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When Simon Eriksson woke up the morning of November 7th 2023, it started as any other normal day for him. He got dressed and rushed through a bowl of cereal with his mama before running to the bus stop to make it to school just on time. Simon had developed a habit over the past few years of catching the last possible bus to Hillerska to avoid the glances and whispers his presence evoked from his classmates. For Simon, the only boy whose identity is publicly known from the video, the aftermath had not been pretty. His mama wanted to send him back to Marieberg, and Sara wanted to stay at Hillerska, having claimed to finally find her place among leather purses and vintage clothes more expensive than their mama's annual paycheck.
In the end, while it seemed like a stupid decision, Simon chose to stay because of what Hillerska represented or could represent to him. An opportunity for a better future, for him, for his mama and Sara.
As he got off the bus and made his way to class, ignoring the curious glances the first years gave his way (they still had a hard time reconciling with the fact that beyond a person with an international sex scandal with the supposed Crown Prince, Simon was an actual person- a child even) his phone started incessantly buzzing in his pocket. Thinking it could be Rosh or Ayub- who he only sees on the bus back home now- blowing up his phone with the latest gossip from Marieberg or a new video game that dropped, he reached into his pocket and silenced it without giving it a second thought.
He found his usual spot at the back of the class next to Sara giving his sister a small smile before turning to the front of the class. It was ten minutes into Mr Englund's lesson that Simon noticed a certain someone's spot empty, which given that Wilhelm had supposedly taken on more duties as the Crown Prince after his 18th birthday was not surprising. The boy still sent a small smile or a pathetic wave Simon's way whenever they happened to be in the vicinity of each other. While Simon was a little disappointed that not much had changed about their relationship following Wille's impulsive confession before Christmas break, he couldn't help but admit that seeing Wilhelm still make an effort to have some kind of relationship with Simon sent little flickers of warmth straight to his heart.
He couldn't bring himself to hate Wille, despite everything that happened and he was secretly thankful that he denied his presence in the video at times because it allowed Simon to go to Rosh's games without being harassed or the supermarket without finding more magazines about his "EXPLOSIVE LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE CROWN PRINCE''. Without Wilhelm in the video, it was just Simon and some random rich boy from an elite school. Nobody truly cared if it didn't concern the royal family, the goal was to further vilify the "party prince" but without a sex scandal, it was just an unfortunate incident with two normal boys.
Simon was brought out of his thoughts by the loud ring of his phone. He cursed under his breath as he reached into his pocket to turn it off when his eyes caught the name that was trying to contact him. His breath hitched and his palms grew sweaty as his mind ran at a hundred miles a minute not knowing whether he should accept the call and run out of class or cut it and forget about the boy he loves calling him for the first time in two years.
"Simon! Hand over your phone. You can take it back after class," called the stern voice of Mr Englund and with a deep sigh, Simon did as he was told.
It's true when they say that time passes by slower when you're paying attention. Simon couldn't get out of his seat fast enough when the bell rang, dashing out of his seat as the chair screeched at the force he pushed it with. Grabbing his phone, he dashed to the nearest bathroom and quickly locked himself in the stall. Tossing his backpack on the floor, he leaned against the door glancing down nervously at the notifications pouring in. Missed calls, messages, news alerts even. He was ashamed to admit that he had on alerts for Wilhelm not for the sake of wanting to keep tabs on the prince but because even after all this time, he wanted to maintain some semblance of a relationship with the boy. It was one of the things that made him still feel like he knew Wille, not Kronprins Wilhelm but Wille, the anxious boy who skipped rowing practice to support Simon's friend; Wille, who made a sandwich for Simon and chose to forego eating breakfast himself because there wasn't enough time; Wille, who tried so hard to live up to everyone's expectations of him but always felt like he fell short and was letting people down. His Wille.
5 missed calls from Wille
15 text messages from Wille
3 texts from Ayub
2 texts from Rosh
He opened the messages from Ayub and Rosh first, trying to prolong the possible heartbreak that might come from reading Wille's texts. He couldn't help thinking back to the times that texts from Wille meant he either wanted Simon to delete something or wanted Simon to do something that he knew would hurt him.
