Chapter Text
In the pearly, white-framed mirror, you try to find you.
It’s been minutes. Your sister and mother had briefly been in, then out, and in a few more one of them will come looking for you, surely.
Your dad is waiting somewhere outside the room, in preparation for you to link your arm with his, so he can march you down the aisle.
And your fiance will be at the altar, anticipating the moment you take his hand, and dive into such a mystery you have been awaiting all your life.
But.
…
Your mind isn’t here. You aren’t thinking about them.
You try to weigh in on the severity, the importance of the situation, of what you’re doing if you even pause to consider a different choice. If you back out now. If you turn your back, what will they do? If you don’t show up, and they can’t find you, what then?
More than anything, in this moment… You’re trying to find you.
And you don’t see you.
Staring into the gaze of your own reflection, you can’t recognize the person. It’s like looking in a mirror only to find a blank space, and a ghost on the other side. A poor imitation. The frilly, extravagant dress somehow adds to that sense of not-you, like it’s a vision, or a dream, or a nightmare.
You find it hard to believe it’s you.
Your hair is done in a swept up bun, clearing every individual strand of hair from your face.
It’s not you.
The shade of Matte on your lips is one you don’t remember putting on yourself.
It’s not you.
Your eyes are distant. And cold. And lifeless. And lightless.
. . .
You find something, in your own face looking back at you.
You find that yourself is gone.
Because you are far, far away from here.
.
.
.
It began a lifetime ago. So it seems to you.
Your summer classes had ended for… Well, the summer. You’d had a bit of a break between fall and when the next ones started back up again, and since your classes had forced you inside for a good chunk of time, you’d wanted to make do with what time you had off. You remembered going to the local park with your family when you were younger—it brought a lot of nostalgia for you. So you decided to switch up your usual routine with daily trail walks and visits there.
...You also might have been influenced by the idea you’d meet someone there. Monsters, specifically. A month prior the news reported the infamous event of them escaping the Underground, much to the shock of every human Above. Surprisingly, they integrated rather well, fitting in on the Surface with little to no issue—and while there was the occasional distrustful protest, or old-fashioned extremist pleading indulgently for a second needless war, it was almost like nothing had really changed at all.
You’d never had the chance to genuinely talk to one of them, though. You would wave to them in passing when you could, and exchanged greetings, but you were always too busy to introduce yourself further than that. The same applied to everyone you passed by in your usual day-to-day; you didn’t have many friends for this exact reason. You needed to focus on your studies, your mother encouraged, be more mindful of the future.
But, for just a little while, you wanted to experience the here and now.
After a week of starting up your park-walking routine, you’d spotted them on the side of the trail next to the park’s main pond; a small group of monsters having a picnic. …Well, and one young human. They looked fairly young. A bit familiar.
It’d taken you a lot longer than you’re willing to admit to realize it was the Savior of Monsters themself.
Speaking of monsters…
You recognized a few of them, too. The most directly shocking being the former queen (though, you’d heard on the news she’d adopted the child shortly after the emancipation, so maybe not all that shocking); the second most directly shocking being the former Captain of the Royal Guard.
The anxiety stirring inside your chest was palpable then, you think.
Still! You played it cool when you passed by their picnic. It was none of your business. Other than a slight smile naturally on your face, you gave no indication you were being creepy at all and kept walking. Trying extra hard to not pay attention to one of the monsters, a short and stout skeleton(? How did that work what), whom had doused a ham sandwich in an entire bottle of ketchup. (Was he going to eat that…?)
It occurred to you that maybe you should have said hi, at least, to not seem as so out-of-place, when one of the other monsters met your gaze directly. Another skeleton monster. When you realized you’d incidentally made eye-contact with him, you gave a quick stuttering wave, waves of embarrassment bogging through you and heating up your cheeks just a bit. Your throat clamped up, like it usually did when faced with oncoming social interaction, but that time it felt… Different. You’d regretted it with each step that took you further away up the path.
You definitely should have said hi.
You went home feeling oddly… Empty? Like you’d forgotten something, or missed something, somehow. But that didn’t make any sense; the only thing you’d brought on your walk was a travel thermos of water, and you didn’t have pockets to put it in or any kind of bag, so it stayed in your hand in plain sight! …In other words, it came perfectly home with you, safe and sound.
