Chapter Text
"Stay very still," Aki murmurs.
"I am staying still. You're the one that's taking forever." Nayuta huffs out this declaration and cranes her neck, eyeing him skeptically. "Are you sure you can do this?"
Aki frowns. "Of course. I've cut people's hair before."
A snicker from across the room draws his attention. Power is leaning against the bathroom's door frame with an amused smirk, plainly entertained by the scene playing out in front of her. Angel stands a few paces behind her, his expression akin to someone watching a car crash.
The sight of the two of them makes Aki press his lips into a firm line. "I have," he stresses. Brandishing his scissors at the duo, he adds, "You both need trims as well."
Power scoffs and Angel wrinkles his nose like he's never heard something more distasteful in his life. However, it's Nayuta who speaks up first. "Have you done this with one hand?" she asks, leaning back as she eyes the scissors warily.
“No,” Aki admits. “But I’ll never be able to do it if I don’t practice.”
Nayuta jerks forward with an appalled noise. “Don’t practice on me!”
“You need a haircut, and I don’t see anyone else around to do it,” Aki reiterates. He grabs Nayuta’s shoulder, careful not to poke her with the scissors, and carefully pushes her back toward the chair. “Lean back.”
Nayuta looks up at him with something that he would call terror if he were being dramatic. He nudges her shoulder again, and she reluctantly sits back.
A fresh volley of snickering starts from the doorway. Aki knows that he can't glare like he used to, but this time, he tries anyway. It's more effective than he would have expected; Power smirks at him for a few seconds before covering her mouth with her hand and turning away, shoulders still shaking with mirth.
Good enough.
Aki holds his scissors up to Nayuta's hair, awkwardly maneuvering to grasp the end of a lock between his pinky and ring finger.
Seconds before he can make the first cut, Angel cries, "Wait!"
"What?" Aki asks, straightening up with a huff.
"This is just sadistic," Angel says, walking across the bathroom. He shoves Aki out of the way and grabs the scissors from his hand without so much as an 'excuse me'.
"Since when do you know how to cut hair?"
"I don't," Angel easily replies, leaning closer to examine Nayuta's hair as he runs a hand through it. "I'm a devil, not a barber."
Aki moves to cross his arms, aborts the movement, and puts his hand on his hip instead. "Then what makes you think you're qualified to do this?"
"Qualified," Angel scoffs. "Nayuta, who do you want cutting your hair? Me, or-"
"You," Nayuta immediately interrupts.
Angel shoots Aki a smug look. Aki frowns, and Angel actually smiles a little bit before waving his hand at him. "Get out," he says. "It's too crowded in here. I could slip up and give the Control Devil a bowl cut or something."
"You'd better not," Nayuta hisses.
Angel hums. "I guess you'd better listen to me, then."
He lines his fingers up about an inch from the end of Nayuta's hair. For all of his claims of inexperience, his movements are confident. It makes Aki wonder if he might have been lying. His hair is almost as long as Power's, and Public Safety likely would have shorn it off if he couldn't care for it by himself. Unless it's that long specifically because he never cut it, and he's just lucky enough not to get split ends?
Before Aki can comment on any of his musings, Angel shoots him a flat look. "Have you gone deaf, or are you just being a stubborn asshole?" He points to the doorway with the scissors. His other hand still threaded in Nayuta's hair. "Out."
Aki reluctantly exits the bathroom. Upon reaching the doorway, he's met with Power's gleeful snicker of, "Banished."
"Shut your mouth," Aki mutters, leaning against the doorframe. He starts rubbing his fingers together and a second later mutters, "I need a cigarette."
Power punches him in the arm.
"Excuse you?" Aki asks through gritted teeth, pretending not to hear Nayuta's snickering from the bathroom.
"Denji said we're allowed to use violence to discourage your cravings," she proudly proclaims.
"Did he now?" Aki deadpans.
Power nods. "Angel is in support of this plan."
"Now that you actually smell good, I'm not letting you go back to reeking like a chimney," Angel shamelessly proclaims.
Aki feels a flicker of something that isn't irritation. Of course, he doesn't acknowledge it. Instead, he looks between his partner and his terror, contemplates chewing them out, and ultimately decides against it. Next, he spends a moment peering at Nayuta, taking in the tenseness in her shoulders and the way she keeps glancing back at him. Those don't strike him as good signs, but Angel looks far more at ease than he had been when he first started to sleep with them a few nights ago, and Power doesn't seem fearful at all, so maybe…
Maybe…
"Nayuta," Aki calls.
Nayuta moves to turn her head toward him, only to be stopped by Angel's hand on her cheek. She makes an aggravated sound before asking, "What?"
"Will you be okay if I leave for a moment?" Aki asks.
Nayuta makes an affronted sound. "Duh! What kind of baby do you think I am?"
Aki's lips twitch despite his building headache. "I won't ask next time," he promises.
"Good."
Aki casts a look at Power before leaving. She anxiously between him and the bathroom before leaning back against the doorframe with a tiny nod. He pats her on the shoulder before leaving.
