Chapter Text
ZHOU ZISHU:I fucking hate this town
HAN YINGZishu-ge! 😦!
HAN YINGWhat happened?!
ZZSI hate this town, Han Ying that's what happened
HYI ask again, 😅 what happened Zishu-ge?
ZZSI was literally minding my own business, day drinking in the park, and some weird fuck came over, complimented my shoulders and then sat next to me for an HOUR to flirt and then gave me his number
HY???????
HYWhy were you day drinking in the park???
ZZSDumb question, the sun is nice in the park and I like to drink
ZZSAren't you missing the obvious pain I had to endure. This man, no fucking joke, his pick up line was:
ZZSWORD FOR WORD
ZZS"I just knew you were beautiful from the way your shoulder bones jutted out from your shirt"
ZZSThen proceeded to wink, sat next to me, and flirted with me for over an hour using extensive and old Chinese poetry right from memory
HYHaha😂 He must of just thought you were nice looking and tried to shoot his shot!
HYDid you take his phone number?? Also you should really stop day drinking in the park ge, there are like... kids.... and laws (I'm pretty sure)
ZZSIt was just wine in a paper bag, the police will never know lol
ZZSHe spent an hour talking to me, ONE WHOLE HOUR, I took it out of pity
HYZishu-ge, they obviously know
HY:So....
HYWas he cute? 😳
ZZSEh
HY:Eh isn't an answer. What's your rating 🥺
ZZSUhhh, 6/10
HY6/10?
ZZS:8/10 When he's quiet
ZZSWhen he opens his mouth he losses 2 points
HYYour so harsh with your ratings ge 😭
HYTho, you did still take his number
ZZSIt was definitely out of pity. I told him to leave me alone like twelve times and he just kept yapping
HYYou say that, but you also gave him an 8/10😌
HYWas he handsome? Let me live vicariously through you Zishu-ge. Nobody comes up to me in a park!!!
ZZSAgain. Eh.
ZZSThough he did have really long hair like me and he looked around 20 something
ZZSHe called me A-Xu even tho I told him my name was Zishu. He must have been deaf or just an idiot
HYAnnnnd you thought it was cute lol
HYAre you gonna text him? Go out on a date?
ZZSYing-er. I literally just quit my job and I'm day drinking in the park for fun.
ZZSI look like shit, I haven't showered in like two weeks. The guy was probably dropped on his head as a baby
HYZishu 🤢
HYWhy haven't you showered in two weeks?!?
ZZSDepression lol
HYWell now you have me worried.
HYAfter work me and Jiuxiao are coming over and we're going out to eat.
HYAnd you can't say no.
HYBe showered plzzzz
ZZSUgh. Why won't you just let me rot.
HYCuz we're friends 😊
HYWhile we eat we can brainstorm some sentence starters for your 8/10!
ZZSEw friends. Also no, I'm not texting my 6/10* he's annoying
HYWe all know you need some annoyance in your life ge! 😘
HYBE READY! We'll be @ ur apartment in an hour!!!
ZZSMaybe I just won't shower out of spite
HYPlease ge, I'm begging you to shower
____★____
Wen Kexing✓ @theofficalkexing
Just met my soulmate <3
Wen Kexing✓ @theofficalkexing
I was walking in the park and I saw the most gorgeous pair of butterfly bones
I had to go over and look~ Low and behold a angel graced my eyes
Wen Kexing✓ @theofficalkexing
I couldn't look away, I had to talk to them and such a beauty they were.
I have been struck by cupid's arrow!
ghostvalleystan @Ghosts_Hugs_4
Took a nap for an hour and woke up to
Wen Kexing waxing mystery soulmate poetry on main
KeXXXing @hotboyhoursss
@Ghosts_Hugs_4 You act like this isn't
normal. It's not a Monday w/o waxing
Gu Xiang✓ @Heartlessamythestfiend
@theofficalkexing Ge, you literally approached
a drunk homeless man and harassed him for his number
KeXXXing @hotboyhoursss
@Heartlessamythestfiend @theofficalkexing UMMM???????
XiangXiang @milfkexing
@Heartlessamythestfiend @theofficalkexing WEN KEXING!!!!????
