Work Text:
Clack. Clack. Clack. Clack. Tak. Tak. Tak. Clack.
The typing was the only sound that could be heard in the room, fast, a bit too loud, and sometimes bordering on aggressive. It was usually followed by a huff or a frustrated swear. Yeonjun would be sorry to Soobin later in the afternoon but now, he just needs to finish his paper. It's 1 in the morning and he still has 2000 more words to go. Soobin has told him several times that he's making progress, that word counts have become easier for him. Yeonjun honestly doesn't notice it. All he knows is that he hates it when he looks at the numbers and finds out he hasn't even cracked half of the count.
Clack. Clack. Taktaktaktaktak. Clack!
“Yeonjun-hyung.”
He paused. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”
There was silence from the other side of their small room for a moment. Yeonjun continued to type but this time, he was gentler with the keys. Soobin has already gotten used to Yeonjun working until the early hours of the morning and he has learned to sleep through whatever noises Yeonjun makes. If he does wake up, it would only be for a few seconds and then he would roll over and be asleep again. Still, Yeonjun always tries to be quieter. And that's what he is doing now.
He reckoned Soobin had fallen asleep but then he heard a sigh from across from him.
He looked up, squinting in the dark.
"Soobin-ah?" he called, softly. "Are you awake?"
There was rustling from the other bed and then the lamp from their shared nightstand was opened. Yeonjun saw Soobin's face more clearly. He couldn't be sure but he thought his roommate had been awake for quite a while now. No traces of drowsiness or even the grouchy face Soobin has when their floormates create a ruckus out in the hall.
"I couldn't sleep," muttered Soobin, dragging himself out of his bed and onto the floor.
Yeonjun sighed. “Sorry. I swear this will only take less than an hour.”
“That’s a lie, hyung,” said Soobin. “You said the same thing three hours ago. Besides, you’re not keeping me up.”
“Oh,” said Yeonjun. “I thought you said you were exhausted. What’s wrong?”
He set his laptop aside, his paper completely forgotten as he peered down at Soobin.
Soobin seemed fine earlier. He was admittedly nervous for a group presentation but there was nothing off about him. He was too distracted to eat something for breakfast but Yeonjun still slipped two tangerines in his bag, just in case. Maybe something went wrong with the presentation. Maybe it was Soobin’s groupmates. Yeonjun thought their names should have been taken off the paper. Soobin had done all the work.
Yeonjun prodded at Soobin’s arm.
“Want me to talk to your groupmates?”
It made Soobin smile slightly. “You don’t need to do that, hyung. Nothing went wrong earlier. Everyone did their part.”
“Something did go wrong,” said Yeonjun as gently as he could. “What happened?”
He slid down from his bed and settled beside Soobin, pillowing his head with an arm as he turned to face him. The yellow light from their shared lamp glowed down on them.
Yeonjun has always thought Soobin to be pretty. He even said so when they first met, standing in this very room. Beomgyu had always said he has a habit of complimenting someone upfront, so suddenly that it can make them uncomfortable. Yeonjun learned to tamp down on it but sometimes he slips. Like with Choi Soobin, a student younger than him who was studying Business. Choi Soobin, standing in the space between the two beds. Choi Soobin, wearing a midnight blue sweater. Choi Soobin with the softest looking cheeks. He smiled and introduced himself and Yeonjun called him pretty.
Choi Soobin had blushed then but he smiled and asked which bed he would take. Yeonjun had chosen the one on the right. He was about to apologize but Soobin had thanked him quietly, shyly, and told him he liked his blue hair.
Choi Soobin is pretty now too, beside him in the space between their beds, an arm under his head, mirroring his position. He's wearing a grey shirt, his hair tousled from lying in bed, cheeks still the softest. Yeonjun knows. He has touched them before, felt their warmth as the pretty pink dusted the skin.
“Yeonjun-hyung,” whispered Soobin.
He hummed in acknowledgment.
“Do you… do you ever feel like you’re not living enough?”
Yeonjun frowned. "Well, how would you define living enough? How does one truly live?"
Soobin worried his bottom lip, trying to gather his thoughts for a second.
"You do stuff outside of your comfort zone," he said, quietly. "Meet a lot of people? Do crazy things with them? Drop priorities once in a while?"
"Sounds like a wild Friday night, Soobin-ah," said Yeonjun. "Adrenaline."
"Sounds tiring right after."
"It is. Do you remember that one party we went to and I had to drag you back up here because you were a deadweight?"
"I don't remember that."
"Yeah, because you blacked out, silly."
Yeonjun pulled himself up into a sitting position, leaning back against his bed. He smiled down at Soobin.
"There are many ways to live," he said. "You don't have to go by a rule book, Soobin-ah. You can live lazily later, live gently tomorrow, live bravely today. You can live each day however you want."
He didn't know where it was coming from. He honestly didn't like drowning in his own thoughts, to worry about his own existence, if it would lead to anything significant. The answers weren't always definitive and he hated getting stuck in his head. But he would like to believe that there is some truth in what he is saying. He'd like to hold on to it, make it real because he can't stand seeing Soobin upset, stuck in his own thoughts.
Soobin slowly sat up until he was in front of Yeonjun, knees touching against one another. It's a small room. With the lights closed, the room feels smaller. Yeonjun kept his back glued to the side of his bed.
"Hyung," muttered Soobin, eyes downcast.
Yeonjun hummed again.
"I'll live bravely today."
Soobin looked up to meet his gaze. Pretty, Yeonjun thought.
"Can I kiss you?" asked Soobin.
Ah. What is that feeling in his chest? Hasn't it been humming for two years now? Trying to claw its way out when Soobin smiles so tenderly at him? Sighing when Soobin drapes himself over him, exhausted from his day and his speech slurring? Burying so deep inside, taking root as Soobin wakes up from the other side of the room everyday and calls his name?
Yeonjun thought it might just spill out of him as Soobin waits for his response.
And he nods.
Because it's 1 in the morning and if this has all been a dream, who was he to say no?
Because if this isn't a dream, he wants to live bravely today too.
Because at the center of it all is just Soobin. It has always been him.
So he meets him halfway and presses his lips softly against his. Yeonjun cups his cheeks gently, feels the warmth in them, imagines the pretty pink dusting the skin. Soobin sighs against him and moves just a little bit closer, knocking their knees together. His hands have found their way to Yeonjun's wrists as if to keep him in place and he moves closer still. A flicker of a tongue. A hand through the hair. A murmur.
"Hey," Yeonjun says when there's a breath of space between their lips.
"Hey," Soobin returns, already chasing him back.
Yeonjun kisses him again, misses his lips because he feels so dazed. Soobin whispers, “here, here” and guides him, presses softly as ever, holds him gently as ever. Can this be how one truly lives? Can Yeonjun live like this forever? He wanted to stay in the space they have, in the dark that surrounds them because he doesn’t know what will happen tomorrow.
They pull apart, breathing against one another, faces still too close. Yeonjun noses at Soobin’s cheek, brushes lightly against his lips.
“Can I kiss you again?” Soobin asks. “However I want?”
The feeling in Yeonjun’s chest grows more roots but instead of burrowing into him, they reach out. They reach out towards Soobin. He aches.
“However you want,” he says and closes the distance.