It only takes a moment for him to pull a packet of nicotine gum out of his bedside drawer and put a piece in his mouth. He sits on the bed for longer than necessary, doing nothing more than waiting for his withdrawal symptoms to die down as time ticks by. Once several minutes have passed, long enough for exposure, but hopefully not enough for any disasters to occur, he stands up and heads back toward the bathroom.
Angel is almost done with Nayuta’s hair by the time he gets back. He’s fast for someone with “no experience” doing hair. Aki leans against the doorframe opposite Power, but only ends up watching for a few minutes before Angel shoos Nayuta out of the chair opposite the vanity. “Now you,” Angel says, pointing at Aki as Nayuta scurries out of the chair.
“What?” Aki responds.
“When’s the last time you cut your hair?” Angel asks.
Aki raises his hand to brush his fingers against the edges of his hair, which now goes down a little past his shoulders. Before he can admit that he doesn’t know, Nayuta leans against his leg and declares, “You look like some sort of hippie.”
Aki frowns down at her. “How do you know what a hippie is?”
“I just know these things,” Nayuta says.
At the same time, Power gleefully provides, “Denji’s been letting her watch weird television while you clean.”
“Of course,” Aki sighs. Then, to Power, “I haven’t been cleaning that much.”
Power scoffs. “You’re more of a freak about it than you were before.”
“I’ve never been a freak about cleaning.”
Nayuta snickers into her hand while Power argues, “You are the worst of neat freaks.”
“Better a neat freak than a slob,” Angel interrupts, marching across the bathroom to grab Aki’s hand. Nayuta steps back with an indignant huff.
Aki allows himself to be dragged into the chair. When confronted by the mirror, he quickly averts his gaze downward, but doesn’t give in to the urge to ask the chair to be moved. Meanwhile, Power protests, “You are a slob, Angel Devil.”
“Exactly. This house doesn’t need four of us,” Angel retorts.
Angel and Power continue bickering. Aki finds the sound fading into the background, instead focusing on the feelings of Angel running his hands through his hair. It starts with unforgiving jolts of tension racing through his being whenever his hand brushes against the hammer in the back of his head. But as Angel continues his ministrations, it gradually fades from a blaring sense of wrongness to something lurking in the back of his awareness. Instead, he finds his attention drawn to the pleasant, tickling warmth of his fingers brushing against his scalp and the sensation of the tangles gently being woven out of his hair. He hadn’t even realized that it was tangled.
Eventually, the bickering stops, and Angel murmurs, “Let me know if anything feels wrong.”
Aki nods his agreement.
The bathroom is silent aside from the quiet snips of the scissors. After a little while, Aki glances toward the doorway. He can’t see much without turning his head, but what he glimpses is enough to see that it’s empty. Surprise flickers in his chest at Nayuta’s absence, followed by a glimmer of haunting, hopeful relief.
Aki looks forward. He’s only able to look in the mirror for a few seconds, but for those few seconds, his stomach doesn’t churn as hard as it used to.
He looks down for less than a minute before forcing himself to look back in the mirror. However, it isn’t himself that he’s looking at this time. “Thank you for trying,” he tells Angel’s reflection.
Angel pauses. “With what?”
Everything.
“Nayuta,” Aki says.
“Oh.” Angel goes back to cutting his hair with a shrug. “She isn’t completely awful, I guess.”
A delicate silence fills the air for a moment. Aki knows that there are a hundred things he could say here, a hundred ways he could give voice to the warm, painful feeling in his stomach.
There are a hundred reasons why he doesn’t say any of them.
The moment is broken by Angel setting the scissors down beside the sink and declaring, “Done. I hope you know that I’m not going to clean this.”
Aki sighs, first glancing at his reflection - his hair looks good if nothing else - and then the small mountain of fallen back locks covering the bathroom floor. “Of course not.”
*
Aki has two problems right now.
He decides to start with the less important one.
Aki is staring through the glass of the back door one blustery morning, cup of coffee in hand, when he calls, "Denji?"
He can hear his... Not a colleague anymore. 'Friend' feels too weak of a term at this point. Maybe...? Fam-
Well. Whatever Denji is to him, he can hear him rustling around in the kitchen. At his question, he peeks his head out the doorway with a 'hmm'? that's half-muffled by the sweet bun sticking out of his mouth.
Aki allows himself a gentle snort at the sight, then gestures out the door and asks, "Why is there a shopping cart in our backyard?"
Denji swallows a mouthful of bun and strides over to stand beside Aki. He stares blankly out at the backyard - and the dented grocery store shopping cart lying upside down in the center of the lawn - before helpfully providing, "That's been there since yesterday afternoon."
"And why is it back there?" Aki presses, allowing a little irritation to seep into his tone. Something about it is perversely relieving; having the emotional capacity to be irritated isn't something that he realized he missed until it returned to him. Now that he's aware of it, he tries not to think about it too much.
It's difficult when Denji seems determined to make his irritation rise. He takes another bite of his bun, stares directly at Aki as he spends ten seconds chewing, swallows, and finally asks, "Who says I know anything about it?"
The corner of Aki's mouth spasms. "It was either you or Power." Possibly both of them. Probably both of them, actually.
Denji takes another bite of his bun and speaks with his mouth full. "What makes you think that?"
