Chapter Text
That one December morning when Steve was 15 and Robin was 14, most teenagers' families that were associated with the church were called into a seminar on a cold Saturday morning. Steve remembered reading the flyer for it.
A three-week educational journey for your children on love and Jesus.
He also remembered how his father had talked to a lot of different parents, selling the whole idea. He had never been part of the conversation, only overheard what was said and frankly, he wasn’t very interested in the whole thing. What was there to learn about love? Most things that the bible preached about love he already knew, so why to have an extra ‘educational journey' about it.
He remembered that there was no heating installed in the church yet and it was especially bothering on that day. The stones didn’t do much to keep the cold December weather out and the wooden benches had no cushioning on them.
Robin had gotten sick from it already, but she was still attending that one Saturday morning, being late but sneaking in just in time as his father prepared his speech.
“I brought you a surprise,” she whispered as she took a seat. It was only the two sitting on one of the rows in the middle alone. Huddled close to Steve she fumbled around her thick winter coat before she pulled out a little thing wrapped in a kitchen towel. “Don’t tell mom I stole one already.”
Steve took the small bundle and unwrapped it in his lap. The crumbs were spilling onto his pants and the floor as he pulled out the Christmas cookie, he knew was his favourite baked good of Mrs Buckley's winter treats.
“Mom made them last night,” Robin leaned in whispering. Her cheeks were red from the cold air as well as her ears which poked out from between her strands of her.
“Thank you,” Steve whispered back, very much excited over the surprise. Robin tapped her temple twice before she pulled out another bundle and revealed another cookie, she had brought for herself.
“On three?” She asked still whispering, looking to the front before scanning the area. Then she started counting down. “One, Two…. three!” She whispered, followed by stuffing the cookie into her mouth.
Steve mimicked her and shoved the thing between his lips followed by squeezing them shut, pretending not to chew. Robin let out a muffled giggle as she tried to eat the cookie as quietly as possible. Steve gleamed at her as the sweet treat filled his mouth. The laughter stuck in his chest and had a few crumbs spill over his lips as he tried to chew and not to laugh.
Both of them failed horribly, pressing their hands to their mouths trying to swallow down the rest of the food without being caught.
Steve was glad she was here. The early Saturday morning was getting better already, only disturbed by his father's voice echoing through the high church sealings.
“Thank you for coming everyone,” he said looking at the 30 or so children and teenagers sitting distributed throughout the church.
“This better not be dragging on,” Robin said in her moody-teenager voice, “I want to go ice skating on lover’s lake. It’s finally frozen over enough!” Steve couldn’t agree more. Both of them have been waiting for weeks now to go, his skates already standing by the door for when it was finally cold enough.
“I don’t think it will,” he said more in hopes but not actually sure. “I don’t even really know what this is all about. Dad wouldn’t tell me.”
Robin was pressed against his side as she took off the cloves she was still wearing. “I think it’s because of what is going on with Mr Johnston,” she said stuffing her cloves away and taking Steve’s hand as she so often did. He figured it was a safety mechanism for her. She got fidgety when she was sitting still for too long or sometimes anxious when she couldn’t talk her thoughts out loud.
Steve didn’t mind and held her warm hand in his cold one, seeking some warmth from it. “I don’t know what he did. Have you heard anything?” She asked whispering, eyes still glued to the front.
“Mr Johnston? The one that comes to church?” Steve whispered back.
Robin nodded her head, “Yeah, that one. I heard people whisper about him, but Mom wouldn’t tell me exactly what had happened.”
Steve remembered Mr Johnston as a nice middle-aged man. He had been coming to Sunday service for years. Moved to Hawkins alone as a young man. Never had a wife or kids.
“Man, I liked Mr Johnston,” Robin whispered, “he was living down the road from us. Helped me fix my bike one summer. Now, mom doesn’t want me to go near his house anymore. He didn’t even do anything for all I know.”
Steve tried to remember more of the man, but he was overall a very quiet person. He came and attended church and neighbourhood parties. He was polite and well-mannered. Worked at the library if he remembered right. Nothing about the man ever seemed out of place, at least not to Steve.
