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3RACHA spent most of the day in the studio. Jisung was supposed to practice vocals with the two maknaes before going to the studio, though, so he arrived about an hour late. It was ten in the morning and the hallways near the offices were buzzing with commotion, all of the unfamiliar faces making Jisung a little uncomfortable. He usually didn’t have to be alone whenever they were at the company because he, Chan, and Changbin tended to have very similar schedules. But, since they were preparing for a performance where Jisung had more vocals than rap, he was supposed to practice with VOCALRACHA every day. He wasn’t complaining, though; he loved watching Seungmin and Jeongin interact. Seungmin was older but half of the time it seemed the other way around. He and Jeongin were completely different in front of each other than they were with the others, and Jisung thought it was adorable.
Jisung looked at his phone, seeing that it was a few minutes after ten. The vocal session ended at ten and it took about five minutes to go from that practice room to the private studios, which were unfortunately on the other side of the building.
He sighed as he thought about the rest of the day. They had a private group practice at four o’clock, so that gave him less than six hours to work on their new song. There were a few more edits they had to make before they could start making the demos and they were hoping to get that done within the week.
He was in the studio’s hallway when someone bumped into him, the weight of his backpack pulling him to the floor.
“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” a harsh voice scolded. Jisung looked up to see a fairly buff, middle-aged man. His eyes looked pissed and he was clearly stressed. Jisung gulped.
“It… It wasn’t my fault, you… you ran into me!” he stuttered, trying to hold his ground. He’d been walking along the right wall and his knuckles brushed against it every few seconds, so he knew it was the other man’s fault.
“Don’t you dare try to blame me for your mistake. Just because you’re some privileged idol doesn’t mean you can look down on others. What the hell is wrong with you?” The man was bent down slightly to point his finger harshly at Jisung, and all the boy could do was mold himself into the floor and try to hold back tears. He failed.
“You’re such a little shit, you know that? Everytime I see you, you act all sweet and innocent, don’t you? But deep down you’re a selfish asshole. Taking everything for yourself and leaving everyone else stranded. And now you’re blaming me for your mistake because you think you’re better than me, huh? I’m not taking that. Get your shit together, Han Jisung.”
The man put his foot on Jisung’s shoulder and pushed him roughly, his shoulders and head hitting the wall. He let out a choked sob at the movement, but the man only scoffed and walked away, anger in his aura.
Jisung sobbed again. He curled into a ball against the wall and hid his face, overwhelmed with anxiety. Did people really think that about him?
He knew he was a pretty carefree person on the outside, but that wasn’t a bad thing, was it? Should he not have been so ignorant of the people around him? Did he not pay enough attention? He tried his best to be nice, helping others of his own free will and apologizing for his mistakes. Where did he go wrong?
He was so hurt and scared as he hyperventilated, clutching his chest as it constricted painfully. He couldn’t hear, he couldn’t see, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t feel. He’d never dealt with something like this before.
All he heard was the muffled sounds of his choked sobs, his hands pulling at his shirt. Hyung, hyung, hyung… Hyung knows what to do. Hyung is safe.
Jisung stumbled to his feet, feeling lightheaded as his backpack almost pulled him back to the floor. He put his hand on the wall when his vision blurred, only fueling his fear and sobs. He moved as quickly as he could, hand feeling the wall until it hit a door. His eyes scanned over the door for the familiar sign, the slightest bit of relief making its way into his chest when he saw a large blue rectangle. Hyungs.
His fist pounded on the door for what felt like hours until it opened. He knew the code to get in, he swore he did, but he couldn’t find it in his brain. His eyes caught on the familiar hairstyle in front of him and he let out a loud sob, crashing into the boy in front of him and holding him tightly.
“Sungie?” The voice only made him cry harder. He felt arms wrap around his waist and pushed himself closer. “Shh, I’ve got you, Jisungie. Hyung’s here.”
