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Something, Somehow

Summary:

Atsushi doesn't meet Dazai by the river, and he doesn't join the agency. He saves himself from starving and figures out how to live, but he still ends up involved with both the Port Mafia and the ADA. Also, it's silly.

 

Based on a Tumblr post. There's a grocery store frequented only by ADA and Port Mafia members. And now Atsushi.

Notes:

This is based on a Tumblr post!
https://www.tumblr.com/inamagicalhallucination/722945029783666688/karmicpunishment-au-where-atsushi-never-joins-the?source=share
All credit for the concept goes to @Worldless_Writer

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Atsushi didn’t have much. He had been kicked out of the orphanage without any money or belongings—nothing but the clothes on his back. For a while, he wandered, looking for a job. Of course, no one had been particularly inclined to hire a kid who was clearly living on the streets with old, destroyed clothes and not a thing to his name.

He was in Yokohama when desperation truly hit. He could either give up and starve, or rob someone. So, he did what he needed to do. They had seemed pretty well off, he got enough from them to buy a set of decent clothes, a blanket, and some food. 

That same day he found a cafe with a hiring sign and applied. All he had to do was talk to the barista, a kind man who owned the cafe with his wife. He’d never gotten as far as an interview before, but it didn’t seem so hard once he calmed down a bit. The man said he seemed hardworking and kind and asked him when he could start. He was there bright and early the next morning. 

There was a small space, it could barely be considered an alleyway, between two buildings near the cafe. For a while, Atsushi slept there. He had been forced to spend the night in much worse conditions at the orphanage, so he convinced himself it wasn’t too bad. He had yet to see police patrolling this area at any time, so he wasn’t too worried about them finding him, but, strangely, there didn’t seem to be much crime in the immediate area either. He didn’t know why, Yokohama was not a peaceful city, but he didn’t question his good fortune. 

The cafe was on the first floor of a building with several levels rented to different businesses. Many of their regulars were people who worked on other floors. He served some interesting people and learned he enjoyed people-watching. There was the bandaged guy who constantly flirted with the waitress (Atsushi had asked her once if she wanted him to take his table when he came in, but she just laughed and waved him off). He often came in with a tall man with long blonde hair and glasses. Every few minutes there would be yelling coming from their booth, and he had seen the blonde guy seemingly trying to kill the other. He was assured by his coworkers it was fine and to just leave them to it and happily complied. There were others sometimes with them, siblings who didn’t act like siblings, a young man with a strange cap and a loud laugh, a woman with a butterfly clip in her hair that the others seemed to listen to, and a boy, younger than Atsushi, wearing overalls. He didn’t talk to customers very much beyond taking their orders, and everyone else who worked at the cafe seemed used to any disruptions they caused. 

He worked as much as his employers would let him. It was just him, the barista who interviewed him, the waitress, and sometimes the barista’s wife who came in to help, so he was allowed to work full-time and then some. He was able to get by mainly on the products they let him take home for free at the end of the day. The food wasn’t fresh enough to sell, so they offered it to him as opposed to throwing it away. He took whatever he could get, and he was incredibly grateful. It allowed him to save up rather fast since he wasn’t spending anything, and before too long he found an apartment to rent. He paid very little for it, and he got what he paid for, but he was happy. 

 

 

Eventually, Atsushi was established enough that he could begin spending some money on groceries, so he wouldn’t have to rely entirely on the bakery items he was always sent home with. There was a small grocery store between his apartment and the cafe, he passed by it twice a day to and from work and was excited to actually go inside. 

On his way home he stopped by. It was funny, how big this felt. He’d never been in a grocery store before. He had spent so long in the orphanage, barely ever conceiving of a life outside of there, a life where he wasn’t a failure, and when they kicked him out he was so scared he would die out here. But here he was, he had a job, a home, and he could just go out and buy groceries. It was more than he’d ever dared to hope for. 

There was a bell at the top of the door, it sang a sweet tune as he entered. There was a single cashier at the register, she looked surprised to see him. It must have been a slow day. He wasn’t sure what the protocol was for entering a grocery store. Was he supposed to greet her? She didn’t say anything, so he just smiled at her, grabbed one of the baskets by the door, and went down the produce aisle. 