Ayub: bro, I know you don't want to talk about wilhelm but read the news.
I swear he's going crazy.
Has he talked to you?
Rosh: Simme, did you see the news about Wilhelm?
Are you okay?
Simon's heart dropped at the messages, feeling his throat closing up at the thought of something happening to Wilhelm- to his Wille. Just as his mind was about to spiral into madness at the possibilities, his phone rang out in a familiar tune.
Incoming call: Wille
He didn't even hesitate for a second before answering the phone, pressing it tightly to his ear as his mind was vaguely aware of the bell ringing alerting everyone that the next period was about to start. Classes be damned, he thought to himself.
"Wille? Are you okay? What happened? Ayub and Rosh said something happened to you?" Simon frantically fired off over the phone as he struggled to maintain a steady grip on the device, his palm sweaty and hands shaky. He wanted to sound calm- nonchalant, even- like he cared but not enough for it to seem like Wilhelm's news would personally affect him. But he knew that the quiver in his tone gave him away and he could never hide how he truly feels, not from Wille at least.
"Simon, calm down. It's okay. I'm okay and everything is fine. I do have something to share with you but I don't want you to be scared okay? It's nothing too bad, I promise. Can you take a few deep breaths for me? Relax, please."
Simon let out a sigh of relief. Wille was fine or seemed like it at least. He said he was okay and without physical evidence, all Simon could do was trust that he wasn't hiding anything.
"Okay, tell me now. I'm fine," Simon said, sliding down against the door to sit down on the ground. His hand reached up to pat his chest in a feeble effort to calm down his racing heart. He knew it wouldn't work but the least he could do was try to reassure himself now that he knew Wille was okay.
Wille sighed over the phone before speaking up again, "I- I did an interview that is going to air later this week. The PR team released a statement this morning but I just wanted to call and let you know because I wanted it to come from me. And I also wanted to say I'm sorry for everything I know it wouldn't change anything and I didn't do the interview in the hopes that it would but if it does, I hope it's not because you feel pressured that I expect something from you-"
"Wille-"
"- and I hope we can still be friends and I liked that, you know? That we were friends or at least I hope we were. It was nice."
"Wille, slow down. What are you talking about? What interview?"
"Simon, are you sitting down?"
"Wilhelm, you are scaring me now. Are you sure you are okay? Is it your mother? Are you safe?"
Simon ran a hand roughly through his hair, having long since given up on trying to stay calm. Any semblance of being the cool and collected one in this conversation became lost in the moment of racing thoughts. Maybe Wille wasn't fine and only wanted Simon to think so because he knows there was nothing Simon can do to help. It's not like Simon would dare to go against the Queen, no matter how much he inherently hates the monarchy, he wouldn't do anything to put Wille in danger and the icy glare she sent his way when she saw him outside Forest Ridge the day Wilhelm gave his interview was forever ingrained in Simon's brain.
"Simme, I'm okay. I don't know how else to say this besides that I wanted to be honest and stop hiding who I am from everyone. I cannot live my life pretending to be someone I'm not. I can't pretend that I don't love you, that I do not want to be king or that I don't live every single day feeling like I'm living a life that is not mine. It's not supposed to be mine and I don't want it to be."
Simon could hear the deep breaths Wilhelm was taking and his mind immediately conjured up an image of his love in a big, empty room in the palace. All by himself, hiding away from the pressure, from an environment that made him feel like a circus animal put out for the enjoyment of others. He could picture Wille rubbing a hand over his chest, trying to calm his racing heart as he attempted to gain control of his breathing.
All Simon could focus on was "I can't pretend that I don't love you".
"Wille, It's okay. I'm sure whatever you said in the interview will be fine. You will be okay. You are one of the strongest people I know, Wille. I'm proud of you and if you need me, I am right here. I am not going anywhere. But I do have to go now, okay? I already missed my next class. I can't miss another."