Pretty / Handsome / Awkward @GhostsNGuns78
@theofficalkexing WEN KEXING U CANT GIVE UR
PHONE NUMBER TO A HOMELESS MAN!!!!
Wen Kexing✓ @theofficalkexing
@GhostsNGuns78 Why not? He was very
pretty! I saw it in his eyes we are soulmates
Pretty / Handsome / Awkward @GhostsNGuns78
@theofficalkexing FOISJINWIWKKDJKA I fucking
hate/love this guy
ghostvalleystan @Ghosts_Hugs_4
Imagine being a drunk homeless man minding his own
business and multi-platinum heavy metal singer Wen Kexing
compliments ur shoulders and gives u his number
Kexings Platinum Hair Was Superior @Aintheavymetal
@Ghosts_Hugs_4 Bro that's the dream
Gu Xiang✓ @Heartlessamythestfiend
@Aintheavymetal the homeless guy smelled like shit
____★____
BuzzFeed
Celebrity
All You Need To Know About Heavy Metal Sensation (And Total Hunk) Wen Kexing
posted on Jul 1, 2021, 7:20:66 PM GMT
Barbie E.
Buzzfeed staff
If you do not know who world renowned Heavy Metal Singer Wen Kexing your probably living under a rock. This Chinese-American star had made his first debut on the big stage as a back up singer for the band Ghost Valley in late 2017 at age seventeen. From then on he shot up and was reaching for the stars! Separating himself from the band in 2019 for a solo career, Kexing has come to release multi platinum albums such as: That's The Spirit and Sempiternal. With his classic red eyeliner, addictive stage presence so different from his actual personality, and definitely his love for flirting-- Any Wen Kexing stan will tell you of their devout adoration to him!
[Image of Kexing looking so handsome!!]
So rock dwellers, here's your guide to Philanthropist Wen !
1.) Wen Kexing built his career from the ground up-- LITERALLY
Die hard fans of Wen Kexing know our favorite golden retriever boy didn't always have it all that easy. Kexing isn't shy about his journey into stardom that all started with a love for heavy music he'd hear through the walls of his foster home. Yeah! You heard that right, Wen Kexing is an orphan and is adamant about reforming the foster care system. When he aged out of the system he adopted his little sister, Xiang (stay tuned for more about her!) and rented a tiny apartment above a café he worked at. During the nights he would play his music for late night patrons. "I didn't think anyone was listening to me," Kexing said to talk show host Scorpion King, "It was just me trying out new lyrics on a second hand guitar I found in a storage closet of café and taught myself to play." Surprise, someone was actually listening-- Luo Fengman or more known by her stage name Tragicomic Ghost of the Ghost Valley. She heard him and knew she wanted him. "He had soul to him," Luo Fengman told People's Magazine when Kexing won "Sexiest Man Alive" back in 2019, "I couldn't think of anyone else to fill the spot in our band and I'm glad I went out on the limb to help him to who he is today." Luo Fengman and Wen Kexing are still close, Kexing calls her auntie and she's our auntie too!
[Image of Kexing wearing a red robe, it's incredibly hot and also a little spooky. Very ghost esk for his image]
2.) His Fashion Sense is PHENOMENAL
Wen Kexing is most well known for the KILLER outfits he wears on stage for concerts. Tapping into his Chinese roots, Kexing dons outfits like Zhiju (直裾) (which are straight hemmed robes, getting their name from circular bottom hem that is always level), Dachang/大氅 (open fronted robes), and Yuanlingpao/圆领袍 (round collar robes) WHEW that was a deep dive! Kexing loves his culture's old dress style so much that he likes incorporating it into his stage persona. With a little red eyeliner and the heavy lyrics, it's almost like your driving yourself straight down to Hell! I mean, if Kexing is the devil I'd be a happy woman! To put everything together, Kexing is never seen without a white fan. "It gets super stuffy at concerts," Kexing explained in a Buzzfeed interview, "the fans give me cool air and something to do with my anxious hands!"