There was someone else further into the aisle, by the greens. He held a basket to his hip as he examined some leafy vegetable Atsushi didn’t know the name of. His outfit looked so fancy, complete with a flashy hat, and suddenly Atsushi wondered if this store was too expensive for him. He stared intensely at the display of apples. He didn’t know how much groceries were supposed to cost, what if these were the highest quality super expensive groceries? He couldn’t afford that! Maybe he needed to do some research somehow and come back. Atsushi stepped back from the apples without thinking and bumped into someone.

He whirled around just as the man with the fancy hat spoke, “Oh, my bad—”

Atsushi spoke over him before he had time to think, “No! No, I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going! I just- I was focused on the apples and, uh…” He didn’t know why he was talking about the apples.

The man gave him a look, Atsushi was probably freaking him out. He didn’t know how to fix this interaction. Maybe he would just never come back and never talk to anyone ever again.

“It’s not a problem. What’re you making?” 

Atsushi blinked at him. The man stared back. 

“With the apples.”

Oh. The apples.

“I, uh… I don’t know. I mean, I’m trying to figure out what would be good to have on hand.” That sounded normal, right? He was 18 and looked it, it was a little embarrassing but understandable he wouldn’t be used to living on his own at this age. 

The man shrugged, “Apples are good if you like ‘em. If you eat them fast enough you could get a pack like over there,” the man pointed to the side where bundles of apples lay. “You get more for less that way.” 

“Right, thank you!” Atsushi couldn’t even be upset it was that obvious he needed help with something so simple, he was just glad for the advice. “If you don’t mind me asking, how’s the pricing here…?” He trailed off. What a weird question to ask a stranger. 

Luckily, the man in the hat didn’t seem to mind. “Eh, it’s not bad. Not the cheapest ever but you can get much more expensive. The produce especially is good for the price.”

“Ah, thank you.” 

The man looked at him for a moment. “I guess that explains why I haven’t seen you here before. It’s not a big store.” 

“Oh! Yes, I sort of moved nearby recently.”

“Well, not to scare you, but be careful. This city isn’t the safest. This area especially tends to have a lot of mafia activity. You wouldn’t want to get mixed up in anything.” 

Atsushi could feel his eyes widening. “Mafia?!” 

The man smirked. Atsushi didn’t understand why. “Yeah, scary stuff. Just don’t be stupid, you’ll be fine.” 

Then, he walked out of the aisle. Atsushi quickly pulled himself together, grabbed a pack of apples, and focused back on his shopping. What a kind man! He had been so helpful, even though he freaked him out at the end there, it was good to have a warning.

He finished his shopping quickly, now that he wasn’t panicking and wasn’t too worried about prices. He had to buy a number of staples in addition to things that were for specific uses in the next few days, so it added up quickly. He was prepared for this though, he knew it would make a dent in his budget. 

Atsushi’s groceries were in two very full very heavy paper bags. He had to hold them from the bottom to be sure they wouldn’t break. He took a while struggling to adjust them so he could carry them back easiest and had just made it out the door when the man from before exited too. He was too focused on the bags to even look up until the man was right beside him and reaching for the bags. The moment his gloved hand connected with them Atsushi nearly dropped them in surprise. Suddenly, the bags were practically weightless! His jaw dropped. 

He looked over and saw the man with the hat had two reusable bags. He held the handles on them both in one hand, but it was clear they were essentially floating, the handles weren’t even taut. 

The man grinned at him. “You ever meet an ability user before?” 

“Wha— No, I haven’t.” He forced himself to close his mouth. Staring was rude. “That’s how you did that?” 

“Yeah. Gravity manipulation.” 

“Woah! That’s so cool!” Atsushi couldn’t help his excitement. “It must be so useful!” 

“‘Suppose so. Which way you headed?” Atsushi pointed in the direction of his apartment. “Okay let’s go.” He started walking off, nearly leaving Atsushi behind. 

“Oh, you’re going in the same direction?” 

The man glanced back at him. “Sure.” 

They walked a minute in silence before Atsushi remembered himself. “Oh! By the way, I’m Atsushi Nakajima.” 

“Chuuya.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Chuuya!” 

“Likewise.”

The walk passed by with several moments of silence wherein Atsushi told himself not to say anything stupid, followed by several minutes during which Atsushi thanked him profusely and said whatever he could think of to start a conversation. By the time they got to Atsushi’s apartment, he’d told Chuuya that he works at a cafe and learned that Chuuya likes wine and planned on making a salmon dish tonight. 

“That’s my building. Thanks so much for all your help!” 

“You want help getting the bags in?” He was so nice! 