"Are you saying that Angel did this?" Aki shoots back.
Denji swallows. "Angel was involved, yeah."
Aki feels his jaw go slack. "He was what?"
A grin spreads across Denji's lips. "We were cart surfing! Y'know how it was all windy yesterday? We took the cart up to the top of that hill by the junkyard a few blocks away, I got in, Angel stood on the back with his wings spread out, and we rolled down. The cart got a little beaten up, but it was pretty fun."
Aki foregoes pointing out that Denji just confirmed that he is partially to blame for the cart in favor of asking, completely dumbfounded, "How did you get him to agree to that?"
"He owed me a favor," Denji quickly replies. Before Aki can ask for further clarification, he takes a massive bite of his bun.
With a faint, defeated sigh, Aki decides to let the question drop. "Get rid of the cart," he says instead.
Denji has the decency to swallow before responding. "D'ya want me to take it back to the grocery store, or...?"
Aki looks back out at the cart, which is barely shaped like a cart by this point, and grimaces. Even with Kishibe's help, maintaining a household of five is expensive enough without adding property destruction fees on top of everything. "Just drop it off at the dump."
Denji gets halfway through, nodding before a devious look crosses his face. "So, before I do that-"
"No."
"No?"
"I don't need anyone breaking a limb because of this."
"I already broke my arm!" Denji laughs triumphantly. "Angel gave me some blood and I was good as new."
Aki almost falls down the rabbit hole that this conversation is leading into. He almost snaps at him to be more careful, almost says that Angel should have more common sense, almost gives into the sort of indignant outrage that will have Denji responding with childish amusement. Something rises up to stop him before he can. He can't tell if it's lingering exhaustion or the knowledge that they have something more important to talk about, and right now, he doesn't care. They do have something more important to talk about. He's just wasting time by continuing this conversation at this point.
"Is Power still sleeping with you?" he asks.
Denji's brow furrows as he frowns. He shoves the rest of his bun into his mouth, hastily chewing and swallowing, before saying, "Yeah, no shit. Why?"
Aki hesitates for just long enough to hope this will go well. Then he asks, "Do you think you could get her to move her things in with you?"
"Probably," Denji says with a shrug. "She'd be a pest about it, but it's not like she's really using her room anyway, so yeah, I don't see why not." He pauses, tilting his head to the side. "Why? Gettin' tired of sleeping with Nayuta?"
It would be easy to call his tone amused. Aki would call it such if not for the glimmer of concern that he catches in his eyes, the strain that he can't quite keep out of his voice. Once again, he feels a pang of guilt for the same things that he's been blaming himself for ever since he started trying to pull himself together. For the first time, he wonders when he'll be able to stop feeling wretched about them.
Probably not anytime soon. Not for the hundreds of bodies that had fallen cold in the wake of his transformation, not for the way he had abandoned his family as he struggled to come to terms with what he had become and the blood on his hands. Denji's blood, in part. These are things that will haunt him, even as the guilt slowly begins to chafe.
For now, he can at least say, "That's not it. She's a growing girl. She's going to need privacy. I think she's stable enough to sleep by herself. The sooner we get her a space of her own, the better."
Especially since she can be trusted not to abuse that space. After spending over a week near-isolated in Denji's room, he trusts that she won't lock herself away for days on end, even if the situation with the rest of the house may still be a little awkward.
Awkward. It isn't pleasant, but the fact that the once-stifling tension can now be described as awkward is glaring proof of how the situation has improved.
"Yeah, but Angel will like not having her in the room with you," Denji says.
Aki frowns, ignores the squirming in his gut, and asks, "What does that have to do with anything?"
Denji holds his hands up innocently. "Nothing, I was just sayin'." He lowers his arms back to his sides before continuing, "I'll get Power to move into my room. But I think you're gonna have to talk to her about school a little more. She won't admit it, but she's all anxious."
Aki doesn't bother telling Denji that he thinks he can do a better job of soothing Power's anxieties. After everything he's done, if he wants Aki to take care of this one thing, he can pull himself together and do it.
"Deal," he says.
*
It's not hard to pull Power aside. She comes without complaint when he says that he wants to speak with her after dinner. The speed of her agreement makes Aki's stomach twist with bittersweet fondness. He doesn't doubt that he's been neglecting her to some degree in his determination to look after Nayuta. That won't need to be the case for much longer; once she's a little more integrated into the household, he'll be able to split his attention between everyone more evenly, even if the child will still require more supervision and attention.
Of course, Power won't need him as much once she starts school.
She probably hasn't needed him for a while.
Still, Denji thinks that he can help in this situation, so he's going to try.
Aki leads Power out onto the back porch. He hesitates for a moment, looking out at the lawn shrouded in darkness, before sitting down in one of their dinky patio chairs. Power does not hesitate to flop down in his lap, completely uncaring of the way the chair creaks ominously under their combined weight.
"Really?" Aki huffs, awkwardly shifting his rifle arm to the side so that it doesn't jostle her.
"Continue with what you wanted to say," Power commands.
Aki gently flicks the side of her head. Power jerks her head to the side with a yelp, but remains firmly seated in his lap.