Wilhelm sniffled on the other end and if Simon's heart wasn't already breaking at his own inability to take away Wille's pain, it certainly was now. This had always been the case with them. No matter how angry or frustrated Wille's actions or recklessness made Simon, he could never stay mad at the boy. All it took was one glance or thought of his soft brown eyes downcast with a deep furrow between his brown as he chewed on the corner of his lower lip, and Simon was putty in his hand.
"Okay Simme. I'm going to go away for a bit. I will be in school for the next week. I just wanted to tell you so you wouldn't worry. I'm safe, don't worry," he added as if he could read Simon's thoughts. "I will talk to you soon, okay? Jag älskar dig, Simon."
Simon could feel his breath hitch as he was met with silence on the other end, indicating that Wille had hung up the phone. He slowly picked himself up from the floor and opened the stall to walk over to the sink, washing his face to pull himself out of his daze. A quick glance at the mirror told him that he had dishevelled his appearance way more than he had anticipated and his hair now stood up in multiple places while his shirt was creased from when he dropped onto the floor. He didn't know how he was going to get through the rest of the week with thoughts about the goddamn interview running through his head, scrambling his brain and causing his inability to focus. He quickly gathered himself and his backpack which was still laying in the stall and shuffled out to his next class, ignoring the curious glance Sara gave him after a cursory glance at his appearance and nervous energy.
Simon barely focused on his classes for the rest of the day. His mind ran in constant loops of his conversation with Wille and the texts that he hadn't read yet, over the things that were said and the things left unsaid. What did Wille mean when he said that he hoped they could still be friends? What had he done that might cause him to not want to be his friend? His brain briefly supplied the implication that Wille also said he was going away for a bit. Where was he going and was he going because he wanted to or is he being sent against his will? Would he be safe wherever he is going? Was it a security risk?
While his brain searched for logical answers in the conversation, his foolish heart kept reminding him of the three words Wille had said to him. Three words that he hadn't heard since that fateful day outside the chapel before Christmas when Simon had fought every single urge in his body that screamed at him to compromise. A prickling thought at the back of his mind that he should take back everything he’d said and let go of the last bit of self-preservation he had hanging on by a thread. Three words that almost caused his resolve to break and for him to catch himself before he did so, quickly building up the walls that hadn't been there since the day that Wille had complimented Simon's comments about the royal family. A resolve that was broken by the boy with warm brown eyes and a nervous smile who stumbled over his words desperate to make friends with the boy that looked at him for who he was and not what he represented. The boy looked at Wilhelm like he was just Wille and not Prince Wilhelm of Sweden. Three words that still kept Simon tossing and turning at night, wondering just how much Wille meant them and if he still did.
Three words. Jag älskar dig.
-x-
Simon finally understood what Wille meant by having to be honest and speak the truth when he was on the bus home with Rosh and Ayub. The conversation had been anything but easy flowing that day, his friends not knowing whether they should bring up Wilhelm or pretend that morning had never happened. Simon was frustrated and tired of being left in the dark, always being the last one to find out news about matters that concerned him. He let out a heavy sigh before locking eyes with Ayub, knowing he'd be the easier one to crack.
“Spit it out. What is the news about Wille? I know you’re not telling me something.”
Ayub nervously made eye contact with Rosh before drawing his phone out of his pocket. Simon knew the news was not necessarily positive by their reaction, his friends never hesitated to tell him anything. Not to this extent.
“There’s an Instagram post by the Royal Family’s account. We didn’t know how to tell you. This is a lot to take him but we’re here for you, bro.”
Ayub handed Simon his phone with a gentle smile. Simon spared his friends one last nervous glance before taking the phone, his eyes drawing right to a picture of Wilhelm.
The screen showed a picture of Wilhelm, not Wille but Kronprins WIlhelm looking sharp and polished in a deep blue suit (not the same one that he had first worn when he denied his involvement in the video because Simon was pretty sure that suit wouldn't even fit him anymore with the four inches he'd grown since then), his publicity smile and square shoulders being a good front. It was him playing a role, being a “metal person” as Wille had once called it.