“No, no, getting them ins no problem. The walk would’ve been difficult without your help though. Thank you!” Atsushi was embarrassed enough that this fancy guy was seeing his run-down apartment building, seeing his actual room would be mortifying.

“No problem. Be safe, kid.” The bags slowly regained their weight in his arms, and Chuuya turned to leave, walking back the way they came. 

“I will!”



 

Chuuya wasn’t there the next time Atsushi stopped at the grocery store, but someone else was. 

Atsushi was loading up his basket with cheap instant ramen. He was able to eat better now sometimes, but fresh food was so much more expensive, and he had quickly learned most of the appliances at his apartment were questionable at best. He wouldn’t try using the oven again for a while. Having the ramen on hand was so much cheaper and easier. Cooking was something he’d learn later when he had a nicer apartment. It was wonderful, being able to think like that; of a better future he could and would have. He didn’t mind waiting. He was content for now. 

So, somewhat embarrassingly, his basket was not the most nutritious when he ran into someone he recognized. The blonde man with glasses who frequented the cafe looked up from examining two seemingly identical cans of tomato paste when Atsushi turned into the aisle. 

The man gave him a quizzical look. “You work at café Uzumaki.” 

“Oh, yes. I do.” Atsushi said though he was pretty sure it wasn’t a question.

“What are you doing here?” The man asked, which Atsushi thought was weird. It should be pretty obvious. His tone made it seem as if Atsushi was suspected of some great crime. 

“I’m… shopping?” Atsushi held up his basket like it was proof.

The man stared at him, then stared at his basket piled with ramen. He walked towards Atsushi. It was rather intimidating.

“Where’s your actual food?”

This was incredibly embarrassing now. He was going to see this guy at work and be reminded of the 7th most embarrassing moment of his life. “Well, sir, I’m trying to save money and need cheap meals so—”

“Those aren’t meals. Where’s the protein?” 

“Uh… protein?” 

The man sighed, turned from Atsushi, and began walking away. “Come with me.” Unsure what else to do, Atsushi followed.

The man stopped by a section of canned vegetables and began examining cans while referencing a notebook he’d pulled from inside his jacket. He spoke as he went. “Those may be cheap but they have very little nutritional value and won’t keep you feeling full for long. If you’re smart about it you can save by turning them into actual meals that will be better for you and last longer.”

The man added several cans to his cart, beans, corn, edamame, and peas. “I suggest you add at least one nutritious ingredient to each ramen meal. These won’t go bad and are much cheaper than fresh produce. Here.” The man pulled several small slips of paper from his journal and handed them to Atsushi. “There’s one there for the ramen as well, if you use all of them you should be just about even with the cost of the ramen without anything.”

After telling Atsushi to only use half the packet of flavoring because apparently there was way more sodium than necessary, and suggesting he look into frozen vegetables as well the man began to turn away, leaving Atsushi momentarily stunned. He pulled himself together in time to thank him. 

Atsushi used all the coupons as he was told to. Once he had his receipt he did the math. With the added cans he still paid a few hundred yen under what just the ramen would have cost him. 

Several days later, when the coupon guy paid for his drink at the cafe he also handed Atsushi a pile of already clipped coupons. Atsushi, flustered, took them. “Are you sure? Doesn’t that mean you can’t use them then?” 

The man waved away his concern, “Don’t worry about it.”

Atsushi didn’t want to be a burden, but he couldn’t refuse help, either. He shoved them in his pocket. He realized he didn’t know this man’s name. “Thank you! I’m Atsushi by the way!” He held out a hand. 

“Kunikida Doppo.” He had an unsurprisingly firm handshake. “I work at the detective agency upstairs.” 

“It’s nice to officially meet you.” 

“You as well. Thank you for putting up with my coworkers.” 

Atsushi wasn’t sure what the right thing to say to that was. Some of the people Kunikida came in with caused a ruckus on occasion but Atsushi didn’t mind. To be entirely fair, Kunikida himself was usually the one yelling.

“It’s not a problem. They seem…” Oh no. He backed himself into a corner. What was appropriate and polite but also true? “Fun.”

Kunikida scoffed but didn’t seem offended. “Dazai’s just lucky he’s occasionally useful.” That must be the one with the bandages. Atsushi nodded as if he knew what he was talking about. 



