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Will Byers is in love with his best friend, Mike Wheeler.
Will Byers is too selfless to speak that fact into existence, so he lives his life uttering not a word of the truth.
Will Byers doesn't like to cry, but he cries a lot. Over little things, sometimes. Other times it's over serious things; the kind of crying someone would do in the safety of their own bedroom at midnight when everyone was asleep.
Tonight was one of those nights. The nights where he would roll off his bed as silently as he could, slip into his closet, hug his knees tight to his chest and cry. That's where he is now.
Will had learned at a very young age that life was not fair. He learned that when his dad got mad at him for accidentally breaking a glass. He had gotten close, twisted the fabric of Will's shirt in his fist and spat derogatory slurs in his face. He learned that when he was violently stripped from his childhood by an alternate dimension monster and knew he would never get those years back. He learned that when he fell in love with Mike, his best friend. When he realized his dad had been right all along.
Loving Mike was like taking a brush and painting something blindly, somehow expecting it to turn out okay, but by the end it's so wrong and ugly.
That was what loving Mike Wheeler as Will Byers felt like, anyway.
Will knew that boys weren't supposed to love boys, just like girls weren't supposed to love girls. It was wrong. His father taught him that. The kids at school made him believe it.
But here he was, crying in the darkness of his closet because he loved a boy so much that it hurt. It was hurting him, but he didn't want to stop. Loving Mike was part of himself, he realized. If he didn't love Mike, he wouldn't feel like Will.
He wished he could have known what it would feel like to never have fallen in love with his best friend at all. He'd be normal, probably. He'd have a girlfriend, just like Lucas and Dustin and Jonathan and Mike.
All of a sudden, Will had to drop his knees, twist around, and lean against the wall with his legs outstretched because breathing had just gotten more difficult. He was gasping for air, holding both of his palms tightly to his mouth to trap the sounds. He didn't want to wake Mom, and he didn't want to wake Jonathan or El. He didn't want them to find him like this, his face stained with tears because his chest ached with the pain of feeling unloved by a boy he wanted love from the most.
He didn't want anyone to find him like this, but he knew doing this alone was getting too hard. Facing the ugly truth by himself time and time again was getting exhausting. He was curious to know—if he told someone how he felt, would it alter their view of him, making him seem like a sin, a curse, something they didn't want to accociate with?
He didn't want to know. But he did, still.
Ten minutes later, Will found himself standing next to the phone in the living room, his hands trembling at his sides. He didn't know what time it was by now, but he knew he needed to talk to someone. Mike wasn't an option, and neither was Lucas. Neither of them would understand. He didn't think Dustin would know what to say. He wasn't even sure if any of them were awake. Even if they were, he wouldn't be using the phone anyway.
Something inside of him had him gravitating towards contacting Steve. Truthfully, Will didn't speak to him much, but he trusted him a lot. Steve was the kind of person that made Will feel like telling him some dark secret would be okay, like Steve would take it to the grave.
He was plucking the phone off the wall before he could think to reconsider.
He listened as it rang in his ear once, twice, three times. Will was about to hang the phone back up on the fourth ring, when a voice finally scratched through the receiver.
"What the hell… hello? I swear, if it's one of you kids about to beg me for a ride at damn near—" there was a pause. "At damn near one in the morning. What was I saying? Shit, I can't even remember. Whatever, who is this?"
Will swallowed, his words suddenly stuck in his throat. Why did he call? What was he thinking? He'd just woken Steve up, probably, and now he didn't know what to say.
"It's Will."
Will heard the change in Steve's tone almost immediately. He wondered if his voice sounded raw from crying and gave it away. "Will? What's going on?" Steve said, cautious, and maybe a little panicked. Will couldn't blame him. After all they had been through in their lives, it always felt like it was only a matter of time before something new turned up. Will realized that was probably what this call sounded like.
"Don't worry, it's not… It's nothing like that." Will reassured, and he hoped the sigh of relief that carried through the phone indicated that Steve believed him. This feels kind of pointless now, he thought bitterly. He had to focus on biting down a sob when he felt tears welling in his eyes again. Steve waited in patient silence, which Will appreciated. "Is it okay if... I stay over tonight? I'll talk more in person. I don't want to wake anyone up."
"Okay… Okay, yeah, of course. I'll come pick you up, okay? I don't want you riding your bike this late. Don't leave the house until I get there."
That almost got Will to smile. That was what made him conclude that Steve was the right person to call. He whispered his agreement into the phone before hanging up.
While he waited, he wandered into the kitchen and quietly looked for Mom's stack of sticky-notes. Once he had a note written that explained where he would be and not to freak out, he stuck it somewhere he knew Mom would see when she woke up.
Almost as soon as he was finished doing that, he saw the flash of headlights outside. Will slipped out the backdoor, because he could lock it behind him.
"Sorry for calling so late." said Will, on the drive there.
"Don't worry about it. I can tell something is really bothering you, because this is out of character, especially for you." Steve replied, and reached across the console to gently rub Will's shoulder while keeping his eyes on the road. The touch didn't last long. "I'm here for you, always."
Will nodded and turned to look out the window. He had to cover his mouth with his hand and close his eyes to make sure he didn't tear up again.
Five minutes later, he and Steve were pulling into the driveway of his house.
Neither of them spoke until they made it inside, where Will felt like, for once, the universe couldn't hear him. Steve had offered him a glass of water, to which he took and uttered his thanks.
They sat on the couch, Will with his back straight and body tense, and Steve with his body turned in Will's direction as if to indicate that he were listening. The only light was coming from the kitchen, filling the room with a warm glow. It took a few extra minutes without speaking before Will found his voice, but Steve was patient. He waited.