With a sigh, Aki lowers his arm back to his side. "Denji said you still aren't sure about going to school," he says.
Power lets out a wordless grumble and leans into him, tucking her head beneath his chin. Her extended silence makes him worry that he might have been too vague or too soft and given her an escape that he cannot afford under the circumstances. Before he can try again, she murmurs, "Denji is a liar. I have already agreed to accept my enrollment."
Aki starts running his hand through her hair. "That doesn't mean you're alright with it."
Power doesn't say anything. Aki pauses, fingers stilling near the end of her long blond locks, before resuming his ministrations.
"I can't do anything if you don't tell me what's wrong," he presses.
"Do you care if I'm not alright with it?" Power grumbles.
"Of course," Aki says, stiff and perhaps a little offended. "I want you to go to school because I think it would be good for you, but we won't send you if you're terrified."
Power sits up abruptly. Aki allows his hand to fall out of her hair and down to dangle over the side of the chair. "I am not scared!" she exclaims.
"Okay," Aki says. "Then what's wrong?"
Power peers at him for a moment, chewing on her lower lip, before looking down at her lap. "...I was not scared of Public Safety either," she says, the tremble in her voice revealing her lie. "That does not mean that I want to go back."
Aki’s breath catches in his throat. "Power, do you think that school will be like Public Safety?"
"Won't it?" she challenges. "I will be under the control of authoritarian oligarchs, and if I displease them, I will be subjected to their wrath, even though I know better than all of them. They will treat Denji as their dog, and I-"
"No," Aki says. "Teachers can discipline you for breaking the rules, but there are limits to their authority. You have rights now, Power. Both of you do. They won't treat Denji like a dog, and they won't hurt you. They can't."
Power looks up and stares at him for a long time. "...I am stronger now than I was under Makima. I have no reason to fear the attacks of humans. But it would be irritating if they were to try."
"They won't," Aki says. "I promise."
"And you will not begrudge my dropping out if it turns out to be vile?" Power prompts.
This time, Aki pauses for a moment. He has to remind himself that for all that Power may have been doing a good job of holding herself together - potentially better than all of them - she has been through just as much. He cannot blame her if she wants to tread cautiously. It is more than enough that she held herself together while he broke - he will not be the one who pushes her further than she can handle too soon.
"I won't," Aki vows. He pauses to take in a deep breath, to remind himself that what he thinks would be best for Power doesn't matter if she can't handle it yet. "You don't have to go if you aren't ready."
Power doesn't say anything at first. She leans back into Aki and snuggles into the space between his rifle arm and chest with a gentle huff. "I will go," she says eventually. "Denji needs to see the superiority of my scholastic abilities."
Aki smiles. The words get caught in his throat, a genuine sentient that he wouldn't have been able to bring himself to voice only three months ago. But a lot has changed in three months. Where they once would have remained irreparably stuck, he now manages to shake them loose and say, "I'm proud of you for trying."
Power grins up at him. "Of course!"
They lapse into silence for a moment after that. It is broken by Power murmuring, "Aki?"
Aki hums in acknowledgment and question.
"I'm glad you survived."
Aki stalls. Then he wraps his human arm around Power, hugging her closer, and murmurs, "I am, too."
He isn't lying.
*
Denji upholds his end of the bargain. Within a few days, Power has been convinced to share a room with Denji and Nayuta has agreed to move into Power's old room. Nayuta is actually the more reluctant of the two. She's not a good enough actor to convince Aki that she has any genuine problems with sleeping alone. Rather, she sees an opportunity to take advantage of a situation and is not hesitating to do so.
And if he wants her to move rooms easily, Aki has no choice but to go along with it.
Nayuta's request is simple on the surface. She wants to go out and do something fun with everyone. It is kept from being a truly easy request by her making it clear that everyone includes Aki. He spends several hours driving himself insane trying to think of something they can do outside of the house that won't put anyone in danger.
It's Angel who suggests that they go hiking next time it's overcast. He immediately retracts his suggestion, complaining that hiking with all of them would be a hassle, but it's already too late by then.
The sky is dark and drizzly a few days later. Every forecast Aki checks says that it isn't going to rain, but the general misery of the day has ensured that no one else is out hiking. It does not do anything to stop his gaggle of hooligans from rampaging up and down the trails like wild animals. Aki spends about an hour trying to keep up before allowing himself to fall behind, listening to Power and Nayuta's distant, gleeful screeches and watching Denji dart around between the trees as he alternates between trying to stick with them and running after every little thing that distracts him.
He'll probably need to intervene if Power and Nayuta start to wander too deep into the forest. For now, he's content to leave them to learn how to get along.
'Content,' unfortunately, is not a word that can be used to describe everyone in the forest. Angel has been remarkably compliant considering that they've already been hiking for about three miles. Now, however, he pulls up to Aki's side with an aggravated huff. "I can't believe you've made me do this," he grouses, dramatic, but lacking any real bite.
"It was your idea," Aki lightly reminds him.
"It was a bad idea."
"I don't think so."
"That's because you have bad ideas all the time."
"Do I?"
"Obviously. You never would have met any of us if you made good decisions."
