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Part 1
Her
It’s Christmas Eve morning in Hawkins, and at the Byers-Hopper house everyone is still asleep. Well, almost everyone – there is a girl, a girl named Jane, who is already awake; she has been for a while, looking at the snow through the living room window, a mug full of hot coffee in her hands. She had firstly witnessed snow in 1983, on an early December morning. Back then she wasn’t allowed to go outside, but on that day an exception was made, and she spent an hour playing in the snow with the man who saved her and cared for her. Thinking about that in that moment seems closer to thinking about a moment from your favourite book than to remembering what her own life once looked like.
This had been happening a lot lately, maybe it was because it was 1989, the last year of the decade, and she couldn’t help but contemplate all she’d been through up until that point, or maybe it was because since the final battle, more than a year ago, she had started to feel lost, misplaced, different. It’s not like the feeling was new to her, at this point it’s almost more of a game that she plays by herself, a game of wondering. And everything around her seems to know this too, including the mug she’s holding in her hands at this very moment – even a lifeless object could tell, by the way she fidgets and scratches it, absentmindedly nervous, that wondering was an old friend of hers. And we all know the anxiety old friends can bring. All of these thoughts flood her mind as the snow falls lightly outside, painting their back yard in shades of white.
Maybe we can all build a snow man when they wake up, she thinks to herself, smiling fondly at the thought of her family. They always made her feel like she belonged somewhere – we are a beautiful patchwork, Joyce used to say laughing, and she always thought that was a really pretty way to put it, but she would also always feel like she was probably the oddest scrap from the patchwork. And right now, looking at the snow falling throughout the window, she holds her mug close to her chest, the same mug she holds every morning, the same mug she pours coffee into every morning, the same mug she absentmindedly leaves behind every morning, forgetting to drink her coffee.
Her train of thought is suddenly interrupted by the sound of the toaster popping, so she makes her way back into the kitchen, putting her mug down. Hanging above it are all the other mugs, shiny and cleaned, awaiting to be of use that morning. All the mugs were bought at the same time, but unlike her, no one else had a scratching habit, so even though they were all bought together, her mug looks older and more worn out than the others, a small part of the letter printed on it starting to fade away. She looks down at the mug placed on the counter and scoffs, the memory of receiving it coming to mind.
It was about a year ago, just after they had moved into the new house, Joyce and Hopper had gone shopping and came back with mugs for everyone. There was one for her brother Will with a yellow W on it, one for her brother Jonathan with a green J, one for Joyce with a red J on it, and one for her dad, Hopper, with a brown H on it – one mug for everyone in the family, except for her, for her there were two mugs, the one on the counter, a faded purple E on it, and the one hanging above it, and shiny pink J on it.
“We didn’t know which one you’d prefer, so we thought you should get to choose!” her dad had said smiling.
Back then it hadn’t seemed like much to think about, she could just choose which one to use. It was only after a while that she noticed how she’d never used the pink J mug; not that she wouldn’t want to, but could she do it? So, every time she would eye it out, and once again pick up the same one, the other one. Choice; choice was and still is something new to her. All her life she seems to have been defined by others or in relations to others, and now that she is faced with choice, she doesn’t really know what to do. Everything she is and every decision she’s made seemed to always have been about something bigger than her – especially since, usually, the fate of the world was at stake. Two mugs were supposed to be a easy choice, or not even a choice at all, they were both hers to use whenever she wants, and yet… It kind of felt like the person she is, would be decided according to the mug she’d pick up, and that’s a lot of pressure to put on a mug.
Some days these questions were easier to answer, some days both mugs seemed to be just mugs, some days… But today wasn’t one of those days. Today was one of those days in which she feels lost in herself, in which she feels like she’s longing for something, or someone, maybe for herself, maybe for someone else, maybe simply someone who could tell her what she wants. But she knows she’s the only person that’d be able to do that.
This is no one’s fault really, she concludes, I just haven’t figured it out yet, it’s hard to understand who you are when you’ve spent all your life saving the world and suddenly the world doesn’t need saving anymore. The uselessness was hard to shake sometimes. So, she is suddenly left with the questions what now? Who are you when the world doesn’t need saving?
She shakes her head, as if the movement could dissipate the thoughts, and grabs a plate, looking away from the mugs. Popping out of the toaster there’s a pair of Eggos that she places on her plate – at least that hasn’t changed, a genuine smile blossoming in her face. She leaves the kitchen, plate in hand, and sits down on their couch, leaving behind the coffee filled purple E mug; she is more of a milk and honey person anyway, why do I keep on trying to drink coffee?
As she sits on the couch, one of the bedroom doors opens, making way for a very sleepy Joyce and an already dressed up Hopper.
“Good morning, kid! Have you been up for long?”
She smiles at her dad and shakes her head in response.
“I’ve been looking at the snow. I thought maybe we could build snow men and throw snowballs when you guys woke up!” she says, unsure if anyone had listened to it.
“Oh, I wish we could, honey. But your dad has to work until 4PM and I have to go downtown for some late shopping. You can join me if you want!”
Once again, she shakes her head “no, Dustin is coming over in a bit to leave his Christmas presents and hang out, so I can’t…”
“That’s alright. Don’t forget to give him ours, please!”
“Which one is it, again?” she asks, chewing on her last Eggo.
“Good question! I’m not sure anymore” Joyce replies with a chuckle “just check the tags, is that okay?”
El nods.
“Okay, I’m off, see you girls tonight!”
Hop kisses the top of her head, and hugs Joyce from behind, kissing her cheek.
“Don’t be late, you hear me? Or I swear you’ll eat your dinner cold!”
“Please, you and I both know that I have to arrive early to make sure there even is dinner! I’m not letting you near my stove again!”
