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a god no more

Summary:

Hua Cheng crosses his arms. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

Shi Qingxuan sighs, but she nods. “I think so, yes.”

Hua Cheng raises his eyebrows and waits.

“I’m going to find He Xuan.”

****

aka: after learning the truth about her ascension, a powerless shi qingxuan embraces her fate and dedicates her life to the man whose fate she unwittingly stole.

Notes:

hello! i recently became absolutely enamored with this series, so i thank you profusely for reading my first fic for it! also, if you have no idea what this series is about, i hope that you can still enjoy the story if you happen to come across this!

please note that, like in the original series, i refer to shi qingxuan with alternating pronouns; i use both she/her and he/him depending on how shi qingxuan is presenting in a given scene.

as with all of my fics, i am not looking for feedback, but since i am new to this fandom, if there are glaring details i am missing, please let me know! (especially if you think there are tags i should add!)

BUT as always, i love when people leave comments if they enjoy what i've written, even if its just a little emoji. okay! that's all i have to say. thanks again for reading! <3

Work Text:

Shi Qingxuan’s torn white robes are red with his brother’s blood, and his hair is matted with grime. The blisters on the bottom of his feet burn with each step, but he walks on, afraid of what will happen if he stops. 

 

It must have been days since he watched Ming Ye– no, He Xuan –kill his brother. The moment it happened, Shi Qingxuan screamed and cried so hard he thought he might vomit. He Xuan had looked down at him with such anger, with such contempt, that Shi Qingxuan was certain his head would be next. 

 

But then He Xuan began the motions of creating an array and when it was finished, he roughly grabbed Shi Qingxuan, his shackles coming undone in an instant. 

 

“Do not show your face to me ever again,” He Xuan had said. His voice was cold and crisp, as if personifying the dangerous and murky waters he ruled over.

 

With that, he shoved Shi Qingxuan through the array.

 

Shi Qingxuan almost laughed. How could he ever dare show He Xuan his face, even if he wanted to? 

 

Shi Qingxuan has no idea where he is, and now that he is mortal, he has no spiritual energy to contact anyone. Through bleary eyes, he looks at his surroundings: rolling golden hills, dark green trees, a dirt road. He could be anywhere.

 

As he walks, he seldom passes anyone. But when he does, the others look at his appearance with obvious horror and ignore him as they rush away. He knows that he needs to find food and shelter eventually, but he isn’t sure how to given his current shameful state. 

 

Eventually he realizes that he is entering a small farming village, and he keeps his face down in an attempt not to draw any more attention to himself. His head is pounding, and he knows he will not be able to go much further without collapsing. 

 

Damn this mortal body.. . But it’s what I deserve, after all.

 

He is limping by the time he realizes he recognizes this place. That wooden bridge– hasn’t he walked across it before? And this small mountain– hasn’t he seen it from the skies? His heart stutters when he approaches a shabby little building with a sign out front asking for donations. 

 

Puqi Shrine.

 

Shi Qingxuan cries out in relief– or at least, he tries to, but his voice is shot and his mouth is dry. In his excitement, he attempts to run and falls outside the entrance. 

 

“Your Highness,” he says weakly, barely above a whisper.

 

But someone takes notice. It’s that boy wrapped in bandages, the one whom Xie Lian chased after in Ghost City. He looks at Shi Qingxuan in alarm, and runs away.

 

“Wait!” Shi Qingxuan says. He brings his hand to his mouth as he is overcome with a coughing fit.

 

“Lord Wind Master!”

 

Shi Qingxuan looks up at the sound of his old title. Xie Lian kneels next to him, his brow furrowed. He doesn’t shrink away from Shi Qingxuan, instead bringing a strong arm around him to support his weight. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Xie Lian says. “You’re okay now.”

 

Shi Qingxuan does not think he has any more tears left in him, but evidently, he does. He cries at Xie Lian’s unwavering kindness, and at how gently he holds him. He cries as he thinks about his brother’s death, and about unwittingly betraying his best friend. He cries because Lord Wind Master doesn’t exist anymore, and if he doesn’t exist, then who even is Shi Qingxuan?

 

“I’m sorry,” Shi Qingxuan sobs.

 

Xie Lian looks like he wants to comfort him, but before he can, Shi Qingxuan hears a deep voice speaking from somewhere behind him. 

 

“Sleep.”

 

Shi Qingxuan doesn’t know if the command is a spell, but he obeys willingly anyway. He slumps in Xie Lian’s arms, and the last thing he sees before closing his eyes is the flash of a little silver butterfly.

 

***

 

When Shi Qingxuan awakens, he hears the pitter-patter of steady rain on a roof.

 

He stretches his limbs, noting that he’s still sore but no longer in any significant pain. His hair and body have been washed, and he’s wearing robes that are worn but clean. He turns his head when he hears movement in the corner of the room he’s in, and spots the bandaged boy mending a pair of trousers.

 

“Hello!” Shi Qingxuan says with a smile. “I’m sorry if I frightened you earlier.”

 

The boy jumps slightly at the sound of Shi Qingxuan’s raspy voice. He glances nervously at him and leaves the room.

 

Shi Qingxuan sighs. He swallows, his throat unbearably dry, desperately wishing he had some water. 

 

A moment later the bandaged boy returns to deliver him just that, handing him a water bottle with his eyes averted.

 

“Thank you very much!” Shi Qingxuan says, accepting the bottle. He drinks with fervor, his belly aching a bit after going so long without hydrating.

 

“You’ve been asleep for two days. You must be hungry.”

 

Shi Qingxuan blinks, slowly understanding that it wasn’t the boy who had spoken. The red-clothed youth who’s always hanging around Xie Lian is leaning against the doorframe. 

 

“Hua Cheng,” Shi Qingxuan says quietly.

 

The disguised ghost king frowns. “Here.”

 

Shi Qingxuan manages to catch the bag that is tossed at him. He opens it to find fresh fruit and dried meat. “Thank you,” he says, biting into an apricot. He forces himself to eat slowly, no matter how much his belly growls.

 

“How did you get here?” Hua Cheng asks.

 

“I, uh, walked... Where is His Highness?”

 

“He is attending to another matter,” Hua Cheng says dismissively. “You mean to say that you walked all the way to Puqi Village from the Black Water Demon Lair?”

 

Shi Qingxuan shakes his head. “He… Huan Xe created an array, and pushed me through it. I don’t know where I initially was, but I ended up here.”

 

Hua Cheng doesn’t react to his answer. Shi Qingxuan takes another small bite of food, this time some of the meat. It’s so flavorful that he can’t help but hum in appreciation. He smiles sheepishly when Hua Cheng raises an eyebrow.

 

“I don’t mean to trouble you or His Highness,” Shi Qingxuan says. “I would be endlessly grateful if I could stay a couple more days at the shrine, if only to recover my health and figure out where to go next.”

 

“That is up to His Highness,” Hua Cheng says. “You can ask him yourself when he returns.”

 

“Okay,” Shi Qingxuan nods. He calls after Hua Cheng when he turns to leave. “Thank you Hua– er, San Lang!”

 

Hua Cheng pauses for a moment, and then disappears. 

 

Shi Qingxuan takes a bite out of a peach with a sigh. These ghosts and all their names. It’s difficult to keep track!

 

***

 

Xie Lian returns to the shrine a few hours later. In the time that he is waiting, Shi Qingxuan grows bored and insists on helping Lang Ying with chores around the shrine; he learns the boy’s name with some patient coaxing. They are raking leaves out in the yard when a tired-looking Xie Lian steps through the front gate.

 

“Your Highness!” Shi Qingxuan calls out cheerfully upon his arrival. Despite everything, his spirits have been lifted, and he’s eager to thank the crown prince for his much needed help. 

 

Xie Lian smiles. “Are you feeling better? Please, don’t exert yourself too much.”

 

“I’m feeling much better, yes. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

 

Xie Lian shakes his head. “It is the least I could do. Come, I will cook us some dinner.”

 

Shi Qingxuan and Lang Ying follow him inside. As Xie Lian begins chopping up some vegetables, Shi Qingxuan sets the table. He swallows, mustering up his courage.

 

“Your Highness?”

 

Xie Lian’s brow is furrowed in concentration as he attempts to measure out the correct amount of spice. “Yes?”

 

Shi Qingxuan’s stomach turns as he recalls the last time he ate Xie Lian’s cooking, but he ignores it for now. “I am very grateful for your hospitality. I know I’ve caused you much trouble… But I am wondering if it is possible to stay at your shrine a little while longer? Even just a couple of days would be enough. I just… I am unsure what to do at the moment, and I think I need to rest a bit more before I can travel. I can help you with work in the meantime, of course!” he adds hastily. “And what I don’t know how to do, I can learn.” He watches as Xie Lian nearly burns a clove of garlic. “Like cooking. Um, amongst other things.”

 

Xie Lian pauses what he’s doing to rest a hand on Shi Qingxuan’s shoulder. “You’ve caused us no trouble at all, Lord Wind Master.”

 

Shi Qingxuan involuntarily winces at the name. Xie Lian tilts his head when he notices.

 

“Shall I call you something else?” he asks gently.

 

“My name is fine,” Shi Qingxuan nods. 

 

“Okay, Shi Qingxuan,” Xie Lian says with a smile. “I assure you you are welcome to stay here as long as you want. It will be a pleasure to have your company. We are friends, are we not?”

