Work Text:
and here it is, our final night alive
and as the earth runs to the ground
oh, it's you that I lie with
yes it's you I welcome death with
as the world caves in
[Matt Maltese - As the World Caves In]
Sam lifted his gaze from the dirt-covered ground and looked at Gabriel. He looked… worn. Drained. Anything but what an archangel should look like under anyhow normal conditions.
‘’Gabe…’’ Sam started, but Gabriel quickly shot him down.
‘’No.’’
‘’Gabe, just–’’
‘’No.’’
‘’Could you–’’
‘’I said no!’’
Sam groaned and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Silence fell upon them once again, but Sam broke it anew soon enough.
‘’Gabe.’’ Sam began, this time more softly. ‘’I know you don’t want to… talk about this, but… man, it’s about time we face the truth. I’m not going to–’’
‘’Sam.’’ Gabriel cut him off and finally lifted his head to meet Sam’s eyes. Sam felt a bang in his heart at the sight of the angel’s tear-stained eyes. For a brief moment, they just sat there, gazing at each other.
‘’I… I can’t,’’ Gabriel said, his voice breaking. ‘’I can’t lose you again. Not like this.’’ And as a tear ran down his cheek, Sam felt his own eyes start burning.
‘’I know. And I’m sorry it has to be like this, it’s not fair.’’
Gabriel snorted. ‘’Not fair? You’re damn right it isn’t! You don’t deserve this, not after all the good stuff you’ve done!’’ He was practically shouting by the end of the sentence. He looked so tired, scared, and devastated all at the same time that Sam had to turn his gaze away once again.
A short silence followed.
‘’I’m sorry.’’
‘’You said that already, stupid.’’
‘’Stupid? That the best you can come up with?’’
‘’Shut up. You’re dying and there's nothing I can do to stop it, so I’m allowed to be a little sloppy.’’
Silence.
‘’Okay, you know what. If we’re really gonna die here–’’
‘’We? Hold on, I’m the only one dying–’’
‘’No no, don’t get me started with that again. If you die, I die with you. We have discussed this before.’’
‘’Well, yeah, but–’’
‘’Will you just listen to what I’m trying to say here?’’
Sam looked like he still wanted to say something, but kept his mouth shut. Gabriel sighed.
‘’Look, Samshine. There is still a small chance that Castiel and your big bro dearest will find us before it’s too late, but… With all the sigils and spells keeping my powers under control, I honestly can’t see how they would. I mean, it’s been days now.’’
‘’Yeah, I know…’’ Sam muttered in between Gabriel’s speech.
‘’And I… I really don’t want to go through more of those ‘I will forever and always love you and would risk my life for you’ conversations, not that I don’t like them, it’s just… Let’s save the grande finale for later, shall we? Now, up you get.’’
‘’... What?’’
‘’Get off the ground,’’ Gabriel responded, having already gotten up himself.
‘’Wh… why?’’ Sam asked, shakily fighting his way up from the chilly stone floor they had been sitting on for the past who-knows-how-many hours. As soon as he got up, he had to lean against the wall as the world started spinning and black spots started swimming around the edge of his vision. He closed his eyes for a moment and focused on staying upright before he straightened up again and fixed his gaze on Gabriel, who had his arms fixed around Sam’s torso and was looking up at Sam with grief in his eyes. Sam sadly smiled back.
‘’I’m okay now.’’
‘’You’re not.’’
‘’Yeah, no, I’m not. But as long as I’m with you, I’m happy.’’
‘’Hey, now what did I say about the farewell conversations?’’
‘’Sorry.’’
‘’Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, come here.’’
Sam looked questioningly at Gabriel, who just vaguely smirked and walked to the center of the small room. There he stopped and turned around to face Sam yet again. Sam carefully detached himself from the wall and made his way beside Gabriel.
‘’What are you–’’
‘’Shush,’’ Gabriel shushed.
Gabriel slowly bent down to a bow, keeping his eyes on Sam the whole time. He was still smiling, though there was sadness behind the crooked smirk.
‘’May I have this dance?’’ he asked, offering his right hand out. Sam couldn’t help the smile that spread to his lips at Gabriel’s words. Taking a few steps closer to close the distance between them, he gently grabbed the angel’s hand.
‘’You know I can’t dance,’’ he whispered, as Gabriel placed his free hand on Sam’s shoulder blade.
‘’Well, never too late to learn, eh?’’
Sam could only smile as Gabriel took a step backward, pulling him along. It was true that Sam had never danced before. Well, maybe once during PE class in school – when he was twelve. Or maybe during his college years in some party Jess had dragged him into, after a couple of drinks and a lot of encouraging from Jess. But disregarding those slightly embarrassing memories, no, Sam had not really danced with anyone before. By the way that Gabriel moved, he could tell that the archangel had had a little more experience than he himself. Which wasn’t really all that shocking, all things considered. He was an ancient celestial being, after all. Sam wouldn’t be too surprised to learn that Gabriel had been present when dancing was invented, whenever and wherever that might be. His point being: damn, his angel knew his moves.