Joyce smacks his upper arm lovingly and he laughs “You’re an idiot, just go!”
“See you tonight!”
“Careful in the snow!” Joyce yells as he closes the door.
“I’ve got it!” he yells back, door already close.
She looks at Joyce as she turns back to the counter to finish eating her breakfast and smiles, maybe one day I can have someone who makes me feel like this too, my own idiot. And with that thought she stands up to go check the christmas tree for Dustin’s present. Flipping through the tags she found a lot of presents for her.
“To my sister, Jane Hopper
Our El. With Love, Will”
“From your big brother,
to the best sister”
“To our lovely girl,
From mom and dad (we hope that’s
alright but if it’s not let us know,
we love you)”
“To El, from Mike :)
Merry Christmas!”
All the tags, however, seem to say different things. That’s alright, she thinks, they’re all lovely. Why be sad about it? The truth was, she has already been so many people up until that point. At first, she had been Experiment 011, merely a number, that is the first person – can she even call it a person? – she ever remembers being. Then she escaped, and they found her, Dustin, Lucas and Mike, her first friends, and that’s when she started being El – El was the girl they found in the woods, the weirdo, their friend, their friend El, the mage of the party.
She has been El, since then, and El has been a lot of things too, she has been Mike’s girlfriend, and the girl with the superpowers, and the girl who lost her powers, and Will and Jonathan’s sister, and Chief Jim Hopper’s daughter, and Max’s mysterious best friend; and after that, she has become the girl who got her powers back, and Mike’s ex-girlfriend; and now, standing there, looking at tags on the presents, she was just El. Just El, or Jane, or whoever she is. She knows her name is Jane, it is a fact that her name is Jane, but she isn’t Jane, is she? In fact, she thinks to herself, I don’t think I’ve ever been Jane.
“I am El” she mutters to herself, staring at the mug in the cabinet for a minute, a sad smile on her face. And she knows it’s a sad smile, because this has happened before. She’s been repeating that to herself for quite some time now, like a mantra of some kind.
“What honey?” Joyce asks.
She turns around to answer, an excuse readied and at hand, but steps down the stairs interrupt her.
“Good morning, my beautiful family!” Jonathan jumps from the stairs, hair still wet from the shower, followed by Will, who’s laughing at him and his exaggerated greeting.
“You’re in a good mood!” Joyce giggles, crossing her arms.
“Is that not allowed?”
“No no, that’s encouraged even!”
“Good!” he says, grabbing a loaf of bread and spreading some butter on it.
“Morning, El! Morning, mom!” Will’s voice fills the room, the laughter still noticeable in it. She smiles.
“Hey you! Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah! Were you up early again to watch the snow?”
“Yup, I thought we could go and have a snowball fight today!” she says, wearing the biggest smile possible.
“Yeah, I’d love that!” Will replies, her eyes fill in with joy “me and Jonathan just have to go by the Wheelers first, Mike came by yesterday to leave our presents but wouldn’t let me give him mine, something about an excuse to see me today.” he adds, with and shy smile and an apologetic tone.
El smiles, that sounds like Mike Wheeler alright.
“Oh, he is so in love it’s almost embarrassing!” she teases
“Shut up! He’s just sweet!” Will replies laughing. She never gets tired of hearing him laugh, it’s one of her favourite sounds in the whole world.
“He is clingy, you mean!” Jonathan remarks.
“You literally did the same thing with Nance, Jonathan!” El points out.
“Which side are you on, huh?” he fakes some outrage, and Will keeps on laughing.
“I don’t choose sides, I only care about the truth!” El says, faking an innocent smile and shrugging her shoulders.
“Okay okay, when are you guys leaving then?” Joyce asks.
“Right now, actually!” Will says, grabbing Mike’s gifts, two from him, one from El and one from Joyce and Hopper.
“Do you need a ride?”
“Nah, we’re walking there, maybe when you’re done shopping you can stop by to get us, that would be better!”
“Alright, I can do that!”
“Cool, are we all ready to go?” Jonathan asks.
“Yup, ready when you are.” Will replies.
“Okay, I’ll leave with you then. Let’s go! Have fun with Dustin, honey. See you in a bit!” Joyce says.
And before she can say anything back, the door closes, leaving her alone with her thoughts once again. Still kneeling down by the tree, she finally gets to Dustin’s gift and sets it aside, next to the ones she got him, and the one Will left for him. She looks over at the presents under the tree once again, they had spent a long time decorating the entire house, at the beginning of the month; there were stockings hanging by the fireplace and the tree was full of lights and colours, there was a Christmas wreath hanging outside the door, and just above it, for whoever noticed it when the door opened, hung a small branch of mistletoe, that Joyce had spent a lot of time trying to hang, eventually asking Hopper for help and taking the opportunity to steal a kiss – I don’t think she really needed help.
It was their second normal Christmas since the Great War, as Dustin used to dramatically call it, the one that ended it all, the last time El had used her powers for something other than mundane things. She wonders if they would ever be needed again. Not that having powers is her favourite thing in the world – it isn’t. Having superpowers has always been something that made her feel like she was different, like she did not belong. It was cool at first, obviously, but having to live without them for a while made her reconsider so many things. Beyond that, superpowers are something that can be hard to understand, at first, or even at all, sometimes. And now the world doesn’t need saving anymore, but she still has powers. And even though these powers are as much a part of her as anything else in her body, it felt like, at the same time, they were more important than anything else in her body, for some people, especially for those who do not understand, and maybe even more so for herself. These powers have made her into a monster for some, and into a super-hero for others. And quite honestly, she didn’t want to be neither.