 

Shi Qingxuan sighs in relief. “We are. But it’s nice to hear you say it.”

 

Xie Lian laughs lightly, and continues cooking. “I’m glad.”

 

When dinner is finished, Shi Qingxuan is able to swallow one bite successfully before he resorts to eating nuts and dried fruit instead. Lang Ying doesn’t seem to fare much better, but he doesn’t complain. After, Shi Qingxuan washes the dishes– although he has to be taught how to do so, as he’s never done it before –and he and Xie Lian speak quietly with one another as Lang Ying goes to sleep in the adjoining room.

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Xie Lian asks.

 

Shi Qingxuan smiles. “Of course I’m not. But I will be.”

 

“I’m sorry. Your brother…”

 

Shi Qingxuan shakes his head. “I mourn him. But he acted shamefully, and brought shame upon our family as well. It’s complicated…” He dries his hands on a rag and turns around with his arms crossed. He suddenly feels bold, now that the child is asleep and Hua Cheng is away. “But you know what I can’t stop thinking about?”

 

Xie Lian tilts his head, waiting for him to continue.

 

“I miss it,” Shi Qingxuan admits. “I miss being a god. I was good at it. Yes, people still associated me with my brother. But it was different from when I was a mortal. People respected me, and my power. People worshiped me, because they knew I could and would help them.” Shi Qingxuan sighs. “And… This body– it feels wrong . I don’t even just mean being mortal, which is already awful. I… I miss being a woman.” He isn’t expecting the sudden tide of emotion, and he’s unable to prevent the way his lip wobbles.

 

Xie Lian places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We will figure this out.”

 

Shi Qingxuan sobs quietly before he gathers himself again. “It’s alright.”

 

Xie smiles. “It’s not. But it will be.”

 

***

 

Xie Lian leaves the shrine for the next couple of days, investigating another matter on behalf of the heavenly officials. Shi Qingxuan longs to go with him, just like he had in Ghost City, but he knows without any spiritual energy he would just be a hindrance rather than an asset.

 

“Don’t worry,” Xie Lian says brightly. “I’ll be back soon. If anything should come up, I’ll find a way to let you know.”


“Okay,” Shi Qingxuan says. “Good luck, Your Highness!”

 

“Thank you!” Xie Lian waves goodbye, and then he’s off.

 

“Well,” Shi Qingxuan says to Lang Ying. “I guess it’s just us again!”

 

Lang Ying doesn’t reply. He’s filling a barrel with warm water while he gathers the household’s dirty clothes. 

 

“Oooh! Can you teach me how to do that?” Shi Qingxuan doesn’t wait for an answer. He plops down to sit beside the boy, watching as he works. Eventually Shi Qingxuan gets the idea, and starts helping. He takes over the washing, handing the boy all the now-clean clothes so he can hang them on a taut rope strung between two trees in the front yard.

 

Lang Ying is quiet like usual, but Shi Qingxuan doesn’t mind the silence, even when the boy doesn’t answer any of his questions. Shi Qingxuan tells him stories of his own youth, and of his time as a god– stories that he thinks a teenage boy, ghost or not, might find amusing. He swears he even catches Lang Ying smiling at one point.

 

Neither of them are very good at cooking, it turns out. They learn that the hard way when they attempt their first dinner together, but somehow what they make is still more edible than what Xie Lian usually cooks. That fact makes them both laugh, and seeing Lang Ying’s eyes crinkle with mirth fills Shi Qingxuan’s heart with a tender sort of hope.

 

The two of them work together while Xie Lian is gone, maintaining and even improving upon the shrine; Lang Ying has the idea to repaint the entrance to make the colors brighter and more welcoming. On the third day of their strangely fulfilling domestic solitude, Shi Qingxuan insists on making them steamed buns for lunch while Lang Ying takes a break lying in the sun outside.

 

“How many do you want?” Shi Qingxuan calls out. “Is four enough?”

 

“Who knew the former Lord Wind Master was a chef.”

 

Shi Qingxuan freezes and turns around. “H-Hello.”

 

Hua Cheng raises his eyebrows. “May I try one?”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods and retrieves a bun that has been cooling on a plate, handing it to the ghost king.

 

Hua Cheng peers at it, and takes a small bite. He chews slowly and thoughtfully, though his expression betrays nothing. “Not bad,” he finally says.

 

Shi Qingxuan exhales a breath he hadn’t realized he’s been holding. “Thank goodness.”

 

Hua Cheng chuckles at his nervousness, and sits leisurely on one of the wooden chairs, his long legs spread wide. “Well. Aren’t you going to eat?”

 

Shi Qingxuan chews his lower lip. “What about Lang Ying?”

 

Hua Cheng takes another bite. “Don’t worry about him. I sent him on an errand. He’ll be back later.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

Shi Qingxuan sits opposite of him at the table, bringing the rest of the buns. He grabs one and sighs as he takes his first bite, unable to hide his smile. “Wow! It actually tastes good!” He takes another bite, savoring the perfect salty-sweet taste of the filling. Hua Cheng is still watching him, but Shi Qingxuan finds he doesn’t care anymore.

 

“His Highness wanted to let you know that he may return later than expected.”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods. “No problem!”

 

“So,” Hua Cheng says. “Your best friend turned out to be a supreme.”

 

Shi Qingxuan laughs sheepishly. “Um, yep. Apparently.”

 

“And he killed your brother.”

 

Shi Qingxuan looks down at his bun, idly ripping it to smaller pieces. “Yes.”

 

“Will you seek revenge?”

 

Shi Qingxuan looks up again, meeting Hua Cheng’s steady gaze. “No, of course not.” 

 

Hua Cheng raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t believe him.

 

“I–” Shi Qingxuan cuts himself off, frustrated. He’s not sure how to articulate himself– he’s not even sure he understands how he feels, yet. “I am sad that my brother is dead. But I am also sad that my friend was in pain for so long, and I didn’t even realize it. And by the time I did, I just ended up causing him even more pain.”

 

“You still think Black Water Submerging Boats was your friend?” Hua Cheng scoffs.

 

Shi Qingxuan shrugs. “I know he was never fully himself when he was pretending to be Ming Yi. But I still care about him, even after everything.”

 

“I thought gods weren’t supposed to befriend ghosts.”

 

Shi Qingxuan laughs again. “Well, I’m not a god anymore, am I? Besides– the crown prince likes you , doesn’t he?” He takes another bite before he can laugh harder at the blush on Hua Cheng’s fair face. Who knew a ghost king could still blush like a love-struck maiden!

 

“So what will you do now?” Hua Cheng asks.

 

Shi Qingxuan sighs. “I do not know.”

 

Hua Cheng hums. He finishes his bun and stands to leave. It isn’t until he’s gone that Shi Qingxuan realizes he had taken another bun with him on the way out.

 

***

 

As promised, Lang Ying returns later that evening. Shi Qingxuan feeds him the leftover steamed buns before they go to bed. As he drifts off to sleep, Shi Qingxuan dreams of the pale face of He Xuan, but unlike his usual nightmares, He Xuan is smiling and his eyes are warm. As Shi Qingxuan reaches out to him, he jolts awake.

 

“Ah, sorry to wake you.”

 

It’s Xie Lian. He’s taking off his outer layer of clothing as he joins Shi Qingxuan on the sleeping mat.

 

“It’s alright,” Shi Qingxuan yawns. “How are the heavens?”

 

“Not the same without you or your brother,” Xie Lian admits. Or Ming Yi , Shi Qingxuan wants to add, but maybe that is inappropriate. “I have a present for you.”

 

Shi Qingxuan perks up in spite of himself. “You do?”

 

Xian Lian smiles. “Yes. It’s not as nice as what you’re used to, but…” He trails off and hands a parcel to him.

 

Shi Qingxuan takes it and unwraps it, gasping when he feels the familiar texture of smooth muslin against his calloused hands. “A dress?” he asks.

 

“And some lipstick,” Xian Lian adds with a blush. “I know you can’t transform like you used to, but…” He trails off, embarrassed.

 

“It’s wonderful,” Shi Qingxuan gushes, pulling the crown prince in for a hug. “Thank you so much, Your Highness.”

 

“Oh, well…” Xie Lian pats his back awkwardly.

 

“I’ll try it on tomorrow,” Shi Qingxuan says brightly. “But for now, we should sleep.”

 

“Okay,” Xie Lian agrees as they both lie down. “Goodnight, Shi Qingxuan.”

 

“Good night.” Shi Qingxuan falls asleep again, this time with a smile on his face.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan quickly learns that if Xie Lian is back at the shrine, then more often than not, so is Hua Cheng.

 

Embarrassingly, though, he’s less quick on the uptake when it comes to the exact nature of the relationship between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng.

 

It’s to be expected, Shi Qingxuan supposes. It’s not like he had taken a lover before he ascended to the heavens, and he never really thought about it once he became Lord Wind Master. Now, however, he has ample time to think, and the signs of his friends’ romance are glaringly obvious.

 

It starts small. Hua Cheng and Xie Lian exchange secret little smiles, even when Shi Qingxuan is pretty sure they aren’t communicating via their private arrays. When they’re in the same room, Xie Lian will unconsciously lean closer to Hua Cheng, or Hua Cheng will drape an arm over the chair Xie Lian is sitting in.

 

Then, there are the less subtle signs.

