did they really deserve this?

But, without this airstrike, hundreds more would continue to die. He was sure of it. Grisha had said it didn’t matter how many lives he paid for the fort; he wouldn’t stop the flow of troops until either Marley was drained dry or Fort Slava fell: whichever came first. Still, Eren felt this heavy guilt settle into his bones. He felt like a monster. Sure, he didn’t give the order himself, but those were his people dropping those titans right now. His people were responsible for those fear-filled deaths just over the walls.

A horrible way to die. He shuddered to think that if the shifters failed, a similar fate would be there waiting for him. Doomed to crawl away desperately as another amalgamated criminal snapped him up in its jaws. That was what they were, weren’t they? All those titans couldn’t have fit on their airship. They must have been injected and shoved out as they turned. ‘

Who met the worst fate today? Us? Our enemies? Our own people – turned into titans? He was going to be sick. What was the price?

Losing the battle within himself, Eren lurched forward and puked what little rations he had in his stomach. Bile stung his tongue and his dry throat clenched from the irritating acid burning his esophagus. Tears streaming from his eyes and nose, he noticed a scrap of cloth being offered to him by Colt, who had his hands on his knees, looking seconds away from following suite. He was taking deep breaths to attempt to keep his stomach settled. Eren accepted the cloth with a grateful nod, groaning as he wiped the vomit from his chin. Nobody mentioned his loss of composure, which he couldn’t care less even if they had.

They kept their eyes trained on the stream of titans in the sky; they were still coming. There must have been at least 30 titans on the ground already. Cannon fire began to sound again, almost comforting after being silent for a few hours. The higher inner walls became encased in cannon smoke; steam erupting from odd places as the artillery met its targets every so often. One hit and the titan would disintegrate into a heap of steam and dissolving flesh, removing any trace of the creature’s presence from the earth. Like ants erupting from a disturbed mound, the surviving titans crawled up the lower outer walls, desecrating the numbers. It wasn’t too long before the outer wall was overrun and taken by the mindless titans. Blood ran down the dusty brick, a stark contrasting color to all the grey and brown of the wind-blown fort.

In a final stand, the cannons continued to roar from the heart of the fort. Titans had stopped raining down; Marley now out of prisoners or the serum. It didn’t matter, the damage was enough. Even with their artillery, Eren was sure the Allies would be overwhelmed. Despite the small ones being picked off relatively easily, some titans were gigantic, reaching 10 meters or above and when they fell, it only put them at eye level with the inner wall, giving them a slim window to snatch up unlucky soldiers before the reload destroyed them. Being consumed by a bottomless hunger, it happened over and over again; the titans driven to eat in lieu of self-preservation.

To Eren’s, and most likely everyone else’s, surprise, the Mid-Eastern Alliance showed its hand at strength once again. Volleys of cannon fire dropped the number of titans advancing with every round of reload. Maybe they did have a chance at warding off this attack and pulling through another day. Those cannons were scarily powerful; Eren suppressed a shiver at the thought of what kind of damage they could do when pointed at a human. Would there even be anything left to send home?

A sinking feeling settled in his gut when he realized that this strike would be over soon; the sun was beginning to sink over the mountain tops, causing the shadows to slowly grow longer. If the titan horde didn’t wipe out the remaining numbers in the inner walls, they would need to stay and fight again tomorrow when the sun came up and they could finish the job. They had to take the fort before the Allied forces could request more troops.

Securing the fort was a top priority, and it needed to happen fast.

Up ahead, the pudgy general was muttering into the radio while scanning his map. Without warning, he snapped his head up, his sudden movement had them all jolting; all of their nerves were shot, making them skittish. The airship had slowed its course, but wasn’t quite hovering, and was positioned right above the fort.

“Here we go, warriors!” Their general barked. Eren scrambled to right himself.

“Slava’s a tough nut to crack, but even she cannot withstand The Big Three. Now let’s do what we came here for; Protect the titan shifters with everything you’ve got!” With his cry, they charged, feet pounding the dirt as they ran, their shadows running alongside them as the sun slipped farther on the horizon. The dissolving 12-meter titan corpse provided them with some cover, but the gunmen in the fort seemed to be too preoccupied with the horde to notice the advancing soldiers. Guttural cries erupted from the platoon, fueled by pure adrenaline as they dashed for a destroyed portion of the outer wall. Since it was previously overrun, the machine guns remained silent; if they were even still intact.

With ease, they reached the crumbled bricks spilling into the wasteland. Death lay evident among the ruins, but they continued on by without batting an eye, focused on their final mission.  

Faintly, from just above his line of sight, three little figures plunged from the airship, parachutes opening just as his view was obscured by the skyline.

There they go… good luck Reiner. Eren spared the thought as they infiltrated the twisting streets of Fort Slava. They sprinted deep into the first wall, trying to get as close as they could to the second without being detected. Wisps of steam in the streets were all that remained of the dropped titans.

Crackles of shifting flesh and rolling steam came from above, signaling the shifters' transformations. Heavy thuds shook the crumbling structures around the platoon when the three made contact. Under the general’s orders, the soldiers scrambled up anything they could to gain height - scaffolding, water towers, buildings - anything they could find to give them the leverage to properly pick off the cannon handlers. Eren found himself on a rooftop, flattened as far as he could behind the ledge, peeking his rifle over the edge. Shots soon popped off around him as his fellow soldiers did their best to provide some sort of cover for the shifters.

Luckily for them, the shifters had the reflexes and survival instinct the pure titans lacked. Where the pure titans had taken blows without any acknowledgement, the three titan shifters ducked, dodged, and most importantly, attacked. They moved faster than the Allied soldiers could comprehend; the cannon operators were taken aback by the behavior difference of the massive titans in front of them. However, the rooftop assault behind them and the horrific titans in front of them was more than enough reason to snap out of their shock and resume fire. Barely having enough remaining manpower to handle the cannons, the Allies were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Behind the wall, Eren lay waiting and aiming, looking for an opening. He managed to pick off two of the cannon handlers in the outlook in front of him and injured one other, but now, there were no more soldiers in his range. His rifle could only shoot so far, and from his station, he was useless. He growled in frustration. He needed a better vantage point. Impact of artillery was nearly deafening at this close of range, but he knew he needed to get closer. He needed to be on the inner wall, ensuring Reiner or any of the others weren’t hit. Another one of his little plans formulated in his head. Risky, but a true Kruger idea, his mind ran with it.

Abruptly jumping up from his hiding spot, he scanned his surroundings as he ran along the rooftops, searching for a way to get a few streets up. Any gap small enough for him to make would do.

A few buildings across proved to be his best shot – a long stretch of building that reached almost to the inner wall. Resigning himself to a literal leap of faith, he braced himself for the worst. Sprinting to the edge of the crumbling building, his legs bunched as he launched himself across the gap, scrabbling at the ledge of the building on the adjacent side of the street as he fell short. Damn, depth perception! He cursed as his legs flailed to gain traction on the flat wall. A glance down had him curling his nails into the peeling paint as he tried to heave his chest onto the roof. Though not terribly high, a fall from this height would not leave him unscathed. With straining muscles and a harumph of breath, he bent himself over the side of the roof and managed to get his knee up for purchase.

Without missing a beat, he resumed his run towards the inner wall. He was interrupted by a couple of small bullets pelting the metal around him, making him duck for cover, but a louder shot followed by a rustling thud of a body on earth had him peeking out. Colt stood proud and unwavering on another rooftop to his left, his rifle aimed high and a fearless expression in his eyes. Spying his dead attacker just below the wall, Eren nodded a quick thanks to Colt who returned it briefly before throwing himself back into cover.

The cannons were sounding off between longer intervals – signaling that most were out of commission or there was a distinct lack of people left to use them – Eren suspected it might be both. Eren quickened his pace when the next blast made itself known. There was some noise coupled into it, sounding like a combination of a roar and a scream. He gulped, and prayed it wasn’t Reiner’s. As long as they didn’t get the head or the neck, he’ll be fine, he reminded himself. He kept running, making it to the edge in a few seconds.

He barely had the moment to rationalize that it had been a high-pitched scream, a human scream of pain.

The roar had come from his left, more near Colt’s position.

On the outside of the wall. Close.

The cannon fire had come from his right.

All of this flew through his mind, but he was already making his next leap towards the last ring of building in front of the wall. Too much, too late. He went cold when the realization hit him mid-air, much like the burly force that hit him physically, when he felt something slam into him.

His body jolted with the momentum of his attacker, roughly snatched to the right by a vice like grip on his left leg. He was falling, something dragging him down from the air, his left leg was on fire. He could barely see what had a hold on him. An audible crunch and snapping of bone reached his ears, in time with the searing pain that electrified its way up his spine and flooded his brain with the one sensation: agony. Everything above his knee felt like it was being lit on fire, a deep-set pain that traveled through his thigh and gnawed at his bones. Below his knee… nothing. No toes to wiggle. No ankle to roll.

With the pressure released off of him and no longer tethering him to the great force, he free-fell the rest of the way to the ground. The world rushed up to meet him. His body slammed into the cobbled street below, making all the air in the world vanish. His rifle clattered to the ground on his right. His lungs refused to work, paralyzed.  Head thrown back and mouth open in a silent scream, he writhed on his back in silence in the street.

Due to his thrashings, what remained of his leg thumped against the stone street, barely ripping a strangled gasp from past his lips, lungs fluttering. He plastered his palms to the ground, trying to ground himself from the pain, but it only allowed him to feel the rumbling he had missed while being on the roof all throughout his body. Heavy foot falls shook him as they came closer. He didn’t have the strength to lift his head, only able to take in the darkness of the starless night with his single eye as he faced the sky. His body refused all commands to move, resigning him to lay there frozen as the beast came closer. Pins and needles fired along his skin all over his body. He was an odd mix of hurt and numbness, like his body was cooling, yet his back was warm?

The ugly thing leaned into his line of sight, his blood painting its chin crimson. It leaned over him with that sickening grin they all had. Its hair wasn’t gold this time, but a murky brown. It was much shorter than the basement tian; it stood barely at the second story windows, not even coming near to clearing the roof. From his angle on the ground, the thing was enormous regardless. He was sickened by its appearance, its empty, hungry eyes looking down upon him.

A small portion of his mind wondered that if he had not already been unable to move, would his fear have done the job of paralyzing him? Or would it be the driving force that urged him to survive, to drag his broken, bleeding body as far as he could in a vain attempt to survive before the titan snapped him up anyways? Its massive hand reached for him, disproportionate to the rest of its body. A single finger was as long as him. He guessed it didn’t matter now. He was going to die, afraid and unable to move. He was so tired; his fingers and toes were numb.

He wanted to close his eyes and turn his head, to hide from the monster like that might make it go away. He wanted to close his eyes and open them again to realize it was all a terrible nightmare and he was back in Marley. But he couldn’t. Some part of him deep down refused to die like a cowering child. He wanted to look the thing in its cold dead eyes and glare back, unafraid. He wasn’t a scared child chased by a titan in the castle anymore; he was a soldier now, and he still had a bone to pick with titans. Whatever amount of scared he was, he was stubborn tenfold. I think I still have a little bit of fight left in me, Eren mused, his mouth twisting into a snarl.

His lungs finally decided to do their job and he began to wheeze in a few scrappy breaths. Oxygen suddenly rushed his veins, making him feel heady and alive again. It gave him a newfound strength, allowing him to throw his hand out to the side, reaching desperately for his rifle. He knew he couldn’t kill it, but he’d be damned if he died without giving the son of a bitch a little something to remember him by.

Cool metal brushed his fingertips and he grasped it with all his strength, dragging it up to his shoulder, cocking it and aiming straight for the monster’s face, firing into its eye as the hand was almost upon him. The recoil slammed his injured shoulder back into the street, causing a pained groan to escape him, still not having much air to spare. The titan shrieked, jerking away as a column of steam erupted from its eye. Hot titan blood splattered onto the prince, making him wince at the slight burn.

Trembling with the effort, he managed to bring his elbows under him and attempted to sit up. Pain ricocheted though his body and his head swam, but his burning need to go down fighting was greater than the tingling in his arms and the molten hot pain in his left leg. With a scream of rage, he unloaded what was left of his ammo into the titan. Though barely doing any damage as the thing regenerated, he still felt satisfied that he hadn’t just laid down and died.

Waves of pain crashed over him when his little burst of adrenaline wore off, dragging him back to the ground. His rifle fell back to the ground while he trembled in the wake of his agony. A small stream of tears betraying him as he was all-consumed in his anguish. He’d never known pain like this before. Not even losing his eye could compare to this. The titan moaned and reappeared above him, forever reaching for him, Distantly, he could hear someone screaming. It sounded like Colt: he was screaming out Eren’s name.

He was so cold.

In the distance, a final cannon shell rang off, followed by a thunderous sound of smashing brick and then a heavy silence.

It was over.

If they had won or lost, he would never know.

Now he could rest. Not even Colt’s yelling could stop the pull of darkness that blanketed him and softly whispered for him to give in, to go to sleep. So cold…

It was all over, and he was tired. Why shouldn’t he?

His eyelid fluttered and he felt himself go lax. A heavy sigh relieved him of all his stress and tension, going boneless as the titan’s fingers brushed over him, slipping under his form and picking him up. Its hot skin a comfort in the chilling desert air.

This is how mama died…. is this what it was like?

The thought jolted him back from the edge. He had to know. Some part of him had always wondered if his mother had suffered. Here, he was going to meet a similar fate. For just a moment, he would know. He could find the closure he so desperately needed.

Eren stubbornly refused the call of the darkness, foggy in the head and curiosity sparked in a corner of his brain. His helmet was long gone, and his bun was now free to come undone slightly, making strands hang down by his face as he was dangled over the mouth of the small titan. Heat radiated up from its gaping maw, flushing his face and seeming to breathe life and warmth over his own cold, weak body. Dark droplets dripped onto its massive tongue from his leg. Gazing into the abyss, he didn’t struggle. Instead, he peered at it with anticipation and endless wonder. He was finally going to understand.

A huge armor-plated hand wrapped around the oversized limb that held Eren, a second, matching hand simultaneously slapping over its open mouth.

His time for consciousness ran out. A third, gentler, but equally large hand bent back the pure titan’s wrist and pried open the massive fingers to softly pick him up. By the time he was in the palm of the third titan, he had long been unresponsive and was frightingly pale. 

Chapter Text

Reiner sat beside the simple cot that housed his best friend. The prince’s still form lay unchanged from the time the titan boy had carried him in there weeks ago upon arriving back in Marley. The prince, along with the more seriously wounded, had been placed on the airship and rushed back to Marley not long after Eren had been rescued from almost being eaten alive.

The Beast Titan had been the one to pluck the prince from the unnaturally long fingers that had grasped the Marlian Heir and rushed him to the seaside to get him medical attention. Reiner, still in his titan form, had ripped the pure titan to shreds, long after it was clear the thing was dead, the armored titan was still pounding its empty head to a pulp.

It had been a sad day for many when the transport trucks rolled into town a not long behind the airship. What had once carted off young, healthy soldiers now hauled the shell-shocked survivors and the mountain of corpses from the battlefield. As happy as the return had been for the survivor’s families, the celebratory mood quickly dimmed when the few living bodies were unloaded. Then the long, painstaking task of hauling the heavy, stiff corpses from the rest of the trucks began, sorting through the crowds to find loved ones to confirm the bodies. Reiner had watched it all from the window of Eren’s room in the med wing. It had been a long time before the echoing wails of heartbroken parents and siblings quieted from the walls of the castle grounds.

Eren had clung to life as stubbornly as he’d always been. Even when the doctors had warned Reiner that Eren might not make it through the nights the first week they were back, Eren was still alive every morning, breathing and ever defiant, like he could hear the doctor’s doubting his survival and wanting to prove them wrong.

Nobody could pull the blonde boy from the prince’s side for more than a few minutes; he had stayed in the chair on the prince’s left side as always, either silently watching over him or with his head buried in the prince’s limp hands. The nurses and orderlies watched the mourning boy with soft eyes and tight lips, eventually becoming used to his presence in the room as they tended to the unconscious prince. Reiner even took it upon himself to learn how to change bandages and perform lesser tasks so that the nurses could tend to the other wounded soldiers. Since he was always in the room, he could get it done quicker, he had explained when one of the nurses had asked him why.

They had not returned home with all of the backup platoon. Many had been shot or taken out by lingering titans, but none of the injured had spent as much time in the med wing as Eren. While many had been discharged after two or three weeks, Eren remained in the cot, Reiner by his side.

He’d come home with a slew of injuries. His most obvious being the severed leg he now had. Neatly taken off below the knee, only the kneecap and the femur of Eren’s left leg remained. The doctors, along with Reiner, were disturbed at how cleanly the titan had bitten it off. Though the blood loss had been grave and he had been given transfusions to keep him alive, Eren remained unconscious, but that was most likely due to the dangerous concussion the prince was sporting after being slammed two stories into a cobbled street by a titan. On top of that, a surgeon had been called in to remove the foreign bullet from Eren’s obviously infected and inflamed shoulder. Despite the state of his leg, the doctors had worried that it would be the bullet wound that would take the prince under, seeing as the infection was much more onset and closer to his heart. Like always, the prince persevered through his injuries, with the help of the best medical team Marley had to offer.

Grisha visited his son briefly upon his arrival back, his face impossible for Reiner to read. He looked neither happy to see his son alive nor upset that he was so obviously dancing on the brink of death, but Reiner never had the time to question him on it, as Grisha usually kept his visits short and Reiner was too preoccupied with his own grief to put much thought into it. Since their return, Eren had been visited by a number of their surviving squad mates, including Pieck when she was well enough to walk again. It warmed Reiner’s heart to see so many people willing to visit Eren, even when he was unconscious. Most of the visits ended with the visitors checking in on Reiner though, making sure to bring him food and water at the request of the nurses.

Pieck had been the one to tell him of Carlo’s demise, but no one he asked could tell him how it happened. When he finally found himself left alone once more, he allowed himself to break down. All that was known of Carlo’s death, it seemed, was that Eren had been present, as he had been the one to tell Pieck. Now, his fate was left locked away behind Eren’s silent lips and closed eye. After that particular visit with Pieck, Reiner had reached out trembling hands to thumb over Eren’s face, taking in the slight furrow in the unconscious boy’s brow and the way his eyelashes dusted against his cheek. He wondered if Eren was dreaming, if he thought at all. He wondered if the horrors of the battle haunted him behind this silent demeanor.

Part of him felt guilty that he had gotten to escape most of the war. But having been in the airship, he had been exposed to a different kind of hell. Nothing could have prepared him for the screaming and begging the prisoners would make in the hours it took to arrive overtop of the fort. They knew of their fate; they weren’t stupid. They knew what happened to criminals of their status, and the sight of the syringes in the three titan shifter’s hands was enough to send them into a screaming, pleading frenzy.

Sometimes Reiner would jolt awake in the chair beside Eren’s cot at night, whispers of those screams dying on his own lips.

Eren’s 18^th birthday came and went in the next week. The prince remained unaware of the world. Reiner and Pieck had asked for a few pastries from the kitchen; the staff got teary eyed when Pieck explained what it was for. For the past few years, Prince Eren didn’t venture into the kitchen’s as much as he did when he was younger, but he still remained on good terms with the cooks and helpers. That fondness extended to the friends of the prince when the staff threw together a surprise picnic dinner for the two friends, sending it up with Zeke who delivered it to Eren’s sick room. Zeke had gone about the task quietly, not really looking Reiner in the eyes, the awkwardness never quite leaving them after the incident.

Zeke helped spread the table cloth onto the lone night stand between the two chairs. He laid out the small plates of sliced meats and cheeses and a small bottle of champagne. Some cut fruit was produced next and Zeke neatly arranged everything to their liking.

Pieck uttered a soft, “Thank you.”

Zeke slowly stood up from the basket, in his hands were three little pastries – the prince’s favorite. His gaze lingered on the small desserts in his hands for a long time, not moving. It wasn’t until Reiner gruffly cleared his throat in question that Zeke was able to pull his eyes up. Both Pieck and Reiner were looking at him strangely, but he quickly put a smile on his face and placed the pastries in the middle on the small makeshift table.

Reiner did his best to not lunge at the older boy who had caused Eren so much pain, instead, resigning to a curt nod. Zeke bowed his head and went to leave. He paused at the doorway and turned, his gaze falling on Eren’s still form. He was quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry.” He forced out.

Reiner stilled, his hand halfway to a slice of apple. He knew that Zeke was talking about much more than the prince’s current condition. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, his throat closing up at the suddenness of the confession.

“Happy birthday to Prince Kruger.” He said before leaving for good.

From across the nightstand, Pieck placed a soft hand on Reiner’s, which had dropped to the table in a shaking fist. Silent tears dripped out of both of their eyes, reflecting the sudden bursts of colorful light as the kingdom set off fireworks in the prince’s honor.

Almost a month and a half after the defeat of Fort Slava, Eren managed to claw his way back from that dark pit he had fallen into. He fought to pry open his dry eye against the imaginary weight that kept it shut. Everything seemed too bright, immediately causing a pounding in his temples and an insufferable pressure to settle on the edges of his orbital bones. A pained groan slipped from his mouth before he realized it and immediately shut his eye again, his entire body aching like he’d been dragged through hell and back. The cool drip in the crook of his elbow did hardly anything to quell the tingling pain down his spine and the pounding in his skull.

He ran his tongue over his lips, feeling parched. The burning thirst giving him motivation to try and look around again. Forcing his eye to peel open again, he was disoriented by how the room seemed to blur together; he could barely pick out the shape of the foot of the bed in contrast with the plain wall. Struggling, he managed to crook his neck, trying to peer around for some water. The movement only granted him a dizzying wave of nausea, making him swallow hard. Now, with his head resting to the side, he was able to make out the slumped form of somebody in a chair beside him, their head pillowed on their folded arms resting on his bedside.

Blinking hard to chase some of the blurriness away, he was able to sharpen the image in front of him enough to recognize the huddled form to be Reiner.

He looked terrible. His blonde hair had grown out some, messy and unwashed. His beard had come in patchy, nothing more than an unkempt stubble. He was snoring softly, his back rising and falling with each even breath. It felt surreal to see his best friend right there next to him, seemingly unharmed. Reiner was alive. Eren struggled to reach out and touch him, crying out in pain when he accidentally shifted too much and had hot-ember pain pool around his shoulder and back.

The prince’s yelp had Reiner surging up from the bedside, blinking rapidly, his hands flying to the arms of his seat in preparation to get up. Whipping his head around not finding anyone else in the room, he finally looked at the prince, a small flicker of hope igniting in his chest when he realized the prince had turned to him, his eye cracked open, albeit panting from the strain.

“Eren!” He cried rushing to cradle his face in his large hands. Tears slipped from his eyes and a wobbly grin plastered itself on his face. “You’re alive! You woke up; You’re here!” He rambled on, hardly able to make a sentence of more than three words as his eyes frantically searched Eren’s face, trying to take in every feature like he hadn’t been studying his face every waking moment for the past month.

Despite the drowsiness and the pain, Eren too, managed to curve the corners of his mouth up in a weak grin. He felt terrible for waking Reiner from his peaceful sleep, but even he could not deny that hearing Reiner’s voice, seeing Reiner, was like a breath of life. His trembling hand reached out for him again, the blonde boy meeting him halfway and nuzzling into the prince’s hand, kissing into his palm while his tears pooled into his open hand. He released Eren’s chin in favor of grabbing that hand, pressing the wet palm to his cheek while he openly sobbed. Eren did his best to make a shushing noise, but it ended in a hiss of pain and a grimace when his dry throat caught uncomfortably.

Reiner was quick to let go of his hand, now rising up fervently.

“Is the pain bad? I can call the nurses. Tell me what you need.” He asked, his gaze raking over Eren’s contorted face. The prince managed to give a tiny shake of his head after some deep breaths through his nose. He ran his tongue over his cracked lips again and parted them.

“Wa…” He tried to speak, but the words had trouble coming out, like his lips didn’t know how to form them. Luckily, Reiner was quick to understand, retrieving his canteen from the nightstand and putting it to the prince’s lips.

He greedily sucked down the lukewarm water, taking in great gulps, though a good bit escaped his mouth and dripped down his chin and landed in his hair and on his collar bones.

After the prince had drunk his fill, Reiner pulled the canteen away and brushed away the spilled water, his knuckles seeming to sooth the pain from his skin as they brushed over his chin and neck. He basked in Reiner’s touch, letting his eye slip shut from the irritating light, letting himself be soothed. He wanted them to have this moment forever, where Reiner’s embrace alone was enough to chase away the pain, but it was over too soon. The titan boy pulled his hand away to Eren’s displeasure, making him crack his eye open in question. Reiner rose from his chair, “I have to alert the doctor’s, they’ll want to check you over and evaluate you.” He muttered. He hesitated though, looking towards the closed door and hurriedly placed a loving kiss to the prince’s brow, his breath lingering on his cool skin as it seemed that Reiner had great difficulty detaching himself from Eren’s side.

The lovers exchanged a forlorn look before Reiner disappeared through the doorway; they both knew that the constant parade of doctors that was sure to follow would rob them of any precious alone time like that they had just managed to steal.

Left to the stillness of his room, Eren did his best to take in his surroundings, too preoccupied with seeing Reiner that he had not noticed the he did not recognize his room. Now adjusting to the dim light of the room, he took in the blandness of the castle’s hospital wing. Monotone walls, floor, and furniture, thankfully easy on his sensitive eyes. The two chairs beside his bed looked well-used, one more so than the other, and the remnants of get-well gifts were haphazardly strewn on a lone nightstand.

It wasn’t too long before voices sounded from outside his closed door, one that he picked out to be Reiner’s, most likely pleading to be let back in the room. The door opened to the doctor, two orderlies, and Reiner pouring in. The nurses busied themselves checking his vitals and fussing around with their medical equipment while Reiner did his best to keep out of the way.

“It is good to see you awake, your highness. I am Dr. Grice” His doctor addressed him, sparing him a glance over his clipboard. “How’re you feeling?

Eren grumbled in response, clearly displeased at being poked and prodded at.  

The doctor’s eyebrows furrowed. “Come again? I don’t believe I understood you.” He questioned. Eren shifted in bed, attempting to sit up more, the nurses trying to shush him and bring him back down. He shrugged them off with a grunt, letting out a garbled, “.. off”. His face has drained of what little color it had from the movement. Reiner’s brow creased in worry at how sickly the prince was.

When he was finally propped up on some pillows and the color had returned to his cheeks, Dr. Grice tried again. “Prince Eren, I need you to settle down. Try and relax.” He motioned for the orderlies to hand the charts over. He scanned them over quickly and ushered them out of the room.

When it was just the three of them, he spoke again. “Please your highness, it’s only a few questions, then you may rest.” He said with a tight smile, tapping his thumb on the clipboard impatiently. Reiner frowned at him, eyes darkening.

“Everything… hurts.” Eren’s mouth struggled to work, having to take a long pause between the two simple words. His face was pinched tight, jaw set.

The doctor’s brows flew up in understanding, a look of pity settling in behind it. Reiner glanced nervously between the doctor and the prince; he could tell that whatever was happening, it wasn’t good news.

“Interesting….” Dr. Grice said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Your highness, are you feeling dizzy, nauseas, maybe a sensitivity to light?” He asked.

Tentatively, Eren nodded, eyes downcast on the blankets.

“Any tingling in your limbs, numbness?”

Another nod.

The doctor’s mouth drew into a tight line. Nodding to himself slightly, he sighed quietly. “We’ll run some more tests in a bit, but it seems our suspicions were correct.” He said unhappily.

“Make sure he stays in bed, he’s not in any shape to be getting up. Most likely, Prince Eren has some nerve damage that will affect his mobility.” He ordered Reiner. Eren’s eye flew open at the news, to which the doctor quickly backtracked.

“It seems to be minor, something that can be corrected with plenty of time and physical therapy. Until you’ve regained some strength, you need to stay still, especially with that head injury of yours.” He attempted to soothe the troubled prince.

A shaky glance at Reiner rewarded him with one of the blonde boy’s warm smiles. It was a smile that let him know that he wouldn’t be alone in this journey. A promise that he would be there every step of the way with him. Even if he couldn’t promise that everything would be ok, they would do their best together. More soothed by his best friend than the doctor’s words, Eren resigned himself to the bed and murmured his agreement. True to his word, the doctor left him alone after a few more questions, jotting down notes on his clipboard. To Eren’s displeasure, none other than Grisha himself made his way into the room not long after the doctor left.  

An immediate scowl replaced his features, a natural reaction to his father. His father still carried himself with an heir of importance, emitting his irritating “holier-than-thou” aura even when visiting his son after his near-death ordeal. Grisha’s eyes scanned over his son, taking in his one missing leg and overall, weak and noticeably smaller form. He tutted to himself, just low enough that neither of the young boys heard it. Plastering an obvious fake smile on his lips, he leered at Reiner, causing the blonde boy’s stomach to roll at the unpleasantness.

“Could you give my son and I some time alone? I’d like to speak with him now that he’s awake.” He said, in an equally unsettling voice. Reiner bristled, not sure what the king was playing at, and not the least bit happy at thinking about leaving Eren alone with him in his vulnerable state.

“Your Majesty, I’m not sure that is a good idea, Eren is quite tired and already been through questioning from the doctor. He was given orders to rest.” Reiner argued, trying to save Eren from a “heart-to-heart” with his father. Of course, Grisha did not take denial well, his eyes growing livid even with the smile that still stuck to his lips. The tension in the room grew thick as Reiner and the king tried to refrain from going at each other.

Eren jerked his chin towards the door, a sign for Reiner to follow Grisha’s request, not in the mood for a fight. His head wasn’t pounding as bad as it had when he first woke up, but he could always feel the ache in his skull, just behind his ears, ready to wash over him at any second.

Reiner disappeared without any more complaints.

Grisha glided over to Reiner’s abandoned chair and sank into it with a scrunched nose. Eren visibly tensed at his father settling in his blind spot. The king paid no notice to his son’s obvious discomfort, choosing to pick absentmindedly at the gifts on the nightstand, letting the two sit in an uncomfortable silence. Eren refused to speak first, a little afraid that he wouldn’t be able to make it the whole conversation anyway. Not that he didn’t particularly have much to say to his father, all things considering. A part of him blamed Grisha for Carlo’s death. Just the thought of that had his fists scrunched into the sheets as he stared blankly ahead. Again, finding himself at a loss for words.

How was he supposed to speak to his father now, after all that had happened? There was no denying it; Grisha was at fault for the hundreds of lives lost at Fort Slava. He knew they weren’t ready, but he sent them in anyway.

When Grisha had decided that Eren had been left to stew long enough, he finally quit his mindless pickings and focused on his son, his hands folding neatly in his lap.

“It is good to see you alive and well, Eren.” He said, breaking the silence. Eren didn’t reply. Grisha didn’t bat an eye at his son’s quietness and continued to speak to him. Typical.

“I was worried you might not return, and then, that you might not wake up.” He said quietly; so quietly that Eren almost didn’t hear it properly. “You did well, you’re a hero to our people. You’ve proven yourself strong. It was with your sacrifice that we won the war with the Mid-Eastern Alliance.”

The words, as good as it may have felt to be praised, rolled off him like water on a duck’s back. This new approach Grisha was trying – it was too much, too late. His father never praised him, never sought to build a relationship, especially after Carla’s death. He wanted nothing to do with the king, and the king wanted nothing to do with him. That’s how it’d been. So, forgive him if he didn’t quite trust the sweet words Grisha was trying to tell him.

“When you are healed, you will make a fine king.”

 He dared to turn his head to Grisha, locking his father in his amber gaze. He searched his father’s teal ones, finding nothing to hint that his father was lying. Grisha gave him the first true smile he had seen on his father’s face in years. It wasn’t plastered on like the ones he wore when addressing crowds, or a sneer that he was used to seeing. It was small, but it was there. A small upturn of the mouth.

Taken aback, Eren struggled to return it, unable to feel any joy in his father’s sudden change of character. The throne room flashed behind his eye. He heard the ghost of his father’s angry screaming. His empty eye socket throbbed and his scar tingled under the bandages around his head. He closed his eye and swallows hard.

It will take much more than one sentence to fix that day. If Grisha could ever make up for what he’d done to Eren.

When he opened it, Grisha was reading through a letter from the nightstand, appearing to not pay Eren any mind. It hurt to see him act like nothing was wrong, like he had done Eren a great service, not dropped a bombshell.

As if picking up that his son wasn’t going to say anything, Grisha clapped his hands on his thighs and stood up. “Right then. Rest well, son.” He said and exited the room without further comment. Eren watched him go, miserable and confused. Reiner returned almost the second the king had his foot out the door, obviously staying right outside incase Eren needed to yell for him. 

 Reiner’s face held a matching expression as Eren’s. Eren suspected he'd listened to the whole thing through the door.

“What was that all about?” Reiner said suspiciously, eyeing the doorway where Grisha had disappeared. Eren slumped in bed, looking incredibly small. The blonde boy picked up on the prince’s sour mood and crossed the room in a hurry, sitting back in his chair. He reached out and brushed back a long strand of hair behind Eren’s ear. The prince subconsciously leaned into the touch.

“Forget about him. You should try and get some sleep.” Reiner said, reaching around to snag his canteen for himself. Eren hummed in agreement and did his best to get comfortable in the sheets while his limbs tingled with pins and needles. He still couldn’t get used to the feeling of – or lack of – his stump leg jostling around. As uncomfortable as it was, he knew he would adjust. He’d done it before with his loss of sight, what was learning how to walk again?

In his mind, he chuckled bitterly at the thought. This was a totally different scenario, and try as he might to not let it show, he was scared shitless of his own body. He couldn’t even rely on his legs to carry him around anymore. He tried to quell his racing thoughts and drift off; he was quite exhausted emotionally from the hustle and bustle. From his side, he heard the chair creak as Reiner got up. Instinctually, his hand flew out and blindly grasped at his friend’s coat. Embarrassed, he quickly let go, but whispered quietly, “Stay…. please.”

Two warm hands wrapped around his own and the chair groaned again as Reiner sat back down.

“Of course, my love.” He whispered back.

That was how the prince fell asleep, his hand grasped in Reiner’s and his low rumbling voice in his ears.

Days passed. Each one presenting new challenges and frustrations. Eren had managed to sneak out of his bed about 4 days after he woke up and tried to stand on his own, anxious to get on the road to recovery, only to have his leg collapse out from under him immediately. Thankfully, Reiner had been there to catch him, but the scare it gave the doctors and nurses had Eren staying bed bound and under surveillance for a while after that. The frustration grew and his temper rose. Those days turned to weeks, and then to months with much less progress than the prince would like.

Controlling his anger at himself was almost as difficult as learning to walk again. He struggled to keep from lashing out when he failed, the helpless feelings turning to shame and embarrassment. Reiner did his best to reason with him, reassuring the prince that none of the medical staff was judging him for his injuries. Eren couldn’t help but secretly feel like a burden to Reiner too. Not only was he a handful to deal with in the waking world, but he was prone to crying out in his sleep, often jostling the both of them from their slumber, haunted by his dreams.

Eren eventually tried to convince Reiner to return to his own sleeping quarters, or at least bed down somewhere else to avoid his sleep being interrupted, after a particularly bad night, but the blonde wasn’t having it. In fact, the staff conjoined up another cot in the room later that same day at Reiner’s request to further solidify his stubbornness.

Though the mental and emotional strain was stifling at times, he refused to let it stop him from getting better. More determined than ever, and maybe a part of him wanting to make Reiner proud, he pushed himself harder every day and did everything he could to regain his strength (albeit irritating his doctors plenty along the way). Through his persistence and Reiner’s unwavering support, Eren finally, finally, was able to hobble around without assistance when propped up on a crutch. He wasn’t as stable on it as he had hoped, but it was enough to convince Dr. Grice to let Eren be discharged.

Leaving behind the 4 blank walls of the room was almost as wonderful as the promise of being able to sleep in his own bed again. Overjoyed and drunk on a sense of freedom, he and Reiner sought out Pieck to tell her the good news. They stopped by the kitchens on their search, causing the staff to erupt in cheers and hoots at the sight of the lively prince on his feet (foot) again. After chatting for a while, and plenty of promises to visit again soon, they resumed their tasks and let the two boys head on their way.

Pieck was found in the courtyard with a group of soldiers, laughing along with the group. Eren didn’t miss the way her smile didn’t reach all the way to her eyes. He could still pick out the dead expression, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. So she was just as haunted as he was, it seemed. When she spotted them, she perked up immediately, her joy evident, washing away the shadows on her face.

As Eren hobbled closer at his turtle-slow pace, Pieck all but ran over to him, throwing herself into his arms. He would have been knocked off balance at the momentum if it had not been for Reiner’s large hand resting on his back, supporting them. Doing his best to wrap his free hand around her, he buried his face in her shoulder, nearly suffocating in her mop of black hair. They just held each other for a while.

When they finally parted, the three of them joined the group, taking some time to catch up. He was able to pick out a few familiar faces, including Colt. The shorter blonde clapped Eren on the back, joking about how Eren was now going to have trouble with the noble ladies, teasing that his battle-scarred appearance would terrify them. Eren just punched him lightly in the shoulder and retorted back that all Colt needed to do was stand next to him then, and they would flock to Eren with no problem. That earned him a round of howled laughter from their friends, easing the conversation back to full swing. Eren and Reiner stole a look shortly after, smirking to each other.

It felt good to talk to and be around people his own age again, no offense to Reiner, it was just that some variety in conversation was refreshing. Eren couldn’t help but also be slightly unsettled at how relaxed the soldiers were, easily talking amongst themselves with no mention of the war… or anything of the sort at all. Not that he was especially excited to talk about it, but it hung peculiarly in the back of his mind.

They couldn’t stay long, and bid the group goodbye as the sun began to paint the sky pink and orange. They returned to the castle to get Eren situated in his room, making all the necessary accommodations and having a light dinner in the prince’s room. When everything had been cleared away and sent back down to the kitchens, the two of them sat on the window seat, leaning their elbows on the sill to watch the people in the courtyard slowly trickle out. They stayed up talking through the night, well past the time that the stars had come out.

When the prince’s head started to droop and came to rest against the glass pane, Reiner decided to scoop Eren up and situate him in his bed, ignoring his insistence that he hadn’t been falling asleep. The titan boy just chuckled in response and pulled the covers over top of him playfully throwing them over his face.

“Go to sleep, dumbass.” He said affectionately.

Eren smacked the cover back down with a laugh; something Reiner hadn’t heard in months. It made the larger boy’s heart flutter. They smiled at each other like love-sick puppies. It felt good for things to be somewhat back to normal. Reiner finally broke eye contact and busied himself with dousing the lights and pulling the curtain shut. Eren watched him carefully, settling back with his long hair pooling on the pillows like ink.

When Reiner turned back around, he felt a loss of words. The sight of Eren stole his breath - so relaxed amongst the pillows and duvet with his head pressed to the side to watch him sleepily. What he wouldn’t give to save this image in a photograph so he could look at it whenever he wanted to.

Eren didn’t want him to leave. After sharing the hospital room together for so many months, he knew he would have to endure many long sleepless nights before he adjusted to being alone again. A portion of him also wanted Reiner to be there just to chase away the nightmares. His presence seemed to lessen their frequency as well as making it easier for him to slip under the pull of sleep.

After the blonde had done his best to burn the image of Eren into his brain, he nodded his head tersely, dragging his eyes away.

“Goodnight, love.” He muttered, and had barely taken a step toward the door when Eren quickly blurted out –

“Stay!”

A few heartbeats later he whispered, “please.”

Reiner turned in shock, studying the prince’s face. He said nothing as he shuffled slowly over to Eren’s bed attempting to read the other’s face. When he reached his bedside, Eren rolled to his side to face him, lifting the covers up in invitation. He toed off his boots while shedding his coat. Gently, like he might be shooed out at any sudden movement, he crawled under the covers next to the prince. He settled his cheek on a cool pillow, studying Eren and the way a bit of moonlight outlined his body through a crack in the drapes.

“What if someone finds us?” He whispered, like there were guards outside the door ready to burst in and catch them.

“I hope they do,” Eren said defiantly, his voice like a shout compared to Reiner’s breathy whisper, “I’m tired of hiding us. I could’ve died back at the fort. And I would have died with many regrets. I don’t care if my father gets angry; he already is – at me, at the world. And I’ll never be what he expects me to be. So, titles be damned, let me have this; let us have this.” He finished.

Reiner gave him his answer by pulling Eren in to softly press their lips together. He hardly got the chance to draw back before Eren reclaimed his mouth in a searing, open-mouthed kiss. They explored each other’s mouths eagerly, taking the time to map out the other with no fear of being caught or pressure for time. The prince’s hand reached around to run through Reiner’s short hair, tugging at the base strands. He huffed in surprise and ended up smiling into the kiss, much to Eren’s annoyance. He pulled back, grinning like an idiot at Eren’s heatless scowl, only to dive back in and lead the next kiss. Taking his time to nibble at Eren’s lower lip before peppering some kisses on his jawline and down his throat, feeling brave. Both of their hearts were racing fast and their hands roamed freely, exploring.

Before long, they were stopped only by Eren’s drooping eyelid as he struggled to stay awake. With one lass kiss to Eren’s forehead, he helped guide the other boy so his back was pressed up against Reiner’s strong chest with his arms wrapped around his middle. He curled protectively around the smaller form in his arms, his nose pressed at Eren’s neck and their lower limbs entangled, mindful of Eren’s left leg.

The two of them fell into a dreamless sleep, neither waking until morning when the sun peeked through the curtains to paint a bright golden stripe across their intertwined forms.

Chapter Text

In the morning at breakfast, Eren invited Reiner to eat in the dining hall with him. No one spoke a word to the two when they sat directly beside each other, scooching their chairs so close their arms brushed every time they moved. Their soft giggles flittered between the extravagant decor and miles of dishes laid out before them, playfully stealing from each other's plates and blushing violently from lingering stares of both the staff and each other. Eren couldn’t get enough of the rose-petal hue that dusted over Reiner’s ears and neck, so sweetly complemented by the early morning golden light filtering through the windows. If he didn’t know any better, he would have said Reiner had a halo of shining gold around his head, but that was just him being a sap. Even though they had only spent the night cuddled up to each other, still out of the public eye, Eren felt liberated. A breath of fresh air after being cooped up behind walls for years. They still had a ways to go, but just this first step had his heart tingling, and this time, in a good way. He never wanted to take his eyes off of the beautiful boy, much less imagine going back to the way things were before: behind closed doors and whispers of more. They were out in the open now. All that was left was to sit back and watch the show.

There would be talk. Especially after so many theories and rumors already out there. Eren wouldn’t be too surprised if a few of the servants and guards mysteriously lost a good bit of coin in the next few days. What really dug at his interest though, was how Grisha would react. With how strangely… pleasant he has been since he’d come home, he wondered how far this new temperament would extend. Grisha had flitted around Eren like a doting father, ensuring he was recovering well and attempted to make light conversations at meals. The effort was there now, but where had it been the past 18 years? However he looked at it, Eren couldn’t bring himself to fully embrace it.

The whole thing with Grisha felt like a dream. A cruel joke. He worried that the moment he let his guard down, let his father in, the curtains would be ripped back and the ploy would be revealed, and Grisha at the center, cackling. So, he kept his walls up. Occasionally, he would dip his toe in the water and humor him, chat nicely for a bit and then close right back up. Every day he made the king start back up at square one. He had to be sure. If his father was true to this new role, then he was going to see his father prove it to him a hundred, no, a thousand , times over before he ever believed it. 

The hall was so full of life and smiles that it was contagious - even the servers finding themselves laughing along with Reiner’s dumb jokes. Fresh strong coffee warmed the air and mouthwatering smells of their breakfast cast a heady veil over them, pulling them into a state of contentment; it was a beautiful, relaxing morning. Almost perfect. Almost. Everything dialed down a notch when King Grisha made his famous unannounced appearance. The food suddenly didn’t taste as good, the sun’s rays weren’t as comforting, and the servants' laughter melted away to silence. Grisha joined them at the table, directly in front of the two boys.

Refusing to back down or be ashamed, Eren kept his seat next to Reiner’s, still ridiculously close, though there was a distinct lack of playful banter from earlier. Grisha stayed pleasant, much to the two’s nervous surprise. What surely would have resulted in a full-blown, nasty argument in the past turned out to be only curiously normal conversation and no mention of disapproval. Deciding not to look the gift horse in the mouth, they went along with this charade, and for the first time in his life, Eren somewhat enjoyed his meal with his father. But, he’d never admit that to the king for as long as either of them would live.

When the morning was all said and done, the prince soon found himself paraded around the streets of the kingdom while a huge festival was held in honor of Marley’s success at war. The plaza in the middle of the capital was decorated to the nines with colorful streamers, huge banners, and magnificent flower arrangements. Music from live bands rang out along proudly, something Eren found himself enjoying immensely. He adored music and loved the dancing that came with it even more. He would have to remember to find Reiner and drag him onto the makeshift cardboard floors with him later. Already, there was a considerable number of twirling forms occupying it.

Miles of food stalls had popped up and children ran rampant among them, laughing. Rarely was this much food prepared at once and almost everyone in the kingdom seemed to be there. Eren wondered how much this splurging would set back the people’s rations, both for food and supplies, but judging by the looks on everyone’s faces as he surveyed the crowd, none of them seemed to care. Too caught up in the jovial mood and long-anticipated victory to consider the future. There were obviously many more people here to celebrate their victory than there had been to see off the ones who actually paid with their lives to ensure the nation’s safety. It did not go unnoticed by Eren as he sat precariously perched on the back of an automobile slowly rolling through the streets, his father in the seat at his side. They had left the top down so everyone could get a good view of the heroic prince and their strategic king; at least, that was what Grisha had told him it was for. Eren was sure it was to test how well the castle staff could scrub sweat stains out of the most expensive fabrics in the kingdom, but he digressed. 

Confetti was strewn from the rooftops in a colorful rain, getting tangled up in the prince’s long, silky hair, making him blush from it all, not used to the attention. Everywhere he looked, there was someone waving to him and grinning. He felt suffocated in the small street; buildings on both sides and bodies packed in so close to their cars.  His eye darted around, trying to keep the people in frame, slowly growing overwhelmed. No matter how fast he turned, there was always something he couldn’t see. Slowly, the smiling faces of the crowd twisted to the hideous sneers of titans, stretching over the morphing faces as the crowd around him grew taller and taller, threatening to block out the sun as they began to tower over the car. The cheering and happy roar of the crowd turned to the guttural sounds of hungry titans and terrified soldiers. Small screams began to pour into his ears, growing louder like a tidal wave. He began to breathe hard, panic overtaking him.The confetti in his hair turned to ash and the stench of death and rot invaded his nose, chasing away the sickly sweet floral smell of the street.

A jostle rocked their car and making him scrabble to stay inside, suddenly realizing the cobbled road was now the cracked dirt of the desert. Glancing up, the expensive cars that had held the royal guards were now the convoy trucks, rolling over the bumpy terrain. He could see countless bodies piled inside, a face down corpse of a soldier near the doors threatened to spill out and get caught beneath the tires.  He heard someone calling his name. His head spun at the sheer suddenness of it all. Sunlight struggled to bleed through the smoky air, hindered by thick clouds of rolling dust. His heart was beating out of his chest; the blood roared in his ears almost as loud as the snarling titans whose hands were slowly reaching for the line of cars. The truck directly in front of him was mere seconds from being snatched up and he went to scream –

His shoulder was suddenly seized and shaken roughly. A waving hand in front of his face brought him back to the clear blue skies and colorful streets of Marley. He blinked hard a few times, gasping for breath. The people on the immediate sides of their car were noticeably less celebratory than they had been a few seconds before, their smiles now smaller and hesitant, their arms dropping to their sides. He felt tears prick his eye; he hated the way they looked at him. He didn’t want their pity. The way they eyed his missing leg more noticeably after his episode ate away at him.

A rough hand jerked his chin to the left, catching him by surprise. Grisha’s cold face filled his gaze as his father glanced over his, as if trying to determine if Eren was still with them. Eren’s heart sunk when he recognized that icy gaze on Grisha’s face. It was disappointment. It hadn’t been present since before he’d been sent off to war, but now that it was back, Eren almost felt comforted by it. He knew that part of Grisha was still in there, no matter how much the king tried to act like he was happy with his son. His father’s greatest disappointment; that’s what he was.

After choking out to Grisha that he was alright, his father relented and released his face with a slight nod. Eren enjoyed the remainder of the parade a considerably less amount. Even with his father on his left and the sun warming his back, he felt cold and exposed. He wished it were Reiner beside him but the boy was farther back in the precession in a much more crowded car with Annie and Tom. He struggled to shake the visions that had come on so suddenly, feeling sick and shaky, but he plastered on his own fake smile and raised his trembling hand to wave back at the crowd as they continued their slow crawl through the Marlian capital.

As the sun went down, the festivities did not stop. After the afternoon parade, Eren quickly evaded his father and sought out the comfort of Reiner. They never were alone though; guards followed closely behind at all times and served as both bodyguards and glorified bag holders. The prince and the titan boy made sure to visit almost every stall and tried everything the Marlian festivities had to offer. He gleefully hobbled along on his crutch, pulling Reiner everywhere with him.

His good mood was stretched thin, though, like the skin of a drum. The remnants of his vision were not quick to leave him. He still had some trouble completely relaxing, always on edge with the crowd, expecting them to morph into terrible monsters again at a moment's notice, but they never did. The rest of his night remained uneventful, to his relief, seeming free from his hallucinations for now. He chose not to tell Reiner of what he had seen, but suspected the blonde boy already had guessed that something was up. He would tell him later tonight when they were in the prince’s bed with blessed privacy.

What finally washed away all of his worries and tension was when Reiner pulled him to the dancefloor, knowing that it was one of the things the prince loved most in the world, his crutch abandoned with a guard. The blonde once again showing off that amazing skill he had of always seeming to know what Eren needed. He couldn’t hold back his laughter when the taller boy swung him in languid circles, making the twinkling lights blur together and bring back that halo effect from breakfast. With another sweeping circle, Reiner pulled him close to his large chest and cradled him in a safe embrace while the prince wrapped his arm around his neck. Seeing as Eren couldn’t really dance anymore on his own, Reiner did most of the heavy lifting, merely pulling Eren along with him. Obviously not lacking in the muscle department, Reiner carried on with ease. Knowing they probably looked ridiculous, both of them giggled like children the entire time, twirling around with the other dancers for a few songs before Eren tired. So many months spent in the medical wing did a number on his strength and stamina even when he wasn’t actually dancing.

He loved every moment of it though and he got to dance with Reiner in public for the first time. Well, to the townsfolk, it probably looked like the prince’s best friend was just helping him out, but the two of them knew that it was so much more than that. Eren took his victories where he could.

After retrieving his crutch from the guard, Eren was almost sad to release his hold on Reiner’s shoulders. The music that was once playing so lively now dialed down to a sweet, almost bitter, tune. It was late enough now that some of the action was mellowing out in the street. People began to shuffle towards the plaza fountain with more somber expressions. Eren internally sighed, knowing what came next. He noticed Reiner deflated too, when he also realized the next event of the night. Together, they shuffled slowly with the crowd, though the guards made sure to keep a wide circle around the pair, giving them space. The crowd parted easily for the guards and allowed them to take their places directly in front of the fountain.

The fountain had been adorned in multitudes of memoirs, pictures, offerings, and others of the sorts. Flowers, both intricate, expensive bouquets and simple bunches of messy wildflowers held together with ratty twine had been placed around the ground along the ring. The prince could tell that no matter the cost of those flowers, they had been gathered and placed with love. He teared up as he thought of children bundling little flowers together with mothers tying them tight; an act of love for something the little ones didn’t quite understand yet – couldn’t understand why their older siblings never came home.

Tea candles softly flickered along the rim of the fountain, spreading dim little circles or light around them. Somewhere in the crowd, candle sticks were steadily passed out. Eren and Reiner took their own and passed along the dwindling bundle. Then a flame was shared. Slowly, a soft glow took up the crowd. Their candle flames caressing their features while also accentuating the bags under their eyes and sharp expressions. As sorrowful as the mood was, they were connected in this moment. The candle light encased them as one, binding them together in their grief and soothed by the warmth of their little flames and pressing bodies.

Someone started speaking, murmuring words of love and goodbye. It passed through the crowd, each person adding their own eulogy to their lost loved one, building into a hum. Eren breathily whispered his own goodbye, just loud enough for his own ears and the one who it was meant for: Carlo. Finally speaking out what had been clawing in his mind since he had woken up those few months ago. Almost like he was whispering to the ghost of his lost friend, he poured out all the regret he had from that fateful moment, but also remembered him as he was before: fondly recounting their training days and how he never let the prince down. He felt like he was really talking to him; if he opened his eye, he was sure Carlo would be there in front of him, grinning like he always did, his hair shining just like the candle light. He imagined him from before, his impeccable clean pressed clothes, rosy cheeks, and round glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. He thought of the way his eyes twinkled when he talked about Pieck and the way he and Reiner used to affectionately tease him about it. He wished things had been different.

Whispering the ghosts of the past a final goodbye, he fell silent. Reiner continued to mumble at his side, his head down with his chin tucked to his chest, his eyes squeezed shut. There was a trickle of tears from his closed eyes, reflecting the light from his candle and making the tear tracks glow on his cheeks. Eren could only imagine Reiner’s guilt and pain. He pressed close to his side as if to share the burden as his best friend came to terms with his own grief. They needed this. All of them. Where some couldn’t talk about the tragedy on their own, coming together and sharing their hurt allowed them to express their pain without the loneliness of an empty home. They didn’t have to talk to each other directly for it to mean anything; they all understood.

While waiting for the vigil to conclude, he scanned the crowd of faces in front of him, briefly wondering where Pieck was in there. He would have to seek her out later and see if they could talk. He hadn’t had the chance to speak with her privately and he felt like he wasn’t being as good a friend as he could. Reiner pretty much stayed by his side 24/7 and he didn’t want her to feel left out. The four of them had been near inseparable before and now with everything that had happened, he hadn’t seen much of her besides her allowed visits in the med wing. He could only hope that she was coping well and that maybe Zofia was helping her through her grief. Rationally, he knew that he’d only been released yesterday, but a part of him still worried and he didn’t want to lose another friend: not by his hand again.

In the midst of his pondering, he couldn’t help but overhear some whispering in the crowd behind him. Feeling almost like he was intruding on a private moment, despite this being a community vigil, he respectfully tried to tune their voices out. That was, until a condescending tone caught his attention. He frowned and tried to be discreet as he zeroed in on their voices, pushing down his guilt at eavesdropping. His head remained forward while he focused intently on the conversation behind him. They were talking so lowly he could hardly hear, but he made out bits of it.

“… future king and he can’t even walk or see half the time ...”

A quiet snicker.

Eren felt his stomach drop.

Some heads turned at this, but no one could seem to pinpoint where it was coming from. Just a few dirty looks were thrown in the speaker’s direction, but nothing more came out of it. Eren didn’t move a muscle, didn’t even flinch. He just stared straight ahead, expressionless.

“… still like him, but Marley will be heading for the gutter…. paint a target on our backs…”

“…weak…”

“… shouldn’t have even come back.”

“The whole lot of them - pathetic.”

Rage boiled inside of him, bubbling up into his wrists as his fists tightened on his crutch and he considered turning around and swinging it at whoever was talking. How dare they, he thought furiously.

One burly man beat him to it though as he managed to locate the faceless voices in the crowd. Eren heard a commotion as the man gruffly ordered them to leave. He sounded pissed and rightfully so. The prince pinned him as a father of a fallen soldier, as the man’s deep voice sounded a bit rough with tears. Disrespectful , was all he had to say about the gossiping voices. Not their opinion on him and their country, but to interrupt a candlelight vigil for dead soldiers, child soldiers ? Eren was disgusted. Even more so when the voices got rowdy and defensive at the crowd’s obvious anger. His guards surrounding him turned to him, as if asking for orders. He waited for a few moments, unblinking at the flame in his hand, before waving them off. Promptly, the four of them turned on their heels and dealt with the mess behind them.

Reiner’s arm slipped around his waist and rested there heavily. Its weight comforted him. He took a deep breath in and let it out shakily. He felt Reiner’s thumb rub calming circles on his hip and he took a moment to compose himself, swiping his face across his sleeve and was surprised when it came away damp. He hadn’t realized he’d let out a few silent, angry tears. Lips pressed close to his ear, making his shiver.

“Let’s go home.” Reiner mumbled.

Eren nodded and led the way to the car. 

