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Captain Marvel hummed softly to himself as he stepped out of the zeta beam. He was probably one of the only people in the Justice League who actually liked Watchtower duty, if only because it meant he could socialize with his fellow heroes and swipe some food from the cafeteria. But today his mind was back home in Fawcett City.
The warmth of the early June sun had had him in high spirits all week and he doubted even a supervillain attack could change that. Summer had finally arrived and with it freedom. Freedom from school, from bad weather, from nosy teachers and even nosier classmates. For a few short months Billy wouldn’t have to deal with any of it. It was going to be awesome.
Sure summer came with its own challenges. Crime rates tended to go up with the heat and his building didn’t have AC to cool him off. Not to mention it was getting too hot to wear his favorite red sweater. T-shirts and shorts would sure feel nice in the heat, but it was sure to get him misgendered more often, especially now that he was old enough to have to wear a bra most days.
But despite all of that he enjoyed the summer months. And he knew he wasn’t the only one. There was a certain liveliness all around him. Even the Watchtower seemed to buzz with unspoken excitement.
“So what do you guys think?” Green Arrow’s voice rang out loud and clear into the hallway, causing Captain Marvel to slow his steps and turn towards the sound.
“It looks great Ollie–” Black Canary began before being quite rudely interrupted by a certain scarlet speedster.
“I expected something a bit flashier.”
“Shut up," There was a soft thump and a muffled ‘Ow’ as Black Canary continued. "I think it’s perfect. Connor is gonna love it.”
“Maybe I should find one like it for when Lois and I go with Jon.” Superman chimed in.
“If you order a second one in black you and spooky can match!” Hal’s laughter rang louder than the soft chuckles of his companions.
By that point curiosity had gotten the better of him, and Captain Marvel poked his head into the rec room where several of his teammates seemed to have gathered. Green Arrow was standing in the center of the room, hands on his hips. Over top his usual costume was a white t-shirt with the words “I Love My Asexual Son” printed on the front though the words were black, gray and purple. Everyone else seemed to be lounging on couches, chairs, or in Flash’s case, the floor.
All eyes turned to look at him as he hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
“Uh hey guys. What’s going on in here?”
“Just showing off my new digs.” Green Arrow did a little spin to show off the shirt he was wearing. “I’m gonna wear it to Pride next weekend. You know, show my support for my kid and have some fun.”
Cap wasn’t really 100% sure what he was talking about, but he assumed he wasn’t talking about one of the Seven Deadly Enemies of Man. It probably had something to do with the son that was mentioned on his shirt. Was he talking about Red Arrow or the other Green Arrow? Or was there a third son that Cap didn’t know about?
Confused or not he figured he shouldn’t make a big deal about it. “Well I really like it. The colors are nice.”
Green Arrow slapped him on the arm with a grin. “Thanks man! At least someone here appreciates the beauty in its simplicity.” He shot a mock glare at the others as he spoke, though the grin never left his face.
“Hey! I said I liked it,” Superman huffed. “I just need to find a bi version. Or something like it at least. I’ve never actually gone to one of these before.”
“What, never?” Flash asked, popping his head up so he could see Superman’s face. “I always pop by Central City’s Pride events. It’s a blast!”
Supes crossed his arms somewhat defensively over his chest. “I was off-planet last time Jimmy invited me.”
Black Canary pointed a somewhat admonishing finger at him. “Well you better hurry up and find something soon. You don’t want to be scrambling at the last minute.”
As they all kept talking, Cap was growing more confused. What were they talking about? An…event of some kind? He felt like he probably should know what was going on, that an adult would probably have figured it out by now. Maybe if he had a few more context clues...
“What about you Cap? Have you ever gone to a Pride Parade before?” All eyes turned to him at Green Arrow’s question.
Oh a parade! Well that made a whole lot more sense! “Can’t say that I have, but I do love a good parade!”
“Well maybe you should check out when the Fawcett City one is?” Black Canary suggested. “It could be fun, especially with friends.”
“Yeah with how much your city adores you, I’m sure they’d love to have you drop in.” Hal elbowed him lightly in the stomach, throwing an exaggerated wink at him. “Though you might have more fun as a civilian.”
“Yeah I think I will. Thanks guys!” Cap nodded decisively, before turning back the way he came. “Well I should be getting to my monitor shift, see you later!”
Cap headed off to his shift with an extra bounce in his step. A parade sounded like a lot of fun, even if he didn’t know what exactly it was celebrating. Maybe he could look it up in the library so he’d know more before he went. Then he could decide if he wanted to go as Billy or as the Captain.