Angel's regret is obvious the second he finishes his accusation. His shoulders stiffen, his wings twitch, and there is wariness in his eyes as he peers up at Aki.
Aki smiles softly. It's alright, he says without saying it. Saying it would mean verbally acknowledging Angel's misstep, which would mean addressing how bad things had gotten that he has reason to worry that such a harmless comment might be a misstep.
Angel's wings and shoulders relax with a little sigh.
"You're right," Aki says. "That's why I'm okay with having bad ideas sometimes."
Angel's eyes widen. They soften in the seconds before he glances away with a gentle murmur of, "Sap."
He doesn't say anything as he slips his hand into Aki's.
It's warm.
*
The morning that Denji and Power leave for school for the first time is a whirlwind of chaos.
Once they leave, the house is quiet in a way that Aki hasn't gotten used to yet. It isn't the tense, fractured silence that has filled the space during most of the dull moments after Makima. It's closer to the moments of peace that Aki has been snatching by resuming his habit of waking up earlier than everyone else, which are similar to his early mornings back at the old apartment, save for the dull, aching weight that's nestled itself deep into his chest.
Aki doesn't feel that weight today. In the instant that he allows himself to acknowledge it, he wonders if it might be because it's the early afternoon rather than the early morning. The sun is shining brightly through the windows, he's already taken the time to adjust to being up and active for the day, and the house is quiet. Then he entertains the thought that maybe the time of day has nothing to do with it. He wonders if the reason for the quiet might be the reason he feels something close to good. Denji and Power are going to school, living their lives, building a future, and he's…
He's letting them. He's trying to help. Maybe, if he allows himself to be a little proud, he's even helping them.
There's a bittersweet sort of ache behind that thought. He knows that he'll run into it if he allows his mind to wander too far down that path, so he cuts himself off there.
Progress is being made. Denji, Power, Nayuta, and Angel have the opportunity to live happy lives. That's all that matters.
*
Denji and Power won't stop talking when they get home.
Denji's excitement was to be expected, but that doesn't make it any less refreshing. Power's gleeful bragging, behavior that might have been considered annoying once upon a time, comes as a massive relief. Aki listens to them for a solid hour before Nayuta gets fed up with waiting and begins flooding them with a barrage of questions. Aki allows himself to fade into the background at that point, sitting by Angel on the couch.
"Do you think they're going to get annoying about this?" Angel murmurs.
Aki's lips twitch. Power is regaling a wide-eyed Nayuta with a tale of the wonders and horrors of the school bathroom while Denji occasionally chimes in to add his own details.
"Probably," Aki whispers. "You're one of Denji's best friends by this point. He’s going to want to talk to you about school."
Angel wrinkles his nose. "Gross."
He doesn't actually protest.
*
It's Denji and Power's third day of school. Aki is sitting with Nayuta at the kitchen table, working on Japanese with her in an attempt to pull her up to a point where she can begin attending her own classes. It's not difficult. She's a smart kid; a few lessons were enough to start grasping the written language. At this point, he suspects that she's already on par with most kids her age. However, she's made it clear that she wants to get ahead of them. Since he can hardly fault her for wanting to learn, these extra lessons are probably going to continue for a while.
The non-academic lessons aren't quite as easy. Aki's spent a good amount of time going over how she should treat the other children, how to act with the other children, and why she mustn't use her powers on them. She always nods along and agrees to do what he says, but he can tell that she doesn't understand. Aki supposes that he could take a stab in the dark and start elaborating without any prompting, but he doubts that he'll be able to say exactly what she needs to hear unless she asks first.
He almost wishes that she would ask.
He suspects that he knows why she hasn't.
Even so, he knows that it can't continue like this forever. It's only a matter of time until one of them snaps and breaches the subject. However, he expects it to be while they're discussing the social aspect of school. He doesn't expect Nayuta to put down the middle school novel she's slowly working her way through, look up at him, and ask, "Why are you doing this?"
Several different possible meanings for Nayuta's question run through Aki's head, all of them valid. He only has to think it over for a moment before deciding that he has no choice but to ask, "What do you mean?"
Nayuta closes her book and sets it down on the table. "Why are you being nice to me?"
Aki frowns. "I already told you. You're a child. It's not fair for us to-"
"But why you?" Nayuta interrupts. "Makima hurt you worse than the others, right? She fucked everyone up, but they can all get better. But there's no way to turn you back into a human, right? You're stuck like this because of what she did to you."
"Ah." Aki smiles thinly. "You mean that I can't recover from what happened to me."
Nayuta falters, but doesn't look away. "You can't, can you?
"Nayuta..." Aki has to fight not to look away. He's acutely aware of how surreal it is to try to keep his vision locked in one place despite not having any eyes to move. He feels the stiffness of his rifle arm, a limb that he is unable to move beyond the bending of his shoulder and elbow unless he plans on actively attacking someone. He feels his hair brushing against the nape of his neck, unable to be pulled up into a topknot ever again.
None of it is okay. It will never be okay. But Aki feels it without it making him want to disappear. He wouldn't have been able to do that before. He hadn't been able to do that before her. Perhaps he had been making some progress, slow, lethargic, and fractured though it was, but it is not comparable to what he has accomplished with her here.
