Chapter Text
There are moments that the words don't reach There is suffering too terrible to name
Raine isn’t sure how long they sit there unmoving, wishing to wake up from this nightmare but unable to do so.
You hold your child as tight as you can And push away the unimaginable
Even with all of Eda’s doubts about being a mother, she never thought something like this would happen. It was worse than something her most extreme anxieties could conjure up.
The moments when you're in so deep It feels easier to just swim down
They feel like they’re drowning in despair. It's a struggle to keep going with only the faint hope of seeing their daughter again that makes their limbs move.
The Hamiltons move uptown And learn to live with the unimaginable
Whenever either of them wake, for one brief moment they forget. Then they remember and it’s like they lost their daughter all over again.
I spend hours in the garden I walk alone to the store
When Eda finally drags herself out of the house to gather her elixirs, the man running the shop just hands her a bag full of them and refuses payment with pity in his eyes.
And it's quiet uptown I never liked the quiet before
Raine can’t bring themself to teach after it all happens. The idea of teaching young, enthusiastic students music when they may never get the chance with their own child was just too much.
I take the children to church on Sunday A sign of the cross at the door
Eda had never really believed that the Titan had plans, or even that he was alive to make those plans. No, she had always believed their life and magic was a gift from a being long gone.
And I pray That never used to happen before
Despite that, though, Eda still found herself looking at the skull of the Titan and asking why.
If you see him in the street Walking by himself, talking to himself, have pity
Not even the coven guards bother them anymore, looking on quietly as the witches converse with their palisman in the streets.
Philip, you would like it uptown, it's quiet uptown
The colors and activity don’t entrance Raine like they normally would. All they could think of when they look at them is the joy those sights brought their daughter.
He is working through the unimaginable
Death wasn’t uncommon in a place like the Boiling Isles, but still Raine never thought a child so young could be lost like that, let alone their own.
His hair has gone gray He passes every day They say he walks the length of the city
Early aging was one of the symptoms Eda had been warned about from the start. Still, when she spotted that sole gray hair on her head at the market one day it sat there as a cruel reminder of her failure and the reason why it was all her fault. After a week of finding new ones, she finally snapped and cut her hair shorter than it had ever been before.
You knock me out, I fall apart Can you imagine?
Every day Raine came closer to just letting themself break. Perhaps they deserved it. After all, it was all their fault. If they had simply been better then none of this would have happened.
Look at where we are
It wasn’t until they found Eda sobbing in the bathroom, her hair a uneven and choppy mess that they realized that she probably felt the same.
Look at where we started
Things had never been easy between them, there had been fights, near breakups and miscommunications. Still throughout it all they had held fast because they always knew that they were stronger together.
I know I don't deserve you, Eliza But hear me out That would be enough
Somehow all that had happened recently almost made them forget that. They had gotten so lost in their self loathing that they were convinced their partner must feel the same, and it had almost broken them even worse.
If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He'd be standing here right now
‘What if’ were such dangerous words. Ones that could cause a spiral. Neither one of them was naive enough to ignore the fact that with one wrong move any one of them could have died. They couldn't change the past, they just had to keep hope that they would see their child again in the future.
And you would smile and that would be enough
Perhaps that day they could finally be free of this pain.
I don't pretend to know The challenges we're facing
One would think by now they would have ran out of tears, but still they fell for hours and hours.
I know there's no replacing what we've lost And you need time
Afterwards though they pulled each other together.
But I'm not afraid I know who I married
Raine clears up Eda’s hair, making it as even as they could, no judgment on their face when she confesses why she did that.
Just let me stay here by your side That would be enough
When their hands trace down her arms to grasp hers after they’re done, for the first time Eda simply soaks in their presence in a way that she felt too guilty to fully allow ever since.
If you see him in the street Walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity
Ever so slowly they pull themselves together piece by piece. It isn’t easy, in fact it’s the most painful thing either of them has ever done, but they can do it together.
Eliza, do you like it uptown? It's quiet uptown
Day by day things return to normal, but even as the looks decrease, they never go away entirely.
He is trying to do the unimaginable
The nursery still remains untouched though.
See them walking in the park, long after dark Taking in the sights of the city
They are never able to fully recover. The loss of their child will always be a broken gaping wound. Still, one learns to move around those jagged edges.
Look around, look around, Eliza
Raine goes back to teaching, Eda keeps selling both her potions and humanwares. Time goes on.
They are tryna do the unimaginable
And day by day they learn how to live again.
There are moments that the words don't reach There's a grace too powerful to name
They find whatever small bits of joy and hope they can find in the sadness. Clinging to them as hard as they can.
We push away what we can never understand We push away the unimaginable
At first it's just a laugh when Aria chases her tail or they find some dusty old scroll that may help with their search but it’s enough to start.
They are standing in the garden Alexander by Eliza's side
Some days are worse than others. Sometimes they slip back into that pit of despair ever so slightly and even climbing back up that little bit can feel impossible.
She takes his hand
When that happens they can reach out and rely on each other to pull them up back to where they were before.
It's quiet uptown
Neither of them will ever stop thinking they were to blame.
Forgiveness, can you imagine?
But perhaps?
Forgiveness, can you imagine?
Together.
If you see him in the street Walking by her side, talking by her side, have pity They are going through the unimaginable
They can learn how to forgive themselves.