“Recently in our fine community we had some disturbance,” his father continued.
While Steve got his eyes and his lips from his mother, he had the jawline and the nose of his dad. Other than him his dad's eyes were small and darker in a way that the white contrast always seemed a little too harsh. His lips were thin and, in a line, almost always and the deep wrinkles on his forehead made him look even more intimidating.
Steve really looked a lot like his mother. So much that it was sometimes hard for him to see himself in his dad at all.
“A person in our midst – a friend to some, a neighbour to others - had come forwards and confirmed allegation against him that had been suspected of for a while now.” Steve was holding his breath as his father took the attention of the room easily. He had an outstanding presence, that he had to give to him.
“Your parents have agreed for the church to handle the spreading of this information and to provide every necessary educational information so that something like this won’t happen again. We will also hold these seminars to make sure that your generation is prepared to handle if coming in contact with these matters or persons.”
Robin had become very quiet where she was sitting next to Steve. Her side was pressed against him, her hand still clamped around his. When Steve stole a look at her, he wondered about her glassy look and white cheeks. Had he missed something, or had she suddenly concluded about what was happening here that he couldn't see.
“Some of you might know Mr Johnston. He was part of our church for almost two decades. Now he had confirmed the allegations against him that he is a homosexual.”
Steve’s head snapped back to the front where his father was looking over the crowd. His hand was suddenly squeezed tight as he blinked away the confusion.
His dad was looking at him now. Between that look that he couldn’t place, the information he just heard and Robin holding onto him as if her life depended on it, Steve was feeling utterly warm in his coat where he sat on the cold bench, in the cold church.
“We are here today to talk about what that means for our community, the church and how we can work around people like that. We will also learn in the next few weeks how to spot early since of-,” his dad had been looking at him still. He made a little pause before his eyes finally left Steve and he continued, “queers. I want you all to see this as a great learning opportunity and to spread awareness through having an open conversation about God and his will.”
|||
Robin was sitting at the curve of the parking lot two stores down from the video store. Her head was laid onto her arms which were resting on her knees. She wasn’t looking in Steve’s direction as he approached her slowly. When he stood next to her, feet shuffling in the dirt a little she didn’t address him either.
Steve was bending his knees and sitting next to her slowly. The sadness radiating from her posture alone was heartbreaking and Steve had to swallow the lump in his throat. Robin was such a bright person in his life, always laughing, joking, smiling, it was hard to see her hunched over not even a little bit of joy left.
Steve was feeling immense guilt for not seeing what his best friend must have been going through all along. Yeah, he noticed her being a little bit more reserved recently but never had he imagined the reason or the extent of what she was experiencing.
“Before you say anything,” Robin didn’t lift her head to look at him, “can we just sit here? Just for a moment?” She was still facing away from him, her back raising heavy with every breath as Steve sat in silence next to her. It took more than a couple of minutes for her to move or speak again. During the time sitting in silence, Steve tried to look back on their time together, and their friendship to see what he had missed all of those years.
Robin was always next to him and yet he never noticed her being intrigued with someone else. Not romantically. She never had crushes, or so would Steve believe. Never even looked at other guys. Steve never really put much thought into it. She must just not be ready to date, he thought. She was always around him too, so other people easily took them for a couple. Never was she hit on much either. Maybe it wasn't because of Steve being around but because she truly never seemed to give her attention to other guys.
He thought back and remembered the girls that surrounded them. Everyone at church and at school. Robin's other girlfriends. maybe she did look at them a little longer from time to time. Maybe the blushes and smiles she was showing when she talked to Julie from her choir. Or the way she was holding onto the old hair tie with the bow on that she received from Margert that was sitting behind her in math.
Steve scratched the back of his neck, not knowing if he suddenly was reading too much into every little action Robin ever had with someone else. Everything he never noticed before. Was this silly to do? Robin was still his best friend. What did it matter? Although Steve couldn't have known, he still felt horrible that he didn't see her hiding something that she was obviously hurting about from him. He should have noticed at least that much.