It is Makima's reincarnation that allowed him to begin pulling himself together after the damage done by her old self. The irony is not lost on him.
The irony isn't the point right now.
"...You don't know what I was like before you," Aki eventually says. "If you had, you wouldn't be saying that." He smiles, and it's weak, a gesture made entirely for her sake, but it's real. "You gave me a reason to try to get better."
Nayuta is quiet for a long time, face creased in thought. She looks down at her lap, only for her gaze to flicker back up to Aki almost immediately, sharper than before. "Then why are you sending me to school?" she asks. "If I make you feel better, shouldn't you want to keep me around?"
"That's not how it works," Aki says.
"It should be!" Nayuta exclaims, shoulders stiffening. "Me and Denji and Power are all going to school, but what about you!? You're just stuck here, aren't you!?"
There's a terrible pang in Aki's chest as the truth that he's been avoiding is finally said out loud. He shoves it aside as soon as he feels in. "You don't need to worry about that," he says, his tone a mix of soft and firm that he never would have been able to pull off before Denji and Power. "It's my job to take care of you, not the other way around."
"Someone needs to!" Nayuta snaps.
"Plenty of people do," Aki replies, thinking of Angel, Power, Denji, and all of the worry that's only just started to abate. The idea of Nayuta adding to it makes him feel sick to his stomach. "There's nothing you can do about my situation, so I don't want you to worry about it."
The frustration that flashes across Nayuta's face carries a heavy tint of despair. Aki wonders how he ever looked at her and saw Makima.
"But that's not fair," Nayuta says, voice cracking toward the end.
"We don't live in a fair world," Aki says, barely catching himself before his honesty can start to lean toward cold. "We have to do our best with the circumstances we're given. Obsessing over impossible things will only make you lose what you already have."
He wishes he'd realized that sooner.
Nayuta's brow furrows, her jaws works, and Aki realizes that she's probably only being quiet because she's struggling to figure out what to say. Before she can push herself too hard, he softly says, "I don't want you to stay behind with me. In the end, all I wanted was for Denji and Power to be happy. That goes for you too, now. Seeing you live your lives does help me."
Nayuta's mouth opens and closes a couple of times before she shoves her chair away from the table and marches over to him. Before Aki can ask what's wrong or even wonder what he did wrong, she's wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest.
He only hesitates for a moment before stooping down to hug him back.
"I love you and I'm not going to leave you," comes Nayuta's muffled declaration.
There's a terrible, wonderful pain in Aki's chest, and he doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry. He runs his hand over the back of Nayuta's head as he says, "You don't have to, but don't forget to live for yourself." There's a pause as he almost strangles on the tears that can no longer fall before he whispers, "I love you, too."
*
Denji and Power's near-manic excitement lasts all the way through their first week of school. It's when that frantic energy has begun to fade that Denji hesitantly approaches Aki. It's early in the evening, he's working on dinner, and no one has been any help so far. He doesn't expect anyone to start being helpful, even when Denji leans against the counter and says, "Yo."
"It will be done when it's done," Aki automatically responds, not looking up from the cut of beef he's seasoning. The process is still far slower than it was when he had two hands, but he thinks that he's gotten faster over the past two weeks.
Denji lets out a huff. "How impatient do you think I am?"
Aki lifts his head to give him an unimpressed look.
"Jackass," Denji mutters. He stretches his arms out and leans further over the countertop, his stomach practically laying flat against the granite as his fingers curl around the other side. Aki briefly considers smacking them off. The thought is interrupted by Denji saying, "I was wondering how you're doing."
He asks the question like it's a casual inquiry. Aki knows better than to believe that these days. Holding back a sigh, he steps away from the meat, sets the rice pot to low to negate the risk of burning, and steps in front of Denji. "I'm fine," he says. "Why are you asking?"
"Ah, you know." Denji starts thrumming his fingers against the side of the countertop. Aki swats at them, smearing seasoning across the tops of Denji's fingers in the process. He abruptly lets go of the countertop and straightens up with a glower. Aki stares him down in response, which makes him scowl outright. It does not stop him from continuing, "Me 'n Powy are in school now and Nayuta starts next week, so I thought I should check in with you."
A bittersweet feeling washes over Aki. He's touched, he thinks. He's also irritated with himself for letting it get to this, the situation for not immediately fixing itself, and Denji for not trusting him the way he used to. It's an aching, frustrating, complex feeling that he doesn't know how to begin to voice, so instead, he says, "I already had this conversation with Nayuta."
Denji frowns. "What conversation?"
Aki can't tell if he's playing dumb or genuinely doesn't realize that he still knows him better than practically anyone. He supposes that it doesn't matter. "The conversation where you ask if I'm okay with you going to school while I'm stuck in the house."
"Oh." A beat of silence. Denji leans over the counter again, and Aki's warning glare does absolutely nothing to deter him. "Are you?"
Of course, Aki almost says. I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me.
The half-lies wither and die as he takes in the searching, worried, affectionate look on Denji's face. He's reminded of who it was who tried to hold the household together while he was falling apart, who risked his life in a desperate attempt to save him in the first place.