A knock on the door makes her drop these thoughts for a minute. She breathes in, breathes out, and it’s like a weight was lifted, because there’s this one person in particular for whom she has always been just a girl, and he was knocking on her door at that very moment. She walks towards the knock, a smile impossible to disguise.
“You’re early!” she says, opening the door to see her best friend, snow on his beanie, a familiar handmade scarf around his neck, and the biggest smile on his face.
“Didn’t want you to miss me too much!” Dustin replies goofily, and walks in.
Part 2
Him
Dustin had left his house ten minutes ago, the walk to the Byers-Hopper’s house was not a short one, at least twenty minutes, and he still wanted to drop by one of the markets to buy hot chocolate mix and, of course, a box of Eggos. The cold outside along with the snow that had just started pouring weren’t exactly inviting, but that mattered very little to him, at that point his mind wandered only for the warmth he would feel in about twenty minutes, when he’d arrive at El’s, and she’d smile because he was early.
They had agreed he’d be there at 11:30AM, but he knew she’d probably been awake since eight in the morning, and at around eight thirty he’d gotten a bit tired of pretending to be asleep. So, he had gotten up from his bed and gotten dressed, leaving the house a bit after nine o’clock. He’d usually ride his bike there, every time he was meeting El, but today he’d decided the walk would do him some good – it would definitely help him to stay away from his home for a little longer, so it was welcomed. It’s not like he didn’t like to be at home, because he did… He loves his mom, and she is the happiest she has been in years, but sometimes he couldn’t help but feel like his place there had gotten… smaller. In 1986, after Hawkins literally cracked in four and was almost swollen by the Upside Down, there was a lot going on – everyone was running, and freaking out, most families left town and started over somewhere else, somewhere safe, but not his mom, his mom never left. Instead, she tried to live everyday as if the world didn’t seem to be ending. Dustin had never really told her about his part in all of it, she would freak out anyway, but because of that, she never really understood how dangerous the whole thing was. He, obviously, had tried to the best of his ability to keep her safe, specifically safe at home, and it worked, for most of the time…, but you can’t keep someone locked in forever, especially without a proper explanation, especially when you yourself keep on going out every day, especially when some days you wouldn’t even come back.
So, it was in this kind of apocalyptical setting that his mom had met her partner, a short and plump man called Albert: she had left home to go to the nearest laundromat, because their washing machine had stopped working all of a sudden. Albert was a regular there, being a widower with a small apartment downtown, he preferred to wash his clothes there than to spend money on a washing machine. Claudia, sadly, understood very little of laundromats, and the kind man had helped her, making her fall in love with his kindness and patience almost immediately. So yeah, this man shows up, turns my life upside down – pun unintended – and to make it worse? He saw my underwear before he’d ever seen my face. He sighs, brows furrowed in a resigned way.
Dustin rolls his eyes at the thought and sighs, entering the market to grab what he needed. Albert was a good man, a kind man, and a very funny looking man, with a short white beard and rosy cheeks, but in a good way – he looked like the embodiment of Santa Claus! –, and he made his mother very happy. But the Holiday season was absolutely hectic, he would cook nonstop and spend the whole day in a Santa Claus costume, cracking jokes about being elves and the north pole. That’s actually how Dustin ended up leaving his house with all his wrapped gifts in a big Santa Claus bag, a bag made by Santa’s elves, which was another way of saying that Albert had made it himself – he is a very talented man, there’s no questioning that, he admits to himself, shoving the groceries into the big Santa bag, and leaving the market.
It was all very cute, and it made his mom laugh, but it was also loud and overwhelming most of the time. Admittedly, Albert moving into their house had altered a lot of dynamics. And once again, Dustin loves his mom, and he loves to see her this happy, but it’s undeniable, his place in that house really seemed to have gotten smaller. It was more or less like he felt with the Party, back during the summer of ’85. It’s no one’s fault, really; shit happens, life goes on, he thinks to himself. And truth be told, a lot has happened, a lot has changed, in the last couple of years. One of the things that changed the most? Probably his friendship with El. So, I guess one could say that, for Dustin, being out was a blessing. And seeing El was the biggest bonus. Or was it the other way around? Probably.
She had also gone through some change. From day one it had always been Mike and El, El and Mike, and when, in 1986, they broke up, it took a lot of them surprise. It’s not like they hadn’t seen it coming, it’s just no one seemed to be sure if they would actually be able to do it. But she was… Back then, she told him at some point, she had realised that whatever her and Mike had was something other than love, it didn’t feel like love, not romantically at least, and because of that, it was not enough. She broke up with him before they even got back to Hawkins – even though most of them had only figured it out after a couple of days – and has never looked back since.
He remembers one evening, a few months ago, after the… Well, after everything was finished and she could finally explain to him what went on between her and Mike. They were hanging out in his room and:
“It’s not that I don’t… love him anymore, you know?” she is pacing around the room “I think I’ll always love him, it’s just… I don’t think that’s what love is supposed to feel like. I don’t really know what love is supposed to feel like, what being in love feels like. But I know… I just know that that wasn’t it. And there was no point on keep on lying to ourselves.”
Dustin remebers nodding in agreement and just saying
“Breaking-up feels like shit, though…”
“Yeah, can’t argue with you on that.” she sits on the bed next to him and hugs him “you alright?”
“I think so. It’s for the best. She deserves someone that doesn’t make her lie to her entire family and live a life filled with guilt. And I think… I think I deserve something different, too.”
El nods.
“For the record, it’s her loss, really” she says, elbowing him.
“That’s what I said to you about Mike…, you remembered!”
“Of course, I remembered! Why the tone of surprise?”
“No reason, you just keep on surprising me, I guess”
He remembers how they smiled at each other and locked eyes. Complete goner.