He wrapped his arms tighter around Chan’s neck and he felt his knees nearly give out. His breathing still wasn’t calming down and he felt bile rising in his throat, making him swallow harshly and his throat convulse.
“Shit. Changbin, get the trashcan.” Jisung felt Chan pulling him forward, his feet scraping against the ground fruitlessly. Then his knees bent, and he felt the comfortable couch cushions under his knees and he was sitting on warm thighs. Hyung.
He coughed in between sobs and swallows, then he panicked when the bile reached his mouth. He didn’t have time to move before he puked over Chan’s shoulder, and he could only hope it didn’t land on anyone. Someone was easing his backpack off of his shoulders and the weight leaving him also relieved some pressure on his chest. There was a hand rubbing his back slowly up and down and a voice whispering in his ear, although he couldn’t tell what they were saying.
His throat felt more constricted and painful when he finished throwing up, and he shoved his face back into Chan’s shoulder. He could only hear his wheezing until a mouth pressed itself nearly against his ear, the hot breath on his neck catching his attention.
“Jisung, it’s Changbinnie hyung. You’re safe, you’re in the studio. It’s just me and Chan hyung.” He let out a whine. “I know, baby, I know. Can you take a deep breath for me?”
He tried, but he hiccuped in the middle and coughed, making him sob again. The hand on his back pressed harder, pushing Jisung’s chest into Chan’s. A hand took one of his and brought it away from Chan, making him whimper, before it was held tightly and he felt something cold.
“There’s an ice cube in your hand, Jisung. Can you squeeze it?” He did and he shivered at the freezing touch. “That’s good, Jisungie. Feel the water sliding down your hand. Feel the way your whole hand stings.”
His hand was already going numb. His brain automatically focused on the feeling. He pictured his red hand and the ice cube slowly shrinking in his grasp.
He felt a hand wrap around his other wrist and move his hand up to Chan’s hair. The older boy got a haircut recently and his hair was slightly spiky, a sensation that Jisung thought was soft. It left small tingles on his hand that he wanted to both itch and get closer to. He gripped it tightly and Chan winced.
Jisung was hiccuping and still gasping, although he was less hysterical. “Breathe with me, Jisungie, okay?” Chan spoke. He pulled Jisung as close as possible and exaggerated his breathing. His chest pushed into Jisung’s, causing Jisung to push his breath out. Then Chan inhaled and Jisung exhaled, albeit shallower.
After a few more minutes, his breathing was slower, and he was left hiccuping and trembling.
“Can you hear me, Jisungie?” He nodded, eyes closed tightly and eyelashes brushing Chan’s neck. “Just breathe deeply, baby.”
His teeth clattered as his body shivered, and Changbin took the melted ice cube out of his hand. He replaced it with his own sleeve, softly wiping the water off of Jisung’s hand before he put his arm back around Chan’s shoulders.
“Get the blanket, Bin. He's shaking,” Chan said softly, the words ghosting over Jisung’s head. He felt a heavy blanket drape over his shoulders and felt some more tension leave him. Chan’s hand continued rubbing his back under the blanket and he felt a new hand in his hair, combing through it gently.
Eventually, he was only sniffling and clutching Chan’s shirt. “Can you look at me, Sungie?” He took a deep breath before he lifted his head, more tears forming as he locked eyes with Chan. The older boy smiled gently and wiped the tear tracks from his face. “Hi, baby. Are you feeling better?” He nodded.
He saw Changbin sit on Chan’s left side and looked at him, a tear falling down his cheek. Changbin gave him a small, pained smile.
“Hyungie…” he whispered, voice breaking everywhere.
“We’re here, Jisung-ah.” Changbin stroked his hair behind his ear and Jisung wiped his nose. “Are you ready to talk about it?”
He whined at that. He wanted to tell them, but he didn’t know if he could.
“Take your time, Sung,” Chan whispered. He nodded and wrung his hands behind Chan’s head. His chest filled with anxiety again when he remembered what happened.
“Hyung, I…” He was whispering, unable to speak any louder. “I was walking and… I ran into someone. I didn’t mean to, I promise.”