 

Shi Qingxuan notices the breathless way Hua Cheng says, “Gege, I’m back,” when he returns to the shrine, hugging Xie Lian tightly in greeting. He sees the little purple bruises on Xie Lian’s neck, peeking out from beneath the cloth bindings he always wears. And there’s that night where, unable to sleep because of the nightmares he suffers from, Shi Qingxuan decides he might as well sit outside and enjoy the starry sky. It’s then that he sees both men wrapped up in each other under the moonlight, kissing passionately.

 

The sight makes Shi Qingxuan burn. He’s not sure with what, exactly. Embarrassment? Jealousy? Intrigue?

 

Regardless, Shi Qingxuan feels herself regaining her strength– at least, whatever strength she has as a mortal. When Hua Cheng is gone, she takes the responsibility of chopping wood, and she divides the other chores equally with Lang Ying. No matter who is at the shrine, she insists on taking over cooking duties. Most of the time, she wears the simple but tasteful dress Xie Lian has given her, putting on the red lipstick only on occasion so as to not to use it up too fast.

 

Time moves by at an odd pace for Shi Qingxuan; mortal for the first time in centuries, she starts to recall that some days pass by achingly slowly while others go by in what seems like an instant. 

 

She begins helping Xie Lian with answering the prayers of local villagers. Unfortunately, that means sometimes she has to do farmwork, but sometimes it means she gets to help with more fun tasks like playing matchmaker for a sweet woman looking for a husband. She notices that– like his infamous pseudonym implies– Hua Cheng likes flowers, so she makes sure that there is a fresh bouquet in the shrine at all times. She even plants more flowers in the garden that she’s heard butterflies like, though she’s not actually sure Hua Cheng’s silver butterflies pollinate like normal ones do. Maybe she should ask.

 

One evening, Shi Qingxuan endeavors to make a more complex soup dish for dinner she’d learned from a villager recently. Xie Lian actually applauds her when she serves the table, and even Lang Ying whispers out a wide-eyed, “Thank you, my lady.”

 

Hua Cheng simply nods at her, but she’ll take what she can get.

 

There are hardly any leftovers by the time they’re finished, so Shi Qingxuan goes outside to feed the rest to the stray cats that sometimes hang around the shrine at night.

 

“If you keep doing that, they’ll just keep coming back.”

 

Shi Qingxuan turns around with a smile. “So be it! They’re so cute. You can’t deny it.”

 

Hua Cheng crosses his arms. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

 

Shi Qingxuan sighs, but she nods. “I think so, yes.”

 

Hua Cheng raises his eyebrows and waits.

 

“I’m going to find He Xuan.”

 

Hua Cheng doesn’t seem surprised. “He may kill you.”

 

“I know…”

 

“How do you plan on finding him, exactly?”

 

Shi Qingxuan flashes him what she hopes is a winning smile. 

 

Hua Cheng is unimpressed. “I cannot help you. I will not meddle in Black Water’s affairs, just as he will not meddle in mine.”

 

Shi Qingxuan narrows her eyes. “Did you both not just meddle in each other’s affairs?”

 

Hua Cheng frowns. “That was not meddling, it was an agreement. One that turned moot the moment Black Water’s true identity was found out.”

 

“I understand,” Shi Qingxuan says, resigned. “If… If you hear of anything, will you let me know?”

 

“No.”

 

Hua Cheng’s voice is stern, even cold, but Shi Qingxuan just pouts. “Why not?”

 

“If Black Water does not want to be found, then he will not be found,” he says simply.

 

“Fine,” Shi Qingxuan huffs, handing him the pot, now empty. “You’re doing the dishes tonight.”

 

She rushes back into the house before he can respond.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan begins practicing sword fighting with Lang Ying, teaching him what she knows while also getting herself into the habit of using a saber; she’s always been quite skilled, but she’s rusty after relying mostly on her fan for so many centuries.

 

In addition to her chores around the shrine, she begins helping the local women by cutting their hair and even doing their makeup for special occasions. It brings Shi Qingxuan unexpected pleasure and provides something to look forward to on the days when thinking about her troubled past becomes too overwhelming. 

 

The village women are also an excellent source of gossip, and while what they mostly talk about is for each other’s entertainment, they’re also knowledgeable about news in general– sometimes it’s just rumors, but Shi Qingxuan has a keen enough ear to suss out what is important or not.

 

For instance: there have been several reports of missing boats at a port about 50 kilometers away from Puqi Shrines. It could just be bad luck, but it makes Shi Qingxuan wonder if it’s something more…

 

“M’lady, when are you getting married?”

 

Shi Qingxuan is broken out of her reverie. “Oh,” she smiles and shakes her head. “I don’t have time to worry about that!”

 

The woman tuts. “That’s not good at all! You’re very pretty, but looks fade. What about that handsome young man in red who always visits the shrine?”

 

Shi Qingxuan blushes at the thought. She shakes her head again. “No, he’s engaged.”

 

“Engaged isn’t married!” the woman says, and her friends all screech with laughter.

 

Shi Qingxuan blushes harder, and says nothing as she continues to cut her hair.

 

***

 

After Shi Qingxuan is done with her hair appointments for the day, as she walks back to the shrine, she thinks about what the woman had said to her.

 

Now that she’s mortal, should she pursue marriage?

 

The moment the thought crosses her mind, she shakes her head. What a silly notion. No, there would be no one who would want her like that– no man that would want her like that, she finally admits to herself. Perhaps it’s because she’s constantly in the presence of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng; their relationship is so natural and so loving that it’s hard for Shi Qingxuan not to ache for something similar, even if she hadn’t known that was a possibility until recently. But she’s not like them, not anymore at least. She’s much more complex than the other humans she interacts with, but she’s far too powerless compared to gods and ghosts. She’s one-of-a-kind, and it weighs on her heart with an awful sort of loneliness.

 

She shakes her head again. There’s no point in wallowing.

 

As she approaches the shrine, she notices Lang Ying’s boots are not outside the door like they usually are. He must be running another errand in Ghost City. 

 

But as she steps closer, she freezes in place when she hears moaning coming from inside the shrine. For a moment, her hand reaches for her sword.

 

And then there’s more moaning, and the unmistakable voice of Xie Lian calling out.

 

“San Lang!”

 

Oh.

 

Careful not to make a sound, Shi Qingxuan backs away from the entrance and walks toward the center of the village again. Her tummy grumbles; normally she’d be starting to make dinner by now. She checks her pockets, counting the money she received in tips earlier. She is supposed to add it to the shrine’s donations, but she figures the crown prince would rather not be interrupted over a few measly coins.

 

Luckily the local tea house is open for a few more hours. Shi Qingxuan orders lemon tea with some vegetable dumplings, and the elderly owner adds fresh strawberries as a complimentary dessert. Shi Qingxuan thanks him graciously and digs in. Not a horrible way to end her day, all things considered.

 

***

 

One day, Shi Qingxuan accompanies her friends to Ghost City while Lang Ying takes care of the shrine. As much as this place still genuinely frightens him, he’s excited to go somewhere new after remaining in Puqi Village for so long. Hua Cheng has his reservations, but Shi Qingxuan promises not to get into any trouble and Xie Lian vouches that he can defend himself, even without his usual powers. This time, though, Shi Qingxuan presents as a man; he’s not exactly eager to be pulled back into those skin replacement parlors those ghost women dragged him to last time.

 

It’s an entirely different experience, walking around the markets of Ghost City with Crimson Rain Sought Flower. He doesn’t bother to disguise himself here, and while many of his attributes remain the same, Shi Qingxuan can’t help but stare in awe at his true form.

 

Hua Cheng raises an eyebrow at him, but Shi Qingxuan just smiles. “I like your jewelry!”

 

Xie Lian grins and giggles. He falls back, letting Hua Cheng walk ahead, and loops his arm with Shi Qingxuan’s as he tells him about all the different stores and establishments they pass by on their way to Paradise Manor.

 

“Wow,” Shi Qingxuan breathes just as a bright blue dragon flies by overhead, and just as Xie Lian finishes telling him about the street artist who can trap his subjects into his drawings. “Is this where you’ll live when you get married?”

 

Xie Lian stops in his tracks. His eyes are wide, and he opens his mouth as if to speak but no words come. 

 

Hua Cheng, meanwhile, just glances back with a smirk.

 

“I will go wherever Gege goes.”

 

Shi Qingxuan grins and pulls a still-stunned Xie Lian to continue walking.

 

***

 

Paradise Manor is exactly how Shi Qingxuan remembers it– lavish, but a little too gauche for his tastes. Still, it’s nice to experience a little luxury after so long, and it’s much more preferable than interacting with what lurks underneath its foundations; he shudders at the thought of those giant worms and wild cannibals.

 

The three of them sit at a large dining table, and the pretty group of servant girls he once pretended to be a part of linger against the walls, ready to pour drinks and serve food. Shi Qingxuan accepts a glass of wine with a smile, glad that at least Hua Cheng joins in with a glass of his own while Xie Lian sticks with tea. He listens while Xie Lian talks with Hua Cheng about his latest investigation– something about a cursed piece of clothing –while he nibbles on some orange slices. Just as he finishes his first glass of wine, one of the servant girls tops him off. He thanks her with a wink, grinning when she giggles and blushes.

 

“Stop flirting with my servants,” Hua Cheng says with a roll of his eyes.

 

“Why?” Shi Qingxuan asks. “Jealous?”

 

“You said you would behave yourself.”