Dustin shakes his head at the memory, making the snow fall from his beanie. That was the first strike, that was the moment for him. Henceforward, it got almost impossible to deny his feelings for her, at least to himself. That was the first time he let himself admit that maybe, just maybe, El was – is – a little bit more to him than what he’d let on, a little bit more than just a friend. And maybe, just maybe, he has never really been sad about Suzie because… Because his heart was already elsewhere. And maybe, just maybe, he’s still too scared to admit that. But inevitably, that was the first strike, that was the moment for him, because let’s be honest, friends don’t usually want to kiss other friends on the lips, Dustin. Friends don’t look in each other’s eyes and wonder what that might feel like. FRIENDS are able to keep their eyes away from their friend’s lips, and you? You are goner!, he sighs once again. He had concluded all this a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean he’d stop overthinking it, because that would make all of this just too simple, wouldn’t it? Nevertheless, he’d embraced it, his feelings that is, after all, it does get really hard to convince yourself that you don’t feel anything for someone when you constantly catch yourself wanting to hold and kiss that person.
So, Dustin had decided to embrace it, he’d decided that it would be easier like that, because that was the only way he could deal with the truth. And the truth, the most important truth, is that El is his best friend, and she needs stability and someone she can rely on. And he’d decided, back in 1986, that he was going to be that someone, and had decided, in 1988, that the best way to continue being that someone was to accept his feelings, accept that they were unrequited, and move on with it. She wasn’t ready for anything else other than friendship, anyway, and that was okay! – as long as she remained in his life, that was okay.
To be fairly honest, he never gets sad thinking about it. He loves liking El. Regardless of what and how he feels, what they have is enough for him. And he would absolutely never try anything with her, because it might turn out to be something they couldn’t come back from, and that isn’t a risk he’s willing to take, losing her.
The thought of losing her frightened him to death, still does – and after the Great War, how could it not? Stroking his scarf, pulling it up to cover his face, he tries not to think about it, he tries not to think about how he almost lost her that day; how she had been sleeping for days on end, after that; how no one knew if she was going to wake up or not; how he spent every night by her bedside for ten days, hoping that she would. Instead, he chooses to focus on the fact that she did wake up, and how he was right next to her, sleeping, when she did. He chooses to think about how he’d fallen asleep, his head on the top of his crossed arms, arms resting on the bed, sitting on the chair next to her, always by her side. He chooses to remember how she placed her hand on his head, when she first woke up, awakening him almost immediately, and how her first words when he looked over at her were
“Did we win?”
He remembers how his eyes filled with tears, how he was unable to move, while answering:
“Yeah, we did. But you scared me shitless!”
“Sorry about that.”
Every day he was thankful she had woken up, because honest to god he had no idea what he would’ve done if she hadn’t. For a few weeks – not many, because she is more stubborn than anyone else in that house, and that’s saying something – she was kind of forced to remain in bed rest. A difficult task, since she really isn’t one to remain still, so she was always trying to find new things to do, and every day he’d pass by the house to see her. The last day of bed rest was the day she finished it. He went to visit her, as he had every day before that, and there it was, the product of the time she’d had to pass – a scarf, a handmade red and green scarf, all sloppy and way too big.
“I made it for you!”
“For me? Why?”
“Oh, I just figured you’d be a good way to occupy my mind. I’m sorry it’s not very good.”
“No, no, what? I love it! It’s unique, like you... And like me. Plus, you made it! Thank you...”
“You’re welcome!”
Dustin smiles at the memory, stroking his scarf once again. She made it for me, how could I not absolutely love it?
As he gets closer to the Byers-Hopper’s house, his mood starts to shift. What had started as a very gloomy day, was about to be turned around by a single smile, and just the thought of it made his heart do a backflip – ugh, embarrassing, he thinks to himself, with the most goofy and light-hearted smile on his lips. As he makes the curve to El’s house, he crosses paths with Will and Jonathan.
“Hey guys! Merry Christmas!”
“Hey Dustin! How are you?”
“Hey, man! What’s with the bag? Did you get lost on your way back to the north pole or something?” Jonathan jokes, Dustin shoots him a sarcastic smile and looks away, turning to Will.
“I’m alright, and you?”
“I’m okay too, it’s freezing but it’s snowing so I guess it could be worse!”
“Plus, you’re on your way to the Wheelers, so that helps too!”
Will giggles “yeah, that helps too! But I guess we could say the same about you”
“Not really man, I’m not on my way to the Wheelers” Dustin remarks, dodging “anyway, do you mind giving Mike, Nance and Mrs. Wheeler my gift?”
“Of course not!” Will says, opening his bag “no presents for Mr. Wheeler?”
“Let’s just say Santa doesn’t think he’s been very nice… Like ever!”
They both laugh, amused at the idea of Ted Wheeler looking at the tag on Dustin’s gift to Mrs. Wheeler and reading:
“From Dustin,
To Mrs. Wheeler and no one else,
thank you for always
making me feel at home!”
They say their goodbyes and Dustin proceeds to finish his walk, reaching El’s doorstep less than one minute later. He nervously knocks on the door, unable to stop smiling, unsure why he’s nervous, unaware of how that was the day that would change everything. She opens the door, cosy christmas sweater and dark brown corduroy trousers on, her short curly hair falling to the sides. She looked amazing, and he couldn’t for the life of him stop smiling.
“You’re early!” El says, the most adorable smile on her face.
“Didn’t want you to miss me too much!” he replies goofily. Goner, he thinks to himself, and walks in.
Part 3
Them
Dustin gets inside, taking off his shoes, not even noticing the mistletoe above them. El follows him, completely unaware of it as well.
“Did you walk here?”
“Yeah, thought it might do me some good!”
“Dustin! It’s freezing outside! That was not your brightest idea!”
