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If one ever desired to piss off mother nature incarnate the easiest way to do so, naturally, would be to fuck with mother nature. That much is a given, even Harley was aware of that. However, she wasn’t so aware of the fact that she wasn’t exactly exempt from mother nature’s fury when harm came to her babies.
And killing a thousand year old piece of shrubbery may just be enough to rile her up a bit…
“Harley didn’t I specifically tell you to stay away from the caro manducares?!” the woman growled in agitation, her powerful footsteps causing her voice to waver as she spoke, pacing in circles.
Harley stood but a few feet away from her, her head shrinking into her shoulders as if trying to retreat into a non-existent shell, feeling utter shame. “Th-the leaves looked so brown, I thought it needed water…” she mumbled weakly.
Ivy groaned, combing her fingers through her hair in ire, “its leaves go through a cycle, it’s natural for the species—she only needs water every few months not a drop sooner!” the woman hissed, the sound masking a tiny wince that escaped the clown. Ivy groaned again, clasping her fists in her air, unsure of how to even process her own anger.
Harley could only stand still. Perfectly still. Like a deer in the headlights.
Back in her psychiatric days, Harleen Quinzel had been no stranger to listening to patients’ anger fueled ravings, finding them mostly harmless. The noise didn’t bother her, nor did their wild gesturing—and why should it have? It’s not as though it had a reason to give her anxiety. He gave it a reason.
It was because of him her mouth clamped shut whenever someone raised their voice at her. It was because of him all the blonde could do was stand frozen whenever she was snapped at. And it was because of the Joker she found herself frightened of the one person she loved more than anyone in the world for the first time in her life.
“She didn’t have to die it could have been so easily avoided…there are only so many of them left in the world…!” Harley was only partially listening to the ranting redhead at this point, words fading in and out of focus as the sound of her own heart pounding like a jackhammer in her ears rung painfully. She felt dizzy.
Poison Ivy had a reputation to be outspokenly passionate, that much was obvious, but the clown couldn’t recall seeing her truly unhinged with rage before. And sure, some logical part of her brain knew Ivy was only venting and wouldn’t ever dream of harming her, but the funny thing about human beings and perceived threats is that logic is usually the last thing to be evaluated. And even though Harley was aware of this particular human quirk as a psychologist, she still found her senses preparing their defenses, ready for the situation to go south at any moment.
“What?” Ivy snapped with bite, cutting through the former doctor’s foggy mind, her patience wearing thin as the girl only stood there gawking, having yet to answer for what she'd done. The way she was clenching her knuckles so tightly her already white skin turned even whiter, told the botanist Harley had something on her mind. “You have something smart to say don't you?” Ivy quirked her brow in impatience.
“N-No!” Harley gasped, she felt like she couldn’t breathe, like the room was getting warmer. She could only stand silently with clenched fists, unsure of what to do but finding she couldn’t move despite how badly she wanted to…despite how badly she wanted to run and hide before things got out of hand. They always got out of hand with him.
“Harley please, I don’t want to play games with you…” Ivy sighed exasperatedly, pinching her brow in irritation, “out with it—You going to tell me that I’m getting worked up over nothing? That it’s totally fine the plant I spent months searching for and nursing back to its potential is dead for an asinine reason!?” she demanded, growing impatient with the blonde’s stubborn tongue...oblivious to the true reason behind her hesitance.
“No! No of course not!” Harley denied vehemently. Her words tripped out of her tongue instinctually…like they always did in these types of situations, a verbal defense mechanism. “It’s totally cool you’re losing your shit over a dead billion-year-old weed, totally understandable!” she spoke in earnest yet her forced smile looked more as though she were sea-sick and less sympathetic; to Ivy though it only screamed condescending.
“Harleen,” redhead hissed, “don’t mock me!” she growled, her tone reaching a timbre the girl had never heard before. One that made her reflexively flinch back with an audible yelp, as if brushed by hot coals, taking a step back.
Ivy took pause. Her fury dissipated into curiosity as she quirked her brow, regarding the girl.
“Harley?” she asked much softer, gaining no response from the clown who's eyes only grew wide as she realized she had the woman's full attention, no longer so occupied with her impassioned tirade on plant care. The jester shivered realizing she was expected to speak.
“S-sorry…I’m sorry,” the clown’s breath escaped harshly out of her throat as she spoke. “No you were right, I fucked up, it won’t happen again, s-swear!” She took a step back, and then another, like she was trying to create as much distance as possible should anything happen. “We’re on the same page I’m a thousand and twelve percent sorry, end of story! You were right, I was wrong I’m a-always wrong—” she shook her head as she flashed her palms defensively, “clutsy Harley strikes again am I right?” she tried to give a smile which was best described as nauseous as her shoulders began to quiver. "I'm s-sorry...I'm sorry..."