 

“Fine, fine,” Shi Qingxuan says. “I was just having a little fun.”

 

After they finish their snacks, Hua Cheng stands and his servants immediately disperse.

 

“Where are we going now?” Shi Qingxuan asks.

 

“San Lang wants to show me the temple he built,” Xie Lian says, smiling.

 

“Oh,” Shi Qingxuan nods, sitting back down. “I guess I’ll see you both later, then?”

 

Xie Lian tilts his head. “Aren’t you coming with us?”

 

Shi Qingxuan looks at Hua Cheng, but the ghost king is too busy gazing at his beloved. Shi Qingxuan shakes his head. “Nah, I’ll stay here. I’m tired.”

 

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Xie Lian says. “We’ll be back.”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods. He watches them go– Hua Cheng’s hand protectively on the small of Xie Lian’s back –and sighs when he’s alone once more.

 

Except, he’s not really alone. There’s one lone servant girl in the corner of the room– no doubt there to wait on any of his needs, but also to keep an eye on him and report back to Hua Cheng.

 

“More wine, my lord?” she asks in a silky voice. She’s wearing a veil, but there’s something familiar about her narrow dark brown eyes. Shi Qingxuan thinks he recognizes her from the last time he was here with Xie Lian. 

 

He nods. “Yes, please.”

 

“You have changed since last you were here, m’lord.”

 

He smiles. “I have.”

 

She fills his glass. 

 

“Thank you,” he says, taking another sip. 

 

“Are you going to become Hua Cheng’s husband as well?”

 

Shi Qingxuan nearly spits out his sip of wine. He clears his throat, shaking his head. “Of course not. Not that I don’t think he’s perfectly lovely!” He says quickly. “But I know his heart is taken.” He swallows, realizing too late that it’s rather out of turn for a servant– especially one for Crimson Rain Sought Flower –to inquire about the intimate relationships of her master. 

 

He decides to pay along for a bit. “Why do you ask? Do you think he likes me?” He bats his eyelashes.

 

She doesn’t laugh. “It’s my duty to understand the intentions of all my master’s guests, m’lord.”

 

Shi Qingxuan raises an eyebrow. “I assure you there’s nothing to worry about when it comes to me. I’m just here to keep my friends company.”

 

“Of course, m’lord.” It’s a polite response, yet it reeks of bullshit.

 

***

 

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are gone for a while, so the servant girl shows Shi Qingxuan to his private bed chambers. It’s a large room with a long blood-red stained glass window on one wall. Again, not really Shi Qingxuan’s taste, but the bed looks fluffy and warm, so he’s not complaining.

 

“If you need anything, please ring the bell,” the servant says, gesturing to the silver bell on the dresser. “Otherwise, we will come to collect you in the morning for breakfast.”

 

Shi Qingxuan stretches and yawns. “Splendid. Thank you very much.”

 

The servant lingers in the doorway. “You escaped the Black Water Demon Lair. The other girls were gossiping about it. That is quite a feat.”

 

Shi Qingxuan shakes his head. “Not quite. Black Water Submerging Boats let me go.”

 

The servant raises an elegant eyebrow. “Did he? He is not known for being so magnanimous.”

 

His smile is soft; thoughtful. “No, I don’t suppose he is. I’m not sure why he let me go, actually. Maybe I will get the opportunity to ask him one day.”

 

“You anticipate meeting him again?”

 

“I would like to.”

 

“Even after he murdered your only brother in front of you?”

 

Shi Qingxuan frowns. “It’s not that simple. I wish he did not kill my brother. But if I were in his position…” He sighs. “I just wish I could tell him that I–”

 

Before he can finish his thought, the servant cries out in pain and sinks to her knees, clutching her face. In an instant, Shi Qingxuan rushes to her side and gently places a hand on her back. “What’s wrong?”

 

The servant pushes him away. “Don’t touch me,” she seethes. Her face is contorted with obvious discomfort. She stands up suddenly, and flees the room.

 

Shi Qingxuan wants to follow, but he knows he could do little to help her, whatever the matter is. Regardless, just seconds after she flees, he is distracted by a chorus of screams and groans echoing from outside the manor.

 

Shi Qingxuan’s heart hammers in his chest. He peers through the window, and even through the distortion of the red stained glass, he can see the countless ghosts outside wailing in the streets, as if they’d all been struck with the same sort of ailment at the same time.

 

Shi Qingxuan refuses to sit idly. Not while he sees so many suffering, and certainly not while he’s unsure if his friends are alright. He ventures out of his chambers and dashes down the hall, noting that there are many other servants doubled-over in pain– though he doesn’t see the woman who led him to his room. 

 

He can’t do anything for them now– not without spiritual energy –so he calls out to them to let them know he’s seeking help, and makes his way toward the Temple of a Thousand Lights.

 

***

 

The temple is so unlike the Puqi Shrine. It’s massive and masterly architected, adorned with literally thousands of brilliant glowing lights and paved with smooth jade pathways. In any other circumstance, Shi Qingxuan would pause to admire its beauty, but he can still hear ghosts groaning in pain, so he doesn’t hesitate to push open the closed entrance doors.

 

He almost laughs when he sees Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. The ghost king has the god pushed against a table, their lips locked desperately.

 

“Sorry to intrude,” Shi Qingxuan says, announcing his presence and unable to stop himself from blushing. “But something very bad seems to have overtaken the city.”

 

With a firm press of his hands, Xie Lian manages to push Hua Cheng off of him. The god’s eyes are dilated with lust, but his brow is furrowed. “I know,” he gasps. “I–” He’s cut off as Hua Cheng tries to kiss him again. “He’s burning up! It’s like he has too much spiritual energy, but I can’t absorb it all on my own, I–” He lets Hua Cheng kiss him again for a few long seconds, and breaks away. “Can you help? Please?”

 

Shi Qingxuan gapes at them both. “What? What are you saying?”

 

“He’s in pain,” Xie Lian gasps. “I think it will go away faster if you help.”

 

Shi Qingxuan blinks. Do I dare? Do I dare kiss my friend’s beloved? Do I dare kiss Crimson Rain Sought Flower?!

 

“Please,” Xie Lian begs.

 

Shi Qingxuan swallows, then nods. “If it will help.” He cautiously approaches them both. While he does, Hua Cheng devours Xie Lian with another kiss, but as soon as Shi Qingxuan is close, Xie Lian pulls away and angles the ghost king’s head toward him instead.

 

Shi Qingxuan has a split-second to look into Hua Cheng’s golden brown eyes. The emotion in them is complex– a mixture of hunger, frustration, and uncertainty. 

 

And then his lips are pressed firmly to Shi Qingxuan’s.

 

Shi Qingxuan shivers, unprepared for– and in awe of –his first ever kiss. Hua Cheng is forceful but not untender, his lips soft and his tongue purposeful. Shi Qingxuan shivers again when he feels that unmistakable sensation of spiritual energy coursing through his veins. He almost cries out, although he’s not sure from what exactly; he never thought he would be touched like this, and he certainly never thought he would have spiritual energy again. 

 

Eventually, Shi Qingxuan feels Xie Lian’s gentle hands pushing at him to break their kiss, and takes over. Shi Qingxuan is grateful for the reprieve, catching his breath and collecting his hectic thoughts. By the time he does, Hua Cheng is kissing him again, and Xie Lian holds Shi Qingxuan’s hand through it, whispering encouragement into his ear.

 

The rest of the night goes like this– Xie Lian and Shi Qingxuan taking turns kissing Hua Cheng to soothe his pain and absorb his excess spiritual energy. It occurs to Shi Qingxuan at some point that he has more than enough power to do whatever he wants, so he transforms herself back into a woman as she kisses Hua Cheng, and stays with them both until Hua Cheng finally passes out, his strange fever now broken.

 

At that point, Shi Qingxuan and Xie Lian collapse next to the ghost king. Xie Lian cups her face, rubbing a thumb over her cheek. “Thank you,” he whispers.

 

Shi Qingxuan squeezes his hand. Her heart is beating a mile a minute. “Of course.”

 

Xie Lian smiles, and– despite the fact that both of their lips are swollen from so much activity –he gives her one last kiss. “Let us rest,” he whispers against her lips.

 

Shi Qingxuan hums sleepily, her tired eyes already closing, and the three of them all cuddle closely to one another. The air is calm and peaceful, as if they managed to enter the eye of whatever storm consumed them.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan wakes up disoriented but delighted, especially because she can still feel the spiritual energy in her body. 

 

She’s alone in that red stained glass room. As soon as she sits up in bed, a new servant enters. 

 

“Where’s that other girl?” she asks. “The one with dark eyes?”

 

The servant frowns. “I am not sure who you mean.”

 

Shi Qingxuan shakes her head. “It’s no matter. Are His Highness and… my lord awake?” She’s still not sure how to correctly address Hua Cheng. Especially after last night.

 

“Yes, they are in the dining hall. You may join them after dressing.”

 

“Right.” Shi Qingxuan walks to the wardrobe, gasping when he sees that in addition to the shabby clothes he’s used to– no offense to His Highness! –there are many gorgeous outfits and matching shoes to choose from. She squeaks in excitement, taking her time trying on each option until she settles on a dark purple dress with gold accents.

 

***

 

Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are waiting at the same dining table as expected. Xie Lian has a sheepish expression on his face, whereas Hua Cheng’s expression is neutral but his cheeks are slightly pink. Shi Qingxuan nods at them before sitting down, thanking a servant who pours her green tea and offers her a plate of porridge and fruit.