After a while, Robin shifted slightly. She swallowed as Steve was hyper-focused on her every move. “Sorry. I just,” Robin mumbled then, it was hard for Steve to understand her slurred words, “wanted to pretend for a moment longer, that everything was still normal.”
“Robin,” Steve said quietly when she finally lifted her head to look at him.
“I was going to tell you,” Robin said then, her eyes watery and red, “I just needed us to be friends for a little longer. I couldn’t let go of it yet. But I was going to tell you anyway. I-I promise.”
“Robin,” Steve said again reaching out for her, placing his hands on her shoulders. She squeezed her eyes together.
“Robin, I’m so sorry,” Steve whispered then. He rubbed little circles where he was holding her shoulders. “I didn’t know.” He tried to find the words that would be not only soothing but also explain what he was feeling. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t… that I would… dammit – I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t trust me. A-and that I made you say it, that I pushed for an answer even if you weren’t ready.”
"I-I wanted t-t-to tell you. I-I wanted to explain," she stuttered rubbing her eyes red.
"No," Steve said pulling her closer. "No, you didn't have to. There is nothing to explain. You don't owe me anything, Robbie."
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Robin’s head lulled forward against the crock of Steve’s neck, “I didn’t mean to be like this. It just happened and a-and I can’t change it.”
“There is nothing wrong with you,” Steve said the words well knowing that this was going against so much he was told…so much he was meant to believe in.
“I’m sorry,” he said again because he didn’t know what else to say. “So, so sorry you had to go through this alone. But I’m here now. I could never not love you. Whatever you, uh, are or who you love.”
Now that Robin had her face hidden, she took a deep breath. Steve could feel the hot exhale against his neck and his ear, the hair tickling against his skin where they moved. "I," Robin whispered then, her fist crawling into Steve's shirt at the back, "I like girls instead of boys."
The secret was hushed out, but it was said and there was no taking back. Steve's stomach made a little flip. He didn't really understand why his heart started raising or why the excited tingling started to bloom but something about the confession hanging between them made his whole body feel ecstatic.
"It's okay."
The two were holding onto each other until the sun was slowly casting shadows from the building next to them. Robin had left a wet patch on Steve’s shirt, where she had cried into his shoulder. His arms hurt where he was holding her still against his cheat. His heart never stopped beating in his ears as he let the thought roll, of what all of this meant for his best friend but also for him.
“When we had those seminars,” Steve said, voice far away, “did you… did you know back then?” Cold church benches and his father’s even colder voice came back to his mind. It let him run cold even if it was burning hot outside. Robin nodded slowly and Steve wanted to puke.
The things they were told back then, Robin sitting next to him and holding on to his hand. Back then when she was still small. She had long hair, reaching down to the middle of her back, always in a neat way or pigtails. She had a baby face, cheeks still chubby. Steve was always jealous of her later on when she grew into her features more, having a better jawline and cheekbones than him. He never seemed to get rid of the chubby cheeks and chin and so he wanted to look more like her in a way. The short hair made her features stand out even more and he thought more than once when it was his turn to get rid of the baby fat.
Back then Robin would have shining big eyes and hold onto his hand when she was scared or played with it when she was bored. Something she would not admit now. Tiny 13-year-old Robin sitting next to him at church where she had to listen to her best friend's dad telling her how what he started to feel for other girls was wrong and disgusting. That whatever she was feeling was the work of the devil and if she would give in, she would never see heaven.
Back then in those seminars, she would hold onto Steve’s hand even tighter. Stupid 14-year-old Steve had thought she developed a crush on him. Just for her to punch him and tell him that he was the last person on earth for her to ever be interested in.
He believed her even if she was still holding his hand tighter when they were sitting on these benches. For him to never know why she suddenly became so quiet.
“Why did you go?” Steve wanted to know. “You skipped church before. Why not then?” Robin shrugged her shoulders. She had stopped crying but the tenseness in her shoulders was still there.