Tension ran high in the war room shortly after Eren’s official return to duty. His father’s advisors were quick to sneer at the prince’s new appearance and if they didn’t listen to what he said before, they sure as hell didn’t listen to him now. Their weekly meetings were thankfully a lot shorter since discussion revolved around less life-threatening issues, but plenty still went on when the doors closed. Even though he knew it would be fruitless, Eren contributed the best he could to the treaty ideas and plans for peace with the Mid-Eastern Alliance. It was a shame that he was finally contributing and paying attention just to be blown off. Eren couldn’t hide his grimace at that idea. It was obvious where the majority of the war room’s loyalties lay, and it surely wasn’t him. He did also try to pick out the supporters Magath had spoken about in the trenches, but whoever they were, they hid themselves well. Magath stayed his sole open ally in the war room and his support only went so far when it was just Magath, Reiner, and Eren against the council. 

Grisha was no help against the war council - never stood in to defend his son from the onslaught of criticism. Which in turn, didn’t help his image to Eren in any way. Through all of that, the king still desperately tried to play Dad-of-the-year outside the war room, only to fall short at every opportunity. His smiles slipped off his face too early, he asked the same monotone, almost rehearsed questions at dinner every night, and Eren wasn’t dumb to not see how Grisha acted around Zeke. He saw how often the two were together and saw the blatant pride that shone in Grisha’s eyes when his houseboy entered the room. Whenever he looked at Zeke, he saw all the things he never was to his father. It wasn’t fair. 

Slowly through the week, Grisha’s cheery persona started to slip, especially when Eren was subtly implying that he wasn’t buying the act. Dinners tended to be the best example of this. Eren had a hunch that the king was worn out from the day and his patience was already running thin by that point, so he decided to use their meal times to test his father. Sure enough, every night Grisha arrived tense and irritable. 

The first night, the king stopped trying to get his son to converse after about twenty minutes when all his questions were answered with one word or hum of acknowledgement. They finished their dinner in silence, just like the old days. The next night, Eren repeated the motions, but this time, he made an off-hand comment about the war. It wasn’t a direct accusation against Grisha, but the implication was there. Grisha was noticeably frosty after the conversation died off again. The third night was the charm. The king’s routine round of blasé questions were confronted head on by Eren, with plenty of his old kick. When he brought up Zeke, he earned himself a raised eyebrow and a dangerous glare, but like always he tried his luck a little harder. Maybe he’d had a shittier day than he realized, because Eren found himself taking far too much pleasure in pissing off his father. 

Terse, quipped words quickly turned into a heated verbal spar, igniting that old rage in Grisha and pulled forward the fire in Eren’s eye again. Their food long forgotten, the two went at it like old times, rising in volume and soon driving the wait staff out of the hall from all the commotion. Both parties were snarling out their words and took jabs where they knew it would hurt the most. Many things were said that night that neither of them could ever take back, and they didn’t care. 

That night ended with two stalking out of the hall abandoning their plates of untouched food and Eren later sobbing into Reiner’s chest while the blonde held him close in bed. It didn’t occur to him until he was hiccupping through his story to Reiner that Grisha had mentioned along the lines the same thing the rowdy men at the vigil had. It brought another fresh wave of grief when he understood that his father thought even less of him because of his injuries. Not only that, Grisha had blatantly screamed at him that Eren wasn't fit to rule. While Eren had been suspicious of Grisha from the get-go, it still destroyed him to hear that. Even more so when he recalled his conversation with him when he first woke up, all those months ago. 

Now he knew he had been right to be wary of Zeke earlier. He had no way of knowing their relationship and what he meant to his father, but something about the boy always irked him. The venomous words spoken over dinner felt branded on his skin, oozing their poison through his bloodstream and straight to his brain. What was he going to do? Zeke hadn’t done anything to him, it wasn’t his fault Grisha secretly wished he was his son instead of Eren. As much as he wanted to brush it all off, he couldn’t get Zeke’s lingering presence out of his mind, mulling over how weird Zeke had been acting. It was almost like his appearance alone brought up an ill memory, something deep and lurking in the most sinister parts of his brain. But, again, Zeke had never done anything to him… so, what was going on?!

“Eren, we need to talk.” 

Eren glanced up from his physical therapy, worry creasing his brow. Reiner stood in the doorway with his arms crossed. He had just been pulled out of the room by Tom for what Eren assumed was more titan business. 

“What? What’s going on? Is everything ok?” He said nervously. Asking to talk was never a good thing, right? 

The titan boy looked worried too, with a healthy dose of his own nervousness. 

“Tom and I have been assigned a mission out near alliance territory. He said I can’t tell you too much about it. We leave soon; I’m sorry this is so sudden.” He said with downcast eyes. 

Eren felt a wave of relief flow through him. He let out a dry laugh. 

“That’s it?” He huffed. 

Reiner looked up at him confused. 

“By the crown, Reiner, I thought you were going to say we were over,” he said with a smile, shaking his head at the other boy, “I’m not mad that you have to actually do your job.”

He watched as Reiner’s confused look changed into realization. The blonde turned a bit pink and he rubbed the back of his neck in shame. 

“Ah, shoot, I didn’t mean for it to come off like that.” He said. “I was just worried about leaving you… ya know… since you haven’t been alone since before Slava…”

Eren shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine. Really. I think this’ll be good for us. I need to get back some independence.”

“Good, I’m glad you’re comfortable with it,” Reiner visibly relaxed and dropped his shoulders, ”I just wish I had more warning…” he trailed off, looking at a spot on the floor.

“Ha, comfortable might be a stretch, you are going into hostile territory, but I’m not too worried about you. They’d be crazy to mess with the Big 3 so soon after Fort Slava.” Eren said as he finished up his exercises. 

“Yeah…” Reiner seemed unconvinced. He quickly leaned back to check the hall before darting to Eren, softly shutting the door. Eren raised an eyebrow at him with a questioning grin. It didn’t go where he imagined, when Reiner ducked down to whisper in his ear. “Annie’s not coming with us and Tom was acting distant. We usually get along well enough, but I have a bad feeling about all of this.” He pulled back, quickly checking the door again. 

“You didn’t hear this from me, though. Tom seemed hell-bent that I didn’t share any details about the mission. If you let on, they’ll know that I told you immediately.” He pleaded and rambled on “I don’t even want to think of what they’ll do to me, my mom , if I fuck this up - ” 

Eren tried to calm him down, pulling his face down so he was eye-level with him. “Reiner, stop. Of course, I’m not going to say anything. Please, calm down, it’ll be alright. Nothing will happen to you or your mom, I’ll make sure of it.” He soothed and pressed a light kiss to his lips. 

Reiner did not calm down like he hoped, but he did close his eyes and take a deep breath before straightening back up.

“You're Marley’s best titan shifter, my dad values too much for anything to happen to you. You’ll be fine. In and out, right?” The prince continued, trying to get Reiner out of his cloud of worry. 

“Right.” Reiner said with a sigh. 

Eren nudged him with a smirk, “As for leaving so soon? You can make it up to me when you come back. I expect top-tier doting boyfriend behavior when you come back.” 

That was the trick to lifting Reiner’s mood. They’d never used the boyfriend label before, but damn, did it sound good to him. He grinned back, “You won’t be ready for it. You’ll be sick of me the moment I come home.” He teased.

“Never!” Eren vowed. “Now go pack, and say hello to your mom for me too.” He said as he playfully pushed the mountain of a boy towards the door. 

“Of course, she loves hearing from you. Maybe you should stop by while I’m gone and visit with her. It’s been a while.”

Eren nodded. “I’ll see if I can slip away. Knowing this place, I’ll have at least three guards on my tail anyways. Mother hens, the whole lot of them.”

“Good, they’ll keep you out of trouble while I’m gone.” Reiner teased as he opened the door and slipped out before Eren could retaliate, laughing down the hall. 

Tom and Reiner’s sendoff wasn’t announced which Eren guessed was for security reasons. The two slipped away unnoticed by most, but Eren thankfully managed to catch them before they loaded up and was engulfed in a bone crushing hug from Reiner. Tom only offered a respectful nod before slamming the doors shut and the truck took off. Eren stayed outside watching it grow smaller and smaller in the distance before it disappeared completely. 

Inside the truck, Reiner watched Eren grow smaller and smaller, until his silhouette became fuzzy and his crutch melted into it to become whole, almost like he had both his legs again. When the prince finally went out of view, Reiner couldn’t stop his growing anxiety. He chalked it up to it being their first separation in months. Even then, he knew something else had to be at its root. 

It was weird walking around the castle without Reiner. There were no strong heavy footsteps to cover the clacking of his crutch as it struck the stone floor or to hide his stumbling gate as he pulled his body along. He was also incredibly nervous, tending to hug the left side of the hall - anything to fill the empty space beside him. Eren felt ridiculous, flinching at any sudden noise and wildly looking around at his surroundings at all times. Reiner was his rock, and now he was being dragged away in the stream, untethered. 

There wasn’t much to do now that dusk was approaching, so the prince made his rounds in the kitchens socializing with the staff (snagging a baked treat while he was at it) and decided to retire early. He hadn’t realized how much he relied on Reiner for entertainment and companionship until now. Maybe it was a good thing that he had to leave, I really need to learn to be on my own again , he thought to himself as he clacked along. His thoughts also drifted to Pieck, Colt, and Zofia - he’d been slacking on his socialization recently, too busy with his therapy, war room meetings, and of course, the discourse with Grisha. Making a mental note to take some time off while Reiner was gone to check in on his friends. I should really get to know Colt and Zofia better, considering everything we went through .

He was so caught up in his mullings that he didn’t catch the shifting shadow on the doorway he was passing. Too lost in his own world, a taller figure hurried out of the room on his right, seeming distracted as well, and bowled right into Eren. The prince was knocked straight onto his back, the figure falling flat across his leg. Papers scattered everywhere around them.

Startled, Eren let out an embarrassing yelp, his heart in his throat. Luckily he managed to catch himself on his elbows, but the position he was in and the figure scrambling to its feet in front of him had his vision swimming and his heart racing. It was all too familiar. He scrambled backwards on his elbows, his leg kicking desperately on the stone. 

“Hey, hey, watch it!” A male voice cried, irritated. The figure leapt back to avoid being kicked in the shins, finally straightening up. 

Zeke stared at him, open mouthed, eyes wide. 

“Prince Kruger! I didn’t… my apologies, I would never speak to you in that tone. Are you alright?!” The tall blond boy fumbled over his words.

Eren, scared and having been on edge for the past few hours, scowled and felt his patience snap. 

“Watch where you’re going next time! You nearly gave me another concussion.” He snapped, pushing down the tremble in his voice. He was pissed. Pissed that Reiner was gone, pissed that he felt like a child that had just been left alone for the first time, and pissed that he now had to interact with the young man his father favored over him; his own son. 

In the presence of the angry prince, Zeke shook like a leaf, as if he were a little boy who had gotten caught up past his bedtime. It almost made Eren feel a little guilty.

“I could almost call that an assasination attempt, all things considering.” He grumbled, trying to be light hearted about it all. It was hard to hate Zeke; it wasn’t his fault he was perfect.

Zeke looked positively distraught.

“No, no, no! Never, Prince Kruger! It was an accident, I swear. Please, you have to forgive me!” The houseboy cried, flapping his arms in front of him. 

“Alright, relax! It was just a joke! Jeez…” Eren snapped at him again, annoyance returning just as soon as it had vanished. His scowl deepened. Why was Zeke always so weird? It was almost like he knew that Grisha thought of him like a son…

Eren’s eye narrowed at the thought. Old anger bubbled familiarly inside of him. Pining Zeke in his molten gaze, his lip curled and he sneered.

“Shouldn’t you be with my father ? He’s quite demanding and I know he has you running all over the grounds with his errands.” 

The other boy shifted his weight, clearly uncomfortable at the mention of the king. 

“I, uh, was actually on the way to him just now, your highness.” He mumbled, avoiding eye contact as he crouched and gathered up his papers strewn around them. Eren made no move to help him and busied himself with shakily bringing himself back to an upright position. 

“Ah, well in that case, tell him ‘Goodnight and fuck you’ for me, will you?” He said when he finally got himself propped up on his crutch, humorless smile on his lips. “Love to tell him in person, but ya know, why go there when I can just send you? You might as well be attached to his fucking hip, errand boy.” 

Zeke peered up at him questioningly from under his mop of golden hair, glasses shining in the torchlight. “I could say the same about you and your titan boy.” he said softly, just under his breath. Eren opened his mouth to bite back, but Zeke muttered quickly, “Forgive me, that was out of line. As you wish, your highness.” and took off as soon as he scooped up his last piece of paper.

Eren promptly spun around clacked away angrily, not in the mood to talk to anyone else that night. He didn’t get far though before he was interrupted again.

Magath stopped him in the hallway just before his bed chambers, seemingly appearing out of thin air. The prince would be lying if he said that he hadn’t jumped a little; thankful that the general didn’t comment on it. Clutched in his hands was a thick folder, positively bursting with information. Eren internally groaned.

“Prince Eren, would you mind going over this report with me? It is rather crucial you are up to date -” 

“Not now, Magath. I’m too tired; I will be retiring for the night.” Eren interrupted, waving him off with his free hand. 

“Please, your highness, I must insist.” Magath persisted, awkwardly shuffling at Eren’s side, struggling to keep a respectful distance from him while also staying in his line of sight. “I really do think we should at least glance over it now.”

“General, with all due respect, I am not having a great night and would rather we just do this in the morning!” The prince gritted out between his teeth, trying not to lose his temper with one of his few allies. 

“But, your highness, it will only take -”

“Enough!!” He roared. Magath leaned back in surprise. His angry voice echoed down the empty halls; he internally cringed at how much it sounded like Grisha’s.

The pair had come to a halt just outside Eren’s room. He took a slow, deep breath in, and tried to count down - like Pieck had taught him how to do. 

“My apologies, general. I appreciate your concern, but I think it best if we do this in the morning.” Eren offered, turning towards Magath and bowing his head in respect. 

His trusted general studied his face for a bit, taking in the dark circles under the prince’s eyes and his pale complexion. Regret and hints of fear colored his eye; Magath knew it would be wise to leave the agitated boy alone. 

“Of course, my prince. It can wait until morning. Send an errand boy to fetch me when you wake, though.” He said, returning the nod. 

Eren hummed his agreement. The older man kindly pulled open his chamber door and held it for him, saving him from the task of struggling with it while he shuffled inside. 

Before he let the door close, Magath gave him a small, comforting smile. “Rest well, my prince. There is much to do in the coming days. I will do my best to be by your side through it all.” 

Eren nodded his thanks and watched the heavy door fall shut, leaving him alone in his room. 

Mentally, he kicked himself for letting his anger flow so freely. It wouldn’t help him to irritate his few allies and it definitely did him no favors to sour his few neutral relationships - thinking back to his encounter with Zeke.

He sluggishly went about his nightly routine and crawled in between his cold sheets. Even with all the expensive, fluffy pillows around him, the bed felt far too spacious. It brought him no comfort and he feared the dreams the night would bring him in Reiner’s absence. After tossing and turning for a bit, the prince still couldn’t shake the paranoid, exposed feeling that had come to blanket him. Crickets chirped loudly outside his window and the whine of other night time dwellers contributed their own music to the orchestra. Every shadow in his room flickered at the edges of his vision, mocking him. His room felt alive with lurking demons. Mentally, he scolded himself, Look at you, afraid of the dark.

Rising with a huff, he retrieved a dagger from the bottom of his overshirt drawer. Its small blade glinted like a mirror in the moonlight, reflecting back his haggard appearance. The little handle had an intricately carved scene of a valiant knight taking down a bloodthirsty titan. Eren studied it with loving eyes; one of his most prized possessions. It had originally belonged to his grandfather, also named Eren Kruger; his name’s sake. Grisha had passed it down to him when he had been born and now he kept it hidden, just in case. 

Retreating to his bed, he carefully stashed the dagger beneath his pillow, instantly feeling calmer. Rolling on his opposite side, he pressed his face into the pillow his lover had taken to using. A hint of his soap still clung to the fabric and the prince buried his nose into it, hugging it close to his chest. Only like this could he pretend that his titan boy was still here with him. 

It was only their first night apart, and Eren was already drowning. I’ve got it bad , he thought to himself as sleep tugged at the corner of his brain. Eager to forget his stress and loneliness for a few hours, the prince willingly submitted to the pull.

Silence. 

He huffed into his pillow keeping his eye shut while he tried to fall back asleep. Something had woken him up, but he couldn’t remember what it was. Eren rolled over in the bed, sheets tangling his legs. It was still night time, if the quietness told him anything. Everything was still. No crickets chirped, no sounds at all except his own even, sleepy breaths and the occasional shifting of his sheets. 

A cool breeze passed over his bare arms, making his brow furrow as he snuggled deeper into the covers, burying himself in their warmth. It chased away his last dregs of sleep, making him unfortunately, very awake. Looked like he wouldn’t be going back to sleep for some time. His new awareness made him more observant, helping him realize just how eerie the quietness really was. He went still. Nerves prickled down his back. A distinct feeling of being watched.

Gooseflesh broke out along his skin when he came to the horrifying realization: there shouldn’t have been a draft in his room. Not unless… his door was open. He distinctly remembered Magath closing it as he left. The room suddenly didn’t feel so empty.

Trying to keep calm, he remained still in his bed and kept his eye shut. His heart thumped loudly in his chest, a cool fear inching its way into his fingertips. Disguising his next movement as another dreamy stretch, he carefully slipped his hand under his pillow with another deep sigh, resting his hand on his dagger’s handle. The smooth grooves in the wood did ease some of his fear, but he knew holding it alone wouldn’t protect him. His thumb slipped under it, raising the handle to his palm so he could slowly wrap his fingers around it. 

Keeping his breathing even was starting to become a harder task as his pulse began to race in anticipation. Deep down, something screamed at him to keep up the illusion of unawareness. He needed to gather some information in what little time he had left. Who knew how long he had before the presence(s?) in his room decided to attack. Whatever, or whoever, was in the room with him, he instinctively knew, it wasn’t friendly. Nothing could make the night go still quite like evil could. 

There.

A slight scrape of something against the stone floor on his left, closer to the door, it sounded like a boot. The boot of someone trying to tread lightly.

Next, a rustle of some sort of clothing, a jacket, a cloak maybe? It was from the foot of his bed, just near the bathroom door. So, more than one , he thought dully. That could be a problem, but at least he had a gage on where they were, and they most likely assumed he was still asleep. He was actually the one with the element of surprise here, he mused.

His small gloat stopped short when something made the world go darker behind his closed eye. A shifting of weight; someone had moved in front of the window. Eren counted his lucky stars that he hadn’t shut the curtain before he’d gone to sleep, but now, he was slightly panicking. Three now… this is bad; especially if there are more… he thought.

Maybe he could have taken two, with a surprise attack, he could take out one before the other had the chance to really react, giving him time to dispatch the first and then take on the second. But, three? And with one leg and one eye? Who was he kidding? And his back was already exposed, as he’d rolled to his stomach when he’d half-woken initially. 

He didn’t get the chance to think through a plan before he heard the simultaneous shifting from the intruders. They were advancing. Without a second thought, Eren’s eye flew open and he ripped his hand from under his pillow, slashing wildly at the one in front of the window. His blade sunk into a forearm and sliced smoothly through flesh and arteries, like a warm knife through butter. His first attacker let out a choked scream of pain, drawing back in surprise. They broke off their scream and let out a heavy hiss instead, obviously trying to keep quiet.

 Eren had to hand it to them, a wound like that most definitely hurt something fierce, and they’d taken it like a champ. 

From behind him, he heard a little gasp of surprise. The one at the foot of his bed.

While his first attacker, cradled their injured arm, attempting to staunch the bleeding, Eren quickly gathered his good leg under him and launched himself blindly at the second, fist drawn back. He was actually blocked at the last second, his target overcoming their shock and managing to grab hold of his wrist. His momentum was enough to topple the two of them over, sending them crashing to the ground with the prince straddling his opponent. They were locked in a short power struggle as he desperately tried to plunge his dagger into the chest of the slim body below him. Their combined effort had the dagger trembling in the air for a few heartbeats. One force pushing against the other for dear life. 

Just as Eren began to win the struggle, fast approaching footsteps on either side interrupted them. From his blind side, a punch landed on his jaw, cracking his head to the side. All he saw was white for a few seconds, despite the darkness. Copper flooded his mouth, dripping out between his parting lips as a groan left him. His dagger was wrenched from his hold by the person beneath him. A different hand yanked him by his throat to the right, dragging him off of the gasping body below him.

Shit, the one by the entrance. 

They’d most likely stood back while he had beat on his friends, waiting for an opening. And now, they slammed him to his knees, pinning his arms behind him in a bruising grip. Where his left knee ended was sensitive and brushed painfully against the grit of the stone, making him hiss.

The hands holding his wrists together turned into thick biting rope. Eren wasn’t able to put up much of a fight now, head still ringing from the blow and his obvious lack of mobility. However, it didn’t stop him from slamming his head back so his skull cracked against the person’s nose. Another muffled shout of pain, both from him and what sounded to be a man behind him. His vision that had begun to clear instantly exploded in light again and he blinked to remove the stars from his eye.

Headbutting is never fun, he briefly thought, but that did make me feel better. Emotionally.

Bastard.

Not too happy with having his nose bashed, the man shoved Eren to the ground and stomped on his back, drawing fire down his spine as he most definitely hit something that he wasn’t supposed to. Eren yelled out into the night, face screwed up in agony. 

The man pulled him back up to his knees and held him in place by his shoulders this time. “Scream all you want, this wing is empty. No one can hear you.” He taunted. 

Weakly lifting his head, he saw a huge burly man help the smallest attacker to his feet. He looked older than his father and yet he sure packed one hell of a punch. Adorned on his face was a massive white beard and his cold, beady black eyes stared down in disgust at the restrained prince. Eren stared right back, a small prick of pride at the nasty gash on the bearded attacker’s arm.

The smaller one, the one he’d had the power struggle with, wore a guard’s uniform, but their face was obscured by a piece of cloth and their hood was pulled up. There was no sight of his dagger. 

Eren couldn’t tell if it was an infiltrator or if it was an actual guard who simply feared being caught. Either way, that would explain how the other two got into the castle…

Heavy breathing filled the room as four of them came down from their adrenaline high. The one behind remained cool and precise, though he knew they must be smarting after the hit to the face. Eren still didn’t know what he looked like.

They all just stood there, staring at each other, like they didn’t think through what they’d actually do once they got him. 

“Well…. This is definitely a first.” The prince rasped, breaking the silence. His mouth felt and tasted like raw ground meat. Talking had quickly made him aware that one of his teeth was loose. “What are your demands?”

“Shut it.” The one behind him snapped.

Eren had no intention of ‘shutting it’.

“Based on that performance, gentlemen, I’d say it was a first for you too.” He continued, smirking at the guard he‘d been seconds away from killing. 

“Doesn’t matter, we still came out on top. You’re the one with your hands behind your back.” The bearded one retorted, cradling his arm again. “You’ve had your fun, and now, we get to have ours.”

With that, the guard strutted forward and kicked Eren in the gut. The toe of his boot dug straight into his diagram, causing the prince to lean over, heaving for air. The pair of hands from behind pulled him back upright, holding him in place for the bearded one. A twin hit landed on his jaw in the same place as before. 

Inside his mouth, the tooth broke free from his gum with a crack, filling his mouth with a pool of blood. He could feel a hot trickle ooze out from the corners of his mouth as he kept his jaw lax and lips tight. 

“Try using that smart mouth of yours now, boy. Your daddy finally had enough of you and we got the go ahead to give you exactly what you've had coming. Plenty of people would love to be in our place right now.” The voice from behind him jeered. 

His shoulders were released and the bearded man disappeared behind him to take the faceless man's place. 

Suddenly, Eren was face to face with the final man as he kneeled down in front of him. He was quite ugly. Deep set wrinkles on either side of his mouth, bulging brown eyes, and a shaggy mess of hair atop his large head. Said bulging eyes squinted at him in thought. 

Eren studied him back. Nose flaring as he tried to get air in without use of his mouth. 

The bug-eyed man opened his mouth to speak again, most likely to taunt him again. 

Without hesitation, Eren spat his mouthful of blood at him, tooth bouncing off his big nose. Sticky gob of hot saliva and blood splattering over his face and in his mouth. 

Eren grinned wildly. His teeth painted crimson. The man stood up quickly, sputtering as he spat the mess out of his mouth.

“I’ve waited a long time for this, you little shit, but now I’m going to enjoy it even more!” He roared and back handed Eren across the face, splitting his lip and dripping more blood to the floor. 

 Laughter bubbled out of Eren, but it was not a pleasant sound. It was one of somber acceptance and sheer disbelief. This was really happening. He was getting beat in his own bedroom. His safe haven. 

Not a safe haven anymore , he thought dully. His heart ached for Reiner right now. What a miracle it would be to see the titan boy burst into the room and save him from this nightmare. But the doorway remained empty. 

No one was coming. 

The guard and the bug-eyed man took a few turns swinging and kicking at him until he was exhausted and limp in the bearded man's arms. Another one of his teeth had broken apart in a hit to the face, shooting pain down his neck as he had spat the pieces out. The jagged part still intact cut the inside of his cheek to shreds, ensuring a steady dribble of blood from his panting mouth. 

“Alright, enough, let’s move him now. I’m sure they’re wondering what’s taking us so long.” The bug-eyed man ordered, panting himself, but from exertion and not pain like Eren. 

Eren faded out as a pillow case from his bed was shoved over his head.

Chapter Text

Groggily, Eren came around tied to an uncomfortable chair, arms bound behind him. Voices conversed all around him, not worried about their volume at all, as they echoed all around him. They were definitely somewhere with a lot of space. His head and jaw throbbed, pulsing in time with his heart beat. Crusty blood smeared all down his chin and bed shirt - he could feel the stiffness of the fabric and the funny tightness of his skin.

Eye rolling from the pain, he blinked a few times in the dim, dingy light of wherever he was. It felt open, and there were definitely many people in here with him. 

 Accidentally shifting in his seat had a terrible pain shooting down his lower back making him gasp, and in turn, reminding him of his bruised stomach. A small groan passed his lips before he could stop it, alerting his captors of his wakefulness. 

The conversation around him died off as the attention was now all on the prince. He swallowed hard, fear coursing through him. He was dying for some water. The filmy residue of old blood coating his teeth and tongue was nearly unbearable.

“Late riser, as always.” A short clip came from a suspiciously familiar voice. A pair of nice expensive shoes walked into his line of sight

His head weighed a thousand pounds as he struggled to lift it. A cruel hand grabbed his chin and yanked it the rest of the way up. Gross stood in front of him, clutching his face with bruising force. 

Of course, him. Eren thought in a rage. Gross must’ve seen the spite in his eye because he chuckled gleefully. 

“Ah, I never thought I’d have the pleasure of seeing this day. I was so excited back at Fort Slava; I thought for sure we’d get rid of you there, but alas, you are a little cockroach. So tough to kill.” He tutted. 

“It seems you’ve already been knocked through the ringer tonight, what’s a bit more?” Gross teased, maneuvering his chin around to take in the damage. A cold finger poked at his lips, peeling it back to show off the hole of the missing tooth and farther back, the cracked, jagged molar. 

“Tsk, that looks painful. No worries, we’ll get that right out for you, your highness .” He said in a mocking tone. 

In a split second, Eren lunged forward and snapped his jaws around Gross’ fingers, crunching down hard. Foul blood mixed with his own, further coating his tongue. The insufferable man howled and shook his hand around at first before socking Eren in the jaw for a third time that night, instantly causing him to let go, the pain making his mouth fall open involuntarily. 

Dark murmurs surrounded him, and a few chuckles too. 

“Got you good, huh Gross?” One of the men teased.

“Enough.” Gross snapped. He turned back to him, speaking in a terrifyingly calm tone, “You’ll pay for that, Eren.” 

A shiver ran down his spine. 

Gross was a man of his word.

Late into the night, he screamed until his throat was raw. Gross, other generals from the war room, and countless nameless men beat him bloody, taking turns with wicked torture methods. All his father’s most loyal supporters. As much as his pride hurt, Eren pleaded with them, begging them to stop. His cries tapered off after it became evident they were just egging the men on. 

Time began to fade away, each fist was different, hurting in a new place every time. The only constant right now was pain. It blended everything together until he felt like he was drowning in blood. He was sure there were times where he had slipped unconscious for a few seconds, but it didn’t deter the onslaught of hits. Were those whimpers coming from him?

Gross had been right. They did get the broken tooth out - in a way that would have the dentist who did it lose his license. He also lost a couple more while they were at it. 

At some point, he just went silent, pitifully slumped in his bonds, too tired to even keep his head up or mouth closed. Red tinged drool hung from his mouth and occasionally broke off into his lap, but he couldn’t find it in him to be embarrassed. He didn’t feel much of anything actually. His face was swollen and hot, his body ached all over. His hair dripped with freezing water, pearling its way down his tangled strands and pittering to the floor. When had he gotten wet? Faintly, he heard some voices conversing.

“Should end it there. He needs to be alive for it to work.”

Some grumbling at that. Their fun being snatched away early.

Three quick raps rang out.

It went silent in the room. Only a soft drip of a steadily leaking pipe sounded out. Some rustling came from behind him and then the sound of a heavy metal door opening. 

A familiar set of footsteps thumped into the room, circling his chair before coming to a stop in front of him. Clothes rustled as the person dropped gracefully into a crouch. As much as Eren didn’t want to believe it was him, he’d know those footsteps anywhere. Of course, these men had taunted him all night about it, but a slim part of him hadn’t wanted to believe, didn’t want to think that he really had anything to do with this. Part of him had foolishly hoped that he didn’t know about it. Now, some last little piece inside of Eren’s chest shattered. A warm salty tear slipped from his eye and tracked its way through the blood, grime, and sweat on his cheek, stinging through split skin.

“Careful, your majesty, he’ll spit.” The voice of the bug-eyed man said from somewhere in the room. 

“I don’t believe he’ll be doing anything now.” The king’s voice rang out coldly, unmistakable. 

Eren weakly tried to bite a scathing remark at his father, but his missing teeth and most likely cracked jaw made it near impossible for him to speak. All that came out was a few flecks of bloody spittle, not even coming close to hitting Grisha. He had to settle for pinning him under a murderous gaze, searing straight into his father’s icy teal eyes with every last ounce of hate in his body.

“Look at you.” He said, harsh against the contrasting silence. “Reduced to this. All you needed to do was let go of that anger, Eren. You could’ve had it all. My love, my respect. The kingdom. But no, you just had to be bitter, you had to make everything so damn difficult.” 

Eren didn’t give any indication that he heard. You didn’t even try and help me; you watched me drown. 

“You could’ve had a reliable body, a lovely little noble girl on your arm, an army ready at your command.” He punctuated with gesturing arms. “You forced my hand in this. I gave you every chance after you came back, but no.” 

A finger shook accusingly at him. 

Eren gurgled out something; it was meant to be a ‘fuck you’, but it didn’t even sound like that to himself, much less its intended target. More like a ‘ -cck euw’.

Grisha smoothly stood up, running his hand through his hair and adjusting his clothes. 

“Don’t think this is easy for me. You were my son. I watched you grow inside your mother and raised you; I was fond of you, in some manner. You were a half of me and I would have been happy to turn the kingdom over to you, had things been different.” He continued on. “A pure blooded royal - so promising.” his head shook in mock sadness. “Such a waste.”

Eren’s shoulders shook as he cried. He didn’t care anymore; if all the men in the room saw, so be it. His father’s words cut him in a way they ever had before. It was destroying him from the inside, eating at his throat and lungs and curling into his brain in misery. Why couldn’t he ever be enough? He was sick of his emotions being played with. How had things gotten so bad to where this could even be considered an option in his father’s brain? From hating each other, to a reluctant, shaky, and admittedly weird peace, to getting dragged from his bed in the middle of the night to be beaten half to death. 

Grisha merely glanced down at his crying son before starting to pace around the chair.

“No matter. I didn’t get this far by being unprepared. There is always rhyme or reason for things, I suppose. Who knew that old mistakes could be the solution to future problems?” The king mused, a hint of a smile creeping into his voice towards the end. “Funny how that works.”

Eren desperately wanted to look up at Grisha, but he was just so tired. So much of him hurt, both inside and out. All he could do was watch the blood and tears from his face softly plip to the cold ground below.

The footsteps stopped behind him. Tension built in the atmosphere, like lightning would strike at any moment. 

“You will be of some use to me, in the end. Let’s point all that pent-up anger in a more beneficial direction, shall we?” the king barked a humorless laugh. “Stations, boys, let's put these new toys to good use.”

Shuffling feet echoed along the warehouse's metal walls. Machines cranked to life, chains rattled, and bursts of steam blew from pipes. 

A heavy thump sounded from behind. Eren was sick of people fooling around behind his back. Grisha fidgeted with something and the pinging sound of a fingertip tapping on glass reached his ears. His father’s cool hand pushed the base of his head forward, forcing Eren’s chin completely to his chest.

His eye flew open in realization. Horror engulfed him when it all clicked together. With his last remaining strength, he thrashed, fighting for his life. Grisha’s hold never wavered. Even with a raw throat, he screamed his heart out: the sound of a desperate, dying animal. No matter how much he twisted, he couldn’t shake his father. With a one handed sweep, Grisha brushed the prince's long hair out of the way, exposing his nape. 

No, no, no this isn’t fair! Don’t let me become one of them! I don’t want to be like the monster that killed her. Please no!

“Good night, Eren.”

Eren screamed for Reiner. 

The needle glided into the base of his neck, sliding in smoothly. His father pushed the plunger all the way down flooding his veins with fire and ice. He choked out one final time, falling unnaturally still as the serum coursed through him. Grisha quickly untied him, shoving the prince off the chair. Footsteps scattered away from him. 

He was burning from the inside out, like Grisha had injected him with molten metal. His body crackled and shifted, growing too much too fast. His skin stretched to accommodate his enlarging bones. He felt lightheaded from the lack of blood trying to course through his growing body. 

As his body temperature raised, any fluid he once had felt sucked right out of him. His mouth dried up and his eye stung against the eyelid. He could have sworn he saw steam rising off his body. His mouth opened in an agonizing scream, but it shifted to a distorted, deep sound from within his chest. Almost like a voice crack from when he’d gone through puberty. 

A weird, trickling sensation occurred in his left eye socket. It almost tickled. It was accompanied by a slithering sensation down his left leg. Both felt unsettling and unnatural.

He tried to raise himself to his feet, distantly hearing panicked shouts from around him. Vision swimming and distorted, he swayed on his feet. 

Feet?

His eyes blinked in surprise.

Eyes?!

Eren stumbled forward, taking his first steps since Fort Slava, both eyes wide open.

For some reason, he couldn’t frown, it was like he couldn’t move his mouth at all except to open and shut it. It didn’t hurt anymore. Vaguely he understood that he was still getting taller, rising towards the ceiling of the warehouse at a rapid rate, but… it was all getting so fuzzy. He was naked, but that didn’t concern him for some reason. It felt right.

There was a strange smell in the warehouse, something he couldn’t quite name but instinctively knew. It was a heady, rich, warm smell, similar to the way… something he used to smell as a kid… but not quite… this was different.

Why couldn't he remember? He’d just had it.

The smell. 

It consumed him, driving out every other thought. 

He needed to find the source. 

It coated his tongue, rolling down his throat, almost sticky. Delicious. Drool flooded his mouth at the scent alone. 

Through the steam, he saw little ant-like figures standing around him - on catwalks, the ground, on ladders. The delicious, salivating smell was coming from the little creatures, he realized. 

He was hungry. 

Snarling, he lunged forward, awkwardly bent in a crouch to stop from bashing against the ceiling. His hand rushed out, quicker than the little ants, snatching up one from the raised metal walkway and shoving it into his mouth before they got the chance to even move. 

His teeth crunched over the little body. A mere morsel to him. Like dipping his finger in and only having a taste. He’d never had anything like it before. Its flavor sang over his tongue, running down his throat like an elixir of life. A pleased growl rumbled in his throat. 

He needed more.

He reached out for another one, and another. 

Something was pinging against his skin, but it didn’t hurt, so he paid it no mind. No, he only needed to focus on getting more of those delicious morsels in his mouth… he was still so hungry. The few he’d already eaten didn’t put a dent in his all-consuming hunger. 

One single thought ran through his mind. One goal. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat.

A loud crack came from either side of him. Heavy chains bore down on him, but with his size, they felt more like suggestions. The warehouse had turned noisy, high-pitched screaming buzzing in his ears like insects. Flicking his large pointed ears, he remained focused on the catwalk in front of him, set on finding out every single one of the delicious smelling creatures, his huge fingers skimming over the cool metal.

Another booming sound, this one wrapping around his neck. He hissed in annoyance, actually being dragged backwards by a combination of the contraption around his neck and multitudes of tiny little pinpricks all over his back and shoulders.

Despite his size, he was exhausted. The new-found titan found himself stumbling and then falling backwards, already vulnerable from his crouched stance. For being so big, he sure did feel weak.

He needed to sleep.

Flat on his back, he stared up at the metal ceiling. There were definitely some dents in it. The smell never quite lost its grip on his mind, but now that he didn’t see all the teasing creatures running around in front of him, he could almost ignore it.

Besides, after his little feast, what better to do than sleep?

More hissing sounds around him, pinpricks running down his arms, chest and thighs now. The titan was pretty sure he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. No matter. He would rather sleep now. He’ll eat more when he wakes up.

Small panting voices sounded almost directly in his ear, but his nose told him their owners weren’t actually that close. 

“He’s huge! How are we going to move him?!” 

“This was… definitely unforeseen, but I will admit, that was his style. Always a pain in my ass, doing things his way.”

“How many did he eat? What are we going to tell their families!!”

“That they died in the attack. Prisoners of war. Hostages. Dammit, anything will work. We just have to play this right and it will all fall into place. War is an art and art can’t be rushed, Gross.”

“Your majesty, what if he’s a shifter? No pure titan has ever been able to move at night!”

“He’s not a shifter, just a fucking large abnormal. Besides, he’s well and settled now, probably was just running off of some old anger there for a bit. Reiner and Tom didn’t eat anyone when they were turned, that’s how we knew. As for Annie -”

The titan doesn’t listen to the rest. He zeroed in on that one word. Reiner. 

A mental picture of a brilliantly grinning boy in his mind. His smile was so wide his eyes were forced closed. He was beautiful. Hair the color of a lazy summer sun. Radiant smile so warm it alone melted the ice from his angry heart. His laugh, bold and unapologetic. Larger than life itself. He was… human.

This boy was his reason to live, his very motivator for breathing. Couldn’t imagine a life without him. That boy was his everything. 

That was important. He couldn’t forget that. He wanted to see him - 

What was the name?

No, no, why couldn’t he remember? 

Horror dawned on him when he registered the taste in his mouth. 

What had he done?

The titan and the boy battled in his head. One trying to chase the single memory of a certain boy, the other basking in a new array of instincts. A brand new mind, perfectly tuned to hunt and kill. 

One side beckoned, tantalizing with the promise of unwavering happiness and simple decisions. Survival. That‘s all it was, nothing personal. 

Except it was. 

The other side - the human side of him, struggling in the raging river of his titan thoughts, screaming at him to not give in. 

His mind felt like it was splitting in two. 

He clung to that image of the blonde haired boy, his only anchor in the flood, as his titan mind threatened to swallow him whole. 

The titan blinked open its eyes at the first signs of dawn, awakening with the sun. One of the first things he registered was that he couldn’t move. At all. A thick collar of metal was around his throat, lashed on all sides to the surface of a huge thing floating in the water. Briefly, a word flitted through his mind; his mental hand plucking it out of the darkness before it could escape.

A boat?

 Heavy chains were attached to his wrists and ankles, strapping him down in a position that forced him to kneel with all of his weight on the back of his legs. An overpowering scent of salt was strong in the air and it flooded his sensitive nose, nearly unpleasant. Blowing out an annoyed huff, he resolved to just sit still. Why bother moving? He didn’t have anything to do anyways. Staring out at the sea was pleasant enough. He found himself enjoying the morning, calmed by the lapping sound of water on the sides of the boat, the sun warming his skin. He basked in the growing rays, strangely at peace.

Once the sun had risen a bit higher, the deck started crawling with life. It pulled the titan from his resting state and into a frenzy – that rich sent from before returning, though it was harder to pick up now under the overpowering cover of salt. One whiff was all it took and his hunger was returning full force, instincts screaming at him to eat and never stop. His restraints groaned from his intense straining, but they held fast, much to his disappointment. The strange little creatures skirted around him, giving a wide berth, teasing right outside of his reach. They stared up at him as they went about their ways, wary and timid.

Since he couldn’t move anyways, though he desperately wanted to, he decided to be satisfied with studying them. They looked almost exactly like him, just a lot smaller. And they were wearing… clothes. That was the word for it. They still smelled divine. His mouth watered just by thinking about it. Something poked at the back of his brain as he studied them. A nagging feeling that he chose to ignore for now. He’d think on it once he got the chance to eat again. 

Blessed with his massive ears, he could pick up bits of what they were saying, even when they whispered.

“I swear that thing keeps staring at me…”

“I know, it hasn’t stopped watching us since we came up here. Stupid thing’s scaring everybody.”

“Its eyes are creepy; it looks so much like him.”

“Of course it looks like him, did you expect him to turn into a lass?”

 Mildly amused by their tiny squabbles, he almost didn’t want to eat them, just to keep some entertainment around. But instincts were a bitch and his stomach was demanding he provide it with meat. He tried to lunge at one when it got bumped a bit too close to him by accident, but got caught by the bars, snapping his teeth uselessly. It yelped and the scent of urine spilled over the deck. Some nervous chuckles followed. The titan couldn’t take his eyes off that particular one for the rest of the day, following it with his gaze whenever it returned from below deck and lingered there when it left again. The creature's reaction had pulled at something in the titan’s chest, made him feel… bad? 

That’s how most of the day passed, with the titan watching and observing, endlessly salivating but never getting the chance to eat. It infuriated him, but secretly at the same time, he almost thought it to be a good thing that he couldn’t. He was conflicted, reflecting back on that nagging in his head earlier that morning, almost like claws in the base of his skull, trying to hold him back.

When night fell, he briefly got a glimpse of a smattering of thousands of tiny lights in the darkening sky as he struggled to stay awake. A small part of him was begging that he keep his eyes open, to see the night sky at its full potential because deep down, he had loved seeing it before. It confused him, he couldn’t remember why he loved the sky so much or why it was important, but he did his best to make the voice happy. Besides, it was nice to look up at the darkening indigo heavens. It comforted him, as if there were a presence at his side, enjoying the view with him.

However, he could only fight off sleep for so long. It was an inevitable tugging behind his eyes. Like the need to eat, something in his brain telling him he must sleep. Try as he might to keep looking up, he soon found himself succumbing to the night.

The next few days passed exactly like that. Denied the chance to eat all day and sleeping straight through the night until the sun peeked over the horizon to repeat it all again. Until one unsuspecting night, the titan fell asleep, chained to the boat like always, and woke up half submerged in salty water and half laid out on an expanse of soft fine ground - the boat nowhere in sight. Even sniffing the air revealed no trace of the tasty creatures’ scent.

Further inspecting his new surroundings, he brought himself to his feet, trying to walk across the funny ground. It gave way beneath his weight no matter where he stepped, alarming him at first, but soon he found there was no real danger. Walking a bit funny, he made his way away from the water to better understand where he was.

Once crested the dunes, he halted in shock at the view in front of him. In every possible direction, lush green land sprawled, untouched. Grass rolled in the wind like the waves of the sea, mesmerizing him with its effortless beauty. The sun was pouring down on the earth, blessing him with a comfortable buzzing of energy and catching the dew droplets scattered around the greenery, sparkling and dancing with the wind. Inhaling deeply, a vast mix of new smells greeted him. There was the plentiful scent of the earth, the cool brush of dew and plants across his nose, along with the sharp woody scent of trees. He tried not to be let down by the lack of his favorite scent - the meaty one that came with the creatures. 

Surprisingly, he wasn’t hungry right now. In fact, he was comfortable and dare he say, tranquil - like he’d just been dropped off in paradise. Out of the corner of his eye, a few 4-legged animals pranced out of the woods.

One of them had sprouts of sticks on their head while the rest did not. There was even a smaller version of the stick-free ones, which was speckled with bits of white down its flank. Curiously, the titan began walking towards them, wanting to get closer. Obviously nervous, the herd shifted on their feet as he approached, but they didn’t run away. The stick headed one did corral the others a little ways away from him, snorting nervously when he crouched down, but he didn’t mind, just as long as he had some company.

They were similar to the creatures from the boat, he surmised, skittish of his size. Well, maybe the creatures from the boat had a bit more reason to be scared of him. He wanted to eat them after all, and he had done his best to grant that wish. Strangely, he had no desire to eat these animals in front of him, even if they did smell dully of meat. Their meaty smell was hidden under an itchy fuzzy scent and the mingling of pine sap. 

Instead, he lowered himself fully to the ground, stretching his legs out and relaxing back on his hands, carefree. While he silently sat near the 4-legged creatures, stiller than a statue, he had another one of those fluttering thoughts. Eagerly, he plucked it from the swirling depths and matched it to the grazing herd in front of him. Deer.

Birds flew overhead, cawing; he knew what those were immediately. That’s strange, he thought to himself. Why were there only some words he knew instantly and others he had to wait ages for to come to him?

He pondered on his predicament for some time, lazily keeping an eye on the deer herd. They had grown comfortable with his presence and now roamed around him calmly. The baby one curiously tiptoed over to him, sniffing at his arm with widely twitching ears as he sat by and admired how adorable they were. So tiny. His large ears reminded the titan of his own; he would have smiled at that if he could.

Curling up between two of his spread fingers, the baby fell fast asleep while the older deer continued to nibble around the field. The titan was worried that even the smallest shift of his hand would kill the fragile little thing that had taken solace in him, so he had absolutely no problem staying stock still for however long he needed to. 

Time passed at its own pace. With the distinct lack of motivation to move, he could only guess that he’d been with the deer herd for hours, completely detached from any other stimulus. A couple of birds had taken up a perch on his shoulder, nipping curiously at his hair, preening it through their beaks while they chattered obnoxiously to each other. 

Wind ruffled his hair wildly, making them squawk indignantly as they took off to avoid being whipped in their faces with the long strands. He huffed quietly in amusement, trying not to disturb his new friends on the ground. All seemed well until a slight tremble reached his fingertips, not enough to be alarming, but it did pique his interest. 

His deer friends picked up the vibrations in the ground too because they took off into the grove of trees in front of him, the whites of their tails bobbing out of sight, taking their fuzzy scent with them. In the absence of the deer, a whiff of something more... familiar took its place, though he was certain he’d never smelt it before. 

Curious as to what was causing such a ruckus, he picked himself up off the ground and followed his nose. It wasn’t hard to track the scent. The farther away from the pine forest he got, the clearer the air was for him to follow the strange smell.

Not too far did he have to travel until he came across a herd of titans, shuffling nonsensical across the plains. Immediately, his mind began urging him -

Join.

Hunt, together.

Familiar-

Happily, he started to trot across the vast plains after them. 

Without warning, a switch flipped inside his brain not even a few steps in. 

Stay away! Run away!

Bad.

Wrong -

The titan blinked hard. What was that all about? He wondered as he watched the lumbering titans toddle along from afar, aimless and dopey. Instinctually, he knew that he was a titan, like them…. Well, he definitely felt like one, but that weird voice had screamed its way to the surface, ruining what confidence he’d had. Why shouldn’t he join the other titans?

Growing unease shifted inside of him. What had once felt so natural and obvious now felt a little like he might want to take a raincheck on that decision. Giving a short sigh, he did distance himself a few steps, just to quell the voice in his head. 

He never quite let the herd out of his sight, though. Always on the outskirts he followed along, mildly curious about the familiar beings. Where were they going? Were there more of them? What could be so wrong about walking alongside them? He flicked his ears, deep in thought. He had so many questions, yet absolutely no answers. 

The titan herd didn’t stop their aimless walking until the sun began to set. Only then did they begin to make themselves a spot in the open field to lay down in, like they had no worries of being approached or attacked while they slept. He wasn’t sure he could think of anything that would want to mess with them anyways. One by one, the stars came out and the other titans went into the same catatonic state that he found himself in every night without fail.

Wanting to learn more about this herd, he starved off his urge to sleep long enough for him to walk up to the pile of sleeping titans, sniffing curiously at them. Up close, he realized that he was much bigger than them, a good 3 or 4 meters on even the tallest of the pack. Their faces all looked so much like the creatures from the boat, though much larger and disproportionate. Even in their sleep, their lips exposed their teeth in a mock smile. Some had wide toothy grins while others only had puckered fish-mouths, but the titan thought they all looked funny anyway.

Observing the sleeping titans made him wonder what he looked like himself. Did he have a weird smile on his face too? It’s not like he can exactly see himself - his nose was just about all he could see, jutting out from the middle of his face, though he had to make himself a little cross-eyed to do so. He knew he had fairly long hair; he’d seen it whip across his vision and tickle his nape when the wind blew. Probably just a bit longer than his chin.

Brushing large fingers across his face, he tried to map out his features through touch. Not finding any lips, but a surprising amount of exposed molars, he concluded that he did in fact have a stupid smile like the rest of the titans, thought he was not actively in control of it. Bummer. 

Finding similarities between himself and the other titans did not ease his earlier misgivings. On the contrary, the titan found himself disgusted. Looking like those dopey monsters -

Monsters?

Is that what they are; what I am?

Unable to keep his eyes open any longer, he collapsed on his side with a soft thud, plunging into darkness. In the weird space between sleep and wakefulness, he realized he genuinely felt scared. He was too close to the herd. Mistakenly, he’d spent too long investigating and now he’d fallen under the spell of sleep. Groggily, he hoped to the stars above that he’d wake up before The Others. 

Fate decided not to be kind to him.

The titan was rudely awoken to snuffling in his ear and a feeling of being crowded. Snapping awake, he half sat up, but was met with a warning growl from one of the larger, presumably male titans. He snorted nervously and tried to sit still, sensing that he was gravely outnumbered. 7 on 1 didn’t feel like a positive outcome on his end. The Others resumed their inspection of him, paying particularly close attention to his neck. As long as he let them satisfy their curiosity without quarrel, the warning grumbles quieted. When the leader slipped behind him and began sniffing rather loudly at his nape, the titan couldn’t fight himself anymore. Snarling he whipped around, confronting the leader by puffing up to his full height. 

It happened so fast; instinct to protect his nape blew his plan of trying to not act like a threat straight from his mind. Immediately, The Others grew aggressive at the direct challenge. The titan had been right to assume this male was the leader, because he lunged forward and tried to tackle him to the ground, clearly trying to subdue him - the unruly titan. 

In survival mode, the titan fought with a ferocity that surprised even him. His fists flew in a blur, ripping the flesh from the face of the leader. Teeth flashed and steam blew around the scrapping pair. The Others had drawn back, eagerly awaiting the emerging victor. With his superior height, the titan had the advantage, and before long the leader was too wounded to continue. His nose had been snapped to the side, his face a bloody, steaming mess. Sensing that it was a losing fight, the leader drew back, groaning to The Others. The leader distanced himself a few paces from the pack. If a titan could glower, he was sure the beaten titan would. 

The herd turned to him, unbothered by their bloodied member. Prickling unease scattered over his skin and he hesitantly raised his steaming fists. He sat back and marinated in tension, eyes darting among the remaining six waiting for them to attack, but they never did. They stood there, blinking dumbly at him. 

It took a few seconds for the titan to realize what was going on. He’d beaten their leader. That only meant…. he was expected to take his place. The Others now looked at him for command. Shaking his head, he tried to clear his raging thoughts. This couldn’t be happening. He didn’t want to be around other titans, no matter how much his instincts were gleefully tingling at the prospect of a new pack - a place at the top. He just wanted them to leave now; any trace of yesterday’s draw towards them was long gone. 

Lowering his head dangerously, he growled deep in his chest, feeling it throughout his entire body and down into his toes. 

Uneasy at his sudden rejection, the herd shuffled away from the pissed off titan. The wounded titan quickly seized control of his pack again, corralling The Other’s away from him. He released another threatening snarl to encourage them on their way. Following their wounded leader as he sulked away, they retreated back in the same direction they’d come from the previous evening. The field and most land around him were soon left barren of titans. Except him of course.  

 Forfeited territory.

Internally, he sighed. The past few days had been a whirlwind of emotions to the point that up was down and right was wrong. Peace and quiet was what he needed. To clear his head. And if he was correct in his assumption, he’d just taken this patch of land by force. Hopefully, the titan herd wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon and no new stragglers would decide to wander this way for a while. 

With that thought, he began to explore his tentative new home while his steaming flesh finished knitting itself back together. Just off the edge of the field was the beginnings of another sizable forest. Picking his way into the foliage, he found that he slotted in perfectly with the height of the trees. Some of the lower branches were prone to scratching at his scalp, but he found it soothing rather than annoying. 

Beneath the canopy, the sunlight was less intense which made it much cooler. Each step he took trampled down the lush greenery and earth to create a little path. His nose was treated to a whole new concoction of earthy fragrances from the crushed plants - things he’d never gotten the time to appreciate before. In the heart of the little forest, he soon picked up the trickling sound of a stream and followed his ears to the source. 

A mossy river bank stretched on for as far as he could see with the stream splashing playfully at its sides. Delicate flowers dotted the moss, contrasting beautifully against the dark green. Chittering from above told him that there were plenty of woodland animals that he would have to be mindful of. As much as this was his new home, he was intruding on an already occupied area. Sure, he was much larger and most likely the deadliest predator, but he didn’t want to frighten away the animals that lived here. He wanted to make more friends, like the deer from yesterday. 

Why?

Startled at his own mind, he snorted and shook his head, ears flapping wildly. It did make him stop and think for a second though. Why did he want to be friendly to squirrels and other useless animals? Sure, they usually weren’t on the menu, but if he got hungry enough, he was sure they’d be a tempting substitute. 

Because I’m lonely. 

His other, strange voice piped up. The titan stilled at that. He couldn’t deny that what the voice said was true. Weird as his quieter voice was, it brought up good points and although it seemed irrational at times, he was starting to trust it more than the bold one. 

Thankfully, the voices fell quiet and the titan got the chance to settle down on the mossy bank for the rest of the day. Still not hungry, he wasted the day there, sipping at cool stream water and watching the life of the forest carry on around him. A little baffled by his lack of appetite, but grateful that he didn’t have one now, he thought about what he’d do if he did get hunger pains. The only times he’d seen those little creatures were in the large metal warehouse and the boat. Both were long gone now, and he hadn’t seen a trace of the creatures anywhere so far. 

Sighing gently, he pushed it to the back of his mind. No use worrying over it right now. He was far too relaxed with the constant babble of water in his ears and shift of the breeze through his hair to care about something that wasn’t even a real problem right now. 

For the next week, he rarely left the banks. Occasionally, he would follow it up or downstream to map out some more of his little nook. He found that the stream did come to a swirling crystal pool just a few miles downstream, glittering marvelously under a break in the canopy. It was one of his favorite spots to visit. He could spend hours staring at the swirling frothy bubbles of the pool and the fine mist that reached up into the rays like soft, glittery smoke. It was just a bit too wild for him to get a proper look at himself, a vague warped image was all he could see when he peered into the watery depths. 

His little slice of heaven didn’t stay undisturbed for long. Some lone passing titans would occasionally stumble across his field and make themselves a spot while the titan was busy in the forest. When their scent finally passed over the barrier of earth and greens, he would angrily flick his ears and stomp out of his home to chase off the rogues encroaching on his peace. They were easy to beat, as the titan soon found that he towered over almost all others of his kind. None came back after he was through with them; groaning as they drifted away to find another spot to try and take or a pack to join. 

About two or three months of living in the forest, he finally got into a scuffle that went south. He’d been sitting at the crystal pool as he always did, lounging nonsensically when the tell tale scent of unwelcome titan wafted through the undergrowth. Growling in frustration and his mood souring at the interruption, he barged out to the field where he came face to face with not one, not two, but a whole herd of titans. It was about the same size as the first one he’d encountered, but a quick sniff and evaluation of the group in front of him confirmed that they were not all from the same pack and most of them were male. 

It quickly became apparent that he’d just walked into a skirmish between two smaller, territorial packs. They were snarling and wrestling with each other. Teeth snapping onto shoulders and nails raking through eyes. It was a bloodbath. 

Dumbfounded, the titan tried to scoot back into the trees to let the others fight it out, but one of the unoccupied titans picked up his scent and whipped around to face him. Grievously outnumbered, he was thrown into the throngs of a territory scuffle that had him fighting blindly and recklessly.

Every time he’d beat one opponent, two more seemed to take their place. Growing desperate, heartbeat visible at the edges of his vision, he zeroed in on the titan in front of him. He snapped his teeth into its exposed nape as soon as it went down, ripping his head back so the flesh tore away with a sickening squelch. A hot blast of steam to the face and the titan was dead on the ground in front of him, dissolving away into the tossed up soil. A bit taken back, he hesitated in his next attack. He hadn’t meant to kill, it just happened. Like he wasn’t as in control as he’d thought.