 

“He is here.”

 

Shi Qingxuan’s eyes meet Hua Cheng’s. Somehow she immediately understands who he means. “Do you want me to leave?”

 

Hua Cheng tilts his head. “I thought you were looking for him.”

 

“And I thought you didn’t want to meddle.”

 

Hua Cheng shrugs, popping an apple slice into his mouth. “He’s in my territory. And you are my guest.”

 

Shi Qingxuan blushes in spite of herself; she’s had the ghost king’s tongue in her mouth just mere hours ago, yet somehow hearing him call her a guest flusters her. “Why is he here?” she asks.

 

“Because of what happened yesterday. I’m sure you noticed it affected all ghosts, not just me.” He clears his throat. “And I thank you for helping His Highness and me with that, by the way.”

 

“My pleasure.” She realizes her poor choice of words far too late, giggling nervously. “Er, um. You know what I mean.”

 

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng blush in unison.

 

***

 

The three of them are still seated at the table when He Xuan arrives.

 

His eyes flicker over to Shi Qingxuan immediately. “I thought I told you to never show your face to me again,” he says, his voice as cool and deadly as a sharp knife.

 

“Technically, I am not,” Shi Qingxuan says with a smile. She points to the sheer veil covering the lower half of her face.

 

He Xuan glares at Hua Cheng. “What is this?”

 

Hua Cheng rolls his eyes. “Whatever your issue is with the mortal is of no interest to me. But you are in my territory, remember. And I would rather you not kill her in front of Gege.”

 

“Tch.” He Xuan takes a seat, but he does not look happy about it. “Let us get to the point.”

 

Shi Qingxuan is mostly quiet as she listens to the two ghost kings and Xie Lian talk about how what happened the previous night is a clear indicator that Mount Tonglu has been reopened once more.

 

Thus, a new ghost king will be born.

 

At the end of the long and thoughtful conversation, He Xuan and Hua Cheng agree they will do what they can to protect each other’s territories should the new ghost king attack– but only to a degree. They shake hands, and before He Xuan leaves, for a split-second Hua Cheng gives Shi Qingxuan a meaningful look.

 

Now is her chance.

 

She stands from the table. “He Xuan,” she says, bowing. “My lord. Please take me with you.”

 

The ghost kings do not outwardly react to her words, though Xie Lian gasps. 

 

“I should kill you,” He Xuan says, his dark eyes glowing with rage. “How dare you speak to me.”

 

“Why kill me,” Shi Qingxuan says, pressing on though her heart beats wildly. “When I could be your servant? I unwittingly stole the life that should have been yours. While I still live, perhaps I could be of at least some use to you.”

 

He Xuan’s laugh is cruel and humorless. “And what use would that be?”

 

Shi Qingxuan internally panics. “Uh…”

 

“She’s a fairly decent cook,” Hua Cheng says with a smirk.

 

He Xuan glares at him before he sneers at Shi Qingxuan, his eyes taking in her feminine form. “I see you somehow got back your spiritual energy.”

 

“I lent her some,” Hua Cheng says, sounding bored. “It was preferable to hearing her complain constantly about not being able to change her form.”

 

Shi Qingxuan holds her tongue. It would probably just anger He Xuan if he heard the truth of how exactly she obtained her temporary spiritual energy.

 

“My lord,” she says, addressing He Xuan. “Whatever your intentions, you were a great friend to me over the last few centuries. Please allow me to attempt to return the favor.”

 

“Tch. Why should I believe you?”

 

Shi Qingxuan returns to his masculine form and extends a hand. “Take the rest of my spiritual energy. Without it, there is no way I could ever harm you.”

 

He Xuan looks at his hand, then laughs again. “Keep it. Even with your power, you couldn’t touch me even if you tried.”

 

Shi Qingxuan’s brow furrows. “Does that mean–”

 

“Come. Before I change my mind.” He tells her, then looks at Hua Cheng. “The moment he displeases me, I will drop his corpse at your front door.”

 

Hua Cheng shrugs. “Then I will feed him to my servants. It is no matter to me.”

 

He Xuan turns and strides toward the front doors of Paradise Manor. His eyes wide, Shi Qingxuan quickly follows, waving to his friends on the way out. He hears their voices in his private array as he does. 

 

“Good luck, my friend,” Xie Lian says.

 

“Don’t worry,” Hua Cheng says, the smile evident in his voice. “If he kills you, I won’t actually feed you to my servants. I’ll feed you to the stray cats in Puqi Village instead.”

 

Shi Qingxuan manages to stick his tongue out at him before he leaves.

 

***

 

Though he has been here before, for the first time, Shi Qingxuan gets a good look at Nether Water Manor. Like Paradise Manor– and like many of the heavenly manors –it’s grand and opulent, but it’s also dark and eerie. He shivers under the domain’s omnipresent shade, no doubt exacerbated by the memories of the last time he was here.

 

“Prove yourself useful,” He Xuan says, pushing him toward the kitchens. “Make me a decent meal, and maybe I’ll keep you alive for another day.”

 

“Yes, my lord,” Shi Qingxuan says. His hopes lift somewhat; if he could impress Crimson Rain Sought Flower with his culinary skills, then perhaps he could also impress Black Water Submerges Boats!

 

His hope wilts, though, as soon as he sees the supplies and ingredients that he’s provided. He can’t identify half of them, and those that he can, look expired or unedible. Flustered, he attempts to cook a sort of stir-fry, and nearly jumps out of his skin by the time a skeletal servant informs him that the ghost king is impatiently waiting for his dinner.

 

Tears in his eyes, Shi Qingxuan enters the gloomy dining hall with his improvised meal. “M-my lord, I must admit this does not adequately demonstrate my skills,” he says.

 

He Xuan glares at him. “You had more than enough to work with. No excuses.”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods, using his chopsticks to fill his master’s bowl. He watches with bated breath as the ghost king swallows a bite of his concoction.

 

“Disgusting,” he spits. He pushes his dishes to the floor, making a mess. “Clean that up,” he barks, and then disappears.

 

Shi Qingxuan trembles, but then smiles to himself. He has failed, but He Xuan did not kill him. Small victories.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan misses Lang Ying’s company; it’s a bit lonely, sweeping and dusting and repairing furniture without someone to do it with. And while He Xuan does have some servants, they’re nothing like Hua Cheng’s staff; they keep to themselves, and even if they didn’t, the spooky look in their dead eyes doesn’t exactly make Shi Qingxuan eager to get to know them.

 

After a few days, whatever spiritual energy he has is completely depleted. He misses the feeling, but other than the fact that he can no longer transform his appearance, it’s of no consequence; in the Black Water Demon Lair, there is very little such minimal power could accomplish. 

 

Slowly but surely Shi Qingxuan proves himself as useful as he promised. And now that he knows what he’s working with, he cooks successfully even with the limited ingredients he has. Although he would of course love praise, the fact that his new master eats without comment is complimentary enough.

 

In fact, He Xuan hardly says anything to him at all. Weeks go by, and the most they interact is when Shi Qingxuan welcomes him home with a bow and a polite, “My lord.” Even if Shi Qingxuan screws something up, the ghost king will just glare at him and leave the room.

 

What complicates things, however, is when Shi Qingxuan recognizes the same symptoms Hua Cheng suffered from that night in Ghost City. Whatever is happening with Mount Tonglu and the alleged new ghost king, it’s clearly still affecting He Xuan. 

 

“My Lord,” Shi Qingxuan says shyly one evening as he serves dinner. “I hope I am not speaking out of turn–”

 

“Speaking at all is speaking out of turn,” He Xuan snaps.

 

Shi Qingxuan continues as if he hasn’t been interrupted. “Is there anything I can do to help you with the pain you’re experiencing?”

 

“I feel no pain, you fool.”

 

“Well... Your discomfort, then.” These ghosts… so stubborn!

 

“There is nothing to be done,” He Xuan says with finality.

 

Shi Qingxuan nods and clears the table, blushing slightly. He knows that’s not quite true, but he doesn’t quite have the gumption to suggest his solution to his temperamental master.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan is not permitted to help the ghastly humans who wander around the domain, but he offers what little comfort he can. It still scares him when they touch him– a stark reminder of what he experienced last time he was here –but they’re harmless, really. He feeds them when he can, promising in hushed tones that their suffering will be over soon, even though he doubts that is true.

 

Shi Qingxuan swims Black Water Lake nearly every day; now that he is the official servant of Black Water Submerges Boats, the other creatures who lurk nearby do not dare touch him. Shi Qingxuan has always liked swimming, and the regular exercise makes his body feel satiated and strong. It’s also a sort of torture, though; he remembers all too vividly when his brother desperately chased after him in those very waters. Would things have been different if Shi Qingxuan hadn't been captured in the first place? The more he thinks about it, the more he doubts it. 

 

When He Xuan is away, Shi Qingxuan prays. Usually it’s in front of the three urns that still sit on the high altar. Besides praying for the late Earth Master– whom he has never actually known –Shi Qingxuan prays for his brother. He prays for Xie Lian and Hua Cheng and Lang Ying. He prays for Puqi Village, and his own hometown. He prays for He Xuan and his dead family members.

 

“Do not waste your time,” He Xuan says when he catches him kneeling.

 

“It is not a waste,” Shi Qingxuan insists

 

“You expect your prayers to be answered?”

