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Mickey doesn't understand how any of this happened.
His boyfriend is sitting at the kitchen table, discussing fucking superheroes and eating potato wedges with his brothers.
"You're a faggot Gallagher, You ain't supposed to like the black widow best" Joey is complaining.
"Maybe it's just cuz she's a redhead." Colin adds, Ian rolling his eyes at the comment even as he flips Joey off for the previous one.
"You don't pick teams based on fucking hair color man" Iggy argues, the rest of the room instantly smirking at him.
"Yeah, you'd be stuck alone then" Joey laughs at the only blond Milkovich.
"Fuck off" The middle child of the family says "I'd actually fucking have Thor and Captain Rogers then"
"Looks like you two get to share the Banner, Stark and Barton then guys" Ian grins, continuing on with the rest of the avengers.
"Maria hill man!" Colin practically drools, thinking of other dark haired people in the marvel universe.
"Peggy Carter!" Joey adds, obviously interested in this as well.
"Winter soldier is ours too" The eldest brother continues.
"Not to piss on your mood or anything, but you got two more people on your team" Ian points out, reminding them of the two youngest Milkovich's.
"Fuck them, we ain't sharing" Colin decides easily.
It is the most ridiculous conversation Mickey has ever heard and they are all a bunch of idiots. But it is the fact that it's happening at all that Mickey finds surreal.
Colin was supposed to fucking shoot him in the face and Joey was supposed to help dump their bodies. Iggy was never supposed to give a fuck either way, just hog all the snicker bars for himself without Mickey there to demand his share.
Instead, he had come home one day to Ian and Iggy on the couch, yelling at the screen while pressing madly on the controls they were holding. He'd gotten over that pretty quickly though. Iggy never gave a fuck about anything, so maybe he just didn't care where Mickey's dick had been.
It took him a lot longer to get over Colin's reaction. He had asked Ian to get the fuck out of the house until he had dealt with his brother and Mandy had actually picked up a shotgun as they waited for him to come home. And it had started the way Mickey expected, with Colin roughly shoving him aside, a muttered 'Move over faggot' on his tongue.
Mandy had shoved him back out, threatened to finish off the job whoever had started when they beat him bloody and Colin had done nothing more than grunt a quick 'I don't give a fuck, now fucking move' and walked right past them and into the bathroom to clean himself up.
Mickey had still kept a safe distance, watching as Iggy patched up a stab wound and offered a pack of ice, Mandy as much on the edge as him. Then Ian had showed, a random story of meeting some asshole and they weren't stupid. They could add two and two but Ian wasn't admitting to it and Colin had been the one that got stabbed, so really, Mickey had to sit back and pray his brother won't kill Ian in his sleep for it later.
What Colin did do was get some quality weed and share it with Ian. Mickey had been convinced he was stuck in a fucking weird dream.
By the time Ian met Joey though, Mickey was taking bets with Mandy on how long before their brother cracks. She'd bet on a week, he'd bet on two. Ian walked in with Joey on the second day, grabbed two beers and settled on the couch, the two of them turning on the tv to watch some stupid rerun that was on. He doesn't even bother asking what happened.
He just settles back and marvels as Ian wraps one Milkovich after another around his fingers, the five of them now entirely putty in his hands. Joey always watches his favorite show with the Gallagher, Colin actually asked Ian's help to get his girlfriend back and Iggy is constantly demanding rematches of whatever shitty game they were playing that week. Mandy and him had been lost cases long ass fucking time ago anyway.
Still, the scene before him was not something he'd get used to anytime soon.
"It's like no one remembers he was my fucking best friend first" His sister pouts, walking past a still staring Mickey.
She settles into the seat next to the redhead, her legs naturally landing on his lap as she rests an elbow on the table and reaches lazily for the plate of food in the middle. Theres hardly a pause in the conversation, Mandy just naturally joining in.
"The fuck are you talking about?" Mickey asks, finally moving into the room as well.
"You gotta dye your hair blond if you want Thor" Ian announces happily, everyone in the room bursting out laughing.
And yeah, right. They were fucking idiots. All of them.
He was surrounded by idiots and he was blaming it on Ian fucking Gallagher for ruining them all, one Milkovich at a time.