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It started a month after Inej left for her fourth voyage. Kaz missed her, plain and simple, although he still struggled to tell her that.
She had barely stayed in Ketterdam for a week after her third voyage before taking off again.
He had kissed her for the first time. He had kissed her when she got off the Wraith. It was terrifying and glorious. They walked together to the Van Eck mansion. They had eaten with Jesper and Wylan; she recounted stories of her travels to them.
After they finished, she had walked back with him to the Slat, climbed up and into his window. They had fallen asleep next to each other, far apart, but with their fingers intertwined above the blanket, and that was enough.
And then she left again.
She kissed him before she departed, it was just as glorious, but it was also melancholic. It wasn’t a goodbye, but it wasn’t a ‘see you soon’. Neither of them knew how long she would be gone; she was chasing her biggest lead yet. He would never dream of keeping her from that, but the months without her were still painful.
Things in the Barrel carried on without her. There was always more land to take over, more kruge to make, more influence to grow, but for some reason, Kaz felt like there was nothing to do.
He was working, sorting through financial logs from the Crow Club, when a knock came at his door. He called them in.
Simon, a kid he had brought in to become a spider when he grew older, peeked his head around the door, only stepping forward when Kaz waved him in. Simon was clutching an envelope in his hand.
“What have you got for me, Simon?” Kaz asked.
“A letter, sir. Addressed to Mr. Kaz Brekker. It says it's come all the way from Ravka, from the Ghafas .”
It took Kaz a moment to realize what that meant. It surely wasn’t from Inej; she wouldn’t address her letters like that.
Oh. It was from her parents. Inej’s parents had sent him a letter.
“Bring it here,” Kaz said, holding out his gloved hand. Simon obeyed.
Simon stood idly after Kaz took the letter. He was waiting for orders. The kid was too apprehensive, if he was going to be a spider, he needed to get rid of that.
“That is all, Simon.” He dismissed. Simon promptly left.
Kaz looked down at the letter in his hand. It read: Mr. Kaz Brekker. The script was flowing and clean. It was Inej’s mother’s hand; he recognized it well enough. There was no external seal.
Kaz reached down and shuffled through one of his drawers; he pulled out his letter open and sliced open the paper.
A letter fell out along with a small draw-string bag.
He grabbed the bag and pulled it open. It was filled halfway with what looked like dried plants.
It was tea. Kaz smiled.
Inej’s mother had brought tea with her when Kaz brought them to Ketterdam. She had served him some; he liked it and told her as much. It appeared that she had sent him more.
He allowed the pleasant aroma to drift around the room for a few moments before closing the bag and picking up the letter itself.
He unfolded the letter, it read:
Mr. Brekker,
We cannot express the full extent of the gratitude you deserve. You brought our daughter back to us and we will never forget that. We weren’t sure if we should have written you, but the season is now right for growing the herbs that make the tea you enjoyed when we saw you last. We hope this small gift may help show our appreciation.
Ravka is beautiful in the spring, and the season is fast approaching. You must be very busy in Ketterdam, but if you feel you need a break, you are welcome in our camp. Inej mentioned her desire to bring you here, so please consider the offer.
Give our best to Mr. Fahey and Mr.Van Eck. Please thank them for their hospitality and generosity.
There was more to the letter, but Kaz couldn’t read it. Inej’s parents had written the last few paragraphs in Suli; he recognized the script from notes Inej sometimes wrote to herself. He wasn’t quite sure why they had done it. It was possible they thought Inej would be there to translate it. He knew he could find someone else to translate it, but it felt too personal, like no one else should lay their eyes upon the letter but him.
He decided to translate it himself. It couldn’t be that difficult. He would need to acquire a Suli dictionary and he would be able to discern the message.
Kaz pulled out a small scrap of paper and wrote down what he needed. He also grabbed a small pouch of kruge.
He gripped his cane and walked over to his office door. It took him a few moments to spot Simon after he opened the door. Kaz called him over and he came running.
“I need you to find these things and deposit them outside the attic door. Understood?” He instructed.
Simon opened the scrap of paper and a look of confusion crossed his face. Kaz was glad he knew better than to ask about it. He had chosen Simon because he had never met Inej. Kaz was not in the mood to see the suggestive glances he would get from any other Dreg if he ordered it from them.
Simon just nodded and left, stuffing the paper and the bag of kruge in his pockets.
It was still early in the day, but Kaz was done with working. He packed up his papers in the office and made his way up to the attic.
He had almost settled in his desk chair when a knock came at his door.
When he opened it, he found Simon once more. He held out a thick book and a slightly lighter-looking pouch of kruge.