Billy buried his face in his arms in an attempt to hide his flushed cheeks. He contemplated whether he should hide his screen too, just in case anyone walked by and saw what he was reading about. There weren’t many library goers that day since school had let out for the summer. And gods was he glad for it.
He couldn’t quite identify what he was feeling. There was a bit of nervousness, the all too familiar fear of not wanting to get caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to swirling in his gut. There was a bit of embarrassment too for not realizing what they’d all been talking about the day before on the Watchtower. But there was also a flicker of excitement. The good kind. He hadn’t realized that Fawcett City–often considered by others to be a bit old fashioned and behind the times–had a whole day set aside to celebrate people like him.
It wasn’t like he didn’t know there were other people who were gay or transgender or whatever. Miss Candy and Miss Bambi were a lesbian couple in his building who were both trans and they had taught him what the word meant ages ago. They’d also taught him how to cut his own hair, sew, and make little origami flowers out of notebook paper. And Joe who cooked down at Pop's place had two boyfriends, both of whom slipped Billy cash and old used books when they came to visit him at work.
Not to mention most of his patron gods were a little bit gay. (Or a lot in Achilles’ case). So it wasn’t like he was naïve.
Hell, he'd been transgender his whole life even if he hadn't figured it out until a couple years ago. He probably wasn't even straight either.
It was just that he didn’t realize he was allowed to celebrate it instead of hiding it.
It felt a bit hard to believe considering all the trouble he’d been in over the years whenever he tried to explain to people that he was a boy when they had a piece of paper that said otherwise. It was probably one of the single biggest factors for why he became a chronic runaway and got labeled a troubled kid by the foster system. But he refused to get attached to a family that was going to outright reject him the second he told them his real name.
That attitude had started to bleed over to his other relationships. He wasn’t going to have that conversation again with anyone when it had gone so poorly in the past. He wasn’t going to set himself up for rejection like that if he could help it.
And now that he could more or less live as a boy (or a man in the Captain’s case) there wasn’t really anything to correct. People easily guessed his gender and pronouns all the time now. Why should he have to tell anyone that it was a bit of a journey to get to that point? It wasn’t any of their business.
So of course it never crossed his mind to talk about his gender with the other members of the Justice League. (Except for that one nightmare he’d had a while back about them being mad that he was an eleven year old girl and liar because he didn’t tell them about his secret identity sooner. But he tried to forget about that).
But looking at the screen filled with happy people decked out in all the colors of the rainbow, and thinking about the excitement the other heroes had about going to their respective city’s Pride events, he couldn’t help but wonder if he could share that part of him with someone else.
He didn’t want to make things weird between them. And it wasn’t like he’d ever felt particularly compelled to say the words ‘I’m transgender’ out loud to them. There was no burning need to come out to them, no urgency that could push him to bring the topic up if it wasn’t relevant.
But there was a subtle longing for honesty. For connection.
A part of him did want to talk about it. About being a boy when everyone thought he was a girl. About the lifetimes worth of memories from other Champions of being both. About the part of him that was uniquely Marvel and wasn’t really either. It was confusing, but it might be nice to talk to someone that wasn’t a voice in his head about that sort of stuff.
Billy sat in front of that computer for a long time, silently debating with himself what he wanted to do, if he wanted to do anything at all.
Eventually he scribbled down the date and location of Fawcett City’s Pride Parade onto a sticky note which he promptly folded neatly in half and shoved into his pocket. He had nearly two weeks to make a decision.
Maybe a bit of Solomon’s wisdom and Achilles’ courage could help him out.
Billy sighed, dropping down to sit on the concrete steps leading to his apartment complex. Usually spending the day as Cap made things easier, made things make sense. He would get that special surge of happiness that came with helping people, with being larger than life. The world would feel brighter and Solomon would help sort out all of his problems so he could make a decision.
But today hadn’t quite gone according to plan. Brawling in the streets with supervillains wasn’t exactly anything new, but he had been distracted and the whole thing turned into a bigger mess than it should have. Billy was still kicking himself over it. And he hadn’t even had time to consider his problem.
The door behind him opened with a slight creak of its hinges. He glanced up just briefly, catching sight of Miss Bambi as she came outside, all dressed up for work.
“Hey sweetie” Her deep melodic voice called out to him.
“Hi Miss Bambi” Billy replied automatically. He tried to smile for her, but it felt more forced than usual.