Denji isn't a child, not after everything he's been through. Aki doesn't need to hide his aches around him. By this point, he's beginning to suspect that he wouldn't be able to even if he tried.
"I'm alive. I'm glad that you saved me." He pauses. "I'd feel worse if you put your lives on hold because of me."
"That's something, I suppose." Denji starts drumming his fingers against the counter again. Aki doesn't bat him away this time. "Is there anything I can do?"
"You've already done plenty."
"That's not what I meant."
"I don't know," Aki sighs. In a way, Denji's mere existence does plenty. Him, Nayuta, Power, Angel - they give him a reason to live. They give him a purpose, they are people for him to love and look out for. But of course, he knows that that won't be enough for Denji. They both know that looking out for them and taking care of the house won't be enough to keep him from going stir-crazy in the long term.
The fact of the matter is that Aki hasn't stopped to consider the long-term back. He's barely remembered how to put one foot in front of the other, the notion of planning for the future - of having a future, even if it is a very limited one - is daunting in a way that haunting devils never was. For now, all that he can say is, "I'll figure something out."
He means it. He says it like he means it, which seems to be enough to placate Denji, who nods and says, "I'll help if you want."
Aki almost protests. Then he catches the shadow of guilt bleeding through onto Denji's face and finds himself saying, "Thanks."
Denji grins, and the tension bleeds away.
A second later, the grin morphs into a smirk that suggests that the conversation is about to take an insufferable turn. Aki walks back to the abandoned beef in an attempt to end it then and there.
It doesn't stop Denji from drawling, "Y'know, I don't think Angel's getting a job or anything. You'll get plenty of time alone together."
Aki ignores the way his stomach flips. "What does that have to do with anything?" he stiffly asks.
"C'mon, you know."
"I know that you're one of the most irritating people on the face of the earth."
Denji groans loudly. "You can't be this thick! I'm saying you'll be able to-"
"Finish that sentence, and you can make your own dinner."
Denji groans. "Bastard," he says with a warmth that tells Aki that that's not what he means at all. He wonders if he can hear it.
Aki wonders if he can hear it reflected back at him when he says, "Get the fuck out of my kitchen."
*
Power and Denji are at school. Nayuta is off attending her first day. The house has been cleaned to the point of spotlessness, preparations have been made for dinner, and every scrap of laundry has been washed.
Aki officially has nothing to do but stew in his anxieties.
That isn't an option, so he tries to keep himself distracted. He finished Metamorphosis a few days ago, so now he's attempting to read a long, meandering book about a man hunting a whale. It's entertaining despite the author's atypical writing style. Aki thinks he could get lost in it if not for Angel leaning against him. Instead, he finds his mind constantly wandering toward the warmth of the devil leaning against him, the ruffle of feathers against the couch, and Angel's occasional sighs and grumbles. Each is a tiny measure of his existence, and each makes the thoughts brewing in the back of Aki's mind, the ones that he's suppressed and repressed and fought every step of the way, rise closer to the surface.
They breach with the sound of Angel's sigh. "You have a boring taste in books," he complains.
Aki swallows and makes one last attempt to push the thoughts back down, to ignore it all until he reaches a point where it doesn't matter. "I didn't think you liked to read at all," he shoots back.
"I don't," Angel confirms. "You should do something more interesting."
"Or you could find something else to do with your time," Aki says casually, like the words don't carry the weight of a supernova on his tongue. He looks toward Angel as he speaks, taking in the way he blinks owlishly, as if the thought never occurred to him.
"Something else?" Angel echoes. Aki might be inclined to believe that he didn't think about it if that weren't entirely ridiculous.
"You could get a job," Aki suggests. "Or go to school. You don't-" His throat threatens to close up, selfishness reaching forward to overshadow all that he knows is right. Aki has to take a moment to shove it down before taking a deep breath and continuing as if nothing is amiss. "You don't have to stay here."
Angel stares at him searchingly, expression glimmering with something that Aki would call sadness if it were a little less complex. "Why would I do that?" he asks.
"Because you can!" Aki exclaims. "I know you aren't ambitious but haven't you ever wanted to start a life of your own?"
"Of course," Angel says.
"So why don't you? Public Safety isn't going to stop you anymore. There's nothing stopping you."
Please, don't let me stop you.
"That sounds like too much effort," Angel sighs. "Besides..." He slumps over to rest his head on Aki's shoulder. It's the good shoulder this time. The side of his head graces the skin of his neck, a simple touch that would have been impossible not so long ago, but Aki can't bring himself to savor it. Not even when he continues, "I want to stay with you."
Aki's insides feel warm. His heart pounds with something like hope. His skin feels cold, and his head reminds him that what he wants can't happen. It's selfish, it's ridiculous, it makes no sense when he's like this and Angel can do so much better. His mind threatens to split in a hundred different directions. For the sake of retaining the ability to string sensible words together, he ignores all of those sensations, forces himself to stay in the present, tethered to reality, and focus on the logical reality of the situation.
"I have nothing to offer you," Aki says, not disparaging, but a dull statement of fact.