Kaz grabbed the book. “Keep the kruge.” He said, and shut the door.
He spent the next four bells pouring over the letter and referencing the dictionary. He barely got anywhere. Kaz, for one of the first times in his life, felt stupid. It was naive of him to think language could be learned so simply.
He huffed, frustrated, and rubbed the back of his neck. He understood the words in the letter, but he didn’t know how they fit together. He was determined to understand it fully.
Kaz spent the next three days working. Not as the Barrel Boss, but just as Kaz.
After his first evening of confusion, he went out and bought a guide to Suli grammar and an instructional guide to learning the language.
It took a long while, but he was confident in his translation of the letter. He was sure it read:
We were not sure when you would receive this letter. If you are reading this, we hope either our daughter gets joy from reading her native language, or that you, Mr. Brekker, have learned to read it yourself. We regret not getting to know you better, but we do know our daughter. We have never seen Inej look so joyful as she does when you are next to her.
The feeling one gets when they have lost a loved one is quite possibly the worst in the world. We hope you have never had to experience that feeling, Mr. Brekker, but if you have, you have our condolences. It is the feeling we lived with for the years we thought our daughter was lost. Not only have you helped us find her; you have helped her find herself.
The love she feels for you is bright and passionate; we see it in her eyes, in her movement, in her words. The love she feels has healed so much in her. We see your love for her as well. Know that you are welcome in this family; know that we feel the blessing of the Saints when we see you there for her. Just as such, we are here for you.
Forever grateful,
Ediz and Hadiye Ghafa
Kaz stared at the letter, reading it over and over. He didn’t know how to react. He felt himself smiling just as he felt water gather in his eyes.
He read it one more time, then stumbled to his feet. He drifted around his room, grabbing empty notebooks and pens. He dropped them all on his desk next to his textbooks and a blank parchment.
Kaz would start from the beginning.
He flipped open the first page of the instructional guide and started taking notes.
He was going to write her parents back. He was going to write them back in Suli.
—
It took him the better part of the month, he wanted the letter to be right. It might have been finished earlier, but he did have some responsibilities. The relationship between the Dregs and the Liddies were rocky, to say the least. He had to quell three different conflicts in the span of a week. He had a city to rule, and his influence was slowly rising from the shadows.
He missed Inej for many reasons, one of them being that he was without the one person he trusted to watch his back. Inej also tended to keep him calm. He had killed many people during the month. It was a truly foolish decision to cross Kaz Brekker in the state he was in; patience and mercy were not virtues he possessed, especially then.
He finished the letter eventually; it read:
Ediz and Hadiye Ghafa,
I do not want you to feel you have a debt to me. Finding your daughter proves itself every day to be the best decision I have ever made. She has changed me; she has saved me. I believe she saves everyone around her. She has touched the hearts of all those she meets friend or foe. Those who have the privilege to be a friend surely feel the same as I do.
The only gift I thought may return a fraction of the gratitude I hold towards your daughter was bringing you to her. I know she thought of you every day.
Thank you for the gift, the tea is lovely. I do hope, that when Inej returns, I can accept your offer. If I may, I want to assist you in making the tea I enjoy so much.
I cannot comprehend how it must feel to lose a child, but I know loss well. My original family is gone. But I have found myself part of a new one, I never would have been able to without your daughter. She has taught me to open my heart once more. My new family is small. Inej told me you have met Nina Zenik. Of course, you have met Jesper Fahey and Wylan Van Eck. There was one more, Mattias Helvar, you will never get to meet him, he passed years ago, but he was one too. I am honored to be considered part of your family now as well.
You are welcome in Ketterdam if you choose to come back. I can promise you safety under my name. If you decide to visit, find the Van Eck mansion. You can also find the Crow Club, tell any of the workers that you are under Kaz Brekker’s wing; they will be sure to set you up with anything you desire until I can find you.
Inej has told me that you, Ediz, enjoy card games. I have enclosed a deck of Crow Club cards in this package. For you, Hadiye, I am gifting a special blend of tea I grew up making with my own mother. I hope it may be up to par with your own creations.
Know that I love your daughter deeply. I will try for the rest of my life the earn the love she gives me.
- Kaz Brekker
He put the letter and the gifts into a package and sealed it with the Crow Club’s seal. He gave it to Simon to deliver to the post office. He made sure to give him enough kruge to pay for the fastest delivery. And if he gave a little extra for Simon to use for himself, no one had to know.
Once the letter was sent. Kaz went back to his normal work. He was behind on drafting logs for the Crow Club and planning the new building he wanted to erect on the property that was once The Menagerie; it had burned down a year ago. Not by accident, of course. Every crow took part in its destruction. He and Inej had stood on a building nearby, watching as the flames licked up the sides of the cursed building.