“Maybe not, but it is the one that keeps me out of the house the longest!” he says with a sneaky smile.
“You know it’s very silly of you to keep on running away from Albert like that!” she replies, as he takes off his coat. That’s when she notices it, the big Santa Claus bag, and then it gets harder not to laugh “oh god, did he make you bring that?”
“That he did! Made by elves, I’m told!” Dustin confirms, with a very serious look on his face.
“Oh my, what an honour!” she says with a grin.
They both burst out laughing. Dustin hangs his jacket by the door, along with his snowy beanie and the scarf El had made, and side eyes the mistletoe. Has that always been there? he thinks, but he shrugs it away immediately after, figuring it didn’t really matter, and making his way back to El, who’s standing by the kitchen counter.
“Something wrong?”
“No, no, nothing… I was just– admiring the decoration. You guys really outdid it this year.”
“Thanks!” it’s what she says. He clearly noticed the mistletoe, it’s what she thinks. Why not just say that? And why did it make her kind of sad that he had dismissed it so quickly?
“Hey, you listening to me?”
“Sorry, what?”
“I was asking if you wanted to exchange gifts right now?”
“Hm… Well, sure. We can do that.” this was not going great, El felt as if an elephant was sitting on her chest, why was she so nervous all of a sudden?
“‘We can do that’? Seriously?” Dustin sighs and walks back to the door, grabbing his coat and putting it back on along with his beanie and scarf.
“What are you doing?”
“Well, don’t you want to go outside and play in the snow? Or did I misunderstood the whole thing?” he says with a grin.
How does he do that?, she smiles back at him “you’re an idiot, did you know that?”
“Shut up and go get your coat, I don’t want you to catch a cold because you lost a bunch of snow fights with me!”
“Oh, you are absolutely delusional if you think you’re winning anything!” she yells as she vanishes into her room to grab her coat, boots and some gloves, an extra pair for Dustin too. It was something absolutely incredible, his ability to read her mind as if he knew exactly what she wanted. And he clearly did know! The smile on her face was growing by the minute, a funny feeling in her stomach taking over. She felt like that sometimes, when they were just the two of them, bickering – at first, it had been kind of a scary feeling, but eventually she grew to like it. Dustin Henderson made her nervous, but in a good way. God, he really is an idiot, she thinks, shaking her head while tying up her boots, but at least he’s my idiot. And with that absentminded thought – do with the paradox what you will – she gets up and leaves her room.
When she gets to the living room, however, the place is empty, backdoor opened.
“Dustin?” she yells. No response. “Dustin, where are you?”
She steps outside to the backyard, looking around for him.
“Dust–” she starts yelling again, but as she climbs down the stairs towards the backyard, her face is immediately presented with a snowball “you son of bi–” another one. He laughs hysterically, as she runs to tackle him.
“That’s cheating!” she yells, as they both fall onto the ground.
“Sucks to be you, apparently!” he says, hugging her tight without ever stopping laughing.
“Oh, you’re so screwed, Dustin Henderson!” she says, punching his chest “let me go right now!”
“But if I do, you’re going to attack me!”
“It’s not like I need you to let go of me to do anything, but damn right I am going to! And you deserve it!”
Whoever would catch them like that, in that moment, would’ve thought they were completely crazy, laying down on the snow, laughing like maniacs. But they were happy.
“Okay fine, you win, foul play! I’ll let you go!”
He lets go of her, smiling, but as she goes to stand, their eyes lock and she ends up not moving at all. Instead, she looks at him with a puzzled look on her face, only looking away from his eyes for a brief second, to steal a glance at his lips. So, am I imagining things or did she just…?, he thinks to himself and hopes to god he didn’t actually say it out loud, but at this point he couldn’t tell for sure, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t even breathe.
And El? Well, maybe she wasn’t as unaware as she had been just five seconds ago… Have we ever been this close?, the funny feeling in her stomach was definitely getting worse, or at least stronger. Why am I not moving? Maybe El wasn’t moving because she really didn’t want to let go, maybe she liked to be like that, laying on the snow in Dustin’s arms. It felt a bit like a movie scene, and El knew she had been staring at his lips for a minute too long, but she just couldn’t bring herself to stop.
“You okay there, El?”
“I– um– what?” she shakes her head as if she had just become aware of herself “what? Yes, yes, I’m alright!” she says, standing up, and smiling at him.
He stares back at her for a second, feeling like he’d just been hit by a train, and then begins to stand, being met with a snowball on the back of his head as soon as he’s up.
“And how is that not cheating? You literally stabbed me in the back!”
“Literally? Are you sure?” she teases.
“Oh, that’s it, first one to fall loses!”
And just like that, everything goes back to normal.
***
They played in the snow for about an hour, multiple snowball fights – El won just about all of them – later, they ended up building a snowman and, after much discussion, decided to name it Mr. Hyde – the one fight Dustin won. But after that the snow started to pour more intensely and it got too cold to be outside, so they headed inside.
“Can’t wait for the hot cocoa you’re about to make me!” El teases.
“Who said I’m making you hot cocoa?”
“Well, you did lose all the snowball fights, plus I let you choose the name for our beloved snowman!”
“I didn’t know hot cocoa was at stake! How do you even know I brought hot cocoa?” Dustin asks, closing the door behind them.
“Wait, what? You brought hot cocoa?” El stops in the middle of the living room and turns to him. He seems to get really flustered all of a sudden.
“Umm, well… Yeah. I know you like it, and you said yesterday on the phone that you guys were out so…”
She smiles really big and runs to him, jumping to hug him and making the collected snow on their heads and clothes fall to the floor around them.
