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Isabella has about had it up to here. She can’t think of a single other thing she can try to hint to Phineas that she likes him. When she walks up to him and practically drapes herself over his arm, and he responds by smiling at her and helping her up from “tripping,” it becomes clear that nothing is going to get through to him. She’s picked the world’s most oblivious boy to have a crush on, because she’s an idiot, apparently. The only thing her crush actually results in is pitying looks from friends when Phineas completely misses another obvious sign that she’s trying to flirt with him. At this point, she’s considering giving up entirely.
But every time she makes up her mind to move on from Phineas, he smiles at her, or hugs her, or goes out of his way to do something nice for her, and she melts all over again.
Honestly, she doesn’t know how he expects her to help herself, when he just walks around being all amazing and kind and thoughtful like it’s just a perfectly normal thing that requires nothing in return. He’s just so remarkable, and amazing, and Phineas, and Isabella can’t take it anymore!
It is this combination of circumstances that has her over at Baljeet’s house on a Friday night. Baljeet and Buford are both there, Baljeet studying for an upcoming physics test that he’s definitely going to ace, and Buford not studying for a history test that he’s definitely going to fail. Isabella doesn’t have any upcoming tests, so she’s collapsed back on Baljeet’s bed and trying to work out her mess of a love life.
“Am I doing something wrong?” she asks Buford and Baljeet and the ceiling she’s staring at. “Does he really just not like me like that?”
“Isa, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don’t think he even knows you exist ‘like that,’” Buford said. “I would wager he’s literally never thought about it.”
“Well shouldn’t my flirting do something in that regard then?” Isabella exclaims, throwing her hands up into the air above her head, without sitting up any. “I can’t even think of anything else to try. Do I need to be more obvious somehow? Because I actually don’t think there’s a way to do that.”
“Debatable,” Baljeet mutters from where his head is bent over his textbook. Buford clears his throat.
“Huh?” Isabella asks, glancing at him.
“Nothing,” Baljeet says, waving her off. “Forget I said anything.”
Isabella blinks at him for a second, then looks at Buford, who’s peering down at his fidgeting hands.
“What?” she asks.
“Don’t worry about it,” Buford says, glancing up at her.
Isabella sets her brow. “Buford—”
“It’s not something you actually want to hear, Izzy,” Buford says.
“Excuse me? Aren’t I the judge of that? How do you know that anyway?”
Baljeet sighs, and turns around to face Isabella. “Isabella, you have been flirting with Phineas since we were in elementary school,” he says. “It has to be obvious to everyone by now, especially you, that he is not noticing. Is it really that you cannot think of anything else to try, or do you just not want to go up to him and tell him explicitly how you feel because you are afraid of getting definitively rejected by him?”
Isabella gapes at him. She opens her mouth, then shuts it again.
Buford sighs. “Great job Baljeet, you broke her. This is why we agreed not to say anything.”
Isabella sits up and turns to him, her brain finally kicking into gear long enough to say something. “Wait, we?” She clenches her hands into fists. “You two have been talking about this behind my back?”
“Only because we were afraid you would pummel us if we said it to your face,” Baljeet says, holding up his hands. “You are kind of terrifying.”
“Okay, one, thank you. Two, how long have you thought this?”
“Since about the time it became clear you were making zero progress the way you’re doin’ it,” Buford says. “Look, I’m not saying’ it’s not scary. We all know the first time I was confronted with a past crush I ran the other way while wearing a bear suit. But at this point Iz, I don’t think anything is going to happen unless you’re as blunt as ‘Hi Phineas I like you in a romantic way would you like to go on a romantic date with me romantically with a side of romance.’”
Isabella lays down again, considering this, despite her immediate distaste at the idea. “I don’t want to do that,” she says weakly.
“I know,” Buford says. He doesn’t say anything else.
In fact, none of them say anything else on the topic for the rest of the night. After a minute Baljeet closes his textbook, and Buford asks if anyone else wants to order pizza for dinner, and they start discussing that instead.
But Isabella doesn’t stop thinking about it. And eventually, she comes to the horrible realization that Buford is probably right. If anything is ever going to happen with Phineas, she’s going to have to make it. But Baljeet is right too. That comes with potential for real, permanent rejection. And that… that’s scary.
But eventually, slowly, and horrifyingly, she realizes she’s going to have to do something. Of course there’s still… the matter of waiting for a chance, obviously. She can’t just do it any old time, it has to be the right moment.
