Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He turned a right, then a left. Then he took a right, was the next turn right or..? No it was definitely another right. Well fuck it. He sighed before heading back to the principal's office. 

Chuuya didn't exactly know where he was going.. but he could ask a teacher or something anytime so it wasn't that big of a deal. He had only just transferred to a new school after his father died, leaving him and his sister the only ones left. They had come to Yokohama from Tokyo to the house their mother had gifted Ane-san on her wedding, which didn't really last because the man turned out to be a drunkard who was extremely misogynistic, and of course Ane-san wouldn't be with such a man. She had dated women too, but he had promised that he loved her, so she married him. But then she divorced him without a single tear, she and Chuuya even had a party when it happened. 

But, this was not the time to think about his sister's love life. Chuuya furrowed his brows as he read the roster in front of the principal's office, he had to go to someone named Oda Sakunosuke's class. Ugh, new schools and their struggles, he sighed before heading towards yet another corridor. 

Aha! Found it, the auburn-haired boy grinned when he saw the nameplate on the door. He had finally found the class he needed to go to. Chuuya took a deep breath and extended a hand towards the the handle, but before he could even touch it, something large came barrelling into him, knocking him down to the floor. 

"Hey! what the fuck was that for?!", Chuuya scowled at the person who bumped into him, the culprit had his back towards Chuuya before he turned around and met his eyes, perking up and hiding behind him. 

The boy, who seemed about two years older than him if his beanpole-like height said anything, crouched behind him, hiding from something.. or rather someone. 

"You fucking troglodyte! I told you to come with me now,  you have something to explain!", a female voice shouted as someone turned the corner in front of him. 

"But Akiko-chan~ I already told you I don't need you to-!", the person behind him whined like a fucking child, Chuuya growled under his breath before shrugging the taller boy's hands off his shoulder, turning around with a scowl. 

"-What the hell?! you can't just push people then hide behind them!", Chuuya spoke harshly, glaring at the boy he cut off mid-sentence, who was now looking at him in surprise, as if he had only noticed him. 

The girl- probably Akiko-chan or something, paused and looked at Chuuya with wide eyes before she sent a glare to the person infront of him and then looked at him apologetically. 

"I am so sorry, I- this idiot!", she groaned before turning the other person again. "Oi! dimwit. Apologise to him", she scolded the other guy, and it was only now that Chuuya realised what he looked like. Dark-brown hair that fell into his eyes, the same eyes which were the colour of his hair, the only difference being as if someone had mixed a dash of red into brown honey, resulting in dark red, amber eyes. He was wearing the same uniform as him, a cream, armless sweater with a dark maroon dress shirt underneath, and cream slacks, the same colour as his sweater, just a tiny bit darker. He was wearing their maroon blazer, bigger than his size, over his shoulders, while Chuuya was wearing it properly. Their sweaters had a dark magenta lining, making it more aesthetically pleasing. 

Chuuya hated it though, it would have been better if it was green. It would have complimented his hair colour more. Eh, on second thought, no. Green would have made him look like a carrot that swapped colours. He shivered just at the thought of it, ew. 

There was also another thing he noticed about the person who pushed him, he was wearing bandages underneath his sleeves- which was only obvious by the small bit peaking out onto the palm of his hands, and around his neck, though Chuuya couldn't exactly tell if they went deeper because of his collar. Not that he cared. That guy sure seemed like a troublemaker, though. 

"Oh! I am extremely sorry. I mustn't have noticed you, seeing that you are so.. short", he wrinkled his nose a bit, dramatically, pouting when Akiko-san smacked him at the back of his head. 

Oh wow, he was a piece of shit too. 

"Excuse me..?", Chuuya questioned, glaring at the boy, who just looked at him like he was some kind of joke. 

"It's true! you're so tiny even my younger sister would ignore you by mistake, and she's nine!", the idiot said with a gasp, making a vein burst in Chuuya's forehead. He went to say something before the other spoke again. 

"I'm so sorry, Chibi-san", that fucking bastard bowed dramatically, but Chuuya could still see the smirk on his face. The bastard was enjoying this. 

Wait- 

"CHIBI?! what the hell man?!", Chuuya snapped, his voice filled with anger. He had gotten enough shit for his height before, he wasn't going to take it in this school. There was no chance in hell he was. 

The bandaged freak snorted, hiding it behind his hand. He had only started saying another shitty sentence before the girl cursed. "Shit- we're late for class. Sensei is going to kill us", Akiko-chan groaned before grabbing the boy's shirt and dragging him to the bathroom. Chuuya could have sworn he heard that idiot say something like "Only you", but he didn't care. 

They were an odd couple. Well, who was Chuuya to judge? 

But that bastard, how dare he insult his height? how dare he bump into Chuuya and then insult him? how fucking rude. He scowled before sighing. 

He rolled his eyes, picking up his name-tag from the floor and pinning it to his chest. He was late to class on top of being new, he was definitely going to get bullied for this. Hopefully, he wouldn't break any noses or fingers this time. Ane-san really didn't need another fine. 

The moment Chuuya opened the door, a tall brown-haired man turned to look at him. He was probably the teacher, seeing as he was the only one not in uniform. The man had reddish-brown hair with azure eyes. He seemed kind, if the softness behind his glasses said anything. And Chuuya knew well of eyes that held softness and eyes that held.. 

Well. 

He wasn't going into that right now. It was a new school day, in a brand new school. And Chuuya was not going to let this day get any worse than it already had. 

The teacher- probably Oda Sakunosuke smiled at him warmly. "Nakahara Chuuya-kun, yes?", he asked, and Chuuya nodded, the class watched him carefully. Oda-sensei nodded and turned to the class. 

"Class, this is Nakahara Chuuya-kun and he will be attending this class with you all. Please make him welcome as he is new to this school, thank you", the teacher bowed, and Chuuya was surprised to see the class shout a "Yes, Oda-sensei!", in enthusiasm. 

Maybe this school wouldn't be that bad after all. 

Fifteen minutes later, that was not the case. Because just as Oda-sensei finished teaching a philosophy question, the door to the classroom opened, and walked in a girl with familiar violet hair, and a stupidly tall idiot with bandages. 

"Sorry, Oda-sensei", Akiko-san bowed, alone. The brat behind her didn't even nod, looking straight at Chuuya instead. The red-haired boy scowled before turning away towards the teacher, Akiko-san seemed to give Oda-sensei some sort of note and explain their delay, and the teacher glanced at the boy with the bandages before nodding with a small sigh. 

"Alright. Yosano-kun, Dazai-kun. Please take your seats", he said softly, and oddly enough, he didn't seem angry or mad. This teacher really was a good one, huh? And now he finally learnt that asshole's name. 

Dazai. 

It fitted him perfectly. Motherfucker.

Chuuya didn't give a fuck, honestly. He wouldn't have gave a shit if the idiot didn't bother him again. But turns out, his seat was right next to fucking Chuuya's. Dazai grinned and walked towards the seat left to Chuuya, and Akiko- no, Yosano-san sitting on Dazai's other side. It still would have been fine, if Dazai hadn't turned to him, hand propping up his face with practiced ease and a shitty smirk plastered on his face, along with amusement in his eyes. 

"So, the tiny Chibi isn't a seventh grader?" 

Oh for the love of God, was it too late to change schools again?

Chapter Text

Chuuya scowled. "My name..", he gritten out through a clenched jaw, barely refraining from rude. "Is not Chibi. And please, do not call me tiny", he asked politely. But of course politeness would not work in this case. 

"Oh? what is Chibi-san's name then?", the idiot- Dazai asked, smirking mischievously, and oh Chuuya wanted to wipe it off so bad. 

"I fucking asked you not to ca-" 

"Dazai!", Yosano-san hissed at the bandaged boy, swatting his arm with the back of her hand before pointing towards the board. "Pay attention, dumbass. And stop antagonising the new guy!", she glared at him before grabbing his chin and turning it towards the board. Though, he still had a shitty smile on his face. 

Actually, nevermind. It disappeared instantly. 

"Sorry, Akiko-chan", he pouted. Pouted, hand pressed to his cheek making him look genuinely innocent, making Chuuya even more pissed. Why the hell did he have to attract idiots? if Chuuya was stupid, he would have thought he had some superpower that gravitated all these brainless brats towards him. Was his last school not enough? 

But honestly, if he did have such a power, it would have been cool. He wouldn't lie to you, if he had the chance to have any powers on Earth, Chuuya wouldn't choose flying, or invisibility, or any shit like that. He would choose a power that allowed him to do anything, like something out of this world. He'd choose to manipulate gravity itself or some shit, that would be so damn cool. 

But he was in philosophy class now, not astronomy or imaginative writing. Not the time to be talking about space, gravity, or superpowers. 

"That's it for today, kids. I'll let you off homework for today since this is your first class on a Monday morning. Have a nice day, everyone.", the teacher's voice broke him from his thoughts. Chuuya yawned, rubbing his eyes and getting up. He grabbed his bag and got up. Chuuya had gotten to the door before the teacher- Oda-sensei called his name. 

"Nakahara-kun", Oda-sensei spoke gently, his voice was soothing. Thank god, otherwise Chuuya would have thought he had already gotten into some trouble or something. 

"Yes.., Oda-sensei?", Chuuya asked, looking at him in confusion. Oda-sensei just smiled softly. "I hope you feel comfortable in this school and that everyone treats you well, however.. if anyone tries to inconvenience you in anyway, please do not hesitate to let me know", the teacher requested, and Chuuya was stunned. No one had ever cared before, maybe this teacher was a bit too nice. 

"Erm.. yes, Sensei. Thank you", he bowed, because what else was he meant to do. Chuuya took a deep breath once he left the room, well it wasn't so bad after all. 

"Chibi~", an annoyingly familiar voice drawled behind him and Chuuya groaned audibly. "What the fuck do you want now?", he scowled at Dazai, who was leaning against the wall next to the door with a lazy smirk. 

"Oh, nothing, I was only making sure you knew where to go!", Dazai spoke enthusiastically, and for a split-second Chuuya thought he was genuinely being considerate, until he spoke again. 

"Wouldn't want Chibi to accidentally go into his kohais' classrooms. of course!", the brown-haired boy laughed dramatically, and Chuuya was about to say something when he got interrupted again. 

"Get it? since you're so tiny-" 

And Chuuya was fucking done. 

"-What the hell is wrong with you?", he glared at him with genuine hurt in his eyes, surprising Dazai. "Do you think it's funny or something? because it really isn't!", the redhead breathed, before turning around and storming to his next class, leaving Dazai staring at his back with interest and a small smirk on his face. 

The brown-haired boy raised an eyebrow, lips quirking up in a way that could only be described as amused. Dazai huffed out a laugh. 

This newbie had gotten him intrigued.

_________

The next two classes went on smoothly for Chuuya, most of the people around him were friends and the teachers were nice too. English was as boring as always, but the teacher explained anything anyone found difficult, which was good. Not that he was the one asking, of course. That Dazai guy was in both of his classes, but fortunately he was in a seat far away from him since he was late to both classes. English and Maths. 

This guy really needed to get a better schedule for whatever the fuck he does in between classes. 

Anyways, the teachers were all pretty chill and he had even made a few friends. Tachihara Michizou and Tanizaki Junichirou. Tanizaki-kun's sister, Naomi-san was alright too, but they seemed kinda.. odd for siblings, but they were chill, however the one who had vibed with him most was a guy named Edogawa Ranpo, he was smart as hell yet absolutely hilarious. Though, Chuuya thought he didn't mean to be funny but was just naturally blunt and straightforward. 

Then, the teachers. They were all way better than his old ones. 

The English teacher, Hirotsu-sensei, was a grey-haired, middle-aged man. He was quite nice, yet he had a strict and powerful vibe. He was calm and collected but superior, probably one of the teachers than had been here for a while. 

Turns out that the Philosophy teacher, Oda-sensei, also taught Literature, which was quite fitting for the vibes he gave out. And as Chuuya saw this morning, Oda-sensei was a young man who only seemed to be in his twenties with reddish-brown hair and grey-blue eyes. 

His last class before break was maths, with Kunikida-sensei. Apparently the guy was a new teacher who had recently joined after graduating in this school. Personally, Chuuya respected this dude the most because why the hell would someone want to willingly teach brats. He was quite strict, had blonde hair with a ponytail. Chuuya thought that he had class. 

The funniest part in the classes he went to was that Dazai guy getting scolded by Kunikida-sensei. It was absolutely hilarious the way Kunikida-sensei gave out to him for ten minutes straight because he was late and hadn't done his homework in months. It was even funnier because Dazai had just stood there, pouting and looking towards Yosano-san with puppy eyes. 

Overall, it wasn't as bad he thought. Now he was heading to the cafeteria, for lunch. 

Chuuya sighed, scanning around the hall for anyone he knew or anything. No one familiar was there. Ah, they were probably gone outside to the vendors infront of the school. Well, Chuuya was too tired so he was just going to pick an empty table and sit there. He'd be alone but it would at least be peaceful. 

He was peacefully eating his lunch when two hands slammed down infront of him. "Chibi-sannnn~" 

Chuuya was going to murder someone. 

Preferably a stupidly tall idiot with brown hair and bandages. 

He looked up, slowly and dangerously with the most hateful glare he could muster. He didn't say a word, the surprisingly good cafeteria food filling his mouth. The asshole was looking at him a lazy grin, pearly white teeth shining and everything. 

He looked quite clean and collected, Chuuya could give him that. 

Little did he know. 

"Chibi-san looks like a chipmunk- wait no! he looks like a puppy, a little chihuahua~", Dazai sang, and Chuuya was now staring at him incredulously. Because this guy kept going on and on and on, when the hell was he going to stop?

"Dazai", Chuuya spoke coldly after finishing the food in his mouth. If possible, the bastard smiled even wider at his tone. "Yes, Chibi-san~?", Dazai drawled. 

"Shut the fuck up", Chuuya spat the words like they were poison. It was one thing to make fun of his height once, twice could be forgiven. Hell, Chuuya would even have let him off with it three times. But this was too fucking much. 

"Oh? didn't know that Chibi Chihuahua barks as well", the brat mused dramatically, taking a seat infront of him. Chuuya ignored the fact that he didn't bring a tray of food. 

The auburn-haired boy yawned involuntarily and went back to eating his food. He had woken up at six o'clock in the morning, after sleeping at four o'clock. Sue him for being too tired to deal with this type of shit. 

"So", Dazai started again. "What's our newest and.. shortest classmate's name?", he asked, but there was a hint of knowingness in his voice. This piece of shit definitely knew his name. 

"Guess", Chuuya said in a bored tone, not even bothering to look at him. The boy before him sighed dramatically, holding his face up with his hands and staring at him. 

Chuuya glanced up. Dazai was looking at him with a pout on his face and cheeks mushed up. His hands, halfway covered in bandages, were holding his face up easily. The auburn-haired boy let out a defeated sigh, he had nothing else to do and it wasn't as if Dazai was actively trying to bully him.. right? 

"Chuuya.", he said bluntly, "Nakahara Chuuya" 

And holy shit Dazai instantly brightened up like a freaking lightbulb. Like he literally straightened up and legit beamed at Chuuya. 

"Chuuya! like Chibi and like Chihuahua. Now I can call you Chuu-huahua", the bandaged idiot grinned at him, and Chuuya could feel another headache coming. 

"That's Nakahara to you", he huffed out, poking his food with his chopsticks. "Okay, Chuuya!", the redhead rolled his eyes, before being slightly startled when someone placed a tray on the table. 

He looked up to see Yosano-san, anger mixed with fond exasperation in her violet eyes as she glared at Dazai. "I've been looking everywhere for you, Dazai.", she said sternly, a firm look on her face like a mother. 

She reminded Chuuya of Ane-san, in a way.

Chuuya wondered how she put up with Dazai. How someone would willingly date someone as annoying as him? Chuuya really didn't know. 

"But Akiko-channnn", Dazai whined. Once again, pouting like a child. Was he really like this or was it some joke? 

"Do you want me to tell him or are you going to eat", she scolded, ignoring his childish antics. Dazai stilled for a moment before going back to his previous self, though Chuuya noticed that small detail, somehow. 

He wouldn't admit that normally he wasn't this observant. 

"I'm not hungry, Akiko", Dazai sighed before turning back to Chuuya. "Chuuyaaa~", he sang, before Yosano-san rolled her eyes and pushed a small amount of rice towards his face. Dazai paused and looked at the food with a disgusted expression before slumping in defeat and opening his mouth, letting Yosano-san feed him. 

Chuuya let his lips quirk up in a small smile. They were cute together, regardless of how weird Dazai was. "So..", he started. Both Dazai and Yosano-san looked at him. Dazai was chewing on rice, his cheeks puffed up. He looked absolutely hilarious. 

Chuuya cleared his throat. "How long have you two been together?", he asked out of genuine curiosity. He watched them silently as Yosano-san suddenly pursed her lips, as if holding back laughter, and Dazai froze before choking on his rice. He also wanted to ask why Dazai wasn't eating or why he was wearing bandages, but that seemed insensitive because maybe the guy had some skin condition! but.. there was no harm in asking, he could always apologise later. 

Before he could even try to speak, Yosano-san started full on wheezing while patting Dazai, who was still choking on rice, on his back.

"To- *cough* together?, *cough* we aren't-", he started coughing again, while Chuuya watched in confusion. 

Yosano-san was laughing uncontrollably now. "Oh my- Nakahara-kun, we aren't together!", she laughed, shaking her head in amusement. And suddenly Chuuya felt embarrassed for asking that. 

"Yosano-chan and Dazai-kun? together?", a voice filled with amusement said from behind Chuuya, he turned back to see one of his new friends. 

"That is simply the most hilarious insinuation I have ever heard of", Ranpo-kun said, laughing. He took a seat next to Chuuya. "Yosano-chan and Dazai-kun have been best friends since-", he got cut off by two voices. 