 

Shi Qingxuan shrugs. “When I was a god, I did my best to answer the prayers of my worshippers.”

 

“You were never a real god,” He Xuan reminds him.

 

“Then perhaps the real gods will be even better!” Shi Qingxuan says brightly.

 

He Xuan shakes his head. “You are a fool.”

 

“Well, I think it is worth a try.”

 

“Tch. Who were you praying for, anyway? Your brother?” He Xuan’s tone is mocking.

 

“Yes… And my friends, and your family, too.”

 

He Xuan grabs a fistful of Shi Qingxuan’s hair and pulls, forcing him to rise. “My family does not need your prayers.”

 

“I meant no offense, my lord.”

 

“Pork buns,” He Xuan says in response before stalking away, and that is Shi Qingxuan’s cue to start making dinner.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan still suffers from graphic nightmares. He cries out in his sleep, often waking himself up, his pillows soaked in tears and sweat. He misses Puqi Shrine, when Xie Lian would stroke his hair until his sobs subsided. Even Hua Cheng would sometimes watch over him, his stoic presence a sort of comfort.

 

Shi Qingxuan’s nightmares are always the same scenes, replayed over and over. He relives the moment where He Xuan rips off his brother’s head. He watches what would have happened to his life if the Reverend of Empty Words had gotten him instead of the kind and intelligent man his brother had scapegoated. He sees the disgusted look on his best friend’s face when he finally realizes Shi Qingxuan never understood him at all, despite everything they had been through…

 

“You certainly cry a lot,” He Xuan comments one morning, as Shi Qingxuan serves him tea.

 

“Ah,” Shi Qingxuan clears his throat. “I’m afraid I am still trying to get my nightmares under control. I apologize if I’ve disturbed you.”

 

“I did not ask you for a response,” He Xuan says irritably. 

 

Shi Qingxuan scowls. “Fine, then I take my apology back.”

 

It’s far too sarcastic, even compared to what Shi Qingxuan’s used to getting away with, but his master just smirks in response.

 

“Did I not make myself clear?” he asks, his tone mocking. “Then let me be plain: do not talk to me unless I ask you a question. You are nothing. You are lucky to be alive.”

Shi Qingxuan calms himself. “Yes, my lord.”

 

“Is this how you would speak to Crimson Rain Sought Flower?” He Xuan demands.

 

“No,” Shi Qingxuan answers, refilling his wine glass. “I tease him way more. You’re just scarier.”

 

It’s brief, but He Xuan smirks again at that.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan gets sick.

 

It’s inevitable, now that he thinks about it. Mortals are always so susceptible to basic illnesses. His bones ache, and his nose is snotty, and his forehead is too warm. It’s nothing serious, but it makes it difficult to do his usual tasks, and his master notices.

 

“Disgusting. Go to your bed chambers.”

 

“My lord, please–”

 

“Do not make me repeat myself.”

 

“Yes, my lord.”

 

It doesn’t even come close to the worst pain Shi Qingxuan has felt, but it is still quite uncomfortable. He falls asleep easily once he goes to bed, but his slumber is restless as he alternates between feeling too hot and too cold. When he awakes, his head throbs and he’s covered in sweat. Sighing, he forces himself to get up and clean himself off and change into his spare clothes.

 

He frowns as he notices something on the table near his bed– there is a fresh bowl of hot soup and a pot of lemon-ginger tea. Another servant must have left it while he was asleep. Although he has no appetite, Shi Qingxuan forces himself to eat the soup and drink the tea, and it immediately makes him feel better. Shi Qingxuan recovers quickly after that.

 

***

 

He Xuan’s appearance is always immaculate, but Shi Qingxuan insists on trimming his hair on occasion and helping him comb it after bathing.

 

“Good as new!” Shi Qingxuan says the first time gives He Xuan a haircut, holding up a mirror.

 

He Xuan only briefly looks at his reflection. “It is adequate,” he says emotionlessly.

 

Shi Qingxuan smiles. “I knew you would like it! And should you ever want to wear makeup, I was thinking that–”

 

“No. Absolutely not.”

 

Oddly, just like his time with the village women, the times where Shi Qingxuan cuts or washes He Xuan’s hair becomes a social occasion. Despite his constant threats, Shi Qingxuan babbles on about whatever floats into his mind, and He Xuan gives up trying to make him be quiet. Eventually, he even participates in the conversation, even if it is just to ridicule Shi Qingxuan.

 

“By the way, when I was still in Puqi Village, there were reports of many ships sinking nearby. Was that you?”

 

He Xuan is seated with his eyes closed as Shi Qingxuan massages his scalp with soap. He raises an eyebrow. “I know it is in my title, but surely I cannot be blamed for all the boats that sink.”

 

Shi Qingxuan giggles. “I know, I was just curious. I don’t know what business you would have in that part of the world, anyway.”

 

“You do not know my business at all,” He Xuan says.

 

“I know a little bit,” Shi Qingxuan teases.

 

“Oh? What do you think you know?”

 

“I know that you are interested in consuming the fetus spirit.”

 

He Xuan opens his eyes and looks at Shi Qingxuan.

 

Shi Qingxuan grins. “I am right, am I not?”

 

He Xuan closes his eyes again, sighing as Shi Qingxuan begins rinsing his hair. “I am curious about its powers over other’s dreams, that is all.”

 

Shi Qingxuan hums, nodding.

 

He Xuan’s brow furrows slightly, his shoulders tensing. Shi Qingxuan frowns but says nothing; the odd affliction that began affecting ghosts the night Mount Tonglu still flares up in his master regularly. Shi Qingxuan has asked many more times how he can help, and every time He Xuan dismisses his concern.

 

“I am almost finished, my lord,” Shi Qingxuan promises quietly, and begins to dry He Xuan’s damp hair with a warm cloth.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan is making a beef stew– one of He Xuan’s favorite dishes, he has learned –when he hears a commotion outside of the kitchen, as if dishes had fallen to the floor. Shi Qingxuan frowns to himself, wiping off his hands and removing the pot from the heat as he goes to investigate.

 

“Is everything all right– my lord!”

 

He Xuan is holding his face with one hand and clutching the grand dining table with the other; in his attempt to stabilize himself, he has knocked off the plates and chopsticks that Shi Qingxuan had placed out in front of his usual seat. 

 

Shi Qingxuan rushes over to him, immediately wrapping an arm around his master so he can take some of his weight. “My lord, tell me how I can help.”

 

“It will pass,” He Xuan says through gritted teeth. He tries to stand up straight, weakly pushing Shi Qingxuan away, but then he cries out and clings to the table once more.

 

Shi Qingxuan hasn’t ever been this close to He Xuan’s face before, not even when he grooms his hair. His soft pale skin is poreless as far as Shi Qingxuan can tell, and now that he’s near enough, Shi Qingxuan can spot little flecks of gold in He Xuan’s onyx eyes. 

 

Shi Qingxuan manages to help his master sit down, but it’s clear he’s still in some sort of pain. He Xuan cries out again, and Shi Qingxuan looks around nervously; it would be bad if someone saw Black Water in this condition. While Shi Qingxuan knows that even in this state the ghost king is still immensely powerful, any rumors of weakness would not be ideal. 

 

Before He Xuan can cry out again, Shi Qingxuan climbs into his lap.

 

“What are you doing?” He Xuan demands, the anger evident in his voice even as his hands automatically come to rest on Shi Qingxuan’s waist. 

 

“Forgive me, my lord,” Shi Qingxuan whispers, and presses their lips together.

 

He Xuan makes an outraged sound, but it’s swallowed by Shi Qingxuan as he coaxes him into the kiss. It does not take long for He Xuan to give in; he hoists Shi Qingxuan by his waist and lays him on the table without breaking contact, not unlike the position that Shi Qingxuan had discovered Xie Lian and Hua Cheng in that fateful night.

 

Shi Qingxuan closes his eyes and wraps his arms around He Xuan, pulling at his broad back to encourage him to climb fully on top of him. He Xuan follows easily, blanketing his body over Shi Qingxuan’s. Shi Qingxuan feels small and powerless under the mighty ghost king, and it makes him shiver all over. 

 

Shi Qingxuan is rubbing He Xuan’s back in a way he hopes is comforting. He opens his mouth as He Xuan bites his lower lip, and moans as he feels the familiar sensation of spiritual energy pouring down his throat. 

 

This is different from when he kissed Hua Cheng. While both kisses are desperate, there is something so much more wilder, and all-consuming, when it comes to kissing He Xuan.

 

The fever passes gradually, and as it does, their furious kissing slows into something more controlled and delicate. Finally, He Xuan pulls away, the both of them panting as they catch their breath. 

 

Shi Qingxuan offers him a gentle smile as he continues to rub his back. “Are you feeling better?”

 

He Xuan stares at him for a few long seconds. Shi Qingxuan has the silly thought that, if he could, he would swim in those dark eyes, and try to catch all those pretty gold specks.

 

Suddenly He Xuan wrenches away from Shi Qingxuan and stands. He adjusts his robes, and there is a long stretch of silence as Shi Qingxuan does the same. 

 

He Xuan glares at him, and Shi Qingxuan is reminded of the look He Xuan gave him when he called him Ming Yi– like Shi Qingxuan betrayed him yet again. Shi Qingxuan looks away sheepishly.

 

“Do not do that again,” He Xuan says. “I will not warn you a second time.”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods. “Yes, my lord.”

