Chapter Text
After getting used to the contestants of the show and forming a few new friendships, Kuanjui had realized that most of the trainees were also either gay or bisexual, and if neither, they were very supportive of the community. This sincerely overjoyed him, it meant that he wouldn’t have to hide who he was and his relationship with his dear best friend, and boyfriend, Zhang Hao.
Kuanjui happily skipped over to where Zhang Hao’s room would be, happy at just the thought of being able to be next to the older without any judgement from their co-trainees.
“Hao-ah~”
He pushed the door open in hopes of seeing Zhang Hao resting on his bed, however, what he finds instead is a Matthew and a Hanbin pulling away from each other from shock, both with equally swollen lips and matching blushes.
“Um..sorry for interrupting..” Kuanjui quietly apologizes. He turns around to leave but is stopped by Zhang Hao, who was about to return to his own room.
The older one immediately smiles at the sight of his boyfriend, “Jui! I was just looking for you!” he said, grabbing Kuanjui’s wrist to lead him inside his room. “W-Wait! I think we should just-”
Alas, Kuanjui’s attempts of leading Zhang Hao away from his room were fruitless. The other paused when he saw his two younger friends staring at them. He blinks once, twice, and then gasps, dropping Kuanjui’s wrist in favor of covering his mouth with both of his hands.
“What are you two doing?!” he shrieks, making Kuanjui hurry to the still opened door and closes it. He locks it, just so no one walks into the awkward scene that is about to unfold in the room.
“I guess there’s no use in hiding..” Hanbin chuckles nervously, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. The action makes Kuanjui think of Ricky, he’s very fond of that boy.
“Matthew and I are dating, we have been together for some time now.” he confesses, flashing the aforementioned boy a small smile before returning his gaze to Kuanjui and Zhang Hao.
The shock on Zhang Hao’s face disappears and turns to pure joy. “I was right! I thought my gaydar was just wonky but turns out, I was right! See, Jui? I told you so!”
Kuanjui laughs, shaking his head towards Zhang Hao before sliding his hand to grasp the other’s hand. “Hao and I are also dating. It’s a bit irrelevant but I think you’d be pleased to know that you aren’t the only ones that are, as society says, different.” says Kuanjui.
Zhang Hao‘a shock returns, he frantically looks at their intertwined hands, to Hanbin and Matthew, then to Kuanjui. He stares at his lover for a good five seconds before turning red as a tomato.
Noticing this, Matthew laughs. “Hyung is blushing!” he points and laughs even harder. His laughter being contagious, Hanbin joins along.
“Seriously though,” Hanbin starts once his and Matthew’s laughter have somewhat died down, “Thanks for that. You’re right Jui-hyung, it’s good to know that there’s another couple like Seokmae and I.”
After their encounter, Kuanjui proclaims that the four of them are now best friends and should protect each other at all costs. It doesn’t take much effort to get the other three to join his lone hand in the middle of the group as a sign of their newly formed friendship.
Kuanjui thought that letting Hanbin and Matthew know about his relationship with Zhang Hao was a good idea.
At first, it was.
Now, it isn’t.
Somehow, Zhang Hao and Hanbin have gotten closer than ever. Always seen together, feeding each other, giving each other power hugs, playing and chatting together.
Kuanjui didn’t think much of it at first, until he had overheard some trainees while he was on his way to the restroom during their lunch break.
“Do you think Zhang Hao-nim and Hanbin-nim are dating?”
“They could be. They act like a couple 24/7!”
“That’s kind of a big risk to be taking while we’re on a survival show though.”
“They probably think they’re being subtle.”
One trainee laughs, “Which they aren’t.” With that statement, the other trainees burst out laughing and continue talking about the duo, particularly about how cute they are together.
Kuanjui thinks he has heard enough and fastened his pace to use the restroom and splash his face with water in hopes of forgetting everything he just heard.
(Spoiler Alert: He doesn’t.)
Once he enters the cafeteria, his eyes immediately scan the venue, looking for Zhang Hao. Before he could even spot him, a hand slaps his back lightly and his view is blocked by Matthew, who is smiling way too brightly for someone who proclaimed to be tired from their practice, he knows because he is in the same group as the younger boy and was the unfortunate one who Matthew went to whine about how tired he was.
“Hyung! Let’s sit together!” the younger says and who was he to refuse the offer of his sweet dongsaeng?
