Chapter Text
Jack Slash - December 3rd
The best time to go for a beach day was not a topic that was often hotly debated. It was a pretty logical conclusion that the best time to go to the beach would be during the summer. Right?
Not for the purposes of the Slaughterhouse Nine. For us, the best time to go to the beach was obviously during winter.
“But Jack,” they say. “Won’t it be cold?”
It would be too cold for most people, true, but not for the Crawler, who was the entire point of this trip - and no amount of Bonesaw yelling “Beach Day!” would make me think otherwise.
During winter, no one would bother checking out some out-of-the-way beach in the middle of nowhere. This meant that I could handle Crawler’s problem without interference.
See, Crawler had been performing well recently, but that actually made him upset because it meant that nothing had hurt him in a while. If he got too antsy, he’d leave, and I’d lose a valuable member. I really can't let that happen.
So, I decided we were going to go on a beach trip. You might be wondering about the relationship between Crawler’s inability to satisfy his masochism and the beach, but I’ll get there.
Crawler’s power was incredibly broad, and he could adapt to anything; from Legend’s hottest lasers to the smallest paper cuts. Well, probably. While I’m pretty sure he can’t get paper cuts, you never know with powers.
Crawler didn’t keep a list of his adaptations, so if I wanted to offer him something that could hurt him, I’d have to figure out what could hurt him first, and bar Siberian (who I really didn’t want to use yet) I had no ideas.
Then, yesterday, it came to me.
Dump Crawler in the ocean.
So that’s why the feared Slaughterhouse Nine were currently attaching Crawler to a chain, on a beach, in the middle of winter.
The things I do for this team…
Crawler
I was shivering with anticipation as Jack and Mannequin wrapped the chain around my body. It was some sort of tinker thing that was just as long as it needed to be, something like that, I wasn’t really paying attention.
This is going to hurt!
Bonesaw had said something about powers fucking you up in an ironic way one time, and for once I actually listened to her rant, because I couldn’t agree more. A masochist gets the ability to survive any amount of pain. Great, right?
Wrong.
My adaptations came with a price. The gradual loss of sensation was enough to make me seek out stronger opponents so I could be hurt again, which led to me being here now.
A long time ago, I had confronted the Slaughterhouse Nine because I knew they could hurt me. I was prepared to fight, but Jack simply told me that I’d find what I was looking for if I joined them instead.
Looking back, it was a good decision; it led to moments like this. And even if I can’t fight Siberian now, one day she’ll try and hurt me. I know it.
“Alright Crawler, you ready?”
Jack’s words brought me back to reality.
“I’m ready.”
Mannequin had secured the end of the chain to a pole lodged in the sand, which was definitely a tinker thing. I had learned not to question them over the years.
Breaking out into a sprint, I charged over to the surface of the water, and began to sink.
Jack Slash
And now, we wait.
We’d be here for a long time, and I didn’t know how long Crawler would stay in the ocean. Would he make it to the ocean floor? He could probably take the pressure, and he’d definitely come out looking different.
Crawler was proud of his appearance, (Hell, he was more vain than even Shatterbird!) and he always liked getting new adaptations for the aesthetic, even if he hated the pain immunities they came with.
I turned and walked away from the ocean just in time to prevent the massive backsplash from Crawler’s divebomb from soaking me. It was a near miss.
I must be getting old.
Just as I thought the other members of the Nine were going to get bored quickly, I was proved wrong.
Shatterbird was talking with Burnscar about something inane. While sunbathing. Technically it wasn’t sunbathing, but ‘Burnscar’s-fire-bathing’ did not have a ring to it.
Bonesaw was making sandcastles with Siberian. You wouldn’t think it, but Siberian was actually quite adept at it. She was working on the castle itself while Bonesaw was fashioning little people to populate it. How quaint.
Mannequin was still working on The Chain. Capatalised. It was the chain above all other chains. Mannequin didn’t bother explaining how it worked, but it was apparently good enough to lower Crawler to the seafloor and retrieve him again, which was quite an impressive feat.
Hatchet Face was the only one who seemed bored. He was grumbling about something, probably me, under his breath while brooding in a corner.
I’ll probably kill him soon. His shtick is getting old and no one likes him. He’s probably going to try and kill one of us soon anyway, so just call it a preemptive strike.
I sauntered over to Hatchet Face. After all, his one redeeming quality was that he was really fun to mess with.
“Hey Hatchet, what’s going on?” I asked with mock cheer.
“grumble grumble grumble.” He said under his breath.
Ok, he didn’t actually say that, but he may as well have.
He was standing with his arms crossed, far from the shore. He clearly didn’t want to be here.
“Sorry, Hatchet, didn’t catch that.”
See, Hatchet Face was the opposite of Mannequin, in a way. While calling Mannequin ‘Alan’ was a good way to piss him off, Hatchet Face, on the other hand, hated his cape name.