Unfortunately, while she’s hoping the right moment will be a couple weeks or maybe even a couple months away, one time later that week her and Phineas miraculously miss the bus home from school, after Phineas has to run back to grab his sketch notebook he left in his locker and Isabella goes with him. She doesn’t realize the result of her actions until they’re both staring at the entrance to the school, the parking lot completely devoid of buses.
“Welp,” Phineas says with a shrug. “I guess we’re walking. Dang, I knew Ferb and I should have worked faster on those portable teleporters. Sorry Isabella.”
“That’s okay,” Isabella says, though she’s thinking about how the universe is practically shoving her at Phineas right now and demanding she say something.
But— but this can’t be the right moment! It’s too cloudy, and Phineas is just rambling on about those portable teleporters, and— and she’s not ready!
Except she’ll never be ready, will she? Buford and Baljeet are right, she’s been avoiding this because she’s scared. And she can just keep doing that forever, but then nothing will ever change. And this? Right now, this terrible limbo she’s been in for years? It’s the worst.
She hasn’t been listening to Phineas for a while now, though she doesn’t think he’s noticed. But they are approaching their houses, meaning if she’s going to say something, she really really has to do it now.
“Don’t you think, Isabella?” Phineas asks, giving her a bright smile.
Isabella squeezes her eyes shut. “Hi Phineas I like you in a romantic way would you like to go on a romantic date with me romantically with a side of romance?” she blurts out in all one breath.
She gets dead silence in response. One second passes. Two. Three. She feels a little bit like she’s going to be sick.
“…Oh,” Phineas says softly.
Isabella laughs, slightly hysterically, and opens her eyes. “Oh?”
“You— I didn’t think— oh no,” Phineas says, burying his head in his hands.
Isabella feels her stomach swoop in a very dangerous way, but there is not way she’s going to embarrass herself further by actually throwing up. “What, do you hate the idea that much?”
“What? No!” Phineas bursts out, jerking up again. “It’s— it’s not you at all, Izzy, you’re amazing! And anyone would be so incredibly lucky to have you!”
“You do realize ‘it’s not you it’s me’ is just something people say to soften the blow, right?” Isabella says weakly, because yeah, she might have been trying to expect this, but trying to expect it and actually experiencing it are two different things.
“No, no no no, you don’t understand, it actually is me, Isabella!” Phineas says, holding up his hands as Isabella looks away and wipes his eyes. “It’s— man, I really should have told you guys before now, huh?”
Isabella looks back at him. “Told us what?”
Phineas suddenly looks very uncomfortable, and glances around like this is suddenly too public for him. Apparently it is, because after a second he turns back to Isabella. “Can we go into one of our backyards? Yours or mine, whichever is better for you?”
“Mine,” Isabella says instantly, because she’s going to have to run to her room and cry as soon as this is over, and she doesn’t want to have to leave Phineas’ house when she does that.
Phineas nods, and they cross the street to Isabella’s house, head into her backyard, and sit in deck chairs by her pool, which is empty and covered right now for the upcoming winter.
“Okay,” Phineas says, looking down. “So— I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Isabella. I just didn’t feel ready, but I didn’t realize you— I’m sorry.”
“Phineas? Could you stop apologizing and just tell me what’s going on?” Isabella asks, looking down before she starts crying.
“Right, right, sor— I mean— um. Okay. I’m aromantic.”
Isabella looks up at him. “Phineas, I know that boat tour worked for Baljeet and Mishti, but I don’t think—”
“No,” Phineas says, waving his hands. “Not ‘a romantic,’ aromantic, one word. It’s— it’s part of the queer community, but it’s pretty obscure, it means—” Phineas takes a deep breath, like he’s psyching himself up for something he’s still not quite ready to say. “I don’t get romantic feelings for anyone, Isabella,” he says. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
Isabella stares at him for a moment, trying to take that in. A million responses run through her head— how does he know that, he’s never dated anyone, she’s pretty sure he’s never even tried, how does he know that he won’t find someone someday who will change his mind, how does he know that person isn’t her— and then she realizes what she sounds like, and she puts a hand over her mouth.
“I’m sorry,” Phineas says again, who hasn’t heard any of this and must think she’s still upset about being rejected.
…Well, he’s also not wrong. Because she is.
“Don’t,” she says anyway. “Don’t apologize for that— you— I—” and then at that point she’s had too many emotions for one day, and she hunches over her knees and starts crying.
“I’m sorry!” Phineas says again, because he must not think she’s serious about not wanting him to, but Isabella’s crying a little too hard to correct him.
Phineas hangs in front of her awkwardly while she cries, not seeming to know what to do, despite having his arms out slightly like he wants to hug her.