"Forever", Yosano-san smiled, it was filled with fondness, exasperation, and an underlying sadness. For some reason, it irked at Chuuya. Why was there tension in the air, and why was it so obvious to him.

"Forever", Dazai said in sync with her, grinning widely. All trace of him choking on rice was gone as he leaned his head on Yosano-san's shoulder. "Akiko-chan is basically my sister", he huffed as Yosano-san rolled her eyes and ruffled his hair. 

"Yeah yeah, whatever you big sap.", she snorted. "That still doesn't stop you from flirting with me at every chance you get, though", the violet-haired girl teased Dazai, who just laughed. 

Ranpo-san just hummed and ate.. freaking candy? while sitting next to him. Wow, after watching Death Note? Chuuya couldn't say he was surprised at smart people liking sweets. Maybe he should try eating some. 

"Not that you'd ever like me like that. Unless you've been hiding a secret, Akiko-chan~", he flirted, wiggling his finger towards her teasingly, and oh Chuuya could see it now. They were definitely best friends who were like siblings. 

Those type of best friends are always like this. 

"That's because you're an annoying little shit and literally used to call me Akiko-nii, and because I'm fucking gay, you brat", Yosano-san said in exasperation, gently pulling at his ear in a teasing way. 

That made a lot of sense, actually. Yosano-san liked girls. Damn, she and Ane-san would really get along with eachother. They even seem the same age. 

Nope, Chuuya is not going to continue that thought. 

"Akiko-chan!", Dazai whined, pouting and tucking his hair behind his ear, before gently rubbing it, which was now slightly red. Damn, Chuuya takes back the 'gently' now. 

But okay, wow, how does tucking your hair behind your ear make someone suddenly look way better than they did before? because damn that hairstyle suited Dazai. 

Even if he was an idiot. 

Chuuya's eyebrows rised up to his hairline. Since when did he check out boys? well, he guessed, Ane-san had to have an influence on him in one way or another. Guess it was time for him to talk to her about his sexuality. 

He forgot what he wanted to ask earlier. Oh well, he shrugged and went back to eating with the group. Wait, he paused at his previous thoughts. 

No. Not Dazai. Chuuya would like anyone but Dazai, because holy shit that guy was a walking, talking, annoying beanstalk of trouble. Chuuya was going to stay miles away from this dude. 

Because even if this group did seem like a chill friend group, only two of them seemed sane. Only two seemed smart, and one was.. well. Chuuya had no words for that anomaly.

Chapter Text

"Nii-san!", Elise brightened up, running into Oda's arms as the man kneeled down. "Hey, sunshine", he chuckled, ruffling her hair affectionately. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, before heading towards Dazai, opening her arms expectedly. 

The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes fondly before he picked her up. "Samu-nii!", she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hey, Elise.", he huffed, hugging her back as he walked towards their living room. Their butler, Teruko-san looked at them fondly. 

Teruko Oukura was a young lady, about Oda's age. With coral-coloured hair and mesmerising pink eyes, one could say she seemed much younger than she actually was. Elise loved her. Teruko-san was basically a part of their small, dysfunctional family, at this point. 

They didn't outright say that, of course. 

They didn't need to. 

"Good evening, Teruko-san", Odasaku nodded to her, while the woman rolled her eyes. "Come on, Sakunosuke-kun. How many times have I told you to call me Oukura", she huffed before turning towards Dazai. 

He already knew what was coming. 

"And you! how many times have I told you to eat your breakfast?", the woman stood up straight, arms crossed before her chest in an intimidating gesture. Though, with their height difference.. it didn't exactly work. 

"But Oukura-chan...", Dazai fluttered his eyes innocently. "I was late to school so I forgot", he murmured with a guilty expression, making Teruko-san instantly melt. 

She really had to stop the blatant favouritism, Dazai hid a smirk at the way Elise pouted when she didn't take Dazai's toys away as punishment. 

"Oh dear, no need to be upset! I'm not mad, I promise, Just worried!", she frantically reassured the young adult.

Oda sighed in exasperation. Teruko-san had been there for Dazai when Oda had been busy. And.. as much as it pained Oda to say it, she had been the one to find Dazai after his first suicide attempt. 

The pink-haired woman had been more protective over him ever since. Honestly, Oda couldn't blame her. 

He had been worried and protective too. He still was. 

Dazai and Oda went to change from their school clothes while Elise went to wash her hands, arriving right on time for their usual routine. Oukura set the table with assistance from the servants and Dazai grimaced slightly at the sight of food as he took a seat. 

Yosano had fed him enough earlier today. Would he be able to get away with not having dinner, or would Oukura-chan force him to eat? 

"So", his older brother's voice broke him from his stupor. Dazai looked up at Oda. "Yes, Odasaku?", he asked, a forced smile on his face. 

Odasaku was nice. A bit too nice, he was too forgiving. But Dazai didn't exactly mind, he was his brother and he loved him, regardless. Even though he was slightly mad that Odasaku forgave their father easily no matter how many times he fucked up. 

"How was school today?", the red-haired man asked softly, smiling at Dazai warmly. It comforted the brown-haired boy a lot, he wouldn't deny it. His brother really was the best. 

"It was good, quite fun actually", he said boredly, propping up his face with one hand while playing with a napkin using his other hand. "Oh? how so", Oda spoke, interested in his day. 

This was one of his best and worst qualities, he was always so selfless, he cared more about other than himself. Dazai could have hugged a tree and Odasaku would still be interested... or worried. Hugging a tree wasn't very normal. 

But then again, when was Dazai ever normal? 

"The newbie, short one with orange hair", the young adult murmured nonchalantly. Playing with the napkin as he avoided eye-contact. 

""The new kid, Nakahara Chuuya?", the elder asked, emitting an enthusiastic nod from Dazai. Oda stared at him with suspicion, while the other pretended not to notice his accusing eyes. 

"Dazai Osamu.", he deadpanned, making Dazai put up his hands in surrender. "I didn't do anything to him I promise!", he giggled. 

"But..", Oda drawled, expecting him to continue. 

The teenager sighed dramatically. "Odasaku doesn't trust me", he pouted, it didn't affect Oda though. He was used to his younger brother's antics. He raised an eyebrow, staying silent. Dazai gaped at his lack of reaction before huffing and looking away. 

"But.. call him Chibi a few times and call him a Chihuahua", he mumbled, before whistling and looking anywhere but at the man next to him. 

Oda looked at him incredulously. Dear lord, was this how his younger brother had the entire school wrapped around his finger? because if so, Oda was seriously concerned. 

For both the school and his sanity.

Elise came downstairs, skipping and humming to herself before sitting in front of Oda. Oukura arrived shortly after, taking a seat next to Elise. They had dinner as peacefully as usual, Dazai got away with sneakily putting food onto Oda's plate and giving puppy eyes to him while Oukura was distracted. 

Oda was not a doctor. But even he knew forcing Dazai to eat would not be the best thing to do. So he let him get away with it, he knew Akiko-kun would feed him somehow. She was the only one who could get him to eat, for some reason. 

Though, Oda supposed it made sense. The two basically grew up together since he and Akiko-kun's cousin, Ango were good friends, resulting in the other to bring his cousin over every time he visited Oda. By now, Akiko-kun was basically another younger sibling to Oda. 

They were perfectly happy, ignoring their other issues as they ate. But unfortunately, not everything lasts. Oda's phone rang loudly, making everyone at the table pause. Dazai's eyes flickered to his phone before they darkened at the sight of the name. Oda pursed his lips tightly. 

Their father was calling.

_______

"So, he won't be coming for Elise's birthday next week?", Yosano asked, sighing. Dazai scoffed, avoiding to look at his uncovered forearm as Yosano bandaged it. It was disgusting, the scars tainting his skin were not a pretty sight, reminding him of his shortcomings and weakness, whenever he looked at them. Yosano didn't care about it though, she wanted nothing but Dazai to be safe. She never said anything about his scars, and Dazai was grateful. Yosano had always been doing this once she had found out his unhealthy habits, otherwise Dazai would never let anyone see what was underneath his bandages.

Yosano Akiko was always an exception. 

"Akiko, you're acting like he ever keeps his promises", the brown-haired boy laughed, it was hollow and bitter. "However, it's alright. Odasaku and I can manage it, I'm sure Elise would appreciate someone actually being there for her birthday, rather than sending materialistic items.", he continued, an underlying tone of resignation and spite in his voice. 

Money couldn't buy happiness. Dazai knew that all too well. 

Yosano let out a huff. "I'm sure you're right, and that's why I'm going to get Ranpo-kun and Poe-kun to come with me to your house, Elise will be happy to see them", she stated, and it was obvious she wouldn't take no for an answer as she gave the younger boy a slight glare with narrowed violet eyes. 

Dazai rolled his eyes playfully and huffed out a laugh, "Whatever you say Aki, whatever you say", he said, rolling down his sleeve. Yosano really was an angel. 

Well.. when she wasn't in her crazy scientist mood, or when she wasn't hungry. 

Chuuya sighed. 

He didn't mean to eavesdrop on them, he really didn't. Chuuya was just gone to the bathroom before going to class this morning, he wasn't expecting two familiar voices to be having a private conversation. He had only known Dazai and Yosano-san since yesterday, so hearing a conversation this personal to Dazai, seemed like a really shitty thing to do. 

Besides, it wasn't if Chuuya knew what they were talking about anyways. All he heard was that it was some Elise's birthday and some Poe guy and some Sakura being mentioned. It was probably a party or something for someone. 

Eh, not that Chuuya cared. He put his phone in his pocket before walking out of the stall, fixing his hair and uniform in the large mirror. 

"Chibi-san is here, what a pleasant surprise~", the idiot sang from behind him. He emerged out of the stall, Yosano-san zipping her bag and coming out straight after him. If he was being honest, Chuuya wondered what they were doing together. 

He wouldn't be surprised if it was drugs or something, Dazai did seem like the type of guy to do that. 

"Ugh, not this again", he groaned. Chuuya was hoping that was just a first day thing, apparently not. 

"What ever do you mean, Chuuya?", Dazai gasped dramatically as he held a hand up to his heart in false offense. Yosano-san sighed in exasperation and rolled her eyes. 

"Dude, you really are an asshole, you know that?", the redhead shook his head with a small scoff. Dazai hummed nonchalantly. 

"I've been told", he mused, a small conscending smirk on his face. "I'm sure", Chuuya replied bluntly, making Dazai let out a snort. "I'm sure you're sure.", he drawled, eyes filled with amusement. 

He turned to the violet-haired girl. "Is he like this to every new guy?", Chuuya raised an eyebrow in slighy annoyance. Yosano-san glanced at Dazai with a deadpan look before speaking. "Not really..., actually, yes really. Not to this extent, but yeah, he is like that", she nodded. 

Chuuya snorted. "I'm not surprised", he murmured as Dazai looked towards Yosano-san with a look that could only be called as betrayed. 

"Akiko-channnn, how could you!", he whined. And as Chuuya looked closer, he could see the way his lips quirked up slightly, despite his antics. Their friendship was cute. 

Chuuya wished he had a friend like that. 

"You deserved it after what you pulled with Atsushi and Ryuunosuke last week", Yosano-san deadpanned, looking at him disappointedly. 

Chuuya didn't know who she was talking about. 

Dazai smiled playfully, snorting. "You can't blame me, Akiko-chan. They keep pretending they hate eachother-", he got cut off by the ringing of a phone. Yosano glanced at Dazai uneasily as he pulled the phone out of his pocket. 

His smile fell almost instantly as he looked at the screen. He flashed Chuuya a false grin, before walking past Yosano, putting the phone to his ear. The voice of a male came through the device, resulting in a small grimace from Yosano. 

He walked into the stall at the end of the bathrooms. 

"What was that?", Chuuya murmured, raising an eyebrow in confusion. Yosano-san sighed. "Oh, don't worry. Just someone who doesn't exactly understand Dazai", she spoke, a hint of sadness in her words. She headed out of the bathrooms. 

Chuuya frowned but nodded, following behind her, glancing back at where Dazai went, one last time, before walking out.

_______

Dazai sighed. "What do you want, Father. I'm at school right now", he gritted out. What type of a man was so busy who couldn't visit his children for over two years? Dazai could understand that he was one of the most renowned and remarkable doctors in Europe, but that didn't excuse his absence. Not for two whole years. 

Sure he loved his father.. but he wouldn't lie, sometimes, Dazai hated him. Sure, he had grown up like this after he was twelve.. but he had Odasaku. Elise was a child, she was literally nine. And yet, the people raising her were her two elder brothers, not her father. 

"Osamu, I'm sure Sakunosuke already told you-", his father's voice came through the phone. 

"Yes", he cut Mori off, coldly. "Odasaku told me that you won't come for Elise's birthday, again" 

"It's not that I won't, it's that I can't. You know that, Osamu. And I'm sorry, please give Elise her gifts that will arrive before her birthday. I'll call her on the day", Mori spoke, his tone full of regret and resignation. 

Dazai didn't feel bad at all. 

He scoffed. "The way you think buying us gifts and sending us money will make this family normal in any way is very amusing, Father.", the brown-haired boy spoke bitterly. 

"Osamu, I know money can't make our family normal, but I'm trying", Mori sighed on the other end. "But, I'm sorry.. I truly am-", Dazai disconnected the call. 

There was no need to listen to the same pathetic excuses again. Europe's second best surgeon and doctor, Mori Ougai, only cared about his patients. Not his own children. 

Sometimes, Dazai truly wondered if Mori had adopted them because he cared for them, or just because he needed someone for his inheritance.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was quite surprised to see Dazai back to his usual chipper attitude in the next class. He seemed off in the bathroom, yet he seemed perfectly normal now. Somehow, he was even more unbearable than yesterday, and his smiles were wider. 

They seemed fake, for some reason. 

But Chuuya was probably overthinking it. He scoffed quietly, why should he care anyway. He didn't even know this guy! he glanced at the brown-haired teen sitting two rows infront of him, laughing with the girl next to him. Wow, she really seemed into him. 

He zoned out while watching the two, Chuuya felt his eyes slowly shutting. Wow, sleeping at 5am on a school day was a really bad idea. He jolted when the boy next to him tapped on his shoulder gently, curling up.

"Araha-sensei is calling your name", he shyly mumbled, and Chuuya stood up straight almost instantly, he could see Dazai turn his head around, snickering at him. 

"Sorry, Sensei", he bowed before sitting back down. The astronomy teacher looked at him with slight annoyance before calling the other students' names. He glared at Dazai until the other smirked and turned back around to the front. 

Ahara-sensei had dark red hair, which reminded Chuuya of blood. Her eyes were two different colours, one was a light grey which could have been mistaken for white, while her other eye was a dark navy, it almost looked like a galaxy. The fact that she was teaching astronomy seemed like a really big coincidence. 

"What's your name?", he murmured to the boy next to him. The guy startled before speaking slowly. "Poe", he whispered. "Edgar Allan Poe" 

Ah, this was probably the person Yosano-san was talking about. Good to know, though.. Chuuya was slightly concerned for this dude. How did he deal with such energetic people while being an introvert. Damn, that was brave, he whistled internally. 

It was all good after that. The next classes weren't that bad, biology was fun and english was as basic as usual. Now, Chuuya wouldn't lie. He was looking forward to lunch, because as much as he hated to admit it.. those guys were quite the fun group, and other than that bandaged idiot, the rest seemed pretty chill with Chuuya. 

When he got to the cafeteria, it was as busy as usual but this time there was a familiar mop of brown hair sitting at a big table with three others. He was way too tall, fucking beanpole. As if on queue, the idiot instantly turned his head around, waving him over enthusiastically. The auburn-haired boy rolled his eyes before walking to them. 

"Hi, Chuuya!", Dazai grinned at him cheekily. Chuuya nodded gave him a very obviously forced smile, which resembled a grimace. The other boy perked up, probably with another shitty insult. 

"Say..." 

And Chuuya already knew this idiot was going to spew some dumb shit to annoy him even further. 

"How did you see us over all the other.. tall people?", he said, pressing his lips together to avoid bursting out laughing. Chuuya looked at him, unimpressed. 

"Maybe it was because your lanky ass was easy to find", he retorted, rolling his eyes. And Dazai's eyes twinkled with mischief. 

"Oh? and why was Chibi-san looking at my ass?~", he teased, and Chuuya's face burned. It was from the anger, he told himself. "You've got to be fucking kidding me", he murmured, groaning into his hands. He took a seat next to Poe-kun. 

It was the same as yesterday, Yosano-san hissed something at Dazai and stuffed a mochi into his face, while Ranpo-kun munched on his sweets. Poe-kun ate his food quietly, though it was clear he was comfortable with them. Chuuya wondered why Yosano-san was feeding Dazai like that, or why he wouldn't eat otherwise. 

And it wasn't that he wasn't eating on his own, or that she was feeding him. It was that she could barely get him to eat a small bit before he simply refused to eat. 

Chuuya was.. confused, to say the least. 

A few minutes later, Dazai perked up as he grinned brightly. Two people came over to their table, one was a boy with silver hair and one with black and silver hair. 

"Atsushi-kun!, Ryuu-kun!, meet Nakahara Chuuya, your Chibi-senpai!", he declared and Chuuya's jaw dropped. They were younger than him? how was this difference in height even fair? 

He looked at the slightly shorter one. Silver hair with a small black streak, gold and purple, heterochromic eyes.. he knew this guy- 

"Nakajima Atsushi?!", he asked, gaping at the boy before him. 

".. Yes?", the boy- Atsushi blinked in confusion. The redhead breathed out a laugh. 

Chuuya looked at him with wide eyes before gesturing to himself. "Don't you remember me?", he asked incredulously. 