The anger in the botanist's heart was replaced with concern at the sudden shift in behavior as Ivy took a step forward towards the clown—Harley in turn taking two steps back. “Harley what’s wrong?” the villain demanded.
“Please! Please-I’ll-make-it-up-to-you-I’m-sorry!” the girl was ranting now, giving out a slew of apologies as she hugged at herself, her back now pressed against the wall with nowhere to go—nowhere to run—which only proved to panic her more. “I’m sorry…” she whimpered, “I didn’t mean it…I’m s-sorry!” Ivy could see her eyes watering, her lungs gasping for air as if the room was running out of oxygen. Was she about to cry?
“Harl would you calm down, why are you getting so worked up?” the redhead asked again, the blonde didn’t seem to hear her only shaking her head profusely, murmuring out an endless string of half audible apologies, growing fainter the closer the woman got, as though Harley were afraid of making too much noise around her.
“Harley?” Ivy asked again. Again the clown didn't seem to hear her, only mumbling out,"—sorry...I'm so so sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry—!"
“Harley answer me!” Ivy shouted in attempts to reach the clown’s ear—she reached out a hand to try and grab the girl’s arm.
Both proved to be a fatal mistake.
“NO PLEASE!” The blonde shrieked bracing herself like a frightened animal about to be kicked.
The sheer terror in her voice was enough to knock Ivy back a few steps in alarm, almost loosing her balance in shock.
“H-Harl?” Ivy uttered, her concern now blatant panic as she watched the younger woman break out into a violent sob, falling to her knees where she stood pressed against the wall. “Harl what’s wrong with you?” the redhead asked worriedly, frozen in place with alarm as she felt her own heart pound in her chest. “Talk to me,” she pleaded gently.
The blonde didn’t seem to hear her, only curling into herself more on the ground, trying to appear as small as possible. “I’m s-orry!” she begged furiously, “I’m sorry please I’m s-so so sorry!” her voice was shaky as tears trickled out of her eyes."I'm so sorry Pammy please forgive me..."
Ivy shook her head, “Sweetheart I do, of course I do, is that why you're acting like this I...I don't understand—" She found herself uncertain of what to do as the blonde only responded in her continued slew of mumbled apologies, still bracing herself defensively. Her breath was going wild, her chest heaving as if she’d run a marathon. The botanist feared for a moment she may hyperventilate.
“Harl baby please, talk to me, what’s got you so frightened?" she tried leaning closer to look at her which was met with another startled yelp. Ivy furrowed her brow as she leaned back again, unsure of what else to do besides shake her head in confusion. If she didn't know any better the girl was acting like something was going to attack—
Realization struck Ivy like a scalding knife plunged between her ribs as she looked at those bright blue eyes usually so full of trust now baked in pure fear…like how they usually looked whenever the blonde talked about—
“Harls...I-I’m not him,” Ivy said softly. She let a pause linger as the clown trembled. “I’m not Joker,” Ivy repeated, shaking her head slowly. “I’m not going to hurt you”
The girl only sniffed, not seeming to hear her as her small shoulders shook with a purpose. The woman found herself torn between wanting to move closer to Harley to comfort her and moving back to give her space.
“Daffodil?” Ivy whispered, sinking to a kneel to appear less intimidating, second guessing hers action when Harley flinched again from her sudden movements, hiding her wet face behind her knees which she pulled to her chest. She seemed to flatten herself against the wall as much as possible. “It’s alright, you aren’t in danger, I’m not going to hurt you... please don’t be afraid,” her own voice seemed to waver in the air as she watched the blonde continue to quake in fear, her blue eyes leaking a steady stream of tears.
“Can you hear me flower?” Ivy asked carefully, gazing up at her, her head bowing. She heard the girl give a hiccuped breath and watched as Harley leaned back long enough to wipe her eyes before curling up again. It took a moment but the clown managed to mumble out a simple "mmhmm" from behind her lips, nodding her head lightly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” Ivy continued softly, tilting her head as if speaking to a child, trying to steal back Harley’s gaze. “Are you alright?” she asked tentatively, already knowing the answer: no, no she clearly wasn’t.