“Because you went,” she admitted, “and I…I hoped deep down that whatever you heard there, it wouldn’t affect you. It wouldn’t make you hate me. I wanted you to listen and look at me and see. I needed to tell someone, but I couldn't back then. I was way too scared and the thought of you sitting there with me - it made me feel a little better. And when you didn’t react to what was preached, I let myself believe that maybe you wouldn't hate me if you knew.”
“I could never hate you,” Steve said honestly. He took her hand like he so often did when they were younger and squeezed.
Robin smiled but then looked away, “But you think I will go to hell anyway?”
Steve stuttered in his movements and his thoughts. Being... queer is a sin.
“I… I,” But he couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t even build a real thought around it. Robin liked girls and that was a fact. But it was also a fact that after the bible, after what they believed, this was wrong.
“It’s okay, Steve.” Robin sounded surprisingly pragmatic about it. As if the fact that she might end up in hell, that she would never be able to enter paradise with Steve and her family didn't even bother her. Steve’s brain was hurting.
“You know,” she said then, “I don’t believe it. I had a lot of time to think about heaven, God and my beliefs. And even if, I'm still conflicted. I don’t believe that anything bad is going to happen to me.”
“Seriously?” Steve had a hard time wrapping his head around what this all meant. Robin shrugged her shoulders. "Belief is weird and I always had my issue with it all. I mean, the world is big, and people believe in all sorts of things. Just because we were raised to believe in God, doesn't mean that we... have to. That I have to."
She was fast to correct herself. "I don't want you to change your beliefs. Not for me. I'm talking about myself and that I've been questioning a lot."
Steve nodded stupidly. There was so much he had to process and questioning his beliefs just took it too far for the moment. But Robin was her own person. She could do whatever she wanted. And one thing Steve knew for sure. He wouldn't want to go through life without her in it.
"So," Steve wondered after a while of sitting in silence again, both lost in their own thoughts. "Eddie." Robin looked up, her eyes sparkling a little.
"Eddie?" She asked, her voice having a little edge to it. "What about him."
Steve tried to avoid her stare as he looked across the almost empty parking lot. It was getting later, and Robin had missed going back to her shift for good. They would come up with something to talk her out of it for sure.
"I mean," Steve bit his lip, "there is still the question of why he knew. Not that I care or anything. I get why you would be scared of telling me but him? He still kind of just popped up in our lives and I wonder how he is related to it all."
"Oh." Robin's hand had gotten clammy, but Steve hadn't let go of it yet. "Also," he added, "he almost jumped at my throat before I followed you before. Being all protective over you."
"Eddie," Robin said, dragging his name long. "Eddie knows, yes but I never planned on telling him either. I never planned of being friends with him in the first place. It all just kind of happened."
Robin turned to Steve, eyes honest as she explained, "I wasn't lying. We really met at a party a few months ago. The party was... uh not a band-kids party though. This girl I met a while ago at the video store, she took me." Robin laughed a little, rubbing her tear-stained cheek.
She was blushing. "Uh, it was way out of town. The girl, I was into her, and I thought she was into me too. It was all pretty new and exciting. The party was a little scary. All older teenagers, lots of alcohol, and drugs as well. It was scary but also kind of alluring. Because you know they weren't your popular kids. They were people that were already in college and people that kind of didn't fit in. Like the freaks but grown up and for some reason - I just felt seen."
Steve was listening to her speak as she remembered with glassy eyes. "I went a few times. Always with this girl and well, I figured she really must like me because she was holding my hand and dancing with me, and it was just so intoxicating. Everyone there didn't seem to mind. No one cared that we were close, other people did it too. It didn't only feel like I was seen but also like I wasn't looked at weirdly."
"That sounds dangerous," Steve mumbled trying to picture his best friend between older college kids, smoking, drinking, and getting high. "Oh, it probably was," Robin laughed. "No, actually it did turn a little sour when the girl kissed me one night."
Steve blinked at her in confusion. "Isn't that..."
"What I wanted? Oh, yes." Looking back down Robin's smile turned a little sad. "It was and it was great. But you know I was drinking that night. A lot and after she kissed me, which was great and all, she left me there. I didn't know how to get home or even where I was."
"Shit, Robbie."
