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"Well," Wild says, skipping ahead with his arm looped in Wind's, "We know as well as anyone that battle scars are really attractive."
"Says the one with actual scars," Hyrule shoots back, though he has a smile on his face.
Wild notices Twilight laughing and turns around to single him out. "What, Twi? Got something to say?"
Twilight hikes his pack up farther onto his shoulder and smiles widely. "Just remembering that one girl from your Kakariko. She seemed really interested in burn scars. What was her name, again? Paya?"
"Hold on," Wild protests, accompanied by loud laughter from Warriors and Sky, who listen. "Don't go giving up all my personal information! It's not like we're in a relationship, anyway. That just proves my point, though! Old man, did you get married before or after you lost your eye?"
"After," Wind answers for him. He's still walking alongside Wild's left, both of them using each other as a bit of support. The chill today isn't doing any of them any favors when it comes to pain. "No way he'd be around cuccos that often before being married."
Time raises an eyebrow at Wind. "And cuccos relate to my eye, how?"
"That's how you lost it, duh!" Wind gestures with his free arm, and Wild has to rebalance him with a snort. "Cucco attack! You never saw it coming!"
"Neither did I," Hyrule interrupts, a self-satisfied smirk on his face as Time chuckles in appreciation of the awful joke.
Wild laughs along, too. "You know, I'd say 'me three,' but I totally saw it coming."
Wind eyes him. "Yeah?"
"Yeah, it came in pretty hot."
Both Hyrule and Wind break down into giggles, and Wild tries to not look too smug about it.
"Anyway," he continues, "Time, you didn't actually answer the question."
Time glances over and rolls his one eye as he decides to answer. "After. This happened after I was married."
Wild makes a face. "Well, that doesn't support my thesis. And neither does Sky."
Sky looks up, noticing the flourish of Wild's free hand that's sort of Sky's sign name. He raises his eyebrows. "What about me?"
"You have a girlfriend, but you don't count, because you've always been like that."
"Like what?" Sky asks, blinking.
"Like that." Wild can't make the right sign with one hand taken up by Wind, but he gestures anyway.
Sky speams a little louder. "Like what?"
"Like that!" Wild raises his voice too.
" Like what? "
" Like that!"
"LIKE WHAT?"
"LIKE— " Wild cuts off, noticing the smiles on everyone's faces.
"Come on, Wild," Sky says, "I can almost hear you!"
Wild narrows his eyes. "You, too, Sky? I thought you were the nice one."
Twilight comes up beside Wild and Wind and slings his arm around Wild's shoulders. "Stick by me, Wild, I won't bully you."
"Says the one who teased me about Paya sixty seconds ago." Wild sighs and lets Twilight hang on him for a second.
"Don't worry," Twilight tells him. "I'm 'armless."
"Gyah!" Wild pushes Twilight off of him and tows Wind towards the back of the group, chased by laughter. He sticks his tongue out at Twilight and resumes walking, this time next to Legend and Four. "Okay, so, you guys are my last-ditch effort to prove my point to Wind."
"I forgot what your point is," Wind says, his cheeks red from laughing so hard.
Hyrule shoots back the answer. "That battle scars are attractive!"
"Oh, right."
Four rolls his eyes at them and pushes his chair along. They travel on a smooth dirt road, with just a few pebbles, so he can glide for a few seconds before having to push again. "And how are we supposed to help prove that point? No offense, but I don't find you attractive, Wild."
Legend snorts. "I'll have to agree with Four, her."
Wild splutters, feeling himself turn red. "That's not what I meant! Come on, Four. No, I wanted to ask—have either of you had significant relationships, and were they before or after the whole… you know. Thing."
"After," Four says, at the same moment that Legend said, "During?"
They look at each other, and Legend waves as if to give the floor to Four, who sighs, more in annoyance at Legend than at Wild. Wild can tell.
"After," Four repeats. "But whether or not it counted as a significant relationship is really unclear."
'Oh?' Warriors turns to walk backwards and sign at them. 'Four, you never said you had a significant other! Who's the lucky person?'
Four makes a face, and does that thing where he says several very different things in quick succession, like he can't decide what should come out of his mouth. "We weren't really together—except we were—it was complicated, is all—he's dead."
"Oh," Wild says, feeling awkward for bringing it up. "Sorry."
"Nah, I volunteered the information." Four gives his wheels another push, seeming to use more force than strictly necessary. "Anyway"—his voice gets brighter—"I admitted to it, so now Legend has to."
Warriors keeps walking backwards to catch everything, and the others in front slow a bit to join the conversation.
Legend glowers at them all. "You sunk low for that, Four. Lower than you already are."
Wild swallows back a laugh, so it comes out of his nose as a choked snort. Four doesn't rise to the bait, just keeps rolling along with a smile.
"Come on, Legend," Hyrule wheedles, and the call gets snatched up by the others, mostly Warriors and Twilight. Wild adds his voice, too.
Clearly, Legend can only take so much whining, stomping his feet and his cane along beside Four's chair, especially once Wind turns his pouty face on him.
" Fine! Bastards. Fine. Not like it's a secret, anyway." He fishes inside his shirt and pulls out a necklace that Wild had never seen before, a simple braided leather cord with a plain, steel-gray ring strung on it.
"What does that do?" Wild asks, leaning in a little.
"Nothing magic like you're thinking. But it saves me a lot of money."
'Wait, are you married?' Warriors says, in clear disbelief.
Legend smirks at their shock and tucks the ring away. "Yeah. Ravio and I signed a paper three years ago that legally turned my house from a multi-person situation into a single-family house. And we get to combine our weird incomes, too."
Time glances back at him and speaks flatly. "You got married for tax purposes. To Ravio."
"Hell yeah I did."
"Okay," Wild interrupts, feeling the conversation running off track again, "but did your thing happen before or after you fell in love?"
"During, but who said we fell in love?"
"You got married, " Four points out. He shakes his head. "That usually implies it."
"I got married for tax purposes," Legend reminds them.
Warriors almost looks betrayed. 'How can you not tell us you're married?'
"It isn't a big deal! Sheesh, everyone. It's not like I've been hiding some dramatic, tragic love story, like apparently Four has!"
Wild and Wind gasp at the same time, hands flying to their chests.
Four eyes Legend. "Someone trip him for me, so then he's physically lower than me as well as metaphorically."
"I'm on it!" Twilight laughs, jumping into action as Legend squeaks in protest and tries to run.
Wild got two positive answers to his question. Two out of… five or something. Hm. That doesn't hold up. He tries to think of how he'd word that in official lab notes, while Twilight tackles Legend to the ground and holds him down in the dust for a few seconds. He should write a survey for non-Heroes instead.