 

He Xuan stalks away without another word, leaving Shi Qingxuan standing there, his kiss-swollen lips still tingling with an excess of ghost qi.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan does it again.

 

In his defense, Shi Qingxuan thinks it would be bad form to simply stand there and watch his master writhe in discomfort when he knows a rather effective method to assuage that discomfort. He Xuan is too weak-willed when the fevers consume him, his body enthusiastically responding the moment Shi Qingxuan’s lips are on his. 

 

The aftermath is always awkward– He Xuan will threaten Shi Qingxuan, and Shi Qingxuan will pretend to believe him –but after a few times Shi Qingxuan thinks the situation is getting a little ridiculous. 

 

“Look, it is obvious that when I… When I help you when you with one of these episodes, the fever passes ten times as fast compared to if you bore it all on your own. My lord– when you brought me here, it was because I promised to be useful. So please, let me be useful.”

 

He Xuan grumbles about it, but eventually he relents. 

 

They become more practical about what to do when these episodes hit. It is rather unpleasant for the both of them when they end up on a hard table or floor, so He Xuan begins carrying Shi Qingxuan to his bed chambers where it is more comfortable and private. 

 

After the fourth or fifth time it happens, Shi Qingxuan realizes that a twisted part of his brain immensely enjoys these feverish episodes.

 

He does not want He Xuan to be in pain, of course, but he finds himself craving his master’s touch. It takes little to get Shi Qingxuan gasping and whimpering, but perhaps it simply speaks to He Xuan’s talent and power. Shi Qingxuan is ashamed about his pleasure at the situation, and hopes that as long as He Xuan does not catch on, all will be well.

 

The fevers do not occur on a daily basis, but they occur often enough that Shi Qingxuan is practically always full of spiritual energy. She changes her appearance on a whim, her mind at ease now that she can present as a woman as she pleases once again.

 

When He Xuan is at the manor, they agree it makes sense for Shi Qingxuan to stay in He Xuan’s chambers in case he is struck by the fever in the middle of the night. He Xuan does not need to sleep, but at least now Shi Qingxuan will be waiting for him in case he needs her to help with his condition.

 

One night, Shi Qingxuan is fast asleep but jolts awake when she hears the bedroom door slam open. She braces herself just in time as He Xuan practically tackles her, tangling his fingers through her long silky hair and latching his mouth against her neck. She gasps out, her hands grapsing onto his muscular arms.

 

And then she has an idea.

 

“My lord,” she says, breathless. “Do you think this is enough? I mean to say– if doing this little assuages your condition, do you not think going further will be even better?” If not for the distracting way He Xuan is licking up the column of her throat, she would have been embarrassed by her suggestion.

 

He Xuan finally kisses her properly, expelling more spiritual energy into her mouth. He seems to understand what she is suggesting, and in response, his hands begin wandering underneath her dress and between her legs.

 

Shi Qingxuan gasps again. “Ah, He Xuan–” The name slips out before she can help it.

 

But He Xuan does not falter, and he continues to to kiss her ravenously as his bold hands feel up her soft thighs until his clever fingers find their way to her cunt, already wet with arousal. He inserts two fingers to start, fucking them in and out of her at a steady pace. Shi Qingxuan squirms and whimpers, spreading her legs. While he touches her, as if he has never wanted nearly anything as badly, Shi Qingxuan manages to help free his hard cock from his pants. It’s heavy and warm, and feels impossibly big in her hand. She strokes him a couple of times, and it’s the first time since waking her that his movements stutter for a moment, as if caught off-guard.

 

“I’m ready,” she whispers in between their breathless kisses. It’s not a lie, but her heart hammers just at the thought of having him inside her. 

 

He Xuan ignores her, adding a third finger to her cunt as they kiss. She rolls her hips, fucking back on his fingers, and she whimpers when he pulls them out all at once. She’s still gently stroking his cock, and he wraps his big hand over hers to help guide his cock into her pussy.

 

Shi Qingxuan winces, anticipating pain, but there is nothing but bliss. Her pussy is wet and open, and stretches easily to accommodate He Xuan’s cock. He begins moving right away, steadily thrusting in and out of her with the powerful movement of his hips. Shi Qingxuan wraps her legs around his waist, her bright eyes wide as she lets He Xuan take complete control.

 

“Oh!” She cries out when He Xuan switches up the pace in favor of grinding hard and purposefully into her pussy, slowling his movements so he can properly kiss her. Shi Qingxuan is so damn full – full of cock, full of spiritual energy, full of love–

 

Shi Qingxuan squeezes her eyes shut and pushes that last thought away. She is there simply to alleviate her master’s pain, and nothing more.

 

Their lips are still locked as they both reach the edge; a warm and gooey sensation builds in Shi Qingxuan tummy, something that she’s never experienced before, and then all at once it spreads throughout her body. She cries out He Xuan’s name as her vision goes white, and vaguely feels something hot and sticky as the ghost king collapses on top of her.

 

She blinks a few times as she comes back to herself again. She realizes she is still clutching onto He Xuan, so she loosens her hold. She hums, enjoying bearing his full weight as he, too, recovers.

 

And then abruptly she is cold when He Xuan stands from the bed as he tucks his softening cock back into his pants. 

 

Feeling oddly unsure of herself all of a sudden. She attempts to straighten her appearance, but she is conscious of how she must look. “Did it… did it help?”

 

He Xuan manages a curt nod. “It did.”

 

She nods back. “I am glad.”

 

He Xuan looks like he is going to say something else, but then he turns to leave. “I have business to attend to. I will be gone for about a week.”

 

Shi Qingxuan watches as he goes, and then slumps back onto the bed with sigh.

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan keeps up with her tasks while his master is away, though her brain buzzes with worry. What if He Xuan experiences a particularly bad episode and she’s not there to help him? What if He Xuan regrets how far they went that last time? 

 

But a week passes, and He Xuan returns, seemingly unharmed or unchanged. Shi Qingxuan assumes things will go back to normal– that they will not repeat what happened in He Xuan’s bed the last time they were together –but she is mistaken.

 

He Xuan keeps fucking her, and Shi Qingxuan is worried she is developing an addiction to it.

 

Sometimes they do it in He Xuan’s bed, sometimes they do it in questionably public areas of the domain. Sometimes Shi Qingxuan is a woman, sometimes she is not. Sometimes they nap afterward, sometimes He Xuan leaves as soon as they finish.

 

Shi Qingxuan tries to act normal around He Xuan, but she can’t help but feel hyper-aware of her every interaction with him. No wonder Xie Lian is a blushing mess around Hua Cheng! She frowns to herself when she realizes she unconsciously makes that comparison. Wait. If I’m likening myself to their relationship…  

 

“Oi. If you mess up my hair I’ll feed you to my sea creatures.”

 

Shi Qingxuan blinks, refocusing on the task at hand. “If you do that, then you’ll also have to ask the sea creatures to cut your hair,” she teases weakly as she continues trimming the ends of his hair. “Unfortunately, I rather doubt they will do as good of a job, considering they don’t have hands.”

 

“Funny. You should be a clown,” He Xuan drawls. 

 

“Buy me some makeup and I shall gladly paint my face for you, my lord.”

 

“Why bother? You have enough of my damned spiritual energy you can do it yourself.”

 

Shi Qingxuan blushes. It is the first time either of them acknowledged what they’ve been doing.

 

“I’m almost finished, my lord,” she says quietly, combing through his soft hair.

 

“Good,” He Xuan says. “Be prepared to leave in an hour. We are going to Ghost City.”

 

“We are?” Shi Qingxuan asks, her eyebrows raised. It’s the first time she’s left Black Water Demon Lair since she became He Xuan’s servant.

 

“Crimson Rain Sought Flower claims he and his betrothed have more information on the Mount Tonglu matter,” He Xuan says. “So I am meeting with them. You are to accompany me as my valet.”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods silently, slowly digesting the fact that she will be seeing his friends for the first time in ages– and the fact that He Xuan just referred to Xie Lian as Hua Cheng’s betrothed. She hopes she is invited to the wedding!

 

“Stop thinking so much,” He Xuan grumbles in complaint. “Just finish up already.”

 

Shi Qingxuan shakes her head, forcing herself to break free from her reverie again. “Yes, my lord.” She massages a soothing balm into He Xuan’s hair, and smiles to herself when her master visibly relaxes with a sigh.

 

***

 

The streets of Ghost City are still vibrant and chaotic, though an unnameable electric current permeates the air, almost palpable.

 

“It is because of the reopening of Mount Tonglu,” He Xuan mutters to Shi Qingxuan unprompted as they walk by a familiar night market. “The anticipation of inevitable bloodshed is like catnip to lesser ghosts.”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods. Walking by his side is similar to walking with Hua Cheng. The other ghosts eye him warily; either they recognize him, or they sense that he is a powerful being not to be trifled with.

 

As soon as they enter Paradise Manor, Shi Qingxuan spots Xie Lian and does not hesitate to jump into his arms.


“Your Highness!” she says cheerfully.

 

Xie Lian laughs, surprised, and gracefully catches her. “I did not know you were coming! What a wonderful surprise!”

 

Shi Qingxuan grins at him, and then hugs Hua Cheng next. “My lord! I am so glad to see you both!” She laughs when Hua Cheng awkwardly pats her head. 

 

“Quit it,” He Xuan complains. 