Kuanjui allows Matthew to gently pull him by the wrist to line up to get their food as the younger talks about how excited and nervous he is for their performance. Kuanjui does his best to comfort Matthew and tells him that he is sure that he will do well once they perform in the following week.
“Thanks hyung!” Matthew thanks him with a bright smile once they’ve picked up their food. Kuanjui smiles back at him as they head over to an empty table when he hears their names being called out by a familiar voice.
“Jui-hyung! Matthew! Sit with us!” Hanbin yells, waving his hands like a maniac from the other side of the room with an embarrassed Hao right next to him. The duo laughs at them and make their way to the eldest.
“There you guys are! Hao-hyung and I were looking for you guys earlier!” Hanbin exclaims as he pats the space next to him for Matthew while Kuanjui settles for the empty space next to Hao.
“Hey babe.” Hao greets quietly with a small smile on his face. Kuanjui stares back in shock as he hears the word babe . Zhang Hao had never been one for public display of affection. Admittedly, it was said quietly but, the older had never called him like that with other people surrounding them.
“H-Hey..” he responds dumbly, he mentally smacks himself for stuttering so stupidly. He sees Hao’s smile grow bigger and turn stupidly affectionate before turning to Hanbin who were asking them how they were holding up with practice.
Kuanjui doesn’t even register what Hao answered to the younger’s question, his head only full of the word babe echoing in his mind.
Kuanjui was exhausted to say the least. Their second mission was basically shoved down their throat right after the announcement of their first mission results, which were good, amazing even, though he was disappointed in himself that he didn’t do well enough for his team and him to perform on MCountdown.
Returning to the second mission, ever since they had gotten back from their week long break, he and his team had been practicing nonstop, determined to nag first place for their category.
“Okay, let’s take ten and come back here afterwards to practice vocals. Junseo-ah, you’re doing really well, you’re worrying over nothing.” he tells the younger. Junseo beams up at him and thanks him. Kuanjui ushers Cong and Brian out of the practice room, telling them to take a proper break for themselves.
He sighs heavily, he thinks that being a leader is hard and the burden weighs heavily over his shoulders but, he refuses to think about it further. If he continues thinking, he’ll start to spiral, and that cannot happen.
What he does, instead, is make his way to the Tomboy and Man in Love practice room so he can at least gain some energy from his beloved boyfriend.
Oh, he was most definitely wrong.
When he arrives in front of the practice room, he notices the lack of music and noise, he assumes that both teams are taking a break. He opens the door slightly, enough for it to not make any noise and just enough for him to poke his head through the crack to take a peek on who is inside.
His heart drops when he sees Zhang Hao laying his head down on Hanbin’s shoulder. He sees Hanbin smile and play with Hao’s hair which makes him turn back and accidentally slam the door shut but he doesn’t pay any attention to it as he makes a run for the restrooms.
As he bolts inside the restroom, he locks the door behind him and makes his way towards the sink, staring at himself in the mirror.
He’s being childish, he knows. Zhang Hao would never cheat, nor would Hanbin cheat on Matthew. This show was just making him go insane, yeah. He shakes his head and turns on the sink to splash himself with water on the face.
“Get your shit together.” he mutters to himself in his native language. He stares at himself for a few more seconds before sighing deeply, maybe hanging out with other people will get his mind off this.
He leaves the restroom and makes a beeline towards the Love Killa and Home practice room. He’s close with Matthew, he’s also gotten close with Seowon because of how much the other visits their practice room for Woongki.
He opens the door and is immediately greeted by Matthew who notices his presence first. He smiles at the younger and moves to him to engulf him in a tight hug. Luckily for him, Matthew’s team seemed to be on a break.
“Hyung! What brings you here?” Matthew asks as they pull away from one another but still holding hands, his smile never leaving his face even if it doesn’t reach his eyes. He mentally notes that he will ask the younger about it later.
Kuanjui shrugs, “Just needed a hug from someone and you give the best hugs.” Matthew laughs at that and pulls his hyung in for another hug. “Don’t worry, hyung! I’ll give you all the hugs you need!” The older laughs and just lets himself melt in the embrace of his lovely friend, forgetting about his Zhang Hao problems.
The day ends in a flash, he was almost late to their practice because he got caught up with his Matthew hugs but that’s okay. He makes his way towards the room, not even bothering to go eat dinner, all he wants is to sleep .
He drops down onto his bed and almost falls asleep, if it weren’t for someone entering the room, rather loudly, and he knows that it isn’t Junseo because he let the younger know that he was going to be sleeping early today.