The next photo was of Wilhelm sitting across from the interviewer on a white couch, in what appeared to be a garden. It was much more Wille than it was Kronprins Wilhelm. The stuffy ornate sitting rooms at Drottningholm never suited him anyway. His legs crossed with his arms folded across his chest, his gaze locked with the camera, the gentle smile on his face seemed forced as it often was when Wille was forced into princely obligations.
While the photos themselves seemed like publicity for an upcoming royal event, it was the caption underneath that explained the urgency in Wille’s voice on the phone that morning.
“After years of contemplation and discussions with Her Majesty Queen Kristina, His Royal Highness Kronprins Wilhelm of Sweden has reached the decision to abdicate his right to the Swedish Throne as the heir apparent. Prins Wilhelm will continue his studies at Hillerska Boarding School. Her Majesty Queen Kristina and His Royal Highness Prince Ludvig request privacy from the Swedish public as the royal family navigates through this difficult time. Prins Wilhelm requests privacy as he decides on the course of his future and thanks the Swedish people for their continuing love and support. An interview featuring the official announcement from His Royal Highness will air at 6 pm on Friday the 10th of November on SVT1.”
Simon couldn't believe his eyes. Wille wouldn't abdicate. He had said that he wanted to be a Crown Prince that Erik would be proud of, that lived up to his legacy. He wouldn't just throw it all away so suddenly, right? What if he was lying when he said it was his decision? Did Simon in some way force Wille to do this? At this thought, Simon felt a shudder pass through his spine. No, he couldn't let himself think this way. If Wille was doing something that counted as defying the royal family, he would need support and Simon had to be there for him. He couldn't afford to break down. He needed to be strong for Wille. Wille needed him.
Simon reached into his pocket to grab his phone with a shaky hand, for the third time today. His other hand was barely holding onto Ayub’s phone. He dialled Wille's number frantically, watching it ring and ring and ring until it went to voicemail. And then he called again. And again. And again, receiving the same response every single time.
With every call answered, he could feel his panic rising, his friends’ gaze on him hardly registering. Rosh’s arm wrapped around him as Ayub moved across the aisle to squeeze into the tiny two-seater Simon was sitting on with Rosh.
“Simme, it’s okay. You’re fine. Just breathe, please?”
He opened his text messages with Wille in an attempt to calm himself. Wille was okay. He had said so himself. He would lie to Simon, right? His eyes finally fell on the text messages that had completely slipped his mind that morning, a frantic need to reach out to Wille had completely erased the thought that these texts might provide the answers to his questions.
Wille: Simon, are you in class?
I'm so sorry I'm bothering you. You probably don't want to hear from me.
Simon, please pick up. I promise I won't call again.
Simme, please. It's urgent.
Okay, I forgot you might be at school.
I'll just tell you here. I gave an interview to the press.
It comes out on Friday. I have to be honest, Simme. I cannot keep hiding who I am. It's not fair to me. Or to you, to be honest.
I'm staying at my grandparents' house. Away from the palace. I can't be there when it airs.
Well, I guess it's my house now.
I'm safe. I promise. Malin is here with me. And not a lot of people know where the house is.
I won't be in school until Tuesday. I'm okay, really.
I won't be near my phone from tonight until after the interview.
I'm scared mamma might reach out and convince me to do something I don't want to. I'll see you soon, Simme. Don't worry. Jag älskar dig.
Shit, sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
Actually no. I'm not sorry. I do love you. Okay, I'm going now before I say anything stupider. Bye.
-x-
Friday came around faster than Simon could handle, barely giving him any time to prepare himself for what he might hear in the interview. It had been radio silence on Wille's end as he had indicated in his texts and Simon tried his best not to worry but how could he not? This was his boy, after all. His boy was alone by himself in a house he probably only visited a few times, not that they never really talked about Wilhelm's extended family.
Simon couldn't say he hadn't tried, not to worry that is, choosing to busy himself with homework, video gaming with Ayub or even hanging around the stables with Felice and Sara to pass his time. It was usually at night that his wandering thoughts got the best of him, his blanket wrapped tightly around him with the glow from his fish tank being the only source of light.