Atsushi furrowed his brows, before shaking his head. 

"Kid- you basically came over everyday to our house, you adored Ane-san. Remember? then you moved away? four years ago? Tokyo?", he asked in exasperation. 

Atsushi paused before looking at Chuuya with wide eyes. The auburn-haired student startled when the younger boy's eyes started welling up with tears. "O-Oi, why are you crying!?", he blurted in surprise. 

Atsushi laughed through his tears before throwing himself at Chuuya. "Chuuya-nii!", I thought I'd never see you again! I swear I didn't forget you it's just I forgot my glasses at home and Akutagawa infected me with his stupidness! I promise, I'm sorry!", he ranted nervously. Chuuya laughed, patting his back. 

The person who supposedly infected Atsushi with stupidness, glared at said boy before scowling. They both took a seat, as Akutagawa sat next to Yosano. 

"It's okay, kid. We were wondering where you went all those years ago. Y'know, we saw you grow up and everything then suddenly you dissappeared. Ane-san and I were really worried, she'll be really glad to see you", Chuuya said, fondness seeping into his tone. 

Atsushi sniffled. "I wanna meet Kouyou-nee again, I missed you guys so much. Mom was sick so we had to leave for her treatment, and Dad.. you know how he was...", the boy trailed off, and Chuuya's expression slightly darkened. 

That man was always a pain. 

Dazai watched their interaction closely. He had been the one who was Atsushi and Ryuunosuke's senpai when they had first entered the school. He knew them very well. Of course, he knew Ryuunosuke well anyway. He was his cousin. Gin and Ryuunosuke were Dazai's late aunt's children. They were a part of their family, but Mori had bought them a seperate house because they felt like they'd be being a burden. It was hard for him to convince them to take it, but it all worked out in the end. 

Dazai had known Atsushi since he lived in the dorms, since at the time, Dazai did for a while, just to spite his father. He had refused to give him the satisfaction of using his money at the time. It was resolved when Mori came back and convinced Dazai to live with Oda and Elise. He knew the silver-haired boy had a neighbor who he thought of as a brother-figure, but Dazai hadn't known the name. Well, he was glad Atsushi found his brother. Because Dazai knows, he wouldn't be able to live without his brother either. Blood related or not. 

He watched the two interact with a small smile on his face. A weird feeling settled in his stomach, as he felt bile rise up his throat. Yet, his smile didn't falter. Dazai wished it wasn't this hard to be normal. He wished his abnormal behaviour got unnoticed by everyone. Dazai wished everyone just ignored him, as him being him. 

Of course, nothing could escape the piercing emerald eyes watching him closely. The brown-haired boy glanced to the side, only to see Ranpo-kun staring at him knowingly, Dazai smiled and shook his head slightly, letting him know that he was fine. But the elder just stared him down before making eye contact with Yosano. 

They knew. 

And Dazai knew that they would definitely try to talk to him about it, sooner or later.

Chapter Text

It wasn't half as bad as expected, is what Nakahara Chuuya would say if someone asked him how he found ADA High School. The teachers were very friendly, except Araha-sensei, for some reason he didn't know of. The students were even nicer, his class was literally the nicest people he had ever met. Chuuya had already made a lot of friends, but he wouldn't deny that his closest ones were the group he sat with at lunch for the past week. 

Till now, Chuuya had figured out the basics of everyone. Yosano Akiko was a badass girl who everyone was lowkey afraid of, all the girls loved her and the boys adored her as a friend, some even more than that. She was twenty, less than a year younger than Ane-san. Apparently, Yosano-san had joined school at a late age, and then stayed back a year to be in the same year as Dazai. 

Edogawa Ranpo was a boy who basically lived on sweets, one thing that was clear was the fact that he was inhumanly smart, he could read someone without a second glance and figure shit out within seconds. He was effortlessly at the top of every class, sometimes tying with Dazai, which was quite a surprise since Dazai didn't exactly seem smart at first glance. He was nineteen, a year older than Chuuya. He had also joined school at a later-than-normal age. 

Edgar Allan Poe, Poe-kun was a shy transfer student who had arrived from France. Apparently he had joined ADA High School about three years ago, and had been best friends with Ranpo-kun the entire time. He was quite shy and only comfortable with people he knew well, he was very nice. Chuuya also learned that Poe-kun and Ranpo-kun were boyfriends, and that was definitely a surprise. 

Nakajima Atsushi was still the same boy who had once came to his house to trick-or-treat, dressed as a white tiger, and had fell asleep on his couch. He was a little shit, though Chuuya can blame that on Dazai, apparently he mentored him. Though, the kid seemed way happier than he was when he was living with his father, Chuuya was thankful that man had left. 

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke was a quiet young boy who absolutely loved Atsushi. It was so blatantly obvious it physically hurt Chuuya to see them pining and pretending to hate eachother. The way Akutagawa looked at Atsushi, was the way Chuuya looked at wine, and didn't that say a lot? not that Atsushi was any better, the moment Akutagawa coughed, he instantly went to his side, eyes filled with worry before teasing him in playful smugness. They were so in love. 

And then there was Dazai Osamu. He was the most confusing person Chuuya had ever met in his whole eighteen years of living. One, literally everyone in the entire school absolutely adored him. All the girls and the gays swooned over him, some would even say he turned some people homosexual. The entire school knew who he was, somehow. And the teachers too, most teachers were so nice to him, including Ahara-sensei, though.. she seemed more afraid of him rather than nice, that was quite concerning. Kunikida-sensei was strict but there was a hint of familiarity and fondness in his scoldings to Dazai. The point was, most people were in love with him and the ones who weren't, adored him. Not Chuuya, because from how much he had known him from the past week. All Chuuya could say about him was.. 

That Dazai Osamu was a sarcastic. annoying, absolutely stupid piece of shit. He knew how to get on people's nerves so damn well, it irritated Chuuya to no end. 

Though, as much as Chuuya hated him. They were friends, due to his other friends. Much to both of their dismay. 

"What's up, idiot", Chuuya asked as he took a seat next to Dazai, in philosophy. He was somehow early to class today, usually Dazai came in way later than everyone else. Yosano-san was busy on her phone while Dazai had his head buried in his arms. He perked up at the sound of Chuuya's voice. 

"Chibi-chan!", he annoyingly brightened up at the sight of him. Chuuya let out an exasperated sigh. "How many times have I to tell you to stop calling me that", he grumbled half-heartedly. 

Chuuya would rather die than admit that the nickname didn't really affect him that much anymore. It was much better than what he had called before, and Dazai seemed to use it endearingly more than to hurt him. 

"What's up with the face", he asked the sulking teenager sitting next to him. Dazai sighed dramatically. "It's my younger sister's birthday tomorrow and I don't know what to do!", the brown-haired student whined. The girl next to him patted his back in fake consolation. "You know Oukura-chan and your brother will do most of the arrangements anyways, Dazai. Stop being a baby", Yosano-san flicked the side of his head. 

The brown-haired boy turned to Chuuya. "Hey, do you have any siblings?", Dazai asked the redhead with genuine curiosity shining in chestnut eyes. A fond smile slowly formed on Chuuya's lips, eyes glinting with pride at the mention of his sibling. 

And it was in that moment when Dazai realised just how blue Chuuya's eyes were. A shade of cerulean more vibrant than the Earth's oceans itself. His eyes seemed like they were sapphires merged under clear water. So sparkling, so bright. Dazai felt the dull world he was used to, fade into black and white around him, as he lost himself in two orbs of vivid azure. 

When he realised the way strands of bright orange hair fell into those rich blue eyes, creating a contrast of colours which should be impossible for someone so human. His hair was a bright auburn, reminding Dazai of Autumn, the blue in his eyes reminded Dazai of the oceans he had longed to submerge in. How could someone's eyes be so blue? 

When he realised, how pink Chuuya's lips were, looking soft as they reminded Dazai of cherry blossoms at the beginning of summer. Chuuya's lips were turned up in a soft smile, crinkling his eyes slightly, and Dazai couldn't take his eyes off him. 

It was now, when he realised how colourful Nakahara Chuuya truly was, compared to Dazai Osamu's dark world of dismay. 

"Oi- are you even listening?!", a voice broke him from his endless thoughts. Dazai blinked, Chuuya was looking at him, baffled. He thought he saw a hint of concern in tranquil sapphire eyes. Dazai internally scoffed, this idiot had only known him for a week and was already worried for him? 

He tried to ignore the weird warm and fuzzy feeling swirling up in his stomach. It wasn't real, he told himself. It wasn't a feeling. He didn't feel emotions. He couldn't feel, he knew that already. 

The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes. "Your voice is so boring I fell asleep", Dazai deadpanned, much to Chuuya's annoyance. "You're boring", he retorted in offense. The other just let out a snort. 

"Others may beg to differ", Dazai huffed out a laugh. Looking at the redhead smugly.

Chuuya rolled his eyes before starting his sentence again, which somehow Dazai hadn't heard a single word of at first. He really shouldn't be in school after trying to drown, not that anyone exactly knew this time. 

"So, as I was saying.. I've one sister, she's Yosano-san's age and she is such an icon", Chuuya gushed, his tone filled with admiration and fondness. His blue eyes were sparkling. 

He really looked up to his sister, huh 

"Okay, I assume she's single?", Dazai asked the auburn-haired boy. He watched as Chuuya raised an eyebrow towards him. "Depends, why are you asking?", he inquired, tilting his head. Suspicion evident in his tone. 

Dazai puffed his cheeks up in indignation. "Can Chibi not answer a question without asking questions like a dog" 

"I'm not a dog!" 

"The collar around your neck says otherwise" 

"It's a choker, you uncultured swine!" 

"Kinky?" 

"No?!" 

"That seemed like a question" 

"You piss me off so much" 

"Likewise" 

"Asshole" 

"Chibi" 

"Beanpole" 

"Slug" 

"Mackerel" 

"Ma- what?", Dazai looked at Chuuya incredulously. "What in the world is a Mackerel?!", he asked in confusion. 

"You." 

"Wow, so original" 

"I hate you" 

"I hate you more" 

"You're such a little shit, you know that?" 

"Says the one who's less that five foot" 

"I'm five-two, you asshole!" 

"And that's so tall" 

"Choke" 

"Wow, kinky much?" 

"Ew, I meant choke.. like- suffocate to death" 

"Already tried that, didn't work" 

"What!?" 

"What?" 

Chuuya looked at Dazai incredulously. "What the hell do you mean?!", he asked in horror. "What do you think I mean?", the brown-haired boy asked in a smug tone. 

"How the hell am I supposed to know?", Chuuya scowled. Dazai shrugged, pressing a finger to Chuuya's forehead. "I dunno, isn't your Chibi brain supposed to be smart?", he mused, teasingly. A smirk resting on his lips. 

Chuuya growled under his breath. He grabbed Dazai's hand, pushing the finger away from his face. "Don't test me, you ass", he glared into honey-brown eyes. 

"Erm..", the sound of a throat clearing broke them both out of their bickering. Oda-sensei stood at the front of the class looking equally as awkward as amused. 

Chuuya let go of the other's hand as if it burned him, standing up straight instantly. It was then they both realised that the whole entire had been watching him quietly. Some were snickering behind their hands while some were holding back laughter. Yosano-san was looking at them like she knew something they didn't, while Ranpo-kun and Poe-kun were watching in amusement. 

"Uh.. Sensei, I..", Chuuya trailed off, his face was burning from embarrassment while Dazai was as shameless as ever. The redhead rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, giving the teacher an apologetic look. "Sorry..", he mumbled. 

Oda-sensei just smiled before waving his apology off. The class continued as normal, but Chuuya and Dazai didn't speak for the rest of that class. Though, that was probably because Yosano-san kept pinching him everytime he turned to Chuuya. 

Chuuya would have said something if he wasn't already distracted. The auburn-haired boy knew it wasn't a big deal.. but what Dazai said kept pestering him. The boy's past words had been nagging at his conscience relentlessly. Dazai was probably joking, Chuuya knew that. But.. he couldn't help but be slightly put off because what if he wasn't joking? what if he was serious? 

"Hi! can I sit here, please?", Dazai smiled and spoke sweetly to the girl who was sitting in the seat next to Chuuya in Maths. As usual, the girl got flustered at his supposed kindness and charms, instantly getting up and leaving, giving him a shy smile. 

Chuuya rolled his eyes at his antics. 

"So~ did the cat catch the dog's tongue?", Dazai broke the silence as he took a seat next to Chuuya in their next class. The brown-haired boy crossed his arms on the table and rested his head on it, looking at the redhead expectantly. 

Said redhead sighed, rolling his eyes at the insult. "You don't sit here, dumbass", Chuuya murmured as he blew at his hair in boredom, not even glancing at the annoyance next to him. 

And Dazai looked at him peculiarly. Chuuya looked really weird doing that. He didn't know how to describe it. He looked.., he looked really- 

"Look how cute Kenji-kun looks in this picture-", a voice from behind them murmured, conversating in their own topic. Dazai paused. Cute. 

Chuuya looked really.. cute. 

Heh, and wasn't that a terrifying insinuation. 

"You're zoning out again, dumbass", Chuuya mumbled into his arms, now sitting exactly like Dazai, facing him. The brown-haired student blinked, he was staring? wow, he didn't even notice. 

"No I'm not.", Dazai denied. "Just tired", he yawned before burying his head in his arms. He hadn't slept an ounce since the past week. He had given up trying, at this point. 

"I can tell. You look like shit", Chuuya drawled, as blunt as ever. Dazai huffed. "Wow, thank you", he said sarcastically. Chuuya rolled his eyes for the hundredth time that day, he closed his eyes and put his head down. 

A few minutes passed by, and the teacher was nowhere to be seen. Kunikida-sensei probably got caught in traffic, there was apparently an accident on one of Yokohama's main roads and most people had to take the different route due to that. 

Suddenly, Dazai had an amazing idea. A metaphorical lightbulb switching on above his head. He grinned. 

"Psst, Chuuya", Dazai whispered, poking the redhead next to him. "Chuu-Chuu train. Open your eyes~", he quietly sang, deliberately sounding horrible. Chuuya took a deep breath and looked at his very annoying classmate with a lazy expression. 

"What?", he snapped quietly, most of the class were whispering to eachother so they didn't bother speaking out loud. 

"Do you want to leave?", the brown-haired boy asked with a mischievous smile. Chuuya looked at him in disbelief. "We're in the middle of class, what do you mean lea- no. No, we can't. Dazai, we are not ditching class", the auburn-haired student shook his head, looking at the boy infront of him like he was crazy. 

"C'mon, Chibi~", Dazai whined. "Please?", he batted his eyelashes pleadingly. Chuuya stared at him blankly. Dazai stared back, and the moment Chuuya groaned, he knew he had won. The brown-haired smirked in victory. 

"Fine, fuck it. But if we get caught, it'll all be your fault", he warned the smirking asshole next to him. Dazai just snorted. 

"Okay, let's go then. Race you to the gates", he said quickly before jumping out of his seat and sprinting out the room. Chuuya paused in confusion for a moment before he cursed and sprinted out of classroom, right on Dazai's tail. 

The rest of the class, already used to Dazai Osamu's antics, just sighed, while Ranpo and Yosano shared a knowing look filled with amusement.

Chapter Text

Chuuya panted as he finally caught up with the long-legged bastard infront of him. The asshole just smirked at him mockingly, leaning lazily at the gates of the school. His bag was slung over one shoulder, he did not look like he had just raced across the school. 

"Awww, did Chibi's small legs tire him out?", Dazai tutted with feign pity. Amusement dancing in brown irises. The redhead flipped him off with a scowl. "You are such a brat", Chuuya insulted him.

The taller boy just snorted, "Yes yes, but I can still run faster", Dazai commented curtly, waving his hand off-handedly as he casually strolled out of the school. 

"Why are you so annoying?", Chuuya murmured as they walked out of the school gates effortlessly, there weren't exactly any guards outside so it was fairly simple to ditch. Dazai seemed like he had experience. 

"Why are you so short?", Dazai retorted with a sly smirk, much to Chuuya's aggravation. He looked oddly calm, looking into the distant sun with a certain look in his eyes. Chuuya thought the sunlight made his eyes look golden, like honey fresh out of a bee's hive. Like the golden sparks of a firework. As beautiful as the sun itself. 

"So, where are we going?", he wondered out loud, breaking the comfortable silence with his question. Dazai hummed, he turned a turn towards a small building. "I know a place. Come with me and you'll see", he drawled playfully, sending Chuuya a wink and climbing into the window. 

The auburn-haired boy paused, brows furrowed in confusion and exasperation. 

"What the hell?", he murmured in confusion. Was this idiot just trespassing and breaking into a house? Regardless, Chuuya just sighed in resignation and followed. He carefully went through the broken window, yet he misplaced his hand. 

A splintered shard of glass from the broken window pierced his palm as the auburn-haired teenager tried climbing into the building. A sudden hiss and a string of curses left his mouth as he entered the empty hallway and glanced at his hand. 

The first thing Chuuya noticed was that it was big. A shard almost the size of his two fingers was stuck in his palm, piercing through the tender skin and only barely containing the blood threatening to flow out. Dazai, who was already on the other side of the hallway, noticed him standing oddly. 

"You good?", the brown-haired student strolled over casually, hands stuffed into his pockets and his usual carefree expression plastered on his face. Chuuya paused, turning his injury away from view, "Uh, yeah" 

"You don't sound very convinced", Dazai drawled knowingly, he came closer and reached forward. Cold, slender fingers wrapped themselves around Chuuya's wrist, the touch unreasonably tender as his hand was gently turned. Dazai clicked his tongue, seeing the blood-coated wound and the glass sticking out of it sorely. 

"Tch, close your eyes" 

"What?" 

