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He needed to control this.
He needed to find a solution.
He could hear his parents arguing from downstairs. His mother was shouting at the top of her lungs, talking about how she didn’t even want to be married to his father anymore but stayed anyway for appearance's sake.
Jonah was still pursuing his undergraduate.
He had come back home for holidays and learning that his father cheated on his mother just because she didn’t look “young” anymore filled him with rage. He knew the men in his family were not good people. Ever since he attended that guest lecture on feminism for extra credits and got glared at by his classmates when he said something particularly sexist, he started recognizing the toxic traits in himself, his father, and his brothers. And it broke his heart that his father was just like any other man out there, always so selfish.
He needed to fix this, needed to find a solution. He needed to go to that business school his dad wanted him to attend so that he could get a decent job and help his mother get out of the toxic marriage.
Business School was…not the best thing that happened to Jonah. And he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. It wasn’t like he was bad at studies, he was a straight-A student. But then something happened three months ago; like a switch flipped in his brain and he hadn’t been himself since then. It took a phone call from his parents asking about job placements. He took his car, drove as far away from Chicago as possible, and found himself pulling up at a random store for some snacks because his stomach was growling. He simply walked towards the snack counter and was trying to choose which Lays pack he wanted to buy. And honestly, why didn’t anyone tell him how difficult it can be to choose a flavor of crips when your life was falling apart around you?
And he was always so bad at choosing. He knew he had an option back in school between studying business or social sciences. But he bloody went ahead and joined Business School just because his dad told him.
And now he can’t even choose between classic salt and onion & cream flavor.
As he stood there in front of the shelf full of Lays, his hands on his hips, he felt his eyes well up. And it was as if emptying a pot that had been filled to the brim. No, he couldn’t cry like this, in front of other customers and the employees who ended up at this pathetic retail job. But he couldn’t stop now, so he rushed towards the entrance of the store, to have the rest of the meltdown in his car.
“---but can you tell me literally anything about your manager, so that I can be prepared for my interview next week?” A loud, enthusiastic voice interrupted Jonah’s running thoughts then.
He paused in his rushed steps and realized he was near a checkout counter on his left. There was a man standing there with thick-rimmed glasses and a big smile, like one from those toothpaste commercials. And his teeth were also somehow very white.
The person behind the checkout counter didn’t say anything, just gave the white teeth a tired sigh, “Glenn is fine, too kind sometimes, but also is a preacher about truth and not committing any sin. He also is a great judge of character, so if you wanna get this job, don’t lie about anything.
“Don’t lie about anything?” The man’s smile became even wider but it was comical to watch, “got it. I will make sure he likes me so much that he makes me the employee of the month by the next payday.” the white teeth said, again with his big smile, before handing an envelope to the other person and then walking out of the store, not noticing Jonah on the way.
He breathed then, realizing the person probably submitted his job application. For a minute his mind was empty, and then he thought about crying in his car and then having to drive back to Chicago and attending his classes tomorrow again.
No, he couldn’t do that now. As much as he was fine with stuffing all the knowledge of the book and impressing his teachers with those stupid elaborate presentations, he couldn’t do all that right now.
And then a very crazy idea popped into his head. Before he could even stop himself, he was stepping toward the check-out counter and asked, “Hey, the man who just left, was he applying for a job here?"
The woman behind the counter sighed again and eyed Jonah from head to toe with more judgment than his classmates back in college, "yeah he was."
This was a bad idea. Jonah knew that. He could get a better job than retail where one doesn't even have to use their brains for crying out loud! But he was not thinking anymore. In hindsight, he hasn’t thought clearly in the past three months now and this was still not the most unhinged decision he has made. He can apply for a deferral at his university. He can work here for a couple of months, just restocking the shelves and cleaning toilets, and then go back to college as if nothing happened.
Yes, this is what he was gonna do. So he nodded at the person behind the counter and asked, "Are there any more job openings here?"
When the phone call ended and he was done yelling at Vicky from his college’s office, Jonah excused himself and ran outside the store. He was an idiot, an absolute fool. How could he? Why didn’t he check his deferral before? Amy followed him out ten minutes later and Jonah knew she was worried but honestly he didn’t want to do this right now.