She smiled down at him as she passed, only to pause and frown at his unusually sullen expression. “Why the long face kiddo? You okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine”
“Uh-huh. Sure.” Miss Bambi sat down next to him, her perfume wafting pleasantly in the air. “You’re a bad liar Billy. So why don’t you try telling me the truth?”
Billy sighed again and leaned his head onto Miss Bambi’s shoulder. He kept his eyes focused on her sparkly heels and brightly colored toenails as he spoke. “Coming out is hard.”
He felt her stiffen beside him, already on alert. “Did something happen baby?” She asked. Her voice was soft but there was an underlying tension in it, like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop so she could spring into action. She was suddenly paying much closer attention to him than before.
Billy glanced up to look her in the face. The worried crease between her brows gave her away. “No, not yet.” He reassured her. “But I’ve been thinking about coming out to some friends of mine. I’m just not sure how to go about it.”
Miss Bambi visibly relaxed. “Coming out can be pretty scary, especially when you’re trans like me and you.” She draped one arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. “You don’t have to come out to anyone if you don’t want to. Especially if you have any reason to think they won’t react well. You know that right?”
Billy nodded. “Of course I do. I learned that one the hard way.” He scowled slightly, actively pushing away the unpleasant memories. “But these are my friends. And they’re pretty cool about these sorts of things. They were even telling me about what they were going to wear to the Pride parades! I didn’t even know those were a thing!”
Miss Bambi laughed at his wild expression. “I sometimes forget you’re so young. There’s a whole world of things you haven’t discovered yet.” She twisted herself slightly so she could look Billy fully in the face, her expression growing just a touch more serious. “If you think these friends of yours will accept you, then go for it. If they know a thing or two about the Queer community already then you can probably be straightforward with them.”
“You think so?” Billy chewed his lip in thought. “You think I should make it quick? Like ripping off a bandaid?”
Miss Bambi laughed again. “It doesn’t have to be painful you know.”
“But I want to tell them,” Billy was surprised by just how much he meant it too. Even if he couldn’t share all of himself with them, he wanted to share this part at least. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t get kicked out of the League for his gender the way he would for his age.
“Then do it whenever you’re ready.” A fierce look took the place of her usual soft smile. “And if anything goes wrong you come straight home. Me and Candy will deal with your friends. Okay?”
Billy couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at the image of Miss Bambi and Miss Candy busting down the doors to the Hall of Justice in their five inch heels and sparkly mini skirts to terrorize the Justice League on his behalf.
As ridiculous as it was, it eased his mind about the whole situation to know he had someone on his side already.
When the biweekly Justice League meeting finally let out, Captain Marvel was almost tempted to rush straight to the zeta tubes and forget his silly half-baked plan to talk to his fellow heroes about something as personal as his gender.
Really what was he thinking? Sure they seemed pretty supportive and having actual real life people to talk to about the trials and tribulations of transitioning would be nice. But it made his heart beat anxiously against his chest, so loud it drowned out the casual chatter around him. How would he even bring it up? Was it worth the awkwardness? Who would he even want to talk to?
Gods it was almost as nerve wracking as admitting he was a kid on the inside!
“Are you alright Captain?” Superman’s voice nearly made him jump out of his skin. Batman and Wonder Woman stood just a few feet behind him, but both were watching him closely. Diana had a worried furrow in her brow while the Bat’s face remained as neutral as ever.
He straightened up, fighting the urge to fidget with his fingers. “Yep, totally fine.” By the look on Superman’s face his denial wasn’t exactly convincing. Which was embarrassing because there really wasn't anything wrong. Just his stupid nerves about a conversation he may or may not have.
“Are you sure? Because your heart rate has been going crazy all day. If there’s something wrong you know we are more than happy to help.”
Cap took a deep breath and consciously calmed his racing heart. “It’s nothing like that. Just a…personal thing I guess.”
The effect was subtle but instant. The Trinity all perked up just slightly, their interest piqued. A few previously unnoticed eavesdroppers in the form of their coworkers also turned towards them in a less than subtle bid to hear more. It was rare for Cap to talk about his personal life, even rarer for him to bring it up of his own volition. Everyone wanted to know things about him, but most were too polite to keep asking after he shut them down a few times.
“Oh?” Diana said as she moved to stand beside Superman. The fact that they were both standing while Cap was still seated made it feel like they were towering over him, which didn’t help his racing heart or his nerves. “We’re happy to help with personal matters as well if you need it. We are friends after all.”
She smiled as she spoke. It was that smile, that confirmation that they were friends and not just coworkers that reminded him of why he was even considering having this conversation in the first place. And then he noticed the small pink, blue and purple necklace she had added to her uniform, the exact shades he’d seen on flags being waved in photos. He hadn’t yet had the time to figure out what each of those flags meant, but the vibrancy was unmistakable.