"I'm going to pull it out, close your eyes", was the only warning Chuuya got before Dazai reached out and yanked the shard out of his hand. "Gah!- what the fuck?!", Chuuya yelped, the pain suddenly erupting in tenfold as blood started gushing out. "Shit- it's worse", he put his hand around his own wrist, sqeezing it tightly, nails digging in yet not making a difference. 

Dazai sighed with a deadpan look towards Chuuya. "Hush, Chibi", he stated, throwing away the bloodied glass shard. He brought his hand towards Chuuya's wrist, unwrapping the auburn-haired boy's fingers off his own hand. He removed Chuuya's hand from his own, revealing red nail marks on pale skin. Chuuya let out a small gasp. 

"Oh shit- I'm so sorry I didn't-", a cold finger was pressed to his lips. Chuuya stilled. Dazai didn't notice his reaction, letting go of his hand and removing the finger from his lips. A shade of pink bloomed on his cheeks as he looked away from the brown-haired boy infront of him. 

Dazai didn't hesitate before he rolled the sleeve of his sweater and shirt up, revealing an arm covered in clean, white bandages. Chuuya looked at him in confusion. 

Pulling the edge of it, the taller student slowly unravelled his bandage, causing Chuuya's eyes to widen. He didn't know what was under those, but it couldn't possibly be something Dazai would just let anyone see. "Dazai, you don't have to-" 

"Chuuya", the other spoke. 

"Yeah?" 

"Shut up" 

Chuuya gaped at him in shock, did he just tell Chuuya to shut up? Dazai continued to remove his bandages, only to reveal a second layer underneath them. Wow, how many layers did he wear? The brown-haired boy gently pulled Chuuya's hand towards himself, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and cleaning the blood from the wound. He rolled up the cloth and stuffed it back in his pocket before starting to wrap the bandage around his hand. 

"Slug is so careless", Dazai muttered under his breath, tying a small knot around his thumb, securing Chuuya's dressing. "Slug?" 

"Yes, Slug. Because slugs are small and slow" 

"I'm not slow!" 

"Are too" 

"Am not" 

"Sure. Whatever you say, Slug", Dazai snorted and turned around, rolling his sleeve back down and heading the same way he was before, leaving Chuuya behind staring between his bandaged hand and Dazai in confusion. 

This was a side he hadn't seen before. Sure, it had only been a week since Nakahara Chuuya had transferred to this school, since he had met the nuisance named Dazai Osamu. Yet.. Dazai always acted like someone who didn't care about anything in the world, from his condescending jokes and the dark, uncaring look in his eyes. Dazai didn't strike Chuuya as the type to rip apart his own shirt to bandage someone's bullet wound, as cheesy as it sounds, this somewhat resembled that type of situation. 

Shaking his head out of that ridiculous trail of thought, Chuuya rushed after Dazai, who had already began climbing the stairs. "Oi, shitty Dazai! wait up", he matched the other's pace within seconds. 

"Like I said. Slug" 

"Die" 

"Gladly" 

The redhead let out a scoff, lightly punching Dazai's arm as they both climbed the chipping, birch stairs. The building seemed to be some sort of residential apartment. 

"Dude, that was highly concerning" 

"You will be held responsible in my suicide note" 

Chuuya halted in his steps. His face looking somewhat shocked, a hint of genuine concern flashed in his eyes before he went back to his normal deadpan expression. "Are you serious?", Chuuya groaned, forcing his tone from concerned to one of exasperation. 

Dazai smirked, looking the other way to hide the mischievous way his lips quirked up. He changed his tone to something more serious, biting his lip to stop the laughter bubbling up. 

".. Dead serious" 

Chuuya blinked once, twice. And Dazai ran, sprinting up the stairs while laughing uncontrollably, even skipping two steps at a time as Chuuya screamed in agitation behind him. 

"I'm gonna kill you, you bastard!", 

Dazai let out a cackle. "Not if I kill myself first~" 

Another annoyed shout echoed behind him as Dazai opened the door to the roof. Chuuya ran as fast as he could, right on Dazai's tail. The brown-haired boy stood at the entrance of the room, not realising how much faster Chuuya was running than before. The auburn-haired student bumped into Dazai's back, pushing him forward and causing both of them to tumble over eachother and roll out onto the surface of the roof, Chuuya holding onto Dazai's collar with a grin on his face. 

"Got you now, asshole" 

Dazai sighed dramatically, "Oh dear, whatever shall I do now", he spoke wistfully, looking pathetically sarcastic. A scowl appeared on Chuuya's face. Bringing up his uninjured hand, he poked a finger into Dazai's forehead, a little to harsh to be a joke. 

Dazai watched in confusion with wide brown eyes. "Cut. It. Out", Chuuya emphasised each point by lifting his finger and poking it into his forehead at every word. The brown-haired student brought his gaze from Chuuya's eyes to the finger prodding at the middle of his brows. His eyes almost criss-crossed and a confused, almost pout on his face. 

Chuuya almost thought it was adorable. 

Bringing his hand up and wrapping it around the finger on his forehead, Dazai pushed Chuuya's hand away. He blinked. "Cut what out?", he asked incredulously, did Chuuya mean them ditching school? 

"You know what", Chuuya murmured, crossing his arms and looking away with an irritated expression. He took a seat next to Dazai, who was frowning in confusion. 

"Chuuya, I don't know what you mean" 

"You- okay fine. The.. jokes", the redhead wrapped his arms around his knees, resting his chin on them and staring into the distant clouds in the pale blue sky. He didn't know how to say it, maybe it was just human instinct.. or maybe it was concern for friends. Chuuya didn't like it when Dazai joked about suicide, it wasn't the joking itself.. it was because Dazai seemed serious about it, his eyes dimmed to something akin to resignation and the smile on his face grew faker whenever he mentioned anything about dying or something serious and philosophical. 

"Oh" 

And for the first time in his life, Dazai was stunned. He hadn't expected this. But of course, as always, Dazai deflected and changed the topic. Chuuya was new, he didn't know Dazai. He didn't know of Dazai's ways. 

The school was used to him, ever since he was a small child. Odasaku always brought him with him whenever Father was on a trip along with Elise, she was a baby and at that time, Teruko-san wasn't yet appointed. The teachers there had watched him grow up, and the principal considered him a grandson, of a sort. His class were odd about his tendencies at first but then as they got to know him, Dazai being obnoxious became the norm. No one ever tried to see through the comedic facade, no one except Ranpo-kun and Poe-kun. Yosano-chan knew it from the start. 

Chuuya wasn't aware, he would too get used to it soon. Not that Dazai would be around much longer anyway. 

"Oi, stop staring at me like that. Or is my face just that mesmerising to look at?", Chuuya snapped a finger before his face with a smirk. It was then Dazai realised he had been staring at the boy infront of him, not an ounce of humor on his face. Well that just wouldn't do! 

The brown-haired boy faked a gag, letting out a "Bleh!", he stuck out his tongue in fake disgust. "Mesmerising? you? hah! Chuuya's the ugliest person I've ever seen", he scoffed, looking at the sun instead, trying to get the bright blue eyes and fiery orange hair out of his mind. 

"Ugly? yeah right. People look up to me because of how hot I am", the redhead huffed with pride. 

Dazai let out a snort. "I don't think anyone exactly looks up to you, Chibi" 

"Ha ha, very funny. At least I don't look like a mummy", Chuuya retaliated, much to the other's amusement 

Oh this was good. "Oh? at least I don't look like a walking rainbow", Dazai mused, because seriously. Who has blue eyes with bright orange hair? 

"Hah?! at least I don't look like someone straight out of horror movie!", the auburn-haired boy threw arms up in exasperation. 

Dazai grinned slyly. "Neither do I!, I'm not someone straight", he scoffed playfully. The look on Chuuya's face was worth it. 

He rolled his eyes and began to talk before freezing "Yes you- wait you're gay?", he asked Dazai incredulously. 

The other gave him a deadpanned look. "Almost everyone in our school is" 

"Oh" 

"Don't tell me you're homophobic", Dazai squinted at Chuuya, pointing an accusing finger. "No! I'm literally gay", the redhead defended himself. 

Dazai sighed dramatically.  "I'm bisexual", he waved a hand in the air. Chuuya just blinked. "Cool" 

A few minutes of silence passed before Chuuya let out a groan. "That was the most awkward conversation I've ever had", he buried his head in his arms. "So, why did you bring me up here?", he turned to Dazai. 

The other boy just pointed to behind Chuuya without a word. The redhead paused, before turning around and letting out a string of curses under his breath in awe. 

Before him, was the most breath-taking view of Yokohama's body of water. The bridge almost glowing in the bright sunlight as the sea below reflected the bright blue sky and the amber sun. Despite seeing the port before, Chuuya had never seen it from such an angle, looking so unreal, so beautiful. 

"When you said you knew a place...", Chuuya breathed. "I did not think it would be something like this", he let out an breathless laugh, blue eyes sparkling with a mix of awe and disbelief. 

"It's beautiful", he whispered, eyes never leaving the port of Yokohama. 

Dazai couldn't care less about the view. Not when there was something as beautiful as the boy sitting before him. The sunshine appeared as a halo around fiery orange hair, making it glow. Sapphire eyes looked like gemstones shimmering in the daylight, the sun making them glow ten times brighter than his hair. The brightest thing about Chuuya in that moment was his smile, oh god his smile. He looked ethereal, like a god in human form. He was perfect. 

It was now, when Dazai Osamu realised how utterly beautiful Nakahara Chuuya actually was. 

"Yes.. truly beautiful", he agreed, looking at Chuuya with wide golden-brown eyes, filled with a new emotion, one he had never felt before. 

And even if it was for a second, Dazai forgot all and any problems with life he had ever had. Because maybe for once, in the form of Nakahara Chuuya, life finally gave him a chance to be happy. A chance to live. 

But Dazai also forgot that anything that he would never want to lose was always lost.

Chapter Text

Dazai knew he'd get a look of disappointment when he got home for ditching school. It was always like this, yet he also knew Odasaku would melt within seconds. His brother was like that. Too kind for this cruel world. The brown-haired boy sighed as he walked towards his house, the same expensive mansion that Mori had bought them, it was only a home because of his family. Because of his two siblings and butler. 

On that note, it was Elise's birthday tomorrow.. and Dazai would have to yet again give her the disappointment of overly-expensive gifts and news of her father's absence. She was going to be upset. It was the third birthday he had missed since he left two years ago. It was almost three years since he went on one of his regular 'business trips', how wonderful. 

Never did he once ask any of them to go with him, not that Dazai personally would. 

The large white door taunted him as he stood before it, hand ready to knock. Dazai had forgotten his keys once again, not that he really needed to use them. Usually either Teruko-san opened the door or Elise, if she knew it was him or Odasaku. 

As soon as his hand hit the door, it flung open. Teruko-san stood in front of him looking relieved and angry at the same time. "Oh my goodness, are you stupid?! Sakunosuke-kun was so worried until Akiko-chan called him and told him you were alright and with a friend! I was so worried! are you okay?! have you eaten?! is every-" 

Dazai sighed, smiling fondly. She was too kind. "Oukura-chan-, Oukura-chan, Oukura-chan~", he chuckled softly, putting his hands on her shoulders and gently turning her around, pushing her back into the house and trying to coax her into not being mad. The woman huffed, crossing her arms as the young-adult practically pushed her into a seat. He sat down crouching infront of her. 

Dazai gave her an cheeky grin, smiling wide enough for his dimples to appear as he looked as innocent as one could be. "Don't worry so much, Oukura-channn~", the brown-haired boy sang. 

Teruko sighed, this boy... 

She leaned forward and rested a hand on his head.  "Dazai-kun, I'm only worried for you", the woman murmured, looking at him with concern obvious in coral-coloured eyes. The boy brought down her hand, nudging his cheek against it, he gave her a reassuring smile. 

"I'm fine, Oukura-chan, I promise", he huffed, she was truly too worrying. Maybe.. Dazai could say she was something akin to a mother-figure to him. Not by age of course, just.. by the way she acted. Constantly worrying about their little makeshift family, always being overprotective about them and neglecting her own health. 

Dazai pointed a finger towards her accusingly. "Now, your turn. Have you eaten? are you okay?", the woman laughed at his antics, "I'm fine, kiddo", she spoke with a grin, and something in Dazai's cold, stoned heart warmed up at that small gesture. 

Maybe he wasn't as inhuman as he thought he was.. 

—Would have been what Dazai would have thought in that moment, but he didn't, because he knew. 

He knew, that Dazai Osamu was ruthless. He was someone who didn't have a heart. Dazai was a porcelain doll, no emotions and no attachments. Those would only make him weak. That's what Tsushima Shuuji was taught, that's what Dazai Osamu was taught. He couldn't afford to get attached. 

If only Dazai knew that he had already gotten attached, and that he would only realise it when it was too late.

_______

The lights suddenly turned on as the young girl stepped foot into the living room. She was half asleep despite being ready, probably after being forced to get up early and getting dressed by Teruko-san, who was right behind her. 

Three.. 

Two.. 

One! 

"Happy birthday, Elise-chan!", a loud cheering echoed around them as pink and gold confetti flew in the air. "Huh?", Elise rubbed her eyes sleepily, she looked adorable. 

"Happy birthday!", Oda greeted with a bright smile on his face, going forward and picking his younger sister up before spinning her around in the air. And as soon as she realised what was going on, all the sleep left her eyes as she let out an excited squeal. 

Elise giggled, throwing her arms around Oda''s neck. "Thank you, Nii-san!", she brightened up. Dazai looked at her fondly from where he was standing next to Yosano and Ranpo. He hoped Elise wouldn't be too disheartened by their father not arriving. 

Oda put the girl down, letting out a sigh with nothing but fondness seeping out of it as Elise rushed towards her other brother and his friends. "Samu-nii, you brought Kiko-nee and your friends!", she threw herself on him, Dazai effortlessly hugging her back, already used to this. 

"Of course he did, Dazai isn't stupid enough to go against Yosano-chan", Ranpo snorted, popping a lollipop into his mouth, Poe standing next to him shyly. A small animal was resting peacefully in his hands, a familiar raccoon. 

Dazai pouted at the blatant diss on his ego. "C'mon Ranpo-kun, we both know Akiko loves me. Right, Akiko-channnn?~", he batted his eyelashes at the violet-haired girl next to him. Yosano rolled her eyes before jabbing her elbow into his side. "If I didn't, I wouldn't stick around", she murmured, turning to Elise with a soft smile. 

"Happy birthday, Elise-chan", she gave the girl she had come to see as a younger sister, a hug. "You're such a big girl now!", Yosano gasped dramatically, pretending to measure Elise's height, the youngest beamed at the praise. 

"Thank you, Kiko-nee! I'm ten now!" 

"Wow, that's so cool!" 

Ranpo held a selection box of lollipops towards Elise as she let go of Yosano. It was her favourite brand of chocolate lollipops, the ones only available in specific places and very expensive. Yosano and Poe left their gifts at the table but Ranpo wanted to personally hand it to her. No one else could touch his sweets unless he gave them to someone, and even then he let no one but the person have them. Elise beamed at the older boy. 

"Happy birthday, kid", he ruffled her hair and she wrapped her hands around his waist. Elise giggled. "Thank you so much! Ran-Ran!", Dazai huffed out a laugh at the nickname Elise gave Ranpo a while ago. It was adorable how she easily got attached to everyone around her. A complete opposite of Dazai. 

Eh, maybe it's the daddy issues, who knows? 

Definitely not their father. 

Ranpo squinted at Dazai in offense, "No bother, Elise-chan. How have you been?", he turned to the girl with a grin, she answered his question cutely before turning to Poe. 

"Poe-Poe! Karl!", she squealed at the sight of the familiar raccoon. Poe's lips quirked up in a small smile when Elise practically bounced on her toes, waiting to hold Karl. He held the animal to her, she instantly took hold of Karl, gently and carefully. Elise was way too smart for her age. 

He glanced at Ranpo nervously, not knowing how to handle kids. The other just tilted his head reassuringly. Poe took a deep breath "..Happy birthday, Elise-chan", he wished her, voice quiet but loud enough to be heard. The birthday girl grinned up to him.

"Thank you! Poe-Poe, I'm so happy you brought Karl!", Elise smiled brightly, and Poe squinted a bit, turning to Ranpo and the others. 

"Too bright..", he mumbled. Ranpo just let out a laugh while Yosano smacked a hand to her forehead in exasperation. Her friends were absolutely hopeless. 

Elise turned to Dazai with a hopeful expression and his stomach dropped. He was going to have to tell her that her dad wasn't coming to her birthday, for the third time. Dazai felt sick to his stomach, how weak could one be that they can't even tell someone something? 

The brown-haired boy choked out an unsuspecting "Yes.. Elise?", Elise opened her mouth to speak. 

"Where's..", she started and suddenly Dazai didn't know what happened. 

Blood rushed to his ears, making him feel nauseous and light-headed. He felt the world spin around him, how the hell was he going to make his sister cry again, on her birthday. He looked down as everything fused into something incomprehensible around him, Elise would be so upset again, she was inconsolable last year. How was he going to manage this? he couldn't do it. He'd rather die than see his family cry before his eyes, he won't be able to- 

"-Gin-neesan and Ryuu-nii?", and suddenly everything came to a halt. Dazai snapped his head towards his sister, feeling almost feverish as sweat appeared on his forehead. His breathing was slightly faster than normal. 

"What?", he dumbly let out, slightly out of it. Yosano placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at him with concerned eyes. 

"She asked where Gin and Ryuunosuke were, are you alright?" 

Staring at his best friend with confusion for a few minutes, he turned to Elise. "Gin.. and Ryuunosuke..?", he mumbled before plastering a smile onto his face. ""Don't worry, my dearest sister~ those two are always late, they'll be coming in a few minutes!" 

"Okay!" 