What was Wille doing at that moment? Was he thinking of Simon as much as Simon was thinking of him? Did he have someone to talk to or was he by himself, alone in an unfamiliar house where the only company he had was Malin and the surrounding silence, still but deafeningly loud? All he could do was hope that Wille would stay true to his word and reach out if he needed Simon.
On Friday evening, he grabbed his dinner and dropped in front of the couch, eyes glued to the screen as his hand swirled the spaghetti and ketchup in his bowl, mind wandering way too much to be able to eat. It was a little past 5:45 so he had enough time to settle down and make small talk with his mama as they waited from 6 o’clock to come around.
Rosh and Ayub had offered to come over to support him but unlike the last time, Simon felt it wasn't about him. This time it was only about Wille and he felt that if he asked his friends to come over, he was somehow making it about him. Sara, on the other hand, had chosen to spend her evening sleeping over at Hillerska with Felice and Madison, which Simon didn't mind. He was just happy that she had friends and a place where she felt like she belonged as superficial as it may be. He was chatting with Linda about her day at work when the voices from the T.V caught his attention.
"Good Evening and Welcome. Today we bring you an exclusive interview with Sweden's own Kronprins Wilhelm who shares an important update about his life, his official duties as the Crown Prince and a member of the royal family."
The screen cut to a picture that Simon was now familiar with, Wilhelm in his suit sitting on the white couch.
"Good Morning Crown Prince Wilhelm. It is a pleasure to be here with you today. How are you doing?"
Wilhelm smiled as he looked down at his lap. When he looked back up, he inhaled deeply before speaking and in that instant, Simon could sense his nerves.
"I'm doing well, thank you. Hope you're doing well yourself."
"Yes, thank you, Your Highness. So Crown Prince Wilhelm, we hear you have some important news you would like to share with us today. Should we start with that?"
Wilhelm chuckled nervously at the interviewer's straightforwardness. "Yes, that is fine. Now before we start, I just want to let it be known that this decision was mine and only mine. Nobody else had any part in these choices. I was not influenced by any external forces or people to go to such great lengths."
Wilhelm cleared his throat and shuffled on his seat to sit up straight, squaring his shoulders in a way that strained the material of his suit jacket. "When I turned eighteen in March of this year, I was expected to take on more responsibility as Crown Prince on an official level as was expected of my brother Erik when he had turned eighteen. However, in the last few years, I have been evaluating my relationship with the Crown and what it requires of me. I believe it would be in my best interest, both personally and professionally as a member of the royal family, to step down from these duties."
"Prince Wilhelm, why are you abdicating your right to the Swedish throne?"
Wilhelm's hands were nervously fiddling with the sleeves of his suit jacket as he paused to carefully evaluate his answer. "Well, I- I've been thinking about my place in the royal family and I was not raised to be the heir. It was always my brother Erik. We used to joke, my brother and I, that I am the spare prince.” He let out a wry chuckle.
“After Erik, I was expected to step into his shoes and take over the duties that he was raised to carry out. The transition was anything but smooth and I would like to believe that I gave it an honest try because I did. I wanted to be a Crown Prince that my brother would have been proud of. That Sweden would be proud of.
“After the video incident my first year, I believed that my response was best suited at that time. For me and the other boy. I thought that if I could just hide away that part of me, I could live up to the expectations everyone had of me. But I've realized that I cannot be true to myself while continuing to serve an institution that works on maintaining outdated ideals of society. This is in no way meant to insult my family which has, of course, dedicated their life to this line of work but I do not believe that I am suited for this lifestyle. For that reason, I've-," Wilhelm exhaled as his hands reached down to rub his palm against his pants. Simon could only guess that his palms were soaked in sweat from all the nerves. Wilhelm looked down as he reached for the bottle of water that was sitting on the ground next to his seat. He took big gulps before he set it down, clearing his throat. He looked up apologetically at the cameras before resuming his stoic stance.
"Sorry, I just needed to collect myself. It's big news and I'm feeling a little nervous."
"It's okay, Your Highness. Take your time."
