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A Very Murder Drones Coffee Shop Au

Summary:

I left the actual summary in the notes for this one because I got carried away and made it over nine hundred characters too long 💀

Notes:

N’s freshman year was pretty much one level of suck after the other. Regular school was hard enough, but his veterinary classes were next to impossible. He had no friends whatsoever - in fact, most people seemed to avoid him, excluding the few who outright hated him. Pretty much the only person who ever stuck up for him was V, his longtime crush since high school, but she never seemed to notice him unless he was actively being tormented by another random student.

(It’s entirely possible V only “defended” N as an excuse to get into more fights, but let’s not tell N that.)

This year, however, is looking up. Sophomore N has gotten a job at the local coffee shop, where he met his best friend, freshman Uzi Doorman. The two of them oddly hit it off as “those weird kids nobody wants to talk to,” with Uzi having somewhat aggressive tendencies causing her to become an outsider, and N being too busy dodging alpha frat boys to actually have a social life.

By second semester, N has everything he thinks he could possibly need - a best friend, a job, and even a solid understanding of vet parisitology. He thinks he might try to convince his roommate to let him adopt a golden retriever. Things are certainly looking better than last year…

Except.

N can’t seem to get over his lingering feelings for V, a situation that goes from bad to worse once he learns he’s project partners with V’s terrifying new girlfriend, Lizzy. He can’t tell Uzi about this, either, because - surprise, surprise - the school’s two most violent students seem to have an intense hatred for each other that has led to them both being suspended on more than one occasion. Then, one day, Uzi helps N after he accidentally gets his hand stuck in the waffle machine at work, leading to N’s newfound feelings for another girl in his life…

N can’t possibly date his only best friend. Nor can he date the most unattainable girl in school, especially when she already has a girlfriend. On top of this situation, a surprise visit from his family causes N to reevaluate who he really is…

With Uzi by this side, N can do anything… or so he thinks. Maybe it’s time to go back to therapy.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Latte Land

Chapter Text

N loves waking up to the smell of a warm pumpkin spice latte.

It reminds him of when he first started working at Latte Land — a warm, cozy haven in an otherwise frigid autumn world. He remembers meeting Uzi and the first time he saw her drawing beautiful, intricate latte art reminiscent of the wind just outside the shop door. He remembers brunch with his sisters, a special time when he and Cyn and Tessa got to be together just like they did when they were kids, too busy making memories together to worry about their new lives. He remembers the late shift on Halloween night, which would have been boring if not for Uzi spending the entire day trying to convince their manager to let her bring her cat into work to “complete” her Romantic Killer cosplay (she was fully aware that their hostess Rebecca was allergic, but by Uzi’s logic, who cares what happens to Rebecca?)

N yawns, stretches, and takes in one more whiff of pumpkin spice paradise before lazily stumbling out of bed to pick out an outfit for the day. He settles for what he knows best - white shirt, black pants, sweater, beanie - before remembering it’s supposed to snow later that day and quickly throws on a single additional layer.

He leaves his room and crosses the hallway to wake his roommate, Thad, for classes before he remembers BRAIDEN stayed the night and thinks the better of it. N is going to do everything in his power not to walk in on those two again; he already knows far too many details about their relationship and wouldn’t like to know anything more, he thinks.

N decides to go to the kitchen to investigate the latte smell instead, only to find that Thad and Braiden and their canoodling have already beaten him to it.

“Uh, hello guys,” N starts as Thad finally takes his eyes (and mouth) off of Braiden to give N a knowing smirk. “Are you making lattes in here, or were you all busy doing-“

“Thad?” Braiden offers.

“SOMETHING ELSE,” N screeches. “Were you all busy doing SOMETHING ELSE.”

Thad lets out a cackle at N’s reaction. “Cool it, virgin boy. And, yeah, we did make pre-exam lattes today, do you want one?”

N shakes his head vigorously and backs out of the kitchen. Sure, Thad’s a lovely roommate most of the time, and Braiden is nice enough, but he can’t stand to be in the same room as those two any longer than necessary. N quickly returns to his room to finish getting ready and grab his things before sprinting out of the apartment to try to make it to class without being perpetually scarred.

He doesn’t even make it to his first class before the real trouble begins.

N has made the terrible mistake of trying to take a shortcut to get to the biology lab. Because, of course, his (least) favorite tormentors love to hunt him down in between classes, and what better way to do that than to lurk in a random alleyway smoking weed until N shows up?