Harley didn’t respond that time, instead just rocked herself softly as she continued to sob brokenly. Ivy was silent for a long while as she watched her helplessly, pondering her options as her heart broke for the terrified little figure trembling with fear seated in front of her. Her bangs had fallen in front of her face, sticking to her wet cheek. The botanist found herself yearning to stroke them away, to wipe that sorrowful face free of sadness, to comfort the clown. “Can I touch you peanut?” the woman asked gently, raising a hand far slower this time, out towards her head. Fearful blue eyes flashed to the hand in an instant as the girl drew back with a quiet whimper, shivering.
“That’s alright!” Ivy responded quickly but softly, drawing her arm back immediately and taking the opportunity to scooch back while she was at it. “That’s alright,” she repeated tenderly. She kept her hands palm down by her sides to prove she had no intention of moving them again, “whatever makes you comfortable…” she tried to give a comforting smile, which she could feel herself was doing jackshit to soothe the girl. She remained in her distant spot on the ground whilst she tried to settle the blonde’s nerves with gentle words, tried to ease her breathing before she fainted, tried to dry her tears with the coos of her voice. Thankfully her composure did calm down a bit, however she still hadn't made any attempts to unfurl herself from her tight ball on the ground, nor even to instigate any semblance of a conversation with the botanist—as though her tongue had forgotten how to work. Ivy felt a sick weight in her stomach form as she worried her presence may be suffocating the blonde. Her throat felt tight at the thought. She swallowed a dispirited sigh.
“Do you need some alone time berry?” Ivy whispered.
Harley sniffed, and a beat passed before she gave a small nod. Ivy smiled sadly, “alright” the redhead cooed, standing as slowly as she physically could, not wanting to make any sudden movements, it was as if interacting with a wounded animal, she thought vaguely. The metahuman felt a pair of blue eyes trained on her form for any unexpected actions, though she tried her best not to meet that gaze, not wanting to stare the girl down as she rose above her.
“You know where to find me when you feel up to it, ok?” the metahuman announced quietly, looking down at the tiny woman on the floor, still shivering, still crying. Still so terrified as she glanced away from the redhead again.
“K…” Harley uttered, barely above a whisper. She kept her head down, refusing to look at her. As if doing so might have very well sprung a fresh wave of tears.
Ivy waited another moment to see if the blonde would say anything else, or at the very least shoot her a tiny glance, just so she could see her bright blue eyes again…but was left saddened when she didn’t; just wrapping her arms around her bent legs to pull them tighter to her chest. Ivy gave a solemn nod before turning to leave as slowly as she could, exiting the room without another word. The sounds of the girl’s soft sobs followed behind her.
“Shit,” Ivy seethed at herself quietly once she was out of earshot, grabbing a fistful of her auburn hair in frustration.
How could she have been so careless—no, so ignorant? She had noticed several times in the past that whenever she became particularly angry over something the clown seemed to be given a jolt; Harley would hold her tongue and stand quietly as if frozen in place as Ivy went on and on about nonsense that wasn’t even that important…certainly not important enough to warrant ignoring Harley’s wellbeing.
She should have read the signs, she should have waited for herself to calm down before giving the jester an earful—Ivy could have sat around pondering all ways she could have acted differently but in the end it none of them mattered…the damage was already done: she hurt the one she loved, the girl she loved with all her heart.
She hurt her Harley.
And Ivy hated herself for that.
“Shit”, she hissed again at herself, banishing a forming wetness in her eye with a swift swipe. She shook her head as she continued down the hall. "Shit..."
____________________________________________________________
Ivy wasn’t sure how much time had passed, as a matter of fact she was actively trying to avoid checking the time—checking to see how long it took Harley to come back to her. If she even did—she tried to stuff those thoughts down, of course the clown would come back. But Ivy still couldn’t shake the guilt rattling in her heart…she felt sick to her stomach.
She ached more than anything to run to the blonde, to pull her into her arms and sob out an endless stream of apologies; yet another part of her wanted to wait—wanted to wait and see what Harley would do, as if her return would give the redhead some sort of vindication. Like she hadn’t done permanent damage to their relationship.
The carousel of dark thoughts spinning in her head came to somewhat of a halt as she felt a pair of blue eyes appear on her skull from where the woman sat reading by the small fireplace…‘reading’ here of course being a relative term as the redhead was truly just skimming the same page again and again without truly seeing it…her mind too distracted to actually focus on words.
Ivy gave no indication she could sense Harley’s presence where she lingered in the doorway, timidness overpowering the clown’s senses like one of the villain’s toxins. Instead, she wanted to wait for the girl to approach first, giving her control of the situation, a rare thing she had had in her past relationship.