[Image: of Gu Xiang holding a pole looking ready to hit Kexing who is squinting for impact]
3.) Wen Kexing Is a (Protective) Older Brother
If you know who Wen Kexing is, then you definitely know his little sister Gu Xiang. The two met in the same foster home and when Kexing grew out of the program he promptly collected enough cash to adopt his little girl. "We've been together forever," Gu Xiang told Buzzfeed when doing her "Ask Gu Xiang Something On Twitter" segment, "he's my big brother, my dad, and a grandpa, all wrapped into one man!" Just like her big brother, Gu Xiang is in the music career, but instead of following Kexing's footsteps in metal she turned rap. "I won't say anything about the lyrics, but know I didn't teach her to use such foul language..." Kexing had said about Xiang new song THAT BITCH. Gu Xiang is a fiery spirit, always ready to tell us the true tea when Kexing goes on spiels on his twitter. BTW: Send prayers to Xiang's boyfriend, actor Cao Weining, Kexing is the known founder of the "Protect A-Xiang Squad" on Twitter and he does not like the idea of his little sister dating! She'll always be Kexing's little girl in our hearts and his.
[Image: Kexing looking contemplative off in the distance]
4.) Wen Kexing Is A Hopeless Romantic
Get yourself a man who believes in soulmates as much as Wen Kexing does. This man is as flirtatious as they comes, followers of Kexing on Twitter are all too familiar with this man's love for gracing us with soppy Chinese love poetry. A lot of Kexing's songs are based around romantic flings or sex, but he is adamant he is waiting for 'the one.' "It's all in the butterfly bones (shoulder blades)," Kexing said to talk-host Scorpion King on who is his ideal soulmate, "I can tell someone is gorgeous just by that feature. A lovely waist and a sweet smile are also a plus too." Kexing is also not shy about his sexuality, flaunting himself as a bisexual who is just here to find the love of his life. Follow Kexing on Twitter for his threads on all the beautiful people he finds out on the street. Best thing about him is if your pretty he'll tell you. There are instances that he has told FANS that he believes them to be beautiful creatures-- UGH! Get this man a soulmate now!!!
[Gif: Kexing looking positively dastardly after choking the 'White Reaper' in his new music video 'Hell Above']
5.) He's a Great Cook!
Surprise, surprise-- more reasons why Wen Kexing would make the perfect boyfriend. "He can make anything taste good, I just burn things" Gu Xiang said on twitter to her big brother's skills. Before he was famous, Kexing use to bake at the café he worked at, making buns and cakes to be sold. He has quite a sweet tooth too. Kexing's soulmate!! are you taking notes??? Buy him something sweet and he'll be yours forever!!
MORE LIKE THIS
Scorpion King's Allegations About Being A Sugar Baby Just Got Worse
Gu Xiang Tells Us All About Her New Song and More About Her Relationship
Do You Prefer These Celebrities With Short Or Long Hair?
____★____
Kexings Platinum Hair Was Superior @Aintheavymetal
Hourly Self Appreciation of Wen Kexing <3
[two images of Kexing hiding his face with a bloody fan and then the next is his full face with red eyeliner]
Scorpion's Sugar Daddy @eatingtisskat
@Aintheavymetal Kexing did not have to go that
hard for Hell Above's music video o(╥﹏╥)o
SMH @noneedfans
@Aintheavymetal @eatingtisskat He wouldn't be
THE Wen Kexing if he didn't go hard with turning his
fan into a weapon
Little Idiot @twistingtea4me
@noneedfans I was drooling for months when he
showed up in those red robes. -wipes sweat-
SMH @noneedfans
@twistingtea4me
Kexing killing ppl in the first minute of his music video
Me:
[Image: drag race meme of the man covering his mouth with tears]
Little Idiot @twistingtea4me
@noneedfans He is the Ghost Master saving his soulmate
my man OPed and being hot while he did it
Pretty / Handsome / Awkward @GhostsNGuns78
IDK about all of you, but I want CRUMBS on Kexing's
homeless drunk, but had fantastic shoulders soulmate
@theofficalkexing SIR????