Dazai ushered the girl into Teruko-san's hands. "And your friends will be here in half an hour, so have breakfast quickly! go with Oukura-chan and Odasaku", he glanced at Teruko before giving a small nod, the woman understood instantly and brought Elise to the dining room, Oda glanced at Dazai uneasily before nodding and following Elise. 

Almost instantly, all tension left Dazai's shoulders as he slumped in relief. He let a string of curses under his breath, pressing his palms to his eyes and tilting his head up to the ceiling. Dazai almost never cursed, but their father was an exception. 

He was so relieved Elise didn't ask about him. 

He didn't know what he would have done if she had. 

A voice filled the tense silence from behind him. To his surprise, it wasn't Ranpo or Yosano "You're not alone, Dazai-kun", Poe spoke softly, yet firmly. "We are here with you, we're your friends" 

Dazai froze for a split-second, too quick for anything to notice, before he let out a small laugh. "Of course, Poe-kun. I know that" 

He didn't know that. 

A few minutes later, Gin and Ryuunosuke knocked at their door looking quite frazzled. Ryuunosuke looked bored as always, and Gin seemed done with his antics. They were probably late because Ryuunosuke wanted to dress up in his ancient gothic vampire style, but Gin didn't want him scaring the children off. 

Ryuunosuke was wearing a black sweater with a white collared shirt underneath it, along with plain black pants. It wasn't exactly colourful, but he rocked it as always. He had eyebrows, somehow. Gin probably drew them on with makeup, forcing him with some kind of blackmail. 

Said girl was wearing a pale blue sundress that went to just above her knees, it had small black flowers on it, matching her sleek black heels. Her hair was let down and braided into a fishtail at the back of her head, two strands falling into her face. Gin looked absolutely gorgeous. 

Yosano let out an impressed whistled. "Damn, Ryuunosuke. You bring Atsushi too?", she teased, resulting in a bloom of flustered pink on the younger boy's cheeks. 

Ryuunosuke averted his eyes. "He's coming later", he grumbled half-heartedly. "Oh?", Yosano's eyes twinkled with mischief but before she could tease him anymore, Gin grabbed his arm and walked towards them, bowing respectfully. 

"Hi, Akiko-nee. Hello, Poe-senpai, Ranpo-senpai", she greeted everyone respectfully. Ranpo put up two fingers in a salute, his mouth filled with sweets, while Poe nodded shyly. Gin elbowed Ryuunosuke in the ribs when he just nodded along instead of speaking. 

"Erm..", he coughed and looked away. "Good morning" 

The girl stared at him with a deadpan expression before sighing and turning to Dazai with a smile. "Hello, Nii-san", she bowed, to which Dazai rolled his eyes and pulled her and Ryuunosuke in for a hug. They had no need to be formal with him. 

"I'm appalled to know my two younger cousins think they must use such formalities with me", he ruffled their hair, laughing. "Chill, Gin-chan. Relax", the girl flushed slightly, giggling before nodding. 

Dazai grinned and glanced at Ryuunosuke. "Hey, Ryuu-kun~ so, how's Atsushi?", he winked mischievously. Ryuunosuke went slightly red again and groaned. "Must you bring him up again?, Dazai-nii", he crossed his arms petulantly. 

Dazai just snorted, "Must you be so oblivious about your young love?", the brown-haired boy teased his cousin. 

Ryuunosuke choked on his own spit, eyes widening and head snapping up. "Dazai-nii! I don't.. l- love him or anything!", he said quickly, his usual bored tone becoming defensive. The elder just laughed before waving him off and going into the kitchen. "Of course, Ryuu-kun, whatever you say~" 

Ryuunosuke gaped at his older cousin before turning to Yosano and pointing an accusing finger. "This is all your fault", the girl raised an eyebrow in amusement. 

"How so?" 

"You and Dazai-nii always conspire against me and that idiot", he accused with a glare. Yosano barked out a laugh. "You are so funny, kid", she shook her head fondly.

Before they knew it, the party started and hours passed like minutes. Elise's friends from school arrived and so did Atsushi. Elise's two best friends, Aya and Yumeno, were one of the first to come. While her other friends, Sakura, Yu, Kousuke, Shinji and Katsumi, came a few minutes later. 

Elise was so happy. 

The birthday went as well as it could, from blowing out the candles to playing games. They celebrated the party, ate, played, and went home. Elise contently went to bed after opening her presents. Gin, Ryuunosuke, and Atsushi left together after having tea with the elders. The day went on smoothly 

Though, not a single call from him came. 

Dazai scowled, gripping the railing tightly as he glared into the night sky from his balcony. Elise didn't say anything, but it was obvious she was disappointed from her eyes. As much as Dazai hated Mori for not being there for her, he at least would have respected the fact that he called her to wish her on her fucking birthday. 

She was his goddamn daughter. 

It was the least he could do. 

He got lost in his thoughts, only breaking out of them when he heard a door creak open behind him. 

"Osamu?", a familiar voice called into his room. 

Dazai sighed, letting go of the railing and rubbing away the red marks on his hands. "Here, Odasaku", he gave away his location. Oda came out on the balcony from behind him, letting out an almost inaudible sigh of relief at seeing him. 

Oda walked forward and placed a hand on his head. "..How are you?", the man asked his younger brother, who looked away and avoided eye contact. "I'm fine, Odasaku" 

Oda began to speak, almost hesitantly.  "I got a call from da-", 

"No", the brown-haired teen interrupted harshly. "I don't want to hear about him." 

Silence echoed along the wind in the dark night, both brothers staring at eachother. Oda faltered for a moment before sighing. He removed the hand off Dazai's head, wrapping his arm around his shoulders instead and pulling him into a side hug. Dazai closed his eyes, leaning into his older brother and basking in the comfort. 

"Don't talk about him when he cannot be bothered to care for his own children. He doesn't deserve that, no matter how forgiving you may be, Odasaku" 

Dazai's tone was cold and unforgiving, full of hatred. Yet, Oda could still hear the underlying pain and suffering, the yearning for love, the childish petulance of wishing for something yet never acquiring it— despite growing up all to soon. He turned his body sideways, allowing his little brother to hug him properly. Dazai buried his face in Oda's shoulder, letting out a small sigh. The elder wrapping his arms around him reassuringly. 

"I understand your feelings, and I'm sorry we have had to live like this. You both deserve much better, Osamu. You and Elise deserve the world, and perhaps a better brother and father" 

Dazai huffed, tightening his grip around his older brother, almost protectively. 

"I couldn't ask for a better brother than you, Odasaku." 

"Well", Oda chuckled. "I'm the one you're stuck with anyways" 

The brown-haired boy let out a snort before pulling away from the hug, he smiled at Oda. "You've done more for me and Elise than our father ever could. You mean more than Father does to me. You mean everything to me, Nii-san", he finished, bringing tears to Oda's eyes. 

Dazai almost never called Oda 'Nii-san', it was always Odasaku, practically since he was born. And Dazai calling him it now? meant a lot. It was almost as rare as a blue moon, a term of showing seriousness and respect more than adoration and affection. Oda let out a laugh, wiping his eyes and ruffling his younger brother's hair. 

"You've grown up, and I am so proud of you." 

He paused. Looking at his watch in surprise.

"But- it's past midnight and you have school tomorrow,  so go to sleep, kid", Oda pulled Dazai, who was almost in a daze, into a brief hug once again before patting his head and leaving the balcony. "Goodnight, Osamu", he smiled and left the room, leaving Dazai standing there in awe. 

Proud. Odasaku was proud of him. 

The boy broke out into a shit-eating grin, he couldn't wait to gush to Yosano about this. Giving one last glance at the city afar, Dazai went back into his room and closed the door. He removed his old bandages, showering and changing into his night clothes. After turning off the lights, the teenager yawned and got into bed. Before he could try and sleep again, a white ball of cloth caught his attention on the table. 

Oh?

Dazai blinked, pausing before letting out a small laugh. He stared at the blooded handkerchief with a smirk already full of mirth and equal fondness, thinking of the last evening. One familiar, new nickname came to his lips. 

"Ha, Slug"

Chapter Text

Akutagawa sighed, grippjng his phone tightly in his hand as he glared at the 'delivered' under his texts. Atsushi was acting weird for some reason, and Akutagawa didn't like it. In all the four years they have known eachother, they didn't hide anything from the other. Atsushi has always been an open book, while Akutagawa.. despite being quite closed off to others, has been almost transparent to Atsushi.

As much as they said they hated eachother, they would die for eachother without a second thought.

Gin sighed, nudging him with her elbow. "C'mon Ryuu, don't be like that. He's your best friend, you and everyone else knows that, if there was something wrong, you would know", she murmured, walking next to him as he didn't take his eyes off his screen.

"It's not like him, though...", Akutagawa mumbled under his breath. Maybe he did something that made Atsushi upset? Perhaps it was something at the party yesterday, because that's when Atsushi first started to act slightly off, it only progressed from there on.

Gin bit the inside of her cheek, she knew what was going on from Dazai, and it was pretty obvious yesterday, but she couldn't tell Ryuunosuke that. Atsushi was clearly having a crisis over Ryuunosuke while said boy was worried for him, in his own way. She's known Atsushi since about the same amount of time as Ryuunosuke has, but she can still read him better than Ryuunosuke, maybe that was just because her brother was oblivious as hell. 

It was written all over Atsushi's face, how much he loved Ryuunosuke.

And the fact that he was only realising it now, and having second thoughts over whether Ryuunosuke would like him? it was a recipe for a disaster just waiting to happen. Ryuunosuke would burn the world for Atsushi, and to think he didn't like him? that was the most ridiculous notion to ever exist.

She smiled, bumping shoulders with him once again. "Ryuu, he'll tell you if there's anything wrong soon. You know him, if there's anyone he'd talk to when he's not okay, it's you"

And Akutagawa felt his heart warm up. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he cared about Atsushi. He really did. So.. to think Atsushi was upset or uncomfortable because of him, it was paining to think of. Hopefully he wasn't the cause of Atsushi acting weird.

He doesn't think he'd be able to take that. Not with the flowers of feelings blooming inside his heart from the past two years. Not with how much he loves him.

While on the other hand ...

Sinking deeper into the canteen seat, Atsushi buried his face in his hands and groaned, in the meanwhile, Yosano, who was sitting infront of him, smirked mischievously. Dazai was right next to them, trying to steal Ranpo's candy to annoy him, while said person was slapping his hand away. Chuuya arrived and took a seat next to Poe, not realising what was going on at eight in the fucking morning.

"C'mon, Sushi-kun. Just admit it, you're down bad for Ryuunosuke and too pussy to confess", Yosano grinned at the red-faced boy before her. Atsushi whined into his arms.

"Yosano-senpai please— for the last time I don't like that emo fuck, he doesn't even have eyebrows! just because he looks adorable and hot once in a decade, doesn't mean I like him— and even if I did like him I would have realised it in the past four years!"

Dazai coughed dramatically, raising an eyebrow. The silver-haired teen snapped his head up to Dazai, eyes wide in panic. "Dazai-senpai! I- I didn't mean to offend your cousin or anything but you know I'm right, he doesn't have eyebrows— who doesn't have eyebrows?!", Atsushi cried incredulously.

Dazai, who was referring to the 'realised it in four years' part, just sighed in exasperation, because dear god, was this boy oblivious.

Chuuya blinked in confusion. "What the hell is all this about?", he turned to Dazai. The taller boy shrugged nonchalantly, hands stuffed into his pockets and a smug expression plastered on his face. He was quite attractive, Chuuya had to give him that. Akutagawa was his cousin? well, he guessed it made sense, both had good goddamn genes—

Oh fuck, he was doing it again.

"Atsushi-kun is just thirsting over Ryuu-kun, he was completely head over heels over him yesterday", Dazai snorted in amusement. Chuuya stared at him, still looking baffled. He let out a huff.

"When is he not?"

"Chuuya-nii!", Atsushi spluttered, gaping at the redhead and staring at him in utter betrayal. "Not you too! I'm not head over heels over Akutagawa of all people. He's literally so stupid with his shitty 19th century fashion sense and weird music taste!", Atsushi tried justifying himself. 

Chuuya raised both eyebrows with a smug look while crossing his arms challengingly. "You wanna run that by me again, kid?", and the silver-haired teen deflated in resignation. He mumbled something under his breath, looking away.

"What was that?"

"Even if I did like him, it's not like he'd like someone like me anyways, he hates me"

The humorous atmosphere around them dropped, almost instantly, turning into something dark and gloomy. No one liked the way Atsushi phrased that sentence, implying there was something wrong with him.

Dazai paused, a slight crease between his eyebrows as he tried not to frown. As far as he could recall, Ryuunosuke and Atsushi had liked eachother since a few months after they'd only met, Ryuunosuke did not hate Atsushi. Not in the slightest. The brown-haired boy turned to Atsushi.

"Atsushi"

"Yeah?", Atsushi looked up with a shine suspiciously close to tears in big, multicoloured eyes. Quirking up his lips in what he thought was a reassuring smile, Dazai looked at the boy fondly, light-brown eyes soft and filled with comfort. He shook his head with a smile.

"Ryuunosuke could never hate you, not even if he tried." And before Atsushi could reply other than gawk at him with teary, disbelieving eyes, Akutagawa came through the cafeteria door, Gin right behind him, her hair in her usual school ponytail. The boy stormed up to Atsushi, grabbing his collar with one hand, giving him a jolt.

"Jinko! why haven't you been answering your messages from yesterday?! are you—"

"Jinko!?—"

"Chuuya-nii, stop laughing this is your fault—"

Dazai spun on his heel and turned to approach his youngest cousin. "Hey! Gin-chan, let's let Ryuu-kun talk to Atsushi-kun, let's go and get you Higuchi-chan's number", he winked and went ahead, meeting her halfway through the hall, but Chuuya was left staring at his back with mixed emotions. From being an extremely annoying suicidal shit, to being a protective and guiding figure with affection-filled eyes.

Just who truly was Dazai..?

_______

"Nii-san, why did you really bring me out here?", Gin looked up at her cousin as they both walked through the school halls. Dazai kept his hands in his pockets, casually strolling alongside Gin.

"Hm.", he hummed before turning the corner and throwing the door to the library open. "It was to talk to you about Ryuu and Atsushi-kun's situation, but also to check up on you two."

Gin followed him as he walked inside.

He plopped down in one of the many big beanbag seats, gesturing for Gin to sit in the one next to him. Opening his book of suicide, Dazai relaxed into his seat. The younger girl frowned in contemplation, she tilted her head, glancing at her cousin in confusion. Gin's hands tightened into fists, and the action didn't go unnoticed by Dazai. "Check up on us?"

"Yup!"

"How come?"

"Gin..."

Dazai paused amidst flicking a page of his book. The brown-haired boy let out a sharp exhale while shutting the 'Complete Guide To Suicide' novel in his hands. He reached forward and placed a gentle hand on Gin's head, comfortingly. Eyes full of sad fondness and slight concern.

"I know Fuku-san's fifth anniversary is coming up", he spoke softly, a hint of remorse underlying his tone as he saw tears starting to form in the corners of Gin's eyes. He knew she had barely been holding herself together, but when Gin came to yesterday's party wearing her late mother's favourite dress and her signature hairstyle, Dazai knew his cousin wasn't okay.

And she couldn't talk to Ryuunosuke about it, because their mother's death had hit him the hardest.

"Nii-san I..", the black-haired girl broke into tears, placing a hand on her mouth as she muffled the sobs threatening to leave her throat.

Dazai moved forward and placed the book down on his seat before wrapping his arms around Gin. It wasn't long before she slumped into his grip, burying her face in her cousin's shoulder and letting out broken sobs.

"I miss her, Nii-san. I miss– her so much", Gin hiccupped. Dazai rubbed her back comfortingly, glaring at the floor. He didn't cry, or feel upset, but he did feel slightly angry. Angry because why did Aunt Fuku have to die, why did Ryuunosuke and Gin have to be left alone, left to fend for themselves at the young age of ten, why did they have to lose their mother?

As much as Dazai said he hated his father, he cannot even think of where Ryuunosuke and Gin would have ended up without his support. Mori wasn't bad, he just wasn't a good father.

"I know, Gin. I know..", he whispered, letting her cry into his embrace. The tears weren't stopping as Gin mindlessly mumbled words into Dazai's shoulder, asking him why? why she had to die. Why she couldn't have taken a different route that day. Why she had to get into that accident.

Dazai had no answers.

It took Gin only a few minutes before she composed herself, it surprised Dazai how responsible she was. Her eyes were still slightly red when the bell rang, but Dazai let her go to the bathroom and look presentable before bringing her to her class, giving the teacher a small nod, which Margaret-sensei understood and smiled, telling Gin to take a seat. He saw Ryuunosuke glance at them with confusion clear in his eyes, and gave a small reassuring smile, with which Ryuunosuke visibly relaxed at seeing.

Dazai let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding when he got to the bathroom. After closing the door, he headed towards the sinks. The brown-haired boy looked into the mirror, gripping the marbled countertop tightly. He felt like he was burning up, even if it was almost the middle of August.

He couldn't breathe.

Everything felt wrong. Everything felt blurry and hot. He fiddled with the top buttons of his shirt before reaching forward and turning on the tap, splashing cold water onto his face. Dazai gasped as he threw another handful of water on his face. After running a hand down his face, he covered his mouth and let out a shaky breath. 

The boy glanced up at his reflection again. Brown, lifeless eyes stared back, along with a face too unfamiliar and hair too recognisable. He didn't even know why he felt like this, why flashes of short brown hair and cold brown eyes with a sickening sweet smile, came to his mind.

He didn't know why he suddenly remembered her.

Dazai let out another breath, closing his eyes and pushing his hair back from his face. He was at school, he had to get himself together. Yosano had already begun to realise that he was relapsing again, in more ways than one, and Ranpo definitely knew and was going to talk to him soon.