“My dad brought more yesterday, when he arrived… Thank you, though. You’re amazing…” she whispers into the hug, sending a shiver down his spine. He can feel his cheeks burning and melting the snow around them, in fact he was almost sure the snow had turned into a puddle of hot water already. So close, too close.
“So, hot cocoa?” he says, words muffled by her hug. She lets go of him, putting her feet back on the ground and looking up at him, a kind smile on her face.
“Yes, please. I’ll light the fireplace while you’re at it, it’s freezing here!” she replies, taking of her coat and putting it next to Dustin’s, that was once again by the door, along with his beanie and the scarf she’d made for him. A sloppy poorly made scarf, but Dustin would always wear it anyway, that made her happy.
She walked back to the fireplace and started lighting it. The day hadn’t started off the best way, but it had definitely improved since Dustin arrived. Now sitting there, by the fireplace, she couldn’t help but think back to that one moment earlier. El was never one to ignore things, feelings were made to be felt and thoughts were meant to be spoken out loud. She had always been told that she was kind, but sometimes she wasn’t as sure of her kindness as she was of her assertiveness. That was alright, though. She liked being assertive. What she wasn’t used to, however, was wanting to kiss her best friend like that. I mean, they had had some moments before, but El always thought it was more her imagining things than anything else… She spent so much time reading books nowadays that sometimes her imagination would take the best of her. But that moment in the snow, that was definitely not her imagination, no, that was real. Very real. And yet, it didn’t really scare her, she was more… Intrigued. Intrigued by her feelings for her best friend, intrigued about what would’ve happened if they had kissed, intrigued about what would happen if they had another moment like that. Intrigued.
“Here’s your cocoa, Snowball Queen!” she jumped at the voice, turning to it quickly; Dustin was standing in front of her, ugly christmas sweater on, wet-ish hair, adorable smile, handing her a mug of hot cocoa. He’s breath-taking, now that she thinks about it. Thank god she could blame the burning cheeks on the fireplace she’d just lit.
“That is a lousy title” she remarks getting up and accepting the mug “thank you!”
“Wanna watch a movie, or something?”
“Sure, we rented Ferris Bueller’s Day Off the other day, but haven’t gotten around to watch it yet. Jonathan says that the guy reminds him of you, actually!”
“Me? Is it because he is incredibly handsome and cool?”
“More like something about a super smart kid that skips classes to go on adventures. But don’t worry, I’m sure he’s also handsome and cool like you.”
That was it for him. After years of fighting demoniacal and wizard like creatures from an alternate dimension, seeing his town be almost swollen by it, and actually having been possessed by Vecna, that was what defeated Dustin Henderson. El Hopper calling him handsome and cool. Of all the things he could say, of all the comebacks he had saved, nothing seemed to come out, he just stood there, mouth half opened, looking like an idiot. Pathetic, really.
“Dustin? You okay?”
“Umm… Yeah, I– I’m… You also look very nice, by the way!”
God, what the hell was that?
“I like your hair, it looks… Yeah… Nice.” he continued.
Please, someone shut me up.
“Oh… Okay. Thank you! I think…”
The silence filled the room, the two of them just staring at each other, unsure of what to do next, hoping someone would say something.
“So, Ferris Bueller?” El asked, showing him the VHS.
“Yeah, Ferris Bueller.”
And so, they both sat on the couch, fireplace lit, a blanket over them, while the movie played. It was a fun movie, El thought. They laughed a lot. But her mind was elsewhere anyway, wondering what was going on in Dustin’s mind. Little gestures that had always seemed normal to them, now felt like they were filled with some kind of loving ulterior motive. So, this next move was something she considered for a while, trying not to rush into it before really thinking about the possible outcomes. But has it was already clear, El was a person of action and rash decisions. And as such, she decided to rest her head on his chest, placing herself under his arm. At first, he didn’t move, and her heart was beating so fast that she was absolutely sure anyone in a fifty-mile radius could hear it. But then he had better placed his arm, so that he was hugging her, tucking her against his chest.
It felt good. Like what home feels like, she thinks to herself, sipping her hot chocolate. It’s only then that she notices the mug, it’s the pink J mug. The one she’d never used before.
“Hey Dustin?”
“Hm?” he asks, eyes fixed on the TV.
“Where did you find this mug?”
“What do you mean? That’s your mug, it’s there with all the others.”
“Yeah, but what about the one with an E?”
“It’s on the sink. It had something on it, I think! Why? Is there something wrong? Is that not your mug or something?”
“No, no, it’s my mug, yes. But… How did you know?”
“Well, it has one of your initials on it! Plus, I know who the others belong to.”
“Okay…”
He makes it feel so simple.
“Is there something wrong?”
“Oh no, you know, just questioning my whole existence again, not much” she says with a chuckle.
“If this is about the mugs, they’re just mugs, El. You’re more than whichever name you have. And I happen to believe that you can be whoever you want. Regardless of the name, you’ll always be you.”
“And who am I, though?” she says, more to herself than to him. He grabs her face by the chin in an impetuous gesture, trying not to blush.
“Who knows? That’s half the fun of being here. No one really knows who they are, and that’s alright. I knew someone who used to say that we get through life being multiple versions of ourselves, like a game of reinvention!” he smiles at her.
“Was that someone you?” she asks, with the shade of a smile on her lips.
“Maybe…” he replies, chuckling “but if it helps, you’ll always be this girl I’m very glad to be friends with.”
It’s the way he phrases it. “Yeah, that helps a little. Thank you.”
“Anytime” he says, “do you want to stop the movie and open my presents?”
“Yeah, that’d be nice.”
El turns off the TV and turns to the side on the couch, as Dustin goes to get his big Santa Claus bag.
“So, I brought my gifts for you, for Will, and for Hop and Joyce, also brought some others, like there’s one for you from my mom, and…”
“Wait, you have more than one gift for me? That’s not fair!”