“Jui?” Great . The last person he wanted to interact with today. He doesn’t respond, opting to pretend to be asleep so Hao wouldn’t disturb him but the older is also stubborn. Hao makes his way over to the bed and shakes his boyfriend gently, “Wake up, Jui-ah.. You haven’t eaten dinner yet.”
Even if Hao was stubborn, Kuanjui is just as stubborn as his boyfriend. He continues pretending to sleep, absolutely refusing to go eat dinner with him. Again, he knows he’s being childish, but he can’t help it when all the fans talk about are Haobin and that the two are very much into their fanservice.
Despite his prayers, Zhang Hao refuses to give up, “Wake uuuppp!”
Kuanjui makes a noise of annoyance and swats Hao’s hands away, “Leave me alone.” he quietly mumbles. The other huffs, “No, not until you get up and eat dinner!”
“Go away.” he stubbornly says. “No.” Hao replies. Okay, he’s had enough. He groans and sits up then glares at his boyfriend, “I said go away.” Despite him being obviously irritated with this whole ordeal, Hao shakes his head.
“No, get up.” Zhang Hao says, crossing his arms. Kuanjui can’t help but roll his eyes at the other, “No. I’m not in the mood for this.” he firmly says. He goes back to lie down and turns away from Hao, completely missing the slight hurt and shock on the older’s face. He finally takes the hint and quietly leaves the room, finally letting Kuanjui sleep in peace.
His sleep is disturbed only a few minutes later, this time, by Matthew. The younger quietly enters the room and sits down on Kuanjui’s bed. Despite being slightly hesitant, he gently taps Kuanjui’s shoulders and calls out for his name. The older stirs awake, turning around to see who is waking him up this time. When his vision is no longer blurry, he sees Matthew and softly smiles.
Seeing his hyung smile, he feels more at ease. “Hyung, you should eat. I heard from, uh.. Junseo, that you haven’t eaten yet. I even saved you some food and it’s at the cafeteria right now with my own food.”
Kuanjui sighs, “I’m not hungry though..” Matthew frowns and then pouts, “If you don’t eat, then I’m not eating!” The older chuckles and shakes his head, knowing that he’s been defeated. He would never allow his dongsaengs to go hungry.
His love for his dongsaengs is how he finds himself on his way to the cafeteria to eat with Matthew. “Wait, is anyone else sitting with us?” he asks, not wanting to sit with Zhang Hao and Hanbin.
“Hao-hyung and Hanbin-hyung are there!” Matthew answers with a smile. His smile turns into a frown when he notices Kuanjui freeze up. “Hyung, is something wrong?”
“N-Nothing..” he mumbles and continues walking. Confused, Matthew follows him and eventually leads him towards the table where Hao and Hanbin are seated. “Hey, I’ll just get some water, I’ll meet you at the table.” Kuanjui says, already walking towards the water station.
He shakily grabs a glass and fills it up with water. He takes a deep breath before turning around, squeaking when he sees Woongki and Seowon smiling at him.
“Hi hyung! You’re a bit late to dinner! Good thing Matthew asked us to get you something while he picked you up at your room.” Woongki says and Seowon nods in agreement. Kuanjui awkwardly chuckles and takes a glance towards the table where he can see Matthew, Hanbin and Hao chatting away.
“Hey uhm, no questions asked but can you pretend to steal me away from my table after a few minutes?” he asks the duo. Seowon makes a confused noise but Woongki eagerly nods, “Sure! We have so many things we need to talk about anyways! I gotchu, hyung!”
Kuanjui thanks them and makes his way towards Matthew and the rest, the only seat available being the one next to Zhang Hao and he prays so hard that Woongki and Seowon will come get him now .
He sits down and quietly greets the trio and proceeds to eat his food, not bothering to look at anyone. “How was practice, Jui-hyung?” Hanbin, ever the angel, asks. He shrugs, “It was okay, Junseo is really doing well and the others are just as good.”
He notices Zhang Hao opening his mouth to say something but is quickly cut off by Woongki’s shriek from another table. Their heads snap towards the younger and they see Woongki rushing over to their table, Kuanjui silently thanks him and prays that the relief isn’t obvious on his face.
“Hyung! You need to come with me now . This is something you absolutely cannot miss! Sorry hyungs, but I need to steal Jui-hyung away from you guys! Come on, bring your food!” Woongki almost screams at him. Kuanjui shoots the trio an apologetic look and grabs his food, letting Woongki lead him towards his own table where Seowon and Haruto are at.