And if Wonder Woman could proudly announce herself as a member of the LGBT+ community then why couldn’t he?
“It’s not really a problem Diana." He said, a touch more confident than before. "More like a conversation I’ve been putting off.”
“And you’re worried about how this conversation will go?” She asked, easily settling into the seat beside him.
“Sort of.” He admitted. “I don’t usually talk about this kind of stuff with most people. It’s not really anyone’s business, you know? But the past week or so I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I decided I wanted to say something.” He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. Dancing around the subject wasn’t going to work forever. “I just don’t know where to start.”
Diana hummed as she listened to him speak, weighing her words carefully. “Is the person you’re trying to talk to a friend?”
“Or a girlfriend?” Came a voice somewhere to his left.
“Hal!” Flash smacked him upside the head. “Butt out of their conversation!”
“Oh come on! We were all thinking it!” Hal whined, rubbing the back of his head and glaring at his friend.
Cap felt his cheeks heat up as he sank lower in his chair. He wasn’t even sure if he liked girls. Well Marvel definitely wasn’t interested in women, but Billy was still trying to figure it out. So far his sexuality had been a lot harder to pin down than his gender had been. And that was saying something all things considered.
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys.” He ducked his head to avoid looking at anyone’s reactions. “I just didn’t want to make a whole big scene about it. I guess I kinda failed at that didn’t I?”
He saw Diana shoot a glare over at the others, before letting her expression soften as she turned back to him. “You don’t have to worry about talking to us. If we ever made you feel unable to speak freely about anything, I deeply apologize.”
“No, no!” Cap rushed to reassure her. “You guys didn’t do anything wrong. In fact you’ve all made me feel very safe. That's why I wanted to say something. But I’ve had some mixed reactions in the past so it’s hard." He turned a sheepish smile towards her. "What’s that old saying? Once bitten, twice shy?”
“Well you have the floor Captain, we’re all ears.” Superman leaned against the table in front of him, probably in an effort to be casual and put Cap at ease.
Well there was no backing out now. “Well you know how last week we were talking about those…Pride parades you guys were all going to?”
“Yeah?” Flash frowned. “You mentioned you’d never been right?”
“Right." Cap nodded, feeling a little like a bobble head due to the enthusiasm of the motion. "I had never really thought it was an option before, but I was thinking maybe it could be different…I mean most of you are going, right?”
“Right…” Green Arrow dragged out the word slowly, a little skeptically. “I’m gonna assume this is related to what you wanted to tell us.”
“It is! It’s just the subject had never really come up before and–” Cap dropped his head into his hands, his cheeks felt scalding hot to the touch. “Gods this is so weird to talk about!”
“Do you need a moment?” Black Canary looked far too understanding, as if she was putting together some of the puzzle pieces and getting a vague idea what he was trying to do.
“No, I’m okay.” He took another deep breath to shake off his residual nerves. He kept his eyes averted so he wouldn’t chicken out. Quick. Like a bandaid. “I wanted to tell you all that…I’m transgender. So yeah”
Someone let out a surprised “Oh” into the silence following his announcement. In that beat of intensely awkward silence, a million thoughts ran through Cap’s head, not all of them his own. Had he misjudged their reactions? Did they not believe him? Were they secretly transphobic? Did he just ruin his friendship with his fellow heroes and doomed them to an, at best, awkward working relationship?
But before he could get too worked up, a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He glanced up and saw Batman standing beside him with an unusually soft expression on his face.
“I’m glad you told us, Captain. I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say we’re happy you felt comfortable enough to talk about what is clearly a somewhat sensitive topic for you. If I may, what pronouns do you use?”
“Uh...he/him? Usually? But sometimes they/them is a bit more accurate even if no one really uses it but me. But I’ve used most pronouns before.”
“So you’re a transman?” Flash asked carefully. “And we haven’t been consistently misgendering you for like two years?”
“More or less” Cap nodded. “I would have said something if you were. But since I pass insanely well when I look like this, it was never really a problem.”
“Thank god! I would’ve felt like such an asshole.”
Batman tilted his head at him, ignoring Green Arrow’s outburst. “When you say 'more or less'…?”