It took a while, but finally Harley found the courage to step forward into the room, uttering a meek, “Hi…” The clown spoke quietly, giving a weak smile; her eyes were still red and raw from the tears.
“Hi,” Ivy greeted her warmly with a reserved smile of her own, closing her book and setting it down. It was immediately forgotten as all focus now fell on the awkward blonde fumbling with her hands as she anxiously looked for words in her throat.
“Can-can I sit with you?” She asked quietly, her gaze resting on her feet, too ashamed to look at the woman in her green eyes.
“You never have to ask,” the redhead said softly, widening the space between her legs and giving it a soft pat. The girl came to rest between them, her back against the botanist’s chest comfortably. At first Ivy was hesitant about touching her, that was until she found Harley guiding her wrists to curl around her small body in an embrace. The metahuman felt her muscles relax at the simple gesture of trust. There was still hope.
They sat quietly for a while, just listening to each other’s breathes as both women were at a loss for what to say.
“Are you alright?” Ivy asked carefully after a moment.
“Yeah...” Harley said, her voice sounding distant. “Sorry about all that…heh” she chuckled dryly, “that was a bit dramatic…”
Ivy chortled humorlessly. “Are you serious?” she scoffed, “I’m the one who should be apologizing not you,” she announced at the girl, incredulous that Harley could even consider any of that was her fault. Harley didn’t respond, only sank deeper into Ivy’s touch. She felt warm breath fluff the top of her hair as Ivy let out a sigh. “I’m sorry I lost my temper with you, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that—”
The clown felt her face become unpleasantly hot. She hated this. People never apologized to her, they had no reason to; crap was always her fault—Harley had grown to accept that. To hear that it wasn’t for once, even if it truly wasn’t, it just felt wrong.
“I mean it was my fault…” Harley mumbled, trying to shift blame back to herself, back to what was familiar.
“That doesn’t give me an excuse to hurt you Harley,” Ivy spat. She stopped herself, swallowing back her bitter tone when she felt the clown grow a bit stiff in her grasp. She took a breath. “I’m sorry I frightened you daffodil,” she whispered, "I'm so sorry." She gave Harley a squeeze, feeling relief bubble in her chest when the girl relaxed again in her grip.
“It’s not you red,” the blonde urged, “not totally you at least…” she hugged Ivy’s arms, coaxing them to curl around her body a bit tighter, as the woman began to rock her gently. “I can’t control whenever my dumb old sympathetic nervous system decides to start actin up and makes a scene…”
Ivy slumps her shoulders, shaking her head softly, “Harls I don’t speak psychologist...” Harley always tended to use psychiatric lingo to explain away the certain things she did that might have seemed odd, as if doing so could make her odd actions and behaviors excusable. Like her emotions weren’t valid on their own and had to be justified with scientific reasoning and big academic words.
“It’s just the little highway of nerves in my brain and gut telling me there’s danger when there isn’t any…” she shrugged lamely, her face still burning in embarrassment, “it’s just dumb vestigial instincts we don’t need anymore…like getting scared over something that don’t matter…like a math test or taxes,” the blonde dismissed.
“Harls are you saying I...” Ivy stopped rocking, her energy now turned to forcing her voice to work as she felt pain seep on to her tongue. “…I trigger a panic response in you?” she asked, her chest aching, she felt her eyes begin to sting, “that I make you feel unsafe?”
The girl stayed quiet, choosing not the respond. She made a small sound in her throat as her fingers played with the fabric of Ivy’s sleeve.
“Baby, look at me,” Ivy urged, waiting for the girl to turn around to face her on her own rather than trying to turn her gaze by force. It took a moment of hesitant silence before the clown shifted atop her lap to look at the woman, just in time to see slow, fresh tears emerge from the corners of her crisp emerald eyes. “Sometimes when I get angry, my voice may get loud, I may say things I don’t mean...but that never, never, means I'm about to hurt you Harley do you understand?” Iv spoke earnestly as her cheeks became wet. She, gingerly reached a hand out to cup Harley’s face. The girl eyed it a bit warily but didn’t flinch when she was touched. Both women let out a breath of relief. “You’ll always be safe around me...please tell me you understand that?”
“Of course I know that, red…” Harley said quietly. “But you shouldn’t have to apologize for feelin how you feel…I know how much you care about your green buddies"
"I care about you more," Ivy argued. The clown felt herself blush, trying to stifle it down and shift back to the familiar. "You should be allowed to express how you feel...I'm just a coward that can't be helped..."