Angel stiffens. He pulls away, slowly at first, then abruptly sits up, dangles his legs over the side of the couch, and leans forward to bury his head on in his hands. "Have you always been this stupid?" he groans.
That's hardly what Aki expected to hear, but the question serves as a distraction from everything else in his head if nothing else. "Excuse me?" he asks, shooting Angel a disgruntled look.
"I'm going to have to say it, aren't I?" Angel continues. "You just... You aren't going to get it on your own."
"You're going to have to say what?"
Angel stands up and moves to kneel down in front of Aki. He tries to ignore the hammering of his heart, but can't quite manage. Despite the layer of fabric between them, he feels like his skin is on fire when Angel sets his hand on his knee. "Aki, you are enough," he says. "I don't want anything to do with the rest of the world if I can't have you with me."
Aki's breath catches in his lungs. He feels jubilant. He feels selfish. He feels confused, because for all that he feels like he knows what's happening, it can't be. All of this comes together to manifest in the form of a single choked, "How?"
"Isn't that obvious?" Angel laughs, more mournful than mirthful. His eyes are glistening. Distantly, Aki realizes that he's never seen Angel cry. He doesn't think that he will today, either. He's stronger than that. Stronger than him. Even so, it's a close call as he says, "I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time."
Aki doesn't know what to say.
There's only one thing he can say.
"I love you too. But-"
"No." Angel reaches forward to gently cradle his face in his hands. Aki stiffens as he feels the tips of his fingers brush against the metal covering the top portion of his face, but he doesn't pull away. Angel's hands are far too warm for that. "It’s still you in there.." Angel leans in closer. Aki doesn't pull away. "I still love you."
The kiss is awkward. Angel is inexperienced, Aki is hesitant with everything that still weighs him down, and they both have to tilt their heads to avoid the gun. Yet it fills him with a warmth that cannot be described, Angel makes a sound of pleasure, and for a moment, he thinks that maybe he can find a way to be happy like this.
When they break apart, Angel wraps his arms around his neck and leans his head against his collarbone. "Stay with me," he whispers.
Aki swallows. He could say that he can't go anywhere these days, but that's not what Angel means. They both know that it's not what he means.
He wraps his arm around his angel and whispers, "I will."
*
Aki opens the closet door and is nearly buried beneath an avalanche of scented candles. His reflexes, which haven't yet faded after years of working for Public Safety, are the only thing that saves him from taking a horrible hit to the head. They do not allow him to process the situation any faster. For a moment, all that he can do is stand there, dumbstruck, as footsteps race toward the sound of the crash.
There have to be well over a hundred candles. He can smell them from where he stands, their various scents tangling together in an overpowering, blatantly artificial odor that threatens to give him a headache despite none of them being lit.
Why do they have over a hundred useless candles?
"What the fuck!?" he exclaims as Power and Nayuta race into his peripheral vision.
"Indeed!" Power exclaims, marching over to pick up a candle while Nayuta kneels down beside the pile. Where Nayuta carefully paws through them, Power grabs the closest candle, peers at it for a moment, and then points damningly at Aki. "I was not allowed to keep a few measly candles, yet you can have this horde?"
"They stink," Nayuta says. She looks at Aki with her lips pulled back in distaste. "Do you collect these? That's a disgusting hobby."
"They aren't mine!" Aki exclaims.
At that moment, he hears snickering behind him, and everything starts to make sense in the sense that Denji deserves to have his ass kicked.
Aki turns around to find Denji standing a few feet away, his hand covering his mouth in a futile attempt to stop his laughter. Angel stands a little ways behind him in the doorway, leaning against the wall with a faint, smirking grin on his face. Aki only eyes his boyfriend for a moment before turning his attention back to the actual menace.
"What the fuck did you do?” he demands.
Denji points at Angel. “It was his idea!” he declares with a horrible grin.
“Why?” Aki asks, looking at Angel with dismayed betrayal.
Angel shrugs. “I wanted to see how long it would take you to notice.” His wings quiver slightly. He’s trying not to laugh. Aki has a mountain of headache-inducing candles, and his boyfriend is laughing.
“We thought it would be funny,” Denji proudly adds.
“I think it’s funny,” Nayuta says. “You’ve gotta get rid of these candles, though. I don’t like them.” Despite her complaint, she has started sorting through the candles and organizing them by size.
“T’was hilarious when I did it,” Power grumbles.
Aki barely processes what either of them are saying, staring desolately at Denji and Angel. “How much did you spend on these?” he asks.
Angel starts to snicker, but manages to fight it down after a second. “It was worth it to see the look on your face,” he says.
There’s a burst of warmth in Aki’s chest. He does not let it seep into his tone as he says, “That’s not an answer.”
“Less than we spend on ice cream,” Denji says.
That’s a worse answer.
They devolve into an argument from there, Aki and Denji chewing into each other with a fury that doesn’t reach their hearts while Angel and Power watch on in amusement and Nayuta continues organizing the candles, muttering to herself about how gross they are. It feels… not quite the way it used to be. Nothing will ever be the way it used to be. They’ve all changed too much to ever go back. But there is a familiar warmth to it.
It feels like a fresh start.
Maybe they’ll be okay after all.