All fighting came to a halt. The Other titans surveyed the steaming, decaying corpse and then him, standing over it, with the flesh still clenched between his teeth. Sensing he’d made a terrible mistake, he tried to run, but the two packs wordlessly became one, raining down on him with too much force for him to push back on his own. 

In short, he was driven out, exhausted and unable to fight anymore. Forced to abandon his quiet forest and crystal pool, he fled out into the plains, wicked smiling grins snapping at his heels. 

Chapter Text

He didn’t know how long he had walked for – nor did he care. No direction, no meaning in his steps. Each day passed the same: he woke up from where he dropped the night before and continued walking until the night forced him under again. It bothered him to no end how meaningless his life was. There was no hunger to force him to look for the creatures and no home to call his own anymore. Just the thought of the beautiful crystal pool and quiet banks made him want to reconsider his nomadic lifestyle, but he couldn’t bring himself to put down roots again. 

There must be a purpose for him out there; while it had been nice in the forest, there was nothing for him to really do except watch the water flow by like it always did. Besides, being out in the sun once more caused a strange but pleasant buzzing under his skin. He hadn’t realized what he’d been missing those few months under the canopy. Now that he was out under the sun all day, soaking up the rays with no shelter, he felt energized and at peak health.

Yet, there was nothing to do with all that energy. He supposed he could run for ages and still not get tired, but that seemed silly and pointless. Running around with nowhere to go? Strange.

It was something that had nagged him since he had seen that first titan herd and then again with each straggler he passed. What was their purpose? What did they wander around for? Were they just like him, walking until they found that purpose? He wondered if they ever got hungry.

His life was devoid of something. No, more than something. Everything.

There was a distinct lack of being whole that he felt deep within his chest. He was missing things that he didn’t even understand.

Walking aimlessly everyday gave him plenty of time to think. Titans didn’t seem to need anything other than the sun overhead and a place to sleep at night. At least, that was all he seemed to need. The titan was content with what he had. But his heart yearned for more.

At one point, he’d considered trying to join a pack. His weird voice had gone strangely silent since he’d killed that titan and he secretly hoped that if he decided to walk up to a herd that the voice would come alive again and give him direction he so desperately wanted. Curiosity as to what the other titan’s must be eating further encouraged him, planning on sticking it out just to find their food source.

It proved to be a fruitless effort though as he got all huffy whenever he neared any pack. Uncomfortable around the dull eyed titans, he could barely get within a few feet of them before snarling on instinct and marching away. The other titans would always watch him go, confused, before brushing off his weird behavior and continuing on with their lives.

Positively dejected after days of trying, the titan finally resolved to staying a loner. 

He never stopped fighting sleep when the sun went down. When the stars came out, he would gaze up into the sky as he walked until his body gave way. Desperate to see the beauty of the night sky, even if for just a moment. He’d stare until his eyes burned and his third eyelid would swipe over his corneas so he wouldn’t have to miss a precious second of it.

It’d scared him the first time it had happened - when night fell after he’d been run out of the forest. The sky came alive with hundreds of little lights, like someone had dropped the sun and it had shattered amongst the heavens. Entranced, the titan knew he would fall asleep soon, but he hadn’t ever seen the sky like this before and he wanted to stare at it so hard that maybe he could see it behind his eyelids while he slept. 

Well, the dream part didn’t work. He never dreamed. It was only darkness until the sun rose. 

But, he had managed to screw up his eyes with his head tilted back, fighting a blink when a clear membrane swept across his vision to ease the sting and clear his sight when it retracted. Startled, he stumbled a bit, causing him to break eye contact with the stars. That was the night that he discovered something new about himself and it only brought on more questions. 

That little feature came in handy when he’d accidentally wandered onto one particularly aggressive titan’s territory. The following scuffle had sent dust billowing violently into the air and where the other titan had been blinded, he’d simply screwed up his eyes and continued fighting. After, he had to blink the grit from his eyes, but it had served him well. His opponent had headed for the hills when he was through with him.

For once he got to spend a night in safe territory, free to watch the stars with no interruptions.

Abandoning the little plot the next morning, he resumed his aimless walking. It was a particularly windy day. Strong gusts nearly flattened the grass to the earth and had him screwing his eyes up at the biting air.

Initially, he was annoyed with the wind and how noisy it was until something was carried in on a particular strong gust. Tickling at his nose, it barely hinted at a warm and mouth-watering scent.

He froze.

Meat.

There were creatures somewhere nearby.

As if on cue, his hunger roared to life. Jumping to action, the titan eagerly put his nose to the wind and breathed in deep for another trace of that scent. It started out faint but grew stronger and stronger until it reached a solid trail that he immediately went after, picking up his pace in excitement.

Following his nose, he soon found a strange shape appearing on the horizon in front of him. As he drew closer, the shape sharpened into a hard grey wall, which seemed to grow taller with each step. Taller than all the trees and towering above even him to the point that he felt dwarfed. There was no way he was getting over those. His nose didn’t lie and he could tell that the creature’s scent was coming from somewhere inside. 

The titan was still a good distance away from the wall, but came to a reluctant stop. A random wall in the middle of nowhere? He was suspicious. Not only that, there were already plenty of titans scratching uselessly at the stone – he didn’t need to try it out for himself to know that the walls would hold fast.

No matter how his hunger burned and his jaws ached to snap up a few morsels, he kept his feet planted and surveyed the wall from afar. He’d rather not get too close to the titans at the base, considering his history with others. The ones in front of him now were awfully small and a quick sniff provided a surprising discovery: they smelled young, like they were fresh to this world and still unsteady on their feet. They were just babies.

 Juveniles.

They must be lost in their hunger to continue to claw at the walls like that. He thought.

Shifting uneasily on his feet, he didn’t know what to do. He’d found a food source, in a way. There seemed to be no way to get to it though. Unwilling to back off, as it had been too long since he’d found those creatures since the boat, he kept his head trained on the wall.

Straining his eyes and ears, he listened for anything that would tell him more about the strange wall. The wind was less intense now with the wall to block some of it. Along the tops of it, he spotted tiny bodies springing along the flat edge, running back and forth. From his distance, he almost hadn’t seen them. They reminded him a lot of his first (and only, he realized with a jolt) feast on the catwalk in the warehouse. Nearly drooling at the combined memory and sight and scent before him, he dreamily took a step closer, now understanding why the little titans refused to budge.

It would be heaven if one of the little bodies tumbled over the edge and into his waiting jaws.

A blasting sound near the wall ripped him from his fantasy. One of the babies fell to the ground steaming. Distant whooping reached his massive pointed ears.

“Got the ugly bastard! Did you see that!?” A gravelly voice screamed over the wind. The titan narrowed his eyes; it must be awfully loud for him to hear him from all the way over there. He watched as a few of them slapped their friend on the back. Canon still smoking, the little creature went to reposition it, aiming for the next juvenile on the ground.

The Others hadn’t even spared a glance at the decomposing titan. Too lost in their hunger to consider danger…

Where had he seen this before…?

Shrieking interrupted his thoughts before he figured it out. The creatures on the wall were frantically waving their arms around and pointing at him. Faintly, he picked up some of their conversation, as long as he listened really hard.

“Sina! I didn’t even see that one. He’s huge!”

“Thing’s like a statue. Why is it just standing there staring at us? That’s so creepy. Usually they come right up or stay clear.”

“Ah, who cares. We should scare him off anyway; don’t need something that big testing the walls. No ser, not today, not any day!”

“I bet you my dinner tonight that you can’t hit him from here, Fugo.” One of them challenged the cannon operator.

“You’ll be eating those words, Hannes, or more like, I’ll be eating your dinner!”

Crowing laughter.

The titan flicked his ear in annoyance and huffed a small breath. Confident that he was far enough away from the wall to be perfectly safe, he had a strange urge to stand his ground. Not daring to move a hair, he waited patiently for the creatures to load the cannon and position it towards him.

Metal whizzed by his abdomen and embedded itself in the earth. Not even flinching, he stayed deathly still, staring at the top of the ledge. Every eye was on him, gawking. If he could have grinned any wider than the one permanently plastered on his face, he would have.

Even if it had hit him, he knew it wouldn’t have killed him. Sure, it might’ve hurt something fierce, but the squawking uproar that followed shortly after was worth any hint of danger he just put himself in. It was beyond amusing to him how they squabbled amongst themselves.

Another creature appeared over the lip of the edge, seemingly like it had flown. His brow crinkled in confusion; he didn’t think they could fly - they had no wings that he’d seen. Sharp barks of orders carried across the distance. The newcomer sounded like it was berating the ones stationed on the wall. 

“... wasting precious ammo. If they’re not close enough, don’t bother! ”

He snorted softly to himself. 

Watching the cannons reposition, the new creature disappeared back over the lip. From his spot, he watched as another one of the juveniles was decimated in a well-placed blow to the neck. Finally having had his fun, he concluded that he wasn’t getting near the wall anytime soon, much less finding a way in. Regretfully, he left the creature's little sanctuary alone and wandered away into the fields again, ignoring the gnawing hunger that coursed through him.

He found that he couldn’t stray too far from the creature’s home after that, only wandering far enough away as to where their scent just barely caught on the breeze. Never letting it disappear from mind completely, his hunger stayed a constant presence. 

Before, he had been bored to death and searching for a purpose. Now, he was miserable with insatiable hunger; a slave to the scent that kept him close. But, this was what he’d been looking for, right? He’d pretty much wanted to find the creatures since he’d been on the boat.

Eager to someday get to eat now that it has smelled the delicious scent again, he listlessly wandered over the plains, avoiding the other titan as best he could. There were so many more here; abundant on every patch of grass. At least a handful of them were always present on the corners of his vision. He figured that they were all trapped here like he was, unable to go too far before their hunger had them slinking back.

As happy as he was to have found a food source, he was less than pleased that he was now forced to be near Other Titans. 

In the back of his mind, he wondered if this was where they’d stay trapped now. Surely the creatures wouldn’t come out with all of these titans camped out in a ring around their wall? A stalemate, that was what this was. He couldn’t get in, and they couldn’t get out. 

It was only a few days after he’d reached that conclusion when he was proven wrong. 

Night time was approaching, and he was starving off the insistent pull like he always did. The Others had all begun to settle in for the night when he smelled it. As the titans around him slipped into slumber, the beautiful aroma of meat grew more powerful. It was almost like he was nosed up near the wall, bathing in their delicious scent. Mind a bit groggy from the disappearing sun, he idly realized that that meant that there must have been some close by. 

They were outside the walls.

His realization sent a chill of excitement down his spine. Unfortunately, his eyelids were already heavy and while the stars had only been out for a few minutes, he was so so tired. The promise of a good meal was salivating and he soon found himself drooling helplessly as he stumbled in the direction of the scent. 

He only got as far as to watch a whole herd of them sprinting through the sleeping forms of titans before he couldn’t seem to take another step, past the point of exhaustion to where he felt drunk. They were on the backs of strange animals that were much larger than deer. With the animals' help, they were nearly flying over the grass, moving at a speed that he knew he wouldn’t be able to catch in his tired state. 

Sinking into the ground for a night’s rest, he watched the herd ride off deeper into the plains.

How clever. He briefly thought before he drifted off, resting his cheek on the pillow of his arm.

Sunlight raised him from his slumber. Stretching, he clambered to his feet, realizing that The Others were waking as well. Sniffing the air, the scent of the creatures was a bit stale, making his heart drop in disappointment. 

So they go out at night when we can’t chase them…

Grumbling at his thoughts, he made a point to put some distance between The Others and himself. He hadn’t meant to get so close to them, but the scent of food always had him acting on instinct. Meandering off on his own, he settled in for another long and boring day. He considered going in the direction the creatures had gone last night, but the trail was a bit hard to pick up now that it was old, blending into the constant aroma from the wall and confusing his nose. Knowing that with the speed they were going last night, they would be far away from here. 

The sun was only just beginning its journey across the sky when the creature's scent hit his nose again. Confused as to why they were outside the walls during the day, he turned towards their sanctuary. There was no visible movement from them, leading him to conclude that the group from last night must still be out beyond the walls. Judging by the smell, they were close by again. Without a second thought, he took off away from the walls, his instincts rolling over him. 

If he played this right, he might be able to intercept some as they made a dash for their home. Chasing them would be difficult, but after a good night's sleep and the sun now warming his back, he was sure he could get at least one. He now understood why so many titans camped out near the walls. This was exciting! 

Following the scent for a few minutes, the grumble of titans and shrieks of the creatures filled his ears, but he still seemed a bit too far away to see much of the action. On his right, a lone tree stood out in the field atop a little hill. There was a single titan crouched in front of it, groaning and straining to reach underneath the foliage. He heard shrill crying from underneath it and quickly spied two little forms of creatures pinned between the titan and the trunk.

Both of them had long green capes on, a scrap of the fabric pulled up over their heads. One of them was sprawled out in the other's arms, clearly asleep or something of the sort. It lay there limply while its companion struggled to hold it close to its tiny body with one hand and brandish a gleaming stick in the other. The titan was confused, how could it be sleeping during the day, and while it was being hunted nonetheless! It’s smaller friend was the one crying hysterically, wildly waving the sharp shiny stick at the reaching fingers of the crouching titan. 

Pity was a strange sensation to feel when looking at food, but it rose in his throat nonetheless as he heard the desperate crying of the creature. 

His pity only went so far when a soft breeze carried the warm coppery scent of blood to his nose, making them that much more appealing to eat. At this point, he just wanted one of them. The Other titan could exhaust the fighting one, snatch it up, and then he’d dive in and take the still one. He watched the crouching titan receive a few cuts on its groping hand as it reached under blindly again. 

It’s fingers delved further under the foliage, paying no mind to the stinging cuts, much too overcome with the promise of a meal to care. Not that the little creature was hurting him in any way, really. Its searching hands scraped the top of the flailing creature's head, knocking the scrap of cloth back.

Bright blonde hair spilled out on display. An even louder scream as the crouching titan grasped the back of its cape, securing a hold. 

Zeroing in on the small creature, he suddenly went numb. 

Blonde... 

Like his brain had been struck by lightning, every hair on his arm raised as he couldn’t take his eyes off that blonde creature…. 

A boy laughed behind his eyes. The curve of a smile and the hint of white teeth. Blonde head buried in arms at his bedside. Arms wrapped around his waist and a weight against his back. Secure. Safe. 

A soldier. Always at his side. Soft brush of lips against his.

In his mind, he stared up at this boy. He couldn’t make out his face, the image fuzzy and no matter how he strained to focus it, it only made it worse. But, even then, he knew that boy was his everything. The boy was human. 

Human….

His eyes widened. They were human. 

Those two cowering little things under the tree were human. Like his human. His blonde soldier.

High-pitched screaming pulled him from the sudden rush of images in his head. The crouching titan had snagged the little human’s cape and dragged it out from under the tree. Its companion laid unmoving by the trunk. The little blonde human sobbed and struggled, batting at the crouched titan’s hand uselessly, having dropped the sharp stick (most likely in fear).

He knew what came next. For some reason, the titan couldn’t place the feeling in his chest. All of the sudden, it was like the idea of the little blonde soldier getting eaten was the worst possible thing ever. So, naturally, he knew he couldn’t let that happen.

Because the blonde soldier meant more than the entire world to him. 

A deep, rumbling growl rose in from in his chest and vibrated in his throat. Baring his teeth more than they already were, he stalked up to the crouched titan who’d paused at his challenge. It wairily watched his approach, still holding the struggling human between two pinched fingers. 

He released another rolling growl that rose to a hacking snarl when the crouched tiger rumbled its own growl in response. It was clearly not going to give up its meal without a fight. 

Kill it. 

His inner voice commanded him; If it wouldn’t forfeit the meal on its own, he’d just have to force it too. Paired with the hair-raising growl he was releasing, he snapped his jaws in a clear indication that he wanted to fight. 

No! The human will get killed in the battle, don’t attack!

Once again, his strange voice had forced its input, and while he knew it was correct, it left him dumbfounded on what to do. If he couldn’t attack, how was he supposed to get the human away from the crouched titan? It was far too delicate to get between two massive titans throwing fists. But he couldn’t back down. Either way, he couldn’t see how the human was to emerge from this encounter alive. 

A stubborn part of him refused to stand idly by when that blonde soldier - the one thing that had made him feel for the first time in so long - would be devoured in one gulp by an ugly, grinning titan. Praying that he could somehow bat the human from the titan's fingers or maybe even snatch him and run, he steeled his muscles in preparation to leap at the snarling titan in front of him. 

It had shifted towards him now, still crouched down, no doubt going to try and lash at his belly and throat when he finally attacked. At least its attention was solely on him, maybe the squirming human could take advantage of the distraction and escape on its own. 

He’d barely put his foot to the earth to launch himself into a spring when a jet of steam enveloped the crouched titan’s head. The titan knew it was a goner before it even started to fall; the light sapped from its eyes in an instant, but its lips stayed pulled back over its exposed teeth, smiling even in death. 

As the titan began to slowly topple forward, he reacted without thought. Muscles already poised to leap, he shifted his balance and aimed for the little human in the titan’s dead clutch. It was a decent sized titan and even if it had been crouching, the full weight falling on the tiny human would surely injure him gravely, if not kill him. 

Carefully, he snagged the warm body from the corpse of the titan just before it landed face down, its nape cleanly sliced. He cradled the human in his hand, breathing a sigh of relief. He barely got a moment to raise the blonde human to eye level to ensure he was ok as it sat blinking owlishly at him from his palm, mouth open, before a quiet hissing sound on his right and pin prick on his shoulder got his attention. As he glanced up, he saw the body of another human flying through the air straight for him connected on a thin sting. One of the animals he’d seen them riding earlier was near the feet of the dead titan, now riderless.

That was all he got to take in before his fingers were sliced clean off in a blur of movement, making him yelp and stumble back in surprise. In a flash, the newly arrived human grabbed a hold of his blonde human and was flying down to the ground with another string. It deposited the little human next to the crumpled form of the other all while barking some orders.

It all happened so fast, the titan barely had time to process it. The human had attacked with seemingly no fear. He’d never seen a human attack a titan; they usually froze in terror or tried to run away! Not only that, it had killed the other titan - with a single blow! 

A breeze cleared some of the steam from his steadily regrowing fingers and blew the hood off of the newer human. He froze when he saw another head of blond. This human was a bit taller than the first blonde one, though that didn’t seem to be a difficult accomplishment (they were both rather short) and its hair was done a bit differently. It scavenged through a pouch on its hips and then crowded in triumph. Not even a second later, a purple column of smoke was arching high into the air, followed closely by a black one. They kept casting nervous glances over their shoulder at him, while the younger one, now sitting next to his friend, continued to stare up at him in terror. The titan and the little human blinked at each other, neither knowing what to do.

Now at a loss for which one was the real blonde soldier, the titan couldn’t bring himself to eat either of the humans, though he still eyed the unmoving form they stood guard over hungrily. They pair of them eyed him cautiously as he stared down at the crumpled human. It was still alive; he could smell it. There was no sweetness of death tinging its scent and a steady flow of warm blood still clung to the air. 

Against his better judgement, the titan started to half-mindedly approach again, eyes only for the downed human. He just wanted to maybe run his fingertips through the blood and have a taste, that was all. Really. Maybe the other humans wouldn’t mind him taking this one. It was injured anyway. Hell, it’d probably die before they reached the walls, why shouldn’t he just end the poor things suffering. 

Mind clouded with hunger, he reached out his hand - the same one that had held the blonde human just seconds ago. The taller blond human stopped him in his tracks by promptly reliving him of his fingers again, breaking him out of his trance. 

Darn, and he’d just regrown those too. He would have to settle with the fact that they were set on saving their friend. Grumbling in displeasure, he took the hint and backed up, giving the three humans some space. Unable to tear himself away from the scene, both out of his hunger and his curiosity, he decided to do what he did best and listened.

“... don’t have the blades for this. This is my last pair and I’m running on less than fumes at this point. The moment a spare horse comes by, I’m tossing Kirstein on your lap and I need you two to book it. Have I made myself clear, Arlet?” The tall human commanded, sounding out of breath and highly stressed. It was a higher pitch; the titan pegged it for a female. 

“Yes, ser!” came the whimpering response of the first blonde human. He paused before seeming to brighten up. “Take my blades! I still have a set!”

The woman looked over the younger human for a second before huffing out a breath, “Alright. There’s not much I can do with them though, that thing’s too damn tall for me to get at its nape. I’d only be able to kill it if it laid down, but I guess it’ll come in handy if it tries to reach for us again. Seemed to get the message through last time.” She muttered darkly. “We’ll just have to pray that thing will stay where he is until help comes.”

They exchanged the sharp pointy sticks - blades - he had to remind himself, and didn’t dare to take their eyes off of him. All he could do was stare blankly back. Leaving them alone would leave them open to another titan attack, but they were obviously terrified of him.

Of course they’re terrified of you, you’re a titan! You tried to eat one of them. His mind scolded him.

Yet, he couldn’t offer any assistance. It had been made very clear to him that reaching down would leave him a few fingers lighter, or worse. Resigned to simply standing there keeping guard, the titan and the humans stared at each other so long, his third eyelid jumped to action to ensure the woman wouldn't take advantage of his moment of blindness to attack his nape. The two humans reacted about the same as he did when it first happened.  

Not too long after, there was a thumping of hooves on the ground and yet another human appeared on the back of one of those animals, horses, he corrected, with another, riderless one in tow. There was a lot of intelligible yelling and pointing at him from the upcoming human alongside an incessant whinnying from the spooked horse, but some yells back from the blonde woman had them quieting down.

In a flurry, the limp human was unceremoniously draped across the lap of the little blonde one and their horse was sent galloping off in the direction of the walls. The blond woman mounted her own and hung back long enough to ensure that he was not giving chase before peeling off after them. Another column of black was shot into the sky as they retreated.

Absent-mindedly, he wondered what the smoke columns were for.

He couldn’t bring himself to chase after them, not after the fright they just had. His titan voice screamed at him to go after them, that food had been right there in front of him, but the weird part of him reasoned that he didn’t want the blonde soldier’s friends to be hurt either.

It tore him up inside to know that he was letting that blonde human slip through his fingers, but he knew he would be safer within the walls. He also decided that he’d rather live and deducted that giving chase would only end with him a steaming, decomposing corpse on the ground, much like what remained of the titan beside him. 

As the pounding of hoofbeats faded away with the scent of humans, the titan was left standing dumbly in the plains. A nearly-gone corpse of a titan at his side and the blurry, fleeting images of the beautiful blonde soldier cycling through his mind. 

He was so busy trying to process what had just happened, that he didn’t even realize his hunger dissipated alongside the disappearing scent of humans.

Over the next few days, there was a blooming feeling in his chest whenever he would think about the blonde human. And that was a lot. Finding himself with once again nothing to do, he had countless hours to mull over his interaction with them.

The titan was determined to find the wandering humans again. Hoping to get a better look at the blonde human to see if he was really the one, he swore off eating any of them until he found him. He recalled that the blond woman had called him Arlet. He couldn’t put a name to the blonde soldier in his mind, and it didn’t help that he couldn’t quite make out the face. Maybe if he had more time with Arlet, he would be able to deduct if he was him. It was hard to peg down when all he had to go off of was feelings and emotions surrounding the memories in his head. Like the brush of lips on his. He knew what they felt like, but he couldn’t put those lips to a face. It was weird and made his brain hurt the more he thought about it.

Even if it turned out Arlet was not the true blonde soldier, the possibility of the real one being somewhere in the ranks was a valid consideration. Their hoods hid their hair color when they were up, so he couldn’t be certain until he got more acquainted with them. In the meantime, it was a risk he was not willing to take.

He had no idea what he was going to do if he did find him; it wasn’t like he was able to talk to him and he would most surely scare the poor human just by his presence alone, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop searching now that he remembered. His want to find this blonde soldier was far stronger than any call to devour a human could ever be to him.

He began to hang as close to the walls as he dared, not wandering too far in case he missed their nightly rides. He made sure to stay out of sight of the humans on the walls, knowing they would only try and shoot at him until he left, so he picked a little grove of trees and camped out behind them.

No matter how hard he searched the wind for their scent, there was no trace of them. Even the stale trail that led back to the walls was slipping away. Soon, he feared he wouldn’t be able to smell them at all. What scared him even more was the threat that they might never re-emerge from their sanctuary. And why would they? It was safe in there and out here, there were ravenous monsters that wanted to snatch them up without a second thought. He’d never see Arlet again. The threat of the unknown plucked unpleasantly at his insides, like he’d be sick. But that wasn’t possible, he didn’t think. He’d never seen a titan throw up before.

His anxiety and fears drove him to strive and stay up even later into the night, not wanting to have the humans slip out while he was asleep again.  However, the best he’d ever gotten was just a few minutes past his usual time. It wouldn’t be enough. Dedicated (or stubborn, depending how you looked at it), he tried every night regardless of the outcome. Pushing his luck until he would come crashing down from his feet, asleep before he even hit the ground.

Chapter Text

Almost a month passed before the titan encountered the humans outside the walls again. He had yet again been training himself to resist sleep when his large ears picked up on some off-in-the-distance shouting followed by noises of heavy machinery and rattling. His excitement served as an extra boost, allowing him to starve off his exhaustion for a little bit longer. In his chest, his heart thrummed happily, both at the anticipation of seeing the blonde soldier and the knowledge that he had never been able to make it this late into the night. He was making progress! 

Sniffing faintly at the air, the tell-tale scent of humans crept across the plains, confirming his suspicions. Since he was currently sitting cross-legged on the ground in his quaint little grove, he pressed his palm to the earth to gauge the human’s position. He didn’t think jumping up and running over to them would do either of them any favors. If he was correct in his assumptions, they would still be close to the wall, where the cannons would be trained at anything that moved, no doubt. After his first encounter, he had no doubt that the humans on the wall would be over the moon with a chance to get rid of him after they failed the last time. 

No, it was best to wait them out. 

It took a few minutes of muted racket before the titan was able to pick up on the faint tremble of hooves against the earth. The humans were on the move. 

Realistically, the titan knew that he wouldn’t be able to stay awake the whole night, he wasn’t conditioned for that just yet. It would take many more countless nights before he would gain any more time; he wasn’t even sure if it was physically possible for him to stay up an entire night. 

Wouldn't hurt to try, he mused. 

Should just sleep. Grumbled his inner voice, which he pointedly ignored.

Instead, he got to his feet as silently as he could, taking care not to rustle the branches of his trees and did his best to make his footfalls light. At best, he wanted to track the humans and see where exactly they went when the titans were asleep. What were they even doing outside in the first place; were they looking for something? 

He planned on following them until he fell asleep and then maybe he’d be able to catch sight of them in the morning before they got into the walls. Briefly, he considered that they might go back inside while he was asleep, but he could only wonder. He broke out into a steady jog as he considered his future course of action. If he was going to figure these strange little humans out, he’d have to do a lot of observing. Safely, from afar. 

Not that he was scared or anything. 

Not scared at all….

The incident with the crouched titan played over in his head, coupled with the wall cannons. It was a bit unnerving when food fought back. In the warehouse, the humans had only screamed and stood there while he grabbed them, though that was going a bit fuzzy in his mind… it felt like forever ago. 

These humans were nowhere near helpless in terms of sheer will. They didn’t hesitate when faced with titans easily 10 times their size and the ease that woman had cut down the titan was awe-inspiring to him. One little cut was all it took.

Ok, so maybe he did have a tiny bit of fear for these humans. But as long as he stayed a respectful distance away, he’d probably be fine. Worst case scenario he’d have to turn tail and run if they came after him. The idea of turning into a steaming mound of disappearing flesh didn’t seem all that fun to him. At the same time, he couldn’t imagine hurting one of the little humans on purpose now that that boy was swimming around in his head all day (and what bit of the night he was up). 

No. He wouldn't dream of hurting him. Not when he could still feel the faint memory of soft lips murmuring sweet, meaningless words against his own. Rough, but firm hands that threaded their fingers together. 

He sighed dreamily. Sure, it didn’t make sense why a titan would think those things about a human, considering the whole food thing. Not to mention the sizing issue. And lips? He didn’t even have those last time he checked. 

Shaking his head to clear the thoughts, he focused on the task at hand: tracking down said human. To do that, he needed to find the horses they were riding. Now picking up the vibrations in his feet, he knew he’d be able to track them even if their scent was blown away. He probably wouldn’t have to worry about that tonight; the air was still and cool. No threats of losing the trail.

Up ahead, the break of the tree line came into view and he burst out of his grove without a second thought. Unfortunately, he’d been so preoccupied thinking about the humans as he’d been running that he hadn’t realized how close their smell was. More precisely, how close he actually was to them physically. Not only had he overshot them and was now a few lengths ahead of the beginning of their formation, but he was currently pacing right in front the group's left, thundering almost right in front of those on the outskirts. All he would have to do would be to hit the brakes and the outermost layer of their weird diamond formation would run right into his heels. 

With the overlapping scent of wood and deer-like scent of the horses combined with his overall tiredness, he must not have processed the human’s location as well as he thought he could. 

This isn’t exactly what I had in mind. 

At his sudden appearance, there was a flurry of screaming and neighing, as the humans scrambled to readjust their course away from him. Still running awkwardly beside the large group, he was treated to a few good lungfuls of their savory, meaty scent. It had his stomach grumbling against his will. 

“What the fuck! What is that thing up for!? It’s well past sundown!”

“Get back, get back!”

Having smelled them prior, he had been able to ignore his hunger for the most part, but now viewing all the little fleeing bodies beside him, his vision immediately zeroed in on a lone horse just at his right; his thoughts clouded over as he suddenly felt ravenous. Longing grew inside him quicker than he could starve off. This was bad. 

The rider was craning their neck at an awkward angle to stare up at him. They weren’t pulling their horse away. 

A fleeting thought urged him to bend down and pluck the human up. They were right there. It would be so easy. None of their comrades were close enough now to stop him if he did - the rest had scattered away from him. Now it was just him and the rider on the left wing, the rest having retreated to the center in their surprise. He could snatch this one up and make for the treeline before any of the others got the chance to even get off of their horse. 

Oh, he wanted to so bad. His stomach screamed to be filled and he felt saliva pooling on his tongue at the close proximity of the human. 

Eat! Before it gets away! The voice thundered. 

I can’t! I won’t! He desperately fought in his mind. 

The humans all had their hoods up, capes billowing out behind them from the full sprint they were riding at. He had no way of knowing who this human was. What if it was Arlet? Arlet had only stared at him last time too. Maybe this was him on the horse?

It couldn’t be risked. 

With all his might, he summoned up every detail he could about the blonde soldier. He searched desperately for that feeling he’d had, begging his instincts to relent their hold and to realize that the human in front of him was not food. 

At war with himself, he could distantly hear the shouting of other humans as the one by his side stayed frozen in fear. They were screaming at the rider to move away. The poor human’s hands gripped the reins with all its strength and it never stopped looking up at him. Though he couldn’t see its face, he knew it’s eyes were boring into his. 

Terror. Pure terror. 

That was what the little human was experiencing. Deep down in the torrent of his mind, he pulled that passing thought. He knew exactly how that human felt in that moment. To look up above and see the towering figure of a bloodthirsty monster against the night sky. Not being able to move, having their limbs freeze and then tremble. Feel their mind paralyze. No sense of self-preservation. Only fear. Raw, unchecked fear. 

But he could move now. Between the two of them, he was the one who could break the spell. If the rider wouldn’t pull away, the titan was going to have to make the decision. 

Another memory - an outstretched hand, large fingers wrapping around him and drawing his body towards a cavernous mouth. Everything going numb and accepting that he was going to die - 

I can’t repeat that. 

And with that memory, he threw himself to his left, breaking away from the pack of humans. He just ran. He didn’t look back to see if they were chasing him, or even if one was going for his nape. This was his one chance to break the cycle of hunger, and he needed to get out of there fast. He ran until he saw his grove of trees again. 

Without hesitation, he threw himself into the forest, panting, uncaring as the low hanging branches scratched at his face and chest. His shoulders heaved and he sucked in huge puffs of air through his nose. Distinctly, he understood that he wasn’t breathing hard from the running. He was gasping for breath out of fear.

Fear of himself. 

He was a monster. He was the cause of that terror in that human, the same terror he felt bubbling up inside him as he saw a huge hand coming down at himself in his mind’s eye.

Shaking minutely, he curled up on the forest floor, hugging himself as the new, terrible memory became an endless loop in his head. 

He never welcomed the darkness as much as he did that night. 

When he woke up in the morning, he didn’t bother searching for the humans. It didn’t feel right after what he’d almost done the night before and he couldn’t shake the guilt that came every time he remembered the predatory feeling he’d had running beside that human. Truth be told, he wanted to stay there in the dirt and not move until the earth reclaimed him and he was coated in vines. Miserable as he was, he still felt the pang of longingness when he thought about humans. A bittersweet emotion. On one hand, his titan wanted to find the humans for nefarious reasons and on the other, his weird voice quietly whispered that it’d be safer for the blonde soldier if he just never went near humans ever again.

But, the thought of never finding him squeezed his heart painfully. Torn, he didn’t know what to do with himself. So, until further notice, he would sulk right there on the forest floor. 

He liked that plan so far. 

Faintly, he watched little bugs buzz through the dense woods and crawl along the grass blades. Now that his head was pressed to the ground, he got to enjoy the little sights that he often missed since he stood so tall. Maybe he should just be friends with bugs; then he wouldn’t have to worry about them being scared of him. 

It wasn’t fair. He wanted to be near the humans so he could find his soldier, but whenever he got close, he went mad with hunger. Right now, as he lay there, the smell permeating from the walls kept a slight hollow feeling in his gut; not quite at the level that he was full blown famished, but just enough to be nagging in the back of his mind. He sighed deeply, breath disturbing the sparse grass in front of him. 

What was he supposed to do? 

He’d never find the blonde soldier at this rate and there was still a needling fear that he might lose himself to his instincts, no matter how hard he tried to fight them. It wasn’t like he could go around pulling hoods down so he could pick and choose which humans to eat, that would only earn him a swift death by blade. 

On top of that? He wasn’t even totally comfortable with the thought of eating humans anymore. Something had happened when he ran beside the group last night. It was like he himself was human, living a moment where he was about to be devoured…. 

But that couldn’t be real, could it? He was a titan. And last he checked, humans weren’t 15 meters tall and ate each other. 

He puffed out another irritated breath. 

Couldn’t find the humans, couldn’t leave them alone, couldn’t remember. He’d had enough. Sick of the emotions he’d come to love and appreciate, he had to admit, he needed a break. After going so long without real feelings, only to be bombarded now that he’d found the human’s nest: it was too much. 

Wearily, he pushed himself up from the forest floor, rationalizing that laying there wasn’t doing anything good in the first place. Though the last thing he wanted to do was to turn his back on the strange humans, he had to get away. For their safety and his sanity. Each step he took out of the forest and away from the walls carved into his stomach, both in displeased hunger and apprehension. 

In due time, he’d come back but for now the titan wanted, no, needed space. Perhaps the distance would also give him the necessary opportunity to think clearly about the blonde soldier without the defilement of hunger clouding his thoughts. 

When he reached the very edge of the scent barrier, he found himself stopping. Not because he wanted to stay, but because his titan voice was berating him to turn around and go back. Every fiber of his being urged him to return to the reliable source of food and hub of delectable scents that sent his titan into a tizzy with every strong wind. He was probably standing there looking like a fool to any eye that cared to watch, but mentally, he was playing tug-of-war with himself. 

We’ll only be gone for a little while!

No. Go back. Food is behind you. 

Not food… need to think, it’s too busy there.

Think while we eat. 

NO.

YES.

The blonde soldier? He prompted his inner titan.

… not food... It begrudgingly answered.

Exactly. We can’t risk it. There’s something wrong about us. Maybe he can help us understand. If we eat the blonde soldier, we have nothing. 

His titan voice went uncharacteristically silent for a few heartbeats, making him wonder if arguing with himself was a losing battle before finally he heard a sharp - fine - and then felt like he had been unclipped from a leash that tethered him to the wall. 

The relief and sudden feeling of freedom that poured over him was surprising. He hadn’t noticed how trapped he had been to the scent of the walls until his titan relented its hold. Tentatively, he took one step. It was the farthest he’d been away from the walls since he’d been walking in the other direction a month ago. 

Without another word, he found himself right back at the beginning, though with a bit more information to go through and memories to try and dredge up. 

~That same day in the survey corps headquarters - sunrise~

The survey corps returned to the wall just before the cusp of sunrise, not willing to have another expedition run over time and result in the tragedy similar to the previous scouting mission. Marco sat on the back of his black horse, letting the reins dangle loosely from his hands. Eyes slightly unfocused and staring at nothing in particular, he let his horse lead itself alongside the group. He’d been quiet for the majority of the mission, shaken to his core from being chased down by the abnormal titan. As he remembered the incident, he recalled how he’d stared up into mismatched eyes, feeling his blood curdle in his veins in fear at the gigantic beast that was seconds away from snatching up him and his horse.

In that moment, he’d known nothing outside the feeling of fear. It had wrapped around every joint and froze the muscles he so desperately needed to use to get himself to safety. However, his mind and body had seemed determined to damn him to the fate of this titan’s next meal. 

Something had happened, though. The titan glaring down at him from it’s spot in the sky had looked like it was physically holding back from acting out the horror scene that played out in Marco’s head. Almost as if a flash of sadness had passed through the green and amber eyes that bore into his own. 

Marco took a deep breath and shook his head lightly, chasing off the reminiscence; he was alive and safe behind the walls again. That was all that mattered. 

The scouts returned with the usual halfhearted receivement. Not many people lined the dirt roads of Shiganshina, having more important things to do like sleeping in. Marco’s own eyes drooped with exhaustion, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit crestfallen at the people’s lack of acknowledgement. Sure, it was sunrise; but these people had slept warm and safe in their beds all night while he and the rest of the scouts risked their lives beyond the walls for them. 

Scouting missions could only be done during the night when the titans were asleep. No one knew too much about the way they functioned, but without fail, they’d drop with the setting sun and wake with the sunrise, like clockwork. 

Until that abnormal last night…

He shuddered unconsciously at the thought. There had been so many of his fellow scouts beside him at the beginning, spread out in the formation. They’d been completely at ease. No titan had ever managed to move that deep into the night. Yet, that massive beast had burst from the grove, hot on their trail, not at all asleep like it should have been. 

They had panicked. 

Years of training and bravery had flown out the window in the blink of an eye. Before he knew it, Marco had been abandoned at the side of the titan, frozen in fear with no backup to be seen. No one to save him if he’d been grabbed. In that moment, mere feet from the sprinting titan beside him, he thought that would be the night that Marco Bott died. 

But he hadn’t. 

That terrifying abnormality of a titan had paced with him for what felt like a lifetime, but must have only been a minute at most. It never reached for him. Only kept beside him and his sprinting horse while they stared almost dumbfoundedly at each other. Like the titan was just as surprised to see him as he was to see it. 

Then, that look had come over the beast's eyes. Marco still couldn’t put a finger on it. What could possibly make a titan turn away from a human?

He’d heard the stories from the most senior officers. Stories of times when the scouts didn’t know squat about titans and tried to leave the walls during the day. It had made him queasy when the officers grimly recounted the absolute devastation that had occurred. 

Whole men gobbled up in a single gulp. Sometimes their horses were accidentally snatched up too. Though the unlucky animals would be found discarded later, usually with a single bite taken out of them, like the titans had spat them out when they realized it wasn’t human flesh. 

Tales of humans being devoured in grisly mouthfuls by whole hordes of titans, alive and screaming for mercy.

Marco once again shook his head. He really needed to stop thinking about those stories. At first, he and the other recruits had taken them with a grain of salt, sure that the older officers were embellishing their old war stories and trying to scare the younger soldiers. 

When he’d had his first taste beyond the wall, he started to believe them a bit more. The massive sleeping forms of titans fit awfully well into the tales he’d been told. But, he hadn’t had the full experience until last night. 

To say he was shaken was an understatement. Once the titan had broken off and bolted back towards the grove, it had been a whirlwind of events. The senior scouts had galloped up to him, screeching at him while checking him over. Marco hadn’t been able to give them much information, barely able to speak from the residue of fear. For the rest of the mission, he’d kept to himself and tried to ignore the stares of his friends. They’d seemed to realize that he needed some space and time to process how close he’d been to death. 

Besides Nanaba and Armin, he was one of the lucky few in a long time to go toe to toe with a titan and survive. Jean didn’t count. He’d been unconscious for his whole encounter, so he didn’t remember a thing after he’d been knocked from his horse. 

Jean….

His heart panged at the thought of him. He’d thought he’d never be more scared in his life as when Jean had gotten hurt, but last night had unfortunately topped that. If he’d lost him, he didn’t know what he’d do. They’d only just gotten closer, daring to spend the night in each other’s barracks. To lose him after he’d just gotten him? It would destroy Marco. 

Thankfully, the goddesses were smiling upon them that fateful day, and his Jean had returned to him alive. Now, his love was recovering from a nasty concussion and barred from duty until he recuperated. 

He thought it best not to mention this incident to Jean. After all, the boy was beside himself at the thought of being left behind. But to find out that Marco had nearly been killed while he’d been stuck in a hospital bed? He’d never let Marco out of his sight. 

Deciding to keep things under wraps, Marco returned to the barracks with the rest of his class. As he crawled into bed, he faintly missed the warmth of Jean at his side. Exhaustion won out and though he slept rather fitfully, he didn’t wake until dinner. 

~back in the plains~

When he’d been freed from the grip of the walls, he thought he’d be able to figure things out on his own, maybe remember through sheer willpower, but that did not seem to be the case. Rather, as he’d left one he’d hit another. A mental wall. While he’d been able to establish a better conscience - one that didn’t desperately think of humans as his next meal anymore - he had been painstakingly stuck in a rut of the same fuzzy memories and recollection of his interactions with the humans. 

It didn’t matter that even as the days grew cooler and the plains took on a golden and pinkish hue with the changing season, he found that he wasn’t ready to return to the walls yet. Maybe it was his stubbornness that he hadn’t had a breakthrough or perhaps that he couldn’t bear the thought of losing the clarity that came a safe distance away from the walls. So he stayed in the plains, taking his victories where he could find them, whether that be through a few extra minutes of consciousness at night, or a tension-relieving scuffle with a passing rogue. 

No matter how pointless it seemed to be out there, the titan couldn’t bring himself to admit defeat and crawl back to the walls. He also worried that if he went back into the haze of meaty scents that he wouldn’t be so lucky the next time around. In the past, he’d been so focused on finding humans that he didn’t take the time to appreciate the quietness of the wilderness where there were no cannons firing at odd times or the constant groan and grumble of all the titans in that area. He’d miss the peacefulness that came with his solitude. As lonely as it could be, he couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that he wasn’t there to hurt any of the humans as they made their escapades outside the walls. 

He considered that it might be his desire to stay up later that had gotten him into this little mess in the first place. After all, he would never have almost eaten that poor soul on the horse if he’d just gone to sleep. This was the better option, he had to remind himself. It was what he repeated every day when he woke with the sun. A small part of himself hoped that one day, he’d come to believe it. 

Marco woke to the buzzing of the barracks. Word must have gotten out about his brush with the titan, because he could hear snatches of words and picked up on the way eyes flitted to his face before darting away, not wanting to be caught staring. For the most part, no one approached him. Connie, on the other hand, all but threw himself onto Marco’s bunk, jabbering a mile a minute.

“You touched a titan?! Do you know how cool that is? What was it like? How tall was it? Was it really an abnormal?” His friend bombarded him with question after question, not even letting Marco answer before he was hurling another one at him. 

“Yeah Marco! Did you fight it off? Everyone’s saying that you sliced it to shreds and sent it running.” Sasha joined in, practically jumping onto Connie’s back from where she was trying to get closer to Marco. 

He wasn’t even going to ask how she’d gotten in the men’s barracks. 

Finally, he simply raised his hands, almost like a surrender. “Alright, enough!” He exclaimed, still half asleep. His friends fell silent, as well as the rest of the barrack, no doubt eavesdropping so they could hear the tale too. At the sight of his friend’s eager faces, he rubbed his eyes absentmindedly to prolong the conversation for just a bit longer. 

He sighed. “No, I didn’t touch the titan. I didn’t fight it either -” 

A chorus of “aww man!”’s quietly broke off his explanation as Connie and Sasha’s faces fell. 

Ignoring them, he continued on. “It was weird. All the other titans were asleep because it was well past sundown, but this one was completely alert and managed to keep up with us. It ran beside me for like, a minute, and just stared at me before it…. turned around and ran away.” 

Twin brows furrowed in confusion, matching his own feelings about the situation. 

“What?! Titans can’t stay up past sundown! That’s like, their whole thing.” Connie pondered out loud, his mouth turned down.

“Yeah, and why did it just leave? All the superiors said that titans are like killing machines. Once they find humans, they don’t give up until they’re all eaten.” Sasha chimed in. 

Marco shook his head. “Look, it baffles me too. Nothing about it made sense, so… all we can do is say it’s an abnormal and leave it at that.” he muttered. 

“That’s probably the weirdest abnormal ever” one of the recruits said, off to the side. The room mumbled in agreement. 

Connie sighed, seeming a bit let down at the lack of an interesting war story. Suddenly, he brightened up. “Well, you didn’t fight it. So what, but you still got a good look at it, right? What was it like? Did it run all wonky like some of the others?” He said, jumping up mimicking the titans by sticking his elbows to his sides and flapping his arms limply as he jogged in place. 

Giggling softly at the display, he shook his head. “Nah, it ran normally, I guess. It was probably the largest titan I’ve ever seen. One of the squad leaders said it was roughly 13 to 15 meters tall based on the grove it came out of. He wasn’t close enough to see it properly. I was the closest and well…. I was a bit distracted from taking notes on its height.” He confessed. 

“That’s still really cool that you didn’t run away when it came out! I heard everyone else scattered like chickens!” Sasha prompted, eyes shining. His ears heated up and he knew they were no doubt going red. 

“Uh, I wasn’t really planning on staying there. I kinda froze.” He confessed. “The way it had me pinned under its gaze, it was like I couldn’t move,” he said softly, “its eyes were… strange. I can’t really describe it.”

“They were different colors, weren’t they?” A voice piped up. 

All eyes turned to find the soldier who’d spoken. Armin sat on his bunk, hunching slightly at the attention. Startled, Marco nodded after a second. 

“Yeah,” he whispered, “one was a strange green, like teal or something -”

“The other was brown. But not dark brown. Lighter.” The younger soldier finished for him. 

He could only nod once more. “How’d you know?” He asked.

“That was the one that Nanaba and I encountered during the previous scouting mission.” Armin replied as he stood up and made his way to Marco’s bunk. “It had acted strange then too. It looked at me the same way when it had me in it’s hand and would just stare at us as we waited for another horse. Nanaba defended Jean from it though - it reached for him, but only once.” He finished. 

The strange titan had tried to eat Jean? 

Of course it was trying to eat Jean. It’s a titan. And it would probably eat you too.

But it hadn’t. And that was what Marco still couldn’t understand. What had made the titan stop?

“That doesn’t seem like it was behaving strangely. A titan that reaches for a human means it’s trying to grab them and eat them, Armin.” One of the other boys spoke up from the crowd that was forming in front of Marco’s bunk. So much for not eavesdropping. 

His face must have fallen because Armin continued. The barracks had gone silent in anticipation of Armin’s recount. 

“Well, originally, Jean and I were trapped under a lone tree. I was trying to use it as some sort of cover from another titan that was trying to eat us. I even cut up its hand with one of my blades, but it just kept reaching back under. That was an average titan I guess; it was pretty big, but still smaller than that abnormal. But, that’s the whole thing. A titan goes after humans even when it’s hurt and if it’s close enough, it’ll just keep coming back until either it’s dead or the human is eaten.” He said grimly. “They don’t seem to feel pain when it gets to that point.”

“Are you going somewhere with this Arlet? We all know what titans are like, we’ve heard the stories since we were in cadet training.” The same boy jeered. A few of the others snickered in agreement. 

“I’m getting there, hush!” Armin snapped. The room quieted down quickly. Not often did Armin speak out like that, even if it was only slightly bolder than he’d normally talk. The blonde boy was all business right now and wouldn’t accept being interrupted. 

“This abnormal though. It almost acted like it was challenging the first titan when it had grabbed me and was about to eat me. I mean, you should have heard the way it was snarling and snapping its teeth.” He paused to shudder, as if hearing the click of the molars in his head. “That seemed to distract the first titan long enough for Nanaba to swoop in and kill it with the last of her gas. But she couldn’t get to me in time. The abnormal managed to snag me before the titan corpse even hit the ground. And then it just…. held me and looked at me. If that were a normal titan, I would have been tossed into its mouth the moment it had me in hand. Not only did it back up when Nanaba rescued me by cutting its fingers off - when it reached for Jean, he backed off for good when Nanaba did it again. After that, it was just standing there watching us.” 

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Uncharacteristic of a men’s barracks. Armin’s eyes were searching Marco’s as if trying to figure it all out himself. 

“Why would a titan back up?” Armin questioned rhetorically, “They’ve proven that once they have a potential food source in front of them, they’ll stop at nothing to get it. It was weird when it happened to us, but that could have just been a fluke. But if you ran into the same titan and had it back off without even having to strike at it? Something’s going on here….” He trailed off, concluding his recount of the strange titan. 

The young scouts looked amongst themselves and shrugged. No one had ever heard of a titan behaving so strangely. 

“We should give it a cool nickname or something so next time one of us sees it, we can know which one it is!” Connie said excitedly. 

Armin shook his head. “I don’t see a point. I heard some of the senior scouts talking after Nanaba and I gave our report. I think they were planning on asking the Garrison to keep an eye out for it and gave them orders to take it down if it gets within range. It’ll probably be dead soon.”

“There’s no way Section Commander Hange would let them do something like that!” Sasha spoke up, shaking her head. “They love titans, especially abnormals. If there’s even a slight chance they can study it, they’ll beg the commander to let it live.”

Someone scoffed, it sounded like Daz. “Who cares, it’s just a titan anyways. So you two got lucky, big whoop.” Marco and Armin scowled and Connie yelled at him to get lost. 

After that the crowd dispersed, breaking off into little groups where their conversations went every direction with the information. 

The four of them were left at Marco’s bunk, sitting quietly in the wake of the revelation. 

Later after dinner, Marco was pulled into the captain’s office to give his report. He repeated the same story he’d told his friends and answered their questions to the best of his ability, which was not at all. He had no answers for what had happened. 

Captain Levi’s face was devoid of emotion for the majority of the meeting, only quirking an eyebrow when Marco described the titan’s appearance. Section Commander Hange was much more sympathetic, whispering, “Oh, honey…” when he got to the part of him freezing. The rest of the officers in the room, being Erwin and Mike, were silent for the most part and let him do all the talking. When he finished, Erwin thanked him for his time and sent him on his way. Marco gave them a salute and ducked out of the room and made his way to visit Jean before lights out. Even after sleeping most of the day, he couldn’t wait to crawl under the sheets again. Night shift took a lot out of him. 

Hange burst into a flurry, “Do you know what this means!? It’s intelligent. We have to capture it. Perhaps we could even teach it!” 

Levi closed his eyes and pinched his nose. He knew Hange was about to go off on one of their tangents and he’d be stuck there for the next 3 hours if he didn’t stop the nonsense before it started 

“We’re not dragging a 15-meter abnormal into the safety of the walls. You can forget about it.” He droned, waving his free hand. 

Erwin had a thoughtful look on his face, rubbing absentmindedly at his chin. “This is definitely something to look into. We’ve never seen a titan exhibit restraint.” He mentioned casually. 

Hange, who had wilted a bit at Levi’s curtness, immediately brightened back up. To them, this was akin to asking mom for a puppy and getting shut down only for dad to mention he’d been wanting one too. 

“See, Levi! This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to better understand the titans!” They whined. 

“Yeah, once-in-a-lifetime because you’ll be dead when it turns on you.” he rebuffed dryly. “Along with everyone else you drag on that suicide mission.”

“They don’t call us the regiment with a death wish for no reason.” Mike added unhelpfully. His smirk only grew when Levi shot him a glare. He enjoyed riling Hange up and letting them loose on the sour captain. 

“That scout, Bodt, observed the same characteristics as the one described by Nanaba and Arlet. It could very well be the same titan. If that is true, they reported it to have gone for Kirstein. You want to bring a ravenous titan into the heart of our people?” Levi tried to reason. 

“The fact that it’s the same titan makes it all the more desirable,” Hange continued, practically foaming at the mouth, “Can you believe it? Now three of our members have encountered this one specific titan and lived to tell the tale! 4 if you want to count the unconscious party.”

“The unconscious party only survived because they had someone to defend -” Levi tried to grit out before Hange was talking over him again, not paying his argument any mind.

“Oh, could you imagine if we taught him commands? Maybe if I ran the right tests, I could see what made him different from the others. There’s infinite options on what we could do with a beauty like him!”

“Him?” Mike interjected. “You’ve never even seen this titan yourself, Hange. How could you possibly know the sex of the titan?”

“Well, we can’t just keep calling them ‘its’. From the descriptions, this one has a lot of masculine features and characteristics. They have to be reproducing somehow -” Hange began. 

“Nope, I think I’m going to stop you there. We’re not having this discussion right now.” Levi interrupted. The commander was leaning back in his chair with a thoughtful look on his face as he idly watched the 3 officers bicker. 

“Hmm. This is all relevant information to consider. In the next upcoming scouting mission, we’ll see if we don’t run into it and have Hange try and get some field notes on it. Until then, it is still a threat to the wall’s integrity at its size, so the order to Garrison will remain in place.” Erwin said. “You’ll just have to hope that your new toy doesn’t get its head blown off until then, Section Commander.”

Hange nodded in understanding and then left with Mike to retreat to their respective quarters. 

Levi stayed in Erwin’s office like he did most nights for a late night chat and pot of tea. Their friends knew not to tease the two, as they were both well aware of how lonely the captain and commander were. They needed each other’s company. Mike would even swear that Levi was a more pleasant person in the morning if he had his time with Erwin. As scouts got older, the number of friends dwindled lower and lower. 

 ~ The following month~

The titan knew something was wrong from the moment he’d woken up that morning. Unease prickled at the back of his mind and constantly felt the need to check over his shoulder for a threat that wasn’t there. Mentally, he frowned. Nothing could possibly be wrong this far out from the walls. There was nothing but wildlife and the occasional titan. Still, he knew it in his bones that something was going to happen, he just hadn’t figured it out yet. 

Come to think of it, there was a decent number of titans in the area lately. That was probably what was throwing him off; he’d have to consider moving soon or he’d have another territory dispute on his hands. He’d much rather just drift off to a new spot. Anything to be away from the herds. 

As if reading his mind, a group of three stumbled along into his line of sight. Agitated, he puffed out a breath, sending a strand of hair out of his face. Exactly what he wanted to start the day with. Titans. 

Narrowing his eyes, he decided to hold his ground for now. If they came any closer he’d move on, but if he could keep his claim for another day, he’d rather stay put. The group didn’t seem interested in seizing the field though; they were carrying on at a rather hurried pace. Not quite running, but not the lollygagging shuffle they usually exhibited when they went about a normal day. 

Intrigued, he merely watched from afar. They bustled along, seeming keen on getting somewhere. Not that he’d know where they were going. Like he’d said, there was nothing out there that would trigger a titan’s sense of urgency beside other titans and this group clearly wasn’t interested in him. Their clumsy gait provided some amusement after so many days alone. It had him longing for his interactions with the humans again. Maybe they weren’t the safest, but they did give him something to live for, in a sense. Some weird form of company from their stone fortress. 

One of the few things in this world that could alter the course of a titan’s life. Drove them mad with hunger. Caused them to drop everything and run to the scent of meat. 

He stopped, replaying that thought again. 

The only other thing to catch a titan’s attention other than another titan….

His eyes widened in panic. 

They couldn’t be this far out, could they? It was sunrise. 

Not wasting another second, he thrust his nose into the air and scented frantically.

There! How could I have missed it?

How could he have missed it indeed? The scent of humans always made him lose control at the very first whiff, yet here he was, completely missing it for so long. It might have been faint, but there were definitely humans nearby. 

A little worried now, he hastily stumbled after the group of titans that had passed him earlier. They had just begun their ascent of a little hill behind him. The closer he got to the base of the hill, the scent grew stronger. To the point that it seemed like they were coming straight for them.

On the verge of panicking, he quickly cataloged all the titans he knew of in the area. There had been that rogue from two days ago he’d grumbled with, but never tussled; she should be a days walk towards the south by now. Probably wouldn’t be able to smell them from that far out. 

