Chapter Text
The Christmas Contract
- Fezco will be Lexi’s date to her company’s nondenominational holiday gathering
- Lexi will be Fezco’s date to his job’s “Chrisweed Party”
- Fezco and Lexi will be each other’s date to Cassie’s New Year’s Eve “If You Do Not Have a Date You Will Be Assigned One At the Door” Date Party
- Fezco and Lexi will not fall in love
“Ion see why we gotta write up a contract,” Fezco mutters as he watches Lexi write out the list in her neat script.
“It’s just a fun little joke,” she responds with a shrug.
“What’s this?” Fezco asks, pointing to what she’s just written. “’Fezco and Lexi will not fall in love’?”
Lexi throws her hand back to jokingly hit Fezco’s chest. “Like in a movie, they always say, ‘oh, we can’t fall in love,’ and then they do.”
“But we ain’t gon’ fall in love,” Fezco says.
Lexi turns around to look up at him. “Well, duh,” she says. “It’s just a joke.”
Fezco and Lexi have been friends since high school. The group started out much larger than it now is in their adulthood, but Fezco and Lexi gravitated toward one another almost immediately due to their similarities. Mainly, they were both quiet, observant, and secretly hilarious.
Life in their mid-twenties is vastly different than it was back in their teens, though their friendship remains staunchly the same. They laughed their way through multiple life stages—like college, when their bond loosened due to a 3-hour time difference that only saw them hang out a handful of times in four years, or post-grad life, when their bond was reforged with a vengeance due to the traumatizing nature of graduating from college and facing the rest of your life.
Slightly more settled in life and a few years older, Fezco and Lexi recently found themselves entering a new era: being matchmade.
It didn’t happen all at once, it never does. It started when Cassie tried to set Lexi up with a guy she worked with. Then Rue wanted to set Fezco up with a friend of a friend of a friend. Things snowballed from there.
Lexi’s 50-year-old coworker thought her son would just be so enamored with Lexi, she really ought to bring him in. And Fezco’s boss would loudly cough whenever Fezco would assist an attractive woman—even when said women had 5-year-old children with them. Fezco wasn’t ready to be a stepdaddy.
It wasn’t until they wound up on a blind date with each other that they finally decided to put a stop to the matchmaking.
Which led to their Christmas Contract.
If they bring each other to their respective holiday parties under the guise of actually dating each other, that will surely buy them a couple months’ peace.
As for their friends and family, who would no doubt see through any fake dating shenanigans, they have yet to formulate a plan on that front. At the very least, showing up to Cassie’s party as each other’s date will be quite the middle finger to the whole event.
Lexi’s company party is on a Thursday night, with all offices closed the next day. Lexi is adamantly against drinking with her coworkers, but the promise of no work in the morning does sweeten the deal.
Unfortunately, Fezco still has work in the morning. Not everyone gets random Fridays off. He’s more than happy to remind Lexi of this. Often.
“Who the fuck throws a black-tie party for Christmas?” Fezco asks as he drives them to the banquet hall where the party is being held.
They’re all dolled up: Fezco in a black tuxedo, Lexi with a floor-length forest green satin gown. They’d taken a moment, when Fezco picked her up, to jokingly check one another out. (Whether Lexi took an extra moment to admire how the sleeve of Fezco’s tuxedo hugged his bicep and Fezco took an extra moment to admire how Lexi’s dress accentuated the curve of her hip was nobody’s business.)
“It’s a nondenominational holiday gathering, need I remind you,” Lexi says, attempting to fix her lipstick in the passenger side mirror. Fezco drives over a bump in the road, and she accidentally scratches herself. “Fezco!” she exclaims.
“It’s the fuckin’ road, Lex, not my fuckin’ fault,” he replies. “Black-tie is for New Year’s ‘n shit, erybody at this party should be in sweaters ‘n fuzzy socks. Drinkin’ hot chocolate with them mini marshmallows.”
“You have a very specific image in mind,” Lexi says, glancing over at him.
“Yeah, my company’s fuckin’ Christmas party,” he mutters. “You gon’ have a good ass time on Saturday, lemme tell you.”
“What kind of company throws a party on a Saturday?” Lexi questions. “Don’t they know weekends are for our real friends and family?”
“Speak fo’ yo’self,” Fezco says with a half-laugh. “I’ll go anywhere on the weekend if you tell me they gon’ smoke me out fo’ free.”