So if it wasn’t that…
. . .
Oh. It… Still must be the fact you hadn’t said anything. You really should have said hello to him, rather than just stare vacantly at the picnic and give the skeleton a meager shake of your hand.
He had even smiled at you! Why did you have to clam up so badly?
Why do you always…
Your mom always said you made things more complicated than they were, and you’re beginning to think she’s right. At the time you considered her prior words too. Maybe you were being overdramatic.
…
For a few days, you had to skip your parkly walks because of the following rain that week. Unpredictable June weather was lovely like that. But!! Thankfully, it cleared up by Friday, so on Saturday morning you were able to return. You half-wondered if the monsters would be there again. You wondered if that skeleton who’d smiled at you would be there. You almost Hoped…
How pathetic were you, that you were so desperate for friends you’d go looking for them on an off-chance they might visit the same spot they’d been once before?
…
That isn’t why you returned, you reminded yourself. You like nature. You like walking. You like that park.
(All of that is true, but even you know…)
You returned.
You returned in a summer-colored sundress you wouldn’t normally have worn otherwise (you weren't one for dresses, you thought they looked silly on you, somehow), and you’d for once neatly combed your hair to get every little snag and knot out (something you were rather lazy to do, usually). Even then you felt messy. And odd. But you Hoped.
You purposely returned to the direct route you’d taken last time.
And even in the midst of all your Hoping, you were all but surprised to see him there again. He was alone that time—as if he was looking for you, too.
From further up the path, before you’d even reached him and as he stood next to the pond, he called out to you. “WAIT—!”
Your whole body froze, as though every limb on you had instantly turned to lead, and you had to halt yourself in order not to stumble.
Did he know you? Was that why you were so drawn to him?
But that didn’t make any sense, you’d remember meeting him, you were sure of it…
Staring at him from yards away, you spoke up quietly, yet somehow loud enough to hear.
“Um. Do I… Know you?” you said, weak, shaky, and confused, and nervous all at once but you weren’t sure where any of it was coming from other than how you normally faced people. It felt more than that.
The skeleton beamed before that trail of thoughts could go anywhere else, thankfully. “YOU DO NOW!!” he exclaimed brightly. Seeming much, much more confident than you were feeling, in that moment.
A weird feeling stirred your chest. (Your Soul, maybe…?)
“ERR,” he piped up again, quicker, almost hasty, “M-MY NAME’S PAPYRUS!”
It was like… His enthusiasm was infectious. Like it had rubbed off on you.
So, you smiled back for him, if shyly.
“Oh. Um…” Wait what was your name again “I’m (Y/n),” you blurted, cringing inwardly at yourself. (You prayed he didn’t think too badly of you just yet.) Remembering your manners, then, you stammered, “I-it’s… Nice to meet you.”
In the silence, Papyrus had been fidgeting with his scarf—something about the fact he was wearing one in the middle of summer made your smile just a bit more genuine—and perked up when you spoke again. Was he nervous? you distantly wondered. You weren’t exactly the intimidating type, so probably not. (Maybe he just didn’t want to be there…)
“IT’S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO, HUMAN (Y/N)!!!”
His eyesockets shone. Even his grin was infectious, you realized.
You weren’t sure why, but in a spur of the moment you asked him if he wanted to join you on your walk. You weren’t sure why but you weren’t sure you wanted to part ways with him just yet. And, everything considered…
He said yes.
He told you more about himself, rambling more than he had even before—something you wish you knew how to do without abandon. He indirectly introduced his brother, Sans, to you, complaining about his messy habits and nighttime naps. You let him talk, not one for… Talking.
“So that was the weird ketchup guy I saw last time,” you thought aloud with a tiny giggle; but you realized your mistake immediately. “U-um, I don’t, I don’t mean that in a bad way or anything, I was just…!”
But, Papyrus let out an abrupt, free snicker. “NYEH HEH HEH, THAT’S ONE TO DESCRIBE HIM, CERTAINLY!!”