"It's okay," she was fast to explain, "that is where Eddie comes into play. I already knew about him. We talked a few times. He was always a little weird and a little intimidating but nice overall. And I know that he saw us. Me and the girl. He knew about me and when I was drunk on the porch, crying, not knowing where I was or how to get home, he drove me."
"You just got in his car?"
"Yeah, I know. Could have turned out real bad." Robin smiled more genuine again. "That's what he said. Anyway, he took me home and made sure my parents wouldn't notice. He talked me down and he listen to me cry and the most important thing was that he didn't even try to hit on me in my vulnerable state. He was just being there. No judgment, no funny business."
Steve tried to imagine the guy taking his best friend home. He didn't know him so the weird feeling of having his best friend in his care still made him feel a little sick. But Robin put a calming hand on his shoulder.
"Believe me, Steve, he's a good guy. He gets it...I mean...he gets me in a way that no one else did until then. I couldn't tell you because I was scared but for the first time, someone else knew and didn't judge. We talked a lot since then. Once exams season started in school, we kind of lost contact. I didn't go out anymore. But when he showed up at church we started talking again."
"Wow," Steve let that sink in. He really did have a completely false picture of the guy. "That makes me feel like an asshole." He laughed a little bitter. "I got all up in his face over nothing."
Robin rolled his eyes. "I'm sure he will live. A little brawl with you won't kill him. The opposite I imagine." Steve had no idea what she was going on about but before she could elaborate the topic was changed.
"Thank you, Steve," she said instead, "for listening, for not getting mad."
"Of course not," he returned her smile, "and thanks for being honest and letting me be part of it. It means a lot to me. Really."
|||
Steve was driving up the main road, that further down would lead out of the city until he hit the opening on the side that he had never driven down before. It was a place carved out somewhere close to the woods. Maybe it was an old field or property. Now it was just a lot that had cars, trailers, and a sad-looking playground on it. He turned down the music as he drove further up the dirt road, looking around the place. A few people were staring at him from their little splotch of land in front of their trailers, sitting on old white plastic chairs, drinking beers, and eyeing the shiny car that was so obviously out of place.
He didn’t fit in, and his BMW stood out like a beacon in a dark night sky. Robin had given him an idea of what trailer to look for. All of them seemed kind of similar to Steve. Old homes and mobile houses that were already one with the ground here. Only a few of them looked like they could still drive away. Everyone else was already established and most likely would never leave this place.
Steve thought he should better get out of the car. he was already sticking out but maybe he had a better chance of not completely seeming like an outsider if he would continue his search by foot. After all, there weren't that many homes and one of them must be the one he was looking for.
When he got out, he was holding onto both of the cups he had purchased before. The reason why he was here in the first place and walked up the sandy dirt road towards the older homes.
On the right side, there was an old playground from where Steve could spot a bunch of what seemed to be teenagers hanging out.
Unsure if he should ask them for direction or just look by himself, he was addressed before he could change his mind.
“Did you get lost, posh boy?” One of the boys yelled at him, followed by a few snickers. “The department stores are the other way. They don't sell them fancy shorts here.” Steve furrowed his brows in confusion. Looking down his body he never questioned the khaki shorts he was wearing until this moment. Yes, his outfit might have been from the department store but he was anything but posh.
The condensed water on the cup dripped down his hands and left dark little stains on the shorts, as he looked back to the bunch in front of him.
The three guys eyeing him up and down were about his age. He recognized them from around town but couldn’t put a single name to their faces.
“Uh, hey,” he said keeping a good distance between him and the three strangers, “I’m looking for someone.” The boys were looking at each other for a moment before all three of them started to laugh loudly.
"What is it? Your mom?" One of them asked, eyes gleaming mean. "You be surprised how many rich milfs come around here."
Steve opened his mouth but shut it again. He was in utter confusion about what the three were going on about.
"No," he muttered a little frustrated, his hand getting cold from holding the cups of milkshake, "I'm looking for—"
“Can only hope, it's me,” the voice came from behind him. Steve turned around and found Eddie walking over the dry, crunching grass smiling at him. He was still in those black jeans, this pair especially ripped at the knee and the thigh. His arms were bare again in a shirt that had both sleeves cut off. Around his waist a flannel hanging quite loose and moving as he walked. Standing in front of Steve he looked at the two cups the boy was holding.