Fezco works at a trendy little marijuana dispensary. Everyone made jokes when he decided to add agriculture as a second major—his first being business—but everything has turned out exceedingly well for him. He often speaks about his plan of opening up his own, as he calls it, “bud to table” dispensary. He won’t hear criticism about how “bud to table” is a confusing way to explain it.
Lexi rolls her eyes dramatically. “I will smoke you up for free,” she says. “Just say the word, we don’t have to go to that party.”
“Ay, but then you’d be breakin’ our contract, Lexi,” Fezco says. “What’s next? You gon’ start fallin’ in love w’ me or som’n?”
Lexi snorts.
“Ain’t need to think it’s that funny, Lex, c’mon now,” Fezco mumbles.
“Come on, Fezco,” Lexi says, hitting his arm gently. “It’s funny.”
“I said it ain’t that funny, Lex, you ain’t hearin’ my emphasis,” Fezco says, reaching over to tousle her freshly re-curled hair. “Ain’t they teach you all ‘bout emphasis in yo’ fancy English classes?”
“Fezco!” Lexi exclaims. “It took me three hours to do my hair.”
“Yeah, ‘n it looks the same as it does when you fresh outta bed,” Fezco says.
“It looks completely different,” Lexi insists, smoothing out her hair.
“Was curly when you started ‘n it was curly when you finished,” Fezco says.
“The curls are different,” Lexi says. “Emphasis on different, because yes, I did learn about emphasis in my fancy second grade English class.”
“She can do hyperbole, too,” Fezco says. “Maybe yo’ curls are different, they look the same to me. You gon’ have pretty hair no matter what you do to it, ain’t gotta spend three hours doin’ it.”
“You think my hair is pretty?” Lexi asks teasingly.
Fezco stares at her blankly for a few seconds. “C’mon, Lex, we both know you’re beautiful.” It’s a teasing compliment, but the air feels heavy suddenly. Lexi doesn’t think Fezco has ever called her beautiful before. Sure, he’s called her pretty, even hot on occasion, when she’s needed hyping up, but it’s different hearing the word “beautiful.” Lexi’s entire face flushes as Fezco clears his throat. “You f’real wasted all our free time doin’ yo’ hair,” he says, abruptly changing the conversation.
“It wasn’t all of our free time,” Lexi mildly corrects.
“Nah, nah, you said, ‘come over at three, we can grab dinner ‘fore we head over,’” Fezco says. “And you know what I ain’t get?”
“I said we could order something,” Lexi says.
“’N I was promised a fancy ass dinner on yo’ company card,” Fezco says. “Note the emphasis.”
“Emphasis noted,” Lexi replies dramatically. “That clearly wasn’t going to happen after five, so it’s your own fault you didn’t eat.”
Fezco grumbles. Lexi rolls her eyes. It’s hard for either of them to tell whether they’re still play fighting or if they’re genuinely bickering now.
“Ain’t you say they gon’ have some good ass hors d’oeuvres?” Fezco asks after a few moments of silence.
“The best,” Lexi says. “Note the emphasis.”
Ten minutes later, Fezco’s hand is ever-so-delicately placed on Lexi’s lower back as she leads him into the party.
“Lexi Howard and guest,” Lexi says to the woman manning the entry table. “Date, I should say,” she says, glancing at Fezco, who winks at her.
The woman hands Lexi two drink vouchers and Fezco gives her an emphatic “thank you.” The non-couple make their way into the luxurious banquet hall, where they’re immediately greeted by a gigantic Christmas tree decorated in white, silver, and gold with a magnificent star on top.
They’re both startled to a stop by the sight of it and stand in a comfortable silence as they admire the tree.
Finally, Fezco speaks up: “Ain’t very nondenominational.”
Lexi silently laughs and turns to Fezco. “They’ve actually got a giant menorah on the other side.”
They find an empty table to sit at and Lexi starts pointing out the important people in the room. Unfortunately, Fezco is too entranced by the hors d’oeuvres menu.
“Goat cheese stuffed figs, goat cheese crostini with olive tapenade, goat cheese stuffed pepperoncini,” he reads out. “They really like they goat cheese here.”
“Duh, it’s delicious,” Lexi says.
“Ain’t ever had it,” Fezco says, continuing to read the menu as Lexi gapes at him.
“Fezco,” she says, leaning in, putting her hands on his lower thigh. “Are you ready for your life to change tonight?”
Fezco chuckles softly. “Can’t be that good,” he says, but Lexi is rushing off to collect a plate of the goat cheese-featuring hors d’oeuvres before he even finishes the statement.
In her absence, Fezco is approached by one of her coworkers.