 

Atsushi’s next grocery store encounter happened when he was making a quick stop for something on his list he’d forgotten the night before. The moment he walked in he heard bickering coming from one of the aisles. The voices sounded familiar, but he tuned them out. 

Atsushi found what he needed and passed through the snacks and candy aisle, apparently where the arguing came from, to get to the register. Two regulars from the cafe were standing side by side, a boy with a hat holding a different candy in each hand and an intimidating woman with a butterfly hairclip. The woman held a basket with several snacks already in it. 

“The president said you can only get two for the office, if you want more variety you have to pay for it yourself.”

“Two isn’t nearly enough. It’s only fair we make sure there's enough for everyone!” 

“Ranpo, everyone knows they’re all for you.” 

“Fine.” The boy whirled around and looked directly at Atsushi as he walked by. “You. Which of these should I get?”

Atsushi froze. “Me?”

The boy sighed deeply. “Yes, you. Who else?” 

The girl with the hairclip broke in, “Ranpo, harassing some mafia guy isn’t gonna help—”

Mafia?! Did he look like he was in the mafia? How?!

“Not Mafia.” The boy, Ranpo, said as Atsushi stuttered over the questions. 

The woman looked at Atsushi, making him feel like a frog about to be dissected, and after a moment shook her head. “My bad, definitely not mafia. You work at the cafe, right?”

Atsushi nodded. 

Anyway ,” the boy said, exaggerated, making a point of getting their attention back on him. “Which do you like better?” He held up the candies again. 

“I don’t know,” said Atsushi. “I haven’t tried them.” 

“Oh no.” Ranpo, with great flippancy. “How terrible. These are classics, everyone’s tried these!” 

Atsushi tried not to show any reaction. He knew he’d missed out on a lot. He knew he was pathetic, having grown up the way he did, but sometimes he could pretend otherwise. He didn’t appreciate the reminder.

Then, Ranpo tore open the bag of gummy candies he’d been holding, ignoring the woman gently hitting his arm in chastisement, and pressed one into Atsushi’s hand. 

“Here, you have to try it now.” Atsushi stared down at the pink gummy. “And I’ll have one too! We can try it together!” 

The woman just sighed. 

At a loss for what else to do, Atsushi popped the gummy candy in his mouth at the same time as Ranpo. When he bit into it his eyes went wide. It was so sweet and filled his mouth with the peach flavor the moment he bit into it! 

“That’s so good!” Then, remembering the start of this interaction, “You should definitely get that one!”

“But you haven’t tried the other type yet.” 

“Ranpo, don’t—” The woman wasn’t fast enough. 

Ranpo tore open the other bag and pulled out two lollipops. He held one out to Atsushi. “Here ya go!” 

Atsushi hesitantly took it. “Thank you, but are you sure this is okay?” Opening the bags in the middle of the store seemed like a breach of etiquette. 

“It’s fine, this is an emergency.” Atsushi was pretty sure it wasn’t. 

The woman spoke up. She sounded resigned, but there was a fond smile on her face. “You know Kunikida is going to lecture me for this, not you.” 

Ranpo just laughed. “Try it, Atsushi!” 

So Atsushi did. It was incredible. After a moment, the woman grabbed a lollipop from the bag too. 

“So,” asked Ranpo, “which do you like better?” 

Atsushi thought for a moment. “I’d choose the gummies if I had to.” 

“Great! We’ll get the gummies then.” 

From the front of the store, having heard the entire conversation, the cashier yelled, “You have to pay for both.”

“Okay!” Ranpo chirped back. Then, shrugging, “Whoops.” He didn’t seem very sincere.

The woman rolled her eyes. “If only we had a master detective here who could have foreseen this.” 

Ranpo smirked. 

The woman turned to look at Atsushi, who was just starting to feel awkward again after being distracted by how great the candy tasted. “I’m Yosano. This is Ranpo.” 

As she introduced him, she placed a hand on Ranpo’s head and gently pushed him away. He swayed to the side with no resistance, his feet never moving, then leaned closer to her and elbowed her in the side. She pinched his ear. He bumped his head on her shoulder. Neither one of them looked at each other the whole time, and Yosano wasn’t distracted at all from introducing and exchanging pleasantries with Atsushi. 

They were so comfortable with each other, they clearly knew each other for a long time. Atsushi was reminded of some of the other kids in the orphanage, especially the ones that came in together. He’d always envied that. He’d never been that close or comfortable with anyone, and couldn’t imagine it. The other kids knew better than to befriend him. Even if he wasn’t kept separate so often no one would show kindness to the kid the headmaster hated. 