Sam didn’t really know what his disoriented mind was striving for with all this coursing through his brain in a span of mere seconds. Maybe it was trying to distract him from the pain of knowing that this would likely be the last good memory he would ever make. Or maybe from the fact that he was dying and the actual, physical pain his body was experiencing, just from being upright and prancing around the room with Gabriel.
Back when the two of them hadn’t yet been a thing, Sam would have never thought that he had a chance with the angel. Because, well, he was an angel. And a fucking archangel at that. How could someone that holy, that perfect, ever love someone like him? He was tainted, filthy. So of course he hadn’t thought himself worthy of the love of someone like Gabriel.
Gabriel had shown him how wrong he’d been. Gabriel had loved him, and in the process taught him how to love himself. They had their moments of disagreement and hurtful words thrown at each other in the heat of the moment, of course, but nothing could ever change the way they felt towards one another.
From time to time, Sam allowed himself to hope. Hope that he could have at least a piece of the life he had once dreamed of. That he could have his own happy ending, despite the cruel world they were living in. Gabriel brought that hope up in him, and Sam let him.
Maybe it had been foolish of him to think that he could actually have what he had hoped for.
But in the end, with Gabriel’s hand on his waist and their bodies pressed together, he decided that all that hope didn’t have to be for nothing. This wasn’t the kind of happy ending he had dreamed of, sure, but that didn’t mean this couldn’t be one. A happy ending, his happy ending.
Because in the end, if he could spend the last moments of his life with the person he loved, what more did he really need?
The next morning Sam was too weak to stand up. They spent the day sitting next to each other, leaning against the wall. They talked about anything that came to mind, from amusing childhood memories of their brothers, to how the stripes of each individual zebra are all different. Eventually, Sam drifted off to restless sleep, his head in Gabriel’s lap. Gabriel spent the night gently running his hand Sam’s hair, the other hand locked together with his.
The same evening that Sam barely had the energy to speak or move his hands. He lay in Gabriel’s lap, tiredly yet affectionately staring up to the angel’s face. Meanwhile, Gabriel was trying his best not to completely break down in front of him. Never in the existence of the universe had he ever felt as useless and weak as at that very moment, not being able to save the man he loved. All he could do was sit there, cradle the tall and fragile human in his hand, and whisper soothing words to him.
‘’I’m here, I’m right here.’’
‘’I’m not going anywhere.’’
“I love you.”
“Please don’t go.”
“Please don’t leave me.”
As Sam’s pulse got weaker and his breathing shallow, Gabriel found himself desperately clinging onto Sam. He was crying and shaking and he couldn’t do this, please make it stop–
And then Sam’s weak fingers were grasping his hand and Gabriel opened his eyes to look at Sam’s eyes. Though he was too weak to speak, his words were clear to Gabriel: “Please don’t cry, it will be okay.”
Which was a completely irrational thing to say, of course. Nothing was okay, nor would it ever be. Still, Gabriel figured that he didn’t want this to be Sam’s final memory of him. So he forced a smile upon his face, and on the spur of the moment, began to sing.
The words came easily to him. They were the same ones they had once sung together with laughter on their faces. They were words meant for happier times. He could only hope that they would bring Sam some comfort in his final moments, to bring back the memories of said times.
“You are my samshine, my only samshine.”
Sam’s dull eyes flickered with recognition of the familiar tune, and the corners of his mouths curved ever so slightly upwards.
Mission accomplished then, Gabriel thought vaguely as he continued the gentle tune.
“You make me happy–”
And Jesus , he really did. He could genuinely say that the time he had spent with Sam had been the best of his long, long life.
“– when skies are gray.”
Sam’s eyes drifted shut, but the small ghost of a smile still lingered on his face. Gabriel had to choke down a sob that made its way up his throat. Tears fell down on Sam’s pale face.
“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you”
He knew that Sam did, though. Even if it wasn’t something they verbally expressed all that often, it was present in the way they acted around each other. In the way they would casually touch each other, lightheartedly poke fun of each other whenever the opportunity presented itself, talk in Enochian with Castiel just to piss Dean off, and talk about dogs and stars and the wonders of the world. And in the way they would work cases together, trust each other even in moments of vulnerability, hold each other after nightmares, and just be there for each other when things got too much to handle alone. So yeah, of course he knew.
This time Gabriel couldn’t restrain the audible sob that echoed in the empty room. The only other sound accompanying it were the faint and hoarse final words of the angel’s song, sung with a broken voice, mixing together with his weeping and shaky breaths.
“Please don’t take my samshine away.”
Only silence answered him.
By the time Dean and Castiel found them, Sam was already long gone.