Cap hesitated. He wasn’t really prepared to talk about all the nuances of his gender. Maybe he should have prepared for this part of the conversation a bit more. “It’s…complicated.” He finally admitted. “In the past my gender has been a bit of a moving target that I don’t always manage to hit. Very fluid and nebulous? But for the past few years–for as long as you all have known me at least–I’ve settled pretty firmly into being a man. I don’t think it’s going to change again anytime soon.” Probably not in Billy’s lifetime at least.
Though Marvel’s own gender was still up for interpretation most of the time. But he couldn't really figure out how to explain that without getting into the fact that he had a human host, which was dangerously close to telling them everything else. He should probably shelve that part of the conversation for later.
“I think I get where you’re coming from” Hal said, an oddly serious expression on his face. “Like you're different genders at different times so it’s hard to keep track sometimes. But you’re a guy more often than anything else.”
“Exactly.” Cap felt his shoulders lose some of their tension as the Green Lantern spoke. He was pretty close after all. Surprisingly so all things considered.
“I think it’s pretty cool of you to be able to be comfortable in your own skin.”
“Thanks Hal” Cap smiled at him, oddly touched that this whole coming out situation was going so well. “It is such a relief that you guys were all so cool about this. I almost feel dumb for being so nervous.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself” Black Canary came up and placed a comforting hand on his bicep. “We are so proud of you Captain.” She leaned down and gave him a hug. He felt more people join in, squeezing him tightly to show their love and support.
He had to blink away tears from the corners of his eyes. This was no time for crying. “Thanks guys.”
Captain Marvel raced through the skies, the heat of the sun pleasantly warm against his skin. There was hardly a cloud in the clear blue sky. It was a beautiful day.
He circled the city, just to check for any ongoing crime that needed his attention. Once he was satisfied that everything was quiet, he swooped in closer to the sea of rainbows cutting a bright swath of color from the muted grays and browns of the buildings downtown.
The party was already in full swing, cheers filled the air, almost as loud as the music that blasted from various speakers along the street. Dozens of flags fluttered in the breeze, almost creating a canopy over the people dancing down the streets.
“Captain Marvel!” Someone called from below. He looked down to see a handful of people waving at him.
He waved back. Then he did a spin in the air to show off his temporary cape for the day. The trans flag unfurled around him, flapping in the wake of his movements.
He was met with cheers from below and it warmed him even more than the sun ever could.
Dropping down to the group of parade goers, his excitement bubbled up even more until it felt like his smile was going to split his face in two. “Hey everyone! Are you enjoying the parade so far?”
“I love your cape!” Squealed a young girl, probably only a year or two older than Billy. She was holding the hands of two men who Cap was pretty sure were her dads. "It's so cool!"
“Thanks! Some of my friends from the League helped me make it work. It turned out pretty nice didn’t it?” He fanned it out so the growing crowd around him could get a better look. “I had to rep my community, you know?”
He didn’t even have time to feel anxious about his admission because the whole crowd burst into cheers again. Their surprise at his statement was washed away by the sheer joy they were feeling.
A teenager with tears in their eyes and their own trans flag around their shoulders pulled away from their group of friends holding up their phone. “Can I take a picture?”
“Sure!” Cap struck a pose. Then he pulled them in for a selfie together, being sure to give them a gentle squeeze of reassurance before he pulled away.
“Have fun everybody! Drink lots of water!”
With that he flew off further down the parade route, stopping every time someone waved him down for a picture or a quick chat. People handed him flowers and small flags and pronoun pins all of which he carefully collected so he could treasure them. By the end of the day he had collected so many trinkets and mementos that his red suit ended up looking like a rainbow itself.
But nothing could beat those awed smiles, those tearfully happy hugs, the pure joy that radiated from everyone he met.
It was a perfect day.
The next morning the news outlets would be buzzing with the news, pictures of Captain Marvel with a transgender flag in place of his usual white cape and a wide carefree grin would grace every newspaper and news station in the city.
Billy Batson would flush every time he saw it, a rush of pride smothering the fear whenever someone complimented him on his courage or his ability to uplift the LGBT+ community of Fawcett City. His heart would leap with joy whenever Joe at Pop's Place would loudly proclaim that Captain Marvel was bravest man he'd ever met. He wouldn’t even bother to hide his smile when Miss Candy and Miss Bambi excitedly showed him the pictures they’d taken with the Captain, all three of them holding up their transgender flags for the world to see.
And maybe it wasn’t perfect. There were still people spouting the same old hateful drivel they always had when Billy came out. But those people were being drowned out by the sheer love and acceptance everyone else was pouring out into the world. Love and acceptance meant especially for him.
And now Billy had another reason to love the month of June. He genuinely couldn’t wait until next year when he got to do it all over again.