He had already been lying to his parents about still attending college and now one of his batchmates showed up to gloat at him while Jonah lost his last chance at becoming something more than who he was now.
He was stuck with this job forever, wasn’t he?
Amy left.
That was it.
She left with Emma and Parker and broke his heart in the process.
The thing was, Jonah believed that love could save him. He hadn’t told Amy about his breakdown after the whole Unionization process had to be stopped. All his hard work of the past year crumbled down like a castle made of playing cards. He had walked out of Amy’s house that night and cried on a bench in the nearby park.
But even after losing his one true purpose and also being crushed under his huge debt, Jonah believed that he could make Amy his purpose instead. After all, he liked her since the day he first met her, so much so that he stayed at this job even though he was barely qualified. He had Parker too and his relationship with Emma also wasn’t that rocky anymore.
And then Amy left too.
And Jonah was stuck here, alone at Cloud 9. He knew Garrett was there for him and he had formed a sort of truce with Mateo. Even Glenn was there too, but sometimes, it just got a little…lonely.
It was almost a week since Amy left and Jonah found himself in the bathtub he always teased her for installing. The water was filled to the brim and Jonah hadn’t cared to take off his clothes. He ducked his head underwater just when he heard the front door of Amy’s flat open.
He opened his eyes to the bright lights above and for a whole minute, the room spun. Then a face came into his blurred vision and he realized he was lying down on a softer surface than the cold of the bathtub.
“Jonah?” the blurred face spoke and Jonah had to blink several times before Garrett’s face came into focus.
“Garrett?” he tried but his throat was very dry.
“Hey, man. So you are awake.” Garrett said, from where he was situated at the head of the bed.
Jonah blinked a few more times, clearly confused, and then sat upright with a jolt, so much so that he was surprised his back didn’t protest. He was in an ER. He knew because the lights were too bright and there was a continuous murmur of paramedics rushing a patient from one side and the doctors walking briskly from the other. Some of the beds were full and some were being cleaned after the patients were released.
“What happened?” he asked as he looked down upon himself. He was dressed in a hospital gown and Garrett seemed too sad. Jonah wasn’t sure if he had seen his friend this sad ever before.
The other man sighed, “We found you drowning in Amy’s bathtub.”
Jonah stared at him, “We?”
“Yes, me and Mateo. You missed work today and you weren’t picking up our calls. Mateo wanted to accompany me to check up on you after work probably to get some gossip but then you didn’t open up the door even though we rang the bell a hundred times. I knew where Amy kept her spare key so we were able to enter just before…” Garrett explained and then looked away from Jonah.
A heavy weight settled in Jonah’s stomach then and he started crying. It was pathetic and he was so fucking embarrassed. He knew other people could see him so he curled over himself, closing his eyes tightly, bringing his sheet over his mouth so that no noise could escape him.
He heard the curtain of his bed being closed and a set of footsteps coming toward his bed. Maybe it was Mateo or maybe a nurse.
He didn’t care. He just wanted to be left alone. A hand came to rest on his shoulder, but he couldn’t stop crying. Sobbing like a five-year-old, all snot and tears. He had to let it out.
It was an hour later when Mateo had left to get coffee (probably an excuse) that Garrett finally said something, “what were you thinking?”
Jonah, now calmer than the bubbling mess he was before, simply said, "that it would be pathetic to kill myself in my ex's bathtub."
Garrett sighed, but it seemed a storm was brewing inside him, "so thinking about embarrassment till the end. But that's not what I am asking Jonah. What were you thinking ?"
And Jonah snapped his gaze at Garrett, knowing very well that his glare was meaningless in front of the other man.
Garrett could beat him up easily. Maybe he should.
"Like you always say, the job sucks." He replied finally.
"So you decided to drown yourself in Amy's bathtub?"
Jonah almost laughed thinking maybe Garrett was going to give him more ideas to die by suicide, but instead, his friend went in a completely opposite direction.