“Becca,” she introduces herself with a smile. “You’re Lexi’s . . . ?” she trails off, leaving him to answer.
“Boyfriend,” Fezco answers, extending his hand out. “Fezco.”
Becca shakes his hand, a confused look on her face. “I didn’t know Lexi was dating someone.”
“It’s a recent development,” Fezco says. “We been friends a long time.”
“You know what,” Becca says, nodding her head. “I remember her mentioning you before.”
Fezco is delighted to hear this. It’s not strange—Fezco talks about his friends at work all the time—but it’s still nice to know that Lexi finds him worth mentioning to her coworkers.
In a flash, Lexi is back, scooping Becca into a hug while simultaneously setting the plate down in front of Fezco.
“You look gorgeous!” Lexi squeals. Fezco takes a tentative bite of the crostino.
“So do you!” Becca squeals back. She gestures at Fezco, who is now fitting the remainder of the crostino in his mouth. “When were you going to tell me that you have a boyfriend?”
Lexi blushes and Fezco thinks she’s a good actress. “It’s new,” she says quietly. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you.”
“Can’t wait to hear all about it,” Becca says conspiratorially. “He’s the one from Halloween, right? That you—”
“That’s the one,” Lexi cuts her off.
“Halloween?” Fezco asks through a mouthful of crostini, looking back and forth between the women.
“It’s nothing, babe,” Lexi says with a short laugh.
Becca’s brows furrow slightly. Before she can say anything else, Lexi is ushering her off to go say hi to someone else. She returns a second later and plops down next to Fezco, who is now eating a pepperoncino.
“Baby, you right, this goat cheese shit is amazin’,” Fezco says without looking up from his plate.
“You don’t have to call me ‘baby,’ no one’s around,” Lexi says gently, reaching over to grab a fig off his plate.
“Stayin’ in character,” Fezco says with a shrug. “You gon’ get yo’self a drink?”
“I don’t know,” Lexi says.
“You should,” Fezco says. “You got two drink tickets, ‘n I’m almost outta hors d’oeuvres.”
“You can get your own hors d’ouevres,” Lexi says.
“’N why would I do that when my girlfriend is headin’ that way to get a drink anyway?” Fezco responds. He gives her a cheeky smile and Lexi playfully swats his arm before getting up to go fetch some drinks and food while he finishes off the first plate.
Fezco watches Lexi as she goes, gently admiring as multiple people’s faces brighten up as she stops to talk to them. Lexi has that effect on people.
She turns her head to look at him and everyone else’s heads follow; she must be pointing out her new “boyfriend.” Fezco gives a subtle wave and enjoys the feeling he gets as a flush overtakes Lexi’s face.
She’s back at their table a few minutes later, setting down a plate piled high with food in front of Fezco, her own cocktail in her hand.
“I don’t know why I dote on you so much,” she says, watching Fezco stuff an entire pepperoncino in his mouth.
“I dote on you, too,” Fezco argues. Lexi leans over to wipe a glob of goat cheese from the corner of his mouth.
“As if,” Lexi says with a soft smile. “I’m always taking care of you.”
“It’s reciprocated,” Fezco responds.
“Fezco, you just made me go get you food,” Lexi says with a half laugh.
“Ain’t nobody makin’ you do anythin’,” Fezco mutters.
Lexi rolls her eyes dramatically before she reaches over to grab a crostino off the plate.
“What was yo’ friend sayin’ ‘bout Halloween?” Fezco asks after a few moments of silence.
Lexi outwardly cringes at Fezco’s question.
“It’s embarrassing,” she says. She takes a short sip of her drink, then a longer one. “This is really good, you should try it,” she says, passing it over to Fezco.
“Think you deflectin’,” he responds, though he still takes a sip. “Shit, that is good.” He passes it back to her. “You gon’ get fucked up on those.”
“I only have two drink vouchers,” Lexi says with a shake of her head. She finishes off her crostino. “Aren’t you a little glad we didn’t get dinner?” she asks through her mouthful.
Fezco shoots her a glare, despite reaching for a fig himself. “Don’t play.”
Lexi smiles affectionately. “How about we dip early and drive through McDonald’s? My treat.”
“You a good woman, Lexi,” he says. “How late we gotta stay?”
Lexi surveys the room. “They’re gonna give some speeches, then there’ll be some charity gift announcements.”
“’N we leave after that?” Fezco asks.
“We leave half an hour after that,” Lexi responds coyly. “So we don’t look too eager.”
Fezco nods. “When they gon’ start with the speeches?”