“Are you really going to whine about having more gifts?” he asks, looking up at her from the bag. She rolls her eyes, pretending to be resigned with the fact.
“No… But you should’ve told me!” he shrugs, with a grin, and she can’t help but smile at him “have I told you you’re an idiot, Dustin Henderson?”
“Hm, at least twelve times a day, El Hopper! I’m very proud to be your idiot, though.”
My idiot… I guess I do have an idiot after all, she thinks to herself, clearly wondering how she hadn’t noticed it before. Dustin seems to only now have realised what he’d just said, and his cheeks turn bright red all of a sudden, making El giggle.
“I mean… You know, like… Because you’re my best fri–”
“It’s alright, silly. I got it. You’re my idiot.”
They exchange a shy smile. Dustin turns to the bag once again, I’m excellent at making an idiot of myself, no doubt about that.
“Okay, so first you can open this one.”
Dustin gives El one of the wrapped gifts. It’s a thin box, wrapped in brown craft paper, with a cute red bow on the top of it. On the top left corner of the wrapping paper one can read:
“To my best friend El,
because you make me feel
less lost.
Love, Dustin”
She smiles at the inscription and looks up at him, he’s standing very still, clearly nervous about what she’ll think when she opens it. El starts unwrapping the gift, very carefully as to not ruin the paper, so that she can save the inscription and pin it up on her bulletin board. Under the wrap there’s a dark blue box, and inside the box a frame, with a photo of them from the summer that Lucas had taken with a disposable camera they all had bought together. They were sitting by Lovers Lake, chatting, and Lucas had screamed.
“Hey, lovebirds! Say cheese!”
They had both turned around at the same time and made the funniest face they could think off, Dustin had his middle finger up and was mid-eye roll, and El had pulled her nose up with her finger and sticked out her tongue, eyes half closed half opened. It was the perfect candid of them. The frame had golden glitter all over it, and on the bottom, it was written “My Favourite Person”, with the year inscribed on the back.
“Dustin, this is amazing… Thank you!”
“You like it?”
“I love it… I love it so much!” she says, teary-eyed, reaching for his cheek and planting a kiss on it “it’s perfect!”
It was a simple kiss; but that’s the thing about simple kisses, sometimes they make you wonder what it would happen if it was not such a simple kiss. And as El backs away to her seat, their eyes cross and her nose brushes on his cheek, making them both wonder what it would have happened if she had stayed in such close proximity to his lips for a second longer. Fuck – thoughts can be had in unison too, apparently.
“My turn!” El says, looking away, trying to hide the blush on her whole face, and grabbing a very big, wrapped box.
“Woah, what is that?”
“That’s your present, what else would it be?”
“How much money did you spend?”
“That’s very rude of you to ask” she says, pretending to be outraged “just open it already!”
She hands him the wrapped package, a striped, red, dark green and gold paper around it, with a small gold bow on it and a tag saying:
“To my favourite apocalypse
partner, my idiot best friend,
To Dustin.
Love, El”
He smiles at her with his whole face, god, he’s adorable when he smiles like that, unwrapping the box very eagerly. His shoulders kind of fell, when after unwrapping the gift, he saw and an old Keds shoe box.
“You bought me a pair of sneakers?”
“Open the box, Dustin…” she sighs, rolling her eyes. Obviously not, you idiot!
Dustin opens the box and inside of it there’s a pair of new Realistic TRC-219 21-1639, along with a headset.
“I know yours kind of got ruined after the whole end of the world kind of situation. So, my dad helped me choose these for you! He said they were very good, something about three watts and three channels, but he said it like a good thing. Plus, since your headsets broke in two last summer, I thought you’d like a new pair.” El explained, but Dustin didn’t move, eyes still set on the content of the Keds shoe box “You can give the other walkie to whoever you want, I bought two because there was a discount, and my dad has this membership card or whatever at Radio Shack”
Please say something or I will keep rambling.
“Anyway, you obviously don’t have to giver the other one to me, I mean I still have mine somewhere, I think, I’m sure there’s a lot of other people you’d like to give it to!”
Oh god, this is awful. What other people, El? What other people?, she asks herself.
“Okay, I’m going to shut up now and let you speak… Whenever you want…”
“You… You shouldn’t have…”
“Don’t you like them?” she seems disappointed, she was so sure that was the perfect gift. It took her hours to decide which ones to buy.
“No, no, no!!! It has nothing to do with that! It’s just… This is so much. Thank you…”
“You deserve it, I promise!” she says, feeling a bit more relieved.
“Here, so I can nag you all night!” Dustin says, grabbing the extra walkie and giving it to her.
“You really don’t have to give it to me….”
“And who else would I give it too, huh? C’mon, take it.”
She grabs the extra walkie, their hands touching for a brief moment as they lock eyes. But Dustin pulls away immediately, leaving her with the walkie in her hands. Why does he keep doing that?
“Okay, last one!” he says, giving her his other gift. This one has no tag or inscription, just wrapped craft paper tied up with rope. El unties the rope and takes away the paper, inside of it there are two books: the first one is Anne of Green Gables, in a beautiful hardcover edition from L.C. Page & Co, almost as good as new. She looks at it, caressing the cover and binding.
“Dustin, this is so pretty!”
“Yeah, I thought so too. I found it at a yard sale, back in the Summer and immediately thought of you. I noticed a few days ago, when I was writing the dedication, that is actually a first edition, from 1908, but the guy that sold it to me clearly didn’t know that!” he chuckles, raising his eyebrows. El opens the book to read the dedication as Dustin keeps nervously rambling “I thought it would be a nice book for you to read, it’s about this girl that has all these dreams and ambitions, and that always tries to be positive about life even though life seems to not always be as kind to her. She reminded me of you a lot, when I first read it! There are also sequels, and she ends up going to college and marrying this guy that she used to hate but then they become best friends! Not that I mean anything by that.”