“One of them for me?” Eddie asked pointing at Steve’s hand. Behind him, Steve heard snickering from the strangers again but didn’t pay it any mind now that he found who he was looking for.
“That’s cute,” one of the guys yelled, “he’s bringing you a milkshake, Munson.”
“Shut the fuck up, Johnny,” Eddie yelled over Steve’s shoulder with an unexpected bite to it, before his eyes fixed on him again. Steve was holding out one of the cups now.
“Strawberry, right?” He was mumbling so that the other guys couldn’t hear him. Eddie was beaming at him, taking the offered cup. “Good memory, Harrington.”
Then he nodded his head in a different direction. “Let’s go somewhere else. It’s too hot to deal with these idiots.” Steve was more than happy to follow him away from the three dudes mocking him.
“Careful man,” one of them yelled after the two, “you might not come back if you go into the woods with Munson!”
“Ignore them,” Eddie said as Steve hurried behind him, “if this was school or any other place, he wouldn’t dare to say a thing, the coward. Would have his tail between his legs and all. They think they can be brave here.”
Eddie was walking fast with his long limbs and the snickering was getting more unnoticeable by the second. Steve didn’t look back. “Brave or not, he doesn’t have to be an asshole.”
Eddie looked over his shoulder, amused he stated, “As if you could talk.” And he was right. Steve had been a rude idiot before. But he was here to make it all better and that was what counted.
“True,” he chuckled as they walked past all the houses and to the edge of the forest. It wasn’t as hot here and the shadows of the threes helped with the ever-beaming sun. Just a little past the edge of the woods, where the trees were still far apart an old picnic bench appeared. Eddie made his way over sucking on the straw.
“This are good,” he mentioned, waving the milkshake around, “thank you.”
“No problem,” Steve said as he took a seat at the picnic table. Eddie was sitting across from him, visibly enjoying his milkshake, while Steve still had to take a taste of his. He did, slowly, just one sip.
“So,” Eddie mumbled around the straw, “what allows me the pleasure of a visit by the Steve Harrington. And carrying presents with him as well. This must be one of my lucky days.”
Steve was feeling weirdly airy since he had gotten into the car. No, since the idea to bring over milkshakes in the first place. The fluttering feeling in his stomach had only gotten worse when he parked and then, even more overwhelming when he found the one he had been looking for.
“Uh,” Steve said, taking another slow sip, “I wanted to apologise. For getting into your face about Robin. And for thinking that you beat up Greg Anderson.”
Eddie’s eye went wide, “That’s what that was about? Anderson?” He let out a barking laugh. “Anderson had it coming, but not from me. The guy is making enemies all over town. Could have been anyone but it sure as hell wasn’t me.”
“Right,” Steve said, “sorry again. And also thank you. For what you did for Robin.”
“Ah,” Eddie looked down, smiling sheepishly, “she told you all about it then?”
“Yeah,” Steve swallowed, “the parties and the girl. How you looked out for her and well, the…um…the...”
“You can say queer, Harrington,” Eddie’s eyes sparkled a little with something unknown, “the word won’t hurt you.”
“I know!” Steve sights, “I know. Robin and I talked about her being gay. It’s cool. I’m cool with it.”
Eddie smirked. He leaned forward a little, “So cool.”
Steve sights louder this time, “I mean it!” He rolled his head back before taking another sip.
“Hey,” Eddie lifted his hands in surrender, “you don’t have to prove anything to me.” The violent sounds of a straw slurping up the last bit of milkshake sounded and made Steve cringe a little. Eddie's hand came up to his temple a second later, eyes squeezed together, most likely suffering a brain freeze. He rubbed his temple and Steve watched his mannerisms. The guy was weird. He was so weird, but Steve couldn't look away from the way his face changed emotions almost rapidly. He was kind of all over the place all the time.