“Thanks, Woongki. You were really convincing back there.” Kuanjui says, chuckling lightly. He takes the seat next to Haruto, who greets him happily.
Woongki giggles and smiles, “No problem, hyung!” he says before sharing mischievous looks with Seowon and Haruto. “Sooo, hyung~” Haruto starts off. Kuanjui had a bad feeling about this.
“Why are you avoiding your table?” Seowon quietly asks, making Kuanjui groan loudly and smacking his head on the table. “It’s nothing.” he answers, voice slightly muffled.
“Oh come on~ It can’t be just nothing ! We want the tea, spill it!” Haruto declares, pulling Kuanjui up, making the older sit properly.
“Oh oh! Is this about your undying crush for Zhang Hao?” Woongki asks, grinning. Kuanjui looks at him confused, “Do you not know that he is quite literally my boyfriend for a good 3 years?” The entire table shrieks and gasps, screaming out “What?!” at the same time.
Kuanjui sighs and ends up explaining his entire relationship with Hao, leaving out exactly why he was avoiding the older.
“I missed an entire season , and I’m the Cha Woongki! Master of holding all the juiciest things about every trainee here!” Woongki exclaims, swinging his arms in a dramatic way to express how he feels. Haruto laughs at him but Seowon shakes his head, “Okay, but none of that answers why you’re avoiding him.” the older says, making Woongki and Haruto stop and nod in agreement.
Kuanjui groans, “Ugh, it’s childish. It’s really nothing.” he mumbles, “It’s stupid.” he adds, chuckling bitterly. The other three frown and reassure Kuanjui that whatever he is feeling right now is completely valid but, no matter what they say, the dancer can’t seem to shake off the feeling that he’s being stupid, an idiot, pathetic.
“Maybe we can give you some insight if you want to tell us. It’s clearly bothering you and bottling up feelings inside isn’t always a good thing, you’re basically asking for a death wish!” Woongki suggests, his tone is serious but also slightly playful.
The dancer sighs deeply before deciding fuck it . “I guess I’m just jealous. You know how fans are, when they see these two trainees become close and touchy with each other, they ship them and it’s all they will ever talk about. Fans these days have been talking nonstop about Hanbin and Hao, which is good for them since it brings attention to them and also votes and I would be happy if they got to debut but, it isn’t good for me. Those two are practically inseparable these days, clinging onto each other, always cuddling, whispering to each other, and I guess I just.. miss my own boyfriend.” Kuanjui finally admits, not noticing the tears flowing down his cheeks. He wetly laughs when Haruto wipes away some of his tears, “Sometimes I feel like he forgot that he has a boyfriend. Fuck, sometimes it feels like I don’t have a boyfriend because said boyfriend is always with someone else.”
Kuanjui doesn’t know why he’s crying, can’t stop crying, all he knows is that he needs to force himself to stop and wipe his tears away before anyone else notices his pathetic tears.
He aggressively wipes his tears away and rubs his eyes, slapping his cheeks lightly as if a little ritual to get himself together. When the water has dried up and he can see better now, he sees the matching concerned expressions on the trio’s faces. “You don’t have to pity me or whatever, I told you that I was being stupid.” he says, chuckling before returning to his food. He should at least finish it since Matthew had gone through the trouble to get him to actually eat.
After a few moments of silence, Haruto hums and rubs Kuanjui’s back. “I think your feelings are extremely valid, hyung. I think it’s normal to be jealous when your own boyfriend is no longer paying attention to you. I suggest that you try talking to him and explain how you feel, I’m sure Hao-hyung won’t judge you.” the younger says.
Kuanjui shakes his head, “No, I don’t want to be that jealous and possessive boyfriend, I never want to be that type of boyfriend. I know that they’re just friends, I’m just overthinking things.” he replies. Seowon’s frown grows deeper, “Jui-ah, if you don’t talk it out, wouldn’t you just get hurt in the process? This is affecting you so much to the point that you’re literally crying . What more if you prolong this?” Woongki nods in agreement to Seowon’s statement.
“I promise you guys, I’ll be fine. This will all blow over and I’ll get over this.” he says, dismissing all their worries.
“Are you 100% sure about that?” Woongki asks, as if challenging the older. Kuanjui hesitates for a split second before answering, “Positive.”
He lied.