There was a herd established about a few miles past this hill. They could prove to be a problem. If they caught onto the scent, there’d be almost 8 hungry titans in the mix. This group he was behind now was the only others he knew of. 

If he was quick about this, maybe he could save them. 

A little nervous at what he was about to do, he vaguely recalled the territory skirmish he’d been dragged into all those months ago. But this was 3 against 1. He could do this. 

Without further hesitation, he lunged forward and snagged the titan in the back into a rear bear hug. Caught by surprise, the ugly thing let out a sharp roar and struggled briefly, but was unable to escape his tight hold. Wrestling with his opponent for a bit, he managed to bring him down and quickly snapped his massive jaws down into the exposed nape, shaking his head to rip the flesh. Hot steam surged out of the wound, but he screwed up his eyes and kept biting until he heard the sickening sound of the neck giving way. 

Quickly gathering himself to his feet, he prepared for the others to attack him. To his surprise, only one of the two had stopped and turned to their downed member. This one was rather small, but it was quick. The one in front continued on its hunt, unbothered by the unprovoked attack and more focused on getting itself a meal. His new opponent snarled, preparing itself for a fight. He raised his fists in turn. This needed to be quick if he was going to catch the other before it got to the top of the hill. 

With a roar, the titan surged at him. It darted under his swinging fist and ducked to sink its teeth into his calf. Roaring in pain and delivering a powerful kick, he sent the smaller titan soaring through the air. It didn’t stay down for long before it was leaping up and spinning around to face him. It still gave him the opening he needed and his punch landed on the side of the face, crunching something in its cheek. A howl of pain erupted from the other titan and it scratched madly at his hand when he pinned it down by its throat. 

Maneuvering so his foot was planted on its chest, he gripped at its chin and the back of its head and pulled. The ugly thing squeaked and scrabbled against his foot. Soon, a gurgling sound came from its throat and the fingers grew weak before the whole head came clean off, spilling hot blood onto the grassy hillside. 

Panting slightly, he dropped the steaming head and pelted after the final titan. It was almost at the top, wobbling in its gait as the titan quickly realized that its legs were deformed. It wasn’t very fast even when it was clearly trying to scamper after the scent of humans. Combined with its mismatched legs and steep incline of the hill, he was gaining on it. He ran for all he was worth, needing to reach it before it caught sight of the humans. 

Foot slipping on the grass, he fell to his hands. Frantically pushing himself up, he once again tried to catch the titan. He stretched his fingers out as they reached the top, barely brushing its elbow as he missed. The deformed titan gave an ugly shriek of delight as they crested the hill and he felt a wall of warm, savory scent hit him in the face. 

He could still save them. This wasn’t over yet.

Throwing all his weight on the other titan, they tumbled to the ground, rolling over each other as they scratched and bit at one another like cats. Together they were a whirlwind of fists and teeth, one egged on in desperation, the other mindless in hunger. He hadn’t met a titan that had ever fought this savagely before, but then again, he’d never tried to get between a titan and their meal before. Spitting in frustration, he felt a smaller set of teeth clamp down on his nose. He raked his nails over the other titan’s eyes and throat until they released him and wasted no time turning their face into a bloody steaming pulp. 

The sound of hoofbeats had his ears pricking up in interest. He glanced up from where he was standing over the deformed titan, nearly throttling it. Suddenly, a small group of humans made their way to the top of the hill too, though they flew into a panic when they saw him clenching the steaming form of the deformed titan, which was still alive and healing. A column of black smoke billowed from one of the humans' extended arms and they’re horses quickly shot to a new path, no doubt trying to get away from him. 

He stiffened in horror though. Not because they’d been scared of him (he didn’t blame them), but because the direction they were currently stampeding off in was leading straight to the large titan herd’s territory. It would be a bloodbath. 

Dread coursed through him when he watched more and more humans appear along the ridge, altering their course to follow the signals of the group away from him, all heading straight for the horde. This couldn’t have gone worse. 

The titan in his hands wheezed and struggled against his hand, which he realized now held a death grip on its throat. He quickly heaved it up and tore its nape open with his teeth. One less to worry about now. He was about to have a lot worse problems on his hands.

Shrieks of fear and screaming told him that they had met the horde. Turning and dashing off after the humans, he did his best to stay away from the group, not wanting to cause more chaos. His heart was in his throat as he heard the tell-tale sounds of feasting titans. 

The blonde soldier…

He had to stop them. 

There was so much going on; everywhere he looked there were little figures darting through the air trying to evade the grasping hands of titans, unlucky ones getting snagged and stuffed into cavernous mouths, and abandoned horses aimlessly cantering around. If their riders were the ones in the air or already dead, he didn’t know. He was losing them. Each new victim could be the human he longed for. What if the soldier was already dead? 

He watched a poor soul attempting to outrun a titan, no horse in sight. All his attention focused on that little human in that moment, and the titan coming closer behind it. Not even thinking twice about what could happen to him, he bolted for the pair. He didn’t know what would happen if he grabbed the human, but all he knew was that he had to get there first. 

Locked into a dead sprint, he knew that time was slipping through his fingers. It was going to be a tight race in which titan would get there first. He had the speed advantage, but the other had started out far closer. As his feet pounded into the dirt, he made a split second decision. 

Never letting up his pace, he bowled into the beast giving chase, blind sighting it. He used his momentum to throw it to the ground, similar to how he’d fought the disfigured titan. He landed on its back, wrestling with it to keep it pinned. Briefly sparing a second to look beside him, he saw the human flat on the ground, most likely shaken off balance at his heavy foot falls, but they seemed unharmed. Their hood was askew, allowing a dark fringe to peek from under the fabric. 

So it wasn’t the blonde soldier after all. 

But, he found that didn’t matter to him. He couldn’t stand by and watch this tiny human be devoured. Whipping his head back around, he sunk his teeth into the struggling titans' nape and clenched down hard. Bone snapped under his powerful jaws and it fell silent. 

He ripped his head back, savagely taking a few vertebrae along with the mouthful of flesh. There was no way he was giving this titan even the chance to get up again. Swallowing the steaming flesh, he pushed himself up. The human, as they all seemed to do when he got close, laid terrified in the grass. Unsure of what to do with it now that it was out of the way of immediate danger, he decided to leave it. He needed to fight off the other titans right now. 

Rounding back towards the thick of the fight, he stalked towards the next pair he spotted - a small entourage of humans vs the largest titan of the pack, a huge grotesque thing with short cropped blonde hair and pointy teeth. They could definitely use his help with this one. Releasing a hair-raising, rolling growl, he squared up in the large titan’s line of sight. It briefly glanced up at him, but didn’t rise to his challenge, too interested in swatting at the flying humans. 

This wasn’t going to work. If he ran into this fight, he would probably get attacked by the humans and he also couldn’t risk them getting between him and the other titan. He’d never forgive himself if he accidentally crushed one. 

He dug his toes into the dirt and swiped it back, gouging at the earth while clacking his jaws together. His new target seemed to get the hint for once, and its gaze now shifted between him and the humans. It was a start. If he could keep it focused on him, maybe one of the humans could get at its neck. The blonde titan rumbled threateningly back; a warning to not interfere. He ignored it and ground his teeth in response. 

His stubbornness seemed to strike something in the blonde titan as it roared suddenly and charged at him. Responding with his own, he too broke into a run at the other titan. Faint whizzing noises sounded close to his head as he got in range of the humans and without realizing it, he ducked on instinct. A yelp of surprise traveled from his left to his right behind his head, but he didn’t have time to think about it. The other titan crashed into him while he was still crouched, so he wrapped his arms around its middle and used its own speed against it. Bracing his thighs, he tossed it into the air, bending himself back so it toppled face first into the ground behind him. The ground shook from the impact and he was quick to flip himself over so he was atop its back, going in for the kill. 

With his teeth lodged in the other titan’s neck, he suddenly realized that his own was exposed to the humans behind them. They must have realized it too because he heard the whizzing noise again. Terrified, he did the only thing he could do in that moment while atop a thrashing titan. He slapped a hand over his nape, causing the angry titan below him to jostle free a bit. A sting across the back of his hand told him that he had saved himself just in the nick of time. 

However, trying to one-handedly wrangle a pissed off, hunger-crazed titan was not a great idea and he was soon treated to an enormous elbow to the side of his neck and then a second blow to his face. Steam encased his vision on his right side and was momentarily stunned, giving the blonde titan below the chance to buck him off. Landing awkwardly on his side with one hand still cupping his nape, their positions swapped and soon he found himself on his back trying to hold back a slobbering, snapping titan with one hand while the other was pinned at his side.

This was definitely not what he had planned, but he was going to have to think of something fast or it was him that was going to be the next steaming corpse. Wriggling and thrashing, he tried in vain to free himself, but this was the largest titan of the pack, easily 11 or 12 meters tall at least. He didn’t have any momentum to make the thing go flying like before and he was starting to panic as those sharp teeth closed on the empty air just inches from his face. Spittle was spraying his face and the stench of death hung on this titan’s breath. He felt a growl building in his throat. This titan had killed.

Why was he so angry about that? He knew that the horde had killed humans before he could get to them, but seeing, or rather smelling, the evidence up close built a rage inside of him. All he saw was red. 

One moment, he was vulnerable beneath the other titan and the next he was surging up to lock jaws with it. Needle sharp teeth shredded his gums and the skin of his upper jaw, but he barely felt the pain. The other titan yelped in surprise, but soon clenched its bottom jaw, trying to overpower him. Violently shaking his head back and forth, he could feel something creaking in the other titan’s mouth. This was a battle of teeth and will and he had the advantage this time. 

Thrusting a knee up into the titan on top of him, he managed to roll them so they were even on the playing field - never releasing each other's jaws. Jerkily getting to his feet, he dragged the other titan up with him, feeling the lower jaw coming a little bit looser. Despite knowing he was leaving his weak point wide open, he brought both of his hands up to the blonde titan’s shoulders and pushed with all his strength. The other titan squeaked in pain and lessened its grip, trying to surrender and pull away. The titan found that he didn’t want his opponent to surrender; he wanted it dead. Snapping his head violently to the right, he finally felt the muscles and joints give way, allowing the whole mandible to be torn free. 

He’d never heard a titan scream in pain before, but this one did. Tongue hanging limply from the back of its throat, thick dark blood painted its bare chest. Its eyes rolled into the back of its head as it tried to stumble away from him backwards. He advanced, not willing to let it live after all the human lives it had taken. He dropped the other titans jaw and shoved a fist into what remained of its face. It went down hard and he didn’t hesitate to claw and scratch at everything he could get his hands on. 

While that wasn’t enough to kill it, he dug mercilessly into the flesh, not letting it heal. He didn’t know why he did it. He should have been fine with beating this titan; it would have scampered off and maybe even relented its claim on the humans, but he just couldn’t. He just kept mutilating it while it struggled to heal itself, only for him to rip the new flesh and muscle away for the process to start all over again. Finally, after the haze cleared, he gripped the back of its head and delivered a killing blow to the nape. 

The sounds of suffering were still in the air and he had more work to do. 

Shaking himself slightly, he gathered himself and surveyed what was left of the battle. From what he could see, 2 more of the herd had fallen to the human’s blades while he’d taken down the large titan. That left 4 still running around. 

Speaking of the 4. All of them were currently running full speed towards him . Caught off guard, he blinked in surprise. Then he spotted a single horse and rider in front of the 4, galloping at breakneck speeds. The titan was dumbfounded. How had all 4 of them locked onto this one singular human? And also, why did it look like the rider was making a beeline for him? Sure, he’d taken out a few titans, but humans tended to avoid him. What was this human up to?

They were nearly upon him, and suddenly, he got to see the rider better. The hood was down. And their hair was so very much blonde. Hair short and a little crazed from battle, it looked hardly anything like Arlet, but this human was still blonde. Cold fear ran through his veins. This one he must protect. If he didn’t, he could lose everything. This man, crazily leading 4 ravenous titans towards him, had him absolutely in awe. Strong, proud, and determined, he kicked his horse and urged it faster. Sharp eyes locked on his, daring him to reach down for the human as he came within a few meters. They challenged him, like no other human had done before.

He found he quite liked this one. 

Those eyes were holding him accountable. Suddenly, he understood what was being asked of him. Meeting the challenge, he assumed a stance, ready to fight and protect. The human drew one of its blades and raised it in the air, yelling in victory. 

The titan really wished he hadn’t done that. 

It happened in slow motion for him. He watched as a female titan with brown hair descended upon the blonde rider, teeth bared and eyes alive in eagerness and he charged without thinking. With the speed they were traveling and the short distance between them, he managed to slot his fingers into the air right beside the human's raised arm mere milliseconds before the teeth came crashing down around them. The human released a grunt of pain as its arm and blade disappeared into the clamped teeth. Ripped from his horse, he dangled there by the arm. The titan’s fingers took the brunt of the force, but it hadn’t been enough to stop the human’s arm from getting pinched between the front teeth. Curling his fingers over the lip of the teeth, he struggled to pull the jaw down so he could free the rider, but the female titan held fast. Thundering footsteps were fast approaching and if he didn’t free the rider soon, they'd be upon them in seconds. 

Yanking the female titan’s head down with the combined hold he had on the jaw and now back of its head, he ripped out its nape with ease. Only then did its jaw slacken and the human dropped. His heart leapt to his throat as he instantly knew the human would probably break a leg. While he went to grab for the falling body, someone else got there first. They traveled so fast through the air that they were nothing but a blur. All he got was that this new human was incredibly small. Even smaller than Arlet had been. 

Zipping quickly, the small human grasped the blonde rider and was gone in an instant, most likely throwing both of them on the back of a horse as he barely heard the sound of a single pair of hoofbeats fading away behind him. 

That was the last he saw of the humans before the final 3 titans were upon him. He hooked twin arms around their throats as they tried to run past him and he used the smaller of the two he had grabbed to shove into the third, tripping it up. 

As the thundering hoofbeats faded into the distance, he fought valiantly against the trio of titans he’d been assigned by the blonde rider. When he was finished and left panting in the middle of a pile of dissolving corpses, there was no sign of the humans except for their lingering scent in the air. 

Chapter Text

Tom and Reiner’s mission went by surprisingly fast. In just a few days, they were returning home with no issues. The blonde had expected such a secretive mission to be dragged out and include numerous obstacles, but it had been an in-and-out deal with little resistance from the Alliance. Seemed like Eren’s prediction was right. 

Speaking of the prince, Reiner’s leg jiggled the entire ride back home, eager to be reunited with his lover again. It had been a difficult few days for him. He’d tossed and turned on his thin bed roll, always feeling the lack of warmth at his side that he had grown accustomed to. The only thing that provided some relief was to forgo the pillow under his head in exchange for hugging it, pretending it was Eren. 

Eager to get the first good night’s rest in what felt like forever (even though it had only been two nights), he began to impatiently drum his fingers on his thigh. Tom glanced over at him from the files he was reading, finally growing irritated at Reiner’s constant fidgeting. 

“What’s got you all worked up? You should be more relaxed now that we’re home.” He grumbled. There was no real bite to the words; the two titan shifters had known each other long enough to know that it took much more than some restlessness to cause real anger. 

“Just impatient to get back, sir.” Reiner answered, craning his neck to peer out of the truck. The horizon housed the silhouette of the Marlian capital. They were close. 

“Wouldn’t happen to be because of a particular someone, would it?” Tom teased lightly, thumbing over to the next page.

Reiner ducked his head, smiling to himself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said, feigning ignorance.

His mentor snorted, “I’m may be old, but I’m far from dumb, boy.” 

“You’re not that old.” He argued. “You’re like what? In your 40’s? 50’s?”

“A lady never tells her age,” He retorted, voice going light and playful, “So that’s all you’re getting out of me.”

They shared a chuckle and settled back into a comfortable silence. Reiner’s ease didn’t last long. The closer they got to the castle, the more anxious he felt. A hard line of tension had planted itself firmly on his brow and was refusing to let up. 

Tom’s eyes flicked over the top of his papers, taking in his apprentice’s obvious agitation. He hid his frown behind the folder. He could feel the deep-set uneasiness himself and knew exactly what the cause was. But he wanted to spare Reiner the heartbreak for a few more minutes. All hell would break loose when they got back to the castle, he was sure of it. Mentally, he cursed himself for all the horrible things he’d done in his life. What had occurred while they were gone was just another to stack on top of his already wobbling tower of sins. 

He could only hope that his apprentice would be strong enough to overcome it. 

One thing Reiner immediately picked up on when he stepped off the truck was the sullen nature of the courtyard. There were no groups of soldiers chatting near the fountain or gardeners going in and out of the orchard. It was unsettling barren. The hair on the back of his neck prickled in unease. 

Swiftly crossing the gravel pathway, he made his way through the grand entrance and was treated to a whole different sight. There was a distinct hurrying happening - servants were cleaning up the hallways at a speed that he knew would leave them sore for days. They didn’t look at him as he entered. 

He would have thought himself invisible had it not been for their obvious reaction to his presence. They would get out of his way as fast as they could, scurrying off the moment he entered a new hall. No matter how he tried to meet their eyes, they acted like he wasn’t there. 

“Excuse me, what’s -” He tried to talk to a cleaner with a kind face. She abruptly stopped her treatment on the glass windows and took off, like she’d been set on fire. The hallway stayed filled with the sounds of vigorous scrubbing, unresponsive to his attempt. His confusion only grew more the longer he walked.

They’re not looking at me, Why won’t they look at me!!!

Finally, an elderly man who was mopping with a little less spirit than the rest spared him a pitying look, but he too averted his eyes to focus wholly on his cleaning. Reiner had a sinking feeling the man wasn’t going to talk to him either.

The foreboding feeling he had left with surged up in his chest again. Wrong, wrong, wrong, something was terribly wrong and no one would tell him anything.

Everywhere he went, there was tidying and mopping. It was starting to grate at his nerves - the constant sounds of scrubbing and squeaking. He just wanted to find Eren.

It only got worse when the whispering started. It wasn’t like the whispering that happened when he and Eren were together. No, this was worse, much worse. They all knew something he didn’t, something much more sinister than harmless gossip. 

Finally having had enough, he grabbed the arm of a maid that tried to slip past him, whirling her around to face him, trapping her between him and the wall. “Where’s Eren?! Where is he!” He begged.

The girl stared at him with wide eyes, shaking her head frantically. “Please, it’s not my place, sir! I - I have important duties to attend to! I must be leaving now.” She cried, ducking under his arm and sprinting away.

In his head, gears turned relentlessly. What could possibly have happened? Had Eren gotten sick while he was gone? Had an infection set in? But, that couldn’t be it. Eren was perfectly fine when he’d left. Well, he was still weak and a bit unsteady, but Dr. Grice had deemed him healthy. 

His mind grimly settled on one thought. Grisha… 

Grisha must have done something. Maybe they’d had another nasty fight and Eren had locked himself in his room. The king wouldn’t hurt Eren again, would he? He’s already suffered so much!

Without another thought, he ran for Eren’s room – their room. The pit in his stomach was growing deeper, taking his soul with it. Suspense gnawed at him, making his legs shake every step closer to the bed chambers he took, but he wouldn’t dream of stopping. He walked on auto pilot to the doorway.

Pieck nearly collided with him when she came out sobbing into her hands. Momentarily distracted, he immediately wrapped her in his arms, fussing over her.

 “Pieck, please, what’s happening, where’s Eren? Are you ok?”

She looked up at him, her normally clear happy eyes reflecting the same emptiness currently eating away at himself. Little tendrils of red marred the whites of her eyes, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. A bloom of sympathy erupted in his chest. 

Between shuddering sobs, she managed out, “You don’t want to see, don’t go in there, please, Reiner.” she begged.

He went cold. There was a ringing silence in his ear as Pieck’s cries faded out. He moved without thinking, reaching behind Pieck to shove open the wooden door.

Stumbling in, he froze. Pieck clung to his arm, her face buried in his massive shoulder. As he took in the scene before him, he slowly wrapped his arms around his one remaining friend, pulling her to his chest and holding her close. If he let her go, she’d be lost too. 

Over her shoulder, his worst nightmare was laid out in front of him.

It looked painfully the same as he’d left it, but now the bed he spent so many happy nights in was a rumpled mess with a splatter of what he knew was dried blood. It was on Eren’s side of the bed.

A sour, metallic smell invaded his nose. 

There was a filmy rusty brown residue on the stone. Smears of it led to the door. He almost retched at the sight of a tooth on the floor. No one had to say it. He knew it was Eren’s. He could tell from the state of the room that Eren had fought back. The pillows had been strewn off and the blankets were twisted and crumpled at the foot of the bed. More blood. Splatters of it on the white sheets and on the window seat.

Every new detail he took in formed another crack on his heart. Tears were wobbling at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill. Pieck’s face was buried in his chest, unable to look at the room any longer.

  “Is he…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

Muffled a bit from where her face was pressed, he made out, “We don’t know.”  

He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. Either Eren was dead - that thought alone made the world a bit duller on its own - or he was out there somewhere, bleeding and hurt. And scared. His thoughts included, unhelpfully. 

If he knew anything about the prince, Eren would play off his fear and revert to a sarcastic asshole, most likely pissing off his attackers more. But, he knew that Eren would be terrified. He’d already been through hell and back. How much more could his body take? 

It’s not fair! He’s already suffered so much; he doesn’t deserve this!

“How?” He asked quietly, voice cracking dangerously. “When?”

Pieck pulled back enough so she could speak clearly. “Two nights ago. The guards were all incapacitated. No one saw a thing.”

Two nights ago…

Brain quickly doing the math, Reiner buried his head in Pieck’s hair and trembled, trying to keep his composure for her sake. His fingers shakily twisted in her black waves, desperate for something to ground him. Though the more he looked over the room and the weight of what had happened settled over him, he barely kept back the whimpers before his breath hitched and he broke, slamming his eyes shut and openly sobbed. Rarely did he cry, so Pieck wordlessly returned the favor and held him as his chest heaved and his tears fell into her long dark locks. He clung to her like a small child and let loose terrible wounded noises as he tried in vain to quiet himself. 

When he’d cried himself out for the time being, he released the dark haired girl and crept shakily to the window seat. The sun shone in brightly through the open window, mocking his miserableness. 

In his mind, Eren was lounging there in a puddle of sunshine, his face turned upward with a lazy smile on his beautiful face. Reiner fell to his knees, breath hitching as it threatened to descend into sobs again, but he bit his lip hard and tried to distract himself by focusing on the sky outside. 

The fluffiest white clouds imaginable cruised along a flawless blue sky. Such a happy and pretty afternoon, and it’s the worst fucking day of Reiner’s life. Because the window seat is empty; and Eren is not safe and happy and smiling like he should be. He’s gone and there’s nothing Reiner can do about it.

Suddenly, he couldn’t stand another minute in this blood splattered room. 

Breathing heavily, chest stuttering as he sucked in huge gulps of sour air, he pushed past Pieck and tried to put as much distance between himself and the bedroom as he could. 

It was tainted. It wasn’t safe in there anymore. That was where the love of his life, his everything, had soaked the air with fear. It lingered like a haze in the room. Even if he didn’t have the ability to smell it, the room had the hair on his body standing on end, as if the memories that had seeped into the stone could jump out and pull him back to that night.   

Tom slipped in after his apprentice and stood in the corner of the room, out of mind of the two grieving friends as they vacated the prince’s quarters. He surveyed the destroyed room with a pained and almost sick expression.

This was… not what he’d been told would happen. This was barbaric. It was supposed to be a neat, clean deal. No witnesses, no pain. Either someone hadn’t done their job correctly, or Grisha had changed his mind last minute. He would have to find some time alone with their king to discuss what had happened… and what the future entailed for his son. 

Grisha had promised a lot of things. One of them being Zeke’s safety in all of this, but… if this was how he treated the first son… what would become of his precious Zeke, should the king change his mind?

Reiner didn’t mean to end up at the king’s study, but that was where his feet took him. By the time he was standing in front of those daunting wooden doors, coming to terms with where exactly he had placed himself, his cheeks were cool with dried tear tracks that had his skin feeling tight and his eyes itched, the skin around them puffy. 

What was he even hoping to achieve by coming here? It wasn’t like he could walk in and demand Grisha’s attention; it wasn’t his place. While he was welcome in the war room, he was no general, and he most certainly was not Eren - who could come and see his father as he pleased.

Not that the prince had ever felt the desire to do so. 

Instead, he stood there looking dumbly at the wood panels in front of him, mustering up the courage to knock. It was funny; he had no troubles running head first into a war zone but when it came to talking to the king, it was like his mind had never grasped the concept of bravery before. 

He raised his fist to the door, determined. If anyone in this godforsaken place knew anything, it was the king. He needed to talk to him because no one else would. But, before he had the chance to rap his knuckles on it, it swung open, revealing Grisha himself standing there. The king actually looked surprised at seeing the titan boy on the other side, probably about to head off somewhere himself. 

Quickly gathering himself, the king cleared his throat when Reiner hastily bowed. 

“My apologies, your highness. I - I was just about to knock.” The blonde boy quickly forced out, flushing at the awkwardness of the encounter. 

The king only gave a curt nod. “Reiner. I assume you’ve heard the… news.” 

He tried to suppress the shudder that swept through him, but the pitying look Grisha gave him told him he hadn’t been successful. 

“I have only heard a bit through Pieck, but no one will talk to me. Please, your majesty, I beg of you - tell me what happened.” He pleaded. It felt strange to come and wallow to the king for information, but he didn’t know who else to turn to right now. 

“Since you and Ksaver are finally back in Marley, we will be holding an emergency meeting about all this in the war room later. First, there are some duties I need to attend to. The kingdom does not stop simply because my son is missing. Life still plunders on. Even when it feels like yours does not.” Grisha replied softly, but Reiner did not detect any malice in his voice at the end. In fact, it didn’t sound like Grisha was talking about him at all. 

He decided to brush it off. “But how? How can something like this even happen? Do we even know who? Are we even doing anything about it?” He questioned fervently, still panicked from what he’d seen earlier. 

Grisha looked off in the distance, like he was sifting through his own memories of that night. His expression went from one of remorse to anger in a moment. 

“There was a lot of blood, so we understand that they had no qualms with hurting him. Whatever they needed him for, his physical state was of no concern.” The king said with a slight flash of teeth. “They were smart enough to take out all of my guards in that wing. No one heard a damn thing and they made off with Marley’s crown prince. How do you think this looks, Reiner? Do you think the kingdom feels safe right now?” He continued, nearly barking at Reiner now.

All he could do was shake his head, knowing that the king did not actually want him to answer.

In this moment, it was easy to see where Eren had gotten his temper from. The king's abrupt mood swing could be coming from a number of things: his only son being kidnapped, the idea of intruders in his home undetected, having to relive the terrible details for his son’s undesirable partner. Maybe all. 

“There’s only one group of people who I trust here, and I can guarantee that their presence with me was the only thing keeping those thugs from coming after myself. Eren wanted to be alone that night - Zeke delivered his message to me that he was retiring early. That leaves a very broad open window for him to be relatively unguarded.” 

Reiner processed the information Grisha had offered up. No witnesses, no suspicion. Not even a hint of where the kidnappers had gone, who they were, or their intentions with Eren.

“Magath was the one to find the scene. He said that Eren was told to call for him the moment he woke up. When he didn’t hear from him in the early morning, he thought Eren was just ignoring his duties and oversleeping again, so he went to check on him. Probably was going to give him a well-deserved earful, but as you know, there was more at play than Eren’s sleep schedule.”

He paused, pinching his eyes shut. “The one time in my life where I actually want it to simply be that my son had overslept…” he trailed off, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth as his shoulders shook minutely.

Reiner was at a loss. He’d never expected this. Anger? Sure, he’d dealt with it plenty of times from the prince; but crying? The king had never cried in front of him before, or anyone he knew of for that matter and yet here he was, trying to quiet himself as he sobbed into his hand over his missing son. In a disturbingly similar way to how Reiner had been not long before. 

He stood there while the king wept, unsure of what to do. He wasn’t keen on comforting him, considering all the bastard had done to Eren in the past, but this looked to be a father grieving the loss of his child. More so like he’d already given up on Eren. 

When the king recovered a minute later, he took a long breath in through his nose and shook his head.

“Forgive me, that was unnecessary.” He muttered, not looking at Reiner. The boy only shook his head, “No, it’s fine.”

What else was he supposed to say?

“I have search parties out now as we speak,” Grisha made his way over to the window of his study, as if he could see the bands of guards from there. “They’ve been on constant patrol since the discovery. If Eren is anywhere in Marley, we will find him.” The king said confidently. “Your mission with Tom was far too delicate for me to send word. I needed those loose ends tied up. I can only hope that you’ll forgive me.” The king finished. He never turned around from where he was staring intently at the outside. 

Reiner took it that he was dismissed. Quietly muttering a thanks, he slipped from the room.

Eager to do something, Reiner went to the only place he could think to be: the war room. He didn’t think he could stomach walking around the castle grounds right now, knowing that there was a distinct presence missing at his side. So, he went there with all the intentions of waiting until the rest of the council finally made their way in. The way Grisha described it, they would not be meeting for a few hours. As much as Reiner wanted to scream and cry and insist that they meet that very second and fucking find him, he knew that he was not in the position for such demands. 

And, as much as he hated it, the king was right. Marley still needed to be led; there were cogs that needed to be turned every day to keep the people safe, fed, and cared for. They were still recovering from a long and exhausting war. Was sacrificing one person for all of their comfort worth it? 

To Reiner, it was, but he wasn’t king. So, here he was, shoving open the war room doors to simply wait. 

Except, the war room was not empty like he’d thought it would be. Tom sat in his chair, hands clasped in his lap with his chin to his chest. His eyes were heavy and brooding, and there was a deep crease to his brow. That confused Reiner. He didn’t think Tom really felt that strongly about Eren. 

Sure, it was dreadful that Eren had been taken in such a violent manner - it certainly was the end of the world for Reiner, but Tom was never particularly close to Eren. He’d poke at Reiner for their not-so-secret relationship in good humor, but never engaged with the prince much himself. Tom tended to take sides with Grisha in the war room. That was to be expected considering the king and the titan shifter’s history, after all. They had been good friends for a long time. The blonde boy didn’t expect his mentor to be affected so deeply by what happened. 

At the sound of the opening door, the older titan shifter snapped out of his mood and blinked in surprise at Reiner. 

“You’re here early.” Was all he said.

Reiner sighed deeply. “Could say the same to you.” He retorted in a defeated tone.

Tom didn’t reply and let the silence string between them as the blonde boy took his usual seat. There was a certain coldness to the room now, like a ghost had settled on his right side. His gaze slid to the innocently empty chair on his right. Eren’s chair. Hauntingly vacant and torturously normal. All the other empty chairs didn’t bother him - they still had bodies to fill them. This one however; there was no knowing when it would be reclaimed.

“I have to find him.  He must be out there somewhere. They wouldn’t have taken the body if they killed him, they would have left it to send a message.” He said abruptly, thinking out loud.

“Careful with that thinking, boy. There’s a good chance that they took him to buy some time. We still don’t know if they’ll send us what’s left of him once they get what they want out of him.” Tom chided, barely putting in the effort to look at him, more side-eyeing than anything. 

“Then I’ll just have to get there before they do that; I’m not giving up on him.” He said stubbornly.

“You’re going to get yourself hurt if you keep thinking like that.” Tom rolled his eyes. “We don’t even know who’s behind this yet; not even an inkling!” He threw up his hands in exasperation.

“The king might have something in mind. He said we’d have a meeting shortly now that us two are back.” Reiner argued. “There has to be some nation he pissed off, some fools in the kingdom who’re unhappy with some law... or something! I don’t know. The moment we have names, I’m going after him.”

“Please Reiner, you’ve always been the more sensible between the two of you. Don’t abandon that now, Eren needs you to be at your best now more than ever if you’re serious about finding him.” Tom warned, narrowing his eyes. “You can’t rush off like that with no sense of direction. Someone like you - waltzing around, knocking on the door of every nation in existence accusing them of stealing our prince? You’ll end up in Hizuro with your luck and stir up another war. Use some of that self-restraint you were blessed with and stay out of trouble.” Tom lectured him.

Reiner scowled. 

“More than likely, they’ll send Annie. She’s not half as well known as you or I; as long as she lays low, I’m sure she can sniff something out.”

“It has to be me. I will go crazy if I have to sit around here while Eren could be out there suffering!”

“And you will get your chance. Eventually. You have to wait for your emotions to settle as well. You’re too rash right now and that will only lead to trouble with your titan if you continue to get worked up like this.”

The blonde boy closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths as he mulled over Tom’s words. He’s right, he knew it, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept. Faithfully, for so many years, he was there for Eren, and Eren was there for him. He’s already failed him enough times, he can’t fail him again. Because this time, failing Eren surely means death. If he’s not dead already , whispered a dark voice in the back of his mind. No.. he croaked back, trying to ward it off. He didn’t want to hear from him right now. Tom was right. He’s slipping. Usually, the voice is quiet when he’s in his human form. He shouldn’t be hearing from him unless he’s gone titan, but today just loved throwing everything it had at him. 

Tom paused, surveying the slightly trembling man in front of him. Reiner’s eyes were squeezed shut in anguish. It hurt to see his apprentice this way. What was worse was that he understood what Reiner was feeling, in a way. Probably teetering on the ledge, staring down into the cavernous depths of despair and hopelessness. Clinging to the hope that Eren was alive and that he could find him and save him. A hope Tom never had the blessing of having. Tom had toed that line, and unlike Reiner, there was no saving them. He’d made sure of it. And that was what pushed him over. 

“Reiner, go home.” He gruffly told the blonde. “That’s an order.”

Reiner snapped his head up, eyes widening slightly, “Why? They’re going to start the meeting soon! I need to be here!”

“What you need is some time away from this mess.” Tom retorted, sympathy painting his tone. “We won’t be meeting for some time; our king will be tied up for most of the afternoon.”

“What if one of the scouting parties finds Eren and brings him back?”

“Then I’ll send for you. Now do as you’re told,” the older man ordered firmly, “I’m sure your poor mother wants to see you anyways. Focus on those who are here now; as you’ve seen, we’re not guaranteed our time together.” Tom finished quietly as he escorted Reiner out of the war room. 

With a nudge, the titan boy was trudging away, head hung in misery. Tom closed the tall doors with a clang, resting his forehead on the cool wood when he was finally alone again in the room.

“Mom?” He called, stepping in through the doorway, letting his bag thump to the ground beside him. 

A clatter and then running footsteps rang out from the kitchen. Karina appeared through the hall a moment later, eyes hopeful and a small smile already on her face. In her hands was a wrung dish towel and her apron had little soapy splotches on it. At the sight of her son, it grew even larger, making her eyes nearly crinkle shut. Reiner grinned back, heart soaring.

He spread his broad arms wide and his mother rushed to him, throwing herself into his embrace. Karina slotted in just below his shoulder, but she squeezed him with all the might of a titan herself, even though she was completely human.

Reiner rocked her back and forth in joy as he lost himself in his mother’s embrace. Hanging onto each other for a few moments, the shorter woman pulled herself back, rosy cheeks shining with tears as she held her son’s face in both of her hands. 

“You’re home safe! I was so worried.” She said, crying out of relief. Her tears still dripped from her eyes, but she brushed them away. Reiner smiled softly, heart panging in shame when he realized that he’d left his mother waiting longer than he should have. His smile slipped from his face when all the heartbreak of the day came rushing back over him, reminding him why he was so late to reunite with his mother. 

Karina instantly picked up on his shifting mood, her own smile dampening. Her hands slowly lowered to rest at the crook of his elbows, uncertain. He didn’t want to hurt her, but she deserved to know what had become of the prince. Wondering if it would destroy her as much as it did him, he pulled back from where his mother clutched at his elbows and gently held her hands instead. 

“Mom, I - I have to tell you something…” He said, already starting to choke up slightly. He kept his eyes glued to where their hands were tightly joined, not wanting to see the elation on her face turn to worry and shock.

Her expression grew distraught. “Did something happen? Is Tom alright? Tell me honey, what is it?” She clutched his hands even tighter. Their hands were nearly the same temperature. His overly warm from the natural heat of a titan and hers hot from the water she’d been using. 

He swallowed hard, throat burning and constricting around the words he had to say. “Something happened to Eren.” He said thickly. If he spoke any louder, he was sure he would start crying again. Like Pieck, he needed to stay strong for his mom (not that he’d been successful with that last time). She was nearly a stand-in mother for him; hearing the news of Eren missing would be the equivalent of losing her own son. 

For a moment, Karina didn’t say anything and Reiner was worried that she didn’t hear him. Wasn’t sure if he could trust himself to say it again without breaking. 

“What?” She said finally, grip slackening. Her question wasn’t for him to repeat, but out of disbelief. He couldn’t bring himself to look up and see the changing emotions on her face. 

“What’s - what’s wrong with him?” She said, having to start over when her voice started wobbling.

He pulled in a long deep breath, trying to push down the pressure in his throat. His chest felt like it was wrapped in barbed wire, squeezing tighter and tighter in time with his pulse. 

“He’s gone, Mom. Someone took him… and I wasn’t there to protect him.” He said, blinking rapidly at the floor to chase away the stinging in his eyes. 

Karina didn’t say anything at first, but silently took her son back into her arms, cradling him as he began to snuffle into her shoulder. He was breaking again, dammit; he said he wouldn’t. 

He needed to be strong. Strong for his mom and strong for Eren.

He was supposed to protect Eren.

He loved him - why hadn’t he been there?

How could he let this happen?

Because he wasn’t strong, he was weak. 

With the first tear that fell, the dam of his heart opened again. 

It was because of him that Eren was heaven knows where and suffering. It was all his fault. He couldn’t keep the person he loved most in the world safe. Time and time again, he’d failed Eren. He couldn’t protect him from Grisha when they were 15. He wasn’t there to protect Eren at Fort Slava. And now, he’d failed Eren again. This time, he wasn’t sure he was going to see the other half of his heart again. For every time Reiner was weak, Eren paid in blood. 

And he was weak now, because Eren wasn’t there to bring warmth into his life. Where Eren’s eye didn’t light up with the fire he loved to see. His grin didn’t stretch across his lips with a devious plan that showed Reiner there was more to life than just living. There was no smooth voice to caress him with the words of a lover. He was a lone man, sobbing pitifully into his mother’s shoulder. How pathetic. 

His mother shushed him and rocked him as if he were a babe again. Rubbing soothing circles on his back as her own tears made a wet patch on the shoulder of his jacket. It made him hate himself even more. What kind of man was he where he couldn’t support the ones who needed him most? No, instead he was the one who needed comforting. He should have been stronger. He needed to be stronger. 

Tom was right, he couldn’t go after Eren right now. He wasn’t fit to find the prince. He wasn’t cool and collected like Annie and he wasn’t wise and powerful like Tom. He was a man that hid cowardly behind the armor of his titan. He couldn’t save Eren. Not if he couldn’t even stop him from being taken in the first place. 

Not only had he lost him, he’d proven how worthlessly he was as a lover, a partner. He couldn’t protect the goddamn prince. Why was he so pathetic ?

Wordlessly, his mother led him to the kitchen as he sniffled like a child that had scraped their knee. She plopped him down in his chair at the table and wiped his tears with a clean corner of her apron, dutifully cleaning his face. A cup of steaming tea appeared in front of him shortly after. 

Karina lowered herself in the adjacent seat with a cup of her own. Neither drank, only grasping the sides in search of comfort. 

“They’ll find him.” She said, finally breaking the silence. “That boy has more spirit than any of us combined; he’s got a fire that you just can’t put out.”

Reiner stared at the table. “That’s what I’m worried will get him killed.” He said grimly. The prince had quite the mouth on him and years of fights with Grisha had taught him to ruthlessly spar with his words. No doubt that was what caused the tooth on the floor. And the blood…

“They’ll find him.” His mother simply repeated, as if to convince the both of them. 

Reiner sat there with his head in his hands long after the war meeting concluded. His heart broke just a little bit more every time he opened his eyes and saw the prince's chair standing empty between him and Grisha. The only empty spot in the room. By the end, it was nothing but a fine powder, lost to the wind. A bottomless pit now in place of his once-beating heart. 

No one except Reiner and Magath appeared to give a rat's ass about finding Eren; the rest were more concerned with damage control amongst the people and hostile nations. Gross in particular talked more about not appearing weak than about how to get Eren back. It seemed that the Marlian generals were more embarrassed that their prince had been snatched out of his bed from under their noses and that they still hadn’t managed to locate him over being actually worried for said prince’s well-being. 

Tom was notably silent on the matter, which wasn’t too strange, but Grisha barely spoke at all. Reiner had to chalk it up to the king being more gravely affected by the loss of his son than he let his generals believe, thinking back to the out of character moment in the privacy of his office earlier. 

When he finally found the energy to heave himself out of his chair, he overheard some chattering just beyond the tall doors sounding suspiciously like some of the guards gossiping. He jumped at the opportunity to get some insider information. Maybe they knew something more about that night?

Peeking minutely through a crack in the door, he spied a handful of young looking guards, trying to talk quietly about the rotation on duty that night, but ultimately failing. 

“... seemed to be some form of sleeping agent. They were all knocked out when Prince Kruger went missing.” A female guard was whispering, eyes flashing in excitement. 

“Are they sure they were actually dosed and not just the guards slacking?” A dark haired guard with glasses argued.

“The rotation that found them said they thought they were dead at first; no screaming in their faces or shaking woke them up. Heard they all came to around the same time in the morning once they were treated in the med-wing.” The first guard continued, puffing up now that all the attention was on her. “I also heard that some of the superiors are considering a leak - that someone let the kidnappers in. I mean, considering Prince Kruger’s condition, he was an easy target, especially since that titan shifter he was so fond of wasn’t around… that’s why it was so neatly executed!”

Murmurs passed through the little group, contemplating the new information. Reiner’s face heated at the suggestive mention of him. It wasn’t like they were wrong.

“And who did you hear this from, Gabi?” The one with glasses continued his mild interrogation, obviously not trusting the bouncy young guard. 

“The right people” Reiner could hear the smirk in her voice. “Trust me, Udo, this is the real story! And it’s thanks to me that you heard it first before it gets all watered down by the higher ups.” She laughed a bit and quickly covered it with a cough. Someone must have given her a pointed look.

“I know we’re not supposed to listen in, but did you hear the meeting through the door?” A small blonde boy asked the female guard, sounding guiltily eager but nervous at the same time. 

“Well, duh, the crown prince goes missing and they hold a super-secret meeting? Of course I’m listening in!” She crowed jovially. “It seems like they’re sending the Female Titan to neighboring nations to gather intel. They have no clue where to start! Ha! What a bunch of useless fools. Could you imagine what that information would do if it got out to the people?” 

Reiner could hear a wicked hint in her voice and he stiffened at the blatant disloyalty to the crown. The shushing sounds that came from her fellow guards at least reflected some form of mass loyalty, but it did little to soothe him, especially after his nerves were practically shot at the end of this stress-addled day. 

The young guards descended into a rabbit hole of crazy ideas, building off each other into a more ridiculous theory than the last. At one point, the guard with glasses, Udo, commented aloud that Eren could have faked the whole thing and ran off into the night. His idea was quickly scoffed at, seeing that the one-legged prince wouldn’t have been able to take out an entire guard fleet and run away on his own. 

Udo desperately spluttered to defend himself, clarifying that the prince must’ve had help to pull off such a feat. It was no use; the others continued to laugh at him and began to tease each other with even wilder ideas, poking fun at Udo. Even going as far as to joke that the prince had grown wings and flown away. 

The urge to roll his eyes at their wild conspiracies was too great. He was so glad they thought the situation to be so hilarious to joke about. He wanted to throw open the doors and berate them himself but was stopped at the approaching voice of Marcel, the guard captain. He was a bit surprised to see his old friend here. Normally he wouldn’t peg him for participating in a petty gossip session. 

To his relief, Marcel instead disciplined the chatty guards and sent them to opposite rotations, like a school teacher separating the rowdy group in lessons. When the young guards had slunk off, the guard captain made his own way off the scene muttering all the while, “… children, the whole lot of ‘em.” 

When the hall quieted down, Reiner deemed it safe to slip out of the war room. With the guards now staged elsewhere, it was disjointedly silent compared to the intensity of earlier. He sighed, exhausted and lost, and made his way down a hall, no particular destination in mind. 

So there was unrest in the guard force? That would definitely be a good place to look into. Especially since the female guard had hinted about a possible insider in on the abduction. Perhaps he should search out Marcel and speak with him. They had a mutual respect for each other and had a history. The guard captain had a good head on his shoulders and it was for good reason that he was next in line to take command when his superior stepped down. Level headed and a natural born leader. 

He had Reiner’s respect and harbored the same respect back. He didn’t see why Marcel wouldn’t help him. 

That would be a good place to start. Considering he just saw the man a few minutes ago, it shouldn’t be too difficult to track him down. 

Hushed tones in a branching corridor caused him to pause. If whispering with Eren at night had taught him anything, whoever these voices belonged to had no desire of being overheard. Too bad Reiner wasn’t keen on giving privacy right now. At this point, anything in the palace was fair game to him. 

If it was just some love-sick servants stealing a moment or guards slacking off, he would move on, but now, his interest had been piqued.

Pressing up against the wall, he edged close to the mouth to listen in. 

“... took you so long?!”

“… reassigned those kids to give us some privacy, what in the world do you want?!”

The second voice was familiar. One he’d just overheard near the war room - Marcel. 

There was another voice, similar to Marcel’s yet a bit higher pitched. Their whispers were now much more careful than the gossiping guards from earlier, making it rather difficult for him to listen in on. Decidedly, he peeked around the corner and saw a guard leaning against a wall with Marcel standing in front of him. Their heads were bent low and close, but Reiner managed to recognize the other guard to be Porco, the guard captain’s younger brother.  

Maybe a family dispute? He knew Marcel’s younger brother could be a handful. His temper not unlike Eren’s. 

Some words were exchanged under low breaths, making it impossible for Reiner to hear. Soon, the older Galliard was raising his voice, whisper shouting. With the renewed vigor, the blonde was able to pick up parts again, though still rather broken. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve gone and dug yourself - … just started out! How could you be so stupid!”

“Quit scolding me! I know what I’m doing.”

“If it comes out that you were - … swear on our mother’s grave, you’ll be sorry.”

“... not like that… ‘s fine. Stop worrying.”

“Then stop acting off!”

He then noticed Porco idly twirling a dagger, neither guard paying it too much attention. Languidly playing with the metal blade and twirling it around his fingers, as if he had all day to memorize its weight. Reiner wouldn’t have thought much of it either until he squinted and looked closer. It looked suspiciously familiar. 

His eyes widened in realization. He knew that dagger. One that had been shown to him in private and studied lovingly with pride by a single eye. Eren’s dagger -  

Anger hotly consumed him, nearly cooking as he considered the possibilities as to why a simple guard had the prince's heirloom in his possession. And the brother’s private meeting wasn’t helping their image right now. Stepping into the room, he interrupted the whispering brothers. 

“What’s going on here?” He demanded. His eyes narrowed, focusing on Porco. “Where did you get that?”

Porco stood open-mouthed, like a deer in a hunter's cross hairs. Marcel looked startled as well, but kept his composure better than his younger sibling. 

“Where did you fucking get it?!” Reiner shouted, marching up to the pair of guards and curling Porco’s shirt in his fists. The shorter man’s toes struggled against the stone, scraping for purchase, but Reiner was unrelenting. 

Marcel broke them apart pushing Reiner back, “Easy Reiner, you need to calm down. I’d hate to have you removed from the grounds. We need to keep our heads right now.” 

Breathing heavily in anger, Reiner simply glared at Porco from over Marcel’s shoulder; Porco matched his glare, trying to smooth his rumpled clothes. 

“It was in the hall and I figured someone dropped it. Big deal.”

“So the prince goes missing and I find you toying around with the dagger only he and I knew the location of, and you expect me not to freak out?” Reiner bit back, voice raising in pitch again.

“Like I said, I found it! I’d never seen it before and thought it was cool; you didn’t have to choke me over a simple misunderstanding” He spat. “It’s not like I would know it belonged to Prince Eren; he never brought it out before!”

“Apologies, Reiner, I didn’t know it was the prince’s either. I had assumed he’d gotten it from the market recently.” Marcel sighed and turned to scold his little brother, “You still should have turned it over to me or one of your superior officers, Pock. What if it had been from one of the intruders?” 

Porco’s face went pink. “Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter now anyway.” He replied hotly. His older brother only sighed again, rubbing a hand over his face. Reiner watched them, unwilling to leave until he had back what was potentially his last piece of Eren. 

“Give the man back the dagger, will you? I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you Pock.” Marcel prodded his brother forward. Porco wouldn’t look Reiner in the eyes as he shuffled forward and handed the dagger back by the blade.  

When he had it safely tucked away, he resumed his glaring at the shorter guard. Both brothers shifted uncomfortably at it. 

“You found it when?” He said after a moment of silence.

“Uh, the morning after Prince Kruger went missing.” Porco said, breaking his gaze from Reiner’s glare. Marcel looked like he was mentally facepalming. The titan shifter’s brow creased in anger.

He began on a tirade, intent on getting the answers he’d been agonizing over for the past horrendous hours. 

“That wasn’t suspicious to you at all? Do you even think? Where the fuck were you on the night of Eren’s disappearance anyway? From what it looks like -” 

“Pock was with me, Reiner. I can testify to it. He had a shift on rotation and then stopped by my house for the night.” The guard captain placated, raising a steady hand in the air as if in surrender, or maybe to catch Reiner if he so chose to lunge again. Whichever. 

Porco, who had opened his mouth in the beginning to defend himself, closed it at his brother’s testimony. Reine only swept his gaze between the two, steaming. While he didn’t like the disrespectful younger guard, he struggled to doubt the guard captain. As he’d said, the man was smart and a good friend. He didn’t believe he would lie to him. He had faith that Marcel would do his job to bring Eren home.

He trained his wild gaze on his friend, scrutinizing the man’s facial expression before letting his face fall. Marcel looked completely honest, albeit a bit worried. As he should be with an angry titan shifter threatening his younger brother. His shoulders slumped forward, feeling awful now. 

Was he just being an emotional asshole to his friend? It would be normal for Marcel and Porco to seek out each other, they were family. Sometimes they needed to talk. What if this was all a big misunderstanding and Reiner was just jumping to conclusions. But the dagger…. No, Porco had explained it. And given it back when he’d learned the origin. So he was a little shit, but he was still Marcel’s brother. They were cut from the same cloth, weren’t they? It wasn’t like Porco had done anything to wrong him before. 

He gathered himself up, straightening his back and shoulders and brushed a hand over the back of his neck in shame. “Okay.” he whispered quietly. 

The older guard nodded slowly, letting his hand drop back to his side. Porco shifted into a more relaxed position and the tension died down in the room.

“Please… just let me know if you hear anything, Guard Captain. I- I just want him home.” He said, looking his friend in the eye. 

Marcel nodded sympathetically. “You know I will, buddy. I’m sorry about all of this. It’s been hell around here these past few days.” 

Reiner nodded as well. The bone-deep exhaustion was creeping back now. “I’ll see you all around.” he said tiredly and walked off, pulling the dagger out as he did to rub the carved hilt absentmindedly. 

The brothers watched him go, exchanging glances behind the blonde boy’s back. 

~

When Reiner was gone and the two brothers were alone, Marcel spun around angrily and tore into his little brother, giving him the tongue lashing of the century. 

To conclude his lecture, the guard captain smacked the younger boy over the head.

“I won’t lie for you anymore, little brother. You were with me for some of the night, we’ll stick with that. After, you’re on your own. I can only pray that you really didn’t have a part in this mess and that you actually found that dagger in the hall.” He said, deadly serious. 

Porco’s guilty expression only solidified Marcel’s fears and confirmed his suspicions. However, he couldn’t bring himself to turn in his baby brother. Not the kid who he’d spent his whole life looking out for, being the one his brother would run to when he’d cry. He’d do anything to keep his baby brother safe. And if it jeopardized his job, his image, then so be it. He’d rather his friendship with Reiner crumble than see Porco in jail, or worse. 

So he said no more about his suspicion. Didn’t have to. He could read the signs and saw the blatant evidence to know Porco was a part of Eren’s disappearance. How exactly he was going to cover Porco’s sloppy trail was a different story. But he’d figure something out. He had to.

Lying to Reiner was just the beginning. 

He rolled over in his bed, further ripping the sheets from where they were tucked. No matter if the blankets were on or off, or if he hugged a pillow or himself, he couldn’t fall asleep. The material was scratchy and cheap, the mattress thin, and the pillow flat. Springs squeaked with every shift and left him on edge. 

It was pointless.

He should be in Eren’s bed with the prince curled up to him. Should be able to shift to his side and pull his lover closer and lose himself in the scent of his hair and the softness of his skin. Should be his lips on Eren’s neck as he drifted off, his arm draped over his waist. Because with Eren, everything was perfect. 

 How long had it been since he’d slept in his own room? 

There was a small, dingy window; but, it was nothing like the grand one in Eren’s room where they lounged in front, cuddled up while they counted the stars. No. His window here only showed him the cobbled walls of his neighbors house and an alley filled with refuse. 

In here, the air was stuffy and while it smelled of home, there wasn’t a trace of Eren to be found. 

After rolling around for another hour with no change, he decided to give up. His eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness of his small room, but his fingers still fumbled on the nightstand in search of the matches. Finally pinching one between his fingers, he struck it and lit the candle at his bedside. What he planned to do until dawn, he didn’t know. But, as the flame of the candle grew stronger and continued to light up his room, he spotted the picture on his nightstand and Eren’s dagger just beside it.

He plucked up the photo and studied it. 

It was from the night of the festival, where what remained of the 104th fleet had worn their parade dress for the celebration. This particular picture contained the special squad that had stayed back and the three titan shifters they’d protected. While everyone had serious looks on their faces and stood ramrod straight, he and Eren were a bit closer to each other than necessary. Both of them had the corners of their mouths upturned, just the barest hints of smiles. Eren leaned heavily on his crutch, throwing off the perfect, neat lineup with his lazy posture. Reiner was slightly bent over, looking like he was shielding Eren from something, and an arm half raised, as if to provide support at a moment’s notice. 

While it looked natural and posed, Reiner remembered the moment it was taken clearly. 

They’d all been in perfect posture and position, even Eren. The photographer had gone down the line, swiping his hand over uniforms and tilting heads and bodies just right. Reiner had noticed how Eren was growing bored and starting to fidget. Just as the photographer had disappeared behind the camera, Eren had smirked and shifted his weight, causing Reiner to react instinctively and throw his hand out, thinking the prince had lost his balance. The shutter had clicked right at that moment.

Both the photographer and Grisha had yelled at the two, scolding them for ruining the official shot. Film was hard to come by and expensive. Even the king couldn’t afford reshoots. Especially after the cost of the war. 

But Reiner loved that picture regardless. Eren had grinned for a solid twenty minutes after ruining the shot and Reiner had only been able to shake his head in exasperation. 

Now, sitting there alone on the edge of the bed, he clutched the picture tightly. It creased around the pressure of his thumb, but he couldn’t loosen his grip. This was the last image taken of the prince and the only one he had in his possession. His hands trembled as he pressed the picture to his lips and closed his eyes. Releasing a shaky breath, he flopped back onto his bed and laid the picture on his chest - right over his heart. 

Personally, he’d rather this picture be from the first night they’d spent together. When Eren was relaxed and laid out sleepily on the bed, his hair pooling around him and his gaze soft as he watched Reiner. A side of Eren that only he was allowed to see. But this one, that showed the prince’s personality well, was just fine. 

With a deep sigh, Reiner closed his eyes and was treated to a stream of unprompted memories. Thankfully, one’s rooted in happiness. All of them including Eren in some way. 

The first time they’d met. Eren comforting him after his transformation. Talking to his mother about the strange feeling he was having for the prince. His confession to Eren. Him leaning in to shyly kiss the other boy on the cheek. Then their first real kiss - stolen in secret much later. Dancing together silently in an abandoned locked room of the castle late at night when the prince was thought to be in bed. Parties they’d been forced to attend where they’d stayed glued to each other’s sides. Countless meetings in the war room. Riding their horses around the grounds and the impromptu races they’d have back to the stables. The prince’s shrieking laughter. Eren sketching him from the window seat. Walks in the orchard. Their secret meetups that fueled the servant’s gossip. 

Tears slipped from the corners of his eyes and gathered in his hair, trickling into his ears. He didn’t cry out this time, only letting the tears silently fall as his heart ached. 

When the sun rose, he was staring blankly at the stained ceiling above him, eyes dry. 

 He was going to find that boy. He had to.

Chapter Text

What was left of the battle was a meager few bodies (and severed body parts) strewn haphazardly in the grass. The lack of total carnage was due to most of the human casualties being ingested by the horde, resulting in barely any remains left to indicate anything had gone down in the past half hour. The titan corpses had just about completely melted away into steam, leaving no trace that the monsters had ever existed in the first place. And yes, he had concluded that all titans were indeed, monsters. That included him as well.