“But you don’t believe me?” Steve found himself saying. Eddie opened his eyes again and gave him a reserved look. He dropped his hand and kept still for the first time to observe the other in return. “You think I’m an asshole anyway.”
Eddie went quieter. “No,” he said, “I do believe you. I know she means a lot to you. So, I see how you would accept her. It’s a good thing and I’m happy for her.”
“What’s it then?” Steve tried to unravel whatever Eddie is holding back. Eddie lifted a brow in question. Steve bit down on the straw mumbling, “You don’t seem to think much of me anyway.”
“Why do you care what I think?” Good question.
“Uh,” Steve wonder himself, “I’m not sure.”
A silence spread and the only sound was the wind rustling the trees and the sound of Steve slurping his milkshake away. Maybe it was because Robin spoke so highly of him. He wanted to be part of whatever they had. Selfish, Steve thought. And again, Eddie and him being friends. That was just not a good idea.
“The milkshake was good,” Eddie said, and it seemed final. Like their conversation was over. Steve came, brought a reconciling present and they talked it out. There wasn't much more to say. They weren't friends, they weren't even similar, so Steve should really just get up, count his winnings, and simply leave.
But then Eddie asked out of the blue, “What flavour did you get?” It was a stupid question. Simple and unimportant but still, Steve took the bait. “Vanilla.” Because he wasn't ready to leave yet.
Eddie rolled his eyes so hard, Steve thought they might stick to the back of his head. “Of course, it is.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You are such a vanilla boy. Your whole persona screams vanilla to me.”
“Still no idea what you mean.”
Eddie’s smirk grew wider. Suddenly he was up, jumping in the air, his feet hit the top of the table and Steve had to throw his head back to look at him standing on top of it. The old wood let out a miserable squeak.
“It means, Stevie,” he said before crouching down, “that just from looking at your sweet, innocent face, I can tell that you would clutch your pearls if you would try anything with just a little bit of flavour.”
The implication was simple. It meant that he thought Steve was boring. Now, Steve thought about himself in a lot of ways, and not all of them were good. But boring. He wasn't boring!
"You call me boring?"
"Nope," Eddie said popping the p and grinning down at the other boy.
“It’s a metaphor for something else then?” Steve squinted at him as he walked around the top of the table. The whole thing wasn't very stable where it stood on the uneven forest ground.
“Oh yes!” But Steve wasn’t sure for what. “Live a little Steve,” Eddie said pulling out a cigarette from its package and lit it. The flame sparked not only the cigarette but also something in Steve he didn't even know he was pushing down.
“I am! Just because I don’t want to die from lung cancer?” To make a show of it he stood up and climbed into his seat, sitting his ass on top of the table top. Eddie’s smile grew bigger.
“Scandalous!” He yelled out as he dropped down again, now laying his whole length over the picnic table. He was leaning his head on one of his popped-up arms, taking a log drag.
When he blew the smoke out, he blew it right into Steve's face. The other waved his hand in annoyance. “Now that is just rude.”
“Sorry,” Eddie laughed, still beaming. “It’s easy to annoy you is all. Kinda funny seeing your face all scrunched up.”
“Thanks very much,” Steve said but no real heat behind his words, “and just to let you know, I’m not boring or whatever else you where implying. I might not smoke but I do drink…sometimes.” Eddie’s mouth hangs open wide.
“Shocking,” he said, eyes lighting up even more “but not surprising. After all, Jesus did turn water into wine.”
Steve rolled his eyes at him.
“Oh, come on, Harrington,” Eddie got up from his laying position, jumping up as the table cracked a little under him. Steve was looking up with wide eyes. “I’m just winding you up. I’m sure you are heaps fun. Buckley after all seems to latch onto you all the time and she isn’t boring at all.”
There was something about Eddie’s easy way of talking and his bright smiles that let Steve feel a little lighter himself. He was up from where he was sitting in a second. To Eddie’s surprise, he joined him on top of the table, wood cracking a little bit more but none of the boys noticed the unstable table as they came face to face.
“You can have fun without risking your life,” Steve said. He was just a little taller than Eddie and which he noticed now standing only a few centimetres in front of the guy.