"Have you… ever loved someone so much that it feels like you can't handle it anymore?" Will didn't want to look at Steve directly, so he kept his focus on the glass of water in his hands. He did, however, hear a short intake of breath, and he knew Steve's answer before he said it.
"I have, yeah. Is that what's going on?"
Will bit his lip, knowing it would be embarrassing to cry already. It hadn't even been ten minutes. "Kind of, yeah."
"I didn't even realize you had feelings for anyone."
Will laughed humorlessly, because it was easy to laugh as a way to stop from crying. "I don't think anyone has realized it, actually." he shrugged, but he didn't feel bitter about that. "It doesn't bother me. It's probably better that nobody can tell."
He felt the couch cushions dipping, Steve moving closer to sit next to Will. He brought one of his hands up to rub Will's back, right between his shoulder blades, like something a father would do. That made it even harder to hold back tears, but he was determined to hold himself together.
"It's not a girl." Will whispered, so quietly he even wondered if he spoke at all. But Steve had to have heard.
"Oh, Will."
The dam broke. Will couldn't fight it anymore, and he broke out in wobbly sobs that made his body tremble. Steve continued to rub his back soothingly, which made it a little easier to breathe. He felt the glass of water slip out of his grasp, and his breath hitched with the sudden fear that he dropped it, but Steve reassured him that he had it and was just putting it on the table in front of them.
"Shit, it's okay. Let it out, I can only imagine how much you've been holding in." said Steve, his tone gentle and comforting. Will continued to cry, ugly and wet.
There was more movement, but this time Steve was shuffling Will so that he could hug him to his chest. Will wrapped his arms around Steve's torso, hugging tightly. He sobbed into his shoulder, tears and snot and probably some drool smearing into the fabric. If Steve cared about that, he didn't express it at all.
"There isn't anything wrong with liking a boy," Steve was talking while he held Will, his voice steady but breaking in a way that indicated he was trying not to cry, too. "I learned that myself, actually. Hard to believe, I know. Girl magnet Steve Harrington realizing boys are quite a catch, too…"
Will hiccuped a laugh—a real one.
Steve continued, and it was obvious he didn't know what exactly to say, but he was trying. That was enough. It helped. "What I'm trying to say is, it's not a bad thing. I know the majority of this crazy town will probably tell you otherwise, but they're wrong. Love isn't an emotion that lets itself be confined in a cage. Not my words, by the way. Don't get the wrong idea."
Will laughed again, this time less bubbly and more like a solid laugh. His eyes felt like they were burning from how much he had cried in the span of a few hours, and he was tired, he was so tired. "You love a boy?"
"Yeah." Steve sounded breathless, like the revelation was something beautiful. Will wondered if it was beautiful, if he was just viewing his feelings in the wrong way.
"Who?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Steve teased, pulling a giggle from Will. Will pulled back from the hug, using his own shirt collar to wipe his face clean of whatever mess he made of it.
"Yeah, I would."
"You're lucky to be one of my favorite kids, you know."
"I thought your favorite was Dustin." Will accused, smiling.
"Sometimes. Other times I kind of want to knock him out with a baseball bat."
They laughed together that time, and things felt okay. Will—for the first time since he realized he loved Mike—felt like what he was feeling was okay.
"It's Eddie."
"Huh?"
"The boy. It's Eddie who I'm in love with."
Will faked a shocked expression, but it probably just looked ridiculous with his red-rimmed eyes and rosy cheeks.
"Oh, shut up with that look. You can at least act surprised."
"I tried acting!"
Will had kind of sensed something with Eddie when he met the guy. He just didn't think someone like Steve would feel the same.
The two were quiet for a moment, letting both of their confessions settle in the air. Will was feeling like a whole ton of weight had been lifted from his chest, and Steve just looked happy with himself for being able to help. Will wondered how many people Steve was okay with admitting his love to, and how he had the confidence in the first place. But he didn't ask about it.
"The boy I love…" Will started, catching Steve's undivided attention again.
Will leaned in for another hug, which Steve quickly returned. It was easy like that. Steve was quick when he whispered, "You don't have to tell me."
"It's... Mike. I love him so much, Steve."
He was glad he couldn't see Steve's face, too worried about what expression he might see.
"It hurts. I don't think he'd ever love me back, not in that way. I'm kind of okay with that, but sometimes I... Really wished he could."
"Has he done anything to make you believe that?"
"Kind of, yeah. But I don't think he does it on purpose."
Steve must have been lost on what to say next, because he didn't reply.
"You're the only person I've ever told." Will said quietly.
"What? Not even Jonathan or your mom? Why me?"
"I don't really know. You make it seem like it's okay to tell you stuff."
He heard a sniffle, and Will startled. "Are you crying?" he tried not to sound accusing.
"No." Steve defended quickly, but deflated. "Okay, yes, I am. That's just not something you hear every day, you know."
Will smiled into Steve's shoulder. "Thanks, for letting me come and talk."
"Of course. I'd do anything for you kids."
After that, nothing more was said. Will yawned, still with his arms wrapped around Steve, and Steve took it as an indication that it was time for them to head to bed. He had Will crawl to his feet, barely able to keep his body in a standing position, feeling like exhaustion was trying to drag him downwards.
"You can stay in the guest room next to mine, if you want?" Steve offered, leading him up the stairs. Will mumbled an agreement, the rest of the night passing in a blur. He recalled standing in the hall, then he was lying down in a bed with covers being pulled over him, and then he was watching Steve exit the room after shutting the lamp off.
"I think you're too far gone to comprehend this, but… you shouldn't give up on Mike. I think there's something there, between you two, and it's worth taking the leap."
The words sounded mostly static to Will's ears, but he mumbled an 'okay' anyway.
"'Night, Will."
And then the door was shut, and Will was asleep.