The events of today would not have gone down if he had just been a little faster. Had he not been seen by those first few humans, they would have been able to pass safely through the gap he’d made. But no, instead he’d been too slow. The reaction of the humans only drove the point home that he truly was a monster. Worthy of the same reaction they had given other titans - proving that they were all the same. It was never going to change and no matter how much thinking he did it wouldn't make him any less titan. 

He hung his head in guilt at what he had caused. The little evidence that remained of the slaughter was his to observe, like a punishment. This was nothing like his first encounter, back when he’d met Arlet. That time, he’d only arrived near the aftermath. What had happened today? He was the direct cause of it. He’d driven these humans to their deaths. 

Herded them. He thought sadly. 

Littering the battlefield was a pitiful handful of human corpses. It pained him to understand that there were so many more that he’d failed, and he wouldn’t even get to look them in their faces and tell them how sorry he was. Not literally, as he couldn’t speak, but he felt the need to apologize to the poor humans he’d gotten killed. So he went around, rolling them over if they were facedown to take in their slack expressions and dead eyes and cry out in his mind how fucking sorry he was. Because they didn’t deserve what he’d done.

They deserved to live and see the beautiful world outside the walls like he did, free and flying over the plains on their horses. They deserved to see the sun rise over the mountains and watch the deer herds prance through the tree line. 

But these humans? He’d robbed them of their lives in one stupid mistake. In only a matter of minutes he’d ripped away the lives of more humans than he could ever possibly imagine. And he hadn’t had to eat a single one of them to do it. 

That was what scared him the most - he’d caused so much destruction by barely lifting a hand. 

While most of them were simply dead and cooling, there were a few with missing limbs that had most likely slowly bled out. One man’s missing lower half had his gut twisting a strange way; something he’d never felt before. The sight was so wrong in a way that he hated himself for not being able to look at it. He needed to see it. To understand just what his actions had done. But the man’s missing legs actually had his big fists trembling at his sides. 

But why? There was no danger now. No titans, no humans (well, not live ones), and he was perfectly fine…. physically. He had no reason to tremble at the meager corpse of a human, but his strange voice was mumbling around in his head, rolling through a blurry memory that scratched irritably at the back of his eyes. The memory was thick and strangely cold like the night and hard to recall. 

He wrestled with it for a bit longer, eyes trailing over the man’s missing legs and then back up to his face. When they stopped on the humans half-lidded eyes it clicked. 

Plainly written on the man’s face was a brutal acceptance. One you only wear when you know you’re going to die. It comes when you lay on a battlefield surrounded by man-eating monsters and you realize in the chaos that everyone else is too busy fighting for their own lives to stop and staunch the bleeding to save yours. 

The titan knew that expression; he’d worn it once himself. 

Had he? 

There those thoughts were again. He’d never been in this man’s position, right? He couldn’t recall a time when he’d fought a titan that made him feel like he was dying. 

He was a titan. He did nothing all day and killed humans. When he got injured, his wounds closed and there was never a trace of battle. No matter what he did, that wouldn’t change. 

Then why was he always getting these strange images in his head? Thoughts like he was a human? Why was he empathizing with them?

He could only sadly shake his head. It didn’t matter anyways. His relationship with humans was risky and all it did was make him confused and sad. But he felt like he needed to do more. Leaving all these corpses just lying around felt wrong. Disrespectful. 

With a long, drawn-out sigh, the titan mentally shook off his internal monologue and prepared to gather up the dead. A darker, cooling version of the human’s natural scent was bathing his tongue, tinging the edge of it with a rancid sweetness - a tell tale scent of death and congealing blood. However, now that he was paying attention to it, he found that the hazy, metallic smell of still-warm blood barely lingered on the air, still palatable. 

But, the titan found that his hunger stayed rather dormant. It reacted to the smell, but only nudged gently on his mind, like it was lazily demanding his attention. It was rather easy to push off. 

That’s new. He thought to himself. Is there no real drive to eat dead humans? 

It didn’t really make sense to him. With the hunger still present, it would seem he had a drive to devour humans even if they were dead. An idea came to mind; a little sickening, but he couldn’t stop the intrusive thought. 

If his hunger was manageable around the dead, maybe he could trail safely behind the humans when they ventured out and avoid his guilt by eating their dead? Would that tide off his hunger so he was no longer ravenous and allow him to possibly interact with the humans so he could find the blonde soldier? 

Inside his mind, the bold voice purred its agreement, eager to eat again even if it was dead prey. It whispered for him to reach down and gather up the corpses. Just one little mouthful of half-satisfactory meat and curdling blood. It would be disappointing; but still, something to settle in his stomach. To have the sluggish blood remain on his tongue as he bit down instead of running down the back of his throat all warm and delectable. To sink his teeth into the taunt flesh, no longer soft and easy to tear. The muscles would be stringy and chewy, lacking the life that made them strong and satisfying to swallow. 

He was halfway to reaching down for the legless man when he stole a look at his face again.

In that instant, he snapped out of his trance. Jerking his hand to his chest, he cradled it in his other, like if he didn’t hold on to it, it would move on its own. 

What in the world was wrong with him? He couldn’t bring himself to even eat a corpse. It wasn’t like the dead body would feel pain or scream. It was just a mound of dead flesh stuffed with organs. It didn’t feel anything. 

Then why was it impossible for him to eat them? 

He was about to roar in frustration when his ears suddenly picked up a weak, breathy cry. It sounded pitiful, full of pain and fear. Squinting his eyes , he looked around, trying to locate where the sound had come from. 

There!

Just on the edge of a few sparse trees was a struggling form of a human, splayed out on the ground and seemingly, still alive. Tentatively, he began making his way over to them. The human was barely lucid when he came closer. She was dressed like all the others, but there was no cape around her neck, probably lost in the midst of fighting. Due to this, he was made painfully aware of her missing leg; exposed to the cold autumn air and left to bleed copiously onto the grass. 

He realized that she was trying to go for a saddlebag lying abandoned on the ground about a meter in front of her. She didn’t seem to notice him at first, continuing to struggle over the flat ground in an improvised crawl while gasping and moaning in pain. He watched her with pity, unsure of what to do. She was so tiny and bleeding so much - there was an impressive trail of maroon behind her. He realized that it was her that had been tinging the air with the scent of blood. Thankfully and rather suspiciously, his hunger stayed in its lulled, controlled state. A blessing he’d have to analyze later; helping the human girl was much more important right now. 

She’d barely snagged the bag in an outstretched hand and yanked it towards her when she forced her body to roll over onto her back. Immediately made aware of the titan silently towering over her she naturally froze and then began to scream and plead for her life. The titan could have smacked himself upside the head when realize how stupid he was; of course she’d be frightened by him looming over her like that. Had he learned nothing from the last few times?

Apologetically as he could, he tried to appear non-threatening as he sunk back onto his haunches. Hoping if he was smaller, she wouldn't be as scared. Unfortunately, she only screamed louder and fumbled with the boxes at her side to produce one of the blades he’d always seen the humans carrying. So that was where they stored them? 

The girl struggled to push herself backwards with her good leg and unoccupied arm, so the titan immediately did his best to back off and give her some distance. 

He could actually understand her somewhat, despite her hysteria.

“Please, please, no! Not like this! I don…” she broke off as a hysterical, screaming sob interrupted her pleads, “I don’t want to be eaten. No!” She wailed. Her face was a mess of tears and a line of blood marked her cheek, running with the tear tracks.

It broke his heart to hear her cry and plead with him. His hatred for his hunger only grew stronger. He didn’t want her to fear him, but he didn’t know how to communicate to the poor girl that he wanted to help. 

She continued on pleading, growing more and more incoherent as her cries tapered off into agony warped madness. Finally, she backed herself up to a dirt shelf, hindering her from gaining any more ground. 

Worriedly, he sniffed the air, sure that this live human and the racket she was making would attract some rogue, but a wave of relief washed over him when he found nothing on the wind. He resisted reaching for the wounded human, both out of concern that her heart might give out from fear and also wanting to keep his fingers - though he did think her too weak to do much more than poke him.

Unsure how to move forward in this situation when she was so wound up, he quirked his head, looking at her with interest and attempted to make a comforting noise, but all he could make was a low rumbling sound.

His surrender seemed to placate her to an extent, and while she never took her eyes off of him for too long. She quickly began rifling through the bag she held, pawing desperately through its contents. She seemed to be crying as she searched madly for something, trying to hold her blade in one hand and stuff the other into the pouch. After some broken sobs of frustration, she finally sniffed and gave a quiet, relieved sigh and pulled something from the bag. 

Delirious with pain and blood loss, she seemed to fight a mental battle before relenting and dropping the blade to quickly and messily tie a tourniquet just below her hip, effectively slowing the gush of blood. Bloody gauze soon adorned the stump that was her leg, doctoring herself up to the best of her abilities. The titan watched intently, worried for her safety and trying to gather any information on how he could comfort the wounded girl. 

Once her impromptu treatment was conducted, she shifted to lean on a small shelf of dirt and reclaimed her blade. Resting her head back with another resounding sniff, her blue eyes never quite left him from where he was crouched a few meters away. She was so still and she rarely blinked, though he could tell they were heavy with tiredness. 

It was very clear to him that he was not welcome in her space, but he couldn't tear himself from the spot. They spent the next few seconds in a tense stare off.

She stared suspiciously at him while he could only peer curiously back. 

When it became clear to her that he was not moving, she released her blade again, though with a shred less hesitancy than the last time. Sticking two fingers in her mouth, a clear sharp whistle came from her lips. He started in surprise, jerking his head back and blinking hard. He also let out a small huff of breath when he thought about the noise attracting any titans in the area. 

Why was she doing it in the first place? He’d never heard a human make that noise before. Was she trying to call the other humans back?

She repeated the noise a few more times, though he still had no idea what it was for and it seemed to yield no results. Eventually, she seemed to give up and let her hands drop in favor of curling her arms around her body. Now, only the girl’s labored breaths colored the still air of the plains. 

Eventually she lost the unofficial staring contest with him (his third eyelid may have been cheating, but hey) and turned her interest back on the saddle bag, properly going through it this time.  

While the titan stayed warm, he was aware of the chill that had crept into the air over the past week. Humans didn’t appear to have the warmth that a titan naturally possessed, indicated by all the clothes they wore. The titan suspected that this human was feeling rather cold now that she had lost so much blood and was subjected to the bare wind without the trademark cape. While he didn’t understand much about humans, he was fully aware that their blood was supposed to stay inside of them and this human had lost, and was continuing to lose, a dangerous amount. To the point where he had to go through some options in his head. 

Though she had the tourniquet on, he reckoned they were at least a good day’s run from the walls. To be fair, he had taken his little break pretty far out in the wilderness specifically to avoid humans. It still amazed him that they had made it this deep into titan territory. 

Suddenly, an idea struck him. While he wasn’t sure what exactly the bag had contained, he knew the humans must have put something important inside them - the wounded girl had certainly exerted what remained of her strength to get to one. The least he could do was provide her with the necessary materials to care for herself. So, off to hunt down some human belongings it was.

He heaved himself to his feet, surprisingly quiet despite his size, and managed to move away without the human descending into a full frenzy again. 

“Whoa! Hey, hey, stay back!” she chattered weakly, pointing her blade halfheartedly at him.

She only muttered a few nervous words at his movement, but didn’t put much heat into it when she realized he was moving away and not towards her.

Sniffing around the battlegrounds, he quickly hunted down the forgotten items of the riders, gathering two little satchels and a spare cape he found hung up on a dried out bush - maybe it was hers? It looked a little rough, splotched with dirt and a decent tear through it, but it was salvageable. 

While he’d like to provide her with a better cape, he figured they weren’t dealing with an abundance of time, so scouring the fields and hillsides for a better one was not the best choice. Besides, most capes were probably long gone from the acid of the Titans stomachs. 

On that thought, he actually did know where some other capes would be, but he debated on if he should relieve one of the few corpses of theirs. At first, he hesitated at the thought of taking from a dead body, but he relented with the reasoning that the girl needed it more than a corpse. He would just have to hope that the dead wouldn’t mind. 

So, he revisited them and chose the least bloodied one (meaning it still had a mess of red, unfortunately) and brought the items back to where the girl was resting. Slumped over and looking like she’d fallen into an impromptu nap while he’d been away. He only knew she was still alive by her warm scent and the way he saw her shoulders moving from her full body shivering. The only thing he heard as he approached was the tiny, rapid sound of clacking teeth - a less aggressive version of what he did to initiate fights. 

At first, he thought the human was trying to ward him off with a defensive display, until he realized that her jaws were only knocking together from the worrisome intensity she was shivering at. 

Maybe she’ll be a bit more at ease when she sees what I brought her, he thought. 

Unceremoniously, he dropped his presents at her feet, causing the girl to start awake and yelp. 

She took one look up at him and realized the fact that she was in proper grabbing range. That sent her into a shrieking storm again. Rightfully agitated, she descended back into fear-induced gibberish; completely unaware of the items of her feet. 

“Please!! Please, no! You left, why won’t you stay away?”

He decided he could stay away, if that would please her.

Slowly, as to not move too jarringly, he shifted long steps backwards, easily giving them distance again. Her cries tapered off when she realized that the titan had listened to her, eyes wide. She only sat there with an awestruck look on her face, rethinking what had just happened. Her gaze flittered down to the items at her feet and then back up to search his face. 

He tried to soften his features as much as he could, knowing there was not much he could do about his bared teeth. Those were kind of permanent. But he did his best to seem as sincere as he could about leaving her be. Gently, he brought himself to his knees so as to not tower over her again. 

Confused and still slightly wary, she remained still for a bit before her curiosity overpowered her and she began to inspect the gifts he’d brought. She immediately pulled the torn cape around her shoulders and held it in place with a pale, shaking hand. When she got the second one, she gasped a little at the blood and d id a quick look up at him. His passive gaze must have answered something for her, as she carefully draped the second one over her legs, murmuring something lowly that even he could not pick up. 

Finally, she went to work rummaging through the bags. She crowed triumphantly when she pulled some packets out of one. Ripping them open eagerly, she munched down the contents. Once she got a few noisy mouthfuls down, she dug her hand back in and pulled a small canteen out and guzzled down the water with no hesitation.

The titan felt a swell of pride at himself. For once, he had helped! The girl was hopefully much more comfortable and could rest a bit with a full stomach. He knew better than most how much it hurt to have an empty belly screaming for food. 

Pulling out a couple of other things he didn't recognize, the girl spread out her supplies, took her leg into consideration, and then looked back up at him. 

“What’s the deal with you anyway?” She said a bit standoffish, probably just talking to herself since they both knew he couldn’t respond anyway.

He simply cocked his head to the side. He wasn’t too sure what she meant by that. Did she not want his help? The silence that dragged on confirmed that he was not going to talk back. The girl snorted and shook her head.

“Ah, look at me. Talking to a titan. Tha’s a sure sign if I ever saw one.” She said and readjusted herself against the shelf, a fresh tear rolled down her pale cheek. 

This human was so confusing. Sign of what?

She sniffed and leaned her head back, staring out past him with a glassy look. “Never thought it’d end like this. Figured there’d be… I dunno, more screaming. Fighting. Blood and guts and all that shit. Not a little picnic with the largest and weirdest fucking titan in existence.”

He stayed still and let her talk. She seemed to be rambling, like she expected someone out there to be listening; Did she want him to listen? To be witness to her words all the way out here, deep in titan territory, all alone save him?

It almost sounded like… like she was….

No….

But, but, he was going to save her! She couldn’t die! He had tried so hard to keep her alive, he could find the other humans and they’d help her where he couldn’t. He could get her back to the walls. He wanted her to live!

It didn’t matter to him that she wasn’t the blonde soldier; he wanted her to live simply because she deserved to! She’d fought so hard in battle and was still fighting even now. Tending to her wounds and going through the motions of staying alive. He had to save her; this couldn’t all be for naught?

But as he looked her over, he began to see it too. He saw what she felt and understood that it was inevitable. There had never been enough time to save her, he realized.

Her skin had taken up a frighteningly pale color that made her bluing lips stand out in contrast. He had a suspicion that that wasn’t normal. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she struggled for air, never seeming to pull in enough to satisfy herself. Her gaze was quickly becoming unfocused and half-lidded. He tried to ignore how her warmth was fading, how she was starting to lose that scent that told him she was alive. 

Something ate away at his chest. It hurt. He felt like he was losing something important to him, yet, he’d only just met this girl. He wanted desperately for her to live, but he wasn’t stupid. The best he could do was stay with her in her final moments and keep her company, though he was probably the last thing she wanted to spend her time with. 

“Why?” She mumbled, surprising him that she was still talking. “Why’d you… ‘d you help me?” Her words slurred slightly.  

He guessed she had a point. He was a titan. He had no reason to help. And maybe subconsciously, he’d known all along that she wasn’t going to make it. Maybe that was what she’d been asking him - why he bothered to make a dying girl comfortable?

If you had just eaten her, she wouldn’t have had to suffer and you’d have gotten a meal. His titan voice seethed in the back of his mind.

Shut it! Not now. He snarled back, certain that he’d made the right choice.

But what if his inner titan was right. Had he only drawn out her pain? Should he have killed her from the start? She was quiet for a long period, causing his worry to spike. But she did begin speaking again; weaker this time.

“Guess it’s not so bad… s’long as you don’t eat me while I’m still... all here,” She flapped her hand to gesture weakly at herself and sighed a long sigh, “... there’s worse ways to go.” She pulled the cape around her shoulder tighter; the shivering never lessened.

He didn’t dare to move a muscle. It reminded him of when he’d first met the deer herd, and the baby had fallen asleep by his hand. He wouldn’t move for anything in the world right now, he decided. If he could fade into the landscape and leave her subconscious, he would. Anything to ease her fear of a titan being present and she could go in peace. 

She hummed nonsensically, lazily taking in the view in front of her. He knew what she was looking at. It was a better view up here at the top of the hill than his little patch of land he’d claimed, but he never took this spot up here since… the horde had lived so close. 

Figuring she was too far gone to pay him much attention, he slowly turned his head to peer over his shoulder. 

Golden plain stretched on for miles, dotted with hues of red where little hints of greenery used to be. The wind rolled the drying grass in waves, whispering through the dancing stalks, causing them to intertwine with each other and then pull apart. A never ending waltz. 

The sky was a beautiful blue, full of massive fluffy clouds that looked like towering castles in the sky. Something you could sink your head into and never resurface. In the distance, mountains reached for the heavens in cool shades of blue. 

As if to ward off the chill, the sun peeked out from one of the massive clouds and lit up the ground beneath. Watching as the shadows were chased away from the land by its brilliant, strong rays. Some birds soared overhead, totally at ease and free to go wherever they pleased.  

“Now that’s a pretty sight to see…” He heard the girl sigh from behind him. He rumbled softly in his throat; he couldn’t agree more. 

She chuckled quietly, causing him to turn his attention back to her. She was no longer looking at the plains, but looking at him instead.

“You’re something else, aren’t you?” She said softly, a small pull of a smile on her tired face. 

He blew some air at her.

“Yeah, you’re not so bad...” She trailed off, gaze zoning back out over his shoulder. 

No more than a minute could have passed before the girl's breathing slowed and ultimately stopped.

Detecting the lack of warmth and sensing the dulling of her scent, he knew that she was dead. 

Vaguely, he picked up on that hollow feeling in his chest again. Even if she was a stranger to him, he couldn’t stand to leave her there for some rogue to simply pluck up – he wasn’t even sure if one would come through here any time soon, but he’d rather not take that chance. It seemed disrespectful, somehow.  Perhaps he could do one last thing for her. And her fallen comrades.

He got up from his knees and began to gingerly gather the few corpses from the hillside in his massive hand. They were so limp and delicate, he held them with utmost care, like if he even looked at them wrong, they’d break. Going back to where the girl was, he put the dead soldiers down as gently as possible. Their bodies tumbled and tangled with each other and he did his best to separate them and lay them out, leaving the girl still propped up on the dirt shelf. 

Moving her so soon after her passing felt wrong, as if he were disturbing her sleep; Or maybe he was letting himself live in denial for a little longer and believe that she had lived. But realistically, he knew that was nothing more than a trick of his mind. Desperation to prove that he hadn’t failed.

Truth be told, her blue eyes would never fully open again. The hand that limply clutched at the handle of her blade would never tighten and the fingers twisted in the collar of her cloak would soon stiffen.

Digging into the earth with his fingers, he scooped out rocky soil and grass to create a wide, deep hole. Hopefully, the dirt would cover the smell of humans and stop any titans from disturbing the corpses. After digging a somewhat deep grave, he placed each human in with care, arranging them so they would seem like they were lying back for a nap. He removed their capes, if they had one, and used it to cover their wounds, tucking them in and hiding away the horrors of death. One by one, he fixed them up and finally turned for the girl.

Cradling her in his hands to say a final goodbye, he finally put her to rest. Setting her in the middle of the row with her brother in arms laid out on either side of her.

 As he replaced the soil, he buried those brave humans, making it so they never saw the blue sky or tasted the fresh air again. Ensuring there was no scent on the freshly turned earth, he stepped back and surveyed the dark patch. Someday, the grass would regrow here, and it would just be another roll of the hillside on this desolate landscape. No one would ever know what laid beneath the surface. 

There would come a time, he supposed, when even he did not exist, and the knowledge of these humans' resting place would be lost to time.  But for eternity, they’d face that beautiful sight of the mountains. This was the least he could do to atone for what he’d done to them. 

With a thought, he picked up the two satchels he gifted the girl. While he buried her with the one she initially crawled for, he had left these two on the side. Now, he was sort of glad he forgot them. He placed them at the head of the mound, meagerly marking the spot. Sure, they might not be there forever, but it was something. 

That got him another idea. Since he was… no longer pressed for time now, he could look around the grounds some more. Given ample time to go around, he did find a few stray blades; one bent to unrecognizable angles and another that was chipped short. He even happened upon a poor horse that had been killed in the chaos. The poor thing was pitifully sprawled out on its side and long dead, though he saw no open wounds on it. 

Was it possible for a horse to die from stress or fear, he wondered? He shook his head; most likely, it had gotten kicked by a stray titan not looking where it was going or something like that. 

Still, he decided to move the animal so it could be with the riders, even in death. When he picked it up, he found it to be much heavier than a human, though he still lifted it with ease. The thing on its back came loose when he did so, scaring him at first, thinking he’d accidentally pulled the body apart. Upon further inspection, he realized that there was no blood and it was shaped strangely, with a horn at its front and a strap that connected the two sides of the flat portion. Figuring the strap was what had come loose and made it fall, he concluded that the thing was definitely not a part of the horse itself, but rather, something the humans put on it so they could ride them.

Saddle. His mind whispered. 

Of course. He had known that hadn’t he? Like he vaguely understood other things. Little words that he’d pick up here and there. Though truly, he’d always known them; they were only buried beneath his thoughts. He wondered how much more he subconsciously knew, and whether that had anything to do with his draw to humans or why he wasn’t happy around other titans. 

Trudging back to the grave, he dug another spot in front of where their feet were and laid the horse in the hole. He then adorned the head of the graves with the blades, plunging them hilt first into the ground. They cut through the earth with ease and he was reminded of how these same blades had sliced his fingers off with no effort. It was almost a fond memory - how strong those humans could be and their passion to help each other.

Next, he readjusted the satchels so they were slung over the hilt. Then set the saddle behind it to provide support for the blade, figuring the bent blade would eventually succumb to the weight at the weird angle it was at. 

Pulling back to admire his handiwork, he had to give himself some credit. The earth was neatly in place and he now had a way to show that there were the bodies of brave souls housed underneath when the greenery grew back. 

The spot was now marked so he could come back and pay his respects to the unknown humans. Because he needed to. He needed to remember this guilty feeling and remind himself every time he visited that they died because he wasn’t able to save them. That he drove them to their deaths. 

The girl’s last words floated through his head. “Yeah, you’re not so bad...”

If only she knew. If she had known that he was the reason her and her friends had been pushed into battle with the herd, she wouldn’t have said that. She would have hated him in her final moments. Hated him for causing her to bleed out slowly, alone. 

If he saw the riders again, would they hate him? Realize what he’d done? Would they cut him down in an instant, without hesitation, to ensure he never did something like this again? Was he just too dangerous to be near humans at all? 

Every time he got close, something bad happened. 

While his whole point for being out here was to stay away, it obviously hadn’t made a difference. Maybe the key to all of this was to stay as far away as physically possible. Should he return to the ocean and the funny ground? That was the farthest he could recall being from them.

Honestly though, he wouldn’t put it past the humans to find him all the way out there. He had no way of knowing how far they’d already explored into titan territory or if they were pushing their limits every time they left the walls. 

If one thing was for certain, it was that they were inexplicably drawn to each other. Either he found them or they found him. And now, considering how he’d been in the throes of a battle with blood literally soaking the air and never once reaching for a human, maybe there was something to consider here? This was the improvement he’d been looking for. 

Maybe there was hope for him with the humans after all. He’d have to be cautious, that was for certain. Keeping his distance had dulled the hunger to a controlled level. Or maybe it was the adrenaline of battle and the challenging of other titans that had overshadowed his instinct to eat, but still, after everything, he clung to the hope that he could be better. 

If he could stop more disasters like today from happening, maybe he could eventually forgive himself for all the pain he caused. He’d have to be careful, keep a safe distance, like he’d tried to before. 

And failed. The voice smugly added. 

He wouldn’t fail next time.

Next time, he was going to do better. Because he knew that he was stronger than his hunger. He was going to make every last titan pay for killing these humans. Their mindless hunger disgusted him and he would be damned if he let those monsters go unchecked. 

Humans died while fighting titans. That was a fact. No matter how strong or how brave, sometimes, things just happened. He would take their place in battle as many times as he needed to; If he had to die to save one of them - so be it. And he knew without a doubt if he saw the blonde soldier in the flesh, he’d fight to the ends of the earth for him. Until his fingers broke and his wounds stopped healing, he’d rip apart anything that hurt the blonde soldier.

So, he’ll start with protecting the riders. Eventually, he hoped they would come to trust each other.

Chapter Text

Back in the Survey Corps Headquarters, Levi, Hange, and Mike gathered in Erwin’s office to discuss the mission. Trying to at least attempt to understand what exactly happened during the horde attack. Erwin was once again sitting behind his desk, with Levi on his left in an armchair and Mike leaning against the wall. Hange paced in front of the desk, ranting about all the reports they’d read together.

“I can’t believe I missed him! That’s three times in a row; that beauty must be tracking us somehow. I need to see him in action or I think I might die. I bet he’s magnificent, you’re all so lucky to see it, it’s not fair!” They pouted.

“Not to worry Hange; it continues to interact with us almost every time we head out. It’s almost certain that we will cross paths with it again at this rate.” The commander soothed; the voice of reason during these meetings.

“It does seem to be displaying a higher level of intelligence than we originally thought.” Mike said, thinking aloud. “I don’t believe any of our scouts reported it being aggressive with them during combat. Though it is strange that we seem to attract it when we are fighting titans - especially large groups of them. Bodt’s encounter could have been a fluke; it didn’t stick around for long then; could it be because we weren’t fighting anything?”

“Peculiar indeed...” Erwin’s gaze was intense as he mentally went through all the recounts they’d heard that evening. “I’d say you and I had the most experience with it this time around, so I trust your judgement.”

“Ooh Mike, that reminds me, we haven’t gone over your side yet. Tell me everything from your perspective! Please! Don’t leave a single thing out! How was his hand-eye coordination and muscle control? Did he appear to be cohesive? Describe his gate and temperament.” The scientist demanded as they whipped out their notebook and flipped through pages and pages of chicken scratch to find a clean slate. They all but threw themselves to the nearest flat surface and buried themselves into the pages, poised to write. “I can’t believe you got so close! And a clear, up-close audience to the way it fought other titans…” Hange trailed off dreamily leaning over the reports on Erwin’s desk, glancing over them again. 

“I must be on the next expedition, Erwin, please!” They begged.

Before Erwin could answer Hange’s frantic pleadings, Levi’s bored tone wafted through the air.

“Considering we met it farther out than before, I would assume it's migrating away from us. Let’s hope it got bored of the area and already fucked off. If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll never see it again.” He said, tilting his head in a mock gesture of innocence. 

Hange wailed in distress. “No! Don’t say that, Leviii!”

Erwin hid a smile behind one of his papers and addressed the ruffled scientist while catching the eye of his one, non-bickering squad leader. They both suppressed their laughter. “I have no quarrels with you joining us next time, Hange. It was simply a matter of clashing schedules; we’ll be sure to craft a lineup of our brightest next time out; that includes you. Mike, you’ll be in charge of selecting the candidates. I do believe you have the best judge of character with the recruits. 

“I appreciate that, Erwin.” Mike began to say, ignoring the two’s squabbles. “In my opinion, the thing’s a bit too bright for my comfort. It actually ducked when I went in for the kill -” 

“When you... went in for the what?! ” Hange cried and their head snapped up, nearly throwing their glasses off as they processed the other squad leader’s first words.

“Mike! He is priceless information, why would you ever get rid of a specimen like him!” They chastised, swinging around to face the tall man.

“Listen, shit glasses, when a titan comes barging into the middle of our formation snapping its teeth and throwing its fists around, I think it’s rightful for us to assume it’s a threat and take it down.” Levi said from his chair, face blank and unaffected by Hange’s distress. 

“But -”

“As I was saying, while it was distracted - or at least I thought it was distracted fighting the large class we were originally engaged with - I tried to take it down.” Mike interrupted, for once not keen on listening to a long verbal altercation between the two. “And the damn thing ducked out of my way! I almost met Ymir when I hit the ground. I tried again when it went down just a minute later, but it still blocked me! Its nape was wide open one moment and all of the sudden, its hand was there at the last minute.” He said with a groan, rubbing absentmindedly at his shoulder. “Weird thing is, it never once attacked me, even when I went for its nape. Twice!”

“Ever considered you’re the equivalent of a declawed cat batting at a rabid dog? Probably didn’t even phase it.” Levi snorted as Mike shot daggers at him. 

Hange whipped back around to furiously scribble in their notebook. Levi was surprised charcoal smoke wasn’t appearing from their pencil tip.

“Capable of conducting two different tasks concurrently….” Hange muttered to themselves as their pencil flew across the page. “Aware of weak spots. Avoidance of altercations with humans…”

“Reports of this titan have also stated that its fighting techniques are quite advanced - this is nothing like we’ve ever seen before. It tends to take its opponents to the ground and then goes straight for the nape. In time, it might be in our best interest to ally ourselves with it - let it do all the hard work and give our scouts some rest. The first trial went well enough.” Erwin added, smirking at the end.

Hange’s pencil slowed, and then stilled, the pencil tip resting motionless on the page. The group went quiet for a moment, reminded uneasily of just how strange the titan really was.

No one said it, but they were all thinking it. 

The abnormal titan’s fighting style was eerily human; much too complex. Its hand to hand dexterity nearly put their own training program to shame. 

Levi narrowed his eyes and broke the silence. 

“Don’t be so quick to cozy up to the thing, Smith. For all we know, that titan was reaching for you to try and snag you before the other one could. A quick struggle for a meal and you could have been torn in two had I not been there to pull you away.”

“Ah yes, cautious as always, Captain. Seeing as I am still breathing, I think the charge was a great success.” The commander answered with his signature infuriating smile. 

“Of course you would think that. You nearly got your arm bitten off, you’re lucky it wasn’t worse, you crazy bastard.”

The arm in question was nestled in a padded sling, hiding the nasty, dark bruises circling around his arm and the upper half of the bicep. Even with the wrappings, it was noticeably swollen and the fingers poking out at the end would weakly gesture along with Erwin’s good arm. 

“Exactly. Had our abnormal not interfered, we would be having this chat from the infirmary.” He said good-naturedly. Levi only scowled harder. As much as he blindly trusted the commander, he took risks that had Levi questioning his own sanity.

“ Our abnormal?”

“It does seem to be lingering. Despite your eagerness to believe it had migrated. Three interactions in a row does make me inclined to believe that it has an ulterior motive for seeking us out, yet not attacking and eating us. Dare say we build a relationship with it.”

“Wonderful, next time we go out, I’ll make sure to make a gigantic daisy chain for its gigantic head. Have Hange special order a cape for it and we can all sing along and laugh while it eats us in our sleep.” Levi deadpanned. 

“With how descriptive you are, I would assume you’ve put a lot of thought into making daisy chains with the titan.”

“Tch.”

“Pardon my intrusion on your lover’s quarrel,” Mike butted in, earning a well deserved glare from Levi - payback for the earlier comment - and another soft smile from Erwin, “but we really do need to decide on this thing. Is it a friend? Or foe? And say it is passive enough around us that we can approach - how would we go about communicating and interacting with it?”

“Time will decide that for us, I believe. Until then, see to it that the scouts are informed to not engage with the abnormal until we have more information. If we see it, we keep our distance.” Erwin decided. He turned to Hange. “Section Commander. In the meantime, you and your squad will be in charge of studying the titan from afar -”

Erwin raised a hand when Hange opened their mouth in protest. 

“It is not up to debate. Though we have a tense relationship with it right now and I would like to grow more familiar, I will not risk scouts for the sole purpose of riding directly up to it and testing its temperament. Until you have gathered significant evidence that it is safe to approach, we will be providing a distance between us and it at all possible times. Understood?” 

“Yes, commander!” They nodded fervently.

“And what if it comes up to us?” Levi droned, flicking his gaze between the two. “It’s done it before. Not much will stop a titan of that size if it decided to trot right up to one of our men.”

“Should the titan approach and become violent, I trust you to make the call on neutralizing it, Levi.” Erwin nodded towards the captain. “It does a magnificent job of clearing out other titans so far and we haven’t lost any scouts to it yet. If it is not a threat, I see no point in running it off. Let it come to us. Seems to have worked in the past. Like I said, I am not willing to push boundaries with a 15 meter anytime soon.”  He said, fondly reminiscing on the titan taking on 4 of its own kind. 

At the all clear to do what he did best - within reason this time - Levi gave a relieved nod. He would not let the titan live if it so much as breathed wrong near the scouts. 

“But didn’t you approach it, commander?” Hange questioned. “You said you led four titans to it at the end of the battle with the horde and it didn’t directly attack you.”

Erwin nodded. “It was a split second decision; we were losing too many men. I absolutely got closer than I would have liked, but we were desperate. I made a bet, and it paid off.” He said simply.

“It’s like taming a feral dog, letting it approach us first.” Mike said softly, rubbing his chin as he looked out the window. 

“Let us hope it doesn’t bite the hand that is attempting to feed it.” Levi grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. 

Needing ample time to lick their wounds, the Survey Corps had been confined to the walls for almost 2 months to properly recuperate their supplies and mourn their dead. Funding had also taken a substantial hit when one of their most reliable donors withdrew support after the horde attack. Apparently, the noble man’s daughter had been one of the scouts that perished in the fight. 

As much as Erwin resented this decision, he was still human enough to understand. A selfish part of him wanted the donor to stay in the pool. Still he knew the guilt and grief that would come with continuing to aid the same organization that took his daughter; it was something Erwin would never be able to truly understand. But alas, Erwin was a man that lusted after freedom and funds were what kept those gates open and pulleys moving.

Indeed, there was a special place in hell for him when he eventually fell. Perhaps his soul would sink right down into those miserable depths from where his corpse landed. 

The commander longed to venture out past the walls again. As terrifying and dangerous as it was, those same reasons made it all the more exhilarating. His riding boots were beckoning him every time he looked at them, well oiled and ready at a moment’s notice. Courtesy of Levi of course. 

To make the conscious effort every morning to choose his stiff military-issued boots instead killed him on the inside. 

It wasn’t like he would be leading any expeditions any time soon. He’d be out for at least another month, at best. He was still having trouble with the more physically challenging tasks as his right arm was still out of commission. Not the best situation to hop on his horse and jostle his healing arm around for a day. 

He wasn’t the only one going stir crazy from postponing their next mission; plenty of the older scouts were as well. They were used to their almost monthly escapades beyond the walls and they had been spoiled this past half year. Denial of privileges was difficult to get used to again. 

His restlessness was nothing compared to the wreck that Hange was. 

The zealous scientist was nearly bursting at the seams at the prospect of studying a rare abnormal. Dangling that promise in front of them for so long without anything to show for it was nearly cruel, but Erwin was not the one calling the shots in this situation.

By the time the air was bitingly cold and the ground grew hard, they were practically driving all the scouts, old and new, up the wall with their impatience. Erwin was no exception; subjected to countless visits to his personal office at odd hours and endless torrents of chattering about titans. Though he suspected the latter wouldn’t subside even with a trip outside the walls. That was a permanent part of his dear friend’s personality, no matter how excessive it could get. 

The commander pitied the scientist’s partner. 

Perhaps Moblit was in need of a substantial pay raise. The few sightings he’d seen of the poor man recently had made it clear that he was taking the brunt of the scientist’s enthusiasm. He shuddered to think how Hange would be if they were not methodically distracted and redirected by the calmer man. 

As he watched from the window of his office, he spotted said scientist chasing after Levi, who was stomping away to the stables with a purpose. Hange’s hands were flapping around wildly as they looked to be deep in the middle of another rant, not taking the captain’s hint and trailing behind like a duckling to its mother. 

Erwin half expected this to be Mike’s doing. Probably meddling around for some form of entertainment by unleashing one of Hange’s lectures on their less than enthusiastic captain. 

He wasn’t one to complain though; Levi’s expressions were borderline murderous, and it was rather amusing to watch the spectacle from afar. 

Bless the walls for Moblit, though, who appeared seemingly from thin air. Firmly planting himself between the two higher officers, he intercepted the advancing scientist to pull all of the exhausting attention on himself before tugging Hange back the way they came what looked like seconds before Levi’s patience was finally going to snap. 

Moblit’s noble sacrifice appeared to be in vain as some rowdy scouts chose that exact moment to begin brawling and bickering just on the edge of Erwin’s limited vision from the window. Levi was gone in a flash, and the commander was certain there’d be some new faces in the infirmary shortly. He sighed heavily and dropped his head.

Absentmindedly, he rubbed at his aching arm, trying to soothe the dull pain. Turning back to his desk, he was reminded of the mountains of letters he still needed to send out, all seeking evidence of his penmanship. 

Sina, did they ever need to leave the walls. And soon. 

It was thankfully only another painfully slow month before Erwin received his first piece of good news in a while.

He had rifled through the mess of papers and reports on his desk one morning, barely paying attention when a distinctly formal letter had caught his eye. Upon opening it and reading the content’s a triumphant smile had curled to life on the commander’s face.

A wealthy merchant from the inner wall had granted the funds and supplies to endure another trip beyond the walls. Erwin knew this was not out of the goodness of this merchant’s heart though; it was most likely that his company was running low on stock and needed the corps to get a move-on again so the inner cities economies didn’t take a hit. 

That was their branch’s side purpose, to be fair. Not only were they the “suicidal bastards” that ventured beyond the walls, looking for answers and trying to slay as many titans as physically possible, but they were also the walls' only other options at obtaining rarer goods. 

Needed a shipment of honey and the local beekeepers were charging too much? Fund the next expedition and you get what you want for a cheaper price… and the death of the scouts from that expedition on your conscience. But, hey, business was business in any world. 

One of their trades they had the highest demand for was always meat. If the survey corps could spare the time to set traps or even hunt hands-on, the payout was spectacular. Farming land was scarce inside the walls, and even more so for livestock. Bringing in meat from the outside was a saving grace for the poorer districts and also the profits fed directly back into the Survey Corps reserves. A risky occupation, but worth it in terms of finances. 

So, with their shiny new funding and crude shopping list, the Survey Corps was back outside the walls in the middle of a miserably cold night, with only the moonlight and the glow of their lanterns as their guide. 

Everything went relatively smooth that first night as always - the Survey Corps always took advantage of the titan’s sleep schedule to make it past the dense layer of titans that encircled their home. Their path was well known at this point, well-trodden and familiar from years of use. No holes for their horses to trip over or hungry titans to swoop in for a meal. 

Once they made it to a respectable alcove, they stopped for a rest with plenty of lookouts. The sun rose and with it, the titans. Keeping in the trees while they caught their breath, they thankfully only encountered a few smaller ones once they set back out. It appeared to be a good day for an expedition, as the number of titans stayed low and their losses were at levels they could still advance with. 

They all remained on their toes, despite the positive outlook. Just because the first day went well, didn’t mean there wouldn’t be hell in the future. Out in the wilderness, everything could change in an instant.

Traps were laid in the forest for bigger game like deer and smaller ones in the plains for rabbits and other small prey. Teams were divided to do hands-on hunting, a rather rare skill a few of the older scouts possessed. The newer recruits were ushered off with Hange to be shown the ropes on fishing in one of the nearby rivers. The squad leader had actually designed the water traps themselves, so it was customary that they induct the knowledge into the recruits. 

Few smoke flares were sent up throughout their separated tasks, more out of request for assistance than anything too serious. Thankfully, no black flares were spotted on the horizon. That alone made breathing a little easier for the higher officers - Hange being the exception. They may or may not have been sulking all morning and afternoon.  

It was an order driven into every scout's head at this point: If you see the 15 meter abnormal with mis-matched eyes, you do not approach it. Find the nearest high-ranking officer for further instructions if you do. 

Luckily for the jumpy scouts, the titan never made an appearance and they were left to hunt and gather in relative peace. As much peace as you could be in when you were in the middle of titan-infested territory. 

It was something that was grating at Levi’s nerves all day. 

There were so few titans milling about that it was actually creepy. Sure, there were a few here and there, but they didn’t come in waves like they used to, with an onslaught they could barely keep up with. Their haul so far was probably the best they’d ever done before, no doubt from the fact that they were actually getting time dedicated to the task at hand and not fighting off man-eating monsters instead. 

Levi was suspicious, and while his face remained blank and his hands never faltered from where they were securing a trap in one of open fields, Erwin and Mike picked up on his unease without trouble. 

“What’s on your mind, Levi?” The commander prompted, appearing at the captain’s side. 

Without looking up, the shorter man muttered, “It’s too quiet and you know it. Something’s off.”

Erwin gave a noncommittal hum and took in the horizon, as if he could see the source of the heavy feeling in the air. 

Mike trotted up to the pair on his horse and slid off to stand next to Erwin. “The air out here always reeks of titans anyways, but nothing new… so far. Wind’s pretty still, so who knows what’s really out there” he said, narrowing his eyes to join Erwin on lookout. 

Erwin didn’t mention that he could also feel the prickling sensation on the back of his neck, no matter how he was turned. Invisible eyes had seemed to stay trained on the Survey Corps the whole day. Not wanting to further ruffle his subordinate's feathers, the commander kept the thoughts to himself. It was unnerving enough to him, and the fact that Levi was getting antsy was evidence enough that the younger scouts, hell, probably even some of the older ones, would piss themselves in fear if it was announced that they were possibly being watched. By a titan, no less. 

Pressing his mouth into a thin line, Erwin left Mike and Levi alone to seek out Hange by the river. 

When he did manage to pick them out of the many bodies wading ankle-deep on the shores, the squad leader was positively soaked and laughing a hearty laugh with some of their “totally-not-favorites, that would be unprofessional” scouts. 

At the sight of their commander, Hange jumped up onto the bank and rushed over, still dripping clear water and grinning like a mad man.

“Erwin! Great news! This batch of scouts are naturals with the water traps.” They bragged.

He bowed his head in acknowledgement. “Thank you, Section Commander. Since they appear to be capable, would you walk with me for a moment? I believe what we’ve been looking for has found us.” He said. 

Immediately, Hange sobered up, nodding. “Of course, Commander.” They replied. 

The pair silently walked off a little way, not getting too far from the young group of scouts just in case, but far enough away that they wouldn’t be overheard. 

Erwin turned to face Hange when they were safe. “Do you feel it too?” The scientist beat him to it.

“Yes, and so have Mike and Levi.” He said, nodding. “It’s somewhere, watching us. Mike is unable to track it though since the wind is still. When the hunting group in the forest comes back, take your pick and try to ride around and see if you can’t pinpoint it. Remember, don’t get close, just see if you can determine where it is. Give us some peace of mind and gets you some notes, hm?”

“Can do, Commander.” Hange replied with a fresh grin, amped up at the thought of the titan. “We’ll do our best to locate it.” 

“Come back before sundown, if you can.” 

They finished with a casual salute and the pair parted ways.

Most of the day had bled away, but based on the abnormal’s past behavior, this wouldn’t prove to stop it any time soon. 

As the day wound down and the sky took on vibrant shades with the setting sun, the scouts began to make camp for the night. In the past 48 hours, they’d had little more than the short dozes they could spare while in titan country, leaving them all bone-tired and eager for a long night's rest. 

Hange was still out with their “scouting party”. Erwin wasn’t particularly worried, they had time left before he’d send someone after them. Several roaring fires were configured and some of the day’s catch was sacrificed into the scout’s meal. Normally, Erwin wouldn’t allow them to eat what they intended to trade, but with such a good haul, he figured they could afford to splurge just this once. 

Idle chatter accompanied the chilly breeze. All the scouts were pressed up against one another along the outskirts of the fire, warmed by the flames and company with their bellies pleasantly full for the rare occasion. Tea was put on and served piping hot to ward off the cold air. Lazily, stories were swapped and gear was cleaned as they prepared for a quiet night. With the titans once more asleep, they could rest easy knowing they wouldn't be snatched up in the middle of the night.

It was pleasant, camping out in the woods even with the bitter chill. This was probably going to be one of the last few expeditions of the season before they were kept in due to snow. They all took the time to appreciate these precious breaths of clear, fresh air before they’d be cooped up for the winter.

There was just something about being out in the woods knowing there were no walls keeping them in. They could truly go anywhere right now, and that promise alone was what kept the recruits coming in. No matter the shortened life of a scout; they “lived” far more than any soldier of the other branches, and most certainly more than the average citizen. Each day they ventured past the walls was a blessing, and the titans a humbling end. 

Hange’s small party returned shortly before Erwin was about to send Levi out to recall them. Relieved to find the whole squad intact, the arriving scouts were fed and allowed to bed down, while Erwin pulled his second in command aside. Hange looked a little disappointed and confirmed what Erwin had expected - there was no sight of the abnormal titan. 

It was strange. It was absolutely in the area; they could feel it. There weren’t many places for a massive 15 meter to hide, so it was most definitely tracking them somehow and avoiding them. And that brought on a whole new slew of questions. This titan was cunning, almost creepily close to human levels of intelligence. Hange made sure to talk both Erwin and Levi’s ear off about all of their theories once they had plopped down on a warm bed roll with a mug of tea clasped between their hands. 

Levi said nothing while the scientist chattered on and on, hardly hearing half of it. Eyes trained on the fire as the flames danced and crackled, he allowed his mind to drift aimlessly. 

Soon, the majority of the camp had turned in for the night and Erwin and Hange retired to their respective tents. Left to brood through his own thoughts, he listened to the sounds of the woods and the singing of crickets. The smell of smoke and herbal tea in the air with the warmth of the fire on his face and a thick cloak on his back. 

Not feeling tired in the slightest, half from his insomnia and half from the unease of knowing the abnormal could still walk after sunset, Levi concluded he wouldn’t be sleeping much that night. 

Suddenly, one of the scouts popped her head up from where she was laying not too far from Levi. “I heard something!” She cried, whipping her head around to stare at the tree line. “It sounded like footsteps.” She whispered to her friends lying beside her. 

“It’s nothing, Sasha. Probably just someone going to take a leak, go to sleep.” Groaned one of her friends from where they were buried beneath a layer of blankets. It sounded like Kirstein; the scout he’d taken a report from in the first encounter with the abnormal.

Sasha seemed to protest, but a scout with a buzz cut propped themselves up and swatted her across the head with their makeshift pillow, grumbling at her to either sleep or move to a new cluster. 

Reluctantly, Sasha sunk back down onto her roll and went quiet.

Levi strained his own ears, but didn’t hear anything. Even pressing his palms to the forest floor gave nothing away. No slight tremors to be felt; something he was sure such a large titan was bound to give off. 

However, the longer he sat there, trying to forget the scouts warning, the more certain he became that the abnormal must be close by. Getting to his feet silently and snagging a lantern, he effortlessly picked his way through the sea of sleeping bodies to the edge of the campgrounds, eyes straining as he took in the dark. 

Still equipped with ODM gear, he hooked his lantern to his belt and took to the trees, silent as a shadow. Over the sound of the wind in his ears, he picked up on a soft, squelching noise off to the right. Preparing himself for the worst, he immediately changed course and zipped off, fully expecting to have to slice the beast down as it feasted on one of their guards. His heart thumped loudly in his chest. Hange and Erwin would be crestfallen, but they would understand in time. 

He was only doing his duty to protect the scouts. Erwin had given him the order. And Mike…

Mike was on guard duty. He should have smelled the titan, should have been able to warn them in time… 

His heart beat that much faster as he imagined the worst.

He hadn’t heard any screams or struggling though, and that made it all the more necessary to find it before it caught anymore of their scouts off guard. Given what he was looking for, it didn’t take him long to hunt down the huge frame of the strange abnormal shifting through the trees, not far from the camp, but noticeably far from where any guards were posted. 

Barely illuminated by some moonlight dappling through the canopy, a familiar, towering form of a certain 15-meter titan stood with its back to Levi. Even though it was turned and he couldn’t see those striking, mis-matched eyes, it wasn’t hard to use his context clues to know that this was their abnormal they’d been keeping an eye out for this whole time. And now the bastard had just appeared like it always seemed to do.

One of the next things he took in about the titan was that it was not, in fact, holding the body of a dead scout, but the limp corpse of a deer. 

That was… unexpected. 

He watched in bewilderment as the titan observed the tree in front of it, completely oblivious of the human’s eyes boring a hole into its back. 

He should kill it while it was distracted. 

Its nape was wide open. One cut and he could put a stop to this building, looming threat before it ever got the chance to turn on them.

It would be easy and no one back at camp would hear a thing. They would head back to the walls tomorrow and this titan would fade to nothing but a memory. 

They wouldn’t have to worry about it getting too comfortable with humans or getting their feelings hurt when it turned on them right when they finally trusted it. 

He could end this before it got to the camp. All the sleeping scouts would be a buffet laid out, wrapped up in warmth and ready for the taking.

He had every opportunity to kill it. All the reasons to do it. 

So why was he still sitting here watching it? 

His thoughts came to a screeching halt when the titan seemed to find the tree to its liking and raised the deer corpse in one hand to swiftly impale it on a bare, sturdy branch. The disgusting sound of flesh giving way and the glide of unforgiving wood through a pliant body filled his ears. 

The fuck?

Confusion swamped Levi’s head. He’d most definitely never heard of a titan doing that before. 

To his disgust, he watched the titan bring up a raggedy nail and slice open the soft belly of the deer, letting the entrails hang out in a grotesque array of ropey innards and thick blood to spill to the forest floor. 

Baffled at what he was seeing, all thoughts of engaging the titan flew from his head when the thing bent down and gathered up more deer carcasses from the forest floor that he hadn’t noticed earlier and began to move on. 

It’s just going to leave the deer? What was the point of catching and killing it if it didn’t eat it? Why go through the trouble of gutting it?

Hundreds of thoughts and questions flew through his mind. 

Walls, he was turning into Hange.

The titan shuffled off silently towards the right, like it was making a wide birth of a circle around their campground. Not once did it turn around to look in the direction of the humans, only focused at pinning up deer around its freakish perimeter. 

Curiosity spiking, Levi stayed put as he watched the titan go. Deciding to check up on a growing theory, Levi took off to the left, grappling along the line of trees until he found what he was looking for. 

Another deer corpse, this one with antlers, was stuck amongst the branches in a similar fashion maybe a few meters away from the one he’d just witnessed get gutted. This one was gutted too, the blood almost done flowing. Something told him he’d find more if he continued down the line. Satisfied with his current discovery, he decided to find the titan again to see where it went with this strange ritual. 

Tracking it down again was no trouble. All he had to do was follow the morbid trail of animal carcasses strewn in the trees. 

Repositioning himself behind the trunk of a nearby tree, he resumed his silent watch. So maybe he wouldn’t kill it right this very second, but it was definitely still on the table for the future. For now, he’d keep an eye on it. Maybe see if it could move all night. Hange would be pleased to add that information to their little book. It wasn’t like he’d be getting any sleep back at camp anyway. 

If it had been any closer, Levi might have cut out its nape without question, but the strange thing seemed to know just how close to push without getting on the captain’s bad side.

Lucky brat. He thought. 

He shadowed it as it adorned the surrounding trees with more and more gory sights. Eventually, the titan’s hands ran empty and it paused when the final carcass had spilled its guts to the forest floor.

Levi realized that they had made a complete, perfect circle around the camp. He couldn’t decide if he should be thoroughly creeped out or fascinated at the fact.

The titan stepped back, as if to admire its work. Suddenly, it tipped its head up into the hair and drew in an audible, deep breath. For some reason, Levi’s blood automatically ran cold and in a split second, drew his cloak tightly around his body, obscuring any glow of his lantern and pressing himself as close as he could to the trunk of the tree. 

The ugly bastard whipped around with a soft grumble, gaze taking over the tree line. Levi scarcely dared to breathe as the titan scrutinized every detail of its surroundings, half turning its body one way and another, sniffing at the air. Beads of sweat built up on Levi’s brow and he tried his best to calm his racing heart. 

He swore the titan could smell him. 

If that was the case, this changed everything. This could be a turning point, not only for the scouts, but for humanity. But he needed to survive this encounter if he was ever going to pass on this theory to Hange. 

It was true, this titan had never been violent with the scouts before, but they’d always met it in groups. Multiple pairs of eyes on it. Witnesses. Levi right now? He was all alone out here in the middle of the woods with it. Would its behavior change once it realized no one was there to watch its “passive” charade? It could drop the act and go full titan and no one would be any wiser to its true nature. 

Sure, Levi could fight back or yell, alerting the guards that something was wrong, but no one knew exactly where he was. By the time anyone figured it out and reached them, he’d be dissolving in this beast’s gut. 

Levi was many things, but a liar was not one of them. And truth be told, Humanity’s Strongest was a bit uneasy right now, but not quite all-out afraid. He’d killed hundreds of titans, and his fair share of men. But those titans were so indescribably different from what stood in front of him right now. Something told him that it would not be like the other times. 

Because this titan defied almost all expectations they had for the monstrous beings that hunted humanity. 

Titans didn’t think . They weren’t intelligent. They didn’t avoid being seen or toy with their prey for days or weeks. They rushed in and took what they desired in only a moment. They were ravenous and dangerous. They didn’t walk away from humans. Didn’t fight one another. They didn’t rip each other’s napes out while a perfectly alive and warm human sat helpless in front of them. 

And they most certainly did not protect their napes like this one did. 

So the scouts’ strongest soldier only pressed himself as close as he could to the tree, bark biting into his cheek as he hid like a coward. All he knew was that he’d directly disobeyed Erwin’s order and now he was winning his stupid prize. 

This wasn’t what he’d had planned. Hadn’t meant to get caught. He’d half-convinced himself that he was only bending Erwin’s rule. He hadn’t exactly gone right up to it, right? He’d only tracked it from afar. 

Ok, ok, so maybe he had gotten too close, he fucking understood that now. What was done was done, and his only hope now was that it didn’t look too long at the tree he was currently trying to merge with through sheer will. 

Sina only knew what would happen to him if he was found out. 

With no way to tell how much time had passed, Levi felt like he’d been pressed up against the tree for hours. Realistically, it was probably only a minute at the longest, but the stress of the situation wasn’t easing up and a trickle of sweat ran down his neck and collected in the nape of his cloak. 

Finally, he heard the beast finally shift. Cold fear went up his spine, but it soon dissipated when he heard the footsteps fade. 

Daring to peek out from his hiding spot, he could barely make out its retreating form through the woods. 

It had left. 

It had smelled him, probably knew exactly where he was… and it had left. 

Levi sagged against the tree in relief, arms clutching the tree in a strange woodsy hug as he caught his breath and brought his heart rate back to a level that didn’t feel like he was dying. 

Alright, he yielded. Erwin was smarter than he’d given him credit for. Being in close proximity, not to mention alone, with the abnormal was terrifying and a bad idea. He got it. Noted for further reference. 

Chapter Text

  Scouts POV - Levi

Levi cursed many things on his way back to camp. 

Cursed his stupid decision to leave the warmth of the camp and go ODMing in the freezing forest with nothing more than his cloak and a shitty lantern. 

Cursed the way the nape of said cloak was frigid from his sweat.

Cursed the shitty titan for existing .

Cursed Hange for pleading so damn hard to study it.

And cursed Erwin in advance because he knew that bastard would find some way to be smug when Levi gave his recount. 