“We know you didn’t, Sungie,” Chan said. “It wasn’t your fault, right?” He spoke as if he knew the answer and wanted to make sure Jisung knew, too. Jisung nodded. “Are you hurt?” He shook his head. Other than his chest, head, and heart, nothing hurt.
Chan’s hand moved to hold his waist and thumb at it gently. “What’s got you so worked up, then, hm?” He made sure Jisung wasn’t feeling pressured while also encouraging him to speak. Chan and Changbin had helped Jisung through anxiety attacks before and they knew exactly what he needed.
“He was mean.” Jisung’s hand went back to Chan’s shirt, fiddling with it. “He just… He made comments. That’s all.” Chan and Changbin knew that wasn’t the whole truth, but they let it go. They could talk more later after Jisung felt better.
“Okay, Sungie. Do you know what he looks like?”
“Um…” His breath hitched when he pictured the man again, towering over him. “He’s as buff as Binnie hyung. Black hair, tattoos… I don’t know.”
Changbin gave him a reassuring smile. “That’s good, Jisung. Relax now, okay? You’re safe here.”
Jisung nodded gratefully and leaned his head on Chan’s shoulder, still looking at Changbin. The older boy pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, and some of Jisung’s anxiety was replaced with butterflies. He was exhausted from his anxiety attack and found himself drifting off into a restless sleep, his only thought being that he loved his hyungs.
---
When Jisung woke up, he was in the same position. Chan’s arms were wrapped around him and there was a hand in his hair, but his face was back in Chan's neck. He felt a lot better but he had a bigger headache from tears and anxiety. His arms tightened around Chan’s neck as he lifted his head.
Chan was already looking at him. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he croaked. He noticed Felix next to Chan with his hand in Jisung’s hair, and the younger boy reached over to the table for a glass of water.
“Drink this, Sungie.” Felix gave him a smile and he wasn’t able to return it. He took the glass with shaky hands and drank the water, slowly but thirstily.
“What… What are you doing here?” he asked Felix. Felix put the glass back on the table before his hand returned to Jisung’s hair.
“Changbinnie hyung called Minho hyung. We canceled practice for today.” Jisung grimaced.
“I’m sorry, Lixie, I know you were looking forward to it today—”
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, Sungie. We can dance any other day.” Felix told them that morning that he was excited to work on one of their newer choreographies because he was sure that he nailed all of the moves. They were waiting to perform that song until their full group practice later that day, but they had another full group practice in two more days.
Jisung nodded.
“Jisungie,” Chan said, “can you sit with Felix for a bit? I need to talk to the manager.”
“Yeah. Sorry, hyung.” Chan’s legs must have fallen asleep.
“Don’t apologize, Sung. You did nothing wrong.” Jisung pushed himself to his knees before he turned to sit in between the two Australians. Chan stood after that and stretched, then he ruffled Jisung’s hair. “I’ll be back in a bit, okay? Binnie and Minho will be with me. Hyunjinnie is talking to Seungminnie and Innie.”
Jisung nodded again and Chan left the studio, leaving the two boys alone. Felix wrapped his arm around Jisung’s shoulder and the older boy leaned into him.
“I’m sorry about what happened, Sungie,” Felix empathized. “That sounds terrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“It’s okay,” he said. It wasn’t really true, but it’s not like anyone else could have stopped it from occurring.
“Well, not really,” Felix sighed. “But as long as you’re okay, it’ll be okay.”
Jisung cuddled closer to Felix. Felix was his favorite member to share skinship with because they both loved it the most in their group. Felix would hug him anytime, anywhere, and knowing that always reassured the older boy. He and Felix could share innocent kisses on their cheeks, foreheads, and necks frequently, while none of the other members liked them very much. Felix was his go-to for physical reassurance.
He wrapped his arms tightly around Felix’s neck, and Felix’s lips brushing against his neck told him that he was right.
It would be okay.