While work was normal again, Kaz added another step to his routine. He bought a few books, books written in Suli. He read them in his free time. He tried to rationalize his practice of the language. He told himself he learned it to write the letter, but of course, he only kept learning because it could be advantageous in foreign business dealings. Kaz didn’t do foreign business dealings. But he did lie to himself.
Six months passed before he was given the message he had been longing for. Simon had come crashing through Kaz’s office door. Kaz had been furious for a second, but his anger was quickly doused as soon as Simon told him the news.
The Wraith was back.
He only stopped to lock his office door before he was walking as fast as he could to the harbor.
It was a warm early spring morning. He may have found it nice if he had the capacity to think of anything other than Inej in the moment.
As he approached The Wraith, he saw Jesper and Wylan already waiting. He wasn’t sure how they had gotten the message before him, but he didn’t care enough.
Members of Inej’s crew ambled about, checking the ship, greeting friends, and helping what Kaz assumed were rescued slaves.
He couldn’t see Inej among them.
Jesper and Wylan greeted him as he neared; he idly responded, but didn’t pay them much mind. He scanned the ship once more.
Then he saw her. She was sprinting, her hair flying behind her, a bright smile stretched across her face. She didn’t bother with the plank that led to the dock. She leaped over the edge of her ship, right into Kaz’s arms. He almost fell over with the shock of her weight, but he steadied himself with his cane before dropping it to wrap his other arm around her.
Her face was tucked into his neck. He felt her tears, seeping into his shirt and rolling down his skin, and yet, he didn’t drown in the slightest. Any other day he might have recoiled in shock or disgust, but it was different that time. She was warm and real and here, it was all he needed.
He pressed his lips against the top of her head and kept it there, breathing her in.
He didn’t know how long they stayed there, but it wasn’t long enough when he felt her pull back. He didn’t put her down; he couldn’t stand the idea of letting go of her.
She met his eyes and brought her hands up to cup his cheeks. She was trembling, and he was fairly sure he was doing the same.
“I read your letter.” It took Kaz a moment to understand what she meant. “I stopped in Ravka to visit my parents, they showed me it.” Her voice wavered every few words.
Kaz smiled, he didn’t think he would be so nervous. “Was it correct? I tried to get the words right but didn’t have a teacher.” He said.
Inej laughed, and Kaz knew that he could die happy, right in that moment.
“It was good. It was really good.” Inej pulled at his arms to let him know she wanted him to put her down.
She held his hands in her own as she stepped back. They looked at each other for a few moments, until they were interrupted by, of course, Jesper.
“Hey! Why does he get all the love?” Jesper whined. Inej laughed again and let go of him to greet their friends.
He watched them talk and laugh and hug, content just to see her. Eventually, though, she returned to him.
“You said Mattias was part of your family.” She said smugly.
Kaz groaned. “And I’m glad he wasn’t around to hear it. I know he would never let it go.”
She smiled, wistfully. “I think, if he were here, he would say the same thing.”
“But first he would make fun of me.” He said jokingly.
“Oh, absolutely.” She confirmed.
And then, she said something else. Kaz would admit it; he was eternally grateful he had learned Suli because he understood her. It didn't matter that he already knew. Hearing her say it made it all real.
“I love you, too, Inej.” He responded.
She laughed then. “I have never been happier in my life but Saints, Kaz Brekker, we need to work on your pronunciation.”
He laughed too.
They waved goodbye to their friends, to their family , and started walking to the Slat. Together.
—
Kaz found that not only did speaking Suli make Inej endlessly happy, it also did, in fact, end up making him better at his job.
He didn’t realize it until he was holding an important meeting with the Dregs. It was rare that Kaz had to hold meetings with such large groups. Usually, he would speak closely with a few of his most trusted Dregs and send out simple orders for the rest. But this was big. Bigger than the auction. There were too many moving parts to organize and he couldn’t do that indirectly.
He stood in the back of the Slat, head held high. If there was any time where Dirtyhands was required, it was then.
Anika, Pim, Rotty, and Roeder stood nearest to him.
And Inej...
Inej’s crew was on leave for the month; so she had been working with Kaz as the Wraith once more. Although, the days of Inej shadowing Kaz, the days of her standing behind him, were long gone. She stood on his level, next to him, as his equal, as his partner.
Kaz assessed the crowd and began speaking. He went over the objective, the plan, the many backup plans, and the warnings. When he was finished, he moved on to the assignments. He called out single names or groups and delegated parts of the plan to them. He knew he should never trust any of them fully to execute the plan how it was intended, but that was what the backups were for.