"As I was saying, I do not feel like it is in my best interests and that of my family that I continue as a working member of the Swedish royal family. I do not see it fit that I should dedicate my life to an institution I don't believe in. It's not fair to me or to those who have dedicated their life to it. For those reasons, I have decided to abdicate from the Swedish throne and step down from my duties as the Crown Prince. I have already spoken with the Queen and all arrangements have been set in place that make sure the transition is smooth. As I said, this plan has been in discussion for a while now and I came into possession of some resources when I turned eighteen which helped me see that if I were to follow my heart and do the right thing, it would not make my life entirely difficult."
"Your Highness, you mentioned that your response to a leaked intimate video was best suited at that time. Are you implying that it was the wrong choice? Was it indeed you in the video, sir?"
Wilhelm loolivesdirectly at the camera before averting his eyes back to the interviewer.
"When the video was released during my first term at Hillerska, I was merely sixteen years old. A lot was going on in my life. My brother had passed away and I was trying to figure out how to carry the huge weight of his legacy on my shoulders while simultaneously coming to an understanding about my identity and how that fits into the role I was assigned at birth. The video which was illegally recorded without consent or knowledge of either party, if I may point out, was an added pressure I didn’t know how to deal with. When it was put out for the whole world to see, I was not prepared for the speculation it would invite about my personal life. I thought I was but even with the denial, the media and people online continued to theorize about my identity and parts of me that even I didn't have clarity on. But yes, it was me in that video. I do not wish to bring any more attention to it because it was a private moment that should have never been publicized. It did bring me a lot of pain to have to do it that way but in hindsight, I believe it was for the best as it allowed me to reflect on my identity and who I am. But, now I can confidently say it was me in the video and I do not want to pretend to be someone I am not."
"Prince Wilhelm, I do not mean to intrude but I am sure such a revelation would invite a lot of questions about your sexuality. What would you like to say about your sexual identity?"
"I knew that it would bring a lot of attention and I'm just happy it is now when I am more prepared for it than when I was sixteen. I do not wish to put a label on my sexuality in order to appease anyone. I am only eighteen and have a long way to go on my journey to understanding myself. As of right now, I an unlabeled and if people need a word to describe my sexuality, I wouldn't be opposed to using 'queer'. And please, there is no need to call me "Prince Wilhelm" anymore. I'm hardly a prince once I've abdicated the throne, right?"
Wille cracked a small smile that Simon was familiar with. It was a lopsided smirk that made its way onto Wille's face when he knew he was being a little shit, trying to lighten the mood. The interviewer nodded nervously before cracking a smile, noticing Wilhelm's attempt to break the tension.
"Yes sir, of course. I am curious about what you plan to do career-wise. I'm sure there are a few open slots on your calendar?" The light tones of the interviewer matched Wille's from a few moments prior.
Wilhelm smiled, seemingly enthusiastic to talk about his post-royal life.
"Well, I plan to finish my schooling at Hillerska, of course. I would like to go to university as well. I haven't decided what to study so maybe I will spend a year travelling and figuring out my passion before settling on a career path."
"That sounds very promising, Crown Prince- sorry, Sir. Before we wrap up this interview, is there anything else you'd like to say to the people watching?"
Wilhelm sat up straight in his seat, squaring his shoulders once more as his PR smile made its way onto his face. His hand came to rest on his lap, fingers intertwined. He looked every bit like a prince, perhaps for the last time in his life.
“Thank you for all the love you’ve shown me. I really appreciate it and all I request is privacy at this time while I try to get back on my feet and figure out my identity beyond being a member of the royal family. I would also ask for the privacy of those close to me as they do not deserve the scrutiny that comes from being associated with me. Thank you for your patience and for taking the time to listen to me today.”
He looked towards the camera once more as if making eye contact with Simon, before turning back to the interviewer. Wille rose out of his seat and shook hands with them before the camera cut back to the news anchor in the studio.
“That was quite a revelation from former Crown Prince Wilhelm. Now, the question that’s lingering on everyone’s mind. What does this mean for the royal family and who will be the next heir apparent? We will be meeting with royal historians and discussing possible outcomes after the break.”