It was all going downhill and Dazai could only hope it didn't get worse.

Chapter Text

Dazai left the bathroom about ten minutes after his small anxiety attack? he didn't want to call it that, but he didn't actually know what else he could. It wasn't a breakdown, that was for sure. If it had been that, then splashing water on his face wouldn't have done shit. His hair was still pushed back from his forehead, the brown-haired boy knew he looked different, but it was what he wanted.

He didn't want to look like that, not when it was reminding him of her.

Reaching his next class, Dazai took another deep breath and pushed the door open, Ahara-sensei turned to look at him with annoyance in her heterochromic eyes. Upon noticing who it was, all she did was let her eyebrow twitch before nodding her head towards his seat with pursed lips.

The brown-haired boy headed to his seat, which was unfortunate next to the one girl who kept trying to get with him, Izumi. She stared at him with wide, awe-filled eyes as he took a seat without a single word. He ignored her. Dazai could feel at least four pairs of eyes on his back, he knew Ranpo and Yosano were definitely going to interrogate him on why he was late. But frankly? he couldn't care less about that, not right now.

He felt like he could finally breathe properly, now that his hair wasn't covering half of his face, and making him look like her. As the boy stared at the board without actually seeing anything, an hour passed like minutes. The rest of the class went through in a blur, head full of thoughts he didn't want, with the teacher and the class's voices mixing into a weird concoction of background noise. As soon as he heard the bell ring, Dazai instantly shot out of his seat, picking up his bag and throwing it over one shoulder before rushing out of the door.

He didn't wait for Chuuya and the others like he usually did.

Dazai knew he'd have to face them in the next class, he knew Yosano and Chuuya sat next to him, plus it was Odasaku's class. He had to keep himself together, he couldn't let anyone think anything was wrong with him. Especially not Odasaku, he had already gave him enough shit with his previous attempts and pathetic whining.

If Dazai deserved the mental pain, it didn't mean Odasaku deserved to put up with him.

He sighed as he saw the familiar tuff of fiery red hair come into the class with the violet-haired girl right behind him. Dazai put his head down, the temptation of covering his face with his hair was too much, but the thought of looking like her kept him keeping his hair pushed back.

They took their seats on either side of their friend. Chuuya stayed quiet and glanced at him with a hint of concern in his eyes, while Yosano placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Dazai?"

"Hm."

"What's up?"

The boy clenched his fists, which went unnoticed under his blazer, and plastered a smile on before lifting his head. He tilted his head towards Yosano with a lazy grin on his face, eyes half-lidded as if he was only acting the way he was because he was tired.

"Whatever do you mean? Akiko-chan~"

Yosano gave him a knowing look before reaching forward and pushing a stray hair back from his face. "This. You never wear your hair back like this, you say that it...", she trailed off.

..It makes you look like Mori-san.

Dazai shrugged. "It's hot"

Yosano slapped a hand to her forehead, while Chuuya's eyebrows reached his forehead in surprise. Dazai knew he looked hot like that?

"It's August, Dazai", the purple-haired girl groaned. "It's like less than twelve degrees out there!", she said in horror. If this was 'hot' for Dazai, then what was summer like.

On the other hand, Chuuya's cheeks heated up the tiniest bit as he realised what exactly Dazai meant by hot. Maybe the hint of red at the tips of his ears, was because he thought Dazai looked hot with his hair pushed back. It wasn't Chuuya's fault, because wow, did that hairstyle absolutely look gorgeous on Dazai. 

"Eh", the brown-haired teen waved her off. "I dunno, it's hotter than yesterday today", he explained nonchalantly, but it was obvious Yosano wasn't fooled, even if she nodded.

"Anyways..", Chuuya cleared his throat. "Why did you run out of the class earlier", he asked Dazai, who just shrugged. "I needed to pee."

The auburn-haired student narrowed his eyes. Something seemed off. "Okay.. and why were you late?", Dazai raised an eyebrow towards him, something odd glinting dangerously in his eyes.

"I was with Gin. Why? was Chibi jealous~?"

"Hah?! why the hell would I be jealous, you shitty Mackerel!"

"Akiko-channnn, get this Chuuhuahua to stop barking, I have such a worrisome headache!", Dazai sniffed haughtily, dramatically placing a hand to his forehead and leaning back, his face contorted in pain.

Yosano rolled her eyes as Chuuya screamed out another retort. Their bickering continued for most of the remaining class, and soon the day passed similarly. No one thought of bringing the hairstyle up again, and no one really questioned when Dazai suddenly zoned out a few times. Everyone just put it off as typical Dazai, other than his friends.

Dazai went home on time, but Yosano ended up dragging Chuuya to the extra credits class along with Ranpo. Poe, Atsushi, and Akutagawa, who already went to them, were sitting there waiting.

They talked and discussed their best friend's behaviour, pointing out the things they noticed unusual with him lately. Of course, the private information wasn't mentioned, but from what they had gathered so far..

Something was up with Dazai.

And they had to figure it out what it was, before it was too late.

_______

This dude was the most depressed, yet happy person he had ever seen. Because, at one moment Dazai would be all teasing and playful, and then another moment he'd say something seriously concerning and play it off as a joke. If Chuuya was an asshole- well.. more of an asshole, he would have said that Dazai was joking. But it was obvious he was actually suicidal. The first time he had joked about it, Chuuya had been quite shocked, and not that he would admit it.. a little concerned.

It wasn't normal to joke about killing yourself every few hours. And if it was a joke, then Chuuya wouldn't have noticed Yosano-san looking at him with concern in her eyes. He wouldn't have noticed Ranpo-kun talking to her seriously. If it was a joke, Chuuya wouldn't have noticed the dark look in Dazai's eyes, or the way his bandages seemed way thicker some days more than others.

Chuuya still didn't know why Dazai wore them, but if he had to guess.. he'd wish he was wrong. Because no matter how annoying Dazai could be at times, Chuuya considered him a friend, as much as he hated it. And Chuuya wouldn't wish that on anyone, because if he was right, then Dazai was hurting. All the time, right in front of their eyes. 

And what happened yesterday was really abnormal, Dazai had avoided all of them. He never did that, and was always social. Yet, he barely conversated with them after leaving the Maths class in a hurry. Even at lunch, he was quiet. Too quiet, and only showing a fake smile after being spoken to. It was unsettling, to say the least. And Chuuya didn't like it one bit, Yosano seemed really concerned at his sudden change of manner too.

He sighed, fixing the cuffs of his sleeve as Kouyou leant against the living room door. "What's the matter, Chuuya?", she asked with furrowed brows. Chuuya mumbled a quiet "Nothing", before putting on his choker, Kouyou would be worried for no reason if she thought anything was up at school.

Kouyou sighed, walking into the hallway as her nightgown swayed gracefully behind her. She stood behind him in the mirror, putting a hand on his head. "Lad, you can tell me anything, y'know.", she spoke gently, her voice soothing and comforting. Chuuya paused before resting his head backwards on her shoulder, looking up at the chiselled ceiling in contemplation.

"There's.. this boy", he started, and before Kouyou could get excited, he shook his head. "Not anything like that. It's- he's really confusing. Like.. he's really annoying, and always fucking around, never serious.. y'know. That type of vibe. But.. he seems off, like he isn't really what he shows to be. Me and his friends are friends, and I've seen them worry for him.. like he constantly jokes about suicide and if the atmosphere gets serious, he plays it off as a joke...,", he explained quietly with a small frown.

"And it isn't that it's new, he's been like this since before I joined.. but yesterday he was really off, and his friends were really worried. Like.. I don't know him as long as they do, but even I could tell there was something wrong. I don't know what to do, Ane-san"

Kouyou frowned slightly. This was a situation she was not, in fact, experienced in. The red-haired girl took a small breath. Contemplating her next words. 

"Chuuya, I think.. that you should talk to his friends.. well, your friends. If the way you described him is accurate, then he'll deflect any serious conversation you or anyone tries to have with him. So, I think you should ask his friends if they have concerns, and just.. be there for him, you know?", she advised him. He had already talked to their friends but..

Just be there for him. Chuuya has already been trying to do that, but he guessed there was no harm in trying harder and being a tiny bit more obvious about it. He sighed, smiling.

"Thanks, Ane-san. You always know how to help", he said, gratefully. The boy glanced at his older sister in the mirror before turning around and giving her a hug.

"What would I do without you?", Chuuya breathed and Kouyou let out a laugh.

"Probably die", she joked, well aware of the fact that Chuuya also knew what she was joking about.

The younger breathed out a laugh with closed eyes. "Oh my god, will you ever stop with that!", Chuuya groaned half-heartedly, to which Kouyou replied with a small hair ruffle.

"Never. Anyways it's getting late my dear brother, won't you get stuck in traffic?"

The teenager rolled his eyes. "I've a motorbike, Ane-san. I wouldn't be late even if I went ten minutes later.", Chuuya gave Kouyou another quick hug before grabbing his keys and schoolbag, and sprinting out of the front door to their garage.

"I'll get you back for that joke next time!", he shouted as he started his bike and drove out of the driveway, heading to school.

Kouyou sighed fondly, as she watched him bolt down the road, the rumble of his motorbike roaring behind him. She gave a small, sad smile. Her brother was too empathic for his own good, he was selfless beyond healthy, and way too caring. It wasn't a bad thing, not at all.

But Chuuya couldn't differ from when people were genuine or when they were only using him. It hurt her, to see people hurt her brother. As much as they joked about that experience, it still haunts Kouyou till this day. She still remembers the day his old 'friends' played a prank that sent him to the ER, when she saw him laying on the hospital bed, unconscious with pale skin and an unforseen awakening.

She still remembers that dreadful day she got that call.

The girl closed the front door and leaned against it. She tucked a stray lock of red hair behind her ear, closing her eyes and letting out a small sigh. Her brother had a heart of pure unadulterated gold, and Kouyou prayed no one would ever break it. Because she doesn't think Chuuya would be able to handle it. Not again. Not after everything he had already been through.

Chapter Text

The morning had gone by the same as yesterday, but today Dazai seemed a tiny bit more sullen, which did not go unnoticed by his friends. From walking into school with downcast eyes and hair tied back from his face, Dazai looked like a completely different person. His smiles were almost never real, but it was as if he was too tired to even try to make them appear genuine today. The simple quirk of his lips made it seem as if he was doing a difficult chore instead.

It was a Friday afternoon, when the group sat together at their usual lunch table. Dazai was the same as yesterday, and as hard he was trying to look normal, everyone noticed he wasn't okay. Atsushi kept glancing at the boy with worried sunset eyes, while Akutagawa kept a small frown on his face in contemplation.

Yosano held a piece of the crab dish she had brought to lunch, up to Dazai's mouth. 

"Just one? Dazai.", Yosano furrowed her brows pleadingly, but all the brown-haired boy did was stare at her for a few seconds before subtly shaking his head and turning his attention back to his phone. The girl shared a glance with Ranpo, who's lips turned down the slightest bit in an uncharacteristic frown.

Their silent interaction didn't get unnoticed by the rest of their group. As he stared at his worst friend with concern, Chuuya had an idea. Dazai was in a bad mood, had been, since the past two days. And people usually did stuff they liked, to cheer themselves up. He glanced down at his bento before nodding to himself and looking up.

"Do you guys wanna hang out?"

Everyone at the table turned to look at the redhead.

"Hang?", Dazai perked up, smiling with pride when Chuuya let out a groan at his shitty remark. The red-haired teenager sighed, sending him a look that told Dazai that he was absolutely done. The other just gave him a cheeky grin before going back to how he was before and turning his attention to his game.

"Now..", Chuuya started again. "Do you guys wanna like.. hang out this weekend?"

It was the first weekend they didn't have much homework, and Chuuya was still new to Yokohama so it would be a simple way for him to be acquainted to the streets too, not counting that one time Dazai took him to a random rooftop.

He still doesn't know what exactly happened that day, it seemed like a fever dream. Sometimes, he wonders if it even happened or if he imagined it.

But then again, why the fuck would he imagine something like that with shitty Dazai Osamu?

As they heard his question, the group thought about their schedules. Ranpo shrugged and agreed along with Poe, while Atsushi contemplated it for a few seconds before enthusiastically nodding. 

"Sure!, I don't have any training on this weekend so I can come, and I'm pretty sure Akutagawa can come too", the mentioned boy just gave him a deadpanned look, giving the most aggressive chew to his food as he glared at Atsushi. After swallowing his bite, Akutagawa scowled.

"I can talk for myself, Jinko", he glared at the silver-haired boy.

Atsushi let out a noise between a cry and a groan. "If you call me that again I'm never gonna let you see Tsuki again", he threatened, looking like a angry kitten. Akutagawa gave him a look. He wanted to threaten Akutagawa from seeing that cat? then so be it. He knew how to get revenge very well.

"Fine", Akutagawa shrugged. "You can forget Rashoumon then", hiding a smirk behind a cough when Atsushi's eyes widened and he flailed in retaliation.

"You can't possibly do that!", the silver-haired boy complained.

Akutagawa looked towards the menace sitting next to him. He smirked "You'll see"

"Diablo loves me and Tsuki, you can't take her away from us! this is cruel!"

"Good"

"C'mon Akutagawa, don't be a bitch! I was joking, you can see Tsuki if I can see Diablo too!", when the dark-haired boy didn't answer, Atsushi pouted and leaned onto him, doing the most pathetic pleading face Akutagawa had ever seen.

"Please", he batted his eyelashes. "Don't do this, Akuuuuu!", purple and gold eyes looking like precious stones looked into ashen grey, his head resting on the other's shoulder.

And something in Akutagawa's heart, exploded. 

A barely noticeable fluster of pink bloomed on his cheeks as he turned his head away with a cough. "Fine. Whatever, Jinko. You can see Rashoumon as long as I can see Byakko"

Someone cleared their throat, and the two boys turned to look at their upperclassman. Chuuya raised an eyebrow at their odd conversation, so Poe took the initiative. The shy boy understood his question and averted his gaze nervously, quietly answering the silent question. "Their cats."

Jeez, four cats? that must be a hassle.

"Ah", he nodded in understanding as the two younger teens made up in a mutual agreement. "You're allowed cats in dorms, Atsushi?", the redhead pondered out loud, and the other boy perked up and nodded.

"Fukuzawa-sensei allows us to keep a pet as long as it's quiet and undisrupting! he also loves cats."

Chuuya nodded. "Hm, it must be hard to keep two cats while living alone in the dorms", he winced internally after speaking, he didn't realise how insensitive it might have sounded until he said it. To his surprise, Atsushi let out a laugh, shaking his head.

"Chuuya-nii! I only have one cat, Akutagawa just calls her Byakko because I call his cat Diablo, we both only have one cat each, his cat loves me though", he gave a cheeky grin, but Akutagawa was too busy admiring how his eyes sparkled.

At Chuuya's weird expression, Yosano snorted. "Don't think about it too much, it's better not to question them"

She was right.

Chuuya hid an awe at their adorable pining. Look, no one can blame for thinking his honorary younger brother's crush being so hopelessly in love with said brother is cute. 

"Ah I see, that's cool. You gotta introduce me to your cats then", he laughed, finding the fact that they both called eachother's cats by a different name very amusing. 

A while after Atsushi replied, the redhead cleared his throat and looked at Yosano and Dazai expectantly, the dark-haired boy was completely engrossed in his game on his phone, but Yosano answered for them both.

"Yeah, we can come too. Where do you want to meet up?"

Chuuya opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, Dazai spoke up without taking his eyes off his screen. "I can't go, Chibi. You guys go on without me", Yosano's glare bored into the side of his head, as the brown-haired boy avoided eye-contact with her and Ranpo specifically.

"Oh", Chuuya blinked, his gaze went to movement in the corner of his eye, Yosano. Who was shaking her head reassuringly at him. She held up a discreet finger to her lips and smirked, perhaps she was implying that she would convince him. The violet-haired girl schooled her expression into an eery blankness and looked straight at Dazai.

"Osamu.", At the sound of his given name in her odd tone, Dazai looked upwards, brows risen and eyes confused. "Yes, Akiko?", violet eyes glared at the boy, narrowed.

Dazai swallowed harshly.

"When was the last time you talked to him about your feelings?"

His jaw dropped. "Akiko-chan, you cannot pull this card. This is unfair", Dazai sent her a small pout, but it was obvious by his eyes that he was guilty of her underlying accusation.

Yosano raised an eyebrow, "I can, and I will. Now, are we free on the weekend, Osamu-kun?", with the most disgusted and flabbergasted expression ever, Dazai instantly fake gagged.

"Please, don't call me that again, Aki-chan.", he switched off his device dramatically and put his head down on the table. Yosano rolled her eyes at his childish antics, yet the girl smiled, fondness so obvious, it warmed hearts around them.

Chuuya, at this point, was sure that this girl was someone who would get on well wonderfully with Kouyou. It was so blatantly matching. The attitude, the gayness, the badass-ness, and not to mention, the beauty.

His sister was gorgeous, everyone knew that.

"-Then say it, Osamu-kun~", Yosano purred. burying her hand in brown curls of the boy next to her, who kept his head down but relaxed. He leant into the touch.

Chuuya thought he reminded him of a small feral kitten. A black one, their personality definitely matched, if that made any sense. He wondered how Dazai's hair felt, as he watched Yosano's fingers gently card through dark brown locks, nails painted a dark shade of red.

Dazai let out a muffled groan. "Akiko-channnn.", he whined, drawling out his words. The teenager leaned into his best friend's hand. "Bleh, fine. Whatever"

They were going to the mall.