“True,” Eddie agreed swaying into Steve’s space more before dancing around him on the tabletop. It was wobbly as Steve made a step closer to the other to balance out. “You certainly can but there is a limit. Never felt like just, you know, letting go?”
“I like being in control of what happens,” Steve said but realised fast it was actually a lie. He was always led by his parents. He never really made decisions for himself. Even just being here on a tabletop inhaling the little bit of cigarette smoke with a guy he was so different to made him feel weirdly like taking actions.
“Uh-hu, like being in control?” Eddie smirked and wiggled his eyebrows while stepping back on the table. The thing wobbled even more and made Steve search for balance. “Now we're talking about the fun stuff!" Steve was about to asked what that meant as he took another step. The tabletop although had enough, ready to give in completely collapse under their weight.
“Shit,” he said as he took a hold of Eddie but the other was already falling to the ground. Steve’s stomach made a flip as he came crashing down half on Eddie half on the ground. Luckily not too hard earth collided with his body.
“Fuck,” he mumbled against something soft as he was shaken by a laugh. Eddie was sprawled next to him, his hair all over the place, some stuck to Steve’s face.
Steve gowned in pain as he tried to determent if anything in his body hurt. No greater pain came, and he let out a relived sight.
“Look,” Eddie said out of breath, amusement in his voice, “sometimes the fall is fun.”
“Yeah,” Steve mumbled, “until you hit the ground.” But he was smiling either way. He rolled himself off of Eddie to stare at the trees letting a few sunbeams through. The smile on his face was cemented and he could feel Eddie staring at him from the side.
“Did you get hurt?” Eddie asked and Steve had to turn his head to see if he had heard right. There was a concerned edge to Eddie’s eyes that left Steve suddenly grinning wide.
“Concerned about me, Munson?” Steve grinned at him. “That’s so sweet of you.” Mocking Eddie was something that Steve had never imagined doing. Seeing the other's little confused look before he realised, he just had been made fun of made Steve feel a glee he hadn’t felt in a while.
“Never mind, Harrington,” Eddie said but smile anyway. When he got up and held a hand out to Steve he was almost not ready to get up yet. Taking it anyway and letting himself be pulled up by Eddie, Steve couldn’t help but smile.
Eddie had several leaves stuck in his hair and Steve, he already had lost a little bit of his sanity today, so he reached out and plucked one that was close to the others face.
The smile on Eddie’s face fell for a moment and Steve thought he had crossed a line when he felt Eddie slowly letting go of the hand, he had pulled Steve upwards with.
“Well,” he found his smile back in seconds, “when I woke up this morning, I didn’t think I would get a free milkshake from Steve ‘Church Boy” Harrington and rock his world. Quite the spectacle.”
Steve dropped the leaf he had pulled from Eddie’s hair, which were to be softer than expected and said, “Takes a little more than a fall of a bench to rock my world, Munson.” Eddie’s eyes gleamed with something mischievous again. “And the milkshake wasn’t free,” because Steve just couldn’t help himself, “now that you know what flavour I like, I will be expecting one in return.”
But he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t make this a think. Eddie could be Robin’s friend. He could be Robin’s friend and have nothing to do with Steve. Because they didn’t have anything in common. And there was nothing giving them even the smallest reason to meet again.
There was nothing between them – other than a harsh fall to the ground, which Steve couldn’t be angry about. And the blow of smoke into his face that, made him crave a cigarette, even if he had never smoked before. And the 80 dollars and the concerned look he gave Steve after crashing down and the weird feeling of maybe doing what he wanted, finally and…
This wasn’t a good idea, and he really should stay away. And Eddie – Eddie should be the one thinking straight here, saying no – not giving into the open invention. Just leave it, Steve thought. Don’t answer, don’t agree to meeting again. Even if I already started it – don’t make this a thing. Please.
“You know it,” Eddie mumbled with a small smile, and then leaned a little forward. Of course he needed to and of course his eye’s gleamed like he was actually excited about the though. “I’m happy to return the favour. And maybe attempt to actually rock your world in the progress.”