“You’re not a coward Harleen. You’re the bravest girl I know,” Ivy said firmly, brushing a bit of blonde hair from her eyes. “And I promise I'll watch my tone with you in the future"
“You don’t have to...” the clown mumbled dispassionately.
“I do,” Ivy said persistently, trying to keep her voice even. She'd be damned if Harley mistook her righteous indignation for anger directed at her. She lifted the girl's chin so their eyes connected. “For you. I want you to feel safe Harley, especially in your own home and most certainly around me. I couldn’t live with myself if I frightened you so deeply daffodil.” Harley blushed trying to glance away but Ivy held her face firm, “you deserve to feel safe after everything you’ve been through. You deserve to feel loved.”
Harley stared at her, feeling sting poke at her eyes. “Heh…” she laughed hollowly, “haha...oh geez here it comes again,” she coughed wetly as tears began to well once more. She hid her face in Ivy’s neck as she sobbed again. The woman held her tight as she rocked the two of them once more, stroking over her girlfriend’s shuddering back. The crackling of the dying fireplace and the clown's soft hiccuping breath were the only sounds in the room as the botanist combed through cheaply dyed hair, letting Harley get her emotions out of her heart. A lowly hummed tune joined in quietly with the other sounds of the space.
“I do feel safe around you, red,” Harley spoke when she had calmed down, wiping her eyes and pulling back to look at Ivy, “The safest I think I’ve ever felt in my life…” she gave a small, wet smile, “I just got demons, ya know?”
“I know sunflower…” the woman nodded, using her thumb to wipe a stray tear from Harley’s cheek. “And I’ll do my best to help you with them I promise,” her toxic lips left a soft kiss on the crown of her golden head.
Harley sniffed, “I love you Pammy”
“And I love you so much more, my little daffodil,” Ivy sighed pulling her in for another hug. Harley returned it tightly.
“Is there anything I could do for you right now?” the botanist asked when the two pulled apart. Harley thought for a moment before looking to the metahuman with a soft smile. Silently, she used her finger to point to her cheek.
Ivy stared at her, quirking a brow in confusion but Harley only continued to point, waiting patiently. After another moment Ivy understood with a soft grin and leaned forward to plant a kiss there. The girl giggled softly at the sensation, before pointing to another spot across her jawline. Ivy hummed as she leaned down to grace that bit of flesh with a new red kiss, and hummed again when the clown pointed to the corner of her brow.
They continued like that for a while, Harley silently conducting Ivy’s affection before her finger finally landed on her own pink lips. The woman didn’t hesitate for a moment to join their mouths together, melting as she felt the girl hum quietly against her, her small pale hand cupping her slender cheek. Ivy found herself placing her own hand a top it, a silent request to never let go.
“Thank you,” the clown hummed gratefully when they pulled away. Ivy smiled warmly, wrapping her arms around the girl’s back, “you’re welcome peanut,” she cooed, resting their foreheads together. Harley took the opportunity to gaze into those bright emerald green eyes as her thumbs stroked over emerald green skin. Ivy purred against the touch, kissing the inside of Harley’s wrist. The clown smiled.
“You’re pretty…” the jester said suddenly, her tone wistful, “I don’t think I tell you that enough”
“And you’re very cute,” Ivy grinned, nuzzling her nose against the clown’s cheek, gazing at her through lidded eyes, “which I know I tell you a lot…but I enjoy saying it”
“Say it again then,” the blonde smiled crookedly.
“You’re cute~” the villain purred.
Harley chuckled leaning in for another kiss, entwining their hands. “I’ll help ya with anything you need in the garden this week,” she announced, “I wanna make up for hurting your dinosaur plant”
Ivy hummed hesitantly, “I don’t know if I’m too comfortable with you around my babies right now, baby,” she admitted, “but I appreciate the offer,” she added when the clown pouted in dejection. “Besides you don’t have to make up for anything”
The blonde whined, “please red, I want to! I feel like shit…”
The woman smiled sympathetically, running the back of her finger over the girl's cheek, as she thought. She then pulled Harley’s arms to rest around her own neck. “Hold me,” she said simply, “that’s how you can make it up to me…just keep me some company for a while, alright pretty girl?” she whispered, her hands stroking over the younger woman's back, “I want to feel you close to me”
Harley grinned softly, “Oh, don’t worry red…” she squeezed the redhead tight as she let her head droop to rest on Ivy’s shoulder. Her pink lips brushed over the green skin of her neck as she spoke, “that I can definitely do~”