But most of all? He cursed himself. 

For getting scared. 

He was Humanity’s Strongest and he’d practically froze up like a cadet on their first expedition. Logically, he knew that encountering a humongous, possibly sentient titan alone in the forest while it methodically enacted a mass butcher was reason enough, he was still pissed about it. Next time he encountered the little shit, he’d be ready. It probably couldn’t do anything worse than that. 

Walls, he wasn’t even sure that had actually just happened . But, even when the titan was long gone, its little decorating gig was still adorning the trees, so unfortunately, it very much did happen.

It’s still a titan. Intelligent or not, I can handle it. They all have the same weak spots . He reassured himself.

While he was out there, might as well check in on the guards, he figured. Altering his course, he silently made his way to Mike’s post. Maybe he’d seen something. Or just needed a friend. Night watch could get boring. And fuck it, Levi could use some company right now. 

So, he gracefully landed on the tree adjacent to where Mike was propped up for the night. While he’d barely gave any indication of his presence, Mike glanced over when he settled down on his branch.

“Couldn’t sleep, Captain?” He mused.

“Course not. Especially out here with that thing hanging around. Someone’s got to keep the scouts safe at night.” Levi responded, half-heartedly jeering. 

“Ouch,” Mike snorted, “not even a little bit of faith in me?” 

Levi pursed his lips, debating if he should share about the abnormal getting so close to camp. It was gone now. Not like they could do anything about it now, he supposed. His train of thought was interrupted when Mike suddenly spoke again.

“This place reeks, you know; almost made me sound the alarm. Can you smell it? The smell of death in the air? Crept in about an hour ago and there’s no wind to blow it out. I sent a guard back to check camp, but everyone was accounted for.” His friend said in a disturbed tone, focusing his gaze back on the trees.

“Nope, it’s just you, you damn bloodhound.” Levi replied easily. “When I head back into camp, I’ll check the wagons and make sure Norris and Yang aren’t uncovered. Could be them. Poor souls.” 

Mike nodded. “Could be. If it is them, then the rest of this expedition will be awful. I would have thought the cold air would slow the decomposition.” He muttered before rolling his shoulders. “I appreciate the extra eyes though, really. Some of the other men have been uneasy tonight.”

He grunted in response. “Need me to grab you anything while I’m back in camp?”

“No, I should be fine for now. Rotation will be here before you know it. If you don’t plan on sleeping tonight, just make sure Springer gets his damn ass up on time.” The tall man said.

Levi got up to go. “Can do. See you in the morning, Mike.” Jumping off the branch, he was once more in the air.

When the glow of the campfires grew into view, he felt himself relax a bit. Seeing the scouts sleeping safely and undisturbed did wonders for the nerves. 

Though he knew the real reason Mike and the watchmen were uneasy, he still decided to check up on the two scouts like he’d promised. Making his way towards the far end of camp, away from the horses and sleeping scouts, the wagon containing the two sole corpses they’d managed to retrieve was a silent, somber sight. They’d lost another today, but he’d gone down the titan’s gullet. There was no body left to get. 

As he figured, the wagon was tightly sealed with a tarp and undisturbed. Even if there wasn’t an odor he could detect, there was still a lingering ominous feeling next to the cart. A certain, primal understanding that death lay under that innocent covering. 

Levi had seen his fair share of gore and corpses. But… it never got any easier. Gaze indifferent on the outside, he observed the ambiguous outline of humanoid shapes. Could pick out a boot here, maybe the protrusion of a nose there. On the inside, it hurt all the same. Giving them a respectful salute, he left them in peace.

And that hurt lingered well after he’d settled back onto his bedroll to resume his vigil over the fire. Sunrise was a few hours off and he’d have to make sure the Springer kid was up soon. The crickets carried on in the background.

~

Early the next morning, the camp rang with screaming. On his feet in an instant and followed by many disoriented, sleepy scouts, Levi took off. It wasn’t quite sunrise, but it wasn’t pitch black like it was last night. The titans shouldn’t be up until the sun broke the horizon. 

Jolting slightly in realization, he realized that someone must have encountered the grisly tree décor. And sure enough, the half awake, rag-tag band of scouts soon found the scout from the night before - Sasha - at the base of one such trees. In the growing light, it was so much easier to take in the hideous image of a doe twisted among the branches, neck bent at an odd angle and its innards dangling from its split torso. Having seen this last night, he didn’t have as bad of a reaction as some of the other scouts crowding around. 

Gasps of horror and fearful muttering spread through them in waves, hushed tones confirming that the person beside them was seeing it too. Sasha was stuck between expressions herself, possibly from the shock of stumbling across such a discovery in the dawn.

Throwing out some orders, Levi tried to corral the spooked scouts back in line. Dividing the crowd into teams, he assigned the present members of his squad as the leaders. Petra to check the guards and Gunter to investigate the perimeter of the camp. He already knew what they’d find, but it got them out of his hair for a while and letting them see for themselves was easier than explaining the weird events of last night. 

It appeared that he was going to have to explain anyways, though. 

Drawn to the commotion, the large form of Erwin appeared at his side with Hange in tow. The overly excited scientist was practically vibrating with the sheer amount of questions they had, already frantically scribbling down in their notebook. Erwin couldn’t seem to decide if he was intrigued or disgusted as he gazed up at the rather sinister sight. 

There was a pause before the commander's eyes slid to the side to meet Levi’s. 

“You don’t seem too surprised, Captain.” He mentioned. “Wouldn’t happen to know anything about this, would you?”

Levi scowled up into the tree, giving the dead doe a withering look. “Maybe.” Was all he said.

“Was it him?! Did you see him last night!” Hange prodded, a manic smile stretching their face. They looked all too much like an excited dog that had cornered a snarling cat, oblivious and ready to play. 

“Maybe.” Levi repeated flatly, uninterested in Hange’s shenanigans so early in the morning. 

“Levi!” Erwin scolded. “Help us out.”

“Alright, fine. Big and ugly came through after the scouts turned in for the night. Poked a deer on every few trees or so. No clue why. I just did as you said and made sure it wasn’t a threat. Surprise, it left.” He retold with as little interest as he could muster. Pointedly leaving out his original motives for tailing the creature, their parting interaction, and especially the fear that had paralyzed him.

“That’s no fair!” Hange whined in his ear. “I spent all day looking for him and got nothing. You don’t even like him and you’ve seen him twice!” They draped themselves over the grumpy captain’s shoulders and threw a dramatic huff in for extra sympathy. 

“Maybe he knows you’re crazy and has good-sense to give you a five mile berth at all times.” He snapped back.

“You said he! Ha!” They crowed, triumphant. 

Levi rolled his eyes in response. “Slip of the tongue, shit glasses.”

He was tempted to swat at them like a summer mosquito, but decided to lazily flap a hand in their direction instead, turning his nose up in disgust at the display. Undeterred, the scientist hung on and wallowed in self-pity. Erwin frowned at the deer again and began making his way down the tree line, heading in the direction Gunter's team went. 

Peeling himself from Hange’s grip wasn’t difficult and Levi dutifully went off after Erwin. 

“Are you sure it left? This almost looks like a threat…” Erwin commented when Levi caught up.

“Positive. I watched it walk away. As for a threat…” The terrifying and strange hide-and-seek moment from the last night replayed in his head. “... I can’t tell. It didn’t attack me or any of our scouts. Maybe we’re just in its hunting grounds?”

Erwin hummed, massive eyebrows furrowing in thought. “We’ve established titans don’t eat anything but humans though.”

They stopped when they got to the next speared deer.

“It’s not a threat, or a way to store a kill.”

Erwin and Levi started a bit at the sound of a new voice. Turning slightly from where they stood, Moblit walked the rest of the way to stand beside them. 

Hange was seen off inspecting the ground just in earshot behind their assistant, looking for footprints. Unfortunately for them, the ground seemed too frozen to turn up much.

“Care to elaborate?” Erwin prompted. 

Moblit jerked his chin at the tree. “Like you said, titans don’t hunt anything besides humans. If they did, this one probably wouldn’t go through the trouble of hanging its catch in the trees. It would just eat them whole and most likely alive like they would a human. Wouldn’t you think?” 

Erwin narrowed his eyes. “That leaves a threat then.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Hange and I don’t see this as a display of aggression or territorial behavior. There has to be something else we’re missing here.” Moblit replied.

Levi grimaced at the last part. Now would probably be a good time to bring up his theory. 

Erwin, the bastard, took notice of Levi’s uncomfortableness. The man was too observant for his own good.

“Something to add, Levi?” He prodded.

Levi mulled it over in his head. It wasn’t stupid, right? This was a justifiable assumption. It only made titans that much worse if it was proven true. 

“Last night… I did have a slight encounter with the abnormal when I followed it.” He grit out.

“Levi! What did I say about approaching it!” Erwin scolded.

“Alright, so maybe I got too close, can’t do anything about it now. The weird thing is that we never met face to face.” He paused, swallowing hard. Hange had abandoned their search and was quietly standing at Moblit’s side, for once not interrupting. 

“I was careful to stay out of sight and I didn’t make any sound above my ODM gear deploying. And still, when I was watching it from behind a tree… it smelled the air. I hid, but I know for a fact that thing was looking right at me. I swear to you Erwin, it could smell me.”

The group exchanged uncomfortable glances. 

“Oh…” Was all Hange seemed to say.

Erwin looked disturbed. Moblit seemed to accept it, most likely pushing the pieces into place for himself. 

“That would make sense, I guess.” The scout murmured.  

Levi suddenly remembered his conversation with Mike. 

“There’s more I think I need to add.” Levi started. “Mike should have been able to smell that titan if it got so close to camp, but he never sounded the alarm. I went and talked to him last night and he said the forest smelled bad. I believe his words were, ‘smell of death in the air’.”

Hange gasped at the revelation, slamming their fist into their palm. “The deer are a scent cover! That’s it!”

Moblit made a contemplative face and nodded in agreement.

“So the abnormal is smart enough to know we have an individual in our ranks who can pick up its scent and on top of that, knows how to mask its own scent?” Erwin questioned. Levi’s thin brows drew together as he imagined it too. If the abnormal was that smart, they were doomed. 

“No, no, no, I think you got it all wrong commander.” Hange soothed. “He’s not covering his scent; he’s covering our scent.”

“It’s on par with all of the reports. It seems he just wants to help, ser.” Moblit backed them up. 

“Oh, nice. So the titan is just telling us we stink?” Levi said with a roll of his eyes. 

The twinkle in Erwin’s eye returned.

Gunter’s team had located all of the suspended deer carcasses and removed them. Meat was meat and the additional pounds would pull a pretty penny for the Corps’ funds when they got back to Wall Maria. Even if it “had titan stench on it”, as Mike put it. The tall man had scrunched his nose in disgust when it was loaded into the wagons. The average person back in the walls wouldn’t detect anything wrong with it when the meat was all butchered and cleaned.  

They had to get packed up and on the road soon, morning light had already come with the delay and they were nowhere near ready to leave. Camp was hastily broken down and the scouts were on horseback in record time. It was noted between the superiors that no titans had made an appearance since dawn broke, giving some support to Hange and Moblit’s theory. 

Their ride out of the forest was just as clear. Once out on the plains, the lookout for the abnormal titan resumed and proved to be just as futile. Unease built again as the invisible eyes fell hard on the backs of the scouts, always out of sight, but never out of mind.

Not finding many titans to interact with in general, they were nearing the walls ahead of schedule. So ahead of schedule that it was dangerous, in fact. 

Normally, the scouts would have to take detours to avoid large clumps or endure ambushes by hordes, meaning they had anticipated on getting back to Wall Maria at sundown. Usually, they would hang on the edges until the condensed ring of titans dropped with the sun. With no roadblocks, they were a generous distance away from the titan ring by midday. It would be a suicide charge to go for the walls now not only because of the active titans, but because the Garrison wasn’t expecting them for a few more hours. 

When making the dash for the lifts, every second was precious. They couldn’t risk the Garrison not noticing them coming in or even activating the pulleys too late. Erwin wasn’t a fool; he knew the drinking habits of the soldiers under a man like Dot Pixis. He highly doubted any of the stationed guards were sober enough to even spot a flare on the horizon, much less release the pulley system while simultaneously picking off charging titans with the wall cannons. 

So, instead of twiddling their thumbs while they waited on the sun, Erwin sent his scouts to work. Extra time to forage through the forests. A poorly veiled distraction that many of the older scouts picked up on, but didn’t pry further into for the sake of keeping the nerves of the lesser experienced scouts under control. The last thing they needed was a bunch of panicking youngsters that had realized they were stuck outside the walls. 

Levi had discouraged the idea, stating that they shouldn't test their luck near the titan ring, but the concerning twinkle in his commander’s eye had him wondering if that was what Erwin wanted - he decided he didn’t like that one bit. 

And it didn’t take long at all for trouble to make itself known. Even if the titans hadn’t bothered them all day, they had been playing with fire sticking so close to the ring, and it seemed they were finally getting burned. 

Cries of fear and pain were coming from one of the out skirting fonds of trees. Levi had taken up watch on the outside, making sure nothing snuck up from the plains and went in. There should have been guards in the trees to make sure none from the ring went deeper into the forest, but it seemed they either weren’t paying attention, or were out of commission. Permanently. If you catch his drift. Cursing, he kicked his horse into motion, taking off in the direction of the screams. 

A few scouts came barreling out into the plains on horseback, both their mounts and themselves heaving for breath. They didn’t stop once they broke free and Levi waved them on to regroup a ways away. Closely after them, two younger scouts swung themselves out into the open, desperate to escape the trees. Unfortunately for that decision, that meant no more leverage to utilize their ODM gear. In the open plains, there was nothing to latch on to. The two young scouts tumbled from the air and hit the ground hard. Sasha and the buzz cut kid if his keen eyes weren’t deceiving him. 

Two titans came tripping out of the foliage after them, eyes alight in greedy hunger, mouths open in twisted, snarling grins. Even with Levi going full speed towards them, he knew he wouldn’t make it in time. 

Suddenly, Gunter was there, appearing to have taken up the rear to try and pick off the titans as the others fled. Spotting the two stranded scouts, he swung with an extra kick of gas to overtake the titans and land in front of them.

Gunter landed much more gracefully, catching his fall on both feet before pivoting in one swift movement to face the trees. His cloak swishing out behind him and blades at the ready, but an utterly hopeless expression on his face. Levi felt his throat tighten. No, not him.

He knew the kind of man Gunter was. He’d lay down his life to buy the time for Levi to rescue the two young scouts behind him. A numb feeling overtook him. Could hear his heart pounding in his ears even as it felt like it had stopped. Lips too numb to shout. 

He was going to have to watch it again. Another person he cared for. Gone. And he couldn’t stop it. 

POV - Gunter

Gunter gave a cry, of bravery or of desperation, he did not know. The ground was shaking, the scouts behind him screaming, and the looming figures of two hideous titans bearing down on him. He didn’t want to die, damnit!

And just then, a terrible screeching pierced the air. Not a moment later, the very 15 meter titan they’d been searching for the entire expedition practically materialized from the trees. 

Furiously snarling, it swatted the larger titan full force, sending it airborne in the captain's direction. The smaller one on Gunter’s right gave a squeak before a massive maw closed around its head with a crunch. 

Dumbfounded, the 4 scouts could only watch as the abnormal straightened to full height, bringing the smaller titan’s limp body with it. Its little body dangling out the side of the abnormal’s mouth. With a toss of the titan’s head and a snap of its jaws, the head and the body separated, leaving the already steaming corpse to tumble back down to earth just as fast as it had risen. 

With eyes as wide as saucers, Gunter watched the impossibly large titan above him take a huge gulp. It completely ignored the 3 trembling scouts in front of it to turn to the remaining titan, which was struggling to its feet and finding its bearings. 

Not wanting to get in the middle of a titan fight, Gunter saw Levi direct his mare out of the way and detour around the posturing beasts. 

The clack of massive, gnashing molars rang out and the abnormal bore down on its smaller opponent. While the smaller titan fought back, it was far from a long fight. More like a jab or two before the abnormal had its nape between its teeth and the steam was billowing over the golden grass. 

And just as soon as it had started, it was over. 

Levi brought his mare to a halt next to the two scouts, firing both a black and purple flare into the air as he did so. While his captain was getting the two young scouts back on their feet, Gunter was still staring after the abnormal, open-mouthed and in total awe. 

“You’ll catch flies like that.” Levi said flatly. Chastising him even after Gunter had proven ready to give his life in battle. Some things never changed. 

Blinking rapidly, he struggled to come back to himself. 

“Did that just happen?” He said, scratching at his sleek black hair. 

Before Levi could respond with a scathing retort, the scout with the buzz cut practically yelled in his ear. 

“That was so cool! That was it, Sasha. That’s the titan that Marco and Armin saw!”

“Oi, settle down kid. You want to draw more attention to yourself?” The captain snapped. 

That made the pair of them fall silent. Fixing his gaze back on the abnormal, he started when he found it staring back at them. With the decomposing titan corpse at its side, it was a sight to behold. Finally getting a proper look at it, face on, both older scouts were able to see just what the reports had meant when they said it looked strange. 

There had never been a titan like it. Rather proportionate compared to the fat and disfigured physique a normal titan possessed. With chin length dark brown hair that was a little wild now that it had gone through a scuffle. A large hooked nose and a staggered jaw of teeth. Long pointed ears that swiveled and turned, giving it an alarmingly expressive appearance.

Most striking however, were its eyes. One brown and one green. Lacking that mindless hunger the smaller two had possessed, this one only looked at the small group of scouts in front of it with a mild curiosity. Its ears pricked up like a cat.  

For just a few heart beats, they all stood there, staring back at it before the massive beast’s ear flicked back and it turned to find the source of whatever had caught its interest. Lumbering off into the tree cover, it was gone without a trace.

Once it disappeared, Gunter was struck by a sudden fact: he hadn’t been scared. Staring down the largest titan documented by mankind in the plains with nothing between the 4 of them but a horse and he’d felt fine. No danger. 

The approaching sound of hoofbeats dragged him from his thoughts as the cavalry arrived. He could only hope this would sate Section Commander Hange’s curiosity for now and they could get the hell inside the walls. 

Eren’s POV - The Day Before the Expedition

The nape of the titan below him succumbed to the pressure as the heel of his foot ground into it and broke into a strong jet of steam. A choking, strangled breath left the monster's mouth before it fell silent and still. Satisfied, he removed his foot from the mess of decomposing flesh and dissolving bone without as much batting an eye. 

Around him, a few titan corpses were well on their way to no longer existing. The titan heaved in a heavy sigh as he was once again left alone. 

Clearing titans had become his only pastime since he’d buried those humans. True to his promise, any titan he came upon, rogue or pack, peaceful or aggressive, he fought them all. If he could kill them now before they ever got the chance to hurt the humans, his humans , the better. Then maybe they’d be safer. 

While the stub of what remained of his right arm slowly regrew, he went on his way, figuring he’d give himself a little bit of time to heal before he went for the next closest group. Dark blood evaporated from his jaws, leaving behind a phantom sensation of it running down his neck.

It wasn’t like he was in any real hurry. The riders hadn’t been outside the walls in what felt like forever, so he didn’t need to worry about stopping an attack. More or less, these were preventative measures. Thinning out the masses of Others so when the humans did decide to dance with fate again, it would be much easier for him to help from afar. 

The only downside was that he was losing track of the days, all blurring together from one titan kill to the next. The changing leaves on the trees and the slow bleed of color from the land was his only calendar. While he liked that the humans weren’t being eaten alive, he missed the passing interactions they had. They made him not feel so alone out here. 

As he walked, he rubbed the back of his neck absentmindedly. In the past few weeks, it felt like it was getting more sensitive and vulnerable. It was infuriatingly uncomfortable. A horrible feeling like something crawling under his skin. He was itchy-but-not. Anytime he scratched at it though, it burned and caused the unpleasant feeling to only grow. 

Unfortunately, it seemed the only way to make it feel better was to do nothing at all. Perhaps he was getting sick? 

He’d seen a few animals that had grown weak with sickness in the undergrowth from time to time. Sickness overcoming their bodies to the point where they barely had the strength to lift their heads when he approached them. They’d drag themselves off to hide away as they passed, but his sensitive nose led him right to them. Sometimes he’d sit and keep them company until they passed if they weren’t distressed by his presence. It was heart achingly similar to the dying girl. 

Was that what was happening to him? 

He had no idea the natural lifespan of a titan. Hell, he couldn’t recall ever having someone to teach him “how to titan”. What he did do just came naturally, on instinct. In fact, he couldn’t remember ever being little. Couldn’t remember anything before the boat. 

But there must have been something before that, right? He wasn’t born yesterday. He knew there were young titans, mostly made up of the juveniles that scratched at the walls. Did any titan remember when they were young? 

The lack of memory infuriated him deep down. Itched at the back of his mind not unlike the itch of his neck. 

Vaguely, he remembered a strange metal structure, but only for a few minutes. Compared to his countless hours and days he spent out in the fields, those brief moments he remembered feasting on humans were more like a dream. Almost as if it didn’t happen. 

It didn’t make sense. But, nothing in his life seemed to make sense. He didn’t make sense; and he was reminded of that with every interaction he had with both titans and humans. The only time he felt right was… well, he couldn’t remember a time he felt like himself in his own skin. 

The rest of his walk provided only a pair of titans. Dispatching the duo was easy work that left him relatively unscathed save for an unforgiving bite to his ear. Figures. His were definitely larger than most of The Others’ ears and he had sort of been asking for it when he attacked a pair like that. If they were traveling together, he could assume they quite liked each other. Shame they had to be man-eating-monsters though, he thought with a roll of his eyes. 

On the horizon, the sun was getting a bit low, making for a good stopping point. He’d done well enough today. At the pace he was going, he was bound to have one of the largest chunks of territory any titan had probably ever possessed. Oops. He hadn’t meant to exactly do that, but killing anything in a few miles radius appeared to do the trick. 

Coming back to the tall forest he’d made home in, ear still smarting but back in business, he settled in for the night. Surprisingly, he was rather tired yet again. He’d been increasingly lethargic the past few days; slow to wake and early to bed. Perhaps he would pass on the stargazing tonight. 

Slipping into sleep with the setting sun, a passing thought ran through his mind.

Skipping the stars? But he loved watching them! Maybe he was getting sick...

Blearily blinking open his eyes, he was greeted with the early morning air and the canopy above his head. He shook his head roughly to ward off the remnants of sleep, ears wiggling in the crisp, cold air. He pulled in a deep breath and released it in a heavy, sleepy sigh, breath poofing out in a cloud of steam in front of him. 

Idly, he basked in the lingering haze of a good night's sleep and stretched his jaw wide for a long, lazy yawn. A full body stretch later and another good shake as he walked, he was at the tree's edge of his forest. It wasn’t often that he woke up this early and he quite enjoyed the pretty view of the waking world. The sky was still a deep blue with an undertone of deep lavender. The sun yet to peer over the horizon, only a shy glow at the edge of the world. Where the sun had not yet touched, the clouds once hidden in the night were kissed with a hazy pink hue. 

Birds in the canopy were starting their day early as well, calling out to each other and sweetly singing the world awake with them. Head tilted back to watch them hop between the branches, he was reminded that it wasn’t all bad being out in the plains. Being a passive observer of the world allowed him to see some beautiful things. 

He should have known that the day was too perfect. 

Should have known that there was a reason for his early rise. 

Because the next thing he knew, the thunderous clop of hooves on the ground told him that his hard work was about to be tested. Narrowing his eyes, he listened intently. Over the birdsong, he could hear the riders making their way over the plains on his left. 

With the sun rising, it was only a matter of time before The Other titans woke to feast. What a day this would be. His first test on his promise to the humans. For the dying girl. For the blonde soldier he had to find. It didn’t matter if he felt ready or not, it was happening. 

He’d gone over his plan day in and day out for the past few months as he awaited their return. He could recite it even when he was asleep. It was simple. 

Stay out of sight. Pick off titans as they come. Keep them safe. 

Closing his eyes one more time, he silently confirmed with himself. 

Keep them safe . 

Opening his eyes, he moved stealthily through the trees in the direction of the hoofbeats. Most of this area was clear, thanks to his previous culling. But, he’d keep an eye out on the outskirts, picking off what stragglers he could without getting too close and spooking them.

Watching over the riders wasn’t a burden, nor was the task of intercepting any mindlessly charging titans that dared to get near them. It was good to see them again, in a way. He watched from afar and stuck to tree cover mostly. When he did have to interfere, he was silent about his kills, not bothering to challenge The Others.  He went straight for their napes as they were drawn to the humans like moths to the moon. 

The humans appeared to be hunting food for themselves. While it surprised him at first, it began to make more sense. That would explain why they were so hell-bent on leaving the safety of the walls. He could have smacked himself in the face at the realization. 

Had he not been the same way? So desperate for food that he followed it to the walls and wanted to find a way past them? 

Although he understood these humans weren’t food, the analogy still stood and he couldn’t help but feel a little dumb. 

Throughout the day, there was only one tragedy he couldn’t prevent. 3 humans had been lost, but compared to the slaughters he’d witnessed before, he felt like maybe he had made a difference. 

The riders ended up wandering into his forest when the day wound down. He found it rather amusing that they were planning on spending the night in his temporary home. 

Reflecting back on his sleeping habits recently, he worried about any gaps in the schedules. What if he didn’t wake up before any of The Others? It would be disastrous if they found the sleeping humans. And it wouldn’t be too difficult to find them. Their scent was strong on the air. The only saving grace for most of the day was the still air and weak breeze that barely carried the scent more than a few feet.

He needed something to mask their smell for a while. Maybe even until the morning. Would pine sap work? Usually the pine forests were pungent and their broken branches fragrant and concealing. 

Idly he ground his teeth in thought. That wouldn’t be strong enough. Especially not with a group of this size. Most titans were used to the smells of the forests and could track a human through the trees. 

His ears drooped when a viable idea popped into his head. He remembered the confusion following the horde attack all those months ago. How the stench of dead humans had almost masked the dying girl's scent. 

Obviously, he wouldn’t dare kill a human, not even to protect the masses, but he had an idea. And it saddened him a bit. The humans had been tracking down some deer earlier. Their itchy, fuzzy scent carried a mock scent of meat. If he killed enough of them, it could trick a passing titan that the human-meat smell was actually deer-meat smell. And the stench of death would camouflage them for the night. 

If he was lucky, the air would stay still and soak the deer scent into their little cloaks. Mask their scent for a while before it wore off. 

He would miss the deer, but it was for a greater good, he supposed. With a pang, he remembered the calm trust of the baby that had curled up by his hand back during the warmer months. He pushed it out of his head; that heard was far back near the coast. The ones close by he’d never gotten around to making friends with. There would be no attachment to them. 

With his mind made up, he went hunting. 

He arrived at the human’s resting point with an arm load of limp deer. It had been painfully easy to locate the large herd. They didn’t view him as a predator, and that mistake had been their last. From their beds in the tall grass, they had blinked up at him as he towered over them, unsuspecting. Limber legs neatly tucked under them in preparation for a long and chilly night. 

Moving too quickly for them to even get their feet under them to run, he’d neatly snapped their necks, hoping it was quick and painless. 

Back in the present, he snuck with delicate foot falls into the pine forest. There was a pungent scent of humans close by - it appeared they hadn’t gone too far in. He narrowly avoided a handful of humans that were in the trees. That was weird, he didn’t take them for tree-dwellers. And these ones were wide awake, unlike the majority that were scattered around patches of fire. 

Taking care to keep out of sight, he moved slowly, doing his best to keep his movements fluid as the shadows and footfalls as light as a leaf skittering along the ground. The best plan of action was to evenly space these deer around them for most effective coverage. 

Inspecting each tree he went by, he checked for sturdy enough branches to hold a full grown deer carcass. They weren’t as heavy as a horse, but they were definitely not as light as the birds. And he didn’t think trees regularly had deer in them, but tonight it would have to do. Pushing the soft bodies onto the protruding woods was enough to get them to stay, but something was missing. 

Taking a deep sniff, he could still pick up the presence of humans in the air, the deer by itself barely doing enough.

Was this all in vain? Did he even have enough deer to cover the area? He frowned, gears working in his head. 

He cocked his head to one side. Maybe this will work?

Bringing a finger to the soft underbelly, he dug his nail into the still-warm skin. Dragging the sharp end down, the belly gave way with a squelch as blood ran from the slit. Jostling the body a little, he successfully got the entrails to spill down the trunk of the tree, letting the bloody aroma fill the air. Much better. 

Having successfully worked out the kinks, he continued on his task, nose full of itchy deer-scent and blood. Making sure to never get in sight of the camp, he picked each tree with a purpose. Falling into a rhythm, he was soon empty handed. Stepping back to admire the last of his work, he had one thing left to check. 

Inhaling deep, he searched for any human scent. So far, he hadn’t been able to pick up on any, but it was best to check anyway. 

His heart stuttered in disappointment and anguish when he detected a human scent, clear as day. He had…. failed. After all that trouble and planning, he couldn’t protect them.

A scrape behind him had his ear twitching back. Whipping around, he narrowed his eyes to strain his eyes in the moonlight, ready to fight off whatever dared get so close to the human’s camp, a soft grumble leaving his throat in warning. He’d be damned if he failed them anymore tonight.

However, the scene before him was completely devoid of any predatory forms. No titans, no woodland animals. Opening his mouth again, he scented the air. Nothing but that strong smell of human. 

Why was it so strong? It was like there was a human right next to him. But, there was no sight of humans anywhere. The scent from the camp wouldn’t be that strong so far out, would it? 

That’s when it clicked. The humans could fly; he’d forgotten about that. And they apparently frequented the trees. He’d been looking at the ground. Lifting his gaze, he scanned the trees in front of him. Still nothing. While he could see well enough at night, there definitely wasn’t anything here. 

Wait….

Squinting his eyes at one particular tree, he sniffed again. 

Oh.

There was definitely a human hiding there. That’s why the scent was so strong. He could only pick up the one. And it was hiding from him. His heart sunk in his chest, ears drooping. 

A strong reminder of why he shouldn’t get close. They were afraid of him. And growling probably hadn’t helped.

Knowing he shouldn’t linger and terrify the poor human further, he did his best to walk calmly away, being purposeful in his steps to show he was leaving and wasn’t interested in ending their life. 

Once he’d broken the tree line, he realized how fast his heart had been beating. 

After the semi-close call the night before, he took the reminder of the human’s fear to continue to stay hidden. Best to stay undetected. After the long night and his growing exhaustion over the week, he’d been correct in his assumption that the humans would be up before him. They had taken down his deer while he’d been sleeping.

A small glow of pride nestled in his body at his planning ahead. On the plus side, he had also given them more food. Hopefully the extra meat would keep them in the walls longer, give him more time to kill off The Others. 

Shadowing the riders as they made their way towards the walls, there was no conflict. It eased the tension in his muscles the closer they got. He got a deep breath out from relief and was mentally patting himself on the back when he realized they were stopping. His brow furrowed. 

No, no, no, why are they stopping? They were so close!

To his growing horror, the riders went off in all directions, similar to when they were hunting the day before. Did they not know the titan ring was so close by? Were they insane?!

His deer trick had worked so far, but this was pushing it. Grumbling to himself, he lumbered into the forest, set to place himself between the hunting humans and the titan ring. As fond as he was of these humans, they sure did like to make his life harder. There was a chance that The Others would be too dumb to realize that the human scent was coming from behind them and not from the walls, but he knew better than to trust it. 

Maneuvering through the trees, he had to be even more careful than the night before with the sunlight bettering the human’s eyesight. There was much more at stake now as he was the sole barrier between them and the largest concentration of titans around. 

It didn’t take long for them to take notice. A medium size titan and a juvenile managed to slip past his guard while he took down a trio farther off to the left. He almost didn’t hear the muffled scream as the human posted in the tree for this section went down the medium titan’s throat. Dragging his current opponent’s teeth from his shoulder, he fixed it with a headbutt that left its eyes rolling. Slamming it to the forest floor in its daze, a swift bite to the nape finished it off. 

Righting himself, he took off in a dead sprint after the juvenile pair. Up ahead, he could hear the screams of fear as the humans fled. As morbid as it was, it was good to hear the screams. That meant they were still alive. He still had time. 

Feet pounding the earth in desperation, he took no notice of the branches scratching at his skin. He screwed up his eyes to utilize the protection of his third eyelid. Through the brush and trees, he saw the murderous beasts bearing down over a sole human. 

What a sight he was. 

Blades drawn with the most defiant stubborn posture he’d ever seen on a human before. Two cowering forms behind him. He admired the human’s bravery, but he could handle this. 

With a screeching cry to catch the titan’s attention and buy him a precious moment with their confusion, he swung his arm out with all his might, the larger one making impact with his palm and sending it airborne to his right. Lunging down on the juvenile, he snapped his powerful jaws around its neck. The audible crunch satisfied him, but he was going to make sure this little titan never grew into a monster. 

Snatching it up into the air, he snapped his jaws once more to ensure it was dead. Swallowing the head to rub salt into the metaphorical wound. No nutritional value for him, but it made a dark part of him happy to destroy his enemy in such a way. 

He charged his last opponent before it got its sense back. The lucky beast managed to swing an arm up and catch him fairly good in the jaw, but that was about as far as its side of the fight went. With his size, the titan was a steaming corpse in a matter of seconds. 

He could hear a commotion behind him, screams that weren’t fear-filled, but actually excited. Curiosity got the better of him. He should have lumbered off when the last titan was down, but he just couldn’t help himself. Turning to look at them, his heart gave a happy flutter. 

A rider had appeared at their side; that was good, it meant there was help for the three humans. And they were all alive and unharmed. 

We did good, his little voice praised. If he could have smiled, he would have. Something more pleasant than the ugly leer plastered permanently on his face.

His titan voice grumbled in displeasure, but didn’t rise. 

The warm feeling stayed with him even after he tuned into the shuffle of approaching titans. A commotion like this had definitely drawn some attention from the ring. So, he left the humans in the plains, satisfied that help was coming. In the meantime, he had a job to do. 

Scout POV - Levi

It felt like sunset couldn’t come quick enough. Never one in the past to wish the warmth of the late autumn sun away, Levi definitely wanted it gone now. And by the time the sky was ablaze with magnificent shades of fiery red and orange, the activity of the titan ring was finally settling down. Having drawn back deeper into titan territory for some distance, it was finally time to make their way to the walls.  

Just before the walls, Mike sniffed at the air at his side. Picking up a distinct smell on the wind, he turned in his saddle, eyes widening a bit. Kicking his horse into a quicker pace, he caught up to the captain and passed a quick mutter of his findings on to Levi. 

The pair of them hung back, letting the rest of the Scouts filter onto the pulleys and into the walls. Just on the horizon, they could see the silhouette of the 15 meter. It stood watch over the retreating scouts before turning and wandering off to the West. Finally, for the first time in days, the two didn’t feel like they were being watched anymore. 

“It’s been watching us this entire time.” Mike whispered over to him. 

Levi gave him a side glance and then gave his friend a brief rundown of the abnormal’s protection earlier.

“I wouldn’t trust it; it’s still a titan no matter what!” Mike argued.

“Well, as we already suspected, this one’s different. It’s weird… and while that’s never a good thing when it comes to titans…” Levi muttered with a scowl at the vanishing titan. “... it did save Gunter’s sorry ass. That does earn it some points I suppose.”

Mike huffed, “Not you turning into a titan-lover like Hange.”

“Don’t insult me so, Zacharias.” The captain snarled as they led their horses to the pulley system. 

The journey back to headquarters was a bustling affair. While the scouts were exhausted from their travels, everyone was in high spirits from the success of the mission. Four deaths was practically a record low for them. 

Conversation buzzed from horse to horse, swapping stories and describing all the things they’d seen past the walls. Eventually, Levi tuned into one in particular, as Gunter’s animated story was gaining fast attention, the other conversation dying out. 

“... and then I was out in the middle of the field, ready to kick some titan ass and Jaeger just came rushing out of the trees faster than anything I had ever seen. He was absolutely massive and he bit the head of this little titan clean off! Like, Womph! ” He mimed out the motions, using his arms as the described titan’s jaws. “And then he absolutely pulverized the bigger one! It was probably the best thing I’ve seen since Olou stepped in a wasp’s nest - and that was the talk of the canteen for weeks I tell you!”

Hushed whispers swept through the listening scouts. 

“Why do you call him Jaeger?” Thomas inquired.

“Ah, well, I think it suits him. After he took down all those deer for us and all. It means ‘hunter’ in my mother tongue. Besides, it sounds badass.” Gunter shrugged. 

A murmur of agreement swept through the crowd.

Levi called up to him. “It’s not a pet, it’s a titan, Gunter. Naming it is just going to get you attached.”

“Aw, come on Captain, we can’t keep calling him ‘the abnormal’ all the time. That’s boring!” Gunter yelled back with a grin, already knowing the name would stick.

“When it turns on us, you understand we will have to kill it? Don’t come crying to me then because you got your feelings hurt.” He said grumpily.

“Yes, Captain.” Gunter called back over his shoulder, very much not listening.

Chapter Text

Sometime after the hunting expedition, reports of a certain 15 meter abnormal came flooding in from the Garrison almost daily. They were consistent and made it apparent that it was hanging around, almost trying to be spotted. 

To say Hange was in a tizzy was an understatement. Being skunked on the last expedition had been a mood damper and Levi’s third encounter had only wounded the scientist further. 

The conditions called for an impromptu meeting in the commander’s office. 

Hange tried to appear as professional and put together as they could, smoothing down their wild hair and polishing the smudges off their glasses. They figured Erwin would support their proposal, but it never hurt to make a good impression. Trying to prove they were capable of taking on such a mission was a big part in all of this. 

Erwin relaxed back in his seat, his hands steepled together, fully healed and functional. 

“Section Commander, I understand you have a proposal to make about the abnormal. Shall we hear it?” He prompted.

Hange couldn’t help the burst of excitement that went through them. “Yes! Oh, Erwin, this is magnificent; Jaeger’s right outside our door practically asking us to come out and -” They halted, realizing they were losing their script. They cleared their throat and rustled the papers in their arms. 

“Ahem, I mean - the abnormal has been spotted consistently on the outskirts of Wall Maria near Shiganshina District. I would like to make my formal proposal to the board to make a small scale expedition outside of the walls. For research purposes. I believe studying this titan will further humanity’s understanding of the titans and be beneficial in our regiment’s survival in forthcoming expeditions.” They spoke much more formally. 

Erwin inclined his head. “Very well, Section Commander. I will have the board discuss the funds in regards to a time limit and supplies. I cannot guarantee the length of this expedition, but you have my official approval to continue forth with this assignment.”

The scientist gave a squeal of excitement, hands crinkling up their forgotten papers as they clasped them to their chest. “Really?! You mean it? And here I had this whole presentation ready and I even wrote out a 6 page research paper for each member in attendance in case they wanted to follow along with the findings!” They rambled excitedly, the stars in their eyes. 

Mike and Levi both blanched at the idea of reading another one of Hange’s titan reports. They heard enough from their friend as it was. Moblit was the only one to perk up and hold his hand out eagerly, always ready to hear and read more into their partner's thoughts. 

“I do trust your ability to study the specimen; I will do my best to lobby for as much time as possible, but with the cold season setting in, the board will be less inclined to let us venture out the walls again.” The commander commented. “Though, with the success of our hunting, perhaps we can sway their decision, hmm?”

Hange nodded their head fervently, nearly toppling the glasses off their head. “I cannot thank you enough Erwin, this is a dream come true. I’ve waited my whole life for a moment like this.” They said solemnly, tearing up a bit. 

“C’mon Hange, don’t cry on us! You’ll scare Levi off with all the emotion.” Mike joked as he stood up to catch his friend in a hug. “I’m excited for you. You deserve this.”

“Fuck off, Mike.” The captain threw back, but addressed the sniffling scientist all the same, “Congrats, shit glasses, I hope the brat comes out and you can actually get some data this time.”

Hange drew back, “Levi, will you please come on the expedition? You’re like a good luck charm, we get so many interactions when you’re with us.”

Erwin butted in before Levi could make his own excuse. “Actually, Section Commander, I’ve already started a potential roster for your team, if you don’t mind me doing so. I would be more than pleased to accompany you and I believe it would be smart to bring along Gunter, considering what happened a few days ago.”

Hange considered his offer and began to nod, “You’re right, Gunter and you should be there. Jaeger directly saved the two of you, so that might gain us some leverage with him. Should we consider bringing Armin too? He was the first, maybe he’ll have a similar effect?”

The commander shook his head. “We won’t be taking either Arlet of Bodt. They’re too inexperienced to get right up and personal with Jaeger, as the scouts have taken to calling him. I wouldn’t want their nerves to get the better of them and ruin this. While I trust Arlet to have a level head, one can never be too careful when it comes to delicate situations like these. We’ll be taking Moblit too, of course, and perhaps Mike as a safeguard.” Erwin explained. “Levi, I would prefer if you stayed behind for this one. I need someone in charge while Hange and I are out.”

Levi nodded after a moment of contemplation. “So, I guess that means that you’ve decided to indefinitely trust that this titan won’t haul off and eat the party whole?” He prompted with a raised eyebrow. “If I remember correctly, it was my job to take it down if it got aggressive.”

“But Jaeger’s not aggressive, Levi! Name one time that he’s gone and hurt a scout.” Hange snapped. 

Levi narrowed his eyes and stood a little taller. “I still don’t think trusting a literal titan to not act like a titan is-”

“Enough, Levi.” Erwin interrupted sternly. “I understand your distrust, but look at it from the overall. Scent covering? Direct interference in fights? This is about studying and possibly befriending Jaeger; this could be a turning point for us. If we make friends now, come spring we might have a titan on our side every time we leave the walls.”

Levi fell silent and looked away. 

“Gunter is a strong and capable soldier. You hand picked him for your squad for a reason. If anything goes wrong, he and I can take care of it. You can trust us, ok?” Mike piped up. 

The captain sighed heavily through his nose. “Fine. I can hold down the fort while you all have fun playing around with the titan. If any of you get hurt though, I’ll kill you myself and then turn that titan to steam. Deal?”

Erwin smiled warmly. “You have yourself a deal, Captain.”

“I can’t believe we’re doing this in broad daylight.” Gunter grit out as the horses trotted merrily along the well worn path. 

“Just relax, Gunter! Consider yourself a pioneer in the field of science - one of the first few to ever attempt this! You’re a lucky man.” Hange said cheerfully, leading the way.

Gunter would have relaxed if he wasn’t sweating bullets right now, and the fact that he was sweating so much as it was only made him more nervous, causing him to sweat even more. At this rate, he was certain he’d sweat off all of their hard work before they even crossed through the titan ring. 

Most of the team was uneasy as well; leaving the walls during the day was essentially suicide. But, the scientist had made thorough preparations. Many sleepless nights and scattered testing had led to the whole team following a strict cleansing and treatment before heading out. They had all scrubbed themselves raw in an odor-diminishing soap followed by a hearty spritz of Hange’s newest concoction: a scent reducer that would hopefully allow them to be invisible to a titan’s nose. 

Perhaps they should have had more faith in their friend; Hange wasn’t so high up in command for nothing. Although, they hadn’t gotten the chance to test it on actual titans just yet. But, as the sayings went, the Survey Corps didn’t prevail by playing things safe. They were going to find out in just a few moments if it worked or not. 

Because this time, it was up to them to find Jaeger. Seeing as they had been outside the walls for about half an hour now and no sign of their friend meant either Hange’s little plan was working or Jaeger was further out than expected. 

“Well this is a first,” Erwin huffed with a laugh as the group spurred their horses on, “Never been the foxes chasing down the hounds before.”

“How exactly are we even supposed to track a titan anyway?” Gunter started to bring up as they ducked under some low hanging branches, “I mean, all our lives we were so focused on running away that we have no idea about what to look for or -”

He trailed off, staring up as something particularly massive came into view as they bypassed the branches. Specifically, a very confused looking 15 meter titan that stared right back. 

“... nevermind.” He finished. 

Erwin turned around in his seat, scowling at Mike. “A little warning next time?”

“What? I thought we wanted to find him. We were going the right direction.” The tall man defended himself with a shrug. Erwin just rolled his eyes. 

“Oooh! Hello up there, beautiful! Mind coming down for a bit so we can talk with you?” Hange cooed up, waving their hand like a haywire pendulum. 

Jaeger towered over them and for a moment; they almost didn’t think the titan could hear them or understand them, but he eventually gave an uneasy huff and crouched down in front of the humans. The movement had Mike resting one of his hands on his blade, ready to draw and fly into action if the titan suddenly struck. The titan’s mismatched eyes flicked over the precautionary gesture and slightly drew back itself, slowly bringing a hand to shelter his nape, not breaking eye contact with the tall man. 

“Easy, the both of you.” Erwin spoke up, shifting in his seat a bit. 

Hange’s eyes had gone impossibly wider, finally being up-close and personal with the titan of their dreams. “Magnificent! It’s just like the reports. You really do know your weak spots, don’t you?” They gushed over the crouching titan in front of them. “So smart - do you understand me?”

Jaeger flicked his ears in response, still protecting his neck. 

“Oh, where are my manners? I’m Hange! This is my assistant, Moblit, and our commander, Erwin. You’ve met Erwin before, do you remember? And Gunter too!” They introduced the group with waving arms. “The impolite one is Mike, don’t mind him! Just give him some time to warm up to you, ya know? Titans and all.” They said with a hearty laugh. 

The scouts dutifully removed their hoods, braving the cold air.

The titan’s eyes followed each of the introductions, paying close attention to Erwin, which did not go unnoticed by the group. He leaned forward, gaze sliding to Mike before taking a curious sniff. His head cocked to the side in confusion. 

“Don’t worry Jaeger, it’s only a temporary scent neutralizer!” Hange soothed the giant, looking rather proud at the fact that they’d outsmarted the most intelligent titan ever documented. They beckoned with their hands, “C’mere! I need you closer.”

“Hange…” Moblit warned lowly as Jaeger shifted even closer. He was at the point where he was almost nose to nose with the scientist. Mike’s grip on his blade had turned his knuckles white, but he held still under the watchful eye of the commander. Gunter had yet to close his mouth.

“Sweet Ymir.” Hange shuttered out, grip slackening on their reins as they were overcome with emotion. While Jaeger was big from the ground, he was absolutely massive face to face, with teeth to match. A perfect predator. And still no sign of aggression. 

They held their hand out palm facing forward, just waiting, letting Jaeger set the pace. The titan looked thoughtfully at the offered hand, then to Mike, to Gunter, and then back at the scientist. Hange had stopped breathing, their hand trembling slightly. 

Jaeger blew some air out, warm and strong, before closing his eyes and gently pressing the bridge of his nose against the palm. A low rumble filled the group’s ears. 

“I don’t believe it.” Moblit breathed, as awestruck as his partner. 

Hange looked like the world had been gifted to them on a platter. They stared at their hand, resting on the docile titan’s nose and then laughed, unbelieving. “I knew it,” they whispered, “I knew you were a good one.”

A lazy brown eye peeked open, followed a second later by a deep sea green one. The titan shifted his head up to take a deeper inspection of the scientist’s hand, snuffling at their sleeve and exposed skin. Suddenly, he stopped and drew back. The group except for Hange stiffened in anticipation before Jaeger suddenly gave a harsh sneeze and shook his head roughly, ears flopping wildly. The hand slipped from the back of his nape and curled around his knees, tucking both arms around. 

Hange burst out laughing, and the rest of the group shortly followed, the tension disappearing from the clearing. 

They wiped a tear from their eye while still continuing to chuckle, “I’m so sorry, Jaeger, that is totally my fault. The neutralizer is a bit strong, but you see - we had to be sure it would work.”

The titan only blinked back patiently.

Hange composed themself, “Ok, now that we know each other, could you help me with something, Jaeger?”

The titan huffed and cocked his head again.

Hange slipped from their horse and pulled out their notebook, flipping to a new page. “Hmm, I already suspected, but based on your responses, I’m going to assume you don’t have vocal cords like we do - or at least, they don’t work like ours do.” They muttered, half to the titan and half to themself.

They looked up, pen to paper. “Can you do this?” the scientist prompted, followed by a short vocalization in the back of their throat.

Jaeger looked passively over them and then copied the sound, though much deeper and throatier. 

“Ok… so that works.” Hange wrote down. “How about this? Try saying ‘Ah’.”

The titan repeated the same throaty vocalization from earlier, narrowing his eyes. 

“I think that’s a no.” Moblit concluded, hopping off his horse as well. He snagged a fairly large fallen branch from the ground and presented it to Hange for approval. “Think he could use this?”

“Sure, let’s try it.” They nodded. “Jaeger, dear, want to try writing in the dirt?”

Mike looked between the two scientists, apprehensive. “You guys can’t be serious? It’s a titan. It doesn’t know how to write!”

“Most likely not Mike, we figured that much. But, we still need to establish some sort of communication with him. Think of it more as a cognitive exercise; he clearly understands what we’re saying!” Hange said, looking back at him over their shoulder. They waved an arm at Jaeger, who was resting his chin on his knees. He looked utterly child-like in that moment, just waiting for the adults to do their talking. 

Mike furrowed his brows, but said nothing more. Moblit offered the stick to the massive titan, who gently plucked it from the offering hands. It was barely as long as one of his fingers, but he clumsily grasped it and dragged it through the dirt a few times to produce some crude lines that held no tangible meaning to the group. Hange still looked excited. 

“That’s good Jaeger, well done! Not bad for your first time!” They said encouragingly. Jaeger huffed indignantly and made a few more deliberate lines and shapes on the dirt. Hange dutifully copied them down, humming gently to themselves. 

“It’s alright, buddy. We’ll teach you to write properly eventually.” Moblit comforted. Jaeger grumbled, unimpressed. Hange laughed at the titan’s displeasure. 

“Alright, enough of that. Just a few more things for us, ok?” They said, looking up from their notebook, completely elated at their progress. They looked utterly happy, face lifted in such a way that some of the years melted away. Jaeger’s ears shifted into an attentive position and gave an eager puff of air, eyes reflecting some of that excitement. As Hange wandered a little off from the group searching the ground, the titan scooched a few paces after them, tracking the scientist wherever they went. 

“I think he really likes you, Hange.” Erwin spoke up from the back, content to hang back and observe the scientist and titan interacting. 

The scientist hummed excitedly, talking under their breath to themselves before popping up from under one of the bushes. “Aha! Here we go.” They exclaimed, cradling a few miscellaneous objects in their grasp. They hurried back over to Jaeger who sniffed at what they had brought, interested. The scientist laid out 5 objects on the ground in front of the titan and stepped back. 

Taking a breath to calm their excitement, they retrieved their notebook. “Ok, do you know how many objects are in front of you?” They prompted.

The titan glanced down and lifted a hand, displaying 5 fingers. Hange squealed in delight and buried their face in their notebook. The rest of the group looked rightly shocked. That was a huge discovery.

“Ok, ok, bear with me for a little longer, alright?” Hange said breathlessly as they darted forwards and took two rocks from the line up. “Now, how many?” They said eagerly, practically hugging the rocks to their chest. 

Three fingers were held up. Hange looked ready to faint. “Oh my! This is - I don’t even know where to begin! I - Erwin, are you seeing this!” They cried, rapidly looking around at the equally shocked faces of their group members. 

They scampered up to Jaeger and patted him on his shin frantically, “You are magnificent! Just wonderful!” They praised and then hurried over to Moblit who was sketching out the crouched titan. 

Gunter finally seemed to get over himself and nudged his horse forward. Bravely approaching the titan who watched him with cool eyes, he stopped in front of him. 

“Hey, Jaeger.” He said, unsure of how to talk to the titan. “You can really understand us, huh?”

He got a light puff of air in confirmation. “Wow, that’s just incredible…” He laughed to himself, taking in the hulking form towering peacefully before him. “I wanted to thank you, personally, for saving my life back there.” He started. “Well, there’s a lot of guys in the scouts that would probably thank you if they were here right now, but in all seriousness, you’re a saving grace.” 

“And I would like to extend my gratitude as well, Jaeger, both for myself and on behalf of the Survey Corps.” Erwin joined in as he brought his horse beside Gunter’s. “You’re the reason I still have an arm.” He said fondly. 

Jaeger rumbled quietly, blinking his eyes and lowering his head to their level. His eyes glanced over Erwin’s, who gave a nod of approval. With the all-clear, the titan inspected the healed arm, bringing a single finger out to run it over the fabric, observing the commander’s face for any signs of discomfort. Finding none, he pulled the hand back and tucked it back over his knees, releasing a happy sound. He appeared to only have eyes for the commander for a while, the two of them respectfully observing the other. 

Mike begrudgingly came up too. “Hmph. Got a thing for blondes, do ya?” He teased the titan as he continued staring, paying particularly close attention to the commander’s hair. “No wonder Levi doesn’t like him.” He joked, prodding an elbow into his friend’s side. Erwin tutted and shook his head, making his way over to Hange and Moblit, leaving his two soldiers with the titan. 

“Got everything you need, Section Commander? We should be heading back soon, it’s getting late.” He inquired.

“For now,” the scientist agreed, looking none too happy at having to stop, “I suppose Jaeger’s been pestered enough today. We’ll come back soon, hm?” They said, addressing the titan in the last bit. 

If a titan could give puppy eyes, then that was definitely what Jaeger was doing now. 

“Aw! No! Erwin, can we stay for a little while longer? He doesn’t want us to leave!” Hange wailed, falling right under the titan’s thumb. “Please? What if he gets lonely? Let’s stay for the night.” They tried to persuade the commander.

Erwin looked unimpressed. “If you would like to hash it out with the board if we come back late, be my guest.” He said with a cooly arched eyebrow. 

Hange immediately sat up straighter. “Yikes, not those guys!” They exclaimed wrinkling their nose, “Sorry dear, but this will be where we end the session for today. Be good!” 

The group mounted back up and began to make way for the walls. Footfalls sounded behind them. 

Gunter, who was bringing up the back, twisted around in his seat. “No, buddy, you can’t come with us.” He tried to shoo off the titan that was trailing behind them. 

“Stay!” He tried again, in a tone that you would use on an unruly puppy.

The titan snorted back and kept following. Erwin tried to hide his smile by pulling his hood up. 

“He is fine for now. As long as he doesn’t try to goad the Garrison when we reach the break, he is harmless; though, he seems too smart to go and get himself killed pointlessly.” The commander commented.

Moblit peered over his shoulder. “Probably trying to keep a look out for us; seems to be his thing.” He offered in explanation. 

The group relaxed and continued their journey with their new-found 15 meter bodyguard. The sun slipped away in the distance, plunging the temperature even further. Jaeger stayed awake with them for most of the journey, but faltered off a few minutes from the walls. 

At the absence of his footsteps, the scouts paused to watch him find a decently open area before plopping down and curling up on his side. His mismatched eyes raked over them once more in the dusky light before slipping shut as the last of the natural light sapped from the sky. 

Taking the time to light up their lanterns, they surveyed the slumbering titan once more before resuming their way home. 

“I guess even an abnormal like him needs sleep,” Hange commented as they approached the stone walls, “After all his movement at night, I would have figured he’d make it to the wall with us. We’ll have to study his sleep pattern a bit more to really understand him.”

Moblit voiced his agreement as they started towards the lifts.

~

“Never in my days did I think it was going to go like that.” Erwin said, sliding off his horse once the group was back at headquarters. “Gunter, go fetch Levi, would you? I doubt he’s sleeping right now. I think he should be briefed on everything and it would be best to give him peace of mind that we’re all safe.”

Hange and the research team unfortunately did not get the opportunity to study Jaeger again that season. Winter took hold fast and dropped the land’s first snow barely a few days after their outing. And once it started to snow, it hardly seemed to stop. It was a brutal winter inside the walls; when it did stop snowing, the duties were too numerous to think of organizing and expedition. 

Through many series of briefings and training exercises, the scouts were updated on Jaeger’s status and intelligence, as well as his standing with the scouts. It was almost unanimously decided that they keep Jaeger on the down low, knowing how extremely important and rare a titan like him was. If the other branches caught wind, especially the Military Police, there would be trials and fights over which branch had the rights to Jaeger’s protection. 

So, the scouts downplayed their findings on Jaeger and fudged results in reports – making him out to be like any other abnormal. The threat of losing Jaeger’s protection on expeditions was enough to seal their lips – especially for the veteran scouts who had seen the carnage without Jaeger’s interference.

Erwin personally wanted to keep Jaeger and his intelligence a secret since he had single handedly improved the survival rate in just a handful of expeditions. He feared the MP’s would lobby for bringing the titan in for testing and protecting the king. Another selfish decision on his conscience. Though, with the lives of his men at stake, it was probably one of the easiest decisions he had ever made since becoming commander. 