Chapter Text

Despite saying he wasn't going to go, Dazai ended up going to the spot they were all meant to meet up fairly early. Wearing a black turtleneck with a fleece jacket and grey slacks, the boy approached the group of people standing by the fountain. Yosano smiled smugly when she saw him walking towards them and Atsushi piped up with excitement. Akutagawa gave his cousin a nod, and Gin waved enthusiastically.

Chuuya wasn't there yet.

The brown-haired boy sighed as he reached them. "Hey guys", he smiled. It was far from genuine, but at least he was able to smile at all now, even if it was fake.

"Hello! Dazai-senpai!", Atsushi exclaimed, going forward and hugging the older boy. Dazai stiffened for a second before he let his arms wrap around the silver-haired boy. He patted his head awkwardly.

"Hello, Atsushi-kun"

It wasn't long before the rest of the group arrived, Higuchi and Chuuya both came fairly soon. Chuuya had surprised them all by arriving on a hot pink motorbike, and as much as he liked to deny it, Dazai thought it was pretty badass.

Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't going to tease Chuuya about having a pink motorbike though. 

They first headed to the large mall located in the centre of the city, the Port Mall. From going shopping for random items and drinking a few cups of coffee and boba, the crew spent at least four hours at the mall before they decided to go to the arcade, after Chuuya off-handedly mentioned he had never been to one before. The absolutely incredulous look on Dazai's face was award-winning. He was genuinely offended Chibi hadn't been to an arcade before. Despite most of the activities ending in Dazai and Chuuya at eachother's throats, no-one would say it wasn't fun. 

The two were now staring at a large claw machine covered in flashing rainbow lights. Giant plush animals filled the glass. Dazai smirked, looking at the redhead next to him with a glint in his eyes 

"Ne.. Chuuya, how much do you wanna bet I can win at that machine first try?"

The rest were at the other machines and games around them, Chuuya somehow ended up alone with Dazai. Though.. the brown-haired boy had an underlying suspicion that this was the doing of either Ranpo or Yosano, or perhaps both.

The shorter one looked at Dazai as if he had grown a second head. "Hah?! there's no fucking way, ¥1000, it's on", he spoke without a second thought.

First try? he won't be able to win at all, Chuuya squinted at the taller boy with an challenge in his eyes.

Dazai grinned, it was almost attractive. But of course Chuuya didn't think that, he meant in general. Dazai himself was ugly.. 

Okay. Maybe not that ugly.

Chuuya shook his head, a tiny amount of red spreading to his ears. Screw Dazai. He wasn't going to think about this any longer. 

Yeah. That was a good idea.

He focused back on the boy who was sticking a tongue out in concentration, hands rapidly pressing god knows how many buttons at the same time.

"You done?"

"Shhh!"

The auburn-haired teenager sighed and glanced at the glass in which the prizes were held in. His eyes caught upon a light brown boba plushie. 

It was adorable.

He watched as the claw gravitated towards the same pushie he had his eye on. There was no damn way Dazai was going to be able to get that one. He picked up that specific plushie and the claw got its grip on it. With a few more clicks of the buttons and rapidly steering the toggles in multiple directions, Dazai let go.

The boba plushie fell from the claw, right into the winning slot.

His jaw on the ground and eyes wide in shock.

What the fuck?

Dazai turned to him with a wide grin, smugness written all over his face. In his hands was the gigantic boba plushie. He pushed it towards Chuuya, who was ogling at him like a fish without water.

"Where's my ¥1000?", the brown-haired teenager wiggled his eyebrows in pride. Chuuya scowled and pulled out the money from his pocket, very rudely pushing it into the other's hand with a narrow glare.

He clicked his tongue. "Just because you got lucky one time doesn't mean you're good at everything", Chuuya knew he had fucked up when a shit-eating grin appeared on Dazai's face.

'Aw~ who said that? Oh!", he gasped. Eyes twinkling. "..Does Chibi perhaps think I'm good at everything?"

The redhead scoffed. "Heh, in your dreams, shitty Dazai", he started walking away when he felt a soft thing be pushed into his arms. He paused and looked up at the other teenager and then back down at the boba plushie.

He looked back at Dazai. "What's this?

The boy before him looked away, almost avoiding eye-contact. "Stupid Chibi-chan. What do you think it is? it's a plushie"

If he wasn't wrong, Chuuya almost thought he saw a slight blush on the other's cheeks. He decided not to comment on it and instead looked at the giant plush in his arms, it was almost half the size of him.

"Yeah... but why are you giving it to me..?"

Dazai pursed his lips for less that a second before his face went back to casual indifference. He started grabbing the toy back. "Oh that's fine, if Chuuya doesn't want it I can give it away to that kid over there-"

"No–!", Chuuya tightened his grip on it. "I- I mean.. it's fine, I'll keep it.", he scowled when Dazai laughed.

"Shut up"

Dazai let a soft smile rest on his lips, his worries forgotten if only for a few moments. He gazed at the redhead, whispering out the words on his mind.

"...You are kinda cute"

Chuuya choked on his breath and snapped his head towards Dazai. "What?!"

The other was obviously too smart to get caught in the play of words and games of the mind. Just because someone was cute didn't mean anything.

Humans wouldn't agree. Calling someone cute meant you liked them. Liking leads to love and love leads to heartbreak, that's what life has showed him. He hasn't experienced it, he doesn't think he ever will, not that he wants to. Besides, Dazai would rather die than like Chuuya. So he spoke, another lie added to his web of thousands.

"I said, it's the same size as you"

"—You little piece of shit!"

Love leads to heartbreak, but what doesn't exist cannot be broken. Yet there's another heart that belongs to someone, who's he does not want to break.

"I think Chuuya's the little one"

Dazai barely dodged a punch to his face.

______

"So, what we doing next?", Ranpo questioned, popping a lollipop into his mouth and smirking at the two boys standing next to eachother. Chuuya didn't notice but Dazai did.

The brown-haired boy narrowed his eyes in a subtle glare. Though, Ranpo just raised a knowing eyebrow. Asshole.

"Can we go get something to eat? I'm so hungry!", Atsushi whined, to which Akutagawa rolled his eyes at and crossed his arms. 

"When are you not?", he jabbed in a mocking tone. Atsushi squawked in indignation and gave a somewhat light-hearted punch to the other's arm.

"Shut up! 

He received nothing but a deadpanned glare in return.

Ranpo, the devil in disguise of a saint, spoke up. More for his own stomach rather than to stop the fight. "-Okay! so let's go eat!", the rest let out a sigh. 

This was chaotic.

They all decided on a restaurant to go to, Dazai was uncharacteristically insistent on choosing an expensive place and Chuuya just shrugged and said he didn't mind since he didn't know any places around here anyways. Of course, knowing Dazai rarely ever expressed wanting anything, everyone else agreed. Ranpo gave him a slight purse of the lips.

He thinks he knows what Dazai is trying to do.

The group headed towards the restaurant Dazai suggested, they ended up walking because it was only a few minutes away. Dazai tried not to laugh when Chuuya realised he was going to be walking into a restaurant with a giant plush. The expression full of anger and embarrassment was worth seeing.

It was kind of adorable.

"This is it?!", Atsushi breathed, looking at the well-lit building in awe. The lights were a warm white, decorating the restaurant all around. 

Dazai nodded and walked forward. 

"What's the wait?", he turned back and asked when everyone stopped behind him. "Let's go in!", he waved his hand forward, heading back towards the entrance.

His whole demeanor had changed.

Suddenly his every action was so fake, it almost nauseated Chuuya. He watched as the look in Dazai's eyes grew darker and darker every word he spoke.

It almost scared him.

The redhead scoffed quietly, following the brown-haired boy without any qualms. The rest did the same, Yosano just seemed worried while Ranpo's eyes were sharp and calculating.

Higuchi and Gin shared a look.

The group eventually ended up sitting at the large table by the window, there was an awkward, almost suffocating silence in the air that Chuuya felt as much as everyone else did. He decided to promptly break it by elbowing the the blank-faced teenager next to him.

Dazai winced and let out a whine. "What was that for, Chuuya?!", he pouted. Chuuya just gave him a look that clearly said 'what the fuck is wrong with you?'

"Stop being edgy."

"Edgy-!? Chuuya, I am not edgy"

"Okay, bandages"

"Ban– okay then, orangutan"

"Oh god, I hate you so much"

"The feeling's mutual, love"

Chuuya ignored the small flutter in his heart at the nickname.

"Oh and now you're british"

"–Is that a problem? because I actually am"

He paused, a curious expression on his face.

"Wait seriously? you're british!?"

A cheeky grin.

".. Nope!"

"You fucking–!"

"–Aaaand that's enough~ settle down, children", Yosano intervened with a hand on Dazai's shoulder. She tried to hold back a laugh but failed while trying to look stern. The laugh that left her mouth initiated the rest

It was fascinating how Chuuya could lighten up Dazai's mood so fast. No one had ever been able to do that. She thinks maybe something good finally happened to Dazai. She's happy. Yosano is happy.

The dinner went as smoothly as it could with two hormonal teenagers who are blatantly in love with eachother yet deeply in denial of the other. Akutagawa and Atsushi's banter didn't bother anyone much, it was actually a little soothing. To have some normality for once, for Dazai at least.

Yosano ordered food for herself and when Dazai didn't, she gave him a stern look and ordered crab soup for him, knowing he wouldn't refuse after she had went through all the trouble of ordering for him. The rest ordered the food and drinks they wanted, and Chuuya looked at the menu in contemplation.

Ranpo piped up next to him, "You should try their chocolate chicken pesto dip with caramelised strawberries, they are heavenly!", Higuchi grimaced and Atsushi stifled a snort.

Chuuya gave an awkward smile, running a hand through his hair. "I think I'll just go with Tofu and Yakisoba, thanks though, Ranpo-kun", the other boy jutted his chin out in the other direction.

"Hm. No one appreciates good food suggestions these days", he muttered, feigning offense. Chuuya was going to apologise but Yosano let out a sigh of exasperation.

"No one eats like you eat, nowadays", she griped in a passive aggressive manner. All Ranpo ever ate was sweet. No matter what, how, when. The only things he ate were all sweet things, it was getting to an unhealthy point.

"Don't tell Chuuya-nii to indirectly get diabetes, Ranpo-san, ...God knows how you're still immune", Atsushi muttered the last bit but everyone heard him anyways. Dazai smirked at the insult and Chuuya's eyebrows hit sky-high. He turned his face away from Ranpo to hide the amused smile.

The green-eyed boy himself just huffed and stuffed a caramelised strawberry into his mouth, cheeks puffed in offense. Though, his eyes were mischievous with a hint of fondness.

When they were finishing up their meals, Dazai abruptly stood up. Yosano gave him a peculiar look, while Ranpo sighed loudly. Chuuya grabbed his sleeve, too late in realising what he was doing. The red-haired teenager didn't let go despite his head screaming in cringe.

Akutagawa hid the small quirk of his lips behind his hand, feigning a cough. His eyes met his sister's, and the other had the same knowing look in her eyes.

"Where are you going, dumbass?"

Dazai paused and looked at Chuuya before smirking and letting out a small laugh. It almost seemed genuine. Eyes twinkling with amusement, the brown-haired boy's next words made Chuuya go red in embarrassment.

"I'm going to the bathroom, Chibi. Unless.. Chuuya wants to come with me?", his tone was teasing, a drawl to his voice and a glint in his eyes.

The redhead dropped the sleeve like it had burnt him, like the burning in his cheeks, he clicked his tongue. "Ugh, that's not– forget it. Just go", Chuuya grumbled, avoiding his gaze.

"Whatever Chuuya says!", Dazai chirped with an innocent grin. He turned heel and walked away to the bathroom. Behind him, Chuuya cursed under his breath, sending a half-hearted glare towards Yosano when she cackled loudly.

"The way you turned into a tomato–!", she wheezed, clutching her stomach. "I didn't know Dazai could get you this flustered, Chuuya-kun", the violet-haired girl teased with a wink. 

Chuuya felt his eye twitch.

_______

"Add a tip, thirty percent"

"Sir.. I can't possibly-"

"-I know you guys don't take tips, add it this once. Your boss knows me, it's all good"

"Sir.."

Dazai smiled, brown eyes bright and sparkling with fake gratitude. His smile was as if the sun had descended onto his face. The waiter at the counter shifted unsurely. When Dazai nodded his head towards the credit card once again, the girl slumped in resignation and entered the total along with a thirty percent tip.

"Thank you, Dazai-san. I will let boss know you visited", she thanked with a bow. Navy strands falling into her face. A slight tint of pink adorning her cheeks.

"No problem, Kyouka-chan. Take care~", Dazai smiled while grabbing the card and reciept, he waved a hand and walked away. Smile dropping the moment he turned around.

She was a nice girl, Kyouka. Her parents had worked at this restaurant before they died a few years back, she had taken up this job in an attempt to distract herself and earn something. Her parents died in a car crash, it was unfortunate and sudden.. but luckily they had enough funds for Kyouka saved, to ensure she had a bright education and living. Of course.. the money wouldn't last forever, so the girl picked up a job. She's in second year at the same high school Dazai goes to, so sometimes they run into eachother in the hall.

If he's there he usually pays for her lunch.

Of course, people would say Dazai Osamu was a stingy brat who leeched off others. But Kyouka was an exception, he knows how it feels to be in her shoes, and he knows the girl is grateful. He tries to help whenever he can.

When he got back to the table, everyone was finished with their food and drinks. Except Ranpo, who was still sipping on his milkshake while looking up at Dazai with narrowed emerald eyes.

"You sure took your sweet time", he mused, voice sweetly threatening. Daring him to lie, despite knowing the truth. Obviously the slight hint of hostility and sharpness in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by people who knew him for years, yet no one uttered a word as the two geniuses faced eachother.

"Yes. I had a really bad stomachache! do you want the details, Ranpo-kun~?", Dazai whined, wincing and wrapping his arms around his stomach dramatically. Ranpo quirked an eyebrow.

Before anything could escalate, which Chuuya doubted would happen with how much he had figured out the dynamics of this friend group, he intervened with wave of his hand to one of the waiters around.

"Excuse me!", when the redhead called the waiter over, both brown-haired teenagers stopped their silent war. Ranpo smirked and Dazai blanched.

"Ch-Chuuya! why are you calling the waiter?!"

The redheaded just rolled his eyes and wiped his hands with a tissue. "To get the bill, obviously", he deadpanned towards Dazai while hailing over the waiter. Dazai's eyes widened and he turned to the boy he was fighting with within a flash, silently asking for a hand. Ranpo just smirked.

"-Can I have the bill? thanks"

"Sir, the tab has already been cleared"

A moment of silence passed, the waiter bowing and leaving. Yosano, Poe, and the other two's eyes instantly turned to Dazai. Chuuya mimicked their actions and looked towards the brown-haired teenager who just gave a sheepish grin.

"Dazai-!"

The shouts of his name almost burst his eardrums. But Dazai felt it break away the concrete his heart had began becoming stoned with. He felt the icy feeling clogging up his throat melt away with the laughter than echoed around the table after he defended himself with his incredulous reasoning.

He felt the shortcomings of his own existence be filled with a type of joy.

It felt like home. 

His friends felt like home.

The image of a dark brown-haired woman with cold brown eyes and a sinister smile, didn't seem to appear affiliated with his reflection again. Not when his smile was genuine. Never when his smile was genuine.

______

It wasn't until later than night when Dazai felt like screaming into his pillow. A weird feeling was bubbling up in his stomach and chest and he did not like it the slightest bit. 

What was seeming to be happening was not real.

There was no way this could be happening to Dazai Osamu of all people.

The satin covered pillow clenched between his fists, Dazai stuffed his face into it and groaned in frustration before letting out a defeated sigh, followed by a huff of laughter. Brown eyes resigned to a fate his mind still denied.

The moment he had seen Chuuya's blue eyes staring at that one plush toy longingly, Dazai had known which one he was going to be aiming for. He had tried his best for the first time, rather than a feeble attempt.

It was a success, and the smile on Chuuya's face was so worth it.

Dazai would never admit it, of course. That was the cringiest thing he could ever imagine doing, something out of a shitty rom-com. Stupid lovey-dovey romantic type of behaviour.

It sent a shiver of disgust up his spine. Ew

Chapter Text

"Alright, so today we will be beginning a new chapter in the book of psychological laws, the chapter we will be starting is h..-ow ..the b..rain.. -eacts.. -tions.. nd..."

The rest of the words fell on deaf ears as Chuuya clenched his jaw and tried to ignore his headache. He should have known it was a bad idea to drink when he had school the next morning. On the Sunday after he had hung out with his friends, one of Kouyou's friends had invited them to an engagement party and insisted they'd come. Chuuya, of course, accompanied his sister and ended up blacking out drunk.

He should have listened to Ane-san when she told him not to drink that much, but he didn't. 

Now he was hungover.

Badly.

It was only the third class of the day and Chuuya already wanted to go home. Plus there was this weird nagging feeling at the back of his head that he was forgetting something. He mentally ticked a checklist of everything he should have remembered. He had his belongings, he was wearing the right uniform, he had his books. Everything was right, but still something felt off.

He didn't understand exactly what.

"Hey, psst! Chuuya..."

That was, until the nuisance sitting next to him proceeded to whisper the most horrifying thing Chuuya had ever heard today into his ear with a barely muffled laugh.

 "–Someone forgot to wash his face this morning"

And Chuuya stiffened, he sent a glare that could send shivers down poor souls towards Dazai, who remained unaffected and amused. The auburn-haired boy scowled before he froze, memories of the prior night returning in a haze. 

Dazai's cheerful expression flickering for a moment went unnoticed as Chuuya remembered the night before.

"Ayyeee! everyone cheer for the couple of the night! Hana-chan and Riki-kun~" , a man with navy hair and glasses announced, clinking a wine-glass with a spoon while standing on a table.