Lexi checks her phone for the time. “Ten minutes?” she says.
“Should we go mingle?” Fezco suggests.
Lexi shakes her head. “If someone wants to talk, they can come to me.”
“You sure?” Fezco questions. “Feel like I ain’t done much as yo’ boyfriend.”
Lexi shoots him a sweet smile. “Being here is enough. Seriously.”
“The only thing I’ve done is make you go get me some food, Lex,” Fezco says.
“Very boyfriend-y of you, actually,” Lexi says with a soft laugh that makes Fezco furrow his eyebrows.
“Let’s go get a pic with the tree,” Fezco says, standing up and extending his hand to Lexi.
“What?” Lexi asks with a giggle, taking a sip of her drink.
“I’m serious,” he says. “C’mon. ‘S a beautiful ass tree.”
Lexi slurps more of her drink. Fezco sighs dramatically.
“Getchu another drink while we up,” he suggests.
Lexi stands almost immediately.
They locate Becca, who is a little too enthusiastic about taking their picture. She directs them like it’s an actual photoshoot, with the last shot she insists on getting to be one of a kiss between the two.
“Ion think—” Lexi says and Fezco takes a startled step away from her. The two exchange a look.
“PDA ain’t our thing,” Fezco says to Becca.
She looks disappointed, but recovers. “A kiss on the cheek?”
Lexi and Fezco cave; when Becca hands back the phone, they can see both their faces visibly flushed as Fezco kisses her cheek. They both blush harder in response.
They’re back at their table a few minutes later, Lexi bearing a new drink, Fezco bearing two trays piled high with hors d’oeuvres. A few more people have sat down in preparation for the speeches, and Lexi gives everyone a warm smile.
“Oh, perfect,” one of the women says, looking up at Fezco and Lexi. “You two are young, you’ll take our drink tickets, right?”
“Oh, I don’t—” Lexi says before Fezco cuts her off.
“Yes, ma’am,” Fezco says, reaching out to take the vouchers from her. “You sure?” he asks, though he already has the vouchers in his hand.
“I’m pregnant,” the woman says with a soft smile. “I’m quite sure.”
Fezco nods, handing the vouchers back to Lexi.
“You’re not getting that Halloween story out of me,” she hisses into his ear as they sit down.
“We’ll see ‘bout that,” Fezco responds with a smirk, lazily throwing his arm around her chair.
The speeches are long, and boring, and Fezco busies himself playing with the material of Lexi’s dress, pinching and rubbing the fabric over her thigh until she eventually swats his hand away.
“Sorry,” he whispers to her.
Lexi turns to him, her cheeks a little pink, her nose scrunched adorably. She searches back and forth between his eyes, a sheepish smile on her face. “It tickles,” she whispers back.
Fezco can’t stop the chuckle that escapes him, and he revels in Lexi’s own responding laugh.
When the speeches end, Lexi shoots out of her seat in an instant, and Fezco immediately thinks something is wrong until he sees her at the bar, turning back with two cocktails in her hands.
“How long have you two been dating?” someone says, and it takes Fezco to realize the question is directed at him.
“Not long,” Fezco says, smiling gently. “But we been friends a long time.”
“You must’ve liked each other for a while before, right?” the pregnant woman asks.
Fezco glances back at Lexi, who is quickly approaching, balancing the two full glasses, and his heart swells with affection for his goofy friend. “Nah, not really,” he says to the woman. “Fallin’ fo’ yo’ best friend, you gotta decide real quick whether it’s gon’ be worth it or not.”
The woman smiles fondly. “I take it, it was worth it?”
“Hundred percent,” Fezco says, and a second later Lexi is setting two cocktail glasses down next to him. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and leans down to give him a hug.
“Whatcha talkin’ about?” she whispers in his ear, and he can tell she’s already quite tipsy.
He turns his head to look at her, and her face is hovering inches away from his. “Lyin’ ‘bout our relationship,” he whispers back.
She nods forcefully before plopping down in her chair, slurping at one of her cocktails.
“I think you gon’ be a problem tonight,” Fezco says, and she responds with a wide grin.
Lexi does turn out to be a problem, telling Fezco she just needs to pee “real quick” before they leave about 45 minutes later. She's in there for 15 minutes—sitting cozy on the counter, telling tales of her relationship with Fezco to any and every woman that passes through, unbeknownst to Fezco—when he decides it’s time to check on her.
He corners a woman exiting the bathroom, “Yo, my girl in there? Curly brown hair, green dress?” After half a second, he adds, “Beautiful?”