Simon reached for the remote lying on the coffee table to turn off the television. Frankly, he did not care about what this meant for the royal family. Wilhelm, his Wille was free from the life that he always felt wasn’t for him. A life that made him hide a part of who he was for two years and pressured him to live up to the expectations and standards set by his older brother, a task which seemed impossible no matter how hard he tried. His Wille had come out and told the whole world that it was him in the video. Simon couldn’t help but feel his chest expand with pride as he thought about how brave Wille had been. He reached into his pocket for his phone, too afraid to leave it anywhere else in case Wille tried to reach out to him.
Simon’s hands were shaking, yet again and he could feel his mama’s presence next to him, her hand rubbing circles on his back, her usually soothing presence doing little to ease his nerves.
“Simon, mi amor are you okay?” The gentle voice of his mother carried over the fog clouding his brain. He could feel his ears ringing and his heart beating in his throat, faster than it's ever been. His phone fell to the ground before he could get a steady grip on it and he just continued to stare at it as if it would provide him with answers. Something, anything, that’s all he asked. It was all he wanted. To know Wille was okay and everything would be fine.
“Simon, you need to breathe, okay? Everything is going to be fine. Wilhelm is a brave boy and he is so lucky to have someone like you caring for him. But right now, I need you to take care of yourself.”
Linda’s arms around him, pulling him closer to her so he could rest his head on her shoulder. The palms of her hands were tracing circles on his right arm as she continued to speak softly into his ear.
“Take deep breaths with me, Simme. In for four,” she demonstrated, exaggerating her breathing so he could follow along, “hold for four and out for four.”
Simon tried to follow his mother, his breaths coming in shaky little gasps in the beginning but as they continued to sit together, his mama’s voice anchoring him, Simon slowly felt his sense come back to him. Linda’s hand moved up to his hand, gently running a hand through his hair. He turned sideways to wrap his arms around his mama, nuzzling his face into her neck as he let out a whimper, tears pricking his eyes as thoughts of Wille invaded his mind. Wille must be feeling so alone and this was such a big moment for him. The only person Wille probably wanted to share it with has been gone for over two years. The thought made the tears he was holding back stream down his face, his body shaking with quiet sobs, the image of a lonely Wille ingrained in his mind.
Linda slowly rocked the two of them back and forth, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, the hand that was playing with his hair now holding the back of his neck gently.
“It’s okay, cariño. Wilhelm is okay. You are okay. It will be okay.”
They stayed on the couch, Simon tucked into his mama’s warm embrace until his sobs turned into quiet whimpers. He lifted himself just enough to wipe his tears. Linda passed him the box of tissues lying on the coffee table to clean himself up, snot and all.
“Mama, can you take me to see him, please? I’ll be back for school on Monday, promise. I just need to see him. I want to see that he’s okay.”
“Simon-”
“Please, mama! He’s all by himself. I just want him to know that he has people who love him. Please, just this once.”
His mama sighed before nodding her head. Simon smiled at her gratefully and wrapped her in one more hug. He knew that she understood support from loved ones meant everything in a tough situation. He didn’t think they would have survived leaving Micke if they hadn’t had each other.
“I will take you first thing in the morning.” She noticed the protest building in his mouth, “- no Simon. I will not take you at this hour.” It was only eight o’clock but he knew there was no arguing with his mother, not when she used that tone. Simon frowned as he reached over to the coffee table to pick up their dirty dinner bowls, picking up his phone that was still on the floor. He walked to the kitchen, racing thoughts occupying his mind as they had all week. But at least now, he had some kind of resolution to look forward to. He reached for his phone to text Wille once he set the bowls in the sink, figuring a call might be too much for both of them to handle at that particular moment.
Simon:
Can I come see you tomorrow? Mama said she would drive me.
Wille’s reply was almost instantaneous.
Wille:
Yes, please. I need to see you. The house is just outside Stockholm. I’ll share my location.
Simon smiled at the thought of his boy needing him just as much. Leaning against the kitchen counter, he typed his reply.
Simon:
Okay :) See you tomorrow, wille.
Wille:
See u, simme. Jag älskar dig.
Simon sighed dreamily, clutching his phone to his chest. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.