Halfway through his assignments, Kaz saw Inej’s face twist in the corner of her eye. She wore her own scheming face, an expression Kaz loved dearly. She caught his eye.
“That assignment leaves far too much room for error.” She said in Suli. Kaz was shocked for a moment before realizing how intelligent she was. They both knew none of the other Dregs understood Suli. It was a brilliant way for them to communicate privately, even in the presence of others.
Kaz had to bite back a defensive response; he didn’t like being corrected. He knew she was trying to help, not to discount him, and he trusted her judgment on almost every matter.
“How?” He responded. Many of the Dregs were now giving them confused looks.
She turned towards him fully, and she looked almost prideful. Kaz loved it. “We aren’t covering nearly enough of the canal to effectively shut off that mode of escape.”
Kaz thought it over for a moment and nodded his head. “What do you suggest we do instead?”
“Kaz Brekker,” she gasped dramatically, “are you asking for my help? Who are you?”
He rolled his eyes. “You are making me wish I didn’t”
She snorted. “Okay, I think we need to move….”
She explained her ideas, and when Kaz approved of them, he relayed them back to the Dregs in Kerch. They both ignored the confused stares, they received and concluded the meeting.
He dismissed everyone to their preparations and posts. He called his closest Dregs into his office to finish planning.
There wasn’t much more to cover, and Kaz was about to close up that meeting as well until Anika raised her hand.
“Speak, Anika.” He said.
“Uuh, so did you two learn a new language just to make plans?” She looked between Kaz and Inej.
Inej answered this time. “Anika, we spoke Suli. I am Suli, it is my first language, I didn’t have to learn a new language.” Kaz snorted. Anika was a good leader, but she discounted Inej far too much.
“Oh,” Anika said.
“It has been helpful to communicate in front of others without worry of eavesdropping,” Kaz said.
Anika just nodded her head. She didn’t seem to notice how neither of them actually answered her question.
Kaz dismissed them and turned to Inej, who was perched on the edge of his desk.
Inej was looking at him, head tilted in contemplation. “Why did you decide to learn Suli?” She asked.
“I learned so I could respond to your parent’s letter.” He answered calmly. He was honestly surprised she didn’t know.
“Really?” She said, “You learned a whole language to write a letter?”
He leaned back in his chair; it was late, and he was getting tired. But he would always be content to talk with Inej, or just watch her, whatever she pleased. The moonlight that streamed through the window created a heavenly halo around her head. Every day he thought she couldn't get any more beautiful, and yet, she proved him wrong every time.
“I learned it at first to read a letter. Your parents sent one and half of it was written in Suli.”
She was smiling down at him, and he could barely think. If the Saints were real, if any god was, he imagined they would look just like her.
He heard her laugh. That wonderful sound that echoed through his head at all times. He only then noticed how he had zoned out.
“You didn’t hear what I just said did you.” She said, the lightness in her voice soothed him.
“I’m sorry, darling.” He slipped off the gloves that had covered his hands for the better part of the day.
Kaz reached out and hesitantly grasped Inej’s hands; she squeezed his hands, telling him it was okay.
“Please repeat what you said,” he requested.
“I know my parents like you, but I didn’t know you cared enough to learn their language.”
Kaz shook his head a bit and corrected her. “I like your parents as well, but I wouldn’t put so much effort in for them. I care for you , I love you, and you love them, so it was worth it. I didn’t think of it like I was learning their language. I was learning your language.”
He pressed his forehead against their clasped hands. “You were stolen from your home and dropped into Ketterdam. Your culture was twisted and defiled as soon as you arrived.” He lifted his head, only to press his lips to her hands. “I am glad you can visit your home, but I want to be your home too."
It was silent for a while. Kaz looked up to see what was wrong.
Inej was just staring at him. Her eyes soft, silent tears streaming down her face, but her smile was wide and bright. She took a deep breath.
“I love you, Kaz, I love you.” She paused, “You are my home, you know that? And Jesper, and Wylan and Nina. But you especially. Thank you for being a home I’ve always known I could return to.”
Kaz didn’t know how to respond. He tugged on her hands slightly. She moved forward with the motion and he gently coaxed her into his lap.
He wrapped his arms around her back and she buried her face into his neck. Ghezen, if Kaz could stay in that position for the rest of his life, his every wish would come true.
“I love you. Thank you for always coming back to me.” He said in Suli.
She kissed his cheek. “We are supposed to be working right now, aren’t we? Crimes to commit, empires to fall.”
He chuckled. “It can wait a few minutes, crime and power pale in comparison to you.” He said in Suli.
“And to you, my love.”