As the cold months dragged by and the world operated with few hours of sunlight, the titans went into their catatonic winter sleep like they did every cold season. They would not become active again until the spring, or unless they were directly disturbed by a food source. Jaeger was no exception to this, as the Garrison gave the all clear on titan activity stopping. 

When the warmer months came and the scouts crept outside once more to replenish, Jaeger appeared as he always did, like there hadn’t been months between their last visit. He seemed overjoyed to have the scout’s company again and dutifully picked up where they left off - both in Hange’s research and sheltering the scouts from the titans.

Suddenly, things were looking up for the Survey Corps.

Chapter Text

Jaeger and the scouts fell into a rhythm, as natural of a relationship as the one between the scouts and their very horses: reliable and trusting. The sound of the pulleys activating would alert him to the scouts upcoming appearance. Dutifully he’d wait just out of sight of the Garrison and when they made their way into titan territory, he’d trail behind keeping guard. Sometimes he would take out titans as they charged the scouts or would romp off into the distance to clear ahead. 

When pure titans did manage to slip past, Jaeger was always there to jump between their snapping jaws and the humans. The scouts trusted him to have their backs outside the walls and in turn, Jaeger could trust the scouts to stay calm with a 15 meter giant thundering alongside them. Though, that bond did not come without work.

There were a few instances in the beginning of their partnership where the scouts and the titan stepped on each other's toes in a metaphorical sense. Still new to working alongside a titan (and a gigantic one at that), some tasks proved to be a trial by trial endeavor. Now with the trust of the humans, Jaeger was able to fully work alongside them. No more creeping around in the shadows or keeping watch from afar, though he still occasionally did so when the situation called for it. 

With that closeness prompted some conflict to occur. 

On their first official expedition with Jaeger keeping pace alongside them, a slight panic and a few spooked horses breaking formation to buck off their riders hurled a few scouts underfoot. Those close to the disturbance had held their breath in horror, expecting the massive giant to continue on like any other titan would have and crush the tiny bodies underfoot. Due to sheer size, it would be difficult to come to a complete stop so quickly. To many scouts' surprise, the titan stumbled and threw his weight off course at an odd angle, barely missing the dazed scouts by a few inches. 

A movement that was scarily human. 

The momentum sent Jaeger crashing into a rocky hillside, arms out to catch himself in a way that let out an audible snap from one awfully bending wrist. He came to a stop in a dusty cloud, tragedy for the most part avoided. 

After remounting and injuries were checked, attention was turned to the steaming titan, who barely paid his injuries any mind as he sniffed worriedly at the would-be-squashed scouts. Petra, the section leader, did her best to soothe both the frazzled scouts and the guilty looking titan, but to no avail. High anxiety from having the ferocious looking titan in their personal space and the incessant grumbling from Jaeger made both parties inconsolable. 

Jaeger had refused to budge from hovering over the small group after the fall, permitting them to think he had been hurt more than initially realized before Erwin himself had ridden up and instructed the three scouts to hold still. It had taken a few moments of anxious snuffling and gentle but rigorous inspection for Jaeger to properly conclude that he hadn’t hurt anyone. Finally, they were able to coax the giant titan back to his feet and work into the formation again, wrist jetting out hot steam all the while. 

After that first expedition, trust between the two grew tremendously stronger. 

While the scouts had either seen Jaeger in action before or heard about him in training, the initial trust was still shaky. Having one message drilled in their heads since birth had made it a bit difficult to keep blind faith in the word of their commander. Seeing first hand the lengths the titan would go to over hurting a scout did wonders on that outlook.

That lesson from the first expedition bled over into others. When viciously brawling with other titans, Jaeger had very little time to consider the scouts around him. A few bumps and scrapes later and eventually the scouts learned how to effectively evade the clawing, snarling bundles of raw titan fury that could be tossed their way at any second. Reaction drills became quite popular in training. 

All was forgiven at the end of the day, especially when Jaeger would apologetically huff over any scouts caught in the crossfire. It was hard for even the most bitter, seasoned scout to hold a grudge when the titan’s emotions were so plainly evident in the way his ears drooped and eyes displayed a certain sadness. Like scolding an already kicked puppy. Perhaps Levi was one of the aforementioned scouts, but he never admitted it out loud. 

When a particular hectic fight separated a team from formation in late spring, it was Jaeger who wandered off in search of the lost scouts. He had returned an hour later with a few bedraggled scouts atop their mounts trailing behind him and an injured one cradled delicately in hand. 

During long expeditions that called for many nights away from the walls, camp would be unpacked and scouts would have the down time to introduce themselves to Jaeger and tell him stories about the Survey Corps and what life was like in the walls. The titan always paid close attention, completely enraptured by the tales and lazily blowing air in response to particularly animated stories, getting excited himself. 

It became a running joke among the scouts that if you were blonde, you had double the survival rate. Whenever a scout introduced themself and pulled back their hood to reveal fine blonde hair, the titan would take an immediate interest in them, closely inspecting them as he cocked his large head to the side. It was noted this happened more often with the men than the women, bringing on a whole slew of jokes about their new found titan friend, but all were made in good humor. Jaeger never paid them much mind and often flicked an ear in response. 

His initial infatuation with the commander eventually faded in time, turning from interest to a form of visible respect. When it came to Armin, the titan often took extra time to greet him at night and in return, Armin always treated him to new stories from a book he’d bring along and tell him facts he’d learned since their last visit; the two forming a close bond in a short amount of time. The young scout was often accompanied on his visits by Mikasa, who sat by wordlessly during story time, just keeping the pair company. 

Jaeger’s proper introduction to Marco was an interesting spectacle. At first, the titan having no idea who he was, as he’d had his hood up in their first meeting and was now liberally covered in the scent neutralizer. After some awkward explanation, the titan had been stricken, huffing over the freckled boy like he would an injured soldier, ears drooping in apology. Marco had brushed it off with tinkling laughter, reassuring Jaeger that he wasn’t angry at him or scared anymore.

Jean on the other hand? That introduction didn’t go over so well. With no way for them to properly communicate, Jaeger was unable to answer Jean’s aggressive questions - mainly about the first interaction and later cutting into him about the fright the titan had given Marco. Where his boyfriend was able to forgive the titan, Jean was not as pleased with him and made it clear that he held a grudge. Brushing off Jaeger’s huffs of apologies, Jean stood his ground. Not to mention taking a low jab at Jaeger’s appearance while he was at it, which had the titan narrowing his eyes and pulling his ears back, looking very unamused. That visiting session was abruptly ended by Eld, who was supervising, and the two were separated (more like Jean was moved to the other side of camp; it wasn’t exactly possible to move a multi-ton giant if it didn’t want to move). 

As visiting hours dwindled and the scouts bed down, Jaeger would stay up late into the night keeping the guards company, ears perked up for any danger, eyes searching the illuminated horizon. Those late nights eventually dragged the titan under the draw of sleep from pure exhaustion, though Hange and Moblit began to notice that Jaeger would make it later and later every time, to the point where it would be only an hour or two before sunrise before he fell. 

There was something surreal about watching a 15-meter, perfect killing machine slumber softly under the light of the moon. By day, those teeth would gnash and glint dangerously at the sight of enemies, but fall silent and harmless in the night. Gentle puffs of air would be the only sound from him as he lay motionless through the night, completely and utterly still. Unruly strands of hair spilling to the forest floor and falling over his eyes. 

If the Survey Corps wanted to get moving before the sun, a handful of scouts would do their best to rouse the massive sleeping titan. Oftentimes, they were met with heatless grumbling complaints and Jaeger tucking himself tighter into a ball, stubbornly refusing to wake early. If he carried on for too long, Levi would take it upon himself to get the titan up, doling out a much harsher wake up call. It was a guarantee Jaeger would be up after that. 

Every morning held a routine of a long, full-body stretch that had joints popping and creaking. Followed by wide yawns that showed off the power of his jaw and gave way to a surprisingly long tongue curling out. 

While the others found it endearing, Levi would always shake his head and mutter, “lazy brat”, under his breath. 

Later during one expedition, Hange got the chance to witness Jaeger’s third eyelid in action. They’d scared the scouts in their vicinity half to death with the excited shriek they’d let out. At the time, Jaeger had been posturing against a lone titan that had been scuttling along the edges of their formation. Obviously trying to stick close to the scouts and not wanting to drag a fight into the midst, he’d appeared to be trying to dispel the attention through intimidation or was simply attempting to get it to back off so they could fight farther away. In the intense stare down they were engaged in, hackles raised, the ever-present wind of the plains had picked up blowing grass and dirt around. 

Hange’s glasses had protected them from majority of the debris, but the other scouts hadn’t been so lucky, turning away to scrub at their watering, irritated eyes. Due to this, Hange was the only one to witness Jaeger’s third eyelid sweep across his corneas before he took the opening to attack and tackled the distracted rogue away from the group to scuffle elsewhere. 

The sounds of struggle in the distance soon quieted and their protector was ambling his way back to the scouts’ side, barely fazed by the fight. Hange had cooed and fawned over the titan for the rest of the mission, completely enraptured about the perpetual surprises he seemed to harbor. 

In the first week of summer, Hange was having another one of their sessions with Jaeger. They continuously worked on different commands and maneuvers for Jaeger to learn. The scientist was baffled because there seemed to be no end to what the titan could do. 

Fully trusting the titan, but perhaps not their partner, Moblit always stayed right by their side during research sessions to ensure Hange didn’t overstep any boundaries with their new friend. The one time he did take his eyes off of them to answer a passing inquiry from a younger scout, he had turned around to Jaeger standing at full 15 meters with Hange perched on his shoulder, whooping loudly. 

Only a short freakout was had on his part, seeing as Hange had shed their gear for the short rest period and had nothing to anchor them down in the unforgiving wind. Sina help him if they slipped. 

Once the scientist was safely deposited on the ground and thoroughly scolded by both Moblit and Erwin, Hange had simply grinned and promised them that Jaeger would have caught them if they had fallen. They then urged the others to try it too, reassuring that it was a completely different experience than being on top of the walls. Jaeger appeared to have no qualms about it, crouched behind them and eagerly listening to Hange ramble on and on, carefree. 

Some of the scouts took the scientist up on the idea and pretty soon, there was a lookout anchored on Jaeger’s shoulder nearly every expedition. If he needed to go off and clear titans, Jaeger would give a clack of his jaws to notify the lookout to repel down to the ground.

A comforting sense of normalcy had been built around the titan. Hange performed their tests and gathered data that was never before seen. Erwin’s formations were modified to include their titan escort. Levi was oftentimes spotted camped out by Jaeger’s slumbering form at night, a hidden promise to watch over him when he was most vulnerable as he had watched over them during the day. Mike had developed an interesting friendship with Jaeger, seemingly earning the titan’s curiosity. The veteran scout would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy playing the occasional game of hide-and-seek when not preoccupied with duties. Jaeger appeared pleased whenever Mike was able to find him first, ears wiggling in excitement and happy rumblings in the back of his throat. He didn’t seem to mind that the scent neutralizer put him at a disadvantage.

Months passed and the Survey Corps only continued to prosper under Jaeger’s protection. The next batch of recruits looked promising as word was starting to go around that the scouts weren’t dying at such an alarming rate anymore. There were still some whispers, mainly from the MP’s, that it was just a lucky streak that would end soon. 

As the days grew longer and the sun grew hotter, titan activity was at full capacity. This meant the scouts had less time to move at night and Jaeger was consistently showing up to greet them more often than not with fresh steaming wounds. The titan never seemed dissuaded from his duty and would join up with the scouts regardless of his current state. 

Even though they all knew Jaeger could heal like any other titan, the scouts didn’t like seeing the titan they had grown to be so fond of in any state of pain. Erwin thankfully had similar thoughts and would occasionally hold the formation in place to give Jaeger some time to heal up before they set out, but never too often as the energetic titan would usually huff impatiently at the wait and pace around the group, eager to do his job. 

But as always, the scouts' good luck did run out and disaster soon struck. 

(Jaeger’s POV)

The titan had never been more elated following that one chance meeting in the forest with the small group of humans – led by the one that called themselves Hange. At first, he’d been caught completely off guard at their presence. Never before had he missed the scent of human, even now that he wasn’t interested in eating them. Their scent had always been particularly strong to him.

When the excitable human had explained they’d used their own scent covering technique, his heart had swelled in pride. Not bothered in the slightest that he couldn’t track them anymore, he’d been too happy to know that they had some form of protection now when he wasn’t around.

It was also a relief to find someone who for the first time ever, didn’t cower in fear and scream at the mere sight of him. Like a huge weight off his shoulders, he’d been more than eager to help Hange with whatever they wanted if only to be in a friendly presence for a little bit longer. Something he’d sorely been missing.

On top of that, the group had consistently talked about a “Jaeger”; the realization that they were referring to him had been incredible. They had given him a name! Something to grasp on to in the swirling nothingness. It felt… so grounding to have a name. It felt so right. So human .

And he’d come to the realization that it felt wonderful to feel human.

The whole group had had names of their own – Gunter, Mike, Moblit – they’d all had something to call their own to define who they were. Jaeger promised to memorize them all. Every human had a name and he wanted to see that they lived to share them with him.

What was even better was that he got the chance to get well acquainted with one blonde human that was introduced as Erwin, the leader of the “Survey Corps”, as he learned was what the humans called themselves. He’d most definitely remembered Erwin as the impressive soldier who’d led the titans to him in the horde attack. That scene still stuck in his mind all that time later, rightly impressed by the bravery of this one human. And it was a relief to find his arm fully intact and functional – something that had bothered him since that day.

His curiosity had spiked when he thought about the possible relation Erwin might have to the memory of the blonde soldier. The commander was certainly blonde, strong, and memorable, just like his blonde soldier, but upon closer inspection, the commander was in fact too old to be him. While he didn’t remember much, he was positive the blonde soldier was… more his age, if that made any sense.

Not that he knew how old he was.

That bothered him.

But, some instinctual part of him not unlike his titan voice knew certain things about the blonde soldier even before he could remember them himself. A blurry, muted presence in the back of his mind that would often sharpen and burst forth with realization.

He’d had far more of those moments since he’d regularly started seeing the scouts.

The longer he stared at the commander, the more he started to build that picture in his head. Where the commander’s eyes were blue, the blonde soldier’s were not. The commander a little too lithe to be him. Not that the commander wasn’t strong, but he just knew that the person he was looking for was something special. Someone he would know in the instance of looking at. He just had to find him.

Jaeger had tried to communicate this to the group when they’d given him the stick. He could have smacked himself for not thinking it up sooner, as they were very aware that he could not speak. Like the fleeting knowledge of the human he longed for, the words were there, just waiting to come out.

Being in the presence of the humans helped the words to come.

He wrote .

For the first time, he could communicate! The words were a little wobbly and new, but they were there!

I’m looking for someone

His heart had been thundering madly in his veins. There was so much anticipation, so much that had changed in such a short amount of time. This would speed things up; the hunt for the blonde soldier could be shouldered with his new friends. If he found him, together they could make sense of all of this.

Hange had leaned over his crude words and copied them in the little book they brought.

It was happening! His heart shined in admiration for this human; one that had given him the chance, had approached him with no fear and helped him show that he meant no harm.

And then he felt all that hope sap in an instant. They showed no recognition for what he wrote. None of them did.

But… he was certain those words were right. He had huffed in desperation, they had to understand.

So, he tried it again. Maybe it was just too sloppy for them to read, he reasoned. The words were even clearer this time. They were right .

And yet, the scientist and their helper had the same reaction. Moblit’s words chilled him.

“It’s alright, buddy. We’ll teach you to write properly eventually.”

Jaeger couldn’t help the grumbling displeasure that left him. He could write. They were the ones that didn’t understand.

Even though his hopes had been dashed, he couldn’t stay upset for long. Hange still had more they seemed to want to know about him. Anything to work towards seeing his blonde soldier. These humans were the key to that.

While most of the humans in the group were nice (though Mike was wary of him, which he did his best to work with), Hange had gained his favor the most. Curious in a way that let them be open-minded, friendly, and helpful. They were the bridge between him and the other scouts.

So, he played along with the meaningless tasks they gave him, as long as it kept them happy and on his side. And it felt good to make them happy. 

When the scouts began making their way home, Jaeger decided to ensure the humans made it back to the walls safely. They were essentially his future, in a way. And it was evident that most of the humans in this group he’d already met before. Gunter, who was the one protecting the two scouts in the past expedition. Erwin, from the horde attack. And Mike, who seemed to be well aware of who Jaeger was, despite him not recalling any face-to-face interactions.

Either way, he wanted them all home. The magnificent scent neutralizer Hange had made only made his job easier, but he still wanted that last bit of company before they took shelter in the walls.

But, the amounting exhaustion he’d felt recently had stolen those last few moments from him.

While the snow came and he didn’t see the humans until he’d awoken to warming spring air, his relationship with the riders had flipped on its head. Still a little skittish as a whole, they’d allowed him to work alongside them.

Jaeger did everything within his power to ensure they came home every mission. And he learned so much about them, so many names. His admiration and affection grew with each passing day. Their faces embedded in his mind and their names a reason to continue.

Armin, Marco, Mikasa, Krista, Connie, Sasha - even Jean, who he disliked.

One day he would hear the name he so desperately wanted to hear. Until then, he would never stop searching.

Even when the humans were in the walls, Jaeger was hard at work culling the never-ending stream of titans, trying to thin out the populations in the scout’s most frequented areas. There was always something for him to do now. And he couldn’t be happier.

The world slowly regained its meaning; things made more sense. Sometimes, he thought he might remember parts from before. Before the boat, before the warehouse. But those ones always slipped away like sand falling through his fingers. One moment he’d have them, the next he would feel off-kilter, like something had been stolen from him. Robbed of a life he was certain he’d lived. Hollowed out shells of emotions he had no name for. Silhouettes of people he once knew. 

His frustration was growing and he didn’t know how to stop it. The irritation in his neck only added to that stress and had become a constant, nagging factor, but he never let it show when he was with the humans. He didn’t want them to worry. It wasn’t their responsibility.

Sometimes, he would grind his teeth in frustration and misery as his neck felt like it was too exposed. Too hot. It was awful. His only relief came at night when he slept, when his mind finally quelled.  

Sometimes when he woke, he swore Levi, the captain, was watching over him.

That made him feel a bit better, but he never did get the chance to confirm it. The man always blended in with the shadows. 

His relationship with Mike grew from a hesitant truce to a steady friendship. He wasn’t sure when it changed, but when there was time, they would indulge in some harmless play. The games were simple, but they took his mind off the weight of the world for a while. It didn’t even matter that Mike had the advantage; he just knew for the first time in a long time, he was having fun.

Soon summer was in full swing, the titan population growing livelier and denser than ever. Jaeger worked tirelessly to keep them at bay. He did everything he could to keep his friends safe. 

But in the end, he was only one titan in this great big world. And one day, he met his match. 

 ~

A hefty sized horde moved into wall territory; larger and more aggressive than the horde from the attack all those months ago. Jaeger was preoccupied with clearing them out for most of the day - it was an infuriatingly well-coordinated group that was hyper vigilant of its borders. He could barely get on the cusp of their territory without them giving chase and surrounding him, driving him out. 

He’d managed to pick off a few already, but it had been a long and grueling day of cat and mouse with them and he was beginning to tire. 

Jaeger almost renounced the task to another day when he heard the scouts on the wall as they prepared for another expedition. His heart sunk. Now was really not a good time for them to be out, giving how agitated the horde already was. But, ever since the discovery of the scent neutralizer, they’d been braver about leaving the walls during the day. All that was left was to hope the neutralizer would grant them safety.

He dispatched what he could of the horde and went to greet the scouts as he always did – though he knew he must’ve appeared exceptionally bedraggled judging by the concerned voices he heard as he approached.  His wounds were slow to heal, also catching the scout’s attention. It was sweet of them to care, but he would be fine. It was all for them, after all. 

Heavy with steam, Jaeger prepared to escort the scouts once more, though he was very aware of how sluggish he was from a full day of fighting and tactic working. 

(Scout POV ) 

As their trading stock increased, so did their funds; all thanks to Jaeger. They worked together with the titan like a well-oiled machine. 

They all shifted with excitement at seeing the titan again as they were lowered to the ground outside of Wall Maria. 

Jaeger came trotting up to meet them as usual, although he had obviously been through a tough fight. Erwin was definitely going to have to hold them back if they expected Jaeger to be able to protect them. He looked exhausted: breathing labored and shrouded in thick steam. Their friend looked exceptionally impatient today, anxiously pacing around their flank and grumbling nervously. They chalked it up as having just been in the middle of a fight when they arrived. 

His wounds closed, sluggishly as they all noted, and the commander gave the go ahead to proceed.

The scouts barely got a few minutes into their expedition before Jaeger lunged in front of them, snarling and slamming his arms down in front of the formation to stop them; forceful enough to get the message across, but still careful enough to not harm any of the riders.

At first, the scouts feared Jaeger had gone feral, finally snapping as they had all been warned. Their horses shifted nervously, mirroring the scouts' own uncertainty of what to do since many of them had come to like the titan. None were prepared to slay him, even though they were terrified of the sudden aggressive behavior. He’d only been like this with other titans up until now and had been completely docile with humans.

Erwin rode up to the fussing titan with Gunter and Levi to investigate the commotion. Levi held a blank, impassive look. 

When they got closer, they saw how Jaeger was merely stopping the formation from proceeding, not attacking. That was a relief for them.

Using their knowledge of past encounters, Erwin and Levi agreed that the way they had been heading simply might not have been clear yet, judging by Jaeger’s condition when they met him. It was possible that they had interrupted a fight and Jaeger did not wish for them to encounter what he had not finished. 

The commander gave the signal to find an alternate route, turning the formation to the side. He trusted Jaeger’s judgment after saving the scout’s more times than could ever be repaid. 

However, Jaeger still wouldn’t let them proceed, blocking any scouts that tried to venture further into titan territory. No matter where they went, Jaeger was there, doing his best to corral them back. 

Bewildered at the behavior, a few scouts tried to calm him.

“Whoa Jaeger, easy there buddy.” 

“We need to get going. C’mon, let us through.”

The poor titan snorted in response, refusing to be placated and shaking his head roughly, as if pestered by flies. Gently, he leaned down and pushed Olou back towards Levi. Petra yelped when she and her horse were forcibly scooted back by an immovable, massive hand. 

Gunter, fearing Jaeger’s behavior would be viewed as violent, dismounted and walked up to Jaeger, trying to calm him down like he would a spooked horse. Softly shushing and raising his arms in surrender. 

“It’s alright, we’re safe. Keep it calm, Jaeger.”

Jaeger was having none of it. Suddenly cupping his hand, he physically plucked Gunter up and carried him back in the direction the walls, rumbling worriedly while looking over his shoulder. Levi tensed on his horse, hand slowly coming to his blade box, almost reluctantly. 

Gunter was deposited in the middle of the formation and Jaeger retreated back to the edge.

Erwin narrowed his eyes. This was looking to be more serious than they originally thought. If Jaeger wouldn’t co-operate, there must have been something serious out there. There was no telling what kind of losses they’d experience if they didn’t heed the titan’s obvious warning. Knowing Jaeger wouldn’t act in such a way if not for good reason, he ordered for them to retreat a few paces back, trying to see if that was what Jaeger truly wanted. 

It was met with eager ear movement from the titan and he huffed like he normally would when pleased. Turning his back on the humans, Jaeger went to surveying the air with his nose up, nostrils flaring at the breeze.

That was the moment of realization for the commander. There were just too many titans to safely explore today, which would make sense given the season. 

The signal was given for the Survey Corps to abandon the expedition. The financial losses would be disheartening and their sponsors infuriated, but Erwin was no fool as to ignore such a blatant sign of ill fortune.

Unfortunately, they didn’t get too far into their retreat before Jaeger broke out into a dead sprint for the right wing of the formation, roaring.  

That was one display all scouts understood.

A flurry of shouts and movement went through them, preparing for a battle. They crossed their fingers that Jaeger could deal with the incoming threat in time. 

Jaeger did catch the first titan that erupted from the neighboring forest. He and the new titan fell into a short tussle, making quick work of its nape. 

More titans poured out from the tree line, running in a dead sprint for Jaeger. The scouts froze in confusion. They were being completely ignored. 

At first.

In a millisecond, one of the attacking titans turned and saw the large group of humans staring back at it. The spell broke. Titans were soon upon the Survey Corps, even with Jaeger fighting tooth and nail to lessen the numbers as they came tumbling out. 

The scouts fought bravely, breaking out old techniques and interweaving them with their new knowledge they gained from training with Jaeger. They fought smarter and faster than before, standing their ground.

Even still, the human losses were piling up. The sheer number of titans was too great, but they refused to abandon Jaeger to fight alone. Steam burned and blood spilled. Bodies fell and went still, others slowly dissolved away. The air was alight with horrific snarling, growling, and screaming. It was war. 

After exhaustive struggling and strategic maneuvers, there was still far too many left.

But there was an opening. 

Erwin pulled his blade out of steaming flesh. He made his decision in a split second. 

A second signal for retreat. That guilt that had been dormant flaring up. Selfish greed. Greed to survive. 

His scouts hesitated, not wanting to abandon Jaeger, but soon began to move. It was a bet. 

One in hope that Jaeger could handle the final few and buy them time to get to the walls - in range of the cannons. 

They made their retreat through the opening.

Jaeger never stopped fighting. Desperate, wild, and untamed. With all the fury and fight of a man dying. Something the scouts had never seen in him before. The titans fell around him, heads rolled. Jaeger was slowing, but it looked like he was winning. 

Even with how far the scouts had gotten away from the fight, one would have to be blind to not spot the final four swarm in on the exhausted titan. 

(Jaeger’s POV)

The attacking titans latched on with all the ferocity that they would a human, actively biting chunks out of him and ripping into any limb that swung their way. It hurt, so much more than it ever had before. They bit and clawed and he felt every painful, terrifying moment of it. 

Teeth stripped away his flesh and jagged nails dug into exposed muscle and curled in, grabbing handfuls.

A smaller titan shredded at the muscles of one of his legs, causing him to limp a few steps forward in a desperate attempt to get away. His weight forced the mangled leg to give out and he stumbled to a knee. Putting his neck at perfect biting height for the other three.

He realized that too, slamming a hand over his nape. The titans were undeterred, gnawing at the hand. His nerves alright like he’d stuck his hand in an ant pile and left it there. Except, these ants were much, much larger.

Jaeger was now trying to fight one handedly, managing to take down one more by some miracle. He didn’t even pause, not being able to afford a second in the desperate fight. 

He sank his teeth into the nape of the one that took out his leg. Immediately releasing his teeth, he plunged into whatever flesh he could reach next. The three remaining titans behind him were ripping into his back and arms with enthusiasm, weakening the already tired arm and endangering the idea of Jaeger’s hand falling.

There weren’t many times he’d felt scared. But now? He was absolutely terrified. 

His muscles felt like they were melting, arms shaking under the strain of the titans crawling over him and from utter fear. 

“Holy shit! They’re eating him!” A nameless scout cried out. 

“He’s being mauled, we have to help.” Gunter yelled over the chaos.

This had never happened before. Jaeger had never been sought out as a target unless he challenged or postured. These new titans were devouring Jaeger’s steaming flesh like he might be human. Titans didn’t eat other titans. Not even Jaeger did that. 

In the commotion, none of the scouts paid Gunter any mind. Brow set in determination, he jerked his horse out of the retreating formation and took off alone back towards the fight. Something was wrong. 

Gunter pushed his horse harder, attempting a pass and managing to lure away the smallest one that was on the outside, distracting it as Jaeger continued his fight. 

Not that it could be called much of a fight right now. It was just Jaeger trying to keep that hand over his nape, almost completely immobilized and struggling under the remaining two titans. His one free hand thrashing desperately, clawing and scratching. 

Gunter did his best to work with his surroundings. There were a few trees to anchor to, but the titan he’d engaged was quick and erratic, almost impossible to predict its next move. All he had to do was keep its attention off of Jaeger, he reminded himself.

One of the remaining two had permanently attached itself to Jaeger’s back, the other managed to rip violently at his only free hand, causing him to cry out in pain – drawing the attention of the retreating scouts once more. Some turned in their saddles to watch in horror as Jaeger was torn apart before their eyes, pitifully crying in pain and struggling to survive. The titan pulled it clean off his body.

A sickening squelch from ahead signaled the arm giving way, tearing out of the socket as greedy, evil hands pulled it away. Tendons snapped, mixing with Jaeger’s bone-chilling roar of agony that rang through the air.

The titan not attached to Jaeger’s back latched onto his ear and shook her head, tearing it off with a hot spurt of blood. Panic wrapped around every muscle, the bite far too close to his neck for comfort. 

There was nothing left of the arm. He was completely defenseless.

At this point, some of the muscles in his leg had grown back enough for him to stagger shakily to his feet, titan still hanging off his back. Its teeth were buried deep into his muscle, jaw clenched down around his shoulder blade. His body throbbed from all of the bite wounds, skin feeling like it would fall off at any moment. He was unsteady on his feet, but it was a miracle that he had recovered that much at all. 

The female titan lunged at him again from his front, but he threw himself away from her, slamming his back against a tree in an attempt to both dislodge the leech on his back and dodge the threat in front of him. The one behind him released its hold long enough to snarl out a wheezing breath, allowing him to now freely turn and sock it in the jaw, hearing it crack satisfyingly. He barely turned in time to catch the female lunging at him again, sending the pair sprawling with her on top of him.

With his singular, remaining arm, he shoved at her, trying to keep the distance as the hole that was his socket feebly attempted to regrow into a nub, completely useless. She snapped down at him like a rabid animal completely disregarding the chokehold he had around her neck. Her wild grin was all he could see, those teeth snapping shut inches from his face and her hot breath rolling over him. 

Trying to tip his head back and shimmy out from underneath her, he finally got an upside down view of a scout struggling with a younger titan. 

It was Gunter. 

Gunter, who had given him a name. Gunter, who was his friend. Gunter, who trusted him with his life. Gunter, who was the only one at his side right now.

That pitifully weak flame in his gut ignited back into an uncontrollable wildfire. 

Gunter, who he wouldn’t fail.

Jaeger’s hand tightened around the titan’s throat. 

Levi turned back, disregarding Erwin’s alarmed calls. 

Jaeger wasn’t going to win this fight – not on his own – and Gunter was going to get himself killed fooling around with a lost cause. 

There was a choice he had to make. Between the titan and his squad member.

Levi clashed with the titan from Jaeger’s back. Its jaw was crooked and lopsided, but it grabbed with vicious hands for him as he took to the air. Not waiting to risk bringing it back into the equation, Levi did his best to quickly dispose of it.

From the other side of Jaeger, Gunter finally managed to take out the small titan he’d been fighting with. It was not a victorious feat, however. The older scout was hit by the small titans flailing hands as it went down. The smack across the face had stunned him and the force of the hit had slammed him to the ground where he currently lay unmoving. That left two now - the one that was currently trying to rip Jaeger’s throat out and Levi’s.

Jaeger suddenly released a warning snarl - the titan’s eyes going wild and meeting Gunter’s own unfocused ones. Gunter internally groaned. Of course, something was going wrong.

Levi’s titan was distracted by Jaeger’s snarl and that moment of hesitation cost it its life as it fell to Levi’s blade.

A final straggling titan pranced into the scene, most likely drawn to the noise and undoubtedly potent stench of human fear. Fresh to the fight with no wounds and full of ravenous energy. And it went straight for Gunter. Dazed on the ground, the scout barely getting to his feet before the titan was upon him.

Jaeger, thrashed with a newfound vigor, wiggling his way out from under the titan that had him pinned. He put a foot between them and kicked it weakly off, hurriedly throwing himself to his feet and launching himself towards Gunter. The female titan recovered all too quickly and lunged after him. Levi was hot on their tail.

But Jaeger was closer. 

Jaeger dove between Gunter and the new titan. With his missing arm, the one hand he did have reached out to stop the new titan, leaving his nape unguarded. The new titan’s teeth came down around Jaeger’s hand, trapping it. The female titan chasing after him latched on in a moment, jaws sinking into Jaeger’s open neck.

Levi’s blade struck just a moment too late.

The female titan reared back, releasing Jaeger’s nape in a dying wail. Steam jetted out from Jaeger’s neck. His serrated mouth opening in a silent cry, eyes wide in shock.

Both titans crumpled to the ground, in a mess of steam.

The teeth in the back of his neck loosened, but the damage was done. He couldn’t get a breath in, feeling like his very soul had been held in a crushing grip. The agony was so all-encompassing, he wasn’t even sure he could spare the brain power to scream. The world was crushing in on him, suffocating him. 

 His body, no, his mind hurt. 

Like those teeth had buried into his spinal cord, like a hand had reached through a gaping wound and messed with his insides. 

He barely felt it when he hit the ground. Almost didn’t register a dead weight falling half on top of him. Dimly, he wondered if Gunter had managed to get away. 

If he had, then it all had been worth it. Even after experiencing this misery and pain, he would do it again in a heartbeat. He couldn’t stand there and watch his friend die. 

His blonde soldier though… he needed to find him. This couldn’t be the end. He had to see him again. 

In a feeble, vain attempt, he tried to reach out his only arm to drag himself from under the dead weight. If he could just get up, if he could get back on his feet, maybe he could - but it was no use. His trembling fingers only curled weakly into the ground, barely leaving a gouge. He couldn’t lift his head anymore, so he let it drop to the ground. 

An exhausted groan left him, a heavy, tired sigh. Through his drooping eyelids, he saw Gunter and Captain Levi slowly walking towards him. They were both alright.

Relief flooded through him. That was all he needed to know, so he let his eyes fall shut.

His last sight was of the mournful look that painted both their faces. The grief. They shouldn’t look at him like that. He was just a titan, they were human. They deserved to live, not him. Not a titan -

Not a titan.

…

What? 

I’m not a titan. 

I want to live. 

I DESERVE to live.

Get up. 

…

Move!

Without further thought, he did what the voice asked of him. One last chance. 

Refusing to be trapped in a suffocating nothingness, he struggled to get free. He dragged himself out of those swirling depths, rising from the darkness. 

The last of his strength. 

Jaeger’s body fell with a deafening crash, shaking the earth. Levi’s blade sang through the air with deadly precision, killing the horrible monster that had just killed their friend.

Jaeger’s nape was torn, billowing steam. 

There was no coming back from that. Not even Jaeger could survive that. 

Snapping out of his trance, Gunter launched into the air, anger and grief giving him the strength. Combined with Levi’s aid, the new titan fell as well.  

There wasn’t a titan left after, friendly or not. 

All that was around them was steaming corpses.

They both returned to the ground.

The two of them turned to Jaeger’s steaming form in shock. Their friend gave one last feeble cry, weakly scratching at the ground before he fell totally silent. His eyes closed one last time. 

Off in the distance, the pulley system worked its job. The rest of the survey corps had made it to the wall. Jaeger was dead. 

Gunter couldn’t believe it. Jaeger had always been untouchable, above the norm. He was more than a titan - such a novelty that it was impossible to think that he could do something as normal as dying. 

Yet here they were, observing the end that all titans met.

Levi walked up to the dead titan, slowly. How was he supposed to say goodbye?

Gunter sniffled a bit behind his captain, trying not to cry.

“I told you not to name him.” Levi deadpanned, motionlessly staring at Jaeger’s steaming corpse.

Gunter only sniffed louder in response, wiping his eyes and then his nose.

Sighing loudly, Levi turned to recall his horse and head for the walls. The captain never enjoyed delivering the news of fallen scouts, but to bring this news… it was almost worse in an ironic way. That titan had been the key to figuring it all out. Humanity’s Hope as Hange and Erwin called him.

And now Jaeger was dead.

Gunter stayed frozen in place for a moment longer, paying a mental tribute to the titan that had saved his life time and time again. This was no different than if he had lost Eld or Petra. It hurt just the same. 

His horse had trotted up to him, coming back to him before he even recalled it. Numbly, he went to mount up, but paused with one foot in a stirrup when something caught his eye. At first, he thought it was the manipulation of the air from the hot steam, but then he saw it again. Something definitely moved in the deteriorating neck of Jaeger.

Something… moved .

“Captain, wait!” He called, sliding off his horse and running up to the steaming pile of titan corpses. He clambered up the arm and crawled across the shoulder towards Jaeger’s neck.

Levi turned and almost snapped at his squad member to leave the dead titan be until he saw Gunter pulling at something in the nape. There was something in there. He quickly turned around and went to help. Together, they dug their blades in with care, trying to not harm whatever was in there. Layers of muscle, sinew, and skin shed away to their hands until they could see the upper torso of a human body. Each grabbed onto an arm and tugged.

From the steaming nape, they pulled a naked, unconscious man free. Deep grooves were etched under his closed eyes, ending just below his cheek bones. His face was peaceful, despite where he had just been pulled from. 

The two scouts were silent. They turned and looked at each other in shock, the stranger motionless between them. 

Chapter Text

Somewhere in the off-distance there were birds chirping. There was a less than comfortable mattress under him, but he felt like he’d just woken from the best nap of the century and could immediately go for another. Even the pillow under his head that was lumpy and under stuffed was the softest thing he’d ever had the blessing of laying his head on. 

Peeling open his eyes revealed a modest stone room with rather mundane furniture - just the bare essentials. Dust curled in the rays of sunlight filtering in through the open window, also serving as a gateway for the commotion of the outdoors to come through.

As strange as it was to wake in a completely unfamiliar environment, Jaeger couldn’t feel more at peace. For once, no looming threat of imminent danger clung to his back and threatened to sink its jaws in when he let his guard down.

Rubbing his eyes to chase the sleep away, he noticed a glass of water on the bedside table, reminding him of just how dry and scratchy his throat was. Downing it as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, he noticed that he was also alone. Yet, he didn’t feel alone. Not like it had been out in titan territory.

His heart stuttered and he nearly dropped the glass. 

Where the fuck was he?

This was most definitely not titan territory. Returning the glass to the table, he quickly stood up and strode over to the open window. His shock only grew. 

The scouts were milling about down in the courtyard, going about chores and work. They all looked completely relaxed, a notable sort of calm that he’d never had the privilege to see. Easy expressions and a lack of that tension their bodies carried when he was with them. They were safe here, he realized. That could only mean one thing.

They were inside the walls.

He was inside the walls. 

“Oh fuck.” He whispered, voice rough and far too raspy. He almost didn’t recognize it as his when he spoke, all too wrong and unfamiliar. How did he get inside the walls? Now wait a moment; he glanced down at his body, dressed in a comfortable lace up cotton shirt and a simple pair of brown trousers. When did he get clothes? Why was he so small?

Spying a small mirror on the wall, he rushed over to it. His… face peered back. His. An instant connection that that was him . Not an exposed, toothy grin or a large hooked nose, but a human face. Like any of the scouts. 

All at once, it was like he let out a full body sigh of relief. He was him. And it felt right to be in this skin. A feeling of being whole again. The only thing that caught him up were the deep rivets on his face, practically gouged out from under his eyes that reached just to the tops of his cheek bones. Brushing his fingers across them brought him no pain, so he reluctantly let it go. It was about as unsettling as seeing your fingers prune horribly in the water, knowing they weren’t supposed to look like that, but understanding it would fade with time. 

Besides that, his face blinked back at him how it normally would, two-colored eyes and his dark brown hair that fell past his shoulders and rested between his shoulder blades. 

Satisfied that he was… ok, he turned his attention to a more serious matter. Like, getting out of this room and getting some answers. When he tried the handle to the door, he was almost surprised to find it swung open readily. A small muffled sound of surprise came from the hallway, but not one of danger or fear. Curious, Jaeger stepped out, meeting the eyes of a wide-eyed, very surprised Connie. 

He remembered him from the many nights of visiting hours. 

“You - uh, your… Jaeger. Awake.” Connie said dumbly, tripping over the words. Baffled, Jaeger nodded. He remained in the doorway, feeling awkward.

“Uh, they wanted to see you.” Connie said. “Erwin! Commander Erwin! He wants to see you! In his office.” Connie rushed to fill in the words he’d no doubt been ordered to say, messing up again.

Faintly smiling at Connie’s obvious floundering, Jaeger dipped his head and waited. 

Connie stood staring at him for a moment longer before slapping his head. “Right! I’ll show you where. Sorry.” He mumbled as he gathered his things, looking embarrassed. 

Jaeger followed him as the lanky scout led him down many hallways, taking what seemed like a maze of corners. He was extremely glad Connie had led him, pretty sure that he would have gotten lost if he’d only been given directions. 

Everything was so clear, like he could see all around him at once. Nothing escaped his line of sight. He had the briefest thought that it looked like they were in a castle, which was almost as familiar as saying he was home. Frowning mentally, he tucked that away for future inspection. 

The pair continued through the hallways, gaining the gazes of scouts they passed. Jaeger recognized a few of the faces here and there, some more than others. Initially, he was off-put by all the staring, but when one red-headed scout gave a shy wave as they passed her cleaning, he couldn’t help the small grin that broke out on his face as he waved back. Petra, from Levi’s squad, he remembered. She was nice.

It felt good to remember. To have the information flow so easily on instinct; to automatically know something without it slipping through his grasp or outright refuse to be known. 

Connie stopped in front of a set of doors and quickly rapped his knuckles on it. A sound of affirmation came from inside and he pushed open the door to poke his head in. For some reason, a bit of anxiety rose within Jaeger as he wasn’t sure how the conversation was going to go. Everything was so weird right now, so different than what he’d been living through in the past year. 

“Jaeger’s awake… sers.” He said and let the doors fall open to reveal to Jaeger the commander and the captain sitting in the office. 

Erwin’s eyes twinkled at seeing him and Levi actually looked a bit pleased to see him as well, though the shift of his expression was so subtle he almost missed it. 

“Welcome,” Erwin said warmly, “please come in and have a seat. I believe we have much to discuss.”

Jaeger took a seat in front of the commander’s desk, a bit nervous at the idea of being face-to-face with the leader of the scouts. Even before he was small, Erwin had an intimidating presence that demanded attention and it was even more noticeable now that Jaeger was human sized. 

“Connie, if you will gather the rest of my officers?” Erwin prompted lightly. 

Connie, who’d been lingering in the doorway, started. “Of course, Commander, right away!” He exclaimed with a hastily salute and scrambled away. 

With the three of them alone in the room, an awkward silence fell over them. For once, Erwin didn’t seem to know what to say. 

“You must excuse me. There was much I wanted to say to you, but being given this opportunity to see you in the flesh, and alert, has left me a bit speechless.” The commander said, tilting his head in apology.

“Understood, sir. I’m not too sure where to start myself.” Jaeger rasped out, voice catching uncomfortably. Speaking was rather difficult after a year of disuse. 

A cup of tea appeared in front of him, the captain adding a spoonful of honey. 

“Drink.” He ordered. “Should help with your throat.”

Jaeger blinked in surprise and went to open his mouth to thank him, but was stopped by the captain raising a hand.

“Save your voice. You’ll have plenty of speaking to do here soon.”

The three of them sat in a much more comfortable silence after that, sipping their tea as Levi and Erwin traded idle conversation, though Jaeger never felt left out or ignored. The tea did actually help, sweet and soothing. Soon enough, a rapid echo of slapping footfalls reached his ears, causing Jaeger to look up towards the door. Levi noticed his wandering attention and studied him thoughtfully. 

Not long after, Hange burst through the doors with all the force of a titan themselves. Their eyes zeroed in on Jaeger and instantly rushed to his side. 

“Oh my goodness, you’re alright!” They exclaimed, fussing over the stunned man. “It is such a pleasure to meet you, well, in person! Ah, this is fantastic, we have so much we can do now!”

Moblit, Mike, and Gunter filtered into the room a ways behind the eccentric scientist, causing Erwin's office to become rather full. 

Jaeger decided letting Hange get it all out of their system beforehand was probably the smartest move and let them mess around with his face, checking his teeth and eyes, talking a mile a minute under their breath. The scientist was particularly interested in the marks under his eyes, turning his head this way and that, thumbing over the lines and pulling his eyelids apart to see if they went further. Over Hange’s shoulder, Gunter gave him a small smile and a wince of sympathy as he was poked and prodded. 

A harsh clearing of a throat came from behind them, making Hange pause in their ministrations and look up. 

“Section Commander, I’m sure you have many things you would like to ask this gentleman, but now is not exactly the time for data collection of that sort.” Erwin said in an understanding, but lightly reprimanding tone. “Jaeger would probably enjoy an actual conversation instead of a one-sided examination.”

Hange flushed at his words and quickly nodded their head and released Jaeger’s.  

“Right. Sorry, dear.” They said, seeming to look at him in a new light - as a conscious person and not just a very smart titan.

Erwin spoke again, delving into what felt like the start of a long, long talk. “Let’s do it this way, Jaeger. I ask something and then you can ask something. That way, no one feels like they’re being interrogated.”

“That works for me. Though, I’m not sure I have all the answers you’re looking for.” He confessed.

“And I cannot guarantee we hold all the answers you seek for yourself.” Erwin replied, raising his eyebrows with sincerity. Jaeger gave a small hum of agreement. The commander dipped his head in offering, inviting Jaeger to ask first. 

“Can someone please tell me where I am?” 

“Paradis Island. In the scouts’ headquarters. I take it you’re not from here if you’re asking that right off the bat?” Levi answered.

Jaeger shook his head hesitantly, unsure of that answer even himself. Paradis Island wasn’t ringing any bells. Not that he couldn’t remember - there was simply no knowledge of this island anywhere in his brain.

“Do you remember where you hail from?” Erwin asked. “Or your name?”

Technically two questions at once, but Jaeger wasn’t going to call him out on it.  “... across the ocean.” He said, wracking his brain. “There was a boat.” he added a beat later. “And no, not one that I can recall, besides the one you’ve given me.”

Levi furrowed his brow. “You don’t look like you’re from Hizuru.” He said, confused. 

That sparked a bit of recognition. He knew about a nation called Hizuru, things about their military and such; he’s fairly sure he’d met their empress. But that wasn’t home. And he had no idea why he knew so much about Hizuru if he wasn’t from there. 

Instead, he shook his head. “No. Not from Hizuru. Do you know of any other nations nearby?”

“Paradis doesn’t work much with outsiders. We used to be allies with Hizuru almost a decade ago, but we ceased trade with them under the King’s orders. Haven’t had contact with another nation since. Any chance you could have been one of their negotiators they accidentally left behind?” The captain explained, trying to offer possible explanations for their bizarre situation. The room was filled with puzzled looks. 

Jaeger shook his head again. “You stopped trade over a decade ago?” He said faintly. “No, I’ve only been here for about a year. At least, that’s as far back as I can recall.”

Erwin looked surprised at that. “Really? And you can’t remember anything from before a year ago?” He looked over the man sitting in front of him. “You barely look twenty - probably younger. You seem a bit older than some of our newer scouts. No remembrance of almost two decades?”

“Well, not exactly.” Jaeger said, looking a bit embarrassed. “I remember things in passing, sometimes names, other times just the general descriptions of people - their noticeable features and if I liked them or not.” He said before he began to frown. “I- I remember a lot of pain.” He tapered off, gaze going unfocused. The frown was deep in his face; the unpleasant parts of his past creeping up. 

The scouts kept their eye on him, giving him time to work over his thoughts. 

“There was a war.” Jaeger said after a while, voice much softer. “I was a soldier. I got hurt.” Absent-mindedly, he rubbed a thumb over the side of his knee, still not looking all there. “I lost people...”

“But you heal now.” Mike prompted. “You’re a titan. Any idea on how that happened?”

Jaeger’s eyes began to move on their own accord, as if reliving the very moments, his gaze back in a past the others could not see. He swallowed hard. He did remember that, in a way. Remembered a deep, hollow betrayal in his chest, a feeling of fear bubbling up in his throat and an inexplicable phantom pain all over his body. Every time he went to look deeper into that moment, it was like he was hit with a physical wall in his mind. As if his mind didn’t even want to remember how he became what he was. 

“I’m sorry, sir. I don’t think I can answer that one just yet.” He said instead, shuffling in the seat nervously and gripping his cup tightly between his hands.

Mike looked ready to push further, but Hange interrupted. “Not to worry dear, you’ve been through a lot. And you’ve only just woken up. It will come with time.” They said warmly. “We’ll help you through it the best we can. It’s the least we can do after what you’ve done for us.”

“Thank you.” Jaeger whispered, looking small. 

“Speaking of, how long has it been?” He said, looking up at the captain, then away, speaking into his tea. “Since the… “

“A little over 4 days.” Levi said.

“You were out the entire time. From the moment we pulled you from the nape of the titan, you’ve been completely unresponsive.” Gunter supplied from the back of the room. “After day three, we were wondering if you’d ever wake up.” He finished with a relieved laugh. “Glad that you did, by the way.”

“You and Captain Levi saved me,” Jaeger acknowledged, “That female titan, I thought she killed me.”

“We thought that too, until Gunter saw something moving in the nape of your titan.” Levi said, face darkening a little as he recalled the moment for himself. 

“Thank you, truthfully.” He said roughly, taking a sip of his tea to tame his throat. 

“No, thank you.” Gunter nodded back to him. “You saved my life. Again.” He said earnestly, making Jaeger give him a weak smile.

“I guess that also answers the next question I was going to ask,” Erwin muttered, “So, it really was you in the titan, driving it.”

Jaeger studied his cup for a bit. “Yeah, that was me.” He said quietly, face falling. 

“Then you must understand why we are a little more than surprised at your appearance.” Erwin began slowly, picking his words carefully. “So far, we have no reason to believe you’d cause us harm, given our history together.” Jaeger hummed his confirmation, relaxing slightly. “As much as my men and I trust you, the rest of humanity inside the walls might not be so accepting. They haven’t experienced what we have; moving forwards, I suggest we air on the side of caution.” Erwin finished, eyebrows scrunching up as he went into thought. 

“Can all titans do that?” Moblit said timidly, watching the conversation quietly up until then. “Um, have a human form in their napes.” He clarified. The whole room suddenly got very tense, seeming to all hold their breath as they awaited his response.

“No, it’s not a normal thing.” Jaeger said with a shake of his head. “All the titans out there are mindless. No one’s in there controlling them other than their own instincts.”

The collective breath of relief from all the scouts was audible even to their own ears, but Moblit spoke up again. “How can you be sure?”

“Some things you just know.” He responded, shrugging. “Could tell I wasn’t quite the same after a while.” 

“So what makes you different like that?!” Hange prompted excitedly with almost a full body bounce. “Are you a human or a titan?” 

The question of the day. 

He couldn’t help the pang of sadness that went through him at their question. Couldn’t stop the way his face fell as he remembered all the times he had to fight with himself out in the plains, struggling to not be like The Other titans. The struggle to not reach for the scouts. 

Humans didn’t eat humans. 

He may look human now, didn’t have that hunger that he had learned to conquer, but he still couldn’t shake the understanding that he once was just like all of The Others. 

The warehouse flashed in his mind. Screams of people he never stopped to think about. The feeling of pure ecstasy as he gulped down mouthfuls of human flesh and blood, crunched easily through their bones. How his only thought was of how he could get more. He’d been a monster. 

So what did that make him? The flashes of a life once lived elsewhere. A feeling of being wholly human. Being in love. Feeling sadness. Feeling pain and betrayal. Human emotions.

The war that he’d so suddenly recalled. Watching as a boy fell dead in front of him. A girl with her side bloodied and bandaged, being carried away while he stayed with a gun in his hands. A deep understanding that he’d used that gun. Killed people. He’d been human and killed other humans. Had he been a monster even “before”?

He reflected back on his time on this island, with the scouts. How they were his friends - all the time they’d spent together during expeditions and in the camps. How he’d nearly died trying to protect them. Was he still a monster after all that? 

There was no erasing the actions of his past. No amount of good he could do to fully forget those people he’d murdered without a care. For all the lives he’d saved, the number of those he’d taken would never decrease.

All of that must have been written plainly on his face because the room got silent once more. It was going to take some getting used to: showing emotions now that he wasn’t in his titan form. 

“I don’t know.” Was all the answer he could muster. The scouts exchanged glances. 

The rest of their conversation turned one sided. Erwin and the others asked questions, but Jaeger couldn’t find it in himself to really care. He gave what answers he could in the form of nods or head shakes - if he was willing to continue to work with them and if he’d be willing to go through experiments with Hange. Eventually, when they realized Jaeger wasn’t asking any questions of his own, Erwin decided to take pity on him. 

“We can stop here for today.” He said softly. Jaeger didn’t respond, or even acknowledge that he’d heard what the commander said. 

Hange came forward and guided him to his feet. ”C’mon, dear, let’s get you something to eat, hmm?”

They led him quietly out of the room, Jaeger following in a haze. Only going along with the scientist out of pure muscle memory of walking as his mind was a million miles elsewhere. 

~

“That was… something.” Mike said when the doors closed.

Erwin frowned. 

“It was going well until Hange asked their last question. Then he shut down.” Moblit said, just as confused.

Levi crossed his arms and stared thoughtfully at Jaeger’s abandoned tea cup. The brat had a heavy accent that he couldn’t place, but it definitely reminded him of the inner city snobs he’d dealt with in the past.

“Do you really think he’s being truthful about all this?” Mike asked. “Not that I want to doubt him, but not remembering anything? That’s a little off. Not to mention convenient for him.”

“He does remember. Just not a lot.” Gunter corrected. “Besides, he looks relatively young. Popping out of titan seems like it was just as much of a shock for him as it was for us.” He defended.

“Well, it was awfully suspicious that he didn’t want to talk after he was asked if he was titan or human, almost as if he wanted to hide something -”

“Cool it Mike.” Levi suddenly snapped. All the other officers looked at him in surprise. Erwin merely shifted his gaze in anticipation for what his trusted friend had to say. “He wasn’t acting shifty or suspicious. I’ve seen plenty of scouts act like that through the years. You bring up a bad expedition and they just go silent.”

His angry gaze softened. “It’s a result of seeing shit that the average person couldn’t even dream of. Stuff that messes you up for the rest of your life.”

“We probably dragged up a bad memory.” Erwin finished for him. “We’ll need to be more careful in the future.”

“He was also talking about a war, before you cut him off. I’m sure we need to find out more about that.” Levi added with a glare towards Mike. 

Mike at least had the decency to look a little ashamed. 

“I think that’s one we should wait for Jaeger to tell us about on his own time. He didn’t seem very comfortable talking about it to begin with, and I’d imagine his losses were not unlike our own.” Erwin said sternly. “This is only the first day. Best not to overwhelm him and gather what we can as we go along.”

The team nodded their heads in acknowledgement. 

“One thing we can say for certain though,” Moblit directed towards Erwin, “is that Jaeger is something we cannot afford to lose. Through research alone, he is priceless. I hope you have a plan on how to keep him out of the MP’s clutches.”

“Of course,” Erwin said with a dip of his head, “Jaeger won’t be going anywhere, not if I can help it. If he chooses to stay with us, it will be easier to protect him. But of course, that’s a decision he can make for himself at a later date.”

As he spoke, Levi had gotten up and made to leave. “Leaving so soon, Levi?”

The captain called back over his shoulder as he left. “I’m going to go find the brat and see if I can’t get him out of his head. If Hange was the one to get him like that in the first place, we probably shouldn’t leave them together.” He said as he disappeared through the doorway. 

Walking with Hange wasn’t actually all that bad. Jaeger had been anticipating them to crowd and pester him more about things he didn’t know the answer to once they left, but the scientist was letting them walk in a comfortable silence. Their presence, while bold and admittedly jarring at times, was comforting. Almost a pleasant, calming stroll to clear the mind. That is, if his wasn’t currently swirling and churning like a brewing thundercloud. 

Not that he blamed Hange; they couldn’t have known what their words would unleash from the dam that blocked up his head. That one question a jab at the ore, chipping off a rotten chunk that now was permeating the rest of his memories with a guilt and fear so strong, so unlike anything he’d felt when he was a titan. This pain ran much deeper than what he’d seen with the scouts. And the worst part was, he couldn’t put it into words to help Hange understand, so that they could help him. On the inside, he felt so alone, despite the warm body beside him keeping him company.

He wasn’t even sure with an intact memory, he’d ever be able to properly articulate just how crushed his soul felt when he tried to remember. Or especially when he did remember.

So, all he could do was mope in the broken cobwebs of his own mind, silent with the possession of words. 

The sounds of summer, from the buzz of grass-residing insects to the chatter of the canteen up ahead, did their best to fill the gap of conversation. And it did, for a bit. Something soothed inside of him like balm on a stinging wound. Bringing him back to warm nights and crisp memories of walking barefoot down an orchard trail, his hand enveloped in the warmth of another. Talks with his fellow soldiers on unimportant, seemingly meaningless nights. But oh, how important they were to him now. 

Those miniscule conversations being something he now cherished; clung to blindly to remind himself that there was more to him than fear. There could be good - normalcy even. 

More sounds of footsteps coming towards them pulled his attention from the lull he’d been in. Levi had found them. Jaeger turned in anticipation to meet the captain, Hange making a questioning noise beside him. 