Isabella, however, can’t really make a move in any direction, because a lifetime of fears just got confirmed, even if in a different way than she expected, and she’s pretty sure she’s not going to be moving for a while.
But she turns out to be wrong about that, because then Phineas quietly asks, “Do you want me to go?” sounding like he wants to do anything else, and Isabella lurches forward and grasps onto his hand, pulling him back towards her until they both fall back against the chair and Phineas is practically on top of her. And, well. That’s not exactly helping.
Phineas sits up quickly, but sits down next to Isabella again instead of leaving, and after a second he finally hugs her. And Isabella, despite everything, still wants him to. Because he may be the current source of her tears, but he’s also Phineas, and Phineas can give really good hugs when he’s trying to.
Finally, after what feels like way too long, Isabella stops crying, sniffs in a most definitely unattractive way, and leans back.
“Sorry,” she whispers.
“It’s okay,” Phineas says back, sounding genuinely very upset. “I— I’m sorry I—”
“Phineas Flynn, I meant it when I said don’t apologize for something you can’t help,” Isabella says, though it still comes off weaker than she wants it to.
“No,” Phineas says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Isabella says, wiping her nose. “And it’s just… really old feelings and fears.”
“You’ve felt this way for a while?” Phineas asks, sounding horrified by the prospect, though Isabella feels a little better now that she knows it’s not directed at her.
She laughs despite herself. “Phineas, I’ve had a crush on you since we were little kids,” she says.
Phineas’ eyes widen. “Oh no, Izzy, I’m so sorry.”
Isabella shakes her head. “Stop apologizing, dummy. I can’t help my feelings any more than you can.”
“Still,” Phineas says. “I’m sorry I never noticed.”
“It’s… it’s okay,” Isabella says hesitantly.
They both sit there for a couple seconds in silence. Then, Phineas looks back at her.
“But hey, you know you deserve better than me, right?”
Isabella stares at him. “What?”
“You know—”
“You better not be trying to tell me you think there’s something wrong with you.”
Phineas blinks, then laughs a little. “Oh gosh, no,” he says. “No, I mean… Izzy, I don’t want to date anyone. And yes, that includes you, but… it also means that if I did try to date you, I would be settling for you. And you deserve so much better than that.” He reaches out and takes her by the shoulders. “Because you, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, are amazing. And you deserve someone who thinks you hung the stars in the sky.”
Isabella stares back at him, feeling her cheeks heat up. “Phineas,” she almost whines. “You do realize you’re not helping matters, right?”
“Sorry,” Phineas says sheepishly, letting her go. “But it’s true. You deserve someone who can sweep you off your feet and make you feel the most alive you’ve ever been with how much they love you. And that’ll just… never be me.”
He gives her a slightly sad smile, and Isabella wonders if this realization was harder than he’s letting on.
She nods slightly. “I understand,” she says softly. She’s not going to say she’s okay, because she isn’t. And she’s going to need time to recover from all of this. But this didn’t go as bad as Phineas rejecting her because he doesn’t like her personally, and she… she can be okay with that, eventually. Especially because it’s so obvious that he does care. Just not in the way she wants.
“I do love you Izzy,” Phineas says quietly.
Isabella smiles up at him, and says “I love you too,” because saying it as a friend is easy. Because of course she can admit to loving Phineas as a friend, that’s as easy as breathing.
To Phineas, though, it apparently means something very different, because the breath rushes out of him and she recognizes a very obvious feeling of relief on his face.
Isabella pauses, startled, and then takes in Phineas more closely. He’s hunched over on himself and looks slightly weak in the way that happens when your worst fears are disproved. His face mirrors the heartbreak that Isabella feels, no romantic feelings required.
“Phineas,” Isabella says, lurching forward almost against her will and pulling Phineas to her. And then the two of them are clutching each other tightly, desperate for the assurance of the other still being there.
“I’m sorry,” Phineas says again.
Isabella shakes her head, and leans back just enough to look at him. “Thank you,” she says instead.
Phineas looks a little confused. “For what?”
Isabella smiles and shakes her head. “For you.”
Phineas takes a shaky breath. Then he pulls Isabella in for another hug, and Isabella squeezes him tightly.
“Okay,” Phineas says after a second. “Thank you too, then.”
For a long time after that, they both sit there, and Isabella is pretty sure they both feel a little broken, and she knows she is definitely still going to be crying about this some more. But she also knows at the end of the day, she’ll still have Phineas, even if it will look different than she’s always hoped.
And it’s okay if it takes her a little time to be okay with that.