The woman smiles fondly at him. “Oh, she's in there,” she says. Then she walks away.
Fezco grits his teeth before he starts knocking on the women’s restroom door. “Yo, Lexi, we gotta go,” he yells through the door. “You good?”
The door flies open and Lexi is standing there, smiling wide, and she throws her arms around him.
“Fezco,” she mumbles into the crook of his neck, and her breath tickles him.
“Hey, Lex,” he says, laughing softly. “Whatchu up to?”
“Nothing,” Lexi mumbles against him once more. “Peeing.”
“Took you 15 minutes,” Fezco says, pulling her closer against him.
“I’ve had a lot to drink,” Lexi responds.
“No shit,” Fezco says with a small smile.
Fezco half-carries Lexi back to his car—after she insists on “sneakily” wrapping some of the hors d’oeuvres in napkins and shoving them in her purse, which is in no way sneaky, but Fezco wants more of the goat cheese, so he lets her do it—and buckles her into the passenger seat.
“McDonald’s,” she reminds him as she stares out the window at all the city lights, slowly nibbling on a fig.
“On it, boss,” Fezco says. A smirk creeps up his face. “Just tell me the Halloween story.”
“That’s not fair,” Lexi argues.
“Nah, c’mon, Lexi,” Fezco says. “Can’t be that bad.”
“It is that bad,” Lexi says. “It’s like, friendship-ending bad.”
“’N now you bein’ dramatic as shit,” Fezco says with a short laugh. “Ain’t nothin’ gon’ end our friendship.”
“Okay, friendship-altering,” Lexi says. “And that’s kind of worse, if you think about it.”
Fezco glances over at Lexi, who’s slumped in her seat while she nods very slowly at him. “You thinkin’ ‘bout it?” he questions.
“Mhm,” Lexi says, closing her eyes and nodding more vigorously. “Are you?”
“Can’t think about it,” Fezco says, nudging her shoulder. Lexi’s eyes pop open. “I ain’t know how it’s gon’ alter our friendship.”
“It would just be like, poosh,” Lexi says, miming an explosion with her hands.
“Poosh?” Fezco questions.
“Poosh,” Lexi says, miming the explosion again. “Bad.”
Fezco laughs. “Lex, our friendship ain’t never gon’ be bad. You my girl, f’real.”
Lexi blushes, which only makes her imminent confession all the more embarrassing. “Promise not to laugh,” she says softly.
“Never laugh at you,” Fezco says.
“You’re currently laughing at me,” Lexi says as another chuckle escapes Fezco.
“’Cause you bein’ funny,” Fezco says.
Lexi grumbles. “Those cocktails were too good.”
“Got the recipe from the bartender,” Fezco says.
“You did?” Lexi asks. Fezco nods. “When?”
“When you was dickin’ around in the bathroom,” Fezco says, playfully hitting her arm with the back of his hand. “You gon’ tell me now?”
Lexi rolls her eyes. She seems to be sobering up, so it shocks Fezco when she blurts out, “I almost tried to fuck you.”
Fezco holds back a laugh. “You what?”
Lexi shakes her head. “I was feeling lonely and desperate and I texted Becca and asked if she thought it was a mistake to sleep with your best friend,” she says as quickly as she can. “But before I could do anything, you had already left with someone else. And then, obviously, in the morning I realized how stupid it was.”
Fezco is quiet for a few seconds. “You tellin’ me, if I had hung around at that party for a li’l bit longer, I coulda gone home with Lexi Howard?”
“Oh, shut up,” Lexi says, reaching over to hit his arm. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“Nah, Lex, ‘m not playin’,” Fezco teases, and Lexi cracks a smile.
“For the record, Becca said that yes it would be a mistake, so I wouldn’t have done it,” Lexi says.
“Unless you were feelin’ rebellious,” Fezco says, eyeing her up and down out of the corner of his eye.
“I wasn’t,” Lexi insists. “I called my mom that night. Far from rebellious.”
“Aight,” Fezco says. They’re quiet for a minute. “Friendship feels the same to me.”
“I guess it does,” Lexi says absently.
“Yo, you ever thought about that before?” Fezco asks after a few minutes of quiet, right as he pulls into the McDonald’s drive through line.
“What?” Lexi asks; she’d been back to staring out the window.
“You ‘n me gettin’ together,” Fezco says with a shrug.
“Not before that,” Lexi answers shyly. “And not after, either,” she quickly adds. “Have you?”
“Nah,” Fezco lies. “You want the nuggets?”