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“I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don’t want a lot of judgment or criticism.” King Uther blurted as he crashed through the doors to the physician’s chambers.
“And you came to me ?” Gaius asked with his signature eyebrow, forgetting that he was talking to the king and not Merlin.
“Gaius!” Uther whined.
“Ah, right.” He replied, coming back to himself. He cleared his throat then asked, “What can I do for you, your majesty?”
The tension in Uther’s shoulders relaxed. “You’ve noticed the…connection between our boys, correct?”
What kind of question is that? Who hasn’t noticed the relationship the prince has with his manservant? Furthermore, what makes the king think that he wouldn’t notice it? The lovesick idiots spent a quarter of their time bickering in his chambers while he’s trying to brew herbal remedies. On top of that, he’s had to stop smoking cannabis altogether because Arthur is always there.
How is he supposed to run from his inner demons if he can’t smoke herbs with inebriating qualities? Geoffrey still gets to smoke his. Life is really unfair sometimes.
“As I have functional eyes and ears, yes. I have noticed.”
“Well, the pining has gotten on my nerves.”
“Join the club.”
“There’s a club?”
“It’s a figure of speech. Moving on, what did you do?”
“I may have locked the boys in one of the guest suites to hopefully push them together-”
“Uther you can’t force something like that!”
“-and I may have…misplaced the key.”
Gaius felt like he was going to spontaneously combust. Of all the deranged, meddlesome, and dimwitted plans he could have chosen, he just had to force them into captivity together. Why couldn’t he just talk to them, and maybe tease them a little like a normal person?
“You mean… my child is locked in a room with your child, and you lost the one thing that could free them?”
“To be fair, Merlin does have magic. He could probably unlock the door if he’s feeling desperate enough.”
Gaius felt his heart drop to his ass. The fact that the magic hating king knew that was slightly concerning, but a matter to be unpacked later. He had more pressing matters to deal with, namely, preventing his ward from committing regicide.
“Do they know who locked them in?” He asked, sounding far calmer than he felt.
“Of course! I’m not a complete brute!” Uther replied, sounding more offended than he had any right to be.
“If that’s the case, he won’t use his magic. So we need to find that key.”
“Oh, I see. He thinks I’ll execute him.”
“What reason does he have to think that you won’t?”
“He saves my son quite a lot. It’s why I gave him a raise. I thought he knew that I know.”
“You set a sorcerer on fire only yesterday because he enchanted his chicken to accept hugs from the children in his village. Do you see why he might feel a little uneasy?” He asked incredulously.
“No.” Uther replied simply.
How often he and Merlin have to convince each other not to murder the men of the royal family is unreal. You would think that the two men who live in a castle where everyone else tends to their needs and has access to their living quarters would maybe have enough common sense to not piss off those who can easily poison them. Honestly, they are so out of touch that it affects their self preservation skills. They really should know by now. Is there any other royal who has as many attempts made on their lives as Uther and Arthur? Probably Cenred, but Cenred is scum, so what does that say about the Pendragons?
Uther adopted a thoughtful look before bolting out into the corridor. Gaius resisted the urge to bang his head into a wall as he followed his king. By the looks of it, they were headed to the east wing of the castle, a collection of rooms that scarcely ever get used. Why did Uther think this was a good idea? In what universe is this a decent plan?
“Why did you choose here?” Gaius asked, battling his desires to both be informed and remain oblivious.
“Well, I wanted them to have privacy. And not have witnesses in case Merlin’s magic does the thing.”
“The thing?”
“He makes flora and fauna grow when he’s happy. What will his magic do when he’s in the throes of passion?”
“I do not want to know.” A smug smirk tugged at Gaius’s lips. “But if Arthur is anything like his father, the experience will only be mildly pleasurable.”
Uther was too stunned to be affronted.
“How would you know?!”
“Ygraine was a gossip.”
“I want to be angry and say that you’re wrong. But you’re not. It’s true.”
As they drew nearer to the room containing the boys, the echoes of a shouting match bounced off of the stone walls. It was unclear who started it, who was winning, or even what was being said, but anyone with ears could tell that this fight was a pretty big one. Gaius winced in sympathy for his ward.
“I now feel guilty.” Uther admitted.
“Oh, you do?” Gaius replied sarcastically.
“Yes, Merlin deserves better.” Uther sighed.
Okay, that does it. Uther is definitely not himself. Only, he can’t figure out what exactly is causing it. Mid life crisis? Hitting the bottle a bit too hard? Maybe an enchantment of some variety?
“Merlin?” Uther called through the door.
The room went very silent. Then the sound of a scuffle and two bodies hitting the floor were heard. So Merlin tripped, and then Arthur tripped over Merlin, and then they were having a wrestling match while trying to get back on their feet.
“Yes sire?” Merlin’s muffled voice called back.
“It’s okay if you use your magic to escape. I won’t execute you.”
“Will you banish me?”
“No.”
“Imprison me?”
“No. Why do you have such little faith in me?”
“You beheaded a man for stimulating his lady with magic. Orgasms don’t warrant the death sentence.”
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“Hold on!” Arthur shouted. “Merlin has magic?”
Uther raised an eyebrow then turned to the physician. “Will you please check my son for a mental affliction when we’re done here?”
“Yes, of course.” He agreed easily.
“I do not have a mental affliction!” Arthur barked in outrage.
“He literally confessed to being a sorcerer in front of the entire court!” Uther cried in astonishment.
“He uses his magic in front of you nearly every day!” Gaius added, completely bewildered by the prince’s lack of basic observation skills.
“Merlin doesn’t have magic! And he only did that because he’s in love with Gwen.”
Gaius scoffed. “Merlin is not in love with Gwen. I Can assure you of that.” Uther merely snorted his agreement.
“He might be better off if he were.” Uther muttered under his breath.
“So…I can unlock the door now?” Merlin called hesitantly.
“Yes.” Gaius and Uther replied while Arthur shouted, “Absolutely not!”
The lock clicked and the corridor went ominously still. Not even the sound of their breathing could be heard, the silence was so oppressive. Thankfully the uncomfortable sensation was over as quickly as it started. The boys stepped out of the room and were in one piece much to Gaius’s relief.
Any day that ends without regicide is a decent day.
“Merlin…has magic?” Arthur muttered to himself in disbelief.
“Oh for the love of-“ Uther practically shrieked.