Atsushi left the store with a lollipop in his mouth and a bag of gummies under his arm. 



 

One night, when Atsushi made a trip to the store for a somewhat late-night snack, he saw a man wearing a black turtleneck with dark hair tipped in white looking through the teas. 

He stared for a moment. He wasn’t sure why, he just stood there for a moment, his brain frozen, and stared. It wasn’t very long, he was sure, but after a moment the man looked back and met his eyes. This snapped Atsushi out of it. He hurriedly looked away and pretended to be looking at the selection of cereal. 

His eyes were so dark. 

Atsushi tried to watch him out of the corner of his eye, his ears burning from being caught staring, but the man continued facing him. He swore he could feel a gaze on his back, but he knew he was imagining it. He couldn’t look back up, too scared they’d meet eyes again. Once is a coincidence, twice is weird. Atsushi very intently read all the ingredients in several types of cereal. 

Eventually, Atsushi heard the man with dark eyes cough, take something off a shelf, and go to the checkout. When the cashier gave him his change and wished him a good evening, Atsushi heard his voice. “Thank you.” 

Atsushi focused very hard on choosing his snack. 



 

Several weeks later Atsushi again found himself at the grocery store late at night, not long before they closed. This time, he saw the boy again, the one with the cough and the black and white hair. 

Atsushi looked up when the man came into the aisle, meeting his eyes again. Atsushi almost looked away, but this time the man was walking straight toward him, holding his gaze. He stopped right in front of Atsushi and cleared his throat. 

“I don’t know you.” 

What was it with people at this grocery store? Even the vaguely ethereal deeply intimidating boy said the weirdest things. 

On the bright side, the bizarre statement snapped Atsushi out of any anxiety he felt. 

“Is that a problem?” Atsushi wouldn’t mind getting to know this guy.

“I’ve never seen you except for here.” Atsushi did not understand why this was an issue. 

“Do you want to?” Atsushi asked genuinely, not thinking of the implications. 

The boy’s eyebrows raised. He looked taken aback. Then he narrowed his eyes, furrowed his brow, and took a step forward, bringing the two of them just a bit closer than was really acceptable for a conversation like this. Atsushi’s back was against the shelf. 

The man scowled. “That means you’re part of the agency.” Atsushi was quite sure it didn’t. “I hadn’t heard they hired someone new.” 

“The agency?” 

This time the man practically snarled at him. He fisted his hand in the front of Atsushi’s shirt, pulling them even closer together. Atsushi’s face felt hot. 

“Don’t play dumb, if it was a secret you shouldn’t have come here.” 

Atsushi was deeply confused and deeply flustered. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I work at a cafe.” The man’s grip eased just a bit. “It’s the café Uzumaki. It’s not far from here.” The man just stared at him blankly, long enough that Atsushi started to panic. “We make the best croissants. We mostly specialize in coffee I think but we have a pretty good tea selection too. You could come sometime. I’m always there. Well, not always, but—” 

The boy released him none too gently and stepped back, leaving Atsushi staggering to keep his balance. Atsushi felt colder.

The boy left without buying anything.

Notes:

I'm thinking there will eventually be 3ish chapters of this, but I don't know how quickly I will be getting to them because I have another work in progress I should be working on. I haven't written them yet so I'm somewhat unsure how it will go. I do plan to make sskk a thing, but I'm not sure how much that will be focused on (it definitely will not be the MAIN focus).

This is pretty silly, so I'm trying not to worry too much about characterization and realism, but this is proving rather difficult for me. Atsushi here hasn't really gone through all the development he has in the show, and doesn't have the agency support system to speed that along, so he's not at his best if that makes sense. He's also so very lonely.

Anyway, if anyone is wondering, the reason there are no cops in the area but also no crime is because it's so near to the ADA, not much crime going on right near their building because of the reputation, and I thought that would be a fun thing for Atsushi to notice and not understand. Also, Kunikida uses his ability to make copies of all his coupons so he can give them all to Atsushi.

Speaking of Kunikida and coupons, I wrote this whole thing out and then it occurred to me that coupons might be an American thing? Google was kind of unclear about it (although I didn't search very hard). It sounds like clipping coupons isn't really a thing in Japan, but I don't know. I got really attached to the idea of Kunikida being an extreme couponist, so I kept it.

Tumblr: @thexcricket