Cheers and screams of joy and fun came from the group around the area. Kouyou Ozaki let out a small laugh behind her sleeve as she watched Chuuya grin with a twinkle in his eyes before climbing onto the table, standing right next to the announcer.

His grey suit was pristine despite the state of him, cheeks flushed with alcohol and words jumbled under the influence. He was happy, and Kouyou couldn't bring herself to drag him home by the ear (as she had done so before). 

The ginger-haired teen grinned bashfully as he held up a brand new bottle of wine, the expensive kind. "Oi, Ikishi-san.", he slapped a hand on the navy-haired man's shoulder and leaned against him.

"...We can't have a cheers without some of this, can we?!"

The rest of the night was a blur, except Chuuya could vaguely remember the feeling of a marker on his face and the insignificance of a dare. Ignoring the way Dazai was snickering at him, Chuuya stood up abruptly and bolted out of his seat, heading straight to the bathroom.

The teacher, Margaret-sensei, didn't even try to stop him, instead she let out a relieved sigh that the boy realised what was drawn on his face rather than her having to point it out.

The teenager had rushed to the bathroom to see what was wrong, only to dread the truth.

Chuuya sat down in his seat after coming to class earlier than usual with a small whine coming out from the back of his throat, he almost didn't want to face his friends after he had seen what he was going around with on his face the entire morning.

A dick.

He had a dick drawn on his face all morning, with which he had rushed to school without even bothering looking in the mirror. The embarrassment was evident on his face as he groaned and buried his face in his hands. He should have waited when Kouyou had called out to him while laughing uncontrollably, he was honestly so disappointed in himself.

Dazai was going to be so unbearably annoying about this.

______

First, it was the empty, aching feeling in the center of his chest. Dazai was not able to tell if it was merely a physical pain, causing a metaphorical lump in his throat, constructing him from breathing freely.. or if it was something internal, a parasite of some sort, decaying his heart from the inside, slowly rotting it and turning it black. 

He was not aware of the emotional distress he was in. Perhaps it was his limited knowledge of emotions and mental maturity, or maybe it was the way he had grown up.

After the occasional feeling of emptiness, came the confusion. He started losing coherence regularly, zoning out during the middle of classes and even while doing a productive activity. Of course, his first thought was to assume his zoning out to be a sign of tiredness from sleepless nights, or nights in which he barely recieved two hours of sleep. 

But then, it started happening all the time, he started missing parts of conversations, staring into somewhere which did not exist. It certainly would have been different if he had been thinking during those moments of conscientious absence, but everytime he zoned out, he did not have any thoughts.

At first Dazai did not notice the lack of reality and thoughts during those moments, but gradually he started to notice similarities between each time. Dazai had begun to realise that each time he lost coherence, he thought of nothing. It almost felt peaceful. 

Until it went away. 

Dazai stopped zoning out for a few months, it was not a sudden development, it was gradual. He presumed it had something to do with him meeting new people and actually feeling something sometimes.

Maybe it was because of Chuuya.

There were good days and there were bad days, He found himself feeling more and more open every time he talked to Chuuya. The loneliness and emptiness went away slightly, only to return twice as worse. It was manageable, despite it being discomforting.

But sooner than later, the weight on his chest grew, becoming heavier and heavier, lodging an almost permanent restriction in freely breathing. He began sinking deeper into his despair and losing himself again, he stopped concentrating in classes and barely managed to get passing grades. As months passed and spring came by, Dazai only kept going down and down. Any fleeting moment of peace and slight happiness he felt was with a blade.

Putting up a facade was easy, fooling people into believing his lies and the authenticity of his charming smiles was easy, fooling himself was not.

He began thinking of what he would look like after life. Would he be a wisp of incensed smoke, curling around in the air? or would he be someone or something invisible, seeing all yet unseeing to others? Dazai spent hours just staring into a mirror, looking at his own reflection and thinking of what his best picture would look like after his death, at his funeral. He began fantasising about his own demise, thinking of ways to orchestrate his own downfall.

And yet.

Instead of focusing on his unkempt universe of obliterating thoughts, all Dazai did was plaster a smile on his face and sit down next to Chuuya, masking his flaws with his humour.

Chapter Text

He was faking it, Chuuya realised when he caught Dazai off-guard for a split-second. He was faking the laughs, the smiles, and even the jokes. None of what he was blabbering about was actually funny, and Chuuya's not sure if Dazai even knew what exactly he was saying while saying it.

"Why is Chibi suddenly so serious?"

Empty brown eyes were looking at him wide and curiously, there was a hint of childlike confusion swirling in them, the fearful kind, the one where someone was afraid of being caught in their lies.

".. Why...", Chuuya started quietly, voice small and uncertain. He didn't even know what he was going to ask. Just.. why?

It was odd, the feeling twisting his gut. He didn't know why Dazai's behaviour bothered him but it did, it worried him, and Chuuya didn't know why. He knew Dazai was depressed, literally their entire friend group knew. It was no secret, but there was something else.. something he couldn't place a finger on.

Dazai raised an eyebrow. "Why..? what do you mea-"

"–Oi, we all have been waiting for you two in the canteen, let's go!", a voice said before grabbing his and Dazai's biceps and pulling them. Yosano Akiko, she laughed as she dragged them along. Chuuya's gaze locked with Dazai's, there was a silent question in brown eyes of what Chuuya exactly meant by his question.

It was forgotten by Chuuya by the time they reached the lunch table.

They all sat at their usual spot. All normal and casual until Yosano spoke up.

"Guys! I have to tell you all something", she started. "I'm going to London tomorrow for two weeks with my cousin"

Beside her, Dazai sighed. A small and barely noticeable thing that Chuuya picked up on. He seemed the slightest bit upset and to be honest, Chuuya couldn't blame him.

"Wait.. tomorrow?", Atsushi asked, looking surprised. Yosano nodded. "Yeah, it's kinda last minute because Ango has a case with a foreign client and it's in England."

"Oh yes, Ango-san is the lawyer yes?", the silver-haired boy asked, and Yosano nodded. Chuuya stayed silent as he tried to observe Dazai's expression. A mix of sadness and a hint of relief.

Soon it was time for class and the conversations ended there.

_____

The day came way too fast for Dazai's liking. He stayed silent as Akiko came up to him and talked to him alone as Ango was putting their suitcases in the taxi whilst talking to Odasaku.

"Dazai, I know that you don't want me to leave but I have to.. you know how Ango is. He would forget to even take care of himself if he was left alone in a different country"

But what about me?, Dazai wanted to ask. Yet he stayed quiet because that was selfish of him, and Akiko wasn't obligated to take care of him.

"It's okay, Akiko-chan. I don't mind.", he said.

The lie fell deaf on both ears as Yosano sighed before pulling him into a hug.

"Take care of yourself, idiot. I love you and you know that", she replied, hand on his head as he buried his face in her shoulder. He put a stop to the glistening in his eyes the moment he felt them burn. The boy nodded and she smiled a sad, guilty smile at him before turning away and getting into the taxi.

His heart felt like it was in his stomach, as he watched the car drive away, and when Odasaku's hand layed on his shoulder it weighed him down more than it ever did before.

He wanted to be alone.

The first week without Akiko being there for him was difficult, he wouldn't lie to himself. It felt as if doing anything was a chore. Even waking up.

At school he knew everyone was worried about him, which was stupid. Because why were they worrying for him. There was nothing wrong with him.

He didn't show up to school for the first three days of the second week. Lying in his bed and staring at the ceiling silently. He knew both Odasaku and Teruko-san had come in many times trying to get him to talk or get up or eat. But he just.. couldn't.

Akiko had called him quite a few times too, but he didn't pick up. He couldn't bear to see or hear the disappointment she felt.

It was so stupid. He had no right to be sulking about her living her own fucking life. He had no right to be miserable without her, he didn't own her and he wasn't entitled to her attention or care.

She had her own life too. Dazai shouldn't be so selfish.

The rest of the second week was hell. He couldn't take it anymore. He was being so fucking selfish and for what? she shouldn't have to worry for him or care for him. She didn't deserve that.

It was thursday night when he finally got up out of bed, Akiko would be here tomorrow. Eyes dull and sore, and an ache in his wrists. Dazai got up at two after midnight. He knew everyone was asleep. He knew no one would stop him.

No one would care.

After all, he was just a burden on them.

It would be best for them and Akiko if he weren't there to burden them with his presence or his problems.

He grabbed his phone, typing out a message for the girl who had become his sister. His ears felt as if they were filled with cotton, his tongue as if lead in his mouth.

He needed it to stop, he needed the numbness to be gone.

He needed to be gone.

The brown-haired boy walked into the bathroom, and locked the door.

Chapter Text

Akiko was exhausted. It had been a stupidly long day since she had to go and stick around at the firm while Ango had a meeting with his client, and she had to wait for their driver to arrive and pick her up to go around the town.

It was insanely busy and honestly she wanted nothing more to have an early night, just take a shower and nap from evening until the next morning.

God, that sounded heavenly.

There was this feeling though. This odd uneasy feeling that something was wrong.

It was only proven right when her phone buzzed with message, the dreadful feeling grew worse, ten times worse. Akiko rushed to the phone, leaving her coffee on the edge of the counter.

"Shit– it better not be you..", she cursed underneath her breath before unlocking her phone.

The ground was swept away from underneath her feet roughly and painfully, as she stood there, devastatingly still, phone clutched in her hand.

Fuck.

The moment the banging on the door started, Dazai sighed. The fog in his brain had spread, slowly blurring his vision, and the burning in his arms had numbed down to a slow hum of gentle thumps. He tried to pick up the blade from by his side, but thick, crimson blood on his fingers made it slip away further.

The world began to spin and spin, ripping itself out of orbit and shattering into stardust to fall amongst the cosmos.

He groaned as he raised his arm to try and reach it. Red blurred his vision as he glanced down onto his form, arm covered in slick blood and bandages nowhere to be seen.

He needed to finish this. He needed to do it.

Dazai needed to end this.

He needed to die tonight.

The moment the tip of his finger just barely brushed metal, the door slammed open. He didn't want to look at who had entered, he didn't need to.

He could tell by just the footsteps anyway.

"–OSAMU!"

Odasaku.

Please, he tried to speak. No hospitals.

"Open your eyes, kid. Don't do this to me, come on 'Samu."

Dazai opened his mouth, but no words came out.

He tried again.

"No.. Hs'ptal, Od'sku", the boy gasped as he barely managed the words out. "Osamu...", Oda's face crumbled.

"Ple..ase..."

"Okay, okay, no hospitals. But open your eyes and keep talking to me- OUKURA-CHAN."

He grabbed one of Dazai's arms and threw it over his shoulder and then pulled. He slipped his arms under him and ran out of the bathroom just as the boy started losing consciousness.

"Oukura-chan!"

"Sakunosuke what's the matter–?!", she freezed. Oda looked at her with frantic, bloodshot eyes as he layed Dazai on the bed.

All colour drained from her face as she rushed over. Grabbing a few towels and reaching for bandages from one of his drawers, she began to clean and sterilise his arms.

"Sakunosuke!", she cried. "He's losing blood, we need to take him to the hospital", Teruko sobbed as she pressed the towel against his wrist, while Oda did the same to his other arm.

"I can't, Oukura.. I can't. He begged me not to take him to the hospital. You remember what happened last time he was in the hospital.. I can't break his trust like that."

Brows furrowed and eyes full of tears, the woman turned her face and let out a soft sob.

Eventually the bleeding stopped, and they bandaged his arms as much as they could to keep the bleeding steady and as little as possible. They called Dazai's doctor to come and check up on him, who understood the situation, especially knowing how fragile Dazai's mental state is. He bandaged his arms properly before hooking him up to an IV, and left eventually after making sure the boy was stable and safe.

The moment the doctor left the house, and Teruko returned into the room. Oda broke, head in his hands as he sat by his brother's unconscious form.

"What do I do with him, Oukura-chan?", his voice cracked and he choked on a sob. "How do I fix this..?"

A hand gently touched his shoulder. "I don't know, Sakunosuke. I wish I did.", the woman whispered.

"I wish I did too, I wish he didn't have to suffer this much.", the man continued. "He doesn't deserve this pain, Oukura-chan. He doesn't deserve this suffering he's been going through his entire life.", Oda glanced at his younger brother.

He looked so young. So fragile. Seventeen year olds are supposed to be bright and healthy, they're supposed to be out, skipping school and partying. They're supposed to be happy. They're supposed to be alive.

They aren't supposed to be lying on a bed with needles in their veins and circles that dark under their eyes.

Seventeen year olds don't look like this.

Oda puts his head back into his hands and he weeps.

Chapter Text

The morning sun couldn't have risen any slower for Oda Sakunosuke. A sleepless night with his eyes closed. He could not sleep properly, how could he have? his brother, his little brother, who he still remembers carrying in his arms and holding his little hand.

The same brother, whom the day had stepped his little foot into this house at the fragile age of six, held onto his pant leg and asked him if he could call him Odasaku. The brother who he would give his life for, give everything for. His baby brother had tried to take his own life, again.

How was he supposed to sleep, eat, drink, or do anything, when the boy he had sworn to protect was lying unconscious next to him, arms covered in wounds created by no one other than himself.

God, how had they failed so badly...? how did Sakunosuke fail so badly?

The red-haired man looked at Dazai, eyes shut and breathing steady. He slipped his hand into the boy's cold one, careful of the IV.

"I can't keep doing this kid, I can't keep being terrified of when you're going to try this again, I can't live being terrified that someday I'll wake up and you'll have succeeded. What happened to you, kid. What happened to you that made you abhor even the mere thought of existing?"

He cries, once again.

"I just wish there was some way I could rid you of this nightmarish suffering that you bear..., some way I could show you how beautiful life truly is."

The beeping of the monitor became background noise. His eyes slipped shut as he put his head onto their conjoined hands, and a tear fell onto the fresh, pristine bandages on the teenager's wrist.

Outside, the sun began to rise, and Oda's consciousness faded.

He didn't feel the hand beneath his slowly shift. He didn't hear the beeping of the monitor cease as the needle stuck in the boy's hand was pulled out.

He didn't hear the soft-spoken apologies, the bed shifting, and the door gently shutting. If he had been awake, maybe it would have been better.

Maybe, it would have led to something worse.

                           _____

Brrringgg!

The ugly green clock strikes nine, glaring at him like a viper in the guise of a frog.

The class slowly started filling up as the bell rang for the start of homeroom. Chuuya yawned as he walked up to his seat and sat down, throwing his bag onto the floor, he didn't even notice Dazai already sitting at the desk next to him, the redhead jumped when he saw two dark, soulless eyes staring into his.

Chuuya paused.

"Dazai?!"

The beginning of a smile danced on the other boy's lips, slow and tired.

"Hi Chuuya."

A sudden weight lifted from the bottom of his stomach and reached the back of his throat, and suddenly Chuuya forgot to breathe. This was the first he had seen of him since nearly a week and least to say, He was relieved.

"Mah- how have you been?, Chibi-chan~", the brown-haired boy drawled, but his tone fell flat despite trying to joke. Chuuya instantly noticed how he seemed absolutely exhausted, his eyes were much duller than before and outlined with dark circles. The smile he had plastered on was deflated, as if he wasn't even trying to keep the facade up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?", he blurted without a single thought in his head. In hindsight, he should have known it was an insensitive question considering he knew how dependent Dazai is on Yosano, no matter how much he denied it.

"I mean like.. are you okay?"

He noticed how Dazai's smile slightly tightened. The brown-haired boy leaned forward. "Is little Chuuya worried for me?", he fluttered his eyelashes, causing Chuuya to roll his eyes and gently push him away.

"Just because I asked you a question doesn't mean I'm worried for you"

Chuuya was, in fact, worried for him.

Sure, he had only known Dazai for a few months now, but Chuuya was good at reading people's emotions. He could tell when they were happy or sad. And right now, Dazai was anything but happy. He could tell that Dazai was acting off than usual, he was a straight opposite of how he seemed before the weekend.

Yosano wasn't here yet, which made it worse. 

So much worse.

"Where's Yosano? wasn't she meant to fly back today?", the auburn-haired boy frowned slightly when Dazai stiffened at her name. Something had definitely happened, and if it wasn't obvious before, it was definitely obvious now.

"She's not coming in until later", he spoke, his tone lacked the jovial hint it usually had. It almost made the other have a visual reaction of shock. Chuuya nodded, setting down. It was best to let it be until Akiko came back.

"Alright", the redhead sighed, sneaking glances at the brown-haired boy every couple of minutes. He didn't notice Oda-sensei enter the room and do the same.

"Dazai-kun", the teacher spoke, he looked slightly worried. Chuuya didn't know why, and that pissed him off. Because everything was weird today and it all weirdly seemed to track back to Dazai, and he didn't like it.

"Yes, Sensei?", Dazai spoke coldly, and it was as if the temperature in the room dropped. Everyone glanced between Oda-sensei and Dazai in anticipation, it was as if they knew something Chuuya didn't.

"Can you come outside for a moment, please", Oda-sensei spoke, and his voice almost seemed pleading. Chuuya watched as Dazai stood up and stiffly walked out of the door, Oda-sensei following behind.

Whispers erupted around him as Chuuya frowned at Dazai's abnormal behaviour.

"What do you think happened?"

"Dazai-kun looked angry"

"Oda-sensei seemed worried"

"Do you think they had a fight or something—?"

The fuck?

"What?", Chuuya asked in confusion. "Who had a fight?", he questioned the girl who was whispering behind him. She turned to him. "Dazai-kun and Oda-sensei", she said, oblivious to Chuuya's shock.

"Why would they have a fight?", the boy asked them incredulously, Chuuya looked absolutely lost. The girl frowned at him. And to say that Chuuya was surprised at her next words would be an understatement. 

"Don't you know, Nakahara-kun? Dazai-kun and Oda-sensei are brothers"