Your smile returned, just a bit—and you decided to chance it, adding, “Sounds like he’d get along with my sister, then.”
“REALLY?” he laughed. “HOW SO??”
From there you went on a mini tirade about your own sister, about her goofball, carefree attitude despite her being older than you by three years. She lived with her partner in a house that was nowhere near your dorm but still somehow managed to find the time to stop by without warning, sometimes dropping off lunch for you or some snacks when your mom couldn’t. (Which happened more and more often, those days.)
He didn’t seem to mind it.
He never seemed to mind you.
And whenever you did speak, it… Seemed like he put his full attention on you. Like he held onto every word you said, no matter how small, or insignificant.
…He was probably just being nice.
When you inevitably had to leave the park, and leave him, he suggested the two of you exchange numbers—only to backtrack immediately after, skull bursting into a pink-orange that reminded you of sunsets. “OH— OF COURSE, THAT’S!!! ONLY IF!! YOU’D REALLY WANT TO!” Before you can ask whatever for, he pointedly literally backtracks, stepping away from you. “BE FRIENDS, I-I MEAN!!I DIDN’T EVEN ASK IF— IT’S, REALLY UP TO YOU!!!”
He looked like he wanted to say more, but his jaw shut with a quiet clack.
“No, no, I would love to be your friend! If, you want to be,” you added in a mumble, your own voice making you uncertain, now—but Papyrus nodded assuredly.
“YES, OF COURSE!! THERE’S SO MUCH MORE I HAVE TO TELL YOU!!! OH!” he gasped. “I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO TALKING ABOUT UNDYNE!!! I BET SHE’D LOVE YOU!!”
Did he mean— “C-Captain Undyne?” you squeaked out in disbelief.
“WELL, YES, BUT SHE DOESN’T USE THAT TITLE ANYMORE!!”
That! Didn’t help!! But, if he was sure…
“I BET ALL OF THEM WOULD LOVE YOU, IN FACT!!” Papyrus chimed, so, so confident, somehow. And yet, he hardly knew you.
(How could he trust in that so, so easily?)
Your cheeks and ears burned. You just chuckled shakily.
“Y-yeah, umm. Maybe.”
He had enough faith in the idea that, sure enough; some part of you wanted to believe it too.
. . .
His belief in things, was something about him that could never, ever be shaken, you would find.
That’s something you had always admired, about him.
And he believed in so many things.
You were never one to believe so easily. Never the type to give things, to give people too much trust. Ones that hurt to trust. And even ones that didn’t. Ones that deserved it.
That wasn’t you.
…But he believed in you.
When the two of you parted ways, for then anyhow, you gave him a small, shy wave, and he mirrored you with a wave of his own. You mumbled a goodbye on your breath. Papyrus said a more cheery farewell.
“…OH WAIT!! WOWIE, I NEARLY FORGOT!” Without further warning he handed out his phone to you.
You stood, frozen again, staring dubiously. You didn’t realize what you were meant to do until his eyesockets shifted slightly, sweat starting to bead above his forehead and looking like he was about to explain it himself (and maybe backtrack again by the look of it and call the whole thing off)—only then did you jolt.
“Oh—” Blushing furiously you quickly added yourself in as a contact. Gods, were you out of sorts that day.
After that, now that you knew what you were doing you were more than happy to hand your phone over to him so he could add himself to your own contacts (Had he offered his first specifically to make you more comfortable? So you could decide whether to actually go through with it or not?) and when he was done and had given it back, he looked at you once more. A somewhat softer smile spread across his face.
“I’M, UM… REALLY GLAD THAT I GOT TO MEET YOU!! AND,” he cleared his throat (What?), “I REALLY LIKE YOUR DRESS!! AS WELL!!! IT’S VERY NICE!!!!”
You laughed a bit, twirling the fabric of your dress in your hands rather sheepishly at the compliment. “U-um, thanks. I-I like your scarf.”
You weren’t sure in all that you’d seen that day that his smile could get any brighter. And yet, he managed it.
Papyrus beamed.
He really did remind you of the sun.
“THANK YOU!!!!!” he said, warm and bright and sweet and light.
And you had worn that dress more often after that.