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I hate that danmed hero so much.
His dumb smile.
His damn personality. Always there for me when I don't need it.
His fucking extrovertedness, gaining the attention all to himself.
His kind voice. Always comforting me with gentle words.
His sweet gestures. Speaking in a soft, understanding voice. Cooking everyone a meal of their favorites.
Telling and greeting all of us when it's not necessary.
Everything about him. I hate.
Oh —
Who am I to fool myself? Who am I to contradict myself when my heart is saying something else?
Everything about him. From his stupid dino hat; his cheeky smile; his words; his kindness — honestly, everything about him....
"Fang!!!!" I slighty shrieked in fear. Speaking of the devil. There the boy was slighty interrupting my thoughts.
He stared at me. His whole face was cheeky. It didn't help that he smirked.
"What is it?" His smile even grew wider. He needed to do things fast before my entire personality is reduced to an idiot.
He then slighty chuckles. Before he said, "Nothing really."
He added while chuckling, "You seem really out of focus today? What happened to the mighty Lance Corporal?"
"I didn't get any sleep." I lied.
The reason why I seem out of focus is because of....
His face now seemed to in absolute concern. He then shifts his tone. He seemed concerned. "Oh... My bad," he seems to regret his words. "Next time, get some sleep. It's really important."
"Idiot." He looks at me, his face slighty forcing a smile. "Aliens like me need not sleep."
I felt warmth. He was slighty griping my arms. A small smile of concern envelops his face. "I'm just saying. See you!"
He removes his hand from my arms. He left the scene immediately, another priority was in his mind probably.
Still. I felt cold.
♧
"What you sulking about?" A familiar voice said.
Oh no. Not her again.
"Oh! Wait!" She interrupts, before adding, "I think I know who this is about."
She's that fucking fast.... Oh my god. I wanna just seal her mouth with ducktape. "Don't you dare tell anyone... please."
Ying's face lightens up. Fuck. She heard that please . I intentionally made my voice weaker yet she.... heard it.
"Of course, I won't," here she goes again. I'm going to be forced to fullfil something against my will. "In the condition of you fucking confess!"
Confess. Con. Fess. There's no way in heaven nor earth am I going to confess my feelings!
"Unless you don't want to, I'll do it myself without telling who you are."
"He probably already knows." I wish this was enough to convince her to not do anything.
Ying saw right through me. Fuck. "Idiot. Boboiboy's dense as a rock. He'll probably see all these things are you being just njce to him. I'll bet my entire 100 $ if I'm wrong."
She got me. Shit. I sigh in defeat. Not being able to defeat a queen of strategy.
She was right and wrong at the same time. I loved that boy but I need not to confess my own emotions.
My feelings were at a stalemate. Each part of my heart wanted to scream its intentions, its deepest darkest secrets without a care in the world. I wanted to express my own emotions without a care of being vulnerable, being open to criticism, being despised and everything negative I can associate myself with.
However my own mind digressed. My own logic overwhelmed my own desires. Rejection was something I am scared of. Especially that....... it was one of the outcomes that may happen.
So, with every longing, denial and pain I will experience — I will hide. I will keep my own feelings, my own desires at my own expense.
"Fang!" That same voice called to me. This time, now that I've thought of him. I recognize my cheeks reddening. My heart slighty pounding harder.
My gaze was fixated on the boy. His face was that of slight concern. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes looking back at mine. Oblivious to my own intentions to him.
I removed my gaze from him. I cannot stand to look at him.
"Aiya, YingYing told me that you're still not going to sleep." Every words he said were like melody to my ears. Honestly, everything he does....
"Hey," now he slighty shrugs over my shoulders. Trying to get my attention.
I stopped myself from grabbing his eyes and hold it as long as I can. I let him do what he wanted.
"Yeah, and what about it?"
His face frowned. Adorable.
"She said you're too stubborn and only... listened to me," he sighs at the last part before adding, "she probably did this to make me do her work."
Ying wasn't wrong. I only did listen to him.
He shrugs before tapping my shoulders. "Come on. If you're not sleeping. I'll force your ass to sleep. Just what is this idiot thinking for neglecting his sleep.''
The last part I heard loudly and clearly. And there, I almost lost it.
He then grabs my hands, dragging me to my own room.
In the middle of the walk, I gripped back. Almost pushing him to the wall. He looked smaller and vulnerable now that I silently pinned him against the wall. His eyes were that of confusion, he looked at me before gazing at something else. There's no mistaking it. His cheeks were red .
He was adorable. He probably found this whole thing ridiculous to the point he blushed hard.
"Do you know why I can't get enough sleep?" The boy looked at me. His eyes slighty shaking. He seemed intimidated that our faces were almost close.
I whispered to his ears, "I can't sleep because I was thinking of you. "
I realized what I had done and pushed myself away. Apologizing for making the boy uncomfortable. I face palmed myself realizing that I fucked up.
"Y-you were thinking of me?" He seemed concerned. The next thing he said made me weak to my knees. "Did I do something wrong then?"
You. Everything you did to me was wrong. You're so kind. So so oblivious. So sweet. I can't take it anymore.
Shit. He genuinely thought that he might had have done something wrong to me! I love him so much yet he was so dense ! So damn oblivious for his own good!
"You didn't do anything wrong...it's me—"
He smiled the obviously awkward situation before adding himself. "Still. I want to say sorry for all the dumb things I've done go you, truly."