Wen Kexing✓ @theofficalkexing
@GhostsNGuns78 I'm in love :-3!! Unfollow me now because
I'm going to be only talking about A-Xu forever~
Pretty / Handsome / Awkward @GhostsNGuns78
@theofficalkexing A-XU????
Little Idiot @twistingtea4me
@theofficalkexing LOVE?????
SMH @noneedfans
@theofficalkexing EXCUSE ME SIR YOU MET HIM
TODAY AND HE SMELLS???
Gu Xiang✓ @Heartlessamythestfiend
@theofficalkexing Okay -unfollows-
____★____
ZZSHello.
WKXWhy hello there~ who might you be?
ZZSYou're the one who gave me your number. Who the fuck do you think this is?
WKXA-XU!!!!!
WKXThis made my entire night!
WKXHow are you A-Xu! I was wondering when your beautiful self would text me :-)!
ZZSI planned on burning your number, but somehow I knew that if I did you'd stalk me and give it to me again.
WKXAww... A-Xu you know me so well hehe
ZZSThat definitely wasn't a compliment, but okay
WKXWell, I took it as a compliment.
WKXYou basically called us soulmates that will always be fated to meet again <3
ZZSI'm like 100% sure you were dropped on your head as a baby
ZZSYour a special one, aren't you
WKXWhy thank you!
ZZSdefinitely not a compliment still
WKXI'll keep taking them as compliments anyways
WKXAlso quick question, my sister wants to know if your actually homeless
WKXI said no, your shoulder blades are too beautiful for a person like you to meet such hardship. You could be a model
ZZS:I'm not homeless
ZZS:I have a apartment and like... money
ZZSI was just enjoying the sun in the park and drinking. It was a nice day
WKX:You looked beautiful doing it. With a face like yours I could watch you do anything for hours <3
ZZS:Your really laying this act on thick, huh
WKX:Well yeah, because we are fated!
ZZS:Eh. sure.
WKX:Can I take you out? On like a date?
ZZS:No.
WKX:Whaaat A-Xu!!! Come on! I'll buy you good wine and we can watch the stars
ZZS:SuRE! oefe0opwd I"Dd lovE TO!!
WKX:A-Xu????
WKX:That was too easy, where is my A-Xu
WKX:A-Xu?? o(╥﹏╥)o??
ZZS:Glad to know you can tell it's me texting and when it's my stupid friends who stole my phone
WKX:Well their verdict was yes
WKX:I want A-Xu's verdict now :-)!
ZZS:....
ZZS:If I say yes will you stop bothering me tonight
WKX:YES
WKX:YES
WKX:YES
WKX:YES
WKX:I WILL QUIET BE FOREVER COME ON A-XU
WKX:FREE WINE AND A MOON TO WATCH!
ZZS:fine.
ZZS:AND DONT SPAM ME AGAIN
WKZ:Yes, this dutiful wife will not spam again
WKX:Who's wife, def not mine!-- Is tomorrow fine? I'm not doing anything important so say yes or forever hold your peace.
ZZS:ONE YES
WKX:Yes, that will make me the happiest man on the planet
ZZS:Good.
ZZS:What's ur name again stalker? I forget it
WKX:My husband forgot my name o(╥﹏╥)o so cruel to this wife
ZZS:Something tells me I'm going to regret this date
WKX:Nope, not under my watch you are <3
WKX:My name is Wen Kexing, the one and only !
WKX:Hope that isn't a problem btw...
ZZS:Why would that be a problem?
WKX:Don't you know who I am?
ZZS:Yeah an idiot. Why?
WKX:Nothing, nothing, now, tell me about your evening my most beloved soulmate
ZZS:went out w/ old work friends. Now I'm going to bed. Good night Lao Wen
WKX:Okay!! Good night A-Xu! Dream of me and our beautiful date to come tomorrow!
ZZS:Sounds like a nightmare.
____★____
Wen Kexing✓ @theofficalkexing
I want to drink and sing to stop feeling blue / But the wine is tasteless and the song has nothing new.
/ My clothes feel looser with no regrets, / Because I pine away only for special you.
Kexings Platinum Hair Was Superior @Aintheavymetal
@theofficalkexing A-Xu gave us late night pining
poetry. What a nice homeless man <3