Chapter Text
The first prince's room was on the same level as the emperor's own room. It was larger than any average room in the palace, adorned with cloud curtains on the windows and around the little prince's bed. The sheets were pristine white, the softest found in the capital.
Lan WangJi had refused to be taken away to another palace. He couldn't bear the thought of being away from his son for even a moment since he first saw him.
He had left him alone for long enough.
"Your Majesty," the child's nanny greeted him. She had hardly left the prince since they gave him to her.
"How is he?" Lan WangJi asked from the entrance, not daring to enter the room. The nanny hesitated to speak but eventually answered him.
"The fever has returned. The prince has been having spasms, and he can barely feed himself from his nurse's chest," she said.
"Leave me alone," he ordered, the woman simply obeying his command and exiting the room, closing the doors behind herself.
Lan Zhan rocked on his feet once they were alone. He didn't know whether he should move forward for a closer look [Lan Zhan knew he would. He could never turn his back on the son Wei Ying had given him.]
Lan Zhan knelt by the cradle of his son, his precious and beloved child, as sweet as the man who brought him into the world. He lay still in the silks, fighting for his life with every breath.
A-Yuan's eyes looked at him without recognition. WangJi reached out and caressed the cheek that should have been plump by now. However, the absence of any blush rebuffed such an imagination. Quite identical to the emperor's eyes, the prince's eyes were a golden color, like the sun in the sky. His hair, although just a fluff, was brittle from lack of nutrients. His thin arms and little legs didn't move, despite the lack of sheets covering his little body. Occasionally, spasms would cause a tremble to run through his little body, and Lan WangJi couldn't do anything to ease the pain.
~Lan Zhan, look at our son~
Lan WangJi looked up immediately upon hearing his husband's voice, but he was only disappointed when he saw that at the place his husband should have been lying, there was no one.
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Wei Ying had first come to the palace when he was only 15 years old to be prepared for when he became the emperor consort. He had been a loud boy, someone bright and intelligent. Lan Zhan had instantly fallen in love with him. He had realized, but he had been a stupid brat. He hadn't known how to handle his emotions and only wound up refusing Wei Ying's every attempt to get along.
Even later, when they had married, Lan Zhan hadn't shown up in the bridal chamber and had left Wei Ying alone for the rest of the night.
Their subsequent interactions hadn't been kind either. They were just so different from each other. While WangJi was cold and strict, WuXian was cheerful and relaxed.
Lan WangJi had hated the emotions that welled up in his chest at the thought of Wei Ying, despite his husband's attempts at making their marriage bearable.
─ Get lost ─ [Wei Ying's smile had frozen. He had laughed awkwardly and then walked away.]
─ Get out of here ─ [Wei Ying just shrugged, turned around, and left with the Wen siblings, who looked at him darkly.]
─ Stop talking ─ [Wei Ying closed his mouth immediately, rereading the document in his hands with his eyebrows showing a trace of concern.]
─ You're too noisy ─ [ "Haha, I know, Lan Zhan. I promise I won't talk so much anymore." He doesn't talk to him for the rest of the day.]
─ Behave ─ [Wei Ying had to bite his tongue and stop arguing with the ministers during the morning meeting.]
─ Really… you're the sort of person I hate ─
Every time, every single time he had said those words, his beloved emperor consort just fell silent and then walked away. As the years went by, it got worse. He no longer tried to get his attention, and Lan WangJi's heart hurt from the thought and the distance between them.
But regardless, he convinced himself that it was fine.
They didn't need to love each other, right? Right.
Wei Ying continued to do his job as emperor consort, doing public works and accompanying him to events that required his presence.
The people loved him. (Almost as much as WangJi did.)
But what was the use of loving him when he couldn't show it and always rejected him?
--
"Lan Er-Gege, will you accompany me to that dinner with my family?"
"No need. I'm busy with my work."
"Oh, it's okay, Er-Gege," Wei Ying had smiled at him and hadn't insisted anymore.
[Lan WangJi hadn't heard as Madam Yu reprimanded his husband, calling him useless with Jiang FengMian barely intervening.]
--
"WangJi-XianSheng, did you get the rain report from Liu State last week?"
[ "Floods coming soon, I will cut the budget of some programs to send aid," and then he cut Wei Ying's aid funds to the village. ]
--
"Your Majesty, your eyes are beautiful. I hope our children have your eyes."
[ "It is unnecessary to focus on things as mundane as appearance. Focus on your work as emperor consort." WangJi had been so nervous envisioning their future children, of how beautiful and intelligent they would be, that he didn't know how to respond appropriately. ]
--
"Lan WangJi, welfare programs are important, and you can't just cancel them because your great-uncle doesn't like them."
[ "Great-uncle has done an investigation. It's a waste of money. We can put it to use for something else."
"And you checked it?! Or are you just basing yourself on what he told you!? "
"Remember your place!" ]
--
"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. I love you so much, but could you give me a minute to rest? Er-Gege is being cruel to his poor husband!"