He seemed intimidated. He stared back at me with those eyes of his. He seemed guilty for all things he said he has done to me.
"What makes you think that you've done something wrong?" His face avoided mine.
"Oh right.... u-um." His voice halted. Sounding ever so vulnerable. He seemed really fragile at the moment.
"It's alright if you don't want to talk about it." His face looked back at mine with a small smile. A small blush forming across his cheeks. Weird .
He started softly chuckling, "No... it's not that. I just have a hard time expressing my emotions."
He was laughing at his own vulnerability. "It's alright. Take your time."
His voice seemed softer. As if something influenced the way he responded.
"I'm pretty emotional you know," he began, as if telling to be careful with him. It was true. He's indeed emotional. Everything about him is bursting of emotions.
"I do apologize. I always assume that... well, if someone tells me that or even acted different to me — there's this instinct of mine that I did something wrong." His voice sounded more cooler. As if this topic did nothing to his own wellbeing.
"Don't apologize to me. Especially when you did nothing wrong."
I wonder who's the idiot who made the boy feel that way.
"Wait...." His voice faltered. Eyes widening at sight. From the looks of it, he seemed to have discovered something. He avoided my gaze while the tip of his ears slighty reddening.
" If I wasn't doing anything wrong...then Fang.. he might have had really thought of me! " I hear him whisper to himself. He seems in denial. As if he couldn't believe that I was thinking of him despite his cheeks reddening.
"That's enough talking for us. Thanks for listening to my rambles. And uh, please go to sleep. Good night." He said being such a good liar. Really changing the subject.
"Mn," he looked at me. His steps halting when hearing my voice. "Good Night."
♧
I do not know how I ended up right here.
The birthday party was loud. Kids were everywhere, screaming at the top of their lungs about prices that they should own. Heck, I can see children dramatically crying to their parents. This birthday party was chaotic.
"Oh look!" One of them said, probably referring to me. "Hey! Can you summon your shadow dragon! It seems really cool!"
"Sorry kid, but it only comes out when the situation is dire."
The kid started crying on spot. As if I'm the one to blame. I can't just release the shadow dragon for the sake of their amusement. He cried only harder.
Leaving is sure something I want to do.
"Woah," immediately, my attention is at that voice. Not giving a fuck about the boy who cried. I once again understood why I'm here. "Why are you crying?"
Boboiboy carried the kid into his arms, comforting him as the kid cried even louder than before!
"He—" the kid pointed out to me. "He bullied me!!"
"I didn't bully you!" I explained myself. The kid only screamed harder, "YES YOU DID!"
"Now now," Boboiboy began, his voice lessening the tension. "I heard everything."
The kid had a look of being terrified. Ha! Sucks for him then. I can't believe he used this whole thing on me!
"Fang Fang really can't show his shadow dragon." He called me "Fang Fang". It's adorable.
I like the nickname. I wished he called me more of those, I wouldn't mind. "Don't call me Fang Fang."
The boy digressed, proceeding to tell thr boy, "Do you want his dragon to destroy this place?"
The kid seemed terrified. Shaking his head before clutching into my clothes, shyly apologizing, "I'm sorry. I-i won't do it again!"
You better don't. "It's fine kiddo."
The boy left the scene. Leaving me and the boy together. I realized how tensionated the atmosphere became.
"So," I said, he looked at me. Face happily listening.
"What is it?" He asked. Moving himself next to my presence.
He seemed really envious of those kids. He seemed to want something from that. No, not the food nor the attention. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to feel what's it like to be a kid again.
Before asking myself how I ended up right here. I was observing him. His face was unreadable when looking at the kids. He was happy yet... he seemed to want something.
I grabbed a cupcake and smashed it to his face. He seemed really surprised before even responding.
"Hey!" He screamed. Almost lunging at me. "What was that for?"
I smiled him off. "I figured you wanted to enjoy as much as these kids."
He looked confused. Answering me with a, "What the heck Fang? I don't understand you."
I rolled my eyes. "You were looking at those kids. And I thought you missed what it's like to be a kid yourself."
He chuckles. Slightly nodding. "I guess you're right. Thanks for that."
I smiled. Always happy to make him feel better. "But I will have my revenge! That made my clothes dirty!"
"Go ahead."
He then stepped himself closer to me. His eyes looking at mine. His lips were almost close to my own. There was something about his stare that made me feel things.
My face almost blushed at the spot! I didn't think I was about to be kissed... heck! Be kissed by a boy that I like! There was this excitement I immediately felt.
Too bad. He placed the icing of the cupcake into my lips and placed it to his own lips next. An indirect kiss!
He whispered next to my ears, his words still stuck in my head, "I like you, you dummy."
.
.
.
"This is certainly expected," Gopal said. Interrupting me.
Boboiboy rolled his eyes. His lips almost on my cheeks. "What now?" He seemed upset because he was interrupted from kissing me.
"I mean I was expecting you two will be a thing. But not this fast."
I digress. The boy pushed Gopal away and closed the door. Pressing his lips into my cheeks.
I like that danmed hero so much.
His dumb smile.
His damn personality. Always there for me
when I don't need it.
His fucking extrovertedness, gaining the attention all to himself.
His kind voice. Always comforting me with gentle words.
His sweet gestures. Speaking in a soft, understanding voice. Cooking everyone a meal of their favorites.
Telling and greeting all of us when it's not necessary.
Everything about him. I love. Especially that now, he can technically be called mine.
I love him so so much