N doesn’t know any of their names, but he’s been through their bs enough times to recognize them from across the campus. There’s the stereotypical blonde jock guy (no, not Thad) who once almost drowned N in a fountain on his way to get FroYo. He’s accompanied by his “buddy,” the campus drug dealer, who once helped him force-feed N about 500mg of weed, which was really hard to explain to Tessa (both because of the obvious weed smell, and because N was too high to form complete sentences).

Finally, there’s some emo dude who just. Watches. The fact that he just stares at N as the other two torture him terrifies him more than THEY ever could, because it makes him feel like he’s on that guy’s hit list. Which one, he’s not sure, but they both sound equally terrible.

Today, as these idiots force N into a dumpster (quite tame compared to most other things they’ve done), he wonders how he’ll manage to get out of this one. Uzi’s doing a welding workshop today, meaning she’ll probably get distracted trying to perfect whatever she’s created and not notice N’s missing for the next few days. He can’t text one of his sisters or Thad for help, either, because his phone was lost somewhere in the pockets of Cocaine McDruglord’s trenchcoat .

This means that N will likely be left to rot until they leave, and he’s not sure how much more he can take of the smell of sewage all around him.

However, after only three minutes of N’s disgusting dumpster adventure, he hears a familiar voice coming from outside the dumpster and panics. The weight on the lid of the dumpster suddenly lightens as N hears the sound of his captors jumping down to greet the newcomer. He’s able to lift the lid a crack to look outside, and, yep - V’s here, and she’s already doing her level best to maim the three captors.

As V repeatedly slams emo boy’s head into a garbage can lid, her eyes meet N’s, and he suddenly forgets what’s going on all around them. He knows she doesn’t feel the same as him, never has, and maybe never will - but in this moment, he doesn’t care. All he knows is that she’s here, making him feel like his chest is glowing, and nothing else matters as he simply basks in the warmth of her gaze—

And then he remembers he’s stuck in a dumpster, so he should probably feel pretty humiliated right about now.

“You’re late today because you got your ass kicked so hard that V Jenson of all people actually stepped in to save you? V?? JENSON??”

Ah, yes. A couple hours later it was once again time for N’s daily Social Isolation Lunch with Uzi and Cyn, during which he tried to make himself as unnoticeable as possible to anyone invested in his public humiliation. Unfortunately, N had forgotten that two of the people MOST invested in his public humiliation were the ones sitting next to him on the courtyard bench.

The current topic of interest was Cyn dissolving into hysterics over N’s earlier plight while Uzi merely watched the siblings interact while she ate her purple rice and snickered whenever Cyn said something particularly embarrassing about N.

N groans in annoyance. “It’s NOT that big of a deal, Cyn. I just HAPPENED to be in a bad situation and V just HAPPENED to be there and made the decision to help me out!”

“But that’s just it,” Cyn argues back. “V’s a JERK to almost EVERYONE. She must have REALLY taken pity on you in order to help you out like that.”

“I, for one, haven’t even seen V doing anything on campus other than assaulting random people,” Uzi interjects.

“That’s because YOU always start fights with her for fun-“

“BITE ME!” Uzi screams back at N, slamming her hands down on the table in front of them. Cyn jumps a little at the noise and moves away from Uzi.

N sighs and goes back to munching on his sandwich. He wishes he could tell his friends the real reason he was so ecstatic about what V had done, but he knows Cyn couldn’t keep a secret for longer than two days, and Uzi would… Uzi would never understand. Not with how much she hated V.

After the three of them finish up their lunches and play a few rounds of Among Us, lunch is over. N sets off to go take his bio exam and Cyn goes to the library to find a book on machine guns. For some reason, Uzi decides to stick around the courtyard a little longer.

As she wads up leaves and bits of grass stuck to the ground, Uzi notices movement out of the corner of her eye. It’s V, sitting under a tree and doodling in a notebook. She’s actually wearing her glasses for once, and the sunlight bouncing off of them shines on her face and reflects onto her hair, creating silvery highlights-

V notices Uzi staring at her and scowls. Uzi practically jumps from her seat and runs to the nearest entryway, trying to ignore the hammering in her heart and the blush forming on her face.

Her last thought before making it inside: Robo-Jesus, give me strength.