[And a month later, Lan WangJi had ordered him to be locked up, believing that Wei Ying had been unfaithful to him, that he had been in bed with another man. Oh, how stupid he had been.]
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"Please!" He begged, looking at the boy with all the guilt crushing him since Wei Ying, his beloved and precious Wei Ying, had died in those dark and dank dungeons. "Please spare my son's life," he pleaded. "I'll be by his side, forever here for him. I will always be there for him."
"I have understood my mistake. Please don't take my son away from me too!" He prayed.
Wei Ying had died almost alone, assisted only by a maid who found him in labor when she went to leave food for him. The woman had tried to call the guards and to go for Wen Qing, but they had not arrived in time, so she tended to him alone.
And where had Lan WangJi been? He had been with a concubine. He had been in the main hall, celebrating a wedding, his wedding. His Wei Ying had died in a dark and lonely cell while the emperor was in a grand, ornamented room full of people celebrating. Wei Ying had died, unable to carry his child in his arms, while Lan WangJi consummated his marriage to the new concubine.
They hadn't seen each other in over seven months. Lan Zhan hadn't been there for him. He hadn't held Wei Ying's hand while he brought Lan Yuan into the world.
Lan Wangji didn't do so many things and had failed to do thousands before that.
How had Wei Ying spent his pregnancy in prison? Had he eaten every day? Sat by a window while caressing his belly? Had he sung to his unborn child to calm him down? Wei Ying had gone through all this alone , without Lan Wangji accompanying him.
With the occasional company of the guards and the maid who brought him food, the rare times that Wen Qing could sneak in to attend to him, what had Wei Ying thought? Had he been happy to be expecting a child? Or had he been unhappy since his pregnancy was the reason for his lock up?
Lan Zhan didn't know. He didn't understand a thing! He had been ignorant of the treatment of his beloved in that place, where his mother had also died.
He heard footsteps and turned around to find Wen Qing looking at him with undisguised hatred. She would never hide her true feelings for him.
"What are you doing here, Lan WangJi?" Spat the doctor, too angry to consider that she was talking to the emperor.
"I came to see A-Yuan," he answered, getting up from the ground, feeling too embarrassed under the doctor's gaze.
"What right do you have to stand before A-Yuan after what you did?" Wen Qing asked him, her cheeks red from the anger running through her veins. "Haven't you had enough after taking his other father away from him? Are you coming to enjoy how he also suffers from your negligence? Because of your mental gaps?"
"No!" He said, alarmed, but Wen Qing just grunted.
"You're a horrible person, Lan WangJi. To think you have the face to be here," Wen Qing took a step closer, planting herself in front of him and raising her chin. "Where were you when Wei Ying was starving in that cell? Where were you when your emperor consort was giving birth alone in a horrible place? Did you enjoy getting between Qin Su's legs? By fathering another child while A-Yuan was fighting for his life in the first minutes of his life?!"
Lan WangJi already felt embarrassed by his actions, and Wen Qing's words didn't help.
"And where were you?" He couldn't help but ask back. Wen Qing's expression faltered for a second before she smiled grimly.
"Fighting against the guards at the entrance to allow me to enter. Because your great-uncle ordered that neither I nor anyone he knew could get in so that he'd 'reassess' his actions." She replied. By the time they had allowed her to pass, A-Yuan had already been born, though he wasn't crying. And Wei Ying, he wasn't moving at all. Wen Qing would never - could never - forget that day. "You isolated him in that damn place! You killed him!"
Wen LiXue (Although few knew it, she was the spy Wen RuoHan had sent.) was trying to revive the baby. Wen Qing had barely saved his life, but Wei Ying had already died by then.
"How can you be here in A-Yuan's room? Worried about him? Lan Wangji, you have no shame."
The emperor wisely remained silent, stepping aside and allowing the doctor to do her job. He stayed, quietly watching as she undressed his son with Wen Ning's help.
Since when had he been there?
He looked at his son intently. His skin was pale, almost yellow, thin from all the food Wei Ying had missed during his pregnancy.
How had Wei Ying been when he died? He didn't want to think about it. He wouldn't be able to bear the guilt.
Still, he could almost see him, in his dreams, skinny to the bone, sitting while stroking his belly as he sang. Would his skin stick to his bones? Had his bright cheeks hollowed out? Would Wei Ying have expected him to come for him every night? Did he feel abandoned every night that Lan Zhan didn't go to see him? Did he stop waiting for him at some point?
"If A-Yuan survives this, with what face will you see him in the future, Lan WangJi?" Wen Qing asked him angrily, checking the little child. "I swear to you before the heavens, Lan Wangji, it's up to me that A-Yuan finds out about what happened to Wei WuXian." She took the baby in her arms with so much love and tenderness that Lan WangJi felt envious, but he said nothing.
He would allow her to disrespect him. He would let it pass because he knew he deserved this. Nothing he would do would return Wei Ying to either of them. Nothing. But she had handled the whole thing when WangJi was ignorant of the emperor consort's death.