Levi rounded the corner a moment later, looking taken aback that Jaeger was already waiting expectantly, but quickly recovered. 

He scoffed. “That’s some impressive skill you’ve got there.”

Jaeger titled his head. “All I’m doing is listening. Maybe you shouldn’t stomp around.” Hange muffled a snort beside him, making him slightly confused. It was true? Levi’s footfalls were incredibly loud on the stone path, in fact, all of the scouts were rather loud. Sina, he could practically hear everything .

“We’ll have to test that out a bit when we get some experiments set up,” Hange said, sending a teasing look over at the captain, “Levi can help us with his mighty steps!” The glare the scientist received could have wilted a flower in an instant, but did nothing to dampen the manic smile on their face. 

“Tch. I’ll break those damn shitty glasses if you keep it up.” He mumbled, but continued to walk forward, joining the pair as they walked towards the canteen. “I think it might be best if we have our meal away from the other scouts tonight.” He said, giving a side-eyed glance over to Hange. They looked surprised at the suggestion, but then looked at Jaeger, who barely noticed as he was back in his head again. 

“That might be a good idea, Captain.” They said in a low voice, following Levi’s lead as he steered the group towards a more reclusive building. There was a plaque on the outside next to the doorframe, but Jaeger couldn’t read what it said, causing him to frown slightly. Inside, he could tell the building was a bit smaller than the main canteen and was of relatively nice quality. Less crowded and not to mention much, much quieter. 

It smelled… good inside the canteen, making him tense warily. 

They got their food and sat at one of the tables, their selection wide due to the lack of occupants. Once they were seated, Jaeger was hit with just how starved he felt. He’d grown so used to a gnawing hunger in his gut, used to its presence. He didn’t find it strange how he’d managed to ignore it all day. Now, it was back with a full force, a painful hollow sensation in his gut. So strong, it made him falter and tighten his grip on his silverware, nearly bending his fork in half.

Not here. Please, not now. 

His eyes darted between the scouts on either side of him, Hange and Levi settled in to eat their meals in peace. He couldn’t be here. He shot to his feet in an attempt to escape, to spare them from whatever had grown out of control inside him, but a firm hand planted on his shoulder and tugged him back down.

“Eat.” Levi commanded. “No one’s going to hurt you here.”

You won't, Jaeger agreed silently, but I might.

His titan was still silent inside his mind though, which he ticked as strange. Usually, it would be roaring to life with the hunger, demanding he eat, but now it was dormant. But he was not fooled. While it refused to surface and order him, he knew it wasn’t gone. Something told him it would never be gone. Much like the way you never lose the angry part of yourself, hiding away its ugliness in the back of his brain. 

Unable to go anywhere with the immeasurably strong grip the captain had on him now, Jaeger wallowed in despair and let himself be kept on the bench, only hoping that Levi would continue to be that strong if he lost control. His panicked breaths brought more delicious scents to his nose, warm and rich with the aroma of steaming bread, soft butter and… meat. But, not… meat.

He tried to gather his thoughts, scenting the air again. 

No. This hunger was different. It wasn’t crazed or ravenous. He was just, hungry, and the saliva that accumulated in his mouth wasn’t uncontrollable like it had been before. 

Cautiously, he took a bite of food and the delicious flavor and spice coated his tongue, quieting some of the hunger with the first bite. He nearly choked on his food in surprise. 

Hange chuckled beside him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a scout look at canteen food like it was a gift from the goddess Rose herself.”  Levi cracked a small smile beside him.

Relief almost made him go boneless, but he kept himself together, swallowing the mouthful. Letting out a huge breath, Jaeger allowed himself to let out a quiet laugh of his own. 

“They don’t exactly have bread out there in titan territory.” He said, plucking his roll off his plate and taking a big bite. It earned him a cackle from the scientist. 

Hange had a point: the roll was a bit hard and stale, the thin slice of meat limp, sad, and of some unknown origin. It was no grand meal, but Jaeger decided then and there that it was the most amazing thing he had ever eaten. 

Trying to mind his manners while he practically wolfed down the rest of his meal was tricky, but he did manage to not dig into the rest of his plate with his bare hands. He was quite proud of himself for sticking with the small forkfuls and clearing away the crumbs occasionally. From the looks of it, Levi was pleased too. 

“You have better table manners than some of the wealthiest arses we get in here. You a noble’s child?” The captain questioned him. “You’ve got the accent to match.”

It was the farthest thing from the conversation they’d had in Erwin’s office; this was pleasant, mundane dinner conversation. 

Jaeger did actually laugh audibly at that one. “Looks like it. Is that ever an insult you use? That your scouts have worse table manners than a titan?”

Hange nearly choked on their own roll laughing along. “He has! You should hear him! He gets all huffy, ‘Oi, you damn brats! I’ve seen titans eat politer than you!’ and ‘A titan knows the actual purpose of a napkin, unlike you lot.’ And now it’s true!” They crowed. Levi nodded his head in recognition, solidifying the truth behind Hange’s words and that made it so much funnier to Jaeger. 

He was smiling so hard his face hurt. And it wasn’t a cruel nasty grin of a titan, but an effortless expression of happiness he hadn’t worn for some time.

Chapter Text

“Up and at ‘em, Jaeger, Captain Levi’ll have your ass if you oversleep.” One of the sleepy scouts mumbled as the bunks sprung to life. From what it sounded like, Jaeger was the last one up.

A pillow came down on his head unceremoniously, thoroughly rousing him from his slumber. Groaning dramatically, he grabbed the pillow in both hands and stole it from its owner, flipping over onto his stomach, hugging it close and curling farther under the blankets. Mornings sucked tremendously now that he’d gotten used to his human biology again, no longer waking with the sun. Besides, he never was a morning person to begin with…. 

“Jaeger, UP!” Jean’s annoyed early-morning voice broke in, “I’m not doing laps because of you if we’re late!” His words were accompanied by a much harsher pillow smack to his back. Jolting up in his bunk, Jaeger swatted at the irritating scout, grumbling to himself as he mentally got ready to get up. 

“Shut the hell up, Jean, I’m not a fucking dog.” He snarled half-heartedly. It was too soon after waking to be bickering, but Jean had special asshole privileges in Jaeger’s book. They were up at some unfathomable hour about to head to training anyways, so perhaps it wasn’t too early to fight after all. Consider it a warm up. All Jaeger could hope was that they got paired together so he could knock Jean’s ass around for a few hours and make up for it. 

“Could have fooled me.” Jean scoffed under his breath, knowing that Jaeger’s keen ears would pick it up. 

“Horseface.” He hissed back.

“Will you two shut up, please?” Connie groaned as the rest of the scouts began to file out. No one else bothered to tell them to be quiet, all still half asleep and used to their constant bickering at this point. The two of them promptly turned their backs on the other, dressing quickly to catch up. 

Jaeger fell into step with Armin as they made their way through the courtyard to the training grounds. It was a cool morning where the dew hung heavy on everything and the air misted around their forms. The sun was just barely peeking over the horizon, not quite ready to turn the air hot and stifling. Later into the day, when the sun reached its peak and not a single cloud would brave the sky, the training grounds were set to become a sizzling, scorching wasteland. Wind was but a longing he had learned not to expect. Jaeger groaned internally. 

They waited around for a bit while the instructors sorted them into groups, somehow looking like they’d been up for hours and by the goddesses, eager , to get on with the day. 

He’d been enlisted (un)officially in the scouts for about 3 weeks now. Since he had no records and no name, the commander had done his best to fudge the necessary details.

They’d drawn up a sparse, unimpressive backstory for him to follow in case any of the other branches ever got curious and decided to sniff around. He was simply Jaeger – no last name – from Shiganshina district. An orphan, no other family; thought to be the tragic result of a bout of disease that had swept through the district a few years ago. Not even a long-lost distance cousin twice removed. Prior occupation: an under-the-table laborer for the Survey Corps supply team, working near the gates.

All made up, obviously. Practically every scout knew to an extent what was going on – that he was a foreigner and had miraculously appeared from the nape of an abnormal titan. That his memory was shot and he struggled to remember things from before . 

Past that? The tiny details were kept among himself and those he trusted most. Jaeger was a firm believer that not everyone had to get “all up in his business”, as Gunter had once put it. He was here to stay and anyone who had a problem with it could take it up with the commander - Levi had worded it a bit differently than that, but Jaeger also agreed. He was sincerely indebted to Commander Erwin; without his help, there was no telling what could have become of him if he was found out. 

In a world where titans were the most imminent threat to humanity’s survival, popping out of one had put him in a precarious position. Even a handful of the scouts had initially been wary of him to a new degree. It was easier for them to accept a friendly titan, rather than the fact that he was a sentient human that could turn into a titan. That was a bit too complex. It opened up too many confusing, frightening questions. Essentially, Jaeger had torn their world view apart by simply existing.

They had trusted the titan. And now? He was a monster lurking in a human disguise to them. 

He made sure he was never alone with the antsy ones.

To his surprise, the rest of the ranks had taken his new form surprisingly well. Of course, there were a few mishaps along the way and tense situations, but it was not unlike his original introduction as a “friendly titan”. Armin assured him with time things would settle once more. His friend was so full of optimism and innocent hope that Jaeger couldn’t help but believe it too. 

After countless tiring discussions with Erwin and his advisors along with plenty of socialization with the scouts, he’d been officially incorporated into their numbers and moved into one of the bunks. Both himself and the scouts had found out a lot about himself in the past few weeks. 

For one, they almost immediately confirmed that he still had the titan ability to heal when Captain Levi absolutely obliterated him in a sparring match. His smarting body had been quick to repair itself and while he wasn’t overjoyed at getting a beating, he was able to recognize its necessity and for what it really was: the Survey Corps trusted him to an extent, but they needed reassurance that someone could keep him under control if need be. Levi was that someone. 

It was a sore spot that he never voiced to anyone. He hated being treated like a ticking time bomb - but could he really blame them?

He knew what situation he’d put the scouts in, but that day had been a grim reminder that he was still viewed as a monster, no matter the comradery he had built with them.

Other than the healing, they’d figured out pretty quickly that most of his senses were exceptionally sharper. Hearing was a major one. Hange had been quick and precise with their testing, and yes, they had used Levi. Not only to honor the joking from the first night, but also because he was arguably the stealthiest out of all the potential subjects; Mike was a close second, which was surprising. For such a tall guy, he sure could be sneaky when the situation called for it. 

His sense of smell was a close second. They had used Mike for those ones. And he was able to best even Mike, officially claiming the crown as best nose in the Survey Corps. Those tests also allowed him to rebuild the friendship he once had with the tall man. While he’d initially been suspicious of Jaeger and held him at arm’s length for a while, interacting with him again and actually being able to talk through things had melted some of that frostiness that had grown between them. 

Mike didn’t seem too bent out of shape at being outdone; if anything, it gave him and Jaeger something in common. It came in handy to have two powerful noses at the ready. They were quick to seek each other out and confirm whatever they’d picked up on the wind. A mutual reassurance that only they could give each other. Someone else to help shoulder the burden of singling out danger. They’d even been able to start up their old game of hide and seek now that both were on an even playing field, which led to some peculiar moments in the mess hall where Jaeger tried to outsmart the tall man. 

It hadn’t worked.

Plenty of things were still up in the air. So far, they hadn’t been able to determine if he could go back in his titan form and that definitely wasn’t for a lack of trying. Hange’s relentless experiments and testing were tiring enough as it was. On top of that, he was working double time to catch up to the scouts’ skill levels. His ODM performance was severely lacking to put it lightly; not to mention his inexperience with blade work, which wasn’t entirely his fault. The scouts had years of training on Jaeger, starting nearly as young as 15, which baffled the man. Such an age seemed awfully young to start training to slay man-eating monsters. 

He had to admit, it paid off in the field, and he was absolutely jealous as of now being so far behind. It was far from a natural skill and his body was no help in maintaining his precarious balance while suspended on two thin wires. He felt like a drunken duck and couldn’t stop how frustrated he got with himself. He wanted to catch up to the scouts; needed to . 

Until he mastered the ODM gear, he was only as good as a stable hand to them. Barred from leaving the walls on expeditions until he either mastered the gear or could reform as a titan. Initially, he’d tried to protest the decision, but Erwin and Hange had explained probably twenty times at the least that sending him outside the walls so defenseless was essentially suicide. That left him with a fire in his gut and a determination that shadowed even the most passionate scouts. Day in and day out, he trained until either his body gave out or his instructor called it off. And they learned pretty quickly to regulate his training hours or he’d keep going until he dropped.

Combined with all his hard training, Armin had been teaching him to read and write the Paradisian language during the midday relaxation hour. His friend had picked up on the way Jaeger squinted and worried his bottom lip when looking at any signs or written orders, always the perceptive one. After dinner one night, he had pulled him aside and offered to teach him, stating that there was no judgment. That was something Armin was good about: he never made him feel less for what he couldn’t control. They were too close for that. Jaeger was grateful for all the young soldier did for him and Armin’s saint-like patience also helped to soothe the embarrassment. It wasn’t that he was dumb, it was a different language. There were similarities, but he needed a guiding hand to grasp it. Thankfully, Armin was the perfect teacher and Mikasa was his ever silent supporter. 

Mikasa was a stark contrast to sweet and patient Armin. She could be short and reserved, but not unpleasantly so. Rarely could anyone get her to talk more than a few words and Jaeger was no exception to that. However, after so long being unable to speak himself, Jaeger found it easy to pick up on some of her subtle cues and body language. It seemed that Mikasa had her own way of caring for people; it just wasn’t as obvious as Armin’s easy, loving nature.

They got along swimmingly without hardly speaking a word to each other, clicking miraculously well almost the moment they were reunited. Sometimes Mikasa would get in a dark mood and go to this place in her head, shutting everyone out. Jaeger could understand that, so he did whatever he could to drive the old painful memories away and bring her back to them. Whether it be an invitation to simply sit by his and Armin’s side while they practiced letters or finding her favorite flower and bringing it to her, he would worm his way past her defenses and coax her back out. It was hard to tell if she simply didn’t realize what he was doing or if she too had grown sick of the darkness and wordlessly let him guide her from the shadows. 

Jaeger would trapsize through thorn bushes and nettles for as long as it took to find those short blue flowers that chased the darkness from Mikasa’s eyes. His life was here now, in the scouts, and he wanted to protect the people he cared for still, even if he couldn’t do it outside the walls anymore. Protecting them was much more than swinging fists and vigilant guarding.

Fitting into this new life in a strange world behind towering walls was a struggle. There were always things Jaeger felt like he didn’t know, always floundering to keep up with the rest. It was a series of small battles. How to properly put on the labyrinth of ODM straps. Re-learning proper military etiquette, even when his mind insisted he knew the correct way to salute. He always found himself wrong and it was frustrating. Couldn’t even walk around without getting stares. Sina, how was he walking wrong?

Levi told him he carried himself like a snob from the inner city and that it put off a lot of the lower classed scouts. He explained that his mannerisms and posture gave him the air of a lord and that they probably saw him as an outsider even more because of it. The captain assured him that Jaeger had to give it some time for them to find out that he didn’t actually act or think like one, then they’d stop their stares. 

Learn to walk normally - whatever that meant - was added to Jaeger’s list of things to do. He was slowly crossing them off, day by day, week by week.

So far? With the help of his friends, which he accepted more than gratefully, he began the long journey of molding himself from stranger to scout and he was beyond exhausted already. Training both his mind and body all day was rough work, but he had mastered the alphabet. His ODM skills? No such luck. The first time he’d tried to get some air with his gear he’d cracked his head on the ground so hard, the steam hadn’t stopped rising for almost a full hour and he had to keep his eyes shut, lest the light make the pain rake through his skull. 

After some work with Mikasa, he managed to get through the itty bitty training course at a snail’s pace, but it was far from where he needed to be. Transforming into a titan was even worse off. For the most part of those sessions, he’d stand there bored for hours, while he was goaded and poked by Hange, or he tried to force the process himself. Nothing seemed to work. They never said it directly to him, but those keen ears of his picked up the whispers he’d rather not hear: they were starting to doubt that he’d ever “go big” again. 

He pretended not to have heard, but couldn’t stop his fists clenching in frustration, hot blood making his palms slippery.

He was stuck in a stagnant cycle and he was slowly losing his mind. Helpless as a newborn fawn.

The expeditions still happened. They had to. The walls relied too heavily on the Survey Corps for them to sit back and wait on Jaeger. So, they continued their expeditions for the first time in a year without his protection. Adding to the stress of his current world shift was the very real threat that it might be Armin who was bitten in two next time. Or Mikasa who limped back with a severed leg. Walls, it might be Marco whose face returned ashen and vacant eyed, still breathing but dead all the same. And it scared the shit out of him every time they left. Guilt was a close second. If he could just learn faster , there wouldn’t be a need for the steadily rising death toll. 

Hange’s scent neutralizer only went so far, there were still other indicators the titans could sense when they left the walls. Hiding their smell only worked to an extent. It was hard to ignore a whole formation of humans galloping right under a titan’s nose. No matter how much information Jaeger gave them on how to avoid or outsmart titans, it never seemed to be enough.

Every time the expeditions returned, there was always one less familiar face on horseback. Always too many bodies lost to the plains. It made him hate himself even more. 

This was all his fault, after all. He wasn’t good enough to protect them. And they paid dearly for his incompetence. 

Yet another thing he didn’t voice to his new comrades. 

Hearing his name barked out by an overseeing officer, he pulled himself from his early morning musings. His first partner ended up not being Jean, but an equally irritating scout named Floch. At least his annoyance wouldn’t be dealt onto someone he actually liked, like Armin. He had no issues with tossing Floch around.

They changed sparring partners a few times; Jaeger and whoever was unfortunately assigned to him would be done well before the others. It was of no real surprise - his hand to hand skill was exceptional, to put it lightly. Pulling moves his training partners couldn’t anticipate only served to once again shine a humongous spotlight on just how different he was from the other scouts. Wherever he got his training from, his maneuvers were unpredictable up against the scouts’ basic training. The only person he’d gone up against and lost to so far was Captain Levi. 

Briefly, he wondered if Mikasa or Mike could best him. They were both capable and impressive soldiers. Perhaps he’d have to seek his quieter friends out and convince them to help him in an extra training session. That is, if they’d let him and not immediately send him to bed. They could both be so motherly at times.

Eventually, Captain Levi himself and Section Commander Hange came to watch the sparring lessons. Much to his surprise, Hange nudged their subordinate onto the grounds after the next switch and announced Jaeger was assigned to Levi. The captain looked anything but thrilled at being dragged into a routine training session. He guessed he shouldn’t have been too surprised at the change of partners: throwing the other scouts to the ground in only a few moves wasn’t helping him get better. He needed a real challenge. 

They’d only gone against each other that once and he’d gotten his ass rightfully handed to him. Looked like today was going to be another test of his healing.

It was such a shame he couldn’t excel at an actual useful skill. He couldn’t exactly protect the scouts by going out and sparring with titans at this pitiful size.  

Levi didn’t say much of anything while they got into position. While he hadn’t been familiar with Jaeger’s fighting style either, his quick thinking and incredible reflexes made up for any detriment he might have. Even now as they circled each other, Jaeger could tell that the captain was sizing him up, trying to gauge what strange tactic he would pull out now. 

Heaving a resigned sigh, he let his mind cease its crowded thinking. Sparring was something he could do. One of the things that came naturally. He could let his reflexes take over now. 

Levi’s eyes narrowed when he saw how relaxed Jaeger got. Could tell he was sinking into that mindset he went into when going hand to hand. It was time to begin. 

Levi struck first - a mere blink of the eye and he was across the training grounds and ruthlessly striking away at Jaeger’s shield of defense. He took each blow as they reigned down, waiting for an opening, but the captain was fast and probably knew that he was holding back. 

His first jab met air; Levi dancing back out of reach. The extension of his arm left the side of his abdomen open, which Levi took advantage of. A crack to his ribs had him coughing and threatened to have him keel over, but he gritted his teeth and snapped his arm out to try and get the captain while he was close. 

His fist barely skimmed Levi’s side. He retreated to gain some space, but Levi kept coming, never letting the distance between them grow. All he could do was keep his defense up, trying desperately to keep Levi in his line of sight. The captain was fast, seemingly anywhere and everywhere all at once. 

Levi was a much more difficult training partner, completely unscathed while Jaeger took hit after hit. Some of the scouts had paused in their own sparring, watching as Jaeger struggled to keep his feet while Levi tore into him. 

“Shitty brat, are you half blind? Get it together.” The captain suddenly snarled. Jaeger blinked in surprise, suddenly realizing they’d been locked in a standstill with him shuffling around to keep Levi on one side at all times. “You’re protecting a blind spot that’s not even there.”

“Sorry.” He mumbled, trying to shift his stance so they were head on again. Something prickled at the back of his mind, like seeing a red-hot iron inching towards his skin. A tingling feeling of unease. He swallowed hard and blocked another jab. This was just a training exercise, he was fine, no need to be anxious.

“Pick up the pace. Where’s your energy from before?” Levi continued to scold him, landing a smarting, impressive high kick to his right side. Jaeger wheezed. His palms were sweating. 

He could trust Captain Levi. The man had saved his life before. Everything was alright, he tried to calm himself. Another blow swiped his leg out from him and had him sink down to one knee. 

Get up. 

He shot up so fast, Levi surged back in surprise, his attempt to go for a kick to Jaeger’s back abandoned. The pulse roaring in his ears was deafening. If his fists were trembling from where they were raised, he didn’t care. All he could do was keep Levi in front of him. He had to keep Levi in front of him. He didn’t understand why, but his mind was screaming at him, nearly drowned out by the sound of his own heartbeat. 

Levi seemed to sense that Jaeger was slipping again. He almost looked like he was backing off, about to call the fight, but Hange’s voice suddenly cut in. 

“Continue!” They barked from the sidelines of the training grounds. 

A single blade skittered along the ground, thrown out by someone on the sidelines. Eren didn’t want to think about whose it was. Levi begrudgingly picked it up, his eyes never leaving Jaeger's the whole time. Jaeger didn’t miss how he was still unarmed. The flat dirt area had been cleared out. The rest of the training squad had been moved elsewhere, watching the fight from afar. 

Jaeger’s mind went haywire. 

They’d finally gotten sick of him. He was taking too long. They’d paired him up with Levi to tire him out. Levi was the only one who could kill him if they so chose to do so. He wasn’t useful to them anymore. His eyes were wild and he could tell that he was teetering on something. Some edge that he hadn’t even known existed. 

The captain could see it too. He was calculating something and it made Jaeger’s blood run cold.

He had trusted them. Hange had been so patient with him up until now, but he’d been fooled. Levi’s calm, steady personality had only served to lull him into a false sense of safety. Erwin had gotten whatever information he needed out of him and now he was nothing more than another mouth to feed, useless and ready to be disposed of. Did Mike want this too? He thought they were friends again. What about Gunter? Armin?

Maybe he’d been wrong. He had come in and taken Mike’s spot after all. What if the older scout was just really good at hiding jealousy. What if they had come together and all voted on this in secret? Leading him on until the time was right. 

No one would even notice if he was gone. He was a foreigner. No papers. No one inside the walls would be any the wiser that a man named “Jaeger” was gone. No one knew he was here. 

“Captain…” He struggled out, pleading with his eyes for something - anything. He was scared. He didn’t want to die. Please, Ymir, he didn’t want Levi to kill him. He thought he meant something to them. He just needed more time. There was someone he still had to see. Please!

“Levi.” Hange warned from the side, seeing the captain hesitate. The lack of emotion in that once encouraging voice was terrifying.

Levi’s gaze hardened. He raised the blade. 

Jaeger zeroed in on it. Back to the first time he’d seen one in action. How that crouching titan had fallen in a second, its smile still on its face. 

Jaeger didn’t think he’d be smiling when Levi cut him down. 

Levi took a step forward. 

His skin itched, something thrummed under it. It curled into every crevice of his body, tingling in his fingertips and locking his muscles up in preparation. Levi kept coming, steadily. 

He backed up on instinct, his fists falling to his sides in some hopeless attempt to communicate that it was a bad idea to continue. Levi took that moment of weakness to swing at him. Reflexively, he threw up an arm to shield himself. Levi’s blade cleanly cut through his flesh like it was air itself, severing it clean off at the elbow. Sina, it burned . It stung . Jaeger couldn’t make his mouth work to cry out anyways. Someone yelped in alarm from the sidelines. A struggle broke out, but he didn’t have the time to spare to pay it any attention. 

Cringing in pain, he tried to back up more, desperate to get away but unable to turn his back in fear for his nape. The captain let him skitter away, his blade dripping steaming blood. The same blood that fell freely from the stump of his arm. He couldn’t read the expression in those eyes.

Should he just accept it? Why should he continue to fight? Hadn’t he served his purpose? There was nothing left for him to offer the Survey Corps. 

Hell, was there anything even left of that first life to go back to? Maybe there was a reason he couldn’t remember. They put him on that boat for a reason. Abandoned him here. They didn’t want him, wherever he came from. And the Survey Corps didn’t want him either. 

What if the blonde soldier didn’t want him to come back? Was he even looking for him the same way Jaeger looked for him?

Levi’s blade was slicing through the air towards him. He imagined it’d be so impossibly cold against his skin. 

He’d never be wholly human again. Humans didn’t heal like he did. Why was he so messed up? He wasn’t completely human and he wasn’t completely titan. He didn’t belong in any category, always too out of place to fit in. No one wanted him. Not for long. 

But dammit, this wasn’t how he was going to let this end.

Levi’s blade kissed his neck and he let that buzzing feeling under his skin explode. Heat wrapped around him in an instant. An ear-shattering boom shook the ground. For the first time in a long time, Jaeger felt alive and not in a comforting way – the titan in his head rolled violently, buzzing with excitement of being right there, so close , to being whole again.

He couldn’t open his eyes, but felt the comforting presence of his titan around him. He remained still, unable to move as it was, blind and ready for whatever fate Hange commanded. Or maybe they’d hold off on giving the order. This was what they’d been after all along, hadn’t it?

But he’d transformed when Levi had been tasked to kill him… that probably wasn’t a good thing. Not letting Levi kill him felt like disobeying an unspoken order.

So it wasn’t a perfect transformation; he couldn’t see or move, but he was definitely trapped inside a titan’s body. Eerie silence encased him. No calls of alarm from the onlooking scouts could be heard, which was strange. There surely would be some reaction to the appearance of an ugly, steaming titan in their training grounds. Yet, nothing.  

It would seem his form was defective. No sight, hearing, or movement allowed. His body suspended in hot darkness, eyes blissfully shut from the world.

Unable to take the silence anymore, he dragged himself backwards, twisting out of the hold of muscles and tendons. It was easier than the last time he’d emerged, but he was still panting when he broke free. His uniform was drenched in sweat and suddenly he felt unbearably exhausted, all energy sapped despite it only being late morning. Now was not the time for napping. 

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Levi’s. The captain’s unblinking grey eyes bore into him from where he stood in front of the steaming titan corpse. 

The training grounds were utterly silent. 

“Enough.” Hange commanded, shattering the stillness. 

Levi’s blade was gone in an instant, cast off to the side as if it burned him. The captain took rapid steps back from him. Jaeger blinked dully, watching him go. Something had been crushed inside of him.

When he dropped to the ground from the nape of the skeletal titan form, he felt like a walking corpse, wobbling unsteadily. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Hange starting to make their way towards him. The rest of the scouts filed back onto the training grounds behind him. Levi remained where he was, arms hanging limply at his sides. 

Jaeger couldn’t be there anymore. 

Faster than anyone could stop him, he whipped around and took off in the direction of the forest. He heard some people calling his name behind him but he didn’t stop. It wasn’t his real name anyways. They were just pretending. He hated himself for trusting so blindly. 

He rushed into the forest, not caring for where he went or how far; he needed to be alone. Needed to process what had just occurred. Not paying any attention to how long he walked for, he hadn’t realized that some of the moisture on his face wasn’t from sweat. The tear tracks were dry and tacky by that point.

Chapter Text

“You fucked up,” Levi said simply, watching Jaeger storm off. Hange faltered in their steps after him. 

Their shoulders slumped. “I know, I just… thought it would work,” They whispered. “It was a bet.”

“And it didn’t hold up how you wanted to,” He finished for them.

 Hange sighed heavily.

“He was almost there,” Levi offered, “if you had any lingering doubts about him ‘going big’ again, I’d say that’s a pretty good indicator that he still can.” He nodded towards the half-formed titan corpse in front of the pair. 

Hange twisted their hands together as they walked back towards him. “Was it worth it though? He’ll probably never trust us again,” they said miserably. 

Levi stared at the spot where Jaeger had disappeared. Briefly, he noted that the marks below his eyes had returned. They’d faded away a few days after he’d originally woken up. Strange. There must be some link to them. “The brat’s been through some shit and you just asked me to essentially attempt to kill him. I tried to warn you.” 

Jaeger’s wild, terrified eyes played over and over again in his head, the betrayal and hurt cutting right through the captain. He didn’t deserve that. 

“If someone’s going after him, it can’t be me,” he said a moment later. “He’ll just think I’ve come to finish the job.”

Hange sighed heavily through their nose. “I know. I should probably go get him and try to explain. If he’ll even listen to me.” They raked their hands through their hair and closed their eyes. 

Jaeger’s half-formed titan was getting more and more skeletal by the passing second. Hange’s guilt was blatant. Any other time they’d be all over the corpse trying to study it and take samples. They hadn’t so much glanced at it so far. Levi quietly studied it for them, noting how the titan only had an upper torso, head, and one arm. No skin, hair, or even eyes at all — a quickly formed wall of muscle and bone for the sole purpose of protection.

Protection from him. 

Levi swallowed harshly. They’d really fucked up this time. 

Jaeger both heard and smelt Hange before they found him. Despite that, he didn’t bother getting up to slink off again. Most likely, they’d trample all over these grounds looking until they eventually got to him, so he figured there was no point in running. Besides, he’d sat in silence long enough; he was sick of running. 

Hange tentatively entered the clearing, their boots shuffling through leaf litter and twigs. Briefly glancing up at them from where he sat, he saw the heartbroken look on their face and returned his gaze to the forest floor.

“Jaeger…” They began softly, “I’m sorry.” Hange remained where they were, not coming any closer. He appreciated it, needing some space to process the apology. 

He hummed quietly. “Have you come to kill me?” Jaeger said dully. The dirt in front of him was littered in half-done portraits, never fully completed and always lacking the likeness he sought. 

“No.” Hange answered him. They hugged themselves, toeing at the ground as they thought up what to say. “Today was a test. We thought you needed more… motivation to transform.”

Scoffing lightly in the back of his throat, he analyzed them from where he sat. They certainly had incited something in him. A deep carnal desire to survive. Vivid, atrocious memories had swept to the surface of his mind, filled with pain and anger. That transformation had triggered a rush of emotion and understanding that Jaeger wasn’t ready to deal with just yet. Most of his mind was still a wasteland of loneliness, but a small nick had been chipped away from the dam. 

He hated Hange for what they did. How they ripped his heart out of his chest. Made him think he was safe and then turned on him.

But… did he really hate them? Now that he had transformed, maybe he’d get to go outside the walls again. They had a deal. If it was still viable, that is. 

His shoulders slumped. “Yeah, that was pretty motivational. Felt really inspired.” He mentally congratulated himself on not letting his voice crack. 

“It was my order.” They said suddenly. “If you’re going to place blame on someone, be angry, whatever — it’s on me. Levi didn’t want to do it, but Erwin and I ordered him to.” The guilt crept onto their face. “I should have listened to him. You didn’t deserve that.”

Jaeger regarded the ground again. Finally, he let out a long, defeated sigh and shut his eyes for a moment. “I know why you did it. I know we were stagnant in progress, but…” His throat closed up and he had to stop talking for a few moments. “I can never stop feeling like I don’t belong here. Don’t get me wrong, I love the scouts and everything they’ve done for me, but there’s always that doubt in the back of my mind. That I’ll outlive my usefulness or be deemed a ‘Threat to Humanity’... and you solidified it today.” He finished, shuffling his feet up to hug his knees. 

Hange blanched at the idea. “You’re priceless, Jaeger. We’d never get rid of you. We know you’re figuring this out with us, and… yes… we wanted results, and I acknowledge the way we went about it wasn’t right, but please, if you still trust me, we’re not going to kill you. We owe you far too much to do that,” They paused for a moment. “Sure, you being human changes a lot, but it doesn’t change what happened out there in the plains.” 

They took a step forward, tentatively. “When Erwin said the Corps was indebted to you, he meant it. Anyone here knows that you’d lay down your life to protect any of us. And that’s really all we can ask right now; that’s what it means to be a part of the Survey Corps,” They finished with a half smile. 

Jaeger turned his eyes to meet their gaze. In his chest, his heart thumped hopefully at the return of that familiar sight of Hange. The one who was helpful and eager to work with him. The Hange that never yelled at him or berated him. 

Never again did he want to hear that tone Hange had used earlier. It reminded him too much of someone… his father. The underlying indifference. Stiffness in the words that made it seem like they were just a mouthpiece, parroting those heartbreaking orders. 

Stiffly, he got to his feet. Hopefulness grew on Hange’s face, but they remained where they were, even if he could see how badly they wanted to run up to him. 

Before he could truly forgive, he needed them to know, to understand. “Please, if something like this ever happens again. I need you to at least tell me first. Talk to me. I can’t handle more of… whatever that was earlier,” He absentmindedly waved his hand back in the direction they came. “It’s… too much like before.”

Hange’s eyes widened briefly at the reveal. “Of course,” They promised. “Never again.”

Nodding faintly, Jaeger walked towards them. He was immediately crushed into a hug and he clung back tightly, sinking into the embrace. “I’m sorry,” Hange said again, voice muffled in his shoulder. He squeezed the scientist tighter in response.

When they broke apart, Hange had a shine in their eyes and Jaeger didn’t look as shattered. 

They glanced at the ground where Jaeger had been drawing. “Who’s that?”

“Someone I’ve been looking for,” He replied vaguely, already trying to form that face in his mind once more. Again, he came up empty handed. Whoever the blonde soldier was, he was tricky to see in his mind’s eye. 

“Hmm, should we keep a lookout? I’m sure Erwin could work something out with the files.”

He shook his head. “No, that’s alright. He was from before.” Looking down at the disappointing figures, he sighed. “You know, that was the original reason I helped the scouts.” Hange glanced at him, intrigued. He’d never gotten to talk about it before. In the middle of the forest, it was probably safe to confide in his friend. Here, the only other audience to his confession would be the trees.

“I mistook Armin for him. It was the first time I felt… different… in my titan form. The first time I realized I might not be just a mindless titan. I saw Armin trying to fight off one and it was like something clicked into place.” Picking up the stick, he tried again. Another not-quite-right face joined the others. Was it the nose he was getting wrong?

“I did my best to protect the scouts after that — in case he was one of you. Things were a lot more confusing before I emerged from my titan.” Glancing towards Hange, he continued, “Then it became clear that I was remembering him from before, and I realized that it didn’t stop me from wanting to protect you guys. I figured eventually I’d find him and maybe you would even help me.”

“Yet, I can never seem to remember him properly,” Jaeger continued, frowning. “And still, no matter how hard I try, I can’t see him. I just know him.”

His confession didn’t seem to bother the scientist. It was a good weight off his shoulders; to finally tell someone that his good deeds were built upon selfish reasoning.

“I’m very glad you met Armin then,” Hange said. “Seems like you’ve got your work cut out for you in the future. Quite the love story.” They gave him a knowing wink. 

A chill went through his veins, a tremble in his hands. Was he that obvious? That easy to read? No one was supposed to know…. No one could know. It was dangerous.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” He whispered. Suddenly, he had a headache, throbbing behind his eye. He felt cold and hot at the same time. 

Hange noticed his change in mood. “Oh sweetie, that’s not a bad thing! We don’t do that here,” they wrinkled their nose, “Some dusty old kooks in the inner ring might preach that shit, but the outer walls and especially the Survey Corps don’t give a damn. We’re going to help you find your loverboy, don’t you worry.”

Jaeger’s cheeks dusted red. Relief washed over him like a cold rain, cleaning away the grimy feeling of misplaced shame. They shared brief smiles and his friend motioned him back the ways to headquarters. As they walked through the trees together, Hange spoke up with that old curious spark leaking into their eyes. 

“So, how did it feel to transform?” They said playfully, slipping their journal from their bag. Jaeger groaned dramatically. 

“On the bright side! Now we can start your official training! Won’t that be fun?” 

Armin and Mikasa immediately swamped him upon emerging from the woods. Jaeger had barely stepped one foot out of the foliage before his friends had their arms locked around his chest and neck, squeezing tight. Armin’s soft hair tickled his nose and Mikasa’s arms held him as close as physically possible, like she feared he would slip away into nothing. His heart hurt and he immediately regretted scaring them. It had been childish to run off like that. 

Returning the awkward three-way hug, he easily engulfed the two smaller scouts in his arms. He could hear the comforting beats of their hearts, each unique to their own. Their familiar scents filled his nose. Under the sun, salt, and soap, there was something distinctly them that Jaeger could pick out even in a crowd. Together, they stood there in each other’s arms for a moment, soaking in their shared warmth. 

Mikasa was the first to pull back.

“You’re alright.” She stated simply, but Jaeger heard what she was really asking. He nodded, giving her a lopsided smile. He was alright, in a way. She studied his face and returned his nod, stepping back. Mikasa always understood him. Even when there was nothing truly spoken. 

They’d talk later, the three of them. Somewhere away from prying eyes and ears. 

Armin spoke into Jaeger’s shoulder, his voice muffled.

“I saw the blade. I tried to stop them.” 

The young scout sounded miserable. There was a warmth from where Armin’s face was mushed into his tattered uniform shirt. He was crying.

“Shh,” Jaeger soothed, gathering Armin up in a tighter hug, “I’m alright. The scouts wouldn’t truly hurt me.” He pet at Armin’s trembling back. “I’m thankful that you were looking out for me.”

Gently, he coaxed Armin back from his shirt so he could see that Jaeger was unharmed and fine — no blame placed on his oldest friend. When those tear-filled blue eyes searched his, Jaeger gave him his sunniest smile. It was easy to smile for Armin; especially since his friend had stirred up such a ruckus earlier and risked interfering with and disobeying orders, all in the name of protecting Jaeger. The thought made his heart swell with pride and love. 

“Hange and I have much to discuss though,” he said gravely, turning his head aside as their superior stepped out of the woods beside them. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Armin eyes them distrustfully at first, but upon seeing Jaeger’s relaxed state and Hange’s usual chipper self, relented. “We’ll wait for you outside,” Armin promised.

He seemed pretty confident in himself, like he and Mikasa alone could bust through the doors and whisk Jaeger off to safety should things go sideways. Something told Jaeger that Mikasa would be the spearhead of that attack. 

Flashing his friends an amused glance, he patted Armin fondly on the shoulder and followed after Hange. The scientist had a slight hint of lingering guilt to their features, but continued on their quest for the offices. 

“You can have your titan back soon, you two!” They called over their shoulder as they stomped excitedly away. “Right now, there’s history in the making!”

Erwin leaned back in his chair with a deep sigh. All around the office, the advisors were quiet, soaking in the information. Jaeger sat in front of the commander once more, neatly perched in his seat with a cup of tea steaming in his lap and a new clean pressed uniform on — both courtesy of Levi. The captain had nearly had a conniption fit when Hange had tried to shove Jaeger down in one of Erwin’s expensive chairs in his bedraggled state. 

Hange snapped their book shut and rubbed at their eyes, smudging their glasses impossibly more. It had been a long talk this time around due to the nature of the meeting. There had been progress to report on. And boundaries to set. 

“You performed well this morning,” Erwin stated, his face giving nothing away and those blue eyes on him. The tea on his desk was left untouched, gone cold.

Jaeger bit back a snappish retort, though he was certain his face betrayed him by holding a sour expression. While he could be free with his words around Hange, it would not bode well to mouth off at the commander. The very person responsible for him being allowed to live a free man. One message to the right people and he would be exposed as a monster to the protective forces of the walls. He’d been warned on many occasions about the MP’s and their aptitude for leaping. While Jaeger didn’t want to think of Erwin as one to so easily throw away an asset, he’d learned in his time that one could never be too careful. 

“Oh come on.” 

On his right, Levi rolled his eyes, huffing. He casually leaned back in his own chair; his cup long empty. “Apologize to the brat, Smith. He deserves that much.” 

Jaeger took a long sip to hide his smile in his tea, while the two men stared each other down. One gaze unamused, the other challenging. Only Captain Levi would call out his superior in such a way and mean it. He was deeply grateful for the grating personality of the grumpy captain. While he may not be the most conventionally nice person, he genuinely cared for others and demanded what was right. 

Erwin shook his head in exasperation. “It was a necessary risk —” He reaffirmed. His eyes shifted to Jaeger’s peeking out over the rim of his cup, “— but it did have some unpleasant side effects.” He finished, relenting and nodding his head to Jaeger. “And for that, I am regretful. You have been nothing but helpful to the Scouts. I do not take pleasure in causing unnecessary stress.”

“Apology heard, sir,” Jaeger said once he’d swallowed his mouthful of tea. 

He could practically hear the way the corner of Mike’s mouth lifted in a smirk behind him. 

The commander cleared his throat, shuffling some papers absently. “Yes, well, now that the recap is out of the way. Plans for the future?” He directed to Hange. 

They perked up, gathering their wits and clutching their beloved journal to their chest.

“Yes! Oh, there are so many different tests to run, this is going to be incredible! With it now being absolute that Jaeger can re-form the titan, we just need to find out the trigger — though we already suspect pain is a motivator, or fear — and we can set up trials and have certain experiments run. I need to know how much control he has, if this morning’s form was a dupe and —”

Hange’s rambles began to blur together, their cheery, star-struck enthusiasm doing little to motivate Jaeger. Gunter’s head comically turned towards him at one point, his face twisted in a hilarious combination of horror and pity for him at all of Hange’s highly detailed experiments they wanted to run. He couldn't hold back the sharp snort that escaped his mouth at the other scout’s alarmed expression. Hange didn’t seem to hear it, continuing on with their theories about his regrown arm, but Erwin gave him a reprimanding glare, which immediately sobered him up. 

“— so by sundown tomorrow, we should at least have a good grip on what really ‘drives’ you!” He tuned back into the tail end of the scientist’s speech. Blinking once, he gave them a half-smile. 

“Sure, sounds like a plan.”

Hange squealed in excitement, papers flying around the office as they threw their hands up. As the parchment settled around them, Levi served his comrade an impressive death glare. 

“Commander,” Jaeger called, earning the man’s attention, “About our deal….”

Erwin gave him a smile. “In due time. Shall we see how the sessions go in the next few days before we make any rash decisions, hmm? I would rather not send you to the front lines if this morning was indeed a fluke. No sense in putting you in front of a horde and only then finding out you cannot transform.” 

He paused, taking in Jaeger’s slumped shoulders. 

“We have a month before the next expedition, granted our funding remains stable. Don’t sell yourself short yet, Jaeger.”

“You’ve only just transformed for the first time ever today,” Hange spoke up, “and while that in itself is an amazing feat… you were immobile.” They bit their lip, looking apprehensive. “It will do us no good to send you out there if you can’t even move. Like Erwin said… let’s wait for a bit, alright sweetie? We want what’s best for you.”

Jaeger scowled, fingers tightening on the delicate rim of his tea cup. How could they not see the direness of the situation? He needed to be in the next expedition! It was due to be a long one, with many nights spent outside the walls, like the hunting trip he had discovered way back when. Armin and Mikasa would need him. They were capable scouts — but like everyone else, they were mere humans faced with an unfathomable threat. There was a hunger out there that would never be quelled. No matter how many scouts fell to the jaws of the titans, there would always be room for more. Much similar to the way Jaeger’s mind never stopped striving for the air beyond the walls once more. 

Even as a human, he was still a titan, it seemed. A part of him he could never escape. An insufferable, insatiable hunger. It seemed that it had only changed what exactly it was that it craved.

His body itched to be on the outside again, guts feeling like they were twisted inwards and all kinds of wrong. Since his transformation earlier, the feeling had increased tenfold. His entire being felt out of balance: not completely whole. Something deep within his brain was roaring to be let out. A desire to be free like it had been earlier. Surely, if they waited any longer, he’d explode. 

It was those feelings that made him worry. Both in his fear for his friends and also, fear for himself. He never belonged in a cage. The walls were safe, but they were still a cage, nonetheless. One that Jaeger had no interest in settling in.

That was why he had to leave them again. If he was out there with them, he could desecrate the titan’s numbers enough to keep the scouts safe. Because in the end, they were not beasts either. Humanity deserved what was beyond those walls. That freedom belonged to them. And Jaeger would not rest until he saw it himself. 

And perhaps there was another reason…. Beyond the walls was the only place the blond soldier could be. That was more than enough motivation for him to continue pressing on. Another selfish act on his part.

….

He was going on that next expedition regardless, either side by side with friends or as a stow away in the supply wagons. 

“Understood, sers,” he said, placing his cup down. “I will do my best in these coming days. I will not let you down.” His bright smile seemed to placate his superiors; Erwin nodding and going back to his papers and Hange’s shoulders losing that subtle line of tension. It was Levi whose eyes lingered suspiciously on him as Jaeger rose from his chair and left for the mess hall with Gunter. That sharp, grey stare seared like hot steam into his back the whole way to the door. 

The scouts were a bit more skittish with him when he stopped in the canteen for a late lunch. It was disheartening because Jaeger had finally felt like they were getting somewhere. But it seemed his transformation just served as a reminder that he was something Other. Perhaps in the past few weeks, his newly strengthened friendships had been built on the hope that he was normal and now suddenly forming a hideous titan in the middle of their training had served a harsh reality check. Miserable loathing bubbled in his throat, clawing at his chest and threatening to prick his eyes.

He tried as best he could to not draw attention to himself, but all eyes were on him from the moment he appeared in the doorway. Avoiding their gazes if at all possible, Jaeger kept his eyes on the floor as he made his way in. There was a significant dull to the usual chatter. A clear indicator to all who hadn’t already noticed him that there was something arise. 

Cheeks red with embarrassment, Jaeger tilted his head down and let the few strands of loose hair provide what meager protection it could. After gathering his meal, he went to the sparsest spot he could find, Gunter following after him silently. As they began their meal, Jaeger was torn between meagerly poking at his food — as his appetite had somehow disappeared upon the awkward entry — and shoveling it in as fast as he could so he could just leave. 

After swallowing a particularly dry mouthful of some yellow mush, Jaeger was about ready to just call it quits and retreat back to the bunks to hide when someone sat down in front of them. Glancing up nervously, he was met with Marco’s kind face. 

“... Marco?” He fiddled with his fork, unsure. Marco was usually the sweetest, most level-headed person he knew, but after this morning he wasn’t sure what was going to take place. Fear could change people. 

The scout gave him a soft half-smile.

“Hey,” he said soothingly, placing a hand atop Jaegers, “good job today.”

Jaeger’s brain did a double take. What?

“Huh?” He replied dumbly.

Marco gave a small laugh. “This morning. You transformed! I know you and Section Commander Hange have been working towards that for weeks! It must feel nice to finally make some progress, right?”

The boy sounded so sincere, and Jaeger could detect no malice or jest in his voice. It was almost enough to make him relax; if it weren’t for all heads being turned in the pair’s direction.

“Um, yeah,” Jaeger managed, “it’s definitely a step in the right direction. Commander Smith was pleased with the advancement. We’re hoping I can master the transformation before the next expedition.”

Marco’s eyes twinkled in excitement. “That would be absolutely amazing! It’ll be great to have you back. Sina knows we need you.”

He couldn’t help the wince that Marco’s words brought. They were not intended to hurt, but it still reminded Jaeger of all the dead he had not been there to save. So many expeditions, all without him. The death toll was a number that would hang on his consciousness forever. 

“I know,” he mumbled, “I’m sorry I haven’t been there. I’ve tried. I’ve been trying. I want to help, I really do. It’s just been so hard to get this right and —”

“Hey —” Gunter’s voice broke through the cloud of Jaeger’s self-loathing, “I don’t think anyone with half a brain is upset with you. And even if they are, I can tell them exactly where they can go shove it.”

“We all started this because we wanted to discover what was beyond these walls. We’re scouts. This is what we chose to do. The whole package deal: the fun, the freedom, the loss. You not being there isn’t going to change our drive for more. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m still going out there.”

His friend’s words rang in his head, bouncing off something in the echo. Jaeger’s brow furrowed.

“He’s right,” Marco added cheerfully, “I could never be holed up in here as a lazy MP. I want to live and experience the outside. Titans are just a part of the deal; though, —” he flashed a playful grin at Jaeger, “— it sure was something to have a giant titan bodyguard at times.”

A few murmurs of agreement rose up from the crowd, making his heart race with something akin to hope. 

“C’mon now, we don’t die easy! Give us some credit!” Came a defiant shout to his left. 

That caused an uproar of united cheering. Whoops and toasts were given out, causing a ghost of a smile to appear on Jaeger’s face. The canteen descended into a ruckus of high-spirited calls and chatter. Even Gunter joined in, raising his drink with a wide grin on his face. There was hope and trust for their comrades embedded within it. True belief that each would live to see the next day. And the day after that. As silly as it was in practice and terribly optimistic, Jaeger couldn’t help but let the contagious hope take the place of the worry from earlier. 

He knew the scouts were tough. Hell, he’d fought by their side for almost a year now. They were the bravest humanity had to offer. Willing to risk their lives just for a taste of the wind. They were free out there, and Jaeger knew how addicting it was to feed the hunger. But even still, they were delicate. And the world was cruel….

For now, he let his friends' words console him. He was a fool to ever think the scouts would back down from a threat. With or without him, they were going to explore. He just had to be sure he was there with them for the next one. 

No more dead friends, he vowed to himself. No more monsters.

As night fell, that was when the nightmares reared their ugly heads. 

Jaeger’s bunkmates were nearly scared straight from their skin when the night suddenly echoed with his screams. Intelligible, helpless pleading spilled from his lips and pulled at their heart strings. Armin was the first to action, immediately jumping down to his friend’s bunk in attempts to rouse him while a few others ran off to gather a superior. 

Gordon climbed down from his own bed to help Armin. Nothing seemed to wake him — their friend’s tortured screams raged on, heavy with a pain none could understand. A betrayal so deep, it bled into his shouts for mercy and painted too many ugly possibilities in the listener’s minds. When the barrack doors opened, it wasn’t a veteran, but Mikasa who rushed in. 

It seemed the commotion had reached the women’s barracks as well. 

She butted Gordon out of the way, shooing him from Jaeger’s bed. Together, the two friends took to talking to him, reminding him he was safe. But, no matter how many times they pushed the hair from his face or took his trembling hands between theirs, Jaeger remained held in the nightmare, unable to wake, occasionally thrashing with muted attempts to push away unseen threats.

Hange finally burst through the door to the relief of the shaken scouts, looking straight from bed themself. Many of the scouts had clapped their hands over their ears, unable to take the screaming any longer. Wailing in anguish, Jaeger twisted himself further in his sheets. The older scout instantly took stock of the situation, realizing it was best to get them somewhere with space — somewhere quiet. With Mikasa and Armin’s help, they wordlessly managed to get Jaeger’s whimpering body between them, quickly carrying him to the old room he’d been isolated in weeks ago. 

Laying him down on the old bed, the sleeping man released a cry every so often. His eyes partially open, but still blind to the waking world. They realized he was tiring out physically, but his mind was still playing some gruesome trick on him. 

“You two should head back to bed. I’ll stay with him,” The scientist sighed, pulling the sheets around Jaeger’s neck. The two scouts hesitated, looking like they wanted to argue. “Please don’t make me order you,” They added quietly. “I don’t think he’ll want an audience when he wakes.”

Begrudgingly, the two obeyed, but not until demanding to see him when he was better, to which Hange agreed.

Hange sat by Jaeger’s bedside, shushing him whenever his cries grew frantic and tracing a cool cloth over his forehead to soothe some of the pain – even if it was mental. Somewhere during the night, the whimpers tapered off and were replaced by even, quiet breathing. 

They stayed like that, propped up against his bedside, dozing into their fist, until dawn broke. Sleepily, Jaeger’s eyes fluttered open. The sheets rustling roused the scientist, looking down to meet eyes as he woke. He paused, looking around the room and seeing the familiar surroundings.

“Section Commander?” He whispered, confusion mixing with his sleep-tinged voice.

Hang soothingly rubbed his shoulder, “Hey honey, how’re you feeling?” Jaeger swiped a fist over his eyes. “M’fine. Why aren’t I in the barracks?”

“You were having nightmares; we couldn’t wake you. But don’t worry, I’m sure —”

Jaeger’s whole body suddenly tensed up and the scientist jerked their hand away, afraid they crossed a boundary. 

“Jaeger?”

Surging up, he righted himself in the bed, teeth clenched and fingers digging into the mattress. His hair had escaped his usual bun from his fitful sleep, covering most of his face. Hange remained perfectly still, cautious if this was another episode.

His whisper was almost so quiet, the scientist almost didn’t hear him.

“I remember something.”

Hange held their breath, unable to stop themself from leaning forward in anticipation, studying Jaeger’s hunched form. 

“That night…” he breathed, trembling. He tried to gather himself, swallowing hard, “The night I became a titan…. That was no accident. It was planned.” 

“What do you remember?”

“It wasn’t pleasant…” Jaeger looked off to the side with a scoff, face obscured by his hair, shoulders pulling up to protect himself from a threat that wasn’t there. “Becoming a titan wasn’t a voluntary thing for me. They tortured me, beat me senseless until I could no longer fight back. All for their own sick pleasure. When they were done, they put a needle in my neck and my actions were no longer my own.” 

There was a pause and a shift to the bedding as Jaeger pulled his legs up to hug them. A gesture that was so similar to a child trying to comfort themselves that Hange had to choke down the lump growing in their throat. 

“I killed a lot of people that night,” His voice was a trembling whisper. “I couldn’t control it.”

“ I’m a monster. ” His wretched whisper finally broke, sounding utterly shattered and horrified at what he’d seen within himself. 

Finally moving, Hange reached out and rubbed Jaeger’s shoulder comfortingly. The man did not push them away, which they were grateful for. They needed to move, to touch — remind their friend that he was not condemned solely to labels he thought himself worthy of. They shushed him as he began to sob into his knees.

“I think this is why we had such a hard time getting you to transform,” they murmured, keeping up their steady hands on Jaeger’s heaving shoulders. “Deep down, you must have felt like it was going to happen again, but you’re not like that. The titan I met was kind; he was protective and loyal. Not once did you scare me. When I looked at you; I saw hope, not a monster. Whatever happened in the past, it was just that — in the past. You grow and you learn. And you learned to control it. We trust you, but you must also trust yourself.”

Jaeger sniffed loudly. Slowly he raised his head, his tear stained face peeking out behind a curtain of long messy hair. 

“Listen to me Jaeger,” Hange continued, “if what you are saying is true, then none of what happened was your fault. It’s on the people who hurt you. You were a human turned into a titan against your will. Don’t let the ghosts of the past haunt you forever — not when you’re trying to be better. If you were truly a monster, you wouldn’t have worked so hard to be human again.”

“I don’t even know their names. I don’t know who they were in life or whose families I stole them from,” He sniffled. “I should remember! I should feel bad for the lives I took. I’ve killed so many people, Hange — not titans, people.” Hange shook their head, pursing their lips.

“I don’t think they’re worth knowing,” they said plainly. “Not all deserve someone to mourn them. That is not your burden to bear; if they even had someone who cared about them at all, leave it to them. Choose wisely who you give your emotions to and make sure they are worthy and deserving of your focus. But let me tell you one thing, no titan out there has ever mourned the scouts it’s killed; but you, you’re different. You still think about those people to this day. Monsters don’t have the capacity to understand the pain they’ve caused.”

Slowly, the stream of tears ebbed, leaving behind cooling trails on his cheeks. Hange moved to sit on the side of the bed and rubbed his back, similar to the way a parent would comfort their sick child. It was domestic and homey. 

“You are allowed to feel this way, but I won’t let you drown yourself in guilt,” they scolded. “And if I’m not the one to pull you back, then it will be Armin, or Mikasa, or Gunter. Hell, there’s probably a whole lot more I could name. But please promise me, if you must, mourn the loss of yourself, but then make peace with it. You are the only one worth mourning in this situation. Only you deserve your grief. Not them.”

With that, Hange crushed them both in a hug, pulling Jaeger to their chest where the young man began to weep again. His hands clutched their arm like a lifeline, soaking up all the comfort he could from their tight embrace. The scientist let him mourn. No matter how long it would take, they would hold their friend until he could properly grieve the part of his life that was stolen, the self that was taken from him. Because for now, that was all that mattered.