Sometimes I wish I could just shut the fuck up. Dustin looks at El, looking for a reaction, but she wasn’t really paying attention anymore, she was actually crying while attentively reading his dedication. Great, now I’ve made her cry.
“Hey, are you okay?”
She nods.
“I’m alright, thank you.” it’s all she says, and then closes the book, cleaning her tears as she grabs the other one “hey, I know this one! Will loves it!”
“Yeah, funny story about that one, actually! I only meant to give you the first one, but then…”
“Dustin, why does this have a stamp saying Hawkins Library?”
He rubs the back of his neck, and looks away “well, you see, the new librarian… Let’s just say she is a complete asshole, and now she’s missing a book.”
She bursts out laughing, completely astonished.
“You are absolutely crazy, you did not steal a book from the library and give it to me as a Christmas present, that is the maddest thing to do!”
“Well, thank god that I borrowed indefinitely an edition of Alice in Wonderland, it only makes the whole deal much funnier!”
“We have to give it back!” she says, standing up and putting on her shoes.
“Wait, what? No, we are not giving it back, El! Are you crazy? We’ll both be banned from the library forever or something!” he argues, getting in her way.
“C’mon, they can’t ban us from the library!”
“Of course, they can!”
“I’m going!” she says, laughing.
“No, you’re not!” he replies, picking her up.
“Dustin, put me down! We have to return it!”
“Returning gifts is rude!”
“Put me down, right now!”
“Promise me you won’t give it back, then.”
She looks at him, he’s smiling. She’s still in his arms, holding on to his neck, while he has one arm under both her legs, and the other supporting her back.
“Fine, don’t let me go then” she says, as she puts her other arm around his neck and brings their faces closer. It’s a really awkward position to be in, but she just wanted to be close to him so bad. Can you tell that I want to kiss you, right now? she thinks, and hopes he can hear her. But he doesn’t move, he just stares back at her, looking frightened, making her think that maybe she read the whole situation wrong. So she kisses his cheek, and let’s go of his neck, saying “I promise I won’t give it back” and after that, he gently puts her down.
“I should get going” he says.
“Already?”
“Yeah, it’s better if I do, my mom might need some help, and the cousins will be arriving soon.”
Great, now you’re lying too.
“I didn’t know your cousins were coming”
“Yeah, last minute plans!”
“Okay, then. If you really have to…”
Dustin goes for the door, putting on his coat, his beanie and his scarf. You could’ve kissed her if you weren’t such a wuss, he thinks to himself, stroking the scarf after putting it on. El opens the door, and he steps out.
“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asks.
“Yeah, that sounds good! I can come meet you here.”
“What about your cousins?”
She knows.
“They’ll survive.”
They stand like that in silence for a little bit longer. It’s clear that both of them want to say something, but it’s very difficult to figure out what to say when you can’t read the other person’s mind. For whatever reason, be it bravery or stupidity, however, Dustin decided to speak.
“Oh look, mistletoe!” he points up, smiling.
“Yeah…” she replies, unenthusiastically.
And in a leap of faith, Dustin gets closer to her, and kisses her on the cheek. There was mistletoe after all, so at least he had an excuse. He looks down at her, stepping away slowly.
“Merry Christmas, El. See you tomorrow!” and leaves.
El is left there, standing on the porch, watching him as he walks away, feeling all kinds of confused by all the interactions they’d had during that day, wondering if she was imagining things. But as said before, El wasn’t one to leave things undone or unsaid. This time wouldn’t be any different. She steps outside, running after him.
“Dustin, wait!”
He turns around, to see her running shoeless in his directions.
“What’s wrong?”
“The tradition” she says, breathless, as she gets to him “you’ve got it wrong!”
“What? What are you talking ab–”
The sentence goes unfinished as El, in her tiptoes, closes the gap between them, cupping his face in her hands, covered by her long sleeves, and joins their lips together. Please tell me I’m not wrong about this, please. She lets go of his face, as she steps away, and he looks at her completely dumbfounded.
“The mistletoe tradition…” she says, looking down “it’s not that type of ki–”
“Yeah, I know” he interrupts, and grabs her by her waist, kissing her again. It’s a soft, slow and passionate kiss, that grows and grows as they can feel each other’s smile in each other’s lips. They stand like that in the snow for so long that neither of them could say if it had been one minute or one hour since they started kissing. It’s like they’re making up for lost time, kissing for all the times they didn’t, until their lips turn dry.
So that’s what it’s supposed to feel like, El thinks to herself, as they part lips and join their foreheads together.
“Your socks are soaked!”
“Who cares! It’s worth it!”
“You’re going to catch a cold, let’s get you inside!” he says, picking her up.
“What about your fake cousins? Don’t you need to go home?” she teases.
“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”
“Not really, I’m actually very funny” she replies giggling “and at least I went for it and kissed you, not really the same can be said about you.”
“Hey, I kissed you too!”
“Only after I kissed you first! You should’ve done it before.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, I’ve been thinking about it for months!”
“You’re definitely stronger than me!”
They laugh, as he puts her down on the porch, kissing her once again, under the mistletoe, by the door.
“Merry Christmas, El Hopper!”
“Merry Christmas, Dustin Henderson!”
And they walk back inside, closing the door behind them. At the kitchen counter is the edition of Anne of Green Gables Dustin got El, on the first page one can read:
“24th December 1989
To the only one that truly understands me,
You know you’re stuck with me forever,
so I hope you don’t mind spending the rest
of your life with me.
I love really like you.
Love, Dustin”