The doctor carried A-Yuan and took him behind a privacy screen with her brother to treat him.
"Wei Ying, please, protect our son." He prayed in silence. Thick tears fell from his eyes and ended up on his chin as he cried.
"Your majesty," he heard the call of his title. "Concubine Qin requests-"
"No." He interrupted her. "I'm with my son. I don't want anyone to bother me currently."
"B-But-" Lan WangJi ignored the maid. She could only bow in resignation and walk away.
Lan WangJi looked back to where his son was, afraid to look away even for a second. "Forgive me."
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Lan WangJi did not learn of his emperor consort's death until a week later. From Wen Ning, in a fit of rage.
When WangJi learned that A-Yuan had been born -one week after he was born- the boy had already been transferred to the medical area. Lan XiChen had already gone to meet the young prince but had been strangely quiet and pale on the subject, especially when he had asked about Wei Ying's health after giving birth. All of his advisors had fallen silent. That itself had already given him a bad feeling.
"The young prince has your eyes, WangJi." Lan XiChen told him as they drank tea. "And mother's eyes were the same color. I… authorized him to come out of the imperial prison."
His Majesty's heart had broken at those words. A selfish part inside him had prayed that Wei Ying actually had a lover. Because how else would he earn his emperor consort's forgiveness for locking him up in that prison just because he didn't remember spending the night with him? But he would have time to beg for his forgiveness.
Lan WangJi had decided. He would be more open with his love and his son. They would be the family they should have always been.
If Wei Ying never forgave him… Well, he could live with that. Lan Zhan didn't deserve his lover's forgiveness. But even so, he would comply with everything. Things he should have done from the very beginning. He would love Wei Ying as he deserved for the rest of their lives.
That same afternoon, he went to the medical ward to see them.
The servants greeted him, but only them.
When Wen Qing saw him, she got up, walked towards him, ignoring Lan XiChen, who begged her not to, and then slapped him quite hard in the face, making him step back in shock.
"How dare you?!" Wen Qing shouted angrily. "You dare show your damn face in front of me after taking my other brother away from me!" Lan XiChen had moved and embraced her, trying to pull her away, although she continued screaming.
"Wen Qing, please!" His brother begged, on the verge of tears.
"How dare you bring him here, Lan XiChen?!" He heard Wen Qing shout.
Wen Ning stood looking at him with resentment, his fists tightly clenched at his sides, while looking at his face. The look surprised Lan WangJi. The man had always been shy, constantly following his husband around and trying to stop him when he was about to quarrel with a minister or a general.
"Your majesty," He greeted between clenched teeth. "What are you doing here?" He asked with trembling shoulders.
"I…" He held his cheek in bewilderment. "I have come to see Wei Ying and our son."
It confused him, but in a certain way, he understood Wen Qing's anger. [The doctor had persistently pleaded with him regarding Wei Ying's imprisonment. Appealing to him to permit Wei WuXian's stay in the cold palace, which was more decent than the dungeons.] But he didn't understand why she had exploded on him so abruptly.
Wen Ning sneered in his face.
"See A-Ying? Don't you think you're late, HanGuang-Jun?" Wen Ning asked. "My brother had been buried six days ago." The words were like acid. Lan WangJi recoiled, his eyes wide open. "My nephew has been fighting for his life for seven days, and you… Where were you? Did it feel good with your new consort that you forgot the first one? Was it good to be locked up with her for three days, working on a new prince while you left my brother alone for years, and when he was finally with child, you sent him to the dungeons?" Wen Ning was furious.
"WEI WUXIAN DIED IN THAT DAMN CELL SEVEN FUCKING DAYS AGO, AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL NOW?!" He screamed.
Lan WangJi remembered little of what happened next. His head was buzzing, and Lan XiChen had to get him out of there before either Wen Qing pierced his neck with her needles or Wen Ning killed him by taking out his heart. Adrenaline could make these two seemingly harmless siblings do extraordinary things.
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Back in the present, Lan Zhan held his son lovingly, sitting on his bed, watching him keenly, taking in every feature of his face. His cheeks were finally filling out. Thanks to Wen Qing's treatment, the flush that he should have had was finally coming back, and he looked beautiful.
"Wei Ying, you would be so proud to see him." He mused softly. His son was sucking on his hand and looking at him with complete attention. He didn't seem to have a lost look now. "You would love him. You should be here with us."
~ And who took away that opportunity?
Asked a voice in his ear. It was Lan WangJi's own regret voicing itself in his husband's form. He settled A-Yuan and refused to leave him for weeks. Lan WangJi would carry him for the rest of his life.
~ Why didn't you trust me, Lan Zhan? Why did you let them lock me up?
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
~Are you happy now that I'm not there anymore? Did I have to die for you to be content? My son has no father now, Lan Zhan, and it's your fault~
"I know, I know, forgive me, Wei Ying."