“Well, not the best time to force you into talking. How about you stay at my place for a few days and tell me what’s going on?” Garrett demanded and Jonah knew he could easily refuse to do that. But then Garrett was his best friend, maybe his only friend now that he wasn’t in touch with anyone from college and Amy left too. And again Garrett and found him almost drowned, so he definitely owed a story to him. And he also didn’t wanna stay in the hospital, so staying with his friend was the best idea right now.
Later that night when he finally got discharged after making up some bullshit story and his credit was all used up, he made Mateo promise to not tell anyone about this incident. Well, anyone except for Cheyenne because he had called her already when he went to get coffee.
Thankfully, Jonah's secret remained among the four of them only. Because if it were to come out to the entire store he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop himself from throwing a tantrum and running away from this place too, the way he had run away from Chicago all those years ago.
Breaking the prize wheel after getting rejected for a job he was actually excited about was a euphoric feeling. Garrett was right, he was bailing out on his current job too much. And anyways he wasn’t exactly qualified for anything else. Maybe he can start a union again when things settle down in a few years with Zephra. He sometimes thought maybe he should have studied social sciences in College instead, then maybe he wouldn’t be in such a wrecked position in his life.
But then the main missile was fired when his co-workers decided he needed help. Apparently living with Marcus looked worse than a suicide attempt. But honestly having Marcus as his roommate was better than expecting Parker’s bubbling laugh every time he entered the house.
Maybe it was a good thing too? Because reality dawned on him when he finally, finally vented everything in front of Kelly, even the things he didn’t tell Garrett about after his discharge. And it was clear that he needed to get out of Amy’s place.
God, he needed to take a stand for himself. As much as he loved Amy and would forgive her if she decided to come back, he couldn’t let her have the luxury of thinking that he was always there waiting for her, even when she treated him like crap.
He had to move out of that damned house as soon as possible.
Jonah had promised himself to not even accidentally come in front of Amy’s parents. But then Mateo had to pull him into his trick to impress his future in-laws. Well, it went as well as anyone could imagine, him embarrassing the hell out of himself, but at least Mateo made a good impression on the couple and also got their blessing to marry Eric. He was always happy to help.
Then there was Hannah and she was nice, maybe he can finally look forward to something.
Garrett throwing a party was a surprise since he literally admitted once how he “half-ass” everything. But if Jonah was being honest with himself, that was the first time in a while that he actually felt like enjoying the things around him. The snow outside as they all celebrated all the festivals together made something melt inside him. Something cold which had been there since he dropped out of business school.
And for the first time in all his years at Cloud 9, Jonah felt he truly belonged here, in this place. He had been so busy making every decision here with Amy in his mind that he didn’t pay much attention to others.
Well, he knew at least that he would be fine without her.
When he initially saw her, he just wanted to hide somewhere. But at the same time, he wanted to be near her.
The thing was, Jonah knew he needed to take a stand for himself, and he aced it as far as he knew. He made it clear, he wouldn’t just always be there to wait for Amy.
But then Glenn had to show the very first job interviews of all the employees and Jonah found himself thinking what if he had met Amy when they were teenagers? When life hadn’t fucked up any of their plans and they were naive enough.
He needed to distract himself so he got out of there before he could cringe more over his own interview. He was picking up toilet paper rolls when Amy approached him again that day.
And god, here she was, talking about everything he already knew. He knew he was annoying. So many times people had told him that over the years.
But then Amy kept talking and he thought they had come so far. Jonah thought about his drive to St. Louis all those years ago, how he never thought this was what his life would become after he took a retail job. But he was here.
And if he could help Amy get a life better than what she had before then he could definitely do it for himself.
His brain caught up with the movement of his feet two seconds later but he was walking and oh fuck he was stepping forward toward Amy while she was still speaking. He took her face in his hands, holding the stars between his palms, and kissed her.
It was everything had ever wished for. Even better than the first time when they had sex and it accidentally went live.
When he pulled back and smiled at his lover, he decided that this was the feeling he had been looking for since the day he drove to this silly store.