 

Shi Qingxuan giggles and returns to her master’s side. “Forgive me, my lord.”

 

“I will think about it,” he drawls.

 

Xie Lian raises his eyebrows. Even Hua Cheng looks amused.

 

“Shall we?” the latter asks, leading them to the dining hall.

 

The news Hua Cheng has regarding Mount Tonglu is vague, but significant. Whatever is to be borne out of its reopening will wreak havoc on the heavens. Shi Qingxuan listens with rapt interest, and considering the way He Xuan barely touches his food, she can tell he is taking it seriously, too.

 

It is late by the time their discussion is finished. He Xuan politely accepts when Hua Cheng offers him a guest bedroom to stay in, which surprises Shi Qingxuan. She says nothing, however; perhaps her master feels another fever episode coming on.

 

She thinks her suspicions are founded when, as she helps him change out of his daywear, he hauls her into his arms and starts kissing her. They stumble toward the bed, and Shi Qingxuan giggles when he blows a raspberry on her belly.

 

It isn’t until He Xuan is deep inside her– she’s sitting on his lap, their arms wrapped around each other and their lips locked once again –that she realizes what they are doing is different. There is no rush. There is no transfer of spiritual energy.

 

As Shi Qingxuan bounces slowly in his lap, she looks into his eyes. “Are you alright?”

 

He Xuan does not answer. He kisses between her breasts, making her shudder.

 

“I just want you to be alright,” she admits quietly. She speeds up their pace, and it’s not long before they are both cumming, collapsing into each other’s arms.

 

“I am alright,” He Xuan finally responds. 

 

Shi Qingxuan smiles, her face pressed against his neck, and falls asleep.

 

When she wakes up, she is alone. 

 

***

 

Shi Qingxuan does not need the reminder of the words Hua Cheng once said to her the last time she was here.

 

If Black Water does not want to be found, then he will not be found.

 

She does not stay for breakfast, but she does stay long enough to say a heartfelt goodbye to her friends. She manages not to wince at the obvious pity on Xie Lian’s face.

 

“Will you come back to Puqi Shrine?” he asks gently.

 

“One day I will visit,” she promises.

 

“Where are you going now?” Hua Cheng asks. His clever eyes are trained on her face, easily reading whatever expression she must be wearing.

 

“Actually,” she says. “I wonder if I might trouble you to help with an array?”

 

“No trouble at all,” Xie Lian says, answering for his betrothed. “Where are you headed?”

 

“Fu Gu.”

 

***

 

As soon as Shi Qingxuan arrives in the village, she makes her way to the old abandoned temple that once was used for worshiping the Lord Wind Master and Water Master Wudu. There is still a peeling painting of them both at the center of the shrine, and it makes her heart burn with melancholy and guilt.

 

He transforms back into his masculine form, conserving the spiritual energy he has left. He has a lot of work to do, he summises from the state of the place. 

 

But he has started over once, so surely he can do it again.

 

***

 

The temple receives its first visitor just as Shi Qingxuan is finishing up a new painting to hang over the shrine.

 

“Excuse me. To which god is this temple dedicated?”

 

Shi Qingxuan looks up from, his eyebrows raised in surprise, but then he smiles. “This is a temple dedicated to Scholar He. I assume you have heard of him?”

 

“Oh!” The visitor nods. “But he was not a god, was he?”

“You are correct,” Shi Qingxuan nods. “But he was a benevolent and worldly being, as horrible as his ending was. Even in his death, he continues to influence others for the better.”

 

The visitor nods again, though they look confused. How is one supposed to pray to someone who is not even a god?

 

“You know his story,” Shi Qingxuan encourages. “Which part resonates with you the most?”

 

The visitor thinks for a moment, then says: “He never gave up the fight.”

 

Shi Qingxuan smiles. He offers a candle. “Then perhaps pray that he lends you that same strength, for whatever troubles you at the moment.”

 

The visitor hesitates, but then smiles back, and accepts the candle.

 

“Thank you, Daozhang.”

 

Shi Qingxuan’s heart warms with a familiar tender sort of hope. “Let us pray together.”

 

***

 

Slowly but surely, the temple becomes popular with the local villagers. There are more offerings, more donations, more prayers. Shi Qingxuan does his best to keep the place clean, and to keep the worshippers content.

 

“Ha. Scholar He. Never thought I would see a temple dedicated to the likes of him.”

 

Shi Qingxuan’s brow furrows, though he smiles as he turns to face a young woman, her black hair matching the color of her narrowed eyes. “This is his hometown, after all,” he answers. “The locals seem to find comfort in having a place to worship their ancestor, beyond just the annual festival.”

 

The young woman hums. “How long has this temple existed?”

 

“A long time,” Shi Qingxuan says. “It used to be dedicated to two false gods, but recently it was restored so that it could be a place where people who believed in Scholar He  could pray to him.”

 

“And what does Scholar He stand for, exactly?”

 

“Ah,” Shi Qingxuan scratches the back of his neck. “I suppose he stands for what most people associate with him– tenacity, talent, karma… But personally? He represents transformation, adventure, and… love.”

 

“Love?”

 

Shi Qingxuan nods. “I did not fully understand the depths of love until I met Scholar He.”

 

“You’ve met him?

Shin Qingxuan blushes. “In a sense.”

 

“Sounds like quite a man.”

 

Shi Qingxuan smiles. “He is. Shall we pray together?”

 

The young woman nods, and joins him at the altar. When they are finished, he waves farewell, and it is only then that he realizes she is that same servant girl from Hua Cheng’s manor all those years ago.

 

“Wait! Come back!” he calls after her. 

 

But she is gone.

 

***

 

That night, Shi Qingxuan has one of his nightmares again.

 

He screams as he watches his brother being killed. He cries as runs away from the Reverend of Empty Words. He burns as he sees his best friend glare at him like he is the most despicable being in the world.

 

And then, it all fades away.

 

What is left is a golden beach. The ocean is a brilliant berry-blue, and the lazy waves crash to the shore.

 

 “Shi Qingxuan.”

 

He turns when he hears his name, and sees that young woman from the shrine– from Hua Cheng’s manor.

 

“Yes?” he answers.

 

She places her small pale hand over his chest. “Why does your heart beat?”

 

His answer is immediate. “My heart beats for my beloved, longing for him always.”

 

She blinks up at him. “Who is your beloved?”

 

“He has many names.”

 

“And what do you call him?”

 

“He Xuan.”

 

“You are a fool.”

 

“Indeed I am.”

 

 Shi Qingxuan awakes abruptly.

 

He is unsurprised when he sees He Xuan leaning against the doorway of the temple. 

 

“You consumed the fetus ghost,” Shi Qingxuan says.

 

“I consumed his knowledge,” He Xuan corrects.

 

“And what did you learn from his knowledge?” Shi Qingxuan asks.

 

He Xuan slowly approaches where Shi Qingxuan is still lying on his sleeping mat.

 

“I learned,” he says quietly. “That you are an idiot.”

 

Shi Qingxuan scowls at him. “You are such an ass! If anyone is an idiot, it is you!” Shi Qingxuan seethes. 

 

He Xuan raises an eyebrow. “I thought the whole point of the rest of your life was that you were going to dedicate your service to me. That is no way to speak to your master.”

 

Shi Qingxuan huffs, annoyed. “Look, if you came here after all this time just to taunt me, then–”

 

He is cut off when He Xuan scoops him up into his arms, and hugs him.

 

“I came here,” he whispers. “To tell you I love you, too.”

 

Shi Qingxuan melts into his embrace. “H-He Xuan…”

 

He Xuan hums. “I will never tire of hearing you call my name.”

 

“Then I shall never stop saying it.”

 

With that, they simultaneously pull back from their embrace so they can kiss.

 

It is nothing like the kisses they have shared before. It is charged with the feelings they now both understand the other holds for the other, and it is purposeful in a way that indulges their desires rather than their needs.

 

He Xuan pulls back from the kiss first, brushing Shi Qingxuan’s long hair from his face. “You are my first worshiper,” he whispers, half-teasing and half-awed.

 

“You are my first love,” Shi Qingxuan whispers back.

 

He Xuan hums, squeezing Shi Qingxuan’s waist as she transforms back into a woman with her newfound spiritual energy. “Then I suppose I have no choice but to love you with all my might.”

 

“You better,” she teases, smiling as she pulls at a lock of his hair.

 

“There will be trouble ahead,” He Xuan reminds her, thinking of Mount Tonglu.

 

“There will always be trouble. But now, we will face it together.”

 

He Xuan gazes at her for a moment, and kisses her again.

 

“Make love to me, please,” Shi Qingxuan begs quietly.

 

“In my own temple? Seems rather crass.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“You dare tell your master to shut up?”

 

“Don’t act like this is the first time I’ve defied you.”

 

He Xuan grins against her neck, and leaves a sloppy kiss. “You are everything,” he whispers. “I am lucky you are alive.”

 

Shi Qingxuan tears up at his tender words, remembering what he said to her when she first became his servant.

 

 You are nothing. You are lucky to be alive.

 

She sobs, and He Xuan looks at her with furrowed brows. She lets herself drown in his black eyes, watching those golden specks again. “What is it?” he asks.

 

“Kiss me,” she begs. “Please.”

 

He leans forward so their foreheads touch. “Of course.”

 

Their lips press together for the millionth time. And though she is a god no more, Shi Qingxuan is absolutely and unconditionally worshiped.