Naturally, I refused to call him anything else.
“I said,” He grumbled “What’s the fucking point?”
He looked at me in anger and continued.
“It’s not like anything can kill him, and he ain’t gonna be in a fight where this'll save his skin.”
“We’re here to do something nice for a teammate.” I responded. “If you actually did anything interesting, we’d do something for you too.”
“Whatever.” He turned away from me, and it was clear that the conversation was over.
Hah, as if.
Burnscar
Crawler had been underwater for hours now, and I was beginning to get bored.
Shatterbird has stopped the makeshift sunbathing session, saying that she didn’t want me to get ’pyro-crazy’ and start carbonising the beach.
At least I’d have something to do.
My company had been stolen from me, too. Bonesaw finally realised Shatterbird’s value in sandcastle-making, and enlisted her help for the finer details.
I was a little jealous of Mannequin at that point; he didn’t ever seem to get bored. I was half convinced that he had Netflix inside his head, because no one should be able to sit still like that for hours, especially not a tinker.
It didn’t take long for Jack to notice and start needling me. I saw him pestering Hatchet Face for a while, but I guess he got bored.
He strolled over to me with a grin plastered onto his face.
“Hey Burnscar, it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. So what?” I knew where he was going, obviously, but I let him have his fun.
“You think you could start a fire for me?” Jack asked.
“Shatterbird told me not to, said I’d get ‘Pyro-Crazy’.”
He chuckled. “Oh well. I guess I’ll have to suffer in the cold then…”
Jack gave me the best pleading look that a middle-aged serial killer could manage.
“I guess you will.”
That was clearly the reaction he expected, and he chuckled again.
Our conversation was interrupted by a scream of outrage from near the sand castle.
“How could you! You.. You meanie !” Bonesaw sounded more upset than I’d ever heard her,
Oh, scratch that. No more sand castle.
Hatchet Face was standing over Bonesaw’s ruined masterpiece, signature hatchet in hand. Bonesaw was right in front of him, fuming, and Siberian was protectively looming over her. Even Shatterbird looked a little pissed.
“What’s the point!” He shouted. “It’s all fucking pointless!”
Hold on. Is he… Crying?
“There’s always more! I can’t fucking kill them all!”
Ok, Hatchet Face was having a breakdown.
The group of previously outraged serial killers were now stunned, Hatchet Face’s seeming existential crisis causing outright confusion. Hell, Bonesaw didn’t even tell him not to swear.
“What shitty powers... They ruined everything! My life's a mess, and I'm surrounded with the thing I hate most of all!”
He looked down at his trademark hatchet.
“There's only one way out for me...”
Oh no.
Hatchet Face brought his hatchet to his face, using his Brute strength, and cleaved his own head in half.
The now-covered-in-blood Bonesaw seemed unbothered.
“Gee, I wasn’t that upset!”
Jack’s look of confusion settled back into his regular expression, and he joined me in heading over to our three blood-covered allies.
“What a shame.” Jack clearly didn’t believe his own words, which were dripping with sarcasm. “He had so much to live for.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I can put him back together in no time, I just need a n-”
“Hiiiii Guys!” A shrill voice cut through Bonesaw’s words.
A new figure approached from the edge of the beach.
“I’m here to join your team, isn’t that great!”
I was unimpressed.
“Oh.. seems like you don’t think so.” She deflated.
Cherish
Okay, so in hindsight, killing a member of the Nine to join them wasn’t the best idea, but how was I supposed to know they already had a slot open?
They weren’t too upset with me though, (and I could tell), it seemed like Jack was more upset that he couldn’t kill Hatchet Face himself.
I introduced myself and told them that I wanted to join the Nine. They weren’t pleased at first, but I think they warmed up to the idea once I told them what I could do. I didn’t want to try my power on the Nine just yet, since Jack seemed too smart for blatant manipulation, so I used my natural charisma in order to convince them to let me join.
“So, tell me, why should we let you into our family?” Jack asked. He stared at me with a cold, judging look.
“Well, I, uh, I’m good at messing with people?” I did not sound confident enough for this.
“Sure.”
“And, uh, Oh! My dad’s Heartbreaker, so I picked up a thing or two”
“That’s certainly interesting.” I could tell from his emotions that he was starting to warm up to the idea. “But I’m talking to you , not Heartbreaker.”
“Ok, my power is like, really good for tracking people, and I can get them to kill themselves. One time, I told a guy to kill his whole family, and I made him enjoy it!”
“That’s more like what we’re looking for. You know what, since you’re brave enough to invite yourself in, I’ll let you go through our tests.”
At that moment, a huge eruption of water exploded from the shore, and a huge creature emerged from the depths.
The creature talked.
“Did I miss something?”